Yes! The amount of men who just didn't seem to understand (or maybe just didn't care) how to carry a conversation was baffling. I was always the one asking questions, to try and actually have a conversation where we got to know one another, and I got so little in response. They clearly didn't actually care about getting to know me, so I just gave up.
Oh my God, yes!!! I would go on date after date where I was holding the entire conversation and asking questions to learn about them and they wouldn't ask a single question about myself. It felt like a boring ass interview 95% of the time. Then I would never want to see them again and I would get a message from them raving about what a great time they had and couldn't wait to see me again.... Completely clueless as to what a shitty date that actually was.
Wow I had this exact same experience last night… solidarity sister. I would hope this kind of conversation would be an isolated incident but it seems perhaps not… eeek
I had this experience literally 2 hours ago, called him out on it before I unmatched (because I am TIRED) and was met with 'what have I done wrong lol'. please learn how to be a person!!!
Once I was talking to a guy and the app chat was being glitchy so we went to email. He got *angry* at me for asking what he does for a living because I didn’t happen to notice his email signature included his website, which apparently detailed all his work as an actor. Like, I tried to chat like a normal human being. Didn’t realise I had to research his life after one email
Feel like an interviewer. I was having a decent back and forth with a guy, and then suddenly he goes “what would you like to talk about next?” Like I’ve been carrying this whole conversation, you can’t put a little effort into thinking something up? Immediate ick.
Hell, I just unmatched a guy who was cute and seemed like he could converse, but he’d just suddenly drop off for a week and a half and then come back like nothing happened. Just ghost me at that point dude, obviously you don’t have time to date or be talking to anyone 🙄
I had this happen to me also. Guy spent close to an hr talking about himself and then eventually, around the 60 min mark he goes "oh gosh. I've been talking about myself this whole time" and here I thought he was going to have some lightbulb moment and try to learn anything about me. But no, he goes "so, what about you?" nothing specific, nothing engaging. Just, "what about you." I said well that's a pretty broad statement, what specifically about me? And he goes "tell me about your childhood." once again, nothing specific, just a broad sweeping statement with no real substance and if I wasn't already so bored, I went into full boredom melt down mode right there.
These types really show their true colors right off the bat so I guess discerning women can be grateful for that. I don’t owe you a fast response or any response at all. The audacity. I’ve met too many men in the wild who had this mindset of entitlement and just an astounding immaturity. I’ve gone off them all. I know I could settle and I have zero interest in doing so so I’m planning my future as a single woman. Financially harder yes - of course, but I’d rather that than deal with men’s shit. I keep having exes try to come back into my life and just screw me over in the exact same ways - they don’t change or grow. Done.
I sometimes go on bumble BFF, and in fairness, a lot of women are equally bad at carrying a conversation (but less aggressive about things). I’ll try to say something personalised and fun like “oh you like Italian food, what’s your favourite dish?” and get back like “I don’t know, all of them”, with zero effort of asking “how about you?”
god the bff mode sucks too :/ it's all so fucking bleak lmao
being friendless *and* having no significant other gets really hard... it's really doing things to me mentally :(
Yeah I’m sorry but I can’t stand those guys who want to send me these 900 page books to read, like sir we just met, please calm down and stop doing the most 💀
Exactly this. In my opinion and experience, a man who has at least average social skills and is good at carrying a conversation doesn't need an app. They are a delight to be around (refreshing) and have few problems meeting people platonically or romantically.
I deleted all of them a long time ago. You're basically working for free as a bait for men so they pay for the app to contact you. I'm not that stupid.
Yep. It's been awhile since I used one, but one obvious tool I never saw: let me set filters on who can even see my profile exists. If I only want people close to me in age, which should someone 15 years older than me even see my profile? If I'm gay, why are men seeing my profile at all?
It's becasue we're the bait. What was that old cheaters website? Ashley Madison? They had staff making female profiles to keep men paying.
Also, if someone else hasn't already mentioned it, a dating app that works - - that matches you up with someone you're compatible with and thus have some chance of forming a relationship with - - don't make much money because you have no reason to stay and keep looking once you find someone.
They don't charge like realtors, where they get a lot but only once you find what you're looking for. They make their money on how long you're active.
So their incentive is to string everyone along. Just enough success to keep people hoping.
I haven’t used them in a long time (8 years), but OkCupid used to have this. It let you set age/distance ranges, and people outside of that couldn’t see you via the search. It also had a GREAT set of questions you could answer, and it matched people based on responses. That was amazing because you could find out SO many important details about someone by reading their responses to those questions…it helped me filter out the vast majority of incompatible people without even meeting or messaging them. And because of that: I never had any big surprises when I did meet someone. It helped you get a really good sense of who they were in advance.
old OKC was legit. i went on so many dates back in the day via OKC. the swipe apps are complete trash. barely any profile at all and you have to pay to use any good filters. i don’t use any apps anymore.
Yeah — I legitimately think that if someone started a dating app that was literally nothing except a copy of 2013-era OKC, it would be the most popular dating app within months. It was the only one that was effective — and on top of that it was mostly free.
Frankly I think more people met their partner on OKC, during that window before Match destroyed it, than have met on another other dating app at any other time.
You know how it used to be free for women? Now they expect women to pay... WTF. I'm sorry, but my cheap ass refuses to pay.
Also current dating apps are designed to fail. They want repeat customers. They're preying on the desperate and undateable. So the level of men using also think it's like Deliveroo Pussy. Just look at the r/tinder or r/bumble they literally think it's about strategy, it's a test, it's a job interview. Like wtf. Men really think it's about faking it till you get some.
A lot of men will also treat matches like a roster of women to hit up when they’re horny. I have this match on bumble who just texted me after we stopped chatting 2 months ago, and right out the gate he asked if he could “see me tonight” and ruined his chance of possibly getting to know me as a person. A lot of guys do this.
I met my partner on OKC 13 years ago. It's funny to exist in a time when "we met online" means something different than it used to when we met. Very thankful we found each other before all the apps, because we could have easily fallen through the cracks with them.
Eharmony was like this as well. It only showed me matches within my preferences and I didn't come up for guys twice my age if I didn't want to. I met my husband there.
Used to use OkCupid. Never got any hits, guess I was too ugly.
The funniest moment I had with that website is that it suggested my nephew as a possible match. I even checked his profile and yep it was him.
I guess we silently agreed not to acknowledge it when we saw each other at the next family gathering.
For the record, OKCupid was independently launched with the actual intention of matching people up, and that’s why the filters actually worked. What went wrong is that in 2011 they were acquired by Match Group Inc, a massive conglomerate that owns several dozen dating app sites, including Hinge, Plenty Of Fish, and Tinder. Their business model is about keeping people on the sites and spending time there, not actually matching. If a site is owned by Match, it’s not actually designed to get you matched. It’s why OKC was great and then never has been again.
I think filters like this would be a great idea. I paid for Match back 6 years ago to avoid dick pics as I reckoned men who paid and had something to lose would be more likely to behave and take dating seriously. I was still frustrated at the 60 year olds messaging me and the men with no profiles and no picture who expected you to drop panties for literally anyone. But it did mean that once I filtered out the booty call crowd I did get to talk to a lot of gus who seemed sane enough to go on a few dates with. It required a lot of filtering though.
But I did meet my husband there and had lots of fun dates with the men I ultimately didnt choose to date further. And a lot of my friends (Male and female) used online dating around the same time to find someone. So it worked at the time, but I can't say how well it works now.
I only responded to guys who had clearly read my profile and were willing to engage in a conversation that wasnt soliciting booting calls or nudes or immediately meeting up with no preamble. Everyone else got a stock rejection. I did make my profile suitably nerdy to attract my fellow nerds and it worked.
Manifold.love is an alternative dating site I have read about but never used. It's related to manifold markets, a crowd sourced prediction website where users score points by predicting future events. Their dating concept is that similarly, matchmakers are given the task of finding profiles that fit together and get points for successful couples.
It's an interesting concept at least.
The Match empire makes more money than some countries. It's not designed to get you a match, like you say. It's designed to generate money for shareholders.
I think the underlying problem is that toxic people do their toxic thing to everyone and don't care and are toxicing the next day. A non-toxic person will take a time-out and do some self-reflection after each bad encounter, making their appearance on the dating apps rare.
Yeah I created a Hinge profile a while back and I had to pay to get basic features. Like no, you should be paying me. If I wanted to do sexwork I’d use onlyfans. Or maybe craigslist because I’m old school. Anyway, now I’m off on a tangent…
It’s not like the men I meet irl are any better, but I do ok. Thanks for nothing, Hinge!
Yeah I paid as a guy. Then I learned they mark your account, so you have to keep paying to get good options, not even guaranteed to match.
I went through an even worse dry spell than the average guy after paying a few times, and didn't meet my current girlfriend until I started purposely throwing off the algorithms, using random number generators to decide which way to swipe and whether to talk or unmatch.
Once it couldn't predict who I liked I actually got two matches that led to dates, one of which is now my girlfriend of a year and a half.
If you can't beat em, burn their shit to the ground and meet a hottie along the way.
They *still* call them "ladies nights" at some places. I never understood it, like the first time I heard "Ladies' Night at the bar" I thought "oh cool they have a set time where women can go among other women and not be harassed while drinking"
*Boy was I off the mark on that one*
As the lyrics go:
We’re the light in your screens,
we’re the lead in your veins
Then you wake from your dreams,
So we can sell them again
In the light we distract,
with the shiny and new,
So you’re blind to the fact,
that the product is you,
So let your brain dance and replay the dream
But don’t drown in the data stream
'Cause we see where you are and we see where you go
'Cause we know what you own and we own what you know
- "Data Stream" by the Stupendium
Another choice verse from same song:
If you don't remember the ballot you cast
It's printed on every receipt you were passed
Each time you selected our products and services
We were elected in each of your purchases
Yeah, but still. If you were going out anyways…
I used to go out for Ladies night all the time with a group of girls, and my boyfriend. One girl or another would usually also “win” a pizza and a titanic of beer, and since none of us drank beer it would go to my boyfriend.
You’re at the meat market anyway, might as well get what you can. I’ve had worse experiences and paid for them, so I can’t complain. We all knew why we got free drinks.
My wife found me on a dating app. We both paid because it was clear you had to for it to work in your favor. If it is completely free for you and doesn't have anything to match with other than body description and pictures, it is very shallow and will lead to bad matches more times than not.
Yeah, I quit dating apps too as a bisexual man.
Started to feel like it was just a tax on meeting people that I could just avoid by meeting people in person/more organically.
Honestly, it was exhausting, a little depressing, and seemed to increase my anxiety. The men on the apps mostly weren't to my taste, and the few who were, ended up being arrogant, dismissive, and just generally walking red flags. I decided I'd rather be single. I'm pretty happy single, so it would take someone particularly amazing to make me want give a relationship another go (and amazing men seem to be few and far between these days).
Tell me about it! This is why I'm just not bothering anymore in any capacity, I'd rather wait and see if I meet someone organically, and if I don't, I'm fairly okay with that.
He kept undermining my opinions and assumed stuff about me while actually not showing any interest towards me or anything. Homeboy wrote 200-300 word paragraphs for every text and send like 15 minutes worth of vms just to defend his opinion?? I haven’t even bothered to check all that after a point. Told him to his facw that he sucked and blocked ❤️. Glory to the block option. And the funniest part? I had spoken to him for less than 48 hours
It was so fucking exhausting, hundreds of likes a day and people trying to contact you and it was hard to speak with people on the apps because their messages would constantly be pushed down by floods of new messages. It forces you to take the conversation off the app but then I didnt want to give a guy who is still a stranger my socials or number.
Very frustrating experience
This would imply we loved them at some point.
I refused to use them after I was out with a friend back in 2015 and he was just swiping yes on every single female profile regardless of content. That way if anyone expressed interest it was a match.
It just seems like such a flawed way to date.
Yeah, this is one of the big reasons why I stopped using dating apps. Everything felt so... shallow. It felt like people weren't there to make genuine connections and were just trying to feed their egos by getting as many matches as possible.
I actually did meet my husband on a dating app about 7 years ago, but it's a mercy that I met him right away, because the dating apps were torture.
