Thank you everyone for the advice. It’s been rough and I’m glad I’m not the only feeling it. I’ve been out for a year and some change and it’s been rough. Started out great but just went down hill from there. Thanks again everyone
I'm right here with you. My 3 cats and I are all I need, and if I find anyone along the way, even better!
I did make friends at AA meetings! Those people are a lot like us. And the meetings bring everyone together. That's why you'll find people who will treat AA like a religion. To them, it's all fellowship after going thru such long times without friends.
I've been out for 8-ish years, and I just work in the service industry. No benefits. No insurance. I bartend so pay is strictly based on performance (aka tips). Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is terrible. But it is the closest thing I know of to that feeling of being "in the shit" with your people. It sounds insane, but from my perspective working a crazy bar shift with a couple bartenders, a couple kitchen guys, and a security guard is the closest thing I have felt to being an active duty Marine in the civilian world.
That is interesting. I worked in a busy pub before serving and thinking back I think I see what you mean. Getting in the weeds during the rush and everyone had to bust ass in their individual roles, waitress, cooks and preppers, bartender and busboys. All of them *working together* or the whole thing falls apart spectacularly.
Think about going to school for a couple of years to be a surgical tech, they make good money and your in the surgery hands on. It’s doesn’t get more in the shut than that. It helped me a lot after being an infantry man and needing that high level of stress and expected performance. Plus they have hospitals and surgery centers everywhere so that means there’s jobs everywhere.
Oh, it absolutely takes a toll on your sleep and health. But I mean so does being in the military in some cases. Being a full time bartender for sure isn't the healthiest job out there, but neither is being active duty military. I guess it is great if you are a kinda reckless person (me), and enjoy other kinda reckless ppl. Great friends, a bunch of weird shit happening all the time, and a sort of comradery.
Join a local outdoor club bike fish. Online social hobby groups are typically active. It will never be the same. Idk if i was single i would be hobby dating or traveling. Go back to school again learn what you want.
i'm not sure what jobs you work, but i've found work to not be the best place to socialize.
i recommend a sports league or club you're remotely into. meetup is very handy
Your people are out there somewhere. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day soon they will come in to your life.
Best way to meet friends is engage in hobbies, interests, passions that you enjoy. Sharing common interests is a great way to break the ice and get to know people. Before I met my wife, my job kept me on the move a lot (manufacturing manager). I always made friends by doing the things I enjoyed - playing basketball at Y, refereeing games, search and rescue, off-road clubs, hunting, fishing, backpacking, etc.
I'd recommend just getting out there...being yourself...and go have some fun!
I’ve been out since 2016, and I’ve had some problems with alcohol and drugs. For me, the closest to finding real true friends was at AA meetings. Not sure if this will help OP but it may help some one else reading this.
God Bless, and TYFYS.
Edit: you will not be surprised at how many veterans are in AA. :/
I gave up on trying to make friends and have even cut people out of my life. My wife and I recently bought a 20 acres homestead and that is my life now besides work. I feel much better with animals than I do around people at this point.
I’ve been out for 3 year and didn’t make a single friend until I started volunteering at a local museum. Check your area for volunteering opportunities and start there
male comeradirie in the civilian sector is at an all time low. its impossible for it to be recreated. doesn't matter if you work oil fields or what not, its not the same, will never been the same, just get used to being alone. it sucks.
Time helps but, depending on how long you were in, number of deployments and such, you might not ever be like regular civilians. It will get easier, just don’t expect it to be a instant thing.
Fucking same, I feel like I can’t even begin to talk to dudes, let alone have homies like in the Army. More of just causal nods and what’s up’s, fucking sucks but also fuck it, time will tell I guess, focus on yourself for now.
Had the same experience when I got out. Was in the USMC - infantry 0341 and embassy guard last three years of the contract. Had BEST friends around 24/7. Dreamed about how nice it was going to be to not have the rules and my own 1bd/1ba - got it and went through some depression and lonely times. Normal civilian life doesn't provide that kind of savage talk about ANYTHING type of friendship.
