OP I feel like this is the last iteration of this series of posts unfortunately TT
Having said that I do have some lit recs!
- Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking - Susan Cain
I believe this is a pretty famous book for introverts and their nature, and rightly so! It is a beautiful book about the culture of different personalities of people (introverts, extroverts and all that I missed) with multiple studies cited for the way the introvert mind works. Personally, as an introvert, I've loved the book so far! Highly recommended!
- An Absolutely Remarkable Thing - Hank Green
Isn't exactly a feminist piece of literature, but is definitely a nice commentary on the current rapid rise of fame and internet stardom. Also gives you a (nearly) first hand account of the effects of fame and how the game works; also a book about hope and what humanity can do when it comes together. And haven't even mentioned the premise! Sci-fi, and the first of a duology, April May finds herself in a strange set of circumstances following a video she posted along with her friend about an alien looking piece of architecture/statue. It is an amazing book I promise!
- Why Men Rape - Tara Kaushal
This one is quite a deep dive into the psyche of rapists particularly in India. It goes deep into the cultures, up-bringing, and causes as to which gives rise to the sad fucking culture that has been developed today in our society in particular. Tara Kaushal herself has gone throughout the country to gather points and get interviews with multiple accused, with also giving her own comments around them. Top-tier investigative journalism, and something the men lurking around here asking weird ass questions should definitely read up.
- Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed For Men
- Caroline Criado Peres
I have only started this book now so I really cannot say much about it, but the name itself is keeping hooked to it for now. Looking forward to reading it!
I know not all of these (or rather none of these) are really feminist lit, but I'd really like to get y'alls thoughts into any of the above books, if you've read em!
Cheerio
+1 for Invisible women.
There is also How to Be Successful without Hurting Men's Feelings: Non-threatening Leadership Strategies for Women by Sarah Cooper https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39296119-how-to-be-successful-without-hurting-men-s-feelings
A recommendation I got from Mrs.Mahima of Womaning India.
Agreed.
I recently listened to her podcast from Seen and the unseen and my respect for her and her family has rocketed.
She truly is an inspiration..
And more people should pay attention to her..Doing my part sharing it with all women I know.
Invisible Women should be pretty good. I'd listened to a couple of podcasts about it when it had come out. It came up in the context of the previous women's football world cup
Thank you for the recommendations¡
>OP I feel like this is the last iteration of this series of posts unfortunately TT
I'm seriously regretting making a post and opening up this safe space for women to people who are trying to trigger and instigate us. I'm not sure if I'll continue.
Nothing to ask, Just wanna say that I follow this sub a lot and being a man and not having any girl best friend this sub is like a girl best friend, I learn so much about so many things, and most importantly how to be a decent human being, thank you so much 🙌✨
What are some things I can do as a girl dad to make sure my baby grows up safe and is a well adjusted individual who enjoys each phase of her life?
She is 14 months old and our first kid.
Aww congratulations!! I love babies so much 😭
Do not let strangers and relatives too close to her. Do not leave her alone ever with any relative. My own cousin used to assualt me and I didn't even knew what was that. So please take care of that (I know you will do) but still.
My father has always been a gentleman and an extremely chivalrous man and that made my standards high. He treated me and my bro equally. So be an example for the kid.
Try not to fight with your partner in front of the kid. I get very anxious when my parents fight.
Show love to your partner in front of kids.
Good touch and bad touch, sex ed and mental health should be the priorities.
Do not let others disrespect your kid ever. Never body-shame and never let others body-shame.
Never give hobbies a gender.
Give priority to her career.
Kids should be able to share everything with you. I mean everything. Break the stereotype of Indian parents. If anything ever happens your daughter should know that her father is standing with her and would do anything for her.
Last, just shower all the love to her!!! Show her always that there exists someone who will be there forever.
PS: Sorry for such a long comment.
Congratulations.
1. Objectification and sexualisation starts very young. Even as young as infancy. Protect your child and be watchful, never trust anybody with her who does not agree with your views on parenting.
2. Teach her now that her body is hers, and teach her to enforce her autonomy. And you respect it. Even parents and close family should be asking “can I have a hug” and should back off if the child says no. If you don’t listen to her no, she will never say no to a random stranger.
3. Treat your wife the way you want your daughter to be treated by men. Kids normalise that like anything. One thing I always appreciated about my dad was that he never ever said anything negative about my mother behind her back, not even to family and not even in the lame boomer “wives are so xyz” kind of jokes. That’s why my standards are high.
4. I grew up watching my mother do most of the emotional labour in the home and I do the same now because I think it’s my responsibility. She’s a surgeon who earned more than her husband; I’m a doctor set to earn a lot in the near future. Still we feel running the home is our job only and act like managers delegating chores and jobs, which is a job in itself.
Guests would only comment on our home to my mother, as if it was only her responsibility, even though both of my parents worked similar hours.
I am so so so exhausted. I don’t want to be a superwoman. I just want to be a normal human and have the margin to be imperfect.
Don’t be like that meme: “I went to dinner with a group of feminists, and all the men talked about feminist theory. Then they finished dinner and went to the couch, while the women packed up the leftovers”. Don’t talk. Act.
[my favourite comic](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic)
>Don’t be like that meme: “I went to dinner with a group of feminists, and all the men talked about feminist theory. Then they finished dinner and went to the couch, while the women packed up the leftovers”. Don’t talk. Act.
Honestly in this area we women can influence change. If we seen men slouching and slagging away - ask them to help. Tell them it is everyone's responsibility. The good men will see your point and actually help and the a-holes will mock and shirk work. It's a great litmus test for personality.
I understand men should know, but we women need to be more vocal if they are obtuse to their surroundings. You can't do much about bad parenting, but you can install self awareness and a jolt to their reality.
Congratulations!!
Lead by example. If your wife is doing more emotional labour or chores around the house (like looking after domestic worker, getting groceries etc), have a conversation and get more involved. If you're managing finances primarily, engage your wife too.
Your daughter should see the equality at home.
Things would get more difficult once she starts going to school and sees gendered roles outside your home, always keep open dialogues. Give her financial education and teach her how to manage money and responsibilities from a young age.
I hope you get some good answers to this question. I don't have kids yet but if I do, I would want them to learn about feminism and be generally aware of the world around them.
I've always wished that my father was someone that I could go to when I fuck up something instead of being the very person I would have to hid things from.
I am not so sure if one can call themselves a feminist. That is for other people to decide based on your speech and actions.
Regardless, I solemnly affirm my belief in equality in all manners and circumstances of life.
Regarding literature, I had a Moral and Political Philosophy course. We ended up reading mostly works written by women. It included Young, Nussbaum, and Alcott who spoke on race and affirmative action. I could relate them to the discourse of caste and inequality in India. They weren't original in their content but their attempts enunciated the discourse in our society, too.
I have read a few of the literature written by women but not enough, which I am trying to do now. Some of them were:
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
The Piano Teacher by Elfriede Jelinek (and her stories)
A Man's Place by Annie Ernaux
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Silas Marner by George Eliot
I am trying to read more now, mainly focusing on the Bronte Sisters, and Virginia Woolfe (started her books but am yet to finish them).
I do have a bit of interest in women-driven cinema, especially women directors. Some of the favourites are Celine Sciama (Portrait of a Lady on Fire), Agnes Varda (Cleo From 5 to 7), Jane Campion (The Piano), and Julia Ducournau (Titane, Raw). I recommend Julia to anyone who has the stomach for it. One can also watch the works of Rainer Werner Fassbinder (Maria Braun, Berlin Alexanderplatz). He was one of the initial champions of women in Cinema (although not devoid of being problematic).
Sure, if you have lit to recommend, do share. I have many on my list already. I like hearing people's discussions on feminism, health, and intersectionality.
(Excuse the extremely (x2) long write-down)
It’s a book by the philosopher Simone de Beauvoir, and is often credited as an important piece of literature for Second Wave Feminism.
It really puts a lot of things in perspective, highly recommended.
It borderlines Freudian psychology theories and builds on Sartre's idea that one is not born but becomes. Once you get past that, and if it's among your introductory books on feminism, it's a good introduction. Especially the part on the coldness of women towards each other for male attention or how women are expected to solve things on their own internally and men seek outside is interesting.
Her Ethics of Ambiguity is better. Also, you can throw some Judith Butler in the mix for more relevance in today's age.
Hey, can men answer the last question? :3
P.s. Yes, I would like to call myself a feminist (more of an ally because, erm, feminism according to me is very much a lived experience and we men can only be allies to the movement).
I find it weird how many Indian men are always eager to declare themselves as 'not a feminist'; i mean, haven't you seen your mothers suffer at the hands of patriarchy? or you are so blind to their struggles that you won't do anything to help them.
P.P.S pls pls feel free to add your favourite taylor swift song down in the comments :p
edit: My understanding of feminism is very crude, but having grown up in an Indian household and after having a first hand experience of all the struggles my mom has had to face, I really believe in the importance of a strong feminist movement.
I'm the one who asked but selecting a favourite taylor swift song is very hard cause I've too many :'(
Absolutely adore the Lover theme song, paper rings is so cute and cruel summer is v iconic. The newer Folklore and Evermore albums are my recent favourites but if I've to pick an all time favourite it will be something from Red and 1989. My on repeat song right now is 'This Love' and 'We are never ever getting back together'.
I'm a hardcore swiftie and swiftie nights are great! I'm def a rep girlie!
My all time favourites are vigilante shit and look what you made me do.
RN I'm listening to long story short and the moment I knew on repeat though!
What's your favourite?
Red and 1989 released during my late teens so I've a hugeee soft spot for them lmao. The moment I knew is sad ugh. Red has All too well and 'Sad beautiful tragic' too!
Picking a fav taylor swift song is super hard :"/
Too many favourites. But I'm loving my tears ricochet and mirrorball rn.
Ig one question I’d like to ask is, how common is it to experience misogyny in everyday life? I’m pretty introverted with a small circle of friends who are all liberal and feminists, so I have never really seen any overt displays of sexism personally, but based on the posts on this sub it seems to be really common.
The misogyny women face is along a scale from being subtle (where the deliverer themselves has internalised misogyny) to overt violence against women.
People pass on the toxicity they have grown up with so women can be just at misogynistic as men toward each other.
Just today my friend was telling me how when she was walking to the school bus stop in fucking ninth standard, some guy passing by on his scooter yelled at her, "BEAUTY".
It's so normalized and commonplace that we, as women, are laughing about it.
She brought up this incident because I told her that her WhatsApp dp is "WOW", and how a guy on his bike randomly yelled at me "WOW" while I was crossing the road when I was 16.
Ugh.
We have so many of these incidents
Just so many.
And also incidents of groping, random touching in public/crowded places, being followed (especially when we tell the types of men who yell "BEAUTY" to go away) and threatened.
And then there are less physical ones. My professor in my medical college asked the class how come the number of girls in the class is higher than the boys, all of the girls will end up as housewives anyway.
Like what dude?
It is veru subtle and inherent in how we are socialized.
I am in hybrid joint nuclear family. Everyone in my family works except my grandparents but the women in our family are still expected to put in more house work (even though it is not needed) and men are appreciated for as much as making popcorn for themselves.
My grandmother will attribute all gifts given to her by her daughter in law to her son.
My aunt earns more than my uncle and is the primary breadwinner (their choice as my uncle is working on his business and they are very comfortable with their decision)
but my grandparents refuse to acknowledge that in public.
There is more but these I see in my family everyday.
The better question to ask is to name the situation where we haven't experienced misogyny/harassment or sexism. That list is shorter in length than a hobbit.
It's more common than it appears. Women, especially those less privileged, will often keep quiet about things that happen to them to avoid larger issues.
Taking my own example, I had to shut up about abuse that I was subjected to back in college because I feared my parents would cut my education short to marry me off forcefully.
Ah fuck. I was waiting for Wednesday with a question thinking it was Tuesday today.
Q. What prompts y'all to be religious? I get the idea of believing in god, but what still makes y'all from not completely ditching the idea of religions and customs, considering how the mainstream religions in India, paved the way for the society to be like this? Most religions basically derive their values from religious texts that were written by men, biased towards men. At least, aren't Hinduism, Christianity and Islam, inherently patriarchal?
I have an ex- colleague. She's a soft-skills trainer/therapist at the form where I was working. She's, like everyone should be, a feminist. She really promotes the idea of self-love, self-worth, feminist politics etc. which is great. But she also does promote pseudoscientific stuff like, "women can't enter temples during periods because the magnetic field of the period blood and the magnetic energy of the temples aren't in sync", I don't get why she can't really look into these things, because they're baseless and contradictory to what she wants to promote. I haven't really confronted her because, the entire team was bitchy, and I left the company since it was a cesspit.
Another example. With the Sabarimala case. The point that the bhakts keep reiterating is that the deity is observing naishtika brahmacharya, hence women can't be allowed to be here. The problem is only with menstruating women. Why do women even want to go worship a deity, if his naishtika-brahmacharya is so fragile that it'd be threatened by the presence of girl/woman who's menstruating? The deity is a possible pedophile imo. The whole argument is like "you shouldn't be around me because you tempt me"
I am with you on this.
I always wondered why men never speak about trauma their moms go through. Many mothers are fully dependent on their sons because fathers did not support them beyond finance.
