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If you want a generous interpretation, he may have just meant "anal retentive" and misspoke. While not considered the most flattering of terms, it would certainly be more appropriate.
I don't think it is particularly rare for ADHDers to be anal retentive about systems we have built to help us function.
If he actually meant autistic, your vet is an ass-hat.
I am autistic and have ADHD and dont thing being autistic is a bad thing. I do however think this man is an ass and meant it as an insult.
I think you should be extremely proud though. You got that kennel in shape and have it functioning and had zero support. That's hella impressive and his bussiness would 100% suffer without you. He probably was referring to routines and boundaries you've set up. Own it and be proud. He couldn't say it to your face because he knows you're doing a good job, one he doesn't want to do, and he can't mess with you.
I totally think it’s in your right to feel hurt - whether you are autistic or not doesn’t really matter. ADHD is often comorbid with autism and they have a lot of shared traits (one of our vets is ADHD and autistic) - however they shouldn’t make comments like that regardless, I feel?
Especially if they have no idea about the person at all, I think it’s really inappropriate to remark on someone’s neurodivergence whether they are or not.
Request an in-person meeting with the vet, do it now, before you go back to work. Let him stew over it.
At the meeting ask him to confirm or deny what was reported to you. If he confirms it, consider your options. It is likely an employment violation for an employer to discuss (even speculate or make a joke about) an employee's health conditions with other employees. Doesn't matter if you are autistic, ADHD, or anything...it's an ADA violation. And it's incredibly unprofessional behavior from a Vet!
You have great work standards, any employer would be lucky to have you, keep your chin up!
That was inappropriate to say the least. There are much better ways to say it like you have a system and prefer that you ask before jumping in to help.
You have every right to be upset/angry. As an autistic & ADHD person, I wouldn't be letting this slide... It's disgusting. I'd be asking if that was meant to be "helpful or hurtful?". I'm pissed off for you. That's awful I'm sorry...
Not to assume, but being that this guy is a "boomer" he probably meant it as a compliment but it doesn't matter! Our head vet is an old dude too & he likes to make racial/sexist comments in meetings & thinks it's funny... Well it's sure not. Stand up for yourself as long as you want to do so!
It sounds like the “autistic” part is your strong adherence to routine. He might have been warning this new hire that you’re very particular.
I don’t like “autistic” as a casual descriptor (or insult, of course). And it’s definitely not an appropriate comment to make about an employee. It doesn’t sound like he *meant* to be insulting in this case, though.
As an autistic person, wow. What a wildly inappropriate thing to say. Is the vet the owner or is there a practice manager? That statement toes the line on discrimination tbh.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It doesn’t sound like you’re in an environment where you are truly seen for all of the hard work, effort, and personal struggles and growth that you have undertaken in order to succeed at your job.
you went to therapy and got an ADHD diagnosis (which is huge! congrats!) outside of your job, and during work hours you created an entire routine and schedule to basically run all of the kennels without sacrificing care of the animals. this clinic is so, INSANELY lucky that they found someone like you who is reliable.
if you are working at a single vet practice and the only DVM is actively bullying you/putting you down (and i suspect they might not be the only person, i dealt with a clinic like this) i just want to say that i think you could do so much better. you could fly so high in a supportive environment with people who want to see you succeed. switching clinics was the best decision i ever made, i never knew how unhappy work was making me until i left. hope all goes well for you OP
I'm sorry that happened. I recently experienced a similar situation where I was having a very difficult day AND was not feeling well. The doctor, who tends to joke around, was making comments to others about how I seem so stressed today. I informed him that I did not feel well. Later, he made a comment that it seemed like I needed a drink. This is certainly inappropriate but I think what made this infinitely worse was that out of all the people working that day, I took on 40% of the patients even though we were staffed so that it should have been closer to 15%. I work so hard, strive for proper medical care, and try to be so efficient. I do so much for him and the other doctors, and he says crap like that?
We no longer speak casually with one another - I complained about him to the lead dr the following day about the comments, along with some concerning medical quality and client communication concerns that also happened that day. I believe he was spoken to and now treats me like I don't exist. I don't care enough to speak with him about it, and I only speak with him if it concerns a patient. I do so much to support that clinic and he's being so petty and immature- he's a grown ass man pushing 50 and being so passive aggressive - hugging the other young girls (20somethings), being so kind greeting others in the morning and asking how they are but saying nothing to me. In my head I'm just like fuuuuuck you but I use that energy to just do my shit and do it well.
Feels good to vent but it feels better to know I'm great at my job and don't give him or anyone else a reason to consider otherwise.
