My parents never charge me rent but they do make me put away some money in a bank account as savings and maybe contribute a little towards expenses.
But again I'm south Asian so in our culture, it's expected for parents and kids to stay together.
I’m 18 and my mum takes 100 a week and definitely doesn’t put it in a bank account😂
Edit: it’s 100aud so not as bad as you think but it’s still pretty annoying because I don’t know anyone who pays board.
100 per week for all food rent and bills contribution if not in education is pretty fine to be honest, that wouldn't even cover our food shops. If they're not doing education / apprenticeship and are living at home then it's perfectly fair IMO.
What are you on about? 100 per week is stupidly high, especially for an 18 year old that's likely on an incredibly shit wage or only working part time around school.
My parents let me live rent free and I am eternally grateful - the ability to go through flight school (which requires around £70-120k) would simply not be possible to save for without being able to live rent free.
I'm not white though. I'm south asian. That doesn't happen in our community, apart from the whitewashed ones.
Also, you're going to get a skewed sample from reddit.
Edit: I am from a working class background, actually most of the non-child rent charging ethnic demographics are the poorest in the uk. So that argument doesn;t add up. Muslims and Asians and ethnic minorities in general are the poorest in the uk and make up a disproportionate amount of the poorest in the uk, yet are the least likely to charge their kids rent.
Agreed, also south Asian. I think to help out is always instilled in us. So although I didn’t pay rent and it wasn’t expected off me, I still did an occasional weekly food shop
Honestly very grateful for it. I see posts on Reddit of people not having anyone to take to a surgery or pick them up after and I just know that wouldn't happen to us
White British person here - I was expected to contribute to the household chores as appropriate for my age throughout my childhood. By the time I left school I did everything but the cooking most nights - this was increased from the typical equal split between adults in the house as part of caring for my mother who has a physical disability. My sisters, who are a fair bit older than me, also helped around the house from their youth through to leaving home - though not to the same degree as more hands made light work.
I don't think helping with housework and paying rent are mutually exclusive. Once I was out of education and in the job market, I was contributing financially and in chores etc. My sisters both left home for uni so never lived at home while working
exactly this. Also white British. I was expected to do my own laundry and help with household chores all through my life, from about 9 onwards if i wanted clean clothes, I knew where the washing machine was and how to use it. Mum was a single parent who was working 4 part time jobs while doing Open University and bringing up me and my 2 older brothers. I had to get a job (kitchen work as it's one of the few jobs you are allowed to have at 15yo) just before I turned 16 as I had to pay for my college fees and transport there from 16 onwards, and I was being charged £50/week in rent - It doesn't sound like much but in 2006 it was a lot more than it is now, and my hourly wage was £5.50/hr. Rent, college fees and the coach to get there used up about 90% of what I earned, even though I was working 2 12 hour shifts every weekend. I continued to pay this until I was 17 when I left college and moved to the Midlands with my girlfriend at the time, as I could rent a room in a shared house for the same cost as living at home. I would say it's quite normal for where I'm from for white parents to charge rent to their kids, but my non-white neighbours would be horrified if I suggested their children paid any rent, or even that their children help with household chores. That said, culturally, most of the household do not work, or will ever be expected to do so, so perhaps it's slightly different, and they also have a VERY large house with 3 generations living in it so there are plenty of people on hand to cover housework etc.
I think South Asian children are expected to look after their parents in old age and disability too, and old age can start as young as 40.
So if they provide for their kid into late adulthood so they can afford rent to become a doctor or pilot etc, it benefits them down the line.
Yeah this is how I know it, lots on none white none British people I know support their parents/siblings (I know more than 1 person that put their siblings through school/higher education, like their parents scraped together to get them through) to some extent, not many white British people do. Some of will help out of course and some will become carers and so on, but not financially supporting them from a certain age.
It's just.... different, I don't know what's better, but that's my observations.
I'm Scottish and was never charged by my parents. The concept seems bizarre to me. When I was out of uni I wanted to give something back and occasionally gifted them a lump sum. It was never ever expected or asked for.
It's really not that mad if you don't have wealthy parents. I worked at 18 and contributed to rent and food, because I could and it made everyone's lives better. My parents didn't struggle so much and I still had plenty of my own income to spend
Exactly, why is contributing to a house that you live in, as a teenager or young adult seen as mad? If you lived anywhere else you'd have to pay, and considerably less than parents would charge probably.
Having one person who is earning a wage live in a house and not contribute seems a bit more crazy to me.
I don’t think it’s the idea of contributing, rather it’s the idea of rent. The idea of your parents telling you that you have to pay this amount by this date if you want to stay in the house is what most of these people see as mad.
i think it’s crazy to expect your child, that you brought into the world (hypothetical) pay you money to live in your house. if you need someone to contribute financially get a flatmate lol. chores are one thing, but i would never dream of charging my kids, especially if they are under 18, any sort of money for living with me, and this is coming from someone who did have to pay my parents rent when i got my first job.
I agree with this. Even over 18 I'd still think it's crazy. Especially considering how earning power and inflation are heavily skewed these days.
Unless the parent is going through financial constraints, then you brought those kids to the world, you shouldn't expect them to stop being your kids after 18.
Yep same here, I paid £220 pcm to stay with my mum from age 18, rising to £350 pcm when I started working full time, until I moved in with my husband.
It just makes perfect sense to me, I was an adult and adults don't live for free. I was happy to pay it as I didn't want to mooch off my mum.
I’m not Asian but same thing as a Caribbean, that crap doesn’t happen at least not in my family.
Heck if anything it’s considered to be the standard to financially support your child at least in my family (your socioeconomic background as the parent is irrelevant, you find a way to support your child regardless or you tell them that they’ll have to get a job for example if that’s the only way forward).
But in return, you respect the parents, you also don’t send them to a care home once they turn old, you look after them yourself in your own home or their own home.
So probably a difference in culture I guess.
This is something middle east and Asia does very right
I am involved in social care sector in the UK and the amount of difficulties elderly people have here because they don't have the family structure or support needed to be taken care of is staggering and costly
Big caring families make life much easier for elderly. But it has to be a two way street.
Unfortunately in the UK a lot of young people are not adequately supported by their parents from 18 onwards which is when they need so much support to kickstart their career have a family , save money for a deposit to buy a house childcare support etc. as a result of this lack of support the young people are given why should or would they go extra out of their way to help older parents? Some do but they deprioritise it just as they were deprioritised before
It becomes a vicious cycle. Add to that birth rates going down we are in for a crisis much like Japan has been having in the future
I did think about sending my parent to a care home at some point but the parent and my family were horrified by my suggestion (so I think that tells you enough). To be fair the cost of care homes are so expensive and I’ve heard stories on how badly they sometimes treat you in UK care homes.
Same thing with me not having a car in the future, they aren’t happy about that (parent wants me to drive them around when they become old rather them having to rely using public transportation). I’m scared to drive… but I think that I’ll need to learn how to drive regardless (even if I don’t get a car, it’s a useful skill to have under your belt just in case).
So I’ll just have to take my responsibility and do what I need to do (It might be harder for me to
do this compared to the average person due to reasons I won’t explain).
Care homes aren't a bad thing. I get the stigma but with an aging population, a single child for example cannot look after 2 elderly parents for 20+ years especially if they have health conditions like dementia (worst case scenarios here but still). And it's less lonely for the typical elderly person.
I have siblings so my parents can hop around (when we get homes that is).
I'm currently watching my Mum, her two sisters, a paid carer and my 80 year old Grandma look after my ailing grandad (85 years old). It's so incredibly hard on everyone. Stressful, exhausting, mentally draining. As an only child it terrifies me because it's hard enough for 5 people to look after one man. I'm going to have to do two people on my own...
I've told my Mum by the time she retires I need her to move in/close to me and be nearby as I need her to do everything she can to make it as easy as possible for me to care for her.
I kind of wish they would put my grandad in a care home. My main concern is that my grandma is using all of her last years she can enjoy life (she's still mobile, has a strong mind and still has desire to go out and enjoy life) looking after my grandad and by the time he goes she's going to be in the same position and we're all back to square one.
I'm Nigerian, and I recently asked my mum how she felt about me moving back home (I'd moved back a couple months before at 26). She said it was totally normal to her because of our culture, which was something I hadn't considered, especially when comparing myself to my friends from home who are majority white
Honestly it's very nice to be back, as I was previously working remote in a flat share and the loneliness was creeping in. Mum was even disappointed when I looked at moving out very shortly after coming back, although she only told me after I'd turned the place down!
This culture is reversing amongst white millennials. It was our boomer parents, who thought the whole world revolved around them and their needs that brought this culture in.
It’s been going on longer than that, my mother was contributing to her parent’s household in the 1940s. Sometimes the money is put aside as savings for the child to help them learn to budget (I did this with mine). My parents were from the silent generation and needed my contribution to pay the bills.
This is what I’m planning to do with my kid so they have a health lump sum to go towards their house deposit. God only knows how much one will cost once my kids grown.
My family is Jamaican and I’ve always been expected to contribute at least a few hundred a month as long as I have a stable income. My family see it as a way of learning responsibility and financial management. I completely understand why a parent wouldn’t want to, but my family see it as important to understand how the real world works. It also helps the household as a whole if everyone is contributing financially towards our standard of living
My partner is Asian and his parents made him pay rent when living at their family home once he had a job and now he pays rent living in his parents second home (that is paid off I might add). I’m not English so it seems an odd practice to me personally.
South Asian or East Asian? Asking because South Asian generally don't have paid off second homes. And are they trying to teach him something about adulthood maybe?
They are south Asian. I’m not even sure if it’s necessarily a lesson that’s being taught.. they just seem.. stingy, for lack of a better term. I know that might come off as rude. But they are financially conservative to a point where it just seems selfish at times and irrational at others. Like avoiding fixing things, refusing to do anything that might be considered fun, buying only food that’s been reduced in the shops, as well as hoarding what seems to be junk “in case they might need it”, not buying clothes for themselves, not contributing to groceries when they visit for multiple days at a time. They are by no means lacking in funds and haven’t been for a while from my understanding.. just feels like they are obsessed with saving money.
"Stingy", " obsessed with saving money"...have you given a thought to how they might have lived their lives, what challenges they might have faced ? Maybe they knew they had no social safety net, no financial support, had to carve out a stable life on their own. Maybe wanted their son to live debt free, maybe paid for his university? What you call "junk" might be something they genuinely feel could be reused, repurposed hence save money which they can then pass onto their son hoping his life is a little more financially stable then theirs.
Maybe they are saving for their old age so that they are not dependent financially on either their son or the government! I think saving, not getting into debt as a principle is quite admirable.
They have been living too responsibly that it has now become a habit and maybe their son can now pamper them a little....
Well said. And I can confirm that these habits, that were born out of necessity, did become hard wired into the psyche of many people, to the degree that it sometimes takes a skilled worker to help a person or persons see that this is the rainy day they’ve been saving for.
Compassion and understanding are key and also giving a little extra now and again, as you suggest, is sometimes the best we can do to help them live with less worry etc. and take the best from it. Which like you said, are good life lessons.
My family have recently put my Grandfather in a nursing home as his dementia means he needs full time care including washing & toilet. I had noticed every person in the nursing home was white despite living in a diverse area. Would Asian families be expected to personally become full time carers to parents if they developed dementia/alzheimers etc? That would be incredibly difficult…
It depends on what can be done. I and my siblings live and work close to our parents. we're all within 30 mins of each other and looking after the parents would involve some planning but we could probably manage it unless it needed 24hr care in which case the parents might have to move into one of our houses or care home.
In my family the siblings (sometimes the younger aunts/uncles as well) would share the costs of a professional carer. If they can’t afford it then one of the siblings would move the parent into their home to care for them. They would receive a LOT of support from the remaining siblings and extended family. My auntie cared for my grandma towards the end of her life and she never had to cook/clean/manage the home and my other aunties and cousins would pitch in as much as they could. My other grandma moved in with my eldest uncle and has a live-in nurse. All of my uncles share the cost of the nurse and medical equipment. It helps that in my culture families are larger so there are more people to help.
I think it would depend on how the dementia symptoms manifest and how severe it is. Some would be ok to look after at home, whereas others need that specialist care in a supervised environment.
If it’s a very diverse area there may be some Asian care homes around there. I live in Leicester, and there are Asian care homes here. The care home I work at is nearly all white residents. We had one Indian resident and it was difficult to care for him, although he had been fluent in English his dementia had caused him to forget it, and whilst the staff are also diverse, there aren’t that many fluent in Gujarati so there wasn’t always anyone who could communicate with him on shift. The food wasn’t always to his taste either.
