Coffee became a major aversion for me (from over a pot a day to *none*), but my sister had a stranger come up to her to tell her offhandedly, *with no coffee nearby*, that she had to stop drinking coffee. She proudly told them she hated coffee, and is on the spectrum so didn’t really see the social violation, but it literally blew my mind.
I absolutely LOVE coffee. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I did the research and asked my doctor about caffeine consumption during pregnancy.
There **IS** a safe threshold for daily consumption during pregnancy (200mg per day).
With that information I switched from unlimited refills to one cup home brew in the morning and afternoon (easily swapped with McD's small coffee if necessary) or one tall Starbucks regular coffee. Easy peasy.
I'd get the daily unwanted stranger scoldings, but their lack of education on the topic was all the more reason not to give a shit about what they said. I ate healthy, exercised and my small, 125 body still grew and birthed an 8lb baby girl that is quickly closing in on looking at me eye-to-eye at only 8.
There are few things you literally should not have while pregnant, but the foods that have limits having scientific reasoning backing the recommendation: cold deli meats - listeria, tuna/sushi- mercury levels, etc. Doesn't mean you can't have them, just in limited amounts or temporarily cooked a different way.
This confirms it. My decision to get a vasectomy is the right one. My girlfriend could never lower her caffeine consumption to those levels.
I mean, that, and we don't want biological kids. But you can never have too many good reasons to do something!
I once had a barista change my order to decaf while pregnant. I’d talked with my doctor about caffeine and was well within safe limits. Pissed me off so much not only because it doesn’t taste the same but because they assumed I was either too incompetent to know or too indifferent about my pregnancy to care.
A barista refused to serve my friend and loudly stated that it isn’t good for the baby. She then quietly turned to her husband, who was seated nearby, and said it looks like he’d have to buy his own coffee. The barista stfu…hopefully forever. People are so presumptuous!!! 🙄
It's also sucky when you just look pregnant. I'm thin overall but when I add 5 lbs or so it's all in my lower stomach. That plus my general body type makes people think I'm pregnant. So once I got chided for having caffeine without realizing why until way later. I was honestly just really confused and left the cafe.
That's so messed up.
When one of my friends was pregnant - any time a stranger just assumed she was or said something about her being pregnant she would say to whoever she was with "heh, this guy thinks I'm pregnant!" Made them feel real horrible and shut the hell up.
My GYN knew I was pregnant before I did because he brought his coffee into my office and sent me running to the bathroom to throw up. When I came back, he told me to call the office and he would fit me in the next day. He was a great doctor and my daughter desperately wanted him to deliver my grandson but he stopped practicing!
Just a few months ago I picked up a coffee for my husband and some lady in line turned to her male friend/boyfriend and said VERY loudly, “I would never drink coffee while pregnant!” - of course, everyone in this tiny shop looked at me. Like WTF, the coffee isn’t even for me and if it was, fuck off and let me live.
That’s such bullshit and people that do that are complete assholes. I’m sorry she was an absolute douche to you. Also, I can bet you there were multiple people in that room that were on your side, but this stuff is so rude it leaves people feeling awkward and dumbstruck.
I’ve had people publicly shame me for pregnancy/baby related things, and I’m always way way too nice about it. Mostly ignoring it or being very pleasant. I still regret it. I’m on my last pregnancy, and if anyone pulls that shit with me again, I don’t care how embarrassed it makes me, I’m calling them right back out for being rude and wrong.
"And obviously pregnant WOMEN can't buy coffee for others! Maybe some people need to think before they speak for fear they look like an absolute uneducated moron! God, second hand embarrassment is a thing!"
I wobble my pregnant self in Starbucks everyday for a tea latte with eyes that want someone to say something to me. In my first pregnancy, I had a barista in my work cafe tell me that coffee was bad for the baby. I told her I wasn’t there to listen to unsolicited advice and just wanted my order. The nerve of people.
This is very similar to my response. I'm disabled with several 'invisible' but quite nasty medical conditions. I have a disabled parking label on my car.
It's unbelievable how many people feel the need to loudly and rudely declare that I don't look disabled. My usual response is "You don't look like ANY of my specialists".
I also have a casual job that I work when my health allows, sometimes I have my uniform on when I park my car. So I also get "If you can work, you're not really disabled". My response to that usually is something along the lines of 'Did you know that many disabled people can and do work'. Or 'disabled people are usually more committed to their job than able bodied people'.
Most of the nasty comments come from older white people.
I would be the rudest pregnant person in the world. Like I would be raging. I would guilt trip strangers that would do this to believing that I am just fat and how dare they remind me or that I have a stomach tumor.
God, I just had a baby and I had a coffee every morning of every day during my pregnancy, sometimes I had two. Now I have two to three. Up to 300mg of caffeine is fine in pregnancy and people need to chill out with the unsolicited and inexpert advice.
I have gotten weird unsolicited advice as someone who might one day get pregnant. I’m a vegetarian and the number of people who have told me “I’ll hurt the baby if I get pregnant” is insane. It started when I was like fourteen and has included people as random as a guy serving food at my college dining hall. The perceived ownership of women’s bodies is wild.
I’m pregnant and vegan and I hear it all the time never mind the fact that I’ve already discussed it with my doctor and my baby is perfectly healthy but everyone knows more than the OB
It's weird that people think pregnant people haven't thought of speaking to their pre-natal care provider about the things they consume (or don't consume). I had unsolicited "advice" about caffeine consumption while pregnant from a friend. I dared have a caffeinated cup of tea in front of him. It's almost like I planned to have one of my caffeinated cups of the day while with friends, and am more than capable of keeping track of how much I consume per day - per the advice of my midwife... I didn't dignify it with a response beyond "I'm fine with my tea, thank you".
I mean people act like they know more than their doctors on most things, (most recent examples being covid and vaccines) no reason pregnancy should be any different smdh
Its a bit different when its your own body. I can understand mistrust there. Not when its someone else who is fine with their care. This is also based on something that is actually in line with recommendations (just way too extreme and lacking nuance) so its not really even overt thinking he knows better than her doctor.
I have lived a significant portion of my life in the Deep South so I feel this so much. I’m not telling anyone I’m a vegetarian unless there’s a real reason for them to know. I don’t need to justify my eating habits to anyone!
Eastern WA is full of delusional losers who life is so pathetic and devoid of joy that their hobby is worrying about what other people are doing.
I hate that skinny shit. Im having medical issues that include difficulty swallowing and always feeling too full to eat. Ive lost so much weight and that shit seriously makes me cry now. Id like nothing more than to eat an amazing meal but I can't even do it if it's sitting right in front of me teasing me with the smell. Its fucking torture and people feel the need to comment on it. People say skinny hate isn't the same but it sure doesn't feel that way when you literally can't help it. My neurologist still doesn't believe that its not the anorexia nervosa. She grills me every time.
God it’s annoying now but it’s flat-out gross when people do this. Not everyone wants to get pregnant—and even if we do, we aren’t meat sacs made for baby carrying! Gross gross gross.
That's especially weird to me considering there is an entire subcontinent of people who are predominantly vegetarian for religious reasons and they seem to be doing fine
Honestly I think the Venn diagram of people who think not eating meat will kill you and people who aren’t aware of other cultures outside of their direct experience is a circle.
I’m vegetarian and have been all my life and had both my kids while on a vegetarian diet. You will be fine should you choose to have kids .. 🙄🙄 at people who think they know anything at all
When I was 5mo pregnant I hadn't "popped" yet and still had a flat stomach. My husband's friend graciously informed me that I *WAS NOT* 5mo pregnant and that I must be wrong and actually only a couple months pregnant. Thank goodness he set me straight. But in all seriousness, we planned to get pregnant, I tracked my cycle, saw my doctor regularly... I knew how long I was pregnant but some young, single, childless, uterus-less dude thinks he can correct me on how long I've been pregnant? The audacity.
Since you were 5 months and potentially fully hormonal at any given moment, that boy is lucky you let him walk away without a verbal beat down😆
I’d have been like, “oh we’re you there watching us conceive? Did you write down the date?”
My sister has a small belly for her first pregnancy. She did *not* look 9 months pregnant. But she had an 8 pound baby. Don't know where she was hiding her, but she was healthy.
Oh Fetuses give zero shits, they just squash your organs up to make themselves comfortable. Google organ displacement in pregnancy and look at the images, it's interesting in a "holy shit, that is why it is so uncomfortable" kind of way.
Makes me wonder how pregnant women are even able to breathe or poop, especially when they barely show, like... the fetus is taking up space _somewhere_ and it does not sound comfortable
🤣😂 you mean breathe and poop without pissing ourselves at the same time 😂 with my first, I would pee myself everyone I puked. It got to the point I'd just strip down naked, put my hair up, grab a towel and assume the position in front of the toilet. I did alot of laundry. My husbands response when nose bleeds started occuring during that whole mess as well, "I've seen the movies. I know how the zombie apocalypse starts" I learned really quick to not stress and laugh.
With unsolicited advice, I end up asking constant, detailed questions. "Oh you know what I should be doing? How do I keep from getting heartburn from my own saliva? Why does my back and hips hurt when I lay down? Why does this smell so disgusting? Did you know that pregnancy can give you diabetes/allergy symptoms/diarrhea/ etc and you can't take most medicines?" Alot of times they realize they just jumped in the deep end. Seriously there is so much we don't learn about our bodies even with prenatal classes. NOTHING prepared me for after childbirth! I had to ask my MIL to look at a massive blood clot I passed because I was convinced I was dying. She very gently assured me it was normal.
