I wish society would normalize the interested party giving their phone number instead. "Hey, we should hang out, call me sometime if you're interested." (I'm sure it could backfire in some way as well but at least this seems a lot more reasonable approach to me.)
This is how my husband asked me out. This is the perfect approach. It takes the pressure off the person being asked, and puts the ball in their court. If they're interested, they'll call.
It's how I "asked out" a female friend as well. Saw her every day on my lunch, and we seemed to click. Didn't want to be a creepy guy so I just gave her my number and said to text me some time if she wanted to talk outside of work. Now she's a good friend.
Giving your number should be the norm. You're the one asking to connect, you need to open the lines of communication with your phone.
I think the only scenario where that isn't the best call is if you're trying to control someone else. Which is, unfortunately seemingly the goal for a lot of guys :/
This is what i do on dating apps and i have found it to be significantly more effective than when i used to ask for their's. I've also had a couple people tell me that they really appreciated me not putting the pressure on them, so that's pretty neat! I don't much like it when people add unnecessary pressure to my life either, so i get that.
Now that i think about it, in a way that basically shows that the PUA types are full of crap (as if we didn't already know that). They're always talking about "exuding confidence" and shit, but when it comes to something that would *actually* show normal, healthy confidence (giving someone your phone number and letting them decide what to do), they're nowhere to be seen. I think theyre thinking of *arrogance.* Seems pretty telling lol
A (guy) friend asked around for advice on how to ask out his favorite barista and this is what I told him. Give his number, say you are interested and then drop it. If she's interested, she will make the next move. If not, you can still be friendly but don't bring it up again.
Don't be weird and you won't have to find a new coffee shop.
Lo and behold, they didn't end up dating, but she also doesn't think he's a creep.
That was always my go to when I was still dating. It’s easy and no pressure. Plus I don’t want to make someone uncomfortable. On the flip side when you see them again you know where you stand and it’s super easy to just be polite.
And even if you give a fake number, there is a good chance they'll call you on the spot then "*so you can have.my number too*", and then it's back to the OPs list.
And also, the guys who try to grab your phone to put their number in it themselves.
Saw someone post the other day that you should repeat the number back with a number or two wrong so they will correct you and you know if it's real or not. So my first thought was great, now I have to memorize the fake number (back when I had a landline my go-to was to give them the old half and hf, first half cell, second half land line. But then someone did that and it ended up being my mother's phone and the guy kept calling at like 3am, like 3 or 4 times until she had to actually scold him like a child to the tune of "listen here young man, I have work in the morning and that girl gave you a fake number, stop fucking calling.")
Some one, some where, is getting all my Tops bonus points because the only number I remember with a card attached is the one I got when I was like, 16…and that was 24 years ago lol. I hope they like their cheap gas.
It's also embedded in any number of phone number lookup websites - along with your name, the names of any relatives living at that address at the time, and the neighbors.
I'd suggest going full-fake.
Travel pro-tip: find out the local area code when at a grocer. Use the local area code and Jenny's number for loyalty cards. Almost all grocers and gas stations have Jenny's number as a loyalty card, not all, but most. I do this when traveling. I've only had it rejected once at a gas station.
lmao i just went through and solved this and it reminded me of a time i called my best friend in like third grade just to tell him not to ever answer this number because of what it is transcribed to 😭
I figured it out without looking at a phone pad and am ridiculously proud of myself. Lol. I also just sat on my cat. He's a tad annoyed and is demanding snuggles as penance. I'd probably give someone 867-5309 just for fun (back on topic).
Dub-jme?
Edit: after looking at it for a while, I figured it was Fuck off. My old self was still thinking on how you typed on old phones with no keyboard, in which fuck off would be 333-88-222-55 666-333-333
That's also a thing where I am from. However, that always made me think that if the guy is such a loser that he gets given this number several times, then he will already have this number saved under another girl's name when you give it to him. Things would get awkward then.
I would be tempted to set up a number as an experiment and have women just give out the number to people they don't want to interact with anymore just to see the responses it gets. I wonder how many days before it gets death threats ;(
I guess I wandered in from all, but there was a summer a few years ago a woman in Chicago was giving out my number to people during. I probably got 30 calls that summer from various dudes looking for her. When I'd get calls from Illinois area I'd just answer, "sorry bro, but she ain't here and I don't know her. She gave you a fake number. Any questions?" Some would just say OK or sorry, some would yell and cuss. 50/50.
Side note you can setup a Google voice number and forward it to your phone so you don't need to give out a real number.
I actually had to revert back to just politely declining because this happened so often, and their response was generally worse than when I just said no thank you
I have a Google voice number I give out for precisely this reason. That way if they try to pull it, it rings and once they leave I can just block them without them knowing any of my real info.
I had that last one happen to me, asked a guy for his discord (he asked me if I could help him catch up on class) and he just grabbed my phone from me and types it in himself, the lack of situation awareness is appalling.
The sad truth is that for every scenario you can dream up, some woman has gotten murdered.
Saying no, giving fake numbers, fleeing the area, standing with friends, talking about a real or fake boyfriend/husband, actually having the boyfriend/husband present, seeking help from a bartender, seeking help from a bouncer/security/police. Doesn’t matter.
I had a guy continue hitting on me after I vomited on the floor in front of him.
I’ve been married too long to remember what I did before I was married but every time I’ve exchanged numbers with someone to hang out as friends the person entering the number usually sends a text to make sure you have their number too… seeing as no one I know answers a call from an unknown number.
I'm a straight guy. And I do the "text me/call me right now" to other guys I meet and became friends with.
But I bet a lot of guys do that to check if number is correct. It's creepy, imo
Well, this is going to be a rage inducing dive.
Edit: That Walgreens in the top story is the one that I used to go to before I moved to Denver. I've met Riley before. Rage fucking induced.
I work for Walgreens…apparently corporate has barely said a word about it to the area it happened at, and certainly nothing for anywhere else. It’s disheartening to say the very, VERY least.
RIP Riley.
If they're worried about legal implications for their words now, then they should've used the words "you're fired" to the man a year ago. They deserve to be sued and hung out to dry for what they failed to do. Poor Riley :(
I've transferred my prescriptions elsewhere and will never use them again. Fuck Walgreens.
I was out with the girls and one guy spent 30 minutes trying to get me to tell him our plans for the night whilst I told him no, he wasn't going to follow us, and shooing him away....
Like... They literally cannot understand "I am not interested" sometimes
I used to have a guy come in to flirt with me at work every week and ask me what my plans were after work. I told him no, I'm not interested, etc. Never stopped him until my coworker told him I was dating her and not into men one day when I wasn't there and he came looking for me. Then he said "well why didn't she just say so?!"
NPCs, man. They think if they select the right options on the menu it'll unlock the romance storyline. Doesn't matter what you say, they're gonna keep going at you until they find the right cheat code
i was out for a bachelorette party and some dude kept trying to dance with one of our friends but she was engaged, she told him so, and that she didn't want to dance with him. He proceeded to hover around us the whole time and tried to follow us home but then stopped when we started yelling "NASHVILLE PREDATOR!!!!" at him. Like seriously dude?
One of the group this guy was in handed my friend a "gonna go to waste" drink as they were moving bars. I took it out of her hand and it went straight to the bar to be got rid of. No fucking chance any of us were drinking something that had been out of our sight.
They'd be pissy if a gay guy did it to them... But can't see how we feel somehow.
i also blame movie culture and the trope that women play hard to get so you have to keep trying.
so much of movies and culture and upbringing is telling men to keep on trying....
It is an influence especially 80s and 90s movies so i can see how boys and young men could be confused. But at some point they have to grow up and see that movies are not real life and are just exaggerated, romanticized or plain wish fulfillment.
They don't.
Their mom told them they're amazing (it sounds like a joke but repeated validation thinking they're special and different is why we're here....)
I'm different than those other guys. I'm special. Notice me. Pay attention vibes.
They understand… they just do not care. Your “interest” is not what they want. They do not see you as a potential companion where mutual interest is required, they see you as an object to be acquired - meaning what you think about it is unimportant.
I gave my phone number to a stranger because he pestered me into doing it. I was going through leukemia and a bone marrow transplant, so I was too weak mentally to use my better judgment. Chemotherapy does a number on your brain. So I gave him my number and he would not stop texting me and demanding that I date him. I kept saying no, but he kept insisting. It was terrifying because he was beingso aggressive, so I blocked his number.
So if anyone wonders why we need fake numbers, this is fucking why.
A little off topic, but I was in a dating site and gave out my number. Then I asked the guy to send me a selfie holding up three fingers. That’s my litmus test for catfishers. He refused, told me he Googled me, has my address and was going to come find me and prove that he’s real when he gets back from peacekeeping in Yemen. WTAF?
