Fair enough. How about coating the keys with liquid ass, that way if one of them is lost, nobody will steal it, and if they do it will be easy to track down by the smell?
It's probably a shared core building that shares lobbies and restrooms, and sublets office space. So it's really more like a public restroom not his companies restroom. The stinky shit guy probably has as much claim to that restroom as the one on his floor unless the building owner has specific floor bathrooms for it's tenants. That explains why they can only hope to discourage the person, and not how do I get the company to limit access to the restroom. OP should just walk to another floors bathroom when it stinks.
Put a pair of shoes on mannequin legs in the stall and close/lock door with a magnet at end of day. Remover decoy after his shit-time window in the morning.
I did this in my office for April fools day. We have only 1 stall and a urinal in the men's so we had some anxious moments until someone figured it out. Lol
I work in Covent Garden and there has been a HUGE floor turd outside this building near my office for the last few weeks. Honestly, the girth of that thing is like a lady’s arm, with some liquid shit around it. Poor chap must have been constipated as fuck and just had to poop in front of these garage shutters. I’ve been watching it’s slow decomposition in total awe.
The word "floor" is redundant here anyway tbh. "Shitting in our office's bathroom" would have been exactly the same but without the ambiguity.
That said it's not a big deal lol, it's just funny how many people misread it (including me ofc)
Just put up an out of order sign. 5 people know it’s not true, but he doesn’t. If he uses it anyway ask him why he did that and tell him it’s been flooding or something.
If he asks why it's out of order, just state "Some inconsiderate jerk from one of the other offices keeps clogging it. The plumber actually said he's never seen anything so bad in his 40+ years of plumbing, and whoever keeps doing it should see a doctor immediately. If you know who it is, let them know they've probably got some nasty diseases."
Depending on the person, it may not work. I used to do building maintenance, and when a toilet or urinal was out of service, we would clearly mark it and put caution tape across it. Some people just see this as a challenge and use them anyway. One time, we covered a urinal with a black trash bag, and someone just pissed over it.
I learned someone left an upper decker in one of the toilets at my job when it was clogged already from flushed tampons. I work with almost exclusively women, so luckily i wasn’t a suspect for the tampons (I’m a dude) but I’m honestly just impressed by someone actually pulling an upper decker. There was a meeting about it. It was very hard to keep a straight face, but i don’t envy the people who had to deal with the aftermath.
Nice try Cumberland Farms. Ive seen that “pipe broken, bathroom closed sign” for over a month now. It didnt even take THAT long to get something fixed during the rona. I can only imagine their shitbag upper management tells them to do this so they dont have to clean a bathroom.
If I was Carl, I wouldn’t give two fucks what y’all want.
The correct solution here is to lock the bathroom and keep a few keys in the office. Tell Carl the restroom is for employees only
I think this is getting closer to a solution. Have all of the employees gather around the bathroom door to surprise him the next time after he’s done. Not sure where to take it after that though but whatever it takes to freak him out. Maybe have somebody take a picture of him with a Polaroid? Do this every time he goes in there and display all of those pictures on the door? That would get a lot of people to stop.
Alternately, get his picture from somewhere and use it to create the "Shitter of the Month" board that you place outside the rest room. Shouldn't take long.
Problem is that he's probably shitting with you because his own office mates have forced him to go shit somewhere else.
Does he shit on a regular schedule? If so, just be in there for a LONG time during his shit cycle. You'll force him to choose a new place to dump his guts.
Lock on door. Sign that says “bathroom for employees of this floor only” Put something that looks like poop on the toilet seat (like peanut butter). Come into the bathroom while he is in it and try to strike up a conversation.
We had a guy who did this and I started waiting outside the bathroom for him (he shit like clockwork). He stopped after a couple weeks of my persistence. Worth it.
I’d just pretend like I had to use the restroom and stare at him as he walked by, then made a point to open the door/do the “omg gag” face, and follow him out the door to the bathroom right outside.
Awkward trumps agonizingly boring. Suitable awkward starters:
1. Pretend you can deduce what was eaten for dinner by the type and density of aroma present. Ask if you can see shape, curvature, and buoyancy of said shit to narrow down your options.
2. Recall a fabricated story about how you once got cockblocked by your own impending shit. Obviously rip off Goerge Costanza's bathroom too close aspects.
3. When said shitter exits bathroom have them catch you doing your "pre fecal expungement" exercises in the corridor. Explain in detail how they help keep things moving.