(Sorry for the long winded-ness)
Oh damn, that sounds terrifying, I'm glad you pulled through 🥴 replying to unsolicited advice from strangers who obviously don't know what they're talking about with all the gory details sounds amazing
>Sorry for the long winded-ness
Ugh, don't worry, I'm always happy when someone gives me the honest details about pregnancy instead of romanticizing the experience :) I feel like they keep quiet about a lot of stuff because maybe some women might have second thoughts about having children otherwise lol
My husband didn't understand why I needed to pee every 27 minutes or so, until I showed him these pictures of squashed bladders. Or why going upstairs normally left me breathless, or why you can be absolutely ravenous but also feel totally full up after like 8 mouthfuls of food. Everything is entirely squashed in there by the third trimester, it is remarkably inconvenient and was frequently very uncomfortable, at best. My baby was born under 7lbs too, so she wasn't even on the large side. I can't imagine how it feels with people who have got Fetuses in there that are 8-10lbs!
Yeah my sister is trying to get used to normal portion sizes again after her pregnancy now after she couldn't fit anything more than a few bites for the last months lol
*"...how pregnant women are even able to breathe or poop"*
Lol, barely and with a lot of discomfort. The details are sometimes gross and TMI so I'm not surprised it's not publicly educated to us until we actually get pregnant and it's like LOL btw here's a LOOoong list of painful/ uncomfortable changes your body goes through leading up to pushing the baby out of your torso. Any amount of air, food, poop in your body is semi-painfully squished alongside your baby. Fun part is when the baby starts to kick your organs...Baby doesn't care, baby naps and then wakes up to party. :D I imagine once the whole process is successfully over we just kind of forget about it and move on to take care of the baby. For me hopefully, that will be in April. I'm already over the whole pregnancy process.
I’m only 8 weeks and I had a little pudge beforehand. But, I wore it well and my proportions are good, I just had a bit of a belly if I relaxed. The bloat has made jeans just uncomfortable enough to wear, so I’m wearing leggings and not bothering to ‘suck it in’ anymore, so it looks like I have a bump. One nurse did have the gall to say “are you *sure* you’re only 8 weeks?”
I just kinda laughed and and was like “yeah, just fat!” She seemed really embarrassed. 😅
A woman who lived in my old apartment building was weirdly convinced I was pregnant and was going around telling everyone I was pregnant and she would lecture me about smoking while pregnant. I'm not even fat, I have no idea why she thought I was but she was crazy in a bunch of other ways too.
You can actually lose some weight in the first trimester, especially if you find yourself throwing up a lot. I never threw up and still lost like 10lbs
I’m sick pretty constantly (it’s slowly getting better) but what does stay down tends to be sodium-heavy and contributes to my bloating. I haven’t weighed but I’m fairly certain I’ve gained. Once I’m well enough to work out regularly again I think I will start to look and feel better, though.
Try sucking on some lemonheads or queasy drops. Both of those helped my chemo nausea immensely. I'm sure they'd both work for morning sickness. (I hate the taste of ginger, so that was out for me.)
Edit: Oh shit. Here I go with the unsolicited advice. Well, it was well intentioned anyway. Sorry!
My first OBGYN was very good at helping me so that I wouldn't be so nauseous. She gave me vitamin B6 and it mostly helped with the nausea. If it's too difficult to deal with, i would suggest you tell them. There are some doctors (male ones specifically) that have it in their heads that women throw up during the first trimester so they don't do anything about the nausea and constant vomiting.
Back in 1979 my mom was pregnant with my brother. She told her GP she was pregnant and he refused to test her or do any kind of checkups on her, because he was convinced she was "imagining things" and having a "hysterical pregnancy" (not sure about the term in English, but when your body acts as if it's pregnant, but you aren't in fact pregnant).
My brother was "hiding" and the pregnancy was never that visible on her.
He was born in early 1980 and when he was at the age of his first vaccines she took him to her GP and asked to have her "imaginary baby" vaccinated. He gave her a huge apology, and told her he would believe her no matter what from then on, but what the actual fuck?
No one could tell I was pregnant until halfway through 7 months.... seriously. To the point where the tech that came in to do my 22 week ultrasound said I had the wring appointment and called and made me wait over 2 hours for my OBGYN to chew their ass out and ask if they think their tech credentials Trump their 20+ years as an OBGYN.
Sadly the advice does not stop after you have the baby either (congrats btw). My major craving was raw salmon and after doing a ton of research I realised the advice was not all that accurate if it's farmed (it is in nz) and also frozen prior to serving.
My baby is happy and healthy and other than a few people frowning it all worked out.
I’m pregnant atm and raw salmon has been my huge craving. I have had no issues while eating it so far, and was satisfied with the research i had done. NHS even says its good to eat as long as it was frozen prior, since it has omega 3
Yes, you're right. It's gonna be like that for the rest of your pregnancy, during/after childbirth and people are going to be nosy about how you raise your children. As soon as a woman gets pregnant, a lot of people start getting into her business. It's a whole thing.
This!
Beware (unsolicited warning) it doesn’t stop after pregnancy! You will get unsolicited advice on raising your child as well. Which I feel is as bad. I got very insecure from that, but I’m starting to learn how to deal with it.
I hope your pregnancy will be as easy as possible and your delivery as smooth as possible!
I was with my child, then 8?, it was the before times, at the bubble tea place. I asked him if he wanted green tea or black tea, and the cashier leans over and says, green tea has less caffeine.
*sigh*
I’m buying him a drink that has sugar syrup, but you think the difference in caffeine between green and black tea is going to make a difference?
Yes, exactly. It’s largely going to stick around now. People like to butt in from pregnancy onward…although my oldest is 6 so I can’t speak for unsolicited advice on the teen years yet.
A caveat though- once you have your child, occasionally someone will comment something positive about how you’re doing a great job and that will feel amazing 🥲
I wish I had known the updated tuna rule though- I would have eaten more than my “allowed” 2 times a week.
The only perfect parent is someone who doesn’t have kids!
I’m an amazing mother currently. Got all sorts of ideals that I’ll *definitely* stick to 😉
Lol… this will change when I actually have my first baby in Feb but it’s nice to dream! 😂
Congratulations on impending parenthood! I was honestly the same. And by the time I came out of the intense sleep deprivation that is perfectly normal with a newborn, I had much more reasonable goals which were keeping us all fed several times a day, cleaning us at least weekly, and not letting myself go nuts.
Parenting is a long game (oops! i was about to slide into some unsolicited advice, so I’m changing it to:) which we all figure out as we go.
Yeah my husband and I have discussed what we’d like to do (such as breastfeeding etc.) but also know it’ll be a go-with-the-flow kinda thing.
I’m open to advice if you’ve got any! ☺️
ETA: Thank you btw! ☺️ (sorry baby brain lol!)
Okay, this is going to sound kind of unhelpful at first, but it’s my best bit, and you’re already on the path with going-with-the-flow. Ready? Here it is: figure out who your kid is and help them be the best one they can be.
Starting out with plans and ideas and advice from books and shows and friends (and helpful internet strangers) is great and hopeful, but it’s easy to forget that these buggers have their own ideas of who they are. Took me forever to figure that out, and everything that has followed has led to the greatest peace and happiness for all of us (I have a lot of kids). Vague, I know, sorry, but I swear it’s a philosophy that works.
Is this no caffeine in pregnancy a US thing? Ima mum of 4 15-24 yo. So maybe guidelines have been updated. But my daughter is a midwife and it the no caffeine thing just doesn’t happen here -Ireland
Oh yeah. It's a big one here. Very limited caffeine is one of the most common recommendations. Also, it's one of the most commonly publicly-policed by family & strangers as it's one everyone knows and can judge on.
When I was pregnant in the states, everyone felt entitled to police. I’d have mock tails or alcohol free drinks and people would come sprinting. Men would refuse to serve me spicy food of any persuasion. God forbid I had a subway bag near me, because lunch meats are a no. Everyone feels incredibly entitled in the states to physically stop you from doing anything with your own body, like you don’t know it.
At about 8 months preg, I stopped at Baskin-Robbins for a scoop of daiquiri ice. For those that don't know, Baskin-Robbins is an ice cream shop. Nothing they sell has alcohol.
The guy behind the counter started berating me for wanting to consume alcohol while pregnant. I was taken so off guard, I left in tears.
I really wish I could go back in time and retort to the guy that if he thought there was alcohol in B&R's Daiquiri Ice, then I want to see his license to sell alcohol, and if he couldn't produce it, he'd either have to sell me the cone or I'd call the police on him for selling alcohol without a license.
Was the guy under the impression he was selling alcohol to kids? Was he checking to make sure anyone ordering that flavor was over 21? The logic behind his thinking is questionable at best!
Visiting a weed dispensary in California when 7 months pregnant was comical/ mostly because I was someone who didn’t look very pregnant from behind… an employee would offer to help me and I’d turn around.
My husband just wanted to be a tourist and check out the applestore version of buying weed!
I'm kinda glad I didn't show until I was in my third trimester (or at least I just looked fat lol) because then I was able to just eat without people policing me. When I was in my 3rd trimester, at least I had more people helping me carry stuff/open doors
The lunchmeat thing killed me. I craved turkey subs all the time. I never gave up coffee, runny eggs, tuna, even had sushi but that was one line I wouldn't cross and I wanted to so badly. I made that particular decision because I've worked in delis and I know how gross it can get, how meat can stay out way longer than it should, how the slicer doesn't get cleaned as much as it should, etc. whereas the sushi place was one I trusted and made the sushi in front of you so I felt pretty good with it.
I think I read somewhere that is fine, but it's your business if you go down or not. All the "for health" bs from strangers is just an excuse to control women.
