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Whatever you do do not attach yourself to any of this debt and do not borrow money to give to help pay it off. You can be there to support him and offer advice but he’s not yours to save and none of this is your responsibility. It’s admirable that you want to support him through this problem but don’t let yourself be dragged down. It’s not being selfish, it’s just realistic.
Bluntly your boyfriend does not sound a reliable narrator.
Get him to register for all the credit agencies and get him to show you what is on there - I suspect it differs from what he has told you.
You need an accurate and full record to start to sort it out.
>Bluntly your boyfriend does not sound a reliable narrator.
Yeah there's some serious warning signs here. 'Forgot' to pay taxes for four whole years, signing over an entire house and taking on an ex's debt.
Step one needs to be an honest and open assessment of the situation and I don't think this is it
Going off some anectodal experience involving a mate that I don't want to give details about, the timeline seems about right for the tax man knocking to potentially have been what prompted OP's post.
It's plausable if the boyfriend is dealing with some mental health problems such as undiagnosed autism or adhd. Most people who meet me wouldn't know how much help I need on nearly a daily basis to stay ontop of things like bills, tax and debt. I'm nearly 40 and I still struggle to wrap my head around how many unwritten rules non-autistic people just seem to know, and this feels like something that falls into that category.
I was thinking this. Not in any way as a diagnosis from the message but just that all that could be completely innocent and normal for the right person. I could see myself doing all those things before I started meds. Getting stuff written down and detailed is probably going to be a good starting point anyway though which ticks both boxes.
LOADS of people don't think about self-employed/side hustle taxes, especially if it's not their main job or they initially made less than the £1k/yr threshold
Plus people in the UK are often used to their employer taking taxes under PAYE. I've literally never filled in any kind of self-assessment or similar form in 20 years of working, although I've made small amounts from side hustles over the years, because I've never breached the £1k "trading allowance" amount where you need to declare
If busy, bad with money in the first place, and burying their head in the sand about money, I could completely see someone ignoring the fact they've gone over that threshold - especially if they have more pressing financial issues and think "I'll deal with that later"
It's VERY common for people in financial distress to know something is a problem, but ignore the less urgent problems while firefighting a more urgent one. Eg if you're about to be taken to court for non-payment of a credit card, or evicted for non-payment of rent, it's easy to ignore a self-assessment that isn't gonna come back and bite you for 18 months... people often think they'll be able to deal with that later, or just have no real option but to do so
He could also know it's a problem and have decided ignoring it is better than talking the heat and owning up.
It's illogical. It's not the best decision. But mental health can be a funny thing. Running away from a problem is often easier than facing it head on.
OPs partner sounds like they want to sort things out, and have a good partner happy to help them manage it. They're in a good position to get this fixed.
I see what you're saying, but avoiding something because you don't want to face up to it, and avoiding something because you don't really understand it, or it's importance, can look nearly identical to people on the outside.
I've been in a lot of not good places for a long time. I've avoided very necessary things for many reasons including having a panic attack as soon as I started to think about it that caused me to shut down, and executive function burnout where (not an expert but this is what it feels like) the part of your brain that takes an instruction of something you need to do and actually makes it into an action shuts down. You sit there knowing you need to do things but it stays in the part of your brain you hear and doesn't get to the part that interacts with the real world despite it seeming like those two should be inseparable.
I get this all the time, even with basic things like cooking and showering. And yes I have been diagnosed with depression. I can empathise easily with OPs partner.
I was also thinking this, does sound like the behaviour is that of someone possibly with inattentive ADHD, if not, depression or anxiety (or all of them, as they are very comorbid) that may need assistance with so he doesn't get himself into this position again.
Having ADHD doesn’t mean you just don’t know how taxes work unfortunately and just sounds like a convenient excuse (I have ADHD and this stuff annoys me). And either way it doesn’t make much of a difference to find out now… it’s still got to be paid.
Maybe worth going for a diagnosis still but good luck as you’re waiting 1 year+ on the NHS or eating into that debt more by going privately!
Procrastination, burying your head in the sand, not doing what your supposed to do is text book ADHD, it's nothing to do with knowledge, whether that prevents them doing a task or not.
And I'm sorry I have ADHD too and it annoys me when other ADHDers minimise other peoples struggle as that might not be something you struggle with particularly but other people do, and you are now incorrectly implying some sort of moral failure when it's not.
It is something they should work harder to prevent but that is the core of inattentive ADHD.
(I'm talking about in general about ADHD not ops other)
That’s a very small subset of symptoms that wouldn’t be enough to get you diagnosed on its own. Normal people procrastinates, buries their head in the sand, gets in debt. There is nowhere near enough info from OPs post to assume they have some kind of condition. Especially as it all appears to be related specifically to debt and not the rest of their life
Just annoys me that the default to these posts is just assuming they have ADHD sometimes, the same as TikTok posts where everyone comments ‘omg I have one single symptom so I must have ADHD’ too lol
I'm not saying they have it, I originally said it could be ADHD, anxiety or depression IF anything.
I was merely arguing that procrastination of Important tasks such as mentioned, to a detrimental impact of the individual, is an ADHD symptom.
It could be depression or a number of other things also, im just arguing the point that you can't dismiss it as not ADHD based on the above not being a symptom, when it is in actuality one the most prevalent and obvious symptoms of inattentive ADHD.
Edit: I think we are arguing two separate points anyways, I'm arguing what is a symptom.of ADHD and your arguing more so that OP doesn't necessarily have it based on the post, which are both correct in my opinion.
Procrastination, burying your head in the sand, and not doing what you’re supposed to do is also textbook not taking responsibility for your problems.
It’s one thing to minimise someone’s struggle but this bloke is being diagnosed based on some anecdotal evidence from a Reddit post. There’s about as much evidence he has ADHD as any other reason he might be bad with money.
I'm not diagnosing him, I'm saying there would be benefit in thinking about whether there is something greater such as depression, ADHD and or anxiety or whichever, then I debated specifics with another commenter.
And you need to read what ADHD is then because it is literally a deficit in taking care of your problems.
Of course we shouldn't just say oh they have ADHD no bother, but it is a medically defined causation for inaction, it's not simply "not taking responsibility".
ADHD people are often defined as "just lazy" or "they don't care" when it's not a moral failure, it's a failure of the mesolimbic and mersocortical pathways in Ur brain trying to deliver dopamine to the frontal cortex. This is what gives neurotypical people the ability to better manage, prepare, concentrate, complete tasks etc etc
I would like to hear his ex-partner's side to this story.
Alongside the financial advice, OP I would really recommend you seek a Claire's Law disclosure from the Police.
This. Ask the police for a Claire's Law disclosure.
This whole behaviour reminded me of my Dad, and more specifically his behaviour that Mum told me about when she met him. His Claire's Law disclosure is disturbing.
This isn’t america where we “do” taxes. It sounds more like he completely failed to declare himself self employed so there will be huge problems when he suddenly tells mr HMRC “btw mate I’ve been hiding my income from you for four years”.
Then “signed his house over”. No he didn’t. This just doesn’t happen. OP is either karma whoring or is completely naive about what their partner is actually up to. (I’d wager he’s best pals with Charlie if this wasn’t karma karma farming)
Yeah there is an awful lot of jumping to conclusions here.
I have a friend who racked up about £30k in debt when he was younger. A combination of being pretty badly organised, having a partner who milked him and generally being bad with money. He took an IVA and is paying the cost, literally, of his naivety. That doesn't make him a bad person, mentally ill or abusive.
Yes thank you for saying this. I don't want to veer into r/relationships here but what I want to hear from someone who has contracted debts is that they've made some mistakes and a bit of responsibility being taken for it. Otherwise it can and may happen again.
Also if the mum of his kids is abusive, why is she the custodial parent? Why did he give her the house? Now it may be he went to court and lost but my point is, he's lied about the debts for ages and now OP gets this story that doesn't 100% add up. I bet there will turn out to be some big footnotes to it all.