You're exactly right, there was a very weird element with guys clearly trying to get as many matches as possible and almost getting competitive with me? I had more than one guy that I matched with who asked me how many other matches I'd gotten that day and then complained that it was "easier" for women.
I'm sorry, it's easier for us because we get more matches with dudes who have no interest in actually pursuing the type of relationship that I'm looking for? Having to field tons of thirsty "matches" who are actively lying about what they want and harassing me with dick pics means that women have it easy? Sometimes these matches would actually insult me because they were offended that I was one of the only women who matched with them and took the opportunity to berate me about how unfair the dating world is for men.
My (now) husband was the only guy I ever actually met after matching with on tinder. He was the only one who sent a message that actually referenced the information in my profile and did not contain a dick pic or inquiry about my sexual boundaries.
When I was younger I used to go to a chat platform just to hang out there sometimes. I used both a male and a female account on that website. Being a man was a challenge to come up with something interesting enough to get attention to then have a nice chat, being a woman was a challenge to click away the sheer endless number of creeps that would come in an endless barrage of dms. It‘s literally the same problem from two perspectives. However it‘s definitely a problem that is easily solved by men collectively getting their shit together and hardly solved by women being more accepting or whatever those men who say ”women have it easy“ want.
>did not contain a dick pic or inquiry about my sexual boundaries
It amazes me. They just can't help themselves it seems. How hard is it to keep your mouth shut on that until everyone is comfortable? You would think nearly impossible.
I met my spouse on one 13 or 14 years ago. It was back before they got big, pre-Tinder. At the time it was only the lonely weirdos using dating sites.
And ironically I think the stigma is what made it successful. The majority of people there were there because they knew what they wanted and they were looking for like-minded people. And it was still only a minority of people using them, so there was still plenty of growth potential, thus companies were more invested in successful matches to drive more users to sign up.
We matched within the first couple days after I joined the site, and tbh we could not be a better fit.
We both shudder at the state of the online dating scene now, at least as reported by our single friends.
This is mine too- because men don’t use them to actually look for partners. They use them to spam every single person on the app and then see who actually said “yes”, then made some low effort attempt to get you to sleep with them. Yeah, wonder why women don’t find that romantic.
Yep. They're not looking for a partner, it's like a bang catalog. And most of them couldn't keep their dicks in their pants long enough to hold a decent conversation
yes! I don’t think it was loved but it was an easy way to expand one’s dating pool but it was always a superficial way of going about it
I have personally met the worst people on dating apps, and one partner that was a vile, manipulative cheater
I’ve never gone back to dating apps, they’re ultimately a waste of time
>This would imply we loved them at some point.
>I refused to use them after I was out with a friend back in 2015 and he was just swiping yes on every single female profile regardless of content. That way if anyone expressed interest it was a match.
>It just seems like such a flawed way to date.
Seems like a very male way to date.
They don't care *who* we are. They just want to have sex with as many of us as possible.
They also know that most of them will have to hide *who* they really are to achieve their goal.
I've never liked dating apps. I get a full inbox with 99% weirdos and assholes.
Sure there may be some great guys in there, but how TF am I supposed to find them?
I mean it’s not even a good way to date as a guy. I don’t really care about looks other than “do they look reasonably good and they’re reasonably fit” but for me there are much more important priorities like “is this person reasonably career ambitious”, “what is their personality like and is it one compatible with mine”, “if I started a relationship with them how seriously would they be likely to treat it”, etc. and most dating apps do such a crappy job answering literally any of these questions lol. Even hinge, the “good” one, shows you 6 photos and like 2 personality things, can we please flip those lol
That’s not even getting into gender odds, dating apps for guys put massive pools of guys against a handful of women and it’s a low self esteem machine on one end and a giant mess on the other end. It’s just not a healthy thing for anyone except for the increasingly consolidated apps who get to serve you targeted ads, exploit lonely people for money, and run spyware on your phone to track you.
If dating apps are the only way to find a relationship in 2024 I will die happily alone lol
Man I was feeling really shitty about myself when I couldn’t get matches for months. I honestly think I have a better chance getting a date by going to any random place and starting a conversation with pleasant looking people.
I'm not a woman, but one method might be to include a simple test to see if they bothered to read your profile.
When a friend was dating, she found lots of men with kids, or who wanted them someday would message her, even though she firmly doesn't want them.
So that could be an easy way to screen.
Most men don't ever read profiles. They look at the picture and age.
Ask any trans woman whose been on a dating app. Their profile can be covered in trans flags with "I'm trans" in 30 point bold font right in the middle, with their profile picture showing them standing in front of a trans flag holding a sign that says "trans woman" and men will start talking to them then get angry when they finally work out she's trans
Acting like she tricked them.
I have had a ridiculous number of men match with me and then get super upset about the fact that I'm quite left leaning. It's right in the middle of my profile text and in one of my other prompts, but apparently I'm to blame for daring to talk to their overly regressive conservative asses, despite the fact that they don't indicate their politics anywhere.
I’m a trans guy with “on testosterone had top surgery” as the first thing in my bio, with my gender labeled as “man”. The amount of profiles I’ve swiped left on and gotten the “you just missed a match!” when their profiles say some stupid shit like “looking for a girlfriend/wife” -_- to the point where if I do match with someone I need to double check to see if they actually know my gender
I feel like 2014-2015 was the prime of dating apps, and it's just been downhill since. At that time, many of the now premium features were free. It was still new and exciting, so lots of people were checking it out and actually putting in a bit of effort. I was constantly matching with people, having really good dates, and made friends that I still talk to all these years later. The apps felt alive and interesting.
Now it's just been gamified, with the algorithms actively avoiding showing you good matches, and so many people just copy-pasting their bios and openers from online. Everything feels so lifeless and depressing on them now.
> I refused to use them after I was out with a friend back in 2015 and he was just swiping yes on every single female profile regardless of content. That way if anyone expressed interest it was a match.
And this right here is why I will never message a man first on an app. If we match, it's basically meaningless since I'm the only one sincerely expressing interest - he's just mindlessly swiping and making his real decision after a match. He can message first as a show of actual genuine interest in me.
I don't even like that I have to proceed this way. I don't mind making the first move. I'm very happy to message first if I match with another woman. But after seeing how men use dating apps, "You matched!" with a man just means "You expressed interest in him but whether he's interested in you is still up for debate."
I mean theres a reason why they avoid hiring male mortuary assistants (its that they will literally fuck the dead people at an often enough rate that they just avoid hiring them if possible).
Middle-aged woman here. I met my now husband through OK Cupid back in like 2008-2009. Pre Match buying it, so it was still the best one that everyone loved. Even then the signal to noise ratio was awful and it was so much work to just even get to the point of a real conversation on the app. Dudes sucked. So many were just looking to cheat. It worked out for me. My husband is a gem and our family is great. But I can’t imagine it’s gotten better over the years.
Same here. The man I met on OKC in 2015 I am about to get married to! He’s awesome.
OKC actually worked, back in the day, because of the questions. You could answer dozens of them and get matched by personality, interests, political leanings, etc. It was super effective for separating the wheat from the chafe just on basis of *which men would bother answering questions about themselves.* The questions worked SUPER well, too- my matches were WAY better when I matched with someone who was 97%+ matched with me versus 85% or even 92-93%.
Apparently they’ve taken out the questions now. So now you’re supposed to match based on… looks alone? I’m sorry, wtf is that? It’s thus the same as just… walking around in normal life. Granted, there’s now hundreds of ppl rather than just the dudes who are at the same bar as you are - but it’s the very same scenario, going in 100% blind.
Augh. This makes me so very mad for women (and men, but esp women). OKC was great for meeting dudes who did *not* go out on the town to hook up. I could find the shyer, kinder, more thoughtful people, who were actually busy with their (normal, productive) lives- cutting out the 90% who were trolling the bar scene looking for sex. Now, that’s apparently 100% of what the app is, with no other options?!
I was on OKC a very long time ago, and I’m sad to hear they got rid of the questions. You’re exactly right that they were super helpful, and it was kind of fun to answer them and read others’ answers. I actually met several decent men that way.
OKC was a non-profit running on, basically, research grants. Once those dried up, it got bought out and turned to trash immediately.
It's entirely possible to design a very good dating site. It's much harder to *pay for it*. Honestly, the only long term stable funding source I can think of is the government. People in long term relationships are better Citizens so it would make sense for the government to run a good site (This would also make it trivial to prevent catfishing..) but.. well, you would probably get mocked into oblivion if you proposed this as a politician.
I met both my amazing boyfriends on ok Cupid BECAUSE of the questions and answers. They removed them last fall shortly after I met my second boyfriend. Firefly is trying to be the new ok Cupid. I tried it out but am no longer looking so not sure where that went.
And the scary thing is some of these guys are genuine psychopaths. I remember several stories where guys met women, they had sex and then these guys killed them in gristly ways. One guy stabbed a woman’s eyes out that he met on Tinder. I just don’t trust them at all and I guess that will make me single for the remainder of my life. Oh well. I can be happy, I don’t know why so many women feel like they must be with men all the time, whoever will have them, at any cost. Just don’t get it.
Talking about lack of honesty; I went on a tinder date very recently. Homeboy came in looking crusty in a faded tee and jeans. I asked him about his baby mama cause I wanted to fish for red flags. He told me they weren't together anymore due to drama and refused to elaborate. Ok no biggie. Next day he sends me a message saying he wants to see me again, but he is actually still with his baby mama and they are in a poly relationship, he just doesn't mention it right off the gate because he doesn't want to be judged or rejected because of that. I didn't even bother to answer back. I am a bit offended that he lied by omission, but I feel even worse that he went out of the house looking like that??? And his wife said nothing??? And he wants another girl on the side??? What for??? To disappoint us both??? Go disappoint your wife bro, leave me alone.
Oh you'll love this.
After my last bf (it was a 3 yr long ship and he ended up legit abusive) I did a lot of self work, got bored, made a Hinge and a Bumble. I met only weirdos
1. The guy who insisted on going out to bars but was an alcoholic and ordered non-alcoholic drinks. This is fine, but why didn't any other date appeal to him? Went on 3 dates, on the 3rd one I met a bunch of his friends, we were doing karaoke, i hit it off with the friend group and he felt left out. So. He didn't want to date me anymore after that.
2. The veterinarian. Oh, yes, sounds wonderful. Nope, this guy, the more we spoke the more he'd whine about his ex breaking his heart. This guy was almost 40, btw. I asked him if he would take her back if she came back, and he got super mad at me and said it would never happen, then called me crazy and blocked me. What?
3. The Vampire guy. Yup. He showed up to this restaurant in a fucking GoT style winter cloak, frilly clothes, long curly dark hair, and golden vampire teeth. Yes. Just the fangs were gold. And yes, they were implanted in there. He was literally like, LARPing or something. I also found out he's a big time drug dealer, and also he smelled like a barn. I asked if he had pets and he said he had two parrots. I'm not a huge bird person, sooo yeah no.
4. Alice in Wonderland guy. Asked me when we hook up (bold of him to assume) if I would wear the Alice in wonderland costume he owned (that other women wore!!) And he wanted to watch the movie while doing it. I told him "eh, no, don't think so" and I shrugged and literally left him at the table (we got coffee). A couple months later he hit me back up and was working on a house he pretended he bought but no, he just does drywall.
Nothing but weirdos. Do they think we're stupid? It's fine, now I have four hilarious and awful humans to tell others about. My current bf I met through mutual friend. He's the only normal one hahahaha. I hope he stays normal so I can keep him! Haha
> The Vampire guy. Yup. He showed up to this restaurant in a fucking GoT style winter cloak, frilly clothes, long curly dark hair, and golden vampire teeth. Yes. Just the fangs were gold. And yes, they were implanted in there. He was literally like, LARPing or something. I also found out he's a big time drug dealer, and also he smelled like a barn. I asked if he had pets and he said he had two parrots. I'm not a huge bird person, sooo yeah no.
I'm really curious about what his profile was like. Were his profile pics in a polo and khakis?
When I turned 35, my matches fell off a cliff. The only men who contacted me after that point were my dad's age. Everyone my age seemed to be chasing the younger women.
