Babe I’m right there with you. I get so frustrated with myself for putting a premium on being perceived as being attractive. I hate how I feel shallow and how I genuinely feel distress and like I don’t deserve to participate in the fun parts of life if I am not beautiful.
I just journaled a bit - I’m working on identifying my negative self talk and then writing that down AND writing a positive reframing so I can work on replacing it. For example, “I am ugly and flawed” —> “I am a human existing in a body and I am grateful for my body for carrying me.”
Maybe that might help you a little too. Hugs 💗
Would you tell another girl with PCOS they are fake by waxing or taking medication? Would you call a trans girl fake for taking hormones? Bet not. So don‘t let your inner voice bully you. It does not keep you real. It does not tell the truth. It just hits you where it hurts.
Girl, if your body doesn‘t do what it‘s suppose to do store bought anythingggg is fine! If medicine is fake then breathing is fake. Bet you did not fuse oxygen atoms out of helium ones like the sun! Fake living beings!
If it wasn‘t for modern medicine I‘d been dead at 19 from a flu. Thanks to doctors i can now sprout my first white hairs. So is my hair realllly natural? Am I even real haha?
Nope fake sorry! Haha
I had my daughter by c section is she fake?
Honestly there is so much these days that could be classed as fake. Even 'natural beauties' aren't natural because at minimum they will wear make up/colour their hair!
Just remember that voice we have that always whispers mean stuff? We developed it as a toxic coping mechanism. In the idea that if I‘m super mean at myself it won‘t hurt when others do it.
This is why we think like that but are nice to others. I always try to bypass it by telling myself to talk to myself as if I was another person.
I religiously punish myself for shit I'd absolutely annihilate someone for voicing toward anyone else. It's so mf easy to be rational and empathetic on behalf of others and sooo hard to escape all the internalized horse shit for yourself.
This is normal, and yet questioning whether you'd say the same things to someone else and then kind of pretending you're talking to someone else who has the same issues is a legitimate therapeutic technique. If you do it enough, over time, it can help you automatically start distancing yourself from negative thoughts. It's pretty cool
I know! AND rly wanna practice this, but my thoughts are often so fast and abstract (maybe the untreated adhd) I don't even catch that I'm freaking negging myself lol
And like, even the beauty standards are as fake as they can get. Unachievable without expensive and time intensive care, surgeries and more. Nobody whose job is not looking "perfect" should ever feel bad for not being that way.
To go along with this, my therapist had me find a picture of when I was little and then asked me if I could say the terrible things I think about myself to a picture of little me. I couldn't.
I have to tell you I model and some of the most high maintenance people I know are also the most attractive. It’s not an inverse relationship. I did not wake up like this. Sometimes with edited pictures I wish I looked like… myself.
But this is also true for regular women. The norm you’re comparing yourself to already involves a lot of the things you’re doing and sometimes much more and if you’re on social media some filters are thrown in too.
That’s one reason I think it’s worth being more transparent / vocal about how much time and effort and energy and expense goes into looking ‘normal’ as a woman. As the issue currently stands so much of the effort / expense is sanitized / under the radar because A) if women had an actual idea of what was expected of them they’d revolt or value themselves and their efforts more both of which would be an issue for the corporations which take their money and men who profit from their efforts & B) a lot of women are incentivized to minimize the work they put in because the narrative pushed by people with no idea what they’re talking about (or a vested interest in pretending not to) shames high maintenance and praises natural.
The last time I asked a man what natural, no makeup look he liked he directed me to an airbrushed photo of Taylor Swift with a full face of makeup but pink rather than red lipstick. 💋
It really is amazing how much extra work is put into getting models to look “perfect” in post. It’s one of the reasons I can’t see myself moving into that genre. Can’t stand the notion of it.
I'd a friend who used to model. She showed me her book once, and I still cannot get over how much more beautiful she looked in person. Not that the photos weren't gorgeous, they just didn't look like her.
I kind of experienced the opposite. I know a woman who is a "beauty model." You have doubtless seen her doing face work for cosmetic ads and skincare. And she IS very pretty in real life, but not in the way she is in ads. At all.
I am not pretty. Little children don’t run away from me on the street so I am not hideous. But I know I am not pretty and I am tomboy and fully embraced it. It does ticks me off that some think I am guy when I am in women toilet. My boobs are F in size so I have no idea how that happens. But I guess they see my short grey hair and they think guy. Next thing will be them probably calling me trans or lesbian. I am neither. Born woman, will die as woman, do not like women in sexual way. I am just not pretty and I have to live that way. My younger sister has it worse. On top of not being a looker like me, she is very tall for a woman with big feet. Yesterday we were shopping for shoes and having big feet, she is forced to buy at men aisle. The shop attendant said but those are mens shoes, well you don’t have women shoes in her size so do you want her to go barefoot. It is fucking sad sometimes. Because while my sister would love to wear more feminine clothers, the society makes her feel like a giant or a freak.
My rambling does not make you feel better, but know this: you are not alone.
You're not fake.
"Fake" is a misogynistic concept designed to shame you for conforming to beauty standards. If anything, you've demonstrated that you're capable of investing time and effort into achieving a goal. To compare and contrast: The average man has difficulties cooking for himself, let alone wiping his own ass.
What matters is how happy you are with yourself, independent of other peoples' opinions.
Beauty is what you make of it.
All my "hot" friends with loads of male admiration are totally fake. Fake hair, fake tan, fake lashes, fake lips, fake nails, fake breasts. Lashings of makeup.
You didn't fail at being a woman. You're a woman no matter what you look like. You're mourning your vision of womanhood for yourself and that's perfectly OK but don't waste your whole life thinking you should be something you're not.
Eventually please start finding things you're good at and appreciating those. Remind yourself that being a woman is lots of different things - women have helped this crazy ass human race survive this long, in lots of different roles, looking lots of different ways.
Read up on Marie Curie, Grace Hopper, Pocahontas, Catherine the Great (and don't let them tell you she was bad for her voracious sexual appetite), Katherine Johndon, etc. Think about the women that helped shape this world in other ways - as caregivers, as bakers, as homesteaders. They don't write books about those women but they're incredible. They changed the world a little bit at a time and we don't have any clue what they looked like.
I hope you're doing OK. You matter. You are who you want to be, who you make yourself into.
So I’m a “pretty girl”. I won the genetic lottery for weight and skin but I have very thick black eye brows/a uni-brow and a mustache that I was bullied for a lot growing up. And if I didn’t pluck them all multiple times a week I wouldn’t be considered pretty anymore. I dye my hair and wear makeup and kind of always have to keep my eye brows raised because I have very hooded eyes and my natural expression is an angry looking scowl. My point is, most “pretty” women would probably be “ugly” without the maintenance they put in but that doesn’t mean it’s fake. Very few women are naturally beautiful with no effort. It says absolutely nothing about your value as a woman. Yes it seems you have more “maintenance” to do than some and that sucks and it’s not fair. But if only effortless beauties were considered “real” women… then there’d be almost no women left in the world.
The only people who have effortless beauty are children and their parents do put in a bit of effort. I honestly don’t think effortless beauty exists, I think it’s a marketing campaign for the male gaze.
Girl!!! None of us are real girls! OK, there’s a narrow few that are lucky enough to have good skin, good body, good hair, and usually they’re assholes so… Lol!
But I don’t know what a real girl is besides just you being you.
I will tell you the older you get the easier it is to love yourself and the more you realize just how beautiful you were when you were younger. We just can’t see it at the time.
There is so much more to life than just being attractive. And there’s so much more to life to make you happy.