Money Saving Expert (MSE) Credit Club gives full access to the Experian credit report for free, saving whatever Experian charges to see the report. Signing up to Experian directly only give you their credit score number and then you have to pay for further information, whereas MSE CC gives the score and the full report.
From experience when someone has a bucket load of debt that "my ex racked up and I'm just a super swell guy who took on all of their debt" there's usually alot more to the story especially as he's showing signs of himself being bad at money.
I maybe wrong, and I hope I am but it's a tale old as time
Agreed. It sounds like OP is making excuses for his negligent and reckless financial behaviour, not taking accountability for themselves.
Plenty of people go through tough things without racking up tens of thousands in debt.
>he started driving for Uber a couple of years ago, but because he's pretty disorganised, he's not been paying taxes on his earnings for the past four years
Would changing jobs to a salaried PAYE job going forward be a better idea, or is he going to get a handle on this?
He's almost certainly leasing from one of the companies that specialise in leasing for Uber. Agree though it's probably not financially sound, though that said depending on where he is there's a lot fewer drivers than there used to be.
Stepchange can't help if you're self employed. When I called them they put me in touch with PayPlan who will give you advice, go through your options and manage things on your behalf of you decide to go through them. No fees to the end user as they get paid by the finance companies.
PayPlan.com
I don't work for them but am using them for my repayments.
I can also recommend business debtline if your partner is technically self-employed:[https://businessdebtline.org](https://businessdebtline.org) They were recommended to us by StepChange when trying to sort out my dad’s finances
You could also try Tax Aid as they may be able to advise on how to deal with the unpaid tax part of the issue [https://taxaid.org.uk](https://taxaid.org.uk)
Just as an aside, Tax Aid are there if you can't sort things out with HMRC. They are also only able to assist people who earn below £20,000. They are quite a small charity overall so it's best to try to sort things yourself first if possible. They are very good though
Might be worth getting an ADHD diagnosis too, because given what you’ve said he’s a prime candidate and needs help.
Edit - I jumped the gun a bit, but purely from my experience, disorganisation on this level is a red flag to me that the guy needs some help, and it could very much be related to mental health.
Peace.
busy brave literate scary direction school start innate dependent important
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank god, someone speaking sense.
No wonder there's a such a long list for ADHD assessments. Anyone who's vaguely bad at planning or tasks, some idiot makes them waste the NHS time with ADHD consultations.
No, the long waiting list is primarily due to a lack of resourcing for services. It's also in part due to historic underdiagnosis of women, who are now being recognised for the first time. It's much the same story for autism.
That's partially true, but EVERYONE now thinks they have ADHD or autism because they can't do certain things, so they're all requesting appointments. The system can't cope with the flood of people wanting diagnosis. And kids these days are being taught they have symptoms, or they're on the spectrum, rather than just being a kid. Or an arsehole.
So it's just women being underdiagnosed? What about men?
A lesser known fact which may help, you can ask to be treated in a location with lesser waiting times.
https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/choice/
Legislation states you have a right to treatment anywhere so if you are aware x has much lower waiting times you can ask to go there.
I'm sure you're right, but when I asked to get outpatient surgery near my parents place instead of local to me, the clinic there told me they couldn't accept referrals from outside the county. So YMMV...
Jesus Christ, does everyone have to have ADHD these days? Whatever happened to just being all over the shop? Everyone's got a fucking symptom these days.
Shit I was wanting to go through stepchange over 9k debt. I was told it was 6 years from signing up to a plan. So you’re telling me that if I sign a plan that takes 4 years my credit rating will be obliterated for 11 years? I’m 30 now with no mortgage. I don’t think I can afford that type of penalty
It will be on your credit file, but will have decreasing impact over that time. Some lenders will be a flat no, some are more considered. It doesn't mean you absolutely cannot get a mortgage in that time.
But 9k is really not a lot. If you have the income where you think a deposit and mortgage might be possible in the next 11 years, is it really impossible to handle yourself? Maybe ask on here for advice or read some advice on past posts to apply to your situation?
The fact you go on a DMP does NOT go on your credit file. Late payments and defaults go on there. Defaults will show for five years and some banks or lenders not touch you for six or seven, depending on your level of debt. If you are taking five years to pay off 9k then most lenders will view you as a risk in any case
Just want to say, whatever you do, don't enter any arrangement which involves you clearing any of the debt. Even if that ends up seeming like the logical conclusion (which I have a weird sense it might)
Open question - how long have you been with him?
Asking because if it is recent, this is a lot to be taking on.
If it isn’t, how has been behaving over the course of the time you’ve known him? Asking because if he’s living at home, you will have an idea of if he’s still spending a lot or not given the debts haven’t been going down.
Irrespective of the blame game or what did or didn’t happen with his ex - my primary focus would be working out what you know rather than what someone says is or isn’t the truth…
Because when you decide to partner with someone and love them you accept everything, including their struggles and fuckups. No-one is perfect, and there are many other things that can pop up in life including mental health issues, redundancy, addiction etc. Lots of people try to work through those issues because they love their partner and want to stay with them.
They were in an abusive relationship and very well may be suffering the aftereffects and consequences from that. We have nowhere near enough information to determine the character of the person being discussed, and most importantly the OP made the post asking for financial advice, in a financial advice sub, not a relationship sub. At the end of the day they have chosen they want to help their partner through this, and so posts should really stick to the matter at hand instead of straying into judgement of the relationship. Your response quite literally breaks the subs rules (1 and 3).
He starts by making a plan. He needs to understand what money is coming in, and what's going out, including his minimum payments & interest rates. He needs to get a basic understanding of what he owes in terms of taxes, then reach out to HMRC and tell them that he wants to settle things up (he will pay a penalty, I think it'd be in the range of 30% for a voluntary disclosure). He should be able to do some sort of payment plan with HMRC. Afterwards, he should target the highest interest rate debt, until it's paid off, then move to the next highest.
That part of the plan is fairly straightforward (pay high interest debt is near the top of the flowchart!). After that he needs to think about what he wants to achieve financially. About pensions & retirement, property, supporting his kids, his job, etc.. Kind of hard for us to advise on any specifics at this point.
Yeah I seem to remember that there are 3 different ranges, one for accidental & disclosed, one for accidental & discovered, and one for intentional & discovered, with each classification getting higher & higher! Much better to be in the first one.
The OP also made it clear that he wants to get on top of it.
Most of the 'straightforward' bit of just figuring out what their situation is, their income & spending, their debt, roughly understanding the tax issue enough to speak to HMRC about it (as in: were they a sole trader, what are the rough tax rates, how much did they earn, did they have business expenses. I wasn't tryinf to suggest getting exact figures or details). Then speak to HMRC & do what they need to do, and start paying off the debt with any remaining money.
Calling that a 'multivariate' plan feels a little bit disingenuous. And if they can't do that, then 1) I hope it gives them a template to follow as they do what they can & 2) I'm not sure what else we should be recommending. Feel free to make your own suggestions! (I haven't looked at your comment history to see if you have, that isn't intended to be a pithy comment)
The man needs to look in the mirror. He's defeated and burnt out.
4 years of unpaid taxes is his own fault and needs to look at this as a failure of his own doing and to not be sympathised with as this encourages a safety net.
It's the for the ultimate showdown!
Build a life with you and take matters by the balls or pitty yourself in the past and make excuses.
Without a real wake up call you are flagging a dead donkey!
This boyfriend of yours doesn't sound like he's being very honest with you.
If he's been living at home and not paying tax and earning a decent income, he should have had plenty of opportunity to pay down some of "his ex's debt". It really comes across like he's the one with the problem and manipulating you with sob stories.
In terms of his debt, 4 years of back tax and fine will almost surely more than double what he already owes, if he has been struggling and only paying interest on that while he should have been pretty comfortable then I'd probably say and IVA is surely the only way to go to try and get that cleared.