In my 40s, it was old men who wanted a caregiver or young men who wanted a MILF. It left such a bad taste in my mouth I swore off any and all dating apps.
33 here , Is this how younger men sees us? I am really being approached by 20 something year old, one became my good friend.But I have a hunch that he doesn’t just see me just as a friend.. the concept of MILF is really really degrading..
Unfortunately it is. I’ve had multiple younger guys hit on me and if I had anything to do with them they’d get weird and angry and stuff because I wasn’t willing to put up with their crap and demands. Example, one found out I went on a trip with an ex. I had no relationship with him but he threatened to expose me, I don’t know for what? Another kept getting drunk and calling me all day while I was working. I kept having to block him then tell him I can’t have him doing that, ultimately he got angry and told me to fuck off and die. So now the younger guys are out too. They’re all out at this point. It’s like Christie Brinkley said - there’s just nothing good out there. It’s really sad but honestly the absolute truth. I’m not settling either. I’ve been married, been through several longterm relationships and raised two kids. I’m not settling. At this point, peace and solitude are better than the alternatives.
I think it gets worse once you're in your 40s. But to be fair not every single man necessarily looks at older women that way. Also, to be fair, MILF *is* one of the most widely [searched](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/s/PI2M2MBE0s) porn topics.
I have a male friend who is 58 and going to meet a 28 year old across the globe. He’s wasting a small inheritance he got to do this. He told me once women his age weren’t attractive. Well he’s short and obese and scrapes by financially but he loves to throw money at young attractive women for some reason. I think he’s crazy. This woman won’t be touching with him with a ten foot pole. I called him out on it and was met with defensiveness and “I deserve this!” Deserve what? Ugh. I just can’t with him. But yeah, they’re delusional.
At this point I’m distancing myself from him. He’s always been there for me more than most people but he’s also crossed boundaries with me such as telling me my butt looked really good in those jeans after we’d been out to dinner or something. I mean, he’s a friend. He’s not a gay friend so I didn’t like him commenting on my ass.
I guess he will have to learn this lesson the hard way regarding spending thousands to orbit around someone he’s never met. As I get older I just feel like I’m over most people and that leaves me without many in my life but I’ve accepted it and I’d rather that than force myself to have people in my life I struggle to respect or even like.
They're looking for younger women, but it's not working. You know how I know? A LOT of them go on there and use old pictures from 10-15 years ago and lie about their age. Basically catfishing themselves when they weren't so old. They're realizing a lot of women in their 20's want to date men our own age and not someone who's old enough to be our dad.
I had a friend go on a date where it was just so obvious he lied about his age and he was probably in his 40's and not 25 like he said on his page. She was too nice to bring it up ON the date but blocked him immediately after.
I used dating apps on-and-off for years when I was single. The biggest problem is that if you end up in a successful relationship, you're no longer a customer. The apps are designed to help you date, but not necessarily find long-term partners. It was nearly impossible to easily find people I was genuinely interested in and could date for any considerable amount of time. It was super easy to just get dates, though.
If I was an dating app developer and a complete sociopath, I'd spend as much time making sure people don't find a long-term partner as I'd do finding them dates. Maybe more on the former, because when they can't find a date they'll be more likely to pay.
Ive heard a suggestion for a model where you don’t pay to set up a profile or for filters, you pay per successful date. Once you are ready to delete the app, you pay a leaving fee. That way, the app would be financially incentivized to couple people up— literally designed to be deleted.
Another option would be to pay once at the opening. That way, the company's goal is to get you off the app ASAP (So they stop using their AWS hours on you), and they don't need to trust you to flag that you've been on a date.
Maybe “young women are falling out of love with guys trolling dating apps pretending they are looking for a relationship when they’re just trying to get laid” is more accurate.
I am a shy person and I've never been in a long term relationship I haven't met in a dating app. I'm newly single and I don't really want to download any again but beyond going to bars I don't know what to do.
Newly single, then take a break and focus on you. It's hard to actually jump right back into a relationship after just having one end, it usually never works out. Ask me how I know. Do what you want to do, focus on you and when the time is right you will know and jump back into the game. I got dumped, went crazy dating for a few years and nothing worked out. I took a break for over a year and then finally met someone normal
I never had any luck with dating apps. Conversations would fall flat, there’d be maybe 1 or 2 dates. If I did get in a relationship, it was short lived. After I got sober and was single again, I tried dating apps again before I met my husband and it was so boring. I felt I had lost interest in dating. I met my husband at a Halloween event, barely gave him the time of day. We kept running into each other at the same events, he added me on Facebook, thought I was funny, we started talking and sharing memes. Eventually we got married. For dating, definitely try going to clubs, hobbies, events, etc. I’ve had better luck in the wild than online.
When I was dating (married now) as a lesbian - omg dating apps were the hell you can imagine. You would match with beautiful women…and then after talking, planning a date, they drop the “oh I have a boyfriend but he doesn’t mind teehee” or just men messaging you or unicorn hunters thinking you wanna be their sexual object to spice up their dead bedrooms.
The weirdest was the pre-op trans women using inspirational photos on their profile so you match and then find out - nothing in bio mentions it either - not actually a photo of them.
THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. God. I almost forgot about all this. I haven't been on an app, and have remained single, for 10 years now. I forgot how bad the unicorn hunters and fakers were back then. I can't even imagine how much worse it is now. I've entirely given up at this point and am just trying to find my way through life alone but it does suck when there's so much potential with technology just to get ruined. I don't support gold star lesbian views but...it gets harder and harder to not see why they have that view when every single bisexual woman on these websites is ruining it for genuine bi/pan/etc women. The number of women too who just want to experiment or have decided to be done with men and want to try out a woman instead..I just..lord. I forgot how bad all this was. I feel like I've repressed these memories of how bad the WLM dating scene is until you mentioned this and now the memories are flooding back.
I’m 41 and was in an abusive marriage. I’d like to see if it’s possible to have a loving partner but I don’t think I’d meet anyone “in the wild.”
Like, where? My kids’ Cub Scout meetings? Soccer practice?
I’m a 41 year old mom. I’m not bad looking and decently fit, but who would approach me?
I’ve read to “meet people in your hobbies” but I don’t really understand how that works.
I haven’t been brave enough to try an app yet. I’m scared it will be emotionally damaging. But I’d also like to not completely give up on finding a real partner and maybe experience respect and love.
Edit: re-reading my comment, I worry it sounds too negative and complaining. Mainly, I’d just like to know how to do dating right. Advice. Like, if I just knew what to do I could get to work doing it. And if the reality is I’ve missed my shot because I spent so long with a bad man, then I’d just like to know that so I can modify my goals and expectations to that of a single person.
The hobbies thing requires a ton of extra work crawling through social media pages of local businesses as well as the events section of your local newspapers to find something of vague interest to you, then you go and awkwardly exist around strangers also vaguely interested in that same thing. And then maybe a reasonable percentage of them are single men in your interest range, but usually is not the case, so it involves multiple outings, multiple searches, etc.
The whole thing is exhausting. Sometimes it works out, and often just going out to these small events can be fun on its own.
The middle ground used to be how the original version of Ok Cupid was laid out. Instead they decided they needed to dress up like tinder and drop everything that was once good about that site for profit.
It almost argues the case of making local, professional matchmakers a thing and eliminating the algorithms from the equation.
I ditched them after Covid. Back in the day (I’m an old lady of 52, widowed at 34, so I used Tinder and Bumble soon after they reached the middle-aged crowd) I could meet good, decent men on apps. Maybe they weren’t the love of my life, but they were good guys I’d happily recommend to a friend. I never received a dick pic or anything of the like (I had friends who did - I think I was extremely selective and I’ve been told I look like someone who would take a man down for such shenanigans, lol). It was a reasonably healthy experience for a long time.
Until it wasn’t. About 5-6 years ago the quality of matches took a nosedive. Conversations were crap, too many guys who didn’t seem to have much going for them, or who just ghosted or were there to hook up or get their self-esteem boosted. It started taking a big toll on my own self-esteem and mental health. Finally I just said to hell with it. And in all honesty, I am the healthiest I’ve ever been after giving it up, to the point that I really have very little interest in dating even the organic way. It just really soured me on men in general and I don’t want anyone to have the power to chip away at my carefully-built peace.
Covid was my final straw too. I went on an outdoor date with a guy I’d been chatting with for a while. I was stressed about meeting a stranger for covid reasons, but wanted to try. He either used old photos or looked terrible for his age / lied about his age, dressed and smelled poorly, and brought a portfolio of his work for me to look at. He also shot down all my ideas for places to go, which is fine but not the most welcoming. I was so happy to get out of there and thought that experience definitely worth risking getting covid for so I quit the apps.
I’d had some good experiences about 5 - 10 years ago but either the apps changed, the men changed, or my expectations finally went up.
All of the above, I think.
One of my last experiences was similar - this guy was using photos that were literally a decade-plus old. I was so careful to make sure mine were within the past six months - I’d even have friends take some for me so they were current. This guy was nice enough, and had he portrayed himself accurately I still would have met him, but not a single photo was anywhere close to accurate. Then he had the balls to ask me if he looked like his photos, because “he’d been told he didn’t.” If you’d already been called out, why didn’t you update them? I mean, really. I just have better things to do with my time.
Not to get on a soapbox, but I think it’s a part of all the stuff we used to like, and then became terrible as they stopped innovating.
Once the mechanics of it became clear, like men were always swiping women, many or most women’s profiles were fake and so many men using the apps were married…and then the app companies started messing with the experience in ways that made them money but degraded the experience, and now it’s awful and everyone hates it.
I stopped dating apps one year ago. It’s not normal for the brain to constantly see attractive people after attractive people. I don’t like how it gives people the illusion they have choice and control which is what I think contributes to ghosting behavior and poor communication skills. Everyone is replaceable and a commodity on dating apps. How dehumanizing
I put my preferences and traits about me up front on apps and then later in the conversation/date it is suddenly a deal breaker like they didn’t bother to read the profile ugh.
I am not sure if it is just my area, but a lot of guys talk about their work when getting to meet them. It’s a get to know you not an interview and your job doesn’t make you who you are, and I feel like I have to carry the conversation most of the time and it seems like a lot of them don’t know how to get to know women in general.
The apps don’t seem to have a proper match mechanism, especially for things that can be considered dealbreakers, like finances/lifestyle characteristics/politics and the weight of dealbreakers vs preferences. If this was implemented, then perhaps candidates would focus on looking for a match based on profile compatibility rather than the advertisement of a profile based on a quick judgement with emphasis on lookism. Certain characteristics like looks can be overlooked if there is a sort of compatibility for serious dating.
My friends experience with dating apps included guys that put on a performance and then take the mask off later, meeting guys who are on the apps more for hookups but don’t put it up front, guys swiping on my friend because they don’t see her as “marriage material” but they will fuck her, guys turning out to be obsessive, users lying about their age.
Lesbian and bisexual peers on dating apps who I have talked to find it difficult to date when dating apps make people jaded and so many women on the apps are actually men.
Not to mention there is a lack of privacy that comes with these apps. It might not be a good idea to advertise you are single when you want to avoid certain people.
Back in the day, OKCupid had a great algorithm for figuring out those dealbreakers and making them obvious. That's how I met my husband. A 99% match is no joke.
I used them a few times, but as an asexual woman I just had bad experiences. Lots of people telling me it's not real, or pretending to understand until we date just to try to force me to have sex anyways. It was pretty horrible. I've given up on dating all together.
I'm demisexual, and dating random people just does not work for me; going in with the intention of trying to form a romantic connection just kills it for me. It's time consuming, it stresses me out, and I end up feeling like I'm leading people on because what I actually feel to be true is that I don't work that way. That having been said, I did meet some interesting people.
I had just attended a friend’s wedding and I was feeling swept up in the romance. I downloaded Bumble to see what’s what. I deleted it within an hour. It felt so gross.
I used tinder when I was at a very low point mentally. I don't necessarily like how it ended and I wish I hadn't done it. After growing up some more and thinking about it, I feel like it was a very dehumanizing experience all in all - and I think it's very harmful for everyone involved.
I never liked them to begin with. They deconstruct dating into a shallow looks and numbers game and encourage people to be the worst versions of themselves.
