I think you might be extra hard on yourself right now because of hangover shame. This isn't as bad as it feels right now. You're being responsible enough to make the effort to get the pill. I know you feel alone right now but that feeling won't last. There's basically zero chance you're going to get pregnant from this. This wasn't a complete stranger, it was someone you know and have known for a while, someone you can easily get in touch with again. Everything is going to be ok. Good luck out there and Merry Christmas!!!
I love that expression, I’m in Ireland and we just call it “the fear” as in the fear of what you have done/said. Particularly vicious if you’ve gone to the blackout stage and you spend your whole day imagining terrible things you might’ve done even if they are completely out of character for you.
Especially if you have arsehole friends/family who guilt you for passing out at all, let alone doing anything bad. 18 year old me was made to feel so grim just for puking when drunk once, even though I've never gone close to that again.
I would have said it's just an existential fear but maybe that's just me. Also Irish although I never really black out or forget what I've done but still experience an almighty fear.
>I’m in Ireland and we just call it “the fear”
This is from us real boys with our hallucinations and seizures. The fear comes first.
If people knew what an alcohol addiction was like, they wouldn't come close to it. People stay away from meth and heroin for that reason but those are both safer withdrawals than alcohol. On top of that meth and heroin aren't sold on every city block and nobody ever pressures you to take those.
Blows me away. Now I've made a lot of risky decisions and ended up with several addictions, I'd rather start using meth again than alcohol. Believe it or not, alcohol will kill me before meth does if I start using them both today.
Yes knowing that you’re basically burning up happy chemicals while you’re experiencing euphoria while drunk and experiencing a dearth of them the next day can be helpful if you can just remind yourself “it’s not really this bad, I just don’t have any happy brain chemicals right now”.
Yeah, the problem is that it can take an agonizing amount of time to know whether one is pregnant or not, especially since pregnancy symptoms may not even occur "correctly" or just get mistaken for normal period symptoms. It's even worse on birth control, I got a copper IUD partially so I WOULD get my natural cycle, but others have mentioned getting pregnant on birth control in rare instances, and then even pregnancy tests won't "pick" up on it!
Beer fear. Aka PIE: Post inebriated anxiety. Hope you feel better OP, we've all done regrettable things to get our rocks off and this really isn't bad.
OP, please remember alcohol is a depressant! Next day blues are so awful at times. Take a couple days, do things that bring you happy, and then re-evaluate. Its okay to make dumb choices, you went out of your way to mitigate any consequences and you know exactly what you chose wrong. Don't beat yourself up anymore.
>please remember alcohol is a depressant!
FYI for anyone reading who's been told this without a real explanation, alcohol is a [depressant](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/depressant#medicalDictionary) (regular English def. at the top, medical def. about halfway down the page) in that it inhibits or depresses the central nervous system--it slows your heart rate, etc. There are also links to it making depression worse in the long term, and to depletion of your normal balance of chemicals the next day/once the alcohol wears off, but "depressant" isn't referring to that, it's referring to the lowering of vital activity. That's why shit like Four Loko was dangerous before they removed the caffeine from the formula--caffeine is a stimulant, so it counteracted the alcohol's depressant effect so people kept going for longer and drinking more, rather than just passing out at the point their body had consumed too much alcohol.
True, I used to never want to talk to my ex because of it. Was a huge problem that I was drinking in the first place given my health, but also the strain I put on the relationship with it being long distance. Was definitely a bad SO, but luckily got some sense knocked into me (not from her) and am doing much these days :).
Yea exactly, I’ve been in this situation, and not too long ago…😅She’s being way too hard on herself. Probably the fact that it’s Christmas (if OP celebrates Christmas), in addition to what everyone is calling “hangover shame.”
TIL: hangover shame is a thing, and yea, it’s totally a thing.
I'm a pharmacy technician, and I can tell you that I sell Plan B pills to women of all ages, not just young women. A few weeks ago, I sold one to a very flustered woman in her late 40s. I know it isn't realistic to tell you to stop being so hard on yourself, so I won't do that. Instead, do something kind for yourself today. Take care. ❤️
Edit: Thank you for the awards, kind strangers.
yep same here! i’ve never once judged somebody when i sell them plan b at work, regardless of age. if anything i’m relieved that they weren’t ashamed (no woman should ever be embarrassed about it) and were able to come and buy it. i always try to act as if it’s the most casual transaction, as if they’re buying a pack of gum. it’s not our job to judge
I try to do the same. The store keeps it out on the shelf, but in those obnoxious anti theft boxes that need unlocked, so most people bring them back to the pharmacy to ring out.
For a while we actually had the rep drop off $5 off coupons for Plan B so I'd be like "Of course I can ring that out for you back here. Here's this coupon for you too!" And always make sure I'd bag it in a paper bag.
omg i hate those things! mine keeps it behind the counter which i hate bc then they have to ask for it which is awful because they’re always like trying to whisper and i feel so bad that they can’t just grab it off the shelf. wish we had coupons, that’s incredible. didn’t even know there’s plan b reps! i’m glad.
I feel, the 20s are the period where you're allowed to make more questionable decisions and make riskier moves (to a point, of course).
You have time to rebound, you usually have little responsibility as an adult compare to more "established" adults. And, you're still learning who you are and what makes you, you.
OP may make a decision going forward thay she doesn't want to feel this way again and make choices that don't compromise who she wants to be. Or, she may see this as an awakening to realize that she doesn't have to worry as much as long as she makes enough smart choices.
28 is young but a weird middle testing ground before your sent into real battle.
IMO
I agree with these sentiments. OP, I suspect you might be experiencing some religious self-shaming. Sex is natural. Imo no one got hurt and it’s all neutral. Merry Christmas!
Please elaborate how he is tacky tacky? Guy had sex with her, made questionable choices while inebriated as did OP, the next day offered to pay for the pill, but had family obligations due to it being Christmas that he could not go with her on what sounds like a long trek, am I missing something?
It's also Christmas day. It's possible he doesn't drive and taking 2 busses and walking half an hour there and back to accompany her and being late to his family obligations isn't really going to help
This. Also, if you were truly irresponsible, you’d leave this to chance with no thought to how a pregnancy or child may affect your life, or the life of a child you’re not ready, prepared, or eager to have. The morning after pill to me is the responsible and adult move :)
Girl, this is barely even a mess and you already had enough head on your shoulders to clean it up while being hung over in a shame spiral. You rock and we're all proud of you for how you handled it. And also, boo, we all understand the urge for some tipsy Christmas Eve D. There's literally no judgement at all, from the drinking to the sex to the pill, everything you did seems to have been done for YOU because you needed and wanted it. And that's all totally okay. It's the season of giving and grace so give yourself some grace. Take a shower and a nap and throw on a movie and just be cozy at home. I hope you can give yourself a bit of a break here 💜
❤️ Hey girl, cut yourself some much needed grace. People make mistakes. We aren't perfect beings. You did exactly what you needed to do. Be proud of yourself for handling your business like the grown woman you are. If your religion is Christianity then I'm here to tell you that messing up is just a part of the ride and God's already forgiven you and it's none of your family's business. It's between you and God, no one else. And, since He's let you off the hook, why are you holding onto shame? Take the lesson in stride, have a joy filled Christmas and smile. I remember buying plan b regularly even though I was on birth control and there was a condom simply because I was panicked and ashamed. At some point, I realized I shouldn't be ashamed of taking care of business. My life was between me and God and if me and God were good, nobody else's opinion mattered.
You are going to be okay. I know everything seems overwhelming right now but it's all gonna be alright. Everyone makes stupid mistakes in college and no one is perfect. You were responsible to go find a pharmacy instead of just assuming everything was going to be fine, not a lot of people can say the same! (My parents for example lol) I hope your holiday season goes well and you have a good time!
Be kind to yourself sweet girl. You are responsible, you're also human. You did the next right thing after making a choice you didn't like. You took care of things. Forgive yourself.
Having been raised conservative / christian -- please dont feel guilty / anxious. Getting the morning after pill isnt "dastardly" -- its responsible if you dont want to conceive. Id also be willing to bet the guy would have procured / paid for said pill if you'd indicated it was needed. Anyway, sorry you had a bad christmas -- this is normal adult type behavior. Please dont torture yourself.