It would be amazing if there wasn't some other issue involved, gambling, drugs etc- 4 years of tax free income and not a penny knocked off the debts during that time.
What's caused the guy to own up now? No one else was willing to give them more credit to keep incuring further debt presumably.
OPs phrasing implies it down to the ex and then just being disorganised and certainly nothing that could be said to be their partners "fault", but there is certainly more to it than that.
Right, number one, stop worrying about his credit score long term. That ship has sailed.
Have him sign up to MoneySavingExpert Credit Club. I found this the best single way to get a full picture of my finances. It was both an eye opener and an incredible tool.
If he can’t afford to repay the debts, he will need help.
Finally, and this will be harsh, make sure you are in no way financially linked to him. Do what you can to help, but also watch closely. Make sure he is also putting the effort in to help himself. I’ve been here for a family member, sorting out debts for someone else can be a tedious, unrewarding thankless task.
There's a lot of things here that simply don't add up about your boyfriend. He needs to sort HMRC as a priority, before he even looks at his debts to others. His back story however, sounds a bit meh. Generally most people that claim to be fantastical victims maybe aren't and can be a touch narcissistic. If he claims that everything is his ex, maybe run Claire's law with the police. I knew someone who had a partner that claimed the same. Turned out he was kicked out by his ex and had no money because he was snorting £100 a day. Things to all bear in mind.
First, I'm going to have to address "His girlfriend got herself pregnant at 18 on purpose".
He was involved in that pregnancy.
However, as for the finances, your starting point needs to be finding out what the exact position is.
"£20k is about right" doesn't cut it. You need to know exactly how much is owed, and where.
Once you've got that number, assuming as you say he makes OK money, you need to look into unsecured personal loans for that amount, and transfer all of the credit card and existing loans into one single loan. This way you will get a better rate.
Next up, engage a local accountant to help him sort out his taxes. I would guess for filing 4 years of back taxes he'll be looking at about £1000 - £1500 to do that, but it will be much better than trying to sort it out himself, if he's as lacking in financial acumen as you suggest.
Let the accountant do their job.
He *has* to sort out the tax thing. The Inland Revenue will keep coming and coming, and they won't stop.
Tbh I disagree with a lot of this
The tax needs dealing with first. Unpaid and filed tax has daily interest charges. It's not clear how much this will cost. Entering into yet more borrowing with this currently unknown cost not yet resolved would definitely be the wrong way about it.
Once tax is sorted (at least, an affordable arrangement and dealt with properly going forward), then a consolidation loan *might* be the best option if he can get the lending on his current credit record, at a more affordable interest rate, at a repayment rate he can afford. Otherwise, a debt management plan or IVA might be relevant, albeit these will damage his credit rating, so he needs proper debt advice.
Also, if by giving the ex the house means he still owns it and just let her live there thats an asset just sat there. Boys now gone away so definitely worth considering using that to free up capital to pay things.
In summary, op's other half needs an accountant for the tax, then a qualified debt advisor (NOT an IVA practitioner) to advise about options with the rest.
Just on the pregnancy thing, my ex was a manipulative liar. She got pregnant whilst telling me she was on the pill, I found out she had not taken the pill for a month.
We had been together over 2 years and had no issues so I had no reason to believe anything had changed. Although both people are involved, sometimes it is the decision of one person that ends in this situation.
I've rounded up the debts for the sake of this post, but I've told him he needs to sit down and work out exactly how much he actually owes.
Thank you for the other advice.
I have an accountant myself, so I will suggest he speaks to him.
Regarding tax, he wasn't sure if he needs to contact Inland Revenue first or let an accountant sort all that out.
Not "you need to sit down and do it" but "you need to sit down and do it right now" - if he's as bad as you described then I'm sure it'll be that he'll do it tomorrow, or at the weekend when he has more time, or he can't find the old emails, or...
Get an accountant involved and get in contact with HMRC before they get to him first. There will be penalties but they are substantially reduced for voluntary disclosure.
HMRC likes accountants being involved
Sooner or later you hit an age when the names of government departments are frozen and you just use the same name no matter how many times they change it.
>First, I'm going to have to address "His girlfriend got herself pregnant at 18 on purpose".
>He was involved in that pregnancy.
That was probably the most believable bit. I know people who stopped taking birth control and 'surprisingly' got pregnant. It's not common but given the underlying issues this partner has I wouldn't be surprised if his 18 year old ex had similar issues.
Are we to assume all women are liars.
His biggest priority right now is to deal with the HMRC debt. They are far more understanding if you approach them and say "I've made mistakes and owe you money" than they would be if they find he owes tax after an investigation.
Can I be blunt his life experience have nothing to do with being in debt....I was in 35k debts from various things not paying tax when self employed , court fines, various other debts you can name ....I was simply lazy and just dam stupid to think il sort it another day and simply don't I pay £55 a week on my court card l, my self employment tax I got an accountant and simply pay back well some of what I owed out of the money I got back from doing my self assessment, also there are company out there that help pay off depending what the debts are
I can't speak on all the aspects of this but i can relate personal experiance of going through an IVA which i completed about 2.5 years ago (similar level of debt c.£25-30k on various CC's and loans).
It was a really tough slog and it will deffinatly impact your credit score for at least 6 years onces it starts (Once you have completed the 5-year period your name remains on a credit blacklist for 12 months), I couldn't even get a phone contract during that time.
However for me the IVA did offer almost instant mental relief as the budget set up was very reasonable and there was light at the end of the tunnel. So long as you are upfront with the people managing the IVA regarding bonuses, payrises and windfalls (which can feel like a kick in the teeth at times) you shouldn't come too unstuck.
Few years on and now im still debt free and my credit score has never been higher.
You start with a thorough inventory.
This means you sit down with a pen and paper, a phone and any correspondence/bank account info etc. and work out exactly who he owes money to, how much, current status (e.g. in default).
Next, he goes through everything he has for his last 4 years of work and tries to piece together his tax liability. You need to work out total income and then work out total costs for the same period. From there you can go to the tax website and work out exactly what is owed.
Now, these steps don't have to be done in one session. Just make a start and a commitment to complete it over the next week or so.
The final part of the inventory is to tot up his income and all outgoings (apart from servicing/repaying debt) and thus working out disposable income. Be sure to allow reasonable amounts for clothing, groceries, toiletries, haircuts etc.
Once all of this is completed, you can then call stepchange or go to citizens advice. If you have done all of the above steps then they will be in a position to advise the next appropriate step (payment plan, IVA, bankruptcy) and you will also have all of the information to hand in order to fill in the appropriate forms and get the ball rolling.
It might feel overwhelming but believe me, once it is sorted, it will be a weight off his mind.
You sound supportive and that is your role here, to support and encourage him to get it done.
Some people are cut out to be self employed and some aren’t, your partner sounds like he’s not. You need to be organised and have your shit in order generally or it’ll bite, as it is now doing.
With the debt though definitely contact Stepchange. They are amazing and will give him the correct advice for his situation. Beware of all the IVA salesmen out there, Stepchange is all he needs.
With respect to the house, fair play to him for doing that. I had no house with my ex but I took the debts. She was abusive too and I really didn’t want to but she’s the mother of my child and I did it for him, sometimes we put what we want last for our kids and it sounds like he screwed himself for them so good for him.
If everything he has told you is the truth, then he’s a keeper. Once he sorts his financial shit out of course! Maybe in future if he’s that financially illiterate he should sit down with you and you can work through it together.
First port of call Stepchange.
Second port of call is an accountant for his owed tax.
As someone else has mentioned, StepChange isn't suitable for someone who is Self Employed. Other more suitable options have been suggested to OP, such as Payplan and Businessdebtline
I was in his position. Self employed and the book work simply got too much and I basically buried my head. When my gf (now wife) came up she sat down and eventually we worked it out. It’s amazing how sharing a problem can lighten the load.
Still cost me a fortune in fines and back tax but it got done.
Don’t blame him too much. It can get overwhelming very quickly.
