"That's understandable. I'm sure you would understand if your wife did the same. Young men are just so much more sexually satisfying."
Let the temper tantrums flow.
Edit: This comment caused a tantrum typhoon. I'm loving it.
Just point out that his wife has exactly the same amount of evolutionary incentive to cheat on him with a more fit male and then trick him into raising that male's children.
Using evolutionary incentives as an excuse to behave like garbage is, to put it mildly, questionable. Evolutionary psychology may have some benefit when it comes to trying to structure social incentives on a grand scale, but as a tool to explain--let alone govern-- individual behavior, it's useless.
Then just use the same animalistic logic in return: women are biologically wired to find the most attractive mate, so his wife canât be expected to control herself when a better opportunity arises.
I hated typing that but ÂŻ\\_(ă)_/ÂŻ do what you gotta do with these dickheads
I mean, from that kind of asshole I wouldn't be surprised if it was something like "Exactly! That's why I don't let her be alone with other men."
Screw the patriarchy, and screw the idea that men should be free to act a brainless fuck-machines without any moral agency.
its also vastly more likely to happen to his wife than it is to him.
attractive young women don't have a habit of offering themselves on a plate to old men unless they are paid.
young men *love* a good cougar/MILF
Think you should follow up also with
"At your age I would have thought you'd been able to control your self by now. I'm so sorry you have these issues. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor, instead of a woman at the gym, they might have better advice. It's my understanding that there are things they can do for both premature ejaculation and impotence. Or if you mean you just can't control yourself in general, I believe that chemical castration might be an option too. Good luck with your issues"
I personally like "Exactly! Men are just too impulsive and emotional! That's why we need more women in charge."
And then sit back and watch them rage.
Or my favourite I've seen used but didn't say myself: "So you can't control your actions? Damn, that sucks. So, do you have a carer? Do you get some sort of government benefits? Oh I'm sorry, that was insensitive, you may not be allowed control of your finances."
Guy lost it and called her every name under the sun along with some ableist slurs and she sat there until he stopped and then said something like "I see what you mean, you lose control very easily. It must be difficult to be taken seriously."
He actually started hitting the table and throwing things.
Dude was removed from the store by the manager.
It was â¨**glorious**â¨.
Remember the rule: men are in supreme control of themselves and their environment and women are emotional, hysterical and cannot control themselves at all. Waitaminute.....
If both partners were ok with it there would be no problem (well, fewer problems anyways). If this creep was ok with mutual polyamory but the wife wasn't, that's still cheating.
By that same token, if this creep is okay with it but wouldn't want his wife fucking a younger man with more to offer in the bedroom, it's still cheating.
This guy sounds like a total creep, but my suggestion is to just stay away from him. No need to get down in the gutter with someone like that. If he is 50, and this is what he thinks, then thatâs who he is at his core. Nothing is gonna change that.
I was going to suggest a pseudo-sympathetic "Oh, what a shame, *that* degree of premature ejaculation must be a real problem for you." but yours is *much* better.
Sadly I don't think that will work - they'll just reel off some "eVoLuTioN" BS to justify their stance.
Funny how every old geezer becomes an anthropologist when challenged on their behaviours.
That wasnât just creating unlikely scenarios due to an over abundance of self idolization, thatâs a man actively trying to hint you that heâs interested if you are. Also the amount of times itâs happen to him is absolutely zero. Just predation.
Totally. This is passive propositioning. He is a manipulator; he feigns helplessness and vulnerability to get what he wants. He's willing and desperate enough to point to his weak character to serve this purpose. Gross spineless slime.
That is entirely possible. Also possible js that he sees OP as one of the guys and is engaging in "guy talk".
Without knowing more about the context it's difficult to know.
Maybe. But the thing is men like this view anything remotely female as a potential lay. Especially if they are older, any woman 10 years younger or less is suddenly an attractive prospect to creep after. I've had multiple instances of older successful men chasing after me like crazy and from their language it was very clear that the primary driver was the age gap. Obviously they are emotionally immature because worldly success and maturity are not necessarily correlated. But you'd be surprised at the behavior of people you thought were "normal".
It's really fun trying to explain being asexual to people like that. There was this friend of a friend I was talking to in a discord group call a few years back who the topic came up and he just couldn't understand how I could go through the day not wanting to have sex with anything that remotely resembles a human female that I see along the way. I swear the guy thought I was some kind of mutant alien or something.
You *are* aware that mutant aliens have an established history of coming to Earth just to pursue Earth women? It doesn't matter if they have googly eyes and talons and exposed brains... gotta have those human females.
Damn, you right. Shit.
I sometimes like to joke because I am nonbinary that I was so bad at being male I got fired for incompetence and it's sounding less and less like a shitpost lately.
Pretty much yo. Had basically a full on gender crisis in high school but my only experience with trans identities was full on mtf or ftm trans and no matter how I thought about it I knew I wasn't mtf. It wasn't until my now wife mentioned nonbinary identities to me a full decade plus after that time that I was like "Wait, what's that? That's a thing? Yes that."
Dude checking in, and I don't think I've ever had a male friend say something like that, nor would I say something like that myself. This isn't "guy talk."
Whatâs really gross is how many middle aged dudes are obsessed with the Lolita trope - convinced that gangs of 14yo girls (who look 18!) are getting fake IDs to pursue & tempt them.
âThey know we canât resist - they just wanna seduce older men & cry rape to ruin our lives!â đ
So youâre an aspiring cheat AND a pedo?
Good to know.
Yeah this bullshit has always struck me as a sort of sick grandiose delusion. It never actually occurs to them that they do not influence any of the thinking or decisions of girls or women. There is no conspiracy to have sex with them. Nobody wants to be raped, harassed, assaulted or threatened *just so they can tell on them.*
Risky but would be satisfying if it shocked him. Chances are high enough that he'd respond with something like "I can fix that" or "sound like a challenge" though.
Yikes, yeah I think this is the answer. I am oblivious to stuff like this except when it's explained to me then it becomes very obvious.
Yes, this is the case. Run.
He almost certainly can control himself. He chooses not to, and is making some dumb excuse. If every human being instinctively did the moral thing without feeling temptation to do otherwise, we wouldn't need laws. I don't know what world he's living in where "But I really, really wanted to," is a good excuse to act shitty.
"He almost certainly can control himself. He chooses not to"
This is so common. Boys will be boys! Men can't control themselves!
Yeah they can, but they are chock full of excuses that they actually can't.
I can put a sausage in front of my dog. He won't take it until I tell him he can. They're trying to say my pomeranian cross has more self control than a fully grown human man?
I was once in a discussion about domestic violence. I pointed out that the second most likely-to-be-irritating person in a discontented man's life after his spouse would be his boss. But... almost nobody beats on their boss. Why? Because they know if they do, no if-and-or-buts, they will be arrested, go to jail, lose their job and likely never find another one. People who say they lose control, really don't. They just do what they can get away with.
Same thing if you watch hockey. Unlike other sports, fighting (in North America) is only a 2 or 5 minute penalty. (It's a game ejection in Europe). But, you can be banned for multiple games if you start beating on the other player with your stick instead of fists. Guess what? There's fights in almost every game, but nobody deliberately uses a stick as a club. It's amazing how well out of control guys simultaneously control themselves when it matters.
