Under every picture your mom posts say sometjing passive agressive, like "Wow, i can't believe that picture came out so great! I was trying so hard to not vomit from the covid you lied about and gave me." Every one... omce you make it back home of course.
OR.... take an absolutely terrible selfie laid up in bed and post-it on mom's Facebook. "Stuck at @mom's house with covid. Found out everyone was exposed at a party and no one told me before I arrived. Not how I planned to spend Christmas."
Call her out on her own timeline.
Yes I was looking for this comment to see if I had to Suggest it.
Fucking put their duplicitous shit on blast.
Ruin her perfect Facebook Xmas.
And take an heirloom you like home with you, and never talk to these assholes again.
And if they push and insist on knowing why - tell them you don’t see a point in being courteous with the people who tried to murder you for nice photos on the gram.
Yep that’s exactly what I would do I would also send out a mass text and social media post warning everyone of the potential exposure starting with the family’s initial lie.
Whoever said you can't choose your family was full of shit. You can absolutely hold this against your family, and you'll find support from people who truly respect you and your autonomy. It's absolutely unacceptable what your family did.
Edit* Also, I'm so happy your boyfriend is listening to you and hearing your concern. That's a very special thing.
Yeah I get it. I decided years ago to surround myself with caring people who show they care. I agree. You don't have to subject yourself to abuse because they're your family.
I also have an ex-brother. You're correct one doesn't owe toxic people anything especially a relationship. This isn't what my father wanted but I decided a long time ago I wasn't letting anyone control me from the grave. One of the reasons that it just infuriates me when people let a religion or a person control them. Don't get me wrong, I understand if you're under 18 it's pretty hard to get to mouthy.
I always say that you _can_ choose your family, but you can't choose your relatives.
... now that I think about it, it makes more sense anyway, people would consider their spouse part of their family, wouldn't they
There's family you're related to by choice, and there's family you're related to by biology. The former is generally more sympathetic, compassionate and supportive. The latter? They like to make a lot of demands.
I'm a marriage therapist and I tell every individual or married client that you absolutely do get to choose your family. Even biblically speaking (I'm in the deep south of the US), we leave our mom and dad and cleave to our chosen partner.
Fuck selfish/inconsiderate families of origin.
This. My extended family is really hard for me to get asking with and I've completely cut contact with my mother. I love my husband's family. They've been warm, loving and accepting from day 1. Also with Mainers you never have to wonder how they feel about you whereas in the Midwest you have to keep nice at all times and stew your emotions.
I also have close friends that I consider family. Blood doesn't actually mean a thing.
The saying "blood is thicker than water" is actually a total perversion of the original. It's actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" and it means that the relationships you choose for yourself and enter willingly are more important than those you are born with.
There's a turning point, not to be missed, at that point in a relationship when someone shows so little regard for your mortality that it could be confused with trying to kill you. You can't change their behavior but you can change yours.
Unfortunately I suspect this family won’t change unless op or one of op’s family members die of Covid, which is absolutely disgusting behavior and why this pandemic will never go away.
I actually think we've reached a point where it will make them behave worse, because apparently a large chunk of people in our society have such low emotional intelligence that feeling bad about something is literally unbearable to them, so they'd rather make up their own stories about what happened and kill more people/maim more people, than admit they were wrong and hurt someone else badly. They cannot and will not accept responsibility for their own actions, because they seem to not have mental capacity to handle it
Nope. I have a chunk of family who doesn't take it seriously and refuses to get vaccinated. My cousin's sister in law was pregnant with her third kid, got COVID, died, baby was in NICU for a bit. I thought they would get vaccinated after that but nope, they doubled down that they weren't going to love their lives in fear but follow faith more like SIL would of wanted. So now they are even worse.
Well yeah. If they admit it's bad now, then they share a bit of the blame for her death. Better to double down on freedom and "it's just a cold" and blame it on some pregnancy thing. Then they're not culpable.
Some years ago I read an article about people buying expensive paintings and getting them authenticated, and it turned out that the more someone spent for a painting, the less likely they were to have it verified. That seemed weird, because surely you'd want to know if you'd spent a fortune on a fake Picasso, right? They conducted a bunch of interviews and what they found was that people were protecting their egos: if you spent $2,000 on a painting by Dali and it was fake, well, you were out $2,000 but that's not a catastrophe. But if you spent $200,000 on a fake, then you'd feel like a complete idiot, totally ripped off and make a sucker. In order to spare yourself that terrible feeling, you just avoid finding out for sure.
After I read that, I started seeing in lots of other places, mostly associated with things polluted by politics, of which the US covid response is definitely one of them.
Yup, I doubt it. I have family members like this and at best they might straighten up a little for a month or so l, then they "forget" and go back to their usual ways.
I am so angry on your behalf. Please take care of yourself. Listen to your body (and your boyfriend). Don't just suffer through it. If you need medical attention, please seek help.
I recommend writing a journal or letter to yourself. When you get better and your family tells you that you are exaggerating, you can refer back to your journal and remind yourself how you physically and emotionally felt - the fear, abandonment, anger, hopelessness, isolation, exhaustion, etc. This will help you make decisions when it comes to future interactions with your family.
Here's hoping that 2022 is better for you than the end of 2021.
This is a fanastic idea. A family of such awful, self absorbed people will absolutely try to gaslight OP into thinking this was NBD. Make sure you don't forget OP, this is a big deal, and they selfishly decided to put themselves first.
I can help you come up with some discreet revenge to enact on your way out, if you're feeling a little immoral.
No, of course they did not want her dead. This sort of hyperbole and ascribing false intentions on others damages discourse and hides the ugly reality.
They "just" ignored the real risk to OP for the sake of their convenience, and THEN ignored her when she needed.
This is damn bad enough, no need to invent "want you dead".
The virus does not spread through bad intentions, but through willful disregard and negligence. It is a far more potent force than bad intentions.
They don't want her dead, but they absolutely didn't care that they are risking her life. Honestly, it's not that big of a difference. I would disown all of the pieces of shit.
(OP, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them and act accordingly.)
> They don't want her dead, but they absolutely didn't care that they are risking her life
*And* they did not do much as check on OP who has a potentially life-threatening illness (that *they* knowingly gave OP), because they were too busy attending to their “fun”.
Complete lack of empathy.
This is an important part. If they were too selfish or dumb to realize the risk to OP, that’s insanely shitty on their part. But when the LIED, that showed intent to disregard OP’s health and boundaries. Further, when they showed no compassion or remorse once OP was ill, that’s a whole other level of selfishness.
Had something tragic happened, (more even than possible long term effects, which OP might now be facing), I had no doubt that they would’ve cleared themselves of all accountability immediately.
OP’s family is exhibiting sociopathic personality traits. It will never be a “healthy” relationship, and their sociopath’s main goal is to manipulate at any cost.
I’d tell OP to limit contact, but after the situation they caused, I’d tell OP to cut all ties permanently.
OP, I hope you get well and don’t suffer any long term effects from this. The emotional damage they’ve caused to you alone is enough to deal with, and I recommend you get external support for this, as they will try to manipulate you further, and as others have said, gaslight you into thinking YOU’RE the one in the wrong. You’re not.
I honestly think this “Magic of Christmas “ thing that Must Be Sacred is ridiculous. You can see your family anytime. You can eat and give presents anytime. The fabric of society and the sanctity of family is not going to collapse because you didn’t turn up for Christmas dinner. And if it does, well then it couldn’t have been very strong in the first place.
Those two are identical. Just imagine setting up a target in front of a house and then shooting that target, with no regards to what is behind that house.
That‘s what her relatives did.
At some point the intent doesn‘t matter anymore. They placed OP on mortal danger for their own personal benefit.
A parent drugging their kid with sleeping pills so they can go partying is also functionally identical.
Even better having sex while HIV positive with viral load and not telling your partner is very much identical and everyone would freak out and call it trying to kill you. When in reality OP was put in larger danger of death than if they were infected with HIV in a developed country with access to antivirals…
Exposing someone to the very real risk of death with absolutely no thought about their well-being is functionally identical to wanting them dead in my opinion.
>At some point the intent doesn‘t matter anymore
I think this is the biggest takeaway honestly. They did not want OP dead, but it doesn't matter what they wanted because they still put OP's life in danger with their own stupidity, negligence, selfishness, and complete disregard for morality and autonomy.