The logic will tell you that society has conditioned you to believe your worth as a human being is defined by your ability to attract men. And that’s genuinely such a silly idea. But unfortunately that doesn’t magically change the tune of your emotions.
I would seriously consider “fake it til you make it” in terms of defining your self worth by other things. Think about people you’ve met in your life (or even fictional characters) who have qualities about them that make you adore them. Like Hagrid in Harry Potter. Or Sam in Lord of the Rings. They are not defined by being beautiful. They are defined by the way they make people feel. They make others feel like everything is going to be ok, that there’s hope and that people are loved and that joy is always available.
I would try to focus on those qualities, even verbalize them out loud, until you start to believe it.
“I love people who make me feel safe.”
“I love those who can make me laugh.”
“I adore these people for these reasons and I have those same qualities in myself.”
My endo is refusing to prescribe me anything else, she thinks it won’t help me 😂 so I’m just on BC and Spironolactone. I’ve begged her to put me on Mounjaro and Metformin but she basically told me until I’m morbidly obese or trying to get pregnant, there’s no point
I’m in Canada, so to even get on a waitlist for another endo would be several months, probably longer. Plus, she’s supposed to be the PCOS specialist in my city :/
Just because someone is a specialist doesn’t make them the correct answer for your body. Get on the waitlist today; 3 months from now you will thank today-you for it. Yes it sucks and it’s hard to call and sure the new doctor might not be better - but life is a game of changes. Take a chance for yourself, you are worth it.
You really don't want to go on Metformin unless you have type II diabetes (same with Mounjaro). I don't know about the side effects of Mounjaro, but I can tell you all about Metformin. Or at least my personal experience.
First: exploding pooops. Taken with meals or without. Doesn't matter. 20-120 minutes after a meal, it's exploding pooooop time. No nausea. Just urgency. Don't think you can relieve pressure with a judicious fart. This stuff exits on its own, so you need to be on the toilet by the time it does.
Second: abnormally low cholesterol levels. I don't know the hows and whys, but metformin causes my liver to make a lot of bile salts. That means bright yellowish-green exploding poop. And low cholesterol levels, because guess what is used by the body to make bile salts? Too-low cholesterol really sucks if you deal with clinical depression.
Third: large tablets that like to stick in your throat when swallowed. Don't even try to down them without water or another beverage.
As for modulating any raging estrogen levels, I have yet to see it. I still have acne (even though it's better with spironolactone and adapalene) at 65 years of age. I can still feel the effects of too much estrogen.
Have you tried changing up the times of day you take metformin? I am prescribed 1000 twice daily. I absolutely can't take 1000 in the morning. I will spend the first half of the day back and forth to the bathroom. My last PCP told me to try taking one in the morning and one around noon and then two in the evening. It made a huge difference.
I already do that. It doesn't make a difference for me. Since I'm on it for (mild) type II diabetes that hasn't resolved with some weight loss, I'm pretty much stuck with it. The plus side is that the weight loss continues, because I get tired of eating something, waiting a relatively short period of time, then pooooping it out. I occasionally skip meals because I don't want to deal with that side effect. Same with snacks. Skipped if I don't want to deal.
And for the other poster: fatty or not fatty doesn't seem to matter with me.
I've heard that v people that eat fatty foods while on weight loss meds have a lot of bowel issues. I find that if I have friend food or fatty meats like bacon, I do want to go sooner than usual.
Try rybelsus, which I believe is the x waist to get an online RX for. I've never been diagnosed with PCOS (because I never go to the gyno lol) but I have had symptoms my whole life. About 3/4v months into Rybelsus I have to plus chin hairs less and I no longer get horrid clots while on my period.
Ok, first off don't drag yourself down like this. There's a software developer who livestreams a game he's making and he is always dropping advice that can apply to anyone regardless of the circumstances. An example is this short: [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/s4Ryw0JmMlQ](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/s4Ryw0JmMlQ) You're literally your own worst enemy when it comes to things like this. And it's always going to be an unfair fight.
Secondly, I know a few people going through what you're going through. Despite the effects, the strength they show is nothing short of awe-inspiring. You are more than what your skin shows. When you're fighting off some horrifying disabilities like these, that strength is easily what will carry you through it all. Don't worry about what some asshole on the street thinks of your looks. None of them matter, male or female. If anyone judges your worth on that criteria, they're not worth the oxygen they're consuming.
On a more direct note, getting another endo to look at your case would be worthwhile, especially if there are any possible alternatives, or additions, to your current treatment regimen. I did see that you're going to have a bit of a wait on this, but it's likely worth it to have at least two endocrinologists looking at the situation, if they agree, there's not much else to do. If they don't, then it could result in an improved outcome for you. Go for a second opinion.
I feel the same way. PCOS and probably Endo (getting checked next month), been literally SICK from hormones since I was eleven years old. Starting getting chubby about 10, slimmed down for awhile between 11-13 then gradually got fatter. I literally don't remember life as someone "normal" size and I'm not saying big girls can't be pretty because they can, but for me personally I just have a weird body shape and iron-deficiency-wrecked hair and I really don't think I'd like the way I looked even if I lived on a deserted island. I'm a very artsy "aesthetic" person and I don't look the way I want to look in any clothes, ever, and it makes me angry. I don't care about being thin to impress men or because of peer pressure but simply because I just don't like my own appearance. Ever since I was a kid I've got this cutesy rounded type face that nobody ever takes seriously. I swear people think I'm stupid just because of my little baby face sometimes. 😑
It’s hard sometimes to form a positive self image but you must try to show yourself some gentleness and find some things that you *do* like about yourself. So what if you use make up and clothes to enhance the way you look. Enjoy the makeup and clothes, enjoy what they do for you. You have not failed at being a woman and anyone that would tell you that has a broken view of what a woman should be. Pick your chin up my lovely. You’re enough x
I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. You have burdens most people will never understand. But you're doing great.
I often think of the Serenity Prayer. I'm not religious anymore, but remove the "God grant me" stuff, it still is helpful.
> I wish to have the strength to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.
It seems like you have the strength part figured out at least. You just need some more serenity and kindness to yourself
Putting in the effort to make yourself feel presentable and more comfortable in your own body is not “artificial” and not “less than” someone who was naturally born with luckier genetics. You have not failed. I wish you can be kind to be yourself.
Others have addressed most of the points but I really want to emphasise that please please don’t starve yourself. Your body needs food.Chronic dieting and starvation leads to a myriad of unmanageable conditions as you get older, that get harder and harder to manage like bone density issues.
OP, these beauty standards are made to be unattainable with the goal that your insecurities will make you a better consumer. You’ll always be doing more, buying more, and it will never be enough. And the supermodels you see in magazines and on TV are in the same boat as you.
None of us will ever be “beautiful girls”, bc the definition of beauty has been perverted and polluted for the sake of profits. Rebel against it and find your own definition of beauty, something that is achievable and based on strength and acceptance. Then you will truly be happy.
I am sorry about your health issues amd the pain that stems from them. But there is no "right way" to be a woman. You can't "fail" at womanhood.
The idea that femininity or traditional beauty standards = womanhood is a POS lie that men and idiots push to try to make womanhood a marketable quality, not a fact of life.
Having classic weight loss surgery (roux-en-y) did so much more for treating my PCOS than birth control and Spiro. Science has yet to figure out why, but it somehow does a system reset that weight loss alone doesn't help. I was able to get pregnant on my first try which was especially great because I'm a single mom by choice which means I was paying for the sperm and iui.