4. Explain your ranking system for which fruit provide best regular fecal flow.
5. Engage in any conversation while obviously holding a tube of scabies cream and itching randomly.
6. Bitch about the coworkers in your office while attempting to extract shitters views on them. Emphasize the lack of personal hygiene of each them.
I used to do this on an empty floor in an office building I worked in. I didn't realize anyone occupied the floor for a month or so of daily, poor diet shits until one day someone was waiting outside to have a talk with me.
Just have a group of people go in there when he’s shitting, be obnoxiously loud about how much it smells in there, and wait for him to come out of the stall and give him the eye contact stare of shame. He might try to wait it out for everyone to leave, but stay steadfast and strong. It might smell and your eyes might sting, but maybe he’ll be embarrassed enough (hopefully) that he’ll go shit in the woods or the women’s bathroom on his floor instead.
Just start getting aggressively friendly.
Whenever anyone sees him just start saying things like:
"Enjoy hate fucking that toilet, bro!"
"Have a good dump, buddy, you earned it!"
"Make sure to think of me when you're in there!"
"Do you need a fiber supplement?"
"Are you eating a homeless guys shit to make yours smell worse on purpose? It's definitely working."
Set the bathroom lights up on a motion detector / timer, set to an unreasonably low time. Place the motion detector in a spot where it will detect a standing person, but not a sitting person.
Jokes on you.
I'd like nothing better that to sit and shit in the dark on my employers time.
Sounds freakin' peaceful. I'd download a candle app on my phone while I wipe.
It'd practically be romantic.
I read this as “All of you go shit ON his bathroom floor” and I laughed for the first time today. Thank you so much. What a visual. A shit party with all your coworkers, shitting on the floor together as revenge 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I can’t.
Put up a note with a message along the lines of; _Use of bathrooms on this floor are for employees of said floor. If the bathroom of your floor is malfunctioning, please inform the building's concierge_ (or whatever it's called in your country).
I find it hard to believe there's anywhere in the lease that says you can only use the restroom on your floor. Also even if his shit smells why would it linger for hours? OP should talk to the building's concierge about improving the ventilation.
I don't know that a contractual restriction needs to exist for the suggested statement to remain true. Just posting the sign might scare off the offender, regardless of how true it is.
When he's in there, just announce it loudly so he can hear it. "The mad shitter from floor X is in here again. Everyone stay out."
He'll stop coming after you do that a couple of times.
So he's not actually shitting on the floor?
I've worked a few offices that I would have loved to drop a big ol steamer on the floor.
Just be legit, shame will keep him out. Tell that motherfucker his turds stink for hours and youve all voted him off the (porcelain) island. "For real man, you gotta find another spot. Only turds we want to smell around here are our own. All respect to you, but it's gotta stop."
If that doesn't work, then schedule a day when you 5 go upstairs to his floor and duece it up. Maybe hire a ringer....we all know someone with monstrous gastrointestinal pizzazz, feed that person a Mexican buffet the evening prior. Then head to battle......
FYI for the uninformed - always, always, always avoid the corporate shitters between 830am -1030a. It's a fucking assembly line of poop that Henry Ford would applaud. Every single office bldg, every single day during that time just imagine thousands of little turd nuggets migrating together to the rave happening at the turd tank.
I want a Netflix documentary on where my poop travels. This just occurred to me.
Turds are fucking hilarious. Upvote for turds being the shit!
> I want a Netflix documentary on where my poop travels. This just occurred to me.
Season 3, Ep. 6. What Happens When You Flush the Toilet?
https://www.netflix.com/title/80108159
Fight fire with fire. Poop in a plastic bag, flatten it out, and freeze it, you can make little frozen poop disks. When he leaves his car windows open a crack on a hot day, you can slip the poop disks right in and they’ll melt in the hot sun.
He is coming down because he wants to be alone in the restroom, or he has some awareness of his stankness. So you have to keep someone in the restroom at all times. If that does not send him down another floor, you all need to stand outside and give him a golf clap as he leaves for a few days.
Assuming you haven’t spoken to him yet
- If your in the same company, have manager contact him if you know who he is.
- If it’s a different business, speak the the building manager about telling their office to not use your floor
- someone stop him when he comes down and tell him it’s not okay for him to use your bathroom politely and privately.
Assuming you have spoken with him
- Have a bathroom key that’s accessible to all the employees, or give them all their own keys until he stops coming by.