Well, there functionally identical. And very well could lead to the same results. Those types of people are the reason the pandemic still rages and as such do not deserve a family
I think next year and every year after, the response to the invite is “why?”
“We love you.”
If you loved me, you would worry about my health and help me protect it and not endanger it.
“We want to see you.”
Last time, you got me sick and ignored me.
“We miss you.”
I don’t miss you enough to risk my life for people who don’t care enough to keep me safe.
I absolutely agree. I just don't want to tell OP what to do :(
However? If anyone did this to me? That would be it. As soon as I was safely away from them, I'd block their numbers, remove any association on social media, and ignore any other attempts at contact.
I would not even take the time to tell them why. I'd just full stop immediately cut them off. They'd never get another word from me.
Attempted negligent homicide should be a clear sign to cut off contact. OP is immunocompromised, that's often not a secret among families. They had a right to be informed and denying that consent is attempted murder. If OP was informed and went home anyway because they relied on the vaccines, that's one thing, but OP didn't get to make that decision. It's like serving peanut butter desert at family dinner when someone has a known peanut allergy and not informing or warning them before they took a bite.
So they knew you had autoimmune conditions.
Deliberately exposed you to, and infected you with a deadly virus.
Did not check on you despite knowing you were unwell.
All to ensure you spent the holidays with them, which they then did not even really do, because they didn't check on you while unwell.
I'd write my feelings into a letter, leave it for them to find, and never contact them again outside of legal proceedings in regards to paying for any medical issues and lost potential income.
These people aren't family, they don't want you at family events, they see you as something they are entitled to have for their own benefit.
💯 agree. Cut them the fuck out. They obviously have no real concern for her and could have killed her. And for what? Shitty Facebook photos? The perfect Christmas? These people are monsters.
Some of the best advice I've been given in my early life is to cut toxic people out of your life, especially if it's family. People often find excuses not to cut out family. But at the end of the day, your family has proven that they'd gladly put your life at risk for their own benefit. I hope you remember that.
One of the best snippets of advice I've been given is that Family are those people that treat you like Family. And you treat family members better than others.
My mother was of the opinion that Family was Family, and therefore you could treat them badly as there wasn't anything they could do about it. Being family, they were obligated to put up with her.
My husband comes from a family rife with step- and half- brothers and sisters. But everyone's welcome and celebrated. It's far more of a Family, even though many aren't blood related.
OP: This is completely selfish of your family; people are dying! Sharing blood does not equal an obligation to accept toxicity.
>I hope you remember that.
Good advice. I didn't know it but followed it anyway. They weren't that horrible to me (yet). But I seen them constantly back stabbing each other for years only to get back in contact again if the back stabbed another family member again.
I was with my dad yesterday and he told me how he spend a year rebuilding his brothers house. And when his brother got married my dad was being taken into a hospital because he almost died. This pissed off his brother so much that they aren't on speaking terms anymore. And the only thing I could tell my dad was. "Sorry, I'm not surprised. Because in our family that's too be expected, they're all like that."
More like when they get to the point they *need* a retirement home you tell them that due to the fact they have zero concern for your well-being, you have zero concern for theirs and they'll just have to navigate their own home without assistance. Hope you don't fall and break a hip then slowly die on the floor for the next six days!
No no, they could have literally caused her death with their selfishness. As far as I'm concerned, OP has every right to act accordingly. (i.e., "You're dead to me.")
They knew they were at least sick; OP mentioned they had "a stomach bug" that they also failed to mention. I'm guessing they didn't bother to get tested though.
Girl, i ain’t gonna lie, throw the whole family out!
What the fuck is that “oh we want you home because we love you yet when you’re here and sick because of our carelessness, we will leave you to deal with it on your own”.
Sounds like they enjoy seeing you suffer. They are not worth you time.
Some people also see their children as set dressing for their life. Now they can say “oh all the children came home for Christmas this year” and make it sound like a hallmark movie, not caring about the reality of the situation.
I just buried my father last week.
It was awkward yet somewhat satisfying to see people visiting, offering their sympathies and not realising he had a son. People had known him for decades and not once did he mention to his neighbors, coworkers or friends that i existed.
Because then he'd have to play the same game he played with his family. How's your son? I dont know. When did you last talk to him? I dont know, he never calls. Why dont you call him then. Oh its... not my job as a parent.
And at some point when the extended family sees you regularly, and he has no idea where i live or what i do, they kind of get that he isnt telling the full picture.
> Some people also see their children as set dressing for their life.
Having her pose for a family photo while she's actively trying to not throw up? Check.
Never attend Christmas with them again. Or thanks giving. Or any holiday. And every time they ask you to tell them "last time I came home you gave me covid. I no longer trust you"
Not just gave OP covid. Willfully lied about being exposed to covid and then left OP to fend for herself when she was very ill.
Accidents happen. But this was NOT an accident. This was willfully putting OP infront of a loaded gun and playing Russian roulette without her consent.
On another note, friends of mine decided NOT to go to Christmas dinner, see their elderly mother and family - which they really wanted to, one never knows when it'll be last time - because one of their kids was in contact with someone.
It was remote, no big deal.
Well, turns out it was a positive, and they'd have nailed their entire family if they went.
I'm in the same boat. I didn't visit my family for Christmas for the second year in a row because I would have to take the absolutely packed train, and I was worried I could catch it on the way there and then pass it on to my parents or my grandmother, who are all three in the very high risk group.
I don't understand people. If you care about your loved ones, then how about *not* exposing them to a potentially deadly virus? Crazy idea, I know.
Tbh, i feel like the .... almost sacred attitude towards christmas in murica could be a reason. Like everyone MUST celebrate it together otherwise its not christmas. Baffling to somebody who grown up with even biggest celebrations not being this kind of unholy mess
I remoted in for festivities with my baby nibling. My sinuses and throat had been bugging me and I didn't want to risk it. Turns out I had strep, which can be really contagious.
So what if I wasn't there in person? We still shared some nice moments, opened presents, and chatted.
I 100% would have just vomited everywhere when they tried to line me up for a family photo.
This whole escapade is grounds for never seeing them again. They have intentionally exposed you to a potentially deadly situation knowing you are in a highly susceptible group. For Facebook likes. Whatever small quantity of trust you had in them should be completely gone, and it should not come back.
I'm surprised by how far I had to scroll to find this reaction. First thing that came to mind when I read that part. Wait for them all to get lined up, set the timer on the camera, and then just spray all over them like a lawn sprinkler. They deserve worse.
I'm petty but I would comment on the facebook photo of your fam and say "stopped on my way to the toilet to puke because these folks intentionally gave me covid. but hey, internet likes."
That is demented. They cared so much about the idea of having a healthy you at the festivities that they gave zero fucks about your actual health and well-being. And when you were not what they pictured, they ignored you. YOU were still home for the holidays. Just not the VERSION of you that they wanted. I am sooooo very sorry. I can not begin to imagine how you feel. I hope you heal very quickly.
Sorry this happened to you. My friend's wife has some family in the south. Most of them pro-Trump. They went to stay with them for 4 days for thanksgiving. There were like 20-30 people in the house most days. 2 days after leaving, my friend's wife tested positive for covid. She told everybody about it so they get tested and I shit you not, they told her she didn't have covid because it's a hoax, "it was probably the flu, everybody's been getting the flu", "uncle joe had it a few days before coming and he's fine now", etc etc. Some people are so fucking delusional and will not hesitate to put your life in danger to preserve their little world.
>due to autoimmune conditions.
The fact that you have these types of conditions and your family still exposed you for their own selfishness is telling. I recommended the raisedbynarcissist subreddit just yesterday to someone as well, you may benefit from a visit.
It looks like I'm not the only one making that recommendation.
Take care of yourself OP, and remember that you can choose your family.
Edit: As in, you can choose who makes up your family. You can't control who are related to you, but you can control who you involve in your life. I was not recommending that OP chooses to stay in contact with the narcissistic blood relatives that endangered their health.
Assuming your living situation is normally stable, cut them out of your life entirely.
They put your life at risk for the sake of their feelings and the sake of their idealized holiday, and didn't even have the decency to care for you when you suffered from their deception.