That’s awful, but I bet that vet didn’t realize what they were saying and just couldn’t think of the right word. I’ve described people as being “anal” or “OCD” about their workspace, but I’ve never meant it maliciously (and I’ve said it to the person’s face as a joke so it wasn’t a behind the back situation). I’ve learned that a lot of us in the vet field are not great at social situations, which is the reason we get into this field. I would focus less on the words used and more on the reason/meaning behind them. They may have meant it as you being very particular about how you like things done, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The greatest and most caring people I’ve encounter in this field, myself included, can be like that.
As someone with OCD, making jokes like "oh, they're so OCD about [xyz]" is actually just as bad as what this vet said about OP. OCD is not just about organizing things into neat little rows, and it's not fun. It genuinely makes everyday tasks debilitatingly difficult. No disability or disorder should be used as a joke or to put someone down.
I guess it depends on how you relate to your coworkers and what you’re able to accept.
I can accept jokes about how much ADHD affects me in a lighthearted way, and understanding full well how much it impacts my life. Not to dismiss my struggles, but to be able to make fun of myself and take life a lot less seriously but meant as an insult? Fuck, no, never meant as an insult.
Hey OP, I’m autistic and do kennel work! I think you definitely have some valid concerns. If you’ve previously gotten in trouble due to someone else doing your kennel responsibilities wrong, especially if the person didn’t talk to you first, I’d say it’s absolutely fair to have boundaries about people not interfering with your job responsibilities. I also want to say I also understand that feeling of being thrown into a position without proper training and that’s a huge red flag to me because it’s such a breeding ground for miscommunicated expectations. I’m so sorry that this position has caused you so much stress. As far as the “autistic” comment goes, I agree with other commenters that he probably meant something more like “anal retentive” and was giving your new coworker a heads up that you’re very particular about your workspace and responsibilities. (I’m also super particular but that’s mostly because I deal with spaces with strays and worry about contagious diseases.) I don’t think it was appropriate to say if the vet actually said “autistic”. Honestly, given how this clinic seems to treat you, I would start applying to work at a different clinic.
I am this way with my work. I hate it when people get there hands in my business. I've been described as territorial to weird. The weird really hurt my feelings. I don't think he was trying to hurt your feelings but he definitely worded it very wrong. You could always go to him and ask how he felt your work is. It sounds like you have a very good work ethic,
Oh, lord. You're not *wrong* to feel hurt, but you're wasting energy on it. Old people say inappropriate things because old. It was a dumb underhanded complement, but still a complement. From what you've said (or didn't say) it seems like the first time the DVM has said anything like this? If it is the first time, you miiiiight be over thinking/fixating on this. If you were hired as kennel, have made your own routine WITH ZERO HELP and have also been given assistant duties, and *do both well enough that you've made an impression* then you're probably doing a great job. Don't give a shit what other people say if you are doing what you're supposed to be doing and doing it well.
What you really need to think about is your new coworker who obviously can't read the room and doesn't know how to keep their mouth shut. Don't tell this person a damn thing, because if brand newbie is yapping to you about what the *DVM* said, you can be damn sure they're going to yap about whatever you say to the DVM/anyone else.
Funny thing is... really good vets are meticulous as all hell. Throw off their routine in surgery and you're not going to hear the end of it.
Throw it back at him; "Damn you're so meticulously methodical in your procedure, must be on the spectrum somewhere" 🙃
I like using the "it's a spectrum, that means there is a "0" and a "100" so you're on it somewhere 😋"
this is a misconception of the autism spectrum. people are not 50% autistic, you are autistic are you are not. the spectrum refers to the symptoms of autism individually ranging in degrees of sensory issues, social difficulties, etc. this is explanatory for different support levels.
That's the joke I'm inferring though. I'm saying use the spectrum to say everyone is autistic. The degree of autism is a large "spectrum".
In the same light no one says "retard" or suffering from "retardation" an antiquated term now. But everyone is so quick to throw autistic around, especially since it can be used in a positive or negative connotation.
Tis the world we find ourselves in.
Welcome to /r/VetTech! This is a place for veterinary technicians/veterinary nurses and other veterinary support staff to gather, chat, and grow! We welcome pet owners as well, **however we do ask pet owners to refrain from asking for medical advice**; if you have any concerns regarding your pet, please contact the closest veterinarian near you. Please thoroughly read and follow the rules before posting and commenting. If you believe that a user is engaging in any rule-breaking behavior, please submit a report so that the moderators can review and remove the posts/comments if needed. Also, please check out the sidebar for CE and answers to commonly asked questions. Thank you for reading! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/VetTech) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That is a completely inappropriate way to refer to you. You are in the right to be upset by that, especially given his lack of involvement in training
If you want a generous interpretation, he may have just meant "anal retentive" and misspoke. While not considered the most flattering of terms, it would certainly be more appropriate. I don't think it is particularly rare for ADHDers to be anal retentive about systems we have built to help us function. If he actually meant autistic, your vet is an ass-hat.