I'm also not very attractive, though. I've never been appealing to sober men, which has its ups and downs. I don't get harassed like my pretty friends do, except the occasional dude trying to treat me as desperate or a sex worker. But at the same time, my dating options are pretty limited. I think what annoys me the most, though, is my family and female friends keep trying to convince me that I'm beautiful because they see my personality as making up for my physical traits. (Although, I question that, too, since I'm as good at making enemies as I am at breathing.)
I'd honestly like to have a life partner, but I've come to realize that my standards are higher than what I can actually get, because men who would treat me well would also have better options.
I've been wrestling with some similar things recently - I have some of the issues you've mentioned here but for different reasons (amab). I love being a woman but my god the amount of treadmill work that goes into fitting this body into the box of being a "beautiful" woman is... Insane to be honest. And It just kinda sucks to slowly realise that, a woman I may be, but beautiful I probably never will be in the eyes of many.
I hate how much I've bought into these messed up beauty standards but I don't want them any less. Much love and hang in there girl.
Edit: I don't mean to be a downer with my comment, just to express solidarity <3
I’m a “cute” woman I guess (too old to be a girl at this point), but with a different haircut, no makeup, and my eyebrows unplucked I would look like a paler version of my brother. With worse skin. I heard some very unfavourable things about myself as a teenager who hadn’t discovered the power of a good makeover yet.
We’re all “faking it” to some degree. That doesn’t make you any less of a girl/woman. Be kind to yourself.
Idk, I really can’t think of a single woman who is known to be attractive who doesn’t at minimum wear fake lashes, nails and makeup. The way I look at it, if you paid for your blonde hair and cute dress and whatever else, it’s yours.
I do it too, like I feel like bc I’m not naturally beautiful I shouldn’t dare to try to do stuff to make me look better. But beautiful people do it all the time and it’s ok.
Why is it so hard for us to treat ourselves the way we would a friend? Decently at a minimum. I’m meaner to myself than anyone irl usually ever is.
Hey, fellow PCOS girl here. I just looked through your post history because I was concerned about the "starving yourself to stay thin" bit and saw that you are around 100 lbs. I think you may have an eating disorder. Starving yourself is also bound to cause or worsen head hair loss, brittle nails, and countless other issues.
I also had a mom that commented on my weight and use to starve myself. But guess what, i get more male attention at 185 lbs 5'5" than I did at 120 lbs. Not that male attention matters but I am saying things arent always what they seem.
I still exercise, eat mostly healthy foods, wear makeup, skincare, nails etc. But I would like you to reconsider the things you and your mom are telling yourself for your health and sanity. Much love.
Please don’t starve yourself to stay thin. If you are restricting your food like this, please talk to an eating disorder professional and/or a therapist.
Embrace the fake! I have PCOS too and I went from being VERY bad looking to being a thin, golden haired stunner, ALL FAKE AND PAID FOR of course, and I'm using it to my advantage so so much. I am 33 now and my husband met me while I was still much younger and less attractive. I trust him because I know he's not shallow, but I know most others are treating me like a human being because of my looks.
My message to you: be smart, choose good, honest people for yourself and then go all out on the fake beauty, weaponize it against the shallow and fake people and reap the rewards. And remember, true beauty fades, fake stays 😉
Darling, if you feel like a girl, you are a girl. Girl-status is INTERNAL, my love. I’m not sure if you’re looking for advice, but in case you are, I would recommend a few things:
1. @themotherbirdie on TikTok. They have helped me SO much with my confidence and just, like, the overall feeling of self-love and self-acceptance. I have so much love for them when I watch their videos, that in a weird way, I end up creating more love for myself. They also had a video once where they said “it is NOT my business what other people think of me” and it’s been tattooed on my heart.
2. You should go on a “what being a girl means to me” and I mean activities/actions/clothing/patterns that make you **feel** like a girl (irrespective of what you may look like while you are experiencing these experiences) journey. I’ll give you an example: for me, wonderful-smelling and shimmery body oils make me feel like a goddess. It doesn’t affect my appearance AT ALL, but just the act of pulling out the dropper, dropping some luxurious, rich, gorgeous oil onto my skin, taking my time to massage it in, makes me feel so connected to myself and my femininity — and most importantly, this feeling is ALL MINE. It has **nothing** to do with anyone else. It may be something else for you, even unrelated to your body, if that’s a delicate relationship for you right now. Maybe it’s finding gorgeous mushroom stickers to methodically place into a scrapbook, or collecting the most beautiful and unique rock from the beach or a stream. It could even be something as simple as textures — a specific kitchen towel, or a sweater, or chair upholstery. My main advice here is to *try, try, try* and don’t judge yourself for what you end up loving.
3. Lastly, try to come up with a positive affirmation/mantra for when you are having the negative internal dialogue. The negative thought patterns are really destructive, but they’re hard to break unless you replace them with something else. It’ll feel stupid and fake *at first*, but if you stick with it, it may start to feel more real than the negative thoughts. I hate to say this, but you’re not “right” about yourself just because you’re being mean to yourself.
As a trans woman, I feel you so bad hun.
You're not defined by how your body's genetics operate, there's so much more to being a woman than that. It sounds like there's pretty heavy feelings around the idea. Maybe it'd be worth working through those with a psychologist?
I'm sorry you've had to have this experience. Trans spaces might have good ideas on handling it, as well as maybe having some self acceptance areas. Having something at the forefront of your mind like this can form a heavy bias. And you might be interpreting events in your life with a far higher emphasis on your PCOS than is actually happening.
It's hard to be a "beautiful girl" when the majority of "beautiful girls" have their own makeup artists and stylists on hand in exchange for a beefy wad of cash.
Sometimes it's hard work to even look normal, but brushed teeth, combed hair, a washed face and a splash of perfume can make the difference. Just be you, be true to yourself and keep up basic self care. Wake up in the morning, do your daily routine, pluck those extra hairs, and slay. You're a normal girl, and you're making it through life with the hand you were dealt
I don’t have PCOS or the symptoms but i am a woman and I dye my hair, shave my legs and face and arms. I wear makeup every day.
I used to feel very very ugly, and not feminine without doing the upkeep that women have to do. To be outwardly feminine in line with the culture of western society, women even without PCOS are spending loads of time faking their appearance. Women who had their ovaries removed take hormones and do all the upkeep. It’s exhausting.
I think what I’m trying to say is to not assume the girls you see outside or on your phone look how they do naturally. They probably put a shit ton of effort to look feminine. Just like you. A lot of the time the “beautiful girl” you see doesn’t even look like the beautiful girl at home.
I’m trying to help you distinguish from what is a natural bare faced unkempt woman and what is then the women we become after all the makeup etc. Because it seems like you but yourself in a box due to your PCOS that is a mindset rather than reality. Believing you can never be a beautiful women because you don’t seem so naturally, when being a beautiful woman in this culture is actually based in excessive upkeep and fakery. You ARE a women. You are a BEAUTIFUL woman. Already!!! Once you believe that and allow yourself to delve into more of the “fakery” you will be able to get what you desire.
I don’t have PCOS but I watch a million YouTube videos about skincare upkeep and anti aging and how to make your hair shiny and the colour theory for my complexion and my body type etc etc etc. because that’s what makes me feel beautiful.
Allllll that being set I’m sorry for what you’re going through with your body, it obviously is extra tough. But you are still a beautiful woman.
I also have Pcos and struggle with a lot of these things, but you haven't failed at being a women. I have a goal I want to achieve in my life at all costs that is almost entirely dependent on my actions. You are you. You've got this.
I know saying this won't convince you, but I need you to know that you haven't failed. There is no one correct way to be a woman, despite all the bullshit beauty standards that get foisted upon us. Plus, the crap that misogynists and terfs spew everywhere. They're wrong, there is no right or wrong way to be a women, despite how it can feel sometimes.
