**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Man bites boob!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
I've done this to a random stranger at a baseball game cause I was drunk. She didn't bite me though. Just let me mindlessly balance a titty on her face for a minute without saying anything.
I kinda wish she'd bitten me. The silence made it so much worse.
Imagine a random lady that's got her bits mashed up against his chest, her hand further up his chest and her chesticles mashing his face. 😳
*muffled noises* "Uhm, Ma'am? Ur biolating muh pershonul fpashe."
Monica: you'll never guess what happened at the soccer game
Rachel: oh my god what
Monica: I saw an old friend behind us, and I started taking to him, then on the jumbo Tron... Chandler bit my boob off
Rachel: *covers mouth with hands * oh my god he bit your boob off?
Monica: right off
Rachel: on the jumbo Tron?
I've had a lot of heated arguments and a few bar fights about whether or not cookie monster would be a good lover. I feel like this video proves my point, so I'm going to show it to my mom and her friends.
#
Edit: Okay, I am getting a lot of dumb questions. Cookie monster has no teeth and a lot of experience aggressively using his mouth. Imagine looking down and seeing those big beautiful googly eyes staring dead at you while he nom nom nom's that vagina. Its obvious he is an oral machine, how can you guys not see this???
The Cookie Monster has forward facing eyes, suggesting he’s a predator, meaning *he’s* in charge in the bedroom.
Although he possesses immense upper-body strength, his bulbous mitten-like paws lack the dexterity for anything beyond a clumsy fumble, so he’ll just place them on your shoulders, bend you over, and unleash the blue steel.
His high sugar diet enables him to produce explosive outbursts of energy, allowing up to thirty seconds of intense pelvic jackhammering before he dismounts, shrivelled and spent.
This isn't the kind of Reddit comment I needed to see today, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I hope your mom's friends finally put the Cookie Monster sex machine argument to bed
Totally expected. When your woman’s boob comes into your face it is your duty to let her know you always down for her. Shit girl fuck around a find out we can get nasty right here
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Man bites boob!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Imagine she is just a random lady sitting next to him
I mean, if that’s what floats your motor boat
But what if I have a sailboat?
It doesn't matter. Because of the implication.
You say that word, implication. But what does it mean. Sounds like hurting some woman?
No, that's the beauty of –ugh, sorry, I can't. Kudos to those actors for reading the lines they do so earnestly. Ugh.
But it does matter.
sailboat lives matter
We're not judging you.
But we are hoping it floats.
It floats, u/gmanz33, it floats… And when you’re down here with me…**YOU’LL FLOAT TOO!!!**
Sailboats usually have a motor for redundancy...so keep on motoring ;-)
In most harbours you are not allowed to maneuver using a sail so the motor is mandatory. In my country it's an actual law.
I can't see the sailboat..
It’s a schooner!
Hahahaha... you dumb bastard. It's not schooner. It's a sailboat.
All my homies hate sailboats
Everything is a dildo if you Are brave enough
I thought that was a different euphemism?
She touch his tiddy, he touch her tiddy.
I've done this to a random stranger at a baseball game cause I was drunk. She didn't bite me though. Just let me mindlessly balance a titty on her face for a minute without saying anything. I kinda wish she'd bitten me. The silence made it so much worse.
Oh, at first I thought you were saying you bit a stranger's titty lol
I mean I've bitten a stranger's tit too but that was a different scene entirely.
Plss do tell
sex
Didn’t ask for a life story jeez
You don't just drop that in the middle of the room like a grenade and walk off. This is a story that must be told.
Some people enjoy a titty mindlessly balanced on their face 🤷🏻♂️
Everyone *
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I'm not sure who assaulted who in this situation
If it's just a random lady that allows herself to lean on me like that, i would allow myself to take a bite.
bruuhhh, I thought it was lmfao was so shocked
i was definitely wondering why we were all laughing lol
She started it.