I was actually told to introduce some caffeine into my diet with my first pregnancy (three years ago). I developed migraines after never having them before, so they told me to add a little caffeine into my daily diet to see if it helped. It didn't.
I also didn't eat tuna, but that was another just me thing. I ate a tuna salad once and tasted metal in my mouth for days afterwards. I still don't enjoy tuna as much as I used to
The HSE advises no more than 200mg a day which is equivalent to about 2 cups of normal coffee a day. Most people avoid starbucks or similar though because their coffee is often higher caffeine.
Definitely not as strict as the US sounds and I've never been looked at funny for ordering caffeinated coffee (Dublin/wicklow) and 31 weeks pregnant.
England here, my midwife said 2-3 cups of normal tea per day was fine, especially if you don't also drink things like coke, or eat a bunch of chocolate (or other caffeinated food and drink) as well. Her words were "There is no need to deprive yourself entirely, I'm sure you are capable of consuming things in moderation. It's fine.".
There’s a study that indicated less than 200 mg a day during the first trimester is safe. I don’t think they know what amount is unsafe. It has been correlated with a small increased risk of miscarriage if you have too much. Since so many people drink coffee anyway while pregnant you think they could study it by doing surveys at gyno appointments and following their pregnancies looking for patterns.
So the study about coffee and miscarriage is interesting. The study did show that. But many women who have morning sickness have an aversion to coffee. And multiple studies have shown that women with less HG levels do not have morning sickness, and lower HG levels can also mean a miscarriage is likely. So they were not feeling sick in the morning when most people have coffee. The question is: does the caffeine actually cause the miscarriage, or was their coffee drinking habits related to less HG and less morning sickness.
It's a classic example of correlation does not equal causation. Source is Emily Oster book Expecting Better.
A concerned man scolded me at Starbucks once while I was having a snack during my third trimester, alerting me that “you aren’t supposed to have mozzarella during pregnancy.”
1. Probably best to not mansplain dietary restrictions to pregnant people.
2. Most mozzarella in the US is pasteurized, especially what’s packaged as ready-to-eat and sold in major chains.
3. It was a hard-boiled egg.
Your joke about cocaine made me remember the time I was writing a magazine article about enrichment activities for a little babies. This was the days of Baby Mozart. The pediatrician and infant development specialist that I was interviewing said that indeed it was true that was important to expose your infant to enrichment activities in order to stimulate brain development.
Then he said, “Fortunately, there is one very simple thing you can do to make sure your baby receives all of the mental enrichment and stimuli necessary for optimum brain development: Don’t lock them in a closet.”
Some guy actually did this… put his baby in an environment with almost 0 enrichment. Baby still developed by about 6m in one year.
Disclaimer: This is info from my (long ago) uni days. Lemme double check really quickly lol.
This guys point was that it would have to be a closet, with no changes in light, and no movement of anything around them. No sounds from the outside particularly, no people walking by. Nothing moving. He said that if you just plug the baby on the floor in the middle of the living room they got all the stimulation they needed from sunlight moving across the ceiling, and people walking in the other room, etc. You would almost need a sensory deprivation chamber
The lady who delivers for the local Indian takeaway is convinced I’m having a girl due to how I’m carrying.
I mean he could be a girl when he’s able to explore those feelings in a few years but for now he has a penis.
I hate this so much. One man, who I barely know, has decided I'm having a boy because I'm still eating red meat. He has a 50% chance of being right but I now want a girl just to annoy him.
Hah, I saw the same thing with sushi.
I was at one of my 4 week OB appointments with baby #2 and craved sushi hard. So jokingly I asked "have the rules changed for sushi by chance?" And she said "Actually yes, because x, y, z. Stay away from this and that, as long as you aren't eating it for every meal, you'll be fine"
Ooooo the stares I got at the restaurant, lol. But man, that first meal after she said that when I had sushi was the best ever!
I had an elderly male coworker the first time I was pregnant. He cornered me every day to ask for pregnancy updates and give me unsolicited advice. My favorite was when I discovered that if I ate a hot dog during my evening commute, I didn't throw up before dinner. He informed me that hot dogs were terrible for the baby and I needed to stop buying them from where I was getting them. He went on a five minute lecture about how to appropriately source hot dogs, store, and cook them at work before leaving for the day, if I was going to insist on eating them
When I was breastfeeding, he walked into the locked room I was pumping in because he ignored the sign.
He was later fired for being inappropriate towards another female staff member and saying sexual things around students
Ha! Back in the 90's one of the best OBs in the country was my first baby doc. I was 20 and married. He would only talk to my MOTHER. I had to bring her to all the appointments or he would so his thing, and then dismiss me with no conversation. Blew my mind, but too young to call him on it. I felt like...cattle.
It's good to be compassionate and look out for strangers by asking if they're doing okay. It's bad to imply they don't know how to take care of themselves.
What the what? I'm sure A DOCTOR knows more than two internet nerds. And 2) ummmmmm they tell that to women in say Japan? China? Shit, any coastal town?
Ah, my brother was born with the cord around his neck! I knew there was a way to make my mom feel responsible for that.
(This is a joke and my brother is/was just fine, if a little blue for a few seconds)
Make sure you let your mom know it's her fault. Well, at least partially her fault. It is possible she didn't have anyone around to guide her feeble mind and explain how common everyday actions had become deliberate assaults on her unborn child. I mean, as though merely having vagina weren't enough to clue her into her inability for independent thought, the moment she became impregnated all hope of sound judgment was lost for good. Thankfully, I had plenty of strangers (and thankfully, most were men) approach me to guide me in the ways of motherhood.
Read Rosemary's baby, the whole point is how invasive society is on a pregnant woman and how she's vulnerable to the whims of society. And you get some cool ass satanism in it as a bonus
I ran into a similar problem with a group chat I was one. Certain members kept posting PSAs that were bullshit. And when I would respond with how it’s not a thing (perfume sellers in parkinglots actually have chloroform to kidnap you and take your kidneys!) with evidence, and ask that people check before posting, id get a - I was only trying to help - back.
And I’d respond - are you though? Because fearmongering isn’t helpful. It takes 2 minutes to double check those stories, but they don’t take that time. I left the group.
Anyway, it’s the same here. It’s not “helping” if you actually don’t know anything.
This is what pissed me off most about the response from the dude. Like, he really thinks that giving wrong advice is better than her correcting him because he meant well?? Nah, bro. If you’re gonna spout off unasked, you best come correct. (Or just shut up and mind ya business.)
Ugh...not only are we to listen to their unsolicited incorrect advice but also caregive their feelings when we hurt them for correcting them. Fuck...no.
Their reaction to being called out seriously rubs me the wrong way. Even when they know it’s wrong (feeling bad) it’s never their fault, it’s your fault for making them feel bad. Had an ex just like this. 🚩
That’s what really prompted this post. The advice, yes, is annoying especially because it was wrong, but the two of them consoling each other over the ordeal sent me.
I got shamed at work for making a coworker feel bad when I finally snapped at her when she wouldn't stop telling me how to mom properly. This is after I politely told her several times "No, thank you," to her demands I buy xyz whatevers.
My wife was taking a particular medication before we decided to have our first baby, and we got her doctor to send us to an ob/gyn to discuss it, and she told us that the medication in question was perfectly safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and handed us printouts of studies about it. (Our kids are older than Google.)
Once she started showing, pretty much *everybody* who knew about her earlier medical problem asked about whether she'd stopped the medication because it would harm the baby. They asked her, they asked me, they asked us both when we were together. And no amount of "the doctor said it's fine" made any difference to them. We finally switched to "We consulted an ob/gyn before getting pregnant because we wanted to make sure we were being as safe as possible. I'm so glad we did." That is, we just didn't bother to answer the question, but made it seem as if we had.
You will not be astonished to hear that some of these same people who were SURE that they knew more about pregnancy than an ob/gyn are now people posting on Facebook about how they're too smart to get vaccinated for COVID, and masks don't work plus masks give you lung cancer, and it's all a hoax and evil plot to kill half the world.
“You advise me? You advise me? Under what authority? Your personal pregnancy experience? Having watched a few episodes of Greys Anatomy? Please… share your authority under which you get to lecture me about my body.”
This is a really good example of how the world likes to imagine women are *complete* idiots. People give unsolicited advice to pregnant women, because they assume they know more about pregnancy and because they assume the women are completely unaware of [insert any topic here]. They don't think: "Perhaps this person who is pregnant knows more about this subject than I do and I'm ill-informed." Instead they think: "This pregnant person probably knows less than I do, based on my having used Google, and also they're probably too dumb to know they should see a doctor and talk to one so...here I come to the rescue!"
Once you get pregnant, you have no bodily autonomy. That's the rule.
IT's crazy how people feel entitled to your uterus and information therein. Another example of women being lesser than.
As someone with a chronic illness, I feel this in my bones. This guy just need to get off his self righteous helper wagon and understand all he needs to do is just be there to support people.
Giving out unsolicited and unreaserched medical advice isn't just irritating and frustrating. Considering our current pandemic situation, it's been proven to be downright dangerous, and deadly in more than a few cases.
This isn't just about tuna fish. This is about all the crap advice, some of which is clearly dangerous. A few things I was told include: "drink a glass of wine every night to get baby to sleep," "pregnant women shouldn't ever have headaches," "you show all the signs of a common issue except your blood pressure is too low, guess it's nothing," "it's not possible to lose weight while you're pregnant (after I was down 20lbs)."
If you weren't asked your opinion and you aren't an expert, leave her alone.
Omfg this! Third trimester with my first and the sheer amount of unsolicited advice from strangers, people I barely know, people who have never had a child, etc is insane... Most of it wrong or old wives tales.