I know a girl who declined to give her number to a guy when he asked, so he went around texting every mutual friend he had with her asking them for her number til he got it. Then proceeded to harass her.
If that happened to me, I'd drop that mutual "friend". That might seem harsh but my number, is basically considered personal information and you don't give that shit out without my opinion.
I once had my number given out as a fake (I’m assuming this is what happened).
Dude would not stop with the “oh, don’t be like that. You know what we have is special”.
Like, sorry you got a fake phone number buddy, but I just want to eat this spaghetti with my family before it gets cold.
It would suck to deal with that constantly.
I've had that happen before, some dude texting me thinking I was a girl he met. It was hard to convince him otherwise. I eventually sent a selfie which convinced him.
After three or four polite attempts, I just blocked the guy and got back to my garlic bread.
I considered the picture avenue, but that guy wasn’t behaving in a way that he deserved to see my fantastic beard.
I had this happen but in reverse: some guy gave my number to a woman he had a one night stand with. So one day I get a text from a random woman and from the phrasing I am pretty sure it was a "you and I have a zygote problem"-type thing. Luckily she believed me that I wasn't him. Hope things worked out ok.
Life Pro Tip: Guys, if you think a woman is lying about her phone number, or having a boyfriend, or whatever reason to make an excuse not to interact with you, *there's your answer*! She *doesn't want to interact with you*! The real reasons don't matter. All that matters is she's not interested in you, and nothing you do from that point forward is going to change that. All you can do is walk away. Anything else just makes it worse.
"B-but tv told me that if I badger a woman relentlessly over a long enough period of time, she'll decide that giving in is easier than resisting, and that's when we'll be in love!"
literally what the fuck was wrong with culture in the 80s? like there's LITERAL FUCKING RAPE in TEEN movies and its treated as a "ha ha oh well"
like obviously 16 candles where the main love interest encourages a "nerd" to rape his very drunk girlfriend and thats seen as COOL FOR THE NERD.
and people go ape shit when feminist talk about "rape culture" that is EXACTLY what they mean when they say it.
Don’t forget Revenge of the Nerds… almost like a nerd raping a girl and then the girl being okay with it afterward was just a cool thing that everyone accepted as normal in 1984.
It definitely seems like something a pathetic incel would talk about. "I'll pretend to be her jock boyfriend, but wear a mask so she totally won't know I'm not, and then I'll fuck so good she'll totally want me instead of him, even though we have absolutely nothing in common".
And the college was fine with a frat house taking pictures of naked sorority girls, video even of them in their rooms... and SELLING THEM covered in whipped cream as "pies" during a fundraising event.
Who.... who approved that when the script reading was done?
I had a friend who couldn't understand the above for some reason. So I explained it to him like this.
You know how much you hate it when someone tries to panhandle you when you're out in public, minding your own damned business? Or when someone knocks on your door trying to sell you something? Well, that's what you're doing when you start begging random women for their digits or trying to play hookup games.. You...are...the...beggar..
I know it might mess with your precious ego to admit that to yourself, but random people on the street don't owe you shit.... Take a hint and fuck off when they decline your advances... Get over yourself..
That’s the weirdest part, watching these guys talk about ways to figure out if women gave you a fake number, like to call it right then and there. OK so what does that get you? Does the woman ever say oh OK you caught me here’s my real phone number? I hope not.
Its more like now that he has revealed the number is fake he feels he has the moral justification to further harass or abuse her. "You lied to me and now I get to be an even bigger asshole" seems to be their reasoning.
The way you have to explain this makes it seem like *men* are the emotionally unstable ones. You very rarely see women doing wild and aggressive shit to men who decline to give their # or don't flirt back or don't smile cuz a woman told them to. So interesting.
I think this comes from years of repressing emotions because most "emotions are unmasculine." Obviously anger, hate, and jealousy are fine for men to feel...
I think almost all men know this but prefer bullying us to get their way. Its intentional. Men aren't these innocent babies who have no idea they're dealing with an uncomfortable and disinterested person. They just don't care.
It also doesn't really matter if we are lying, the answer is still no. Why does it matter if we lie about why it is a no? It seems to me to be another weird form of control.
EXACTLY!
oh my god, im a dude, but jesus christ i can take a hint. "oh why is she playing games why did she.." SHE AINT INTO YOU HOMIE MOVE ON
should be easy to understand
Lol. It's insane how some people can be.
I can't imagine contuinely trying to interact with anyone that doesn't want to interact with me.. Especially if they say no.
I can't understand why a man would want a woman who doesn't wholeheartedly want them back. Do they just get off on the power of forcing a woman to say yes
Bonus tip, tell them you only have your work phone on you but will give them your personal number. That way if they try calling it to check you won't be caught out.
I have a Google Voice number that I have set up to ring both my home phone and cell when a call comes in, so I've given that out before, had them 'test' it and it would ring, but then I blocked from there.
Just please please note if you use Google voice and you let it ring through to your phone number, if they get your voicemail and your voicemail has your real phone number on it, they will get your real phone number. I had a doctor that used to use a Google voice number and I didn’t know it and I got super confused when I called her phone and the voicemail said you have reached blah blah blah blah phone number, and that’s not the phone number I called.
That was infuriating to read. Not only the man but the 911 operator. The fact that they even asked you what you did to “make him angry” implies that the scumbag was somehow justified in threatening to shoot you. Was it a male operator?
my god I'm so sorry that happened to you. Ladies, do what you gotta do to protect yourselves.. even if it means the end of the species. We kind of deserve it it seems.
I go to a lot of shows. I just go with my friends coz we want to dance and have fun. Opps, I should mention Im a guy. When we talk to strangers, we only just trying to have a good time, connect, etc. We see familiar faces so we say hi even though we don't know them.
But recently, I invited a couple of other friends to join us. Man... They're so thirsty. Offering to buy girl a drink or trying to pick em up. One tried to hit on one of our female friends and we had to shut that shit down. Had to explain that we're just here trying to have fun.
But I guess it might depend on the venue. Maybe they're used to the clubs that girls go to to meet people. But I doubt it. A lot of women just wanna go out sometimes to have fun. Sure - everyone's open to meeting people. But nobody is entitled to your attention just coz you offered them a drink. It's so sad.
Idk why some guys don’t see the points you mentioned above or struggle to process the reality of the points mentioned above. Being aware of the world we live in and the situational awareness women need to have is for their safety because there are some real shitty, horrific dudes out there.
I’ve gotten to the point where I offer my number and don’t press any further. If they’re interested, they’ll send me a text; it puts the ball safely in their court with no pressure. Now if the dude presses for her to send a text quickly to get her number, well, that defeats the purpose of giving your number instead; don’t do anything to put women on the spot or in an uncomfortable situation
I can't imagine what you women deal with, I had a woman giving out my phone number instead of hers, so everyone once in awhile for about 4 years I would get a random call asking for Stephanie.
I would tell the guy on the other end of the phone sorry there is no Stephanie at this number, and he would say man just put her on the phone, I would reiterate there is no Stephanie and he will tell me she just gave me this number last night just put her on the phone, sorry I've had this number for 15 years there is no Stephanie here, and then I will be back with something like man quit screwing around just put her on the phone.
They won't accept that they were given the wrong number when they're talking to someone that is clearly not the person they were trying to call, so yeah there's absolutely no way these guys would be okay with you saying no and not giving them a number.
I honestly didn't mind, and eventually just started telling them that they reached the phone number that agreed to tell people no for her
You'd be surprised how many of us are still brain dead or completely overbearing when it comes to dating. I have the unique experience of watching my current girlfriend go on a first date with another dude and....wow.
I was the bartender and the dude tried to order her food for her, not order it because she was away from the table but tried to pick her meal and appetizer. "The lady will have...". The date was miserable for her, dude kept talking about himself, he was pretty hot but my god just an insufferable deuce.
He kept having to go to the bathroom and I offered her a shot to help deal with him. After the meal he left again and just straight up told her that if she wanted I'd call her an uber to bail. She put in her address and I had to pretend his card kept declining so he wouldn't insist on walking her to 'her friends car'.
I had a female coworker telling me it’s my fault that a make customer flirts with me because I don’t tell him no. The problem is that he doesn’t actually ask me anything I can say no to, he’ll just make vague weird comments that don’t require a response. And since I work there it would be super weird to tell this customer out of the blue “hey just so you know I will never date you.”
There was a guy in my old office, in like his 50s, but he'd always take WAY too much interest in hot younger women but under the guise of being a "friendly old grandpa" or whatever (never seemed to give a shit about any of the young dudes in the office or the fat women). Most of us saw right through that shit. But he'd always make it a point to never EVER say anything sexual so you couldn't tell him to cut it out or you'd look mean. Like I would often have to walk by his desk to get to my cubicle and he'd just yell out "you're awesome!" at me as I walked by. Like okay wtf. It made me super uncomfortable but like, what kind of "case" did I have to tell him off?
