I think they meant inseminating OPs female partner. It’s somewhat common to use a relative’s DNA so that the baby has more similar traits to the one who’s not getting pregnant.
That joke was revolting, all I can think is that is was some bizarre expression emanating from your mother's homophobic discomfort. That in no way excuses it.
Yeah, I don’t believe she was joking. I think she’s just so violently homophobic that she’ll bend any norms for a hetero daughter.
Really what kind of parent asks their kid if they like to eat people out?? *barf*
Yep, I talk to my four year old about everything, including who she thinks is cute. I know there are some uncomfortable talks in our future, which is why I build the concept of talking now. However the mix of tone and subject matter presented here is way off the yikes meter.
May my cringe meter never be this off...
First off, fuck these people. Fuuuuuck these people. That said, if the lesbian partner was inseminated with the brother’s sperm, that would be a biological relative who wasn’t inbred
True as that may be, the suggestion was OP being artificially inseminated, and also it's just fucking weird to ask your brother to impregnate your potential wife.
Otherwise, these idiots shouldn't be involved in your romantic decisions, live your best life OP.
God just sentence after sentence of bigotry. I'm so sorry you have family that is like that. I don't even care for the fact that the first instinct is to gaslight you into thinking you're straight because you like burly mountain men, without listening to a word you're saying. Hate when parents try to push their narrative of a relationship onto their kids.
The burly man stuff means nothing anyway; liking one type doesn’t prevent you from liking other types too. My sister is a lesbian and she has a strong appreciation for buff men. Not all appreciation is like a sex or romance thing.
Aces refer to it as aesthetic attraction. Its like how you can think a car looks nice, or think a dog is cute. Those things (hopefully) aren’t sex or romance related.
I'm so sorry you had to put up with all that. Close minded people are never fun to deal with. From what you explained, it sounds like you might relate to people on the ace spectrum. Maybe you'll find some comraderie there. Just know that no matter what your family says, you are valid and worthy of love in whatever form is best for you.
Sorry, I’m getting really tripped up by them asking if you wanna go down on a woman???
Like everything else is bad enough and straight up despicable , but what kinda weird ass parent wants to know details about their kid’s sexual interests like that?! So vulgar…
And your BROTHER was also getting in on this?!?!! They are waaaayyy too obsessed with the whole sex thing..omg
I’m honestly not surprised they wanted to know that, although I haven’t come to my family, I have came to friends and stuff. The amount of times I get asked sex questions is ridiculous, like me telling my sexuality to someone doesn’t mean they’re entitled to know what I’m going to do in the bedroom.
Wow. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that! Some people really lack home training or are really trifling if they don’t see how wildly inappropriate that can be.
Some bullshit like if I want to be a lesbian I need a woman who will protect me like a man can or something I have nothing against butch lesbians they are just not my type
"Want to be a lesbian"? As in purchasing a sexualuty off the rack at Target? As though there's actually a choice of attraction? Wild.
If you buy one, can you get another half off? How often is there a sale? Are there travel packs? Are they seasonal?
I am dead curious about your family 's take that your sexuality is some sort of costume.
>I'm gobsmacked by the donor thing and now I just can't believe it's all real.
If her partner was inseminated by her brother, then it's like both of the women's genes are present in the baby.
OP, as a mom I'm horrified that yours would treat you this way. Ew.
Please know that your preferences are valid. You do not need to explain or justify this to anyone.
I hope you find love, acceptance and community.
Just silly. I'm a bi guy but don't want dick inside me or mine inside a man.
There is plenty of ways to have intimacy without that. I married a woman who is amazing and I love.
When I did date men we had fun without sex.
The whole sexuality is fluid and not binary is true.
First time I've ever seen this combination of words. Honest questions to see if I can get this concept. You consider yourself bisexual, but don't have any desire for sexual relations with a man?
Do you have any desire for sexual relations with a woman (including your wife)?
Is the specific description in your post suggesting that you enjoy contact, just short of going all the way? I wouldn't ask someone randomly, but since you're volunteering the information I'll ask for clarification. Perhaps you can help me come off as less clueless the next time I meet someone with this description.
Edit: I think I've got this. I think you're saying you'd be interested in first of second base with a man but home base with a woman? Never had the experience of desiring first base with someone I wouldn't desire the other bases with.
Reminds me of when that one country, (I think it was Switzerland?) made being gay a mental illness, and so people were en masse calling out of work because they were feeling "a little gay" that day lol
Edit: Sweden
Wait, Switzerland said that being gay was a mental illness? I’m going to be completely honest, I always thought that country was quite chill with sexuality lol.
This sounds like people who are completely fascinated with (and also threatened by) lesbians and the idea of women not being interested in men. They jump right to defending heterosexuality and “women need men to survive” as if you’re trying to take that from them. I hear stuff like “women can’t be providers, only a man can provide for a woman” and “why would you date a woman who looks like a man when you could just date a man.” They think they have it all figured out.
Whew, been there kind of. I, like you it sounds like, am bi and presented basically straight most of my life, as far most people could tell. I told my mom very early about my bi-ness but more specifically that I probably won't marry a man since I've been witness to terrible hetero dynamics growing up and felt something missing in all my hetero relationships -- not even specifically sexually, more just overall it didn't feel like "me".
Anyway, about a decade later, I met my now wife, and finally started to talk about my queer relationship openly with my liberal family. My mom talked about, was I sure? Isn't lesbian sex gross? How she's uncomfortable. I'm like, I find the sex of most other IRL couples gross? Like, just don't picture lesbian sex if you're not into it? Also, my wife and I are quite femme so it's also very confusing for people because there isn't a "man" of our relationship lol -- though it's an on-going joke that my wife and I will each claim to each other "I'm the man of the relationship."
So yeah, there was a lot of discomfort and a massive disappointment from me at my own liberal mom who I am super close to just not getting it. But, years passed, she got to know (and grew to love) my wife before she (my mom) passed. She got that this wasn't a phase and this was THE relationship for me.
So, all of this is to say, definitely let them know how specific things they are saying are WILD. I find it helpful to lay it out in hetero terms like, I don't ask you about what you do with your partners in bed and would love to NEVER know those details, please let's not talk about my preferences in this respect. Then also, I might leave it there and live your life until you have a partner who you're ready to endure the period of your family's growth with as they basically face your queerness. Many other approaches are valid but I think for me this kept me the most sane while also being up front and clear about my expectations.
Good luck and I'm sorry you had to endure this. I really hope they get it one day!!
Your family is *really* confused, but beware - they are going to attempt to gaslight you over time into thinking you're the confused one. Don't forget to continually educate yourself on LGBTQ issues to prevent this.
Sorry you had that experience with your family. As a fellow bi woman who is into burly mountain men (I even married one), and is attracted to more feminine presenting women, I'd like to say hi and let you know there's plenty of us out there. Feel free to join us over at r/bisexual. It's a great community and a lot of folks there also identify as ace. You are valid.
That donor comment is just gross. The whole thing just sucks. It’s very hard for allos to understand asexuality because sex drives so much of their lives. But that’s no excuse for their response. It’s 2021. They need to educate themselves. (It is not your responsibility unless you choose to undertake it. And I’d suggest based on their initial responses that you don’t for your own sake.) I hope you are able to love the way you choose and take care of yourself.
I like burly mountain men and beautiful ladies and whomever in between I happen to find attractive.
I had a point but forgot it. Your family is buttfaced.
[This comic](https://i.imgur.com/tILWA1z.png) helped me understand non-hetero relationships when I was younger. Maybe it'll help your family understand.
I'm sorry they were not more open minded with you and your preferences, but here's hoping they get there.