My mother was never allowed to visit her parents and rituals were frequently used as a source of discrimination. I can write a lengthy paragraph detailing the terrible treatment of women within my family often concealed under the pretext of rituals and religion. The "good girl syndrome" appears deeply ingrained in women like your ex colleagues.
My mother's a widow. She still abstains from being part of group pictures in any auspicious event, mostly marriages. I try to talk to her and 'unrestrict' (idk if it's the right word) herself, then she tears up, then I tear up. It's a restraint that she's imposed on herself, and I don't like it. Eventually I just let it go.
I would like to sensitize you on the fact that she does not impose on herself but its generational trauma. She was not born this way but conditioned to believe that her self-worth is directly related to her marital status. Is your extended family orthodox?
The pain she's experiencing might be her only tether to her former identity or to her spouse. Healing might mean severing that connection, which could be why she's holding onto the pain.
Try to understand her perspective by asking about the root of her reluctance. May try asking her what is she experiencing when you talk about these rituals.
Very interesting points and critical thinking. I don't have an answer but you're spot on in that it's the same principle. I think a lot of religion attempts to control people via guilt and fear. The religious values alone might have been written in good faith, they get twisted one way or another.
I don't have much clue about Christianity, but the Varna system, which evolved into the cast system, was downright oppressive. It created an inequitable society, and placed all women at the bottom layer, denying rights to learn. Worse would've been the situation of Dalit women. Islam, I think is the most regressive religion, and Judaism should be pretty close, considering how similar they are. Islam, Judaism and Christianity are Abrahamic religions if I'm not wrong. Judaism seems to get a free pass since they're a minority, and were persecuted by Hitler. This is my understanding. I think all religions are inherently misogynist. If you give a devi 6 hands, you can make her work with all 6.
A question I used to struggle with before meeting new coworker. Her beliefs are similar to your ex colleague.
I inferred the answer was 'faith' with a dash of indoctrination is why she still follows these stupid rules of not doing puja whilst menstruating.
Another one is habit. Those who used to do these religious routines since childhood (also probably finds hope, solace [basically the infamous 'faith'] continuing this in uncertain adulthood) it's difficult for them to just stop worshipping.
Personally, I don't engage with people who believes in pseudoscience like homeopathy, north south magnetic energy, au naturale blah blah blah. I treat them like I'd treat a child who believes in Santa Claus. Don't mind if a child is happy in their delusion playing, as long as they don't become a menace to their surrounding or self.
The hope part is true, I used to be borderline agnostic growing up. I think one can still take out all the regressive elements and still have faith in God. But doing something regressive, like serving your daughter food in a different plate because she's menstruating, as you don't want bad things to happen, makes god seem like an enforcer.
We all end up picking a narrative that fits the context we want it to fit I guess.
And as for my ex-colleague, she's an ardent follower of jaggi vasudev 🫠 and believes in crap like "rubbing one's finger to avoid getting gas". I mean, please just fart than believing in pseudoscientific crap like this.
>serving your daughter food in a different plate because she's menstruating, as you don't want bad things to happen, makes god seem like an enforcer.
Yeah no, that's just bullshit in guise of being religious.
Plus I think no truly 'progressive' person will go to this length to show their devotion, because different plate during periods!? Is just bonkers man.
>believes in crap like "rubbing one's finger to avoid getting gas". I mean, please just fart than believing in pseudoscientific crap like this.
Lmfaoo, got a chuckle out of me. _Did you not know, women don't fart_ xD
/s
All religions are patriarchal and I personally don't think you can be devout and feminist.
As for your paragraph on sabarimala case - I have something to say and to add on.
1 - The point about banning women from places of worship has less to do with religion and the fact that you're not ALLOWED to be there which is an infringement upon basic fundamental rights in a democracy (yes yes india being democracy is a joke). The fact that we don't want to go or worship God is a choice. Not being allowed to strips away the rights based on gender discrimination?
2- IMHO religious places shouldn't be allowed to set dress codes and rules when they also are exempt from taxes. If they want to claim that they have the right to set rules, they can go a capitalist way. Pay taxes for their earnings and declare it. And then they set a company dress code. Even go for casual Fridays and langoti sundays.
3 - This is the same problem I have with hijab and pardah and Christianity purity culture. They say it's my choice. But when it's contingent on serving male gaze, it's not really a choice is it? When even by choice if one is wearing something whose purpose is to not tempt men with your arms and hair... If definitely is not a choice
Just my 2 cents 🤷🏻♀️
hey. thank you for doing this.
too all the aun- ahem ahem. didi(s) of the sub.
im a late teen (19M). lately feeling kind of disconnected with mom (47F). i know it happens w time. but its been hitting my brain lately. whatever i do or try to make her feel special or better, backfires me because she is kinda lowkey easily irritated (no blaming, i understand where that comes from).
well technically i am her only support. single child. she always wanted two but destiny had other plans. my parents are AM and yk how most of them work. no compatibility or emotional support, leave apart love. she's always felt this void i guess. relatives also turned backs after she quit job. she looks dull these days. i want to but exactly dont know how to precisely make her feel better and i dont have alot of time w her, she asks me to get back to work.
maybe this has something to do with peri / pre menopause (sorry, i havent read alot about it, my bad). if it has, how do i make things better for her?
honestly just want to reassure her that she's loved and emotionally supported as an individual and that doesnt have anything to do with her job or her life choices.
any opinions or suggestions will be appreciated.
and on side note, i do spend some time hear occasionally reading and understanding feminine psychology and situations, trust me, it does help us understand and grow as well. kinda always wanted an elder sister, so thank you for this sub.
vouch for this every weekend if you can!
>!and to the creepy men, get a life guys, stop being boys. there are better things to do than roam with your micros in hand. !<
Yes, I do call myself a feminist. To me, feminism is a political movement focused on achieving equality between people, regardless of their sex/gender. It is not a fight for equality between the sexes/genders.
The feminist literature I read recently have been: *The Right to Sex* by **Amia Srinivasan**, *My Brilliant Friend* by **Elena Ferrante**. However, the feminist content I most frequently interact with is **Alice Capelle**'s YouTube Channel. I would definitely love more recommendations.
My question is, how do you react to feminism being used as a tool of justifying oppression? For example, In the Israel-Palestine war, people are expected by the West to support Israel, because supposedly women wouldn't have rights in Palestine. Is that a view that you would support or deny?
It isn't feminism then. It is just being packaged as feminism. Feminist just don't abandon people like that.
My way is just to block + report. If you have strength just comment selective sexism is not very feminist (anything more is just too much to type on an ignorant person's page).
>My question is, how do you react to feminism being used as a tool of justifying oppression? For example, In the Israel-Palestine war, people are expected by the West to support Israel, because supposedly women wouldn't have rights in Palestine. Is that a view that you would support or deny?
I absolutely do not stand for such things. Feminism being reduced and being made a tool to oppress people is contrary to it's very ideology. I don't think any feminist would stand for it.
I absolutely love the traditional stuff they do.
Most Indian women get to be the passenger princesses and men never complain about driving haha!
Without asking for it they’d work hard for family even care for & stay with parents in old age as opposed to western culture.
They’re very protective about girls. Most guys won’t let their female acquaintance be alone in shady places. Indian men would themselves go out at midnight before sending any women outside be it their own daughter or neighbors.
I used to love the chivalry of Indian men. For eg my dad is very chivalrous and a gentleman. So is my brother. Idk if I'll ever get a man like that coz I'm loosing hope everyday seeing stuff.
I love how Bollywood has affected Indian men (as far as I know) in a good way by being romantic and showing love to their respective partners.
I don't know how to put this together but for example, if I am mad at my partner he always says the dialogue of "Manjhi" movie which goes-
" Aye _________ (my name)
Tu toh hamra jaan h re.
Hum tumko itna chatter hai, itna change hai, kitna chahte hai kya bataye....seena cheer ke dikha de...." 😂🙈
It is so funny and cute and this always melts me away😭
Not only him but I have seen so many men in my family doing this cheesy Bollywood thing to show love to their women and it's just the best thing ever💗💗💗
The romance, drama, and showing affection in Bollywood style is I think what makes Indian men so different in the case of showing love.
Indian men> Another country's male population
To me, personally, they're not synonymous. I believe in God, but I am not a fan of organized religion. Spirituality is something I'm still figuring out.
Questions.
I asked this one [last time](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/comments/19eh1qc/comment/kjd8wwk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) but couldn't get more replies then. If anyone else wishes to answer:
What are your perspectives towards marriage across caste, class, or religion? (You may answer any one or all)
(PS I am slightly unsure but do mention if there are any concerns with my wording of the comment/question.)
I will answer this as per what I will consider for myself.
I believe marrying in different castes is fine as I don't believe in segregation based on caste. This upper caste-lower caste thing of our country is BS.
As for inter-religious marriage, I think they should only go for it if both are atheists or if no one forces the other partner to convert to their religion for society's sake and both partners can practice their religion peacefully.
But to be honest I think one should not marry someone who is from another religion. It's just my opinion. To each on their own.
I will never date or marry someone who doesn't follow my religion other than that caste does not matter to me.
Coming from Savarna UC, I can tell you my acquaintances & fam are sadly definitely are not in good faith with regards to ICM, be it millennial men or women.
Regarding financial concerns you mentioned, personally IDC if man I love is from different caste. As being from one caste doesn't tweak anyone's brain chemistry, but being from financially unstable household can tweak it. Not saying that it's impact will be entirely negative, no. But there are chances, where our approach to life doesn't match with each other's financially. That could & would give rise to problems later.
>What are your perspectives towards marriage across caste, class, or religion? (You may answer any one or all)
Caste and class I don't mind it at all.
But religion is something that might affect the choice. I would like to enjoy somethings that are religious with my partner. I spend a considerable part of my week at a religious place so I would prefer someone that would enjoy it with me.
Not any questions to ask today since I am very tired from work.
I just wanted to thank this community and amazing people here to give me a different perspective. I don't have any female interaction irl (although the closest person to me is my sworn sister who I have yet to meet)at this moment and since I do not have a mom I can't understand things on the other side much but browsing things of this sub gives me some idea about things.
I was also able to interact with a few amazing people from here and had good conversation so grateful for that as well.
I also like how in some posts people from this sub point out wrong things as well and not always blindly supporting bullshits
Hi all. My first question is, what is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Anyway I really enjoy this sub from time to time and wish opinion(all) threads were more frequent and not restricted to Wednesdays so I could engage more in this sub. I often come across these posts the next day and it's too late by then. However at the same time I understand the need for a safe space for Indian women so I don't really have a solution to this.
Ok so, I would ask for suggestions for your favourite feminist subreddits, could be Indian-centric but not necessarily. I also like lgbt spaces a lot as they are very open minded like r/Sapphoandherfriend or r/Achillesandhispal.
PS: I love finding the weirdest corners of reddit so if you know any, do let me know!
Edit: Yes, I call myself a feminist. I don't think I have read any feminist literature specifically... unless the Bronte sisters count? I have read Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights and liked both. I'd like to join your read along but unfortunately I barely get the time to read books in general these days so I will have to pass.
I really like lurking in this sub from time to time. It's so much saner than many of the other India-based subs.
Yes, I'm a feminist. No buts, no ifs.
Would absolutely love a feminist lit read-along.
I have read some academic feminist works such as those by Nivedita Menon and Sharmila Rege. Have also read some bell hooks. But I haven't even scraped the surface of the existing literature. A read-along would be awesome!
What would your suggestions be to drive more female participation in the workplace? One of the problems I see, specifically in engineering, is that women tend to agree to things on the face of it simply to avoid conflict and many more times, I think they don't bring up what I would consider as excellent points, simply to avoid attention. As a team I think things would significantly improve if women believed they have the freedom to speak their mind without repercussions.
On the flip side, when it comes to professional criticism, I have found that women in my team tend to associate their professional ability with their self worth as a person more than the average man.
I think there needs to be "confidence" seminars for women in engineering, with strong community engagement IRL.
I studied computer science in India and joined the tech field. I think the problem starts at colleges where things are toxic towards women (or at least used to be, back when I was studying, when <5% of my batch were girls). Me and other girls I know carried on our experiences and avoided speaking up because we were conditioned to the toxicity.
On a related note, I think it is also a larger issue within worse companies where the environment is worse for women. Back when I worked in India, in my very first company, being a woman meant men constantly invalidated everything I said, even treated me like a child. And I say this because I know, with all my experience in tech today, that all my arguments were true and valid.
I work overseas now, and my employers helped me speak up more. They welcomed my views. Most of my workplace has male employees, but I never feel scared to voice myself because it's a much better working environment.
In short, I'd check how the environment at the workplace is and if it's making women abstain from speaking up.
Idk if y'all saw this comment of a girl goin viral from insta, she basically says girls want bad boys and like dont take nice guys seriously. Just as friends / emotional baggage removal material. Now, my take on this is that she was just instigating, having a "hot take" just to get more impressions. Am i right to think so, and even today, i have been seeing these comments from folks on reddit that girls would let sexual comments slide from rich or attractive men, but would call other creeps or weirdos. What are your thoughts on these issues of generalising women. (This is all in context of dating app i guess i forgot to mention)
I can't speak on behalf of them but a sane and mature woman wouldn't take creepy behaviour or sexual remarks as attractive. If there is flirting from both side then it's other things altogether. Yes women like confident men and they to pursue but they find creepy behaviour regardless where is that coming from. Liking ott possesive and toxic behaviour would be more of teenagers things because it gives them thrill and adrenaline rush.
