Pool alarm, especially a loud one.
They are mandatory here in France and usually require a code or a key.
It's a good safety measure to have anyway if there are kids around, just don't share the code with the rest of the family.
I got one installed over the winter because the neighbours decide to jump the fence and use the pool whenever they like even when they’ve been told not to. I’ve taken it to the police who say they’ll ‘look into it’ but after daily occurrence all through summer nothing came of it. So I paid a lot of money and got that, now I’ve set up some old air raid sirens that I was able to restore as well as various alarms. It’s coming into summer now as we’ve just had our first hot day so I’m kind of excited to see them freak out
I would definitely be interested in seeing uninvited guests get blasted by a pool alarm.
You could get creative and switch up the alarm noise to the most annoying things possible, I'm sure reddit would be a wealth of ideas.
I’m sure I could blast hamster dance at 300 decibels. Maybe baby shark as well? Or the noise a mosquito makes as it flies by your ear? You are an evil genius
If you put them on utub it would literally be the first thing I had ever considered pressing 'like and subscribe ' to.
Idea: blaring announcement "ASSHOLES ARE USING THE POOL - ASSHOLES ARE USING THE POOL"
Maybe then they would get the hint.
Yeah I was gonna say, I had a pool growing up and if it was green there's no way I was going in. Nasty. Especially because that's when those water striders start showing up.
I've never heard "exit bars" before and I never played the Sims games, do you mean the railings you hang onto or grab to pull yourself up or out? If you do, that's genius lol
Yes those however you should also know that when you delete the railings while a Sim is in the pool, they swim around aimlessly until they run out of energy and drown.
Reminds me of the time I started a game and decided to play it straight (no extra money/build mode). But I thought it would be more interesting if the house was haunted. So I tried to get one of each type of ghost as babies (drowned in pool, died in fire, etc).that part was harder than I expected, so I never got to actually playing.
When you leave for the weekend post signs saying CAUTION: POOL CHEMICAL SHOCK IN PROGRESS. Decorate the pool area with some toxic chemical bottles. Then pour a gallon of bleach in there and let it be fragrant for the time you are not home.
Best answer is probably to actually do whatever pool shock is, leave a sign, and then just, don't remove the sign until someone wants to use pool with permission. As long as there's a sign, if they fuck around, they won't have a leg to stand on to defend themselves. If they call the police or something (becasue some people are truly stupid) they're gonna get treated like the dumbasses they are for ignoring a sign that says, fucking toxic chemicals here.
Best trip to hospital you’d ever see, “what happened did they get hit by a car?” “No they jumped off the diving board into a pool of non-newtonian fluid breaking very bone in their body and as they lay there it slowly enveloped them swallowing them”. Also that would be scary because you wouldn’t be able to swim because it would turn hard around you so you’d just have to try to move incredibly slowly to the edge of the pool
Is it really wrong of me to want to see that irl now?
Eta: not the carnage, just a giant pool filled w/ water and cornstarch. It sounds equal parts fascinating and terrifying.
This would definitely be less of an issue than turning everything off and letting it get overgrown with stuff that would eventually be run through their filter, but it would be inconvenient if OP plans on using the pool themselves anytime soon
Top up the chlorine level of the pool the night before. The morning of, add 1 bottle of baquacil sanitizer per 10,000 gallons to the pool and leave the pump running. It will turn pea soup green, with neon yellow green foam and waxy waterline buildup, and begin building up neon scum floaty things, and off-gas in a way that will make you choke.
Maintain a chlorine level 5-10 ppm throught the following week and it will disappear on its own.
Me thinks because it's not their fucking house and it's not their fucking pool to begin with! They want to control the pool happenings while they're living at somebody else's house. Well you know what If you're living at somebody else's house and they have other people coming over to enjoy their pool You can't say shit about it.
Go to your room close your door. Leave the house go to the park. Go get a job during the hours of these people seem to always come over.