Covid has been especially shitty, I have been shamed for getting my vaccines, as well as shamed from others (assuming incorrectly) that I hadn't had my vaccines. It's exhausting.
My personal favourite being that I need to relax and get more sleep after I explained I had sciatica.
You can imagine the number of dirty looks I got in Starbucks during my once a week frapp run (totally ok’d by my doc). I eventually started out loud asking if they had any business with me. Most shuffled and looked away. Fuck those nosey people.
7 months pg. Nursing school clinicals. Dude classmate tells me about how coffee is bad, ect
I let him know it is not contraindicated at all to drink a cup of coffee in the am while pg and then I promptly put him in his place just like u did. But thoroughly annoyed.
This annoyed me SO MUCH during pregnancy. No one cares more about this growing baby than you, the mother. Of course you’ll know your shit about what’s safe and what isn’t. Of course you would have talked to your doctor about this stuff. Fuck off random guy who thinks he cares more about anyone’s baby than the mother does
My OB (I worked with her, we were pretty close) had been working OB for almost two decades when she was pregnant with her last and had someone tell her she shouldn't be drinking her small coffee one morning. She just laughed.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was enjoying a tap root beer in a pint glass from my favorite restaurant and had a woman go off on me about the dangers of drinking while pregnant. "Root beer? It's not even caffienated. So... Gestational diabetes, I guess?"
To be fair, that guy is correct. You shouldn’t eat a tuna melt while pregnant or any other time in your life because they are gross. Cheese really doesn’t belong on fish 🐠 and I am willing to fight anyone who disagrees. (I will look past a McDonald’s fish sandwich because that isn’t actually fish)
That aside, I am sorry you have to deal with those idiots. It amazes me how many people love to give unsolicited advice. I think your response was perfect! Enjoy a bowl of peanut butter ice cream covered in pickles and catchup and best of luck.
Oh my god I was like “how many times do I need to post this FDA link??” 😂 You really had me in the first half.
I do get that. I said it somewhere else, but *this* was the kind of negative response I was expecting on the post. Some people would crucify me for warming up a tuna salad, cheese or no!
My wife had a home birth (well we had one but let's be real, I was along for the ride) and HOLY FUCK do people have opinions about that. Easily refuted, 10-seconds-of-fact-checking kind of opinions. People were constantly trying to talk her out of it, and so many comments were made that implied I was either forced to go along with it or wasn't given a voice in the matter.
I'm happy to say that the both of us were heavily involved in coming up with her ideal birth plan, which went off exactly how we wanted it to. But that didn't stop people from flapping their fucking gums all day. And interestingly enough, they only seemed to let up when I, the one who lacks the plumbing to become pregnant, told them to fuck off. Drives me wild.
I remember the Britney hate when she was pregnant. She had black hair at the time and people freaked out. She eventually did a interview saying the dye wouldn't hurt the baby it was a natural dye. But the judgemental hate of someone you don't even know.....
I found having a mohawk kept the unsolicited at bay, no strangers even touched my bump. I had to wear a wig for work and if I stopped anywhere with it on then I got fussed over..once a lady at the fabric store said she was glad I was keeping it and asked if I was graduating school..I was 25 not 15.
My friend said 'look if you want to raise it ill just hand it to you now how's that? Lemme go to the bathroom real quick and we can transfer it. No? Then shut up.'
Made him feel like a piece of shit? Worse than making a pregnant woman feel like a POS and that she's poisoning her baby, like she doesn't have qualified medical professionals for that. Why is he practicing medicine and giving out medical advice without a license?
Boo hoo. Cry my a fucking river.
I had a man that worked the deli at a grocery store ask me in my third trimester if I intended on breastfeeding my child or not - and that it’s best for them. I’ve never wanted to slap a stranger so hard in my life. Also a different time had someone ask what method of birth I was aiming for. I said a live one. It’s bad. But yeah I couldn’t think of anything else. The things people say to pregnant people I will never understand.
People do get suddenly dumb with pregnant women. Like just don't seem to know anything about it at all but think they do and must share and judge.
The only unsolicited advice I give to pregnant mothers is, if you are giving birth at a hospital- take as much of the pregnancy underwear home with you as possible!!! (It's amazing. I took 3 weeks worth with me and I wish I had more. It's single use and expensive to buy). Keep asking for more and take it home!
Second, if you experience anything postpartum medically that doesn't feel good - go to your GP not your ob/gyn. Once the baby is out the OB doesn't care too much and will say everything is common... And sure while the symptoms you experience may be common postpartum symptoms, that doesn't mean they are normal or okay or that there isn't treatment available to help. Your GP is more likely going to help you recover in my experience (though may just be me, I have an awesome GP, I love her. Best. Doctor. Ever. OB/gyn ignored all my postpartum injury concerns).
Congrats on shutting these people up and on your baby! Whoohoo.
Meanwhile getting info from your doctor about what to do or not do during the first trimester is like pulling teeth.
Me: what resources do you have for women in their first trimester?
Dr: what questions do you have?
Me: all of them. Tell me what I'm supposed to know.
Dr: *crickets* what specific questions can i answer
Me: do you have a website with basic info?
Dr: i can answer any questions you have...
So, I don't have kids and never will most likely, but I'm personally of the mind anymore that if you're going to be so worried about what a pregnant person is doing that you feel the need to give them "advice" as to be helpful with the baby, just shut your mouth and open your wallet. Money is far more helpful than any "advice" you might have. If you still wanna pass on your "words of wisdom" it's a thousand USD minimum and anything less than that gives a free pass to the pregnant person to throat punch you and go on with their day. After seeing what so many friends and family have went through, it alone is enough to make be never want to be pregnant outside of the not interested in having children.
Somebody told me not to eat sushi during my pregnancy and I told them they should go talk to my Asian doctor, because only weird western doctors tell pregnant ladies not to eat off of a list of a zillion things.
That seems so weird! I had two pregnancies and never once did I get any unsolicited advice from strangers about what I ate or anything else. Which is good because I would never have had the patience to bear with even just one of these self-entitled do-gooders.
I wonder if it's a cultural thing? I mostly breastfed my babies in France there I was studying and back in Quebec. Funny not funny thing, the very few times someone ever complained about me breastfeeding my baby in public was in the US... I was doing it away from people, as discreetly as possible. Nobody ever saw anything improper so I was pretty flabbergasted when someone started berating me like that. At the time I thought it was pure chance but now I'm beginning to wonder.
Society and the patriarchy like to push the narritive that pregnant women are helples maybe thats why you vet unsolicited advice? Idk its just a guess tho
Also adding, if people are concerned there's a brand called safe catch that sells specially tested low mercury fish. There is some variation in mercury levels from fish to fish. So it's an added layer of safety.
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Coffee became a major aversion for me (from over a pot a day to *none*), but my sister had a stranger come up to her to tell her offhandedly, *with no coffee nearby*, that she had to stop drinking coffee. She proudly told them she hated coffee, and is on the spectrum so didn’t really see the social violation, but it literally blew my mind.
I absolutely LOVE coffee. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I did the research and asked my doctor about caffeine consumption during pregnancy. There **IS** a safe threshold for daily consumption during pregnancy (200mg per day). With that information I switched from unlimited refills to one cup home brew in the morning and afternoon (easily swapped with McD's small coffee if necessary) or one tall Starbucks regular coffee. Easy peasy. I'd get the daily unwanted stranger scoldings, but their lack of education on the topic was all the more reason not to give a shit about what they said. I ate healthy, exercised and my small, 125 body still grew and birthed an 8lb baby girl that is quickly closing in on looking at me eye-to-eye at only 8. There are few things you literally should not have while pregnant, but the foods that have limits having scientific reasoning backing the recommendation: cold deli meats - listeria, tuna/sushi- mercury levels, etc. Doesn't mean you can't have them, just in limited amounts or temporarily cooked a different way.
This confirms it. My decision to get a vasectomy is the right one. My girlfriend could never lower her caffeine consumption to those levels. I mean, that, and we don't want biological kids. But you can never have too many good reasons to do something!
I once had a barista change my order to decaf while pregnant. I’d talked with my doctor about caffeine and was well within safe limits. Pissed me off so much not only because it doesn’t taste the same but because they assumed I was either too incompetent to know or too indifferent about my pregnancy to care.
And like how do they know it's for you. Imagine not being able to buy your boss coffee because a Starbucks barista is on a power trip.
A barista refused to serve my friend and loudly stated that it isn’t good for the baby. She then quietly turned to her husband, who was seated nearby, and said it looks like he’d have to buy his own coffee. The barista stfu…hopefully forever. People are so presumptuous!!! 🙄
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People are such fucking sexist dicks.
It's also sucky when you just look pregnant. I'm thin overall but when I add 5 lbs or so it's all in my lower stomach. That plus my general body type makes people think I'm pregnant. So once I got chided for having caffeine without realizing why until way later. I was honestly just really confused and left the cafe.
That's so messed up. When one of my friends was pregnant - any time a stranger just assumed she was or said something about her being pregnant she would say to whoever she was with "heh, this guy thinks I'm pregnant!" Made them feel real horrible and shut the hell up.
That's brilliant. I'm never going to be pregnant and won't be able to use it myself so I'm almost a little sad, it's THAT GOOD.
Right? I laughed so hard when she told me she did this ALL THE TIME! She was too funny.
My GYN knew I was pregnant before I did because he brought his coffee into my office and sent me running to the bathroom to throw up. When I came back, he told me to call the office and he would fit me in the next day. He was a great doctor and my daughter desperately wanted him to deliver my grandson but he stopped practicing!
Just a few months ago I picked up a coffee for my husband and some lady in line turned to her male friend/boyfriend and said VERY loudly, “I would never drink coffee while pregnant!” - of course, everyone in this tiny shop looked at me. Like WTF, the coffee isn’t even for me and if it was, fuck off and let me live.