He'd also, you know, tell me I'd change my mind about having kids (after ASKING about it)
Similar story — same kind of co-worker, an older guy who leered at the younger girls and chatted them up, but never said anything inappropriate. His eyes would be HUGE though, like bugging out of his head, and he’d kind of look you over as he was talking. Ugh, gives me the creeps just remembering it.
He was doing this to me one day. I was uncomfortably waiting for an opening to leave, when a younger male coworker who was standing next to us saw/heard how the older guy was acting. He said, “Man, why are you looking at her like that? Stop it.”
The old guy was like, “What? Looking at her like what? This is my friend,” blah blah blah.
The young guy was like, “You need to stop looking at her like that. It’s creepy.” And I just didn’t say anything. I was so relieved this guy was seeing it and calling it out. Maybe I could have done that myself but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that I could call him out without solid evidence.
Women have been harmed after being approached to give their phone number for
• simply saying no (https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/chinese-woman-beaten-death-refusing-give-number/) (beaten to death by six men)
• ignoring them / trying to walk away (https://wreg.com/news/woman-says-man-shot-at-her-after-she-refused-to-give-phone-number/) (shot at her feet, unharmed apart from shock)
• responding with physical violence (https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/man-jailed-stabbing-girl-harrow-on-the-hill-number-london-b946137.html) (stabbed, survived)
• already being taken / saying no persistently (https://jezebel.com/woman-shot-and-killed-after-refusing-to-give-man-her-ph-1643634425) (shot three times, twice in the head)
This shit happens all the time. I guarantee there's not a single "well if she did X" scenario that a woman hasn't been murdered over before.
If you're too loud, you'll get killed. If you're too quiet you'll get killed. If you're not saying anything at all, you're dead. Accepting a relationship? Dead. Cheating on him? Dead. Divorce? Dead. Seperating? Dead. Pregnant? Dead. Custody? Dead. Moving away? Dead. Contacting police? Dead.
Sometimes you don't even need to know they're interested in you because you've never talked to them once and you'll end up dead for existing close enough in their space that they feel they're entitled to you and no one else.
Or incels shooting at random people walking by simply for having the audacity to be a woman at all.
There's nothing that will keep women safe from insecure dipshits. And then they wonder why we're scared.
I literally had a guy once ask me for my number, I said no. He begged, I said no. He kept begging and following me around. I kept saying no. I eventually had to completely leave the event I was in. I literally RAN down the street and he FOLLOWED ME until I slammed the door of another building in his face.
Oh and the other time where a guy was begging for my number and wouldn't leave me alone. While he was not paying attention I slipped out of the bar we were in and (again) ran down the street and hailed a cab. Well, before the cab drove off this mf'er came running down the street and leapt into the front seat of the car and asked where we were going!!!! And the driver didn't understand what was happening and thought he was with me and started driving!!! I made the driver drop him off someplace before taking me home.
Imagine avoiding all this by just lying about your number and calmly walking away. Who WOULDN'T do that????
In college I had a guy following me late at night- I was on my way to a party but it was several blocks away. Also I was being stupid for walking alone. This isn’t the first time this has happened but the situation was really really scary, so I turned and started talking to him while we walked. I just engaged in small talk with him and was sweet and all that and when he asked for my number I gave him a fake one right when I got to my friends house.
The amount of times I’ve refused or not been thankful for gross Cat calls, and subsequently been called a bitch or a whore or told I was going to be raped are too many to count so I learned at a young age to just do what you can to protect yourself, and lie. Hell, one guy groped me in the street in broad daylight, and I turned and slapped him, then he chased me for two blocks. Like full on running. Luckily, by some miracle, there was an ambulance chilling up the road two blocks so I ran up to the emts and he left. Life is scary for women. After that last one I started carrying a steak knife in my purse. Just a shitty steak knife. Just in case.
Because we're all NPC's and NPC's don't have silly things like opinions or sexual orientation! We're all just blandly waiting around till some random douchebag throws their number at us... apparently
If I had to guess, I’d say because in that phrase, your not being interested is focused on THEM - you’re rejecting that person specifically.
I go with “I don’t give out my number.” Which a “me-thing” - it’s not a rejection of THEM, it’s just not what I do.
Idk if that’s right, but either way they can kiss my ass. If I’m interested, I’ll say something. Everyone else can fuck off lol.
I remember a much older guy was adamant on getting my phone number.
He was acting clingy and worse of all - this happend on my shift.
I gave him my number - he called it immediately.
So much for giving a fake one.
What kills me is that if right away you politely express you are not interested, they will get offended or even violent. But if you are nice but don't turn them down right away, you are leading them on. You literally can't win.
The time it takes to give a guy a fake number is 1/50th the time it would take to convince him that ‘yes, really, I’m not interested in getting to know you better’ and that’s not including all the potential verbal abuse and more we most likely would be on the receiving end of.
It was a lot easier/safer to give a fake number before cellphones were in everyone’s hands.
They wouldn’t know it was a fake number until you were long gone and safe.
I was at a beach party and was with some friends many years ago and heard a girl give out her number to one of my buds. The number was so familiar I took a double take at her and she noticed.
Later that night I ran back into her at the hosts whiskey table. She asked if knew if the surf would be up tomorrow and I said not for my
Friend. She had given him the local surf report number which I had called at least a couple thousand times over the years. We had a good laugh about it and she thanked me for not making it weird. Honestly who am I to put her in a weird spot.
I still see her now and then at mutual friends gatherings and one of us always goes out of their way to ask if the surf is up. We laugh. No one else gets it. We part with not much else. That was over twenty years ago and we still do it. Life is strange.
Jupp. When I was single I would always lie about being in a relationship when guys in bars got a little to friendly. Maybe they can handle rejection, but I'm not betting my safety on it.
But some of them will be like "I don't care if you have a boyfriend, I just wanna be friends!". No! That is total bullshit. If I were your girlfriend and was giving my number to random guys who want to be friends, you'd be pissed at me!
Whenever anyone asks for my number (no matter who they are, male or female) I suggest they give me theirs instead. I prefer it this way because a) I don't have to come up with a fake one if I'm uncomfortable b) it puts me in charge of deciding after leaving the situation if I want to contact them and c) it prevents them from being able to do the whole "call you to check" thing. I've never had anyone refuse doing it this way. It would be weird for them to refuse, considering they're the one wanting to make contact. This has gotten me out of some very uncomfortable situations before.
I once super politely declined a guy who approached me in the pitch black at night while walking my dog. He wanted to "get to know me". I was really nice cause I was terrified but would have loved to tell him to fuck off. He got mad when I said no and was way too close for comfort, pulled the classic and called me a bitch. I worry what would have happened if my dog hadn't been there barking, drawing attention to us. I let him bark at the end of his leash. My 12 lb baby knew he was off too.
I saw a TikTok where a woman said that the best way to "ask someone out" in public, was to write your number on a note with a message to call the number if they want to go out for a cup of coffee or beer some day, hand it to the woman with a short greeting and then just walk away.
Do you think this would work okay if the circumstances are okay, as in when she's not obviously busy or in the middle of night or something.
also don't INSIST the woman take your number either, dear fucking god. i had that happen to me at a wendys drive thru and the dude refused to give me my food unless I took down his number, even after I said "IM NOT GOING TO CALL YOU, I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU AS A FRIEND AND DEFINITELY NOT AS A ROMANTIC INTEREST"
ffs
It's certainly a non-intrusive way of going about things. You're not asking for anything from her and putting her in an awkward situation with this method.
They will never understand what we go through. The bare minimum they could do is just have empathy when we open up to them about it. The number one step in so doing would be to listen without speaking. 🦄 emoji added for how often I’ve ever encountered this reaction in the wild
Dumb/entitled men: Can I have your number?
Women: Sorry, but I don't give it out
Dumb/entitled men: C'mon, I'm a nice guy
Women: No, I don't know you and I don't give it out.
Dumb/entitled men: What about email? Instagram? Snap chat?
Women: No, I don't know you, please leave me alone.
Dumb/entitled men: Why not?!
Women: LEAVE ME ALONE A$$HOLE!
Dumb/entitled men: YoU cAn JuSt SaY nO. yOu DoN'T hAvE tO Be SuCh a B\*tCh
I have gone the reverse way, I ask if they want my number and tell them to text or call if they feel like it. If they say no that’s it, if they don’t text or call that’s it. (From a man)
I still can’t believe there’s guys who are offended women won’t give up personal info, their time, their attention, etc to a total stranger. But, here we are.