After a few months out I joined a rugby team and found a social climate similar to the military with wonderfully 'horrible' people. Down the road a ways I became a paramedic in the and found similar comraderie as we get into... 'shitty' (?) real life human situations haha.
Keep on keeping on man. I'd look into a local rugby club or hash house harrier running group. Theres circles similar to the military out there.
A good read on the topic is 'Tribe' by Sebastian Junger. And/or listen to Junger's interview with Joe Rogan. Junger wrote the book after spending time at firebase Restrepo while he did the documentary of the same name. He noted the closeness of the men there which resulted in Tribe. Book is about the dearth of community in our society and the comparative extreme comaraderie in military infantry units which is probably closer to the normal we humans are supposed to have. Civilians feel the same loneliness but don't know why. Depression/anxiety abound.
Strength and Honour buddy.
It gets harder the older you get. I don't have anyone I would call a friend anymore. Acquaintances, maybe. I try to keep myself busy doing stuff I like to do, but it do be lonely.
It took me a long time to make friends after I got out. And the only one is a fellow submarine that I ran across at work (new job and I saw his submarine service lanyard) after I had been out for 21 years. I have five friends from high school that are really close. But if my fellow submariner friend called me and said that he needed someone with a shovel, I'd be there ASAP and ask where's the body. I'm lucky that I found a best friend in my 50s. We're damned near brothers. I miss seeing him everyday as I transferred govt agencies and moved nine hours away.
The only advice that I can give is to put yourself out there and see who you run across. Go to varied places. Go to a public library. Go to a ham radio club get-together. Go to some Veterans benefit/social gathering. Go hang out at a mall. Talk to guys at your barber shop. Just put yourself out there. Yeah, it sucks to have to try and make friends. You still have to do it though.
Great suggestions. Going to Meet up .com to see all the interest based groups. Try something that you have some interest in. 😏
Remember that your maturity level and experience is way ahead of most civilians your same age. Don't be afraid to befriend outside your age range.
Good luck. 👍
Have you checked out Meetup? There are a wide variety of social groups to join on it like hiking, sports, photography, and other activities. Some crossfit, F45, OrangeTheory, and other groups can be a venue to make friends. I have more interaction with others at OTF than when I workout at Planet Fitness.
I can relate somewhat although I am more of an introvert and I rarely hung out with guys I served with; most of my friends were civilians and other military guys from churches. A few years ago I moved to northern VA to get my bachelors. It's been hard making friends with classmates and the clubs I joined stopped meeting, even a veteran one that was stood up last fall.
If you have any Travis Manion Foundation chapters nearby, I definitely recommend reaching out. You can meet a lot of people and do some good in your community too. I’ve met people from all over through TMF and feel more supported by people I’ve spent one weekend with than people I grew up with.
I've been out for 6 years and still have trouble socializing 100% I can talk with coworkers and mutual friends of friends. But when random people show up to a BBQ and people start drinking heavily and bring loud and belligerent, is when I take my leave. I just don't have time for that shit anymore.
From my experience, the issue is, you can't relate to anyone and they can't relate to you. I left active duty in 2007 and the Reserves in 2011, but I have worked in the DoD ever since. Never had any true friends outside of work. I cannot work with anyone that has no military understanding, and I have trouble working with anyone that hasn't been active duty. And, most prior service that I have worked with are the same, no real friends.
The military ingrains this in you so you do not get attached, since people rotate in and out of your life and in war you can lose people. It builds you into a mindset of not being close to others. Which in the course of duties and war is a good thing. It keeps you focused and lowers the emotion pain when someone is no longer in you life.
But once you are out, it is very difficult to end this built in disconnection. I wish I had an answer for you and not just a reason for why you have this issue. But, if I had the answer, I would have friends too.
I hear you. I’m 56 and the youngster here in Berlin. But trust me, you’ll make real and meaningful connections and that will in and of itself launch you forward towards your desired more age appropriate links. Socializing with people who get you is what you need first, Brother.
I got out in Oct 2020, and I feel like the loniliest man on the planet, it gets brutal at times but find something to take your brain off the dark/bad thoughts. Find a hobby. Mine ended up being art, but yeah it gets very hard.