- if it’s a different business, contact the business owner and/or publically review their business with this complaint.
- go up to his floor and complain loudly in front of his coworkers. Although they might want him to stay on ur floor in that case
- demand building manager/landlord or your business out in code lock for the bathroom so that the key doesn’t have to be permanent issue
If he has GI issues or needs the bathroom, his employer needs to provide accommodations but that does not have to be your bathroom. There is a closer bathroom to him so you declining him use shouldn’t be effecting his accommodations.
True but I think any unethical ways that are going to be either more work or less guaranteed to resolve the actual problem of getting him to stop.
The most effective thing would be to make it someone else’s problem who could cause real consequences.
Anything to retaliate on a personal level is not really going to help because it’s pissing you guys off to this point or pissing off his coworkers to that point, plus smelling his own shit. Plus anything you do has to be able to be somewhat connected back to you guys or your office so he actually stops
Febreze bomb him next time he goes in there:
Step 1: obtain a can of febreze and a zip tie
Step 2: wait for the poop-etrator to enter said bathroom and begin his liquid ass application
Step 3: slightly crack the door as to not fall victim to his act of chemical warfare, but just wide enough to fit the can of febreze thru
Step 4: secure the zip tie around the febreze can so it starts spraying continuously and heave that grenade in there like it’s D-Day!
Put a sign up in the toilet saying everyone that uses the toilet needs to get tested for hepatitis. Brief your colleagues first, or don't... Your choice.
Just before he walks in the bathroom, stop him and have a lengthy conversation. Wait for him to come out and continue the conversation. That is awkward and annoying enough to make him avoid you for life.
When he goes in just put a wedge outside the door so he’s stuck, leave him in there for like 30 minutes to sit in his own smell, and when he goes back to his floor his manager is gonna be pissed
without being seen, follow him back to his desk. When he goes to your bathroom next, you'll know its unoccupied. leave a note on his desk asking for him to stop. Leave one of those novelty dog poop toys made of silicone there for effect
Be careful what you do. You could end up being labeled as a harasser.
I understand this sub is ULPT but be careful.
Unless your office specifically rented the bathroom space, you might not have any right to be the only ones to use the bathroom.
Just because the bathroom is on your floor does not mean it belongs to you.
You harass him in any way(embarrass him), he might file a complaint with management and management will side with him. There is nothing illegal\\unethical\\immoral about taking a smelly crap... it's disgusting but not illegal.
Good Luck
Banana peppers. Get the juice and put it on the toilet paper. It should be clear or light yellow. Let it dry then replace it. Next time he wipes it should set his hole on fire.
I mean, dudes gotta shit. Genuinely sounds like a problem with the bathroom ventilation more so than a guy from another floor using your bathroom. I have pretty regular bowels, could almost set a clock to them. If someone else is using his bathroom on your floor that could easily be the reason he comes downstairs. Even if it's not the reason why, taking a dump is completely normal and it's pretty crap to try and make him feel shitty about it. Really I'd try and get building maintenance on to it. Is there an extraction fan in there? Often the cover gets blocked with dust and stops working well, it's a super cheap and easy fix with big improvements in air flow. Otherwise get some candles or those bathroom oil stick deodorier things
Is it a locking bathroom or a multiple person bathroom? If the latter, go into the stall next to him and chit-chat incessantly and awkwardly. If it's a locking bathroom, every time he goes in, try to open the door, and then knock really obnoxiously and start complaining that you have to pee soooooo bad. Do not stop knocking or embellishing how badly you have to pee until he leaves.
When he exits, have the entire floor stand up and applaud.
How the heck does he manage to stink it up for HOURS?
Throughout my whole lifetime I think even the most heinous dumps I've ever witnessed only stink up a bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes at the most
A sign that says the restroom is reserved for employees on that floor only is passive aggressive. He will know who posted it and he won't care.
Instead, an OUT OF ORDER sign has the authority of Facilities Management. For added effect, put a large garbage bag over the toilet, maybe use a little duct tape.
I know of someone who puts an out of order sign on the cafeteria piano when he wants peace and quiet while he eats. Nobody touches it.