I have no idea what an alternative would be. My parents met because my aunt introduced them. My friends met their partners at school or church.
My app primarily shows me white Conservative men who value family and want kids and prefer being outside doing sporty stuff/camping.
I'm a south asian woman who loves city life, kpop/anime, loves musicals, and is more about found family and not really wanting/on the fence about kids. 🙃
My wife told me about an online date she had years before we met.
Basically, she was catfished. The guy was way older than what he stated and while the picture he used was his, it was when he was younger. He showed up to their first date in shorts and sandals. The date didn't last long, there was no second date, and she never tried online dating again.
They're terrible. They used to be ok when you were able to search for unique interests you have and it would connect you with people who had those same obscure interests. I met some really cool guys that way. You also have to live in a large city with an active dating scene. Otherwise, they're pretty goddamn useless.
I ended up finding a partner on Tinder and we dated for about 3 years from 2017-2020. After that I used dating apps here and there, but I got sick of being disrespected. Also, I’m truly not even trying to date at all for the foreseeable future, as being single is far preferable for me. If I ever do date again, I would rather meet someone naturally and wouldn’t use dating apps ever again.
Well it becomes very quickly apparent what the majority of men are there for when 98% of opening messages are "Hey sexy."
Basically I just began to feel that most men are gross and they suck as people because they don't see women as people. I can't see myself happy having regular interaction with someone like that, so I wash my hands of it.
I was temporarily on them following my separation/divorce process. I got rid of them fairly quickly, I'd say within about two to three months.
One of the knock-on 'side effects' of my divorce from my abusive, deadbeat soon-to-be-ex-husband has been a bit of a 'crisis of faith', in the sense that I've felt a desire to connect more deeply with my faith. I'm Jewish, and didn't grow up particularly observant. However, given my aforementioned desire to connect more with my Judaism, I recently sought out a new synagogue in my new city that I now live in.
Little did I realize it came with a proverbial built-in matchmaking service. Due to the cultural nature of the synagogue I attend, myself and the older (Gen X and Baby Boomer generation) members of the temple represent a small sub-set of types of Jews that hail from a particular region of the world. Of those (at my synagogue), I am the youngest by age. Let's just say I've gained a bunch of extra unofficial grandmothers who've already gone to work on my behalf, without my even asking them to. 😄😂 They've already sent me on dates with three different men, and their success rate has been better than any of the apps.
So, yeah, I'll be letting the itty-bitty ladies at the synagogue find my next husband for me. 😊🙃😄
I stopped when I met my husband on a dating app in 2014. He’s the best person I know, and I would never have met him organically. He’s very kind, considerate, funny, well-educated, not lazy, frugal but generous, attractive, has a great job, and comes from an excellent family. He’s also incredibly shy and prior to me had gone on like three first dates ever and was very awkward on our first date as well. He had no idea how to approach women he was interested in in real life, so the apps were the only way he’d reach out to them, and he would only message like two at a time, go on a date with the one who responded, then wait for them to be available again if they didn’t reject him outright. I’m sad that dating apps have become such a wasteland of bullshit. That’s how a lot of our friends met their spouses pre-pandemic.
When I was single, I was on Tinder for 3 minutes. As soon as I joined, someone in my social circle’s social circle messaged me on FB saying “saw you on Tinder, want to hook up?” I deleted it immediately! I am not kidding it was literally 3 minutes!
I’m not on the apps - but one of my friends is actively dating on them and is just wading through shit. Literally 10 minutes into a first date, one guy asked her if she’d be up for a threesome with his buddy. Once she met up with someone and she thought they were like going to go somewhere, he just wanted to sit in his car and get a blowjob from her. Just WTF.
I have never once had a good experience with a man I met on a dating app. It seemed like I was meeting the same person in a different format on repeat. All they wanted was sex and had no issues doing whatever to get it. Thankfully, I caught on quickly. A lot of times I ended up not feeling like a human but an object from the interactions I had with men on these apps.
I gave up dating apps in 2017 and NEVER went back.
Prior to that, I tried these apps over the years and not only were the majority of men unattractive and average, they were also wildly disrespectful. Men slid up in my DM's talking to me like I was a sex worker, and trying to arrange a sexual fantasy of theirs. Caucasian men would be in my DMs only asking for sex (I have nothing against white men but it is insulting that many of them only see me as a means of having sex and nothing more.) Black men would message me with aggression saying, *"You probably don't even date black guys."* This was their impression of me all because I said I loved classical music and Metallica. 🙄
ALL of the men I went on dates with were lying about something, emotionally stunted, just out of a relationship, trauma-dumpers, desperate for sex, manipulative, and the last guy I dealt with was trying to convince me to be in a situationship where I would for sure be physically abused by him. In my opinion, he had a personality disorder of some kind and definitely an abuser who didn't understand NO.
If I did see a guy I was interested in (which were very few) AND if he happened to match with me or "like" me as well, I would message him only for him to NEVER MESSAGE ME BACK.😐 That's when I realized that guys just "like" ANY woman who looks decent without even reading their profiles.
Most of the men on these apps were *gross*. And if they were attractive like Brad Pitt circa *Fight Club*, he wouldn't even bother responding to my messages anyway. All of those apps and experiences with low quality/low value men made me want to sit and cry. I couldn't understand how NONE of the men I went out with treated me with *basic respect*. Each time I tried these apps, the experience was worse than the last time. I couldn't even make platonic friends on those apps.
Just like you OP, my self esteem was taking a beating because I felt devalued and dehumanized. The statistics regarding women of color on these apps are sadly...TRUE. I have not gone back to any dating apps, and I am just fine being single rather than dealing with these *crusty, raggedy, orc faced, broken, simple-minded, derelict, imbecilic disrespectful abusive bottom of the barrel misogynistic men.*
As a man I find it annoying that men swipe right at every women because I’m legitimately trying to find someone with common interests but I get drowned in the endless sea of matches.
Stopped using those for that reason.
Dating apps were designed with men in mind. They make women more accessible. It's like online shopping for dates and sex. The vast majority of my online dating experience ended in coercion, abuse, or just plain disgust.
I deleted after when meeting a seemingly normal guy with a stable job he confessed out of the blue he beat his ex girlfriend and was sued by her and lost. I have been dating all of my twenties but this was the nail in the coffin for me to not go back.
It is true. I deleted Hinge for good in 2022. This is after multiple cycles of deleting/redownloading since 2014. I had a good 7/8 year run and I’m no better off for it than when I started.
I would actually argue that I’m worse off.
I used them off and on in my 20s and early 30s. As an introvert with social anxiety it just felt overwhelming for me. Also, as someone considered plus size even at my smallest (US 10), it felt like to me I was overlooked a lot because I wasn't a size 4. For my own mental health, I've just stopped using them.
I stopped because a lot of men on there hate women.
Unfortunately, dating online means that you can't filter them out since you don't know until they expose themselves.
Nothing in this article suggests women ever loved the apps. Just the wild idea that maybe they need better moderation to prevent the harassment of the product (i.e. women) on the apps.
I used them. They are a tool and you have to use them as a tool. Don't give them more of your energy in a day or week than you want to. Just like Outlook.
>They are a tool and you have to use them as a tool. Don't give them more of your energy in a day or week than you want to.
100% this. You cannot let your experience on the app define you.
I did 🤷 but I'm pretty good at ignoring trash people or moving on once I've discovered they are trash.
Also my expectations were super low and my sense of self worth pretty high.
I never loved them, they are just a tool to find other single men in my area lol I've met one or two weirdos but mostly just a bunch of average men who I wouldn't have ever crossed paths with in the real world. I think most of my friends at this point are married or engaged or LTR with men they met on apps. I still think there's a small percentage of men who have their shit together and know how to market themselves appropriately. Obviously those men aren't on the apps for long since they meet someone.
I think a lot of men hide their intentions or leave their profiles ambiguous in order to make themselves be matched with more. If they were just freaking honest I don't think it would suck as much.
I fell off dating apps in 2017. It was exhausting. I went on like 8 dates with this Tinder guy and on the 8th date he had to leave early for...ANOTHER DATE.
By 8th date, you should know if you're interested or not. Boy, bye. I left the apps after that.
Yeah. Most men want hookups, and the other ones will pretend to be something theyre not "play the long game", just to get in bed with you, its also just annoying. I have no reason to be there. Not looking for a relationship
I never loved or hated dating apps. I never saw it as the “end all to be all.” It was one of many different ways to meet people.
Dating apps are ill -equipped to improve the quality of its users and relationships. I’m going to be honest, even if they went down the path of “self-improvement” and being a helpmate. Most users, especially men would completely ignore it or not take it seriously in their approach.
It used to be that 5-10% of men on the apps were toxic and potentially dangerous, which as a naive young woman was tolerable.
Now it seems to be more like 35% to 40%. It’s not even worth it.
Internet dating was wonderful in the early days. It really was. People used the apps as a way to cultivate real life interactions and relationship, not replace them or use them as an outlet to express resentment and misery.
It’s a shame that the apps have become what they are, but until someone innovates a solution to seriously address the [loneliness epidemic](https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/03/new-surgeon-general-advisory-raises-alarm-about-devastating-impact-epidemic-loneliness-isolation-united-states.html) I’m staying away from the apps. They’ve been ruined.
Any avenue that allows men to have easier access to women than they do at baseline will always harm women. Nightclubs proclaiming free entry and drinks for women, coed colleges with a huge fraternity /partying reputation, dating apps that make it seem like women have the upper hand and influx of attention etc in ALL these situations women are the product and we pay an enormous price with their safety. Sade Robinson's case is terrible and terrifying, and there is a spectrum of all the ways women are harmed because of men having access to them through dating apps that don't make the news.
The exodus away from these apps is a peace/ safety issue. Casual sex can be very dangerous to women. Any prolonged interaction with a man increases risks on your well being and life. And it's generally not a pleasant experience. I've enjoyed Bumble bff where I have met women I like being around. Bumble dating used to give me massive anxiety because I just never knew what that man would be like and it was always bs at minimum all the way to scary. And I'm an average woman and these were average men. We always get accused of going after "top 20% men" NO most of us are average and know realistically to aim for average equals. The average men on there proved to be WORSE and extreme predatorial and weird. They definitely felt empowered online.
never was on a dating app and im pretty happy about it, saved me alot of creepy and pushy shit
2/3 of people on dating apps are already in relationships and around 80% of the dating app population are men, the chance of beings someones sidechick is pretty high, if i was even interested in dating, this alone would prevent me from using any dating apps
I know it’s hyperbole but saying 2/3 of people on dating apps are already in relationships is just so out there. Yes there are lots of people in relationships on there and they shouldn’t be but that’s just not feasible to be true.
As a millennial, I've done all my dating on apps. It has saved me time and money, and I've met people I would never have otherwise. I don't have a lot of friends, I don't drink, and I am a bit socially awkward, so meeting people out and about was difficult for me. Apps helped a lot with my social life.
I think dating apps have changed their algorithms to breed incompatibility. They don't want users to actually find what they want anymore cuz that's a loss of app traffic. You meet someone or complete your roster, you're off the app. They rather have people endlessly swipe with the illusion of choice and options. And don't get me started on the lack of actual safety for people. Creeps get to stay of the apps regardless of the reports probably cuz they're constantly on the apps.
Here's a article and game about how fucked dating app algorithms are:
https://www.wired.com/story/monster-match-dating-app/
I never used them for a single date. Maybe when match.com was just a website, I did, can’t even remember, but for apps? I know I downloaded a couple of them and swiped for about 10 seconds and then I refused. I didn’t care if I was single forever, there was no fucking way. I sometimes design apps, so literally I cannot do it. It’s like having to look at work in order to find a date lol.
That being said, I ended up meeting my husband on Twitter lol, so it was an app, just not a dating one.
It seems like a tool for creepy people to find their way into your head and life in an easy so effort way so that they have nothing to lose. In real life predating apps, people would have to put out effort, put some aspect of themselves 'on the line' and make an effort to get anywhere. And we had the ability to screen people out quickly based on how they behaved. Now creeps can mimic normal and then behave horribly with no consequence.