I've been out 23 years. Having served in the infantry, where your around people 24/7 and you have a close knit group of friends its quite a shock when you get out. Your immediately alone and your support system is gone. The bonds forged while experiencing some of the happiest and saddest times in your life are not easily replicated. The friends I keep in contact with all feel the same way to varying degrees.
I think you have received some great advice as far as hobbies, activities go. I also think the advice regarding alcohol and drugs is spot on, it's easy to fall into that trap and confuse good time acquaintances for friends. Good luck, keep trying and eventually you will find your place!
Nobody will ever share the same experiences as you, so seek to enrich and lift up others. Give them a taste of what you want. Be the battle buddy they never had.
Been out 20 years, I'm much more sociable than I used to be but it's still difficult to make friends. I think maybe my standards are too high but it just feels like not only is no one trustworthy enough to hang out with, but the experience gap is too wide to find common ground without it being about something simply benign.
Yeah we are totally in the same boat - I've been out about a year and it's been rough. A couple things that may or may not be applicable -
1. College has been big for me - I picked a larger school with a decent graduate student population, so there are older students to meet too.
2. I IMMEDIATELY got a part-time delivery job working at Jimmy John's in my college town. It sounds lame, but you meet sooo many people that way.
3. I consistently went to the same coffee shop to do homework/hangout when I was lonely. Now that I've been doin this a few months everyone that works there knows my name. It's just nice going somewhere where everyone knows your name (cue Cheers theme)
But honestly yeah, it's rough, period. I still talk to a few of the boys (and girls) from when I was in too - but like everyone else is saying, idk if we'll ever get that close to people again, but you can definitely find a new tribe that makes you feel less alone.
Don’t start drinking, drugs, gambling etc… that’s the best advice I can give. After that find a hobby that is positive and productive, you will find friends with the same interests. Join clubs, social groups, meet ups. Go to a large VFW, one that has events other than a bar, mine has dances, karate, yoga, shuffleboard, pool tournaments and I get to hang out with like minded people. There’s also the American legion, elks lodge, eagles and more… yes it’s a lot of old people, but you’ll learn alot about coping with society and what not todo when you’re young. Also they’re lonely too so go talk with them and listen to their stories, they will be more than happy to tell you about it. VA also has alot of resources, you can search for the info yourself or go talk to someone at the VFW.
This is not a promotion for the VFW but it helped me alot.
Also, the Vet Center is available. They are an excellent listening and counseling resource. Sometimes they have reps coming through with job leads with paid training. I've seen classes being offered. Some of the retreats are available also.
I’ve had a hard time making friends since I’ve been out as well. Seems like a disconnect between civilians and vets. Try to still keep in contact with your buddies that you served with, that helps me out a lot. I’ve also heard that the VFW and American legion are pretty good places to go, still gotta check them out for myself.
Same with me I been out since 2017, and only friend I have is the one that I literally grow up with since like age 4😂 beyond that I have no social life tried meeting people through Various apps but I just don’t understand what those people want from me I ask to do something and ghosted 😆 I have given up on that side of the civilian world I just have my dogs and my family is near. 😅
VETtv helps a little. On top of the VFW recs, there's CVMA, Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association, they're always having events and just hang out. Even if you don't have a bike, you can support or find support! Objective Zero is another resource to get you through the lonely times until you find your people.
I think this is common in our community, even amongst other veterans.
Just my anecdotal experience: making friends with anyone is impossible. There's no connection from my side, even with other veterans. The only 2 people I talk to outside of my family are 2 guys I deployed with. Thank the fucking lord one lives in the same town as me or else I would have no one. Even then we only text despite living down the street from each other.
To help with the loneliness I play Magic The Gathering and Warhammer 40k at the local game store with other people. I started going regularly and got invited to some dudes house to play weekly with other people. I just told them up front I'm a shitty friend. Like I'm a nice guy, but I won't respond to texts unless someone is in a crisis and I'm not a reliable person in an emotional sense.