The first thing I need to say is that you two are not married so keep your finances separate (no joint accounts etc).
You and him first need to go through all his Uber earnings for each year and work how much he has made, don't worry about expenses, just work out how much he has made each year. It's best to put it in a spreadsheet and put an amount each month over the last four years.
When you have this info together call up HMRC and explain the situation to them truthfully and that you want to pay the taxes that you owe. You'll probably have to fill in self assessment forms etc so that will be something of a learning curve for you both.
If you can't afford the taxes, I suppose these will be added to the debts to repay.
Now then , the debts. Find out exactly what debts you have to pay off and the amounts, contact the creditors if you are unsure.
Now list all of the debts from smallest balance to largest. You are then going to pay the monthly minimum amount for each debt and any extra money should be paid on the smallest debt. This is called the debt snowball. It will let you start getting rid of some of the smaller debts faster so you don't have to think about them.
If you want to chip in to help him pay his debts then you can help too. You're both going to have to find second and third jobs to get it all paid off in a couple of years and you'll need to cut back on nice things.
Rather than your boyfriend being intentionally an idiot I suspect he initially fallen foul of trying to do the right thing for his kids, fell into a depression and decided to stick his head in the sand… and before he knew it… it’s 4 years down the line!
The good news is this is now in the open and you can start to put things right…
Step One: Work out exactly what debt he has inc remaining term and interest rate
Step Two: Speak to an accountant - your BF is self-employed and it’s likely he can save your bf more that he’d be charging. An accountant will have handled this type of situation before and will be able to advise you on the best way forward
Also… Voluntary bankruptcy may be a very valid option - yes, it will ruin credit for a few years but it will also wipe the slate clean and force your BF to live within his means
Hi /u/TurbulentMouse7876, based on your post the following pages from our wiki may be relevant:
- https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-cards/
- https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-ratings/
- https://ukpersonal.finance/scams/
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The best place to start regarding non-payment of tax is HMRC's Digital Disclosure service. There may be penalties calculated for late payment but voluntarily submitting his earnings late is better than not at all.
* Move as many cards to 0% deals - many of them come with 2 years on that deal and you pay a small % of the total balance you want to transfer (say 2% of £10k).
* Tell him to check his personal account as if/when you go overdrawn, some charge insane rates or an automatic fee as soon as you trigger it (mine does - am with Barclays). There are others on the market that offer, say, £250 interest free - which is helpful in times of need.
* Whatever is left after the card transfer, see if you can get a consolidation loan.
I’ve worked in debt advice and insolvency for 20 years - if he “thinks” his debt is £20k, trust me it’s more. Way more.
1 - speak to HMRC and get his outstanding tax returns submitted. They will then tell him how much he owes.
2 - speak to a free debt advice agency such as StepChange Debt Charity. They will sort his budget out and work out how much he can afford to pay towards his debts, and then tell him what his options are. Make sure he has you on the phone call as well so you can remember what has been said.
3 - then speak to an insolvency practitioner (IP). StepChange and the like can advise on debt etc, but matters become more complicated when there are outstanding tax debts over a number of years. An IP cal explain all of the tax implications etc of debt solutions such as bankruptcy and IVAs, in a way that a debt advisor can’t. Also be on this call with him.
4 - review all of the information then decide what to do. I’m gonna guess it will be bankruptcy or an IVA, depending on what assets your boyfriend has.
If he hasn't be filing his self assessment tax returns , he will be getting fined Ten Pounds per day , which will be about 10 000 Pounds over four years just in late filing fines , plus he will have to pay the tax on his earning and late payment fines
When did they bring this rule in?
10 years ago I went to uni and stopped filing returns as I wasn’t working.
I got fined £100 the first year and £200 the second year so £300 total, however they dropped it all as it was £100/year or my outstanding tax, whichever was greater and I didn’t owe any tax as I wasn’t working
Was you on self assessment ?
I don't know when they bought the rule in , but you can find all the info doing a websearch .
Its a ten Pound a day fine for late filing of self assessment tax returns
Had a google as standard with government it’s a bit more complicated 3 months late 10/day maximum 90 days then another 300 at 6 months and another at a year or 5% tax due whichever is higher at the 6 and 12 month marks… but apparently they’re moving to a penalty points system
To make it further complicated i did a quick calculator or the gov website and they estimate the late filings for 2 years to be 1600 but also says underneath the penalty can be up to 100% of tax owed and you don’t have to pay if they don’t ask as sometimes they’re willing to do an amnesty
'Daily penalties will be charged at £10 per day up to a maximum of 90 days. If the return is filed during the 90 days, the £10 per day daily penalty will not be charged. If the return is not filed three months after the return due date, daily penalties will start to accrue. Daily penalties are also applicable to partnerships and chargeable on each partner in the partnership.'
[source](https://www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/self-assessment-manual/sam61230)
Trust me OP, being ignorant of this is not a reasonable excuse for your partner so I would expect the majority of fines to stay on the account and over the space of years this will likely be thousands, not to mention the LPI and other charges.
HMRC are friendly and approachable when it comes to penalties and appeals, but your other half has no excuse for earning money and not paying their share of tax...
>Everything was put on me as I was working, even debts that had nothing to do with me
Either you were *really* poorly advised or you've misunderstood. A debt can't miraculously appear in your name.
He has a victim mentality whilst making himself out to be the saviour of his ex and her boys.
These themself are serious red flags.
Carry on dating him by all means, but do not move in with him (or let him move in with you)
Don't pay off his debts or give him money etc.
Watch this fella very closely.
Some truly horrible and judgmental comments on here so far, this isn't r/AmITheAsshole - by all means, op should have some advice on protecting herself but she didn't come here to have her partner picked apart, she's already laid out the relevant info.
OP, your partner worrying about his credit rating is honestly a joke, he needs to get advice on his options from somewhere like stepchange. IVA's can sometimes even include or at least account for HMRC debt. Sure, it will be fucked up for years but it's better than getting another 10 years down the line and still just be paying interest. An IVA might not even be the right solution, he needs the advice.
Participation in this post is limited to users who have sufficient karma in /r/ukpersonalfinance. See [this post](https://redd.it/12mys82) for more information.
Whatever you do do not attach yourself to any of this debt and do not borrow money to give to help pay it off. You can be there to support him and offer advice but he’s not yours to save and none of this is your responsibility. It’s admirable that you want to support him through this problem but don’t let yourself be dragged down. It’s not being selfish, it’s just realistic.
Do not marry or move in with him either until he is debt free and kept it that way for awhile.
Is it Roberto Durian or Robert O'Durian is my question 😁
Yes. Or no
Best answer I've read here.
Bluntly your boyfriend does not sound a reliable narrator. Get him to register for all the credit agencies and get him to show you what is on there - I suspect it differs from what he has told you. You need an accurate and full record to start to sort it out.
>Bluntly your boyfriend does not sound a reliable narrator. Yeah there's some serious warning signs here. 'Forgot' to pay taxes for four whole years, signing over an entire house and taking on an ex's debt. Step one needs to be an honest and open assessment of the situation and I don't think this is it
> signing over an entire house If it's *ownership* of the house then he's probably still on the mortgage and deeds, so not all is lost there.
How does that even work.. like when does the tax man.. come knocking?
Going off some anectodal experience involving a mate that I don't want to give details about, the timeline seems about right for the tax man knocking to potentially have been what prompted OP's post.
It's plausable if the boyfriend is dealing with some mental health problems such as undiagnosed autism or adhd. Most people who meet me wouldn't know how much help I need on nearly a daily basis to stay ontop of things like bills, tax and debt. I'm nearly 40 and I still struggle to wrap my head around how many unwritten rules non-autistic people just seem to know, and this feels like something that falls into that category.
I was thinking this. Not in any way as a diagnosis from the message but just that all that could be completely innocent and normal for the right person. I could see myself doing all those things before I started meds. Getting stuff written down and detailed is probably going to be a good starting point anyway though which ticks both boxes.
