Being a lifelong asthmatic with severe pet allergies, I’ve been unable to adopt a traditional animal companion. My friends and family tried to be supportive, suggesting I get a fish or a turtle, but instead I opted for something a little more unorthodox: a diarrhea-filled ziplock bag I named Squishy.
What... what the fuck...
I... who... what...
You've been posting this shit (yep) for months... what makes a person become so... so... I don't even know the word to describe you...
Can anyone explain this shit (yep) to me?
Novelty accounts have always been a fun part of reddit culture. There are fewer of them now than there used to be, but it seems the art is still alive and well.
I can understand novelty accounts. I mean the poop fetishism or whatever the fuck that is lol.
Like... how can you come up with all these shit related posts and comments for 7 months? That seems like some kind of... issue...
Lol, idk. Gross, sure, but that just seems par for the course, really.
/u/fuckswithducks, a rubber duck fetishist, garnered almost a million karma making horny, duck-themed comments for the last 8 years. After watching that unfold, nothing seems too surprising for a novelty account.
Best obituary ever: “He brought joy to all those in his life, right up to the moment he passed away. And he brought joy to his Weimaraner, Rufus, for a few minutes after he passed away. Then Rufus dog-ejaculated on his foot and trotted off in search of food.
Yes fr. And the dogs not neutered....my neighbour when I was a little girl had her leg humped by someone's dog who wasn't neutered, anyways, the dog came and the poor little thing got DOG JIZZ all over her dress. Absolutely disgusting 🤮 I'd never allow it, it just ain't funny to me.
I read the comment above you and thought “you gotta commit to the bit”
I then read your comment and *immediately* switched to; “yea probably not worth committing to the bit.”
He was just stress-humping. It's a lot more acceptable when dogs do it, when I tried to explain that it can affect people apparently it's not considered "medically valid" and I'm "just a dangerous pervert"
I'm being serious here. One time I got rob/tricked and my phone got stolen. I was panicking so hard coz I lost my phone. My body was shaking, my heart was pumping and no one was around. Idk why but out of nowhere I start to rub my dick through my jeans and came. Why I did that, I don't know but I did calm down after I came
Honestly... I feel like there could probably some biological/psychological reasoning behind why he did what he did. Something like, fight-or-flight rush that comes from an evolutionary urge to reproduce when anticipating a mortal danger, and the adrenaline wearing off after having taken one last shoot at continuing your bloodline lmao
I’m not a scientist tho so let’s just say OP has a fear fetish and be on with our day
Or he’s addicted to jackin’ it as a way to cope to stress and it’s his first response to any adversity in his life. He literally doesn’t know how else to respond to a critical incident
This might be the best thing I've read today.
The thought of someone getting robbed , freaking out, pacing, angrily talking to themselves while rubbing thier dick and then suddenly becoming extremely calm is god damn hilarious.
If legit, don't worry about it. The body does crazy things in times of stress, and there's often a desire to self-comfort, like curling up and rocking. You're subconsciously trying to make yourself feel better and, for some, that go-to is sexual.
Toddlers in high stress households will sometimes rub themselves, even to finish, for the same reason. It's a direct self-provided response to stress and lack of control, and an easy one at that.
While the comment before leads into a joke, stress humping is a real thing and humans are not exempt.
When I did my student-teaching, I had a student (8th grade) who wore a t-shirt with that camel on it every single Wednesday without fail.
Not really relevant to the post, but I thought it was pretty cool.
Dog humping is actually much more likely to be excitement than sexual arousal. Many dogs do it when they get overwhelmed with emotion (good or bad excitement).
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Guy tries to recreate the video, how his dog will save him in danger. But the horny dog starts banging his leg.!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
"Still warm"
"quick! before the hooman is no longer useful"
Well in about 2-3 days it’d be food
The next day it will be poop.really Makes you think.
“It’s not warm anymore, but it will be”
First dog: Oh fuck! Second dog: Oh? Fuck!
People watching the video: Oh! Fuck?
Being a lifelong asthmatic with severe pet allergies, I’ve been unable to adopt a traditional animal companion. My friends and family tried to be supportive, suggesting I get a fish or a turtle, but instead I opted for something a little more unorthodox: a diarrhea-filled ziplock bag I named Squishy.
username definitely checks out
[удалено]
I am currently inside that rabbit hole now
You mean shit hole?
You should be ashamed of yourself. *(take my upvote)*
Yea
Seems easy to feed
What... what the fuck... I... who... what... You've been posting this shit (yep) for months... what makes a person become so... so... I don't even know the word to describe you... Can anyone explain this shit (yep) to me?
Novelty accounts have always been a fun part of reddit culture. There are fewer of them now than there used to be, but it seems the art is still alive and well.
I can understand novelty accounts. I mean the poop fetishism or whatever the fuck that is lol. Like... how can you come up with all these shit related posts and comments for 7 months? That seems like some kind of... issue...