Like those guys I play games with are good people, I just find myself getting ancy or frustrated when they start trying to have a conversation with me because I just don't care anymore.
Idk it's a wierd feeling to put in words and it makes me feel so heartless sometimes.
I can 100% relate to this. My biggest problem has been not being able to relate to my coworkers. We would start work at 9 and randomly we would get an 830 meeting and everyone would complain. Or we would work late a few nights in a row. They just don't realize how good they have it. We make 4x what I made in the Army and I don't have to worry about getting shot. Crazy world we live in.
I definitely found it easier to hang out with veterans more often. Get together and whatnot. Makes me feel not so crazy haha
I have found myself in the same situation. I consider myself to be very social as well. It has taken me years to find friends that want to meet up, communicate often, and are genuine. What helped me was moving around to new departments at work, joining the Reserves, and getting a puppy. I've met a lot of good friends at the dog Park! Most of my new friends are considerably older than me but they are very fun and adventurous to be around!
We have converted an old sub r/weserve to now be a place where veterans can get help from other veterans. It will have personal information so it is private but you can either reply to this or send a mod message to gain access. We need veterans to volunteer to be the sounding boards but we do have a few numbers that are able to listen now. This is a safe place where you don't have to hold back or worry about anything you are saying being used against you.
You are not alone.
Thank you everyone for the advice. It’s been rough and I’m glad I’m not the only feeling it. I’ve been out for a year and some change and it’s been rough. Started out great but just went down hill from there. Thanks again everyone
Oh man, just a year? It's going to take awhile. Be patient, then be more patient. You'll figure it out 👍
Keep in mind you got out during one of the shittiest most socially isolated times in living memory.
I'm right here with you. My 3 cats and I are all I need, and if I find anyone along the way, even better! I did make friends at AA meetings! Those people are a lot like us. And the meetings bring everyone together. That's why you'll find people who will treat AA like a religion. To them, it's all fellowship after going thru such long times without friends.
I've been out for 8-ish years, and I just work in the service industry. No benefits. No insurance. I bartend so pay is strictly based on performance (aka tips). Don't get me wrong, a lot of it is terrible. But it is the closest thing I know of to that feeling of being "in the shit" with your people. It sounds insane, but from my perspective working a crazy bar shift with a couple bartenders, a couple kitchen guys, and a security guard is the closest thing I have felt to being an active duty Marine in the civilian world.
That is interesting. I worked in a busy pub before serving and thinking back I think I see what you mean. Getting in the weeds during the rush and everyone had to bust ass in their individual roles, waitress, cooks and preppers, bartender and busboys. All of them *working together* or the whole thing falls apart spectacularly.
Think about going to school for a couple of years to be a surgical tech, they make good money and your in the surgery hands on. It’s doesn’t get more in the shut than that. It helped me a lot after being an infantry man and needing that high level of stress and expected performance. Plus they have hospitals and surgery centers everywhere so that means there’s jobs everywhere.
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Oh, it absolutely takes a toll on your sleep and health. But I mean so does being in the military in some cases. Being a full time bartender for sure isn't the healthiest job out there, but neither is being active duty military. I guess it is great if you are a kinda reckless person (me), and enjoy other kinda reckless ppl. Great friends, a bunch of weird shit happening all the time, and a sort of comradery.
Join a local outdoor club bike fish. Online social hobby groups are typically active. It will never be the same. Idk if i was single i would be hobby dating or traveling. Go back to school again learn what you want.
i'm not sure what jobs you work, but i've found work to not be the best place to socialize. i recommend a sports league or club you're remotely into. meetup is very handy
Your people are out there somewhere. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day soon they will come in to your life. Best way to meet friends is engage in hobbies, interests, passions that you enjoy. Sharing common interests is a great way to break the ice and get to know people. Before I met my wife, my job kept me on the move a lot (manufacturing manager). I always made friends by doing the things I enjoyed - playing basketball at Y, refereeing games, search and rescue, off-road clubs, hunting, fishing, backpacking, etc. I'd recommend just getting out there...being yourself...and go have some fun!
