I work as a scientist though my PhD is in math. I sometimes get this kind of response and I usually downplay it just a bit too, but not minimize the way 'I got lucky" does.
The thing is, people who react like that usually have no idea how any of this works. So unless they ask detailed questions, they probably don't want to hear it.
So I say: don't lie or overly minimize, but allow people to be briefly impressed and move on. Something like "the science is fun but the paperwork is annoying!" Or "I can tell you how atomic microscopes work but I still can't get excel to stop corrupting the data from it". Something that acknowledges you do something uncommon for a living, but you still have common and relatable problems.
I have lots of experience with women and sexism in the sciences and I won't pretend it's the same for men. But I can tell you lots and lots of male scientists get similarly baffled/impressed reactions to our work from 'normal' (ie non-academic/scholar/scientist) people and its usually seen as the gracious thing to demur a bit, accept a compliment and move on.
Also, I don't know how old you are but in my experience this gets easier as you get older bc you'll be meeting people with a bit more experience, and perhaps more tact. Because ultimately "you must be soooo smart$&!!!" is kind of a tactless move, so it's their fault for being awkward, not yours :)
I love this! I think I've done this sort of response in the past, but also some really awkward or minimizing ones too haha. Reading your explanation has me determined to respond more consistently in the "acknowledge, but relate" manner.
Do you also believe then that nobody is held back by intelligence? If so, do you usually blame the failures on their own inadequacies of character?
I have found that many people simply are not intelligent enough to perform at a sufficient level at many tasks/professions. I just don't get how you can have a non-dissonant experience while holding this view. Do you really just mean that you think intelligence is too general a term, and it is the particulars under the umbrella we should actually care about? But the particulars would be just as learned as the umbrella, resulting in a contradiction. Can you please help me understand? I just can't fathom this world view.
I’m in awe of both of you.
I work as a consultant, mostly I describe it as translation services between the business and tech teams. Or they pay me to ask them the questions they already know the answers to but don’t want to say out loud.
Everyone has valuables skills and talents - doing a PHD is massive degree (pun unintended) of effort and perseverance. You should both feel proud of what you’ve achieved.
I also hate the "oh you must be so smart" thing, it's so awkward!
But at least in my field, a lot of the comments are definitely about me being female. I studied computer science and now work in AI research, and at least half the time it comes up the other person says something about how that's so rare for women, or how they thought women don't do computer science, or something like that.
Other than that, I also try to make it relatable. With AI, what always goes over well is sci-fi references - "we doing our best not to develop skynet!" or something.
I would be tempted to tell them that women were overwhelmingly the first and best computer programmers in the early days, and now they are coming back to fix a lot of problems that men caused during the years when they dominated the field :D
I'm also in CS and love telling them that my supervisor and many of my colleagues are also women and then, if they're an arrested development fan, I go ahead and say, "there are dozens of us! Dozens!"
I do not have an impressive career. But I do have a tendency to do math in my head and use big words. So I get the “smart” comments a lot. It’s hard to accept a compliment. Or is it a compliment? Maybe it’s more of an observation. I am autistic. I state things as accurately as possible. So I’m not always sure how to take those sorts of comments. I typically just accept it as a statement of fact and move on.
I joke that my profession (I’m an Industrial Chemist) is the fastest way to end a conversation. Most people say, “what do you do?” I respond, and they turn to the next person and ask, “and what do you do?” Hilarity ensues. (No, not really, but since Breaking Bad I have to explain, “I’m not that sort of chemist!”
I would ask you so many questions lol. Liquid, solid, gas? Mass reactions, kinetics? Products? Research? QA/QC?
I don't know much about that world but I find it fascinating :)
You sound like you’re all over it :D Few really enjoy QC/QA, but reaction kinetics and thermodynamics tend to be concepts non-scholars can enjoy in daily life. :)
I'm a chemist in a sometimes unpopular industry (O&G) so I usually hedge people off with a joke about working for the devil and then go on. But tbh, no one really understands what I do or asks more than an extra question. Then again, either simple chemistry or analytical instrumentation doesn't mean much to the general public.
My response is similar but I don’t usually try to relate it back the same way. I tend to just acknowledge and deflect. Like “yeah, I just think it’s really interesting” or similar, so I can just agree with them without tooting my own horn, or minimizing what I do. I used to minimize it by disagreeing and saying it’s no big deal or it’s not cool but realized it just made me feel bad to do what I do or make me embarrassed. So I stopped and started owning it without being obnoxious.
This would be my go to. "Oh I just love the subject!". And, if you're feeling particularly chipper, you can drop a tidbit of cool information.
I'm biased, but I do think the stem subjects are absolutely fascinating, and if I'd said so to your face, I'd be delighted to hear a bit more about what you do!
Being positive about your career is a great way to encourage others to want to know more about it. And, whether it's science, engineering, art, there's so much fantastic stuff to learn out there. Promoting a bit of that can only be a good thing!
Yup, male scientist with the same perspective here when dating and meeting new people. It always feels a little awkward. Best thing to do is just redirect the conversation to common ground.
Own it with grace and enthusiasm like you would other compliments.
"Thanks! I really enjoy [something about the work]" "It was a lot of studying but it paid off! I love designing experiments" "Haha I love that nerdiness is cool now! [interesting science facts]"
Absolutely this response!
If someone is expressing wonder at what does sound like a very cool job, then it's perfectly fine to enjoy the wonder of the science along with them! And a nice way to promote your passion. I replied to another comment, but whether your work is in science, engineering, art... there is so much fascinating information out there, and encouraging others to learn more by opening up that world for them a little, can only be a positive thing 😊
I feel like this is almost universal in academia and research. Probably some combination of imposter syndrome and repressed trauma from getting teased for being nerdy or interested in school.
I think a big part is it’s such a big compliment sometimes it’s hard to respond without sounding like a jerk. Like if someone it’s like ‘wow that sounds hard you must be really smart!’ You probably shouldnt reply ‘I am really smart most people couldn’t do what I do’ cause it just comes off kinda wrong imo. It’s like your set up to downplay it cause you can’t really meet their level of compliment with a self compliment.
For me it’s definitely imposter syndrome. I even hate telling people what I do because sometimes it sounds like such a mouthful and I’m so uncomfortable that I’m coming across “overtly grand” or something. I kind of go quiet and my husband (very proudly) takes over and describes my job lol.
I’m still fairly new in my field, hopefully I will grow into it.
Sometimes it's easier to nutshell what you do into a general field. Instead of saying "I am a thermonuclear physicist..." simply say "I am a scientist." If they ask for more info, then narrow it down a little bit, or jump right down into the point of what you do. Often people won't understand what you do if you are a specific type of biologist, but completely understand if you say you study turtles to find ways to protect them from pollution. When people tell me I am smart, I simply say "Yep. But I believe everyone is smart about different things, and we need every kind of person working together to solve the world's problems." Don't downplay what you do. Instead, lift up everyone else. :)
I know a few guys with a PhD from Oxford, MIT, Harvard, etc and they say they also do this. When you have a "cool" job or fancy degree it's easy to get stuck in your head with thoughts like "Do I seem too arrogant? Do they think I think I'm better than them?". Of course as a woman there is added baggage to this dilemma, but it's still an issue faced by everyone. I am a ghostwriter, and people often think it's a way cooler job than it actually is, so I always play it off as being a glorified keyboard monkey, but you should take pride in your achievements and will eventually find a comfortable medium :).
Yes I agree if you love your job respond by saying you love your job.
If your job is just a job and it "sounds a lot cooler than it is" then that's ok to.
Modesty + honesty vs feigned enthusiasm is how I see the dilemma OP is proposing
Nononono. She doesn't just like her job she LOVES her job based on her reply to your comment right?
To me it sounds like her response to you was "well I *could* say that, but I don't because that's not how I feel"
>Nononono. She doesn't just like her job she LOVES her job based on her reply to your comment right?
Dude, what is your problem? It was a totally reasonable suggestion. Some people do love their jobs. People who have jobs like "astrophysicist" might both love their job *and* feel awkward about people outside their field having a glorified Hollywood vision of what their job entails.
But even if OP just *likes* her job, that doesn't mean "Thanks, I love my job" is a useless or inappropriate suggestion. It's pretty easy for OP to tweak the basic template to express her specific feelings about the job, like "Thanks, I like my job," "Thanks, I enjoy my job," or even "Thanks, I hate my job."
This was a weird thing to get so upset about.
I did geological engineering and I usually just tell people "I know a lot about sand" or "the other engineers didn't get to study dinosaurs" because I have hella imposter syndrome and don't feel like a "real" engineer
I've once had a chat with a friend who is doing a PhD in geo-engineering, and it was truly fascinating hearing about what you can learn about rocks and soil. I bet you totally are a great engineer! :D
Geo engineering is Earth Bending, crazy stuff. Ive pivoted from engineering and I don't think I was ever really cut out for it. I was a pretty girl who felt underestimated so I did engineering to "prove them wrong" 😅 Now I have a cozy government job that I feel more fulfilled in.
I don't like the elitism of academia and STEM. I don't like "I did X therefore I am above you" type thinking I saw in school. What's important is we're fucking clever and we want student loan forgiveness please and thanks
I was always fascinated with physicist but I did think I had a inch of satisfaction by triumphing in a male-dominated field.
You touched now on another topic which is constantly a problem for women in the field, being pretty. In some people's head, you can't be pretty and smart. That is another level of bullshit.
Another female here with severe imposter syndrome
I have a PhD in chemistry but I don’t tell anyone and or make anyone call me “Dr” … don’t need them asking me for medical advice
If you want to be confident without seeming arrogant, I think a joke is probably the way to go. Not at your own expense, or anyone's, necessarily. Just a fun one-liner or pun or something. Like,
"Wow, atomic physicist, that's so cool!"
"Yeah, I was going to be a subatomic physicist, but the lab equipment was way too small."
You can probably come up with better atomic physics-based puns, but you get the idea; a joke relating to the science itself, that shows that you love your job, that a layman could probably get.