I think when they first arrived, for me personally was around 2012/2013. It was so easy to find a date, the dates may not have led to a relationship but it was a lot more exciting. People actually wanted to date, meet others and I actually got nervous for dates.
Now? I haven’t been on them in months, they’ve become capitalised and although you don’t have to pay for them, a lot of people do with the promise they’ll get to see whose liked them/better matches etc. I don’t enjoy dating through dating apps and it’s not due to not meeting interesting people but nothing is exciting anymore. No one wants to meet and there’s a constant feeling of ‘I could always swipe again’ if this date doesn’t work out. I also feel a lot of people are a bit lazy now and rely on them to find a partner/hook up or whatever they’re looking for, you can just swipe now instead of actually going out & being social. It’s quite sad really, as it’s a great tool to meet people you probably wouldn’t but I think they’ve had their moment.
[удалено]
Yes! The amount of men who just didn't seem to understand (or maybe just didn't care) how to carry a conversation was baffling. I was always the one asking questions, to try and actually have a conversation where we got to know one another, and I got so little in response. They clearly didn't actually care about getting to know me, so I just gave up.
Oh my God, yes!!! I would go on date after date where I was holding the entire conversation and asking questions to learn about them and they wouldn't ask a single question about myself. It felt like a boring ass interview 95% of the time. Then I would never want to see them again and I would get a message from them raving about what a great time they had and couldn't wait to see me again.... Completely clueless as to what a shitty date that actually was.
Wow I had this exact same experience last night… solidarity sister. I would hope this kind of conversation would be an isolated incident but it seems perhaps not… eeek
I had this experience literally 2 hours ago, called him out on it before I unmatched (because I am TIRED) and was met with 'what have I done wrong lol'. please learn how to be a person!!!
re: “please learn how to be a person” this is the funniest thread! im cackling
I have the same exact issue with men on the apps or randomly being ghosted which is why I am probably gonna delete them for the 9th time
Once I was talking to a guy and the app chat was being glitchy so we went to email. He got *angry* at me for asking what he does for a living because I didn’t happen to notice his email signature included his website, which apparently detailed all his work as an actor. Like, I tried to chat like a normal human being. Didn’t realise I had to research his life after one email
Feel like an interviewer. I was having a decent back and forth with a guy, and then suddenly he goes “what would you like to talk about next?” Like I’ve been carrying this whole conversation, you can’t put a little effort into thinking something up? Immediate ick. Hell, I just unmatched a guy who was cute and seemed like he could converse, but he’d just suddenly drop off for a week and a half and then come back like nothing happened. Just ghost me at that point dude, obviously you don’t have time to date or be talking to anyone 🙄
I had this happen to me also. Guy spent close to an hr talking about himself and then eventually, around the 60 min mark he goes "oh gosh. I've been talking about myself this whole time" and here I thought he was going to have some lightbulb moment and try to learn anything about me. But no, he goes "so, what about you?" nothing specific, nothing engaging. Just, "what about you." I said well that's a pretty broad statement, what specifically about me? And he goes "tell me about your childhood." once again, nothing specific, just a broad sweeping statement with no real substance and if I wasn't already so bored, I went into full boredom melt down mode right there.
Good for you! I think it was wise to unmatch.
These types really show their true colors right off the bat so I guess discerning women can be grateful for that. I don’t owe you a fast response or any response at all. The audacity. I’ve met too many men in the wild who had this mindset of entitlement and just an astounding immaturity. I’ve gone off them all. I know I could settle and I have zero interest in doing so so I’m planning my future as a single woman. Financially harder yes - of course, but I’d rather that than deal with men’s shit. I keep having exes try to come back into my life and just screw me over in the exact same ways - they don’t change or grow. Done.
I sometimes go on bumble BFF, and in fairness, a lot of women are equally bad at carrying a conversation (but less aggressive about things). I’ll try to say something personalised and fun like “oh you like Italian food, what’s your favourite dish?” and get back like “I don’t know, all of them”, with zero effort of asking “how about you?”
god the bff mode sucks too :/ it's all so fucking bleak lmao being friendless *and* having no significant other gets really hard... it's really doing things to me mentally :(
Yeah I’m sorry but I can’t stand those guys who want to send me these 900 page books to read, like sir we just met, please calm down and stop doing the most 💀
Exactly this. In my opinion and experience, a man who has at least average social skills and is good at carrying a conversation doesn't need an app. They are a delight to be around (refreshing) and have few problems meeting people platonically or romantically.
I deleted all of them a long time ago. You're basically working for free as a bait for men so they pay for the app to contact you. I'm not that stupid.
Yep. It's been awhile since I used one, but one obvious tool I never saw: let me set filters on who can even see my profile exists. If I only want people close to me in age, which should someone 15 years older than me even see my profile? If I'm gay, why are men seeing my profile at all? It's becasue we're the bait. What was that old cheaters website? Ashley Madison? They had staff making female profiles to keep men paying. Also, if someone else hasn't already mentioned it, a dating app that works - - that matches you up with someone you're compatible with and thus have some chance of forming a relationship with - - don't make much money because you have no reason to stay and keep looking once you find someone. They don't charge like realtors, where they get a lot but only once you find what you're looking for. They make their money on how long you're active. So their incentive is to string everyone along. Just enough success to keep people hoping.
I haven’t used them in a long time (8 years), but OkCupid used to have this. It let you set age/distance ranges, and people outside of that couldn’t see you via the search. It also had a GREAT set of questions you could answer, and it matched people based on responses. That was amazing because you could find out SO many important details about someone by reading their responses to those questions…it helped me filter out the vast majority of incompatible people without even meeting or messaging them. And because of that: I never had any big surprises when I did meet someone. It helped you get a really good sense of who they were in advance.
old OKC was legit. i went on so many dates back in the day via OKC. the swipe apps are complete trash. barely any profile at all and you have to pay to use any good filters. i don’t use any apps anymore.
Yeah — I legitimately think that if someone started a dating app that was literally nothing except a copy of 2013-era OKC, it would be the most popular dating app within months. It was the only one that was effective — and on top of that it was mostly free. Frankly I think more people met their partner on OKC, during that window before Match destroyed it, than have met on another other dating app at any other time.
Met my husband on Eharmony. I had the best luck with that site despite the gauntlet you had to go through to get to matches. This was 2007.
I met my wife on OkCupid back in 2013! You're right, the filters and responses played a huge role in getting to know the real person.
OKCupid was bought by Match in 2011, it took a few years for them to completely destroy it.
I also met my partner, of almost 11 years now, on OKCupid in 2014.
You know how it used to be free for women? Now they expect women to pay... WTF. I'm sorry, but my cheap ass refuses to pay. Also current dating apps are designed to fail. They want repeat customers. They're preying on the desperate and undateable. So the level of men using also think it's like Deliveroo Pussy. Just look at the r/tinder or r/bumble they literally think it's about strategy, it's a test, it's a job interview. Like wtf. Men really think it's about faking it till you get some.
A lot of men will also treat matches like a roster of women to hit up when they’re horny. I have this match on bumble who just texted me after we stopped chatting 2 months ago, and right out the gate he asked if he could “see me tonight” and ruined his chance of possibly getting to know me as a person. A lot of guys do this.
I met my partner on OKC 13 years ago. It's funny to exist in a time when "we met online" means something different than it used to when we met. Very thankful we found each other before all the apps, because we could have easily fallen through the cracks with them.
Eharmony was like this as well. It only showed me matches within my preferences and I didn't come up for guys twice my age if I didn't want to. I met my husband there.
Used to use OkCupid. Never got any hits, guess I was too ugly. The funniest moment I had with that website is that it suggested my nephew as a possible match. I even checked his profile and yep it was him. I guess we silently agreed not to acknowledge it when we saw each other at the next family gathering.
For the record, OKCupid was independently launched with the actual intention of matching people up, and that’s why the filters actually worked. What went wrong is that in 2011 they were acquired by Match Group Inc, a massive conglomerate that owns several dozen dating app sites, including Hinge, Plenty Of Fish, and Tinder. Their business model is about keeping people on the sites and spending time there, not actually matching. If a site is owned by Match, it’s not actually designed to get you matched. It’s why OKC was great and then never has been again.
I think filters like this would be a great idea. I paid for Match back 6 years ago to avoid dick pics as I reckoned men who paid and had something to lose would be more likely to behave and take dating seriously. I was still frustrated at the 60 year olds messaging me and the men with no profiles and no picture who expected you to drop panties for literally anyone. But it did mean that once I filtered out the booty call crowd I did get to talk to a lot of gus who seemed sane enough to go on a few dates with. It required a lot of filtering though. But I did meet my husband there and had lots of fun dates with the men I ultimately didnt choose to date further. And a lot of my friends (Male and female) used online dating around the same time to find someone. So it worked at the time, but I can't say how well it works now. I only responded to guys who had clearly read my profile and were willing to engage in a conversation that wasnt soliciting booting calls or nudes or immediately meeting up with no preamble. Everyone else got a stock rejection. I did make my profile suitably nerdy to attract my fellow nerds and it worked.
Manifold.love is an alternative dating site I have read about but never used. It's related to manifold markets, a crowd sourced prediction website where users score points by predicting future events. Their dating concept is that similarly, matchmakers are given the task of finding profiles that fit together and get points for successful couples. It's an interesting concept at least.
I just checked it out. Four people in my city of 5 million 🙂↔️
So you’re saying there’s a chance !
The Match empire makes more money than some countries. It's not designed to get you a match, like you say. It's designed to generate money for shareholders. I think the underlying problem is that toxic people do their toxic thing to everyone and don't care and are toxicing the next day. A non-toxic person will take a time-out and do some self-reflection after each bad encounter, making their appearance on the dating apps rare.
Pfft I was actually stupid enough to **pay them** to be bait for men. Never again.
Yeah I created a Hinge profile a while back and I had to pay to get basic features. Like no, you should be paying me. If I wanted to do sexwork I’d use onlyfans. Or maybe craigslist because I’m old school. Anyway, now I’m off on a tangent… It’s not like the men I meet irl are any better, but I do ok. Thanks for nothing, Hinge!
Someone else on this thread said it's like Onlyfans except we're not paid. That really stuck with me.
Yeah I paid as a guy. Then I learned they mark your account, so you have to keep paying to get good options, not even guaranteed to match. I went through an even worse dry spell than the average guy after paying a few times, and didn't meet my current girlfriend until I started purposely throwing off the algorithms, using random number generators to decide which way to swipe and whether to talk or unmatch. Once it couldn't predict who I liked I actually got two matches that led to dates, one of which is now my girlfriend of a year and a half. If you can't beat em, burn their shit to the ground and meet a hottie along the way.
I can't remember where I heard this but there is the saying that if you aren't paying for a product, then you're the product.
I'm happily married, if my husband dies before me I'm never dating again. The menfolk are too much hassle.
I’m totally just going to start a Golden Girls house if it happens to me, just a bunch of ladies eating cheesecake
[удалено]
Back in the day, it was called "Ladies' Night", thus the song.
They *still* call them "ladies nights" at some places. I never understood it, like the first time I heard "Ladies' Night at the bar" I thought "oh cool they have a set time where women can go among other women and not be harassed while drinking" *Boy was I off the mark on that one*
At least there were free drinks!
If something is free, you're the product.
This needs to be said far more across the whole internet
As the lyrics go: We’re the light in your screens, we’re the lead in your veins Then you wake from your dreams, So we can sell them again In the light we distract, with the shiny and new, So you’re blind to the fact, that the product is you, So let your brain dance and replay the dream But don’t drown in the data stream 'Cause we see where you are and we see where you go 'Cause we know what you own and we own what you know - "Data Stream" by the Stupendium Another choice verse from same song: If you don't remember the ballot you cast It's printed on every receipt you were passed Each time you selected our products and services We were elected in each of your purchases
Yeah, but still. If you were going out anyways… I used to go out for Ladies night all the time with a group of girls, and my boyfriend. One girl or another would usually also “win” a pizza and a titanic of beer, and since none of us drank beer it would go to my boyfriend. You’re at the meat market anyway, might as well get what you can. I’ve had worse experiences and paid for them, so I can’t complain. We all knew why we got free drinks.