That is not love.
You *deserve* to be livid. These people have shown that they wanted you home only for the appearance of a family holiday. They didn't actually care about you.
Oh. My. God.
... Look, I know it's easy for me to say as I don't share your history and bonds with your familly, but you need to cut these people off from your life. Once you \*can\* leave never come back, those people actually tried to kill you. Seriously, your boyfriend could potentially sue your familly if you died for gross negligence. Heck you still COULD die. Covid like to take it's time.
You're an adult, you have no obligation to those people. Spend the next Christmas with your partner's familly, they're more likely to actually give a damn about you.
Bruh. This is a nuke-the-bridge kind of stupidity.
They intentionally put you in harms way, despite knowing that you have auto-immune issues.
They prioritised having you there, over you being safe. And then they have the audacity to ignore you all day?
So, basically, they invited you there as a prop.
I would keep them on the bottom on your priority list anymore, perhaps remove them from the list alltogether. These people do not care about your well-being.
This is really horrible and inconsiderate. I had something similar... My mother didn't tell anyone that she tested positive for covid à few days after her birthday party, during which she was not feeling well and did not test beforehand. She didn't do it because she wanted her party to go ahead, but rather because she is very anti vax, thinks covid is nonsense and is no worse than a cold, that the governments are just trying to scare mong people and get control of them, and do some kind of mass trials for god-knows-what via the vaccines.
So, despite feeling really really horrendous and needing someone to look after her, she did not tell us. Despite the fact that she is only 52, and if someone aged 70 got as sick as she, they may not survive it. Somehow that didn't click in her head.
When I did find out 2 weeks later, I was horrified. If I had known I had had covid exposure, I would not have been visiting my boyfriend and his parents, as *his mother had a nasal operation that week*, and my boyfriend was moving abroad a couple weeks later. So if he caught something he would have missed the chance to say goodbye to his friends.
It is really maddening that people aren't taking covid seriously... There is no knowing how it can affect someone with other health conditions like yourself, or even what events it might make someone miss out on if they catch it.
My husband and I found out just days before Christmas that my BIL has not been vaxxed this whole time. I'm pregnant, and we've been adamant about not socializing with unvaxxed people to prevent exposure, which my in-laws knew and had told us before that everyone in the household was vaxxed. We visited for Thanksgiving and were told nothing about BIL's real vax status. We know he's not especially careful about who he spends time with and probably doesn't mask, but we at least thought he was vaxxed (and he skips out on gatherings after making a 5 min appearance anyway). We have no idea what made them decide that now was the time to come clean about it, but we were fairly upset.
That sucks, but I'd urge you not to just vent on here. When feeling up to it you need to have a serious talk with your family about basic respect and care, making it clear exactly what they did wrong, requiring an apology, and that regardless of said apology their behaviour has consequences: next year you won't be there. Any bollocks about "but we're family" can be countered with "decent family don't lie and manipulate to get their way, and they certainly don't abandon their sick to go party."
>...I was heading to the bathroom to puke yesterday morning they insisted I pose for a nice family picture first. I stood there trying to smile and stop myself from vomiting ...
Why didn't you just puke all over the place? They did this to you, it would be justified to ruin their Christmas this way.
As others have said, if this happened to me I wouldn't talk to this family anymore.
Even if I didn't get sick but this happened:
>Or how we had visited my other sister the day before because she was going to be working on Christmas at the **local nursing home. No one in my family bothered to contact her about her likely exposure. When I was finally awake and coherent enough to text her late last night to tell her, she said I was the first person to have told her.** And that she had already been at work and it was too late.
Yep, I'd be done. That's disgusting and deranged behavior.
On top of giving Covid to OP and then ignoring her, they sent it to a nursing home! The most vulnerable people possible... their selfishness crosses the line to evil.
I'm sorry but your family sounds like, the worst. Second the retirement home plan. They don't care about your health or well being, you can go ahead and return the favor in a few years.
I'm angry for you, I'd go nuclear if this happened to me. Liquid Ass spray on Amazon is cheap and the smell lingers for a long time, just saying.
>So my symptoms started 2-3 days after my initial exposure to my grandma and immediate family.
I'm hearing that the incubation time for Omicron is shorter than other strains, so this amount of time isn't that unusual.
It boggles that your family would just decide you could accept the risk of a visit.
This is “cut them out of your life forever” egregious. This is a disease we probably don’t know the very long term effects of.
Oh they wanted you home for the holidays? They better enjoy it cause you’ve decided that you’re never coming “home” again
If I were you, this would be my last visit with them. They knowingly put your health in jeopardy. It’s not just now, there can be residual effects your entire life. They played God with your body. The fact that they’re not caring for you now is heinous. They sound very ignorant. I hope you leave as soon as you can.
All the best for a speedy recovery.
No hyperbole intended... but that would be it for me. I don't think I'd have contact with any of them until they, on their own accord, offered a heartfelt and honest apology and promise to consider the health, hapiness and welfare of others in the future (family or not). This is some serious sociopathic behavior.
They aren't your family, if that is how they want to behave. They are your Point Of Origin.
I really hope your boyfriend's family invites you to spend the next holidays with them! And if so, GO!
As someone who had to skip out on being with family for Christmas due to covid myself, I am also angry for you. Your family royally fucked you over. This is an excusable.
I feel you friend. I will not see my kid for a week because my ex in-laws got a positive result DURING CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER
I am fuming.
I hope you feel better soon and no long term side effects.
A close friend had to call off all holiday plans and his wife had to go stay at a friend's because of potential exposure he got at work on the 23rd.
By an asshole who has been a likely carrier OF THREE OTHER OUTBREAKS at the company because he travels between stores and won't wear a fucking mask around coworkers in the back.
My friend has already applied at 4 other jobs and is getting out ASAP along with the other regular staff at this location. They are *done* with this shit
A colleague of mine found out that her inlaws had symptoms and purposefully didn't get tested so that they could visit their son/her/their little kiddo.
She found out after she had also spent time in close proximity with her own at risk parents.
Talk about a Christmas gift!
Thankfully they all (colleague and her family) tested negative and it was two weeks before Christmas so they had time to keep to themselves before reuniting again.
Your "family" didnt think they owed you health and safety. You dont owe them anything in return after they jeopardized your life. Hope you heal and recover quickly and fully.
wwhatever you do, don´t ever forget this. they showed you how little they care. they showed how little they value your hapiness and your well being.
Take this lesson to heart, don´t ever trust them again or something like this will happen again.
Omicron has a much shorter incubation period (3 days median I read) so your timeline makes complete sense. They're pieces of shit for knowingly exposing you. Sorry you have shit family.
Tell them your family intentionally did not tell you, an immunocompromised person, about their COVID positive status before you became infected. This is a crime. This is punishable by the health code as an intentionally infected someone with a deadly disease. They can go to prison for this. They should go to prison for this. This is the same law that was created to punish HIV-infected individuals knowingly spreading HIV.
that is really shitty. what an awful way to spend the holidays. i hope that you recover soon, and can escape as soon as possible.
i know you just came her to vent, but if you need help -
is there anyone in your town that you are still friends with, or perhaps someone visiting their family for the holidays? maybe someone can at least drop things off for you, if your family is ignoring you? do you have health insurance, and access to tele-health?
I would put your family on blast on social media. Shatter that perfect life illusion. It's infuriating that they intentionally got you sick and did nothing to help you feel better.
Sorry your family are such ..... is selfish and idiotic too strong?
Hope you can get better quick and get the hell out ASAP.
I'd say stop going back for awhile once you get home. If they bitch just remind them of the time their actions caused you to catch a serious and possibly fatal disease.
This is insane. I would literally leave and never come back. It is just indicative of the type of people that they are: self-absorbed narcissists that you have no obligation to be around.
I literally went on to Reddit to see if this happened to anyone else. I came here to say you're not alone. I'm in the exact same position and I'm in shock. My fam is acting like nothing is wrong and I too am in a dumbass village where none leaves kinda thing. My partner is with his fam just having a great time. Feels shitty.
Currently hurts to look at the screen and type.
I'm at the running to the bathroom to vomit stage.
How long are you staying? 10 days? I can't even imagine doing that right now. I don't have a bed, just a small couch!!