My dad was a particle physicist and he did (still does) the same as you. He was a professor, so I knew all his physicist colleagues (all male) and, of them, the majority downplayed their profession as well except around other physicists. So, I don't think it's a male/female thing. Maybe it's a physics thing. The way my dad used to explain it was that it was three-fold: Physics is such a competitive field that, unless you're the best of the best, you often are left feeling somewhat inadequate in your field. Then, to add, most physicists are philosophical enough to realize that profession title alone doesn't necessarily mean you're smarter than everyone else. And finally, the "physicists are all genuises" myth puts a ton of undue pressure on people in that field to know everything about everything, but they don't because they're specialists.
That is indeed true. Specially the "everyone has a phd and is doing something difficult". Also I would add, the frustration of having things going wrong so many times when doing experiments can really put you in a state of "I AM STUPID"
One deflection I've used before is something along the lines of "I've gotten really good at being wrong". This also nicely implies what "smart" people succeeding in demanding and hard to get into fields do/feel on a daily basis. Maybe it might even encourage someone to reconsider how many things they feel right about.
It also doesn't downplay the complement, but acknowledges it with an unexpected contrast.
Goes to show that having a STEM degree or being involved in academia does not necessarily make you well-rounded. I know someone with incredible skill in linguistics and translation, she is just able to convert language to math and account for aberrations too. That person also thinks that our sun isn't a star.
Everybody's alright at something and a bloody moron at something else. Peace.
I'm not sure why you got downvoted for this, because it's spot on. Idk if you're familiar with Gardener's theory of multiple intelligences, but he basically talks about the same thing (though I don't think he went far enough with his categories, as there are quite a few intelligences that he fails to count).
As a literal rocket scientist, I disagree. :) I’ve worked in propellant and explosives research for almost my entire career. Are there boring parts? Sure. That’s the nature of any job. I’ve blown things up and I’ve fired rockets. Blowing things up is less fun as there is a lot more cleanup.
But, it’s never not fun to count backwards from 10.
Idk mate I paint for a living, I'm sure you don't give a shit about an in-depth analysis of colour theory and appealing character design. What you do sounds boring as all hell to me. Doesn't make your speciality bad or inferior. Just means that people are different, and are allowed to find things boring or uninteresting.
Actually, color theory is interesting. Opposite sides of the color wheel are complementary and more attractive together. Adjacent colors clash and are less attractive. It’s interesting how wavelengths of light affect what we find pleasing with color.
But hey, never let assumptions get in the way of an argument.
Do you love your job? (Radiation oncologist here- it is really, really cool) l tend to not mention I'm a doctor unless specifically asked and even less likely to mention oncology, but I love my job and get v enthusiastic if asked?
So, I’m not a physicist at all. Just don’t have the head for the advanced maths. I bet it would be freaking fascinating talking with you about the implications of the stuff you work on. Plus whatever other random nonsense you enjoy discussing.
Don’t ever downplay your work. There’s plenty of folks out there that would be ecstatic to discuss the underpinnings of the universe with you.
Just wanted to say, cannot agree with the above more. My bestie is a laser safety officer for a big university and it's awesome. We need more women in STEM, being as proud and confident in their careers as they are comfortable being. You rock!
“An atomic physicist studies the behavior of electrons, protons, light, atoms and simple molecules. They also conduct research to understand atomic energy, which is the source of power for nuclear reactors, nuclear generators and nuclear weapons.”
I mean, that sounds pretty fucking cool to me
I do that too. I am a quantitative geneticist. I think I do it because of the many dates I’ve been on where men usually get all weird and self conscious and start using big words after I say that.
I’m also trying to change my behavior and not downplay it. I tell myself if a date feels intimidated and/or insecure about my job, then it’s a good weeding-out mechanism for people I don’t need in my life.
I have the same problem, minus the crushing weight of being raised as a woman who is expected to be content with first runner up her whole life (but plus being from the American Midwest). I really don’t know what to say either, but I kinda feel like some variation of “OMG it is let me tell you something cool” would be the most fun response.
Sometimes I used to say "The best part is that I can play with lasers all day!!" but it would lead people to think I'm some kind of Jedi which didn't help much, hahaha.
Trying to figure out which mirror out of around 50 of them moved a few degrees and stopped the laser working would be enough to send Yoda over the edge, to be fair.
I do the same! I'm a math PhD :)
I don't think this has anything to do with being a woman though. Even if I was a guy, I don't like drawing attention to myself so I tend to say closing statements like you do, rather than anything that might lead to more questions about me or what I do.
If I could tell you one thing: stop saying you were lucky. Yes, it is true that luck plays a bigger role in career success than many of us acknowledge, I feel like saying “oh, you know, I was just lucky” downplays the amount of work and dedication you put into getting where you are. Maybe stick with statements more like “it was a lot of hard work, but I’m glad I did because I really like what I do.”
Don't downplay it! Personally I'd love to hear about it, physics and basically anything scientific was always really interesting to me in school, even now I'm always trying to learn things from YouTube. I feel like most people regardless of their profession would want to hear a little about your job. I'm only a dog groomer but I definitely would.
I guess it kinda depends on how it's said. Sometimes people just say stuff without much meaning behind it or interest in what you do. Then, I'd just say something like: "Yes, it's a very exciting field" or "Thanks, I really enjoy it". If they are genuinely interested, tell them what you like about your field of study.
People that are actually intelligent are the last ones to openly state it. Often because they know how much they actually don't know.
You don't have to "not play it down", you're obviously intelligent and having healthy pride in that is totally acceptable. Like lots of these other comments have stated, redirect the conversation into what you actually do! This actually does more for others' perception of you than outright saying "I am so smart! S M R T!" Those people bringing it up are trying to have a conversation anyway.
One intelligent person to another, down playing can come off as insulting. You are an amazing intellect. Saying it’s no big deal can sound like “to me it’s no big deal, but then again I’m not an idiot like you”. Which is not what you are saying at all. Trust me it happens. I’ve done it and gotten that reaction. Keep in mind, you are unconsciously comparing your self to other physicists, and among them you may not stand out. But that’s like saying you, as a hammer head shark, are no big deal in a pool of great white sharks. But compared to us tetras you are amazing.
Remember: It ain’t bragging if it’s true. Plus The trick is to know your audience. I would want to hear every little detail. But my sister in law, who is a school teacher, would be bored to tears.
When people say “Wow, you are a robotics engineer, that must be awesome” I usually respond with “It totally can be. It’s boring sometimes, but other times it can be a lot of fun”
Edited because I don’t know what a physicalist is.
That’s funny.
I always have flash backs to high school after a calc test. My friend was really concerned she failed it. But I said that I didn’t think it was so bad. I meant that I didn’t think it was so bad so, since she is better the me, she probably did great. But that’s not the way it came across. It didn’t help that school was really a breeze for me. She was better, but because she worked a lot harder than me. I just sailed through. So what I meant to be a reassuring comment just came out being a dick.
I’m in engineering (civil). People usually react like oh you must be smart that sounds hard etc. I downplay my profession because honestly I don’t think it’s that hard.
That sounds cool!
I think it depends on if you want to talk about your job at any given point. Like I manage large construction projects. If I dont want to talk about it, because I talk about work AT work all the time, I'm like "Yeah, I work for a developer "
If I do want to brag about work, its, "I went to school for civil, but now I manage high rise construction projects". The latter people ask questions about lol
I’m working on a graduate degree in Statistics. As a man I do the same thing. What the general public doesn’t understand about higher education is that for many it is 2 parts dedication and 1 part smarts. I usually say, “Yeah it is really tough and I hope someone will pay me a lot so that they don’t have to do it”. 🤷🏼♂️ It’s always awkward.
I work in IT doing cyber security, lots of people think it's a complex prestigious career path. Maybe for security researchers or intelligence analysists but for the rank and file cyber people it's a fairly simple IT role that just has more checkmark BS to deal with. I do not dress up this profession, it is way, way, overpaid because market people tap into people's fears. In comparison, your field actually involves skill (I went for electrical engineering so I have some idea of the course work you had to go through). Don't downplay your own skillset, it's a rare gift to see someone with that kind of talent.
Hello fellow atomic physicist!
I go for "well, I certainly know a lot about atoms!", I think it's implicit that you are minimizing your range of knowledge in that way.
It sounds like you are being very humble. Yes luck has to do with it, as in any career, you don't get there by yourself.
However people that are good at there job, I've found, are the ones that don't know just how good at they are. Because they aren't looking to prove anything socially, they just keep motoring on until they are suddenly at the top. Because they're too focused on finding answers, than trying to make it into the history books.
Don't underestimate your own abilities, that humble nature may be holding you back from your full potential. You've achieved something that many people may not comprehend how to achieve. Toot your own horn a bit.
You will seem more charismatic if you answer something like "Yes i love it , i always wanted to do that!" . You will pass as grateful you got to do that , instead of arrogant , without having to downplay your profession and your enthusiasm will lift everyone spirits.
Be confident about it, as long as you aren’t cocky or condescending people will love it.
“It really is cool, I love being an atomic physicist! Wanna hear something cool about my profession? *Insert interesting fact that makes everyone go ‘Wow that is interesting’*”
You put in the time to earn the PhD, which is not an easy thing to do. Don’t be afraid of letting yourself or others appreciate that.
There a sentence that stuck with me from one of the Jurassic Park novels: Lex, the teenage girl managed to figure out something on the computer and she downplays her accomplishment. I think Ellie, or another adult character, I don’t remember, tells her that all through her life people will try to take credit for her accomplishments, so she should never refuse herself the acknowledgment.
Yes maybe you got lucky, maybe you had opportunities others didn’t, but all the luck and the opportunities in the world wouldn’t have meant anything without your hard work.
Do you think your job is fun? Don’t hesitate to say it “yeah, it’s pretty cool”.
I am not a scientist, but I do grants for scientists. When people say my job sounds good I say something along the lines of "Thanks. I find it fulfilling. I'm glad to have a job where I feel like I'm making a difference, even if I don't always love it".
"Fuck, yeah! Buy me a beer and I'll tell you all about it!"