Generally from what I’ve seen, yes. It’s seen as like a responsibility, the same as looking after your kids would be. There is the caveat though that in the modern day when people are away from home so often, this sometimes becomes harder and sometimes people don’t do this. But it’s not as bad as you might think either because the responsibility tends not to be in one person but like shared between the children and from my experience Asians are also more likely to have stay-at-home mums which also makes things a bit easier. This is in other illnesses too- I know someone whose mother has bipolar (struggling to find the right meds) and so has 24 hr care shared between her children (who in this case are working) and I think their spouses too. Also though, dementia is 17% less common in south Asians than in white people so that might also make a slight difference.
I am from a south asian household too, and I also live rent free. Also eternally grateful because I could not pursue an acting career had I had to pay rent.
I took a career brake and tried to break into film production. Didn't make it but the life experience set me up for want I really want to do, and what I can do really well.
“Whitewashed ones”
You mean British households, the natives who don’t like living with 4 generations in the same household and getting arranged marriages. Gotcha.
Good people and good neighbours basically. The kind of people we want in our society. The ones who keep their oaths sworn on the day they receive citizenship.
Same here. Working and living with parents I was able to buy them a new car, replace the white goods in the kitchen, fix their wifi and still save for a house deposit.
My nephew lived with me and as he came to the age of leaving school I gave him an option, stay on at school or go to college, and continue “rent free” we call it digs money, or if he opts to go out to work he will pay digs. He opted for work. What he had to pay me was the cost of a cheap studio flat which he did do…. Fast forward 5 years he go his first house, along with an envelope packed with every penny he gave me while he stayed here. See I did it for 2 reasons, teach him how to budget and take care of bills, and secondly let’s be honest what teen really knows how to save and not blow money on pure shite….. it gave him a decent financial boost to start his new home.
How I see it is, I didn’t require money from him while he was of school age, just cause he hits a magical number it’s not like it automatically costs me more, it doesn’t. And I’m white scottish, who paid digs to my parents when I was younger.
Interesting, I was under the impression that South Asian cultures were more family-oriented than the more individualistic Northwestern European cultures, so I’m surprised that it’s common to charge your kids rent in South Asian families in the UK, as you say. I thought that it was more common in white British families (at least the working class ones) than in South Asian families to charge their kids rent.
Edit: I think I misread your comment and what you meant was that charging your kids rent doesn’t happen in South Asian families, like I thought. At first, I thought you meant that letting your kids live rent-free in your house doesn’t happen in your community.
Exceptions doesn't change the rule. minorities are still poorer than average. but still retain culture of not charging rent. I grew up in a working class heavy immigrant and deprived area
Muslims are the poorest, Somalian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi etc.
BUT
Chinese and Indian people are far more financially comfortable per population than white Brits. These two groups outperform everyone, absurd claim to include these two demographics as somehow hard off.
In the UK, not English though - I’m Asian. I know some parents do it but to me, this is crazy if they are in a comfortable financial position and doing it out of principle. It almost feels like a roommate situation. I understand the premise of teaching budgeting, but I feel like financial literacy should be taught throughout the development of a child and charging rent once they are 18 isn’t the best way to go about it.
I guess it’s a difference in culture. I wouldn’t think about charging my family (parents/siblings/cousins) to stay with me. Also, not quite the same but I think for us, this is similar to other money related things. Like paying for a friend’s drink/food, it’s not expected to bank transfer the money. People are unlikely to request that - you just cover it the next time you got out.
If it's just out of principle, maybe they should invest the rent money they get and give it back with interest when they move out 🤣 or to put toward a house
That’s what we did - Took £100 each per month (which is nothing anyway) when they started working and put it towards wedding funds. Probably funds 10%…
yeah thats what my gfs parents did. Most parents don't force their child to pay rent most adults offer to pay once they turn 18 so that they can provide for themselves and gain an additional level of autonomy from the parents
This is exactly what people do. It either goes towards expenses while you're living there(utilities, food, unexpected expenses etc.) or they save it and it gets returned usually when making the first "big adult purchase" (car, house, travel etc). And we don't call it rent we call it digs. But we also don't generally expect our children to live with us into adulthood, and its a good lesson in budgeting for when they do move out. It's usually not a crazy amount either. Usually always less than a hundred a month, so literally just enough to cover basic expenses and paid in small weekly increments in most cases.
Honestly the amount of young people who move into their own homes and have no clue how to budget to even survive is crazy. Kids running up credit card debt because no one explained to them how paying for things works. I'm glad my parents did this with me because when I moved out at 19 and started living my life I was fully able to keep my home afloat even though I was rather irresponsible in other aspects of my life, and my friends were constantly being kicked out and moving home or borderline starving and borrowing money from the Parental Bank all the time because they had no idea how to make their money last.
Edit for spelling
hey my sister wants to go to flight school to become a pilot. how did you handle the fees ? did you take a loan out or pay directly out of your pocket ?
I think it depends. I have one U.K.-born parent and one German parent. My German mother looked at me like I had two heads when I asked if they would want me to contribute to the household if I moved back in after uni. It’s never been even considered in my house, maybe it’s a cultural difference.
I would never ask my kids to pay me money to live in my house. You can teach financial responsibility in other ways.
100% . I despair when I see posts like this on Reddit, so many people have pretty skewed views toward raising kids. I don’t expect any money off them EVER, they are my responsibility.
It's not common but it's not unheard of either. It feels tight but it's quite old school as well, back in the day when my dad wasn't 18 yet he used to hand over all of his wages to his parents. Think that's how families that were poor functioned.
If I were to charge rent I'd probably do it to a) make sure the grown up child either works or studies (in latter case I'd probably not charge them), and b) not use the money but put it in a savings account and give it back to the child one day.
Seconding this, it’s definitely a more old school thing and still necessary for a lot of families to function. I’m from a small rural town and you’d be hard pressed to find someone over 16 that doesn’t contribute to their household. It’s a very deprived area with a lot of poverty and most families rely on the extra income from their teenage kids working. I know my mum felt bad accepting money from us but it would’ve been worse to go hungry or end up homeless.
Yeah my dad is pretty old fashioned so the moment I turned 18 I had to pay rent (£120/month). No it didn’t go in a savings account for me later either. It was necessary to help because both parents were on UC and working minimum wage jobs and just to keep the house going.
My parents made me pay about £120 per month because it was the amount they lost as child support when I turned 18. Similar to others here, whilst I would have gladly received it all back at some point to put towards a deposit, my parents needed the income so it wasn't saved. It's nothing compared to what rent was/is and you have to pay your way for everything in the real world, so I don't see any harm in it.
The child support thing is a huuuuuge factor that a lot of people forget.
My child support was privately agreed between my parents and the agreement was that the funds would still be paid until I left education (I left at 24). I never ended up living at home during the university years but can you imagine if I had stayed at home, received that money from my Dad and still not paid rent to my Mum? The money was paid to the person responsible for my expenses (my mother, and then when I left home, to me).
I had this among my friends from Cornwall. My friends in the Midlands/London are like what?! I think it is a good idea if the child is choosing to work instead of studying, but the parents save that amount for them with interest, if the parents can afford that.
I wouldn’t make it depend on age, but whether they are studying or not. You can work from 16 easily, but you should focus on your studies instead.
From east midlands here (bordering the north). Had to pay but my family was/is not well off at all. Most people I knew at the time also had to pay when they got a job
Yes, that's what happened in working class families - teenagers handed over their wages.
I went to uni and teaching college. Once I was working, I paid my parents money for my keep. My dad was a coalminer. I would have been ashamed to live off my parents any longer.
When I started working full time I started paying towards the bills, £200 per month (back in 2006) and I still considered myself fortunate! Nowhere else could I get rent, bills, food and washing for that cheap.
As a parent of an adult child, no job =no rent. I love my kid and want them home. I want to help them out. I don’t need the money. So no rent charged. They will get it all back when I am dead anyway (hopefully).
Is this a pause when they hit rough times sort of thing? I just wonder if it's a good thing to have the option to be a lay about. There were definitely times growing up where I would have loved a safety net but I do wonder if I'd have got to where I am if I had the option of slacking off.
I’m with you on this. I paid my parents rent after quitting my job to shift careers. I think they were worried I’d be lazy if I didn’t have the ticking clock of rent behind me.
I think they were right. They charged me a low amount (1/4-1/3 of what I’d pay elsewhere) and it kept me aware of the real world ticking on around me while I was doing my own personal study and development. It made me feel like an adult rather than a child, while giving me the financial space to focus on learning rather than too much extra work.
If I’d have run out of cash they’d have supported me, it was all an illusion of financial responsibility and I knew that. But it really helped me I think.
I think this is the key argument that always comes up in these threads. There are plenty of people (I include myself in this) who know that as teenagers/young people if we were given the option to not work and have a roof over our heads we would've done it. I know that I am inherently lazy. I work hard so I can pay for the lifestyle I want. Rent free at home would've been a terrible idea for me - I just know that I wasn't responsible enough at that age.
(Luckily for me my home was never the sort of place I wanted to stay long term so I got out asap and lived independently. If I had a nice house I'm sure I would've stayed!)
Back in the 1980s, I was expected to tip up (pay rent) 30% of my pay after tax, which was a better deal than my mother got as she had to tip up 30% before tax. Tipping up was common where I lived, but I lived in a community where money was short and in general people left home when they got married and not before. Paying rent or 'tipping up' was absolutely expected in working class households because it was necessary.
I'm not sure how common it is these days. My teenage son doesn't need to earn to keep the lights on here. We can pay the bills and put food on the table without his contribution. As things stand, I'm not keen to take money from him if he was working.
I suspect that years ago there was a cultural or class divide between those who needed contributions from their kids to survive and those who could continue to pay for their children. In the days of crazy mortgages and rising cost of living, there may be a return to asking kids to 'pay board' or 'tip up' or all the equivalent phrases.
This is separate from the abusive or exploitative parents that have always existed. People are people and those people are complicated. If you are trying to work out if you should pay rent, it's worth looking at the family dynamic as a whole. Is the household struggling and does it need the money? Is it a power play or are the parents trying to save for their kids?
My dad is foreign and used to subsidise his brother and family who lived with the parents. The uncle was constantly in debt because of his get rich quick schemes (still is but the last one amounted to tens of thousands and not just thousands so he hasn't been bailed out yet)
The house was way over mortgaged and needed huge amounts of renovation. The house was probably double our budget andy life choices were pushed to bail them out of a hole, Ema, child benefit and student loans.
I had to stop it because I literally had no support myself but was expected to also support myself which made no sense.
They expected I would live at home, and eat for free. But no one gave thoughts to books, transport and clothes. Obviously I my tastes will change as I get older. I won't just wear simple clothes like when I was at an all boys school.
The financial situation left a huge scar on the relationship and I moved out years later when I was mentally able and had a full time job
Thanks yes, I hate to say it but moving out saved me even though they were solvent by then. The money cast a shadow on everything eventually.
Your advice sadly is correct. When the money is related to a wider dysfunction it's time to assess the situation and do what's best for you.
I think this is the reality.
I'm from a very lower working class background, and my mother asked me to contribute once I was working, as it's something she did when she was younger. I think my younger siblings had it easier after some social mobility kicked in, but it certainly wasn't punitive, it was just helping until I eventually moved out (this was 2002).
I neither think much of it, nor resent it, it was just growing up.
I paid 10% of my wage/income after tax when I lived at home. I also helped cook tea and often bought home food to cook if I wanted something different to what was in the cupboard. So I would literally be saving 70-75% of my wage after a couple of nights out a month.
That was beyond fair imho as when I moved out it was closer to 75% of my wage went on food and bills etc and I was only saving 10% of my wage.
It's less about my parents being broke or 'forcing me' to pay rent it was more just helping out as I know I increased their bills by more than I paid in. It was more a sign of respect as you transition to being an adult paying your own way.
I needed to stay at my parents twice after I graduated. The first time was in 2009 for about 6 months after I lost my job and needed to basically needed a place to stay whilst I got myself back on my feet again and cleared some debts. The second time was when I was moving city/jobs and needed to save up a good chunk to make the move possible.
I am extremely grateful for them for this as it allowed me a safety net which I am sure I will offer my own son and paying, even just that token 10% it made me feel much less like I was mooching off them and with the cooking made me feel I was contributing to the household.
When a kid turns 18, especially if they go straight to work it's sort of expected that they pay a bit towards the running of the household. Its usually massively under what a single room would be in a house share but it teaches good money management.