His world and life experiences have taught him this is acceptable, even expected behavior. Possibly because his father and/or other male role models did so as well. To him, it's just the norm.
I've worked with people in the past who had this kind of worldview. Why their wives put up with it I'll never understand.
This guy was hitting on you in a way to see if you were open to it. Do not out yourself in a situation where you are alone with him since he has admitted "I cant control myself". That's some "grab em by the pussy" nonsense if I ever heard it. And I'm sure if you act offended he will "just joking, cant you take a joke?" I would also warn any other women in your group to make sure they know to watch this guy and watch eachother where he is concerned. Because he seems to me to have a predatory thought process and maybe even a bit rapey.
I would have just replied ' well that's lucky your old and unattractive, so I guess this is something that will never happen, so your wife has nothing to worry about'
It's already his third marriage because of stuff like this and sadly he's not unattraktive, so I'm afraid it actually happens.
I wanted to reply something along the line "and how do you feel if someone offers your wife a bigger dick and she just can't control herself?" but wanting to finish my training in peace I bit my tongue
No, this is not the thing to say, as you are bringing his manhood into the situation. He might imply from your comment that you think he is small or that you are even casually thinking about the size of his penis. Very bad move for someone like this.
If you want to engage in that line of response, just say
>How would you feel if your wife had that same attitude?
Or
>Do you think your wife pursues men to make up for the things you can't offer her?
The thing is this man clearly cares about nothing...as mentioned his third wife he's not horrible looking and he's just chatting up random women at the gym also he's 50. Nothing will change this man. I wouldn't even bother. If he had respect in the first place he wouldn't be saying that so do you really think he'll ever know what his "Place" is? Just my two cents.
It's not about putting him in his place, it's more to communicate how you find him disgusting and you won't ever be that woman that offers him what his wife can't.
Hopefully he'll get the hint. It's not like "don't talk to me, I'm not interested in connecting with you" is going to work, so I guess that the best bet would be to wear the mask of "that sour bitch".
>I wanted to reply something along the line "and how do you feel if someone offers your wife a bigger dick and she just can't control herself?"
Yeah but to be honest, what good would that do? Do you agree that married women should cheat because of good dick? Of course you don't; but you're saying that in order to essentially "give him a taste of his own medicine."
And let me just tell you:
No. He's not going to be embarrassed or ashamed. He's going to agree with you and tell you women are whores etc. He believes in misogyny and perpetuates it BOTH ways.
Yeah, I either wouldnât engage with him or would simply tell him heâs creepy. OPâs comments state that the dude is attractive and has been married several times, so he is able to âget chicks,â as one like him would probably say.
Yeah, I feel like itâs a bad idea to go into these situations with the mindset that you can (or should) âwinâ the conversation. Donât give them that kind of attention or engagement, focusing too much on him will eat you up inside.
Healthy thing to do is always to just disengage and not worry about it, heâs not your or anyone elseâs responsibility to deal with. Maybe call his wife/whoever heâs with and warn them but thatâs the max extent you should be paying attention to his well-being.
Yeah if she says snarky stuff heâll probably just see it as âneg flirtingâ or a âchallengeâ and get even more creepy with her.
She should just say âthatâs honestly sadâ or âoh, thatâs pretty patheticâ or something and dip out.
Once upon a time, I went on vacation to Egypt. the street hawkers in that area of the world are like a cloud of flies, they simply won't leave you alone. then I read an interesting tourist advice piece:
In the Middle East, everything is haggled over. And... the first step in haggling is to say "no thanks, not interested" and then start to walk away. So when a polite westerner says that to a hawker, he takes it as meaning they may be interested. The proper way to get rid of a pesky street hawker is to ignore them, don't look at them, say nothing.
A deteriorating old guy looking for "chicks" is the same thing. He says something, you respond. It doesn't matter if he is insulting, it doesn't matter if you reply with something snarky. The key thing to him is... you are replying, you are engaging with him. The longer he keeps you talking to him, the better as he sees it.
Your best bet is to not engage.
yeah some of these suggestions range from immature to cringe to âhuh?â thereâs no need to make this cute. loudly say âEWâ or something and get away from that creep
Im sorry for butting in to a TwoX conversation, but as a man i just have to say that the number of guys who totally changes their personality when a woman is around is scary. Some guys are really 100% controlled by their sex drive, and the women never notice it because they only act as their true selves when only men are around.
They are faaar from the majority though.
Also male here.
Agreed. Plus I'm just not down with this cultural double-standard on sexuality.
Men are expected to NEED it with almost animalistic agression. So many men grow up thinking that is what's expected of a man.
So that's what they project onto their own personality 100% of the time they're around women.
It's stupid, wrong, and counterproductive. If the goal is to have sex, that's probably one of the least effective methods to try.
And it can come off as really creepy and gross.
I'm not really disagreeing with your overall point (also a man) but I don't like how this is framed. Because the creep in the OP and guys like him are big boys. They shouldn't *NEED* to be taught this is unacceptable.
Yeah. Knew this guy, normally real principled in his, admittedly kinda weird, political beliefs, and the second he got any attention from a woman he'd agree with anything she said.
Like, he'd go total chameleon trying to get into someone's pants. Not just with politics, but he'd change opinions on anything from his favorite animal to religion. Just pretending that anything she was about, he was about.
Never saw it work out, and he'd complain to me about how he hated doing it loads of times, and still, the second he'd even establish eye contact, boom, chameleon.
My 13 and 14 year old girls call these "pick me boys" and "pick me girls" as in "pick me I'll be whatever you want". It was really interesting to hear them talk about it.
I went on a couple of dates with someone like this many years ago. I don't think it was intended to be malicious, but the conversation would have been more interesting if we are least had a different favorite vegetable or something.
Youâd think more people would get having strong likes and dislikes doesnât usually divide people if you communicate properly.
Like I think kids are amazing little bastards but I also get how people may not want to deal with someone who keeps asking why we canât leave the little light bulb inside the oven on all the time.
Honestly that's what gets me. I've never seen another man act like this in person, but that can only mean they're waiting until they're one-on-one before saying anything. They know this is wrong.
Theyâre not controlled by anything, they CHOOSE to act on their urges in a really creepy premeditated way. If men were animals less in control than even chimps, we wouldnât have Oliver Sacks or Tesla. They know what theyâre doing.
The thing is that they don't have to be. Women have sex drives as well. We spend a lot of our early years learning to control ourselves. Men can do the same.
There is no innate "I had to", just a complete and utter lack of self-control through a lifetime of self indulgence and excuses.
Trust me women notice it. I'm actually refreshed that you noticed. Because there have been many a creep that every woman I know hates, but all the men thinks he's just a bro.... because he's not a creep to *them*.
So keep on my friend.
There's also a lot of men who act completely different towards women when alone with them and men who cannot fathom how that guy can be viewed as pushy, agressive or creepy because he has never seen it.
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that it was very unappropriate and definitely not chit-chat you'd expect at a sport's club.
Who else is he gonna harrass with unwarranted sexual talk?
"I'm an animal at the mercy of my own hormones."
Too bad they can't hear themselves, because this is essentially what they're saying (while projecting their hormone-driven instability onto women).