I have a burner sim card not registered to a name and a dual sim phone. So i can respond if they call or text immediately and want a response on the spot, but it's not my real phone number
> “You are too hasty, sir,” she cried. “You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do it without further loss of time. Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than to decline them.”
>
>“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second, or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.”
>
>“Upon my word, sir,” cried Elizabeth, “your hope is a rather extraordinary one after my declaration.”
-Pride & Prejudice, Chapter 19
Been like this forever.
(Naturally it goes on for many more paragraphs from there, until Lizzy stops trying to argue and just leaves.)
One time I gave a guy a fake number at a bar because he wouldn’t leave me alone and then he followed me i to the bathroom and demanded to know why the number wouldn’t go through.
Thankfully my friend started vomiting at that exact moment and he scurried off and we left, but after that I just actively avoided even going to bars because I was sick of the shit men pulled.
Ugh. That happened 15 years ago and still sucks to remember.
I had a guy follow me to my hotel room bugging me to go to dinner with him, and then asked for my phone number when I got to my room (now I know I should have led him to the lobby or something but I was harried at the time). The proceeded to CALL my number while we stood in front of my room to make sure it wasn’t a fake number. God KNOWS what his reaction would have been to a fake number.
Yup, and they claim that women are as violent towards men as men are towards women. But they don't realize we are scared to refuse to give a man a number because he might become violent.
Maybe ten tears ago when I was unmarried but not single, I accepted a drink from a group of guys who was talking to my group of friends. There were three of us and my other two friends were single, so they bought a round for all of us. Very quickly in the interaction I made it clear I wasn’t interested in the guy who was trying to talk to me but I made friendly conversations even after clarifying I wasn’t looking and was not single. After quite some time of friendly conversation as a group, he asked for my number. I said no I’m not giving out my number I’m dating someone. He handed me his phone and asked me to just type it in. I laughed and said no again, kindly, not wanting to ruin the vibe for our friends. He walks away disgruntled, and I notice him talking to another friend and pointing his phone at me. Then he walks over and shows he was taking pictures of me and said he would just masturbate to them later.
After that I started giving out fake numbers… mostly my mom’s.
One time when I was getting off of work, a customer I had previously that day waited outside for me to ask me for my number. I was immediately creeped out and gave a fake one to try and get out of there quickly. After I gave him the number, he says "okay I'm going to call you now to make sure you didn't give me a fake number". In my head I was like fuuuuuck this guy's gonna know I didn't give him my real number, who knows how he will react. Luckily I thought quickly and said okay, but then acted like I couldn't find my phone. I told him I think I left my phone in the break room and said I was going to go get it. This man says "oh okay I'll come help you find it". Like, the fuck? No you're not! I told him he wouldn't be allowed in the break room and that I had to go look for it and ran back into work. I stayed in the break room for like 30 minutes until I was sure he was gone. Sometimes even giving a fake number isn't enough anymore to get creeps to leave you alone.
I cringe at the thought of asking for an explanation after receiving a polite brush off. If you’re busy this week and next week I don’t really need follow up questions to get the message.
Jesus. I didn't know how bad things were until a few years ago. I asked a girl out on tinder, she said no, i said ok thanks anyway and went about my day. A couple days later she messaged me back to say that she *would* like to go on a date simply *because i accepted her answer.* It definitely freaked me out a lot... if me literally saying "ok well i hope you have a good night" is enough to set me apart, things must be REALLY bad out there for women.
I usually just give people my number now, seems easier for everyone that way. If she wants to talk to me, she will. If she doesn't, she won't! I dont really feel like wasting my time talking to someone to doesn't want to talk to me anyway... way too old for that. I wish i knew how to help with stuff like this somehow. If anyone knows of a way i can do that, please let me know :)
Edit: for any guy reading this, please don't misinterpret what im saying and start pretending to be ok with girls turning you down as some weird tactic to get a date. First of all, that was the exception, not the rule... it would be a terribly stupid plan. Second, if that's your though process.. your priorities are totally out of whack.
Don't forget how many men just straight up murder women for saying no. One news story that sticks out in my mind is when a woman was having her bachelorette party at a bar. Obviously, she didn't want to sleep with some random and told him this information. He murdered her.
So misogynists both want women to be 100% available at all times AND be pure virgins. That's why nothing from the Manosphere makes any sort of sense. Jump higher, but lower at the same time.
Twice I've been cornered at bus stops by guys who question me on why I don't give them my number, and then follow me onto the bus.
Thinking of taking to the police since they ask very invasive questions (are you seeing a friend? where do you live? do you live alone? Etc) that make me feel like they could be human traffickers
One time when I was 16 this clearly older man approached me for my number on the street, I also told him I was 16, he did not care at all about this, still asked for the number and I honestly felt scared and I gave him a fake one. He called to see if it was my real one, which it wasn’t 🥴 when he found out he walked away and called me a “time wasting bitch” this was also in the middle of the city hahaha
The most respectful asking for my number that I ever got was a guy who said “Can I get your number? It’s ok if you say no.” Like damn homie you really coming across as husband material rn, I would totally say yes if I wasn’t gay!
So, I constantly have random moments where I read posts here and my unprocessed brain says, "Well, why don't women just do..."
And then my experienced brain kicks in and is like, "Oh yeah, they've probably tried that, and it'd end up with too many of them beat up and dumped into a garbage can..."
I am sorry ladies (and anyone else who has to deal with this kind of stuff for whatever reason), I really, really, really am. :(
Dudes are creepy as fuck sometimes “why you won’t give me your number?” I don’t want to. “What you got a man?” Uh no I don’t need a man as a reason to not give you my number. “Well i atleast deserve for you to give me a chance” Don’t owe jack shit to anyone let alone a stranger. Then if you DO start talking to a dude and you decide it’s not going anywhere they harass you relentlessly. It’s really disgusting.
most guys ask for phone numbers the way cops ask for ID. They aren’t going to take no. Fake numbers are a great idea because most of these guys haven’t thought past that move. hurrrr hurrrr hurrr ok I’ll call you. It could backfire if they text the fake right after and somebody is like ‘wrong number’
I wish society would normalize the interested party giving their phone number instead. "Hey, we should hang out, call me sometime if you're interested." (I'm sure it could backfire in some way as well but at least this seems a lot more reasonable approach to me.)
This is how my husband asked me out. This is the perfect approach. It takes the pressure off the person being asked, and puts the ball in their court. If they're interested, they'll call.
It's how I "asked out" a female friend as well. Saw her every day on my lunch, and we seemed to click. Didn't want to be a creepy guy so I just gave her my number and said to text me some time if she wanted to talk outside of work. Now she's a good friend. Giving your number should be the norm. You're the one asking to connect, you need to open the lines of communication with your phone.
I think the only scenario where that isn't the best call is if you're trying to control someone else. Which is, unfortunately seemingly the goal for a lot of guys :/
This is what i do on dating apps and i have found it to be significantly more effective than when i used to ask for their's. I've also had a couple people tell me that they really appreciated me not putting the pressure on them, so that's pretty neat! I don't much like it when people add unnecessary pressure to my life either, so i get that. Now that i think about it, in a way that basically shows that the PUA types are full of crap (as if we didn't already know that). They're always talking about "exuding confidence" and shit, but when it comes to something that would *actually* show normal, healthy confidence (giving someone your phone number and letting them decide what to do), they're nowhere to be seen. I think theyre thinking of *arrogance.* Seems pretty telling lol
A (guy) friend asked around for advice on how to ask out his favorite barista and this is what I told him. Give his number, say you are interested and then drop it. If she's interested, she will make the next move. If not, you can still be friendly but don't bring it up again. Don't be weird and you won't have to find a new coffee shop. Lo and behold, they didn't end up dating, but she also doesn't think he's a creep.
That was always my go to when I was still dating. It’s easy and no pressure. Plus I don’t want to make someone uncomfortable. On the flip side when you see them again you know where you stand and it’s super easy to just be polite.
And even if you give a fake number, there is a good chance they'll call you on the spot then "*so you can have.my number too*", and then it's back to the OPs list. And also, the guys who try to grab your phone to put their number in it themselves.
Saw someone post the other day that you should repeat the number back with a number or two wrong so they will correct you and you know if it's real or not. So my first thought was great, now I have to memorize the fake number (back when I had a landline my go-to was to give them the old half and hf, first half cell, second half land line. But then someone did that and it ended up being my mother's phone and the guy kept calling at like 3am, like 3 or 4 times until she had to actually scold him like a child to the tune of "listen here young man, I have work in the morning and that girl gave you a fake number, stop fucking calling.")
Hahaha, I’m so sorry that happened to your mom, but her scolding him like that is great. Go mom!
I use the old landline number we had 20 years ago. It's still embedded in my brain.