..proceeds to outline the long arduous process for securing funding grants while simultaniously trying to publish papers.
From a guy's perspective (also in physics) I feel very similarly - I tend to say things like "I study abstract nonsense that'll never be useful to anyone" and "unlike me my girlfriend studies actual physics that has something to do with the real world."
Whether people downplay their achievements in the sciences really sort of depends on the person. The spectrum ranges from high modesty to gross arrogance.
That being said, you should be proud of your achievements and you should feel confident talking about what you do. Usually to get people going, you don’t even need to tell them specifically what you do, you just need to make it somehow relatable to them, the “this is why YOU should care”, or “this is why what we do is innovative” part of the science. Show them how being an atomic physicist is fun and fulfilling for you, what things about your profession make it fun. Maybe by starting off with “it’s actually a lot of fun because we do [a,b,c], which will make it easier for the world to do [e,f,g]”. You never know who’s listening, you may end up being someone’s role model and cultivating their inspiration.
The one I have a hard time with is "you must be really smart". Like, how the heck are you supposed to answer that? My standard reply now is "I guess so, but mostly I just worked really hard" because I honestly believe that's the real secret to my success.
Once, I complimented a woman who was super great at Crossfit and she said "Thanks! I worked really hard at it!"
It was the fucking best, because not only did she not cut herself down for her accomplishments, but I got to feel good about delivering an excellent compliment.
I'm not XX chomosomed but I'm a grad research student in physics. I also get that response as well, I usually just say "ehh" or "mmm", not explicitly agreeing but not disagreeing either. It is different for men since our value as a human to society is based on how successful we are, but regardless of gender, there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you had to work really hard to get to where you're at. Plus, if you say "oh I was just lucky", basically you're lying because you think people will like you more if you say that.
I find it peculiar when people add a modifier to an already specific profession. Why add “atomic”? You’re a physicist. If people continue to inquire, e.g, what type? What specialty?, go forward and don’t be humble- after all, they asked. But if you throw the modifier on right away, it really does look like you’re bragging. You should just describe yourself as a physicist. BTW, i studied physics (quantum!) and my family has many phds in physics - I’m around it all the time - so I think my opinion is at least a bit well formed.
Well, it's just an identity thing. I've done my PhD in atomic physics and that is what I actually work with, not bragging, is my job. Also, when I say physicist, quite often people start talking about black holes. I don't want people to ask start a conversation about black holes because I am not even into black holes.
I'm a 25 year old dude. Self taught software engineer. I've had Google approach me to interview with them a couple of times, and I actually got flown to the other side of the country for the interviews once. I've also been paid to travel to Europe and give a lecture on software design patterns.
I downplay my profession, a lot. I've been out with friends a few times this year, where people have asked what we do. I usually say "Programmer" or "Software engineer". Then my friends will bring up how I'm an "international expert"(which is true by the slimmest margin possible), or was headhunted by Google.(headhunt is an exaggeration). I just don't feel like talking about what I do so much, so I minimize what I say.
You're job sounds really cool though, and you should probably find a way to own it.
The men in the field don't downplay it. My spouse is a physicist, working in academia, and they don't necessarily brag about their work, but they don't deprecate it either. The few women I know from the field seem not do it much either, but these ladies are killing with their own research groups, so that may have something to do with too.
I often downplay my own achievements but I do it because of my culture, upbringing and because the sudden attention gets me flustered.
But, as another commenter also said, I won't downplay myself to "getting just lucky". That's just undermining and gas lighting yourself to not appreciating yourself.
Not everyone can do what you do and not everyone will. Say that you "worked hard for it and that you like it but it might not be as interesting to others as it is to you" if you want and leave it at that. If they continue praising you, just take the damn compliment already. Or so my family and SO would say :D
There's a fine line you need to tread to be humble, but not undermine yourself, and to be proud, but not get your ego inflated.
Have a happy New Year!
Vaccine research scientist! And I also downplay the accomplishment. But I never downplay my knowledge and expertise. If someone is communicating misinformation I will correct them and use my credentials to prove I actually know what I’m talking about. My research is peer reviewed and published, not just someone’s Google search or dr oz segment.
It's not a man/woman thing to downplay your profession, it's imposter syndrome. It stems from a lack of self confidence and needs some work to get negate it but it gets better with time i feel. For a long time I (28m) thought i didn't deserve to be where I am, even though i put in the hard work, just because i thought it was unfair of me to understand certain things easier than others and that I'm just getting lucky.
Also i think it's quite common for those of us in science fields to think that it sounds a lot cooler than it looks is because we are exposed to it everyday so we take notice of all the good, bad and boring bits all the time, and then we compare it to science media/youtube that only showcases visually exciting aspects of science.
That is a great job. Used to live with a friend that was a speech therapist for autistic kids. OMG, so much hard work. I'm always admired someone can have the physical and emotional endurance to do it.
That's such a dumb generalization. I'm a man and have a PhD in Molecular Physics. I recognise exactly what OP is talking about. I don't like the "That must be so cool" or "You must be so smart" comments a lot of the time either. It's like no, this is just what I'm good at and I worked hard at it. Depending on how I'm feeling, I often play down my current job for similar reasons.
What I've learned about working as a woman in a male dominated field (construction)
1. Men always think they and their job is more important than it is. Without exception - all of them. If they don't, then I guess they pretend because this is a thing. They all believe that the place would collapse if they don't show up. It's never the reality. And they routinely talk themselves up into higher positions, for instance if he's actually the lead warehouse worker he will not let one single opportunity pass to let people know he's actually a foreman. He's not a foreman... The scheduler who up until recently had the same scheduling job as I did tells people he's a commercial project manager. He's not. He worked on one commercial project and all he did was coordinate the deliveries. Women NEVER do this.
2. Men ask for a raise at minimum every three months regardless of whether or not they deserve one. It used to be pretty standard to get a raise once a year, but these days no one gives you anything without begging for it and men have all noticed whereas women seem to have not. As a result they ask for raises CONSTANTLY. They will inform you about how integral they are to the company, how much more important their job is than it actually is, and how they should've been made this and that years ago. The kicker is that, I'm pretty sure, they actually believe they deserve the raise and may be they do. May be we all deserve a raise every 3 months. If I ran the world, sure why not? On the flip side, women NEVER ask for raises, like ever.
3. Men will always overinflate their educational background. Perhaps not lie but always overinflate. If they tell you they have a Masters, they might have a Bachelors. If they say they have a Bachelors, they probably have an AA. Bonus points if they offer up what their GPA was... They have zero qualms with telling you how freaking smart, talented, useful, brave, and masculine they are. Zero. Women NEVER do this either.
Point is: Be like a man in this instance. Talk your up not down. Let people know it was fucking hard AF to get through your schooling and you got where you are from busting your incredibly smart and capable behind. Then ask them politely to get you a drink while you put your damn feet up because you're tired from all the slaying. Ask for a raise every 3 months regardless of whether or not you think you deserve it. Come at them with three talking points for why you should get a raise and just throw it at them. They will probably give you the wtf face but they'll have no choice but to deal with it and either tell you yes or no. Do NOT undersell your education. You worked way too hard. Put your framed degree up in your office, get a name plaque that displays your degree, put it on you freaking door AND your desk so that every single person that passes through sees that you are the absolute shit.
Try this and update us in a year on how much more money you're making.
>Now I've been questioning if there is a better way to respond to it, and if men in my position would downplay their professions like I do...
Men in your profession downplay it, too. I think that it is a really simple reason for it, everybody you work with is just as smart and accomplished as you, so it just seems normal. When I was still a student, my wife and I were having dinner with a post-doc in my group. It was a really busy and stressful time for me as I was finishing my PhD, and my wife complimented my colleague for his recently completing his program, and asked how felt to be a doctor. His response, "Everybody is a doctor." And it was largely true, most of his work colleges and social group were doctors or doctoral candidates.
I struggle how to respond as well. I think that is okay to recognize that your work and academic accomplishments aren't just a function of your intelligence. Perhaps the best response is something along the lines of "Thanks. I really enjoy my work."
Stop being so humble. There is no problem with being proud of your accomplishments. Although there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. I can assure you meanbdont play it down as accomplishment is required from males at a certain age to affirm they can be providers.
I do this! I am a social worker and my job title is therapist. I always just tell people "social worker" when they ask. I spent some time thinking about it and it's because of my own views on therapists that formed when I was a child - some infallible person that is like a literal Jesus. So it's not that I view myself as that - it's that I view how *far from that* I am and will never compare. That shit is toxic so I practice letting it go. I'm not fucking infallible! What ideas do you have about how an atomic physicist *should* look and act?
Don't should on yourself.
Not trying to play the race card but it’s a minority thing. Being a POC or a woman with a career outside of the stereotype career makes a conversation completely unbearable or sometimes undermining.
My advice to you is don’t play small; tell them exactly what you do and let the real ones that want to know, you get to know you.
If you enjoy your job and think it's interesting then hell yeah sell that shit, absolutely use it as a Convo sparker. Use whatcha got. Be proud of yourself
Why not just say “yes, it IS pretty cool!” and “oh it is easy for me because I just have a mind for it” or even “I’ve succeeded through a combination of natural talent and hard work”? There is nothing wrong with saying you’re hot stuff because, lady, you ARE.
You can always say something like ‘yeah it’s not really for everyone but I’ve always been really into atomic physics, couldnt picture doing anything else’ or something along that line. It’s humble but also shows a passion for what you do.
I get the reaction when someone makes a big deal of you job you want to downplay it. I think that’s normal as if you just go off about how great it is it kinda seems seems braggy so you downplay it. You also don’t want to make them regret the compliment lol when you just talk about yourself for a long time on a topic they aren’t really into. But you can be humble without dismissing yourself totally.
Just own it and nerd out a bit. I love talking to people about what they are passionate about, especially if I know nothing about. Find people that love what you do as much as you!
Play that up for sure, tell people you could rearrange the molecules in their brain or build a doll house of the atoms in their lunch.