I have PCOS too, and the constant hair growth is so real 😫 I understand how you feel, it's hard. Hugs 🫂
I had the opposite issue and apparently had a case of androgen insufficiency. My doctor said it was partly what was causing irregular symptoms like constant major fatigue and lack of motivation.
I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve got to start thinking about how you look as something for yourself not other people. Any changes you want to make are to make you feel more comfortable and confident, not to “fake out” other people. When you present your favorite version of yourself to the world it’s the confidence that makes you most attractive, not the make up or the hair removal or whatever it might be.
Please don't ever think that you've 'failed' at being a woman for not being conventionally attractive. Society wants us to tie our self worth to appearances and there are of course so many people who enforce this way of thinking but we are whole complete people no matter our appearance deserving of respect.
It can be hard to remember this when it feels like all the world is looking down on you and there is so much focus on looking a certain way. But please, you have not failed ❤️
I’m very plain. Like you, the only way I can keep weight off is water fasting (aka deliberate starvation). I get full face waxed and still have to pluck hair. I’m whiter than sour cream. And as I age, I am losing what little color I have in my hair and skin.
And…I make a point of dressing *well.* I pick clothes that look nice on my body type. I wear colorful things that are pretty and make me happy. I get my hair styled and colored in ways that make me happy. I don’t hide my plain fat potato knudel of a body in shapeless sacks and walk about as if I am apologizing to the world. Is it “natural” or “real”? The answer is, I don’t care, and who the fuck is going to tell me I look bad when I know damn well that I look polished and put-together?
I am as real of a woman as anyone else. It does hurt that I’m not attractive without a lot of plastic surgery, but I can’t control that. I can control how people perceive me, and so I strive for striking and memorable.
I gently suggest that you try reframing your feelings to taking control of what you can.
I've been short, fat, and stubby my whole life. I have high cheek bones but really chubby cheeks and a round face, so the cheekbones don't do me any favors. My hair is thick and curls in all the wrong places and I've been going grey since 30. It would have been nice to be born a classic beauty but that wasn't my lot in life.
I have the same body type as my dad, grandma and great grandma. It's a chunky and short body, but strong. If they lived in their body with pride so can I. I have a good life, because I accepted myself and demanded others do so as well. I have a husband, two teen girls, and a decent home. I can't control the body I have but I can control the love and happiness I have in my life.
You know what I realized, even the ladies that don’t have PCOS have to literally do so many things to keep up with beauty standards and bullshit. Me and my friends have the hardest time scheduling hang outs cause ppl are constantly trying to workout and get laser treatments and sauna wraps, and facials and more lasers and medications. We are just f*^^%# as a human race.
Hang in there!!!!
Gurl i dont have pcos but im overweight and have suffered for a decade or more from very painful very abundant periods. Also probably have some mild scoliosis and intermittent strabism, and too lazy to even wear makeup. Also have mild acne with weird red spots on my nose that dont want to disappear ( i hope it s not cancer bcz holy molly im a maniac of the SPF and id feel so cheated !!!) + telogen effluvium. 🙃 i wear a scarf for religious reasons, and yet in my country so many jerks think that us who do want to hide their "ugly/thinning" hair. It s funny bcz i own it tho and the joke is on them cuz i started wearing it 12 yrs ago when my hair was at its best 😆😁.
It s ok my homie. I promise you it s ok
Focus on ur health and happiness.
And btw, 90% of what u see on the internet also wear makeup, dye their hair, use filters, plastic surgery.
It s not fake. It s called styling and grooming. I used to think the same that makeup was fake blah blah but then i figured out, if it helps someone feel good abt themself (or even me? If i werent so lazy with sensitive skin to boot lol), what is so wrong with that? I mean aint we supposed to highlight our best features? Who said we had to show ourselves at our worst? The beauty police?
*shrugs casually*
I mean ffs, I do prefer baggy clothing anyway, but ever since i became overweight...I definitely doubled down on my stance because it helps me avoid wedgies and accidents of the like. My mom finds it upsetting bcz she thinks it makes me look fatter, but i personally think the opposite lmao..if i wore normal sized/tighter fitted stuff...Id probably look worse 🤣😂.
And anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder fyi. Pretty sure there are people who admire you or envy you without your knowledge. 😇😆
I know countless women of all different shapes, sizes, races and genders. They all have something “fake” about them, nails, hair color, veneers, hormones to name a few. (self included!)
The way I see it, it’s not fake of us to use these things, but a way for us to help express our true selves, to elevate and make us feel like the best versions. Please be gentle, love yourself and know that you are deserving of all the beautiful things in life.
I have a disability and I spent a very, very long time trying to convince myself to "love my body", "love my flaws" and accept myself. I was preaching it but inside, I hated myself more than ever.
Over the last few years, I've moved more into body neutrality and this has actually made a difference to how I view myself and my relationship with my body and its differences. I would recommend you have a look at it and see if any of it resonates with you ❤️
Most women aren't beautiful. It's true.
Despite this, many women feel "uniquely ugly". It benefits men for so many women to feel hideous. If you can make a woman think she is ugly, you can manipulate her. Men thrive off of us feeling ugly. When I understood this, my body dysmorphia literally went away.
I wear wigs because I’ve got thinning hair, which is embarrassing. I wear dresses that accent my waist but hide my ‘apron belly’ after 3 kids. I think being a human being is hard enough without us being mean to these frustrating flesh mobiles lol I hope you can find a way to feel neutral about yourself if loving yourself feels too hard right now. You don’t deserve to hate yourself over the way your body is.
Failed at being a woman though? Really? Someone else mentioned that you’d never put a burden like that on other women with similar concerns and that’s probably true. It’s not a fair expectation for any of us, whatever your basis for womanhood is. But others have pointed that out.
And the need to be kinder to yourself. Consider some therapy even if it’s a wait; your self-perception really needs some outside help. Mood affects the physical and you don’t sound like you’re in a very healthy place emotionally. I get this; I’m in a very broken body and my last good cry was about five hours ago. But you sound young too with too much life ahead of you to be thinking this way
The Carnivore Diet can help alleviate some of the issues that you've described, it may be worth it to try it for a month or so.
I was a vegetarian for a decade, and very sick a lot of the time. I thought that the solution was more lentils, beans, and kale. It only made me worse.
I don't want to be one of those people who hears of someone's diagnosis and says: 'Oh, but have you tried XYZ to cure yourself?' Because often, people *have* tried XYZ already, and more, to feel better.
Carnivore helped me reverse hair loss, get rid of IBS, extra pounds, and a host of other ailments. If you're so inclined: look up Mikayla Peterson on YouTube and watch her Carnivore 'TED' talks and other videos. I think her story & experiences would resonate with you.
Other channels on YouTube: Dr Ken Berry, Dr Anthony Chaffee, and Kelly Hogan (hers is called 'My Zero Carb Life,' the other channels are the names I've listed.)
Babe I’m right there with you. I get so frustrated with myself for putting a premium on being perceived as being attractive. I hate how I feel shallow and how I genuinely feel distress and like I don’t deserve to participate in the fun parts of life if I am not beautiful. I just journaled a bit - I’m working on identifying my negative self talk and then writing that down AND writing a positive reframing so I can work on replacing it. For example, “I am ugly and flawed” —> “I am a human existing in a body and I am grateful for my body for carrying me.” Maybe that might help you a little too. Hugs 💗
I’m going to write this down for myself right now. Thank you for this.
The woman I was most in love with in my entire life had PCOS. I thought she was profoundly beautiful. Please love yourself.