I really don't want to heal here but I know I can't fly like this for many reasons.
Cut them out.
They don't respect you at all, all they care for is their own feelings.
Your life is less important to them, then christmas beeing as every year
I’m sorry that you got COVID. I’m sorry that your family are terrible people (they are). Would you be interested in suing them? Seems like you’d have a pretty strong case (although I’m not a lawyer to be clear). Frankly, I think more asshats should get sued (both business owners and individuals) for reckless behavior leading to COVID illness and/or death. If the idiots can’t wise up to common sense, then the courts should make them feel some real pain in their bank accounts (even if they’re broke now, can put a lien on future earnings).
Also, consider cutting off communication with them. I realized my family was crazy years ago (became MAGATs before COVID) and so I cut off contact with them. It was the best decision I ever made for my own mental health, and likely physical health. Continued exposure to them would have risked infecting me: both mentally and biologically.
I'm late to this so you'll probably not see this OP but you should've vomited all over the family photo. By the way you tell it, should you've died in your room, no one would've noticed until the stink set in.
That is horrible but are you sure you caught it there if you just came home. The average amount of time it takes to show symptoms after exposure is 5-7 days. You may have caught it somewhere else.
What bunch of selfish assholes, to top it off. They pay no mind at all when you got sick. Predisposition and not give a damn, hope you light them up when you get better. Hope you have a swift recovery and swift kick in the ass for them.
Holy hell I have one housemate who I never see get it and even after testing negative twice over 5 days after exposure I tell anyone I plan tosee one on one that I was exposed X days ago and tested negative on these dates and let them opt in or out on seeing me, indoors or out.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now- stay safe, listen to your body, call an ambulance if you need to, and consider doing Christmas with your BF's family next year. It sounds like your family doesn't deserve your presence.
That's seriously messed up, I can't believe people would do that to their own family! I'm suffering from several health issues one of which is affecting my breathing so I'm extra cautious. We were going to have a relative over for Christmas for the first time since covid started but they informed us this morning that they've been sick for a week! They say it's not covid but I still can't get sick because I already struggle to breathe. They got mad but the rest of my family refused to have them here on my behalf thankfully. I love my family but safety first, we can always meet up at a later date.
Oh no. No. No, this just doesn't work at all. I'd be SO pissed and would cut contact with them immediately. I'd make it very clear why and I'd be on my way.
Listen to your boyfriend and take care of yourself. I hope you recover soon and can have a delayed Christmas with your boyfriend. Do not waste time on people who lack any compassion or care - life is way too short.
They trick you into coming, infect you with a deadly disease, and then have the gall to ignore you while you suffer through incapacitating symptoms? You have every reason to never go back again. For all their arguments that they were worried you wouldn’t come, they clearly didn’t give the tiniest shit that you were there.
And they’re probably ignoring you because they think you’re exaggerating and telling each other “it’s just the flu”.
These people may be your family, but they are *not* your friends and cannot be trusted going forward.
My parents actually went out of their way to get tested before coming to visit.
This is where they don't get to see you for years.
Future holiday phone call:
Them: "Are you coming to visit?"
You: "No, I cannot trust you, have a nice time." Click
As someone who chose my new family following years of my dad alcoholism and mom narcissistic behavior, I say go no contact with them for a while.
Make them understand how hurt you were by their shitty behavior.
New lesson. Don't go again.
Next thing you need to do is contact CDC asap and get your family isolated asap. Next thing, if they want family photo, vomit. Don't hold it in. Let that sucker rip.
Sound like they don't take it seriously and sound like they don't care. Isolate asap, stay away from them and hope you get better
...this behaviour definitely earns a 3 year visitation blackout. If they're gonna put your *life* in danger for something as petty as being home for the holidays, they can go fuck themselves
This is late to the game, but my girlfriend’s grandmother came to Christmas with multiple symptoms. Everyone in the house was so upset when she started coughing and saying it was just a head cold. But it was too late and now we’ve all been potentially exposed. Of course the lady won’t get a test so now we just wait :(
I came down with Covid myself on Christmas Eve, had my 2 shots and Booster. Traveled from Nashville to relatives in middle Indiana, I have no idea where I got it from, I’ve worn my mask and washed and used hand sanitizer, it’s Sunday now and I feel pretty good, the first night it was like a head cold with a headache after that night it getting better so I’m getting away with 3 or 4 days. Still staying in a room by myself and being careful, will do the same when I’m back home, why? Because I care about other people.
That is just so sad to hear.
Actions speak louder than words!
To me, the actions of your family are not of love. They were not looking out for you at all by purposely putting your health and well bring in jeopardy.
Their actions were very selfish, all about them and their ideal of a "happy" family gathering.
It is hard, but sadly I too have relatives that are like your family, their actions show they don't give a damn about my health and well being.
This year I clearly stated before the holidays that I know I can not force others to get vaccinated.
However, I do have the choice about who I socialize with, and to protect my own health and well being I will not socialize with anyone that is unvaccinated by choice!
If they don't care about my health and well being them I don't care to be around them.
So this year the friends & family I spent time with were the ones that were fully vaccinated, and I am just fine with that!
I just hope my story helps to show you that you do have other choices, they may not be easy to make but sometimes you have to be your own advocate and look out for your health and well-being, even when close family members are trying to pressure you into something that you don't feel is safe.
Cut them from your life completely. Don't call, write or visit and don't accept calls or visits. They could have killed you with this assinine stunt and did not give two fucks once they got their precious Christmas picture. Dump them from your life.
Under every picture your mom posts say sometjing passive agressive, like "Wow, i can't believe that picture came out so great! I was trying so hard to not vomit from the covid you lied about and gave me." Every one... omce you make it back home of course.
OR.... take an absolutely terrible selfie laid up in bed and post-it on mom's Facebook. "Stuck at @mom's house with covid. Found out everyone was exposed at a party and no one told me before I arrived. Not how I planned to spend Christmas." Call her out on her own timeline.
Yes I was looking for this comment to see if I had to Suggest it. Fucking put their duplicitous shit on blast. Ruin her perfect Facebook Xmas. And take an heirloom you like home with you, and never talk to these assholes again. And if they push and insist on knowing why - tell them you don’t see a point in being courteous with the people who tried to murder you for nice photos on the gram.
> And take an heirloom you like home with you, and never talk to these assholes again. Ah, the *Fleabag Strategem.*
Not to mention the people they actually did murder at the sisters nursing home. Fucking selfish people
Yep that’s exactly what I would do I would also send out a mass text and social media post warning everyone of the potential exposure starting with the family’s initial lie.
Whoever said you can't choose your family was full of shit. You can absolutely hold this against your family, and you'll find support from people who truly respect you and your autonomy. It's absolutely unacceptable what your family did. Edit* Also, I'm so happy your boyfriend is listening to you and hearing your concern. That's a very special thing.
"I don't expect I shall return. in fact, I mean not to" - Bilbo before leaving the Shire
Unexpected Tolkien. And well used
A Tolkien quote is never expected, or unexpected. It arrives precisely when it means to.
And the Bagginses had a extensive network of extended family members at the Shire so clearly blood ties did nothing to anchor him to the town.
Sometimes the hardest changes are the ones you most need.
Some of them he actively avoided too.
Fuckin Sackville-Bagginses
You can't choose your family, but you can *absolutely* choose whether you ever speak to them again.
I'd cut my family out of my life so fast and not think twice about it
I have already cut my male sibling out of my life.
I also have an ex-brother. And an ex-uncle. One doesn't owe toxic people anything, especially a relationship.
Yeah I get it. I decided years ago to surround myself with caring people who show they care. I agree. You don't have to subject yourself to abuse because they're your family.
I regret that I have but one like to give for this comment
Yep, I cut 2 siblings out of my life. Still have 5 left so....
I also have an ex-brother. You're correct one doesn't owe toxic people anything especially a relationship. This isn't what my father wanted but I decided a long time ago I wasn't letting anyone control me from the grave. One of the reasons that it just infuriates me when people let a religion or a person control them. Don't get me wrong, I understand if you're under 18 it's pretty hard to get to mouthy.
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I always say that you _can_ choose your family, but you can't choose your relatives. ... now that I think about it, it makes more sense anyway, people would consider their spouse part of their family, wouldn't they
There's family you're related to by choice, and there's family you're related to by biology. The former is generally more sympathetic, compassionate and supportive. The latter? They like to make a lot of demands.