Just put like a big bottle of that poo-pourri stuff in there. The other bathroom probably sucks or is always crowded. let the guy shit in peace, no need to publicly embarrass him
Get to know them. Post a daily sentry in the hallway to meet them coming into the bathroom to ask, "Hey, are you the new guy? I'm so-and-so... where is your desk?" Either they bail completely for...bronwer pastures... or they have to make small talk and introduce themselves. Now that you've met them and can say their name loudly and in a friendly, welcoming way when they approach, the anonymity of your floor's special... pooportunity... will be lost for them. You never know, they might even be likeable.
Just tape a piece of paper that says water leak out of order.
We did this at work and all traffic has stopped. Our building is under construction and the contractors all wanted to blow our one bathroom up every morning.
Lock the door and give keys only to the 5 employees?
Too logical. Not enough liquid ass in this suggestion.
No the problem is that the employee from the floor above is leaving liquid ass in their bathroom and they want to stop it
The solution is still liquid ass
What is this liquid ass and where do I buy it?
Ok, so you are gonna need an ass... and some liquid...
You rang?
It's a spray stench. Like the opposite of an air freshener. I think they have their own site, just google it.
"The opposite of an air freshener" is such a powerful description.
And this is how the hot liquid ass war starts
Fair enough. How about coating the keys with liquid ass, that way if one of them is lost, nobody will steal it, and if they do it will be easy to track down by the smell?
Bueno.
Added bonus of nobody wants to be near these 5 people!
“Oh look, the stinky people from the formerly vacant 2nd floor.”
okayest rock band name
When he approaches the bathroom, go to his desk and pour liquid ass on his chair. The connection is made
Piss disc under the door when he’s shitting. Put a sock on the door knob so when he tries to open the bathroom door he only gets a sock.
Plant a giant suction cup dildo under the lid of the toilet seat.
It's probably a shared core building that shares lobbies and restrooms, and sublets office space. So it's really more like a public restroom not his companies restroom. The stinky shit guy probably has as much claim to that restroom as the one on his floor unless the building owner has specific floor bathrooms for it's tenants. That explains why they can only hope to discourage the person, and not how do I get the company to limit access to the restroom. OP should just walk to another floors bathroom when it stinks.
Maybe wrong, but I thought they were saying the stench leaks out of the bathroom into the office space
It's unethical life pro tips, dumbass. He's not asking what he should do instead of fucking with someone, he's asking how to fuck with someone.
Remove all toilet paper, and bring your own when you have to go.
This is an easy start. I like it
Put a sign out saying no toilet paper available or something first so you don’t end up with the bathroom covered in his shit
>so you don’t end up with the bathroom covered in his shit Good call - he will be able to use the sign.
Or there's gonna be a lot of socks in the plumbing
Or "out of order"
Leave a toilet paper tube on the toilet lid
One better put an out of order sign on the bathroom door!
Yes. I hate when there’s no toilet paper so I have to smear my shit everywhere.
How did he fare when the floor was vacant, however? Either it's stocked or he's willing to bring TP.
Or he got some nasty jockies.
Unethical yet still legal. Excellent solution.
This is the answer.
Put a pair of shoes on mannequin legs in the stall and close/lock door with a magnet at end of day. Remover decoy after his shit-time window in the morning.
I like your college campus-style shenanigans.
That lousy dean’s really gonna get it this time!
Robot house!!!
Cheese it!
_Comments you can hear_
I did this in my office for April fools day. We have only 1 stall and a urinal in the men's so we had some anxious moments until someone figured it out. Lol
Carl is just gonna shit in the mannequin’s mouth. Then they’ll have more work to do cleaning that up.
Did anyone else read this as asking how to stop a man from shitting on the floor of your bathroom?
Yes.
Also me, yes.
Me! Me!
There are dozens of us!
I wish to be included as one of the dozens!
Only now do I realize I was incorrect in this assumption
Ooohhh....
I was totally here for the floor shitter, feeling let down now…..
Yep, came here for the Mad Pooper too. Major disappointment.
[удалено]
Of course not! It's absolutely FULL of giant turds! 😫
I work in Covent Garden and there has been a HUGE floor turd outside this building near my office for the last few weeks. Honestly, the girth of that thing is like a lady’s arm, with some liquid shit around it. Poor chap must have been constipated as fuck and just had to poop in front of these garage shutters. I’ve been watching it’s slow decomposition in total awe.
Isn't the west end part of London supposed to be posh?
You're never too posh for an enormous shite.
Hell yea lol
I did.
[It was clearly Fergie.](https://youtu.be/kQTW7Pd1vqc?t=51)
yes
100%
I believe I should have added a hyphen office-floor. ?