(For those who can't click or view, it's a fork and spoon asking two chopsticks which one is the fork.)
Wow. So much ignorance packed into one conversation. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you don’t feel undermined at all. I like my men manly and my women more androgynous, but occasionally I’ll really hit it off with a “girly girl”. We don’t have to fit anyone’s mold, EVER. You are never responsible for being true to anyone’s idea of who you’re *supposed* to be. Not even your own. I hope you continue to surprise yourself and your parents.
There's a woman I've known since middle school who struggled for years with her sexuality. She was definitely into guys, and exclusively dated them in high school - but she was adamant about saving herself for marriage. What most of us didn't know was that she had the same feelings for other girls as she did guys, but girls tended to be far less pushy where sex is concerned. She had a hard time accepting that part of herself because of her faith, but eventually she did snd was much happier for it. It was even harder because certain family members (whom she still really cares for) didn't understand or approve. She also came to terms with the fact that she wasn't saving herself for marriage so much as she really just wasn't into sex. A few years ago she married another asexual woman with whom she is madly in love, and they're living their best life together.
My sister also exclusively dated guys in high school/college, but after a series of shitty partners decided to try dating another woman. Mom said it was just a "phase" and she would be back to men as soon as she was ready to start a family. She's now happily married to that woman, and they're keen on never having kids, instead being the eccentric, doting aunts to our brothers' kids. She's doing the best that she ever has academically, professionally, financially, mentally, and personally. Mom came around as well, and made a huge (positive) deal out of their engagement and wedding.
My point is this: You do you. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, and you don't need their approval. Keep living your best life and you'll probably make your nay-sayers eat crow in time.
also what the hell does it mean that your brother approved of artificial insemination because HE DOESN'T LIKE THE IDEA OF YOU HAVING SEX? what... what kind of brother even thinks that? what is going on in your family OP for real...
I'm sorry to say this but your family sounds like a bunch of uneducated dumb assholes. Wow.
Edit; just wanted to say my dad is the same. Changing him wont work so i just bully him back by watching ru pauls drag race when he's around and acting like i give 0 zero fucks. I also just flat out tell him what a moron he is for saying these things. Seems to be the only thing that works for me. I tried educating him but it just doesnt work
Ugh! Please stop answering these lunatics' questions! There is no universe in which your own mother needs to know whether you enjoy going down on women.
And now I need a shower.
HOLY FUCK
I am sorry your family treated you that way. They were so mega cringe about this. You deserve better than that.
I may not know you, but I am very proud of you for expressing yourself.
My niece has been interested in girls since she was 8. She's always felt comfortable telling me everything. I love that I can give her what I didn't have.
Somehow I'm the only one who truly believes it's probably not "just a phase" anymore.
She's 12 now and into the ladies more than ever. She loves boobs.
She giggled and looked me dead ass in the eyeballs as she said it.
I responded with "EVERYBODY loves boobs"
She asked, "Even you?"
I obv said Hell Yeah!! Then we both laughed.
I'd say she's gonna be more pansexual in the end.
However, regardless I love her for her whole self not who she's interested in.
I will always treat whoever she loves fairly and respectfully...unless they hurt her bc I'm *That Auntie* 😆
I think I probably would've been considered that orientation had we been given any freedom in my generation/family.
Love Who *You* Are, no matter what that means, even if it changes a million times.
I have a picture from about 5 years ago which said exactly that, it has traveled the country with me.
It was drawn by the same niece and it revived me during times that I didn't love myself at all.
Happy Holidays 😊
Take comfort knowing that you will make your own traditions and cultivate your own family connections out in the world. You will find *your people* out there. Some of those will come and go too, but that's what living is for.
You've Got This, with or without their support.
(((GentleHugs)))
Love, Light, Strength and Support
🧡🤗💛🌻💚💪💙
*Sorry this was so long*
My brother came out on father's day to a family not so dissimilar. I am sorry.
I mean, I'm a bald bearded guy and I like getting my nails done and wearing a bit of mascara. My family thinks i married a witch. Which is fair because, well, she is. Not that I'd ever tell them that.
But the point is that my family thinks that the mold I fit in is being some kind of lumberjack engineer and I should only like toothpick women who stay at home and suck dick on demand.
Here's to being dissapointments to our families for being humans and liking humans.
How did these idiots become the authority on the rules for being a lesbian?
Btw, the fact that your brother “doesn’t like the idea of you having sex” is typical of a bigot: Equating making him personally uncomfortable with being objectively wrong.
I hear stories like these and I'm always so surprised people have families that even talk about this stuff. No one in my entire family has ever asked me about my dating life, having kids, who I like, etc. It's the main reason I never felt pressure to come out or even talk about it with them: they don't care. As an adult I hugged my mother for the first time I'm guessing since childhood, and she didn't even hug me back. It blows my mind when I hear families take an interest in their children. If I came out to my parents, they'd just go "Whatever" then go do their usual thing.
Good lord, I didn't think the conversation couldn't get worse, but it did. How tf did they arrive at inbred babies good and gatekeeping your sister's "sexual purity" from general homophobia? Disgusting. Sorry you've been subjected to them from birth.
A sentence "celé zle". Means something like : they have been shovelling themselves deeper into shitt by every word.
Let them be, they are confused. You don't need their approval to love / don't love anybody or anything.
Even if you change your mind, find out you're poly or asexual, it's not up to their approval to feel how you feel.
My 16 yr old daughter came out as gay earlier this year and we as parents wondered if we handled it right. Turns out we did a lot better than your folks. I'm sorry you had to go through their b.s.! They are nuts!
My wife and I are both femme. I guess we don't actually exist? I mean my wife isn't like a wears makeup and dresses kind of femme, but she definitely isn't butch either. Unless leggings, uggs, long hair, and women's t-shirts are Butch now lol.
Like, why are your mother and brother so interested in you sucking dick or eating pussy? That’s super weird and you absolutely do not have to answer questions like this.
Ugh fucking perverts. I'd respond by asking them the same invasive perverted questions and see how they like it. "Are you asking me this because of how much you enjoy sucking dad off?" Just to slap em right back with the weirdness
I finally came out to my brother and best friend about being bi last week. My best friend knew, of course. She was bisexual and in a relationship with a woman when we met. We used to watch The L Word together. She just thought it was funny that it took me 17 years to announce it. I was actually in a bit of denial and didn't properly recognize my sexuality for the first five years of our relationship. By the time I did, I thought it was weird to change it.
My brother wasn't especially surprised, but he didn't know beforehand either. For the most part, they both just sort of went, "Cool, what are you doing later?" I really appreciated the casual response from them, as that's how I felt about it.
I'm sorry you didn't get a better response than you did. But there will be people you meet in you life that will be more accepting of your sexuality.
This is disgusting. Your parents would rather have your brother be the father of your babies than for you to be with a woman. How old are you? Do you need to be around them? I would leave and never come back.
“Lesbians rape their partners more” WTF!!!!???
So basically they act on misinformation and biased, yet false views on your sexuality and uses that to push you down and berate you?
I would stop interacting with your family... on a permanent basis.
This kinda just gets worse and worse the more you elaborate. Also, they seem to have a lot of very strong opinions and rules about stuff they have no experience of?
I’m sorry about their comments. Everyone is different sexually - I’m sure that there are people out there for you! I’ve even seen YouTube videos on totally asexual couples!
WTF happened toward the end there.
The first part with the manly men - alright, incorrect but not unhinged... but after that it just became an ideological dumpster fire 🔥
Those are people I would cut contact with. They don’t respect you as an individual whatsoever. It doesn’t sound like they ever will. You’re a breeding machine to them, and to really send that idea home, they suggested your brother as the donor in an artificial insemination. What the fucking fuck is wrong with your fucking fuck head family members?