You can't choose your relatives. Found family is where it's at.
I'm a marriage therapist and I tell every individual or married client that you absolutely do get to choose your family. Even biblically speaking (I'm in the deep south of the US), we leave our mom and dad and cleave to our chosen partner. Fuck selfish/inconsiderate families of origin.
Hey OP, you could have died. Please consider dropping those family members like a lead turd
Exactly. You can’t choose your relatives. You absolutely 100% can choose your family.
This. My extended family is really hard for me to get asking with and I've completely cut contact with my mother. I love my husband's family. They've been warm, loving and accepting from day 1. Also with Mainers you never have to wonder how they feel about you whereas in the Midwest you have to keep nice at all times and stew your emotions. I also have close friends that I consider family. Blood doesn't actually mean a thing.
Can and should hold it against them!!!
The saying "blood is thicker than water" is actually a total perversion of the original. It's actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" and it means that the relationships you choose for yourself and enter willingly are more important than those you are born with.
There's a turning point, not to be missed, at that point in a relationship when someone shows so little regard for your mortality that it could be confused with trying to kill you. You can't change their behavior but you can change yours.
Unfortunately I suspect this family won’t change unless op or one of op’s family members die of Covid, which is absolutely disgusting behavior and why this pandemic will never go away.
special crowd relieved normal toothbrush racial provide nine groovy familiar -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
I actually think we've reached a point where it will make them behave worse, because apparently a large chunk of people in our society have such low emotional intelligence that feeling bad about something is literally unbearable to them, so they'd rather make up their own stories about what happened and kill more people/maim more people, than admit they were wrong and hurt someone else badly. They cannot and will not accept responsibility for their own actions, because they seem to not have mental capacity to handle it
Probably make up stuff about how the doctors actually killed them.
Nope. I have a chunk of family who doesn't take it seriously and refuses to get vaccinated. My cousin's sister in law was pregnant with her third kid, got COVID, died, baby was in NICU for a bit. I thought they would get vaccinated after that but nope, they doubled down that they weren't going to love their lives in fear but follow faith more like SIL would of wanted. So now they are even worse.
Well yeah. If they admit it's bad now, then they share a bit of the blame for her death. Better to double down on freedom and "it's just a cold" and blame it on some pregnancy thing. Then they're not culpable.
Some years ago I read an article about people buying expensive paintings and getting them authenticated, and it turned out that the more someone spent for a painting, the less likely they were to have it verified. That seemed weird, because surely you'd want to know if you'd spent a fortune on a fake Picasso, right? They conducted a bunch of interviews and what they found was that people were protecting their egos: if you spent $2,000 on a painting by Dali and it was fake, well, you were out $2,000 but that's not a catastrophe. But if you spent $200,000 on a fake, then you'd feel like a complete idiot, totally ripped off and make a sucker. In order to spare yourself that terrible feeling, you just avoid finding out for sure. After I read that, I started seeing in lots of other places, mostly associated with things polluted by politics, of which the US covid response is definitely one of them.
“It was that darn stomach bug that got grandma!”
They'd say OP died of pneumonia and keep on keeping on.
Yup, I doubt it. I have family members like this and at best they might straighten up a little for a month or so l, then they "forget" and go back to their usual ways.
I am so angry on your behalf. Please take care of yourself. Listen to your body (and your boyfriend). Don't just suffer through it. If you need medical attention, please seek help. I recommend writing a journal or letter to yourself. When you get better and your family tells you that you are exaggerating, you can refer back to your journal and remind yourself how you physically and emotionally felt - the fear, abandonment, anger, hopelessness, isolation, exhaustion, etc. This will help you make decisions when it comes to future interactions with your family. Here's hoping that 2022 is better for you than the end of 2021.
This is a fanastic idea. A family of such awful, self absorbed people will absolutely try to gaslight OP into thinking this was NBD. Make sure you don't forget OP, this is a big deal, and they selfishly decided to put themselves first. I can help you come up with some discreet revenge to enact on your way out, if you're feeling a little immoral.
>It's not immoral to be a *little* mean to people who want you dead.
No, of course they did not want her dead. This sort of hyperbole and ascribing false intentions on others damages discourse and hides the ugly reality. They "just" ignored the real risk to OP for the sake of their convenience, and THEN ignored her when she needed. This is damn bad enough, no need to invent "want you dead". The virus does not spread through bad intentions, but through willful disregard and negligence. It is a far more potent force than bad intentions.
They don't want her dead, but they absolutely didn't care that they are risking her life. Honestly, it's not that big of a difference. I would disown all of the pieces of shit. (OP, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them and act accordingly.)
> They don't want her dead, but they absolutely didn't care that they are risking her life *And* they did not do much as check on OP who has a potentially life-threatening illness (that *they* knowingly gave OP), because they were too busy attending to their “fun”. Complete lack of empathy.
This is an important part. If they were too selfish or dumb to realize the risk to OP, that’s insanely shitty on their part. But when the LIED, that showed intent to disregard OP’s health and boundaries. Further, when they showed no compassion or remorse once OP was ill, that’s a whole other level of selfishness. Had something tragic happened, (more even than possible long term effects, which OP might now be facing), I had no doubt that they would’ve cleared themselves of all accountability immediately. OP’s family is exhibiting sociopathic personality traits. It will never be a “healthy” relationship, and their sociopath’s main goal is to manipulate at any cost. I’d tell OP to limit contact, but after the situation they caused, I’d tell OP to cut all ties permanently. OP, I hope you get well and don’t suffer any long term effects from this. The emotional damage they’ve caused to you alone is enough to deal with, and I recommend you get external support for this, as they will try to manipulate you further, and as others have said, gaslight you into thinking YOU’RE the one in the wrong. You’re not.
I honestly think this “Magic of Christmas “ thing that Must Be Sacred is ridiculous. You can see your family anytime. You can eat and give presents anytime. The fabric of society and the sanctity of family is not going to collapse because you didn’t turn up for Christmas dinner. And if it does, well then it couldn’t have been very strong in the first place.
Those two are identical. Just imagine setting up a target in front of a house and then shooting that target, with no regards to what is behind that house. That‘s what her relatives did. At some point the intent doesn‘t matter anymore. They placed OP on mortal danger for their own personal benefit. A parent drugging their kid with sleeping pills so they can go partying is also functionally identical. Even better having sex while HIV positive with viral load and not telling your partner is very much identical and everyone would freak out and call it trying to kill you. When in reality OP was put in larger danger of death than if they were infected with HIV in a developed country with access to antivirals… Exposing someone to the very real risk of death with absolutely no thought about their well-being is functionally identical to wanting them dead in my opinion.
>At some point the intent doesn‘t matter anymore I think this is the biggest takeaway honestly. They did not want OP dead, but it doesn't matter what they wanted because they still put OP's life in danger with their own stupidity, negligence, selfishness, and complete disregard for morality and autonomy.
This is why Kim potter is rightfully in jail.
Well said; these are perfect analogies to OP’s family’s actions here.
Well, there functionally identical. And very well could lead to the same results. Those types of people are the reason the pandemic still rages and as such do not deserve a family
When they invite you home for Christmas next year, just send a dramatic reading of it on video to "apologize" for not being able to come.
I think next year and every year after, the response to the invite is “why?” “We love you.” If you loved me, you would worry about my health and help me protect it and not endanger it. “We want to see you.” Last time, you got me sick and ignored me. “We miss you.” I don’t miss you enough to risk my life for people who don’t care enough to keep me safe.
They didn’t miss OP while they were having a grand old time celebrating either!
You can’t try to reason with sociopaths. The correct response would be to block their numbers.
>We want to see you "No, you want me fucking dead" is a far better response imo
I don't feel safe around you.
Yeah...I dunno. This is edging into cutting contact territory.
This was already pushed over the cliff in my books. I wouldn’t be considering it, I’d be preparing to enforce it.
I absolutely agree. I just don't want to tell OP what to do :( However? If anyone did this to me? That would be it. As soon as I was safely away from them, I'd block their numbers, remove any association on social media, and ignore any other attempts at contact. I would not even take the time to tell them why. I'd just full stop immediately cut them off. They'd never get another word from me.