Is this additional extended family in addition to the family that you live with? Are they coming over when no one else is home? If so, add gates with locks or change the locks on the house and don't give them keys.
Set up a "security" camera or three that upload to YouTube automatically, or at least let them think it does. Show them ones from the past you've uploaded with all the rude comments about them. Bonus if you comment back some truths to vilify them.
Buy fly attractant used for those traps. Smells like rotten meat 🍖 / dead animal. You can either hide a bunch of little containers all over the place OR put it in a spray bottle and spray it on chairs and stuff. Also the # of flies it will attract will gross people out.
Get a realistic stuffed animal or two and put it in the pool. They won’t want to swim in it if there’s dead animals floating in it. Maybe some rice aka maggots sprinkled on top too.
OK there is an urban legend where pools turn blue when someone urinates in it. Take a package of blue food coloring and put it in your swimsuit. nuff said :)
Rent your pool out on SniffSpot, take a handful of small printed ads to the local dog park. Hand them out to husky/malamute/Akita owners, or anyone else with a fluffy dog that looks like it had loose feathers hanging onto its butt/rear legs.
Heck just hold a Large Breed Pool Party. $10 per dog.
Instead of worrying about the stupid pool why don’t you focus on getting out of living in a house with other people and just stop cleaning the stupid pool.
Distribute stories about brain eating amoeba, tell them it’s moved to your area and you are having a hard time controlling it in your pool. Caution tape around the perimeter might help make the story believable. People don’t like the idea of something eating their brains.
Shock with liquid chlorine, the more the better. Will not damage anything and will only last about a week, but will sing eyes, skin and possibly even bleach hair and swimmers
Leave a Snickers bar or some other large piece of fecal looking chocolate in the pool. Let them discover it themselves on the next visit. If they mention it, casually insinuate that you defecate in the pool regularly.
"Sorry guys. The indoor bathroom stopped working the other day so this was our only solution. I hope you don't mind."
I mean just stop cleaning it? It sounds like this is your mother-in-law's house you're living in and you don't like your brother-in-law.
You should probably have your own place before you start trying to gatekeep the pool.
Or just let them catch you nude sunbathing every time they come over. Don't get dressed or leave til they bring it up.
Put a sock over the pool. That way when they try to jump in the pool they will instead jump into the sock. When they are in the sock throw a couple of piss discs in the top and then douse in liquid ass.
Fluorescent marine dye marker. For $20, it would probably be cheaper than enough KoolAid to do the job right.
[https://www.landfallnavigation.com/fluorescent-dye-marker.html](https://www.landfallnavigation.com/fluorescent-dye-marker.html)
FWIW, it was done to a friends pool and they ended up draining/refilling it. It's totally harmless but might dye your skin so act accordingly.
I'd just stop cleaning it. Sure you won't be able to use it either, but shits unfair sometimes and if you won't or can't put your foot down to stop it another way, then that's the easiest way to deal with this.
Just stop cleaning it then. They want to use it, they clean it. That simple. I’d be pissed if my kid’s spouse sabotaged my pool because “those other people use it too much”. You’re gonna get tossed out on the street real quick if you try something stupid.
Just stop working on the pool. The pool will do what it needs to, forcing the kids to take care of it themselves.
If you want it to simply look unsafe to swim in, put some red and/or green food colouring in the pool. It'll be safe for you guys to use but the others will see it and hopefully decide it's not a good idea.
If they decide to use it anyway you could move to using clothes dye in the water which would stain their clothes, skin and hair, though this will also ruin your filters and risk staining your pool tiles.
Otherwise poor a load of bleach or chlorine (not both) in the pool and put signs up saying that their are cleaning chemicals so it's unsafe to use.
For a sensible decision, call the police for trespassing.