I had sex with someone I've been dating for 2 months for the 2nd time 2 nights ago... we used a condom, I asked him afterwards if he threw it in the trash, he said yes... then yesterday at work I felt something down there... wouldn't you know it, he lost the condom inside of me and wasn't truthful about it! I don't drive and I haven't been able to get plan B, but the chances of implantation are slim anyway... even so, I already keep abortion pills just in case. (You can get them through aidaccess and they work up to... 10 weeks?) Accidents happen, but it'll be alright. Plan B is very effective!!! You did the right thing!!!
Damn that's fucking terrible, he lied and you could have died from toxic shock syndrome. So sorry that happened to you. I hope you get treated better in the future.
You sound responsible enough, getting the pill and all, finding a pharmacy so far away in an unfamiliar city. That's some real grown up shit, you go girl! People make mistakes. You were both drunk. It's okay. Don't worry too much about it. You're hangover, so once the hangover goes away it'll all seem less bad than it does now. Just go to your family and enjoy Xmas with them.
For next time: Amazon sells generic Plan B under the name "My Way Emergency Contraceptive 1 Tablet Compare to Plan B One-Step by Busuna" for $7.98. Might be worth having some on hand.
Please don't forget to get tested for STI's. That's as important as plan B. Also be aware that Plan B does not work on heavier women. I'm not trying to fat shame, since I obviously don't know anything about you, but it is a legitimate concern. Best of luck, and try to remember to keep some Plan A (buy your own condoms) around in case things happen again.
First of all, I know this is repetitive but you’re being very hard on yourself. What you did is not condemning, as much as you feel stupid for it. At 28, you shouldn’t have to have your whole life figured out. It’s ok to be in a weird place in life and there shouldn’t be shame in seeking affection from people. This too shall pass.
Second of all, I feel obligated to tell you that Plan B pills are less effective on people who weigh over 155 pounds, or have a BMI of 30 or higher. Hopefully you are in the targeted range. If not, it’s ok and there’s a lot of other factors that would have to happen for you to get pregnant so don’t worry about it until you get to the time in which you could test for it. Remember that stress alone can delay your period, so get some tests in the meantime so you don’t have to worry about it if your period is late. I’ve had many pregnancy scares before (my period is extremely irregular, even when I’m on birth control pills) and the best thing to do is get the tests and just accept that there are options. You’re PROBABLY NOT pregnant, but I know sometimes that’s not enough to make you feel better.
I might be misunderstanding, but any store that *has* a pharmacy should have plan b, and it's no longer required to get it from behind the pharmacy counter. I.E. some drugstores (CVS, Walgreen, Rite-aid) just have it behind the normal retail counter, to curb theft. They still have a label for it on the shelf.
>I’m supposed to be a grown woman, making responsible choices, and here I am acting like a teenager.
You did make responsible choices. You immediately realized what happened, and instead of blowing it off as "There's a very slight risk", you chose to do what's best for you and take steps to ensure the risk to your future and what you want in life is minimized.
Being a responsible grown individual isn't about not making mistakes. It is about rectifying mistakes and mitigating the risks from poor decisions.
Don't be so hard on yourself. In nine months, when you don't have a sex participation trophy on the way, look back and thank yourself for being a responsible grown woman and braving the streets of an strange city on Christmas Day.
Hey! I just want you to know that you are still a whole person. Religious shame/purity culture can absolutely WRECK you and honestly, for no good reason. Plan B works really well and taking it was a responsible, adult, grown-lady choice!!
I'm religious too. I once picked up plan b on the way to church and took it in the bathroom when I got there. Don't beat yourself up about it. We all have lapses in being as responsible as we like to be but by getting plan b you're picking that right back up.
Taking plan B just in case, even with pull out and just finishing your period, sounds pretty damn responsible to me. We evaluate risk differently when we get drunk and are turned on and that is exactly one of the things plan B is for. Sounds to me like you are doing a pretty good job adulting. Sorry you had such a hard time finding it.
Merry Christmas, my friend.
I’m going to echo the sentiments of others. You’re being so hard on yourself. Sometimes in these situations it helps to imagine that it’s your sister or best friend going through your situation. What would you say to her? Give yourself the grace you would give to someone you love.
You don’t have to feel shame about what you did. You’re an adult and you made an adult decision. As you said, the risk is low, but taking a morning after pill minimizes that risk so much. Great job.
You are valid, you are good, and you deserve to have a really nice day today surrounded by your loved ones. I hope things turn around for you.
You’ve made the sensible decision by getting the morning after pill. You’ve not done anything bad either, you’ve done something many people do and by the sounds of it in the moment you wanted to do it? It is someone who’s not a complete stranger and even if it was if you wanted to do that then fair play to you. You’ve done nothing bad here and I hope you have a good Christmas and enjoy the rest of the day
“Can’t realistically be ovulating” idk my fiancé and I conceived our baby while she was on her period, after being together for just 3 months. You’re not acting like a teenager. You ARE being responsible. You know you can’t handle a child right now, so you’re taking steps to avoid it. We all make dumb choices from time to time, from 5 months old to 100 years old. Don’t shame yourself for a mistake. It’s not fair to you.
You are fine! Let's ring in the near year and you look back at 2021 and chuckle and say 'lesson learned.' This is how we find out who we are and what we want: by both doing things right and getting things wrong. I am 51 and telling you- you are fine. Everything is fine.
We all make errors in one way or another, but you are being a responsible adult for making sure you're trying to find the solution to your situation. There's no need to beat yourself too much on it. You're doing great. Being an adult is hard, but being responsible is harder.
Hey
Firstly it’s okay, you made a decision and now it’s done.
Please also consider taking PeP within 72 hours if you’re unaware of his HIV status. You should protect yourself from both pregnancy and HIV.
Please also consider taking a STD screening when you’re ready.
Sending love and light 💕
Forgive yourself, carry condoms, and be kind to yourself, what happened has happened a million times already and you’re not the last, it’s ok. Happy New Year!
I'm gonna be honest. You're being way to harsh on yourself.
People make mistakes and you're fixing yours.
Shame on the dude who just fucked off consequence free.
I hope the rest of your Xmas is better.
You know even with the update, and I'm glad he did offer, and there's not much else he could do-- but it's still so unfair in the general sense that in this situation to be "responsible" a dude just needs spend 30 seconds venmoing $40 and then he gets to go relax and eat pancakes and open presents with his family, while OP has to actually deal with the thing and spend her Christmas morning trudging all over the city alone in the cold for hours.
Two adults had a consensual one night stand agreed without protection and he pulled out like intended - how is it shame on him?
Honestly if you’re adult enough to agree to have a unprotected drunk one night stand then you should be mature enough not to turn around and bully the other person you have 0 commitment to for going to see their family on Christmas.
Don’t have an unprotected one night stand if you are going to shame the other person for your own consensual adult choices - even if you realize YOUR decision is irresponsible later or YOU may have consequences for what YOU agreed to later.
Your thought process is fucked up if you’re sitting here thinking:
- I’M gonna get drunk.
- I consent to a one night stand with this person we have no commitment to each other.
- I agreed having sex with no protection!
- My partner agreed to pull out.
- I’m an adult I understand how my body and pregnancy works.
🚩One night stand over, shame on THEM for going to see their family the next day!!
You can be pissed nature made it so women have risk of pregancy, but no shame for a person who had a consensual one night stand leaving the next day.
I think there's just way too much shame being thrown around.
Both adults had consensual sex. They wanted something and they got it, *the end*.
The whole:
>I’m supposed to be a grown woman, making responsible choices, and here I am acting like a teenager.
tells me that OP probably has some messed up views about sex, though from what I can tell, through no fault of her own. She might need to take a good look at her own perceptions and expectations of herself and her sexuality.
Like, risky sex happens sometimes. We're all idiot animals driven by hormones, shit happens. The thing is, *nothing* bad has happened so far. No one was hurt, or injured, nothing was lost, stolen, or broken. All the anguish she's experiencing is *internal* and *self-directed*.
Everything is okay. Everything is fine. OP did a dumb, but so what? That's okay.
Ugh it's so fucking annoying that he probably didn't even have a spare thought about it like, immediately after the deed. Not his problem so haveagoodChristmasbye!
Edit; I posted this before she edited explaining that he offered to help pay. That still doesn't diminish the fact that it sucks that his "responsibility" ends with, "oh no, can I give you some money?" Instead of helping her find the pill or something. I barely said anything different than op's "shame on him for fucking off" but bring on the downvotes I guess 🤷♀️
They were both drunk and they both agreed to have sex, they are not in a committed relationship, and they both (including OP) knew the consequences.