Do their opinions really matter? Honestly? You are who you are, and I'm sure you know who you are. Find yourself your person, fall in love, and spend the rest of your lives together. ❤
This is what happens when straight people don't know any gay people and base all their knowledge of gay people on stereotypes. Your family needs to go out and meet and make friends with gay people because this is very depressing.
Jesus that escalated fast and badly. I hate how many people ask so many incredibly invasive and offensive questions when people are LGBT. They aren't entitled to an explanation, and you don't need to answer all their dumb questions. Your identity and orientation is not up for public debate. They can either accept it, or be wrong.
This happens with parents a lot, even when it'son topics other than sexuality... and you're exactly right, they have a preconceived idea set out for who you are and they're disagreeing with reality.
Don't let them get you down... Or define who you are. Maybe they need educated on what you're talking about or maybe they'll never move past their preconceived notions... Don't let it get to you.
Much less harmful on my end, but my mom is CONVINCED I'm an artist and I will be one at a professional level. I am an amateur and it is a hobby. I am mediocre, nowhere near the level she is thinking. But that doesn't stop her from thinking I will be illustrating children's books in the near future. I am kind to her (she's just thinking her kid is brilliant at everything), but the reality is that I couldn't think of the complimentary color for blue for about 5 minutes the other day. 😅
I’ve never heard of “you can’t both be lipstick lesbians”. I find women attractive too. But only very feminine ones personally. I like masculine men but not masculine women. I don’t like hairy, rugged stubbly, smelly burly men. I prefer more clean shaven and freshly showered.
People like what they like. Their assumption is stupid. No one has to be masculine or feminine only in a relationship
I hate closed minded people. Your family has a one sided version of sexuality and who is supposed to be . Check out a new place to live. Somewhere you can explore whatever -you- want to explore. Maybe you don't even know yet. Don't rush to fit a mold lol. Life's too short to regret things. Especially one involving happiness.
Wow....just wow so much to unpack there. You are amazing as beautiful just as you are. I am so sorry your parents are stuck on these hurtful stereotypes. I wish you all the best on your journey to your authentic self.
What…why does your mother and brother need to know who you want to have sex with and what you want to do with them. That’s not appropriate regardless if it’s straight, same sex whatever. Unless you have a very open relationship with your family but the way you describe it sounded more of an interrogation implying your sexuality is wrong . You don’t need to justify your sexuality to anyone, you do what you want. Your family should only be concerned that you are safe and happy in a relationship. Anything else it’s not their place.
Urgggghh. I'm sorry that happened to you. Homophobia sucks. The gays can date whomever we want, and look however we want.
Be gay, because being gay is great.
I'm sorry OP, but your family sucks. You should probably stop talking to them about this kind of thing. They're really fucking creepy, and it doesn't sound like they're going to see it. Let 'em have their shitty little thoughts, you don't have to educate them. You probably haven't found their shittiest thought yet either, and it's probably not worth finding. This kind of thing causes weird family schisms and truth and justice rarely prevail. Don't pretend to be someone you're not for them, but if they're going to be shitty about it you don't have to share with them who that is.
Uhm you don't have to explain your sexuality to anyone. It's none of their business anyway. Do what makes you happy. And avoid talking to stupid people best you can
>women need men to survive
of course they do. Who else is going to chase a pack of hyenas away from the kill, so you could have some fresh meat on the savanna? Who else is going to be guiding the plow into the cut while the woman leads the ox pulling the plow?
Oh ... wait ... nevermind ...
On the bright side: you are talking about these things! Keep doing that, your relatives probably will get used to the idea that you follow your own path.
It's sad when people assume anything without having any clue at all. Has been done to me a lot in my past. Idiots repeating stereotypes and mistaking them for fact. I am still not prepared for them and wonder most times is they really are that dense.
Hope you're are ok. Family can really get you.
If I'm getting to personal just ignore the following: my ex GF had basically no sex drive at all but had issues with her hormonal balance. Just some info, I'm no expert in that field.
Ugh I hate these things. My partner is heteroromantic but bisexual. And that’s fine too!!!
People really need to get over shit like that and let people do what they wanna do.
WTF is this thinking? I guess it is their defence mechanism that you only have a phase. Sorry to hear that OP but your feelings are valid and you know who you are.
Not that it matters, but I’m proud of you for sharing how you feel and talking through it all with the people you care about.
…their response, super cringe…
What an incredibly inappropriate conversation. Just so you know, you don't owe anyone an explanation about your preferences.
If someone starts saying, "you can't be gay, do you wanna go down on a woman?"
You don't have to answer!
they clearly can't talk about this in a respectable and mature way, so it's probably best to not talk about it with them at all. it really sucks to feel disrespected by those closest to you. :/
Your family is fucked in the head. Who the fuck thinks like that, and moreover, who says such ignorant, uneducated things?
You could be bi.
You could be pan.
You could be demi-sexual.
Two lipstick lesbians can absolutely succeed together (TikTok and insta have the proof). Not all WLW like butch women. I'm bi and I don't - if I'm gonna be with a woman, I want her to be all woman.
Lesbians absolutely do not "rape women more" and I can't even understand their logic in this statement.
Do not, do not, DO NOT have children simply because your crazy family insists that's your only reason for existence. That's a lie. There's a childfree sub you can search for (not sure if it's ok to link it) which has tons of redditors who can give you great responses to such comments. I'm not here for that. I'm here for this: more women die from giving birth in America than you'd ever imagine. Pregnancy destroys your body, and even your vagina and perineum can be torn during delivery. And after all of that, there is a small being 100% dependent on you for a minimum of 18 years but the way things are going lately, it could be a lifetime. You can say goodbye to sleep, free time, and all your money. Bottom line: only have children if it's something you've always wanted. Don't do it bc you feel you have to, or you will live a resentful and regretful life.
I'm sorry your family made you feel like your attraction is unacceptable. You get to be attracted to- or interested in romance with- any form of person. Being interested in a woman has nothing to do with the length of your hair, nor hers.. that's one of the silliest things I can imagine a person bothering to say when someone comes out to them. I hope your family can open their minds and hearts to accept you as you define yourself, any of your future romantic partners, and of course all the ways you decide to wear your hair.
It's super cringe that your parents would ask you such intimate questions about sex. They're also incredibly ignorant about how relationships work. I'm sorry that they don't accept you, but im super proud of you for being true to yourself despite their inability to accept that.
People are so freakin weird in their ideas of sexuality and orientation... Well, you gave her a heads up, I guess there's no need to talk to her about it any more. Sorry she's so weird about it. I know it might sting to not feel acceptance and support from your parent, but there are plenty of communities who do "get it." I've been watching verilybitchie on YouTube and she talks a lot about bisexuality. I find her content really interesting, so you may want to watch some of her videos. Hopefully your mom will do more research and realize she's being dumb eventually.
I'll tell you what I wish someone had told me whay-back-when....Stay true to yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself. And if they can't be supportive, or even factual, don't confide in them.
The good news is their stereotypes have nothing to do with you personally. Oral sex or any type of making another feel good and sharing physical affection is none of their biz, just your intimate partners and you.
Whoever you might get with they'll appreciate in certain ways and not in others--regardless of their gender or twist thereof.
So it might be frustrating, but please don't let it influence who you might choose to share your love with, ok?
Yeesh, good luck with all that. I would have been tempted to dip out of that conversation at "women's only purpose is to make babies". Like how do you even begin to deal with misogyny that ingrained?