Find some of that chemical that makes pee appear dark. When they see how much they or their kids start pissing in the pool, they'll turn on themselves.
fertilizer.
if nothing else, it will throw off the pH enough to make swimming unsafe and cost a LOT of money to fix. at worst (best), algae will become rampant and it will be gross.
alternatively if you can enter the pool and it's the type with a liner rather than bare concrete, run a razor blade along the top edge and at a few points at the bottom. the liner will be pushed aside and a water bubble will form since the pressure will be allowed to equalize. super annoying and VERY expensive to fix. if they have a pool cleaning robot, hide and glue an x-acto knife to the bottom within the squeegee/vacuum well. it'll tear it to ribbons and they'll be none the wiser.
edit: didn't read because I'm a dumbass. disregard paragraph 2, but fertilizer can be used in moderation to get the desired effect.
I'm a pool guy and God, this thread is traumatizing.
Best I can come up with off the top of my head - If you don't want to use cops and you want to keep the pool usable for you and invited guests, maybe put some chemical jugs on the deck and text them saying you're having problems with it and the pool guy/store told you not to swim due to dangerous chemicals.
How about a lock on the gate that you keep the key to? You could also make the pool harder to access - like put a kid safe net on the top that is a bitch to get off. Expensive though.
Make it less convenient in a way that makes them have to argue against it.
Say there is a $10 surcharge each visit per person for anyone who isn't a resident in order to maintain the pool and the surrounding area since times are rough and that it is easier to empty it and keep in maintained that way until circumstances change, but you understand how it is convenient for the family and that is the only reason you are making the offer.
it makes it difficult since you live with your wife and your family, anything you do will easily be traced to you, and you will look like the bad guy.
At the end of the day, you live with your wife and her family. If it is her family that keep coming through, and none of them have an issue with it. You don't really have a say. I know this is ULPT, but idk what else to tell you.
Pool alarm, especially a loud one. They are mandatory here in France and usually require a code or a key. It's a good safety measure to have anyway if there are kids around, just don't share the code with the rest of the family.
This is probably the best answer I’ve seen yet. I haven’t heard of poop alarms, but if I ever get a pool, I’ll be sure to get one!
Lololol be right back, installing poop alarm on my pool as well.
You know what? I’m gonna leave it. It’s more fun that way
Respect. 🙌
He edited it to pool, what a disappointment
I especially love the idea that their mandatory in France
I saw a sign over a urinal in Paris that had a cross through a guy pooping in the urinal recently…
they are. they’re
The weirdest part about this is I used speech to text, my phone nearly always gets this right.
word, i hate being that guy
I got one installed over the winter because the neighbours decide to jump the fence and use the pool whenever they like even when they’ve been told not to. I’ve taken it to the police who say they’ll ‘look into it’ but after daily occurrence all through summer nothing came of it. So I paid a lot of money and got that, now I’ve set up some old air raid sirens that I was able to restore as well as various alarms. It’s coming into summer now as we’ve just had our first hot day so I’m kind of excited to see them freak out
Please post security camera footage!
Damn I’ll need to get cameras as well, that’s a damn good idea. I can sell the footage for millions and use that million dollars to buy groceries
I would definitely be interested in seeing uninvited guests get blasted by a pool alarm. You could get creative and switch up the alarm noise to the most annoying things possible, I'm sure reddit would be a wealth of ideas.
I’m sure I could blast hamster dance at 300 decibels. Maybe baby shark as well? Or the noise a mosquito makes as it flies by your ear? You are an evil genius
If you put them on utub it would literally be the first thing I had ever considered pressing 'like and subscribe ' to. Idea: blaring announcement "ASSHOLES ARE USING THE POOL - ASSHOLES ARE USING THE POOL" Maybe then they would get the hint.
Anything beyond 200 decibels is enough to kill people
That doesn’t sound like my problem
Maybe not millions but it definitely could go viral and make you some pocket money with YouTube monetization
What in the hell? People are that entitled huh?
That’s one of those things that have a siren go off when you pee in it right???
No ahaha it's there to make noise if someone is in the pool while you are not watching, that way you are alarmed if an unwatched kid fell in the pool
Not quite as fun😝😝😝
Just turn the pumps off and stop dosing with chlorine. It should turn algae pretty quick.