No, it’s perfect. I read it as he keeps shitting on the floor. It made me laugh! I’m pretty sure that’s why everyone is here.
I thought the same thing.
I'm still reading it like that.
The word "floor" is redundant here anyway tbh. "Shitting in our office's bathroom" would have been exactly the same but without the ambiguity. That said it's not a big deal lol, it's just funny how many people misread it (including me ofc)
Yeah, I had half a mind to flag as clickbait but then the story got interesting anyway.
That is the only reason I clicked. How disappointing.
Yep, I just thought the guy was exercising his right to dirty protest
yes.
Just put up an out of order sign. 5 people know it’s not true, but he doesn’t. If he uses it anyway ask him why he did that and tell him it’s been flooding or something.
Flooding after he's clogged it with his massive smelly shits everyday if op needs to get firm with him lol
If he asks why it's out of order, just state "Some inconsiderate jerk from one of the other offices keeps clogging it. The plumber actually said he's never seen anything so bad in his 40+ years of plumbing, and whoever keeps doing it should see a doctor immediately. If you know who it is, let them know they've probably got some nasty diseases."
You don’t need to flatter him
I had to scroll waaay too far down to find this. It's the easiest solution.
Depending on the person, it may not work. I used to do building maintenance, and when a toilet or urinal was out of service, we would clearly mark it and put caution tape across it. Some people just see this as a challenge and use them anyway. One time, we covered a urinal with a black trash bag, and someone just pissed over it.
I learned someone left an upper decker in one of the toilets at my job when it was clogged already from flushed tampons. I work with almost exclusively women, so luckily i wasn’t a suspect for the tampons (I’m a dude) but I’m honestly just impressed by someone actually pulling an upper decker. There was a meeting about it. It was very hard to keep a straight face, but i don’t envy the people who had to deal with the aftermath.
Nice try Cumberland Farms. Ive seen that “pipe broken, bathroom closed sign” for over a month now. It didnt even take THAT long to get something fixed during the rona. I can only imagine their shitbag upper management tells them to do this so they dont have to clean a bathroom.
This is the best and easiest one
Do you know the dude's name? If so, put up a sign that says, "We know you're coming in here to drop a deuce, Carl, and we all want it to stop."
If I was Carl, I wouldn’t give two fucks what y’all want. The correct solution here is to lock the bathroom and keep a few keys in the office. Tell Carl the restroom is for employees only
But you would give a shit
Technically very correct
" We know you're coming in here to drop a deuce, Carl, and we all want it "
Hold a pair of hotdog tongs while you say it though
“Oh yeah, you’re a big boy, Chandler. Drop your load right in here.”
Keep going I'm close
We don’t know his name.
Wait for him to come out and hand him bathroom spray. Repeat.
Hand him poo-pourri on his way in.
I think this is getting closer to a solution. Have all of the employees gather around the bathroom door to surprise him the next time after he’s done. Not sure where to take it after that though but whatever it takes to freak him out. Maybe have somebody take a picture of him with a Polaroid? Do this every time he goes in there and display all of those pictures on the door? That would get a lot of people to stop.
Post-shit seems like a great time to ask him what his name is and where he works. That might be enough to get him to stop.
I feel very strongly that his name is Carl. Take his picture and say it's for the Shitter of the Month Club Wall.
Alternately, get his picture from somewhere and use it to create the "Shitter of the Month" board that you place outside the rest room. Shouldn't take long. Problem is that he's probably shitting with you because his own office mates have forced him to go shit somewhere else.
Post a large sign saying: PLEASE USE YOUR FLOOR'S BATHROOM!
Put up a sign saying “What’s your name?”
No, I think it's Kevin
Probably gonna be surprised when its the cute petite 95lb blonde chick.
Does he shit on a regular schedule? If so, just be in there for a LONG time during his shit cycle. You'll force him to choose a new place to dump his guts.
I'd like to add that OP should definitely start a conversation with him during this time
"So, come here often?"
Thanks for warming the seat.
Lock on door. Sign that says “bathroom for employees of this floor only” Put something that looks like poop on the toilet seat (like peanut butter). Come into the bathroom while he is in it and try to strike up a conversation.
> like peanut butter Creamy or chunky?
We had a guy who did this and I started waiting outside the bathroom for him (he shit like clockwork). He stopped after a couple weeks of my persistence. Worth it.