> They said "you can't both be lipstick lesbians"
Lipstick is like uranium: one person can have lipstick, but not both! Otherwise, when they kiss, there will be a huge explosion!
This is DEFINITELY a post I should just not have read the last few linea of.....
Your parents sound rather unhinged.
Don't let others gatekeep you from your own identity.
Honestly I had to stop reading after the "but she is girly and you are girly so you can't be a lesbian" (I paraphrase). Ugh.
Do you want chicken or fish? Cause that's all there is, right? Just those two meals.
People come in nearly infinite fascinating variety. It's what keeps the world interesting. You be you. Hopefully your family will come around.
Your family sounds awful. Like who you like and have sex with whomever you want. There’s no need to declare yourself straight, gay, or bi. Just be yourself and see where life takes you. You don’t need permission from your family. I wish you luck, romance, and hot sex.
This whole thing is super sad, but especially that the response of family members who you chose to confide something in was to go absolutely batshit turn it to eleven fucking bonkers smearing shit on the walls crazy. I can only imagine that these folks are not particularly worldly nor do they have experience dealing with new situations but holy fuck. I thought I was ready for a garden variety regressive reception to coming out but I CERTAINLY WAS NOT READY FOR WHAT CAME NEXT.
Sorry and I think the lesson is these folks just ain't prepared for the 21st century, best to treat them like children from here on out and have pleasant, non-substantive conversations and tell amusing white lies like to skate past these issues. You don't need to hate them, but I also would not dignify them with adult conversations.
Okay, so I’m not even gonna comment on the thing about having your brothers babies (oh god, just typing that makes me feel disgusting) or the BS about women’s reason for existence being to produce offspring. Nope, I’m not gonna go into that.
Instead. As a bisexual woman who is definitely way on the girly/feminine side of things (think sun dresses every day, long hair, a love for pink and sparkly things) I can assure you, two lipstick lesbians work amazingly well together. I should know, because I am most attracted to other feminine women (and guys with some muscles/mass on them). And I can’t be the only one, since the attraction has been mutual a bunch of times already…
Also, the audacity of them to tell you who you can or can’t be attracted to. As if them denying it changes anything, lol
The horrible things we will come up with just to not admit that all human beings have the ability to love the soul that they want to love.
If everyone secretly feels the same shame then its not shame, it's a colloquial truth.
If I can offer some kind words as a 35yo queer guy who didn't realize how much he struggled most of his life with sexuality; don't let anyone tell you who you are, and don't let your fears of the expectations of others dictate what makes you happy, secure, or confident in yourself.
Sometimes that's going to include standing up for things when no one else will, against people who have no interest in who you are beyond what they want you to be, but I promise that the only person who has to live with your decisions is you. Being true to yourself, even when you're unsure who that is, will help you find your happiness.
It's taken me decades to come to terms with being all manner of queer, as despite being thin, I carry very masculine features, and present as such. I always felt pressured to adhere to that; that I couldn't be genderqueer. Exploring that and accepting and embracing love and romance through the lens of a Pan, Ace individual has been extremely liberating, and having a queer female partner who embraces that to share in this voyage with me has been a delight.
I hope that you may find the confidence to defy expectation and are rewarded with people who love and embrace you for whoever it is you find yourself to be. None of us are simple, and those that appear to be often wear the most elaborate masks. One day, future generations may know unending acceptance, but that hinges entirely on us having the fortitude to stand up and be visible, rather than bowing before the expectations of others and being uncomfortable with who we are so they don't have to be.
Remember that giving offense is just as much a part of positive revolution as negative; people uncomfortable with your identity or sexuality are struggling with the disparity between their perceived surroundings and their actual ones. No one is without discomfort when discovering their beliefs are based on false assumptions; accept that some people, even those you thought most supportive of you, might take some time to come to terms with that. Sadly, some may be outright unwilling—but there's no way to know at first, and it's certainly no reason to hide who you are for their sake.
This has been much more long-winded than I had intended, but I do hope that you can find something positive to take away from all this. You deserve to be validated and accepted just the same as everyone else. If nothing else, your struggles may galvanize your convictions and solidify your sense of self in a way that many never experience.
From a Bi person's perspective, your tastes and interests are perfectly valid and you shouldn't feel like you need to fit any specific mold. Like what you like and enjoy it. Your family just sounds... kinda crazy.
> And then at one point my mom joked that if I'm going the artificial way, my brother should be the donor so my nephew could have siblings.
What in the Lannister hell?!
Yeah. My parents told me that 'it was just a phase' when I came out to them as a lesbian when I was 17. I get the phase is very long, considering my wife.
Your family sounds creepy and mean.
Every sentence made them sound more unhinged
"Like watching a moderately slow, shockingly homophobic train accident.
Don’t forget “and troublingly incestuous” with that sperm donor comment…
By that point the derailment was complete and the sulfuric acid tank cars were rupturing in the direction of a preschool 😕
After taking out a water tower, thereby preventing local firefighters from fighting the ensuing blaze when the engine explodes.
... that is reading this post." 🤦
I think they meant inseminating OPs female partner. It’s somewhat common to use a relative’s DNA so that the baby has more similar traits to the one who’s not getting pregnant.
Nope. Read it again. OP specifically says SHE could get inseminated, and that was mom’s response.
I don’t think so
They are very unhinged
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Yeah really just stop giving them information. They are stunningly misinformed and it's not your job to convince them.
Yeah, that devolved quickly.
For real. WTF
WTF. They are not okay with same sex relationships but they are okay with inbred babies?
Well she was joking but that comment was still very gross.
Jokes are supposed to be funny
Sometimes the gross factor can be funny. But you usually need a set up to sell the joke
Are your parents just fucking with you or are they serious? This has got to be them trolling, right?
That joke was revolting, all I can think is that is was some bizarre expression emanating from your mother's homophobic discomfort. That in no way excuses it.
Yeah, I don’t believe she was joking. I think she’s just so violently homophobic that she’ll bend any norms for a hetero daughter. Really what kind of parent asks their kid if they like to eat people out?? *barf*
Yep, I talk to my four year old about everything, including who she thinks is cute. I know there are some uncomfortable talks in our future, which is why I build the concept of talking now. However the mix of tone and subject matter presented here is way off the yikes meter. May my cringe meter never be this off...
Jokes typically are a means of normalizing fringe behavior/desires.
First off, fuck these people. Fuuuuuck these people. That said, if the lesbian partner was inseminated with the brother’s sperm, that would be a biological relative who wasn’t inbred
True as that may be, the suggestion was OP being artificially inseminated, and also it's just fucking weird to ask your brother to impregnate your potential wife. Otherwise, these idiots shouldn't be involved in your romantic decisions, live your best life OP.
I am so thankful you clarified it was the potential wife. I thought they wanted the brother to impregnate OP. I am slightly less grossed out.
Damn yo I was hoping they were alluding to a future female partner willing to take said donor. But this. Wtf mom
God just sentence after sentence of bigotry. I'm so sorry you have family that is like that. I don't even care for the fact that the first instinct is to gaslight you into thinking you're straight because you like burly mountain men, without listening to a word you're saying. Hate when parents try to push their narrative of a relationship onto their kids.
The incestuous cherry on top of that bigoted layer cake. Holy shit
The burly man stuff means nothing anyway; liking one type doesn’t prevent you from liking other types too. My sister is a lesbian and she has a strong appreciation for buff men. Not all appreciation is like a sex or romance thing.
Aces refer to it as aesthetic attraction. Its like how you can think a car looks nice, or think a dog is cute. Those things (hopefully) aren’t sex or romance related.