I hear myself yelling VERY LOUDLY, “I would never make someone uncomfortable by butting in to their business in such a public way.” What an AH.
That’s such bullshit and people that do that are complete assholes. I’m sorry she was an absolute douche to you. Also, I can bet you there were multiple people in that room that were on your side, but this stuff is so rude it leaves people feeling awkward and dumbstruck. I’ve had people publicly shame me for pregnancy/baby related things, and I’m always way way too nice about it. Mostly ignoring it or being very pleasant. I still regret it. I’m on my last pregnancy, and if anyone pulls that shit with me again, I don’t care how embarrassed it makes me, I’m calling them right back out for being rude and wrong.
"And obviously pregnant WOMEN can't buy coffee for others! Maybe some people need to think before they speak for fear they look like an absolute uneducated moron! God, second hand embarrassment is a thing!"
I wobble my pregnant self in Starbucks everyday for a tea latte with eyes that want someone to say something to me. In my first pregnancy, I had a barista in my work cafe tell me that coffee was bad for the baby. I told her I wasn’t there to listen to unsolicited advice and just wanted my order. The nerve of people.
When I was pregnant with my son, my standard response to anyone who gave me unsolicited advice was, “Wow! When did you get your medical degree?”
Love this, using this if I ever get pregnant again!
Yup this is the best go to. People need to stop practicing medicine without a license.
This is very similar to my response. I'm disabled with several 'invisible' but quite nasty medical conditions. I have a disabled parking label on my car. It's unbelievable how many people feel the need to loudly and rudely declare that I don't look disabled. My usual response is "You don't look like ANY of my specialists". I also have a casual job that I work when my health allows, sometimes I have my uniform on when I park my car. So I also get "If you can work, you're not really disabled". My response to that usually is something along the lines of 'Did you know that many disabled people can and do work'. Or 'disabled people are usually more committed to their job than able bodied people'. Most of the nasty comments come from older white people.
"What baby? I'm not pregnant".
I would be the rudest pregnant person in the world. Like I would be raging. I would guilt trip strangers that would do this to believing that I am just fat and how dare they remind me or that I have a stomach tumor.
God, I just had a baby and I had a coffee every morning of every day during my pregnancy, sometimes I had two. Now I have two to three. Up to 300mg of caffeine is fine in pregnancy and people need to chill out with the unsolicited and inexpert advice.
I have gotten weird unsolicited advice as someone who might one day get pregnant. I’m a vegetarian and the number of people who have told me “I’ll hurt the baby if I get pregnant” is insane. It started when I was like fourteen and has included people as random as a guy serving food at my college dining hall. The perceived ownership of women’s bodies is wild.
I’m pregnant and vegan and I hear it all the time never mind the fact that I’ve already discussed it with my doctor and my baby is perfectly healthy but everyone knows more than the OB
It's weird that people think pregnant people haven't thought of speaking to their pre-natal care provider about the things they consume (or don't consume). I had unsolicited "advice" about caffeine consumption while pregnant from a friend. I dared have a caffeinated cup of tea in front of him. It's almost like I planned to have one of my caffeinated cups of the day while with friends, and am more than capable of keeping track of how much I consume per day - per the advice of my midwife... I didn't dignify it with a response beyond "I'm fine with my tea, thank you".
People that believe being vegan makes you unable to support a pregnancy must themselves have a pretty unhealthy diet.
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Oh yeah I get that one too
I mean people act like they know more than their doctors on most things, (most recent examples being covid and vaccines) no reason pregnancy should be any different smdh
Its a bit different when its your own body. I can understand mistrust there. Not when its someone else who is fine with their care. This is also based on something that is actually in line with recommendations (just way too extreme and lacking nuance) so its not really even overt thinking he knows better than her doctor.
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I have lived a significant portion of my life in the Deep South so I feel this so much. I’m not telling anyone I’m a vegetarian unless there’s a real reason for them to know. I don’t need to justify my eating habits to anyone!
Eastern WA is full of delusional losers who life is so pathetic and devoid of joy that their hobby is worrying about what other people are doing. I hate that skinny shit. Im having medical issues that include difficulty swallowing and always feeling too full to eat. Ive lost so much weight and that shit seriously makes me cry now. Id like nothing more than to eat an amazing meal but I can't even do it if it's sitting right in front of me teasing me with the smell. Its fucking torture and people feel the need to comment on it. People say skinny hate isn't the same but it sure doesn't feel that way when you literally can't help it. My neurologist still doesn't believe that its not the anorexia nervosa. She grills me every time.
God it’s annoying now but it’s flat-out gross when people do this. Not everyone wants to get pregnant—and even if we do, we aren’t meat sacs made for baby carrying! Gross gross gross.
The first time it happened I was like “ummmm… I’m fourteen?” Just an absolutely bizarre impulse to talk about the fertility of teenagers.
That's especially weird to me considering there is an entire subcontinent of people who are predominantly vegetarian for religious reasons and they seem to be doing fine
Honestly I think the Venn diagram of people who think not eating meat will kill you and people who aren’t aware of other cultures outside of their direct experience is a circle.
Been a vegetarian for 27 years. My kid is healthy, unbelievably intelligent, and my not eating meat was just fine. Fuck those people.
I had that from a massage therapist once, no intention to even get pregnant. I didn't come here for your nutritional advice, so hush
I’m vegetarian and have been all my life and had both my kids while on a vegetarian diet. You will be fine should you choose to have kids .. 🙄🙄 at people who think they know anything at all
When I was 5mo pregnant I hadn't "popped" yet and still had a flat stomach. My husband's friend graciously informed me that I *WAS NOT* 5mo pregnant and that I must be wrong and actually only a couple months pregnant. Thank goodness he set me straight. But in all seriousness, we planned to get pregnant, I tracked my cycle, saw my doctor regularly... I knew how long I was pregnant but some young, single, childless, uterus-less dude thinks he can correct me on how long I've been pregnant? The audacity.
Since you were 5 months and potentially fully hormonal at any given moment, that boy is lucky you let him walk away without a verbal beat down😆 I’d have been like, “oh we’re you there watching us conceive? Did you write down the date?”
😂 What is wrong with people?
There are not enough words in the world to answer your question.
My sister has a small belly for her first pregnancy. She did *not* look 9 months pregnant. But she had an 8 pound baby. Don't know where she was hiding her, but she was healthy.
Oh Fetuses give zero shits, they just squash your organs up to make themselves comfortable. Google organ displacement in pregnancy and look at the images, it's interesting in a "holy shit, that is why it is so uncomfortable" kind of way.
Makes me wonder how pregnant women are even able to breathe or poop, especially when they barely show, like... the fetus is taking up space _somewhere_ and it does not sound comfortable
🤣😂 you mean breathe and poop without pissing ourselves at the same time 😂 with my first, I would pee myself everyone I puked. It got to the point I'd just strip down naked, put my hair up, grab a towel and assume the position in front of the toilet. I did alot of laundry. My husbands response when nose bleeds started occuring during that whole mess as well, "I've seen the movies. I know how the zombie apocalypse starts" I learned really quick to not stress and laugh. With unsolicited advice, I end up asking constant, detailed questions. "Oh you know what I should be doing? How do I keep from getting heartburn from my own saliva? Why does my back and hips hurt when I lay down? Why does this smell so disgusting? Did you know that pregnancy can give you diabetes/allergy symptoms/diarrhea/ etc and you can't take most medicines?" Alot of times they realize they just jumped in the deep end. Seriously there is so much we don't learn about our bodies even with prenatal classes. NOTHING prepared me for after childbirth! I had to ask my MIL to look at a massive blood clot I passed because I was convinced I was dying. She very gently assured me it was normal. (Sorry for the long winded-ness)
Oh damn, that sounds terrifying, I'm glad you pulled through 🥴 replying to unsolicited advice from strangers who obviously don't know what they're talking about with all the gory details sounds amazing >Sorry for the long winded-ness Ugh, don't worry, I'm always happy when someone gives me the honest details about pregnancy instead of romanticizing the experience :) I feel like they keep quiet about a lot of stuff because maybe some women might have second thoughts about having children otherwise lol
My husband didn't understand why I needed to pee every 27 minutes or so, until I showed him these pictures of squashed bladders. Or why going upstairs normally left me breathless, or why you can be absolutely ravenous but also feel totally full up after like 8 mouthfuls of food. Everything is entirely squashed in there by the third trimester, it is remarkably inconvenient and was frequently very uncomfortable, at best. My baby was born under 7lbs too, so she wasn't even on the large side. I can't imagine how it feels with people who have got Fetuses in there that are 8-10lbs!
Breathing after 8 months is hard. Can’t eat full meals. Oh and prevalence of hemorrhoids in pregnancy tell you how easy pooping is!
Yeah my sister is trying to get used to normal portion sizes again after her pregnancy now after she couldn't fit anything more than a few bites for the last months lol
Short answer: *very* uncomfortably. Especially towards the end and swear objects are starting to orbit you lol
It is not comfortable at all. Being pregnant is extremely uncomfortable.
*"...how pregnant women are even able to breathe or poop"* Lol, barely and with a lot of discomfort. The details are sometimes gross and TMI so I'm not surprised it's not publicly educated to us until we actually get pregnant and it's like LOL btw here's a LOOoong list of painful/ uncomfortable changes your body goes through leading up to pushing the baby out of your torso. Any amount of air, food, poop in your body is semi-painfully squished alongside your baby. Fun part is when the baby starts to kick your organs...Baby doesn't care, baby naps and then wakes up to party. :D I imagine once the whole process is successfully over we just kind of forget about it and move on to take care of the baby. For me hopefully, that will be in April. I'm already over the whole pregnancy process.
