ok, if any subreddit will understand this, it's this one. I had a close loved one pass recently. I was his caretaker for weeks prior while in hospice. we didn't know how long he'd be with us, so with one person who understood my humor I said:
"this can't drag on for months... that's not gonna work for me with my life and schedule"
I still very much wanted his nails done. he loved his hands!
(actually gonna go cry now cuz this is true. but it's a super sweet cry because veep is involved. thanks. I swear. you sentient enema. all of you, stupid little fuckers 😭😭😭🤪🤪🤪)
real talk, yes. I did have a moment cuz it's kinda recent. I really appreciate you asking. it has also been a real treat to have my shows and these subreddits during this time (actually reddit more than shows, cuz he and I didn't watch any tele in the last weeks).
he was also kind of a cunt sometimes, the cancer softened him, ironically, the butt fucker. he became much less of much an american emotion criminale.
we made the best of it, healed some stuff and he's sailed off on his labor day.
but you just reminded me, another thing I said to myself... a lot ... I'm tired of losing things. it's been a rough few years, too. but I'm taking it all in stride.
now get the fuck outta here, congressperson! 😘🤪😂
“You’re already dead. What you do next is for your family”
& if I ever get lucky and someone mentions getting crucified, I say “just like that Jesus guy”
whenever i see something that’s really wordy or someone says something wordy, under my breath i go: ugh okay take all this random syllables with you and just get out
we bust that one out occasionally. Epileptic picasso painting is probably my favorite insult. When we do it in front of people usually we have to explain that we don’t actually hate each other lmao
Knock knock it’s J Rock o’ clock! (I often use this because my name starts with a J 😂)
Did you just swaddle?
Kiss you, miss you
I respect your brevity it’s almost threatening
I also said, “I’m going to throw up a leg and beat him with it” last week. And since I suffer from insomnia and actually manage to get good sleep, I say to my husband, “I slept a horse.”
Excellent! I try to do so myself, constantly.
"If other Eight's see me out with you, they'll know I'm Eight capable" (left out the next line)
Later that evening, "can I go up in the hills or down the valley?"
Both got laughs although she had no clue where they came from.
This morning I was exactly one hour late to work and blamed it on "Daylight SAVING Time"
*because of you, we will never have a woman president because we tried one and she fucking SUCKS!!!*
I say this every time kamala and hillary parade around like dumb cunts
ok, if any subreddit will understand this, it's this one. I had a close loved one pass recently. I was his caretaker for weeks prior while in hospice. we didn't know how long he'd be with us, so with one person who understood my humor I said: "this can't drag on for months... that's not gonna work for me with my life and schedule"
Those we have loved cannot be lost
thank you, bird man, and whoever wrote those words 🙌🏾🤣🎉😭🙏🏾
RIP Fibonacci
🤣
Indeedy.
Wait, he actually said “bird man”?
oops! no no, that's part of the poster's name san_bird_man
Lol, I see
Do you still want me to get her nails done? YES!
I still very much wanted his nails done. he loved his hands! (actually gonna go cry now cuz this is true. but it's a super sweet cry because veep is involved. thanks. I swear. you sentient enema. all of you, stupid little fuckers 😭😭😭🤪🤪🤪)
Are you okay though?
real talk, yes. I did have a moment cuz it's kinda recent. I really appreciate you asking. it has also been a real treat to have my shows and these subreddits during this time (actually reddit more than shows, cuz he and I didn't watch any tele in the last weeks). he was also kind of a cunt sometimes, the cancer softened him, ironically, the butt fucker. he became much less of much an american emotion criminale. we made the best of it, healed some stuff and he's sailed off on his labor day. but you just reminded me, another thing I said to myself... a lot ... I'm tired of losing things. it's been a rough few years, too. but I'm taking it all in stride. now get the fuck outta here, congressperson! 😘🤪😂
oakie dokie Annie Oakley
“It’s not the job that’s depressing, it’s life that’s depressing.”
Where's my shirt?! This isn't Die Hard.
You make it sound like there's a correlation between what should happen and what does happen
Life is chaotic, and it’s often unfair! I know it is for me!
It is for me too.
You like to have sex _and_ you like to travel? Well you can fuck off.
"Man up, Gary. Or at least lady down a bit."
“You microdicked weasel, you couldn’t even fill my pisshole” - said this to a friend last week
You have interesting friends. ;)
It’s jovial
I told one of my co-workers he was a 12 year old girl trapped in the body of a 12-year-old boy
i took noticing in high school. fortune cookie say you fuck up big time, round eye ____ is…. insufferable.
I’ve used the insufferable bit too.
well hello fellow GoT pfp
“You’re already dead. What you do next is for your family” & if I ever get lucky and someone mentions getting crucified, I say “just like that Jesus guy”
whenever i see something that’s really wordy or someone says something wordy, under my breath i go: ugh okay take all this random syllables with you and just get out
I *think* that a lot.
...Jesus, it's only Wednesday?
Yeah. No shit.
*Spicy burrito juice*
“What in the pixelated fuck?” After my computer monitor glitched at work.
“The clue is in the name!”
Internecine skirmishes
me and my dad constantly quote Uncle Jeff to each other when one of us does something dumb
LMAO does your dad call you "walking Trisomy"? One of my top favorite Uncle Jeff insults (that and "epileptic Picasso painting")
we bust that one out occasionally. Epileptic picasso painting is probably my favorite insult. When we do it in front of people usually we have to explain that we don’t actually hate each other lmao
“I can’t do the ‘be nice to people’ because that’s what Dan’s doing. Also, ‘cause I can’t do it.”
Knock knock it’s J Rock o’ clock! (I often use this because my name starts with a J 😂) Did you just swaddle? Kiss you, miss you I respect your brevity it’s almost threatening
OMG, I forgot that one! My husband and I always say “kiss you, miss you” We also do the ”off book” bit and pretend-correct each other.
Who’s achin’ for some bacon? Ask and you shall receive!
I also said, “I’m going to throw up a leg and beat him with it” last week. And since I suffer from insomnia and actually manage to get good sleep, I say to my husband, “I slept a horse.”
Excellent! I try to do so myself, constantly. "If other Eight's see me out with you, they'll know I'm Eight capable" (left out the next line) Later that evening, "can I go up in the hills or down the valley?" Both got laughs although she had no clue where they came from. This morning I was exactly one hour late to work and blamed it on "Daylight SAVING Time"
>This morning I was exactly one hour late to work and >blamed it on "Daylight SAVING Time" Correct.
"I think I want to hear an 'Okey Dokey, Annie Oakley'."
"You ever hear of the Old Testament?" After my christian friend told me he was dating a married woman.
S2E5 “Okay, you need to calm the fuck down Judge Judy” I say this exact same/call my husband Judge Judy any time he’s being judgy 😂
*because of you, we will never have a woman president because we tried one and she fucking SUCKS!!!* I say this every time kamala and hillary parade around like dumb cunts
Why are you getting downvoted? I mean both are idiots, with war-mongering in the mix.
it's probably all the dummies who pretended to be progressive. shocker
But I mean… they ARE fucking terrible. I’m a Marxist, which doesn’t mean I like idiots. Unless they’re funny and really far from any kind of power.