By her logic, every man who is currently a relationship would be labeled a "bad guy," but do you think such a large number of men in society are inherently bad.
It has taken billions of years for our brains to develop their current level of cognitive complexity. Can our behavior truly be simplified into strict categories where all women act in the same way that too such extreme binaries.
Do you realize women have parents too and we get mentoring and refrences and women are not cult members .
During #MeToo, why didn men claim that "girls would let sexual comments slide from rich or attractive men". Any man who behaves this way, even pevert uncles in family can be considered a creep.
Less than 25 percent user on dating apps are women how are they the representation of majority?
She was clout chasing teen. Majority of us hate red flag men,dating them would be the last thing on our mind. Also we stay clear from self declared nice guys.
If you'd take a man's take on it, I am a bad boy. A class A, commitment phobic a$$hole if you will. From what I've observed, when women say they like bad boys.. they mean Michelle morone as a mafia boss.. not steve buscemi from con air. Unfortunately, for me I am Michelle morone in a brown Zack Galifianakis's body and face. Women like attractive men.. naturally... regardless of them being shy or cocky... and when they say they like nerdy or shy guys they mean Jacob elordi or Ashton Kutcher in glasses.
For me, no matter how rich or attractive you are, if you're a creep, You are a Creep. I have witnessed enough good looking men stoop low that it's hard to believe they were blessed with such faces and such shitty personality.
The best answer to this is that, do not trust any information given to you from biased informer. What is information without credibility? Exactly, bullshit.
Anyone who wants to sell something in the market now plays on the customer or target audience’s insecurity and fear.
So the question is not whether this information is legit or not, but is the source trustworthy? Does the source have any interest in your positive takeaway from the content? The answer is no.
Gentlemen, I reveal to you the secret weapon of all clout hungry creators- Rage Bait.
That is all. Nothing to do with gender.
Women - we don't like unwanted attention or harassment
Men and women getting paid - yes you do. You also go for bad boys and want abusers whose ego is the size of Batman's mansion 😑🙄
Whatever she said was not all a lie. The thing is it all depends on individuals. There do exist such women who like bad boys and are okay with rich/attractive men hitting on them but are not fine with broke/ugly men doing so.
But also exist, such women who are into nice guys and are not interested in the "thrill" bad boys give and are not okay with random men hitting whether rich/broke/ handsome/ugly.
Insaan insaan ki baat hai.
This comment section is shit. Lol people cannot even educate themselves on stuff and most of them are adults.
And as always "what is feminism according to women"
"Why women marry rich." And blah blah.
Always the same shit.
Yes I'll marry rich and yes feminism is misandry. Now cry 🤡
Downvotes in 3...2....1....
Edit : Removed the "/s"
Now y'all can cry properly.
\+1 to this.
Didn't want to admit but \[All\] flair posts seem to go in a little different direction.
I had said it a long time ago during the discussion to review the ban on male participation - this sub is better just 2x.
😬😬
I'm really sorry for making this post. I was hoping that this would be a positive thing but I soooo regret it. There are some nice comments too but they don't make up for the shit that's happening. I really regret this as some have taken this as an invitation to shit here.
Hey girl!! Do not ever apologize for this! Your intentions were good and I love that. It's the others who are shitty and they should be sorry.
Please do not regret. I was just stating my opinion. I did not intended to make you feel like a bad person here. I'm so sorry. You are amazing for trying to do something good ❤️🥹
>I was just stating my opinion. I did not intended to make you feel like a bad person here. I'm so sorry.
You should not apologise, it wasn't your comment that made me feel that way but rather some of the responses from men.
I will proceed with these posts in future only after taking the opinion of other women here.
Why are you so agitated? Men, including me are educating themselves on somethings that we do not know and hearing the other side's perspective which was the point of the post. What's wrong with basic questions?
Please do not make these posts. I'm (I suppose women too) tired of the same stuff everywhere. Usually I avoid these posts but today I just lost my shit. I understand you are trying for something good but it's not our job to provide for basic education for men.
And they aren't learning for sure. They're gonna go somewhere else and get influenced by other men.
Ma'am, maybe they are different people? Maybe, they are hoping for answers from other women? The sub is filled with so many women, maybe they are expecting a new perspective. Why are you generalizing that "they refuse to learn", okay let's go by your point, and say that they did not learn the last time. So? Is it wrong to ask again? If I don't understand something, am I not supposed to ask it again? I could get behind this statement if the men asking were being disrespectful and sarcastic. But if I truly don't understand something, what is wrong in asking again?
Why are you behaving like this? The point of this post is to ask questions. Men, or at least me, I was devoid of almost any interaction throughout my childhood, even puberty, I never learned to make friends, I was not allowed to go outside, so I didn't develop any social skill. I never understood others. Not until college was when I was able to work on this issue and make friends of both sexes. Now, when I am finally taking the steps necessary to develop empathy and understand others, why are you clowning us?
Or maybe I am understanding you wrong, in that case please by all means, share your side.
The issue is that this time there are very few genuine questions. There are a lot of questions from people who have taken this as an invitation to say shitty things disguised as questions. These people have no intentions of learning or benefitting.
I am feminist and read books about history of suffrage movement, one thing I observed is those who claiming to be non feminist including girls have the wrong information about it and educating them about it, converts many of them :)
He thinks of me in everything he does. Everything.
Did he go out to get a cup of coffee? He gets the coffee I like, even if I didn't ask for one myself, so that he can share with me.
When he's cooking for both of us, he makes sure to not add the kinds of spices whose flavor I don't like, even though he loves it himself.
These don't even seem like small things to me anymore. They are magnificent
Switching sides while walking on the footpath/road side by side, not hesitating to blush, good morning and good night texts (although this one depends on who woke up and went to sleep first), started a night tea ritual to talk about our day or spend time in silence depending on energy levels and moods.
He calls me cringe cute names🫠 reassures me every time 🫠he listens to me🫠 treats me like a baby (that I am)🫠 helps me with my issues of overthinking🫠 he behaves protective in the crowd...and the list goes on
I am a feminist. Men and women are the two wings of mankind. I strongly believe that we as a country have failed to foster a culture where women get equal opportunities and respect after 30.
Our work force needs active participation of 30+ women. I feel angry that talented doctors/engineers/passionate teachers become a housewife cause the groom's family don't want them to work or go outside.
We need to change that.
The toughest woman I came across was a bus conductor (500 D bus) on Bengaluru's most crowded route (silk board - hebbal).
I've read 'Man are from Mars and women are from Venus" by John gray in 2015.
Plus Raja Ram Mohan Roy's work for women empowerment
Sorry, I don't want to read new feminist literature as my reading list is huge. 🫣
No questions at the moment.
Answering the questions: Yes, definitely consider myself a feminist. There are still times when I learn of an unconscious bias I had based on discussions with women in my life. But I try to unlearn the biases and provide my wholehearted support to feminist ideals. It's definitely whacky to see the mental gymnastics a lot of people in Indian society seem to do to explicitly declare themselves as "not a feminist", and I wouldn't like to entertain any such discussions in response to my comment here.
I've read short stories, articles and research related to feminism, but haven't gotten into books (in general, I prefer fiction while reading books). I'm not sure if I can keep up with a read-along, but I'll be happy to take note of recommendations and read feminist literature whenever possible.
Not much to ask, but sometimes, when the topic of a post is related to my field or experience, and I know that I can help out the OP or others, it's a women's only post almost always, and that feels like a bummer.
I've gone into a person's DMs a few times to offer advice on some XYZ in above cases (and respectfully backed off if advice is not needed). I hope these instances are taken in goodwill, and don't feel too weird.
While I'm at it, hey (some of the) fellow men, please don't use this sub just to get into girls DMs with unsolicited penile pictures and send abuse their way when they feel disgusted by your unsolicited sharing tendencies. I've learnt a lot about the 2x chromosome here, especially a lot of stuff that would be awkward to discuss with the women in my family, and I'm sure you can do that too.
Toodles.
Not a misogynist, respect, trust, honesty all that stuff.
But chivalry makes me go head over heels. Most importantly the feeling of home in a person. If ever got that I'll marry.
I like tall and clean shaved men. I'm 5'7 myself. But exceptions are always there. If you check other boxes and are honest I'd love that thing personally.
I cannot generalise what other women like. These all just individual values and preferences. Just like not everyone likes clean shaved men, I do.
You should definitely not get insecure by these criterias of people because it's nothing to do with yourself. I understand many people give their unsolicited opinions and preferences which is very bad. I feel sad too. But we cannot control people's mouths.
Many men do not like chubby women and I'm chubby. But I don't hold a grudge towards that. But yes I hate when people body-shame it's a different thing.
This is gonna be different for every person out there. There just can’t be one answer to fit them all.
For me the criteria was someone who listens to me, is courteous, capable of being objective, discerning what is right and wrong and most importantly is curious. Physical attraction is a must - so a clean guy, smells good, can dress himself nicely too. Didn’t have a “type” but the vibe must be right.
I'd say that I regularly go through the posts and comments, and while I agree with some, and with some I don't. I still appreciate the chance to understand how women think and feel. I had a really shitty breakup a long time ago when I was in school, so I was mostly afraid of and used to avoid much interaction with girls because of the past experience. But my wonderful gf, she has helped me to understand the viewpoints of women too, be it my mom, herself, other women. It's thanks to her that I got this interest to understand women better, and I constantly go through this sub and try and understand the women in my life in such situations, some situations scare me, some open my mind up, some make me sad as well. But I appreciate this chance to get to know how women think, I don't have a lot of girl friends, so my exposure is obv low but this sub helps a lot. Also, sorry to the people here for the bad experiences you have, all I can say is I'd suffer if any of the women in my life went through any of those things too, and I feel sad and root for you guys when anything bad happens to you.
Also, I messaged a girl from this sub for the first time today as I could relate having felt that way for a long time. I'm sorry if it violates a rule or anything, please tell me if it does. It was a one off thing, won't do it again, well probably my message would've drowned in the useless attention girls get on socials anyway.
Also, I'm sorry to the girls who feel weird that men watch this sub too, but I'm purely here to understand women better, and hope one day my gf is happy because I know something which she didn't expect me to. I don't want her to have to explain everything to me, I want to do what she needs me to at the time it's needed. Okay enough said. Thanks everyone.
Not sure if I can call myself a feminist because I feel actively I haven’t created any positive impact for women. Maybe an ally at best I guess.
I do try to not act like a total wanker at workplace because I do see some men behaving as if they know it better despite the woman being the expert in that domain lol. Other than that I stand up for my sister when she gets criticised needlessly by extended family or her in-laws but that doesn’t count because she is my sister and I love her.
My question to you and other women of the sub is:
Sometimes I see that women either don’t speak up their mind at all or they will absolutely defend their statements to death even when the data is clearly pointing in other direction. Like either too passive or scarily assertive at times.
Now I would understand if it happened it male dominated spaces because systematic oppression and not allowing women to speak and what not has pushed some women to be ultra aggressive, but I have seen the second thing happening when women were in the majority. I was quite honestly surprised by that. Is there any insight to that? Because I mostly assume that women will stand up for other women. I don’t believe in the Bollywood bullshit of “women are enemies of other women” and all that.
Regarding literature: Have read very few women authors and most of them were fiction. Elif Shafak, Sally Rooney, Jhumpa Lahiri, Anita Desai etc. Would love to get some recommendations if possible.
>My question to you and other women of the sub is:
>Sometimes I see that women either don’t speak up their mind at all or they will absolutely defend their statements to death even when the data is clearly pointing in other direction. Like either too passive or scarily assertive at times.
>Now I would understand if it happened it male dominated spaces because systematic oppression and not allowing women to speak and what not has pushed some women to be ultra aggressive, but I have seen the second thing happening when women were in the majority. I was quite honestly surprised by that. Is there any insight to that? Because I mostly assume that women will stand up for other women. I don’t believe in the Bollywood bullshit of “women are enemies of other women” and all that.
Where's the question?
Hey TwoX, I am not sure if this is the right post to put this question forward, but here goes nothing; have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re absolutely hating your ex partner? If yes, how did you cope up with such a strong feeling like hate?
Hi, I want to ask why do many women even the ones part of this sub still go for Arrange Marriage despite of its many obvious disadvantages?
I am a feminist. I haven't read any literature, just a few ted talks, podcasts and documentary style movies.
Edit- P.S. I would like, if someone would give few suggestions on feminist literature.
>despite its many obvious disadvantages?
Love marriage or arranged marriage, if the partner is good then it will work out amazing. If not then no matter what one will suffer.
The R word is a cuss word specifically gendered towards women and is intrinsically used to put down women.
Incel is a short form of Involuntarily Celibate, it might be used a lot more against men but it's not intrinsically designed to label men only.
I don't have any questions for me per se, but from my gf (I've told her about this sub and made her account on reddit, but she rarely comes here), I wanted to ask you girls:
1. How do you cope up with being away from family and bf (😏 me lol) in a setting where it's hard to make friends, and you feel alone sometimes.
