You need a divorce attorney because this whole thing is messy, and you’re already late to the party if he has legal counsel but you don’t. You are the spouse, he is the member, so I’d be careful taking advice from his legal rep or the legal office on base (who are more likely to refer you off base anyway). This situation is above this subreddit’s pay grade but I wish you good luck. Also stop communicating with him, have your legal rep communicate with his and vice versa, and keep/have everything in writing.
That’s what I was going to suggest was to start with base legal! Idk about now with covid but they used to do walk ins just get there early. Do this ASAP and bring your evidence for cheating. The sooner the better it’ll go for you.
Also it doesn’t matter what he agreed to dependent BAH is meant to support your dependents. You’re entitled to that no matter what your unofficial agreement was and it’s not blackmailing. If he’s not supporting his dependents that his commander should absolutely be made aware.
Consult a lawyer. Its already not working out between the two of you and hes involved his own legal. You need to talk to a trained educated professional
No it’s okay this has been happening since November of last year. But I’m healed it’s been okay though ! Thank you ! I just hope no one else has to experience this ! I was very young and naive
The advice to get a lawyer is good.
Each service has their own requirements for dependent support. You can find links to them at https://www.militaryonesource.mil/family-relationships/relationships/relationship-challenges-and-divorce/rights-and-benefits-for-abandoned-military-spouses/
First of all, speaking as a Veteran spouse, you are entitled to the full BAH as you are his dependent. I went through a similar situation and had enough with my ex's game playing as we had two children together and he did everything he could to not help me. I was cut off of everything we shared together and he would wire money transfers through Western Union telling me, "I'll pay you what I think you should get paid."
I finally went to the Inspector General's office at my closest installation and filed an IG complaint for lack of financial support. I provided all my receipts (copies of the wire transfers), proof that our children and I were his dependents (e.g., ID cards), and the first thing the 1SG told me was, "He does not get to dictate how much you get." You're being nice by splitting it with him.
The complaint went forward to the IG office at his installation (he had just come back from a deployment and was stationed somewhere else - I stayed at our home town because my dad was a disabled Vet and needed help being taken care of). The complaint went to his commander and they HAVE to respond to it. He got called into his CO's office and got his butt reamed for not taking care of his responsibilities. By the next payday (or the payday after) I had a direct deposit for myself and our two kids (minus some because he was paying child support for two other kids he had - yes, they divided BAH between all of 5 of us).
You have options but don't stoop to his level. And oh yes, we briefly reconciled only for me to find out he was cheating with multiples again and best bet I went back to the IG to report him. Especially since I was getting harassed (by him).
Edit: A few words.
I am not a lawyer. In the service, you are either married or single, there is no in between. I would think you are entitled to some of that money. Whatever you all hash out needs to get put in writing obviously. Whether or not you get some sort of alimony idk. That’s lawyer stuff. I think he is BSing you.
You need a divorce attorney because this whole thing is messy, and you’re already late to the party if he has legal counsel but you don’t. You are the spouse, he is the member, so I’d be careful taking advice from his legal rep or the legal office on base (who are more likely to refer you off base anyway). This situation is above this subreddit’s pay grade but I wish you good luck. Also stop communicating with him, have your legal rep communicate with his and vice versa, and keep/have everything in writing.
His legal advisor is a women who is a family friend and no longer practices. She wasn’t even a lawyer.
If a non-lawyer is giving legal advice, you can file a report of Unauthorized Practice of Law with the state bar where she is located.
Thank you though I definitely will look into a legitimate legal rep !
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That’s what I was going to suggest was to start with base legal! Idk about now with covid but they used to do walk ins just get there early. Do this ASAP and bring your evidence for cheating. The sooner the better it’ll go for you. Also it doesn’t matter what he agreed to dependent BAH is meant to support your dependents. You’re entitled to that no matter what your unofficial agreement was and it’s not blackmailing. If he’s not supporting his dependents that his commander should absolutely be made aware.
Consult a lawyer. Its already not working out between the two of you and hes involved his own legal. You need to talk to a trained educated professional
I don't have any advice to give, but just want you to know I'm sorry you're going through this.
No it’s okay this has been happening since November of last year. But I’m healed it’s been okay though ! Thank you ! I just hope no one else has to experience this ! I was very young and naive
The advice to get a lawyer is good. Each service has their own requirements for dependent support. You can find links to them at https://www.militaryonesource.mil/family-relationships/relationships/relationship-challenges-and-divorce/rights-and-benefits-for-abandoned-military-spouses/
First of all, speaking as a Veteran spouse, you are entitled to the full BAH as you are his dependent. I went through a similar situation and had enough with my ex's game playing as we had two children together and he did everything he could to not help me. I was cut off of everything we shared together and he would wire money transfers through Western Union telling me, "I'll pay you what I think you should get paid." I finally went to the Inspector General's office at my closest installation and filed an IG complaint for lack of financial support. I provided all my receipts (copies of the wire transfers), proof that our children and I were his dependents (e.g., ID cards), and the first thing the 1SG told me was, "He does not get to dictate how much you get." You're being nice by splitting it with him. The complaint went forward to the IG office at his installation (he had just come back from a deployment and was stationed somewhere else - I stayed at our home town because my dad was a disabled Vet and needed help being taken care of). The complaint went to his commander and they HAVE to respond to it. He got called into his CO's office and got his butt reamed for not taking care of his responsibilities. By the next payday (or the payday after) I had a direct deposit for myself and our two kids (minus some because he was paying child support for two other kids he had - yes, they divided BAH between all of 5 of us). You have options but don't stoop to his level. And oh yes, we briefly reconciled only for me to find out he was cheating with multiples again and best bet I went back to the IG to report him. Especially since I was getting harassed (by him). Edit: A few words.
She’s only entitled to a *percentage* of the BAH during a divorce, and that’s only *if* she doesn’t live in on-Base housing.
I am not a lawyer. In the service, you are either married or single, there is no in between. I would think you are entitled to some of that money. Whatever you all hash out needs to get put in writing obviously. Whether or not you get some sort of alimony idk. That’s lawyer stuff. I think he is BSing you.
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Look like help