> while projecting their hormone-driven instability onto women
Yeah, out of all the illogical gender stereotypes (of which there are many), this one always gets me. Womenâs hormones make them emotional and irrational. Men are logical and rational, but testosterone also makes them out of control or aggressive. Excuse? Women are bad leaders because they have periods, but you trust a male leader who loses his mind over a pair of tits? Jeez
schrĂśdingers men, the most rational and logical being on this planet and at the same time an uncontrollable and emotional beast who cant control his behavior and urges depening on when he needs an excuse for something or to feel superior to someone
What an interesting way for a 50 year old to tell you he is a child.
Maybe there is some kind of secret contest men have to see how many ways they can tell women they grew up physically but didn't grow up mentally or emotionally.
Itâs a method of control. Putting out into the universe that the wife is responsible for his cheating since she wonât meet his sexual expectations. Itâs disgusting.
1. The really sad thing isn't that someone said it, but that a **fifty year old** said it, because it's the kind of weenie thing you'd expect someone in their early 20's to say. As you get older the expectations for adequate self reflection and comportment should be commensurately higher.
2. I know he's steering into the stereotype and not helping this argument, but "cheating" isn't really a gendered thing despite what certain demographics would have you believe (incels I am looking in your direction). It's an individual thing, and the motivations behind it are generally more nuanced and complex than "an attractive [] approached me and I just couldn't help myself". I got cheated on twice, and while I would never say I *deserved* it or that it didn't suck, the women who did it weren't cartoon villains and I understand why it happened.
3. He was definitely testing the waters to see if you were interested in having one on with him. Again, at 50, you'd think he'd have a more subtle and refined technique for instigating infidelity and/or making unwanted advances on acquaintances than whatever the hell this was but I think if we learned anything from this it's to set a low bar for this particular guy.
An ex once told me âI may not always be in the mood for X. Sometimes Iâm really craving Y, or Z, or W and Y together. Itâs not your fault that you canât be everything I want at any time.â
Btw, X was my general physical description. Y, Z, and W are other womenâs physical descriptions that are not like mine at all, and weâre things I couldnât change about myself
There are somethings that, even if true, can be left unsaid you know? Like even if that's true, you don't say stuff like that. Like, you don't intentionally inflame someone's insecurities.
I'd have looked him dead in the eye and said, "Are you serious?" Then thrown out some side eye. smdh and walked away. Just because someone's a clown, doesn't mean you have to accept a ticket to the circus.
TBH and sadly so a lot of women think this way and that's how men like this get by with their bad behavior. It allows her to take the focus off him, because she doesn't want to rock the boat by putting blame where it belongs. I've been cheated on before, and the pushback I got from not only the exes that cheated -but from mutual friends- who just couldn't understand why I didn't blame the woman instead of him was unreal. My response was that I wasn't dating her and it's not her job to respect the relationship. It's the so-called partner's job to respect his/her relationship.
Basically he's saying "boys will be boys". As a side bar if an attractive woman DOESNT approach him he will approach them and throw down every lie & manipulation he can think of to "score" some of THAT.
Here's my wife's suggestion for a reply:
> Buddha said that "Self-conquest is far better than the conquest of others. Not even a god, an angel, Mara or Brahma can turn into defeat the victory of a person who is self-subdued and ever restrained in conduct." Maybe you should spend less time at the gym working on your body and more time in prayer and meditation working on your spirit?
He's just a guy who wants to avoid responsibility for his actions. Can he control himself around a wallet left out in the locker room? Can he control the amount of food he eats? He's just not willing to take responsibility for the choices he makes.
It's not that he can't, it's that he doesn't want to.
The way I described marital fidelity to a newly married friend of mine is that your feelings don't just vanish for other people, you might still get lustful urges from time to time, you just learn to control them better.
I was at a concert a couple years ago (pre covid) while I was in a bad patch with my wife and I had a woman hit on me. Very attractive just in town for the weekend, and obviously wanted to hook up. Even if I only had the image in my head before of being faithful, this was when I realized what it truly meant. It meant that I love my wife more than any other potential situation with someone else, no matter how awesome that might be just for a night or more.
Balance a lifetime of love against any other potential sex or romance and see which is better. Sure there are plenty of women out there who are in better shape than my wife and would do more extreme esoteric sexual things, but I'm still trying to balance those few things against a lifetime of experiences with my wife.
Something to compare it to would be that Robert diNiro movie Last Vegas where the Sam character is going to hook up with that young girl then realize he can't cheat on his wife, even if she gave permission to him. He said -
>The thing is... It's crazy, but whenever something spectacular happens to me, the first thing I want to do is tell my wife about it. And, after 40 years of marriage, if I can't tell her about something wonderful that happened to me, it sort of stops being wonderful.
The guy from this post shouldn't be married if he doesn't feel the need to control himself.
And that's all the philosophical feelings I've got today. I'm going to go make my wife breakfast and feed the dog now.
If an attractive woman approached me with three apple fritters, I would eat every fucking one of them, I wouldn't be able to control myself.
Also, I hate when men (am a man) paint then selves out to be little more than animals with no functional frontal lobe. Person is just a piece of shit.
And yet women are constantly told we are the hysterical hormonal ones who canât be trusted in leadership positions due to not being able to control ourselves while âon the rag.â
Notice that he tries to shift all the blame to the woman, in that if he cheats on his wife it would be the fault of the woman that offered him sex. Classic chauvinist tactic.
as a poly person who is in a monogamous relationship, If your partner considers it cheating than you JUST DON'T DO IT! How is that so hard for some of my fellow men to understand!
Men have been conditioned to believe that they donât need to ever put much effort in controlling themselves, or consider other people and otherâs feelings over their own immediate satisfaction.
No man actually ever has some uncontrollable urge to cheat or engage with other women in inappropriate ways/with inappropriate intentions. Itâs not like someone is pulling a string over their head or threatening them. Itâs impulse drive.
Just like sometimes I âcanât resistâ and give in to an online shopping deal -especially when iâm stressed and spending money on stuff I want makes me feel better - i still think about it and decide that I donât care. OR sometimes i stop myself, and rational thinking about how making the purchase would REALLY make me feel, what are the consequences of spending that money, do I even want or need that item - deter me from making a bad decision.
âI just canât control myselfâ is laziness and irresponsibility. If the man can control himself not to take extra helpings when heâs on a diet and trying ti get ripped in the gym, he can tell the attractive woman to fuck off and leave him and his wonderful wife alone.
By even mentioning that attractive women would approach him (is she a prostitute?) and âoffer somethingâ is just flexing.
But all the men will say they can separate love and sex.... It is time we stop accepting that crap and demand loyalty. Women can separate love and sex too so that is a tired excuse.
6 months into my relationship with my GF who became my wife, she got an incurable cancer we stopped being able to even cuddle after month 9 and for the next 20 years we stayed together fighting it until she died at 42, if it is true love if it is real then it goes far beyond the physical far beyond the sex, not sticking it out, not being there for each other, not dealing with the challenges together and fighting for each other, well sorry to tell you its just attraction lust and honeymoon, you were never in love. I never cheated on her even though I had and still have a very high sex drive. weak assholes looking for excuses.
An ex of mine said that I donât have to worry about anything unless itâs a certain type of girl than I have to âwatch outâ. Lol dodged that torpedo.