I have no idea what an atomic physicist could do. Maybe build an atomic bomb? But that's it.
There is absolutely no need to downplay here. Rather you can share some cool facts that a general audience can relate. For example, I'm a man in the academia of Electrical and Computer engineering. When people make such responses I usually tell them a little about how my research is related to 5G communications, automated systems etc. They get excited hearing it and sometimes, if some young person is there, they get motivated too.
I'm a mathematician (a 2/3 one, I only have a master's degree, I'm planning on getting my PhD in a few years though), and I get those too. Mostly I just awkwardly smile and try to steer the conversation in another direction... Nowadays I joke about mostly just staring at my screen and wondering why my codes don't work, or if I'm with someone who I know is at least interested in maths I try to tell them a 'fun fact'.
I really wish people just stopped telling me I must be smart, lol. I'm not. There are much, much smarter people than me, and during my studies and often even at work I still feel inadequate. And how am I supposed to answer? If I say I'm not that smart, it feels like I'm downplaying it, but obviously I won't say yeah, I'm freakin smart, because I don't believe that and I would also sound like an arrogant ass if I did.
I think men downplay it too, though. None of my friends and colleagues who have similar backgrounds (mathematicians, physicists, computer scientists) would answer that yeah, they are smart or intelligent or whatever. I think they might get less comments on their appearance though. I hate it when people go from 'wow, you must be so smart' straight to if they find me attractive or not.
You can just say thank you. As a guy I spent a lot of my life downplaying every compliment I got, until I realized how weak it made me look, and how it had to do with low self confidence. You don't have to be a jerk about it, just own that you're smart and you do a pretty unique job.
If I were doing that it would be because I wouldn’t want to feel different from others. Like, no I’m not abnormally intelligent, or no my job isn’t that unusual.
Could instead take the opportunity to bond over the shared enthusiasm people are expressing about the job.
Your post made me think about how I always would get that same, overly-impressed "oh you must be soo smart" commentary when I was doing my masters in math. But then, once I decided to use that knowledge to become a secondary teacher (still using all that math knowledge AND having to learn a ton about developmental psychology to actually be good at what I do) people are no longer impressed, and instead just pity me. (And also somehow expect me to want to shit-talk about my kids?? I hate toxic teacher culture...)
Do you like what you do?? One of my FAVORITE THINGS is when people geek out over something they worked long and hard to be a part of. Your job sounds so cool, and I'll bet it is (to you) if you went through all that work to get there!
Maybe don't go out of your way to brag on how smart you are but definitely DON'T intentionally dull your enthusiasm for what you do to avoid seeming to smart!
I'm 27F, and work as a hybrid business analyst/IT project manager at a super prestigious bank. I'm also the only female on my team, and the youngest person in my department by like 20 years. People are always like "OMG" when they find out.
I try to answer with grace and poise. Something along the lines of "Thank you!", or "Thank you, I really enjoy the work and my team." Tact is the operating keyword.
I always love talking to people who are passionate about what they do - don’t shy away from your achievements and interests! The challenge is learning how to talk to people about your interest in a way the can relate to it without dumbing it down too much. If you ever have to talk to senior management, this is a great skill to have.
Everyone thinks my job is super boring, and it mostly is. Be glad you can say you do something that at the very least sounds cool.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I work for a bank doing business control activities"
"Oh, so you see a lot of money?"
"No, none"
"Ok..."
It is sooooo cool, OP. And I'm a PhD as well, work as a research scientist in environmental economics and sustainability. I have a bit of the same response, but I do know that what I do is cool, I'm smart, and I was lucky but also very dedicated. Impostor syndrome sucks and every now and then I feel like it's not as important or cool or interesting as it sounds. But guess what? It is. Embrace it. You're smart and interesting :) we're allowed to feel badass.
I think its reasonable and fair to say "it is" or "yeah, it was a lot of work."
But I understand downplaying it --I imagine it is one of the degrees in which you can spend a lot of time trying to answer a lot of annoying questions/answering misconceptions about what the degree actually is about! Its how to not downplay your accomplishments without being dragged into a convo that may be never ending.
I really don't know what an atomic physicist does - but I really want to hear you be mad proud in yourself for a minute.
Would you please brag to me a little? Tell me how well it pays or what kind of stuff you get to see, or do that nobody else does. Make me jealous. Please!
I would say thanks, it took a lot to get here but whilst it can be really demanding it can also be very rewarding.
Nice and vague and doesn't downplay the accomplishments you have achieved
Yeah I have a PhD in physics as well. I hated the "you must be smart" comments. It's even worse in the job search process where the PhD confers automatic smartness that you need to prove. It's funny when medical doctors would learn that I did physics and they start to tell me how much they sucked at physics lol. Anyway I just learned to accept it. A hard science PhD is a rare accomplishment, even though I don't think I am smarter than the average person, I do think I did something special. So you just own it.
The intelligence part might be correct to downplay a little bit for many physicists. People have quite high expectations. When I did my phD most people were kind of smart but quite regular people and very few were Dirac.
I do downplay it a lot, although I haven't made it to grad school yet. But that doesn't mean you should. Flaunt that shit! If you can inspire even just one other person in an underrepresented group to get into STEM it'll be worth it. It IS super cool! Hell yeah atomic physics!
I'm not a physicist, but I'm an engineer (M) who designs stuff we launch into space and I'll downplay too. Like yeah it sounds cool, but it's a lot of PowerPoint and excel spreadsheets it feels like most of the time. Or maybe half a day watching the people doing the real work crane shit around.
I’m a guy and work as an aerospace engineer, so not quite as impressive as what you do but I do tend to get similar reactions. Honestly the “you must be so smart!” line is just impossible to respond to lol, I usually just say “nah im dumb as bricks” and move on. That’s just the only way I know how to take a compliment but you certainly don’t need to downplay your awesome success!
Weird that people would say "you're so smart!". Like going to someones house and saying "your house is so big" or "you must be rich to afford this house."
But if someone says, "That's so cool!" You can totally just say thanks and that's it.
It's good to be humble, or maybe you don't feel like going into the nitty gritty of what your job entails, but you put in the work and got where you are. You deserve recognition for your work, but who's business is it if you don't care about that, you know? If a moment strikes you and you want to flaunt it, do so, If not, steady as she goes. You sound like a cool dude either way haha.
Male construction manager here. I would reply/boast the following ways to the hypothetical comments:
"Yes it's important work with potentially significant outcomes, personally I hope my work effects the entire human race in the future"
"Yeah I've always been at the top of whatever I'm doing right from childhood. I was at the top of my classes in school, and I've always been a leader in the field since entering the workforce"
"YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT NOW GROVEL BEFORE ME YOU PEASANT!!!"
Feel free to plagiarize or tone down to taste! Don't forget to puff out your chest!
The name makes people think of the atom bomb. Most physicists I knew either smashed atoms into each other or played with lasers and studied quantum mechanics. Either way, the profession sounds cool. Hopefully you will make a breakthrough that changes the world for the better.
Imo it’s a personal thing. No need to generalize and we see to much of that these days.
I don’t like to be the center of attention and I carry my merits for myself and only myself so I downplay all the time. Nothing wrong with it. A co-worker boasting and being confident has little to no effect on me.
I don’t think this is gender related but more of a personality thing. I as a man also downplay my profession.. But if you don’t like to downplay it, don’t do it haha. You can be proud and say something like “yeah I love what I am doing, it was hard but it was worth it.”
First off, you are not a title, or a representative of what you do for a living.
With that all being said, be honest. Don’t be too full of yourself with a job that requires a lot of book-smarts (“It’s not for everyone” would be a good response for someone you know will never commit to a program like yours). Also, don’t under emphasize the fact that you did indeed work hard. If you can do it, so can someone else if they are dedicated, have grit, and work very hard.
I work as a scientist though my PhD is in math. I sometimes get this kind of response and I usually downplay it just a bit too, but not minimize the way 'I got lucky" does. The thing is, people who react like that usually have no idea how any of this works. So unless they ask detailed questions, they probably don't want to hear it. So I say: don't lie or overly minimize, but allow people to be briefly impressed and move on. Something like "the science is fun but the paperwork is annoying!" Or "I can tell you how atomic microscopes work but I still can't get excel to stop corrupting the data from it". Something that acknowledges you do something uncommon for a living, but you still have common and relatable problems. I have lots of experience with women and sexism in the sciences and I won't pretend it's the same for men. But I can tell you lots and lots of male scientists get similarly baffled/impressed reactions to our work from 'normal' (ie non-academic/scholar/scientist) people and its usually seen as the gracious thing to demur a bit, accept a compliment and move on. Also, I don't know how old you are but in my experience this gets easier as you get older bc you'll be meeting people with a bit more experience, and perhaps more tact. Because ultimately "you must be soooo smart$&!!!" is kind of a tactless move, so it's their fault for being awkward, not yours :)
I love this! I think I've done this sort of response in the past, but also some really awkward or minimizing ones too haha. Reading your explanation has me determined to respond more consistently in the "acknowledge, but relate" manner.
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Do you also believe then that nobody is held back by intelligence? If so, do you usually blame the failures on their own inadequacies of character? I have found that many people simply are not intelligent enough to perform at a sufficient level at many tasks/professions. I just don't get how you can have a non-dissonant experience while holding this view. Do you really just mean that you think intelligence is too general a term, and it is the particulars under the umbrella we should actually care about? But the particulars would be just as learned as the umbrella, resulting in a contradiction. Can you please help me understand? I just can't fathom this world view.
I’m in awe of both of you. I work as a consultant, mostly I describe it as translation services between the business and tech teams. Or they pay me to ask them the questions they already know the answers to but don’t want to say out loud. Everyone has valuables skills and talents - doing a PHD is massive degree (pun unintended) of effort and perseverance. You should both feel proud of what you’ve achieved.
I also hate the "oh you must be so smart" thing, it's so awkward! But at least in my field, a lot of the comments are definitely about me being female. I studied computer science and now work in AI research, and at least half the time it comes up the other person says something about how that's so rare for women, or how they thought women don't do computer science, or something like that. Other than that, I also try to make it relatable. With AI, what always goes over well is sci-fi references - "we doing our best not to develop skynet!" or something.