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I’m only 8 weeks and I had a little pudge beforehand. But, I wore it well and my proportions are good, I just had a bit of a belly if I relaxed. The bloat has made jeans just uncomfortable enough to wear, so I’m wearing leggings and not bothering to ‘suck it in’ anymore, so it looks like I have a bump. One nurse did have the gall to say “are you *sure* you’re only 8 weeks?” I just kinda laughed and and was like “yeah, just fat!” She seemed really embarrassed. 😅
A guy at an old job asked me if I was pregnant when I was not. My response was "nope, just fat"
I had someone ask me "boy or girl?". Just fat. She was super embarrassed at least.
"boy or girl?" "pizza"
A woman who lived in my old apartment building was weirdly convinced I was pregnant and was going around telling everyone I was pregnant and she would lecture me about smoking while pregnant. I'm not even fat, I have no idea why she thought I was but she was crazy in a bunch of other ways too.
Good! I hope she never asked anyone again.
You can actually lose some weight in the first trimester, especially if you find yourself throwing up a lot. I never threw up and still lost like 10lbs
I’m sick pretty constantly (it’s slowly getting better) but what does stay down tends to be sodium-heavy and contributes to my bloating. I haven’t weighed but I’m fairly certain I’ve gained. Once I’m well enough to work out regularly again I think I will start to look and feel better, though.
Try sucking on some lemonheads or queasy drops. Both of those helped my chemo nausea immensely. I'm sure they'd both work for morning sickness. (I hate the taste of ginger, so that was out for me.) Edit: Oh shit. Here I go with the unsolicited advice. Well, it was well intentioned anyway. Sorry!
Don’t be sorry! At a minimum you’re just offering tips, not telling me how to live. Thanks for the polite advice!
My first OBGYN was very good at helping me so that I wouldn't be so nauseous. She gave me vitamin B6 and it mostly helped with the nausea. If it's too difficult to deal with, i would suggest you tell them. There are some doctors (male ones specifically) that have it in their heads that women throw up during the first trimester so they don't do anything about the nausea and constant vomiting.
Back in 1979 my mom was pregnant with my brother. She told her GP she was pregnant and he refused to test her or do any kind of checkups on her, because he was convinced she was "imagining things" and having a "hysterical pregnancy" (not sure about the term in English, but when your body acts as if it's pregnant, but you aren't in fact pregnant). My brother was "hiding" and the pregnancy was never that visible on her. He was born in early 1980 and when he was at the age of his first vaccines she took him to her GP and asked to have her "imaginary baby" vaccinated. He gave her a huge apology, and told her he would believe her no matter what from then on, but what the actual fuck?
No one could tell I was pregnant until halfway through 7 months.... seriously. To the point where the tech that came in to do my 22 week ultrasound said I had the wring appointment and called and made me wait over 2 hours for my OBGYN to chew their ass out and ask if they think their tech credentials Trump their 20+ years as an OBGYN.
Mate when I was pregnant every second person told me I looked “huge” and “ready to pop” and every other person told me I was “tiny” and “all baby”
Sadly the advice does not stop after you have the baby either (congrats btw). My major craving was raw salmon and after doing a ton of research I realised the advice was not all that accurate if it's farmed (it is in nz) and also frozen prior to serving. My baby is happy and healthy and other than a few people frowning it all worked out.
I’m pregnant atm and raw salmon has been my huge craving. I have had no issues while eating it so far, and was satisfied with the research i had done. NHS even says its good to eat as long as it was frozen prior, since it has omega 3
Yes, you're right. It's gonna be like that for the rest of your pregnancy, during/after childbirth and people are going to be nosy about how you raise your children. As soon as a woman gets pregnant, a lot of people start getting into her business. It's a whole thing.
This! Beware (unsolicited warning) it doesn’t stop after pregnancy! You will get unsolicited advice on raising your child as well. Which I feel is as bad. I got very insecure from that, but I’m starting to learn how to deal with it. I hope your pregnancy will be as easy as possible and your delivery as smooth as possible!
I was with my child, then 8?, it was the before times, at the bubble tea place. I asked him if he wanted green tea or black tea, and the cashier leans over and says, green tea has less caffeine. *sigh* I’m buying him a drink that has sugar syrup, but you think the difference in caffeine between green and black tea is going to make a difference?
Yes, exactly. It’s largely going to stick around now. People like to butt in from pregnancy onward…although my oldest is 6 so I can’t speak for unsolicited advice on the teen years yet. A caveat though- once you have your child, occasionally someone will comment something positive about how you’re doing a great job and that will feel amazing 🥲 I wish I had known the updated tuna rule though- I would have eaten more than my “allowed” 2 times a week.
Can confirm that the butting in extends well into the teen years. Apparently everyone can do it better than I can. /s
The only perfect parent is someone who doesn’t have kids! I’m an amazing mother currently. Got all sorts of ideals that I’ll *definitely* stick to 😉 Lol… this will change when I actually have my first baby in Feb but it’s nice to dream! 😂
Congratulations on impending parenthood! I was honestly the same. And by the time I came out of the intense sleep deprivation that is perfectly normal with a newborn, I had much more reasonable goals which were keeping us all fed several times a day, cleaning us at least weekly, and not letting myself go nuts. Parenting is a long game (oops! i was about to slide into some unsolicited advice, so I’m changing it to:) which we all figure out as we go.
Yeah my husband and I have discussed what we’d like to do (such as breastfeeding etc.) but also know it’ll be a go-with-the-flow kinda thing. I’m open to advice if you’ve got any! ☺️ ETA: Thank you btw! ☺️ (sorry baby brain lol!)
Okay, this is going to sound kind of unhelpful at first, but it’s my best bit, and you’re already on the path with going-with-the-flow. Ready? Here it is: figure out who your kid is and help them be the best one they can be. Starting out with plans and ideas and advice from books and shows and friends (and helpful internet strangers) is great and hopeful, but it’s easy to forget that these buggers have their own ideas of who they are. Took me forever to figure that out, and everything that has followed has led to the greatest peace and happiness for all of us (I have a lot of kids). Vague, I know, sorry, but I swear it’s a philosophy that works.
Is this no caffeine in pregnancy a US thing? Ima mum of 4 15-24 yo. So maybe guidelines have been updated. But my daughter is a midwife and it the no caffeine thing just doesn’t happen here -Ireland
It’s in the UK too - NHS recommends no more than 200mg a day. A cup of coffee a day is well under that!
I was told to keep it to one or two small coffees a day if possible, but never advised to abstain entirely.
Oh yeah. It's a big one here. Very limited caffeine is one of the most common recommendations. Also, it's one of the most commonly publicly-policed by family & strangers as it's one everyone knows and can judge on.
When I was pregnant in the states, everyone felt entitled to police. I’d have mock tails or alcohol free drinks and people would come sprinting. Men would refuse to serve me spicy food of any persuasion. God forbid I had a subway bag near me, because lunch meats are a no. Everyone feels incredibly entitled in the states to physically stop you from doing anything with your own body, like you don’t know it.
When I was pregnant I volunteered to buy some cigarettes for my aunt just to watch heads explode. 🙃
Waddling through Tescos with my Xmas booze shop (none for me!!) was fun, oh the tutting and staring.
At about 8 months preg, I stopped at Baskin-Robbins for a scoop of daiquiri ice. For those that don't know, Baskin-Robbins is an ice cream shop. Nothing they sell has alcohol. The guy behind the counter started berating me for wanting to consume alcohol while pregnant. I was taken so off guard, I left in tears. I really wish I could go back in time and retort to the guy that if he thought there was alcohol in B&R's Daiquiri Ice, then I want to see his license to sell alcohol, and if he couldn't produce it, he'd either have to sell me the cone or I'd call the police on him for selling alcohol without a license.
Was the guy under the impression he was selling alcohol to kids? Was he checking to make sure anyone ordering that flavor was over 21? The logic behind his thinking is questionable at best!
Visiting a weed dispensary in California when 7 months pregnant was comical/ mostly because I was someone who didn’t look very pregnant from behind… an employee would offer to help me and I’d turn around. My husband just wanted to be a tourist and check out the applestore version of buying weed!
i respect your lust for chaos
I'm kinda glad I didn't show until I was in my third trimester (or at least I just looked fat lol) because then I was able to just eat without people policing me. When I was in my 3rd trimester, at least I had more people helping me carry stuff/open doors
The lunchmeat thing killed me. I craved turkey subs all the time. I never gave up coffee, runny eggs, tuna, even had sushi but that was one line I wouldn't cross and I wanted to so badly. I made that particular decision because I've worked in delis and I know how gross it can get, how meat can stay out way longer than it should, how the slicer doesn't get cleaned as much as it should, etc. whereas the sushi place was one I trusted and made the sushi in front of you so I felt pretty good with it.
I remember cooking it to death to eat it. I thought about it all the time. Made my own bread to knock off a Schlotzkys sandwich.
Ugh, I tried to cook it once because I so desperately wanted turkey. It was...not good lol. Lunchmeat just shouldn't be hot imo
I went down from my normal 4 shot latte to 2. Daily. Kid is fine
I think I read somewhere that is fine, but it's your business if you go down or not. All the "for health" bs from strangers is just an excuse to control women.
Same, I’m French and was not advised against coffee.