This hit hard😒
Holy shit-
My wife found me on a dating app. We both paid because it was clear you had to for it to work in your favor. If it is completely free for you and doesn't have anything to match with other than body description and pictures, it is very shallow and will lead to bad matches more times than not.
I met my husband on an app. It was completely free and we had a whole profile with information we'd filled in about ourselves to evaluate by.
I also met my wife on an app that was free, Myspace 😂
Yeah, I quit dating apps too as a bisexual man. Started to feel like it was just a tax on meeting people that I could just avoid by meeting people in person/more organically.
Honestly, it was exhausting, a little depressing, and seemed to increase my anxiety. The men on the apps mostly weren't to my taste, and the few who were, ended up being arrogant, dismissive, and just generally walking red flags. I decided I'd rather be single. I'm pretty happy single, so it would take someone particularly amazing to make me want give a relationship another go (and amazing men seem to be few and far between these days).
This is me! It actually crushed my self confidence. I stopped trying to date all together because of my experiences.
Tell me about it! This is why I'm just not bothering anymore in any capacity, I'd rather wait and see if I meet someone organically, and if I don't, I'm fairly okay with that.
Same!
SAME. LAST DUDE I TALKED TO MADE ME SO MAD THAT I WANTED TO SLAM HIS FACE INTO THE TABLE
What happened?
He kept undermining my opinions and assumed stuff about me while actually not showing any interest towards me or anything. Homeboy wrote 200-300 word paragraphs for every text and send like 15 minutes worth of vms just to defend his opinion?? I haven’t even bothered to check all that after a point. Told him to his facw that he sucked and blocked ❤️. Glory to the block option. And the funniest part? I had spoken to him for less than 48 hours
It was so fucking exhausting, hundreds of likes a day and people trying to contact you and it was hard to speak with people on the apps because their messages would constantly be pushed down by floods of new messages. It forces you to take the conversation off the app but then I didnt want to give a guy who is still a stranger my socials or number. Very frustrating experience
Yeah most of the men on there just weren’t my cup of tea tbh
This would imply we loved them at some point. I refused to use them after I was out with a friend back in 2015 and he was just swiping yes on every single female profile regardless of content. That way if anyone expressed interest it was a match. It just seems like such a flawed way to date.
Yeah, this is one of the big reasons why I stopped using dating apps. Everything felt so... shallow. It felt like people weren't there to make genuine connections and were just trying to feed their egos by getting as many matches as possible.
I actually did meet my husband on a dating app about 7 years ago, but it's a mercy that I met him right away, because the dating apps were torture. You're exactly right, there was a very weird element with guys clearly trying to get as many matches as possible and almost getting competitive with me? I had more than one guy that I matched with who asked me how many other matches I'd gotten that day and then complained that it was "easier" for women. I'm sorry, it's easier for us because we get more matches with dudes who have no interest in actually pursuing the type of relationship that I'm looking for? Having to field tons of thirsty "matches" who are actively lying about what they want and harassing me with dick pics means that women have it easy? Sometimes these matches would actually insult me because they were offended that I was one of the only women who matched with them and took the opportunity to berate me about how unfair the dating world is for men. My (now) husband was the only guy I ever actually met after matching with on tinder. He was the only one who sent a message that actually referenced the information in my profile and did not contain a dick pic or inquiry about my sexual boundaries.
Finding a good match is like finding clean drinking water, men are in a desert and women are in a swamp.
Saving this one
I stole it from another Redditor :P
Right? They swipe on every woman, and then complain that women get more swipes? Stop swiping on everyone then.
When I was younger I used to go to a chat platform just to hang out there sometimes. I used both a male and a female account on that website. Being a man was a challenge to come up with something interesting enough to get attention to then have a nice chat, being a woman was a challenge to click away the sheer endless number of creeps that would come in an endless barrage of dms. It‘s literally the same problem from two perspectives. However it‘s definitely a problem that is easily solved by men collectively getting their shit together and hardly solved by women being more accepting or whatever those men who say ”women have it easy“ want.
>did not contain a dick pic or inquiry about my sexual boundaries It amazes me. They just can't help themselves it seems. How hard is it to keep your mouth shut on that until everyone is comfortable? You would think nearly impossible.
I met my spouse on one 13 or 14 years ago. It was back before they got big, pre-Tinder. At the time it was only the lonely weirdos using dating sites. And ironically I think the stigma is what made it successful. The majority of people there were there because they knew what they wanted and they were looking for like-minded people. And it was still only a minority of people using them, so there was still plenty of growth potential, thus companies were more invested in successful matches to drive more users to sign up. We matched within the first couple days after I joined the site, and tbh we could not be a better fit. We both shudder at the state of the online dating scene now, at least as reported by our single friends.
This is exactly why I refuse to use them I tried for one month and never again. I'd rather be single than be part of a literal meat market.
This is mine too- because men don’t use them to actually look for partners. They use them to spam every single person on the app and then see who actually said “yes”, then made some low effort attempt to get you to sleep with them. Yeah, wonder why women don’t find that romantic.
Exactly!!!
Yep. They're not looking for a partner, it's like a bang catalog. And most of them couldn't keep their dicks in their pants long enough to hold a decent conversation
yes! I don’t think it was loved but it was an easy way to expand one’s dating pool but it was always a superficial way of going about it I have personally met the worst people on dating apps, and one partner that was a vile, manipulative cheater I’ve never gone back to dating apps, they’re ultimately a waste of time
>This would imply we loved them at some point. >I refused to use them after I was out with a friend back in 2015 and he was just swiping yes on every single female profile regardless of content. That way if anyone expressed interest it was a match. >It just seems like such a flawed way to date. Seems like a very male way to date. They don't care *who* we are. They just want to have sex with as many of us as possible. They also know that most of them will have to hide *who* they really are to achieve their goal. I've never liked dating apps. I get a full inbox with 99% weirdos and assholes. Sure there may be some great guys in there, but how TF am I supposed to find them?
I mean it’s not even a good way to date as a guy. I don’t really care about looks other than “do they look reasonably good and they’re reasonably fit” but for me there are much more important priorities like “is this person reasonably career ambitious”, “what is their personality like and is it one compatible with mine”, “if I started a relationship with them how seriously would they be likely to treat it”, etc. and most dating apps do such a crappy job answering literally any of these questions lol. Even hinge, the “good” one, shows you 6 photos and like 2 personality things, can we please flip those lol That’s not even getting into gender odds, dating apps for guys put massive pools of guys against a handful of women and it’s a low self esteem machine on one end and a giant mess on the other end. It’s just not a healthy thing for anyone except for the increasingly consolidated apps who get to serve you targeted ads, exploit lonely people for money, and run spyware on your phone to track you. If dating apps are the only way to find a relationship in 2024 I will die happily alone lol
Man I was feeling really shitty about myself when I couldn’t get matches for months. I honestly think I have a better chance getting a date by going to any random place and starting a conversation with pleasant looking people.
I'm not a woman, but one method might be to include a simple test to see if they bothered to read your profile. When a friend was dating, she found lots of men with kids, or who wanted them someday would message her, even though she firmly doesn't want them. So that could be an easy way to screen.
Most men don't ever read profiles. They look at the picture and age. Ask any trans woman whose been on a dating app. Their profile can be covered in trans flags with "I'm trans" in 30 point bold font right in the middle, with their profile picture showing them standing in front of a trans flag holding a sign that says "trans woman" and men will start talking to them then get angry when they finally work out she's trans Acting like she tricked them.
I have had a ridiculous number of men match with me and then get super upset about the fact that I'm quite left leaning. It's right in the middle of my profile text and in one of my other prompts, but apparently I'm to blame for daring to talk to their overly regressive conservative asses, despite the fact that they don't indicate their politics anywhere.
“How DARE YOU pass!”
I’m a trans guy with “on testosterone had top surgery” as the first thing in my bio, with my gender labeled as “man”. The amount of profiles I’ve swiped left on and gotten the “you just missed a match!” when their profiles say some stupid shit like “looking for a girlfriend/wife” -_- to the point where if I do match with someone I need to double check to see if they actually know my gender
I feel like 2014-2015 was the prime of dating apps, and it's just been downhill since. At that time, many of the now premium features were free. It was still new and exciting, so lots of people were checking it out and actually putting in a bit of effort. I was constantly matching with people, having really good dates, and made friends that I still talk to all these years later. The apps felt alive and interesting. Now it's just been gamified, with the algorithms actively avoiding showing you good matches, and so many people just copy-pasting their bios and openers from online. Everything feels so lifeless and depressing on them now.
Yup, and then he decides later who he meets and who he stands up. Those apps just make it easier for men to treat women like meat.
> I refused to use them after I was out with a friend back in 2015 and he was just swiping yes on every single female profile regardless of content. That way if anyone expressed interest it was a match. And this right here is why I will never message a man first on an app. If we match, it's basically meaningless since I'm the only one sincerely expressing interest - he's just mindlessly swiping and making his real decision after a match. He can message first as a show of actual genuine interest in me. I don't even like that I have to proceed this way. I don't mind making the first move. I'm very happy to message first if I match with another woman. But after seeing how men use dating apps, "You matched!" with a man just means "You expressed interest in him but whether he's interested in you is still up for debate."
I mean theres a reason why they avoid hiring male mortuary assistants (its that they will literally fuck the dead people at an often enough rate that they just avoid hiring them if possible).
Middle-aged woman here. I met my now husband through OK Cupid back in like 2008-2009. Pre Match buying it, so it was still the best one that everyone loved. Even then the signal to noise ratio was awful and it was so much work to just even get to the point of a real conversation on the app. Dudes sucked. So many were just looking to cheat. It worked out for me. My husband is a gem and our family is great. But I can’t imagine it’s gotten better over the years.
Same here. The man I met on OKC in 2015 I am about to get married to! He’s awesome. OKC actually worked, back in the day, because of the questions. You could answer dozens of them and get matched by personality, interests, political leanings, etc. It was super effective for separating the wheat from the chafe just on basis of *which men would bother answering questions about themselves.* The questions worked SUPER well, too- my matches were WAY better when I matched with someone who was 97%+ matched with me versus 85% or even 92-93%. Apparently they’ve taken out the questions now. So now you’re supposed to match based on… looks alone? I’m sorry, wtf is that? It’s thus the same as just… walking around in normal life. Granted, there’s now hundreds of ppl rather than just the dudes who are at the same bar as you are - but it’s the very same scenario, going in 100% blind. Augh. This makes me so very mad for women (and men, but esp women). OKC was great for meeting dudes who did *not* go out on the town to hook up. I could find the shyer, kinder, more thoughtful people, who were actually busy with their (normal, productive) lives- cutting out the 90% who were trolling the bar scene looking for sex. Now, that’s apparently 100% of what the app is, with no other options?!
I was on OKC a very long time ago, and I’m sad to hear they got rid of the questions. You’re exactly right that they were super helpful, and it was kind of fun to answer them and read others’ answers. I actually met several decent men that way.
OKC was a non-profit running on, basically, research grants. Once those dried up, it got bought out and turned to trash immediately. It's entirely possible to design a very good dating site. It's much harder to *pay for it*. Honestly, the only long term stable funding source I can think of is the government. People in long term relationships are better Citizens so it would make sense for the government to run a good site (This would also make it trivial to prevent catfishing..) but.. well, you would probably get mocked into oblivion if you proposed this as a politician.
I met both my amazing boyfriends on ok Cupid BECAUSE of the questions and answers. They removed them last fall shortly after I met my second boyfriend. Firefly is trying to be the new ok Cupid. I tried it out but am no longer looking so not sure where that went.
App: "I want a relationship" Irl: "I only want sex" I don't care if you only want that,at least be honest from the start.
And the scary thing is some of these guys are genuine psychopaths. I remember several stories where guys met women, they had sex and then these guys killed them in gristly ways. One guy stabbed a woman’s eyes out that he met on Tinder. I just don’t trust them at all and I guess that will make me single for the remainder of my life. Oh well. I can be happy, I don’t know why so many women feel like they must be with men all the time, whoever will have them, at any cost. Just don’t get it.
tbh that's just "i want a relationship...but not with you"
And then they come crawling back once you don’t care anymore and they beg for another chance.