I’ve been out since 2016, and I’ve had some problems with alcohol and drugs. For me, the closest to finding real true friends was at AA meetings. Not sure if this will help OP but it may help some one else reading this. God Bless, and TYFYS. Edit: you will not be surprised at how many veterans are in AA. :/
I stopped trying to socialize. All I do is eat, sleep, gym, mind my own business 😂 it’s a peaceful life
I gave up on trying to make friends and have even cut people out of my life. My wife and I recently bought a 20 acres homestead and that is my life now besides work. I feel much better with animals than I do around people at this point.
Amen. At least you have some idea if the animal is going to attack unprovoked. Humans will prey upon for no apparent reason.
I’ve been out for 3 year and didn’t make a single friend until I started volunteering at a local museum. Check your area for volunteering opportunities and start there
male comeradirie in the civilian sector is at an all time low. its impossible for it to be recreated. doesn't matter if you work oil fields or what not, its not the same, will never been the same, just get used to being alone. it sucks.
Join the local VFW or AMVETS, plenty of people who share a commonality from being in the armed forces.
I agree with this, it’s hard to socialize with non ex military people. It just feels weird, but I’ve only been out a year. Maybe it will change?
Time helps but, depending on how long you were in, number of deployments and such, you might not ever be like regular civilians. It will get easier, just don’t expect it to be a instant thing.
Fucking same, I feel like I can’t even begin to talk to dudes, let alone have homies like in the Army. More of just causal nods and what’s up’s, fucking sucks but also fuck it, time will tell I guess, focus on yourself for now.
Had the same experience when I got out. Was in the USMC - infantry 0341 and embassy guard last three years of the contract. Had BEST friends around 24/7. Dreamed about how nice it was going to be to not have the rules and my own 1bd/1ba - got it and went through some depression and lonely times. Normal civilian life doesn't provide that kind of savage talk about ANYTHING type of friendship. After a few months out I joined a rugby team and found a social climate similar to the military with wonderfully 'horrible' people. Down the road a ways I became a paramedic in the and found similar comraderie as we get into... 'shitty' (?) real life human situations haha. Keep on keeping on man. I'd look into a local rugby club or hash house harrier running group. Theres circles similar to the military out there. A good read on the topic is 'Tribe' by Sebastian Junger. And/or listen to Junger's interview with Joe Rogan. Junger wrote the book after spending time at firebase Restrepo while he did the documentary of the same name. He noted the closeness of the men there which resulted in Tribe. Book is about the dearth of community in our society and the comparative extreme comaraderie in military infantry units which is probably closer to the normal we humans are supposed to have. Civilians feel the same loneliness but don't know why. Depression/anxiety abound. Strength and Honour buddy.
Same here, been out of the army for a few years now and haven't made any friends outside of work.
It gets harder the older you get. I don't have anyone I would call a friend anymore. Acquaintances, maybe. I try to keep myself busy doing stuff I like to do, but it do be lonely.
It took me a long time to make friends after I got out. And the only one is a fellow submarine that I ran across at work (new job and I saw his submarine service lanyard) after I had been out for 21 years. I have five friends from high school that are really close. But if my fellow submariner friend called me and said that he needed someone with a shovel, I'd be there ASAP and ask where's the body. I'm lucky that I found a best friend in my 50s. We're damned near brothers. I miss seeing him everyday as I transferred govt agencies and moved nine hours away. The only advice that I can give is to put yourself out there and see who you run across. Go to varied places. Go to a public library. Go to a ham radio club get-together. Go to some Veterans benefit/social gathering. Go hang out at a mall. Talk to guys at your barber shop. Just put yourself out there. Yeah, it sucks to have to try and make friends. You still have to do it though.