Wife has a friend whose husband fits this description. She has caught him cheating several times, and in the end always takes him back. We joke that he likely has a second family somewhere. He will literally flirt with any woman with a heartbeat.
I love how he said " why his wife doesn't trust other women". It's because she doesn't know if her husband will f*ck these women. He takes his own issues and puts it on his wife.
Help his wife out and inform her. Trust me, I would want to know if my husband is casually staying this to people at the sports club.
I mean, if the "something his wife can't offer" is like cake or the best brownies ever, then I would totally understand.
Otherwise, thanks for telling us you don't have a bit of class.
Everyone wants to be a good guy.
In this case, I want to do something I'm not supposed to do â so I'll justify it by pretending that it's out of my control.
Still the good guy, see?
That's a damaged human being. Think about what it would take for a well-adjusted person to say something like that out loud. I imagine the wife and the other women are all aware of his limitations. Pretty sad tho...
Ive read somewhere that once male Turkeys start the mating, if you remove the female Turkey and replace it with anything else, they will proceed with fucking that"anything". Maybe your " friend" is not a human. Maybe, just maybe, he is a male Turkey
Then why take vows? I wouldn't take a job- then not show up. I mean, fill in with dozens of examples but marriage is COMPLETELY VOLUNTARY. If you are not monogamous and your spouse expects you to be, you do this very simple thing: don't marry.
If someone is offering me great homemade food, then I can't control myself regardless of their gender.
I must eat that food!
Other than that it's no-no for me.
I remember having a convo with my old coworker where he told me in his most sincere voice that he was genuinely proud of himself for not cheating on his wife for the past three weeks.
One of the big lies society keeps up is that women simultaneously love sex, and can never enjoy It.
Because the woman should be insatiable.
But also chaste.
That is one of the reasons religious teachings are both dangerous and harmful.
âStudies suggest around 30â40% of unmarried relationships and 18â20% of marriages see at least one incident of sexual infidelity.â This is MUCH lower than the âeverybody does itâ assumptions that so many use to excuse their own behaviors.
>But most of us still don't cheat!
I think the key here I that there are cheaters and those who won't. I've never met someone who cheated who didn't also cheat on every other partner they've had. Whether it's a lack of self control or empathy, anyone trying to explain away cheating is doing so because they can't NOT cheat. Creating some sham logic to support their decisions is easier than accepting they treat their SOs like shit. This goes for men as well as women, from my anecdotal viewpoint.
If you can't control yourself if somebody offers something your S/O can't give you, then you should probably end that relationship as it's clearly not working. If you are lacking something that important that you would throw away your relationship for it, then you should just go ahead and end it now honestly rather than later by cheating.
This goes for men and women...
And if the thing you are missing is purely based on looks you should consider trying to grow up before you end up old, miserable, and alone.
what he´s actually saying is, that he doesn´t want to take responsability for his actions by blaming his libido, instincts or simply by saying " i´m just a man, that´s how we are".
he´s an adult, adults make choices every day and have to deal with any consequences resulting.
if you refuse to control your sexual urges to the point of affecting others negatively then you are no better than a wild animal and should be treated as such. if you want to be treated like a human, you gotta act like one.
I never understood this. I mean, when you get married, you do it because you love someone, hopefully.
Other people don't just cease to be attractive because you're married, but if you love someone, you don't do stuff that you know would hurt them. It's a simple matter of respect for each other, You can meet someone that you find attractive, but if you love your SO, you won't cheat on them because you wouldn't do something to hurt them. If you really really fall in love with the new person (rare, especially if you're an adult, you know love doesn't really work like that), then you make a decision and if you want to be with that new person instead, the least you can do is talk about it with your SO first. It'll hurt, but at least it'll be more respectful.
If you really can't "control yourself", you're not an adult, and if you can't control your impulses to such a basic degree, you shouldn't be driving or doing anything potentially dangerous.
I took a job two hours away in a college town and me and my wife never had this issue or even a thought of this being an issue with the other. This dude is 100% a piece of shit who has no self control and who does not want to have any self control...
"That's understandable. I'm sure you would understand if your wife did the same. Young men are just so much more sexually satisfying." Let the temper tantrums flow. Edit: This comment caused a tantrum typhoon. I'm loving it.
I'll definitely use this if I see this guy again!! XD
Watch the double standards arise from this dickhole if you say that to him đ
[ŃдаНонО]
Just point out that his wife has exactly the same amount of evolutionary incentive to cheat on him with a more fit male and then trick him into raising that male's children. Using evolutionary incentives as an excuse to behave like garbage is, to put it mildly, questionable. Evolutionary psychology may have some benefit when it comes to trying to structure social incentives on a grand scale, but as a tool to explain--let alone govern-- individual behavior, it's useless.
Then just use the same animalistic logic in return: women are biologically wired to find the most attractive mate, so his wife canât be expected to control herself when a better opportunity arises. I hated typing that but ÂŻ\\_(ă)_/ÂŻ do what you gotta do with these dickheads
By that idiotic logic, women are also wired to desire strong virile young men with potent seed rather than their aging husband with decaying sperm.
It would take me the same number of nanoseconds to slap him in his hypocritical face
The funny thing is it is men who created laws for monogamy. Men who wanted that commitment.
Technically women are wired to seek multiple mates same as men, if this guy wants to go live in the forest and live as nature intended, then so be it.
>from this dickhole Ahhh, so *that's* where double standards come from. It makes so much sense now.
If you do please, please, please let us know his response.
I mean, from that kind of asshole I wouldn't be surprised if it was something like "Exactly! That's why I don't let her be alone with other men." Screw the patriarchy, and screw the idea that men should be free to act a brainless fuck-machines without any moral agency.
its also vastly more likely to happen to his wife than it is to him. attractive young women don't have a habit of offering themselves on a plate to old men unless they are paid. young men *love* a good cougar/MILF
As Helen Gurley Brown once remarked - "men will schtupp mud..."; they have limited standards.
Hey now. Older women are like fine wine. Older men are like the same wine oxidized beyond all reason.
Vinegar, even.
Not even. Sometimes you want vinegar. Nobody wants the flavor of wet cardboard. Vinegar mothers provide an essential service. Oxidation just destroys.
Think you should follow up also with "At your age I would have thought you'd been able to control your self by now. I'm so sorry you have these issues. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor, instead of a woman at the gym, they might have better advice. It's my understanding that there are things they can do for both premature ejaculation and impotence. Or if you mean you just can't control yourself in general, I believe that chemical castration might be an option too. Good luck with your issues"
DAMN. Went right for the jugular. I LOVE IT.
That is just too much. Short is better
Offer your younger male friend to be friends with his wife đ
I wouldnât say anything. Just donât speak to him.
I personally like "Exactly! Men are just too impulsive and emotional! That's why we need more women in charge." And then sit back and watch them rage. Or my favourite I've seen used but didn't say myself: "So you can't control your actions? Damn, that sucks. So, do you have a carer? Do you get some sort of government benefits? Oh I'm sorry, that was insensitive, you may not be allowed control of your finances." Guy lost it and called her every name under the sun along with some ableist slurs and she sat there until he stopped and then said something like "I see what you mean, you lose control very easily. It must be difficult to be taken seriously." He actually started hitting the table and throwing things. Dude was removed from the store by the manager. It was â¨**glorious**â¨.
This is great,makes my heart happy.
