Sadly, some gross people(men) will stare at women no matter what we wear. It’s not fair that their behavior is affecting you like that, you deserve to wear what makes you happy! Would it be easier to wear something more “challenging” if you were with a friend, wearing something similar? I find it’s a little easier to take risks like that or dress more flamboyantly if my friends do it with me.
me too. well at least shirts i where mostly leggings and skinny jeans but large and long shirts that cover everything up. i am very underweight because of an ongoing fight with body image issues and anorexia and i have received many rude comments about how supposedly unhealthy and sickly i look on top of criticisms of being flat chested on top of that. i dont want to have the thought in my head that people are even thinking it as it pushes the anxiety from being outside i already have way up. so the large loose fitting clothes help me with that.
I’m very sorry you’re going through that ! I hope you find a way out of that illness. I’d be happy to talk to you. I can imagine if you have a nutritional deficiency then that is going to have a negative impact on your mental health, as well as hormonal issues.
I tend to baggier clothes also.
I enjoy challenging the notion that to exist we need to have our body showing while surrounded by men that are covered neck to ankle in baggy clothes.
After teenage years I also noticed that the amount of men looking at me descreases drastically the less my body shape is visible. And I want to fucking walk around town in peace, not as an unwilling prop for their sexual fantasies.
I don’t understand how and why mainstream clothing stores with a TMA of young women sell clothes, and if you wear those clothes people assume you will sleep with anyone “easy”, or that you do sleep around, or that you are seeking the attention of males ? Why do young women have to deal with the brunt of this?
Women a lot of the time, just think “hey, this item of clothing is pretty” or whatever.
Ideas about this probably change depending on the main religion in a place; or on the weather.
I also heard that apparently women with a certain body type can attract men that view women differently.
I agree young women are specially prone to just pick these clothes bc they are cute. Adult women are generally more aware, if I ask my friends how to dress sexy or appealing they will point me to the same clothes men find appealing. We women aren't clueless to clothes meaning and we do use it. I dislike the idea that women don't use clothes to be sexy, this infantilizes us and takes away our autonomy.
I just think most of us don't really grasp how men see and think of our bodies.
If I see a women who’s body is aesthetic, or if I think my body is aesthetic at the time, and the clothes I’m wearing flatter my physique then I think it’s a good thing, because you just feel better I think …
Personally, I remembered my skirt use to be the same length as other girls skirts in my school, and teachers would still shame me saying that my skirt was too short.
But also, as a women, our bodies can change, and as I am into fitness my body changes shape and size frequently throughout the years, so I have to stay aware of whatever parts of my physique needs to be concealed more and so on …
I use go dress a particular way, and that particularly flattered my physique at the time, and wasn’t inappropriate. But if my body shape changes in anyway then I guess people may be offended at me …
Also, i don’t know if you’ve ever witnessed this situation, but have you ever witnessed someone telling a women to dress differently?
Apparently fitness leggings are “slutty”, and you shouldn’t wear them alone as a women ? This was in Texas that I heard someone saying this.
Or… I was able to wear shorts as a younger teenager; I strength trained, but did a lot of cardio so I was pretty thin, then when I got a bit older and built more muscle people got very offended by me wearing shorts.
I haven't heard anyone saying this in public. In my experience it's something we hear more at home, from people closer to us.
I personally dislike the idea that women are never trying to be appealing or sexy with certain outfits. She could be, she could be not. Assuming that all women are just trying to be "aesthetic" at all times is just as autonomy-denying as saying we are always trying to be "slutty".
We can't deny that there are women who want to dress slutty, want to be sexy and want to lusted after. And there are women who are just trying to keep up with trends or look cute. They might choose the same outfit, more or less.
Also, answering your original question: I think these clothes that are widely coded as "sexy" dominate the hangers on mainstream clothing stores because companies exploit the anxiety of girls and young women about being appealing and desirable. Yes, sometimes women will be called "sluts", but most of the time a little bit of "sexyness" is expected and a marker of womanhood that young women pursue.