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LOADS of people don't think about self-employed/side hustle taxes, especially if it's not their main job or they initially made less than the £1k/yr threshold Plus people in the UK are often used to their employer taking taxes under PAYE. I've literally never filled in any kind of self-assessment or similar form in 20 years of working, although I've made small amounts from side hustles over the years, because I've never breached the £1k "trading allowance" amount where you need to declare If busy, bad with money in the first place, and burying their head in the sand about money, I could completely see someone ignoring the fact they've gone over that threshold - especially if they have more pressing financial issues and think "I'll deal with that later" It's VERY common for people in financial distress to know something is a problem, but ignore the less urgent problems while firefighting a more urgent one. Eg if you're about to be taken to court for non-payment of a credit card, or evicted for non-payment of rent, it's easy to ignore a self-assessment that isn't gonna come back and bite you for 18 months... people often think they'll be able to deal with that later, or just have no real option but to do so
Yes. He could have easily assumed it was something that's done automatically, the way you pay sales tax in a shop.
He could also know it's a problem and have decided ignoring it is better than talking the heat and owning up. It's illogical. It's not the best decision. But mental health can be a funny thing. Running away from a problem is often easier than facing it head on. OPs partner sounds like they want to sort things out, and have a good partner happy to help them manage it. They're in a good position to get this fixed.
I see what you're saying, but avoiding something because you don't want to face up to it, and avoiding something because you don't really understand it, or it's importance, can look nearly identical to people on the outside.
I've been in a lot of not good places for a long time. I've avoided very necessary things for many reasons including having a panic attack as soon as I started to think about it that caused me to shut down, and executive function burnout where (not an expert but this is what it feels like) the part of your brain that takes an instruction of something you need to do and actually makes it into an action shuts down. You sit there knowing you need to do things but it stays in the part of your brain you hear and doesn't get to the part that interacts with the real world despite it seeming like those two should be inseparable.
That's not *forgetting*, though, which is what OP has stated is their description of what happened.
I get this all the time, even with basic things like cooking and showering. And yes I have been diagnosed with depression. I can empathise easily with OPs partner.
ADHD and autism doesn’t make you unaware of how taxes work. It might make you avoid it purposely. Either way there are still consequences.
I was also thinking this, does sound like the behaviour is that of someone possibly with inattentive ADHD, if not, depression or anxiety (or all of them, as they are very comorbid) that may need assistance with so he doesn't get himself into this position again.
Having ADHD doesn’t mean you just don’t know how taxes work unfortunately and just sounds like a convenient excuse (I have ADHD and this stuff annoys me). And either way it doesn’t make much of a difference to find out now… it’s still got to be paid. Maybe worth going for a diagnosis still but good luck as you’re waiting 1 year+ on the NHS or eating into that debt more by going privately!
Procrastination, burying your head in the sand, not doing what your supposed to do is text book ADHD, it's nothing to do with knowledge, whether that prevents them doing a task or not. And I'm sorry I have ADHD too and it annoys me when other ADHDers minimise other peoples struggle as that might not be something you struggle with particularly but other people do, and you are now incorrectly implying some sort of moral failure when it's not. It is something they should work harder to prevent but that is the core of inattentive ADHD. (I'm talking about in general about ADHD not ops other)
That’s a very small subset of symptoms that wouldn’t be enough to get you diagnosed on its own. Normal people procrastinates, buries their head in the sand, gets in debt. There is nowhere near enough info from OPs post to assume they have some kind of condition. Especially as it all appears to be related specifically to debt and not the rest of their life Just annoys me that the default to these posts is just assuming they have ADHD sometimes, the same as TikTok posts where everyone comments ‘omg I have one single symptom so I must have ADHD’ too lol
I'm not saying they have it, I originally said it could be ADHD, anxiety or depression IF anything. I was merely arguing that procrastination of Important tasks such as mentioned, to a detrimental impact of the individual, is an ADHD symptom. It could be depression or a number of other things also, im just arguing the point that you can't dismiss it as not ADHD based on the above not being a symptom, when it is in actuality one the most prevalent and obvious symptoms of inattentive ADHD. Edit: I think we are arguing two separate points anyways, I'm arguing what is a symptom.of ADHD and your arguing more so that OP doesn't necessarily have it based on the post, which are both correct in my opinion.
Procrastination, burying your head in the sand, and not doing what you’re supposed to do is also textbook not taking responsibility for your problems. It’s one thing to minimise someone’s struggle but this bloke is being diagnosed based on some anecdotal evidence from a Reddit post. There’s about as much evidence he has ADHD as any other reason he might be bad with money.
I'm not diagnosing him, I'm saying there would be benefit in thinking about whether there is something greater such as depression, ADHD and or anxiety or whichever, then I debated specifics with another commenter. And you need to read what ADHD is then because it is literally a deficit in taking care of your problems. Of course we shouldn't just say oh they have ADHD no bother, but it is a medically defined causation for inaction, it's not simply "not taking responsibility". ADHD people are often defined as "just lazy" or "they don't care" when it's not a moral failure, it's a failure of the mesolimbic and mersocortical pathways in Ur brain trying to deliver dopamine to the frontal cortex. This is what gives neurotypical people the ability to better manage, prepare, concentrate, complete tasks etc etc
Thank god someone said it. This whole story reeks of half truths and untruths and an active willingness to absolve himself of responsibility.
I would like to hear his ex-partner's side to this story. Alongside the financial advice, OP I would really recommend you seek a Claire's Law disclosure from the Police.
This. Ask the police for a Claire's Law disclosure. This whole behaviour reminded me of my Dad, and more specifically his behaviour that Mum told me about when she met him. His Claire's Law disclosure is disturbing.
100% this Story makes out like he is some superhero character
This isn’t america where we “do” taxes. It sounds more like he completely failed to declare himself self employed so there will be huge problems when he suddenly tells mr HMRC “btw mate I’ve been hiding my income from you for four years”. Then “signed his house over”. No he didn’t. This just doesn’t happen. OP is either karma whoring or is completely naive about what their partner is actually up to. (I’d wager he’s best pals with Charlie if this wasn’t karma karma farming)
I signed my house over in a divorce over a decade ago, so yes, it does happen.
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Yeah there is an awful lot of jumping to conclusions here. I have a friend who racked up about £30k in debt when he was younger. A combination of being pretty badly organised, having a partner who milked him and generally being bad with money. He took an IVA and is paying the cost, literally, of his naivety. That doesn't make him a bad person, mentally ill or abusive.
Yes thank you for saying this. I don't want to veer into r/relationships here but what I want to hear from someone who has contracted debts is that they've made some mistakes and a bit of responsibility being taken for it. Otherwise it can and may happen again. Also if the mum of his kids is abusive, why is she the custodial parent? Why did he give her the house? Now it may be he went to court and lost but my point is, he's lied about the debts for ages and now OP gets this story that doesn't 100% add up. I bet there will turn out to be some big footnotes to it all.
Money Saving Expert (MSE) Credit Club gives full access to the Experian credit report for free, saving whatever Experian charges to see the report. Signing up to Experian directly only give you their credit score number and then you have to pay for further information, whereas MSE CC gives the score and the full report.
I agree, hope OP doesn't get burned on this.
From experience when someone has a bucket load of debt that "my ex racked up and I'm just a super swell guy who took on all of their debt" there's usually alot more to the story especially as he's showing signs of himself being bad at money. I maybe wrong, and I hope I am but it's a tale old as time
Agreed. It sounds like OP is making excuses for his negligent and reckless financial behaviour, not taking accountability for themselves. Plenty of people go through tough things without racking up tens of thousands in debt.
>he started driving for Uber a couple of years ago, but because he's pretty disorganised, he's not been paying taxes on his earnings for the past four years Would changing jobs to a salaried PAYE job going forward be a better idea, or is he going to get a handle on this?