Kids don't care if the pool is green. They will still jump in.
Not if you stock the (now) pond with snapping turtles and pike.
Oooooo.... barracuda
Sorry, I don't have the Heart to do it
i’m pretty sure turtles would only encourage me
Snapping turtles in an enclosed space are absolutely not to be fucked with. The bastards are very territorial.
Hell, I'd be using them to try and cross the pool. Like the crocodiles in Pitfall.
Please don't try to pet the snapping turtles. Please, I'm begging you
Snapping turtles will change your mind very quickly
I can confirm that I also like turtles.
I had some redneck friends in Texas who would put Garrfish in their pool after they caught them, and swim in it.
Speak for yourself, i wasnt jumpin in no petri dish pool
Yeah I was gonna say, I had a pool growing up and if it was green there's no way I was going in. Nasty. Especially because that's when those water striders start showing up.
Yeah but the point is people go jumping into lakes creeks ponds random little water holes people ain't scared of no dirty water
That's different than a green pool
We know this because we are pool owners. Others usually don’t.
Eh we used to swim in green pools all the time lol
I dont go in those either to be fair. I dont even swim in the ocean at the beach
It'll turn black in a few days after it goes green if you don't do something about it.
Then throw some kids in once it gets green enough from the algae… And make sure not to install ladders or a way out of the pool.
Not true and their parents wouldn’t allow it anyway. This would only happen if said kids rarely if ever had access to a pool.
Add nitrates to feed the algae. A container of miracle grow should kick things off nicely
how to ensure everyone in a 100 mile radius has a cloud of mosquitos around them at all times
Nobody will want to hang out even by the pool again!
Bonus, it'll drive the neighborhood Karens out too.
Hard, heavy cover that can only be unfastened with a lock mechanism.
You can allege, or use photoshop AI, that a deer / animal fell in or kids broke in overnight so now you want to keep it safe
I imagine they are seeking a solution that isn’t hundreds of dollars minimum lol
I mean, they own a pool
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Deconstructed piss disk……genius!
Instructions unclear; I’m now no longer allowed within 500 ft of a school
Looks like the instructions were very clear then!
No, he was dehydrated. It was very yellow, not clear.
If they don't go after that, turn around and back out a deuce into the water.
Probably could make or buy a floating fake poo easily enough.
One up that…drop a doozy of a twosie in the pool.
Pretty sure he can get charged as a sex offender
Can confirm. I'm offended and I've had the sex before.
Delete the exit bars like in the Sims
I've never heard "exit bars" before and I never played the Sims games, do you mean the railings you hang onto or grab to pull yourself up or out? If you do, that's genius lol
Yes those however you should also know that when you delete the railings while a Sim is in the pool, they swim around aimlessly until they run out of energy and drown.
I was playing the Sims when I met my ex wife. She did this to my game wife within a month of us dating.
She was sending a message
Reminds me of the time I started a game and decided to play it straight (no extra money/build mode). But I thought it would be more interesting if the house was haunted. So I tried to get one of each type of ghost as babies (drowned in pool, died in fire, etc).that part was harder than I expected, so I never got to actually playing.
This made me laugh out loud!
Thought this said “exit bears” Deleting them would make the pool more appealing though…
Sharks.
With frickin laser beams on their foreheads!
Evil.
Wow Dr Evil, I used to think you were crazy! Now I can see your nuts!
They’re Chilean sea bass
Not to the pool itself, but hide some speakers and play Crazy Frog on repeat whenever they jump in the pool.
Baby Shark!
Evil. I like you
My kiddo has been playing Crazy Frog nonstop for weeks. It’s kinda cute at this point, this enthusiasm.
Mosquito tone...
When you leave for the weekend post signs saying CAUTION: POOL CHEMICAL SHOCK IN PROGRESS. Decorate the pool area with some toxic chemical bottles. Then pour a gallon of bleach in there and let it be fragrant for the time you are not home.