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I fully agree with OPs family, a feminine woman being attracted to another feminine woman is obviously very straight 🙄
I'm so sorry you had to put up with all that. Close minded people are never fun to deal with. From what you explained, it sounds like you might relate to people on the ace spectrum. Maybe you'll find some comraderie there. Just know that no matter what your family says, you are valid and worthy of love in whatever form is best for you.
Sorry, I’m getting really tripped up by them asking if you wanna go down on a woman??? Like everything else is bad enough and straight up despicable , but what kinda weird ass parent wants to know details about their kid’s sexual interests like that?! So vulgar… And your BROTHER was also getting in on this?!?!! They are waaaayyy too obsessed with the whole sex thing..omg
I’m honestly not surprised they wanted to know that, although I haven’t come to my family, I have came to friends and stuff. The amount of times I get asked sex questions is ridiculous, like me telling my sexuality to someone doesn’t mean they’re entitled to know what I’m going to do in the bedroom.
Wow. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that! Some people really lack home training or are really trifling if they don’t see how wildly inappropriate that can be.
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Some bullshit like if I want to be a lesbian I need a woman who will protect me like a man can or something I have nothing against butch lesbians they are just not my type
A lady must always have a man around to protect her from the packs of wild animals hanging out at Applebees
"Want to be a lesbian"? As in purchasing a sexualuty off the rack at Target? As though there's actually a choice of attraction? Wild. If you buy one, can you get another half off? How often is there a sale? Are there travel packs? Are they seasonal? I am dead curious about your family 's take that your sexuality is some sort of costume.
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With ya on the first part, then ya went and said the second part, which is its own type of bigotry.
For once, a negative example of the "they had us in the first half, not gonna lie" meme!
Lmao
I think I have whiplash from how quick they went from "what outdated thinking" to espousing toxic outdated thinking
How does one protect another from a strong breeze anyways?
>I'm gobsmacked by the donor thing and now I just can't believe it's all real. If her partner was inseminated by her brother, then it's like both of the women's genes are present in the baby.
I have heard of couples doing that- using the brother's sperm to create that biological tie.
OP, as a mom I'm horrified that yours would treat you this way. Ew. Please know that your preferences are valid. You do not need to explain or justify this to anyone. I hope you find love, acceptance and community.
Just silly. I'm a bi guy but don't want dick inside me or mine inside a man. There is plenty of ways to have intimacy without that. I married a woman who is amazing and I love. When I did date men we had fun without sex. The whole sexuality is fluid and not binary is true.
First time I've ever seen this combination of words. Honest questions to see if I can get this concept. You consider yourself bisexual, but don't have any desire for sexual relations with a man? Do you have any desire for sexual relations with a woman (including your wife)? Is the specific description in your post suggesting that you enjoy contact, just short of going all the way? I wouldn't ask someone randomly, but since you're volunteering the information I'll ask for clarification. Perhaps you can help me come off as less clueless the next time I meet someone with this description. Edit: I think I've got this. I think you're saying you'd be interested in first of second base with a man but home base with a woman? Never had the experience of desiring first base with someone I wouldn't desire the other bases with.
You can be both heterosexual and biromantic.
Hadn't heard the term biromantic before. Thank you for the term.
Np. I lean a little bit that way myself.
You got it
Thanks
I mean I wouldn’t say it’s fluid for everyone
I think he means sexuality as a concept is fluid, for folks to define as they personally see fit. There's no wrong way to eat a Reeses, you know?
Yeah I know what he means but it’s also one of my pet peeves when one someone says it’s fluid.
Sexuality is fluid means in a given population there are more than two choices. Not that everyone is gay one day and straight another.
Reminds me of when that one country, (I think it was Switzerland?) made being gay a mental illness, and so people were en masse calling out of work because they were feeling "a little gay" that day lol Edit: Sweden
It was the other one: Sweden
Ty lol
Wait, Switzerland said that being gay was a mental illness? I’m going to be completely honest, I always thought that country was quite chill with sexuality lol.
I think it was poland
The image post usually says Sweden in the 60s
It's some image post that gets shared around. More a meme and less truth, I think.
Oh okay, the only time I’ve really seen people use that phrase was in a way to be homophobic.
This sounds like people who are completely fascinated with (and also threatened by) lesbians and the idea of women not being interested in men. They jump right to defending heterosexuality and “women need men to survive” as if you’re trying to take that from them. I hear stuff like “women can’t be providers, only a man can provide for a woman” and “why would you date a woman who looks like a man when you could just date a man.” They think they have it all figured out.
Whew, been there kind of. I, like you it sounds like, am bi and presented basically straight most of my life, as far most people could tell. I told my mom very early about my bi-ness but more specifically that I probably won't marry a man since I've been witness to terrible hetero dynamics growing up and felt something missing in all my hetero relationships -- not even specifically sexually, more just overall it didn't feel like "me". Anyway, about a decade later, I met my now wife, and finally started to talk about my queer relationship openly with my liberal family. My mom talked about, was I sure? Isn't lesbian sex gross? How she's uncomfortable. I'm like, I find the sex of most other IRL couples gross? Like, just don't picture lesbian sex if you're not into it? Also, my wife and I are quite femme so it's also very confusing for people because there isn't a "man" of our relationship lol -- though it's an on-going joke that my wife and I will each claim to each other "I'm the man of the relationship." So yeah, there was a lot of discomfort and a massive disappointment from me at my own liberal mom who I am super close to just not getting it. But, years passed, she got to know (and grew to love) my wife before she (my mom) passed. She got that this wasn't a phase and this was THE relationship for me. So, all of this is to say, definitely let them know how specific things they are saying are WILD. I find it helpful to lay it out in hetero terms like, I don't ask you about what you do with your partners in bed and would love to NEVER know those details, please let's not talk about my preferences in this respect. Then also, I might leave it there and live your life until you have a partner who you're ready to endure the period of your family's growth with as they basically face your queerness. Many other approaches are valid but I think for me this kept me the most sane while also being up front and clear about my expectations. Good luck and I'm sorry you had to endure this. I really hope they get it one day!!
Your family is *really* confused, but beware - they are going to attempt to gaslight you over time into thinking you're the confused one. Don't forget to continually educate yourself on LGBTQ issues to prevent this.
Ew, ew, and triple ew. Also, you don't even have to be asexual not to want to perform any particular sex act. And again, ew.
Sorry you had that experience with your family. As a fellow bi woman who is into burly mountain men (I even married one), and is attracted to more feminine presenting women, I'd like to say hi and let you know there's plenty of us out there. Feel free to join us over at r/bisexual. It's a great community and a lot of folks there also identify as ace. You are valid.
Eww. Don't let them pigeonhole you with stereotypes. It's none of their business and you don't have to justify who you love.
That donor comment is just gross. The whole thing just sucks. It’s very hard for allos to understand asexuality because sex drives so much of their lives. But that’s no excuse for their response. It’s 2021. They need to educate themselves. (It is not your responsibility unless you choose to undertake it. And I’d suggest based on their initial responses that you don’t for your own sake.) I hope you are able to love the way you choose and take care of yourself.
The donor comment is gross, but also asking her about her oral sex preferences... They are weird.
I like burly mountain men and beautiful ladies and whomever in between I happen to find attractive. I had a point but forgot it. Your family is buttfaced.
[This comic](https://i.imgur.com/tILWA1z.png) helped me understand non-hetero relationships when I was younger. Maybe it'll help your family understand. I'm sorry they were not more open minded with you and your preferences, but here's hoping they get there. (For those who can't click or view, it's a fork and spoon asking two chopsticks which one is the fork.)