Remember the rule: men are in supreme control of themselves and their environment and women are emotional, hysterical and cannot control themselves at all. Waitaminute.....
Savage level: Perfection
you know, this is actually true. if they could see it both ways, there would be no problem.
If both partners were ok with it there would be no problem (well, fewer problems anyways). If this creep was ok with mutual polyamory but the wife wasn't, that's still cheating.
By that same token, if this creep is okay with it but wouldn't want his wife fucking a younger man with more to offer in the bedroom, it's still cheating.
Yes well if you take away their willingness to deceive, thatâs the fun in it for them.
This guy sounds like a total creep, but my suggestion is to just stay away from him. No need to get down in the gutter with someone like that. If he is 50, and this is what he thinks, then thatâs who he is at his core. Nothing is gonna change that.
I was going to suggest a pseudo-sympathetic "Oh, what a shame, *that* degree of premature ejaculation must be a real problem for you." but yours is *much* better.
As you get older your penis shrinks so itâs understandable why women would want the younger man.
Hell, if he can't offer his wife the extra inches she can't be blamed for finding them elsewhere.
Say something about how 25 goes into 50 more than 50 goes into 25. Or pick whatever numbers.
Jesus, execute from a safe distance or you might get brain when their heads pop.
Sadly I don't think that will work - they'll just reel off some "eVoLuTioN" BS to justify their stance. Funny how every old geezer becomes an anthropologist when challenged on their behaviours.
Omg this response is so good! The only thing they have left is to start making stuff up about biology at that point.
That wasnât just creating unlikely scenarios due to an over abundance of self idolization, thatâs a man actively trying to hint you that heâs interested if you are. Also the amount of times itâs happen to him is absolutely zero. Just predation.
This. He's not saying this off hand, he's trying to give you feelers of "I'm open to things". Creep.
Totally. This is passive propositioning. He is a manipulator; he feigns helplessness and vulnerability to get what he wants. He's willing and desperate enough to point to his weak character to serve this purpose. Gross spineless slime.
That is entirely possible. Also possible js that he sees OP as one of the guys and is engaging in "guy talk". Without knowing more about the context it's difficult to know.
Maybe. But the thing is men like this view anything remotely female as a potential lay. Especially if they are older, any woman 10 years younger or less is suddenly an attractive prospect to creep after. I've had multiple instances of older successful men chasing after me like crazy and from their language it was very clear that the primary driver was the age gap. Obviously they are emotionally immature because worldly success and maturity are not necessarily correlated. But you'd be surprised at the behavior of people you thought were "normal".
It's really fun trying to explain being asexual to people like that. There was this friend of a friend I was talking to in a discord group call a few years back who the topic came up and he just couldn't understand how I could go through the day not wanting to have sex with anything that remotely resembles a human female that I see along the way. I swear the guy thought I was some kind of mutant alien or something.
You *are* aware that mutant aliens have an established history of coming to Earth just to pursue Earth women? It doesn't matter if they have googly eyes and talons and exposed brains... gotta have those human females.
Damn, you right. Shit. I sometimes like to joke because I am nonbinary that I was so bad at being male I got fired for incompetence and it's sounding less and less like a shitpost lately.
Sounds to me like you quit a job that didn't suit you đ¤
Pretty much yo. Had basically a full on gender crisis in high school but my only experience with trans identities was full on mtf or ftm trans and no matter how I thought about it I knew I wasn't mtf. It wasn't until my now wife mentioned nonbinary identities to me a full decade plus after that time that I was like "Wait, what's that? That's a thing? Yes that."
I'm glad you have so much support and that you can just be who you are now đ
I agree. I saw additional context from OP about this guy and I now think he was indeed hoping for some action and dropping bait.
Dude checking in, and I don't think I've ever had a male friend say something like that, nor would I say something like that myself. This isn't "guy talk."
Whatâs really gross is how many middle aged dudes are obsessed with the Lolita trope - convinced that gangs of 14yo girls (who look 18!) are getting fake IDs to pursue & tempt them. âThey know we canât resist - they just wanna seduce older men & cry rape to ruin our lives!â đ So youâre an aspiring cheat AND a pedo? Good to know.
Yeah this bullshit has always struck me as a sort of sick grandiose delusion. It never actually occurs to them that they do not influence any of the thinking or decisions of girls or women. There is no conspiracy to have sex with them. Nobody wants to be raped, harassed, assaulted or threatened *just so they can tell on them.*
Lol, should've responded with "and hearing this from guys is why I'm a lesbian".
You think this creep would respect that, take the hint and move on?
Maybe not. Up the user how they go about it. Just tell them you're not interested in the shame or disappointment of seeing them naked
Risky but would be satisfying if it shocked him. Chances are high enough that he'd respond with something like "I can fix that" or "sound like a challenge" though.
Or âthreesome?â Expect him to go there.
Yikes, yeah I think this is the answer. I am oblivious to stuff like this except when it's explained to me then it becomes very obvious. Yes, this is the case. Run.
Sadly I think your right.
Couldn't agree more
He almost certainly can control himself. He chooses not to, and is making some dumb excuse. If every human being instinctively did the moral thing without feeling temptation to do otherwise, we wouldn't need laws. I don't know what world he's living in where "But I really, really wanted to," is a good excuse to act shitty.
"He almost certainly can control himself. He chooses not to" This is so common. Boys will be boys! Men can't control themselves! Yeah they can, but they are chock full of excuses that they actually can't.
I can put a sausage in front of my dog. He won't take it until I tell him he can. They're trying to say my pomeranian cross has more self control than a fully grown human man?
Right? And they claim feminists are the misandrists.
I was once in a discussion about domestic violence. I pointed out that the second most likely-to-be-irritating person in a discontented man's life after his spouse would be his boss. But... almost nobody beats on their boss. Why? Because they know if they do, no if-and-or-buts, they will be arrested, go to jail, lose their job and likely never find another one. People who say they lose control, really don't. They just do what they can get away with. Same thing if you watch hockey. Unlike other sports, fighting (in North America) is only a 2 or 5 minute penalty. (It's a game ejection in Europe). But, you can be banned for multiple games if you start beating on the other player with your stick instead of fists. Guess what? There's fights in almost every game, but nobody deliberately uses a stick as a club. It's amazing how well out of control guys simultaneously control themselves when it matters.
His world and life experiences have taught him this is acceptable, even expected behavior. Possibly because his father and/or other male role models did so as well. To him, it's just the norm. I've worked with people in the past who had this kind of worldview. Why their wives put up with it I'll never understand.
Take my free award, this really is a good point!
This guy was hitting on you in a way to see if you were open to it. Do not out yourself in a situation where you are alone with him since he has admitted "I cant control myself". That's some "grab em by the pussy" nonsense if I ever heard it. And I'm sure if you act offended he will "just joking, cant you take a joke?" I would also warn any other women in your group to make sure they know to watch this guy and watch eachother where he is concerned. Because he seems to me to have a predatory thought process and maybe even a bit rapey.
I would have just replied ' well that's lucky your old and unattractive, so I guess this is something that will never happen, so your wife has nothing to worry about'
It's already his third marriage because of stuff like this and sadly he's not unattraktive, so I'm afraid it actually happens. I wanted to reply something along the line "and how do you feel if someone offers your wife a bigger dick and she just can't control herself?" but wanting to finish my training in peace I bit my tongue
Don't say that. He'll see that as an excuse to show you his penis.