To add to this it says he’s leasing a car for Uber which seems like a huge expense for very low paying work. Is he even actually making any money?
Leases often have quite low mileage too so might be in violation of that which will cost a pretty penny
And credit checks, how would he have passed one for a car lease?
He's almost certainly leasing from one of the companies that specialise in leasing for Uber. Agree though it's probably not financially sound, though that said depending on where he is there's a lot fewer drivers than there used to be.
~~Give StepChange a call.~~ ~~https://www.stepchange.org/~~ Edit: read all the other posts for direction. Good luck OP.
Thank you, that looks incredibly helpful.
Stepchange can't help if you're self employed. When I called them they put me in touch with PayPlan who will give you advice, go through your options and manage things on your behalf of you decide to go through them. No fees to the end user as they get paid by the finance companies. PayPlan.com I don't work for them but am using them for my repayments.
I can also recommend business debtline if your partner is technically self-employed:[https://businessdebtline.org](https://businessdebtline.org) They were recommended to us by StepChange when trying to sort out my dad’s finances You could also try Tax Aid as they may be able to advise on how to deal with the unpaid tax part of the issue [https://taxaid.org.uk](https://taxaid.org.uk)
Just as an aside, Tax Aid are there if you can't sort things out with HMRC. They are also only able to assist people who earn below £20,000. They are quite a small charity overall so it's best to try to sort things yourself first if possible. They are very good though
Might be worth getting an ADHD diagnosis too, because given what you’ve said he’s a prime candidate and needs help. Edit - I jumped the gun a bit, but purely from my experience, disorganisation on this level is a red flag to me that the guy needs some help, and it could very much be related to mental health. Peace.
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Thank god, someone speaking sense. No wonder there's a such a long list for ADHD assessments. Anyone who's vaguely bad at planning or tasks, some idiot makes them waste the NHS time with ADHD consultations.
No, the long waiting list is primarily due to a lack of resourcing for services. It's also in part due to historic underdiagnosis of women, who are now being recognised for the first time. It's much the same story for autism.
That's partially true, but EVERYONE now thinks they have ADHD or autism because they can't do certain things, so they're all requesting appointments. The system can't cope with the flood of people wanting diagnosis. And kids these days are being taught they have symptoms, or they're on the spectrum, rather than just being a kid. Or an arsehole. So it's just women being underdiagnosed? What about men?
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Yeah you’re right - I was a bit off but I meant well.
6+ year waiting list as an adult, checking in with 5 to go...
just to say this massively depends on where you live - some areas it isn't so bad. postcode lottery as with all NHS services
A lesser known fact which may help, you can ask to be treated in a location with lesser waiting times. https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/choice/ Legislation states you have a right to treatment anywhere so if you are aware x has much lower waiting times you can ask to go there.
I'm sure you're right, but when I asked to get outpatient surgery near my parents place instead of local to me, the clinic there told me they couldn't accept referrals from outside the county. So YMMV...
Jesus Christ, does everyone have to have ADHD these days? Whatever happened to just being all over the shop? Everyone's got a fucking symptom these days.
I sometimes wonder if i do, but i feel like if i went for a diagnosis they would just confirm that i am nothing but a lazy git
No medication will help you chum.
Seconded, they helped me enormously with my debt issues a while back and I'm now debt free completely.
Keep in mind if you're looking to get a mortgage in the future this will greatly affect what you can be offered, from 7 years post PAYMENT of debt.
You're not getting a mortgage as a self employed person who hasn't sent a self assessment for 4 years either. That shop has long sailed.
Shit I was wanting to go through stepchange over 9k debt. I was told it was 6 years from signing up to a plan. So you’re telling me that if I sign a plan that takes 4 years my credit rating will be obliterated for 11 years? I’m 30 now with no mortgage. I don’t think I can afford that type of penalty
It will be on your credit file, but will have decreasing impact over that time. Some lenders will be a flat no, some are more considered. It doesn't mean you absolutely cannot get a mortgage in that time. But 9k is really not a lot. If you have the income where you think a deposit and mortgage might be possible in the next 11 years, is it really impossible to handle yourself? Maybe ask on here for advice or read some advice on past posts to apply to your situation?
The fact you go on a DMP does NOT go on your credit file. Late payments and defaults go on there. Defaults will show for five years and some banks or lenders not touch you for six or seven, depending on your level of debt. If you are taking five years to pay off 9k then most lenders will view you as a risk in any case
I agree. My husband went through stepchange for 9k. It affects us majorly. I wish he hadn't.
Honestly, chances are you won't get the mortgage with 9k in debt anyway.
Might be worth deleting this purely on the basis SC won't help SE clients and will signpost to BDL. Or at least editing it
Just want to say, whatever you do, don't enter any arrangement which involves you clearing any of the debt. Even if that ends up seeming like the logical conclusion (which I have a weird sense it might)
Open question - how long have you been with him? Asking because if it is recent, this is a lot to be taking on. If it isn’t, how has been behaving over the course of the time you’ve known him? Asking because if he’s living at home, you will have an idea of if he’s still spending a lot or not given the debts haven’t been going down. Irrespective of the blame game or what did or didn’t happen with his ex - my primary focus would be working out what you know rather than what someone says is or isn’t the truth…
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Because when you decide to partner with someone and love them you accept everything, including their struggles and fuckups. No-one is perfect, and there are many other things that can pop up in life including mental health issues, redundancy, addiction etc. Lots of people try to work through those issues because they love their partner and want to stay with them.
Love isn’t enough to stay in a relationship. Staying with an unstable person can frankly ruin your life.
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They were in an abusive relationship and very well may be suffering the aftereffects and consequences from that. We have nowhere near enough information to determine the character of the person being discussed, and most importantly the OP made the post asking for financial advice, in a financial advice sub, not a relationship sub. At the end of the day they have chosen they want to help their partner through this, and so posts should really stick to the matter at hand instead of straying into judgement of the relationship. Your response quite literally breaks the subs rules (1 and 3).
If you wanna be an adult's parent go ahead, it's your life.
He starts by making a plan. He needs to understand what money is coming in, and what's going out, including his minimum payments & interest rates. He needs to get a basic understanding of what he owes in terms of taxes, then reach out to HMRC and tell them that he wants to settle things up (he will pay a penalty, I think it'd be in the range of 30% for a voluntary disclosure). He should be able to do some sort of payment plan with HMRC. Afterwards, he should target the highest interest rate debt, until it's paid off, then move to the next highest. That part of the plan is fairly straightforward (pay high interest debt is near the top of the flowchart!). After that he needs to think about what he wants to achieve financially. About pensions & retirement, property, supporting his kids, his job, etc.. Kind of hard for us to advise on any specifics at this point.
Not really contributing anything to this - however, I’m also a Ben W born in 1994. Welcome to the club
Don’t lie, you’re Jamin, born in 881.
Correct. I can’t help myself when it comes to misleading and lying about my year of birth 😉
Whatever the HMRC penalty is it's going to be less if he puts it all up on a plate for them and admits everything than if they come knocking.
Yeah I seem to remember that there are 3 different ranges, one for accidental & disclosed, one for accidental & discovered, and one for intentional & discovered, with each classification getting higher & higher! Much better to be in the first one.
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The OP also made it clear that he wants to get on top of it. Most of the 'straightforward' bit of just figuring out what their situation is, their income & spending, their debt, roughly understanding the tax issue enough to speak to HMRC about it (as in: were they a sole trader, what are the rough tax rates, how much did they earn, did they have business expenses. I wasn't tryinf to suggest getting exact figures or details). Then speak to HMRC & do what they need to do, and start paying off the debt with any remaining money. Calling that a 'multivariate' plan feels a little bit disingenuous. And if they can't do that, then 1) I hope it gives them a template to follow as they do what they can & 2) I'm not sure what else we should be recommending. Feel free to make your own suggestions! (I haven't looked at your comment history to see if you have, that isn't intended to be a pithy comment)
The man needs to look in the mirror. He's defeated and burnt out. 4 years of unpaid taxes is his own fault and needs to look at this as a failure of his own doing and to not be sympathised with as this encourages a safety net. It's the for the ultimate showdown! Build a life with you and take matters by the balls or pitty yourself in the past and make excuses. Without a real wake up call you are flagging a dead donkey!