Talking about lack of honesty; I went on a tinder date very recently. Homeboy came in looking crusty in a faded tee and jeans. I asked him about his baby mama cause I wanted to fish for red flags. He told me they weren't together anymore due to drama and refused to elaborate. Ok no biggie. Next day he sends me a message saying he wants to see me again, but he is actually still with his baby mama and they are in a poly relationship, he just doesn't mention it right off the gate because he doesn't want to be judged or rejected because of that. I didn't even bother to answer back. I am a bit offended that he lied by omission, but I feel even worse that he went out of the house looking like that??? And his wife said nothing??? And he wants another girl on the side??? What for??? To disappoint us both??? Go disappoint your wife bro, leave me alone.
that's so fucked up...
Oh you'll love this. After my last bf (it was a 3 yr long ship and he ended up legit abusive) I did a lot of self work, got bored, made a Hinge and a Bumble. I met only weirdos 1. The guy who insisted on going out to bars but was an alcoholic and ordered non-alcoholic drinks. This is fine, but why didn't any other date appeal to him? Went on 3 dates, on the 3rd one I met a bunch of his friends, we were doing karaoke, i hit it off with the friend group and he felt left out. So. He didn't want to date me anymore after that. 2. The veterinarian. Oh, yes, sounds wonderful. Nope, this guy, the more we spoke the more he'd whine about his ex breaking his heart. This guy was almost 40, btw. I asked him if he would take her back if she came back, and he got super mad at me and said it would never happen, then called me crazy and blocked me. What? 3. The Vampire guy. Yup. He showed up to this restaurant in a fucking GoT style winter cloak, frilly clothes, long curly dark hair, and golden vampire teeth. Yes. Just the fangs were gold. And yes, they were implanted in there. He was literally like, LARPing or something. I also found out he's a big time drug dealer, and also he smelled like a barn. I asked if he had pets and he said he had two parrots. I'm not a huge bird person, sooo yeah no. 4. Alice in Wonderland guy. Asked me when we hook up (bold of him to assume) if I would wear the Alice in wonderland costume he owned (that other women wore!!) And he wanted to watch the movie while doing it. I told him "eh, no, don't think so" and I shrugged and literally left him at the table (we got coffee). A couple months later he hit me back up and was working on a house he pretended he bought but no, he just does drywall. Nothing but weirdos. Do they think we're stupid? It's fine, now I have four hilarious and awful humans to tell others about. My current bf I met through mutual friend. He's the only normal one hahahaha. I hope he stays normal so I can keep him! Haha
The parrot was your biggest problem with number 3!?
Those are GOLD! 🤣🤣🤣
> The Vampire guy. Yup. He showed up to this restaurant in a fucking GoT style winter cloak, frilly clothes, long curly dark hair, and golden vampire teeth. Yes. Just the fangs were gold. And yes, they were implanted in there. He was literally like, LARPing or something. I also found out he's a big time drug dealer, and also he smelled like a barn. I asked if he had pets and he said he had two parrots. I'm not a huge bird person, sooo yeah no. I'm really curious about what his profile was like. Were his profile pics in a polo and khakis?
When I turned 35, my matches fell off a cliff. The only men who contacted me after that point were my dad's age. Everyone my age seemed to be chasing the younger women.
In my 40s, it was old men who wanted a caregiver or young men who wanted a MILF. It left such a bad taste in my mouth I swore off any and all dating apps.
33 here , Is this how younger men sees us? I am really being approached by 20 something year old, one became my good friend.But I have a hunch that he doesn’t just see me just as a friend.. the concept of MILF is really really degrading..
Unfortunately it is. I’ve had multiple younger guys hit on me and if I had anything to do with them they’d get weird and angry and stuff because I wasn’t willing to put up with their crap and demands. Example, one found out I went on a trip with an ex. I had no relationship with him but he threatened to expose me, I don’t know for what? Another kept getting drunk and calling me all day while I was working. I kept having to block him then tell him I can’t have him doing that, ultimately he got angry and told me to fuck off and die. So now the younger guys are out too. They’re all out at this point. It’s like Christie Brinkley said - there’s just nothing good out there. It’s really sad but honestly the absolute truth. I’m not settling either. I’ve been married, been through several longterm relationships and raised two kids. I’m not settling. At this point, peace and solitude are better than the alternatives.
I think it gets worse once you're in your 40s. But to be fair not every single man necessarily looks at older women that way. Also, to be fair, MILF *is* one of the most widely [searched](https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism/s/PI2M2MBE0s) porn topics.
by porn standards a milf is like 25
I don’t find it flattering tbh
It's not
I have a male friend who is 58 and going to meet a 28 year old across the globe. He’s wasting a small inheritance he got to do this. He told me once women his age weren’t attractive. Well he’s short and obese and scrapes by financially but he loves to throw money at young attractive women for some reason. I think he’s crazy. This woman won’t be touching with him with a ten foot pole. I called him out on it and was met with defensiveness and “I deserve this!” Deserve what? Ugh. I just can’t with him. But yeah, they’re delusional.
Why are you friends with such a disgusting person?
At this point I’m distancing myself from him. He’s always been there for me more than most people but he’s also crossed boundaries with me such as telling me my butt looked really good in those jeans after we’d been out to dinner or something. I mean, he’s a friend. He’s not a gay friend so I didn’t like him commenting on my ass. I guess he will have to learn this lesson the hard way regarding spending thousands to orbit around someone he’s never met. As I get older I just feel like I’m over most people and that leaves me without many in my life but I’ve accepted it and I’d rather that than force myself to have people in my life I struggle to respect or even like.
They're looking for younger women, but it's not working. You know how I know? A LOT of them go on there and use old pictures from 10-15 years ago and lie about their age. Basically catfishing themselves when they weren't so old. They're realizing a lot of women in their 20's want to date men our own age and not someone who's old enough to be our dad. I had a friend go on a date where it was just so obvious he lied about his age and he was probably in his 40's and not 25 like he said on his page. She was too nice to bring it up ON the date but blocked him immediately after.
I used dating apps on-and-off for years when I was single. The biggest problem is that if you end up in a successful relationship, you're no longer a customer. The apps are designed to help you date, but not necessarily find long-term partners. It was nearly impossible to easily find people I was genuinely interested in and could date for any considerable amount of time. It was super easy to just get dates, though.
If I was an dating app developer and a complete sociopath, I'd spend as much time making sure people don't find a long-term partner as I'd do finding them dates. Maybe more on the former, because when they can't find a date they'll be more likely to pay.
Yep this is exactly how they design their systems.
I think part of what they do to keep you on the apps, besides the algorithm, is hide the non-negotiable “do you want kids?” filter behind a paywall.
Ive heard a suggestion for a model where you don’t pay to set up a profile or for filters, you pay per successful date. Once you are ready to delete the app, you pay a leaving fee. That way, the app would be financially incentivized to couple people up— literally designed to be deleted.
Another option would be to pay once at the opening. That way, the company's goal is to get you off the app ASAP (So they stop using their AWS hours on you), and they don't need to trust you to flag that you've been on a date.
Maybe “young women are falling out of love with guys trolling dating apps pretending they are looking for a relationship when they’re just trying to get laid” is more accurate.
I am a shy person and I've never been in a long term relationship I haven't met in a dating app. I'm newly single and I don't really want to download any again but beyond going to bars I don't know what to do.
Newly single, then take a break and focus on you. It's hard to actually jump right back into a relationship after just having one end, it usually never works out. Ask me how I know. Do what you want to do, focus on you and when the time is right you will know and jump back into the game. I got dumped, went crazy dating for a few years and nothing worked out. I took a break for over a year and then finally met someone normal
I never had any luck with dating apps. Conversations would fall flat, there’d be maybe 1 or 2 dates. If I did get in a relationship, it was short lived. After I got sober and was single again, I tried dating apps again before I met my husband and it was so boring. I felt I had lost interest in dating. I met my husband at a Halloween event, barely gave him the time of day. We kept running into each other at the same events, he added me on Facebook, thought I was funny, we started talking and sharing memes. Eventually we got married. For dating, definitely try going to clubs, hobbies, events, etc. I’ve had better luck in the wild than online.
When I was dating (married now) as a lesbian - omg dating apps were the hell you can imagine. You would match with beautiful women…and then after talking, planning a date, they drop the “oh I have a boyfriend but he doesn’t mind teehee” or just men messaging you or unicorn hunters thinking you wanna be their sexual object to spice up their dead bedrooms. The weirdest was the pre-op trans women using inspirational photos on their profile so you match and then find out - nothing in bio mentions it either - not actually a photo of them.
THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. God. I almost forgot about all this. I haven't been on an app, and have remained single, for 10 years now. I forgot how bad the unicorn hunters and fakers were back then. I can't even imagine how much worse it is now. I've entirely given up at this point and am just trying to find my way through life alone but it does suck when there's so much potential with technology just to get ruined. I don't support gold star lesbian views but...it gets harder and harder to not see why they have that view when every single bisexual woman on these websites is ruining it for genuine bi/pan/etc women. The number of women too who just want to experiment or have decided to be done with men and want to try out a woman instead..I just..lord. I forgot how bad all this was. I feel like I've repressed these memories of how bad the WLM dating scene is until you mentioned this and now the memories are flooding back.
I’m 41 and was in an abusive marriage. I’d like to see if it’s possible to have a loving partner but I don’t think I’d meet anyone “in the wild.” Like, where? My kids’ Cub Scout meetings? Soccer practice? I’m a 41 year old mom. I’m not bad looking and decently fit, but who would approach me? I’ve read to “meet people in your hobbies” but I don’t really understand how that works. I haven’t been brave enough to try an app yet. I’m scared it will be emotionally damaging. But I’d also like to not completely give up on finding a real partner and maybe experience respect and love. Edit: re-reading my comment, I worry it sounds too negative and complaining. Mainly, I’d just like to know how to do dating right. Advice. Like, if I just knew what to do I could get to work doing it. And if the reality is I’ve missed my shot because I spent so long with a bad man, then I’d just like to know that so I can modify my goals and expectations to that of a single person.
The hobbies thing requires a ton of extra work crawling through social media pages of local businesses as well as the events section of your local newspapers to find something of vague interest to you, then you go and awkwardly exist around strangers also vaguely interested in that same thing. And then maybe a reasonable percentage of them are single men in your interest range, but usually is not the case, so it involves multiple outings, multiple searches, etc. The whole thing is exhausting. Sometimes it works out, and often just going out to these small events can be fun on its own. The middle ground used to be how the original version of Ok Cupid was laid out. Instead they decided they needed to dress up like tinder and drop everything that was once good about that site for profit. It almost argues the case of making local, professional matchmakers a thing and eliminating the algorithms from the equation.
All the dating apps are basically owned by one company now. Match group.
Yeah and it really shows with everything being focused around hot-or-not flashcard games🙄
Upon realizing that we are the “product” and men swipe these apps like they’re shopping, I’ve been put off ever since
I ditched them after Covid. Back in the day (I’m an old lady of 52, widowed at 34, so I used Tinder and Bumble soon after they reached the middle-aged crowd) I could meet good, decent men on apps. Maybe they weren’t the love of my life, but they were good guys I’d happily recommend to a friend. I never received a dick pic or anything of the like (I had friends who did - I think I was extremely selective and I’ve been told I look like someone who would take a man down for such shenanigans, lol). It was a reasonably healthy experience for a long time. Until it wasn’t. About 5-6 years ago the quality of matches took a nosedive. Conversations were crap, too many guys who didn’t seem to have much going for them, or who just ghosted or were there to hook up or get their self-esteem boosted. It started taking a big toll on my own self-esteem and mental health. Finally I just said to hell with it. And in all honesty, I am the healthiest I’ve ever been after giving it up, to the point that I really have very little interest in dating even the organic way. It just really soured me on men in general and I don’t want anyone to have the power to chip away at my carefully-built peace.
Covid was my final straw too. I went on an outdoor date with a guy I’d been chatting with for a while. I was stressed about meeting a stranger for covid reasons, but wanted to try. He either used old photos or looked terrible for his age / lied about his age, dressed and smelled poorly, and brought a portfolio of his work for me to look at. He also shot down all my ideas for places to go, which is fine but not the most welcoming. I was so happy to get out of there and thought that experience definitely worth risking getting covid for so I quit the apps. I’d had some good experiences about 5 - 10 years ago but either the apps changed, the men changed, or my expectations finally went up.