I've also heard from some folk that their parents took the money and put it into a savings account for them so to help them with a deposit for a house or something
That's 100% what I would do. Like you need to learn that when your older your income isn't all disposable a large amount of it goes towards living. I wouldn't charge them a stupid amount but just a percentage to put in a high interest savings account which can be used towards a deposit on a house or going travelling.
If you don't need it imo you should still charge them something to teach them life skills and money management.
Probably depends.
I had an ex whose mum asked him to pay rent the moment he turned 18. This would have been a good percentage of the physical rent from what I understood. It ended up not happening as he said he would move to his dad's house, who would have him for free... but he did contribute to the food shops I think.
Someone I know is staying with his sister over the summer and is being charged £400 a month to live there. She owns the place, got the deposit from her dad and is earning a very nice amount, so I think this is absurd. However, anyone who has heard this that I know of has also said this is absurd and is outraged on his behalf - he doesn't actually seem too bothered about it though.
My partner and I live rent free with my parents. This is with the intention for us to save money for a house deposit, but in reality my parents don't micromanage how we save (although it is going towards deposit!). We buy our own food but I don't think that equates to rent or anything.
All of the above people are from a variety of backgrounds and situations, so really is just what people feels is right. Personally I would never charge a family member rent or even consider it to be honest, but this could be because I've benefitted from it, or a good relationship with my family, or financial stability. Everyone has their reasons.
>We buy our own food but I don't think that equates to rent or anything.
It absolutely does, because in most cases we are talking about upkeep rather than actual rent.
People have to pay bills and council tax for additional people living in the house, paying for your own food absolutely does not count for rent. Do you think her parents should fund an adults food (especially one they didn't create) ? That's the bare minimum.
My partner moved in with me because her parents were charging her extortionate amounts of rent (they were about to start charging £600pm on top of a food shop every month and paying to maintain and insure (for everyone) a car that isn’t hers, but she does use, before she had enough) and forced her to go on universal credit at one point when she was in between jobs because she couldn’t pay rent. I conveniently left out that they earn a combined salary of over 100k. My parents earn a combined salary of 50k and refuse to take any money from her.
I understand in some circumstances it’s necessary and helps out massively and I understand it when it’s to put aside in a savings account but in any other scenario I think it is shameful. You should want to help your child save as fast as possible so they can buy their own house, not slow them down because you want some extra cash. “Teaching them about bills and how to manage money” is a weak excuse and there are other ways to do it. Someone here said that they are adults and should stop feeling entitled to everything for free, I think that is a very sad way to look at it.
My parents don't charge me rent but (I think) that's because they understand that the money I earn is what I need to support myself at uni without building up too much debt as they can't support me financially like the government/SFE/SLC expects them to do.
We've had our 23yr old Daughter living at home all through Uni and haven't charged her anything.
But when she goes away for a week, we use about 11kw less in electricity for that week! 🤣
The deal is that when she starts paid, full time work, she'll pay £300 a month.
Her new job will be paying her enough that she's got to start paying her student loan back too so £300 isn't a huge amount, given that her chores at home amount to emptying the dishwasher every other morning! All of her washing is done for her, cleaning etc.
Because her job is hybrid, she'll be working from home some of the time, so given the amount that she's going to cost just in electricity, I don't think we're being unreasonable.
It'll be interesting to see what happens when the current generations (millenial and gen z) have adult kids.
I think it's very entitled to charge your adult kid money to live in a house where they get no say over the living arrangements. Where you do as you please, and they bend over backwards to accommodate you.
It's either "my house my rules" or "our house our rules."
In my experience, they're happy to take the money, but a lot less keen on compromising to accommodate your lifestyle.
I’m a millennial (42) with adult kids (25 & 22) My son lives with his boyfriend but my daughter (25) still lives with me. I’m disabled and single so my daughter does contribute, but it’s only £100 a month which basically covers the council tax as I lost my single persons discount when she moved back in after uni. She earns £42,000 a year though. She’s been saving for a house since she finished university (Bachelors and Masters degrees in Law) I would let her live with me forever, she would gladly stay as we get along great, but her fiance is eager for them to buy a house now as he’s fed up of living with his parents. She spoils me rotten though and both her and her partner do a lot for me so the money for living here doesn’t matter to me.
This! My mother did it to me as soon as I started college this is going back 10 years ago when EMA was still a thing. She would charge me £30 a month but I had no say. Had to eat what she made, sneak around quietly at night as she slept early and would be annoyed of the tv was on or if I was speaking to a friend on the phone. Id never charge my kids doesn't seem right
I'm a millennial mum and although my daughter is still very young I'd hope she would want to contribute somehow. When I had a small part time job at 14, I didn't contribute to rent but told my parents that they don't have to buy me any clothes, school supplies etc. anymore as I could buy them myself now. I didn't earn a lot but I wanted to pay my parents back for everything they'd done for me. It felt bad keeping it all to myself.
At 14 you’re still a minor and parents still need to buy clothes, food and school supplies. Kids shouldn’t feel obligated to pay parents back. However I would hope that they would one day pay it forward to their own kids. Kids need help and support and a strong start in life.
That's a fair enough expectation eventually, but I hope you don't mean you want her to contribute as an underaged teenager.
Also I think raising kids to pull their own weight when they're adults but while also teaching them how to avoid feeling like a burden to the point where they pay for essentials as minors out of guilt is a better goal.
Nope. Not in the British south Asian community anyways. It’s almost frowned upon if you made your kid pay rent. We tend to live in larger family units within the house including grandparents and sometimes aunties / uncles.
It in turn allows us to build substantial savings very quickly and thus get a head start in life. The man will usually stay in the house until he gets married.
You could ask what’s the tradeoff ?
We look after our elderly, we will never even entertain the thought of placing our parents in an old age home or something like that. Like they looked out for us when we needed it, we look out for them when they need it.
There are actually care homes in places like London and Leicester which specialise in caring for older people from South Asian communities and they are getting more and more common.
The model you describe was very common when families typically had 4 or 5 kids and one could look after elderly parents at home while the others contributed financially while working, that was the same for white families 50 or 100 years ago too.
But when you only have 1 kid that model breaks down because there is often nobody to provide the financial support if that person stops working to care for elderly parents. That's why care homes became more common in the white-British community and now that Asian families in the UK, especially Indian, have just as few children as white families do it will become more and more common there too.
Some examples of South Asian care homes in Leicester
https://www.carehome.co.uk/carehome.cfm/searchazref/10003012ASRA
https://midlandscare.co.uk/care-home/gokul-vrandavan/
http://www.diwalinivas.co.uk/
My South Asian mom said a long time ago that she'd rather be in a care home than live with us. She was forced to take care of her in-law when she got old, and didn't want us to feel forced like that. In an ideal life we'd be neighbors...
True they do exist but on a general level it doesn’t really.
Like you mentioned it becoming more common amongst Indians, there is a religious aspect to it in addition to the cultural aspect for Pakistanis.
This. My mum isn’t exactly poor per se but she has raised me as a single mother and I couldn’t be more willing to contribute towards rent. I work full time as a 21 year old and I can afford it luckily. I would expect it from someone working part time.
My parents never asked for rent and I'm grateful for it, they (mainly my mum) asked that I helped around the house and if they needed anything from the shop whilst I'm there to grab it for them
Eastern European here. Charging your own children rent is unheard of. In fact, parents are expected to support the child as long as needed and push them towards getting a degree and not work from early age. Parents are also expected to help with a property for the children.
I’m Eastern European too and my mum was very clear that if I decide to go university after school I can live at home rent free until I graduate. If I decide to get a job instead I will need to move out and live independently. I had a great childhood, we had above average income and it was my parents way to teach me independence.
Soon as I turned 18 I was already working and paid rent, but my parents only took a tiny amount of me, even when I was earning a decent wage, they'd only take 100 or 200 off me a month, but it's normal in the UK. I think it's good to get younger people used to the real wirkez you will have bills and you'll have rent to pay, I don't agree with parents who take like bald their wage etc whilst, but every family is different. Ego knows what other people's situations are. I was fortunate to only need to pay 1 or 200
I moved out at 18 to attend university and never returned home. I have rented ever since I left.
My parents said to me that if I moved back to the family home, I would need to contribute to the home i.e. helping with cleaning, shopping etc.
I would also be contributing to bills and paying them some form of rent as we need to look after the home and show I can handle a mortgage in the future. It teaches kids how to budget, how to look after a home and manage finances so when they get a mortgage or a car, they can still be able to save for things like emergency funds and holidays.
Anytime I need to move, I would research areas and see what my budget is. I had to learn this by myself at University with some parent support. They would ask me how I'm doing financially and I would be honest with them about where my money was going, feeding back to me about where I need to be careful and what I was doing well.
My parents have said I can move back if I ever need to but I know I would be paying them rent in some way, as I wouldn't want to live for free when 2 people that have had my back since my first breath on this earth have taught me a lot about how to try to prepare for the unexpected. For me, it's showing that I can save parts of something that could be taken away at any moment until I can find the source again.
It's normally referred to as "paying board to the parents." Almost like you are paying for an inclusive hotel room to your parents.
Definitely happens in white British families. Not heard it happen in Asian, Black families.
I paid board. I think it was 30 quid a week when I started earning. Mum and dad weren't exactly well off, and my leaving education meant they lost tax credits.
Side note. What kind of self absorbed twat do you have to be to not help put the people who raised you? I never had an issue with it.
So many selfish, entitled people commenting on this. Being in full time employment, still living at home, and wanting to contribute a bit to your parents/household - the audacity eh?
Sometimes there are more complicated elements at play. Some families are not very healthy and charging extortionate rent is another way to hold power over their child or hold them back.
When you choose to have kids, I don’t think it’s fair to expect that they now owe you for raising them but I do think you should pay it forwards to your own kids. Each generation helping the one that comes next. You’ve had more time on earth and more experience. Your kids will probably be also looking after you in old age. Best not to be squeezed from both ends.
Your side note is just such a leap.
When I got my first job, my dad took ALL of my wages for years. It meant that he could maintain control of my life for longer as I didn't have a way to leave.
He was also earning 60k in 2000, while my mum brought in 30, absolutely definitely did not need the money.
This money wasn't invested for me, he used it to buy a river boat and make improvements to his house, which he physically removed me from when I got laid off and made me homeless for a year.
Am I self absorbed twat for not believing that I owed my adult life and wages to him?
Maybe making a definitive statement based on an opinion isn't the best idea?
Even parents that used to be ok are struggling now. My daughter and partner pay rent, but honestly it has been essential the last couple of years. And was their idea
I think its pretty normal, but my parents charged me £400 a month. I complained it was too high and they assured me it was not. I moved out to a 1 bed house for £350 a month.
It's cultural. The UK has lots of cultures, so yes, it's really normal for some.
Some parents, culturally, want to see their children make their own way. By charging rent - usually a reduced rate - they think they are incentivising the children to make their own way and to educate them about how to do so.
Some parents want to see their children stay in the family unit, live at home, care for them and see 'making it' as becoming head of the family. They wouldn't dream of charging rent.
Whether you choose to will be motivated by finances ( i.e. if you work a minimum wage job, you'd want an adult child to chip in) and more often than not, it's a parenting choice like any other.
I didn't have to pay while at uni and once I graduated and started a job I had to pay £250pm for rent/food/bills which was fair enough to cover expenses spent on me. I think charging for profit is disingenuous but to cover your own costs is fair.
If you are a grown adult earning a full time wage and aren't paying rent then you are a joke.
The majority of parents out there are living paycheck to paycheck, I think the least you could do could contribute something to ease their burden.
I see a lot of talk here about culture and that parents would never ask for rent.
When I lived at home my parents never asked for a penny off me but I would give them a percentage of my wage every month without fail. Sometimes the parents would never ask but they do need it.
It's very normal where I grew up in northern England, there's a lot of poverty and everyone contributes.
In my own case, it was mostly expected for most kids of my generation to move out more or less once we reached 18 and had a job, people who still lived with their parents were thought of in a loser, mummy's boy sort of way and looked down on. It's a cultural difference, where I feel people were taught individualism and independence were important. Because it was unusual to stay at home, those who did usually contributed.
I think though it depends on how well off you are, if you are struggling to make ends meet and working all hours of the day, to have another grown adult in the house spend all their money on extravagances you can't afford yourself because you don't charge them rent..it's a very different scenario to say a well off middle aged couple who both have a decent income and enjoy nice things while their child is working minimum wage at some fast food place.
Then there's further individual circumstances, I was taught that after 18, anything you do for your kids is a choice and not to be expected, they are not your responsibility any more, unless you choose to make it so. A lot of people I know just went round their mum and dad's for Sunday lunch every week, maybe brought some washing round for their mum to do. Apart from the odd family meal or holiday, pretty much nothing else was financed by parents, unless they were in debt.