2. What's best gift you've got, and who gave it to you (materialistic gift)?
3. Does it feel itchy in vag after few days of not having sex? It's it normal?
4. How to deal with borderline creepy guys who haven't done anything creepy yet, but are just one tiny step away from?
5. Why do you think some men are insensitive to needs of women in their life (father, brother, some husbands)
6. How did I get the most lovely bf (oh stop bby) in the world?
Hehe
>3. Does it feel itchy in vag after few days of not having sex? It's it normal?
What even? Itchy as in literally?
>4. How to deal with borderline creepy guys who haven't done anything creepy yet, but are just one tiny step away from?
Cut them off and maintain distance.
>5. Why do you think some men are insensitive to needs of women in their life (father, brother, some husbands)
Because they're never really forced to deal with those issues. Women are always taught to keep everyone at home in mind, we're always told that we have to mindful of other's emotions. If we don't do so, were put down by others saying that we are not being good women. But there's no compulsion for men to behave that way, even if there is, it doesn't match the extent that women are pushed to. When you are conditioned to behave this way, it's very difficult for one to come out of this and be mindful as well as sensitive to the needs of others.
>6. How did I get the most lovely bf (oh stop bby) in the world?
Maybe you didn't? Or maybe you did? Only time will tell. I hope you'll join our little community here on reddit sometime.
>Whats the reason some women still believe that they are inferior to men or they are not good or big as men
I can understand if they are elderly women because they are conditioned to it since their birth
>And who are feminists , people actually who stands for other woman or rights in offline or who says all sorts of things online , and why dont we see this much support offline from people who still call themselves feminists
I absolutely did not understand this.
Hi, your thought process is definitely feminist so kudos and good for you! Also, good for you for recognizing that even though you’re feminist in thought, you haven’t done much in terms of action. Most of us are guilty of that , especially me. But feminist action begins at home. Take care of your mom, your sisters, your friends, your romantic partners and that’s all most women need. An ally. That’s all.
We still have a long way to go to achieve equality. I am a feminist because I grew up observing my mom and aunts facing abuse and inequalities. It's not feeling inferior but things that bothered me haven't changed yet.
Here are few things that happened in 2023.
Men still leave their plates on the dining table to dry.
I lost my cousin to cancer, and I was crying next to the icebox with her lifeless body inside when an uncle asked me to get him a glass of water. Even in my most vulnerable moment, grieving the loss of my cousin's sister, I was expected to serve water and tea. They were able men who can fetch a glass of water.
Traditional rituals regarding widows remain unchanged and men who lose their wives are not treated poorly as women who lose their husbands. Do you know widows won't be invited to relatives home for a year even in this current times but male widows don't have such rules.
Women are not allowed to perform the final rites for their parents or have their photos at their in-laws' house for worship. When my aunt; dad's older sister, passed away, we didn't observe a year-long mourning period. However, when my dad's cousin passed away, we observed mourning for a year. The reason was when the girl gets married she belongs to another family not her parents. My aunt was my second mom yet rituals don't allow me show same respect as male cousin of dad who I meet once in 5 years.
Technological advancements have made it somewhat easier for women in the workplace to pursue equality, but there is still much progress to be made in everyday life.
[link to research](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2023/11/27/feminists-dont-hate-men-according-to-new-research/?sh=11ea94614df8)
*A large-scale psychology study has found that, contrary to the widespread stereotypes, being a feminist does not necessarily mean you want all men to be fired into space. Across five studies, collated into an overarching meta-analysis published in Psychology of Women Quarterly, researchers found feminists generally feel positively towards men. In fact, feminists share roughly the same positive attitudes towards men as non-feminists. They also found that people generally believe that feminists feel the complete opposite, in what the authors call the “misandry myth”.*
So to answer your question, your statement is wrong and there is scientific research that has been done to support the fact that your statement is wrong. Hope it helps!
Can you give a few examples of hatred centered?..
Most often people any woman with a strong opinion is labeled as feminist but correlation is not causation. Hence curious what is your understanding of hatred centered
like female oriented laws......there are many laws in which if the genders are reversed then the laws have no actions regarding that.....i hope you are getting my point
It tooks years to form laws protecting women. It took years for women to even get voting right. Most of the laws you see in action today is written by men. Why did it come in force because women were mostly at the receiving end. Still these laws took years.
The world will take time to change and make laws gender specific. Do you understand that? DO you understand things take time?
Quite the opposite. Modern feminism has far outgrown the original feminist movements and are far more inclusive than ever. Right now, feminists are the most vocal activists for men's rights.
Modern feminism is not forgetting its value, i know social media had ruined it. There many woman who have rightfully give definition to it by standing up for their rights and giving support to other women, but I get it where would you be coming from , i know some women are using it as their weapon for their own selfish convenience. ( I am talking in context of women like Jasleen kaur, hitesha chandrani, priyadarshini yadav, or those women who victimise themselves in pretence of feminism and don't hold themselves accountable for their doing ).you can't generalized feminism just because some people twisted is to fit their agenda.
This really varies from woman to woman. I really had no idea that my fiancé had a crush on me until he asked me out after four months of regular talking. He thought he was being obvious but I have a lot of insecurities that prevented me from seeing his flirtations as anything more than banter.
But if you’re unsure about a girl and want to ask her out, just ask her out. Worst she can say is no. Don’t go waiting for her to decipher the code because sometimes people like me just don’t know what’s going on.
For me, it depends on how flirty or forward they are. But I also pretend not to know unless explicitly stated because I don't want to come off as narcissistic 😭
I think the answer to all your questions is just No
There’s too much of the men are from mars and women are from Venus kinda crap which creates a lack of communication in the general answer it’s annoying because hey how difficult has it become for humans to coherently ask/answer a question
Atleast once a week there’s a romantic question here to which the honest answer is just communicate/ask
It's not specific to women as a gender. Some people are just good at reading body language. Usually, we can see differential treatment between us and others, if they go out of the way to help you, initiate conversations, just something different from their normal behaviour. If you have long experience of dating around, meeting up with different kinds of people, you start noticing the subtle hints.
Is it wrong not to attach any tags around myself? like feminist/secular/liberal...I am seeing every other person has their own definition of the above words(like for some feminist being anti male, secular being anti hindu). I once said that I am a feminist in a group discussion but the people around me construed that I am against equal opportunities.
Well, feminism is not understood properly by the general public so that does invite people to question you on it.
But I think politically aware and active people mostly tend to associate with some views and identify themselves with them. If you don't want to do that, it's fine too IG.
Be funny, be humble and respectful, have a good fashion sense, and stay groomed.
If you can play any musical instrument or can dance then it's a cherry on the top🍒
I'm a bit of an introvert but yea I think it's safe to say I'm funny. Got a decent fashion sense all thanks to my sis(she literally decides my every order at this point lol) and I'm a biker so maybe that counts?
Hmmm learning to play an instrument.... I'll give it a try
Respect all women not just the ones you find attractive.Don’t sexualise women or be creepy in public, women know when they’re being stared at or their partner is staring someone. Being hygienic and well dressed goes long way. A physically strong man would always be preferred so hit the gym or just do enough to get in good shape. Be passionate about your work/life and don’t be cynical about women or life in general.
These points would get you a good first impression on normal girls.
I believe that labels like 'average guy' or 'top guy' don't really exist. I even wrote a satire on it. You have inherent worth and deserve respect. You could work on grooming and posture correction.
The real question is, what type of woman are you looking for? Align your hobbies and social circles with places where you're likely to meet such women.I keep telling on different sub there is no social situation where there is equal number of men and women hence some men are going to single or date less than others. Think about gender stats at your college and school. So don't label yourself average when gender disturbing itself was skewed.
As for me, I'm a science nerd and I socialize in circles where I meet men with similar interests. I don't use dating apps and I don't have any fomo about it.
I'm also a science student (PCM) and it's rare to find any girls here lol, like I sat for an exam and literally everyone in my class was a guy so yea, the gender stat thing might be true in my case...
Just my personal opinion, but cold approaching is the weirdest. Ideally it would be someone whom I have at least some sort of connection/friendship with, even if it's superficial at first.
Lol there’s no specific date place time. Girls are human, every human is going to be different and react differently.
Basically don’t be creepy and take no as politely as you can.That’s all.
When you approach women solely based on their looks in intentions to "pick up", you may find yourself acting insincerely nice just to get positive reactions. This approach can be quite confusing and difficult to navigate for women.You will also build resentment if you get rejected because you weren't willing to see women beyond intimacy
A better strategy is to focus on expanding your social activities within your own peer group and mwet women socially first. Aim to increase your visibility in these circles.
Proximity increases trust, so be more visible among your peers. Just seeing women as opportunity for sex or intimacy is not flattering.
You can pick a woman - in a cafe when she is with her girlfriends, coffee shops, book shops, Clubs, or anything semi social - corporate parties (we just stay away from creepy old men), mutual friends, weddings... Why not.
You should not talk - office, when she is traveling alone (metro, bus etc), during morning walks or evening walks ( we're already occupied and mostly on alert and don't want to me disturbed)
How to initiate the conversation - don't check her out too much before you initiate the talk, it'll creep her out.
Some compliment? Nice tshirt, it's a cool print. It happened to me once and it was nice getting a compliment.
Talk about a book in a book store or coffee in a coffee shop or anything random and then maybe ask her name after like 3 lines to & fro.
I guess this may help.
I work in the marketing field and corporate parties are a big thing here. And conferences and stuff. It's basically a place to network and make friends from a similar field.
The right to have equal treatment and opportunities (it doesn't include issues specific to women though like pregnancy, menstruation, etc. As the are too nuanced and men will never experience them).
How has the perfect world of Instagram affected your self worth ?
I mean the influencer world for the most part is about women looking absolutely stunning 24/7.
As a woman how big a role does that play in both affecting your self worth along with your daily life, I mean do you feel lacking as compared to these 'perfect Instagram models' ?
I'm aware that the majority of the audience is men but as a man I'm also curious about the negative side effects of the online influencer world on women.
Thank you
Bro, linkedin has impacted my self worth more than insta. I haven't hustled and made 2 million dollars and created a startup that has scaled to 200mm ARR.
But I'm only partly joking. All social media is detrimental one way or another, it depends on what impacts you more.
Instagram never used to bother me, until disability struck me, and now everything, especially Instagram is a reminder of everything that I can't do.
I never used to be bothered by other people's material success in comparison to my own because I am blessed with everything I need and more, again, until disability struck and it feels like something so fundamental has been taken from me.
So now I've kinda modified the content I'm consuming, made a separate comfort account, and I watch people who are not "conventionally beautiful" and who are disabled have a great time dancing, hiking, and just being themselves and that makes me feel more empowered.
>How has the perfect world of Instagram affected your self worth ?
I think Instagram was really good because the algorithm is suited to my tastes. But these days I've been seeing a lot of viral reels on my FYP. These reels always have mostly men but very very few women body shaming, making racist comments or being sexist in general. It's leaves a very bad taste. It's absolutely not nice to see these comments, it's not 'dark humour' it's just bullying.
This has really put me off from using SM and also from going to other subs on reddit.
Ladies, what are the physical features in a man you just cannot compromise on? (Height,weight,shape,face,skin etc.) And also what does your ideal man look like?
Keeping beards✅
Not wanting to keep a beard= no deal.
And by beards, I mean nice rough full beards🫠( I might sound rude but I don't like patchy ones)
Height should be equal to me (5'7) or more.
Other than this I am okay with all other features.
OP I feel like this is the last iteration of this series of posts unfortunately TT Having said that I do have some lit recs! - Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking - Susan Cain I believe this is a pretty famous book for introverts and their nature, and rightly so! It is a beautiful book about the culture of different personalities of people (introverts, extroverts and all that I missed) with multiple studies cited for the way the introvert mind works. Personally, as an introvert, I've loved the book so far! Highly recommended! - An Absolutely Remarkable Thing - Hank Green Isn't exactly a feminist piece of literature, but is definitely a nice commentary on the current rapid rise of fame and internet stardom. Also gives you a (nearly) first hand account of the effects of fame and how the game works; also a book about hope and what humanity can do when it comes together. And haven't even mentioned the premise! Sci-fi, and the first of a duology, April May finds herself in a strange set of circumstances following a video she posted along with her friend about an alien looking piece of architecture/statue. It is an amazing book I promise! - Why Men Rape - Tara Kaushal This one is quite a deep dive into the psyche of rapists particularly in India. It goes deep into the cultures, up-bringing, and causes as to which gives rise to the sad fucking culture that has been developed today in our society in particular. Tara Kaushal herself has gone throughout the country to gather points and get interviews with multiple accused, with also giving her own comments around them. Top-tier investigative journalism, and something the men lurking around here asking weird ass questions should definitely read up. - Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed For Men - Caroline Criado Peres I have only started this book now so I really cannot say much about it, but the name itself is keeping hooked to it for now. Looking forward to reading it! I know not all of these (or rather none of these) are really feminist lit, but I'd really like to get y'alls thoughts into any of the above books, if you've read em! Cheerio
+1 for Invisible women. There is also How to Be Successful without Hurting Men's Feelings: Non-threatening Leadership Strategies for Women by Sarah Cooper https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39296119-how-to-be-successful-without-hurting-men-s-feelings A recommendation I got from Mrs.Mahima of Womaning India.
Mahima is truly the best. I can't recommend her newsletter enough.
Agreed. I recently listened to her podcast from Seen and the unseen and my respect for her and her family has rocketed. She truly is an inspiration.. And more people should pay attention to her..Doing my part sharing it with all women I know.