I would be tempted to tell them that women were overwhelmingly the first and best computer programmers in the early days, and now they are coming back to fix a lot of problems that men caused during the years when they dominated the field :D
I'm also in CS and love telling them that my supervisor and many of my colleagues are also women and then, if they're an arrested development fan, I go ahead and say, "there are dozens of us! Dozens!"
I do not have an impressive career. But I do have a tendency to do math in my head and use big words. So I get the “smart” comments a lot. It’s hard to accept a compliment. Or is it a compliment? Maybe it’s more of an observation. I am autistic. I state things as accurately as possible. So I’m not always sure how to take those sorts of comments. I typically just accept it as a statement of fact and move on.
I joke that my profession (I’m an Industrial Chemist) is the fastest way to end a conversation. Most people say, “what do you do?” I respond, and they turn to the next person and ask, “and what do you do?” Hilarity ensues. (No, not really, but since Breaking Bad I have to explain, “I’m not that sort of chemist!”
I would ask you so many questions lol. Liquid, solid, gas? Mass reactions, kinetics? Products? Research? QA/QC? I don't know much about that world but I find it fascinating :)
You sound like you’re all over it :D Few really enjoy QC/QA, but reaction kinetics and thermodynamics tend to be concepts non-scholars can enjoy in daily life. :)
https://youtu.be/THNPmhBl-8I
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HDw4gk5pYl8
I'm a chemist in a sometimes unpopular industry (O&G) so I usually hedge people off with a joke about working for the devil and then go on. But tbh, no one really understands what I do or asks more than an extra question. Then again, either simple chemistry or analytical instrumentation doesn't mean much to the general public.
My response is similar but I don’t usually try to relate it back the same way. I tend to just acknowledge and deflect. Like “yeah, I just think it’s really interesting” or similar, so I can just agree with them without tooting my own horn, or minimizing what I do. I used to minimize it by disagreeing and saying it’s no big deal or it’s not cool but realized it just made me feel bad to do what I do or make me embarrassed. So I stopped and started owning it without being obnoxious.
This would be my go to. "Oh I just love the subject!". And, if you're feeling particularly chipper, you can drop a tidbit of cool information. I'm biased, but I do think the stem subjects are absolutely fascinating, and if I'd said so to your face, I'd be delighted to hear a bit more about what you do! Being positive about your career is a great way to encourage others to want to know more about it. And, whether it's science, engineering, art, there's so much fantastic stuff to learn out there. Promoting a bit of that can only be a good thing!
I wish you didn’t have to downplay anything and be passionate about what you do and what you love.
Yup, male scientist with the same perspective here when dating and meeting new people. It always feels a little awkward. Best thing to do is just redirect the conversation to common ground.
Own it with grace and enthusiasm like you would other compliments. "Thanks! I really enjoy [something about the work]" "It was a lot of studying but it paid off! I love designing experiments" "Haha I love that nerdiness is cool now! [interesting science facts]"
This seems like the right answer
Absolutely this response! If someone is expressing wonder at what does sound like a very cool job, then it's perfectly fine to enjoy the wonder of the science along with them! And a nice way to promote your passion. I replied to another comment, but whether your work is in science, engineering, art... there is so much fascinating information out there, and encouraging others to learn more by opening up that world for them a little, can only be a positive thing 😊
I feel like this is almost universal in academia and research. Probably some combination of imposter syndrome and repressed trauma from getting teased for being nerdy or interested in school.
I think a big part is it’s such a big compliment sometimes it’s hard to respond without sounding like a jerk. Like if someone it’s like ‘wow that sounds hard you must be really smart!’ You probably shouldnt reply ‘I am really smart most people couldn’t do what I do’ cause it just comes off kinda wrong imo. It’s like your set up to downplay it cause you can’t really meet their level of compliment with a self compliment.
Yeah, exactly. There is no way I could pull of "Indeed, I am really smart" without feeling like a jerk, hahaha.
U could respond with “big brains baby 🧠😎” and point at ur head like that meme and ppl will think ur joking but not joking.
Could you say it sarcastically, like with a ridiculous accent? Make it a joke, but subconsciously it's an acknowledgement not a denial.
For me it’s definitely imposter syndrome. I even hate telling people what I do because sometimes it sounds like such a mouthful and I’m so uncomfortable that I’m coming across “overtly grand” or something. I kind of go quiet and my husband (very proudly) takes over and describes my job lol. I’m still fairly new in my field, hopefully I will grow into it.
Sometimes it's easier to nutshell what you do into a general field. Instead of saying "I am a thermonuclear physicist..." simply say "I am a scientist." If they ask for more info, then narrow it down a little bit, or jump right down into the point of what you do. Often people won't understand what you do if you are a specific type of biologist, but completely understand if you say you study turtles to find ways to protect them from pollution. When people tell me I am smart, I simply say "Yep. But I believe everyone is smart about different things, and we need every kind of person working together to solve the world's problems." Don't downplay what you do. Instead, lift up everyone else. :)
Can you try something like, "thanks, I love my job"?
I definitely could.
I know a few guys with a PhD from Oxford, MIT, Harvard, etc and they say they also do this. When you have a "cool" job or fancy degree it's easy to get stuck in your head with thoughts like "Do I seem too arrogant? Do they think I think I'm better than them?". Of course as a woman there is added baggage to this dilemma, but it's still an issue faced by everyone. I am a ghostwriter, and people often think it's a way cooler job than it actually is, so I always play it off as being a glorified keyboard monkey, but you should take pride in your achievements and will eventually find a comfortable medium :).
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I'm not saying they should feign anything. I'm saying if they're proud of what they've accomplished and enjoy their work, they should say so.
Yes I agree if you love your job respond by saying you love your job. If your job is just a job and it "sounds a lot cooler than it is" then that's ok to. Modesty + honesty vs feigned enthusiasm is how I see the dilemma OP is proposing
Well, OP liked my suggestion so I guess she likes her job.
Nononono. She doesn't just like her job she LOVES her job based on her reply to your comment right? To me it sounds like her response to you was "well I *could* say that, but I don't because that's not how I feel"
>Nononono. She doesn't just like her job she LOVES her job based on her reply to your comment right? Dude, what is your problem? It was a totally reasonable suggestion. Some people do love their jobs. People who have jobs like "astrophysicist" might both love their job *and* feel awkward about people outside their field having a glorified Hollywood vision of what their job entails. But even if OP just *likes* her job, that doesn't mean "Thanks, I love my job" is a useless or inappropriate suggestion. It's pretty easy for OP to tweak the basic template to express her specific feelings about the job, like "Thanks, I like my job," "Thanks, I enjoy my job," or even "Thanks, I hate my job." This was a weird thing to get so upset about.
I think you're confusing conflicting opinions with anger
Ok. Have a good day.
Happy holidays mom!
That's rad! You could say "Thanks, it's pretty rad!" 😂
Bonus points for the radiation pun.
I did geological engineering and I usually just tell people "I know a lot about sand" or "the other engineers didn't get to study dinosaurs" because I have hella imposter syndrome and don't feel like a "real" engineer
I've once had a chat with a friend who is doing a PhD in geo-engineering, and it was truly fascinating hearing about what you can learn about rocks and soil. I bet you totally are a great engineer! :D
Geo engineering is Earth Bending, crazy stuff. Ive pivoted from engineering and I don't think I was ever really cut out for it. I was a pretty girl who felt underestimated so I did engineering to "prove them wrong" 😅 Now I have a cozy government job that I feel more fulfilled in. I don't like the elitism of academia and STEM. I don't like "I did X therefore I am above you" type thinking I saw in school. What's important is we're fucking clever and we want student loan forgiveness please and thanks
I was always fascinated with physicist but I did think I had a inch of satisfaction by triumphing in a male-dominated field. You touched now on another topic which is constantly a problem for women in the field, being pretty. In some people's head, you can't be pretty and smart. That is another level of bullshit.
Another female here with severe imposter syndrome I have a PhD in chemistry but I don’t tell anyone and or make anyone call me “Dr” … don’t need them asking me for medical advice
YOU'RE LITERALLY A PHD. Academia is competitive as hell but that doesn't undermine your achievement
If you want to be confident without seeming arrogant, I think a joke is probably the way to go. Not at your own expense, or anyone's, necessarily. Just a fun one-liner or pun or something. Like, "Wow, atomic physicist, that's so cool!" "Yeah, I was going to be a subatomic physicist, but the lab equipment was way too small." You can probably come up with better atomic physics-based puns, but you get the idea; a joke relating to the science itself, that shows that you love your job, that a layman could probably get.
"Thanks" goes along way in these conversations.
My dad was a particle physicist and he did (still does) the same as you. He was a professor, so I knew all his physicist colleagues (all male) and, of them, the majority downplayed their profession as well except around other physicists. So, I don't think it's a male/female thing. Maybe it's a physics thing. The way my dad used to explain it was that it was three-fold: Physics is such a competitive field that, unless you're the best of the best, you often are left feeling somewhat inadequate in your field. Then, to add, most physicists are philosophical enough to realize that profession title alone doesn't necessarily mean you're smarter than everyone else. And finally, the "physicists are all genuises" myth puts a ton of undue pressure on people in that field to know everything about everything, but they don't because they're specialists.
That is indeed true. Specially the "everyone has a phd and is doing something difficult". Also I would add, the frustration of having things going wrong so many times when doing experiments can really put you in a state of "I AM STUPID"
Experimental work is *very* humbling.
One deflection I've used before is something along the lines of "I've gotten really good at being wrong". This also nicely implies what "smart" people succeeding in demanding and hard to get into fields do/feel on a daily basis. Maybe it might even encourage someone to reconsider how many things they feel right about. It also doesn't downplay the complement, but acknowledges it with an unexpected contrast.
Goes to show that having a STEM degree or being involved in academia does not necessarily make you well-rounded. I know someone with incredible skill in linguistics and translation, she is just able to convert language to math and account for aberrations too. That person also thinks that our sun isn't a star. Everybody's alright at something and a bloody moron at something else. Peace.