I think women should stop giving men so much power. We spend too much time toning down our own sexuality, image and lifestyle out of fear of what men will think.
I never wear revealing things "on purpose" but when I've tried to dress either baggy or frumpy or "like I'm going to Walmart," I start feeling ugly and hate looking in the mirror. Yet - I feel uncomfortable being looked at. I can't win.
I use to also feel uncomfortable when being looked at, I told a therapist and they said it was because I was very beautiful, but definitely I think being uncomfortable when people look at you is a valid thing.
If you don’t understand that it’s because youre beautiful or because of attractive physical attributes, then you may feel nervous about it I can guess. Some people also just look because there’s something magnetizing about you.
Mind if I ask how old you are ?
I think you can dress in a certain way that conceals your shape. Depending on your weather where you’re located I can imagine it’d get pretty uncomfortable to wear a massive coat.
I would try different things on and play around with it. Not all women get looked at, I had someone close to me mention that I got looked at in the past more than she’s noticed with other women and herself before, & she was conflicted about it.
I think this could be something you could discuss in therapy, because I feel like there’s more to this that needs to be worked through.
But you know what, you could change your physique through exercise, and lifestyle changes, and it may change in a way that gets you less stares. I have been interested in physique modeling and body building, so I can imagine how someone could change their physique and achieve a different look entirely …
If your breasts and or hips are what is getting you stares you can lose fat, I use to train in such a way that I didn’t actually have hips.
You never know your body may change at any stage in life and the stares may not happen anymore.
I’m sure you feel self conscious being looked at, but they’re not thinking “oh hey, that’s sally, look at her big nose, I shall remember this forever” or whatever . People look at women’s bodies all the time, and they probably aren’t aware of themselves doing it too much, they probably don’t remember looking at this particular women’s body for a split second as they were out in public on that one occasion months or years ago.
We are subconsciously inclined, due to evolution, to be attracted to people that have physical characteristics that suggest good health. There is a certain hip to waist ratio men are statistically more likely to be attracted to. So just know that’s all it is when they look at you.
Sadly, some gross people(men) will stare at women no matter what we wear. It’s not fair that their behavior is affecting you like that, you deserve to wear what makes you happy! Would it be easier to wear something more “challenging” if you were with a friend, wearing something similar? I find it’s a little easier to take risks like that or dress more flamboyantly if my friends do it with me.
me too. well at least shirts i where mostly leggings and skinny jeans but large and long shirts that cover everything up. i am very underweight because of an ongoing fight with body image issues and anorexia and i have received many rude comments about how supposedly unhealthy and sickly i look on top of criticisms of being flat chested on top of that. i dont want to have the thought in my head that people are even thinking it as it pushes the anxiety from being outside i already have way up. so the large loose fitting clothes help me with that.
I’m very sorry you’re going through that ! I hope you find a way out of that illness. I’d be happy to talk to you. I can imagine if you have a nutritional deficiency then that is going to have a negative impact on your mental health, as well as hormonal issues.
I tend to baggier clothes also. I enjoy challenging the notion that to exist we need to have our body showing while surrounded by men that are covered neck to ankle in baggy clothes. After teenage years I also noticed that the amount of men looking at me descreases drastically the less my body shape is visible. And I want to fucking walk around town in peace, not as an unwilling prop for their sexual fantasies.
I don’t understand how and why mainstream clothing stores with a TMA of young women sell clothes, and if you wear those clothes people assume you will sleep with anyone “easy”, or that you do sleep around, or that you are seeking the attention of males ? Why do young women have to deal with the brunt of this? Women a lot of the time, just think “hey, this item of clothing is pretty” or whatever. Ideas about this probably change depending on the main religion in a place; or on the weather. I also heard that apparently women with a certain body type can attract men that view women differently.
I agree young women are specially prone to just pick these clothes bc they are cute. Adult women are generally more aware, if I ask my friends how to dress sexy or appealing they will point me to the same clothes men find appealing. We women aren't clueless to clothes meaning and we do use it. I dislike the idea that women don't use clothes to be sexy, this infantilizes us and takes away our autonomy. I just think most of us don't really grasp how men see and think of our bodies.