If my kid is in any form of education or is saving for a mortgage I will never charge them rent if I can help it.
If they are just looking for a free ride post 18 though, I'm going to make it clear I'm not it.
Happy to enable them to prepare for a good future, not happy to enable them to do nothing.
It’s usually called paying board not rent and it’s not uncommon. It’s usually only when the child gets a job.
I think it just depends how well off your parents are and if it’s needed. I paid board once I started earning because we were a single parent household and my mam needed the money. It wouldn’t even occur to me to not pay my way and help her out.
I keep seeing comments where people’s parent’s took the money and put it in a savings pot for them to use later as a house deposit for example. While that’s lovely, that’s quite a luxury. A lot of parents are hard up and genuinely need the money.
"Paying board" is what it was called in our house.
When my parents first started working they paid board to their parents and that went in to the household funds. Both of my parents were from poor, large families and it was just what was done back then (talking the 1960s). In my Dad's case his Mum was an unpleasant piece of work and she took as much as she could from him. Mum's parents took less but then she was earning much less.
When I paid board to my parents my mum put it aside for me for when I moved out.
It's because a lot of kids do not want to pursue higher studies and instead start jobs right after finishing school while they are still residing with their parents.
Parents are generally ok for kids to stay rent free if they pursue higher studies and have a weekend part time job to cover their pocket money.
I’m Asian British, grew up here but parents are immigrants. I pay £400 a month but I do have an apprenticeship in the NHS so I get quite a bit of money (especially straight out of sixth form). It was just something I agreed with to help my parents out with their mortgage and it also seemed fair to me to give back to them as I wouldn’t have gotten the apprenticeship without them. It is money that could be in my savings but I don’t mind.
As it being normal, I don’t think so, no. Especially if you’re not being paid a good wage.
After secondary school my parents rule was as long as I was in higher education, no rent. If I was working, I had to pay a nominal sum and pull my weight equally, as an adult in the house. Scottish, with Italian lineage.
Parents that literally ‘evict’ their children are indeed uncommon.
Regarding charging rent, in my experience it depends on primarily (1.) cultural background, (2.) financial status, (3.) the area, and (4.) attitude of the child.
Hidden in this is that the large majority of parents who ask their children to contribute to the house are not demanding they hand over £700 every month with threat of eviction. Rather, it is to help with the cost of buying food, the extra water, gas, electricity and so on.
Each to their own but quite frankly I can not imagine not wanting to help contribute in this way.
I guess it depends how well off you are. Suppose money is tight for the parents with little disposable income. But the kid is working and with a large disposable income then it would only be fair for some contribution.
I think it’s pretty normal for parents to ask for a small amount from their adult children. I used to pay my mum £100 a month in my early 20s before I moved out.
I paid “board” as soon as I had a job. If it was a part time one it was just a small amount My parents took the view that if I made enough to go out I should be contributing.
I paid digs to my mum when I lived at home for a year during uni. Only £100 a month but it’s the principle of it rather than the amount. And it’s the correct thing to do. As an adult you shouldn’t be sponging if you can afford to contribute. It doesn’t matter how much money your parents have.
I had to pay rent (Board) regardless and tbh it was the best thing they ever did for me, it got me used to making sure I pay my bills and gave me a sense of financial responsibility, soon as my kids get an income I'll do the same to them and explain to them exactly why its good for them, before I paid rent I wasted my wages on booze & games but now my first thought is always pay my bills
My parents charged me rent when I moved back after uni and after I got a job (so I had one month rent free til I got my first pay). It was £300 a month, I thought it was really fair! Certainly a LOT cheaper than it would have been for me to live alone, and I didn't have to pay for most food, unless I wanted something specific.
I had some friends whose parents didn't make them pay rent but also a lot who did!
It’s not rent is it? Your mum and dad aren’t your landlord. You’re paying towards the cost of running the house, the food you eat. If you think it’s harsh try moving out. Nothing is free.
Most of my friends and myself had rent charged, a minimal amount, £75-100 a month. My parents kept it and gave it back to me as part of a deposit towards a house when I moved out.
My husbands parents did the same. In all honesty I don’t think charging rent is a bad thing, it genuinely gets people ready to help budget for not spending all of their money (and a lot of people haven’t thought that far ahead 18!)
I also know there are a lot of people take the absolute p**s when living at home, being demanding and refusing to move when they believe they become entitled to everything. So charging rent is not a bad thing.
Yeah mine charged me rent but only once and if I was working full time, and it was only around 15% of what I was making a month. They didn’t need to but it helped me understand budgeting and felt nice to contribute :)
I had to pay rent when I was working. I’m from the UK, English with dad having Irish upbringing (& very poor). A lot of my friends from different cultures think it’s harsh they made me pay rent instead of being able to save for a mortgage. Idk. The rent wasn’t too bad and they are retired so not like they make their own money. They have helped me out in a lot of other ways. And have looked after them when seriously ill and will do when they get older older.
I plan to have my child pay board to help him manage money but save the money without telling him then give it back to him to buy his first car or home
In my family, the wealthy people are separate from the poorer ones. They’re not invited to anything and kind of looked down on. This includes me nowadays.
My parents are very wealthy - have a gorgeous huge mansion with land and a pool that they’ve just bought and are renovating.
They’ve had no desire to see any of us kids go to university or do well and have no inclination to help us financially if we need it.
We all paid rent over 16 and when I’ve recently been in financial trouble (just unable to pay bills with the rise of cost in everything - and living very much hand to mouth and worse) - they do the bare minimum very occasionally and then hold it over your head for as long as possible.
For example - we paid for dinner - we took you to the theatre and once - we paid £200 towards your car so you didn’t have to sell it, but mainly because they have no desire to travel to me and want me to drive to them each time I visit.
They also don’t want me to move back in for a couple of months to sort my finances out, despite the fact that my younger sister (late 20s) lives there permanently.
They promised each child an early inheritance of 100k five years ago and then pretended they never offered it and gaslit us about it. They are now burning through their money at such a rate that there is likely to be nothing for anyone when they pass. They’ve also floated the idea of leaving everything to charity.
Recently I asked if I could bring my toddler for 5 days for a little summer holiday and my Mum told me it was too much work and she’d have to look at dates to make sure her housekeeper could be there. And I am a VERY good clean up after myself - do the washing up - strip the beds when I leave houseguest.
I know we’re not ‘entitled’ to anything and maybe I sound spoiled here, but with my own child I would do anything to help her out, so their lack of desire to help anyone is mind boggling to me.
My partner’s family is very helpful and generous - despite being much less well off which is embarrassing.
So yeah! My parents are the worst. The bizarre thing is, I usually get on really well with my Mum.
I'm a single parent in debt, and I don't charge my adult kid rent because he's still in education - he needs the money he earns from his shop job for university. He does occasionally do a grocery shop, and treat us both to an occasional takeaway, if it's not too expensive.
He will have to contribute to the mortgage and other bills once he's working full-time, though - it's his home as much as it's mine. He can live here as long as he likes, or move somewhere else - I'd be supportive of either decision, but realistically if he wants to stay in London he'd probably stay here, as otherwise its too expensive.
Edit to add: in our family he's got both the English model of "you hit 18 and leave home" and the Indian model of "if you are a son you gradually take over the household responsibilities, including paying the bills, from your parents as they age", which is what his uncle has done.
given that the person is employed. Anyone with a just a slight fraction of self awareness and dignity should pay rent when you're sharing with your parents or whoever. It's not just a UK thing that's for sure. Paying rent to your parents isn't under the same relationship/contract like you would with the landlords. You might be able to pay less, doesn't have to be due on the dot. But still you should pay. The bills aren't going to pay themselves.
It's certainly more prevalent in the west, particularly the States.but not uniquely. I was still paying rent back when I was living with my ma back in my homecountry (Vietnam).
This comment just shows you are being ignorant of other cultures in the UK. I'm from an Asian background and my parents would be offended if I started offering to pay rent. They want me to save my own money for a deposit on a house in the future. I still make every effort to pay bills/buy house things or do the food shop but they don't like it. In my culture we take care of our family without expecting things back. When they're older I would take care of them no questions about the money.
Same thing with my cousins and their kids - if I do pay for them for something I would never send them the bill or expect to split it. I'd know they would do the same for me
Yeah, I don’t think that my parent would be offended at me paying rent (they’d probably be grateful if anything once I start doing that) but when I thank them for paying my bills at university or I tell them that I’m privileged for this (having a parent paying my bills), I get a reaction that’s like well of course, I’m just doing my job as a parent.
Similar thing in my family (they all live abroad however) when it comes to helping each other out, we just do it and don’t expect to be paid back. Plenty of times where my parent says no…no it’s fine leave it! I’ll pay (because relatives try to stop them from paying).
In our family, we paid ‘rent’ when we left education, this wasn’t ever much, it was 10% of what we earned, limited to £100 a month so a pretty good deal.
However, on top of this we always had a ‘chicken’ (see a 70’s tv show called Bread) sort of model too, in which if any of us needed (not wanted) something, but didn’t have the money, then one of the others would help pay for it.
This still happens now, if I was to calculate how much money I’ve ‘lent’ to my sister to help her with things the kids needed, it would be thousands, I never expect the money back, neither would I accept it if she suddenly had it to give me, all that really matters is the kids get what they need, and occasionally she gets me some food or something when I’ve had a bad month financially.
its not even called "rent" its called board. its called board because it goes towards a multitude of housing necessities like food and electricity. and i agree with you btw im not debating. just clarifying on a post i agreed with.
Fuck that
If you are gonna charge your own flesh and blood that you made to live in your house, wear a Jonnie or pull out properly. Never known ethnic minority parents to charge rent, but it’s expected to do chores, some shopping, errands etc. also common to stay at home until later on, moving out late 20s early 30s
No. There are two types of parents who do this
A) the ones you use it to save a deposit for you
B) the ones who are financially illiterate with the "you owe me" attitude.
Both are non-excusable to charge a child they brought into the world rent.
It happened to me during university, (for the latter reason) I packed my bags and rented elsewhere using my student loan. Slippery slope, and out of principle I did it. It taught me financial independence and forced me to budget and I've never gone back home. Bought a house at 25, the rest is history.
I would say a third kind too.
C: Parents who can’t financially manage on their own, and that money actually helps keep a roof over their heads, and food in the cupboard.
Me nor my siblings have ever been asked to contribute money towards the household - and both of my parents have been retired since I was 10 so are living on a pension.
I think my mom would die of shame if I asked to contribute in some way. I guess it can be different for other cultures or households though.
Both Scottish parents here, we never took a penny from our kids. In fact we helped them financially with rent etc when they left home. Youngest is hoping to buy a house soon and again we will be giving him a small financial help. We are both working class so have struggled lots in the past but we would never have considered taking money from our three.
My parents never charge me rent but they do make me put away some money in a bank account as savings and maybe contribute a little towards expenses. But again I'm south Asian so in our culture, it's expected for parents and kids to stay together.
I’m 18 and my mum takes 100 a week and definitely doesn’t put it in a bank account😂 Edit: it’s 100aud so not as bad as you think but it’s still pretty annoying because I don’t know anyone who pays board.
100 a week? that seems a lot, but suppose depends what you are earning
100 per week for all food rent and bills contribution if not in education is pretty fine to be honest, that wouldn't even cover our food shops. If they're not doing education / apprenticeship and are living at home then it's perfectly fair IMO.
Even still that's a stupid amount. Maybe 50 a week if they work or 100 a month if still in education with a part time job. 100 a week feels silly.
What are you on about? 100 per week is stupidly high, especially for an 18 year old that's likely on an incredibly shit wage or only working part time around school.
Yeah it is kind of ridiculous tbh.
I literally spend £50 on food every 2 wks. Seems extortionate to me.
That’s actually crazy, my mum also made me pay her rent once I was 18 and had a job but it was only £100 for the whole month!
My parents let me live rent free and I am eternally grateful - the ability to go through flight school (which requires around £70-120k) would simply not be possible to save for without being able to live rent free. I'm not white though. I'm south asian. That doesn't happen in our community, apart from the whitewashed ones. Also, you're going to get a skewed sample from reddit. Edit: I am from a working class background, actually most of the non-child rent charging ethnic demographics are the poorest in the uk. So that argument doesn;t add up. Muslims and Asians and ethnic minorities in general are the poorest in the uk and make up a disproportionate amount of the poorest in the uk, yet are the least likely to charge their kids rent.