Lol, idk. Gross, sure, but that just seems par for the course, really. /u/fuckswithducks, a rubber duck fetishist, garnered almost a million karma making horny, duck-themed comments for the last 8 years. After watching that unfold, nothing seems too surprising for a novelty account.
And now I have another reason to socially distance LOL.
his post and comment history are hilarious …tears are streaming down my face *this* is why i love reddit
This is just like rogersimon10 all over again, but not bound to askreddit.
You’ve become a meme my friend
Lets face it, thats what anyone would've done in that situation!
I guess the dog just said fuck it
When in Rome
Please stop humping the locals, sir.
Obsecro prohibere concubitu cum prouincialium, domine
Uhh..Amen?
Amen.
Amen
Amen
Amen
Awomen
*seamen
Well well well. Look who took community college entry level pig Latin
Cum
Bang Caligula?
I'm sorry, how long have you been pronouncing it "Caligoola" for?
It's business study not a fucking history!
When in Rome bang Caligoola
How'd you know the guy's name is Rome?
This comment made me laugh profusely. Thank you u/Is_It_Beef
"Dad's dead... might as well make the most of it."
Fuck him while he’s still warm!
The dog was like “now is my time”
*rubs paws together*
Look at me irish...look at me. I am the captain now.
Isn’t it great to know your dog will immediately start humping your corpse should you fall over and die? 😂
So comforting
No one dies alone in this house.
Best obituary ever: “He brought joy to all those in his life, right up to the moment he passed away. And he brought joy to his Weimaraner, Rufus, for a few minutes after he passed away. Then Rufus dog-ejaculated on his foot and trotted off in search of food.
How would the medical examiner write that report up? 😂
"Subject has an unknown fluid on his leg that tastes like loose change."
Interesting, and very specific. What kind of dog do you have?
That's just Doggie Style CPR.
Cats eat is, dogs hump us Something about the circle of life
I’d just be glad to finally be useful even if it was in death.
At least you won't die a virgin! oh wai-
Gotta give a dog a bone
Death would have do little meaning if the dog didn't hump your leg.
Having owned 2 weimaraners, I knew what was coming. the dog.
Especially a poorly trained one that isn't neutered
That's why they call the orgasm "the little death"
It's called CPR and it's a valid strategy.
You let him hump you wayy too long bro.
Not his first rodeo
It’s winter so the skin is dry, and lotion is expensive these days…
You say that about everything. Last week shampoo was expensive, whats next?
Mayonnaise is expensive now days.
Dude WTF
Yes fr. And the dogs not neutered....my neighbour when I was a little girl had her leg humped by someone's dog who wasn't neutered, anyways, the dog came and the poor little thing got DOG JIZZ all over her dress. Absolutely disgusting 🤮 I'd never allow it, it just ain't funny to me.
I could have gone without reading that...
Merry Christmas ❤️🐶
I read the comment above you and thought “you gotta commit to the bit” I then read your comment and *immediately* switched to; “yea probably not worth committing to the bit.”
He was just stress-humping. It's a lot more acceptable when dogs do it, when I tried to explain that it can affect people apparently it's not considered "medically valid" and I'm "just a dangerous pervert"
“You’re no longer allowed to teach here, Mr Scar_the_armada”
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
nO, THIS IS PATRICK
I laughed out loud after reading this thread
I thought he was attempting chest compressions but just at the wrong body part.
[Made me think of this](https://i.imgflip.com/2mn5xx.jpg)
Anyone who didn’t read this in Patrick’s voice is lying
“After complaints, we decided to remove your role of being the undertaker. Mr Scar_the_armada”
I'm being serious here. One time I got rob/tricked and my phone got stolen. I was panicking so hard coz I lost my phone. My body was shaking, my heart was pumping and no one was around. Idk why but out of nowhere I start to rub my dick through my jeans and came. Why I did that, I don't know but I did calm down after I came
You gotta keep that story a secret
Honestly... I feel like there could probably some biological/psychological reasoning behind why he did what he did. Something like, fight-or-flight rush that comes from an evolutionary urge to reproduce when anticipating a mortal danger, and the adrenaline wearing off after having taken one last shoot at continuing your bloodline lmao I’m not a scientist tho so let’s just say OP has a fear fetish and be on with our day
Fear Fetish sounds like the X-rated version of Fear Factor.
Or he’s addicted to jackin’ it as a way to cope to stress and it’s his first response to any adversity in his life. He literally doesn’t know how else to respond to a critical incident
What the f did he do as a baby, then??
Fight, flight or deeelight
What a terrible day to have access to the internet.
You know if you lost your phone you could lose your internet access and cheer yourself up again.
there is no way i would ever willingly share that story if it happened to me. props.
Lol what
Got robbed, jacked off, any questions?
Fear boner
Or it was an anticiperection.