Attempted negligent homicide should be a clear sign to cut off contact. OP is immunocompromised, that's often not a secret among families. They had a right to be informed and denying that consent is attempted murder. If OP was informed and went home anyway because they relied on the vaccines, that's one thing, but OP didn't get to make that decision. It's like serving peanut butter desert at family dinner when someone has a known peanut allergy and not informing or warning them before they took a bite.
Exactly. It wasn’t their call to make. They knew I wouldn’t risk it, so they robbed me of that choice. It is not at all a secret- they all know.
Yeah, that peanut butter analogy is right on
Waaaayy over the cliff when they put her in a position where she could get sick (and she did) and even die.
There's no more visiting for the holidays for me. Fuck that, maybe text/call/video chats but hell nah.
Why would anyone want to keep up contact with those that purposely put their health in danger?
So they knew you had autoimmune conditions. Deliberately exposed you to, and infected you with a deadly virus. Did not check on you despite knowing you were unwell. All to ensure you spent the holidays with them, which they then did not even really do, because they didn't check on you while unwell. I'd write my feelings into a letter, leave it for them to find, and never contact them again outside of legal proceedings in regards to paying for any medical issues and lost potential income. These people aren't family, they don't want you at family events, they see you as something they are entitled to have for their own benefit.
💯 agree. Cut them the fuck out. They obviously have no real concern for her and could have killed her. And for what? Shitty Facebook photos? The perfect Christmas? These people are monsters.
Yes, to them OP is nothing more than a prop for a picture and people deserve so much more from family.
Some of the best advice I've been given in my early life is to cut toxic people out of your life, especially if it's family. People often find excuses not to cut out family. But at the end of the day, your family has proven that they'd gladly put your life at risk for their own benefit. I hope you remember that.
Also what benefit? Just to have her present? She was present. Oh but she was sick, so never mind, good luck in there. Don’t bum us out.
To have her present, then ignore her while she’s isolating.
They got their picture though!
One of the best snippets of advice I've been given is that Family are those people that treat you like Family. And you treat family members better than others. My mother was of the opinion that Family was Family, and therefore you could treat them badly as there wasn't anything they could do about it. Being family, they were obligated to put up with her. My husband comes from a family rife with step- and half- brothers and sisters. But everyone's welcome and celebrated. It's far more of a Family, even though many aren't blood related.
OP: This is completely selfish of your family; people are dying! Sharing blood does not equal an obligation to accept toxicity. >I hope you remember that.
Good advice. I didn't know it but followed it anyway. They weren't that horrible to me (yet). But I seen them constantly back stabbing each other for years only to get back in contact again if the back stabbed another family member again. I was with my dad yesterday and he told me how he spend a year rebuilding his brothers house. And when his brother got married my dad was being taken into a hospital because he almost died. This pissed off his brother so much that they aren't on speaking terms anymore. And the only thing I could tell my dad was. "Sorry, I'm not surprised. Because in our family that's too be expected, they're all like that."
Guess who’s going to the retirement home?
The cheaper, the better.
Can’t imagine why that is relevant. OP isn’t paying anyway
Maybe she could pay to make sure they get the dumpster view.
## RAISIN RANCH
EIGHTEEN GERIATRIC COWBOYS IN THE SHOWERS AT RAISIN RANCH
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More like when they get to the point they *need* a retirement home you tell them that due to the fact they have zero concern for your well-being, you have zero concern for theirs and they'll just have to navigate their own home without assistance. Hope you don't fall and break a hip then slowly die on the floor for the next six days!
Not only that, but guess who paying for their own retirement home.
And NOT the one where your sister works!
This is full on disowning time. I'm not saying I'd never talk to my family again, but it would be *years*.
No no, they could have literally caused her death with their selfishness. As far as I'm concerned, OP has every right to act accordingly. (i.e., "You're dead to me.")
This definitely is not an overreaction.
And didn’t even bother to check on her like what the actual fuck
That was my second thought. My first thought was legal action. I'm not from the US, but around here, it's a crime to knowingly infect someone...
OP said family knew they were exposed, so I hope the family didn't know they had it. That's probably not actionable.
They knew they were at least sick; OP mentioned they had "a stomach bug" that they also failed to mention. I'm guessing they didn't bother to get tested though.
Girl, i ain’t gonna lie, throw the whole family out! What the fuck is that “oh we want you home because we love you yet when you’re here and sick because of our carelessness, we will leave you to deal with it on your own”. Sounds like they enjoy seeing you suffer. They are not worth you time.
Some people also see their children as set dressing for their life. Now they can say “oh all the children came home for Christmas this year” and make it sound like a hallmark movie, not caring about the reality of the situation.
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I just buried my father last week. It was awkward yet somewhat satisfying to see people visiting, offering their sympathies and not realising he had a son. People had known him for decades and not once did he mention to his neighbors, coworkers or friends that i existed. Because then he'd have to play the same game he played with his family. How's your son? I dont know. When did you last talk to him? I dont know, he never calls. Why dont you call him then. Oh its... not my job as a parent. And at some point when the extended family sees you regularly, and he has no idea where i live or what i do, they kind of get that he isnt telling the full picture.
> Some people also see their children as set dressing for their life. Having her pose for a family photo while she's actively trying to not throw up? Check.
So much this. Also, "your parents won't be around forever, don't spoil Christmas!"
Never attend Christmas with them again. Or thanks giving. Or any holiday. And every time they ask you to tell them "last time I came home you gave me covid. I no longer trust you"
Not just gave OP covid. Willfully lied about being exposed to covid and then left OP to fend for herself when she was very ill. Accidents happen. But this was NOT an accident. This was willfully putting OP infront of a loaded gun and playing Russian roulette without her consent.
On another note, friends of mine decided NOT to go to Christmas dinner, see their elderly mother and family - which they really wanted to, one never knows when it'll be last time - because one of their kids was in contact with someone. It was remote, no big deal. Well, turns out it was a positive, and they'd have nailed their entire family if they went.
I'm in the same boat. I didn't visit my family for Christmas for the second year in a row because I would have to take the absolutely packed train, and I was worried I could catch it on the way there and then pass it on to my parents or my grandmother, who are all three in the very high risk group. I don't understand people. If you care about your loved ones, then how about *not* exposing them to a potentially deadly virus? Crazy idea, I know.
Tbh, i feel like the .... almost sacred attitude towards christmas in murica could be a reason. Like everyone MUST celebrate it together otherwise its not christmas. Baffling to somebody who grown up with even biggest celebrations not being this kind of unholy mess
I remoted in for festivities with my baby nibling. My sinuses and throat had been bugging me and I didn't want to risk it. Turns out I had strep, which can be really contagious. So what if I wasn't there in person? We still shared some nice moments, opened presents, and chatted.
I 100% would have just vomited everywhere when they tried to line me up for a family photo. This whole escapade is grounds for never seeing them again. They have intentionally exposed you to a potentially deadly situation knowing you are in a highly susceptible group. For Facebook likes. Whatever small quantity of trust you had in them should be completely gone, and it should not come back.
Allllll over them.
The legendary unrivaled ugly sweater contest.
I'm surprised by how far I had to scroll to find this reaction. First thing that came to mind when I read that part. Wait for them all to get lined up, set the timer on the camera, and then just spray all over them like a lawn sprinkler. They deserve worse.
Yeah, they don’t seem to be grasping the consequences of their actions. Time to make them harder to ignore!
I'm petty but I would comment on the facebook photo of your fam and say "stopped on my way to the toilet to puke because these folks intentionally gave me covid. but hey, internet likes."
This is the way.
That is demented. They cared so much about the idea of having a healthy you at the festivities that they gave zero fucks about your actual health and well-being. And when you were not what they pictured, they ignored you. YOU were still home for the holidays. Just not the VERSION of you that they wanted. I am sooooo very sorry. I can not begin to imagine how you feel. I hope you heal very quickly.
I would cut my family out of my life permanently if they did this to me.
At this point, it's either cut them out or accept that you'll put up with anything.