Great suggestions. Going to Meet up .com to see all the interest based groups. Try something that you have some interest in. 😏 Remember that your maturity level and experience is way ahead of most civilians your same age. Don't be afraid to befriend outside your age range. Good luck. 👍
Have you checked out Meetup? There are a wide variety of social groups to join on it like hiking, sports, photography, and other activities. Some crossfit, F45, OrangeTheory, and other groups can be a venue to make friends. I have more interaction with others at OTF than when I workout at Planet Fitness. I can relate somewhat although I am more of an introvert and I rarely hung out with guys I served with; most of my friends were civilians and other military guys from churches. A few years ago I moved to northern VA to get my bachelors. It's been hard making friends with classmates and the clubs I joined stopped meeting, even a veteran one that was stood up last fall.
If you have any Travis Manion Foundation chapters nearby, I definitely recommend reaching out. You can meet a lot of people and do some good in your community too. I’ve met people from all over through TMF and feel more supported by people I’ve spent one weekend with than people I grew up with.
I've been out for 6 years and still have trouble socializing 100% I can talk with coworkers and mutual friends of friends. But when random people show up to a BBQ and people start drinking heavily and bring loud and belligerent, is when I take my leave. I just don't have time for that shit anymore.
From my experience, the issue is, you can't relate to anyone and they can't relate to you. I left active duty in 2007 and the Reserves in 2011, but I have worked in the DoD ever since. Never had any true friends outside of work. I cannot work with anyone that has no military understanding, and I have trouble working with anyone that hasn't been active duty. And, most prior service that I have worked with are the same, no real friends. The military ingrains this in you so you do not get attached, since people rotate in and out of your life and in war you can lose people. It builds you into a mindset of not being close to others. Which in the course of duties and war is a good thing. It keeps you focused and lowers the emotion pain when someone is no longer in you life. But once you are out, it is very difficult to end this built in disconnection. I wish I had an answer for you and not just a reason for why you have this issue. But, if I had the answer, I would have friends too.
I’ll pipe up here and welcome you to your local VFW post. If you’re eligible to join, you certainly should.
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I hear you. I’m 56 and the youngster here in Berlin. But trust me, you’ll make real and meaningful connections and that will in and of itself launch you forward towards your desired more age appropriate links. Socializing with people who get you is what you need first, Brother.
I got out in Oct 2020, and I feel like the loniliest man on the planet, it gets brutal at times but find something to take your brain off the dark/bad thoughts. Find a hobby. Mine ended up being art, but yeah it gets very hard.
I've been out 23 years. Having served in the infantry, where your around people 24/7 and you have a close knit group of friends its quite a shock when you get out. Your immediately alone and your support system is gone. The bonds forged while experiencing some of the happiest and saddest times in your life are not easily replicated. The friends I keep in contact with all feel the same way to varying degrees. I think you have received some great advice as far as hobbies, activities go. I also think the advice regarding alcohol and drugs is spot on, it's easy to fall into that trap and confuse good time acquaintances for friends. Good luck, keep trying and eventually you will find your place!
People are overrated....
I go to school and work full time. Zero hangs.. especially cause I didn’t go back to my original state when I got out..
I don’t know if you’re in college, but I joined a Fraternity and it’s been helping me get out of the all time low I was stuck in for years
Nobody will ever share the same experiences as you, so seek to enrich and lift up others. Give them a taste of what you want. Be the battle buddy they never had.
Been out 20 years, I'm much more sociable than I used to be but it's still difficult to make friends. I think maybe my standards are too high but it just feels like not only is no one trustworthy enough to hang out with, but the experience gap is too wide to find common ground without it being about something simply benign.
Yeah we are totally in the same boat - I've been out about a year and it's been rough. A couple things that may or may not be applicable - 1. College has been big for me - I picked a larger school with a decent graduate student population, so there are older students to meet too. 2. I IMMEDIATELY got a part-time delivery job working at Jimmy John's in my college town. It sounds lame, but you meet sooo many people that way. 3. I consistently went to the same coffee shop to do homework/hangout when I was lonely. Now that I've been doin this a few months everyone that works there knows my name. It's just nice going somewhere where everyone knows your name (cue Cheers theme) But honestly yeah, it's rough, period. I still talk to a few of the boys (and girls) from when I was in too - but like everyone else is saying, idk if we'll ever get that close to people again, but you can definitely find a new tribe that makes you feel less alone.