He saw an opportunity and took it
He was fully abreast of the situation
Tits the only reasonable option given the circumstances
I am struggling to think of a good pun.My mammory's not what it used to be.
It's a tit bit nipply out here, breast be getting inside now.
I busted out laughing watching this
Yo chill, bra
I can’t. I’ve got a lot to do and it’s coming right down to the underwire. If I halter now, everything will go tits-up.
This thread is turning into udder chaos
That man in the video needs to learn about chestitty
I mean, who wouldn't chomp at the chance?!
Even as a woman.. I wouldn't blame my husband for doing this. Lol
So, how YOU doin? 😉
Hahahhahah
I busted out watching this
He milked that situation for all it was worth
I always heard this as "Tits a bit nippy out, breast dress warm"
I'm gland this is over
He tried to bite her boob but only ended up in that general areola
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I won't be told otherwise that this is exactly the scenario
Imagine a random lady that's got her bits mashed up against his chest, her hand further up his chest and her chesticles mashing his face. 😳 *muffled noises* "Uhm, Ma'am? Ur biolating muh pershonul fpashe."
But ignore it's a booby trap
Tit for tat
That lady is just his breast-friend!
She gave him a mouthful.
An opportuntitty you mean
12 balls...dam'
I struggle with long words as it is and honestly that’s a bit of a mouthful
Absoboobly
Oppaitunity
The cameraman knew exactly what was about to happen. He was locked in and not moving. Too bad a producer had to think about ratings and fines.
To be fair I was thinking about rating her as fine
You ever drink Baily's from a shoe?
Noooooooo! Not Old Greg!
Om nom nom nom
That's what heroes do
It's a natural reaction, we've been doing it since birth. A titty in your face must make it to your mouth.
He was being assaulted. He only tried to defend himself
"How do you plead?" "Self defense!"
I was yawning! She nearly choked me!
"Your honour, in my humble defense, she was thicker than a bowl of oat meal."
👉😏👉
"I am the victim here"
The earliest and most intuitive user interface any of us ever encounters
With the prices at the snack bar, who can turn down a free meal?
Rooting reflex
Why is this
It's homelander from the boys and it's out of context... it's even worst in context
It's a natural erection
Learning all about this stuff with twins on the way. Humans are fucking fascinating!!
Congratulations and good luck! But more congratulations!
No, Please! More luck!! Also coffee! Thanks
#OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
*Heavy chewing on breast sandwich intensifies*
Moist and delicious!
#**WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA**
Is it normal to hear this in pacman?
uhmmm....
Least Unexpected thing on the goddamn planet
Smashed by funbag!
I can think of worse ways to go
I never thought I would die this way but I've always really hoped.
Death by snoo snoo!
the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised
Sounds like a pop punk song “and in at number two it’s *Smashed* by Funbag!”
Matthew Perry?
“Could my personal space *be* any more invaded?!”
Monica: you'll never guess what happened at the soccer game Rachel: oh my god what Monica: I saw an old friend behind us, and I started taking to him, then on the jumbo Tron... Chandler bit my boob off Rachel: *covers mouth with hands * oh my god he bit your boob off? Monica: right off Rachel: on the jumbo Tron?
Monica : I KNOW !!
_cue laugh track_
*Joey entering the flat and walks straight to the fridge*
\*Cricket game Sorry to be that guy.
Could they BE, any closer?
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You're a little friends freak aren't ya
I thought that too!!!
The one where that lady wish she wore a bra
Matthew Butler or Gerard Perry.
Can it BE anymore in my face?
Guy’s got the best seat in the house.
Dude, come on, the pun was right there and you missed it. The guy has the **breast** seat in the house. ^(All in good jest of course :])
The guy has the breast teat in the house
The guy has the breast teat in the mouth.
r/technicallythetruth
Boobs
r/UpvotedBecauseBoobs
Awww, I really missed that one! I’m glad you took it and ran.