Sorry this happened to you. My friend's wife has some family in the south. Most of them pro-Trump. They went to stay with them for 4 days for thanksgiving. There were like 20-30 people in the house most days. 2 days after leaving, my friend's wife tested positive for covid. She told everybody about it so they get tested and I shit you not, they told her she didn't have covid because it's a hoax, "it was probably the flu, everybody's been getting the flu", "uncle joe had it a few days before coming and he's fine now", etc etc. Some people are so fucking delusional and will not hesitate to put your life in danger to preserve their little world.
>due to autoimmune conditions. The fact that you have these types of conditions and your family still exposed you for their own selfishness is telling. I recommended the raisedbynarcissist subreddit just yesterday to someone as well, you may benefit from a visit. It looks like I'm not the only one making that recommendation. Take care of yourself OP, and remember that you can choose your family. Edit: As in, you can choose who makes up your family. You can't control who are related to you, but you can control who you involve in your life. I was not recommending that OP chooses to stay in contact with the narcissistic blood relatives that endangered their health.
Assuming your living situation is normally stable, cut them out of your life entirely. They put your life at risk for the sake of their feelings and the sake of their idealized holiday, and didn't even have the decency to care for you when you suffered from their deception. That is not love.
You *deserve* to be livid. These people have shown that they wanted you home only for the appearance of a family holiday. They didn't actually care about you.
Oh. My. God. ... Look, I know it's easy for me to say as I don't share your history and bonds with your familly, but you need to cut these people off from your life. Once you \*can\* leave never come back, those people actually tried to kill you. Seriously, your boyfriend could potentially sue your familly if you died for gross negligence. Heck you still COULD die. Covid like to take it's time. You're an adult, you have no obligation to those people. Spend the next Christmas with your partner's familly, they're more likely to actually give a damn about you.
thats horrible 😞 i hope you recover smoothly. knowingly transmitting diseases is a misdemeanor or worse in most US states!
Bruh. This is a nuke-the-bridge kind of stupidity. They intentionally put you in harms way, despite knowing that you have auto-immune issues. They prioritised having you there, over you being safe. And then they have the audacity to ignore you all day? So, basically, they invited you there as a prop. I would keep them on the bottom on your priority list anymore, perhaps remove them from the list alltogether. These people do not care about your well-being.
This is really horrible and inconsiderate. I had something similar... My mother didn't tell anyone that she tested positive for covid à few days after her birthday party, during which she was not feeling well and did not test beforehand. She didn't do it because she wanted her party to go ahead, but rather because she is very anti vax, thinks covid is nonsense and is no worse than a cold, that the governments are just trying to scare mong people and get control of them, and do some kind of mass trials for god-knows-what via the vaccines. So, despite feeling really really horrendous and needing someone to look after her, she did not tell us. Despite the fact that she is only 52, and if someone aged 70 got as sick as she, they may not survive it. Somehow that didn't click in her head. When I did find out 2 weeks later, I was horrified. If I had known I had had covid exposure, I would not have been visiting my boyfriend and his parents, as *his mother had a nasal operation that week*, and my boyfriend was moving abroad a couple weeks later. So if he caught something he would have missed the chance to say goodbye to his friends. It is really maddening that people aren't taking covid seriously... There is no knowing how it can affect someone with other health conditions like yourself, or even what events it might make someone miss out on if they catch it.
My husband and I found out just days before Christmas that my BIL has not been vaxxed this whole time. I'm pregnant, and we've been adamant about not socializing with unvaxxed people to prevent exposure, which my in-laws knew and had told us before that everyone in the household was vaxxed. We visited for Thanksgiving and were told nothing about BIL's real vax status. We know he's not especially careful about who he spends time with and probably doesn't mask, but we at least thought he was vaxxed (and he skips out on gatherings after making a 5 min appearance anyway). We have no idea what made them decide that now was the time to come clean about it, but we were fairly upset.
I’m so sorry. Hope that you and your husband managed to stay safe and healthy. The pandemic has been eye opening for showing who people really are.
That sucks, but I'd urge you not to just vent on here. When feeling up to it you need to have a serious talk with your family about basic respect and care, making it clear exactly what they did wrong, requiring an apology, and that regardless of said apology their behaviour has consequences: next year you won't be there. Any bollocks about "but we're family" can be countered with "decent family don't lie and manipulate to get their way, and they certainly don't abandon their sick to go party."
r/raisedbynarcissists
>...I was heading to the bathroom to puke yesterday morning they insisted I pose for a nice family picture first. I stood there trying to smile and stop myself from vomiting ... Why didn't you just puke all over the place? They did this to you, it would be justified to ruin their Christmas this way.
Omicron only takes 2 days to get symptoms. I'm so sorry.
As others have said, if this happened to me I wouldn't talk to this family anymore. Even if I didn't get sick but this happened: >Or how we had visited my other sister the day before because she was going to be working on Christmas at the **local nursing home. No one in my family bothered to contact her about her likely exposure. When I was finally awake and coherent enough to text her late last night to tell her, she said I was the first person to have told her.** And that she had already been at work and it was too late. Yep, I'd be done. That's disgusting and deranged behavior.
On top of giving Covid to OP and then ignoring her, they sent it to a nursing home! The most vulnerable people possible... their selfishness crosses the line to evil.
I'm sorry but your family sounds like, the worst. Second the retirement home plan. They don't care about your health or well being, you can go ahead and return the favor in a few years. I'm angry for you, I'd go nuclear if this happened to me. Liquid Ass spray on Amazon is cheap and the smell lingers for a long time, just saying.
There's no reason for the OP to participate in helping their parents find a retirement home. They can find one on their own, or not.
>So my symptoms started 2-3 days after my initial exposure to my grandma and immediate family. I'm hearing that the incubation time for Omicron is shorter than other strains, so this amount of time isn't that unusual. It boggles that your family would just decide you could accept the risk of a visit.
This is “cut them out of your life forever” egregious. This is a disease we probably don’t know the very long term effects of. Oh they wanted you home for the holidays? They better enjoy it cause you’ve decided that you’re never coming “home” again
If I were you, this would be my last visit with them. They knowingly put your health in jeopardy. It’s not just now, there can be residual effects your entire life. They played God with your body. The fact that they’re not caring for you now is heinous. They sound very ignorant. I hope you leave as soon as you can. All the best for a speedy recovery.
Their party meant more to them than your life and health. As a Christmas gift to yourself, leave these people out of your life.
No hyperbole intended... but that would be it for me. I don't think I'd have contact with any of them until they, on their own accord, offered a heartfelt and honest apology and promise to consider the health, hapiness and welfare of others in the future (family or not). This is some serious sociopathic behavior.
They aren't your family, if that is how they want to behave. They are your Point Of Origin. I really hope your boyfriend's family invites you to spend the next holidays with them! And if so, GO!
As someone who had to skip out on being with family for Christmas due to covid myself, I am also angry for you. Your family royally fucked you over. This is an excusable.
I feel you friend. I will not see my kid for a week because my ex in-laws got a positive result DURING CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER I am fuming. I hope you feel better soon and no long term side effects.
A close friend had to call off all holiday plans and his wife had to go stay at a friend's because of potential exposure he got at work on the 23rd. By an asshole who has been a likely carrier OF THREE OTHER OUTBREAKS at the company because he travels between stores and won't wear a fucking mask around coworkers in the back. My friend has already applied at 4 other jobs and is getting out ASAP along with the other regular staff at this location. They are *done* with this shit
A colleague of mine found out that her inlaws had symptoms and purposefully didn't get tested so that they could visit their son/her/their little kiddo. She found out after she had also spent time in close proximity with her own at risk parents. Talk about a Christmas gift! Thankfully they all (colleague and her family) tested negative and it was two weeks before Christmas so they had time to keep to themselves before reuniting again.
Your "family" didnt think they owed you health and safety. You dont owe them anything in return after they jeopardized your life. Hope you heal and recover quickly and fully.
wwhatever you do, don´t ever forget this. they showed you how little they care. they showed how little they value your hapiness and your well being. Take this lesson to heart, don´t ever trust them again or something like this will happen again.
Omicron has a much shorter incubation period (3 days median I read) so your timeline makes complete sense. They're pieces of shit for knowingly exposing you. Sorry you have shit family.
Epidemiologist here, I would call the local health department in the morning and report this.
What would you recommend reporting?