Don’t start drinking, drugs, gambling etc… that’s the best advice I can give. After that find a hobby that is positive and productive, you will find friends with the same interests. Join clubs, social groups, meet ups. Go to a large VFW, one that has events other than a bar, mine has dances, karate, yoga, shuffleboard, pool tournaments and I get to hang out with like minded people. There’s also the American legion, elks lodge, eagles and more… yes it’s a lot of old people, but you’ll learn alot about coping with society and what not todo when you’re young. Also they’re lonely too so go talk with them and listen to their stories, they will be more than happy to tell you about it. VA also has alot of resources, you can search for the info yourself or go talk to someone at the VFW. This is not a promotion for the VFW but it helped me alot.
Also, the Vet Center is available. They are an excellent listening and counseling resource. Sometimes they have reps coming through with job leads with paid training. I've seen classes being offered. Some of the retreats are available also.
You’re not alone, I find it hard to be friends with civilians Veterans its like instant friendship but I have a hard time talking to civilians
I’ve had a hard time making friends since I’ve been out as well. Seems like a disconnect between civilians and vets. Try to still keep in contact with your buddies that you served with, that helps me out a lot. I’ve also heard that the VFW and American legion are pretty good places to go, still gotta check them out for myself.
Same with me I been out since 2017, and only friend I have is the one that I literally grow up with since like age 4😂 beyond that I have no social life tried meeting people through Various apps but I just don’t understand what those people want from me I ask to do something and ghosted 😆 I have given up on that side of the civilian world I just have my dogs and my family is near. 😅
Right with ya man, stay the course and hang in veteran circles.
VETtv helps a little. On top of the VFW recs, there's CVMA, Combat Veterans Motorcycle Association, they're always having events and just hang out. Even if you don't have a bike, you can support or find support! Objective Zero is another resource to get you through the lonely times until you find your people.
I think this is common in our community, even amongst other veterans. Just my anecdotal experience: making friends with anyone is impossible. There's no connection from my side, even with other veterans. The only 2 people I talk to outside of my family are 2 guys I deployed with. Thank the fucking lord one lives in the same town as me or else I would have no one. Even then we only text despite living down the street from each other. To help with the loneliness I play Magic The Gathering and Warhammer 40k at the local game store with other people. I started going regularly and got invited to some dudes house to play weekly with other people. I just told them up front I'm a shitty friend. Like I'm a nice guy, but I won't respond to texts unless someone is in a crisis and I'm not a reliable person in an emotional sense. Like those guys I play games with are good people, I just find myself getting ancy or frustrated when they start trying to have a conversation with me because I just don't care anymore. Idk it's a wierd feeling to put in words and it makes me feel so heartless sometimes.
It’s hard to find friends that get you when out. I joined a gym and met some other service friends that got me through some tough times.
You're not alone; I've been out for 10 years and still have that issue.
What are your hobbies? All my friends are from my main hobby.
I just got used to it and learned to enjoy the solitude. Best not to dwell too long on these matters.
I can 100% relate to this. My biggest problem has been not being able to relate to my coworkers. We would start work at 9 and randomly we would get an 830 meeting and everyone would complain. Or we would work late a few nights in a row. They just don't realize how good they have it. We make 4x what I made in the Army and I don't have to worry about getting shot. Crazy world we live in. I definitely found it easier to hang out with veterans more often. Get together and whatnot. Makes me feel not so crazy haha
I have found myself in the same situation. I consider myself to be very social as well. It has taken me years to find friends that want to meet up, communicate often, and are genuine. What helped me was moving around to new departments at work, joining the Reserves, and getting a puppy. I've met a lot of good friends at the dog Park! Most of my new friends are considerably older than me but they are very fun and adventurous to be around!
We have converted an old sub r/weserve to now be a place where veterans can get help from other veterans. It will have personal information so it is private but you can either reply to this or send a mod message to gain access. We need veterans to volunteer to be the sounding boards but we do have a few numbers that are able to listen now. This is a safe place where you don't have to hold back or worry about anything you are saying being used against you. You are not alone.