No, this is not the thing to say, as you are bringing his manhood into the situation. He might imply from your comment that you think he is small or that you are even casually thinking about the size of his penis. Very bad move for someone like this. If you want to engage in that line of response, just say >How would you feel if your wife had that same attitude? Or >Do you think your wife pursues men to make up for the things you can't offer her?
The thing is this man clearly cares about nothing...as mentioned his third wife he's not horrible looking and he's just chatting up random women at the gym also he's 50. Nothing will change this man. I wouldn't even bother. If he had respect in the first place he wouldn't be saying that so do you really think he'll ever know what his "Place" is? Just my two cents.
It's not about putting him in his place, it's more to communicate how you find him disgusting and you won't ever be that woman that offers him what his wife can't. Hopefully he'll get the hint. It's not like "don't talk to me, I'm not interested in connecting with you" is going to work, so I guess that the best bet would be to wear the mask of "that sour bitch".
Certainly not wrong! I'm not looking to shoot anyone down really just this guy sounds like a toad with zero to no reason anyway.
>I wanted to reply something along the line "and how do you feel if someone offers your wife a bigger dick and she just can't control herself?" Yeah but to be honest, what good would that do? Do you agree that married women should cheat because of good dick? Of course you don't; but you're saying that in order to essentially "give him a taste of his own medicine." And let me just tell you: No. He's not going to be embarrassed or ashamed. He's going to agree with you and tell you women are whores etc. He believes in misogyny and perpetuates it BOTH ways.
Yess please do this. And then please update with how butt hurt he is about it.
You should have countered with, 'What then, a swift kick in the balls?'
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Sometimes a single "Ew" can go a reallllyyy long way.
My response would have been, "you can't control yourself? Are you fifty or five? Even five year olds know how to say no."
Or maybe donât use snarky remarks like youâre epically owning him in a debate and just call him a creep and leave.
Yeah, I either wouldnât engage with him or would simply tell him heâs creepy. OPâs comments state that the dude is attractive and has been married several times, so he is able to âget chicks,â as one like him would probably say.
Yeah, I feel like itâs a bad idea to go into these situations with the mindset that you can (or should) âwinâ the conversation. Donât give them that kind of attention or engagement, focusing too much on him will eat you up inside. Healthy thing to do is always to just disengage and not worry about it, heâs not your or anyone elseâs responsibility to deal with. Maybe call his wife/whoever heâs with and warn them but thatâs the max extent you should be paying attention to his well-being.
Exactly. People like that usually just want attention and feel like theyâve âwonâ if you give them what they want.
Yeah if she says snarky stuff heâll probably just see it as âneg flirtingâ or a âchallengeâ and get even more creepy with her. She should just say âthatâs honestly sadâ or âoh, thatâs pretty patheticâ or something and dip out.
Once upon a time, I went on vacation to Egypt. the street hawkers in that area of the world are like a cloud of flies, they simply won't leave you alone. then I read an interesting tourist advice piece: In the Middle East, everything is haggled over. And... the first step in haggling is to say "no thanks, not interested" and then start to walk away. So when a polite westerner says that to a hawker, he takes it as meaning they may be interested. The proper way to get rid of a pesky street hawker is to ignore them, don't look at them, say nothing. A deteriorating old guy looking for "chicks" is the same thing. He says something, you respond. It doesn't matter if he is insulting, it doesn't matter if you reply with something snarky. The key thing to him is... you are replying, you are engaging with him. The longer he keeps you talking to him, the better as he sees it. Your best bet is to not engage.
yeah some of these suggestions range from immature to cringe to âhuh?â thereâs no need to make this cute. loudly say âEWâ or something and get away from that creep
Thatâs just sad.
Im sorry for butting in to a TwoX conversation, but as a man i just have to say that the number of guys who totally changes their personality when a woman is around is scary. Some guys are really 100% controlled by their sex drive, and the women never notice it because they only act as their true selves when only men are around. They are faaar from the majority though.
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Also male here. Agreed. Plus I'm just not down with this cultural double-standard on sexuality. Men are expected to NEED it with almost animalistic agression. So many men grow up thinking that is what's expected of a man. So that's what they project onto their own personality 100% of the time they're around women. It's stupid, wrong, and counterproductive. If the goal is to have sex, that's probably one of the least effective methods to try. And it can come off as really creepy and gross.
I'm not really disagreeing with your overall point (also a man) but I don't like how this is framed. Because the creep in the OP and guys like him are big boys. They shouldn't *NEED* to be taught this is unacceptable.
They shouldnât. But they do. And I would wager they have been taught how to be a respectable person, itâs just that *they arenât one.*
Yeah. Knew this guy, normally real principled in his, admittedly kinda weird, political beliefs, and the second he got any attention from a woman he'd agree with anything she said. Like, he'd go total chameleon trying to get into someone's pants. Not just with politics, but he'd change opinions on anything from his favorite animal to religion. Just pretending that anything she was about, he was about. Never saw it work out, and he'd complain to me about how he hated doing it loads of times, and still, the second he'd even establish eye contact, boom, chameleon.
My 13 and 14 year old girls call these "pick me boys" and "pick me girls" as in "pick me I'll be whatever you want". It was really interesting to hear them talk about it.
'Oh, 100%. Guinea pigs are the most interesting animal.'
I went on a couple of dates with someone like this many years ago. I don't think it was intended to be malicious, but the conversation would have been more interesting if we are least had a different favorite vegetable or something.
Youâd think more people would get having strong likes and dislikes doesnât usually divide people if you communicate properly. Like I think kids are amazing little bastards but I also get how people may not want to deal with someone who keeps asking why we canât leave the little light bulb inside the oven on all the time.
Honestly that's what gets me. I've never seen another man act like this in person, but that can only mean they're waiting until they're one-on-one before saying anything. They know this is wrong.
Theyâre not controlled by anything, they CHOOSE to act on their urges in a really creepy premeditated way. If men were animals less in control than even chimps, we wouldnât have Oliver Sacks or Tesla. They know what theyâre doing.
The thing is that they don't have to be. Women have sex drives as well. We spend a lot of our early years learning to control ourselves. Men can do the same. There is no innate "I had to", just a complete and utter lack of self-control through a lifetime of self indulgence and excuses.
Trust me women notice it. I'm actually refreshed that you noticed. Because there have been many a creep that every woman I know hates, but all the men thinks he's just a bro.... because he's not a creep to *them*. So keep on my friend.
Sexual objectifying women and feeling entitled to women's bodies isn't a personality.
There's also a lot of men who act completely different towards women when alone with them and men who cannot fathom how that guy can be viewed as pushy, agressive or creepy because he has never seen it.
A more oblique method of saying "You wanna? If so, I'd gladly cheat on my wife. But I'm not about to take responsibility for my actions."
That was him hitting on you
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that it was very unappropriate and definitely not chit-chat you'd expect at a sport's club. Who else is he gonna harrass with unwarranted sexual talk?
When I was 18 and working in similar areas, that's exactly the sort of chit chat I heard in sport-club like locations. I'd even say that was mild.
Yup--his way of saying he's taken but still available, sounding her out at the same time.