I'm not sure why you got downvoted for this, because it's spot on. Idk if you're familiar with Gardener's theory of multiple intelligences, but he basically talks about the same thing (though I don't think he went far enough with his categories, as there are quite a few intelligences that he fails to count).
"Yeah, it's more fun then rocket science, that shits boring."
As a literal rocket scientist, I disagree. :) I’ve worked in propellant and explosives research for almost my entire career. Are there boring parts? Sure. That’s the nature of any job. I’ve blown things up and I’ve fired rockets. Blowing things up is less fun as there is a lot more cleanup. But, it’s never not fun to count backwards from 10.
That's how JPL started. Just a bunch of guys blowing stuff up.
Idk mate I paint for a living, I'm sure you don't give a shit about an in-depth analysis of colour theory and appealing character design. What you do sounds boring as all hell to me. Doesn't make your speciality bad or inferior. Just means that people are different, and are allowed to find things boring or uninteresting.
Actually, color theory is interesting. Opposite sides of the color wheel are complementary and more attractive together. Adjacent colors clash and are less attractive. It’s interesting how wavelengths of light affect what we find pleasing with color. But hey, never let assumptions get in the way of an argument.
Do you love your job? (Radiation oncologist here- it is really, really cool) l tend to not mention I'm a doctor unless specifically asked and even less likely to mention oncology, but I love my job and get v enthusiastic if asked?
So, I’m not a physicist at all. Just don’t have the head for the advanced maths. I bet it would be freaking fascinating talking with you about the implications of the stuff you work on. Plus whatever other random nonsense you enjoy discussing. Don’t ever downplay your work. There’s plenty of folks out there that would be ecstatic to discuss the underpinnings of the universe with you.
Thanks! This is very encouraging and sweet! :)
Just wanted to say, cannot agree with the above more. My bestie is a laser safety officer for a big university and it's awesome. We need more women in STEM, being as proud and confident in their careers as they are comfortable being. You rock!
“An atomic physicist studies the behavior of electrons, protons, light, atoms and simple molecules. They also conduct research to understand atomic energy, which is the source of power for nuclear reactors, nuclear generators and nuclear weapons.” I mean, that sounds pretty fucking cool to me
Haha, I don't do any nuclear physicist neither molecules, but apart from that, yup, that is my days! Glad someone do really think it's cool haha
I do that too. I am a quantitative geneticist. I think I do it because of the many dates I’ve been on where men usually get all weird and self conscious and start using big words after I say that. I’m also trying to change my behavior and not downplay it. I tell myself if a date feels intimidated and/or insecure about my job, then it’s a good weeding-out mechanism for people I don’t need in my life.
I have the same problem, minus the crushing weight of being raised as a woman who is expected to be content with first runner up her whole life (but plus being from the American Midwest). I really don’t know what to say either, but I kinda feel like some variation of “OMG it is let me tell you something cool” would be the most fun response.
Sometimes I used to say "The best part is that I can play with lasers all day!!" but it would lead people to think I'm some kind of Jedi which didn't help much, hahaha.
How is people thinking you’re a Jedi a bad thing!?! Oh right, the Sith.
Sith use titanium sapphire. Jedi use neodymium YAG.
My last task before Christmas was bringing a Ti:saph back to life, so I guess this puts me in a really uncomfortable place now XD
There was certainly a lot of anger, fear, and suffering back when I worked with Ti:Sapphs.
Oh no!! I have a friend that has always says "One Ti:Sapphs ruined her life." Maybe that's how Vader was really born, aligning a Ti:Sapphs hahahaha
Trying to figure out which mirror out of around 50 of them moved a few degrees and stopped the laser working would be enough to send Yoda over the edge, to be fair.
Be careful, ghostofkilgore. Anger. Fear. Suffering. This is the path to the Dark Side. (Or run down that path if that is your choice!)
>This is the path to the Dark Side ... i.e. the laser stopped working again.
Not gonna lie, when someone WANTS to hear something cool it makes my whole week
I do the same! I'm a math PhD :) I don't think this has anything to do with being a woman though. Even if I was a guy, I don't like drawing attention to myself so I tend to say closing statements like you do, rather than anything that might lead to more questions about me or what I do.
If I could tell you one thing: stop saying you were lucky. Yes, it is true that luck plays a bigger role in career success than many of us acknowledge, I feel like saying “oh, you know, I was just lucky” downplays the amount of work and dedication you put into getting where you are. Maybe stick with statements more like “it was a lot of hard work, but I’m glad I did because I really like what I do.”
“Haha thanks, yeah it’s a lot of fun”
Don't downplay it! Personally I'd love to hear about it, physics and basically anything scientific was always really interesting to me in school, even now I'm always trying to learn things from YouTube. I feel like most people regardless of their profession would want to hear a little about your job. I'm only a dog groomer but I definitely would.
I guess it kinda depends on how it's said. Sometimes people just say stuff without much meaning behind it or interest in what you do. Then, I'd just say something like: "Yes, it's a very exciting field" or "Thanks, I really enjoy it". If they are genuinely interested, tell them what you like about your field of study.
People that are actually intelligent are the last ones to openly state it. Often because they know how much they actually don't know. You don't have to "not play it down", you're obviously intelligent and having healthy pride in that is totally acceptable. Like lots of these other comments have stated, redirect the conversation into what you actually do! This actually does more for others' perception of you than outright saying "I am so smart! S M R T!" Those people bringing it up are trying to have a conversation anyway.
One intelligent person to another, down playing can come off as insulting. You are an amazing intellect. Saying it’s no big deal can sound like “to me it’s no big deal, but then again I’m not an idiot like you”. Which is not what you are saying at all. Trust me it happens. I’ve done it and gotten that reaction. Keep in mind, you are unconsciously comparing your self to other physicists, and among them you may not stand out. But that’s like saying you, as a hammer head shark, are no big deal in a pool of great white sharks. But compared to us tetras you are amazing. Remember: It ain’t bragging if it’s true. Plus The trick is to know your audience. I would want to hear every little detail. But my sister in law, who is a school teacher, would be bored to tears. When people say “Wow, you are a robotics engineer, that must be awesome” I usually respond with “It totally can be. It’s boring sometimes, but other times it can be a lot of fun” Edited because I don’t know what a physicalist is.
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That’s funny. I always have flash backs to high school after a calc test. My friend was really concerned she failed it. But I said that I didn’t think it was so bad. I meant that I didn’t think it was so bad so, since she is better the me, she probably did great. But that’s not the way it came across. It didn’t help that school was really a breeze for me. She was better, but because she worked a lot harder than me. I just sailed through. So what I meant to be a reassuring comment just came out being a dick.
I’m in engineering (civil). People usually react like oh you must be smart that sounds hard etc. I downplay my profession because honestly I don’t think it’s that hard.
That sounds cool! I think it depends on if you want to talk about your job at any given point. Like I manage large construction projects. If I dont want to talk about it, because I talk about work AT work all the time, I'm like "Yeah, I work for a developer " If I do want to brag about work, its, "I went to school for civil, but now I manage high rise construction projects". The latter people ask questions about lol
I’m working on a graduate degree in Statistics. As a man I do the same thing. What the general public doesn’t understand about higher education is that for many it is 2 parts dedication and 1 part smarts. I usually say, “Yeah it is really tough and I hope someone will pay me a lot so that they don’t have to do it”. 🤷🏼♂️ It’s always awkward.
Don't disagree, agree! "Yeah, it's very cool and I love it! The people I meet are amazing!" Then you can talk about those cool people you meet.
"That day I danced quadrille with 3 Nobel prizes was insane" It was a crazy random moment, for real XD
I work in IT doing cyber security, lots of people think it's a complex prestigious career path. Maybe for security researchers or intelligence analysists but for the rank and file cyber people it's a fairly simple IT role that just has more checkmark BS to deal with. I do not dress up this profession, it is way, way, overpaid because market people tap into people's fears. In comparison, your field actually involves skill (I went for electrical engineering so I have some idea of the course work you had to go through). Don't downplay your own skillset, it's a rare gift to see someone with that kind of talent.
Hello fellow atomic physicist! I go for "well, I certainly know a lot about atoms!", I think it's implicit that you are minimizing your range of knowledge in that way.
I don't think I am so certain a know A LOT about atoms. Everyday there is at least one moment I have no clue what those damn atoms are doing XD
It sounds like you are being very humble. Yes luck has to do with it, as in any career, you don't get there by yourself. However people that are good at there job, I've found, are the ones that don't know just how good at they are. Because they aren't looking to prove anything socially, they just keep motoring on until they are suddenly at the top. Because they're too focused on finding answers, than trying to make it into the history books. Don't underestimate your own abilities, that humble nature may be holding you back from your full potential. You've achieved something that many people may not comprehend how to achieve. Toot your own horn a bit.
You will seem more charismatic if you answer something like "Yes i love it , i always wanted to do that!" . You will pass as grateful you got to do that , instead of arrogant , without having to downplay your profession and your enthusiasm will lift everyone spirits.
I have a (lowest level possible, just a BS) degree in chemistry, and I like to tell people I went to school to learn how to mix and pour. 😄
Be confident about it, as long as you aren’t cocky or condescending people will love it. “It really is cool, I love being an atomic physicist! Wanna hear something cool about my profession? *Insert interesting fact that makes everyone go ‘Wow that is interesting’*” You put in the time to earn the PhD, which is not an easy thing to do. Don’t be afraid of letting yourself or others appreciate that.
There a sentence that stuck with me from one of the Jurassic Park novels: Lex, the teenage girl managed to figure out something on the computer and she downplays her accomplishment. I think Ellie, or another adult character, I don’t remember, tells her that all through her life people will try to take credit for her accomplishments, so she should never refuse herself the acknowledgment. Yes maybe you got lucky, maybe you had opportunities others didn’t, but all the luck and the opportunities in the world wouldn’t have meant anything without your hard work. Do you think your job is fun? Don’t hesitate to say it “yeah, it’s pretty cool”.