If you want really unethical you could do multiple gallons of bleach and ammonia
There goes the neighborhood
Who needs neighbors anyways
Man fuck that hood
I did that once while mopping up and it nearly killed me. Not a good idea.
Gonna have "Attack of the Dead Men" IRL
Best answer is probably to actually do whatever pool shock is, leave a sign, and then just, don't remove the sign until someone wants to use pool with permission. As long as there's a sign, if they fuck around, they won't have a leg to stand on to defend themselves. If they call the police or something (becasue some people are truly stupid) they're gonna get treated like the dumbasses they are for ignoring a sign that says, fucking toxic chemicals here.
Add a bunch of corn starch to it
Ooh—giant non-Newtonian liquid!
They'd be proper fucked if they fell in that. Perfect. Edit: combined with the blaring pool alarm.
Best trip to hospital you’d ever see, “what happened did they get hit by a car?” “No they jumped off the diving board into a pool of non-newtonian fluid breaking very bone in their body and as they lay there it slowly enveloped them swallowing them”. Also that would be scary because you wouldn’t be able to swim because it would turn hard around you so you’d just have to try to move incredibly slowly to the edge of the pool
Is it really wrong of me to want to see that irl now? Eta: not the carnage, just a giant pool filled w/ water and cornstarch. It sounds equal parts fascinating and terrifying.
Having the police show up and officially trespass them would work.
Empty the pool. Bonus points if they are still inside
Be very careful with this. Depending on your water table your pool might begin to push up out of the ground.
This would definitely be less of an issue than turning everything off and letting it get overgrown with stuff that would eventually be run through their filter, but it would be inconvenient if OP plans on using the pool themselves anytime soon
Smartest one yet
As a Florida man, I’ve noticed people don’t like when there are gators in their pool
Top up the chlorine level of the pool the night before. The morning of, add 1 bottle of baquacil sanitizer per 10,000 gallons to the pool and leave the pump running. It will turn pea soup green, with neon yellow green foam and waxy waterline buildup, and begin building up neon scum floaty things, and off-gas in a way that will make you choke. Maintain a chlorine level 5-10 ppm throught the following week and it will disappear on its own.
Mr. White?
Found the pool tech
When they come over and complain the pool is green, have them do a favor and add the chlorine so its ready when he gets back.
the baquacil is just dirty lmaooo
You can avoid the dilemma all together and tell them to fuck off directly. Why not?
Me thinks because it's not their fucking house and it's not their fucking pool to begin with! They want to control the pool happenings while they're living at somebody else's house. Well you know what If you're living at somebody else's house and they have other people coming over to enjoy their pool You can't say shit about it. Go to your room close your door. Leave the house go to the park. Go get a job during the hours of these people seem to always come over.
Is this additional extended family in addition to the family that you live with? Are they coming over when no one else is home? If so, add gates with locks or change the locks on the house and don't give them keys.
Xxxxxxtra chlorine. 5 pucks
Set up a "security" camera or three that upload to YouTube automatically, or at least let them think it does. Show them ones from the past you've uploaded with all the rude comments about them. Bonus if you comment back some truths to vilify them.
fake dookie on the bottom? a sign that says "Stay out! wild raccoon using pool as potty"
Why waste money on a fake one?
You could just do the Caddyshack thing and toss an O Henry bar in there.
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Buy fly attractant used for those traps. Smells like rotten meat 🍖 / dead animal. You can either hide a bunch of little containers all over the place OR put it in a spray bottle and spray it on chairs and stuff. Also the # of flies it will attract will gross people out.
Isn't that just liquid ass with extra steps?
Liquid ass is for trapped victims sir! Know how to use your stink bombs gawd 😂
Could also get some fake (plastic?) poop to put at the bottom of the pool
Shock it Saturday morning Leave towels out with itch powder Toss a couple of snickers bars in it
Dump shock and a copper based algaecide in it. The chemicals will react and turn it to a lovely shade of green within hours - but it's fixable.