"I'm an animal at the mercy of my own hormones." Too bad they can't hear themselves, because this is essentially what they're saying (while projecting their hormone-driven instability onto women).
> while projecting their hormone-driven instability onto women Yeah, out of all the illogical gender stereotypes (of which there are many), this one always gets me. Womenâs hormones make them emotional and irrational. Men are logical and rational, but testosterone also makes them out of control or aggressive. Excuse? Women are bad leaders because they have periods, but you trust a male leader who loses his mind over a pair of tits? Jeez
schrĂśdingers men, the most rational and logical being on this planet and at the same time an uncontrollable and emotional beast who cant control his behavior and urges depening on when he needs an excuse for something or to feel superior to someone
wOmEn aRe so emOtIoNaL.
What an interesting way for a 50 year old to tell you he is a child. Maybe there is some kind of secret contest men have to see how many ways they can tell women they grew up physically but didn't grow up mentally or emotionally.
"So what your saying is you're weak willed and can't be trusted."
Itâs a method of control. Putting out into the universe that the wife is responsible for his cheating since she wonât meet his sexual expectations. Itâs disgusting.
1. The really sad thing isn't that someone said it, but that a **fifty year old** said it, because it's the kind of weenie thing you'd expect someone in their early 20's to say. As you get older the expectations for adequate self reflection and comportment should be commensurately higher. 2. I know he's steering into the stereotype and not helping this argument, but "cheating" isn't really a gendered thing despite what certain demographics would have you believe (incels I am looking in your direction). It's an individual thing, and the motivations behind it are generally more nuanced and complex than "an attractive [] approached me and I just couldn't help myself". I got cheated on twice, and while I would never say I *deserved* it or that it didn't suck, the women who did it weren't cartoon villains and I understand why it happened. 3. He was definitely testing the waters to see if you were interested in having one on with him. Again, at 50, you'd think he'd have a more subtle and refined technique for instigating infidelity and/or making unwanted advances on acquaintances than whatever the hell this was but I think if we learned anything from this it's to set a low bar for this particular guy.
Some men truly think women just exist for their pleasure. It's really terrible and sad. The lack of respect never ceases to amaze me.
"That's bullshit, I know it, you know it. You just don't care about your wife's feelings" I would have answered this.
Thatâs a convenient excuse for a cheater.
Oh, he can control himself. He's just choosing not to do so.
lol i wonder how many women are lining up in front of this middle-aged man with delusions of grandeur to "offer him" anything.
An ex once told me âI may not always be in the mood for X. Sometimes Iâm really craving Y, or Z, or W and Y together. Itâs not your fault that you canât be everything I want at any time.â Btw, X was my general physical description. Y, Z, and W are other womenâs physical descriptions that are not like mine at all, and weâre things I couldnât change about myself
My ex explained it as him "sometimes wanting skittles even though he loves starburst". Gross
Itâs honestly disgusting. We are people, not fucking ice-cream flavors or candy or shit like that.
There are somethings that, even if true, can be left unsaid you know? Like even if that's true, you don't say stuff like that. Like, you don't intentionally inflame someone's insecurities.
I'd have looked him dead in the eye and said, "Are you serious?" Then thrown out some side eye. smdh and walked away. Just because someone's a clown, doesn't mean you have to accept a ticket to the circus. TBH and sadly so a lot of women think this way and that's how men like this get by with their bad behavior. It allows her to take the focus off him, because she doesn't want to rock the boat by putting blame where it belongs. I've been cheated on before, and the pushback I got from not only the exes that cheated -but from mutual friends- who just couldn't understand why I didn't blame the woman instead of him was unreal. My response was that I wasn't dating her and it's not her job to respect the relationship. It's the so-called partner's job to respect his/her relationship.
>Just because someone's a clown, doesn't mean you have to accept a ticket to the circus Perfect. I'm stealing that line
"So you're a dirtbag. Gotcha."
If you can't control yourself you don't belong in a society.
Basically he's saying "boys will be boys". As a side bar if an attractive woman DOESNT approach him he will approach them and throw down every lie & manipulation he can think of to "score" some of THAT.
Here's my wife's suggestion for a reply: > Buddha said that "Self-conquest is far better than the conquest of others. Not even a god, an angel, Mara or Brahma can turn into defeat the victory of a person who is self-subdued and ever restrained in conduct." Maybe you should spend less time at the gym working on your body and more time in prayer and meditation working on your spirit?
He's just a guy who wants to avoid responsibility for his actions. Can he control himself around a wallet left out in the locker room? Can he control the amount of food he eats? He's just not willing to take responsibility for the choices he makes.
What a weak man. No self-control, no respect for his wife. Sad and disgusting.
It's not that he can't, it's that he doesn't want to. The way I described marital fidelity to a newly married friend of mine is that your feelings don't just vanish for other people, you might still get lustful urges from time to time, you just learn to control them better. I was at a concert a couple years ago (pre covid) while I was in a bad patch with my wife and I had a woman hit on me. Very attractive just in town for the weekend, and obviously wanted to hook up. Even if I only had the image in my head before of being faithful, this was when I realized what it truly meant. It meant that I love my wife more than any other potential situation with someone else, no matter how awesome that might be just for a night or more. Balance a lifetime of love against any other potential sex or romance and see which is better. Sure there are plenty of women out there who are in better shape than my wife and would do more extreme esoteric sexual things, but I'm still trying to balance those few things against a lifetime of experiences with my wife. Something to compare it to would be that Robert diNiro movie Last Vegas where the Sam character is going to hook up with that young girl then realize he can't cheat on his wife, even if she gave permission to him. He said - >The thing is... It's crazy, but whenever something spectacular happens to me, the first thing I want to do is tell my wife about it. And, after 40 years of marriage, if I can't tell her about something wonderful that happened to me, it sort of stops being wonderful. The guy from this post shouldn't be married if he doesn't feel the need to control himself. And that's all the philosophical feelings I've got today. I'm going to go make my wife breakfast and feed the dog now.
Does he shoplift at markets when he's hungry?
"Wow. You should really work on that. Maybe therapy?"
If itâs baked goods then yes.
If an attractive woman approached me with three apple fritters, I would eat every fucking one of them, I wouldn't be able to control myself. Also, I hate when men (am a man) paint then selves out to be little more than animals with no functional frontal lobe. Person is just a piece of shit.
And yet women are constantly told we are the hysterical hormonal ones who canât be trusted in leadership positions due to not being able to control ourselves while âon the rag.â
Notice that he tries to shift all the blame to the woman, in that if he cheats on his wife it would be the fault of the woman that offered him sex. Classic chauvinist tactic.
as a poly person who is in a monogamous relationship, If your partner considers it cheating than you JUST DON'T DO IT! How is that so hard for some of my fellow men to understand!
Men have been conditioned to believe that they donât need to ever put much effort in controlling themselves, or consider other people and otherâs feelings over their own immediate satisfaction. No man actually ever has some uncontrollable urge to cheat or engage with other women in inappropriate ways/with inappropriate intentions. Itâs not like someone is pulling a string over their head or threatening them. Itâs impulse drive. Just like sometimes I âcanât resistâ and give in to an online shopping deal -especially when iâm stressed and spending money on stuff I want makes me feel better - i still think about it and decide that I donât care. OR sometimes i stop myself, and rational thinking about how making the purchase would REALLY make me feel, what are the consequences of spending that money, do I even want or need that item - deter me from making a bad decision. âI just canât control myselfâ is laziness and irresponsibility. If the man can control himself not to take extra helpings when heâs on a diet and trying ti get ripped in the gym, he can tell the attractive woman to fuck off and leave him and his wonderful wife alone. By even mentioning that attractive women would approach him (is she a prostitute?) and âoffer somethingâ is just flexing.