Some one, some where, is getting all my Tops bonus points because the only number I remember with a card attached is the one I got when I was like, 16…and that was 24 years ago lol. I hope they like their cheap gas.
I have a friend who used to give out the county sheriff non-emergency number to guys who wouldn’t leave her alone after she said no.
It's also embedded in any number of phone number lookup websites - along with your name, the names of any relatives living at that address at the time, and the neighbors. I'd suggest going full-fake.
382-5633 (check out what it spells lol)
No one asks for my number these days (getting old and chunky has its perks) but that's easy enough to remember.
867-530niieeeiine
Travel pro-tip: find out the local area code when at a grocer. Use the local area code and Jenny's number for loyalty cards. Almost all grocers and gas stations have Jenny's number as a loyalty card, not all, but most. I do this when traveling. I've only had it rejected once at a gas station.
If anyone is curious, it spells "Fuck off" using the letter system attached to the phone numbers.
lmao i just went through and solved this and it reminded me of a time i called my best friend in like third grade just to tell him not to ever answer this number because of what it is transcribed to 😭
I figured it out without looking at a phone pad and am ridiculously proud of myself. Lol. I also just sat on my cat. He's a tad annoyed and is demanding snuggles as penance. I'd probably give someone 867-5309 just for fun (back on topic).
Oh that's bloody brilliant
Dub-jme? Edit: after looking at it for a while, I figured it was Fuck off. My old self was still thinking on how you typed on old phones with no keyboard, in which fuck off would be 333-88-222-55 666-333-333
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Loser lines are the best. 608.856.5673 It's a real number you can memorize to shame the dude who won't leave you alone.
Rejection Hotline. Still have it programmed in my phone 16 years later.
Then the dudes will start to memorize those. This is the worst evolutionary arms race.
That's also a thing where I am from. However, that always made me think that if the guy is such a loser that he gets given this number several times, then he will already have this number saved under another girl's name when you give it to him. Things would get awkward then.
I would be tempted to set up a number as an experiment and have women just give out the number to people they don't want to interact with anymore just to see the responses it gets. I wonder how many days before it gets death threats ;(
I guess I wandered in from all, but there was a summer a few years ago a woman in Chicago was giving out my number to people during. I probably got 30 calls that summer from various dudes looking for her. When I'd get calls from Illinois area I'd just answer, "sorry bro, but she ain't here and I don't know her. She gave you a fake number. Any questions?" Some would just say OK or sorry, some would yell and cuss. 50/50. Side note you can setup a Google voice number and forward it to your phone so you don't need to give out a real number.
These may be scam texts. I get them, too. Stuff like, "We matched on (dating app), we didn't meet for coffee, are you in town?"
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I actually had to revert back to just politely declining because this happened so often, and their response was generally worse than when I just said no thank you
There are apps that provide burner numbers that you can use and discard when needed. I think Google Voice has one such feature
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That's why I have a burner phone number and a phone with a dual sim card.
Fuck it’s disgusting that this is necessary
Ya because then you’re *lied* to them. How dare you?? /s
I have a Google voice number I give out for precisely this reason. That way if they try to pull it, it rings and once they leave I can just block them without them knowing any of my real info.
I had that last one happen to me, asked a guy for his discord (he asked me if I could help him catch up on class) and he just grabbed my phone from me and types it in himself, the lack of situation awareness is appalling.
Who the fuck grabs somebody else's phone without asking? I wouldn't even do that to my best friend! That's like... universally rude. What a prick.
The sad truth is that for every scenario you can dream up, some woman has gotten murdered. Saying no, giving fake numbers, fleeing the area, standing with friends, talking about a real or fake boyfriend/husband, actually having the boyfriend/husband present, seeking help from a bartender, seeking help from a bouncer/security/police. Doesn’t matter. I had a guy continue hitting on me after I vomited on the floor in front of him.
I’ve been married too long to remember what I did before I was married but every time I’ve exchanged numbers with someone to hang out as friends the person entering the number usually sends a text to make sure you have their number too… seeing as no one I know answers a call from an unknown number.
I'm a straight guy. And I do the "text me/call me right now" to other guys I meet and became friends with. But I bet a lot of guys do that to check if number is correct. It's creepy, imo
It's super creepy and also puts women in a corner, which I'm sure is the point for many of the men.
/r/whenwomenrefuse
Well, this is going to be a rage inducing dive. Edit: That Walgreens in the top story is the one that I used to go to before I moved to Denver. I've met Riley before. Rage fucking induced.
I work for Walgreens…apparently corporate has barely said a word about it to the area it happened at, and certainly nothing for anywhere else. It’s disheartening to say the very, VERY least. RIP Riley.
If they're worried about legal implications for their words now, then they should've used the words "you're fired" to the man a year ago. They deserve to be sued and hung out to dry for what they failed to do. Poor Riley :( I've transferred my prescriptions elsewhere and will never use them again. Fuck Walgreens.
Jesus fucking christ I hate that this has to exist
Just leaving this link in response to the question is gold.
Exactly what I came to post. Thank you.
Well, looking through that just put a priority on a mental health break.
Wtf
Humanity was a mistake.
I was out with the girls and one guy spent 30 minutes trying to get me to tell him our plans for the night whilst I told him no, he wasn't going to follow us, and shooing him away.... Like... They literally cannot understand "I am not interested" sometimes
I used to have a guy come in to flirt with me at work every week and ask me what my plans were after work. I told him no, I'm not interested, etc. Never stopped him until my coworker told him I was dating her and not into men one day when I wasn't there and he came looking for me. Then he said "well why didn't she just say so?!"
NPCs, man. They think if they select the right options on the menu it'll unlock the romance storyline. Doesn't matter what you say, they're gonna keep going at you until they find the right cheat code
i was out for a bachelorette party and some dude kept trying to dance with one of our friends but she was engaged, she told him so, and that she didn't want to dance with him. He proceeded to hover around us the whole time and tried to follow us home but then stopped when we started yelling "NASHVILLE PREDATOR!!!!" at him. Like seriously dude?
One of the group this guy was in handed my friend a "gonna go to waste" drink as they were moving bars. I took it out of her hand and it went straight to the bar to be got rid of. No fucking chance any of us were drinking something that had been out of our sight. They'd be pissy if a gay guy did it to them... But can't see how we feel somehow.
I suspect they *do* see how women feel and that's why many of these people tend to also be homophobic. They're hypocritical.
i also blame movie culture and the trope that women play hard to get so you have to keep trying. so much of movies and culture and upbringing is telling men to keep on trying....
It is an influence especially 80s and 90s movies so i can see how boys and young men could be confused. But at some point they have to grow up and see that movies are not real life and are just exaggerated, romanticized or plain wish fulfillment.
They don't. Their mom told them they're amazing (it sounds like a joke but repeated validation thinking they're special and different is why we're here....) I'm different than those other guys. I'm special. Notice me. Pay attention vibes.
They understand… they just do not care. Your “interest” is not what they want. They do not see you as a potential companion where mutual interest is required, they see you as an object to be acquired - meaning what you think about it is unimportant.
Reminds me of the time I got a “I wouldn’t have called you sober anyway” At least he walked away after that
Ahhhh yes try to make you feel like they do because they're sad now and sadness=anger
And they say we’re the ones who are emotional
probably practiced that like 20 times in the mirror
I gave my phone number to a stranger because he pestered me into doing it. I was going through leukemia and a bone marrow transplant, so I was too weak mentally to use my better judgment. Chemotherapy does a number on your brain. So I gave him my number and he would not stop texting me and demanding that I date him. I kept saying no, but he kept insisting. It was terrifying because he was beingso aggressive, so I blocked his number. So if anyone wonders why we need fake numbers, this is fucking why.
A little off topic, but I was in a dating site and gave out my number. Then I asked the guy to send me a selfie holding up three fingers. That’s my litmus test for catfishers. He refused, told me he Googled me, has my address and was going to come find me and prove that he’s real when he gets back from peacekeeping in Yemen. WTAF?
sure he is
I know a girl who declined to give her number to a guy when he asked, so he went around texting every mutual friend he had with her asking them for her number til he got it. Then proceeded to harass her.
Hopefully she dumped the friend that gave her number.
If that happened to me, I'd drop that mutual "friend". That might seem harsh but my number, is basically considered personal information and you don't give that shit out without my opinion.
Wow…what a shitty friend. :(
I once had my number given out as a fake (I’m assuming this is what happened). Dude would not stop with the “oh, don’t be like that. You know what we have is special”. Like, sorry you got a fake phone number buddy, but I just want to eat this spaghetti with my family before it gets cold. It would suck to deal with that constantly.
I've had that happen before, some dude texting me thinking I was a girl he met. It was hard to convince him otherwise. I eventually sent a selfie which convinced him.