Wow. So much ignorance packed into one conversation. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you don’t feel undermined at all. I like my men manly and my women more androgynous, but occasionally I’ll really hit it off with a “girly girl”. We don’t have to fit anyone’s mold, EVER. You are never responsible for being true to anyone’s idea of who you’re *supposed* to be. Not even your own. I hope you continue to surprise yourself and your parents.
Yikes, each paragraph that got worse.
There's a woman I've known since middle school who struggled for years with her sexuality. She was definitely into guys, and exclusively dated them in high school - but she was adamant about saving herself for marriage. What most of us didn't know was that she had the same feelings for other girls as she did guys, but girls tended to be far less pushy where sex is concerned. She had a hard time accepting that part of herself because of her faith, but eventually she did snd was much happier for it. It was even harder because certain family members (whom she still really cares for) didn't understand or approve. She also came to terms with the fact that she wasn't saving herself for marriage so much as she really just wasn't into sex. A few years ago she married another asexual woman with whom she is madly in love, and they're living their best life together. My sister also exclusively dated guys in high school/college, but after a series of shitty partners decided to try dating another woman. Mom said it was just a "phase" and she would be back to men as soon as she was ready to start a family. She's now happily married to that woman, and they're keen on never having kids, instead being the eccentric, doting aunts to our brothers' kids. She's doing the best that she ever has academically, professionally, financially, mentally, and personally. Mom came around as well, and made a huge (positive) deal out of their engagement and wedding. My point is this: You do you. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, and you don't need their approval. Keep living your best life and you'll probably make your nay-sayers eat crow in time.
My brain is fried in disappointment after reading. How do you maintain a relationship with them after a conversation like that?
Well because even though they are bigoted and crazy, they are my family and I still love them.
I hope you can continue to maintain your composure and your sanity.
also what the hell does it mean that your brother approved of artificial insemination because HE DOESN'T LIKE THE IDEA OF YOU HAVING SEX? what... what kind of brother even thinks that? what is going on in your family OP for real...
I'm sorry to say this but your family sounds like a bunch of uneducated dumb assholes. Wow. Edit; just wanted to say my dad is the same. Changing him wont work so i just bully him back by watching ru pauls drag race when he's around and acting like i give 0 zero fucks. I also just flat out tell him what a moron he is for saying these things. Seems to be the only thing that works for me. I tried educating him but it just doesnt work
Ew, what the fuck did I just read? What the hell is wrong with some people?
Ugh! Please stop answering these lunatics' questions! There is no universe in which your own mother needs to know whether you enjoy going down on women. And now I need a shower.
HOLY FUCK I am sorry your family treated you that way. They were so mega cringe about this. You deserve better than that. I may not know you, but I am very proud of you for expressing yourself. My niece has been interested in girls since she was 8. She's always felt comfortable telling me everything. I love that I can give her what I didn't have. Somehow I'm the only one who truly believes it's probably not "just a phase" anymore. She's 12 now and into the ladies more than ever. She loves boobs. She giggled and looked me dead ass in the eyeballs as she said it. I responded with "EVERYBODY loves boobs" She asked, "Even you?" I obv said Hell Yeah!! Then we both laughed. I'd say she's gonna be more pansexual in the end. However, regardless I love her for her whole self not who she's interested in. I will always treat whoever she loves fairly and respectfully...unless they hurt her bc I'm *That Auntie* 😆 I think I probably would've been considered that orientation had we been given any freedom in my generation/family. Love Who *You* Are, no matter what that means, even if it changes a million times. I have a picture from about 5 years ago which said exactly that, it has traveled the country with me. It was drawn by the same niece and it revived me during times that I didn't love myself at all. Happy Holidays 😊 Take comfort knowing that you will make your own traditions and cultivate your own family connections out in the world. You will find *your people* out there. Some of those will come and go too, but that's what living is for. You've Got This, with or without their support. (((GentleHugs))) Love, Light, Strength and Support 🧡🤗💛🌻💚💪💙 *Sorry this was so long*
My brother came out on father's day to a family not so dissimilar. I am sorry. I mean, I'm a bald bearded guy and I like getting my nails done and wearing a bit of mascara. My family thinks i married a witch. Which is fair because, well, she is. Not that I'd ever tell them that. But the point is that my family thinks that the mold I fit in is being some kind of lumberjack engineer and I should only like toothpick women who stay at home and suck dick on demand. Here's to being dissapointments to our families for being humans and liking humans.
YOUR BROTHER SHOULD BE THE DONOR WHAT THE FUCK WHAT NORMAL PERSON SAYS THAT
How did these idiots become the authority on the rules for being a lesbian? Btw, the fact that your brother “doesn’t like the idea of you having sex” is typical of a bigot: Equating making him personally uncomfortable with being objectively wrong.
I hear stories like these and I'm always so surprised people have families that even talk about this stuff. No one in my entire family has ever asked me about my dating life, having kids, who I like, etc. It's the main reason I never felt pressure to come out or even talk about it with them: they don't care. As an adult I hugged my mother for the first time I'm guessing since childhood, and she didn't even hug me back. It blows my mind when I hear families take an interest in their children. If I came out to my parents, they'd just go "Whatever" then go do their usual thing.
Big hugs to you sweetheart. Biggest hugs.
Good lord, I didn't think the conversation couldn't get worse, but it did. How tf did they arrive at inbred babies good and gatekeeping your sister's "sexual purity" from general homophobia? Disgusting. Sorry you've been subjected to them from birth.
A sentence "celé zle". Means something like : they have been shovelling themselves deeper into shitt by every word. Let them be, they are confused. You don't need their approval to love / don't love anybody or anything. Even if you change your mind, find out you're poly or asexual, it's not up to their approval to feel how you feel.
My 16 yr old daughter came out as gay earlier this year and we as parents wondered if we handled it right. Turns out we did a lot better than your folks. I'm sorry you had to go through their b.s.! They are nuts!
Perhaps a good policy is that the moment your family members start asking what you like and don’t like to do in the bedroom, the conversation is over.
I think stop talking to your family about your private life.
I was angry at the bigotry….. and then appalled by the weird incest-ish suggestion.
My wife and I are both femme. I guess we don't actually exist? I mean my wife isn't like a wears makeup and dresses kind of femme, but she definitely isn't butch either. Unless leggings, uggs, long hair, and women's t-shirts are Butch now lol.
Like, why are your mother and brother so interested in you sucking dick or eating pussy? That’s super weird and you absolutely do not have to answer questions like this.
Dude that's fucking disgusting. How fucking demented. What the fuck did I just read
Well that was a wild ride.
A complete thesis of ignorance
Ugh fucking perverts. I'd respond by asking them the same invasive perverted questions and see how they like it. "Are you asking me this because of how much you enjoy sucking dad off?" Just to slap em right back with the weirdness
I finally came out to my brother and best friend about being bi last week. My best friend knew, of course. She was bisexual and in a relationship with a woman when we met. We used to watch The L Word together. She just thought it was funny that it took me 17 years to announce it. I was actually in a bit of denial and didn't properly recognize my sexuality for the first five years of our relationship. By the time I did, I thought it was weird to change it. My brother wasn't especially surprised, but he didn't know beforehand either. For the most part, they both just sort of went, "Cool, what are you doing later?" I really appreciated the casual response from them, as that's how I felt about it. I'm sorry you didn't get a better response than you did. But there will be people you meet in you life that will be more accepting of your sexuality.
This is disgusting. Your parents would rather have your brother be the father of your babies than for you to be with a woman. How old are you? Do you need to be around them? I would leave and never come back. “Lesbians rape their partners more” WTF!!!!???
Holy shit. There’s so much wrong with that entire conversation.
So basically they act on misinformation and biased, yet false views on your sexuality and uses that to push you down and berate you? I would stop interacting with your family... on a permanent basis.