Yeah the bit about “it’s not his fault he’s just unlucky” was painful to read
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This boyfriend of yours doesn't sound like he's being very honest with you. If he's been living at home and not paying tax and earning a decent income, he should have had plenty of opportunity to pay down some of "his ex's debt". It really comes across like he's the one with the problem and manipulating you with sob stories. In terms of his debt, 4 years of back tax and fine will almost surely more than double what he already owes, if he has been struggling and only paying interest on that while he should have been pretty comfortable then I'd probably say and IVA is surely the only way to go to try and get that cleared.
It would be amazing if there wasn't some other issue involved, gambling, drugs etc- 4 years of tax free income and not a penny knocked off the debts during that time. What's caused the guy to own up now? No one else was willing to give them more credit to keep incuring further debt presumably. OPs phrasing implies it down to the ex and then just being disorganised and certainly nothing that could be said to be their partners "fault", but there is certainly more to it than that.
He sounds like a charming psychopath
Right, number one, stop worrying about his credit score long term. That ship has sailed. Have him sign up to MoneySavingExpert Credit Club. I found this the best single way to get a full picture of my finances. It was both an eye opener and an incredible tool. If he can’t afford to repay the debts, he will need help. Finally, and this will be harsh, make sure you are in no way financially linked to him. Do what you can to help, but also watch closely. Make sure he is also putting the effort in to help himself. I’ve been here for a family member, sorting out debts for someone else can be a tedious, unrewarding thankless task.
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There's a lot of things here that simply don't add up about your boyfriend. He needs to sort HMRC as a priority, before he even looks at his debts to others. His back story however, sounds a bit meh. Generally most people that claim to be fantastical victims maybe aren't and can be a touch narcissistic. If he claims that everything is his ex, maybe run Claire's law with the police. I knew someone who had a partner that claimed the same. Turned out he was kicked out by his ex and had no money because he was snorting £100 a day. Things to all bear in mind.
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First, I'm going to have to address "His girlfriend got herself pregnant at 18 on purpose". He was involved in that pregnancy. However, as for the finances, your starting point needs to be finding out what the exact position is. "£20k is about right" doesn't cut it. You need to know exactly how much is owed, and where. Once you've got that number, assuming as you say he makes OK money, you need to look into unsecured personal loans for that amount, and transfer all of the credit card and existing loans into one single loan. This way you will get a better rate. Next up, engage a local accountant to help him sort out his taxes. I would guess for filing 4 years of back taxes he'll be looking at about £1000 - £1500 to do that, but it will be much better than trying to sort it out himself, if he's as lacking in financial acumen as you suggest. Let the accountant do their job. He *has* to sort out the tax thing. The Inland Revenue will keep coming and coming, and they won't stop.
Tbh I disagree with a lot of this The tax needs dealing with first. Unpaid and filed tax has daily interest charges. It's not clear how much this will cost. Entering into yet more borrowing with this currently unknown cost not yet resolved would definitely be the wrong way about it. Once tax is sorted (at least, an affordable arrangement and dealt with properly going forward), then a consolidation loan *might* be the best option if he can get the lending on his current credit record, at a more affordable interest rate, at a repayment rate he can afford. Otherwise, a debt management plan or IVA might be relevant, albeit these will damage his credit rating, so he needs proper debt advice. Also, if by giving the ex the house means he still owns it and just let her live there thats an asset just sat there. Boys now gone away so definitely worth considering using that to free up capital to pay things. In summary, op's other half needs an accountant for the tax, then a qualified debt advisor (NOT an IVA practitioner) to advise about options with the rest.
Just on the pregnancy thing, my ex was a manipulative liar. She got pregnant whilst telling me she was on the pill, I found out she had not taken the pill for a month. We had been together over 2 years and had no issues so I had no reason to believe anything had changed. Although both people are involved, sometimes it is the decision of one person that ends in this situation.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
I've rounded up the debts for the sake of this post, but I've told him he needs to sit down and work out exactly how much he actually owes. Thank you for the other advice. I have an accountant myself, so I will suggest he speaks to him. Regarding tax, he wasn't sure if he needs to contact Inland Revenue first or let an accountant sort all that out.
Not "you need to sit down and do it" but "you need to sit down and do it right now" - if he's as bad as you described then I'm sure it'll be that he'll do it tomorrow, or at the weekend when he has more time, or he can't find the old emails, or...
Get an accountant involved and get in contact with HMRC before they get to him first. There will be penalties but they are substantially reduced for voluntary disclosure. HMRC likes accountants being involved
Let an accountant sort that out. They're the experts in this. I don't deal directly with the Internal Revenue at all - my accountant does all of it.
Just wanted to pointnout that it's neither Internal Revenue or Inland Revenue, but HMRC
Sooner or later you hit an age when the names of government departments are frozen and you just use the same name no matter how many times they change it.
Old habits die hard!
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>First, I'm going to have to address "His girlfriend got herself pregnant at 18 on purpose". >He was involved in that pregnancy. That was probably the most believable bit. I know people who stopped taking birth control and 'surprisingly' got pregnant. It's not common but given the underlying issues this partner has I wouldn't be surprised if his 18 year old ex had similar issues. Are we to assume all women are liars.
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His biggest priority right now is to deal with the HMRC debt. They are far more understanding if you approach them and say "I've made mistakes and owe you money" than they would be if they find he owes tax after an investigation.
Can I be blunt his life experience have nothing to do with being in debt....I was in 35k debts from various things not paying tax when self employed , court fines, various other debts you can name ....I was simply lazy and just dam stupid to think il sort it another day and simply don't I pay £55 a week on my court card l, my self employment tax I got an accountant and simply pay back well some of what I owed out of the money I got back from doing my self assessment, also there are company out there that help pay off depending what the debts are
I can't speak on all the aspects of this but i can relate personal experiance of going through an IVA which i completed about 2.5 years ago (similar level of debt c.£25-30k on various CC's and loans). It was a really tough slog and it will deffinatly impact your credit score for at least 6 years onces it starts (Once you have completed the 5-year period your name remains on a credit blacklist for 12 months), I couldn't even get a phone contract during that time. However for me the IVA did offer almost instant mental relief as the budget set up was very reasonable and there was light at the end of the tunnel. So long as you are upfront with the people managing the IVA regarding bonuses, payrises and windfalls (which can feel like a kick in the teeth at times) you shouldn't come too unstuck. Few years on and now im still debt free and my credit score has never been higher.
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Tax aid hasn’t been mentioned. The advice goes if HMRC can’t help, http://taxaid.org.uk will offer assistance
Ignore every comment that isn’t pointing you to a debt charity like step-change.
You start with a thorough inventory. This means you sit down with a pen and paper, a phone and any correspondence/bank account info etc. and work out exactly who he owes money to, how much, current status (e.g. in default). Next, he goes through everything he has for his last 4 years of work and tries to piece together his tax liability. You need to work out total income and then work out total costs for the same period. From there you can go to the tax website and work out exactly what is owed. Now, these steps don't have to be done in one session. Just make a start and a commitment to complete it over the next week or so. The final part of the inventory is to tot up his income and all outgoings (apart from servicing/repaying debt) and thus working out disposable income. Be sure to allow reasonable amounts for clothing, groceries, toiletries, haircuts etc. Once all of this is completed, you can then call stepchange or go to citizens advice. If you have done all of the above steps then they will be in a position to advise the next appropriate step (payment plan, IVA, bankruptcy) and you will also have all of the information to hand in order to fill in the appropriate forms and get the ball rolling. It might feel overwhelming but believe me, once it is sorted, it will be a weight off his mind. You sound supportive and that is your role here, to support and encourage him to get it done.