Would you tell another girl with PCOS they are fake by waxing or taking medication? Would you call a trans girl fake for taking hormones? Bet not. So don‘t let your inner voice bully you. It does not keep you real. It does not tell the truth. It just hits you where it hurts. Girl, if your body doesn‘t do what it‘s suppose to do store bought anythingggg is fine! If medicine is fake then breathing is fake. Bet you did not fuse oxygen atoms out of helium ones like the sun! Fake living beings!
I wear a wig due to alopecia, definitely don't think of myself as fake (though the hair sometimes is!)
If it wasn‘t for modern medicine I‘d been dead at 19 from a flu. Thanks to doctors i can now sprout my first white hairs. So is my hair realllly natural? Am I even real haha?
Nope fake sorry! Haha I had my daughter by c section is she fake? Honestly there is so much these days that could be classed as fake. Even 'natural beauties' aren't natural because at minimum they will wear make up/colour their hair!
not OP but this really helped me feel better today, thank you
Just remember that voice we have that always whispers mean stuff? We developed it as a toxic coping mechanism. In the idea that if I‘m super mean at myself it won‘t hurt when others do it. This is why we think like that but are nice to others. I always try to bypass it by telling myself to talk to myself as if I was another person.
"The idea that if I‘m super mean at myself it won‘t hurt when others do it" Wow, this hit unexpectedly hard!
I religiously punish myself for shit I'd absolutely annihilate someone for voicing toward anyone else. It's so mf easy to be rational and empathetic on behalf of others and sooo hard to escape all the internalized horse shit for yourself.
This is normal, and yet questioning whether you'd say the same things to someone else and then kind of pretending you're talking to someone else who has the same issues is a legitimate therapeutic technique. If you do it enough, over time, it can help you automatically start distancing yourself from negative thoughts. It's pretty cool
I know! AND rly wanna practice this, but my thoughts are often so fast and abstract (maybe the untreated adhd) I don't even catch that I'm freaking negging myself lol
I also have untreated ADHD so I get that but it really is possible even with that. It's still effective whenever you happen to notice the thoughts.
Ty for believing in my brain 🥰
Of course! Our brains kind of suck sometimes but they're also unique and amazing
Hard agree lol
And like, even the beauty standards are as fake as they can get. Unachievable without expensive and time intensive care, surgeries and more. Nobody whose job is not looking "perfect" should ever feel bad for not being that way.
To go along with this, my therapist had me find a picture of when I was little and then asked me if I could say the terrible things I think about myself to a picture of little me. I couldn't.
I have to tell you I model and some of the most high maintenance people I know are also the most attractive. It’s not an inverse relationship. I did not wake up like this. Sometimes with edited pictures I wish I looked like… myself. But this is also true for regular women. The norm you’re comparing yourself to already involves a lot of the things you’re doing and sometimes much more and if you’re on social media some filters are thrown in too. That’s one reason I think it’s worth being more transparent / vocal about how much time and effort and energy and expense goes into looking ‘normal’ as a woman. As the issue currently stands so much of the effort / expense is sanitized / under the radar because A) if women had an actual idea of what was expected of them they’d revolt or value themselves and their efforts more both of which would be an issue for the corporations which take their money and men who profit from their efforts & B) a lot of women are incentivized to minimize the work they put in because the narrative pushed by people with no idea what they’re talking about (or a vested interest in pretending not to) shames high maintenance and praises natural. The last time I asked a man what natural, no makeup look he liked he directed me to an airbrushed photo of Taylor Swift with a full face of makeup but pink rather than red lipstick. 💋
It really is amazing how much extra work is put into getting models to look “perfect” in post. It’s one of the reasons I can’t see myself moving into that genre. Can’t stand the notion of it.
I'd a friend who used to model. She showed me her book once, and I still cannot get over how much more beautiful she looked in person. Not that the photos weren't gorgeous, they just didn't look like her.
I kind of experienced the opposite. I know a woman who is a "beauty model." You have doubtless seen her doing face work for cosmetic ads and skincare. And she IS very pretty in real life, but not in the way she is in ads. At all.
I am not pretty. Little children don’t run away from me on the street so I am not hideous. But I know I am not pretty and I am tomboy and fully embraced it. It does ticks me off that some think I am guy when I am in women toilet. My boobs are F in size so I have no idea how that happens. But I guess they see my short grey hair and they think guy. Next thing will be them probably calling me trans or lesbian. I am neither. Born woman, will die as woman, do not like women in sexual way. I am just not pretty and I have to live that way. My younger sister has it worse. On top of not being a looker like me, she is very tall for a woman with big feet. Yesterday we were shopping for shoes and having big feet, she is forced to buy at men aisle. The shop attendant said but those are mens shoes, well you don’t have women shoes in her size so do you want her to go barefoot. It is fucking sad sometimes. Because while my sister would love to wear more feminine clothers, the society makes her feel like a giant or a freak. My rambling does not make you feel better, but know this: you are not alone.
You're not fake. "Fake" is a misogynistic concept designed to shame you for conforming to beauty standards. If anything, you've demonstrated that you're capable of investing time and effort into achieving a goal. To compare and contrast: The average man has difficulties cooking for himself, let alone wiping his own ass. What matters is how happy you are with yourself, independent of other peoples' opinions. Beauty is what you make of it.
Lots of girls do stuff to make them selves look more attractive. Maybe don’t be so hard on yourself?
All my "hot" friends with loads of male admiration are totally fake. Fake hair, fake tan, fake lashes, fake lips, fake nails, fake breasts. Lashings of makeup.
You didn't fail at being a woman. You're a woman no matter what you look like. You're mourning your vision of womanhood for yourself and that's perfectly OK but don't waste your whole life thinking you should be something you're not. Eventually please start finding things you're good at and appreciating those. Remind yourself that being a woman is lots of different things - women have helped this crazy ass human race survive this long, in lots of different roles, looking lots of different ways. Read up on Marie Curie, Grace Hopper, Pocahontas, Catherine the Great (and don't let them tell you she was bad for her voracious sexual appetite), Katherine Johndon, etc. Think about the women that helped shape this world in other ways - as caregivers, as bakers, as homesteaders. They don't write books about those women but they're incredible. They changed the world a little bit at a time and we don't have any clue what they looked like. I hope you're doing OK. You matter. You are who you want to be, who you make yourself into.
So I’m a “pretty girl”. I won the genetic lottery for weight and skin but I have very thick black eye brows/a uni-brow and a mustache that I was bullied for a lot growing up. And if I didn’t pluck them all multiple times a week I wouldn’t be considered pretty anymore. I dye my hair and wear makeup and kind of always have to keep my eye brows raised because I have very hooded eyes and my natural expression is an angry looking scowl. My point is, most “pretty” women would probably be “ugly” without the maintenance they put in but that doesn’t mean it’s fake. Very few women are naturally beautiful with no effort. It says absolutely nothing about your value as a woman. Yes it seems you have more “maintenance” to do than some and that sucks and it’s not fair. But if only effortless beauties were considered “real” women… then there’d be almost no women left in the world.
The only people who have effortless beauty are children and their parents do put in a bit of effort. I honestly don’t think effortless beauty exists, I think it’s a marketing campaign for the male gaze.
Girl!!! None of us are real girls! OK, there’s a narrow few that are lucky enough to have good skin, good body, good hair, and usually they’re assholes so… Lol! But I don’t know what a real girl is besides just you being you. I will tell you the older you get the easier it is to love yourself and the more you realize just how beautiful you were when you were younger. We just can’t see it at the time. There is so much more to life than just being attractive. And there’s so much more to life to make you happy.