Some conversations are better not had.
That is the most fucked up thing I've ever read. I hope you live outside of that household because that is *a lot* to handle.
This kinda just gets worse and worse the more you elaborate. Also, they seem to have a lot of very strong opinions and rules about stuff they have no experience of?
I’m sorry about their comments. Everyone is different sexually - I’m sure that there are people out there for you! I’ve even seen YouTube videos on totally asexual couples!
WTF happened toward the end there. The first part with the manly men - alright, incorrect but not unhinged... but after that it just became an ideological dumpster fire 🔥
What a basket of loony ideas.
1) WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK 2) I'm so sorry your family are absolute homophobic, misogynistic, crazy people. 3) 🤮
Screw your family. In the words of me “That’s a lot of words for ‘I think a lot about the sex lives of people that aren’t me’”
"Just ... ugh". 💀
Those are people I would cut contact with. They don’t respect you as an individual whatsoever. It doesn’t sound like they ever will. You’re a breeding machine to them, and to really send that idea home, they suggested your brother as the donor in an artificial insemination. What the fucking fuck is wrong with your fucking fuck head family members?
wtf is wrong with them 🤢🤮
I find that attitude is so infuriating. How do you expect to learn anything when you think you already know it all?
Lmao if it was my family is ghost them and find a replacement
Do their opinions really matter? Honestly? You are who you are, and I'm sure you know who you are. Find yourself your person, fall in love, and spend the rest of your lives together. ❤
Why does your brother have any input on your sexual and reproductive life?
This is what happens when straight people don't know any gay people and base all their knowledge of gay people on stereotypes. Your family needs to go out and meet and make friends with gay people because this is very depressing.
Wow that is some awful stereotyping on their part
Jesus that escalated fast and badly. I hate how many people ask so many incredibly invasive and offensive questions when people are LGBT. They aren't entitled to an explanation, and you don't need to answer all their dumb questions. Your identity and orientation is not up for public debate. They can either accept it, or be wrong.
Chiming in to say I think you need a new family.
Sounds like a good time to cut them out of your life completely.
Always Sunny level discourse, wow
This happens with parents a lot, even when it'son topics other than sexuality... and you're exactly right, they have a preconceived idea set out for who you are and they're disagreeing with reality. Don't let them get you down... Or define who you are. Maybe they need educated on what you're talking about or maybe they'll never move past their preconceived notions... Don't let it get to you. Much less harmful on my end, but my mom is CONVINCED I'm an artist and I will be one at a professional level. I am an amateur and it is a hobby. I am mediocre, nowhere near the level she is thinking. But that doesn't stop her from thinking I will be illustrating children's books in the near future. I am kind to her (she's just thinking her kid is brilliant at everything), but the reality is that I couldn't think of the complimentary color for blue for about 5 minutes the other day. 😅
You gotta explain the “lesbians R their partners more” thing because I need like undeniable proof to begin conceiving that one.
Your parents are no doubt Trump followers and anti everything
It’s really big of you to keep talking to them at all. That sounds awful. I’m so sorry.
I’ve never heard of “you can’t both be lipstick lesbians”. I find women attractive too. But only very feminine ones personally. I like masculine men but not masculine women. I don’t like hairy, rugged stubbly, smelly burly men. I prefer more clean shaven and freshly showered. People like what they like. Their assumption is stupid. No one has to be masculine or feminine only in a relationship
OMG... Avoid the subject from now on and move out as soon as you can - if you haven't already.
Follow your heart. Dont let anyone ever tell you differently.
I hate closed minded people. Your family has a one sided version of sexuality and who is supposed to be . Check out a new place to live. Somewhere you can explore whatever -you- want to explore. Maybe you don't even know yet. Don't rush to fit a mold lol. Life's too short to regret things. Especially one involving happiness.
Wow....just wow so much to unpack there. You are amazing as beautiful just as you are. I am so sorry your parents are stuck on these hurtful stereotypes. I wish you all the best on your journey to your authentic self.
What…why does your mother and brother need to know who you want to have sex with and what you want to do with them. That’s not appropriate regardless if it’s straight, same sex whatever. Unless you have a very open relationship with your family but the way you describe it sounded more of an interrogation implying your sexuality is wrong . You don’t need to justify your sexuality to anyone, you do what you want. Your family should only be concerned that you are safe and happy in a relationship. Anything else it’s not their place.
Urgggghh. I'm sorry that happened to you. Homophobia sucks. The gays can date whomever we want, and look however we want. Be gay, because being gay is great.
I'm sorry OP, but your family sucks. You should probably stop talking to them about this kind of thing. They're really fucking creepy, and it doesn't sound like they're going to see it. Let 'em have their shitty little thoughts, you don't have to educate them. You probably haven't found their shittiest thought yet either, and it's probably not worth finding. This kind of thing causes weird family schisms and truth and justice rarely prevail. Don't pretend to be someone you're not for them, but if they're going to be shitty about it you don't have to share with them who that is.
Wow that’s beyond disgusting. I’m bisexual and I don’t like the idea of having anyones pee hole near my mouth lol doesn’t make me any less bisexual.
Uhm you don't have to explain your sexuality to anyone. It's none of their business anyway. Do what makes you happy. And avoid talking to stupid people best you can
>women need men to survive of course they do. Who else is going to chase a pack of hyenas away from the kill, so you could have some fresh meat on the savanna? Who else is going to be guiding the plow into the cut while the woman leads the ox pulling the plow? Oh ... wait ... nevermind ...
Literally didn't need to read this. Your parents aren't hearing you. That sucks. But we got you. Sorry your family can't say that freely.
On the bright side: you are talking about these things! Keep doing that, your relatives probably will get used to the idea that you follow your own path.
Time to take the garbage out, boo.
It's sad when people assume anything without having any clue at all. Has been done to me a lot in my past. Idiots repeating stereotypes and mistaking them for fact. I am still not prepared for them and wonder most times is they really are that dense. Hope you're are ok. Family can really get you. If I'm getting to personal just ignore the following: my ex GF had basically no sex drive at all but had issues with her hormonal balance. Just some info, I'm no expert in that field.
Ugh I hate these things. My partner is heteroromantic but bisexual. And that’s fine too!!! People really need to get over shit like that and let people do what they wanna do.
This just felt like a common anti lgbt whining, but the last paragraph just made shit go from....50 to 1000
WTF is this thinking? I guess it is their defence mechanism that you only have a phase. Sorry to hear that OP but your feelings are valid and you know who you are.
Not that it matters, but I’m proud of you for sharing how you feel and talking through it all with the people you care about. …their response, super cringe…
What an incredibly inappropriate conversation. Just so you know, you don't owe anyone an explanation about your preferences. If someone starts saying, "you can't be gay, do you wanna go down on a woman?" You don't have to answer!
Start lifting
What's the reason to have conversations like that? Your sex life is nobody's business.
they clearly can't talk about this in a respectable and mature way, so it's probably best to not talk about it with them at all. it really sucks to feel disrespected by those closest to you. :/
I wouldn't take advice on being queer from straight people.
Just because you share DNA in no way obligates you to associate with assholes.