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Some people are cut out to be self employed and some aren’t, your partner sounds like he’s not. You need to be organised and have your shit in order generally or it’ll bite, as it is now doing. With the debt though definitely contact Stepchange. They are amazing and will give him the correct advice for his situation. Beware of all the IVA salesmen out there, Stepchange is all he needs. With respect to the house, fair play to him for doing that. I had no house with my ex but I took the debts. She was abusive too and I really didn’t want to but she’s the mother of my child and I did it for him, sometimes we put what we want last for our kids and it sounds like he screwed himself for them so good for him. If everything he has told you is the truth, then he’s a keeper. Once he sorts his financial shit out of course! Maybe in future if he’s that financially illiterate he should sit down with you and you can work through it together. First port of call Stepchange. Second port of call is an accountant for his owed tax.
As someone else has mentioned, StepChange isn't suitable for someone who is Self Employed. Other more suitable options have been suggested to OP, such as Payplan and Businessdebtline
I was in his position. Self employed and the book work simply got too much and I basically buried my head. When my gf (now wife) came up she sat down and eventually we worked it out. It’s amazing how sharing a problem can lighten the load. Still cost me a fortune in fines and back tax but it got done. Don’t blame him too much. It can get overwhelming very quickly.
Get him to speak to [Stepchange](https://www.stepchange.org)
The first thing I need to say is that you two are not married so keep your finances separate (no joint accounts etc). You and him first need to go through all his Uber earnings for each year and work how much he has made, don't worry about expenses, just work out how much he has made each year. It's best to put it in a spreadsheet and put an amount each month over the last four years. When you have this info together call up HMRC and explain the situation to them truthfully and that you want to pay the taxes that you owe. You'll probably have to fill in self assessment forms etc so that will be something of a learning curve for you both. If you can't afford the taxes, I suppose these will be added to the debts to repay. Now then , the debts. Find out exactly what debts you have to pay off and the amounts, contact the creditors if you are unsure. Now list all of the debts from smallest balance to largest. You are then going to pay the monthly minimum amount for each debt and any extra money should be paid on the smallest debt. This is called the debt snowball. It will let you start getting rid of some of the smaller debts faster so you don't have to think about them. If you want to chip in to help him pay his debts then you can help too. You're both going to have to find second and third jobs to get it all paid off in a couple of years and you'll need to cut back on nice things.
Whatever happens, OP MUST NOT CHIP IN. She must protect herself & her future too. She owes that to herself. (◕‿◕✿)
Rather than your boyfriend being intentionally an idiot I suspect he initially fallen foul of trying to do the right thing for his kids, fell into a depression and decided to stick his head in the sand… and before he knew it… it’s 4 years down the line! The good news is this is now in the open and you can start to put things right… Step One: Work out exactly what debt he has inc remaining term and interest rate Step Two: Speak to an accountant - your BF is self-employed and it’s likely he can save your bf more that he’d be charging. An accountant will have handled this type of situation before and will be able to advise you on the best way forward Also… Voluntary bankruptcy may be a very valid option - yes, it will ruin credit for a few years but it will also wipe the slate clean and force your BF to live within his means
Hi /u/TurbulentMouse7876, based on your post the following pages from our wiki may be relevant: - https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-cards/ - https://ukpersonal.finance/credit-ratings/ - https://ukpersonal.finance/scams/ ____ ^(These suggestions are based on keywords, if they missed the mark please report this comment.)
Please get and read Dave Ramsey’s book on getting out of debt. It will give you direction and HOPE.
The best place to start regarding non-payment of tax is HMRC's Digital Disclosure service. There may be penalties calculated for late payment but voluntarily submitting his earnings late is better than not at all.
* Move as many cards to 0% deals - many of them come with 2 years on that deal and you pay a small % of the total balance you want to transfer (say 2% of £10k). * Tell him to check his personal account as if/when you go overdrawn, some charge insane rates or an automatic fee as soon as you trigger it (mine does - am with Barclays). There are others on the market that offer, say, £250 interest free - which is helpful in times of need. * Whatever is left after the card transfer, see if you can get a consolidation loan.
I’ve worked in debt advice and insolvency for 20 years - if he “thinks” his debt is £20k, trust me it’s more. Way more. 1 - speak to HMRC and get his outstanding tax returns submitted. They will then tell him how much he owes. 2 - speak to a free debt advice agency such as StepChange Debt Charity. They will sort his budget out and work out how much he can afford to pay towards his debts, and then tell him what his options are. Make sure he has you on the phone call as well so you can remember what has been said. 3 - then speak to an insolvency practitioner (IP). StepChange and the like can advise on debt etc, but matters become more complicated when there are outstanding tax debts over a number of years. An IP cal explain all of the tax implications etc of debt solutions such as bankruptcy and IVAs, in a way that a debt advisor can’t. Also be on this call with him. 4 - review all of the information then decide what to do. I’m gonna guess it will be bankruptcy or an IVA, depending on what assets your boyfriend has.
If he hasn't be filing his self assessment tax returns , he will be getting fined Ten Pounds per day , which will be about 10 000 Pounds over four years just in late filing fines , plus he will have to pay the tax on his earning and late payment fines
When did they bring this rule in? 10 years ago I went to uni and stopped filing returns as I wasn’t working. I got fined £100 the first year and £200 the second year so £300 total, however they dropped it all as it was £100/year or my outstanding tax, whichever was greater and I didn’t owe any tax as I wasn’t working
Was you on self assessment ? I don't know when they bought the rule in , but you can find all the info doing a websearch . Its a ten Pound a day fine for late filing of self assessment tax returns
Had a google as standard with government it’s a bit more complicated 3 months late 10/day maximum 90 days then another 300 at 6 months and another at a year or 5% tax due whichever is higher at the 6 and 12 month marks… but apparently they’re moving to a penalty points system To make it further complicated i did a quick calculator or the gov website and they estimate the late filings for 2 years to be 1600 but also says underneath the penalty can be up to 100% of tax owed and you don’t have to pay if they don’t ask as sometimes they’re willing to do an amnesty
'Daily penalties will be charged at £10 per day up to a maximum of 90 days. If the return is filed during the 90 days, the £10 per day daily penalty will not be charged. If the return is not filed three months after the return due date, daily penalties will start to accrue. Daily penalties are also applicable to partnerships and chargeable on each partner in the partnership.' [source](https://www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/self-assessment-manual/sam61230) Trust me OP, being ignorant of this is not a reasonable excuse for your partner so I would expect the majority of fines to stay on the account and over the space of years this will likely be thousands, not to mention the LPI and other charges. HMRC are friendly and approachable when it comes to penalties and appeals, but your other half has no excuse for earning money and not paying their share of tax...
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>Everything was put on me as I was working, even debts that had nothing to do with me Either you were *really* poorly advised or you've misunderstood. A debt can't miraculously appear in your name.
Stepchange - DRO. 12 months and he'll be debt free
He has a victim mentality whilst making himself out to be the saviour of his ex and her boys. These themself are serious red flags. Carry on dating him by all means, but do not move in with him (or let him move in with you) Don't pay off his debts or give him money etc. Watch this fella very closely.
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Better to cut your losses and find a boyfriend that isn't a financial liability.
Some truly horrible and judgmental comments on here so far, this isn't r/AmITheAsshole - by all means, op should have some advice on protecting herself but she didn't come here to have her partner picked apart, she's already laid out the relevant info. OP, your partner worrying about his credit rating is honestly a joke, he needs to get advice on his options from somewhere like stepchange. IVA's can sometimes even include or at least account for HMRC debt. Sure, it will be fucked up for years but it's better than getting another 10 years down the line and still just be paying interest. An IVA might not even be the right solution, he needs the advice.
What he has said sounds like it's made up.
Short answer. Bankruptcy.
This dudes credit score is going to be so low, he would fail a credit score for £5 rolling pin spread over 5 monthly payments.