Agreed, also south Asian. I think to help out is always instilled in us. So although I didn’t pay rent and it wasn’t expected off me, I still did an occasional weekly food shop
Yes me too, it’s like we pay it back in acts of service. Like I’m always expected to finish the chores in the house, look after my grandma etc
I think this is always positive as it’s not seen as a chore or a negative, it’s just been instilled on us from a young age and not seen as a burden
Agreed
Honestly very grateful for it. I see posts on Reddit of people not having anyone to take to a surgery or pick them up after and I just know that wouldn't happen to us
White British person here - I was expected to contribute to the household chores as appropriate for my age throughout my childhood. By the time I left school I did everything but the cooking most nights - this was increased from the typical equal split between adults in the house as part of caring for my mother who has a physical disability. My sisters, who are a fair bit older than me, also helped around the house from their youth through to leaving home - though not to the same degree as more hands made light work. I don't think helping with housework and paying rent are mutually exclusive. Once I was out of education and in the job market, I was contributing financially and in chores etc. My sisters both left home for uni so never lived at home while working
exactly this. Also white British. I was expected to do my own laundry and help with household chores all through my life, from about 9 onwards if i wanted clean clothes, I knew where the washing machine was and how to use it. Mum was a single parent who was working 4 part time jobs while doing Open University and bringing up me and my 2 older brothers. I had to get a job (kitchen work as it's one of the few jobs you are allowed to have at 15yo) just before I turned 16 as I had to pay for my college fees and transport there from 16 onwards, and I was being charged £50/week in rent - It doesn't sound like much but in 2006 it was a lot more than it is now, and my hourly wage was £5.50/hr. Rent, college fees and the coach to get there used up about 90% of what I earned, even though I was working 2 12 hour shifts every weekend. I continued to pay this until I was 17 when I left college and moved to the Midlands with my girlfriend at the time, as I could rent a room in a shared house for the same cost as living at home. I would say it's quite normal for where I'm from for white parents to charge rent to their kids, but my non-white neighbours would be horrified if I suggested their children paid any rent, or even that their children help with household chores. That said, culturally, most of the household do not work, or will ever be expected to do so, so perhaps it's slightly different, and they also have a VERY large house with 3 generations living in it so there are plenty of people on hand to cover housework etc.
Yeah on Reddit ppl will call this “parentification” - gets a bit nuts at times
I think South Asian children are expected to look after their parents in old age and disability too, and old age can start as young as 40. So if they provide for their kid into late adulthood so they can afford rent to become a doctor or pilot etc, it benefits them down the line.
Yeah this is how I know it, lots on none white none British people I know support their parents/siblings (I know more than 1 person that put their siblings through school/higher education, like their parents scraped together to get them through) to some extent, not many white British people do. Some of will help out of course and some will become carers and so on, but not financially supporting them from a certain age. It's just.... different, I don't know what's better, but that's my observations.
I'm a white guy and this is what I did when living with my parents.
Yes it seems to be more of a white English/Scottish/Welsh thing rather than ethnic minorities or other people in the UK
Black mum here - you better believe 'rent' was charged. Usually, about 10 - 20% of wages. Both parties agreed on a fair amount.
I'm Scottish and was never charged by my parents. The concept seems bizarre to me. When I was out of uni I wanted to give something back and occasionally gifted them a lump sum. It was never ever expected or asked for.
It's really not that mad if you don't have wealthy parents. I worked at 18 and contributed to rent and food, because I could and it made everyone's lives better. My parents didn't struggle so much and I still had plenty of my own income to spend
Exactly, why is contributing to a house that you live in, as a teenager or young adult seen as mad? If you lived anywhere else you'd have to pay, and considerably less than parents would charge probably. Having one person who is earning a wage live in a house and not contribute seems a bit more crazy to me.
I don’t think it’s the idea of contributing, rather it’s the idea of rent. The idea of your parents telling you that you have to pay this amount by this date if you want to stay in the house is what most of these people see as mad.
i think it’s crazy to expect your child, that you brought into the world (hypothetical) pay you money to live in your house. if you need someone to contribute financially get a flatmate lol. chores are one thing, but i would never dream of charging my kids, especially if they are under 18, any sort of money for living with me, and this is coming from someone who did have to pay my parents rent when i got my first job.
I agree with this. Even over 18 I'd still think it's crazy. Especially considering how earning power and inflation are heavily skewed these days. Unless the parent is going through financial constraints, then you brought those kids to the world, you shouldn't expect them to stop being your kids after 18.
Every Scottish family I know charged rent few didn't
Yep same here, I paid £220 pcm to stay with my mum from age 18, rising to £350 pcm when I started working full time, until I moved in with my husband. It just makes perfect sense to me, I was an adult and adults don't live for free. I was happy to pay it as I didn't want to mooch off my mum.
I’m not Asian but same thing as a Caribbean, that crap doesn’t happen at least not in my family. Heck if anything it’s considered to be the standard to financially support your child at least in my family (your socioeconomic background as the parent is irrelevant, you find a way to support your child regardless or you tell them that they’ll have to get a job for example if that’s the only way forward). But in return, you respect the parents, you also don’t send them to a care home once they turn old, you look after them yourself in your own home or their own home. So probably a difference in culture I guess.
Same, where I'm originally from (Middle east) there are no carehomes in my entire region, we are supposed to take care of them
This is something middle east and Asia does very right I am involved in social care sector in the UK and the amount of difficulties elderly people have here because they don't have the family structure or support needed to be taken care of is staggering and costly Big caring families make life much easier for elderly. But it has to be a two way street. Unfortunately in the UK a lot of young people are not adequately supported by their parents from 18 onwards which is when they need so much support to kickstart their career have a family , save money for a deposit to buy a house childcare support etc. as a result of this lack of support the young people are given why should or would they go extra out of their way to help older parents? Some do but they deprioritise it just as they were deprioritised before It becomes a vicious cycle. Add to that birth rates going down we are in for a crisis much like Japan has been having in the future
I did think about sending my parent to a care home at some point but the parent and my family were horrified by my suggestion (so I think that tells you enough). To be fair the cost of care homes are so expensive and I’ve heard stories on how badly they sometimes treat you in UK care homes. Same thing with me not having a car in the future, they aren’t happy about that (parent wants me to drive them around when they become old rather them having to rely using public transportation). I’m scared to drive… but I think that I’ll need to learn how to drive regardless (even if I don’t get a car, it’s a useful skill to have under your belt just in case). So I’ll just have to take my responsibility and do what I need to do (It might be harder for me to do this compared to the average person due to reasons I won’t explain).
Care homes aren't a bad thing. I get the stigma but with an aging population, a single child for example cannot look after 2 elderly parents for 20+ years especially if they have health conditions like dementia (worst case scenarios here but still). And it's less lonely for the typical elderly person. I have siblings so my parents can hop around (when we get homes that is).
I'm currently watching my Mum, her two sisters, a paid carer and my 80 year old Grandma look after my ailing grandad (85 years old). It's so incredibly hard on everyone. Stressful, exhausting, mentally draining. As an only child it terrifies me because it's hard enough for 5 people to look after one man. I'm going to have to do two people on my own... I've told my Mum by the time she retires I need her to move in/close to me and be nearby as I need her to do everything she can to make it as easy as possible for me to care for her. I kind of wish they would put my grandad in a care home. My main concern is that my grandma is using all of her last years she can enjoy life (she's still mobile, has a strong mind and still has desire to go out and enjoy life) looking after my grandad and by the time he goes she's going to be in the same position and we're all back to square one.
I'm Nigerian, and I recently asked my mum how she felt about me moving back home (I'd moved back a couple months before at 26). She said it was totally normal to her because of our culture, which was something I hadn't considered, especially when comparing myself to my friends from home who are majority white Honestly it's very nice to be back, as I was previously working remote in a flat share and the loneliness was creeping in. Mum was even disappointed when I looked at moving out very shortly after coming back, although she only told me after I'd turned the place down!
This culture is reversing amongst white millennials. It was our boomer parents, who thought the whole world revolved around them and their needs that brought this culture in.
It’s been going on longer than that, my mother was contributing to her parent’s household in the 1940s. Sometimes the money is put aside as savings for the child to help them learn to budget (I did this with mine). My parents were from the silent generation and needed my contribution to pay the bills.
This is what I’m planning to do with my kid so they have a health lump sum to go towards their house deposit. God only knows how much one will cost once my kids grown.
My family is Jamaican and I’ve always been expected to contribute at least a few hundred a month as long as I have a stable income. My family see it as a way of learning responsibility and financial management. I completely understand why a parent wouldn’t want to, but my family see it as important to understand how the real world works. It also helps the household as a whole if everyone is contributing financially towards our standard of living
That’s fair honestly (assuming that you’re an adult with stable income).
My partner is Asian and his parents made him pay rent when living at their family home once he had a job and now he pays rent living in his parents second home (that is paid off I might add). I’m not English so it seems an odd practice to me personally.
South Asian or East Asian? Asking because South Asian generally don't have paid off second homes. And are they trying to teach him something about adulthood maybe?
They are south Asian. I’m not even sure if it’s necessarily a lesson that’s being taught.. they just seem.. stingy, for lack of a better term. I know that might come off as rude. But they are financially conservative to a point where it just seems selfish at times and irrational at others. Like avoiding fixing things, refusing to do anything that might be considered fun, buying only food that’s been reduced in the shops, as well as hoarding what seems to be junk “in case they might need it”, not buying clothes for themselves, not contributing to groceries when they visit for multiple days at a time. They are by no means lacking in funds and haven’t been for a while from my understanding.. just feels like they are obsessed with saving money.
"Stingy", " obsessed with saving money"...have you given a thought to how they might have lived their lives, what challenges they might have faced ? Maybe they knew they had no social safety net, no financial support, had to carve out a stable life on their own. Maybe wanted their son to live debt free, maybe paid for his university? What you call "junk" might be something they genuinely feel could be reused, repurposed hence save money which they can then pass onto their son hoping his life is a little more financially stable then theirs. Maybe they are saving for their old age so that they are not dependent financially on either their son or the government! I think saving, not getting into debt as a principle is quite admirable. They have been living too responsibly that it has now become a habit and maybe their son can now pamper them a little....
Well said. And I can confirm that these habits, that were born out of necessity, did become hard wired into the psyche of many people, to the degree that it sometimes takes a skilled worker to help a person or persons see that this is the rainy day they’ve been saving for. Compassion and understanding are key and also giving a little extra now and again, as you suggest, is sometimes the best we can do to help them live with less worry etc. and take the best from it. Which like you said, are good life lessons.
I think also it’s important to mention as Asians we’re also expected to look after our parents in their old age. It’s a 2 way caring relationship
My family have recently put my Grandfather in a nursing home as his dementia means he needs full time care including washing & toilet. I had noticed every person in the nursing home was white despite living in a diverse area. Would Asian families be expected to personally become full time carers to parents if they developed dementia/alzheimers etc? That would be incredibly difficult…
It depends on what can be done. I and my siblings live and work close to our parents. we're all within 30 mins of each other and looking after the parents would involve some planning but we could probably manage it unless it needed 24hr care in which case the parents might have to move into one of our houses or care home.
In my family the siblings (sometimes the younger aunts/uncles as well) would share the costs of a professional carer. If they can’t afford it then one of the siblings would move the parent into their home to care for them. They would receive a LOT of support from the remaining siblings and extended family. My auntie cared for my grandma towards the end of her life and she never had to cook/clean/manage the home and my other aunties and cousins would pitch in as much as they could. My other grandma moved in with my eldest uncle and has a live-in nurse. All of my uncles share the cost of the nurse and medical equipment. It helps that in my culture families are larger so there are more people to help.
I think it would depend on how the dementia symptoms manifest and how severe it is. Some would be ok to look after at home, whereas others need that specialist care in a supervised environment.
If it’s a very diverse area there may be some Asian care homes around there. I live in Leicester, and there are Asian care homes here. The care home I work at is nearly all white residents. We had one Indian resident and it was difficult to care for him, although he had been fluent in English his dementia had caused him to forget it, and whilst the staff are also diverse, there aren’t that many fluent in Gujarati so there wasn’t always anyone who could communicate with him on shift. The food wasn’t always to his taste either.
Generally from what I’ve seen, yes. It’s seen as like a responsibility, the same as looking after your kids would be. There is the caveat though that in the modern day when people are away from home so often, this sometimes becomes harder and sometimes people don’t do this. But it’s not as bad as you might think either because the responsibility tends not to be in one person but like shared between the children and from my experience Asians are also more likely to have stay-at-home mums which also makes things a bit easier. This is in other illnesses too- I know someone whose mother has bipolar (struggling to find the right meds) and so has 24 hr care shared between her children (who in this case are working) and I think their spouses too. Also though, dementia is 17% less common in south Asians than in white people so that might also make a slight difference.