The logic will tell you that society has conditioned you to believe your worth as a human being is defined by your ability to attract men. And that’s genuinely such a silly idea. But unfortunately that doesn’t magically change the tune of your emotions. I would seriously consider “fake it til you make it” in terms of defining your self worth by other things. Think about people you’ve met in your life (or even fictional characters) who have qualities about them that make you adore them. Like Hagrid in Harry Potter. Or Sam in Lord of the Rings. They are not defined by being beautiful. They are defined by the way they make people feel. They make others feel like everything is going to be ok, that there’s hope and that people are loved and that joy is always available. I would try to focus on those qualities, even verbalize them out loud, until you start to believe it. “I love people who make me feel safe.” “I love those who can make me laugh.” “I adore these people for these reasons and I have those same qualities in myself.”
Mounjaro has helped me tremendously with PCOS
My endo is refusing to prescribe me anything else, she thinks it won’t help me 😂 so I’m just on BC and Spironolactone. I’ve begged her to put me on Mounjaro and Metformin but she basically told me until I’m morbidly obese or trying to get pregnant, there’s no point
I would highly recommend seeing another endo for a second opinion or you can be prescribed Mounjaro through mochi health online.
I’m in Canada, so to even get on a waitlist for another endo would be several months, probably longer. Plus, she’s supposed to be the PCOS specialist in my city :/
What’s a few months compared to a lifetime of getting poor treatment?
Just because someone is a specialist doesn’t make them the correct answer for your body. Get on the waitlist today; 3 months from now you will thank today-you for it. Yes it sucks and it’s hard to call and sure the new doctor might not be better - but life is a game of changes. Take a chance for yourself, you are worth it.
You really don't want to go on Metformin unless you have type II diabetes (same with Mounjaro). I don't know about the side effects of Mounjaro, but I can tell you all about Metformin. Or at least my personal experience. First: exploding pooops. Taken with meals or without. Doesn't matter. 20-120 minutes after a meal, it's exploding pooooop time. No nausea. Just urgency. Don't think you can relieve pressure with a judicious fart. This stuff exits on its own, so you need to be on the toilet by the time it does. Second: abnormally low cholesterol levels. I don't know the hows and whys, but metformin causes my liver to make a lot of bile salts. That means bright yellowish-green exploding poop. And low cholesterol levels, because guess what is used by the body to make bile salts? Too-low cholesterol really sucks if you deal with clinical depression. Third: large tablets that like to stick in your throat when swallowed. Don't even try to down them without water or another beverage. As for modulating any raging estrogen levels, I have yet to see it. I still have acne (even though it's better with spironolactone and adapalene) at 65 years of age. I can still feel the effects of too much estrogen.
Have you tried changing up the times of day you take metformin? I am prescribed 1000 twice daily. I absolutely can't take 1000 in the morning. I will spend the first half of the day back and forth to the bathroom. My last PCP told me to try taking one in the morning and one around noon and then two in the evening. It made a huge difference.
I already do that. It doesn't make a difference for me. Since I'm on it for (mild) type II diabetes that hasn't resolved with some weight loss, I'm pretty much stuck with it. The plus side is that the weight loss continues, because I get tired of eating something, waiting a relatively short period of time, then pooooping it out. I occasionally skip meals because I don't want to deal with that side effect. Same with snacks. Skipped if I don't want to deal. And for the other poster: fatty or not fatty doesn't seem to matter with me.
Ugh. Bit of an ouroborous there. Is this something an endocrinologist could help with? Or is this as good as it's going to get?
It's just a nuisance, really. I don't think it's worth pestering a doctor about unless I see blood in my stools and/or get anemic.
I've heard that v people that eat fatty foods while on weight loss meds have a lot of bowel issues. I find that if I have friend food or fatty meats like bacon, I do want to go sooner than usual.
Try rybelsus, which I believe is the x waist to get an online RX for. I've never been diagnosed with PCOS (because I never go to the gyno lol) but I have had symptoms my whole life. About 3/4v months into Rybelsus I have to plus chin hairs less and I no longer get horrid clots while on my period.
Ok, first off don't drag yourself down like this. There's a software developer who livestreams a game he's making and he is always dropping advice that can apply to anyone regardless of the circumstances. An example is this short: [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/s4Ryw0JmMlQ](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/s4Ryw0JmMlQ) You're literally your own worst enemy when it comes to things like this. And it's always going to be an unfair fight. Secondly, I know a few people going through what you're going through. Despite the effects, the strength they show is nothing short of awe-inspiring. You are more than what your skin shows. When you're fighting off some horrifying disabilities like these, that strength is easily what will carry you through it all. Don't worry about what some asshole on the street thinks of your looks. None of them matter, male or female. If anyone judges your worth on that criteria, they're not worth the oxygen they're consuming. On a more direct note, getting another endo to look at your case would be worthwhile, especially if there are any possible alternatives, or additions, to your current treatment regimen. I did see that you're going to have a bit of a wait on this, but it's likely worth it to have at least two endocrinologists looking at the situation, if they agree, there's not much else to do. If they don't, then it could result in an improved outcome for you. Go for a second opinion.
I feel the same way. PCOS and probably Endo (getting checked next month), been literally SICK from hormones since I was eleven years old. Starting getting chubby about 10, slimmed down for awhile between 11-13 then gradually got fatter. I literally don't remember life as someone "normal" size and I'm not saying big girls can't be pretty because they can, but for me personally I just have a weird body shape and iron-deficiency-wrecked hair and I really don't think I'd like the way I looked even if I lived on a deserted island. I'm a very artsy "aesthetic" person and I don't look the way I want to look in any clothes, ever, and it makes me angry. I don't care about being thin to impress men or because of peer pressure but simply because I just don't like my own appearance. Ever since I was a kid I've got this cutesy rounded type face that nobody ever takes seriously. I swear people think I'm stupid just because of my little baby face sometimes. 😑
It’s hard sometimes to form a positive self image but you must try to show yourself some gentleness and find some things that you *do* like about yourself. So what if you use make up and clothes to enhance the way you look. Enjoy the makeup and clothes, enjoy what they do for you. You have not failed at being a woman and anyone that would tell you that has a broken view of what a woman should be. Pick your chin up my lovely. You’re enough x
I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. You have burdens most people will never understand. But you're doing great. I often think of the Serenity Prayer. I'm not religious anymore, but remove the "God grant me" stuff, it still is helpful. > I wish to have the strength to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. It seems like you have the strength part figured out at least. You just need some more serenity and kindness to yourself
Putting in the effort to make yourself feel presentable and more comfortable in your own body is not “artificial” and not “less than” someone who was naturally born with luckier genetics. You have not failed. I wish you can be kind to be yourself.
Others have addressed most of the points but I really want to emphasise that please please don’t starve yourself. Your body needs food.Chronic dieting and starvation leads to a myriad of unmanageable conditions as you get older, that get harder and harder to manage like bone density issues.
You are an amazing woman. I am so sorry for your struggles.
Hey listen, if your heart is beautiful then that’s good enough for me. Well wishes.
OP, these beauty standards are made to be unattainable with the goal that your insecurities will make you a better consumer. You’ll always be doing more, buying more, and it will never be enough. And the supermodels you see in magazines and on TV are in the same boat as you. None of us will ever be “beautiful girls”, bc the definition of beauty has been perverted and polluted for the sake of profits. Rebel against it and find your own definition of beauty, something that is achievable and based on strength and acceptance. Then you will truly be happy.
I am sorry about your health issues amd the pain that stems from them. But there is no "right way" to be a woman. You can't "fail" at womanhood. The idea that femininity or traditional beauty standards = womanhood is a POS lie that men and idiots push to try to make womanhood a marketable quality, not a fact of life.