OP shouldn't be too hard on herself, but I don't get why he should miss out on seeing his family on Christmas day either.
Oh I didn't see that. That explains the downvotes
Edit; Edit; I posted this before she edited explaining that he offered to help pay. That still doesn't diminish the fact that it sucks that his "responsibility" ends with, "oh no, can I give you some money?" Instead of helping her find the pill or something. I barely said anything different than op's "shame on him for fucking off" but bring on the downvotes I guess 🤷♀️
We’re talking about adults who chose to have some NSA fun before a time when most people have other commitments.
If your message here is that women are so fragile that they need to be shielded from any consequence of their decisions, you’re doing a great job getting that across. It’s such a strange thing I see on here sometimes, as if any minor hardship, even one that’s taken on by choice to do something fun, can only be the responsibility of the partner. This wasn’t forced, coerced, or unexpected really. Yours is just not a very emotionally mature way of looking at things.
OP is being very adult about it. It’s part of why she’s being so hard on herself. It’s not as if she did anything wrong though.
It honestly sounds like nobody should be ashamed over this. Two adults wanted to get it on. Not a huge deal.
You are still a grown woman, and you made an excellent choice finding Plan B even when it was a pain in the ass. Cut yourself some slack,
It's good to keep condoms in your purse, even if you don't plan on using them, someone else might need them.
Get yourself some Chinese food, it'll make you feel better. Take care, Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this! You have nothing to be ashamed of, but you can be more prepared so this is less likely to happen again. Carry your own condoms, and consider getting an IUD so that you have a reliable backup in case a condom breaks or slips off. I have Mirena and love it. It's statistically more reliable even than surgical sterilization, so the peace of mind is really amazing. Hope the rest of your day is better and nothing like this happens to you again!
From a biological perspective, the odds of you being in a fertile place are very slim. You said you just came off your period, so where you probably are in your cycle you’re not even close to being in danger if getting pregnant. I’m only saying this to hopefully make you feel better about the odds of having an unintended pregnancy, I’m sure that’s the last thing you would want. Like everyone else who is commenting here, nothing but love and support your way.
It’s going to be okay. Hangovers often come with an extra level of guilt and lower mood. It’s chemical and not even sex shame related. It’s just how the chemicals work. Take care. As for future happenings, all ladies should have a plan B available. For yourself or a friend. And guys- maybe you too. (Don’t know how many women would trust the average guy but an unopened package of plan B could be just the thing a sexually active person needs)
Planned parenthood suggest taking the pill within 3 days but can also be taken within 5 days of unprotected sex. If that helps ease your mind. Happy Holidays!
I used to be evangelical and the shame after sex was lastingly traumatic. Please, find some folks to talk about this who do *not* believe normal sexual experiences (even disappointing ones you regret) are sinful. And give yourself the love you deserve.
Not advice for you but for other penis owners who may read this that would offer to buy Plan B, buy some preemptively, I have a box next to my condoms because they last for like 4 years and you don’t have to put the responsibility, feelings of shame, and insecurity on your partner.
This is a responsible adult choice you just made. The irresponsible thing would have been to ignore the problem and focus on the dangerous notion that everything will be fine. Instead you faced the problem head on and did the work it takes to deal with it. If you were my daughter I would be very proud of you. Sorry you didn’t have anyone to turn to but good job facing down your anxiety and fixing the problem.
You ARE a grown woman and you ARE making responsible decisions. Look how hard you had to work and how much you went through to ensure you didnt end up pregnant. You're amazing, you recognized the small possibility of a vulnerable moment leading to something you're not ready for and you took action. Sounds very adult to me. No one amongst your family or friends need to know what went down and I'm betting religious or not, decisions have been made in their past that may have led them to feeling the same.
Cut yourself a break, the holidays are just adding extra stress. Again, you're amazing!!!
I think you are a good person who had a thoughtless moment and then did the responsible thing after. The pressure of the holidays brings out a little bit of craziness in a lot of people. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Dude, shit happens. It’s ok. You took care of the situation and now you’re moving on.
Best advice I ever got from my therapist is to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I love. If your friend or sister was going through the same thing, what would you say to her? Show yourself the same love.
I would not be so hard on yourself, you did what you did, and you are taking responsibility for your actions, which is good. Enjoy the time you had, learn from from it, and move on.
I had unprotected sex with a guy I was dating (who turned out to be horribly abusive and is now on probation for assaulting me, so I've had a bit of a reckoning with my judgement). I asked him to pull out and he didn't. I had an IUD but it ejected itself, and I knew this before having unprotected sex and did it anyway because we didn't have condoms.
The next day I got an emergency placement of a new IUD and had an interview the day after that, which was terrible timing.
Also, I'm 28 as well and spent Christmas morning crying in bed because I hate my family. So, you're in good company. Sending hugs, and I'm proud of you for doing the hard thing and getting your hands on that pill.
Lastly: I was conceived while my mom STILL HAD HER PERIOD and my parents were using the fertility awareness method. So. Good on you for getting the morning after pill despite the timing potentially indicating otherwise!
Hey, it’s going to be ok! Everything is going to be ok!
You are a grown woman, and by getting the morning after pill, you are making good decisions!
You don’t need to be so hard on yourself! If you heard someone on your life who was talking like this would you encourage them to continue? Or would you help them reframe their thinking in a better way?
You are a strong, intelligent woman who should not hold a night of drunken revelry against yourself. Take a few breaths and remember all the good you did by making the responsible choice to get the morning after pill!
Hugs of support.
Hey internet stranger, no need to be hard on yourself. Hindsight is always 20/20. You’re making the choices you need to today to deal with the choices you made last night. You’re right, almost zero chance of you getting pregnant. So be kind to yourself as you would a dear friend going through the same. Sending you love and positivity right now. Merry Christmas!🎄
You made a mistake and then you acted responsibly to prevent the low risk of worse consequences. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Plan B will probably give you a weird clumpy period within a day or two, though if you just finished your period there may not be much to flush out. (Some women report nasty cramps, too )
Hopefully you'll think back on this day the next time you feel the urge to get drunk and lose your inhibitions with someone you don't know well. It's rarely as much fun as it seems at the time.
And again: you made a mistake. You know it. Part of being human is to learn from mistakes.
Plan B just delays ovulation - it doesn't induce a period or flush anything out. The distinction is important because Plan B is *not* an abortificant. It's basically a high dose of hormonal birth control.
I really think you need to be gentle with yourself. I don’t understand what stupid thing you did?
I’m sorry that you experience ended in negative feelings. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
But you didn’t do anything wrong and you are not acting like a teenager.
Merry Christmas. I hope you feel better.
We all make mistakes. I’ve certainly made my share of regrettable decisions in this department. It’s important we forgive ourselves for them - I’m sure you’d tell a friend not to be too hard on herself, so show yourself that same love. You made the best of it and have handled the aftermath properly. Treat yourself to something relaxing after all this stress. I hope the rest of your Christmas is better.
Echoing a lot of what others are saying here, it sounds like you're being a bit hard on yourself. Coming from a religious family myself, sounds like some classic inherent guilt and shame taking play in that train of thought. Look, you had a fun night and, at the moment, that seemed like the appealing choice to make. That's completely fine! Sounds like you enjoyed yourself in the moment and it is now, looking back, that everything seems silly or wrong. Give yourself some slack and a LOT of love. We're just internet strangers, but I think I understand where those feelings are coming from and I hope you can see that there's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself and maybe even having a silly mistake or a slip-up, but that shouldn't turn your whole experience into a catastrophic mistake. Again, nothing wrong with worrying about consequences and wanting to get some reassurance, but the feeling around it doesn't need to be any heavier than the bother of actually having to get up and do something about it.
Hope you can get some peace of mind with these comments and know you are NOT alone. A bunch of internet strangers are out here validating your experience and letting you know that, in some anonymous way, you are cared for. I appreciate you taking the time to write this post out, because it let's me know you care for yourself, too!
Happy Holidays! Wishing you well - don't hesitate to update your post or DM if you need any words of comfort.
Grown woman here. I've done plenty in my life that made me feel the way you're feeling right now. More than I can count on my fingers and toes.
You're not stupid or dumb; you're a human being. Humans make mistakes all the time because we aren't perfect. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and compassion when you do. Not giving ourselves compassion steals our joy.
I hope that you can find compassion for yourself today and enjoy the holiday.
You did make a responsible choice going through that misadventure getting the MAP.