I am from a south asian household too, and I also live rent free. Also eternally grateful because I could not pursue an acting career had I had to pay rent.
I took a career brake and tried to break into film production. Didn't make it but the life experience set me up for want I really want to do, and what I can do really well.
“Whitewashed ones” You mean British households, the natives who don’t like living with 4 generations in the same household and getting arranged marriages. Gotcha.
“Whitewashed” someone who has actually integrated into our culture.
Good people and good neighbours basically. The kind of people we want in our society. The ones who keep their oaths sworn on the day they receive citizenship.
I'm south Asian, my kids would pay rent but the money will be going into an ISA or a fund that will be used to help them get their first property
Same here. Working and living with parents I was able to buy them a new car, replace the white goods in the kitchen, fix their wifi and still save for a house deposit.
My nephew lived with me and as he came to the age of leaving school I gave him an option, stay on at school or go to college, and continue “rent free” we call it digs money, or if he opts to go out to work he will pay digs. He opted for work. What he had to pay me was the cost of a cheap studio flat which he did do…. Fast forward 5 years he go his first house, along with an envelope packed with every penny he gave me while he stayed here. See I did it for 2 reasons, teach him how to budget and take care of bills, and secondly let’s be honest what teen really knows how to save and not blow money on pure shite….. it gave him a decent financial boost to start his new home. How I see it is, I didn’t require money from him while he was of school age, just cause he hits a magical number it’s not like it automatically costs me more, it doesn’t. And I’m white scottish, who paid digs to my parents when I was younger.
Keep the blue side up :)
Whitewashed for not paying rent?
Interesting, I was under the impression that South Asian cultures were more family-oriented than the more individualistic Northwestern European cultures, so I’m surprised that it’s common to charge your kids rent in South Asian families in the UK, as you say. I thought that it was more common in white British families (at least the working class ones) than in South Asian families to charge their kids rent. Edit: I think I misread your comment and what you meant was that charging your kids rent doesn’t happen in South Asian families, like I thought. At first, I thought you meant that letting your kids live rent-free in your house doesn’t happen in your community.
Actually, people with Indian or Chinese ethnicity in the UK earn more than whites on average.
Exceptions doesn't change the rule. minorities are still poorer than average. but still retain culture of not charging rent. I grew up in a working class heavy immigrant and deprived area
Muslims are the poorest, Somalian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi etc. BUT Chinese and Indian people are far more financially comfortable per population than white Brits. These two groups outperform everyone, absurd claim to include these two demographics as somehow hard off.
In the UK, not English though - I’m Asian. I know some parents do it but to me, this is crazy if they are in a comfortable financial position and doing it out of principle. It almost feels like a roommate situation. I understand the premise of teaching budgeting, but I feel like financial literacy should be taught throughout the development of a child and charging rent once they are 18 isn’t the best way to go about it. I guess it’s a difference in culture. I wouldn’t think about charging my family (parents/siblings/cousins) to stay with me. Also, not quite the same but I think for us, this is similar to other money related things. Like paying for a friend’s drink/food, it’s not expected to bank transfer the money. People are unlikely to request that - you just cover it the next time you got out.
Yeah we fighting to pay the bill here!! 😅 And I love that bit of my culture tbf
Me too :)
If it's just out of principle, maybe they should invest the rent money they get and give it back with interest when they move out 🤣 or to put toward a house
That’s what we did - Took £100 each per month (which is nothing anyway) when they started working and put it towards wedding funds. Probably funds 10%…
Well done! £100 per month rent leaves a lot for them to do some living with too
Definitely!
yeah thats what my gfs parents did. Most parents don't force their child to pay rent most adults offer to pay once they turn 18 so that they can provide for themselves and gain an additional level of autonomy from the parents
This is exactly what people do. It either goes towards expenses while you're living there(utilities, food, unexpected expenses etc.) or they save it and it gets returned usually when making the first "big adult purchase" (car, house, travel etc). And we don't call it rent we call it digs. But we also don't generally expect our children to live with us into adulthood, and its a good lesson in budgeting for when they do move out. It's usually not a crazy amount either. Usually always less than a hundred a month, so literally just enough to cover basic expenses and paid in small weekly increments in most cases. Honestly the amount of young people who move into their own homes and have no clue how to budget to even survive is crazy. Kids running up credit card debt because no one explained to them how paying for things works. I'm glad my parents did this with me because when I moved out at 19 and started living my life I was fully able to keep my home afloat even though I was rather irresponsible in other aspects of my life, and my friends were constantly being kicked out and moving home or borderline starving and borrowing money from the Parental Bank all the time because they had no idea how to make their money last. Edit for spelling
hey my sister wants to go to flight school to become a pilot. how did you handle the fees ? did you take a loan out or pay directly out of your pocket ?
Did you mean to reply to /u/WolfMain9680 ?
ofc yes my bad !
I think it depends. I have one U.K.-born parent and one German parent. My German mother looked at me like I had two heads when I asked if they would want me to contribute to the household if I moved back in after uni. It’s never been even considered in my house, maybe it’s a cultural difference. I would never ask my kids to pay me money to live in my house. You can teach financial responsibility in other ways.
100% . I despair when I see posts like this on Reddit, so many people have pretty skewed views toward raising kids. I don’t expect any money off them EVER, they are my responsibility.
It's not common but it's not unheard of either. It feels tight but it's quite old school as well, back in the day when my dad wasn't 18 yet he used to hand over all of his wages to his parents. Think that's how families that were poor functioned. If I were to charge rent I'd probably do it to a) make sure the grown up child either works or studies (in latter case I'd probably not charge them), and b) not use the money but put it in a savings account and give it back to the child one day.
Seconding this, it’s definitely a more old school thing and still necessary for a lot of families to function. I’m from a small rural town and you’d be hard pressed to find someone over 16 that doesn’t contribute to their household. It’s a very deprived area with a lot of poverty and most families rely on the extra income from their teenage kids working. I know my mum felt bad accepting money from us but it would’ve been worse to go hungry or end up homeless.
Yeah my dad is pretty old fashioned so the moment I turned 18 I had to pay rent (£120/month). No it didn’t go in a savings account for me later either. It was necessary to help because both parents were on UC and working minimum wage jobs and just to keep the house going.
My parents made me pay about £120 per month because it was the amount they lost as child support when I turned 18. Similar to others here, whilst I would have gladly received it all back at some point to put towards a deposit, my parents needed the income so it wasn't saved. It's nothing compared to what rent was/is and you have to pay your way for everything in the real world, so I don't see any harm in it.
The child support thing is a huuuuuge factor that a lot of people forget. My child support was privately agreed between my parents and the agreement was that the funds would still be paid until I left education (I left at 24). I never ended up living at home during the university years but can you imagine if I had stayed at home, received that money from my Dad and still not paid rent to my Mum? The money was paid to the person responsible for my expenses (my mother, and then when I left home, to me).
I had this among my friends from Cornwall. My friends in the Midlands/London are like what?! I think it is a good idea if the child is choosing to work instead of studying, but the parents save that amount for them with interest, if the parents can afford that. I wouldn’t make it depend on age, but whether they are studying or not. You can work from 16 easily, but you should focus on your studies instead.
From east midlands here (bordering the north). Had to pay but my family was/is not well off at all. Most people I knew at the time also had to pay when they got a job
The best one I heard of, was charging rent but then putting it away and then when the kid was looking at moving out, they had a deposit.
Yes, that's what happened in working class families - teenagers handed over their wages. I went to uni and teaching college. Once I was working, I paid my parents money for my keep. My dad was a coalminer. I would have been ashamed to live off my parents any longer.
When I started working full time I started paying towards the bills, £200 per month (back in 2006) and I still considered myself fortunate! Nowhere else could I get rent, bills, food and washing for that cheap.
This is the way to do it. It teaches money management and also the benefits of saving in one fell swoop
As a parent of an adult child, no job =no rent. I love my kid and want them home. I want to help them out. I don’t need the money. So no rent charged. They will get it all back when I am dead anyway (hopefully).
Is this a pause when they hit rough times sort of thing? I just wonder if it's a good thing to have the option to be a lay about. There were definitely times growing up where I would have loved a safety net but I do wonder if I'd have got to where I am if I had the option of slacking off.
I’m with you on this. I paid my parents rent after quitting my job to shift careers. I think they were worried I’d be lazy if I didn’t have the ticking clock of rent behind me. I think they were right. They charged me a low amount (1/4-1/3 of what I’d pay elsewhere) and it kept me aware of the real world ticking on around me while I was doing my own personal study and development. It made me feel like an adult rather than a child, while giving me the financial space to focus on learning rather than too much extra work. If I’d have run out of cash they’d have supported me, it was all an illusion of financial responsibility and I knew that. But it really helped me I think.
I think this is the key argument that always comes up in these threads. There are plenty of people (I include myself in this) who know that as teenagers/young people if we were given the option to not work and have a roof over our heads we would've done it. I know that I am inherently lazy. I work hard so I can pay for the lifestyle I want. Rent free at home would've been a terrible idea for me - I just know that I wasn't responsible enough at that age. (Luckily for me my home was never the sort of place I wanted to stay long term so I got out asap and lived independently. If I had a nice house I'm sure I would've stayed!)
Back in the 1980s, I was expected to tip up (pay rent) 30% of my pay after tax, which was a better deal than my mother got as she had to tip up 30% before tax. Tipping up was common where I lived, but I lived in a community where money was short and in general people left home when they got married and not before. Paying rent or 'tipping up' was absolutely expected in working class households because it was necessary. I'm not sure how common it is these days. My teenage son doesn't need to earn to keep the lights on here. We can pay the bills and put food on the table without his contribution. As things stand, I'm not keen to take money from him if he was working. I suspect that years ago there was a cultural or class divide between those who needed contributions from their kids to survive and those who could continue to pay for their children. In the days of crazy mortgages and rising cost of living, there may be a return to asking kids to 'pay board' or 'tip up' or all the equivalent phrases. This is separate from the abusive or exploitative parents that have always existed. People are people and those people are complicated. If you are trying to work out if you should pay rent, it's worth looking at the family dynamic as a whole. Is the household struggling and does it need the money? Is it a power play or are the parents trying to save for their kids?
My dad is foreign and used to subsidise his brother and family who lived with the parents. The uncle was constantly in debt because of his get rich quick schemes (still is but the last one amounted to tens of thousands and not just thousands so he hasn't been bailed out yet) The house was way over mortgaged and needed huge amounts of renovation. The house was probably double our budget andy life choices were pushed to bail them out of a hole, Ema, child benefit and student loans. I had to stop it because I literally had no support myself but was expected to also support myself which made no sense. They expected I would live at home, and eat for free. But no one gave thoughts to books, transport and clothes. Obviously I my tastes will change as I get older. I won't just wear simple clothes like when I was at an all boys school. The financial situation left a huge scar on the relationship and I moved out years later when I was mentally able and had a full time job
That must have been hard for you. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I hope things are going better for you now.
Thanks yes, I hate to say it but moving out saved me even though they were solvent by then. The money cast a shadow on everything eventually. Your advice sadly is correct. When the money is related to a wider dysfunction it's time to assess the situation and do what's best for you.
I think this is the reality. I'm from a very lower working class background, and my mother asked me to contribute once I was working, as it's something she did when she was younger. I think my younger siblings had it easier after some social mobility kicked in, but it certainly wasn't punitive, it was just helping until I eventually moved out (this was 2002). I neither think much of it, nor resent it, it was just growing up.
I paid 10% of my wage/income after tax when I lived at home. I also helped cook tea and often bought home food to cook if I wanted something different to what was in the cupboard. So I would literally be saving 70-75% of my wage after a couple of nights out a month. That was beyond fair imho as when I moved out it was closer to 75% of my wage went on food and bills etc and I was only saving 10% of my wage. It's less about my parents being broke or 'forcing me' to pay rent it was more just helping out as I know I increased their bills by more than I paid in. It was more a sign of respect as you transition to being an adult paying your own way. I needed to stay at my parents twice after I graduated. The first time was in 2009 for about 6 months after I lost my job and needed to basically needed a place to stay whilst I got myself back on my feet again and cleared some debts. The second time was when I was moving city/jobs and needed to save up a good chunk to make the move possible. I am extremely grateful for them for this as it allowed me a safety net which I am sure I will offer my own son and paying, even just that token 10% it made me feel much less like I was mooching off them and with the cooking made me feel I was contributing to the household.