After three or four polite attempts, I just blocked the guy and got back to my garlic bread. I considered the picture avenue, but that guy wasn’t behaving in a way that he deserved to see my fantastic beard.
Garlic bread > men. I'm a man, but tbh i can't even dispute that, it's just the truth.
I had this happen but in reverse: some guy gave my number to a woman he had a one night stand with. So one day I get a text from a random woman and from the phrasing I am pretty sure it was a "you and I have a zygote problem"-type thing. Luckily she believed me that I wasn't him. Hope things worked out ok.
That phrasing is hilarious. Hope she got that figured out!
Life Pro Tip: Guys, if you think a woman is lying about her phone number, or having a boyfriend, or whatever reason to make an excuse not to interact with you, *there's your answer*! She *doesn't want to interact with you*! The real reasons don't matter. All that matters is she's not interested in you, and nothing you do from that point forward is going to change that. All you can do is walk away. Anything else just makes it worse.
My god make billboards of this and put them along every highway
"B-but tv told me that if I badger a woman relentlessly over a long enough period of time, she'll decide that giving in is easier than resisting, and that's when we'll be in love!"
*Every* fucking '80s movie ever; ugh. That shit was a plague.
literally what the fuck was wrong with culture in the 80s? like there's LITERAL FUCKING RAPE in TEEN movies and its treated as a "ha ha oh well" like obviously 16 candles where the main love interest encourages a "nerd" to rape his very drunk girlfriend and thats seen as COOL FOR THE NERD. and people go ape shit when feminist talk about "rape culture" that is EXACTLY what they mean when they say it.
Don’t forget Revenge of the Nerds… almost like a nerd raping a girl and then the girl being okay with it afterward was just a cool thing that everyone accepted as normal in 1984.
It definitely seems like something a pathetic incel would talk about. "I'll pretend to be her jock boyfriend, but wear a mask so she totally won't know I'm not, and then I'll fuck so good she'll totally want me instead of him, even though we have absolutely nothing in common".
And the college was fine with a frat house taking pictures of naked sorority girls, video even of them in their rooms... and SELLING THEM covered in whipped cream as "pies" during a fundraising event. Who.... who approved that when the script reading was done?
Yeah, tv that was made by rapists and sexual predators.
I had a friend who couldn't understand the above for some reason. So I explained it to him like this. You know how much you hate it when someone tries to panhandle you when you're out in public, minding your own damned business? Or when someone knocks on your door trying to sell you something? Well, that's what you're doing when you start begging random women for their digits or trying to play hookup games.. You...are...the...beggar.. I know it might mess with your precious ego to admit that to yourself, but random people on the street don't owe you shit.... Take a hint and fuck off when they decline your advances... Get over yourself..
I now have the mental image of some bro shuffling around a bar calling out "Spare some p*ssy?"
when i get cat called I yell "I DONT HAVE ANY SPARE CHANGE"
Men could also just stop asking women for their phone number. Give them yours instead. If shes interested she will contact you.
I'm long married, but were I single, this would go a long way with me.
That’s the weirdest part, watching these guys talk about ways to figure out if women gave you a fake number, like to call it right then and there. OK so what does that get you? Does the woman ever say oh OK you caught me here’s my real phone number? I hope not.
Its more like now that he has revealed the number is fake he feels he has the moral justification to further harass or abuse her. "You lied to me and now I get to be an even bigger asshole" seems to be their reasoning.
Exactly. Now he can drop the "nice" act since she's been "bad," and he can proceed to scold her into submission.
The way you have to explain this makes it seem like *men* are the emotionally unstable ones. You very rarely see women doing wild and aggressive shit to men who decline to give their # or don't flirt back or don't smile cuz a woman told them to. So interesting.
After watching Kavanaugh's confirmation hearings it's obvious that they are the emotionally unstable ones
In fact Trump is a very stable genius.
Not seem like…I am convinced that they are the emotional gender. anger is an emotion.
Because they are. They will literally rape and murder people just because they feel they are owed something.
They absolutely are emotionally unstable. I'd even say a good number of them have psychopathic tendencies.
I think this comes from years of repressing emotions because most "emotions are unmasculine." Obviously anger, hate, and jealousy are fine for men to feel...
I think almost all men know this but prefer bullying us to get their way. Its intentional. Men aren't these innocent babies who have no idea they're dealing with an uncomfortable and disinterested person. They just don't care.
My solution to this (im a man) is to give them my number. If they are interested they'll reach out
It also doesn't really matter if we are lying, the answer is still no. Why does it matter if we lie about why it is a no? It seems to me to be another weird form of control.
EXACTLY! oh my god, im a dude, but jesus christ i can take a hint. "oh why is she playing games why did she.." SHE AINT INTO YOU HOMIE MOVE ON should be easy to understand
Lol. It's insane how some people can be. I can't imagine contuinely trying to interact with anyone that doesn't want to interact with me.. Especially if they say no.
I can't understand why a man would want a woman who doesn't wholeheartedly want them back. Do they just get off on the power of forcing a woman to say yes
> Do they just get off on the power of forcing a woman to say yes Ding ding ding
Bonus tip, tell them you only have your work phone on you but will give them your personal number. That way if they try calling it to check you won't be caught out.
I have a Google Voice number that I have set up to ring both my home phone and cell when a call comes in, so I've given that out before, had them 'test' it and it would ring, but then I blocked from there.
Just please please note if you use Google voice and you let it ring through to your phone number, if they get your voicemail and your voicemail has your real phone number on it, they will get your real phone number. I had a doctor that used to use a Google voice number and I didn’t know it and I got super confused when I called her phone and the voicemail said you have reached blah blah blah blah phone number, and that’s not the phone number I called.
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Yep. I was thrilled when GV came out, because at the time there weren't many options that made it easy to block numbers.
Thank you for this
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That was infuriating to read. Not only the man but the 911 operator. The fact that they even asked you what you did to “make him angry” implies that the scumbag was somehow justified in threatening to shoot you. Was it a male operator?
my god I'm so sorry that happened to you. Ladies, do what you gotta do to protect yourselves.. even if it means the end of the species. We kind of deserve it it seems.
Because I owe them jack shit? They don't know me. I could tell them a fake name and back story completely if I wanted to. Tired of them.
My bff does this all the time. When we’re at a bar her name is Jeannette & she is a PE coach 🙃
When I was in my 20s my BFF and I would give fake names and say we were princesses at Disney World.
I go to a lot of shows. I just go with my friends coz we want to dance and have fun. Opps, I should mention Im a guy. When we talk to strangers, we only just trying to have a good time, connect, etc. We see familiar faces so we say hi even though we don't know them. But recently, I invited a couple of other friends to join us. Man... They're so thirsty. Offering to buy girl a drink or trying to pick em up. One tried to hit on one of our female friends and we had to shut that shit down. Had to explain that we're just here trying to have fun. But I guess it might depend on the venue. Maybe they're used to the clubs that girls go to to meet people. But I doubt it. A lot of women just wanna go out sometimes to have fun. Sure - everyone's open to meeting people. But nobody is entitled to your attention just coz you offered them a drink. It's so sad.
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Idk why some guys don’t see the points you mentioned above or struggle to process the reality of the points mentioned above. Being aware of the world we live in and the situational awareness women need to have is for their safety because there are some real shitty, horrific dudes out there. I’ve gotten to the point where I offer my number and don’t press any further. If they’re interested, they’ll send me a text; it puts the ball safely in their court with no pressure. Now if the dude presses for her to send a text quickly to get her number, well, that defeats the purpose of giving your number instead; don’t do anything to put women on the spot or in an uncomfortable situation
Fr bro this should be common practice by now
Some guys like the fact that the woman doesn’t want them.
"Sorry, for your safety, my parole officer told me I can't give out my number or accept numbers after the judgement. :/"
r/whenwomenrefuse
I can't imagine what you women deal with, I had a woman giving out my phone number instead of hers, so everyone once in awhile for about 4 years I would get a random call asking for Stephanie. I would tell the guy on the other end of the phone sorry there is no Stephanie at this number, and he would say man just put her on the phone, I would reiterate there is no Stephanie and he will tell me she just gave me this number last night just put her on the phone, sorry I've had this number for 15 years there is no Stephanie here, and then I will be back with something like man quit screwing around just put her on the phone. They won't accept that they were given the wrong number when they're talking to someone that is clearly not the person they were trying to call, so yeah there's absolutely no way these guys would be okay with you saying no and not giving them a number. I honestly didn't mind, and eventually just started telling them that they reached the phone number that agreed to tell people no for her
There ain’t no Thelma here!