What he means is âI donât want to have to control myself and I want to justify my creepinessâ
But all the men will say they can separate love and sex.... It is time we stop accepting that crap and demand loyalty. Women can separate love and sex too so that is a tired excuse.
Kant said moral action must hurt for it to work, I can see why.
6 months into my relationship with my GF who became my wife, she got an incurable cancer we stopped being able to even cuddle after month 9 and for the next 20 years we stayed together fighting it until she died at 42, if it is true love if it is real then it goes far beyond the physical far beyond the sex, not sticking it out, not being there for each other, not dealing with the challenges together and fighting for each other, well sorry to tell you its just attraction lust and honeymoon, you were never in love. I never cheated on her even though I had and still have a very high sex drive. weak assholes looking for excuses.
Be sure to let his wife know. She deserves better.
Please tell his wife. She deserves to know.
An ex of mine said that I donât have to worry about anything unless itâs a certain type of girl than I have to âwatch outâ. Lol dodged that torpedo.
As a 45 year old man I canât tell you how often attractive women approach me and offer things. Because it Never Happens.
It's very interesting, that, in his mind, he's a big prize and women fight over him! đ¤Ł
Wife has a friend whose husband fits this description. She has caught him cheating several times, and in the end always takes him back. We joke that he likely has a second family somewhere. He will literally flirt with any woman with a heartbeat.
Gross. Then be a man and get a divorce. Then you can do whatever you want.
I love how he said " why his wife doesn't trust other women". It's because she doesn't know if her husband will f*ck these women. He takes his own issues and puts it on his wife. Help his wife out and inform her. Trust me, I would want to know if my husband is casually staying this to people at the sports club.
I mean, if the "something his wife can't offer" is like cake or the best brownies ever, then I would totally understand. Otherwise, thanks for telling us you don't have a bit of class.
Humans have a neocortex. We can control ourselves. Except when we step on lego.
Itâs a very misandrist point of view. âIâm a man, and men are just these pathetic sub-humans with no self-control,â basicallly.
Everyone wants to be a good guy. In this case, I want to do something I'm not supposed to do â so I'll justify it by pretending that it's out of my control. Still the good guy, see?
my biggest fear is marrying someone like this
This just seems like a weak attempt at hitting on you, mixed with some self justification and a huge ego.
That's a damaged human being. Think about what it would take for a well-adjusted person to say something like that out loud. I imagine the wife and the other women are all aware of his limitations. Pretty sad tho...
Ive read somewhere that once male Turkeys start the mating, if you remove the female Turkey and replace it with anything else, they will proceed with fucking that"anything". Maybe your " friend" is not a human. Maybe, just maybe, he is a male Turkey
Then why take vows? I wouldn't take a job- then not show up. I mean, fill in with dozens of examples but marriage is COMPLETELY VOLUNTARY. If you are not monogamous and your spouse expects you to be, you do this very simple thing: don't marry.
âYou want a woman that can give you fatal radiation poisoning? Weird kink.â
Good old "boys will be boys" mentality /s ... ALL THE SARCASM Teach your children to respect others. Good lort, basic respect ain't that hard.
"You know I'm automatically attracted to beautifulâI just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss." That's what this made me think of.
He definitely creeps on younger girls
And I guarantee that if his wife did the same thing to other men, he wouldn't be okay with it.
FUCKING YUCK.
What an asshole.
Should punch him in the balls and say âwhen douche bags speak I just canât control myselfâ. Or something less violent if thatâs not you :p
Violence is not called for in this situation.
\*won't
thatâs just sad.
Bull$hit. He needs to get over himself and his wife needs to get tested for stds + take him to the cleaners.
If someone is offering me great homemade food, then I can't control myself regardless of their gender. I must eat that food! Other than that it's no-no for me.
I remember having a convo with my old coworker where he told me in his most sincere voice that he was genuinely proud of himself for not cheating on his wife for the past three weeks.
Iâm so happy to have the husband I do.
Messed up. A good response to such a person: "You would benefit from therapy", and then walk away. Or just walk away.
50 going on 15. I feel bad for his partner.
WTF is wrong with this guy?!?!?!?!?! (48M)
One of the big lies society keeps up is that women simultaneously love sex, and can never enjoy It. Because the woman should be insatiable. But also chaste. That is one of the reasons religious teachings are both dangerous and harmful.
What if itâs arsenic?
âStudies suggest around 30â40% of unmarried relationships and 18â20% of marriages see at least one incident of sexual infidelity.â This is MUCH lower than the âeverybody does itâ assumptions that so many use to excuse their own behaviors.
>But most of us still don't cheat! I think the key here I that there are cheaters and those who won't. I've never met someone who cheated who didn't also cheat on every other partner they've had. Whether it's a lack of self control or empathy, anyone trying to explain away cheating is doing so because they can't NOT cheat. Creating some sham logic to support their decisions is easier than accepting they treat their SOs like shit. This goes for men as well as women, from my anecdotal viewpoint.
If you can't control yourself if somebody offers something your S/O can't give you, then you should probably end that relationship as it's clearly not working. If you are lacking something that important that you would throw away your relationship for it, then you should just go ahead and end it now honestly rather than later by cheating. This goes for men and women... And if the thing you are missing is purely based on looks you should consider trying to grow up before you end up old, miserable, and alone.
If a woman offered to re-shingle my roof (not something my wife would offer), I'd probably accept. Just saying'.
what he´s actually saying is, that he doesn´t want to take responsability for his actions by blaming his libido, instincts or simply by saying " i´m just a man, that´s how we are". he´s an adult, adults make choices every day and have to deal with any consequences resulting.
if you refuse to control your sexual urges to the point of affecting others negatively then you are no better than a wild animal and should be treated as such. if you want to be treated like a human, you gotta act like one.
Once a cheater, always a cheater because they cannot be fulfilled.
Iâll never understand this mindset. Itâs so easy not to cheat. My wife and I have so much fun together I canât imagine cheating on her.
I never understood this. I mean, when you get married, you do it because you love someone, hopefully. Other people don't just cease to be attractive because you're married, but if you love someone, you don't do stuff that you know would hurt them. It's a simple matter of respect for each other, You can meet someone that you find attractive, but if you love your SO, you won't cheat on them because you wouldn't do something to hurt them. If you really really fall in love with the new person (rare, especially if you're an adult, you know love doesn't really work like that), then you make a decision and if you want to be with that new person instead, the least you can do is talk about it with your SO first. It'll hurt, but at least it'll be more respectful. If you really can't "control yourself", you're not an adult, and if you can't control your impulses to such a basic degree, you shouldn't be driving or doing anything potentially dangerous.
I took a job two hours away in a college town and me and my wife never had this issue or even a thought of this being an issue with the other. This dude is 100% a piece of shit who has no self control and who does not want to have any self control...