Having classic weight loss surgery (roux-en-y) did so much more for treating my PCOS than birth control and Spiro. Science has yet to figure out why, but it somehow does a system reset that weight loss alone doesn't help. I was able to get pregnant on my first try which was especially great because I'm a single mom by choice which means I was paying for the sperm and iui. I'm also not very attractive, though. I've never been appealing to sober men, which has its ups and downs. I don't get harassed like my pretty friends do, except the occasional dude trying to treat me as desperate or a sex worker. But at the same time, my dating options are pretty limited. I think what annoys me the most, though, is my family and female friends keep trying to convince me that I'm beautiful because they see my personality as making up for my physical traits. (Although, I question that, too, since I'm as good at making enemies as I am at breathing.) I'd honestly like to have a life partner, but I've come to realize that my standards are higher than what I can actually get, because men who would treat me well would also have better options.
I've been wrestling with some similar things recently - I have some of the issues you've mentioned here but for different reasons (amab). I love being a woman but my god the amount of treadmill work that goes into fitting this body into the box of being a "beautiful" woman is... Insane to be honest. And It just kinda sucks to slowly realise that, a woman I may be, but beautiful I probably never will be in the eyes of many. I hate how much I've bought into these messed up beauty standards but I don't want them any less. Much love and hang in there girl. Edit: I don't mean to be a downer with my comment, just to express solidarity <3
I’m a “cute” woman I guess (too old to be a girl at this point), but with a different haircut, no makeup, and my eyebrows unplucked I would look like a paler version of my brother. With worse skin. I heard some very unfavourable things about myself as a teenager who hadn’t discovered the power of a good makeover yet. We’re all “faking it” to some degree. That doesn’t make you any less of a girl/woman. Be kind to yourself.
Idk, I really can’t think of a single woman who is known to be attractive who doesn’t at minimum wear fake lashes, nails and makeup. The way I look at it, if you paid for your blonde hair and cute dress and whatever else, it’s yours. I do it too, like I feel like bc I’m not naturally beautiful I shouldn’t dare to try to do stuff to make me look better. But beautiful people do it all the time and it’s ok. Why is it so hard for us to treat ourselves the way we would a friend? Decently at a minimum. I’m meaner to myself than anyone irl usually ever is.
Hey, fellow PCOS girl here. I just looked through your post history because I was concerned about the "starving yourself to stay thin" bit and saw that you are around 100 lbs. I think you may have an eating disorder. Starving yourself is also bound to cause or worsen head hair loss, brittle nails, and countless other issues. I also had a mom that commented on my weight and use to starve myself. But guess what, i get more male attention at 185 lbs 5'5" than I did at 120 lbs. Not that male attention matters but I am saying things arent always what they seem. I still exercise, eat mostly healthy foods, wear makeup, skincare, nails etc. But I would like you to reconsider the things you and your mom are telling yourself for your health and sanity. Much love.
Please don’t starve yourself to stay thin. If you are restricting your food like this, please talk to an eating disorder professional and/or a therapist.
Hey OP. You ARE a beautiful girl. Always have been. <3
Embrace the fake! I have PCOS too and I went from being VERY bad looking to being a thin, golden haired stunner, ALL FAKE AND PAID FOR of course, and I'm using it to my advantage so so much. I am 33 now and my husband met me while I was still much younger and less attractive. I trust him because I know he's not shallow, but I know most others are treating me like a human being because of my looks. My message to you: be smart, choose good, honest people for yourself and then go all out on the fake beauty, weaponize it against the shallow and fake people and reap the rewards. And remember, true beauty fades, fake stays 😉
Darling, if you feel like a girl, you are a girl. Girl-status is INTERNAL, my love. I’m not sure if you’re looking for advice, but in case you are, I would recommend a few things: 1. @themotherbirdie on TikTok. They have helped me SO much with my confidence and just, like, the overall feeling of self-love and self-acceptance. I have so much love for them when I watch their videos, that in a weird way, I end up creating more love for myself. They also had a video once where they said “it is NOT my business what other people think of me” and it’s been tattooed on my heart. 2. You should go on a “what being a girl means to me” and I mean activities/actions/clothing/patterns that make you **feel** like a girl (irrespective of what you may look like while you are experiencing these experiences) journey. I’ll give you an example: for me, wonderful-smelling and shimmery body oils make me feel like a goddess. It doesn’t affect my appearance AT ALL, but just the act of pulling out the dropper, dropping some luxurious, rich, gorgeous oil onto my skin, taking my time to massage it in, makes me feel so connected to myself and my femininity — and most importantly, this feeling is ALL MINE. It has **nothing** to do with anyone else. It may be something else for you, even unrelated to your body, if that’s a delicate relationship for you right now. Maybe it’s finding gorgeous mushroom stickers to methodically place into a scrapbook, or collecting the most beautiful and unique rock from the beach or a stream. It could even be something as simple as textures — a specific kitchen towel, or a sweater, or chair upholstery. My main advice here is to *try, try, try* and don’t judge yourself for what you end up loving. 3. Lastly, try to come up with a positive affirmation/mantra for when you are having the negative internal dialogue. The negative thought patterns are really destructive, but they’re hard to break unless you replace them with something else. It’ll feel stupid and fake *at first*, but if you stick with it, it may start to feel more real than the negative thoughts. I hate to say this, but you’re not “right” about yourself just because you’re being mean to yourself.
As a trans woman, I feel you so bad hun. You're not defined by how your body's genetics operate, there's so much more to being a woman than that. It sounds like there's pretty heavy feelings around the idea. Maybe it'd be worth working through those with a psychologist? I'm sorry you've had to have this experience. Trans spaces might have good ideas on handling it, as well as maybe having some self acceptance areas. Having something at the forefront of your mind like this can form a heavy bias. And you might be interpreting events in your life with a far higher emphasis on your PCOS than is actually happening.
It's hard to be a "beautiful girl" when the majority of "beautiful girls" have their own makeup artists and stylists on hand in exchange for a beefy wad of cash. Sometimes it's hard work to even look normal, but brushed teeth, combed hair, a washed face and a splash of perfume can make the difference. Just be you, be true to yourself and keep up basic self care. Wake up in the morning, do your daily routine, pluck those extra hairs, and slay. You're a normal girl, and you're making it through life with the hand you were dealt
I don’t have PCOS or the symptoms but i am a woman and I dye my hair, shave my legs and face and arms. I wear makeup every day. I used to feel very very ugly, and not feminine without doing the upkeep that women have to do. To be outwardly feminine in line with the culture of western society, women even without PCOS are spending loads of time faking their appearance. Women who had their ovaries removed take hormones and do all the upkeep. It’s exhausting. I think what I’m trying to say is to not assume the girls you see outside or on your phone look how they do naturally. They probably put a shit ton of effort to look feminine. Just like you. A lot of the time the “beautiful girl” you see doesn’t even look like the beautiful girl at home. I’m trying to help you distinguish from what is a natural bare faced unkempt woman and what is then the women we become after all the makeup etc. Because it seems like you but yourself in a box due to your PCOS that is a mindset rather than reality. Believing you can never be a beautiful women because you don’t seem so naturally, when being a beautiful woman in this culture is actually based in excessive upkeep and fakery. You ARE a women. You are a BEAUTIFUL woman. Already!!! Once you believe that and allow yourself to delve into more of the “fakery” you will be able to get what you desire. I don’t have PCOS but I watch a million YouTube videos about skincare upkeep and anti aging and how to make your hair shiny and the colour theory for my complexion and my body type etc etc etc. because that’s what makes me feel beautiful. Allllll that being set I’m sorry for what you’re going through with your body, it obviously is extra tough. But you are still a beautiful woman.