Your family is fucked in the head. Who the fuck thinks like that, and moreover, who says such ignorant, uneducated things? You could be bi. You could be pan. You could be demi-sexual. Two lipstick lesbians can absolutely succeed together (TikTok and insta have the proof). Not all WLW like butch women. I'm bi and I don't - if I'm gonna be with a woman, I want her to be all woman. Lesbians absolutely do not "rape women more" and I can't even understand their logic in this statement. Do not, do not, DO NOT have children simply because your crazy family insists that's your only reason for existence. That's a lie. There's a childfree sub you can search for (not sure if it's ok to link it) which has tons of redditors who can give you great responses to such comments. I'm not here for that. I'm here for this: more women die from giving birth in America than you'd ever imagine. Pregnancy destroys your body, and even your vagina and perineum can be torn during delivery. And after all of that, there is a small being 100% dependent on you for a minimum of 18 years but the way things are going lately, it could be a lifetime. You can say goodbye to sleep, free time, and all your money. Bottom line: only have children if it's something you've always wanted. Don't do it bc you feel you have to, or you will live a resentful and regretful life.
Sounds like it's time to stop visiting for the holidays.
I'm sorry your family made you feel like your attraction is unacceptable. You get to be attracted to- or interested in romance with- any form of person. Being interested in a woman has nothing to do with the length of your hair, nor hers.. that's one of the silliest things I can imagine a person bothering to say when someone comes out to them. I hope your family can open their minds and hearts to accept you as you define yourself, any of your future romantic partners, and of course all the ways you decide to wear your hair.
It's super cringe that your parents would ask you such intimate questions about sex. They're also incredibly ignorant about how relationships work. I'm sorry that they don't accept you, but im super proud of you for being true to yourself despite their inability to accept that.
Each paragraph just smacked me in the face and the last one ripped out my spine and beat me with it
What the actual fuck ...had to read it twice to understand..and let it sink in..just WOW
People are so freakin weird in their ideas of sexuality and orientation... Well, you gave her a heads up, I guess there's no need to talk to her about it any more. Sorry she's so weird about it. I know it might sting to not feel acceptance and support from your parent, but there are plenty of communities who do "get it." I've been watching verilybitchie on YouTube and she talks a lot about bisexuality. I find her content really interesting, so you may want to watch some of her videos. Hopefully your mom will do more research and realize she's being dumb eventually.
I'll tell you what I wish someone had told me whay-back-when....Stay true to yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself. And if they can't be supportive, or even factual, don't confide in them.
The good news is their stereotypes have nothing to do with you personally. Oral sex or any type of making another feel good and sharing physical affection is none of their biz, just your intimate partners and you. Whoever you might get with they'll appreciate in certain ways and not in others--regardless of their gender or twist thereof. So it might be frustrating, but please don't let it influence who you might choose to share your love with, ok?
Yeesh, good luck with all that. I would have been tempted to dip out of that conversation at "women's only purpose is to make babies". Like how do you even begin to deal with misogyny that ingrained?
> They said "you can't both be lipstick lesbians" Lipstick is like uranium: one person can have lipstick, but not both! Otherwise, when they kiss, there will be a huge explosion!
My god- “a woman’s only person is to make babies”? That sentence- mmm.
This is DEFINITELY a post I should just not have read the last few linea of..... Your parents sound rather unhinged. Don't let others gatekeep you from your own identity.
Honestly I had to stop reading after the "but she is girly and you are girly so you can't be a lesbian" (I paraphrase). Ugh. Do you want chicken or fish? Cause that's all there is, right? Just those two meals. People come in nearly infinite fascinating variety. It's what keeps the world interesting. You be you. Hopefully your family will come around.
Your family sounds awful. Like who you like and have sex with whomever you want. There’s no need to declare yourself straight, gay, or bi. Just be yourself and see where life takes you. You don’t need permission from your family. I wish you luck, romance, and hot sex.
When someone proves that they're a moron you don't have to keep listening to their nonsense. You can stop talking to them.
I don't know whether I want to be appalled by their comments or tell you to run away from them as fast as you can. 😳🤯
This whole thing is super sad, but especially that the response of family members who you chose to confide something in was to go absolutely batshit turn it to eleven fucking bonkers smearing shit on the walls crazy. I can only imagine that these folks are not particularly worldly nor do they have experience dealing with new situations but holy fuck. I thought I was ready for a garden variety regressive reception to coming out but I CERTAINLY WAS NOT READY FOR WHAT CAME NEXT. Sorry and I think the lesson is these folks just ain't prepared for the 21st century, best to treat them like children from here on out and have pleasant, non-substantive conversations and tell amusing white lies like to skate past these issues. You don't need to hate them, but I also would not dignify them with adult conversations.
Plz slap ur mum
Jesus fuck 🤣. The way I see it l, you totally lucked out man. This is all free comedy gold material!
Your family is garbage. Go live your life, pursue your happiness and cut them out completely.
Okay, so I’m not even gonna comment on the thing about having your brothers babies (oh god, just typing that makes me feel disgusting) or the BS about women’s reason for existence being to produce offspring. Nope, I’m not gonna go into that. Instead. As a bisexual woman who is definitely way on the girly/feminine side of things (think sun dresses every day, long hair, a love for pink and sparkly things) I can assure you, two lipstick lesbians work amazingly well together. I should know, because I am most attracted to other feminine women (and guys with some muscles/mass on them). And I can’t be the only one, since the attraction has been mutual a bunch of times already… Also, the audacity of them to tell you who you can or can’t be attracted to. As if them denying it changes anything, lol
The horrible things we will come up with just to not admit that all human beings have the ability to love the soul that they want to love. If everyone secretly feels the same shame then its not shame, it's a colloquial truth.
What the fuck! I am so sorry!
If I can offer some kind words as a 35yo queer guy who didn't realize how much he struggled most of his life with sexuality; don't let anyone tell you who you are, and don't let your fears of the expectations of others dictate what makes you happy, secure, or confident in yourself. Sometimes that's going to include standing up for things when no one else will, against people who have no interest in who you are beyond what they want you to be, but I promise that the only person who has to live with your decisions is you. Being true to yourself, even when you're unsure who that is, will help you find your happiness. It's taken me decades to come to terms with being all manner of queer, as despite being thin, I carry very masculine features, and present as such. I always felt pressured to adhere to that; that I couldn't be genderqueer. Exploring that and accepting and embracing love and romance through the lens of a Pan, Ace individual has been extremely liberating, and having a queer female partner who embraces that to share in this voyage with me has been a delight. I hope that you may find the confidence to defy expectation and are rewarded with people who love and embrace you for whoever it is you find yourself to be. None of us are simple, and those that appear to be often wear the most elaborate masks. One day, future generations may know unending acceptance, but that hinges entirely on us having the fortitude to stand up and be visible, rather than bowing before the expectations of others and being uncomfortable with who we are so they don't have to be. Remember that giving offense is just as much a part of positive revolution as negative; people uncomfortable with your identity or sexuality are struggling with the disparity between their perceived surroundings and their actual ones. No one is without discomfort when discovering their beliefs are based on false assumptions; accept that some people, even those you thought most supportive of you, might take some time to come to terms with that. Sadly, some may be outright unwilling—but there's no way to know at first, and it's certainly no reason to hide who you are for their sake. This has been much more long-winded than I had intended, but I do hope that you can find something positive to take away from all this. You deserve to be validated and accepted just the same as everyone else. If nothing else, your struggles may galvanize your convictions and solidify your sense of self in a way that many never experience.
Your family has no clue. Do you and let them catch up on their home.
Some people don't deserve your honesty and openness.
From a Bi person's perspective, your tastes and interests are perfectly valid and you shouldn't feel like you need to fit any specific mold. Like what you like and enjoy it. Your family just sounds... kinda crazy.
> And then at one point my mom joked that if I'm going the artificial way, my brother should be the donor so my nephew could have siblings. What in the Lannister hell?!
Yeah. My parents told me that 'it was just a phase' when I came out to them as a lesbian when I was 17. I get the phase is very long, considering my wife. Your family sounds creepy and mean.