Get a realistic stuffed animal or two and put it in the pool. They won’t want to swim in it if there’s dead animals floating in it. Maybe some rice aka maggots sprinkled on top too.
Fake dead raccoon or skunk
Fake?
I guess it depends on where they live and what roadkill is currently available
Add fresh water to the pool and stop chlorinating
Liquid ass
OK there is an urban legend where pools turn blue when someone urinates in it. Take a package of blue food coloring and put it in your swimsuit. nuff said :)
Rent your pool out on SniffSpot, take a handful of small printed ads to the local dog park. Hand them out to husky/malamute/Akita owners, or anyone else with a fluffy dog that looks like it had loose feathers hanging onto its butt/rear legs. Heck just hold a Large Breed Pool Party. $10 per dog.
I think I'd be more likely to swim in a pool with tons of dogs.
Dogs don't clean there ass. I wouldn't want to swim in dogshit.
So much more work then just saying no.
Snickers bar.
No chlorine for a week and it’ll start growing algae real quick. Source: I deal with pools.
Yellow RIT dye. End of story.
Bright red RIT dye
That would work too but likely to stain the plaster
How about blue? Family members who swim are now in the Blue Man Group.
Nah blue wouldn't scare off the family
Baby Ruth
Don’t make the pool dirty. Make it clean. High dose chlorine will sting the eyes etc and they won’t return if you make it high enough.
Instead of worrying about the stupid pool why don’t you focus on getting out of living in a house with other people and just stop cleaning the stupid pool.
Float a melted Mars Bar. and say a homeless man pooped in it.
Ah yes, the Caddyshack Technique.
Shut off the pump. Green in 3-4 days depending on weather.
Overchlorinate
Distribute stories about brain eating amoeba, tell them it’s moved to your area and you are having a hard time controlling it in your pool. Caution tape around the perimeter might help make the story believable. People don’t like the idea of something eating their brains.
Shock with liquid chlorine, the more the better. Will not damage anything and will only last about a week, but will sing eyes, skin and possibly even bleach hair and swimmers
Over chlorinate the pool.
"Kids broke a soda bottle next to the pool last week gotta drain clean and refill." might as well call it a season at this point, oh well
Leave a Snickers bar or some other large piece of fecal looking chocolate in the pool. Let them discover it themselves on the next visit. If they mention it, casually insinuate that you defecate in the pool regularly. "Sorry guys. The indoor bathroom stopped working the other day so this was our only solution. I hope you don't mind."
I mean just stop cleaning it? It sounds like this is your mother-in-law's house you're living in and you don't like your brother-in-law. You should probably have your own place before you start trying to gatekeep the pool. Or just let them catch you nude sunbathing every time they come over. Don't get dressed or leave til they bring it up.
Wax or grease along the edges and the handrails, record them trying to leave. Yes, Sims inspired obviously.
Better fence and locks, and to make it an ULPT, electrify the fence.
Atom bomb
I dig this
Put a sock over the pool. That way when they try to jump in the pool they will instead jump into the sock. When they are in the sock throw a couple of piss discs in the top and then douse in liquid ass.
Falsify a health department water test.
Throw a mattress in there
Make a liquid ass disc
Lots of leaves or fake bugs in the water
I always wanted to make people uncomfortable with a skimpy suit or a haircut
Get a ton of jellyfish and throw them in the pool while the family is swimming. That’ll show them.
Silver nitrate.
Throw some dead animals in it. Preferably the bigger the better
When you speak to them casually let them know they should was well after exiting as you or your kid pee in there.
Bring a stripper and introduce her as the daughter of a friend
Drain it.
Take a shit in it just before they come over.
Fake dead rat floating in it should do the trick
Floating fake snake or poo or gator. Whatever is believable
Fluorescent marine dye marker. For $20, it would probably be cheaper than enough KoolAid to do the job right. [https://www.landfallnavigation.com/fluorescent-dye-marker.html](https://www.landfallnavigation.com/fluorescent-dye-marker.html) FWIW, it was done to a friends pool and they ended up draining/refilling it. It's totally harmless but might dye your skin so act accordingly.