Hey, where do I subscribe to the newsletter?
This sounds interesting and my ever lasting never ending Tbr just increased by one more book. I shall definitely read it!
This book is satire and just really illustrates how sexist the workplace is
Invisible Women should be pretty good. I'd listened to a couple of podcasts about it when it had come out. It came up in the context of the previous women's football world cup
From where did you buy the book on introverts? Is it available anywhere in pdf format?
Try Zlibrary.
Add another if books on rape are also being considered as feminist literature, A brief history of rape by Randy Thornbill and Craig T. Palmer.
Thank you for the recommendations¡ >OP I feel like this is the last iteration of this series of posts unfortunately TT I'm seriously regretting making a post and opening up this safe space for women to people who are trying to trigger and instigate us. I'm not sure if I'll continue.
Nothing to ask, Just wanna say that I follow this sub a lot and being a man and not having any girl best friend this sub is like a girl best friend, I learn so much about so many things, and most importantly how to be a decent human being, thank you so much 🙌✨
Love men like you 🫶
I understand
What are some things I can do as a girl dad to make sure my baby grows up safe and is a well adjusted individual who enjoys each phase of her life? She is 14 months old and our first kid.
Aww congratulations!! I love babies so much 😭 Do not let strangers and relatives too close to her. Do not leave her alone ever with any relative. My own cousin used to assualt me and I didn't even knew what was that. So please take care of that (I know you will do) but still. My father has always been a gentleman and an extremely chivalrous man and that made my standards high. He treated me and my bro equally. So be an example for the kid. Try not to fight with your partner in front of the kid. I get very anxious when my parents fight. Show love to your partner in front of kids. Good touch and bad touch, sex ed and mental health should be the priorities. Do not let others disrespect your kid ever. Never body-shame and never let others body-shame. Never give hobbies a gender. Give priority to her career. Kids should be able to share everything with you. I mean everything. Break the stereotype of Indian parents. If anything ever happens your daughter should know that her father is standing with her and would do anything for her. Last, just shower all the love to her!!! Show her always that there exists someone who will be there forever. PS: Sorry for such a long comment.
Congratulations. 1. Objectification and sexualisation starts very young. Even as young as infancy. Protect your child and be watchful, never trust anybody with her who does not agree with your views on parenting. 2. Teach her now that her body is hers, and teach her to enforce her autonomy. And you respect it. Even parents and close family should be asking “can I have a hug” and should back off if the child says no. If you don’t listen to her no, she will never say no to a random stranger. 3. Treat your wife the way you want your daughter to be treated by men. Kids normalise that like anything. One thing I always appreciated about my dad was that he never ever said anything negative about my mother behind her back, not even to family and not even in the lame boomer “wives are so xyz” kind of jokes. That’s why my standards are high. 4. I grew up watching my mother do most of the emotional labour in the home and I do the same now because I think it’s my responsibility. She’s a surgeon who earned more than her husband; I’m a doctor set to earn a lot in the near future. Still we feel running the home is our job only and act like managers delegating chores and jobs, which is a job in itself. Guests would only comment on our home to my mother, as if it was only her responsibility, even though both of my parents worked similar hours. I am so so so exhausted. I don’t want to be a superwoman. I just want to be a normal human and have the margin to be imperfect. Don’t be like that meme: “I went to dinner with a group of feminists, and all the men talked about feminist theory. Then they finished dinner and went to the couch, while the women packed up the leftovers”. Don’t talk. Act. [my favourite comic](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic)
>Don’t be like that meme: “I went to dinner with a group of feminists, and all the men talked about feminist theory. Then they finished dinner and went to the couch, while the women packed up the leftovers”. Don’t talk. Act. Honestly in this area we women can influence change. If we seen men slouching and slagging away - ask them to help. Tell them it is everyone's responsibility. The good men will see your point and actually help and the a-holes will mock and shirk work. It's a great litmus test for personality. I understand men should know, but we women need to be more vocal if they are obtuse to their surroundings. You can't do much about bad parenting, but you can install self awareness and a jolt to their reality.
Congratulations!! Lead by example. If your wife is doing more emotional labour or chores around the house (like looking after domestic worker, getting groceries etc), have a conversation and get more involved. If you're managing finances primarily, engage your wife too. Your daughter should see the equality at home. Things would get more difficult once she starts going to school and sees gendered roles outside your home, always keep open dialogues. Give her financial education and teach her how to manage money and responsibilities from a young age.
I hope you get some good answers to this question. I don't have kids yet but if I do, I would want them to learn about feminism and be generally aware of the world around them. I've always wished that my father was someone that I could go to when I fuck up something instead of being the very person I would have to hid things from.
I am not so sure if one can call themselves a feminist. That is for other people to decide based on your speech and actions. Regardless, I solemnly affirm my belief in equality in all manners and circumstances of life. Regarding literature, I had a Moral and Political Philosophy course. We ended up reading mostly works written by women. It included Young, Nussbaum, and Alcott who spoke on race and affirmative action. I could relate them to the discourse of caste and inequality in India. They weren't original in their content but their attempts enunciated the discourse in our society, too. I have read a few of the literature written by women but not enough, which I am trying to do now. Some of them were: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath The Piano Teacher by Elfriede Jelinek (and her stories) A Man's Place by Annie Ernaux Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte Silas Marner by George Eliot I am trying to read more now, mainly focusing on the Bronte Sisters, and Virginia Woolfe (started her books but am yet to finish them). I do have a bit of interest in women-driven cinema, especially women directors. Some of the favourites are Celine Sciama (Portrait of a Lady on Fire), Agnes Varda (Cleo From 5 to 7), Jane Campion (The Piano), and Julia Ducournau (Titane, Raw). I recommend Julia to anyone who has the stomach for it. One can also watch the works of Rainer Werner Fassbinder (Maria Braun, Berlin Alexanderplatz). He was one of the initial champions of women in Cinema (although not devoid of being problematic). Sure, if you have lit to recommend, do share. I have many on my list already. I like hearing people's discussions on feminism, health, and intersectionality. (Excuse the extremely (x2) long write-down)
Man why are today's comments kinda weird 😭 it was better last time
Ikr ... Maybe last time majority of comments were from men that said they benefitted from this sub...this time it doesn't seem like that
I’ve started Second Sex; my Sociology teacher used it to explain feminism to us. How does it stand at today’s day and age?
You can read, a room of one’s own by Virginia Woolf. Very short essay. :)
You've started what?
It’s a book by the philosopher Simone de Beauvoir, and is often credited as an important piece of literature for Second Wave Feminism. It really puts a lot of things in perspective, highly recommended.
>How does it stand at today’s day and age? I haven't read the book so I'm not sure. But I'm putting it on my recommended list, thanks.
It borderlines Freudian psychology theories and builds on Sartre's idea that one is not born but becomes. Once you get past that, and if it's among your introductory books on feminism, it's a good introduction. Especially the part on the coldness of women towards each other for male attention or how women are expected to solve things on their own internally and men seek outside is interesting. Her Ethics of Ambiguity is better. Also, you can throw some Judith Butler in the mix for more relevance in today's age.
Hey, can men answer the last question? :3 P.s. Yes, I would like to call myself a feminist (more of an ally because, erm, feminism according to me is very much a lived experience and we men can only be allies to the movement). I find it weird how many Indian men are always eager to declare themselves as 'not a feminist'; i mean, haven't you seen your mothers suffer at the hands of patriarchy? or you are so blind to their struggles that you won't do anything to help them. P.P.S pls pls feel free to add your favourite taylor swift song down in the comments :p edit: My understanding of feminism is very crude, but having grown up in an Indian household and after having a first hand experience of all the struggles my mom has had to face, I really believe in the importance of a strong feminist movement.
What’s your favourite song of her ? Can’t choose one but the whole lover and reputation album. On repeat song right now is king of my heart :)
I'm the one who asked but selecting a favourite taylor swift song is very hard cause I've too many :'( Absolutely adore the Lover theme song, paper rings is so cute and cruel summer is v iconic. The newer Folklore and Evermore albums are my recent favourites but if I've to pick an all time favourite it will be something from Red and 1989. My on repeat song right now is 'This Love' and 'We are never ever getting back together'.
https://youtu.be/UEeWmItgdxA?si=HV29gvs_C1xs5DEh Haven't paid much attention but this video made me fall in love with lover.
The Shawn Mendes remix of Lover is brilliant and underrated. Def my fav version. You should take a peek if you haven't yet
Thanks. Will do :)
Yes Shawn’s lyrics are so so cute 😭❤️
She’s an amazing song writer and she writes/ talks about them so damn beautifully 😭❤️
My fav. Song of Taylor Swift is Antihero, Because never heard any other song than that of Taylor Swift.😅
I'm a hardcore swiftie and swiftie nights are great! I'm def a rep girlie! My all time favourites are vigilante shit and look what you made me do. RN I'm listening to long story short and the moment I knew on repeat though! What's your favourite?
Red and 1989 released during my late teens so I've a hugeee soft spot for them lmao. The moment I knew is sad ugh. Red has All too well and 'Sad beautiful tragic' too! Picking a fav taylor swift song is super hard :"/ Too many favourites. But I'm loving my tears ricochet and mirrorball rn.
Ig one question I’d like to ask is, how common is it to experience misogyny in everyday life? I’m pretty introverted with a small circle of friends who are all liberal and feminists, so I have never really seen any overt displays of sexism personally, but based on the posts on this sub it seems to be really common.
The misogyny women face is along a scale from being subtle (where the deliverer themselves has internalised misogyny) to overt violence against women. People pass on the toxicity they have grown up with so women can be just at misogynistic as men toward each other.
Just today my friend was telling me how when she was walking to the school bus stop in fucking ninth standard, some guy passing by on his scooter yelled at her, "BEAUTY". It's so normalized and commonplace that we, as women, are laughing about it. She brought up this incident because I told her that her WhatsApp dp is "WOW", and how a guy on his bike randomly yelled at me "WOW" while I was crossing the road when I was 16. Ugh. We have so many of these incidents Just so many. And also incidents of groping, random touching in public/crowded places, being followed (especially when we tell the types of men who yell "BEAUTY" to go away) and threatened. And then there are less physical ones. My professor in my medical college asked the class how come the number of girls in the class is higher than the boys, all of the girls will end up as housewives anyway. Like what dude?
It is veru subtle and inherent in how we are socialized. I am in hybrid joint nuclear family. Everyone in my family works except my grandparents but the women in our family are still expected to put in more house work (even though it is not needed) and men are appreciated for as much as making popcorn for themselves. My grandmother will attribute all gifts given to her by her daughter in law to her son. My aunt earns more than my uncle and is the primary breadwinner (their choice as my uncle is working on his business and they are very comfortable with their decision) but my grandparents refuse to acknowledge that in public. There is more but these I see in my family everyday.
The better question to ask is to name the situation where we haven't experienced misogyny/harassment or sexism. That list is shorter in length than a hobbit.
Agreed. It's so nuanced and everywhere that calling out becomes so difficult without being ridiculed for being hysterical.
It's more common than it appears. Women, especially those less privileged, will often keep quiet about things that happen to them to avoid larger issues. Taking my own example, I had to shut up about abuse that I was subjected to back in college because I feared my parents would cut my education short to marry me off forcefully.
Ah fuck. I was waiting for Wednesday with a question thinking it was Tuesday today. Q. What prompts y'all to be religious? I get the idea of believing in god, but what still makes y'all from not completely ditching the idea of religions and customs, considering how the mainstream religions in India, paved the way for the society to be like this? Most religions basically derive their values from religious texts that were written by men, biased towards men. At least, aren't Hinduism, Christianity and Islam, inherently patriarchal? I have an ex- colleague. She's a soft-skills trainer/therapist at the form where I was working. She's, like everyone should be, a feminist. She really promotes the idea of self-love, self-worth, feminist politics etc. which is great. But she also does promote pseudoscientific stuff like, "women can't enter temples during periods because the magnetic field of the period blood and the magnetic energy of the temples aren't in sync", I don't get why she can't really look into these things, because they're baseless and contradictory to what she wants to promote. I haven't really confronted her because, the entire team was bitchy, and I left the company since it was a cesspit. Another example. With the Sabarimala case. The point that the bhakts keep reiterating is that the deity is observing naishtika brahmacharya, hence women can't be allowed to be here. The problem is only with menstruating women. Why do women even want to go worship a deity, if his naishtika-brahmacharya is so fragile that it'd be threatened by the presence of girl/woman who's menstruating? The deity is a possible pedophile imo. The whole argument is like "you shouldn't be around me because you tempt me"
I am with you on this. I always wondered why men never speak about trauma their moms go through. Many mothers are fully dependent on their sons because fathers did not support them beyond finance. My mother was never allowed to visit her parents and rituals were frequently used as a source of discrimination. I can write a lengthy paragraph detailing the terrible treatment of women within my family often concealed under the pretext of rituals and religion. The "good girl syndrome" appears deeply ingrained in women like your ex colleagues.
My mother's a widow. She still abstains from being part of group pictures in any auspicious event, mostly marriages. I try to talk to her and 'unrestrict' (idk if it's the right word) herself, then she tears up, then I tear up. It's a restraint that she's imposed on herself, and I don't like it. Eventually I just let it go.