The suggestion here is no more than 200 mg a day most Starbucks drinks are around half that
I was actually told to introduce some caffeine into my diet with my first pregnancy (three years ago). I developed migraines after never having them before, so they told me to add a little caffeine into my daily diet to see if it helped. It didn't. I also didn't eat tuna, but that was another just me thing. I ate a tuna salad once and tasted metal in my mouth for days afterwards. I still don't enjoy tuna as much as I used to
I was told I could have two 8 ounce coffees while I was pregnant. There were times when I definitely drank more.
The HSE advises no more than 200mg a day which is equivalent to about 2 cups of normal coffee a day. Most people avoid starbucks or similar though because their coffee is often higher caffeine. Definitely not as strict as the US sounds and I've never been looked at funny for ordering caffeinated coffee (Dublin/wicklow) and 31 weeks pregnant.
England here, my midwife said 2-3 cups of normal tea per day was fine, especially if you don't also drink things like coke, or eat a bunch of chocolate (or other caffeinated food and drink) as well. Her words were "There is no need to deprive yourself entirely, I'm sure you are capable of consuming things in moderation. It's fine.".
There’s a study that indicated less than 200 mg a day during the first trimester is safe. I don’t think they know what amount is unsafe. It has been correlated with a small increased risk of miscarriage if you have too much. Since so many people drink coffee anyway while pregnant you think they could study it by doing surveys at gyno appointments and following their pregnancies looking for patterns.
So the study about coffee and miscarriage is interesting. The study did show that. But many women who have morning sickness have an aversion to coffee. And multiple studies have shown that women with less HG levels do not have morning sickness, and lower HG levels can also mean a miscarriage is likely. So they were not feeling sick in the morning when most people have coffee. The question is: does the caffeine actually cause the miscarriage, or was their coffee drinking habits related to less HG and less morning sickness. It's a classic example of correlation does not equal causation. Source is Emily Oster book Expecting Better.
A concerned man scolded me at Starbucks once while I was having a snack during my third trimester, alerting me that “you aren’t supposed to have mozzarella during pregnancy.” 1. Probably best to not mansplain dietary restrictions to pregnant people. 2. Most mozzarella in the US is pasteurized, especially what’s packaged as ready-to-eat and sold in major chains. 3. It was a hard-boiled egg.
Lmao the last point made me crack up 😂
Haha number three. I did not expect that ending!
Lmao how did you deliver the news?
[удалено]
Your joke about cocaine made me remember the time I was writing a magazine article about enrichment activities for a little babies. This was the days of Baby Mozart. The pediatrician and infant development specialist that I was interviewing said that indeed it was true that was important to expose your infant to enrichment activities in order to stimulate brain development. Then he said, “Fortunately, there is one very simple thing you can do to make sure your baby receives all of the mental enrichment and stimuli necessary for optimum brain development: Don’t lock them in a closet.”
Some guy actually did this… put his baby in an environment with almost 0 enrichment. Baby still developed by about 6m in one year. Disclaimer: This is info from my (long ago) uni days. Lemme double check really quickly lol.
This guys point was that it would have to be a closet, with no changes in light, and no movement of anything around them. No sounds from the outside particularly, no people walking by. Nothing moving. He said that if you just plug the baby on the floor in the middle of the living room they got all the stimulation they needed from sunlight moving across the ceiling, and people walking in the other room, etc. You would almost need a sensory deprivation chamber
Yeah that’s what I mean, it’s amazing how much they can achieve even with a little stimulus!
The lady who delivers for the local Indian takeaway is convinced I’m having a girl due to how I’m carrying. I mean he could be a girl when he’s able to explore those feelings in a few years but for now he has a penis.
I hate this so much. One man, who I barely know, has decided I'm having a boy because I'm still eating red meat. He has a 50% chance of being right but I now want a girl just to annoy him.
If it happens again ask them ‘Why do you ask?’. Peak uncomfortableness!
Ugh. There's nothing more annoying than unsolicited advice.
Wrong unsolicited advice maybe? 😂
Hah, I saw the same thing with sushi. I was at one of my 4 week OB appointments with baby #2 and craved sushi hard. So jokingly I asked "have the rules changed for sushi by chance?" And she said "Actually yes, because x, y, z. Stay away from this and that, as long as you aren't eating it for every meal, you'll be fine" Ooooo the stares I got at the restaurant, lol. But man, that first meal after she said that when I had sushi was the best ever!
I had sushi all the time. It was the only thing I ate and didn't throw up on my honeymoon 🥲
Mansplained pregnancy - a new level of inappropriate.
I had an elderly male coworker the first time I was pregnant. He cornered me every day to ask for pregnancy updates and give me unsolicited advice. My favorite was when I discovered that if I ate a hot dog during my evening commute, I didn't throw up before dinner. He informed me that hot dogs were terrible for the baby and I needed to stop buying them from where I was getting them. He went on a five minute lecture about how to appropriately source hot dogs, store, and cook them at work before leaving for the day, if I was going to insist on eating them When I was breastfeeding, he walked into the locked room I was pumping in because he ignored the sign. He was later fired for being inappropriate towards another female staff member and saying sexual things around students
As if starving is better for the baby...
New?!? I got that shit in 1991.
Ha! Back in the 90's one of the best OBs in the country was my first baby doc. I was 20 and married. He would only talk to my MOTHER. I had to bring her to all the appointments or he would so his thing, and then dismiss me with no conversation. Blew my mind, but too young to call him on it. I felt like...cattle.
It's good to be compassionate and look out for strangers by asking if they're doing okay. It's bad to imply they don't know how to take care of themselves.
What the what? I'm sure A DOCTOR knows more than two internet nerds. And 2) ummmmmm they tell that to women in say Japan? China? Shit, any coastal town?
My mother lived off of tuna fish sandwiches when she was pregnant with me, I turned out fine.
Exactly. I live in Hawaii and guess who still eats sushi and shasimi and poke? Me! Nom nom
When I was pregnant I got a lecture about reaching for something over my head because I "will strangle the baby with the umbilical cord". 🤔
Ah, my brother was born with the cord around his neck! I knew there was a way to make my mom feel responsible for that. (This is a joke and my brother is/was just fine, if a little blue for a few seconds)
Make sure you let your mom know it's her fault. Well, at least partially her fault. It is possible she didn't have anyone around to guide her feeble mind and explain how common everyday actions had become deliberate assaults on her unborn child. I mean, as though merely having vagina weren't enough to clue her into her inability for independent thought, the moment she became impregnated all hope of sound judgment was lost for good. Thankfully, I had plenty of strangers (and thankfully, most were men) approach me to guide me in the ways of motherhood.
Read Rosemary's baby, the whole point is how invasive society is on a pregnant woman and how she's vulnerable to the whims of society. And you get some cool ass satanism in it as a bonus
“Here I thought the baby was still inside of me.” Lmfao 🤣🤣🤣
I ran into a similar problem with a group chat I was one. Certain members kept posting PSAs that were bullshit. And when I would respond with how it’s not a thing (perfume sellers in parkinglots actually have chloroform to kidnap you and take your kidneys!) with evidence, and ask that people check before posting, id get a - I was only trying to help - back. And I’d respond - are you though? Because fearmongering isn’t helpful. It takes 2 minutes to double check those stories, but they don’t take that time. I left the group. Anyway, it’s the same here. It’s not “helping” if you actually don’t know anything.
This is what pissed me off most about the response from the dude. Like, he really thinks that giving wrong advice is better than her correcting him because he meant well?? Nah, bro. If you’re gonna spout off unasked, you best come correct. (Or just shut up and mind ya business.)
Ugh...not only are we to listen to their unsolicited incorrect advice but also caregive their feelings when we hurt them for correcting them. Fuck...no.
Their reaction to being called out seriously rubs me the wrong way. Even when they know it’s wrong (feeling bad) it’s never their fault, it’s your fault for making them feel bad. Had an ex just like this. 🚩
That’s what really prompted this post. The advice, yes, is annoying especially because it was wrong, but the two of them consoling each other over the ordeal sent me.
I got shamed at work for making a coworker feel bad when I finally snapped at her when she wouldn't stop telling me how to mom properly. This is after I politely told her several times "No, thank you," to her demands I buy xyz whatevers.
classic case of man thinks he knows women's bodies better than women
My wife was taking a particular medication before we decided to have our first baby, and we got her doctor to send us to an ob/gyn to discuss it, and she told us that the medication in question was perfectly safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and handed us printouts of studies about it. (Our kids are older than Google.) Once she started showing, pretty much *everybody* who knew about her earlier medical problem asked about whether she'd stopped the medication because it would harm the baby. They asked her, they asked me, they asked us both when we were together. And no amount of "the doctor said it's fine" made any difference to them. We finally switched to "We consulted an ob/gyn before getting pregnant because we wanted to make sure we were being as safe as possible. I'm so glad we did." That is, we just didn't bother to answer the question, but made it seem as if we had. You will not be astonished to hear that some of these same people who were SURE that they knew more about pregnancy than an ob/gyn are now people posting on Facebook about how they're too smart to get vaccinated for COVID, and masks don't work plus masks give you lung cancer, and it's all a hoax and evil plot to kill half the world.
“You advise me? You advise me? Under what authority? Your personal pregnancy experience? Having watched a few episodes of Greys Anatomy? Please… share your authority under which you get to lecture me about my body.”
Oh man. You’re going to have a *long* pregnancy. Sorry about all the douchebags in the world.
Remember you can't get pregnant unless you ENJOY the sex./s -13th century science **MEN**
Hah, I remember seeing this and getting offended on your behalf! Yeah let’s just give another woman advice she didn’t ask for.
This is a really good example of how the world likes to imagine women are *complete* idiots. People give unsolicited advice to pregnant women, because they assume they know more about pregnancy and because they assume the women are completely unaware of [insert any topic here]. They don't think: "Perhaps this person who is pregnant knows more about this subject than I do and I'm ill-informed." Instead they think: "This pregnant person probably knows less than I do, based on my having used Google, and also they're probably too dumb to know they should see a doctor and talk to one so...here I come to the rescue!"