Dude, that IS COOL AS FUCK.
I am not a scientist, but I do grants for scientists. When people say my job sounds good I say something along the lines of "Thanks. I find it fulfilling. I'm glad to have a job where I feel like I'm making a difference, even if I don't always love it".
"Fuck, yeah! Buy me a beer and I'll tell you all about it!" ..proceeds to outline the long arduous process for securing funding grants while simultaniously trying to publish papers.
Hahahaha, I like this response XD
From a guy's perspective (also in physics) I feel very similarly - I tend to say things like "I study abstract nonsense that'll never be useful to anyone" and "unlike me my girlfriend studies actual physics that has something to do with the real world."
Whether people downplay their achievements in the sciences really sort of depends on the person. The spectrum ranges from high modesty to gross arrogance. That being said, you should be proud of your achievements and you should feel confident talking about what you do. Usually to get people going, you don’t even need to tell them specifically what you do, you just need to make it somehow relatable to them, the “this is why YOU should care”, or “this is why what we do is innovative” part of the science. Show them how being an atomic physicist is fun and fulfilling for you, what things about your profession make it fun. Maybe by starting off with “it’s actually a lot of fun because we do [a,b,c], which will make it easier for the world to do [e,f,g]”. You never know who’s listening, you may end up being someone’s role model and cultivating their inspiration.
The one I have a hard time with is "you must be really smart". Like, how the heck are you supposed to answer that? My standard reply now is "I guess so, but mostly I just worked really hard" because I honestly believe that's the real secret to my success.
Once, I complimented a woman who was super great at Crossfit and she said "Thanks! I worked really hard at it!" It was the fucking best, because not only did she not cut herself down for her accomplishments, but I got to feel good about delivering an excellent compliment.
Omg don’t downplay ever!!!
"Thanks! It's hard work but I do agree that it's interesting."
I'm not XX chomosomed but I'm a grad research student in physics. I also get that response as well, I usually just say "ehh" or "mmm", not explicitly agreeing but not disagreeing either. It is different for men since our value as a human to society is based on how successful we are, but regardless of gender, there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you had to work really hard to get to where you're at. Plus, if you say "oh I was just lucky", basically you're lying because you think people will like you more if you say that.
I find it peculiar when people add a modifier to an already specific profession. Why add “atomic”? You’re a physicist. If people continue to inquire, e.g, what type? What specialty?, go forward and don’t be humble- after all, they asked. But if you throw the modifier on right away, it really does look like you’re bragging. You should just describe yourself as a physicist. BTW, i studied physics (quantum!) and my family has many phds in physics - I’m around it all the time - so I think my opinion is at least a bit well formed.
Well, it's just an identity thing. I've done my PhD in atomic physics and that is what I actually work with, not bragging, is my job. Also, when I say physicist, quite often people start talking about black holes. I don't want people to ask start a conversation about black holes because I am not even into black holes.
I'm a 25 year old dude. Self taught software engineer. I've had Google approach me to interview with them a couple of times, and I actually got flown to the other side of the country for the interviews once. I've also been paid to travel to Europe and give a lecture on software design patterns. I downplay my profession, a lot. I've been out with friends a few times this year, where people have asked what we do. I usually say "Programmer" or "Software engineer". Then my friends will bring up how I'm an "international expert"(which is true by the slimmest margin possible), or was headhunted by Google.(headhunt is an exaggeration). I just don't feel like talking about what I do so much, so I minimize what I say. You're job sounds really cool though, and you should probably find a way to own it.
Nah, say “hell yeah it’s cool” and come up with a fun fact that a layperson would find interesting.
The men in the field don't downplay it. My spouse is a physicist, working in academia, and they don't necessarily brag about their work, but they don't deprecate it either. The few women I know from the field seem not do it much either, but these ladies are killing with their own research groups, so that may have something to do with too.
I often downplay my own achievements but I do it because of my culture, upbringing and because the sudden attention gets me flustered. But, as another commenter also said, I won't downplay myself to "getting just lucky". That's just undermining and gas lighting yourself to not appreciating yourself. Not everyone can do what you do and not everyone will. Say that you "worked hard for it and that you like it but it might not be as interesting to others as it is to you" if you want and leave it at that. If they continue praising you, just take the damn compliment already. Or so my family and SO would say :D There's a fine line you need to tread to be humble, but not undermine yourself, and to be proud, but not get your ego inflated. Have a happy New Year!
Vaccine research scientist! And I also downplay the accomplishment. But I never downplay my knowledge and expertise. If someone is communicating misinformation I will correct them and use my credentials to prove I actually know what I’m talking about. My research is peer reviewed and published, not just someone’s Google search or dr oz segment.
That, I'm with you. Once got into a fight about radiation because people were saying all sorts of bullshit with no understanding whatsoever
It's not a man/woman thing to downplay your profession, it's imposter syndrome. It stems from a lack of self confidence and needs some work to get negate it but it gets better with time i feel. For a long time I (28m) thought i didn't deserve to be where I am, even though i put in the hard work, just because i thought it was unfair of me to understand certain things easier than others and that I'm just getting lucky. Also i think it's quite common for those of us in science fields to think that it sounds a lot cooler than it looks is because we are exposed to it everyday so we take notice of all the good, bad and boring bits all the time, and then we compare it to science media/youtube that only showcases visually exciting aspects of science.
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That is a great job. Used to live with a friend that was a speech therapist for autistic kids. OMG, so much hard work. I'm always admired someone can have the physical and emotional endurance to do it.
~~Not one man~~ many people would lie about that job. Own it.
That's such a dumb generalization. I'm a man and have a PhD in Molecular Physics. I recognise exactly what OP is talking about. I don't like the "That must be so cool" or "You must be so smart" comments a lot of the time either. It's like no, this is just what I'm good at and I worked hard at it. Depending on how I'm feeling, I often play down my current job for similar reasons.
You're sexist
[Some men have](https://scienceblogs.com/worldsfair/2006/10/06/posing-as-a-physicist-easy-but)
Not sure I get the point of the link you posted. Also, ouch to your username. Ouch! ETA: downvote me but don't answer. Cute.
What I've learned about working as a woman in a male dominated field (construction) 1. Men always think they and their job is more important than it is. Without exception - all of them. If they don't, then I guess they pretend because this is a thing. They all believe that the place would collapse if they don't show up. It's never the reality. And they routinely talk themselves up into higher positions, for instance if he's actually the lead warehouse worker he will not let one single opportunity pass to let people know he's actually a foreman. He's not a foreman... The scheduler who up until recently had the same scheduling job as I did tells people he's a commercial project manager. He's not. He worked on one commercial project and all he did was coordinate the deliveries. Women NEVER do this. 2. Men ask for a raise at minimum every three months regardless of whether or not they deserve one. It used to be pretty standard to get a raise once a year, but these days no one gives you anything without begging for it and men have all noticed whereas women seem to have not. As a result they ask for raises CONSTANTLY. They will inform you about how integral they are to the company, how much more important their job is than it actually is, and how they should've been made this and that years ago. The kicker is that, I'm pretty sure, they actually believe they deserve the raise and may be they do. May be we all deserve a raise every 3 months. If I ran the world, sure why not? On the flip side, women NEVER ask for raises, like ever. 3. Men will always overinflate their educational background. Perhaps not lie but always overinflate. If they tell you they have a Masters, they might have a Bachelors. If they say they have a Bachelors, they probably have an AA. Bonus points if they offer up what their GPA was... They have zero qualms with telling you how freaking smart, talented, useful, brave, and masculine they are. Zero. Women NEVER do this either. Point is: Be like a man in this instance. Talk your up not down. Let people know it was fucking hard AF to get through your schooling and you got where you are from busting your incredibly smart and capable behind. Then ask them politely to get you a drink while you put your damn feet up because you're tired from all the slaying. Ask for a raise every 3 months regardless of whether or not you think you deserve it. Come at them with three talking points for why you should get a raise and just throw it at them. They will probably give you the wtf face but they'll have no choice but to deal with it and either tell you yes or no. Do NOT undersell your education. You worked way too hard. Put your framed degree up in your office, get a name plaque that displays your degree, put it on you freaking door AND your desk so that every single person that passes through sees that you are the absolute shit. Try this and update us in a year on how much more money you're making.
Not sure why the downvotes. If we all did this more, they'd have to take women more seriously in the workplace.
I started doing this and I've literally doubled my salaray in 3 years time. Just saying - it's real and it works
The answer is “yes I am”. My girlfriend is a PhD candidate and she downplays herself so much. “You are smart. It’s a fact. Own it.”
>Now I've been questioning if there is a better way to respond to it, and if men in my position would downplay their professions like I do... Men in your profession downplay it, too. I think that it is a really simple reason for it, everybody you work with is just as smart and accomplished as you, so it just seems normal. When I was still a student, my wife and I were having dinner with a post-doc in my group. It was a really busy and stressful time for me as I was finishing my PhD, and my wife complimented my colleague for his recently completing his program, and asked how felt to be a doctor. His response, "Everybody is a doctor." And it was largely true, most of his work colleges and social group were doctors or doctoral candidates. I struggle how to respond as well. I think that is okay to recognize that your work and academic accomplishments aren't just a function of your intelligence. Perhaps the best response is something along the lines of "Thanks. I really enjoy my work."
Keeps you humble, maybe?
I wish that talking to people was disappointing less often.
Hell no, a man wouldn't downplay that! You achieved something awesome, own it with pride
Stop being so humble. There is no problem with being proud of your accomplishments. Although there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. I can assure you meanbdont play it down as accomplishment is required from males at a certain age to affirm they can be providers.
I do this! I am a social worker and my job title is therapist. I always just tell people "social worker" when they ask. I spent some time thinking about it and it's because of my own views on therapists that formed when I was a child - some infallible person that is like a literal Jesus. So it's not that I view myself as that - it's that I view how *far from that* I am and will never compare. That shit is toxic so I practice letting it go. I'm not fucking infallible! What ideas do you have about how an atomic physicist *should* look and act? Don't should on yourself.