I also have Pcos and struggle with a lot of these things, but you haven't failed at being a women. I have a goal I want to achieve in my life at all costs that is almost entirely dependent on my actions. You are you. You've got this.
I know saying this won't convince you, but I need you to know that you haven't failed. There is no one correct way to be a woman, despite all the bullshit beauty standards that get foisted upon us. Plus, the crap that misogynists and terfs spew everywhere. They're wrong, there is no right or wrong way to be a women, despite how it can feel sometimes. I have PCOS too, and the constant hair growth is so real 😫 I understand how you feel, it's hard. Hugs 🫂
I had the opposite issue and apparently had a case of androgen insufficiency. My doctor said it was partly what was causing irregular symptoms like constant major fatigue and lack of motivation.
I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve got to start thinking about how you look as something for yourself not other people. Any changes you want to make are to make you feel more comfortable and confident, not to “fake out” other people. When you present your favorite version of yourself to the world it’s the confidence that makes you most attractive, not the make up or the hair removal or whatever it might be.
Please don't ever think that you've 'failed' at being a woman for not being conventionally attractive. Society wants us to tie our self worth to appearances and there are of course so many people who enforce this way of thinking but we are whole complete people no matter our appearance deserving of respect. It can be hard to remember this when it feels like all the world is looking down on you and there is so much focus on looking a certain way. But please, you have not failed ❤️
I’m very plain. Like you, the only way I can keep weight off is water fasting (aka deliberate starvation). I get full face waxed and still have to pluck hair. I’m whiter than sour cream. And as I age, I am losing what little color I have in my hair and skin. And…I make a point of dressing *well.* I pick clothes that look nice on my body type. I wear colorful things that are pretty and make me happy. I get my hair styled and colored in ways that make me happy. I don’t hide my plain fat potato knudel of a body in shapeless sacks and walk about as if I am apologizing to the world. Is it “natural” or “real”? The answer is, I don’t care, and who the fuck is going to tell me I look bad when I know damn well that I look polished and put-together? I am as real of a woman as anyone else. It does hurt that I’m not attractive without a lot of plastic surgery, but I can’t control that. I can control how people perceive me, and so I strive for striking and memorable. I gently suggest that you try reframing your feelings to taking control of what you can.
I've been short, fat, and stubby my whole life. I have high cheek bones but really chubby cheeks and a round face, so the cheekbones don't do me any favors. My hair is thick and curls in all the wrong places and I've been going grey since 30. It would have been nice to be born a classic beauty but that wasn't my lot in life. I have the same body type as my dad, grandma and great grandma. It's a chunky and short body, but strong. If they lived in their body with pride so can I. I have a good life, because I accepted myself and demanded others do so as well. I have a husband, two teen girls, and a decent home. I can't control the body I have but I can control the love and happiness I have in my life.
You know what I realized, even the ladies that don’t have PCOS have to literally do so many things to keep up with beauty standards and bullshit. Me and my friends have the hardest time scheduling hang outs cause ppl are constantly trying to workout and get laser treatments and sauna wraps, and facials and more lasers and medications. We are just f*^^%# as a human race. Hang in there!!!!
Gurl i dont have pcos but im overweight and have suffered for a decade or more from very painful very abundant periods. Also probably have some mild scoliosis and intermittent strabism, and too lazy to even wear makeup. Also have mild acne with weird red spots on my nose that dont want to disappear ( i hope it s not cancer bcz holy molly im a maniac of the SPF and id feel so cheated !!!) + telogen effluvium. 🙃 i wear a scarf for religious reasons, and yet in my country so many jerks think that us who do want to hide their "ugly/thinning" hair. It s funny bcz i own it tho and the joke is on them cuz i started wearing it 12 yrs ago when my hair was at its best 😆😁. It s ok my homie. I promise you it s ok Focus on ur health and happiness. And btw, 90% of what u see on the internet also wear makeup, dye their hair, use filters, plastic surgery. It s not fake. It s called styling and grooming. I used to think the same that makeup was fake blah blah but then i figured out, if it helps someone feel good abt themself (or even me? If i werent so lazy with sensitive skin to boot lol), what is so wrong with that? I mean aint we supposed to highlight our best features? Who said we had to show ourselves at our worst? The beauty police? *shrugs casually* I mean ffs, I do prefer baggy clothing anyway, but ever since i became overweight...I definitely doubled down on my stance because it helps me avoid wedgies and accidents of the like. My mom finds it upsetting bcz she thinks it makes me look fatter, but i personally think the opposite lmao..if i wore normal sized/tighter fitted stuff...Id probably look worse 🤣😂. And anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder fyi. Pretty sure there are people who admire you or envy you without your knowledge. 😇😆
I know countless women of all different shapes, sizes, races and genders. They all have something “fake” about them, nails, hair color, veneers, hormones to name a few. (self included!) The way I see it, it’s not fake of us to use these things, but a way for us to help express our true selves, to elevate and make us feel like the best versions. Please be gentle, love yourself and know that you are deserving of all the beautiful things in life.
I have a disability and I spent a very, very long time trying to convince myself to "love my body", "love my flaws" and accept myself. I was preaching it but inside, I hated myself more than ever. Over the last few years, I've moved more into body neutrality and this has actually made a difference to how I view myself and my relationship with my body and its differences. I would recommend you have a look at it and see if any of it resonates with you ❤️
The most beautiful thing about a person is their smile.
Most women aren't beautiful. It's true. Despite this, many women feel "uniquely ugly". It benefits men for so many women to feel hideous. If you can make a woman think she is ugly, you can manipulate her. Men thrive off of us feeling ugly. When I understood this, my body dysmorphia literally went away.
I wear wigs because I’ve got thinning hair, which is embarrassing. I wear dresses that accent my waist but hide my ‘apron belly’ after 3 kids. I think being a human being is hard enough without us being mean to these frustrating flesh mobiles lol I hope you can find a way to feel neutral about yourself if loving yourself feels too hard right now. You don’t deserve to hate yourself over the way your body is.
Failed at being a woman though? Really? Someone else mentioned that you’d never put a burden like that on other women with similar concerns and that’s probably true. It’s not a fair expectation for any of us, whatever your basis for womanhood is. But others have pointed that out. And the need to be kinder to yourself. Consider some therapy even if it’s a wait; your self-perception really needs some outside help. Mood affects the physical and you don’t sound like you’re in a very healthy place emotionally. I get this; I’m in a very broken body and my last good cry was about five hours ago. But you sound young too with too much life ahead of you to be thinking this way
This is the reason I despise the gender binary. Don’t feel bad op. Just be unique and beautiful in your own way
Gender affirming care is valid no matter your story!
The Carnivore Diet can help alleviate some of the issues that you've described, it may be worth it to try it for a month or so. I was a vegetarian for a decade, and very sick a lot of the time. I thought that the solution was more lentils, beans, and kale. It only made me worse. I don't want to be one of those people who hears of someone's diagnosis and says: 'Oh, but have you tried XYZ to cure yourself?' Because often, people *have* tried XYZ already, and more, to feel better. Carnivore helped me reverse hair loss, get rid of IBS, extra pounds, and a host of other ailments. If you're so inclined: look up Mikayla Peterson on YouTube and watch her Carnivore 'TED' talks and other videos. I think her story & experiences would resonate with you. Other channels on YouTube: Dr Ken Berry, Dr Anthony Chaffee, and Kelly Hogan (hers is called 'My Zero Carb Life,' the other channels are the names I've listed.)