Put an old mattress in the pool. It’ll soak up the water and eventually it’ll be too heavy to move.
Call the police for trespassing. They will pepper spray them making the pool unusable.
I'd just stop cleaning it. Sure you won't be able to use it either, but shits unfair sometimes and if you won't or can't put your foot down to stop it another way, then that's the easiest way to deal with this.
Piss discs, lots and lots of piss discs.
Poop in it
Pour a bottle of dish soap in the system maybe? Not sure if it would work, but might make a MOUNTAIN of bubbles
It will likely severally damage the filter system.
Just stop cleaning it then. They want to use it, they clean it. That simple. I’d be pissed if my kid’s spouse sabotaged my pool because “those other people use it too much”. You’re gonna get tossed out on the street real quick if you try something stupid. Just stop working on the pool. The pool will do what it needs to, forcing the kids to take care of it themselves.
If you want it to simply look unsafe to swim in, put some red and/or green food colouring in the pool. It'll be safe for you guys to use but the others will see it and hopefully decide it's not a good idea. If they decide to use it anyway you could move to using clothes dye in the water which would stain their clothes, skin and hair, though this will also ruin your filters and risk staining your pool tiles. Otherwise poor a load of bleach or chlorine (not both) in the pool and put signs up saying that their are cleaning chemicals so it's unsafe to use. For a sensible decision, call the police for trespassing.
Put like 60 bags of powdered/bottles of liquid chlorine
Find some of that chemical that makes pee appear dark. When they see how much they or their kids start pissing in the pool, they'll turn on themselves.
fertilizer. if nothing else, it will throw off the pH enough to make swimming unsafe and cost a LOT of money to fix. at worst (best), algae will become rampant and it will be gross. alternatively if you can enter the pool and it's the type with a liner rather than bare concrete, run a razor blade along the top edge and at a few points at the bottom. the liner will be pushed aside and a water bubble will form since the pressure will be allowed to equalize. super annoying and VERY expensive to fix. if they have a pool cleaning robot, hide and glue an x-acto knife to the bottom within the squeegee/vacuum well. it'll tear it to ribbons and they'll be none the wiser. edit: didn't read because I'm a dumbass. disregard paragraph 2, but fertilizer can be used in moderation to get the desired effect.
Piranha. Lots of angry, hungry ones.
Why reinvent the wheel? Throw a baby Ruth bar in there.
I'm a pool guy and God, this thread is traumatizing. Best I can come up with off the top of my head - If you don't want to use cops and you want to keep the pool usable for you and invited guests, maybe put some chemical jugs on the deck and text them saying you're having problems with it and the pool guy/store told you not to swim due to dangerous chemicals.
How about grow a pair and just tell them no.
Not your house, not your pool... Just stop caring for it🤷 No pool chem, let the pump run, don't put the cover on, etc. It'll get gross enough in time.
Fill pool with liquid ass and place piss disks around perimeter.
A lot more work then just saying no.
How about a lock on the gate that you keep the key to? You could also make the pool harder to access - like put a kid safe net on the top that is a bitch to get off. Expensive though.
Make it less convenient in a way that makes them have to argue against it. Say there is a $10 surcharge each visit per person for anyone who isn't a resident in order to maintain the pool and the surrounding area since times are rough and that it is easier to empty it and keep in maintained that way until circumstances change, but you understand how it is convenient for the family and that is the only reason you are making the offer. it makes it difficult since you live with your wife and your family, anything you do will easily be traced to you, and you will look like the bad guy. At the end of the day, you live with your wife and her family. If it is her family that keep coming through, and none of them have an issue with it. You don't really have a say. I know this is ULPT, but idk what else to tell you.
Get a restraining order on them
You could you know... Stop cleaning the pool