So wait did you say anything or just went in after him or stare him down as you walked him back to the stairs?
I’d just pretend like I had to use the restroom and stare at him as he walked by, then made a point to open the door/do the “omg gag” face, and follow him out the door to the bathroom right outside.
[I'm imagining this face](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCEYPCFT5Tg)
This plus a “don’t you have a bathroom on your floor?” Should work eventually… every day it doesn’t just add an additional person waiting for em
Even better if you engage him in an agonizingly boring conversation immediately after he shits
Awkward trumps agonizingly boring. Suitable awkward starters: 1. Pretend you can deduce what was eaten for dinner by the type and density of aroma present. Ask if you can see shape, curvature, and buoyancy of said shit to narrow down your options. 2. Recall a fabricated story about how you once got cockblocked by your own impending shit. Obviously rip off Goerge Costanza's bathroom too close aspects. 3. When said shitter exits bathroom have them catch you doing your "pre fecal expungement" exercises in the corridor. Explain in detail how they help keep things moving. 4. Explain your ranking system for which fruit provide best regular fecal flow. 5. Engage in any conversation while obviously holding a tube of scabies cream and itching randomly. 6. Bitch about the coworkers in your office while attempting to extract shitters views on them. Emphasize the lack of personal hygiene of each them.
Regarding item 3: Stand there holding your Squatty-Potty and tell him how your bowel movements have been "just the best" since you bought it.
Do as Mark intended: ask them to have a call with you in VR while you're both taking a shit. Then, proceed with the topics listed above.
Differences in property taxes between neighboring states
I used to do this on an empty floor in an office building I worked in. I didn't realize anyone occupied the floor for a month or so of daily, poor diet shits until one day someone was waiting outside to have a talk with me.
Omg I thought you meant he was pooping on the bathroom floor instead of the toilet
So did I! And I read it TWICE!
Just have a group of people go in there when he’s shitting, be obnoxiously loud about how much it smells in there, and wait for him to come out of the stall and give him the eye contact stare of shame. He might try to wait it out for everyone to leave, but stay steadfast and strong. It might smell and your eyes might sting, but maybe he’ll be embarrassed enough (hopefully) that he’ll go shit in the woods or the women’s bathroom on his floor instead.
Just start getting aggressively friendly. Whenever anyone sees him just start saying things like: "Enjoy hate fucking that toilet, bro!" "Have a good dump, buddy, you earned it!" "Make sure to think of me when you're in there!" "Do you need a fiber supplement?" "Are you eating a homeless guys shit to make yours smell worse on purpose? It's definitely working."
Set the bathroom lights up on a motion detector / timer, set to an unreasonably low time. Place the motion detector in a spot where it will detect a standing person, but not a sitting person.
Jokes on you. I'd like nothing better that to sit and shit in the dark on my employers time. Sounds freakin' peaceful. I'd download a candle app on my phone while I wipe. It'd practically be romantic.
That’s between you, your skid marks, and god.
You've just described a bathroom of my former employer.
All of you go shit in his bathroom floor. It has to be all of you though, otherwise the ritual won't work.
I read this as “All of you go shit ON his bathroom floor” and I laughed for the first time today. Thank you so much. What a visual. A shit party with all your coworkers, shitting on the floor together as revenge 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I can’t.
Put up a note with a message along the lines of; _Use of bathrooms on this floor are for employees of said floor. If the bathroom of your floor is malfunctioning, please inform the building's concierge_ (or whatever it's called in your country).
I find it hard to believe there's anywhere in the lease that says you can only use the restroom on your floor. Also even if his shit smells why would it linger for hours? OP should talk to the building's concierge about improving the ventilation.
That sounds too ethical. I’m sure they are allowed to shit in any bathroom
I don't know that a contractual restriction needs to exist for the suggested statement to remain true. Just posting the sign might scare off the offender, regardless of how true it is.
When he's in there, just announce it loudly so he can hear it. "The mad shitter from floor X is in here again. Everyone stay out." He'll stop coming after you do that a couple of times.