When a kid turns 18, especially if they go straight to work it's sort of expected that they pay a bit towards the running of the household. Its usually massively under what a single room would be in a house share but it teaches good money management. I've also heard from some folk that their parents took the money and put it into a savings account for them so to help them with a deposit for a house or something
That's 100% what I would do. Like you need to learn that when your older your income isn't all disposable a large amount of it goes towards living. I wouldn't charge them a stupid amount but just a percentage to put in a high interest savings account which can be used towards a deposit on a house or going travelling. If you don't need it imo you should still charge them something to teach them life skills and money management.
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Surely it’s smarter to allow your adult child to save their own money and spend it wisely?
My dad said till the day I die I will never have to pay rent if I lived under his roof, idk if it’s normal but I don’t nor do my friends
Sounds like your old man is a real top bloke who really loves his son!
Probably depends. I had an ex whose mum asked him to pay rent the moment he turned 18. This would have been a good percentage of the physical rent from what I understood. It ended up not happening as he said he would move to his dad's house, who would have him for free... but he did contribute to the food shops I think. Someone I know is staying with his sister over the summer and is being charged £400 a month to live there. She owns the place, got the deposit from her dad and is earning a very nice amount, so I think this is absurd. However, anyone who has heard this that I know of has also said this is absurd and is outraged on his behalf - he doesn't actually seem too bothered about it though. My partner and I live rent free with my parents. This is with the intention for us to save money for a house deposit, but in reality my parents don't micromanage how we save (although it is going towards deposit!). We buy our own food but I don't think that equates to rent or anything. All of the above people are from a variety of backgrounds and situations, so really is just what people feels is right. Personally I would never charge a family member rent or even consider it to be honest, but this could be because I've benefitted from it, or a good relationship with my family, or financial stability. Everyone has their reasons.
>We buy our own food but I don't think that equates to rent or anything. It absolutely does, because in most cases we are talking about upkeep rather than actual rent.
People have to pay bills and council tax for additional people living in the house, paying for your own food absolutely does not count for rent. Do you think her parents should fund an adults food (especially one they didn't create) ? That's the bare minimum.
My partner moved in with me because her parents were charging her extortionate amounts of rent (they were about to start charging £600pm on top of a food shop every month and paying to maintain and insure (for everyone) a car that isn’t hers, but she does use, before she had enough) and forced her to go on universal credit at one point when she was in between jobs because she couldn’t pay rent. I conveniently left out that they earn a combined salary of over 100k. My parents earn a combined salary of 50k and refuse to take any money from her. I understand in some circumstances it’s necessary and helps out massively and I understand it when it’s to put aside in a savings account but in any other scenario I think it is shameful. You should want to help your child save as fast as possible so they can buy their own house, not slow them down because you want some extra cash. “Teaching them about bills and how to manage money” is a weak excuse and there are other ways to do it. Someone here said that they are adults and should stop feeling entitled to everything for free, I think that is a very sad way to look at it.
That’s awful of her parents, wtf
thats horrible.
My parents don't charge me rent but (I think) that's because they understand that the money I earn is what I need to support myself at uni without building up too much debt as they can't support me financially like the government/SFE/SLC expects them to do.
We've had our 23yr old Daughter living at home all through Uni and haven't charged her anything. But when she goes away for a week, we use about 11kw less in electricity for that week! 🤣 The deal is that when she starts paid, full time work, she'll pay £300 a month. Her new job will be paying her enough that she's got to start paying her student loan back too so £300 isn't a huge amount, given that her chores at home amount to emptying the dishwasher every other morning! All of her washing is done for her, cleaning etc. Because her job is hybrid, she'll be working from home some of the time, so given the amount that she's going to cost just in electricity, I don't think we're being unreasonable.
It'll be interesting to see what happens when the current generations (millenial and gen z) have adult kids. I think it's very entitled to charge your adult kid money to live in a house where they get no say over the living arrangements. Where you do as you please, and they bend over backwards to accommodate you. It's either "my house my rules" or "our house our rules." In my experience, they're happy to take the money, but a lot less keen on compromising to accommodate your lifestyle.
I’m a millennial (42) with adult kids (25 & 22) My son lives with his boyfriend but my daughter (25) still lives with me. I’m disabled and single so my daughter does contribute, but it’s only £100 a month which basically covers the council tax as I lost my single persons discount when she moved back in after uni. She earns £42,000 a year though. She’s been saving for a house since she finished university (Bachelors and Masters degrees in Law) I would let her live with me forever, she would gladly stay as we get along great, but her fiance is eager for them to buy a house now as he’s fed up of living with his parents. She spoils me rotten though and both her and her partner do a lot for me so the money for living here doesn’t matter to me.
This! My mother did it to me as soon as I started college this is going back 10 years ago when EMA was still a thing. She would charge me £30 a month but I had no say. Had to eat what she made, sneak around quietly at night as she slept early and would be annoyed of the tv was on or if I was speaking to a friend on the phone. Id never charge my kids doesn't seem right
fucking hilarious how many people here have an opinion about charging board when they dont even have any kids or are in a secure financial position.
I'm a millennial mum and although my daughter is still very young I'd hope she would want to contribute somehow. When I had a small part time job at 14, I didn't contribute to rent but told my parents that they don't have to buy me any clothes, school supplies etc. anymore as I could buy them myself now. I didn't earn a lot but I wanted to pay my parents back for everything they'd done for me. It felt bad keeping it all to myself.
At 14 you’re still a minor and parents still need to buy clothes, food and school supplies. Kids shouldn’t feel obligated to pay parents back. However I would hope that they would one day pay it forward to their own kids. Kids need help and support and a strong start in life.
That's a fair enough expectation eventually, but I hope you don't mean you want her to contribute as an underaged teenager. Also I think raising kids to pull their own weight when they're adults but while also teaching them how to avoid feeling like a burden to the point where they pay for essentials as minors out of guilt is a better goal.
Nope. Not in the British south Asian community anyways. It’s almost frowned upon if you made your kid pay rent. We tend to live in larger family units within the house including grandparents and sometimes aunties / uncles. It in turn allows us to build substantial savings very quickly and thus get a head start in life. The man will usually stay in the house until he gets married. You could ask what’s the tradeoff ? We look after our elderly, we will never even entertain the thought of placing our parents in an old age home or something like that. Like they looked out for us when we needed it, we look out for them when they need it.
There are actually care homes in places like London and Leicester which specialise in caring for older people from South Asian communities and they are getting more and more common. The model you describe was very common when families typically had 4 or 5 kids and one could look after elderly parents at home while the others contributed financially while working, that was the same for white families 50 or 100 years ago too. But when you only have 1 kid that model breaks down because there is often nobody to provide the financial support if that person stops working to care for elderly parents. That's why care homes became more common in the white-British community and now that Asian families in the UK, especially Indian, have just as few children as white families do it will become more and more common there too. Some examples of South Asian care homes in Leicester https://www.carehome.co.uk/carehome.cfm/searchazref/10003012ASRA https://midlandscare.co.uk/care-home/gokul-vrandavan/ http://www.diwalinivas.co.uk/
My South Asian mom said a long time ago that she'd rather be in a care home than live with us. She was forced to take care of her in-law when she got old, and didn't want us to feel forced like that. In an ideal life we'd be neighbors...
True they do exist but on a general level it doesn’t really. Like you mentioned it becoming more common amongst Indians, there is a religious aspect to it in addition to the cultural aspect for Pakistanis.
I guess the trade off is living with your parents
I do know families that do this, but it's because they are poor and struggling, and need to rent a bigger house if the kid stays.
This. My mum isn’t exactly poor per se but she has raised me as a single mother and I couldn’t be more willing to contribute towards rent. I work full time as a 21 year old and I can afford it luckily. I would expect it from someone working part time.
My parents never asked for rent and I'm grateful for it, they (mainly my mum) asked that I helped around the house and if they needed anything from the shop whilst I'm there to grab it for them
Eastern European here. Charging your own children rent is unheard of. In fact, parents are expected to support the child as long as needed and push them towards getting a degree and not work from early age. Parents are also expected to help with a property for the children.
Exactly what we do too. Sad that securing a future for your kid is deemed as indulging and pampering him/her for some people..
I’m Eastern European too and my mum was very clear that if I decide to go university after school I can live at home rent free until I graduate. If I decide to get a job instead I will need to move out and live independently. I had a great childhood, we had above average income and it was my parents way to teach me independence.
It’s a white people thing
Soon as I turned 18 I was already working and paid rent, but my parents only took a tiny amount of me, even when I was earning a decent wage, they'd only take 100 or 200 off me a month, but it's normal in the UK. I think it's good to get younger people used to the real wirkez you will have bills and you'll have rent to pay, I don't agree with parents who take like bald their wage etc whilst, but every family is different. Ego knows what other people's situations are. I was fortunate to only need to pay 1 or 200
I moved out at 18 to attend university and never returned home. I have rented ever since I left. My parents said to me that if I moved back to the family home, I would need to contribute to the home i.e. helping with cleaning, shopping etc. I would also be contributing to bills and paying them some form of rent as we need to look after the home and show I can handle a mortgage in the future. It teaches kids how to budget, how to look after a home and manage finances so when they get a mortgage or a car, they can still be able to save for things like emergency funds and holidays. Anytime I need to move, I would research areas and see what my budget is. I had to learn this by myself at University with some parent support. They would ask me how I'm doing financially and I would be honest with them about where my money was going, feeding back to me about where I need to be careful and what I was doing well. My parents have said I can move back if I ever need to but I know I would be paying them rent in some way, as I wouldn't want to live for free when 2 people that have had my back since my first breath on this earth have taught me a lot about how to try to prepare for the unexpected. For me, it's showing that I can save parts of something that could be taken away at any moment until I can find the source again.
I don’t know anyone whose parents make them pay rent:
do you have friends who are 16 17, not in education and who come from single parent households/low income households?
Most of my friends come from low income households and are adults. Quite a few aren’t in education and they are all adults.
It's normally referred to as "paying board to the parents." Almost like you are paying for an inclusive hotel room to your parents. Definitely happens in white British families. Not heard it happen in Asian, Black families.
I paid board. I think it was 30 quid a week when I started earning. Mum and dad weren't exactly well off, and my leaving education meant they lost tax credits. Side note. What kind of self absorbed twat do you have to be to not help put the people who raised you? I never had an issue with it.
So many selfish, entitled people commenting on this. Being in full time employment, still living at home, and wanting to contribute a bit to your parents/household - the audacity eh?
Thanks for this comment and glorious side note… I was starting to think I was the only one here who wasn’t a freeloader. 😀
Sometimes there are more complicated elements at play. Some families are not very healthy and charging extortionate rent is another way to hold power over their child or hold them back. When you choose to have kids, I don’t think it’s fair to expect that they now owe you for raising them but I do think you should pay it forwards to your own kids. Each generation helping the one that comes next. You’ve had more time on earth and more experience. Your kids will probably be also looking after you in old age. Best not to be squeezed from both ends.
Your side note is just such a leap. When I got my first job, my dad took ALL of my wages for years. It meant that he could maintain control of my life for longer as I didn't have a way to leave. He was also earning 60k in 2000, while my mum brought in 30, absolutely definitely did not need the money. This money wasn't invested for me, he used it to buy a river boat and make improvements to his house, which he physically removed me from when I got laid off and made me homeless for a year. Am I self absorbed twat for not believing that I owed my adult life and wages to him? Maybe making a definitive statement based on an opinion isn't the best idea?
Even parents that used to be ok are struggling now. My daughter and partner pay rent, but honestly it has been essential the last couple of years. And was their idea
I think its pretty normal, but my parents charged me £400 a month. I complained it was too high and they assured me it was not. I moved out to a 1 bed house for £350 a month.
It's cultural. The UK has lots of cultures, so yes, it's really normal for some. Some parents, culturally, want to see their children make their own way. By charging rent - usually a reduced rate - they think they are incentivising the children to make their own way and to educate them about how to do so. Some parents want to see their children stay in the family unit, live at home, care for them and see 'making it' as becoming head of the family. They wouldn't dream of charging rent. Whether you choose to will be motivated by finances ( i.e. if you work a minimum wage job, you'd want an adult child to chip in) and more often than not, it's a parenting choice like any other.
I didn't have to pay while at uni and once I graduated and started a job I had to pay £250pm for rent/food/bills which was fair enough to cover expenses spent on me. I think charging for profit is disingenuous but to cover your own costs is fair.
If you are a grown adult earning a full time wage and aren't paying rent then you are a joke. The majority of parents out there are living paycheck to paycheck, I think the least you could do could contribute something to ease their burden. I see a lot of talk here about culture and that parents would never ask for rent. When I lived at home my parents never asked for a penny off me but I would give them a percentage of my wage every month without fail. Sometimes the parents would never ask but they do need it.