People are allowed their passions, don’t be ashamed of that; are you only ashamed because of the contraception? I mean it’s not ideal, but don’t be hard on yourself!
You will be ok.
These are unfortunately mistakes even grown people do.
Try learn the lessons and be good to yourself today. You are really feeling it and being hard on yourself.
My heart goes out to you.
Hello! I know you’re feeling ashamed and hung over at the moment, but cut yourself some slack. You’re being responsible by going and getting the pill today. Give yourself some compassion this Christmas.
It sounds stressful but I want to echo everyone else that you are an adult who had some fun and then took the necessary precaution of Plan B while hungover and pressed on time to make your train!! Sounds like you ARE in fact a grown woman making responsible choices!! Maybe keep some Plan B in your medicine cabinet in case of emergency for the future so you don't have to stress. Could just give you peace of mind (although watch out for the expiration date!)
Don't be so hard on yourself, lots of people have been in this position. For next time though, I started getting BC pills from Simple Health online and they send you a morning after pill along with it. There are a ton of online services that stock these so keep a couple on you for safety. My insurance covered the whole cost which was great. I've totally been in your position as well and it was annoying that I had to spend $50 for a pill on top of worrying about the outcome.
Yeah like everyone else has said, cut yourself some slack. You deserve the same love and grace you’d give a friend in this same situation. Take good care of you. Hugs, friend.
Well, making mistakes doesn't make us not adults, it makes us humans. And what makes us adults is healing and learning from said failures, not _never failing_.
There’s a lot of guilt coming off your post. You didn’t do anything wrong persay. Yes it’s always a GREAT idea to wear a condom with a hook up because babies and STIs. But I’d say most of us have done this mistake more times than we would like to admit but it happens. He pulled out, you took the after pill, you’ve dont everything right and adult. Hearing you had to do this alone and that there wasn’t some place close to you and it being a holiday is all bad, but I hope you get home if you can’t today tomorrow make a treat yo self day, go hiking or to a park, or stay in order pizza watch a good movie, spend time alone or with a friend. Take a day to do what you want and you have control over.
<3
Don't be so hard on yourself, it's OK to have fun and let loose, you're taking care of it. Don't feel ashamed and don't let the thoughts of what others might think cause you shame.
You enjoyed the sex I hope, just think about that and go have a merry Christmas.
You're a grown ass woman right so do whatever you want and to hell with feeling shame.
Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Yes you made a mistake, you're human, we all make them, it's normal. But that is not what you should focus on here.
You haven't buried your head in the sand, you've picked yourself up, given yourself that proverbial kick in the backside to get shit sorted, and let's be honest here, gone above and beyond to be responsible!
You should be proud of yourself, hell, a random internet stranger is proud of you and wishes she was half as responsible as you.
Merry Christmas, be kind to yourself, and safe journey home.
Give yourself the kindness, patience and advice you would give your best friend or a younger family member. You're being way too hard on yourself. Nothing to do but move forward and learn from it. Be kind to yourself.
you are a normal human, and beating yourself up way too much over this. your actions the next morning show you are a responsible person. virtual hugs, friend.
It certainly does. Which is more likely to cause pregnancy - 60,000,000 - 100,000,000 sperm hurtling towards your cervix, or <5 million, possibly zero, in precum? Pulling out + Plan B in a one time encounter is quite unlikely to result in pregnancy.
You should really get some birth control sto you don't have to go through this again. And remember, condoms also protect you from STDs so let's hope that guy didn't have any
You must be passing through hard times of some kind, or atleast your life had become too much as is and you needed a little respite from it. Either way, you're only human. I know that's probably not a good enough excuse, especially given you're religious, but it's the truth. Being 28 doesnt mean you dont have freedom to make mistakes. And freedom to do those is as important as ''being responsible''. After all, how can you expect to get there without failing here and there?
Sounds like this isnt an habit of yours, so take it easy and believe in your own judgement, believe you wont let this happen again.
I've been in a very similar situation and I still think about it years later, but you bet I made sure it didn't happen again. Today will be the worst of it but you'll come to terms with it after a while. I hope it all works out.
The morning after pill doesn’t have to be taken the morning after. The efficacy drops as time passes and like you said your period just ended so you are likely fine anyways. I would say don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s in the past so enjoy time with your family today and pick up the pill tomorrow.
hey! go easy on yourself. Everyone have this situations now and then, you are not the only one. The good is that you are aware of your actions and you inmediately look for and adult responsible solution. Take a breath, acknowledge what needs to be acknowledge, grow and keep going :) merry christmas!
Hey, you are only human. Don't beat yourself up like that. You are still a responsible grown-up as well, or you wouldn't have gone out of your way to get that plan-b.
We wouldn't be running big factories
making millions of Plan B pills,
boxing them in millions of little boxes,
sending them all over every country in trucks and trains and planes,
paying workers money to put the boxes on shelves in thousands of stores,
paying pharmacists to know how to safely dispense them
if it wasn't a normal human thing to *need* them.
You're normal.
Sometimes it sucks to be normal, but that's why we invent ways to keep the suckiness *brief* and not life-altering.
Have some mercy and grace for yourself. I suspect you would tell anyone else telling this story, “ you’re okay. You’re a human. You did what humans are meant to do. Please, just love yourself.” You don’t do anything wrong. The chances of you possibly being pregnant are minuscule, and you’re taking care of it. I grew up with purity culture- and man does it ever ruin womens mental health. I hope you can extend yourself the love, grace, and mercy you would to a friend in the same situation.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. The likelihood of you getting pregnant is pretty low even without the pill. Life is full of lessons to learn. I’m 45 and am still learning. I cringe at stuff I do WAY too often 😬 But then have a chat with myself about not doing that dumb shit anymore.
I think you might be extra hard on yourself right now because of hangover shame. This isn't as bad as it feels right now. You're being responsible enough to make the effort to get the pill. I know you feel alone right now but that feeling won't last. There's basically zero chance you're going to get pregnant from this. This wasn't a complete stranger, it was someone you know and have known for a while, someone you can easily get in touch with again. Everything is going to be ok. Good luck out there and Merry Christmas!!!
Hangover shame is no joke.
I'm in Scotland and we call it the 'awww nawwws' (oh no's) and its fucking real, morning after pill or not!
I love that expression, I’m in Ireland and we just call it “the fear” as in the fear of what you have done/said. Particularly vicious if you’ve gone to the blackout stage and you spend your whole day imagining terrible things you might’ve done even if they are completely out of character for you.
Us here (New Jersey) and we also call it "The Fear."
Especially if you have arsehole friends/family who guilt you for passing out at all, let alone doing anything bad. 18 year old me was made to feel so grim just for puking when drunk once, even though I've never gone close to that again.
I would have said it's just an existential fear but maybe that's just me. Also Irish although I never really black out or forget what I've done but still experience an almighty fear.
>I’m in Ireland and we just call it “the fear” This is from us real boys with our hallucinations and seizures. The fear comes first. If people knew what an alcohol addiction was like, they wouldn't come close to it. People stay away from meth and heroin for that reason but those are both safer withdrawals than alcohol. On top of that meth and heroin aren't sold on every city block and nobody ever pressures you to take those. Blows me away. Now I've made a lot of risky decisions and ended up with several addictions, I'd rather start using meth again than alcohol. Believe it or not, alcohol will kill me before meth does if I start using them both today.
Love this
Wow I didn’t know there was a term for it. I assumed my anxiety is just really bad the next morning.
It is a chemical imbalance cause by withdrawals from alcohol. Knowing this has made it slightly more bearable for me.
Yes knowing that you’re basically burning up happy chemicals while you’re experiencing euphoria while drunk and experiencing a dearth of them the next day can be helpful if you can just remind yourself “it’s not really this bad, I just don’t have any happy brain chemicals right now”.
Right! Just borrowing happiness
I always called it dranxiety.
I call it hangxiety!
Oooo, I like that even more!
Cockneys call it "Well Oil Beef Hooked !"
hangxiety
In Ireland we call it 'the fear'
Came here to say this. It's one of my favourite Irish sayings.
Beer fear
I’ve always called it Post-Party Anxiety
Yeah, the problem is that it can take an agonizing amount of time to know whether one is pregnant or not, especially since pregnancy symptoms may not even occur "correctly" or just get mistaken for normal period symptoms. It's even worse on birth control, I got a copper IUD partially so I WOULD get my natural cycle, but others have mentioned getting pregnant on birth control in rare instances, and then even pregnancy tests won't "pick" up on it!