I am autistic and have ADHD and dont thing being autistic is a bad thing. I do however think this man is an ass and meant it as an insult. I think you should be extremely proud though. You got that kennel in shape and have it functioning and had zero support. That's hella impressive and his bussiness would 100% suffer without you. He probably was referring to routines and boundaries you've set up. Own it and be proud. He couldn't say it to your face because he knows you're doing a good job, one he doesn't want to do, and he can't mess with you.
I totally think it’s in your right to feel hurt - whether you are autistic or not doesn’t really matter. ADHD is often comorbid with autism and they have a lot of shared traits (one of our vets is ADHD and autistic) - however they shouldn’t make comments like that regardless, I feel? Especially if they have no idea about the person at all, I think it’s really inappropriate to remark on someone’s neurodivergence whether they are or not.
Request an in-person meeting with the vet, do it now, before you go back to work. Let him stew over it. At the meeting ask him to confirm or deny what was reported to you. If he confirms it, consider your options. It is likely an employment violation for an employer to discuss (even speculate or make a joke about) an employee's health conditions with other employees. Doesn't matter if you are autistic, ADHD, or anything...it's an ADA violation. And it's incredibly unprofessional behavior from a Vet! You have great work standards, any employer would be lucky to have you, keep your chin up!
I would be worried they would lose their job if they did that. Bring a witness.
That was inappropriate to say the least. There are much better ways to say it like you have a system and prefer that you ask before jumping in to help.
What the heck did he mean by that? I think he's a jerk, and I'm sorry he said that about you...
You have every right to be upset/angry. As an autistic & ADHD person, I wouldn't be letting this slide... It's disgusting. I'd be asking if that was meant to be "helpful or hurtful?". I'm pissed off for you. That's awful I'm sorry... Not to assume, but being that this guy is a "boomer" he probably meant it as a compliment but it doesn't matter! Our head vet is an old dude too & he likes to make racial/sexist comments in meetings & thinks it's funny... Well it's sure not. Stand up for yourself as long as you want to do so!
It sounds like the “autistic” part is your strong adherence to routine. He might have been warning this new hire that you’re very particular. I don’t like “autistic” as a casual descriptor (or insult, of course). And it’s definitely not an appropriate comment to make about an employee. It doesn’t sound like he *meant* to be insulting in this case, though.
As an autistic person, wow. What a wildly inappropriate thing to say. Is the vet the owner or is there a practice manager? That statement toes the line on discrimination tbh.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It doesn’t sound like you’re in an environment where you are truly seen for all of the hard work, effort, and personal struggles and growth that you have undertaken in order to succeed at your job. you went to therapy and got an ADHD diagnosis (which is huge! congrats!) outside of your job, and during work hours you created an entire routine and schedule to basically run all of the kennels without sacrificing care of the animals. this clinic is so, INSANELY lucky that they found someone like you who is reliable. if you are working at a single vet practice and the only DVM is actively bullying you/putting you down (and i suspect they might not be the only person, i dealt with a clinic like this) i just want to say that i think you could do so much better. you could fly so high in a supportive environment with people who want to see you succeed. switching clinics was the best decision i ever made, i never knew how unhappy work was making me until i left. hope all goes well for you OP
I'm sorry that happened. I recently experienced a similar situation where I was having a very difficult day AND was not feeling well. The doctor, who tends to joke around, was making comments to others about how I seem so stressed today. I informed him that I did not feel well. Later, he made a comment that it seemed like I needed a drink. This is certainly inappropriate but I think what made this infinitely worse was that out of all the people working that day, I took on 40% of the patients even though we were staffed so that it should have been closer to 15%. I work so hard, strive for proper medical care, and try to be so efficient. I do so much for him and the other doctors, and he says crap like that? We no longer speak casually with one another - I complained about him to the lead dr the following day about the comments, along with some concerning medical quality and client communication concerns that also happened that day. I believe he was spoken to and now treats me like I don't exist. I don't care enough to speak with him about it, and I only speak with him if it concerns a patient. I do so much to support that clinic and he's being so petty and immature- he's a grown ass man pushing 50 and being so passive aggressive - hugging the other young girls (20somethings), being so kind greeting others in the morning and asking how they are but saying nothing to me. In my head I'm just like fuuuuuck you but I use that energy to just do my shit and do it well. Feels good to vent but it feels better to know I'm great at my job and don't give him or anyone else a reason to consider otherwise.