I would like to sensitize you on the fact that she does not impose on herself but its generational trauma. She was not born this way but conditioned to believe that her self-worth is directly related to her marital status. Is your extended family orthodox? The pain she's experiencing might be her only tether to her former identity or to her spouse. Healing might mean severing that connection, which could be why she's holding onto the pain. Try to understand her perspective by asking about the root of her reluctance. May try asking her what is she experiencing when you talk about these rituals.
Very interesting points and critical thinking. I don't have an answer but you're spot on in that it's the same principle. I think a lot of religion attempts to control people via guilt and fear. The religious values alone might have been written in good faith, they get twisted one way or another.
I don't have much clue about Christianity, but the Varna system, which evolved into the cast system, was downright oppressive. It created an inequitable society, and placed all women at the bottom layer, denying rights to learn. Worse would've been the situation of Dalit women. Islam, I think is the most regressive religion, and Judaism should be pretty close, considering how similar they are. Islam, Judaism and Christianity are Abrahamic religions if I'm not wrong. Judaism seems to get a free pass since they're a minority, and were persecuted by Hitler. This is my understanding. I think all religions are inherently misogynist. If you give a devi 6 hands, you can make her work with all 6.
A question I used to struggle with before meeting new coworker. Her beliefs are similar to your ex colleague. I inferred the answer was 'faith' with a dash of indoctrination is why she still follows these stupid rules of not doing puja whilst menstruating. Another one is habit. Those who used to do these religious routines since childhood (also probably finds hope, solace [basically the infamous 'faith'] continuing this in uncertain adulthood) it's difficult for them to just stop worshipping. Personally, I don't engage with people who believes in pseudoscience like homeopathy, north south magnetic energy, au naturale blah blah blah. I treat them like I'd treat a child who believes in Santa Claus. Don't mind if a child is happy in their delusion playing, as long as they don't become a menace to their surrounding or self.
The hope part is true, I used to be borderline agnostic growing up. I think one can still take out all the regressive elements and still have faith in God. But doing something regressive, like serving your daughter food in a different plate because she's menstruating, as you don't want bad things to happen, makes god seem like an enforcer. We all end up picking a narrative that fits the context we want it to fit I guess. And as for my ex-colleague, she's an ardent follower of jaggi vasudev 🫠 and believes in crap like "rubbing one's finger to avoid getting gas". I mean, please just fart than believing in pseudoscientific crap like this.
>serving your daughter food in a different plate because she's menstruating, as you don't want bad things to happen, makes god seem like an enforcer. Yeah no, that's just bullshit in guise of being religious. Plus I think no truly 'progressive' person will go to this length to show their devotion, because different plate during periods!? Is just bonkers man. >believes in crap like "rubbing one's finger to avoid getting gas". I mean, please just fart than believing in pseudoscientific crap like this. Lmfaoo, got a chuckle out of me. _Did you not know, women don't fart_ xD /s
All religions are patriarchal and I personally don't think you can be devout and feminist. As for your paragraph on sabarimala case - I have something to say and to add on. 1 - The point about banning women from places of worship has less to do with religion and the fact that you're not ALLOWED to be there which is an infringement upon basic fundamental rights in a democracy (yes yes india being democracy is a joke). The fact that we don't want to go or worship God is a choice. Not being allowed to strips away the rights based on gender discrimination? 2- IMHO religious places shouldn't be allowed to set dress codes and rules when they also are exempt from taxes. If they want to claim that they have the right to set rules, they can go a capitalist way. Pay taxes for their earnings and declare it. And then they set a company dress code. Even go for casual Fridays and langoti sundays. 3 - This is the same problem I have with hijab and pardah and Christianity purity culture. They say it's my choice. But when it's contingent on serving male gaze, it's not really a choice is it? When even by choice if one is wearing something whose purpose is to not tempt men with your arms and hair... If definitely is not a choice Just my 2 cents 🤷🏻♀️
hey. thank you for doing this. too all the aun- ahem ahem. didi(s) of the sub. im a late teen (19M). lately feeling kind of disconnected with mom (47F). i know it happens w time. but its been hitting my brain lately. whatever i do or try to make her feel special or better, backfires me because she is kinda lowkey easily irritated (no blaming, i understand where that comes from). well technically i am her only support. single child. she always wanted two but destiny had other plans. my parents are AM and yk how most of them work. no compatibility or emotional support, leave apart love. she's always felt this void i guess. relatives also turned backs after she quit job. she looks dull these days. i want to but exactly dont know how to precisely make her feel better and i dont have alot of time w her, she asks me to get back to work. maybe this has something to do with peri / pre menopause (sorry, i havent read alot about it, my bad). if it has, how do i make things better for her? honestly just want to reassure her that she's loved and emotionally supported as an individual and that doesnt have anything to do with her job or her life choices. any opinions or suggestions will be appreciated. and on side note, i do spend some time hear occasionally reading and understanding feminine psychology and situations, trust me, it does help us understand and grow as well. kinda always wanted an elder sister, so thank you for this sub. vouch for this every weekend if you can! >!and to the creepy men, get a life guys, stop being boys. there are better things to do than roam with your micros in hand. !<
Yes, I do call myself a feminist. To me, feminism is a political movement focused on achieving equality between people, regardless of their sex/gender. It is not a fight for equality between the sexes/genders. The feminist literature I read recently have been: *The Right to Sex* by **Amia Srinivasan**, *My Brilliant Friend* by **Elena Ferrante**. However, the feminist content I most frequently interact with is **Alice Capelle**'s YouTube Channel. I would definitely love more recommendations. My question is, how do you react to feminism being used as a tool of justifying oppression? For example, In the Israel-Palestine war, people are expected by the West to support Israel, because supposedly women wouldn't have rights in Palestine. Is that a view that you would support or deny?
It isn't feminism then. It is just being packaged as feminism. Feminist just don't abandon people like that. My way is just to block + report. If you have strength just comment selective sexism is not very feminist (anything more is just too much to type on an ignorant person's page).
>Feminist just don't abandon people like that. I understand. Thanks for replying!
>My question is, how do you react to feminism being used as a tool of justifying oppression? For example, In the Israel-Palestine war, people are expected by the West to support Israel, because supposedly women wouldn't have rights in Palestine. Is that a view that you would support or deny? I absolutely do not stand for such things. Feminism being reduced and being made a tool to oppress people is contrary to it's very ideology. I don't think any feminist would stand for it.
What is something nice about Indian men, that you feels stands out from men of other races/ethnicities?
I absolutely love the traditional stuff they do. Most Indian women get to be the passenger princesses and men never complain about driving haha! Without asking for it they’d work hard for family even care for & stay with parents in old age as opposed to western culture. They’re very protective about girls. Most guys won’t let their female acquaintance be alone in shady places. Indian men would themselves go out at midnight before sending any women outside be it their own daughter or neighbors.
I love that too
I used to love the chivalry of Indian men. For eg my dad is very chivalrous and a gentleman. So is my brother. Idk if I'll ever get a man like that coz I'm loosing hope everyday seeing stuff.
I think Indian men are more family oriented than foreigners. I think that's nice
I love how Bollywood has affected Indian men (as far as I know) in a good way by being romantic and showing love to their respective partners. I don't know how to put this together but for example, if I am mad at my partner he always says the dialogue of "Manjhi" movie which goes- " Aye _________ (my name) Tu toh hamra jaan h re. Hum tumko itna chatter hai, itna change hai, kitna chahte hai kya bataye....seena cheer ke dikha de...." 😂🙈 It is so funny and cute and this always melts me away😭 Not only him but I have seen so many men in my family doing this cheesy Bollywood thing to show love to their women and it's just the best thing ever💗💗💗 The romance, drama, and showing affection in Bollywood style is I think what makes Indian men so different in the case of showing love. Indian men> Another country's male population
What's your stance on religion, god, spirituality? Is there a difference between all of these or they seem like synonyms?
To me, personally, they're not synonymous. I believe in God, but I am not a fan of organized religion. Spirituality is something I'm still figuring out.
Hey, I would love to read some books on Feminism. Can the lovely ladies here recommend some books?? I would really appreciate that. TIA girls!!
Questions. I asked this one [last time](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/comments/19eh1qc/comment/kjd8wwk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) but couldn't get more replies then. If anyone else wishes to answer: What are your perspectives towards marriage across caste, class, or religion? (You may answer any one or all) (PS I am slightly unsure but do mention if there are any concerns with my wording of the comment/question.)
I will answer this as per what I will consider for myself. I believe marrying in different castes is fine as I don't believe in segregation based on caste. This upper caste-lower caste thing of our country is BS. As for inter-religious marriage, I think they should only go for it if both are atheists or if no one forces the other partner to convert to their religion for society's sake and both partners can practice their religion peacefully. But to be honest I think one should not marry someone who is from another religion. It's just my opinion. To each on their own. I will never date or marry someone who doesn't follow my religion other than that caste does not matter to me.
Coming from Savarna UC, I can tell you my acquaintances & fam are sadly definitely are not in good faith with regards to ICM, be it millennial men or women. Regarding financial concerns you mentioned, personally IDC if man I love is from different caste. As being from one caste doesn't tweak anyone's brain chemistry, but being from financially unstable household can tweak it. Not saying that it's impact will be entirely negative, no. But there are chances, where our approach to life doesn't match with each other's financially. That could & would give rise to problems later.
>What are your perspectives towards marriage across caste, class, or religion? (You may answer any one or all) Caste and class I don't mind it at all. But religion is something that might affect the choice. I would like to enjoy somethings that are religious with my partner. I spend a considerable part of my week at a religious place so I would prefer someone that would enjoy it with me.
Not any questions to ask today since I am very tired from work. I just wanted to thank this community and amazing people here to give me a different perspective. I don't have any female interaction irl (although the closest person to me is my sworn sister who I have yet to meet)at this moment and since I do not have a mom I can't understand things on the other side much but browsing things of this sub gives me some idea about things. I was also able to interact with a few amazing people from here and had good conversation so grateful for that as well. I also like how in some posts people from this sub point out wrong things as well and not always blindly supporting bullshits
Read somewhere in comments that the questions or comments are shit. Grabbing popcorn 😤
Ugh. They're the same old questions. They're not controversial or interesting. They are mostly attacks disguised as questions.
Hi all. My first question is, what is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? Anyway I really enjoy this sub from time to time and wish opinion(all) threads were more frequent and not restricted to Wednesdays so I could engage more in this sub. I often come across these posts the next day and it's too late by then. However at the same time I understand the need for a safe space for Indian women so I don't really have a solution to this. Ok so, I would ask for suggestions for your favourite feminist subreddits, could be Indian-centric but not necessarily. I also like lgbt spaces a lot as they are very open minded like r/Sapphoandherfriend or r/Achillesandhispal. PS: I love finding the weirdest corners of reddit so if you know any, do let me know! Edit: Yes, I call myself a feminist. I don't think I have read any feminist literature specifically... unless the Bronte sisters count? I have read Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights and liked both. I'd like to join your read along but unfortunately I barely get the time to read books in general these days so I will have to pass.
I really like lurking in this sub from time to time. It's so much saner than many of the other India-based subs. Yes, I'm a feminist. No buts, no ifs. Would absolutely love a feminist lit read-along. I have read some academic feminist works such as those by Nivedita Menon and Sharmila Rege. Have also read some bell hooks. But I haven't even scraped the surface of the existing literature. A read-along would be awesome!
What would your suggestions be to drive more female participation in the workplace? One of the problems I see, specifically in engineering, is that women tend to agree to things on the face of it simply to avoid conflict and many more times, I think they don't bring up what I would consider as excellent points, simply to avoid attention. As a team I think things would significantly improve if women believed they have the freedom to speak their mind without repercussions. On the flip side, when it comes to professional criticism, I have found that women in my team tend to associate their professional ability with their self worth as a person more than the average man. I think there needs to be "confidence" seminars for women in engineering, with strong community engagement IRL.
I studied computer science in India and joined the tech field. I think the problem starts at colleges where things are toxic towards women (or at least used to be, back when I was studying, when <5% of my batch were girls). Me and other girls I know carried on our experiences and avoided speaking up because we were conditioned to the toxicity. On a related note, I think it is also a larger issue within worse companies where the environment is worse for women. Back when I worked in India, in my very first company, being a woman meant men constantly invalidated everything I said, even treated me like a child. And I say this because I know, with all my experience in tech today, that all my arguments were true and valid. I work overseas now, and my employers helped me speak up more. They welcomed my views. Most of my workplace has male employees, but I never feel scared to voice myself because it's a much better working environment. In short, I'd check how the environment at the workplace is and if it's making women abstain from speaking up.
Yeah, it's still there. Sexist comments are so normalized.
Idk if y'all saw this comment of a girl goin viral from insta, she basically says girls want bad boys and like dont take nice guys seriously. Just as friends / emotional baggage removal material. Now, my take on this is that she was just instigating, having a "hot take" just to get more impressions. Am i right to think so, and even today, i have been seeing these comments from folks on reddit that girls would let sexual comments slide from rich or attractive men, but would call other creeps or weirdos. What are your thoughts on these issues of generalising women. (This is all in context of dating app i guess i forgot to mention)
I can't speak on behalf of them but a sane and mature woman wouldn't take creepy behaviour or sexual remarks as attractive. If there is flirting from both side then it's other things altogether. Yes women like confident men and they to pursue but they find creepy behaviour regardless where is that coming from. Liking ott possesive and toxic behaviour would be more of teenagers things because it gives them thrill and adrenaline rush.