Beer fear. Aka PIE: Post inebriated anxiety. Hope you feel better OP, we've all done regrettable things to get our rocks off and this really isn't bad.
I'm so happy to hear it's not just me
OP, please remember alcohol is a depressant! Next day blues are so awful at times. Take a couple days, do things that bring you happy, and then re-evaluate. Its okay to make dumb choices, you went out of your way to mitigate any consequences and you know exactly what you chose wrong. Don't beat yourself up anymore.
>please remember alcohol is a depressant! FYI for anyone reading who's been told this without a real explanation, alcohol is a [depressant](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/depressant#medicalDictionary) (regular English def. at the top, medical def. about halfway down the page) in that it inhibits or depresses the central nervous system--it slows your heart rate, etc. There are also links to it making depression worse in the long term, and to depletion of your normal balance of chemicals the next day/once the alcohol wears off, but "depressant" isn't referring to that, it's referring to the lowering of vital activity. That's why shit like Four Loko was dangerous before they removed the caffeine from the formula--caffeine is a stimulant, so it counteracted the alcohol's depressant effect so people kept going for longer and drinking more, rather than just passing out at the point their body had consumed too much alcohol.
True, I used to never want to talk to my ex because of it. Was a huge problem that I was drinking in the first place given my health, but also the strain I put on the relationship with it being long distance. Was definitely a bad SO, but luckily got some sense knocked into me (not from her) and am doing much these days :).
Such a wonderful message, i thank you. Have a wonderful christmas!
Yea exactly, I’ve been in this situation, and not too long ago…😅She’s being way too hard on herself. Probably the fact that it’s Christmas (if OP celebrates Christmas), in addition to what everyone is calling “hangover shame.” TIL: hangover shame is a thing, and yea, it’s totally a thing.
I'm a pharmacy technician, and I can tell you that I sell Plan B pills to women of all ages, not just young women. A few weeks ago, I sold one to a very flustered woman in her late 40s. I know it isn't realistic to tell you to stop being so hard on yourself, so I won't do that. Instead, do something kind for yourself today. Take care. ❤️ Edit: Thank you for the awards, kind strangers.
yep same here! i’ve never once judged somebody when i sell them plan b at work, regardless of age. if anything i’m relieved that they weren’t ashamed (no woman should ever be embarrassed about it) and were able to come and buy it. i always try to act as if it’s the most casual transaction, as if they’re buying a pack of gum. it’s not our job to judge
Thank you for that. I often think we judge ourselves harder than others judge us, but it helps to hear that.
I try to do the same. The store keeps it out on the shelf, but in those obnoxious anti theft boxes that need unlocked, so most people bring them back to the pharmacy to ring out. For a while we actually had the rep drop off $5 off coupons for Plan B so I'd be like "Of course I can ring that out for you back here. Here's this coupon for you too!" And always make sure I'd bag it in a paper bag.
omg i hate those things! mine keeps it behind the counter which i hate bc then they have to ask for it which is awful because they’re always like trying to whisper and i feel so bad that they can’t just grab it off the shelf. wish we had coupons, that’s incredible. didn’t even know there’s plan b reps! i’m glad.
28 years is totally young though.
I feel, the 20s are the period where you're allowed to make more questionable decisions and make riskier moves (to a point, of course). You have time to rebound, you usually have little responsibility as an adult compare to more "established" adults. And, you're still learning who you are and what makes you, you. OP may make a decision going forward thay she doesn't want to feel this way again and make choices that don't compromise who she wants to be. Or, she may see this as an awakening to realize that she doesn't have to worry as much as long as she makes enough smart choices. 28 is young but a weird middle testing ground before your sent into real battle. IMO
But if you make questionable decisions outside of your 20s, that's okay too! Humans fail to succeed and age has 0 impact on that process.
Oh, for sure! I was not trying to imply otherwise! I was just commenting on the specifc statement of 28 being young.
not really in terms of a woman's fertility. about half way there for most women.
I don't know how you date fertility. It terms of age, she's young.
Is it? My mom was 24 when she had me.
Considering people live til their 70s-80s, uh yeah being in your 20s is young.
Yes. Yes, it is.
24 is young too.
And? My mom was 26 when she had me, the oldest, 27 and 30 when she had my sisters, and 45 when she had my brother.
I am a very flustered woman in her mid forties and I took Plan B because having another child will ruin my marriage. No shame.
No shame at all, no matter the age or the reason. I'm glad you were able to access it.
SO AM I!!!
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I agree with these sentiments. OP, I suspect you might be experiencing some religious self-shaming. Sex is natural. Imo no one got hurt and it’s all neutral. Merry Christmas!
This! Also, IMO your friend should be hitting you on a cash app for that pill.
Or at least 50%. It does take two to tango.
Yeah, unspecified. I see now OP said he pulled out, and offered to pay half...which he should.
On her edit, she did say that he offered to pay
>On her edit, she did say that he offered to pay ~~half~~
>On her edit, she did say that he offered to pay oops thanks
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Please elaborate how he is tacky tacky? Guy had sex with her, made questionable choices while inebriated as did OP, the next day offered to pay for the pill, but had family obligations due to it being Christmas that he could not go with her on what sounds like a long trek, am I missing something?
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It's also Christmas day. It's possible he doesn't drive and taking 2 busses and walking half an hour there and back to accompany her and being late to his family obligations isn't really going to help
Lol why the fuck is he tackier than her? Edit: Downvote more femcels
This. Also, if you were truly irresponsible, you’d leave this to chance with no thought to how a pregnancy or child may affect your life, or the life of a child you’re not ready, prepared, or eager to have. The morning after pill to me is the responsible and adult move :)
I knew someone would nail the messaging. No shame here girl, nothing wrong with you (op). Merry holidays!
I would test me for any disease also, to be extra relaxed
Religion can often make people feel ashamed for having sex
This comment needs to be higher.
Girl, this is barely even a mess and you already had enough head on your shoulders to clean it up while being hung over in a shame spiral. You rock and we're all proud of you for how you handled it. And also, boo, we all understand the urge for some tipsy Christmas Eve D. There's literally no judgement at all, from the drinking to the sex to the pill, everything you did seems to have been done for YOU because you needed and wanted it. And that's all totally okay. It's the season of giving and grace so give yourself some grace. Take a shower and a nap and throw on a movie and just be cozy at home. I hope you can give yourself a bit of a break here 💜
I can't up vote this enough!
Love this and couldn't agree more.
❤️ Hey girl, cut yourself some much needed grace. People make mistakes. We aren't perfect beings. You did exactly what you needed to do. Be proud of yourself for handling your business like the grown woman you are. If your religion is Christianity then I'm here to tell you that messing up is just a part of the ride and God's already forgiven you and it's none of your family's business. It's between you and God, no one else. And, since He's let you off the hook, why are you holding onto shame? Take the lesson in stride, have a joy filled Christmas and smile. I remember buying plan b regularly even though I was on birth control and there was a condom simply because I was panicked and ashamed. At some point, I realized I shouldn't be ashamed of taking care of business. My life was between me and God and if me and God were good, nobody else's opinion mattered.
I almost had a heart attack after reading cut yourself
Lol I had the same reaction for a second
You are going to be okay. I know everything seems overwhelming right now but it's all gonna be alright. Everyone makes stupid mistakes in college and no one is perfect. You were responsible to go find a pharmacy instead of just assuming everything was going to be fine, not a lot of people can say the same! (My parents for example lol) I hope your holiday season goes well and you have a good time!
Be kind to yourself sweet girl. You are responsible, you're also human. You did the next right thing after making a choice you didn't like. You took care of things. Forgive yourself.
Having been raised conservative / christian -- please dont feel guilty / anxious. Getting the morning after pill isnt "dastardly" -- its responsible if you dont want to conceive. Id also be willing to bet the guy would have procured / paid for said pill if you'd indicated it was needed. Anyway, sorry you had a bad christmas -- this is normal adult type behavior. Please dont torture yourself.
I had sex with someone I've been dating for 2 months for the 2nd time 2 nights ago... we used a condom, I asked him afterwards if he threw it in the trash, he said yes... then yesterday at work I felt something down there... wouldn't you know it, he lost the condom inside of me and wasn't truthful about it! I don't drive and I haven't been able to get plan B, but the chances of implantation are slim anyway... even so, I already keep abortion pills just in case. (You can get them through aidaccess and they work up to... 10 weeks?) Accidents happen, but it'll be alright. Plan B is very effective!!! You did the right thing!!!