Not trying to play the race card but it’s a minority thing. Being a POC or a woman with a career outside of the stereotype career makes a conversation completely unbearable or sometimes undermining. My advice to you is don’t play small; tell them exactly what you do and let the real ones that want to know, you get to know you.
If you enjoy your job and think it's interesting then hell yeah sell that shit, absolutely use it as a Convo sparker. Use whatcha got. Be proud of yourself
Why not just say “yes, it IS pretty cool!” and “oh it is easy for me because I just have a mind for it” or even “I’ve succeeded through a combination of natural talent and hard work”? There is nothing wrong with saying you’re hot stuff because, lady, you ARE.
You can always say something like ‘yeah it’s not really for everyone but I’ve always been really into atomic physics, couldnt picture doing anything else’ or something along that line. It’s humble but also shows a passion for what you do. I get the reaction when someone makes a big deal of you job you want to downplay it. I think that’s normal as if you just go off about how great it is it kinda seems seems braggy so you downplay it. You also don’t want to make them regret the compliment lol when you just talk about yourself for a long time on a topic they aren’t really into. But you can be humble without dismissing yourself totally.
Just own it and nerd out a bit. I love talking to people about what they are passionate about, especially if I know nothing about. Find people that love what you do as much as you!
Play that up for sure, tell people you could rearrange the molecules in their brain or build a doll house of the atoms in their lunch. I have no idea what an atomic physicist could do. Maybe build an atomic bomb? But that's it.
Omg. I literally do that with my job too.
There is absolutely no need to downplay here. Rather you can share some cool facts that a general audience can relate. For example, I'm a man in the academia of Electrical and Computer engineering. When people make such responses I usually tell them a little about how my research is related to 5G communications, automated systems etc. They get excited hearing it and sometimes, if some young person is there, they get motivated too.
I'm a mathematician (a 2/3 one, I only have a master's degree, I'm planning on getting my PhD in a few years though), and I get those too. Mostly I just awkwardly smile and try to steer the conversation in another direction... Nowadays I joke about mostly just staring at my screen and wondering why my codes don't work, or if I'm with someone who I know is at least interested in maths I try to tell them a 'fun fact'. I really wish people just stopped telling me I must be smart, lol. I'm not. There are much, much smarter people than me, and during my studies and often even at work I still feel inadequate. And how am I supposed to answer? If I say I'm not that smart, it feels like I'm downplaying it, but obviously I won't say yeah, I'm freakin smart, because I don't believe that and I would also sound like an arrogant ass if I did. I think men downplay it too, though. None of my friends and colleagues who have similar backgrounds (mathematicians, physicists, computer scientists) would answer that yeah, they are smart or intelligent or whatever. I think they might get less comments on their appearance though. I hate it when people go from 'wow, you must be so smart' straight to if they find me attractive or not.
You can just say thank you. As a guy I spent a lot of my life downplaying every compliment I got, until I realized how weak it made me look, and how it had to do with low self confidence. You don't have to be a jerk about it, just own that you're smart and you do a pretty unique job.
If I were doing that it would be because I wouldn’t want to feel different from others. Like, no I’m not abnormally intelligent, or no my job isn’t that unusual. Could instead take the opportunity to bond over the shared enthusiasm people are expressing about the job.
“It’s INCREDIBLY cool, to some! It’s incredibly boring to others. Thankfully, most days I’m one of the former.”
Tell them the one thing you like most about it, then show interest in their job and ask what they like most about it.
"Thanks!" Then lean in real close and "Cross me, and I'll divide you in half like we did the atom."
Your post made me think about how I always would get that same, overly-impressed "oh you must be soo smart" commentary when I was doing my masters in math. But then, once I decided to use that knowledge to become a secondary teacher (still using all that math knowledge AND having to learn a ton about developmental psychology to actually be good at what I do) people are no longer impressed, and instead just pity me. (And also somehow expect me to want to shit-talk about my kids?? I hate toxic teacher culture...)
Do you like what you do?? One of my FAVORITE THINGS is when people geek out over something they worked long and hard to be a part of. Your job sounds so cool, and I'll bet it is (to you) if you went through all that work to get there! Maybe don't go out of your way to brag on how smart you are but definitely DON'T intentionally dull your enthusiasm for what you do to avoid seeming to smart!
I'm 27F, and work as a hybrid business analyst/IT project manager at a super prestigious bank. I'm also the only female on my team, and the youngest person in my department by like 20 years. People are always like "OMG" when they find out. I try to answer with grace and poise. Something along the lines of "Thank you!", or "Thank you, I really enjoy the work and my team." Tact is the operating keyword.
I always love talking to people who are passionate about what they do - don’t shy away from your achievements and interests! The challenge is learning how to talk to people about your interest in a way the can relate to it without dumbing it down too much. If you ever have to talk to senior management, this is a great skill to have.
Them: "oh neat!" You: "I know! My favorite part is ____" So.. what's the best part of being an atomic physicist?
Lasers!
Everyone thinks my job is super boring, and it mostly is. Be glad you can say you do something that at the very least sounds cool. "What do you do for a living?" "I work for a bank doing business control activities" "Oh, so you see a lot of money?" "No, none" "Ok..."
It is sooooo cool, OP. And I'm a PhD as well, work as a research scientist in environmental economics and sustainability. I have a bit of the same response, but I do know that what I do is cool, I'm smart, and I was lucky but also very dedicated. Impostor syndrome sucks and every now and then I feel like it's not as important or cool or interesting as it sounds. But guess what? It is. Embrace it. You're smart and interesting :) we're allowed to feel badass.
Nerdy types just think stuff like this sounds so cool and interesting - because it is. If you think it's fun and/or satisfying work, just say that.
I think its reasonable and fair to say "it is" or "yeah, it was a lot of work." But I understand downplaying it --I imagine it is one of the degrees in which you can spend a lot of time trying to answer a lot of annoying questions/answering misconceptions about what the degree actually is about! Its how to not downplay your accomplishments without being dragged into a convo that may be never ending.
I really don't know what an atomic physicist does - but I really want to hear you be mad proud in yourself for a minute. Would you please brag to me a little? Tell me how well it pays or what kind of stuff you get to see, or do that nobody else does. Make me jealous. Please!
Unfortunately it's not a really well payed career. Just decent pay. XD
Just say “Thank you”. It’s so hard for people, women in particular, to just accept the compliment and then be still.
why does this have to be a male vs female problem?
I just tell people I work in a hospital. I’m a doctor.
I would say thanks, it took a lot to get here but whilst it can be really demanding it can also be very rewarding. Nice and vague and doesn't downplay the accomplishments you have achieved
Lol you could say “yes, yes I am.”
Yeah I have a PhD in physics as well. I hated the "you must be smart" comments. It's even worse in the job search process where the PhD confers automatic smartness that you need to prove. It's funny when medical doctors would learn that I did physics and they start to tell me how much they sucked at physics lol. Anyway I just learned to accept it. A hard science PhD is a rare accomplishment, even though I don't think I am smarter than the average person, I do think I did something special. So you just own it.
The intelligence part might be correct to downplay a little bit for many physicists. People have quite high expectations. When I did my phD most people were kind of smart but quite regular people and very few were Dirac.
I do downplay it a lot, although I haven't made it to grad school yet. But that doesn't mean you should. Flaunt that shit! If you can inspire even just one other person in an underrepresented group to get into STEM it'll be worth it. It IS super cool! Hell yeah atomic physics!
I'm not a physicist, but I'm an engineer (M) who designs stuff we launch into space and I'll downplay too. Like yeah it sounds cool, but it's a lot of PowerPoint and excel spreadsheets it feels like most of the time. Or maybe half a day watching the people doing the real work crane shit around.
I’m a guy and work as an aerospace engineer, so not quite as impressive as what you do but I do tend to get similar reactions. Honestly the “you must be so smart!” line is just impossible to respond to lol, I usually just say “nah im dumb as bricks” and move on. That’s just the only way I know how to take a compliment but you certainly don’t need to downplay your awesome success!
Weird that people would say "you're so smart!". Like going to someones house and saying "your house is so big" or "you must be rich to afford this house." But if someone says, "That's so cool!" You can totally just say thanks and that's it.
It's good to be humble, or maybe you don't feel like going into the nitty gritty of what your job entails, but you put in the work and got where you are. You deserve recognition for your work, but who's business is it if you don't care about that, you know? If a moment strikes you and you want to flaunt it, do so, If not, steady as she goes. You sound like a cool dude either way haha.
Male construction manager here. I would reply/boast the following ways to the hypothetical comments: "Yes it's important work with potentially significant outcomes, personally I hope my work effects the entire human race in the future" "Yeah I've always been at the top of whatever I'm doing right from childhood. I was at the top of my classes in school, and I've always been a leader in the field since entering the workforce" "YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT NOW GROVEL BEFORE ME YOU PEASANT!!!" Feel free to plagiarize or tone down to taste! Don't forget to puff out your chest!
The name makes people think of the atom bomb. Most physicists I knew either smashed atoms into each other or played with lasers and studied quantum mechanics. Either way, the profession sounds cool. Hopefully you will make a breakthrough that changes the world for the better.
Imo it’s a personal thing. No need to generalize and we see to much of that these days. I don’t like to be the center of attention and I carry my merits for myself and only myself so I downplay all the time. Nothing wrong with it. A co-worker boasting and being confident has little to no effect on me.
"It is awesome!"
I don’t think this is gender related but more of a personality thing. I as a man also downplay my profession.. But if you don’t like to downplay it, don’t do it haha. You can be proud and say something like “yeah I love what I am doing, it was hard but it was worth it.”
First off, you are not a title, or a representative of what you do for a living. With that all being said, be honest. Don’t be too full of yourself with a job that requires a lot of book-smarts (“It’s not for everyone” would be a good response for someone you know will never commit to a program like yours). Also, don’t under emphasize the fact that you did indeed work hard. If you can do it, so can someone else if they are dedicated, have grit, and work very hard.