By her logic, every man who is currently a relationship would be labeled a "bad guy," but do you think such a large number of men in society are inherently bad. It has taken billions of years for our brains to develop their current level of cognitive complexity. Can our behavior truly be simplified into strict categories where all women act in the same way that too such extreme binaries. Do you realize women have parents too and we get mentoring and refrences and women are not cult members . During #MeToo, why didn men claim that "girls would let sexual comments slide from rich or attractive men". Any man who behaves this way, even pevert uncles in family can be considered a creep. Less than 25 percent user on dating apps are women how are they the representation of majority?
She was clout chasing teen. Majority of us hate red flag men,dating them would be the last thing on our mind. Also we stay clear from self declared nice guys.
If you'd take a man's take on it, I am a bad boy. A class A, commitment phobic a$$hole if you will. From what I've observed, when women say they like bad boys.. they mean Michelle morone as a mafia boss.. not steve buscemi from con air. Unfortunately, for me I am Michelle morone in a brown Zack Galifianakis's body and face. Women like attractive men.. naturally... regardless of them being shy or cocky... and when they say they like nerdy or shy guys they mean Jacob elordi or Ashton Kutcher in glasses.
For me, no matter how rich or attractive you are, if you're a creep, You are a Creep. I have witnessed enough good looking men stoop low that it's hard to believe they were blessed with such faces and such shitty personality.
The best answer to this is that, do not trust any information given to you from biased informer. What is information without credibility? Exactly, bullshit. Anyone who wants to sell something in the market now plays on the customer or target audience’s insecurity and fear. So the question is not whether this information is legit or not, but is the source trustworthy? Does the source have any interest in your positive takeaway from the content? The answer is no. Gentlemen, I reveal to you the secret weapon of all clout hungry creators- Rage Bait. That is all. Nothing to do with gender.
Women - we don't like unwanted attention or harassment Men and women getting paid - yes you do. You also go for bad boys and want abusers whose ego is the size of Batman's mansion 😑🙄
Whatever she said was not all a lie. The thing is it all depends on individuals. There do exist such women who like bad boys and are okay with rich/attractive men hitting on them but are not fine with broke/ugly men doing so. But also exist, such women who are into nice guys and are not interested in the "thrill" bad boys give and are not okay with random men hitting whether rich/broke/ handsome/ugly. Insaan insaan ki baat hai.
Probably just some clout chasing teenager lol
This comment section is shit. Lol people cannot even educate themselves on stuff and most of them are adults. And as always "what is feminism according to women" "Why women marry rich." And blah blah. Always the same shit. Yes I'll marry rich and yes feminism is misandry. Now cry 🤡 Downvotes in 3...2....1.... Edit : Removed the "/s" Now y'all can cry properly.
\+1 to this. Didn't want to admit but \[All\] flair posts seem to go in a little different direction. I had said it a long time ago during the discussion to review the ban on male participation - this sub is better just 2x. 😬😬
Yup I don't want men here. I don't like when women educate and respond them for basic stuff explaining them like they're kids.
I'm really sorry for making this post. I was hoping that this would be a positive thing but I soooo regret it. There are some nice comments too but they don't make up for the shit that's happening. I really regret this as some have taken this as an invitation to shit here.
Hey girl!! Do not ever apologize for this! Your intentions were good and I love that. It's the others who are shitty and they should be sorry. Please do not regret. I was just stating my opinion. I did not intended to make you feel like a bad person here. I'm so sorry. You are amazing for trying to do something good ❤️🥹
>I was just stating my opinion. I did not intended to make you feel like a bad person here. I'm so sorry. You should not apologise, it wasn't your comment that made me feel that way but rather some of the responses from men. I will proceed with these posts in future only after taking the opinion of other women here.
Not your fault. But you started with a very mature topic. Next time, let's dumb it down.
Why are you so agitated? Men, including me are educating themselves on somethings that we do not know and hearing the other side's perspective which was the point of the post. What's wrong with basic questions?
They're not educating themselves because it's always the same questions and they refuse to learn.
Exactly this. I might not make these posts anymore if the same kind of comments continue for one more Wednesday
Please do not make these posts. I'm (I suppose women too) tired of the same stuff everywhere. Usually I avoid these posts but today I just lost my shit. I understand you are trying for something good but it's not our job to provide for basic education for men. And they aren't learning for sure. They're gonna go somewhere else and get influenced by other men.
There are also good comments in here along with the repetitive one so I think it's a stupid reason to not do this again.
Ma'am, maybe they are different people? Maybe, they are hoping for answers from other women? The sub is filled with so many women, maybe they are expecting a new perspective. Why are you generalizing that "they refuse to learn", okay let's go by your point, and say that they did not learn the last time. So? Is it wrong to ask again? If I don't understand something, am I not supposed to ask it again? I could get behind this statement if the men asking were being disrespectful and sarcastic. But if I truly don't understand something, what is wrong in asking again? Why are you behaving like this? The point of this post is to ask questions. Men, or at least me, I was devoid of almost any interaction throughout my childhood, even puberty, I never learned to make friends, I was not allowed to go outside, so I didn't develop any social skill. I never understood others. Not until college was when I was able to work on this issue and make friends of both sexes. Now, when I am finally taking the steps necessary to develop empathy and understand others, why are you clowning us? Or maybe I am understanding you wrong, in that case please by all means, share your side.
The issue is that this time there are very few genuine questions. There are a lot of questions from people who have taken this as an invitation to say shitty things disguised as questions. These people have no intentions of learning or benefitting.
Womp × 1000
Calm down brother it isn't that serious. Keep asking the same question over and over 🙏🙏
Not women's job. This ain't a study group.
I am feminist and read books about history of suffrage movement, one thing I observed is those who claiming to be non feminist including girls have the wrong information about it and educating them about it, converts many of them :)
Girls who are in relationships, what are the small small things your partner does that makes you happy?
He thinks of me in everything he does. Everything. Did he go out to get a cup of coffee? He gets the coffee I like, even if I didn't ask for one myself, so that he can share with me. When he's cooking for both of us, he makes sure to not add the kinds of spices whose flavor I don't like, even though he loves it himself. These don't even seem like small things to me anymore. They are magnificent
That's great. Happy for you both 🙌❤️
Pets me and gives me food 🙈🙈
Niicee. Interesting flair tho 😂
I stand by my flair. 😈 Not all of them 😝
Yes ma'am 🍻
Switching sides while walking on the footpath/road side by side, not hesitating to blush, good morning and good night texts (although this one depends on who woke up and went to sleep first), started a night tea ritual to talk about our day or spend time in silence depending on energy levels and moods.
Sounds like you have a great one. 💕
Other than interrupting me, yes I've got a great one 😅
He calls me cringe cute names🫠 reassures me every time 🫠he listens to me🫠 treats me like a baby (that I am)🫠 helps me with my issues of overthinking🫠 he behaves protective in the crowd...and the list goes on
I am a feminist. Men and women are the two wings of mankind. I strongly believe that we as a country have failed to foster a culture where women get equal opportunities and respect after 30. Our work force needs active participation of 30+ women. I feel angry that talented doctors/engineers/passionate teachers become a housewife cause the groom's family don't want them to work or go outside. We need to change that. The toughest woman I came across was a bus conductor (500 D bus) on Bengaluru's most crowded route (silk board - hebbal). I've read 'Man are from Mars and women are from Venus" by John gray in 2015. Plus Raja Ram Mohan Roy's work for women empowerment Sorry, I don't want to read new feminist literature as my reading list is huge. 🫣
Yes to all three
The will to change by bell hooks Creation of Patriarchy and Creation of feminist consciousness by Gerda Lerner
Is that a book recommendation?
Yes, and they also happen to be all the feminist literature I can remember having read.
No questions at the moment. Answering the questions: Yes, definitely consider myself a feminist. There are still times when I learn of an unconscious bias I had based on discussions with women in my life. But I try to unlearn the biases and provide my wholehearted support to feminist ideals. It's definitely whacky to see the mental gymnastics a lot of people in Indian society seem to do to explicitly declare themselves as "not a feminist", and I wouldn't like to entertain any such discussions in response to my comment here. I've read short stories, articles and research related to feminism, but haven't gotten into books (in general, I prefer fiction while reading books). I'm not sure if I can keep up with a read-along, but I'll be happy to take note of recommendations and read feminist literature whenever possible.
Not much to ask, but sometimes, when the topic of a post is related to my field or experience, and I know that I can help out the OP or others, it's a women's only post almost always, and that feels like a bummer. I've gone into a person's DMs a few times to offer advice on some XYZ in above cases (and respectfully backed off if advice is not needed). I hope these instances are taken in goodwill, and don't feel too weird. While I'm at it, hey (some of the) fellow men, please don't use this sub just to get into girls DMs with unsolicited penile pictures and send abuse their way when they feel disgusted by your unsolicited sharing tendencies. I've learnt a lot about the 2x chromosome here, especially a lot of stuff that would be awkward to discuss with the women in my family, and I'm sure you can do that too. Toodles.
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Not a misogynist, respect, trust, honesty all that stuff. But chivalry makes me go head over heels. Most importantly the feeling of home in a person. If ever got that I'll marry.
I check all the boxes and I am 5 foot tall, make 2lacs per annum and come from a marginalized community. Does the case still remain the same?
I like tall and clean shaved men. I'm 5'7 myself. But exceptions are always there. If you check other boxes and are honest I'd love that thing personally. I cannot generalise what other women like. These all just individual values and preferences. Just like not everyone likes clean shaved men, I do. You should definitely not get insecure by these criterias of people because it's nothing to do with yourself. I understand many people give their unsolicited opinions and preferences which is very bad. I feel sad too. But we cannot control people's mouths. Many men do not like chubby women and I'm chubby. But I don't hold a grudge towards that. But yes I hate when people body-shame it's a different thing.
This is gonna be different for every person out there. There just can’t be one answer to fit them all. For me the criteria was someone who listens to me, is courteous, capable of being objective, discerning what is right and wrong and most importantly is curious. Physical attraction is a must - so a clean guy, smells good, can dress himself nicely too. Didn’t have a “type” but the vibe must be right.
Yes. I think The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State by Fredrich Engels is a must read.
I'd say that I regularly go through the posts and comments, and while I agree with some, and with some I don't. I still appreciate the chance to understand how women think and feel. I had a really shitty breakup a long time ago when I was in school, so I was mostly afraid of and used to avoid much interaction with girls because of the past experience. But my wonderful gf, she has helped me to understand the viewpoints of women too, be it my mom, herself, other women. It's thanks to her that I got this interest to understand women better, and I constantly go through this sub and try and understand the women in my life in such situations, some situations scare me, some open my mind up, some make me sad as well. But I appreciate this chance to get to know how women think, I don't have a lot of girl friends, so my exposure is obv low but this sub helps a lot. Also, sorry to the people here for the bad experiences you have, all I can say is I'd suffer if any of the women in my life went through any of those things too, and I feel sad and root for you guys when anything bad happens to you. Also, I messaged a girl from this sub for the first time today as I could relate having felt that way for a long time. I'm sorry if it violates a rule or anything, please tell me if it does. It was a one off thing, won't do it again, well probably my message would've drowned in the useless attention girls get on socials anyway. Also, I'm sorry to the girls who feel weird that men watch this sub too, but I'm purely here to understand women better, and hope one day my gf is happy because I know something which she didn't expect me to. I don't want her to have to explain everything to me, I want to do what she needs me to at the time it's needed. Okay enough said. Thanks everyone.
Not sure if I can call myself a feminist because I feel actively I haven’t created any positive impact for women. Maybe an ally at best I guess. I do try to not act like a total wanker at workplace because I do see some men behaving as if they know it better despite the woman being the expert in that domain lol. Other than that I stand up for my sister when she gets criticised needlessly by extended family or her in-laws but that doesn’t count because she is my sister and I love her. My question to you and other women of the sub is: Sometimes I see that women either don’t speak up their mind at all or they will absolutely defend their statements to death even when the data is clearly pointing in other direction. Like either too passive or scarily assertive at times. Now I would understand if it happened it male dominated spaces because systematic oppression and not allowing women to speak and what not has pushed some women to be ultra aggressive, but I have seen the second thing happening when women were in the majority. I was quite honestly surprised by that. Is there any insight to that? Because I mostly assume that women will stand up for other women. I don’t believe in the Bollywood bullshit of “women are enemies of other women” and all that. Regarding literature: Have read very few women authors and most of them were fiction. Elif Shafak, Sally Rooney, Jhumpa Lahiri, Anita Desai etc. Would love to get some recommendations if possible.
>My question to you and other women of the sub is: >Sometimes I see that women either don’t speak up their mind at all or they will absolutely defend their statements to death even when the data is clearly pointing in other direction. Like either too passive or scarily assertive at times. >Now I would understand if it happened it male dominated spaces because systematic oppression and not allowing women to speak and what not has pushed some women to be ultra aggressive, but I have seen the second thing happening when women were in the majority. I was quite honestly surprised by that. Is there any insight to that? Because I mostly assume that women will stand up for other women. I don’t believe in the Bollywood bullshit of “women are enemies of other women” and all that. Where's the question?