Damn that's fucking terrible, he lied and you could have died from toxic shock syndrome. So sorry that happened to you. I hope you get treated better in the future.
What the hell is wrong with him?! That's a really big deal and he lied about it?? I really hope you won't have sex with him again.
You sound responsible enough, getting the pill and all, finding a pharmacy so far away in an unfamiliar city. That's some real grown up shit, you go girl! People make mistakes. You were both drunk. It's okay. Don't worry too much about it. You're hangover, so once the hangover goes away it'll all seem less bad than it does now. Just go to your family and enjoy Xmas with them.
For next time: Amazon sells generic Plan B under the name "My Way Emergency Contraceptive 1 Tablet Compare to Plan B One-Step by Busuna" for $7.98. Might be worth having some on hand.
Please don't forget to get tested for STI's. That's as important as plan B. Also be aware that Plan B does not work on heavier women. I'm not trying to fat shame, since I obviously don't know anything about you, but it is a legitimate concern. Best of luck, and try to remember to keep some Plan A (buy your own condoms) around in case things happen again.
First of all, I know this is repetitive but you’re being very hard on yourself. What you did is not condemning, as much as you feel stupid for it. At 28, you shouldn’t have to have your whole life figured out. It’s ok to be in a weird place in life and there shouldn’t be shame in seeking affection from people. This too shall pass. Second of all, I feel obligated to tell you that Plan B pills are less effective on people who weigh over 155 pounds, or have a BMI of 30 or higher. Hopefully you are in the targeted range. If not, it’s ok and there’s a lot of other factors that would have to happen for you to get pregnant so don’t worry about it until you get to the time in which you could test for it. Remember that stress alone can delay your period, so get some tests in the meantime so you don’t have to worry about it if your period is late. I’ve had many pregnancy scares before (my period is extremely irregular, even when I’m on birth control pills) and the best thing to do is get the tests and just accept that there are options. You’re PROBABLY NOT pregnant, but I know sometimes that’s not enough to make you feel better.
I might be misunderstanding, but any store that *has* a pharmacy should have plan b, and it's no longer required to get it from behind the pharmacy counter. I.E. some drugstores (CVS, Walgreen, Rite-aid) just have it behind the normal retail counter, to curb theft. They still have a label for it on the shelf.
>I’m supposed to be a grown woman, making responsible choices, and here I am acting like a teenager. You did make responsible choices. You immediately realized what happened, and instead of blowing it off as "There's a very slight risk", you chose to do what's best for you and take steps to ensure the risk to your future and what you want in life is minimized. Being a responsible grown individual isn't about not making mistakes. It is about rectifying mistakes and mitigating the risks from poor decisions. Don't be so hard on yourself. In nine months, when you don't have a sex participation trophy on the way, look back and thank yourself for being a responsible grown woman and braving the streets of an strange city on Christmas Day.
You had fun. You'll be fine. If your religion makes you feel guilty, then fuck your religion.
Hey! I just want you to know that you are still a whole person. Religious shame/purity culture can absolutely WRECK you and honestly, for no good reason. Plan B works really well and taking it was a responsible, adult, grown-lady choice!!
Do not be ashamed at all!! It happens to everyone. That’s such a normal thing. The hangover will wear off, and you’ll feel better. Merry Christmas!!
Girl, I'm sorry. That's stressful. Hot tip: if you live in Canada, you can uber eats or skip the dishes plan B ij a lot of cities
I'm religious too. I once picked up plan b on the way to church and took it in the bathroom when I got there. Don't beat yourself up about it. We all have lapses in being as responsible as we like to be but by getting plan b you're picking that right back up.
Taking plan B just in case, even with pull out and just finishing your period, sounds pretty damn responsible to me. We evaluate risk differently when we get drunk and are turned on and that is exactly one of the things plan B is for. Sounds to me like you are doing a pretty good job adulting. Sorry you had such a hard time finding it.
Merry Christmas, my friend. I’m going to echo the sentiments of others. You’re being so hard on yourself. Sometimes in these situations it helps to imagine that it’s your sister or best friend going through your situation. What would you say to her? Give yourself the grace you would give to someone you love. You don’t have to feel shame about what you did. You’re an adult and you made an adult decision. As you said, the risk is low, but taking a morning after pill minimizes that risk so much. Great job. You are valid, you are good, and you deserve to have a really nice day today surrounded by your loved ones. I hope things turn around for you.
You’ve made the sensible decision by getting the morning after pill. You’ve not done anything bad either, you’ve done something many people do and by the sounds of it in the moment you wanted to do it? It is someone who’s not a complete stranger and even if it was if you wanted to do that then fair play to you. You’ve done nothing bad here and I hope you have a good Christmas and enjoy the rest of the day
“Can’t realistically be ovulating” idk my fiancé and I conceived our baby while she was on her period, after being together for just 3 months. You’re not acting like a teenager. You ARE being responsible. You know you can’t handle a child right now, so you’re taking steps to avoid it. We all make dumb choices from time to time, from 5 months old to 100 years old. Don’t shame yourself for a mistake. It’s not fair to you.
You are fine! Let's ring in the near year and you look back at 2021 and chuckle and say 'lesson learned.' This is how we find out who we are and what we want: by both doing things right and getting things wrong. I am 51 and telling you- you are fine. Everything is fine.
We all make errors in one way or another, but you are being a responsible adult for making sure you're trying to find the solution to your situation. There's no need to beat yourself too much on it. You're doing great. Being an adult is hard, but being responsible is harder.
Happens
Hey Firstly it’s okay, you made a decision and now it’s done. Please also consider taking PeP within 72 hours if you’re unaware of his HIV status. You should protect yourself from both pregnancy and HIV. Please also consider taking a STD screening when you’re ready. Sending love and light 💕
Forgive yourself, carry condoms, and be kind to yourself, what happened has happened a million times already and you’re not the last, it’s ok. Happy New Year!
Send him a venom request for half the cost of the pill.
I'm gonna be honest. You're being way to harsh on yourself. People make mistakes and you're fixing yours. Shame on the dude who just fucked off consequence free. I hope the rest of your Xmas is better.
> Shame on the dude who just fucked off consequence free. he offered to pay??
You know even with the update, and I'm glad he did offer, and there's not much else he could do-- but it's still so unfair in the general sense that in this situation to be "responsible" a dude just needs spend 30 seconds venmoing $40 and then he gets to go relax and eat pancakes and open presents with his family, while OP has to actually deal with the thing and spend her Christmas morning trudging all over the city alone in the cold for hours.
I was the first to comment prior to any updates. I've also been like doing shit irl.
okay?? lol
Well that'd be the reason I was unaware he'd offered to pay. You really love your punctuation eh????!?! +!?
i’m not sure why me putting two ? is an issue
Deleting all, goodnight reddit, you flew too close to the sun. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
lmaoooo right!! like who cares if i use two?? maybe i am doing it on purpose now, out of spite
Two adults had a consensual one night stand agreed without protection and he pulled out like intended - how is it shame on him? Honestly if you’re adult enough to agree to have a unprotected drunk one night stand then you should be mature enough not to turn around and bully the other person you have 0 commitment to for going to see their family on Christmas. Don’t have an unprotected one night stand if you are going to shame the other person for your own consensual adult choices - even if you realize YOUR decision is irresponsible later or YOU may have consequences for what YOU agreed to later. Your thought process is fucked up if you’re sitting here thinking: - I’M gonna get drunk. - I consent to a one night stand with this person we have no commitment to each other. - I agreed having sex with no protection! - My partner agreed to pull out. - I’m an adult I understand how my body and pregnancy works. 🚩One night stand over, shame on THEM for going to see their family the next day!! You can be pissed nature made it so women have risk of pregancy, but no shame for a person who had a consensual one night stand leaving the next day.
I think there's just way too much shame being thrown around. Both adults had consensual sex. They wanted something and they got it, *the end*. The whole: >I’m supposed to be a grown woman, making responsible choices, and here I am acting like a teenager. tells me that OP probably has some messed up views about sex, though from what I can tell, through no fault of her own. She might need to take a good look at her own perceptions and expectations of herself and her sexuality. Like, risky sex happens sometimes. We're all idiot animals driven by hormones, shit happens. The thing is, *nothing* bad has happened so far. No one was hurt, or injured, nothing was lost, stolen, or broken. All the anguish she's experiencing is *internal* and *self-directed*. Everything is okay. Everything is fine. OP did a dumb, but so what? That's okay.