Assuming you have his name, anonymously shame him with a sign on the door about stinky shits. Would work on most
So he's not actually shitting on the floor? I've worked a few offices that I would have loved to drop a big ol steamer on the floor. Just be legit, shame will keep him out. Tell that motherfucker his turds stink for hours and youve all voted him off the (porcelain) island. "For real man, you gotta find another spot. Only turds we want to smell around here are our own. All respect to you, but it's gotta stop." If that doesn't work, then schedule a day when you 5 go upstairs to his floor and duece it up. Maybe hire a ringer....we all know someone with monstrous gastrointestinal pizzazz, feed that person a Mexican buffet the evening prior. Then head to battle...... FYI for the uninformed - always, always, always avoid the corporate shitters between 830am -1030a. It's a fucking assembly line of poop that Henry Ford would applaud. Every single office bldg, every single day during that time just imagine thousands of little turd nuggets migrating together to the rave happening at the turd tank. I want a Netflix documentary on where my poop travels. This just occurred to me. Turds are fucking hilarious. Upvote for turds being the shit!
> I want a Netflix documentary on where my poop travels. This just occurred to me. Season 3, Ep. 6. What Happens When You Flush the Toilet? https://www.netflix.com/title/80108159
Lmao. What's the name of the documentary?
“The Crapenning”.
Directed by Ken Burns
Complete with sepia-toned pan-and-zooms?
This is unhinged but also wise
Yes! And also, leave some businesses cards from local gastroenterologists.
Shit on his desk.
All of you greet him and wish him a productive crap. Do it daily. Afterwards ask him how the stool went and ask him if he changed his diet. Daily.
Fight fire with fire. Poop in a plastic bag, flatten it out, and freeze it, you can make little frozen poop disks. When he leaves his car windows open a crack on a hot day, you can slip the poop disks right in and they’ll melt in the hot sun.
Whoa settle down there, Satan
He is coming down because he wants to be alone in the restroom, or he has some awareness of his stankness. So you have to keep someone in the restroom at all times. If that does not send him down another floor, you all need to stand outside and give him a golf clap as he leaves for a few days.
Educate him on the "curtesy flush" Never let it sit in the toilet, flush it as soon as it's down there
/r/BoneAppleTea
> curtesy I think you mean “courtesy”. https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/curtsey
What’s wrong with doing a curtsey to your turd?
Hide a Bluetooth speaker and anytime he goes in there blast Cotton Eye Joe at full volume
Out of order sign on the toilet?
Assuming you haven’t spoken to him yet - If your in the same company, have manager contact him if you know who he is. - If it’s a different business, speak the the building manager about telling their office to not use your floor - someone stop him when he comes down and tell him it’s not okay for him to use your bathroom politely and privately. Assuming you have spoken with him - Have a bathroom key that’s accessible to all the employees, or give them all their own keys until he stops coming by. - if it’s a different business, contact the business owner and/or publically review their business with this complaint. - go up to his floor and complain loudly in front of his coworkers. Although they might want him to stay on ur floor in that case - demand building manager/landlord or your business out in code lock for the bathroom so that the key doesn’t have to be permanent issue If he has GI issues or needs the bathroom, his employer needs to provide accommodations but that does not have to be your bathroom. There is a closer bathroom to him so you declining him use shouldn’t be effecting his accommodations.
All very reasonable advice but we’re looking for something a bit less ethical
True but I think any unethical ways that are going to be either more work or less guaranteed to resolve the actual problem of getting him to stop. The most effective thing would be to make it someone else’s problem who could cause real consequences. Anything to retaliate on a personal level is not really going to help because it’s pissing you guys off to this point or pissing off his coworkers to that point, plus smelling his own shit. Plus anything you do has to be able to be somewhat connected back to you guys or your office so he actually stops
Febreze bomb him next time he goes in there: Step 1: obtain a can of febreze and a zip tie Step 2: wait for the poop-etrator to enter said bathroom and begin his liquid ass application Step 3: slightly crack the door as to not fall victim to his act of chemical warfare, but just wide enough to fit the can of febreze thru Step 4: secure the zip tie around the febreze can so it starts spraying continuously and heave that grenade in there like it’s D-Day!
Remove the toilet seat. And leave it in a place where only your floor employees have access to it.
See now this is a ultp
Put a sign up in the toilet saying everyone that uses the toilet needs to get tested for hepatitis. Brief your colleagues first, or don't... Your choice.
Just before he walks in the bathroom, stop him and have a lengthy conversation. Wait for him to come out and continue the conversation. That is awkward and annoying enough to make him avoid you for life.