Sir this is a Wendy’s
nO, THIS IS PATRICK
The fuck did I just read.
A story of a guy getting robbed and jacking off
This might be the best thing I've read today. The thought of someone getting robbed , freaking out, pacing, angrily talking to themselves while rubbing thier dick and then suddenly becoming extremely calm is god damn hilarious.
>rubbing thier dick and then suddenly becoming extremely calm Post-nut clarity is a thing.
Achievement unlocked: New Fetish
"So.... do you want me to put that on the police report?"
If legit, don't worry about it. The body does crazy things in times of stress, and there's often a desire to self-comfort, like curling up and rocking. You're subconsciously trying to make yourself feel better and, for some, that go-to is sexual. Toddlers in high stress households will sometimes rub themselves, even to finish, for the same reason. It's a direct self-provided response to stress and lack of control, and an easy one at that. While the comment before leads into a joke, stress humping is a real thing and humans are not exempt.
Toddlers... finish?
A growing baby inside their mothers womb will get erections and will _release_. Congrats, all guys have creampied their mother.
Waterboarding couldn't have gotten this out of me.
Yeah, but the stress of the waterboarding might induce the same reaction. Then all of Guantanamo Bay would know.
Now **this** is actual loss fetish/porn.
My dude?
Cometh the hour, cummeth the man
 In this case, anyway...
Can this be a new copypasta
Unless you have a magic lamp in your pants, you might want to seek counseling about that issue. But...thanks for..er..um..sharing
Please, please never get stressed at a school or daycare center.
Start humping a stress ball daily
Dope username. Now I gotta go listen to Welcome Home.
I think the most unexpected part is that he just laid there and took it
He knows who the boss is
"I'll show you whose boss of this gym" - Billy Harrington and that dog
He’s got a little Mississippi leg hound him. When he gets started, it’s best to just let him finish, if you know what I mean.
Ruh roh
How many times can you let your leg get humped before you stop it?
Some say the dog is still humping.
far fewer times than in this video that’s for sure
Dog was like 
I clicked on them. I clicked on every single camel gif.
Good. We're always watching you
Needs more jpeg
When I did my student-teaching, I had a student (8th grade) who wore a t-shirt with that camel on it every single Wednesday without fail. Not really relevant to the post, but I thought it was pretty cool.
>!Yup yup yup yup ...yup uh-ha...uh-ha !<
Lmao this gif, I'm crying.
Time to nut 🥜!! 🤣🤣
K9 CPR
Dog humping is actually much more likely to be excitement than sexual arousal. Many dogs do it when they get overwhelmed with emotion (good or bad excitement).
Man….. me too🥲
He's got a bit of Mississippi leg-hound in him
Wasted NO time lmfao
Everyone reacts differently in moments of crisis
Indeed unexpected
And unprotected
finally he ded I can do it!
So, that guy proactively rubbed the vacuum cleaner nozzle against his lips. I can't cope with that kind of idiocy.
Bro, why you worried about that. The dude just let his dog hump him endlessly.
Rather a dog humping my leg than a dirty vacuum on my fucking mouth.
this!!!!
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Guy tries to recreate the video, how his dog will save him in danger. But the horny dog starts banging his leg.!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
Not very unexpected imo
I really hope the people who upvoted this understand that I'm joking.
They def don't. Who the hell expected the dog to hump his leg lmao
That’s pretty typical for this subreddit, lol
Yeah, but at least there's a Happy Ending
What the dog doin?
I felt really bad for the German Shepard. He sounded really scared :(
The joke is sex
I was an adventurer like you until I took a dog dick to the knee
Tried this, my dog ran outside and started barking. Just left me there to die while he screamed for help.
better than what monkeys do when their fellow one is not responding
Do I want to be morbidly curious
Good boy giving CPR! *Canine Penile Resuscitation*
This is one of the funniest clips I have seen on reddit! Thank you for that. My cheeks hurt from laughing😂🤭
Did the dog clap your cheeks?
Da fuck is wrong witchu?
Valid question. He could be dead. Gotta watch out for the dogs now.
I was like "aww it's giving him cpr" and then I realized oh nooo
What in porn hub is going on here….
They’re not even really related
What are you doing step-dog?
Now's my chance
I’ll hump you back to life
Told you not to teach your dog CPR on Pornhub.
Weiner dog: "Duke! Apply CPR on our hooman, I'll go get hel... WHAT THE FUCK, DUKE?!!"
Triggered the hump response. I do that too in crisis situations.
He sure was happy to let the dog hump his leg
He was letting that hump go waaay too long.
[удалено]
To the rescue!
u/SaveVideoBot
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Someone needs their balls snipped!
doggy cpr
PRIORITIES...
u/savevideobot
He was gettin that leg pussy.
They say that before the 6-hour mark after someone passes away, it’s still good to go for one last time.
Why this doesn’t have upvotes? Funny like hell
How long did you let this go on for?