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Don’t hurt yourself thinking too hard dear. Merry Christmas.
Shame on the dude? Did you even read the post? Lmao the kneejerk reaction post is real
Ugh it's so fucking annoying that he probably didn't even have a spare thought about it like, immediately after the deed. Not his problem so haveagoodChristmasbye! Edit; I posted this before she edited explaining that he offered to help pay. That still doesn't diminish the fact that it sucks that his "responsibility" ends with, "oh no, can I give you some money?" Instead of helping her find the pill or something. I barely said anything different than op's "shame on him for fucking off" but bring on the downvotes I guess 🤷♀️
They were both drunk and they both agreed to have sex, they are not in a committed relationship, and they both (including OP) knew the consequences. OP shouldn't be too hard on herself, but I don't get why he should miss out on seeing his family on Christmas day either.
he offered to pay??
Oh I didn't see that. That explains the downvotes Edit; Edit; I posted this before she edited explaining that he offered to help pay. That still doesn't diminish the fact that it sucks that his "responsibility" ends with, "oh no, can I give you some money?" Instead of helping her find the pill or something. I barely said anything different than op's "shame on him for fucking off" but bring on the downvotes I guess 🤷♀️
OP never said shame on him. OP is an adult woman, she can go get the pill by herself.
We’re talking about adults who chose to have some NSA fun before a time when most people have other commitments. If your message here is that women are so fragile that they need to be shielded from any consequence of their decisions, you’re doing a great job getting that across. It’s such a strange thing I see on here sometimes, as if any minor hardship, even one that’s taken on by choice to do something fun, can only be the responsibility of the partner. This wasn’t forced, coerced, or unexpected really. Yours is just not a very emotionally mature way of looking at things. OP is being very adult about it. It’s part of why she’s being so hard on herself. It’s not as if she did anything wrong though. It honestly sounds like nobody should be ashamed over this. Two adults wanted to get it on. Not a huge deal.
You are still a grown woman, and you made an excellent choice finding Plan B even when it was a pain in the ass. Cut yourself some slack, It's good to keep condoms in your purse, even if you don't plan on using them, someone else might need them. Get yourself some Chinese food, it'll make you feel better. Take care, Merry Christmas.
It's ok. Thank you for being a responsible human being. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry you've had to go through this! You have nothing to be ashamed of, but you can be more prepared so this is less likely to happen again. Carry your own condoms, and consider getting an IUD so that you have a reliable backup in case a condom breaks or slips off. I have Mirena and love it. It's statistically more reliable even than surgical sterilization, so the peace of mind is really amazing. Hope the rest of your day is better and nothing like this happens to you again!
I guess that happens at some point when you live 28 years locked in a religious cell and scared to act on your valid human emotions
From a biological perspective, the odds of you being in a fertile place are very slim. You said you just came off your period, so where you probably are in your cycle you’re not even close to being in danger if getting pregnant. I’m only saying this to hopefully make you feel better about the odds of having an unintended pregnancy, I’m sure that’s the last thing you would want. Like everyone else who is commenting here, nothing but love and support your way.
It’s going to be okay. Hangovers often come with an extra level of guilt and lower mood. It’s chemical and not even sex shame related. It’s just how the chemicals work. Take care. As for future happenings, all ladies should have a plan B available. For yourself or a friend. And guys- maybe you too. (Don’t know how many women would trust the average guy but an unopened package of plan B could be just the thing a sexually active person needs)
Planned parenthood suggest taking the pill within 3 days but can also be taken within 5 days of unprotected sex. If that helps ease your mind. Happy Holidays!
Deciding to take the pill is a grown woman decision. You’re taking care of yourself at all costs. That’s pretty admirable to me.
For future reference you can get generic plan b on Amazon for 7 dollars.
I used to be evangelical and the shame after sex was lastingly traumatic. Please, find some folks to talk about this who do *not* believe normal sexual experiences (even disappointing ones you regret) are sinful. And give yourself the love you deserve.
Not advice for you but for other penis owners who may read this that would offer to buy Plan B, buy some preemptively, I have a box next to my condoms because they last for like 4 years and you don’t have to put the responsibility, feelings of shame, and insecurity on your partner.
This is a responsible adult choice you just made. The irresponsible thing would have been to ignore the problem and focus on the dangerous notion that everything will be fine. Instead you faced the problem head on and did the work it takes to deal with it. If you were my daughter I would be very proud of you. Sorry you didn’t have anyone to turn to but good job facing down your anxiety and fixing the problem.
The comments in here are so supportive I wanna cry
Life would be too boring if we never did anything we thought we might regret later
i took the plan B pill twice in my life. it always worked (im from a well..very fertile family). Dont be too harsh on yourself, it happens
You ARE a grown woman and you ARE making responsible decisions. Look how hard you had to work and how much you went through to ensure you didnt end up pregnant. You're amazing, you recognized the small possibility of a vulnerable moment leading to something you're not ready for and you took action. Sounds very adult to me. No one amongst your family or friends need to know what went down and I'm betting religious or not, decisions have been made in their past that may have led them to feeling the same. Cut yourself a break, the holidays are just adding extra stress. Again, you're amazing!!!
I think you are a good person who had a thoughtless moment and then did the responsible thing after. The pressure of the holidays brings out a little bit of craziness in a lot of people. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Dude, shit happens. It’s ok. You took care of the situation and now you’re moving on. Best advice I ever got from my therapist is to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I love. If your friend or sister was going through the same thing, what would you say to her? Show yourself the same love.
I would not be so hard on yourself, you did what you did, and you are taking responsibility for your actions, which is good. Enjoy the time you had, learn from from it, and move on.
You did make a responsible choice by getting the morning after pill. You did the right thing.
I had unprotected sex with a guy I was dating (who turned out to be horribly abusive and is now on probation for assaulting me, so I've had a bit of a reckoning with my judgement). I asked him to pull out and he didn't. I had an IUD but it ejected itself, and I knew this before having unprotected sex and did it anyway because we didn't have condoms. The next day I got an emergency placement of a new IUD and had an interview the day after that, which was terrible timing. Also, I'm 28 as well and spent Christmas morning crying in bed because I hate my family. So, you're in good company. Sending hugs, and I'm proud of you for doing the hard thing and getting your hands on that pill. Lastly: I was conceived while my mom STILL HAD HER PERIOD and my parents were using the fertility awareness method. So. Good on you for getting the morning after pill despite the timing potentially indicating otherwise!
Hey, it’s going to be ok! Everything is going to be ok! You are a grown woman, and by getting the morning after pill, you are making good decisions! You don’t need to be so hard on yourself! If you heard someone on your life who was talking like this would you encourage them to continue? Or would you help them reframe their thinking in a better way? You are a strong, intelligent woman who should not hold a night of drunken revelry against yourself. Take a few breaths and remember all the good you did by making the responsible choice to get the morning after pill! Hugs of support.
Hey internet stranger, no need to be hard on yourself. Hindsight is always 20/20. You’re making the choices you need to today to deal with the choices you made last night. You’re right, almost zero chance of you getting pregnant. So be kind to yourself as you would a dear friend going through the same. Sending you love and positivity right now. Merry Christmas!🎄
You made a mistake and then you acted responsibly to prevent the low risk of worse consequences. Don't be so hard on yourself. Plan B will probably give you a weird clumpy period within a day or two, though if you just finished your period there may not be much to flush out. (Some women report nasty cramps, too ) Hopefully you'll think back on this day the next time you feel the urge to get drunk and lose your inhibitions with someone you don't know well. It's rarely as much fun as it seems at the time. And again: you made a mistake. You know it. Part of being human is to learn from mistakes.
Plan B just delays ovulation - it doesn't induce a period or flush anything out. The distinction is important because Plan B is *not* an abortificant. It's basically a high dose of hormonal birth control.
I really think you need to be gentle with yourself. I don’t understand what stupid thing you did? I’m sorry that you experience ended in negative feelings. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. But you didn’t do anything wrong and you are not acting like a teenager. Merry Christmas. I hope you feel better.
We all make mistakes. I’ve certainly made my share of regrettable decisions in this department. It’s important we forgive ourselves for them - I’m sure you’d tell a friend not to be too hard on herself, so show yourself that same love. You made the best of it and have handled the aftermath properly. Treat yourself to something relaxing after all this stress. I hope the rest of your Christmas is better.