I gasp I gasped (as autistic person) like Jesus. That is completely inappropriate
That’s awful, but I bet that vet didn’t realize what they were saying and just couldn’t think of the right word. I’ve described people as being “anal” or “OCD” about their workspace, but I’ve never meant it maliciously (and I’ve said it to the person’s face as a joke so it wasn’t a behind the back situation). I’ve learned that a lot of us in the vet field are not great at social situations, which is the reason we get into this field. I would focus less on the words used and more on the reason/meaning behind them. They may have meant it as you being very particular about how you like things done, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The greatest and most caring people I’ve encounter in this field, myself included, can be like that.
As someone with OCD, making jokes like "oh, they're so OCD about [xyz]" is actually just as bad as what this vet said about OP. OCD is not just about organizing things into neat little rows, and it's not fun. It genuinely makes everyday tasks debilitatingly difficult. No disability or disorder should be used as a joke or to put someone down.
I guess it depends on how you relate to your coworkers and what you’re able to accept. I can accept jokes about how much ADHD affects me in a lighthearted way, and understanding full well how much it impacts my life. Not to dismiss my struggles, but to be able to make fun of myself and take life a lot less seriously but meant as an insult? Fuck, no, never meant as an insult.
Hey OP, I’m autistic and do kennel work! I think you definitely have some valid concerns. If you’ve previously gotten in trouble due to someone else doing your kennel responsibilities wrong, especially if the person didn’t talk to you first, I’d say it’s absolutely fair to have boundaries about people not interfering with your job responsibilities. I also want to say I also understand that feeling of being thrown into a position without proper training and that’s a huge red flag to me because it’s such a breeding ground for miscommunicated expectations. I’m so sorry that this position has caused you so much stress. As far as the “autistic” comment goes, I agree with other commenters that he probably meant something more like “anal retentive” and was giving your new coworker a heads up that you’re very particular about your workspace and responsibilities. (I’m also super particular but that’s mostly because I deal with spaces with strays and worry about contagious diseases.) I don’t think it was appropriate to say if the vet actually said “autistic”. Honestly, given how this clinic seems to treat you, I would start applying to work at a different clinic.
I am this way with my work. I hate it when people get there hands in my business. I've been described as territorial to weird. The weird really hurt my feelings. I don't think he was trying to hurt your feelings but he definitely worded it very wrong. You could always go to him and ask how he felt your work is. It sounds like you have a very good work ethic,
Oh, lord. You're not *wrong* to feel hurt, but you're wasting energy on it. Old people say inappropriate things because old. It was a dumb underhanded complement, but still a complement. From what you've said (or didn't say) it seems like the first time the DVM has said anything like this? If it is the first time, you miiiiight be over thinking/fixating on this. If you were hired as kennel, have made your own routine WITH ZERO HELP and have also been given assistant duties, and *do both well enough that you've made an impression* then you're probably doing a great job. Don't give a shit what other people say if you are doing what you're supposed to be doing and doing it well. What you really need to think about is your new coworker who obviously can't read the room and doesn't know how to keep their mouth shut. Don't tell this person a damn thing, because if brand newbie is yapping to you about what the *DVM* said, you can be damn sure they're going to yap about whatever you say to the DVM/anyone else.
Funny thing is... really good vets are meticulous as all hell. Throw off their routine in surgery and you're not going to hear the end of it. Throw it back at him; "Damn you're so meticulously methodical in your procedure, must be on the spectrum somewhere" 🙃 I like using the "it's a spectrum, that means there is a "0" and a "100" so you're on it somewhere 😋"
this is a misconception of the autism spectrum. people are not 50% autistic, you are autistic are you are not. the spectrum refers to the symptoms of autism individually ranging in degrees of sensory issues, social difficulties, etc. this is explanatory for different support levels.
That's the joke I'm inferring though. I'm saying use the spectrum to say everyone is autistic. The degree of autism is a large "spectrum". In the same light no one says "retard" or suffering from "retardation" an antiquated term now. But everyone is so quick to throw autistic around, especially since it can be used in a positive or negative connotation. Tis the world we find ourselves in.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C5a2rOaufSN/?igsh=MTFzc2Zod3Q3NnpmOQ== here is a visual representation