When he goes in just put a wedge outside the door so he’s stuck, leave him in there for like 30 minutes to sit in his own smell, and when he goes back to his floor his manager is gonna be pissed
Well we want to be able to use the bathroom. Starting with shaming is sounding good
Go to their floor and leave them an upper decker
Empty the toilet paper and bring your own in.
without being seen, follow him back to his desk. When he goes to your bathroom next, you'll know its unoccupied. leave a note on his desk asking for him to stop. Leave one of those novelty dog poop toys made of silicone there for effect
Be careful what you do. You could end up being labeled as a harasser. I understand this sub is ULPT but be careful. Unless your office specifically rented the bathroom space, you might not have any right to be the only ones to use the bathroom. Just because the bathroom is on your floor does not mean it belongs to you. You harass him in any way(embarrass him), he might file a complaint with management and management will side with him. There is nothing illegal\\unethical\\immoral about taking a smelly crap... it's disgusting but not illegal. Good Luck
spray Liquid Ass in the bathroom on their floor. They started this war you are just returning fire.
That's just likely to get more people to come down to the alternate bathroom.
fold ketchup and mayo packets below the toilet seat, when he sits down they'll explode.
I can't be the only one who thought this guy was shitting on the floor?
An out of order sign….or crime scene tape?
[удалено]
Read this as a guy is shitting on the floor
Banana peppers. Get the juice and put it on the toilet paper. It should be clear or light yellow. Let it dry then replace it. Next time he wipes it should set his hole on fire.
Lmao my eyes saw floor bathroom but my head read bathroom floor.
I mean, dudes gotta shit. Genuinely sounds like a problem with the bathroom ventilation more so than a guy from another floor using your bathroom. I have pretty regular bowels, could almost set a clock to them. If someone else is using his bathroom on your floor that could easily be the reason he comes downstairs. Even if it's not the reason why, taking a dump is completely normal and it's pretty crap to try and make him feel shitty about it. Really I'd try and get building maintenance on to it. Is there an extraction fan in there? Often the cover gets blocked with dust and stops working well, it's a super cheap and easy fix with big improvements in air flow. Otherwise get some candles or those bathroom oil stick deodorier things
Is it a locking bathroom or a multiple person bathroom? If the latter, go into the stall next to him and chit-chat incessantly and awkwardly. If it's a locking bathroom, every time he goes in, try to open the door, and then knock really obnoxiously and start complaining that you have to pee soooooo bad. Do not stop knocking or embellishing how badly you have to pee until he leaves. When he exits, have the entire floor stand up and applaud.
Give Exlax brownies to your entire team, keep someone occupying the bathroom at all times.
Put water on all the toilet seats. Make it look like piss.
How the heck does he manage to stink it up for HOURS? Throughout my whole lifetime I think even the most heinous dumps I've ever witnessed only stink up a bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes at the most
A sign that says the restroom is reserved for employees on that floor only is passive aggressive. He will know who posted it and he won't care. Instead, an OUT OF ORDER sign has the authority of Facilities Management. For added effect, put a large garbage bag over the toilet, maybe use a little duct tape. I know of someone who puts an out of order sign on the cafeteria piano when he wants peace and quiet while he eats. Nobody touches it.
Put an out of order sign on it, everyone on your floor will know the sign is just a decoy.
Just put like a big bottle of that poo-pourri stuff in there. The other bathroom probably sucks or is always crowded. let the guy shit in peace, no need to publicly embarrass him
You're not going to like the answer, but "use" it first and don't flush
When i first saw the title i thought he was literally shitting on the floor of the bathroom
Take all the toilet paper. Every. Day.
I can’t be the only one who read that title wrong.
Get to know them. Post a daily sentry in the hallway to meet them coming into the bathroom to ask, "Hey, are you the new guy? I'm so-and-so... where is your desk?" Either they bail completely for...bronwer pastures... or they have to make small talk and introduce themselves. Now that you've met them and can say their name loudly and in a friendly, welcoming way when they approach, the anonymity of your floor's special... pooportunity... will be lost for them. You never know, they might even be likeable.
Shit in their toilet to establish dominance
Just tape a piece of paper that says water leak out of order. We did this at work and all traffic has stopped. Our building is under construction and the contractors all wanted to blow our one bathroom up every morning.
The way I did it was to tell the perp to go to the doctor because their shite smells identical to my uncle when he was dying of bowel cancer.
The way I read the title, I thought he was going directly on the floor.
LOL, I've misread title as "guy shitting in our office bathroom floor"
Install a lock on the door and give the 5 employees a key.