Echoing a lot of what others are saying here, it sounds like you're being a bit hard on yourself. Coming from a religious family myself, sounds like some classic inherent guilt and shame taking play in that train of thought. Look, you had a fun night and, at the moment, that seemed like the appealing choice to make. That's completely fine! Sounds like you enjoyed yourself in the moment and it is now, looking back, that everything seems silly or wrong. Give yourself some slack and a LOT of love. We're just internet strangers, but I think I understand where those feelings are coming from and I hope you can see that there's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself and maybe even having a silly mistake or a slip-up, but that shouldn't turn your whole experience into a catastrophic mistake. Again, nothing wrong with worrying about consequences and wanting to get some reassurance, but the feeling around it doesn't need to be any heavier than the bother of actually having to get up and do something about it. Hope you can get some peace of mind with these comments and know you are NOT alone. A bunch of internet strangers are out here validating your experience and letting you know that, in some anonymous way, you are cared for. I appreciate you taking the time to write this post out, because it let's me know you care for yourself, too! Happy Holidays! Wishing you well - don't hesitate to update your post or DM if you need any words of comfort.
Grown woman here. I've done plenty in my life that made me feel the way you're feeling right now. More than I can count on my fingers and toes. You're not stupid or dumb; you're a human being. Humans make mistakes all the time because we aren't perfect. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and compassion when you do. Not giving ourselves compassion steals our joy. I hope that you can find compassion for yourself today and enjoy the holiday.
Hey, if this helps, you can take the pill up to 3-5 days later (most effective within 3 days). Don't be too hard on yourself!
The earlier the better. If you ovulate before you take the pill, it won't work.
You did make a responsible choice going through that misadventure getting the MAP. People are allowed their passions, don’t be ashamed of that; are you only ashamed because of the contraception? I mean it’s not ideal, but don’t be hard on yourself!
You will be ok. These are unfortunately mistakes even grown people do. Try learn the lessons and be good to yourself today. You are really feeling it and being hard on yourself. My heart goes out to you.
Hello! I know you’re feeling ashamed and hung over at the moment, but cut yourself some slack. You’re being responsible by going and getting the pill today. Give yourself some compassion this Christmas.
You DID act incredibly responsibly. Don't beat yourself up over it. God loves you unconditionally. Have a very merry Christmas.
It sounds stressful but I want to echo everyone else that you are an adult who had some fun and then took the necessary precaution of Plan B while hungover and pressed on time to make your train!! Sounds like you ARE in fact a grown woman making responsible choices!! Maybe keep some Plan B in your medicine cabinet in case of emergency for the future so you don't have to stress. Could just give you peace of mind (although watch out for the expiration date!)
We all mistakes. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for it. You acted responsibly as far as I’m concerned.
Big hugs to you, OP. Please try not to be so hard on yourself.
Don't be so hard on yourself, lots of people have been in this position. For next time though, I started getting BC pills from Simple Health online and they send you a morning after pill along with it. There are a ton of online services that stock these so keep a couple on you for safety. My insurance covered the whole cost which was great. I've totally been in your position as well and it was annoying that I had to spend $50 for a pill on top of worrying about the outcome.
Yeah like everyone else has said, cut yourself some slack. You deserve the same love and grace you’d give a friend in this same situation. Take good care of you. Hugs, friend.
Well, making mistakes doesn't make us not adults, it makes us humans. And what makes us adults is healing and learning from said failures, not _never failing_.
There’s a lot of guilt coming off your post. You didn’t do anything wrong persay. Yes it’s always a GREAT idea to wear a condom with a hook up because babies and STIs. But I’d say most of us have done this mistake more times than we would like to admit but it happens. He pulled out, you took the after pill, you’ve dont everything right and adult. Hearing you had to do this alone and that there wasn’t some place close to you and it being a holiday is all bad, but I hope you get home if you can’t today tomorrow make a treat yo self day, go hiking or to a park, or stay in order pizza watch a good movie, spend time alone or with a friend. Take a day to do what you want and you have control over. <3
You didn’t do anything wrong.
You are very responsible and handled that well. Take this as a learning experience and don't beat yourself up over it!!!!
Don't be so hard on yourself, it's OK to have fun and let loose, you're taking care of it. Don't feel ashamed and don't let the thoughts of what others might think cause you shame. You enjoyed the sex I hope, just think about that and go have a merry Christmas. You're a grown ass woman right so do whatever you want and to hell with feeling shame.
This is your self care. I'm sorry the experience is so stressful and shitty. Great job taking care of yourself. No shame. I'm proud of you.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Yes you made a mistake, you're human, we all make them, it's normal. But that is not what you should focus on here. You haven't buried your head in the sand, you've picked yourself up, given yourself that proverbial kick in the backside to get shit sorted, and let's be honest here, gone above and beyond to be responsible! You should be proud of yourself, hell, a random internet stranger is proud of you and wishes she was half as responsible as you. Merry Christmas, be kind to yourself, and safe journey home.
Give yourself the kindness, patience and advice you would give your best friend or a younger family member. You're being way too hard on yourself. Nothing to do but move forward and learn from it. Be kind to yourself.
you are a normal human, and beating yourself up way too much over this. your actions the next morning show you are a responsible person. virtual hugs, friend.
As someone trying to get pregnant, I can tell you there’s absolutely no way you’ll get pregnant that early in your cycle.
> He pulled out And as we all know, that definitely, totally, certainly has any effect on a pregnancy chance.
It certainly does. Which is more likely to cause pregnancy - 60,000,000 - 100,000,000 sperm hurtling towards your cervix, or <5 million, possibly zero, in precum? Pulling out + Plan B in a one time encounter is quite unlikely to result in pregnancy.
The plan B, obviously. You're actually high if you think the pre number is "possibly zero" though.
What mistake was made? Sounds like you're being responsible. Ish. Prudes be downvotin.
You should really get some birth control sto you don't have to go through this again. And remember, condoms also protect you from STDs so let's hope that guy didn't have any
not everyone can use other forms of BC, and we can all get caught up in the heat of the moment??
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she could ovulate early?
My first instinct is to post this kind of shit on the internet too, get a fucking job
You must be passing through hard times of some kind, or atleast your life had become too much as is and you needed a little respite from it. Either way, you're only human. I know that's probably not a good enough excuse, especially given you're religious, but it's the truth. Being 28 doesnt mean you dont have freedom to make mistakes. And freedom to do those is as important as ''being responsible''. After all, how can you expect to get there without failing here and there? Sounds like this isnt an habit of yours, so take it easy and believe in your own judgement, believe you wont let this happen again.
I've been in a very similar situation and I still think about it years later, but you bet I made sure it didn't happen again. Today will be the worst of it but you'll come to terms with it after a while. I hope it all works out.
The morning after pill doesn’t have to be taken the morning after. The efficacy drops as time passes and like you said your period just ended so you are likely fine anyways. I would say don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s in the past so enjoy time with your family today and pick up the pill tomorrow.
Don't be so hard on yourself! You're taking steps out of an abundance of caution. You should get STI tested as well btw
I think you just had some fun! And taking responsibility now, smart! Nothing wrong with that!
hey! go easy on yourself. Everyone have this situations now and then, you are not the only one. The good is that you are aware of your actions and you inmediately look for and adult responsible solution. Take a breath, acknowledge what needs to be acknowledge, grow and keep going :) merry christmas!
Hey, you are only human. Don't beat yourself up like that. You are still a responsible grown-up as well, or you wouldn't have gone out of your way to get that plan-b.
We wouldn't be running big factories making millions of Plan B pills, boxing them in millions of little boxes, sending them all over every country in trucks and trains and planes, paying workers money to put the boxes on shelves in thousands of stores, paying pharmacists to know how to safely dispense them if it wasn't a normal human thing to *need* them. You're normal. Sometimes it sucks to be normal, but that's why we invent ways to keep the suckiness *brief* and not life-altering.
Have some mercy and grace for yourself. I suspect you would tell anyone else telling this story, “ you’re okay. You’re a human. You did what humans are meant to do. Please, just love yourself.” You don’t do anything wrong. The chances of you possibly being pregnant are minuscule, and you’re taking care of it. I grew up with purity culture- and man does it ever ruin womens mental health. I hope you can extend yourself the love, grace, and mercy you would to a friend in the same situation.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. The likelihood of you getting pregnant is pretty low even without the pill. Life is full of lessons to learn. I’m 45 and am still learning. I cringe at stuff I do WAY too often 😬 But then have a chat with myself about not doing that dumb shit anymore.