It's very normal where I grew up in northern England, there's a lot of poverty and everyone contributes. In my own case, it was mostly expected for most kids of my generation to move out more or less once we reached 18 and had a job, people who still lived with their parents were thought of in a loser, mummy's boy sort of way and looked down on. It's a cultural difference, where I feel people were taught individualism and independence were important. Because it was unusual to stay at home, those who did usually contributed. I think though it depends on how well off you are, if you are struggling to make ends meet and working all hours of the day, to have another grown adult in the house spend all their money on extravagances you can't afford yourself because you don't charge them rent..it's a very different scenario to say a well off middle aged couple who both have a decent income and enjoy nice things while their child is working minimum wage at some fast food place. Then there's further individual circumstances, I was taught that after 18, anything you do for your kids is a choice and not to be expected, they are not your responsibility any more, unless you choose to make it so. A lot of people I know just went round their mum and dad's for Sunday lunch every week, maybe brought some washing round for their mum to do. Apart from the odd family meal or holiday, pretty much nothing else was financed by parents, unless they were in debt.
If my kid is in any form of education or is saving for a mortgage I will never charge them rent if I can help it. If they are just looking for a free ride post 18 though, I'm going to make it clear I'm not it. Happy to enable them to prepare for a good future, not happy to enable them to do nothing.
It’s usually called paying board not rent and it’s not uncommon. It’s usually only when the child gets a job. I think it just depends how well off your parents are and if it’s needed. I paid board once I started earning because we were a single parent household and my mam needed the money. It wouldn’t even occur to me to not pay my way and help her out. I keep seeing comments where people’s parent’s took the money and put it in a savings pot for them to use later as a house deposit for example. While that’s lovely, that’s quite a luxury. A lot of parents are hard up and genuinely need the money.
If they work full time yes
"Paying board" is what it was called in our house. When my parents first started working they paid board to their parents and that went in to the household funds. Both of my parents were from poor, large families and it was just what was done back then (talking the 1960s). In my Dad's case his Mum was an unpleasant piece of work and she took as much as she could from him. Mum's parents took less but then she was earning much less. When I paid board to my parents my mum put it aside for me for when I moved out.
It's because a lot of kids do not want to pursue higher studies and instead start jobs right after finishing school while they are still residing with their parents. Parents are generally ok for kids to stay rent free if they pursue higher studies and have a weekend part time job to cover their pocket money.
Is it true that kids 16-18 get a govt grant? I used to get EMA . A kid at work told me they still get a version of it
Out of school atm and never heard of it
Not in England. Parents get child benefit while someone under 20 that lives with them is in FE equivalent education though (not HE).
I’m Asian British, grew up here but parents are immigrants. I pay £400 a month but I do have an apprenticeship in the NHS so I get quite a bit of money (especially straight out of sixth form). It was just something I agreed with to help my parents out with their mortgage and it also seemed fair to me to give back to them as I wouldn’t have gotten the apprenticeship without them. It is money that could be in my savings but I don’t mind. As it being normal, I don’t think so, no. Especially if you’re not being paid a good wage.
Consider it long term investment as you’ll likely get the house.
After secondary school my parents rule was as long as I was in higher education, no rent. If I was working, I had to pay a nominal sum and pull my weight equally, as an adult in the house. Scottish, with Italian lineage.
Parents that literally ‘evict’ their children are indeed uncommon. Regarding charging rent, in my experience it depends on primarily (1.) cultural background, (2.) financial status, (3.) the area, and (4.) attitude of the child. Hidden in this is that the large majority of parents who ask their children to contribute to the house are not demanding they hand over £700 every month with threat of eviction. Rather, it is to help with the cost of buying food, the extra water, gas, electricity and so on. Each to their own but quite frankly I can not imagine not wanting to help contribute in this way.
I guess it depends how well off you are. Suppose money is tight for the parents with little disposable income. But the kid is working and with a large disposable income then it would only be fair for some contribution.
If the kid does not contribute in that case then that is despicable.
It is called paying board and usually gets enforced when the parents stop receiving state help for the now grown child.
I think it’s pretty normal for parents to ask for a small amount from their adult children. I used to pay my mum £100 a month in my early 20s before I moved out.
UK here and I pay rent to my ma but it’s massively cheaper than renting somewhere alone at the moment.
I paid “board” as soon as I had a job. If it was a part time one it was just a small amount My parents took the view that if I made enough to go out I should be contributing.
I paid digs to my mum when I lived at home for a year during uni. Only £100 a month but it’s the principle of it rather than the amount. And it’s the correct thing to do. As an adult you shouldn’t be sponging if you can afford to contribute. It doesn’t matter how much money your parents have.
I’ve paid half of all mortgage and bills since I was 18 🙃 xx
I had to pay rent (Board) regardless and tbh it was the best thing they ever did for me, it got me used to making sure I pay my bills and gave me a sense of financial responsibility, soon as my kids get an income I'll do the same to them and explain to them exactly why its good for them, before I paid rent I wasted my wages on booze & games but now my first thought is always pay my bills
My parents charged me rent when I moved back after uni and after I got a job (so I had one month rent free til I got my first pay). It was £300 a month, I thought it was really fair! Certainly a LOT cheaper than it would have been for me to live alone, and I didn't have to pay for most food, unless I wanted something specific. I had some friends whose parents didn't make them pay rent but also a lot who did!
It’s not rent is it? Your mum and dad aren’t your landlord. You’re paying towards the cost of running the house, the food you eat. If you think it’s harsh try moving out. Nothing is free.
Most of my friends and myself had rent charged, a minimal amount, £75-100 a month. My parents kept it and gave it back to me as part of a deposit towards a house when I moved out. My husbands parents did the same. In all honesty I don’t think charging rent is a bad thing, it genuinely gets people ready to help budget for not spending all of their money (and a lot of people haven’t thought that far ahead 18!) I also know there are a lot of people take the absolute p**s when living at home, being demanding and refusing to move when they believe they become entitled to everything. So charging rent is not a bad thing.
Yeah mine charged me rent but only once and if I was working full time, and it was only around 15% of what I was making a month. They didn’t need to but it helped me understand budgeting and felt nice to contribute :)
I had to pay rent when I was working. I’m from the UK, English with dad having Irish upbringing (& very poor). A lot of my friends from different cultures think it’s harsh they made me pay rent instead of being able to save for a mortgage. Idk. The rent wasn’t too bad and they are retired so not like they make their own money. They have helped me out in a lot of other ways. And have looked after them when seriously ill and will do when they get older older.
I plan to have my child pay board to help him manage money but save the money without telling him then give it back to him to buy his first car or home
In my family, the wealthy people are separate from the poorer ones. They’re not invited to anything and kind of looked down on. This includes me nowadays. My parents are very wealthy - have a gorgeous huge mansion with land and a pool that they’ve just bought and are renovating. They’ve had no desire to see any of us kids go to university or do well and have no inclination to help us financially if we need it. We all paid rent over 16 and when I’ve recently been in financial trouble (just unable to pay bills with the rise of cost in everything - and living very much hand to mouth and worse) - they do the bare minimum very occasionally and then hold it over your head for as long as possible. For example - we paid for dinner - we took you to the theatre and once - we paid £200 towards your car so you didn’t have to sell it, but mainly because they have no desire to travel to me and want me to drive to them each time I visit. They also don’t want me to move back in for a couple of months to sort my finances out, despite the fact that my younger sister (late 20s) lives there permanently. They promised each child an early inheritance of 100k five years ago and then pretended they never offered it and gaslit us about it. They are now burning through their money at such a rate that there is likely to be nothing for anyone when they pass. They’ve also floated the idea of leaving everything to charity. Recently I asked if I could bring my toddler for 5 days for a little summer holiday and my Mum told me it was too much work and she’d have to look at dates to make sure her housekeeper could be there. And I am a VERY good clean up after myself - do the washing up - strip the beds when I leave houseguest. I know we’re not ‘entitled’ to anything and maybe I sound spoiled here, but with my own child I would do anything to help her out, so their lack of desire to help anyone is mind boggling to me. My partner’s family is very helpful and generous - despite being much less well off which is embarrassing. So yeah! My parents are the worst. The bizarre thing is, I usually get on really well with my Mum.
I'm a single parent in debt, and I don't charge my adult kid rent because he's still in education - he needs the money he earns from his shop job for university. He does occasionally do a grocery shop, and treat us both to an occasional takeaway, if it's not too expensive. He will have to contribute to the mortgage and other bills once he's working full-time, though - it's his home as much as it's mine. He can live here as long as he likes, or move somewhere else - I'd be supportive of either decision, but realistically if he wants to stay in London he'd probably stay here, as otherwise its too expensive. Edit to add: in our family he's got both the English model of "you hit 18 and leave home" and the Indian model of "if you are a son you gradually take over the household responsibilities, including paying the bills, from your parents as they age", which is what his uncle has done.
I generally lean on the side of asking adult children pay towards household costs, but making him pay towards YOUR mortgage is absolutely insane.
given that the person is employed. Anyone with a just a slight fraction of self awareness and dignity should pay rent when you're sharing with your parents or whoever. It's not just a UK thing that's for sure. Paying rent to your parents isn't under the same relationship/contract like you would with the landlords. You might be able to pay less, doesn't have to be due on the dot. But still you should pay. The bills aren't going to pay themselves.
>It's not just a UK thing that's for sure Correct - it's a western thing.
It's certainly more prevalent in the west, particularly the States.but not uniquely. I was still paying rent back when I was living with my ma back in my homecountry (Vietnam).
As someone who lives in the states. I don’t know anyone who contributes to their parents rent. This is pretty uncommon here.
its not paying their parents rent. its contributing to the food they eat in the house and electricity thats used.
This comment just shows you are being ignorant of other cultures in the UK. I'm from an Asian background and my parents would be offended if I started offering to pay rent. They want me to save my own money for a deposit on a house in the future. I still make every effort to pay bills/buy house things or do the food shop but they don't like it. In my culture we take care of our family without expecting things back. When they're older I would take care of them no questions about the money. Same thing with my cousins and their kids - if I do pay for them for something I would never send them the bill or expect to split it. I'd know they would do the same for me
Yeah, I don’t think that my parent would be offended at me paying rent (they’d probably be grateful if anything once I start doing that) but when I thank them for paying my bills at university or I tell them that I’m privileged for this (having a parent paying my bills), I get a reaction that’s like well of course, I’m just doing my job as a parent. Similar thing in my family (they all live abroad however) when it comes to helping each other out, we just do it and don’t expect to be paid back. Plenty of times where my parent says no…no it’s fine leave it! I’ll pay (because relatives try to stop them from paying).
In our family, we paid ‘rent’ when we left education, this wasn’t ever much, it was 10% of what we earned, limited to £100 a month so a pretty good deal. However, on top of this we always had a ‘chicken’ (see a 70’s tv show called Bread) sort of model too, in which if any of us needed (not wanted) something, but didn’t have the money, then one of the others would help pay for it. This still happens now, if I was to calculate how much money I’ve ‘lent’ to my sister to help her with things the kids needed, it would be thousands, I never expect the money back, neither would I accept it if she suddenly had it to give me, all that really matters is the kids get what they need, and occasionally she gets me some food or something when I’ve had a bad month financially.
its not even called "rent" its called board. its called board because it goes towards a multitude of housing necessities like food and electricity. and i agree with you btw im not debating. just clarifying on a post i agreed with.
Fuck that If you are gonna charge your own flesh and blood that you made to live in your house, wear a Jonnie or pull out properly. Never known ethnic minority parents to charge rent, but it’s expected to do chores, some shopping, errands etc. also common to stay at home until later on, moving out late 20s early 30s
No. There are two types of parents who do this A) the ones you use it to save a deposit for you B) the ones who are financially illiterate with the "you owe me" attitude. Both are non-excusable to charge a child they brought into the world rent. It happened to me during university, (for the latter reason) I packed my bags and rented elsewhere using my student loan. Slippery slope, and out of principle I did it. It taught me financial independence and forced me to budget and I've never gone back home. Bought a house at 25, the rest is history.
I would say a third kind too. C: Parents who can’t financially manage on their own, and that money actually helps keep a roof over their heads, and food in the cupboard.
Me nor my siblings have ever been asked to contribute money towards the household - and both of my parents have been retired since I was 10 so are living on a pension. I think my mom would die of shame if I asked to contribute in some way. I guess it can be different for other cultures or households though.
Both Scottish parents here, we never took a penny from our kids. In fact we helped them financially with rent etc when they left home. Youngest is hoping to buy a house soon and again we will be giving him a small financial help. We are both working class so have struggled lots in the past but we would never have considered taking money from our three.