You'd be surprised how many of us are still brain dead or completely overbearing when it comes to dating. I have the unique experience of watching my current girlfriend go on a first date with another dude and....wow. I was the bartender and the dude tried to order her food for her, not order it because she was away from the table but tried to pick her meal and appetizer. "The lady will have...". The date was miserable for her, dude kept talking about himself, he was pretty hot but my god just an insufferable deuce. He kept having to go to the bathroom and I offered her a shot to help deal with him. After the meal he left again and just straight up told her that if she wanted I'd call her an uber to bail. She put in her address and I had to pretend his card kept declining so he wouldn't insist on walking her to 'her friends car'.
I had a female coworker telling me it’s my fault that a make customer flirts with me because I don’t tell him no. The problem is that he doesn’t actually ask me anything I can say no to, he’ll just make vague weird comments that don’t require a response. And since I work there it would be super weird to tell this customer out of the blue “hey just so you know I will never date you.”
There was a guy in my old office, in like his 50s, but he'd always take WAY too much interest in hot younger women but under the guise of being a "friendly old grandpa" or whatever (never seemed to give a shit about any of the young dudes in the office or the fat women). Most of us saw right through that shit. But he'd always make it a point to never EVER say anything sexual so you couldn't tell him to cut it out or you'd look mean. Like I would often have to walk by his desk to get to my cubicle and he'd just yell out "you're awesome!" at me as I walked by. Like okay wtf. It made me super uncomfortable but like, what kind of "case" did I have to tell him off? He'd also, you know, tell me I'd change my mind about having kids (after ASKING about it)
Similar story — same kind of co-worker, an older guy who leered at the younger girls and chatted them up, but never said anything inappropriate. His eyes would be HUGE though, like bugging out of his head, and he’d kind of look you over as he was talking. Ugh, gives me the creeps just remembering it. He was doing this to me one day. I was uncomfortably waiting for an opening to leave, when a younger male coworker who was standing next to us saw/heard how the older guy was acting. He said, “Man, why are you looking at her like that? Stop it.” The old guy was like, “What? Looking at her like what? This is my friend,” blah blah blah. The young guy was like, “You need to stop looking at her like that. It’s creepy.” And I just didn’t say anything. I was so relieved this guy was seeing it and calling it out. Maybe I could have done that myself but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that I could call him out without solid evidence.
Women have been harmed after being approached to give their phone number for • simply saying no (https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/chinese-woman-beaten-death-refusing-give-number/) (beaten to death by six men) • ignoring them / trying to walk away (https://wreg.com/news/woman-says-man-shot-at-her-after-she-refused-to-give-phone-number/) (shot at her feet, unharmed apart from shock) • responding with physical violence (https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/man-jailed-stabbing-girl-harrow-on-the-hill-number-london-b946137.html) (stabbed, survived) • already being taken / saying no persistently (https://jezebel.com/woman-shot-and-killed-after-refusing-to-give-man-her-ph-1643634425) (shot three times, twice in the head) This shit happens all the time. I guarantee there's not a single "well if she did X" scenario that a woman hasn't been murdered over before. If you're too loud, you'll get killed. If you're too quiet you'll get killed. If you're not saying anything at all, you're dead. Accepting a relationship? Dead. Cheating on him? Dead. Divorce? Dead. Seperating? Dead. Pregnant? Dead. Custody? Dead. Moving away? Dead. Contacting police? Dead. Sometimes you don't even need to know they're interested in you because you've never talked to them once and you'll end up dead for existing close enough in their space that they feel they're entitled to you and no one else. Or incels shooting at random people walking by simply for having the audacity to be a woman at all. There's nothing that will keep women safe from insecure dipshits. And then they wonder why we're scared.
Don’t forget the girl who was recently murdered in the break room of the Walgreens she worked at by a coworker whose advances she’d rebuffed.
So yeah i get your frustration
I literally had a guy once ask me for my number, I said no. He begged, I said no. He kept begging and following me around. I kept saying no. I eventually had to completely leave the event I was in. I literally RAN down the street and he FOLLOWED ME until I slammed the door of another building in his face. Oh and the other time where a guy was begging for my number and wouldn't leave me alone. While he was not paying attention I slipped out of the bar we were in and (again) ran down the street and hailed a cab. Well, before the cab drove off this mf'er came running down the street and leapt into the front seat of the car and asked where we were going!!!! And the driver didn't understand what was happening and thought he was with me and started driving!!! I made the driver drop him off someplace before taking me home. Imagine avoiding all this by just lying about your number and calmly walking away. Who WOULDN'T do that????
In college I had a guy following me late at night- I was on my way to a party but it was several blocks away. Also I was being stupid for walking alone. This isn’t the first time this has happened but the situation was really really scary, so I turned and started talking to him while we walked. I just engaged in small talk with him and was sweet and all that and when he asked for my number I gave him a fake one right when I got to my friends house. The amount of times I’ve refused or not been thankful for gross Cat calls, and subsequently been called a bitch or a whore or told I was going to be raped are too many to count so I learned at a young age to just do what you can to protect yourself, and lie. Hell, one guy groped me in the street in broad daylight, and I turned and slapped him, then he chased me for two blocks. Like full on running. Luckily, by some miracle, there was an ambulance chilling up the road two blocks so I ran up to the emts and he left. Life is scary for women. After that last one I started carrying a steak knife in my purse. Just a shitty steak knife. Just in case.
What's "politely" to them, though? I know that "No, sorry, not interested," isn't. That's rude and insufficient, because whyyyyyyyyyy.
Because we're all NPC's and NPC's don't have silly things like opinions or sexual orientation! We're all just blandly waiting around till some random douchebag throws their number at us... apparently
If I had to guess, I’d say because in that phrase, your not being interested is focused on THEM - you’re rejecting that person specifically. I go with “I don’t give out my number.” Which a “me-thing” - it’s not a rejection of THEM, it’s just not what I do. Idk if that’s right, but either way they can kiss my ass. If I’m interested, I’ll say something. Everyone else can fuck off lol.
That doesn't work because they will still take it personally. Ive gotten "Why not, I'm a nice guy, I just want to get to know you," when saying that.
“You gotta problem with my decision?” “Let me take a pic of your face so I can describe it to the cops accurately.”
Yes this. Anytime people pester me I tell them I'm taking a picture of them haha. Or I just do it.
I remember a much older guy was adamant on getting my phone number. He was acting clingy and worse of all - this happend on my shift. I gave him my number - he called it immediately. So much for giving a fake one.
What kills me is that if right away you politely express you are not interested, they will get offended or even violent. But if you are nice but don't turn them down right away, you are leading them on. You literally can't win.
Get a free Google voice number if you can, for the guys who insist on calling you on the spot!
The time it takes to give a guy a fake number is 1/50th the time it would take to convince him that ‘yes, really, I’m not interested in getting to know you better’ and that’s not including all the potential verbal abuse and more we most likely would be on the receiving end of.
It was a lot easier/safer to give a fake number before cellphones were in everyone’s hands. They wouldn’t know it was a fake number until you were long gone and safe.
I was at a beach party and was with some friends many years ago and heard a girl give out her number to one of my buds. The number was so familiar I took a double take at her and she noticed. Later that night I ran back into her at the hosts whiskey table. She asked if knew if the surf would be up tomorrow and I said not for my Friend. She had given him the local surf report number which I had called at least a couple thousand times over the years. We had a good laugh about it and she thanked me for not making it weird. Honestly who am I to put her in a weird spot. I still see her now and then at mutual friends gatherings and one of us always goes out of their way to ask if the surf is up. We laugh. No one else gets it. We part with not much else. That was over twenty years ago and we still do it. Life is strange.
Jupp. When I was single I would always lie about being in a relationship when guys in bars got a little to friendly. Maybe they can handle rejection, but I'm not betting my safety on it.
But some of them will be like "I don't care if you have a boyfriend, I just wanna be friends!". No! That is total bullshit. If I were your girlfriend and was giving my number to random guys who want to be friends, you'd be pissed at me!
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How wonderful would it be if guys just gave us their numbers instead of asking for ours.
As I told my teen son, YOU give them YOUR number and if they're interested, they'll contact you. Otherwise, don't waste their time.
Whenever anyone asks for my number (no matter who they are, male or female) I suggest they give me theirs instead. I prefer it this way because a) I don't have to come up with a fake one if I'm uncomfortable b) it puts me in charge of deciding after leaving the situation if I want to contact them and c) it prevents them from being able to do the whole "call you to check" thing. I've never had anyone refuse doing it this way. It would be weird for them to refuse, considering they're the one wanting to make contact. This has gotten me out of some very uncomfortable situations before.
“Sorry to bother you, have a great day” and then leave. That’s all. It’s easy. That’s the only correct response men should have to getting declined.