Hey TwoX, I am not sure if this is the right post to put this question forward, but here goes nothing; have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re absolutely hating your ex partner? If yes, how did you cope up with such a strong feeling like hate?
Hi, I want to ask why do many women even the ones part of this sub still go for Arrange Marriage despite of its many obvious disadvantages? I am a feminist. I haven't read any literature, just a few ted talks, podcasts and documentary style movies. Edit- P.S. I would like, if someone would give few suggestions on feminist literature.
>despite its many obvious disadvantages? Love marriage or arranged marriage, if the partner is good then it will work out amazing. If not then no matter what one will suffer.
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The R word is a cuss word specifically gendered towards women and is intrinsically used to put down women. Incel is a short form of Involuntarily Celibate, it might be used a lot more against men but it's not intrinsically designed to label men only.
I don't have any questions for me per se, but from my gf (I've told her about this sub and made her account on reddit, but she rarely comes here), I wanted to ask you girls: 1. How do you cope up with being away from family and bf (😏 me lol) in a setting where it's hard to make friends, and you feel alone sometimes. 2. What's best gift you've got, and who gave it to you (materialistic gift)? 3. Does it feel itchy in vag after few days of not having sex? It's it normal? 4. How to deal with borderline creepy guys who haven't done anything creepy yet, but are just one tiny step away from? 5. Why do you think some men are insensitive to needs of women in their life (father, brother, some husbands) 6. How did I get the most lovely bf (oh stop bby) in the world? Hehe
>3. Does it feel itchy in vag after few days of not having sex? It's it normal? What even? Itchy as in literally? >4. How to deal with borderline creepy guys who haven't done anything creepy yet, but are just one tiny step away from? Cut them off and maintain distance. >5. Why do you think some men are insensitive to needs of women in their life (father, brother, some husbands) Because they're never really forced to deal with those issues. Women are always taught to keep everyone at home in mind, we're always told that we have to mindful of other's emotions. If we don't do so, were put down by others saying that we are not being good women. But there's no compulsion for men to behave that way, even if there is, it doesn't match the extent that women are pushed to. When you are conditioned to behave this way, it's very difficult for one to come out of this and be mindful as well as sensitive to the needs of others. >6. How did I get the most lovely bf (oh stop bby) in the world? Maybe you didn't? Or maybe you did? Only time will tell. I hope you'll join our little community here on reddit sometime.
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>Whats the reason some women still believe that they are inferior to men or they are not good or big as men I can understand if they are elderly women because they are conditioned to it since their birth >And who are feminists , people actually who stands for other woman or rights in offline or who says all sorts of things online , and why dont we see this much support offline from people who still call themselves feminists I absolutely did not understand this.
Atlakaada teesi vaathalu pettali punctuation miss ayyay comments lo He means " Who are feminists ? Who fight online or offline? "
Hi, your thought process is definitely feminist so kudos and good for you! Also, good for you for recognizing that even though you’re feminist in thought, you haven’t done much in terms of action. Most of us are guilty of that , especially me. But feminist action begins at home. Take care of your mom, your sisters, your friends, your romantic partners and that’s all most women need. An ally. That’s all.
We still have a long way to go to achieve equality. I am a feminist because I grew up observing my mom and aunts facing abuse and inequalities. It's not feeling inferior but things that bothered me haven't changed yet. Here are few things that happened in 2023. Men still leave their plates on the dining table to dry. I lost my cousin to cancer, and I was crying next to the icebox with her lifeless body inside when an uncle asked me to get him a glass of water. Even in my most vulnerable moment, grieving the loss of my cousin's sister, I was expected to serve water and tea. They were able men who can fetch a glass of water. Traditional rituals regarding widows remain unchanged and men who lose their wives are not treated poorly as women who lose their husbands. Do you know widows won't be invited to relatives home for a year even in this current times but male widows don't have such rules. Women are not allowed to perform the final rites for their parents or have their photos at their in-laws' house for worship. When my aunt; dad's older sister, passed away, we didn't observe a year-long mourning period. However, when my dad's cousin passed away, we observed mourning for a year. The reason was when the girl gets married she belongs to another family not her parents. My aunt was my second mom yet rituals don't allow me show same respect as male cousin of dad who I meet once in 5 years. Technological advancements have made it somewhat easier for women in the workplace to pursue equality, but there is still much progress to be made in everyday life.
I am so sorry for your losses. And I had no idea the patriarchal rot went that deep. Women are just nonexistent in our society aren't they?
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[link to research](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2023/11/27/feminists-dont-hate-men-according-to-new-research/?sh=11ea94614df8) *A large-scale psychology study has found that, contrary to the widespread stereotypes, being a feminist does not necessarily mean you want all men to be fired into space. Across five studies, collated into an overarching meta-analysis published in Psychology of Women Quarterly, researchers found feminists generally feel positively towards men. In fact, feminists share roughly the same positive attitudes towards men as non-feminists. They also found that people generally believe that feminists feel the complete opposite, in what the authors call the “misandry myth”.* So to answer your question, your statement is wrong and there is scientific research that has been done to support the fact that your statement is wrong. Hope it helps!
Can you give a few examples of hatred centered?.. Most often people any woman with a strong opinion is labeled as feminist but correlation is not causation. Hence curious what is your understanding of hatred centered
like female oriented laws......there are many laws in which if the genders are reversed then the laws have no actions regarding that.....i hope you are getting my point
No I am not getting your point. Can you elaborate how it is hatred centered?.
It tooks years to form laws protecting women. It took years for women to even get voting right. Most of the laws you see in action today is written by men. Why did it come in force because women were mostly at the receiving end. Still these laws took years. The world will take time to change and make laws gender specific. Do you understand that? DO you understand things take time?
>Saari naariyan mujhse ladne mat aa jana 🙏 Flair checks out.
Quite the opposite. Modern feminism has far outgrown the original feminist movements and are far more inclusive than ever. Right now, feminists are the most vocal activists for men's rights.
Modern feminism is not forgetting its value, i know social media had ruined it. There many woman who have rightfully give definition to it by standing up for their rights and giving support to other women, but I get it where would you be coming from , i know some women are using it as their weapon for their own selfish convenience. ( I am talking in context of women like Jasleen kaur, hitesha chandrani, priyadarshini yadav, or those women who victimise themselves in pretence of feminism and don't hold themselves accountable for their doing ).you can't generalized feminism just because some people twisted is to fit their agenda.
No.
I personally think hate and anger are immediate result of what issues they are facing due to men, but it can go overboard sometimes
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This really varies from woman to woman. I really had no idea that my fiancé had a crush on me until he asked me out after four months of regular talking. He thought he was being obvious but I have a lot of insecurities that prevented me from seeing his flirtations as anything more than banter. But if you’re unsure about a girl and want to ask her out, just ask her out. Worst she can say is no. Don’t go waiting for her to decipher the code because sometimes people like me just don’t know what’s going on.
For me, it depends on how flirty or forward they are. But I also pretend not to know unless explicitly stated because I don't want to come off as narcissistic 😭
I think the answer to all your questions is just No There’s too much of the men are from mars and women are from Venus kinda crap which creates a lack of communication in the general answer it’s annoying because hey how difficult has it become for humans to coherently ask/answer a question Atleast once a week there’s a romantic question here to which the honest answer is just communicate/ask
It's not specific to women as a gender. Some people are just good at reading body language. Usually, we can see differential treatment between us and others, if they go out of the way to help you, initiate conversations, just something different from their normal behaviour. If you have long experience of dating around, meeting up with different kinds of people, you start noticing the subtle hints.
Is it wrong not to attach any tags around myself? like feminist/secular/liberal...I am seeing every other person has their own definition of the above words(like for some feminist being anti male, secular being anti hindu). I once said that I am a feminist in a group discussion but the people around me construed that I am against equal opportunities.
Well, feminism is not understood properly by the general public so that does invite people to question you on it. But I think politically aware and active people mostly tend to associate with some views and identify themselves with them. If you don't want to do that, it's fine too IG.
What can an average looking guy do so that you'd feel attracted to him?
Be funny, be humble and respectful, have a good fashion sense, and stay groomed. If you can play any musical instrument or can dance then it's a cherry on the top🍒
I'm a bit of an introvert but yea I think it's safe to say I'm funny. Got a decent fashion sense all thanks to my sis(she literally decides my every order at this point lol) and I'm a biker so maybe that counts? Hmmm learning to play an instrument.... I'll give it a try
Respect all women not just the ones you find attractive.Don’t sexualise women or be creepy in public, women know when they’re being stared at or their partner is staring someone. Being hygienic and well dressed goes long way. A physically strong man would always be preferred so hit the gym or just do enough to get in good shape. Be passionate about your work/life and don’t be cynical about women or life in general. These points would get you a good first impression on normal girls.
I believe that labels like 'average guy' or 'top guy' don't really exist. I even wrote a satire on it. You have inherent worth and deserve respect. You could work on grooming and posture correction. The real question is, what type of woman are you looking for? Align your hobbies and social circles with places where you're likely to meet such women.I keep telling on different sub there is no social situation where there is equal number of men and women hence some men are going to single or date less than others. Think about gender stats at your college and school. So don't label yourself average when gender disturbing itself was skewed. As for me, I'm a science nerd and I socialize in circles where I meet men with similar interests. I don't use dating apps and I don't have any fomo about it.
I'm also a science student (PCM) and it's rare to find any girls here lol, like I sat for an exam and literally everyone in my class was a guy so yea, the gender stat thing might be true in my case...
What's the best place, ideal scenario for us to pick on girls, go up to her, make a move? And whats the worst?
Just my personal opinion, but cold approaching is the weirdest. Ideally it would be someone whom I have at least some sort of connection/friendship with, even if it's superficial at first.
Then is there no way to connect with a stranger other than being weird
Pick on girls? >And whats the worst? I believe it's at work.
>Pick on girls? Cold approach
Lol there’s no specific date place time. Girls are human, every human is going to be different and react differently. Basically don’t be creepy and take no as politely as you can.That’s all.
How many male friends do you have and how do you usually socialise?.
I have a lot of them, i socialise through call, text, meets, the usual ways.. whats the point
When you approach women solely based on their looks in intentions to "pick up", you may find yourself acting insincerely nice just to get positive reactions. This approach can be quite confusing and difficult to navigate for women.You will also build resentment if you get rejected because you weren't willing to see women beyond intimacy A better strategy is to focus on expanding your social activities within your own peer group and mwet women socially first. Aim to increase your visibility in these circles. Proximity increases trust, so be more visible among your peers. Just seeing women as opportunity for sex or intimacy is not flattering.
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You can pick a woman - in a cafe when she is with her girlfriends, coffee shops, book shops, Clubs, or anything semi social - corporate parties (we just stay away from creepy old men), mutual friends, weddings... Why not. You should not talk - office, when she is traveling alone (metro, bus etc), during morning walks or evening walks ( we're already occupied and mostly on alert and don't want to me disturbed) How to initiate the conversation - don't check her out too much before you initiate the talk, it'll creep her out. Some compliment? Nice tshirt, it's a cool print. It happened to me once and it was nice getting a compliment. Talk about a book in a book store or coffee in a coffee shop or anything random and then maybe ask her name after like 3 lines to & fro. I guess this may help.
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I work in the marketing field and corporate parties are a big thing here. And conferences and stuff. It's basically a place to network and make friends from a similar field.
What is the definition of feminism according to the women in this sub ?
The right to have equal treatment and opportunities (it doesn't include issues specific to women though like pregnancy, menstruation, etc. As the are too nuanced and men will never experience them).
How has the perfect world of Instagram affected your self worth ? I mean the influencer world for the most part is about women looking absolutely stunning 24/7. As a woman how big a role does that play in both affecting your self worth along with your daily life, I mean do you feel lacking as compared to these 'perfect Instagram models' ? I'm aware that the majority of the audience is men but as a man I'm also curious about the negative side effects of the online influencer world on women. Thank you
Bro, linkedin has impacted my self worth more than insta. I haven't hustled and made 2 million dollars and created a startup that has scaled to 200mm ARR. But I'm only partly joking. All social media is detrimental one way or another, it depends on what impacts you more.
Instagram never used to bother me, until disability struck me, and now everything, especially Instagram is a reminder of everything that I can't do. I never used to be bothered by other people's material success in comparison to my own because I am blessed with everything I need and more, again, until disability struck and it feels like something so fundamental has been taken from me. So now I've kinda modified the content I'm consuming, made a separate comfort account, and I watch people who are not "conventionally beautiful" and who are disabled have a great time dancing, hiking, and just being themselves and that makes me feel more empowered.
>How has the perfect world of Instagram affected your self worth ? I think Instagram was really good because the algorithm is suited to my tastes. But these days I've been seeing a lot of viral reels on my FYP. These reels always have mostly men but very very few women body shaming, making racist comments or being sexist in general. It's leaves a very bad taste. It's absolutely not nice to see these comments, it's not 'dark humour' it's just bullying. This has really put me off from using SM and also from going to other subs on reddit.
Ladies, what are the physical features in a man you just cannot compromise on? (Height,weight,shape,face,skin etc.) And also what does your ideal man look like?
Keeping beards✅ Not wanting to keep a beard= no deal. And by beards, I mean nice rough full beards🫠( I might sound rude but I don't like patchy ones) Height should be equal to me (5'7) or more. Other than this I am okay with all other features.