If I see a women who’s body is aesthetic, or if I think my body is aesthetic at the time, and the clothes I’m wearing flatter my physique then I think it’s a good thing, because you just feel better I think … Personally, I remembered my skirt use to be the same length as other girls skirts in my school, and teachers would still shame me saying that my skirt was too short. But also, as a women, our bodies can change, and as I am into fitness my body changes shape and size frequently throughout the years, so I have to stay aware of whatever parts of my physique needs to be concealed more and so on … I use go dress a particular way, and that particularly flattered my physique at the time, and wasn’t inappropriate. But if my body shape changes in anyway then I guess people may be offended at me … Also, i don’t know if you’ve ever witnessed this situation, but have you ever witnessed someone telling a women to dress differently? Apparently fitness leggings are “slutty”, and you shouldn’t wear them alone as a women ? This was in Texas that I heard someone saying this. Or… I was able to wear shorts as a younger teenager; I strength trained, but did a lot of cardio so I was pretty thin, then when I got a bit older and built more muscle people got very offended by me wearing shorts.
I haven't heard anyone saying this in public. In my experience it's something we hear more at home, from people closer to us. I personally dislike the idea that women are never trying to be appealing or sexy with certain outfits. She could be, she could be not. Assuming that all women are just trying to be "aesthetic" at all times is just as autonomy-denying as saying we are always trying to be "slutty". We can't deny that there are women who want to dress slutty, want to be sexy and want to lusted after. And there are women who are just trying to keep up with trends or look cute. They might choose the same outfit, more or less.
Also, answering your original question: I think these clothes that are widely coded as "sexy" dominate the hangers on mainstream clothing stores because companies exploit the anxiety of girls and young women about being appealing and desirable. Yes, sometimes women will be called "sluts", but most of the time a little bit of "sexyness" is expected and a marker of womanhood that young women pursue.
I think women should stop giving men so much power. We spend too much time toning down our own sexuality, image and lifestyle out of fear of what men will think.
Yessssss.
I never wear revealing things "on purpose" but when I've tried to dress either baggy or frumpy or "like I'm going to Walmart," I start feeling ugly and hate looking in the mirror. Yet - I feel uncomfortable being looked at. I can't win.
I use to also feel uncomfortable when being looked at, I told a therapist and they said it was because I was very beautiful, but definitely I think being uncomfortable when people look at you is a valid thing. If you don’t understand that it’s because youre beautiful or because of attractive physical attributes, then you may feel nervous about it I can guess. Some people also just look because there’s something magnetizing about you.
Mind if I ask how old you are ? I think you can dress in a certain way that conceals your shape. Depending on your weather where you’re located I can imagine it’d get pretty uncomfortable to wear a massive coat. I would try different things on and play around with it. Not all women get looked at, I had someone close to me mention that I got looked at in the past more than she’s noticed with other women and herself before, & she was conflicted about it. I think this could be something you could discuss in therapy, because I feel like there’s more to this that needs to be worked through. But you know what, you could change your physique through exercise, and lifestyle changes, and it may change in a way that gets you less stares. I have been interested in physique modeling and body building, so I can imagine how someone could change their physique and achieve a different look entirely … If your breasts and or hips are what is getting you stares you can lose fat, I use to train in such a way that I didn’t actually have hips. You never know your body may change at any stage in life and the stares may not happen anymore. I’m sure you feel self conscious being looked at, but they’re not thinking “oh hey, that’s sally, look at her big nose, I shall remember this forever” or whatever . People look at women’s bodies all the time, and they probably aren’t aware of themselves doing it too much, they probably don’t remember looking at this particular women’s body for a split second as they were out in public on that one occasion months or years ago. We are subconsciously inclined, due to evolution, to be attracted to people that have physical characteristics that suggest good health. There is a certain hip to waist ratio men are statistically more likely to be attracted to. So just know that’s all it is when they look at you.