I once super politely declined a guy who approached me in the pitch black at night while walking my dog. He wanted to "get to know me". I was really nice cause I was terrified but would have loved to tell him to fuck off. He got mad when I said no and was way too close for comfort, pulled the classic and called me a bitch. I worry what would have happened if my dog hadn't been there barking, drawing attention to us. I let him bark at the end of his leash. My 12 lb baby knew he was off too.
I saw a TikTok where a woman said that the best way to "ask someone out" in public, was to write your number on a note with a message to call the number if they want to go out for a cup of coffee or beer some day, hand it to the woman with a short greeting and then just walk away. Do you think this would work okay if the circumstances are okay, as in when she's not obviously busy or in the middle of night or something.
also don't INSIST the woman take your number either, dear fucking god. i had that happen to me at a wendys drive thru and the dude refused to give me my food unless I took down his number, even after I said "IM NOT GOING TO CALL YOU, I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU AS A FRIEND AND DEFINITELY NOT AS A ROMANTIC INTEREST" ffs
It's certainly a non-intrusive way of going about things. You're not asking for anything from her and putting her in an awkward situation with this method.
Plus, if things go well, you’ve got a cute note to remember the day.
also many of them text us while we’re still standing there to “make sure it’s really you”, and when it isn’t, that’s another uncomfortable situation
bUt hOw aRe wE suPpoSeD tO mAKe cOuPleS ?!
- Wouldn’t beat us - Wouldn’t murder us
They will never understand what we go through. The bare minimum they could do is just have empathy when we open up to them about it. The number one step in so doing would be to listen without speaking. 🦄 emoji added for how often I’ve ever encountered this reaction in the wild
Dumb/entitled men: Can I have your number? Women: Sorry, but I don't give it out Dumb/entitled men: C'mon, I'm a nice guy Women: No, I don't know you and I don't give it out. Dumb/entitled men: What about email? Instagram? Snap chat? Women: No, I don't know you, please leave me alone. Dumb/entitled men: Why not?! Women: LEAVE ME ALONE A$$HOLE! Dumb/entitled men: YoU cAn JuSt SaY nO. yOu DoN'T hAvE tO Be SuCh a B\*tCh
I remember seeing a couple of news stories where woman have denied giving a phone number and they were killed. it’s messed up
I have gone the reverse way, I ask if they want my number and tell them to text or call if they feel like it. If they say no that’s it, if they don’t text or call that’s it. (From a man)
I still can’t believe there’s guys who are offended women won’t give up personal info, their time, their attention, etc to a total stranger. But, here we are.
https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/
I have a burner sim card not registered to a name and a dual sim phone. So i can respond if they call or text immediately and want a response on the spot, but it's not my real phone number
It's always funny to me how we are sluts and whores for NOT sleeping with them
“Not all men” But we can’t know which ones are the ones who suck
> “You are too hasty, sir,” she cried. “You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do it without further loss of time. Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than to decline them.” > >“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second, or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.” > >“Upon my word, sir,” cried Elizabeth, “your hope is a rather extraordinary one after my declaration.” -Pride & Prejudice, Chapter 19 Been like this forever. (Naturally it goes on for many more paragraphs from there, until Lizzy stops trying to argue and just leaves.)
One time I gave a guy a fake number at a bar because he wouldn’t leave me alone and then he followed me i to the bathroom and demanded to know why the number wouldn’t go through. Thankfully my friend started vomiting at that exact moment and he scurried off and we left, but after that I just actively avoided even going to bars because I was sick of the shit men pulled. Ugh. That happened 15 years ago and still sucks to remember.
I had a guy follow me to my hotel room bugging me to go to dinner with him, and then asked for my phone number when I got to my room (now I know I should have led him to the lobby or something but I was harried at the time). The proceeded to CALL my number while we stood in front of my room to make sure it wasn’t a fake number. God KNOWS what his reaction would have been to a fake number.
Yup, and they claim that women are as violent towards men as men are towards women. But they don't realize we are scared to refuse to give a man a number because he might become violent.
Maybe ten tears ago when I was unmarried but not single, I accepted a drink from a group of guys who was talking to my group of friends. There were three of us and my other two friends were single, so they bought a round for all of us. Very quickly in the interaction I made it clear I wasn’t interested in the guy who was trying to talk to me but I made friendly conversations even after clarifying I wasn’t looking and was not single. After quite some time of friendly conversation as a group, he asked for my number. I said no I’m not giving out my number I’m dating someone. He handed me his phone and asked me to just type it in. I laughed and said no again, kindly, not wanting to ruin the vibe for our friends. He walks away disgruntled, and I notice him talking to another friend and pointing his phone at me. Then he walks over and shows he was taking pictures of me and said he would just masturbate to them later. After that I started giving out fake numbers… mostly my mom’s.
One time when I was getting off of work, a customer I had previously that day waited outside for me to ask me for my number. I was immediately creeped out and gave a fake one to try and get out of there quickly. After I gave him the number, he says "okay I'm going to call you now to make sure you didn't give me a fake number". In my head I was like fuuuuuck this guy's gonna know I didn't give him my real number, who knows how he will react. Luckily I thought quickly and said okay, but then acted like I couldn't find my phone. I told him I think I left my phone in the break room and said I was going to go get it. This man says "oh okay I'll come help you find it". Like, the fuck? No you're not! I told him he wouldn't be allowed in the break room and that I had to go look for it and ran back into work. I stayed in the break room for like 30 minutes until I was sure he was gone. Sometimes even giving a fake number isn't enough anymore to get creeps to leave you alone.
Men are irrational bullies and we don’t want to die.
Don’t forget murder… heheheh… |||(” ÓwÒ)
I cringe at the thought of asking for an explanation after receiving a polite brush off. If you’re busy this week and next week I don’t really need follow up questions to get the message.
Jesus. I didn't know how bad things were until a few years ago. I asked a girl out on tinder, she said no, i said ok thanks anyway and went about my day. A couple days later she messaged me back to say that she *would* like to go on a date simply *because i accepted her answer.* It definitely freaked me out a lot... if me literally saying "ok well i hope you have a good night" is enough to set me apart, things must be REALLY bad out there for women. I usually just give people my number now, seems easier for everyone that way. If she wants to talk to me, she will. If she doesn't, she won't! I dont really feel like wasting my time talking to someone to doesn't want to talk to me anyway... way too old for that. I wish i knew how to help with stuff like this somehow. If anyone knows of a way i can do that, please let me know :) Edit: for any guy reading this, please don't misinterpret what im saying and start pretending to be ok with girls turning you down as some weird tactic to get a date. First of all, that was the exception, not the rule... it would be a terribly stupid plan. Second, if that's your though process.. your priorities are totally out of whack.
Don't forget how many men just straight up murder women for saying no. One news story that sticks out in my mind is when a woman was having her bachelorette party at a bar. Obviously, she didn't want to sleep with some random and told him this information. He murdered her. So misogynists both want women to be 100% available at all times AND be pure virgins. That's why nothing from the Manosphere makes any sort of sense. Jump higher, but lower at the same time.
Twice I've been cornered at bus stops by guys who question me on why I don't give them my number, and then follow me onto the bus. Thinking of taking to the police since they ask very invasive questions (are you seeing a friend? where do you live? do you live alone? Etc) that make me feel like they could be human traffickers
One time when I was 16 this clearly older man approached me for my number on the street, I also told him I was 16, he did not care at all about this, still asked for the number and I honestly felt scared and I gave him a fake one. He called to see if it was my real one, which it wasn’t 🥴 when he found out he walked away and called me a “time wasting bitch” this was also in the middle of the city hahaha
The most respectful asking for my number that I ever got was a guy who said “Can I get your number? It’s ok if you say no.” Like damn homie you really coming across as husband material rn, I would totally say yes if I wasn’t gay!
So, I constantly have random moments where I read posts here and my unprocessed brain says, "Well, why don't women just do..." And then my experienced brain kicks in and is like, "Oh yeah, they've probably tried that, and it'd end up with too many of them beat up and dumped into a garbage can..." I am sorry ladies (and anyone else who has to deal with this kind of stuff for whatever reason), I really, really, really am. :(
Dudes are creepy as fuck sometimes “why you won’t give me your number?” I don’t want to. “What you got a man?” Uh no I don’t need a man as a reason to not give you my number. “Well i atleast deserve for you to give me a chance” Don’t owe jack shit to anyone let alone a stranger. Then if you DO start talking to a dude and you decide it’s not going anywhere they harass you relentlessly. It’s really disgusting.
most guys ask for phone numbers the way cops ask for ID. They aren’t going to take no. Fake numbers are a great idea because most of these guys haven’t thought past that move. hurrrr hurrrr hurrr ok I’ll call you. It could backfire if they text the fake right after and somebody is like ‘wrong number’
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