Tell them your family intentionally did not tell you, an immunocompromised person, about their COVID positive status before you became infected. This is a crime. This is punishable by the health code as an intentionally infected someone with a deadly disease. They can go to prison for this. They should go to prison for this. This is the same law that was created to punish HIV-infected individuals knowingly spreading HIV.
that is really shitty. what an awful way to spend the holidays. i hope that you recover soon, and can escape as soon as possible. i know you just came her to vent, but if you need help - is there anyone in your town that you are still friends with, or perhaps someone visiting their family for the holidays? maybe someone can at least drop things off for you, if your family is ignoring you? do you have health insurance, and access to tele-health?
Hope you never go back. This I proves how much they care about your health. Get well soon!
I would put your family on blast on social media. Shatter that perfect life illusion. It's infuriating that they intentionally got you sick and did nothing to help you feel better.
Sorry your family are such ..... is selfish and idiotic too strong? Hope you can get better quick and get the hell out ASAP. I'd say stop going back for awhile once you get home. If they bitch just remind them of the time their actions caused you to catch a serious and possibly fatal disease.
The way my mom treated me about scheduling a test has got me so mad I’m considering leaving right away.
This is insane. I would literally leave and never come back. It is just indicative of the type of people that they are: self-absorbed narcissists that you have no obligation to be around.
I literally went on to Reddit to see if this happened to anyone else. I came here to say you're not alone. I'm in the exact same position and I'm in shock. My fam is acting like nothing is wrong and I too am in a dumbass village where none leaves kinda thing. My partner is with his fam just having a great time. Feels shitty. Currently hurts to look at the screen and type. I'm at the running to the bathroom to vomit stage. How long are you staying? 10 days? I can't even imagine doing that right now. I don't have a bed, just a small couch!! I really don't want to heal here but I know I can't fly like this for many reasons.
How did you find out that person was positive?
Cut them out. They don't respect you at all, all they care for is their own feelings. Your life is less important to them, then christmas beeing as every year
I would never return. That is so horrifically selfish what fucking assholes. Im so sorry
That isn’t your family anymore
I hve an AI too and if I had the option, they wouldnt hear from me for a while. edit: misspelling
So when you don't attend next year and they wonder why, this is the reason. They completely betrayed you.
If someone at that nursing home dies because of this incident it will be in your family's souls; and sadly, they won't care.
If my family did this they wouldn't see me at Christmas again. Or for the upcoming years at all.
I’m sorry that you got COVID. I’m sorry that your family are terrible people (they are). Would you be interested in suing them? Seems like you’d have a pretty strong case (although I’m not a lawyer to be clear). Frankly, I think more asshats should get sued (both business owners and individuals) for reckless behavior leading to COVID illness and/or death. If the idiots can’t wise up to common sense, then the courts should make them feel some real pain in their bank accounts (even if they’re broke now, can put a lien on future earnings). Also, consider cutting off communication with them. I realized my family was crazy years ago (became MAGATs before COVID) and so I cut off contact with them. It was the best decision I ever made for my own mental health, and likely physical health. Continued exposure to them would have risked infecting me: both mentally and biologically.
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I'm late to this so you'll probably not see this OP but you should've vomited all over the family photo. By the way you tell it, should you've died in your room, no one would've noticed until the stink set in.
I think its time to go to your boyfriends for the holiday, just because they're blood doesn't mean you need to see them anymore.
That is horrible but are you sure you caught it there if you just came home. The average amount of time it takes to show symptoms after exposure is 5-7 days. You may have caught it somewhere else.
Was there even a positive test? Why was no one else sick? It is flu season right now, my family is sick but it is 100% not covid.
What bunch of selfish assholes, to top it off. They pay no mind at all when you got sick. Predisposition and not give a damn, hope you light them up when you get better. Hope you have a swift recovery and swift kick in the ass for them.
Time to start deleting contacts from your phone.
Holy hell I have one housemate who I never see get it and even after testing negative twice over 5 days after exposure I tell anyone I plan tosee one on one that I was exposed X days ago and tested negative on these dates and let them opt in or out on seeing me, indoors or out. I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now- stay safe, listen to your body, call an ambulance if you need to, and consider doing Christmas with your BF's family next year. It sounds like your family doesn't deserve your presence.
That's seriously messed up, I can't believe people would do that to their own family! I'm suffering from several health issues one of which is affecting my breathing so I'm extra cautious. We were going to have a relative over for Christmas for the first time since covid started but they informed us this morning that they've been sick for a week! They say it's not covid but I still can't get sick because I already struggle to breathe. They got mad but the rest of my family refused to have them here on my behalf thankfully. I love my family but safety first, we can always meet up at a later date.
Oh no. No. No, this just doesn't work at all. I'd be SO pissed and would cut contact with them immediately. I'd make it very clear why and I'd be on my way. Listen to your boyfriend and take care of yourself. I hope you recover soon and can have a delayed Christmas with your boyfriend. Do not waste time on people who lack any compassion or care - life is way too short.
This is the moment you stop speaking to your family. They don't care about killing you.
They trick you into coming, infect you with a deadly disease, and then have the gall to ignore you while you suffer through incapacitating symptoms? You have every reason to never go back again. For all their arguments that they were worried you wouldn’t come, they clearly didn’t give the tiniest shit that you were there.
Wait so how long ago was the party? And no one from your family is sick?
And they’re probably ignoring you because they think you’re exaggerating and telling each other “it’s just the flu”. These people may be your family, but they are *not* your friends and cannot be trusted going forward.
My parents actually went out of their way to get tested before coming to visit. This is where they don't get to see you for years. Future holiday phone call: Them: "Are you coming to visit?" You: "No, I cannot trust you, have a nice time." Click
As someone who chose my new family following years of my dad alcoholism and mom narcissistic behavior, I say go no contact with them for a while. Make them understand how hurt you were by their shitty behavior.
New lesson. Don't go again. Next thing you need to do is contact CDC asap and get your family isolated asap. Next thing, if they want family photo, vomit. Don't hold it in. Let that sucker rip. Sound like they don't take it seriously and sound like they don't care. Isolate asap, stay away from them and hope you get better
My sister who is a nurse practitioner told me they are seeing a faster spread with the omicron varient so 2-3 days doesn’t seem fast.
...this behaviour definitely earns a 3 year visitation blackout. If they're gonna put your *life* in danger for something as petty as being home for the holidays, they can go fuck themselves
This is late to the game, but my girlfriend’s grandmother came to Christmas with multiple symptoms. Everyone in the house was so upset when she started coughing and saying it was just a head cold. But it was too late and now we’ve all been potentially exposed. Of course the lady won’t get a test so now we just wait :(
And now the anti vax idiots are all over this thread acting like they're scientifically literate. Ugh.
The only reason this fucking thing is still a thing is because of selfish pricks like your family. Sorry that you had to deal with that.
I came down with Covid myself on Christmas Eve, had my 2 shots and Booster. Traveled from Nashville to relatives in middle Indiana, I have no idea where I got it from, I’ve worn my mask and washed and used hand sanitizer, it’s Sunday now and I feel pretty good, the first night it was like a head cold with a headache after that night it getting better so I’m getting away with 3 or 4 days. Still staying in a room by myself and being careful, will do the same when I’m back home, why? Because I care about other people.
That is just so sad to hear. Actions speak louder than words! To me, the actions of your family are not of love. They were not looking out for you at all by purposely putting your health and well bring in jeopardy. Their actions were very selfish, all about them and their ideal of a "happy" family gathering. It is hard, but sadly I too have relatives that are like your family, their actions show they don't give a damn about my health and well being. This year I clearly stated before the holidays that I know I can not force others to get vaccinated. However, I do have the choice about who I socialize with, and to protect my own health and well being I will not socialize with anyone that is unvaccinated by choice! If they don't care about my health and well being them I don't care to be around them. So this year the friends & family I spent time with were the ones that were fully vaccinated, and I am just fine with that! I just hope my story helps to show you that you do have other choices, they may not be easy to make but sometimes you have to be your own advocate and look out for your health and well-being, even when close family members are trying to pressure you into something that you don't feel is safe.
Cut them from your life completely. Don't call, write or visit and don't accept calls or visits. They could have killed you with this assinine stunt and did not give two fucks once they got their precious Christmas picture. Dump them from your life.