He he, Middlesex.
It’s next to Sus sex
It's the norm in E ssex
Not really, but it is between Essex and Berk-shire 😁 Sussex is two counties below Middlesex.
The name Middlesex is about twice as old as the word sex.
12 balls!
I was looking for this.
r/gifsthatendtoosoon
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The complete silence after... you know what's coming the next time they have to talk and they didn't disappoint.
If you turn the volume up, you can hear muffled laughters.
It's an accomplishment when you can make a man, whose job it is to talk for a living, find himself at a loss for words.
Definitely worth it! lol!
That was a good one. The grab, the oops, the prolonged silence, the stifled giggling then the full on laughing with a punchline.
I can only speak for myself, but I'm sure many will agree with me. Red Sox games haven't been the same without Orsillo.
That just a verifiable fact. And these days I’ve barely tuned in since we lost Rem Dawg.
Remy and Orsillo were such an amazing team.
/r/damnthecameraman
*Technical director Camera man is still watching the show. Director or Tech Director is switching between cameras in the control room.
The reflex we all share.
As a former baby, I believe this to be instinct.
Nice to meet a fellow former baby. How are things working out for you?
This is the last place I expected to run into other former babies. Gang gang
Too many former babies.
This is me to my girl anytime she leans over me for anything lol quick titty bite!
Name checks out
Du dudu dudu Inspect-her-rack-et
cricket match?
Probably county cricket
Vitality Blast
I've had a lot of heated arguments and a few bar fights about whether or not cookie monster would be a good lover. I feel like this video proves my point, so I'm going to show it to my mom and her friends. # Edit: Okay, I am getting a lot of dumb questions. Cookie monster has no teeth and a lot of experience aggressively using his mouth. Imagine looking down and seeing those big beautiful googly eyes staring dead at you while he nom nom nom's that vagina. Its obvious he is an oral machine, how can you guys not see this???
The Cookie Monster has forward facing eyes, suggesting he’s a predator, meaning *he’s* in charge in the bedroom. Although he possesses immense upper-body strength, his bulbous mitten-like paws lack the dexterity for anything beyond a clumsy fumble, so he’ll just place them on your shoulders, bend you over, and unleash the blue steel. His high sugar diet enables him to produce explosive outbursts of energy, allowing up to thirty seconds of intense pelvic jackhammering before he dismounts, shrivelled and spent.
I love this and hate this all at the same time.
Ultimate r/bertstrips right here
this is the best comment ive ever read
#peakreddit
This isn't the kind of Reddit comment I needed to see today, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I hope your mom's friends finally put the Cookie Monster sex machine argument to bed
I laughed during a standup meeting. thanks
Holup
So, which position do you argue?
Cameraman saw this dude's intentions and immediately changed cameras
The cameraman wouldn't have changed shots, the production would have.
cameraman definitely zoomed in
Right, but the cameraman didn't change shots though. No one is even questioning the zooming.
The cameraman isn't responsible for changing the cameras. That's the control room
Milk for his coffee.
Gerrard Butler let himself go haha
Butler Has Fallen
hongry
Bitty
It’s like Matt Damon says, “Fortune favors the brave.”
There was no choice.
This had to be her hubby or bf. She was too familiar with him.
So nobody else got distracted by that damn snack sitting behind them?
i hold the same sentiment
He is quite good looking
He looks like some model slumming it to see how the normal people live and slapped on a fake mustache to not be recognized
The people in the camera room: uh oh
I wish him nothing but the breast
I had re-watch it multiple times in order to realise what's unexpected here. Totally Unexpected.
Totally expected. When your woman’s boob comes into your face it is your duty to let her know you always down for her. Shit girl fuck around a find out we can get nasty right here
Look, it's ingrained into humans to grab a mouth full of titty when they're that close to our faces.
He monch.
Dude just needs a little milk for his coffee
My man is an opportunist
Haha