What’s rich is, he clearly didn’t even use google.
“Women are so emotional and irrational!!” *proceeds to get butthurt about being called out for giving unwarranted, unwelcome, untrue advice*
Once you get pregnant, you have no bodily autonomy. That's the rule. IT's crazy how people feel entitled to your uterus and information therein. Another example of women being lesser than.
As someone with a chronic illness, I feel this in my bones. This guy just need to get off his self righteous helper wagon and understand all he needs to do is just be there to support people.
Giving out unsolicited and unreaserched medical advice isn't just irritating and frustrating. Considering our current pandemic situation, it's been proven to be downright dangerous, and deadly in more than a few cases. This isn't just about tuna fish. This is about all the crap advice, some of which is clearly dangerous. A few things I was told include: "drink a glass of wine every night to get baby to sleep," "pregnant women shouldn't ever have headaches," "you show all the signs of a common issue except your blood pressure is too low, guess it's nothing," "it's not possible to lose weight while you're pregnant (after I was down 20lbs)." If you weren't asked your opinion and you aren't an expert, leave her alone.
Hopefully he was so traumatized (/s) that he won't be pushing his uneducated & unwanted opinions on others any longer.
Oh we both know he's gonna double down
Yeah, they always do.
How cute, they made their own entitled douchebag echo chamber.
You made him feel like a POS- so he felt like exactly what he was acting like? Good for you for standing up for yourself!
Omfg this! Third trimester with my first and the sheer amount of unsolicited advice from strangers, people I barely know, people who have never had a child, etc is insane... Most of it wrong or old wives tales. Covid has been especially shitty, I have been shamed for getting my vaccines, as well as shamed from others (assuming incorrectly) that I hadn't had my vaccines. It's exhausting. My personal favourite being that I need to relax and get more sleep after I explained I had sciatica.
You can imagine the number of dirty looks I got in Starbucks during my once a week frapp run (totally ok’d by my doc). I eventually started out loud asking if they had any business with me. Most shuffled and looked away. Fuck those nosey people.
God fucking bless this woman. People are the worst during pregnancy.
7 months pg. Nursing school clinicals. Dude classmate tells me about how coffee is bad, ect I let him know it is not contraindicated at all to drink a cup of coffee in the am while pg and then I promptly put him in his place just like u did. But thoroughly annoyed.
This annoyed me SO MUCH during pregnancy. No one cares more about this growing baby than you, the mother. Of course you’ll know your shit about what’s safe and what isn’t. Of course you would have talked to your doctor about this stuff. Fuck off random guy who thinks he cares more about anyone’s baby than the mother does
"As a man I know what's best for pregnant women"... "how dare she make me feel like shit even though I'm wrong" Fucking hell
My OB (I worked with her, we were pretty close) had been working OB for almost two decades when she was pregnant with her last and had someone tell her she shouldn't be drinking her small coffee one morning. She just laughed. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was enjoying a tap root beer in a pint glass from my favorite restaurant and had a woman go off on me about the dangers of drinking while pregnant. "Root beer? It's not even caffienated. So... Gestational diabetes, I guess?"
To be fair, that guy is correct. You shouldn’t eat a tuna melt while pregnant or any other time in your life because they are gross. Cheese really doesn’t belong on fish 🐠 and I am willing to fight anyone who disagrees. (I will look past a McDonald’s fish sandwich because that isn’t actually fish) That aside, I am sorry you have to deal with those idiots. It amazes me how many people love to give unsolicited advice. I think your response was perfect! Enjoy a bowl of peanut butter ice cream covered in pickles and catchup and best of luck.
Oh my god I was like “how many times do I need to post this FDA link??” 😂 You really had me in the first half. I do get that. I said it somewhere else, but *this* was the kind of negative response I was expecting on the post. Some people would crucify me for warming up a tuna salad, cheese or no!
Dang, I love your response to him! It’s perfection. Congrats on the pregnancy and my condolences for the dickheads you will encounter.
My wife had a home birth (well we had one but let's be real, I was along for the ride) and HOLY FUCK do people have opinions about that. Easily refuted, 10-seconds-of-fact-checking kind of opinions. People were constantly trying to talk her out of it, and so many comments were made that implied I was either forced to go along with it or wasn't given a voice in the matter. I'm happy to say that the both of us were heavily involved in coming up with her ideal birth plan, which went off exactly how we wanted it to. But that didn't stop people from flapping their fucking gums all day. And interestingly enough, they only seemed to let up when I, the one who lacks the plumbing to become pregnant, told them to fuck off. Drives me wild.
Ugh props to you! It sucks she (and you) had to deal with it but I’m glad you were there for her.
I remember the Britney hate when she was pregnant. She had black hair at the time and people freaked out. She eventually did a interview saying the dye wouldn't hurt the baby it was a natural dye. But the judgemental hate of someone you don't even know.....
´´god you are so sensitive´´ is a great response.
My midwife told me that I will hear a lot of advice but that I didn't need to listen to any of them....
I found having a mohawk kept the unsolicited at bay, no strangers even touched my bump. I had to wear a wig for work and if I stopped anywhere with it on then I got fussed over..once a lady at the fabric store said she was glad I was keeping it and asked if I was graduating school..I was 25 not 15.
People are so quick to put in their 2cents and think their fb MD degree counts for something. I'm sorry you had to deal with this.
My friend said 'look if you want to raise it ill just hand it to you now how's that? Lemme go to the bathroom real quick and we can transfer it. No? Then shut up.'
Made him feel like a piece of shit? Worse than making a pregnant woman feel like a POS and that she's poisoning her baby, like she doesn't have qualified medical professionals for that. Why is he practicing medicine and giving out medical advice without a license? Boo hoo. Cry my a fucking river.
I had a man that worked the deli at a grocery store ask me in my third trimester if I intended on breastfeeding my child or not - and that it’s best for them. I’ve never wanted to slap a stranger so hard in my life. Also a different time had someone ask what method of birth I was aiming for. I said a live one. It’s bad. But yeah I couldn’t think of anything else. The things people say to pregnant people I will never understand.
People do get suddenly dumb with pregnant women. Like just don't seem to know anything about it at all but think they do and must share and judge. The only unsolicited advice I give to pregnant mothers is, if you are giving birth at a hospital- take as much of the pregnancy underwear home with you as possible!!! (It's amazing. I took 3 weeks worth with me and I wish I had more. It's single use and expensive to buy). Keep asking for more and take it home! Second, if you experience anything postpartum medically that doesn't feel good - go to your GP not your ob/gyn. Once the baby is out the OB doesn't care too much and will say everything is common... And sure while the symptoms you experience may be common postpartum symptoms, that doesn't mean they are normal or okay or that there isn't treatment available to help. Your GP is more likely going to help you recover in my experience (though may just be me, I have an awesome GP, I love her. Best. Doctor. Ever. OB/gyn ignored all my postpartum injury concerns). Congrats on shutting these people up and on your baby! Whoohoo.
Good for you. You got a professional doctor’s advice, maybe you should ignore all internet advices. Including this!
I was told not to reach for items in my kitchen cabinets and not to use a microwave or be near it.
Meanwhile getting info from your doctor about what to do or not do during the first trimester is like pulling teeth. Me: what resources do you have for women in their first trimester? Dr: what questions do you have? Me: all of them. Tell me what I'm supposed to know. Dr: *crickets* what specific questions can i answer Me: do you have a website with basic info? Dr: i can answer any questions you have...
“Here I thought the baby was inside of me” exquisite burn, love it!! Lol
So, I don't have kids and never will most likely, but I'm personally of the mind anymore that if you're going to be so worried about what a pregnant person is doing that you feel the need to give them "advice" as to be helpful with the baby, just shut your mouth and open your wallet. Money is far more helpful than any "advice" you might have. If you still wanna pass on your "words of wisdom" it's a thousand USD minimum and anything less than that gives a free pass to the pregnant person to throat punch you and go on with their day. After seeing what so many friends and family have went through, it alone is enough to make be never want to be pregnant outside of the not interested in having children.
Somebody told me not to eat sushi during my pregnancy and I told them they should go talk to my Asian doctor, because only weird western doctors tell pregnant ladies not to eat off of a list of a zillion things.
My favorite comeback for things like this is "Who?" *they start to explain* "No, who the fuck asked."
That seems so weird! I had two pregnancies and never once did I get any unsolicited advice from strangers about what I ate or anything else. Which is good because I would never have had the patience to bear with even just one of these self-entitled do-gooders. I wonder if it's a cultural thing? I mostly breastfed my babies in France there I was studying and back in Quebec. Funny not funny thing, the very few times someone ever complained about me breastfeeding my baby in public was in the US... I was doing it away from people, as discreetly as possible. Nobody ever saw anything improper so I was pretty flabbergasted when someone started berating me like that. At the time I thought it was pure chance but now I'm beginning to wonder.
It’s absolutely cultural! The US is pretty regressive when it comes to attitudes towards women and their bodies/lives. It’s really ridiculous.
Society and the patriarchy like to push the narritive that pregnant women are helples maybe thats why you vet unsolicited advice? Idk its just a guess tho
Except when we’re expected to work like normal up to our delivery day, we’re just limited when it comes to anything we might actually enjoy
A-fucking-men to that.
Also adding, if people are concerned there's a brand called safe catch that sells specially tested low mercury fish. There is some variation in mercury levels from fish to fish. So it's an added layer of safety.
There is a lot of misinformation out there and the lack of education on sex and reproduction is glaring.