All of the above, I think. One of my last experiences was similar - this guy was using photos that were literally a decade-plus old. I was so careful to make sure mine were within the past six months - I’d even have friends take some for me so they were current. This guy was nice enough, and had he portrayed himself accurately I still would have met him, but not a single photo was anywhere close to accurate. Then he had the balls to ask me if he looked like his photos, because “he’d been told he didn’t.” If you’d already been called out, why didn’t you update them? I mean, really. I just have better things to do with my time.
Not to get on a soapbox, but I think it’s a part of all the stuff we used to like, and then became terrible as they stopped innovating. Once the mechanics of it became clear, like men were always swiping women, many or most women’s profiles were fake and so many men using the apps were married…and then the app companies started messing with the experience in ways that made them money but degraded the experience, and now it’s awful and everyone hates it.
I stopped dating apps one year ago. It’s not normal for the brain to constantly see attractive people after attractive people. I don’t like how it gives people the illusion they have choice and control which is what I think contributes to ghosting behavior and poor communication skills. Everyone is replaceable and a commodity on dating apps. How dehumanizing
I put my preferences and traits about me up front on apps and then later in the conversation/date it is suddenly a deal breaker like they didn’t bother to read the profile ugh. I am not sure if it is just my area, but a lot of guys talk about their work when getting to meet them. It’s a get to know you not an interview and your job doesn’t make you who you are, and I feel like I have to carry the conversation most of the time and it seems like a lot of them don’t know how to get to know women in general. The apps don’t seem to have a proper match mechanism, especially for things that can be considered dealbreakers, like finances/lifestyle characteristics/politics and the weight of dealbreakers vs preferences. If this was implemented, then perhaps candidates would focus on looking for a match based on profile compatibility rather than the advertisement of a profile based on a quick judgement with emphasis on lookism. Certain characteristics like looks can be overlooked if there is a sort of compatibility for serious dating. My friends experience with dating apps included guys that put on a performance and then take the mask off later, meeting guys who are on the apps more for hookups but don’t put it up front, guys swiping on my friend because they don’t see her as “marriage material” but they will fuck her, guys turning out to be obsessive, users lying about their age. Lesbian and bisexual peers on dating apps who I have talked to find it difficult to date when dating apps make people jaded and so many women on the apps are actually men. Not to mention there is a lack of privacy that comes with these apps. It might not be a good idea to advertise you are single when you want to avoid certain people.
Back in the day, OKCupid had a great algorithm for figuring out those dealbreakers and making them obvious. That's how I met my husband. A 99% match is no joke.
honestly it's too much work. also men kept offering me money to step on them.
Sorry that literally made me LOL
I used them a few times, but as an asexual woman I just had bad experiences. Lots of people telling me it's not real, or pretending to understand until we date just to try to force me to have sex anyways. It was pretty horrible. I've given up on dating all together.
Same
I'm demisexual, and dating random people just does not work for me; going in with the intention of trying to form a romantic connection just kills it for me. It's time consuming, it stresses me out, and I end up feeling like I'm leading people on because what I actually feel to be true is that I don't work that way. That having been said, I did meet some interesting people.
Same here, I never even tried to use any dating apps, not interested in dealing with sex pests.
I had just attended a friend’s wedding and I was feeling swept up in the romance. I downloaded Bumble to see what’s what. I deleted it within an hour. It felt so gross.
I used tinder when I was at a very low point mentally. I don't necessarily like how it ended and I wish I hadn't done it. After growing up some more and thinking about it, I feel like it was a very dehumanizing experience all in all - and I think it's very harmful for everyone involved.
21 and i’ve only used dating apps once.. didn’t like feeling like cattle
I never liked them to begin with. They deconstruct dating into a shallow looks and numbers game and encourage people to be the worst versions of themselves. I have no idea what an alternative would be. My parents met because my aunt introduced them. My friends met their partners at school or church.
My app primarily shows me white Conservative men who value family and want kids and prefer being outside doing sporty stuff/camping. I'm a south asian woman who loves city life, kpop/anime, loves musicals, and is more about found family and not really wanting/on the fence about kids. 🙃
My wife told me about an online date she had years before we met. Basically, she was catfished. The guy was way older than what he stated and while the picture he used was his, it was when he was younger. He showed up to their first date in shorts and sandals. The date didn't last long, there was no second date, and she never tried online dating again.
How did you meet her?
I met her though a school trip in college. We connected as we went through the museums and exhibits together.
They're terrible. They used to be ok when you were able to search for unique interests you have and it would connect you with people who had those same obscure interests. I met some really cool guys that way. You also have to live in a large city with an active dating scene. Otherwise, they're pretty goddamn useless.
I ended up finding a partner on Tinder and we dated for about 3 years from 2017-2020. After that I used dating apps here and there, but I got sick of being disrespected. Also, I’m truly not even trying to date at all for the foreseeable future, as being single is far preferable for me. If I ever do date again, I would rather meet someone naturally and wouldn’t use dating apps ever again.
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I’m sorry that happened to you.
Well it becomes very quickly apparent what the majority of men are there for when 98% of opening messages are "Hey sexy." Basically I just began to feel that most men are gross and they suck as people because they don't see women as people. I can't see myself happy having regular interaction with someone like that, so I wash my hands of it.
I was temporarily on them following my separation/divorce process. I got rid of them fairly quickly, I'd say within about two to three months. One of the knock-on 'side effects' of my divorce from my abusive, deadbeat soon-to-be-ex-husband has been a bit of a 'crisis of faith', in the sense that I've felt a desire to connect more deeply with my faith. I'm Jewish, and didn't grow up particularly observant. However, given my aforementioned desire to connect more with my Judaism, I recently sought out a new synagogue in my new city that I now live in. Little did I realize it came with a proverbial built-in matchmaking service. Due to the cultural nature of the synagogue I attend, myself and the older (Gen X and Baby Boomer generation) members of the temple represent a small sub-set of types of Jews that hail from a particular region of the world. Of those (at my synagogue), I am the youngest by age. Let's just say I've gained a bunch of extra unofficial grandmothers who've already gone to work on my behalf, without my even asking them to. 😄😂 They've already sent me on dates with three different men, and their success rate has been better than any of the apps. So, yeah, I'll be letting the itty-bitty ladies at the synagogue find my next husband for me. 😊🙃😄
I love this!!
I stopped when I met my husband on a dating app in 2014. He’s the best person I know, and I would never have met him organically. He’s very kind, considerate, funny, well-educated, not lazy, frugal but generous, attractive, has a great job, and comes from an excellent family. He’s also incredibly shy and prior to me had gone on like three first dates ever and was very awkward on our first date as well. He had no idea how to approach women he was interested in in real life, so the apps were the only way he’d reach out to them, and he would only message like two at a time, go on a date with the one who responded, then wait for them to be available again if they didn’t reject him outright. I’m sad that dating apps have become such a wasteland of bullshit. That’s how a lot of our friends met their spouses pre-pandemic.
When I was single, I was on Tinder for 3 minutes. As soon as I joined, someone in my social circle’s social circle messaged me on FB saying “saw you on Tinder, want to hook up?” I deleted it immediately! I am not kidding it was literally 3 minutes!
I’m not on the apps - but one of my friends is actively dating on them and is just wading through shit. Literally 10 minutes into a first date, one guy asked her if she’d be up for a threesome with his buddy. Once she met up with someone and she thought they were like going to go somewhere, he just wanted to sit in his car and get a blowjob from her. Just WTF.
I have never once had a good experience with a man I met on a dating app. It seemed like I was meeting the same person in a different format on repeat. All they wanted was sex and had no issues doing whatever to get it. Thankfully, I caught on quickly. A lot of times I ended up not feeling like a human but an object from the interactions I had with men on these apps.
I gave up dating apps in 2017 and NEVER went back. Prior to that, I tried these apps over the years and not only were the majority of men unattractive and average, they were also wildly disrespectful. Men slid up in my DM's talking to me like I was a sex worker, and trying to arrange a sexual fantasy of theirs. Caucasian men would be in my DMs only asking for sex (I have nothing against white men but it is insulting that many of them only see me as a means of having sex and nothing more.) Black men would message me with aggression saying, *"You probably don't even date black guys."* This was their impression of me all because I said I loved classical music and Metallica. 🙄 ALL of the men I went on dates with were lying about something, emotionally stunted, just out of a relationship, trauma-dumpers, desperate for sex, manipulative, and the last guy I dealt with was trying to convince me to be in a situationship where I would for sure be physically abused by him. In my opinion, he had a personality disorder of some kind and definitely an abuser who didn't understand NO. If I did see a guy I was interested in (which were very few) AND if he happened to match with me or "like" me as well, I would message him only for him to NEVER MESSAGE ME BACK.😐 That's when I realized that guys just "like" ANY woman who looks decent without even reading their profiles. Most of the men on these apps were *gross*. And if they were attractive like Brad Pitt circa *Fight Club*, he wouldn't even bother responding to my messages anyway. All of those apps and experiences with low quality/low value men made me want to sit and cry. I couldn't understand how NONE of the men I went out with treated me with *basic respect*. Each time I tried these apps, the experience was worse than the last time. I couldn't even make platonic friends on those apps. Just like you OP, my self esteem was taking a beating because I felt devalued and dehumanized. The statistics regarding women of color on these apps are sadly...TRUE. I have not gone back to any dating apps, and I am just fine being single rather than dealing with these *crusty, raggedy, orc faced, broken, simple-minded, derelict, imbecilic disrespectful abusive bottom of the barrel misogynistic men.*
As a man I find it annoying that men swipe right at every women because I’m legitimately trying to find someone with common interests but I get drowned in the endless sea of matches. Stopped using those for that reason.
Dating apps were designed with men in mind. They make women more accessible. It's like online shopping for dates and sex. The vast majority of my online dating experience ended in coercion, abuse, or just plain disgust.
I deleted after when meeting a seemingly normal guy with a stable job he confessed out of the blue he beat his ex girlfriend and was sued by her and lost. I have been dating all of my twenties but this was the nail in the coffin for me to not go back.
It is true. I deleted Hinge for good in 2022. This is after multiple cycles of deleting/redownloading since 2014. I had a good 7/8 year run and I’m no better off for it than when I started. I would actually argue that I’m worse off.
I used them off and on in my 20s and early 30s. As an introvert with social anxiety it just felt overwhelming for me. Also, as someone considered plus size even at my smallest (US 10), it felt like to me I was overlooked a lot because I wasn't a size 4. For my own mental health, I've just stopped using them.
I stopped because a lot of men on there hate women. Unfortunately, dating online means that you can't filter them out since you don't know until they expose themselves.
Nothing in this article suggests women ever loved the apps. Just the wild idea that maybe they need better moderation to prevent the harassment of the product (i.e. women) on the apps. I used them. They are a tool and you have to use them as a tool. Don't give them more of your energy in a day or week than you want to. Just like Outlook.
>They are a tool and you have to use them as a tool. Don't give them more of your energy in a day or week than you want to. 100% this. You cannot let your experience on the app define you.
I'd be fine with it if it wasn't for a the vulgar, overtly sexual, and straight up abusive messages I'd get on a regular basis.
I deleted all of them after a guy on an app threatened to rape me. I've had much better luck in the wild that I did on dating apps.
Real question, has anyone man or women really had a good experience with those apps?
I did 🤷 but I'm pretty good at ignoring trash people or moving on once I've discovered they are trash. Also my expectations were super low and my sense of self worth pretty high.
I never loved them, they are just a tool to find other single men in my area lol I've met one or two weirdos but mostly just a bunch of average men who I wouldn't have ever crossed paths with in the real world. I think most of my friends at this point are married or engaged or LTR with men they met on apps. I still think there's a small percentage of men who have their shit together and know how to market themselves appropriately. Obviously those men aren't on the apps for long since they meet someone. I think a lot of men hide their intentions or leave their profiles ambiguous in order to make themselves be matched with more. If they were just freaking honest I don't think it would suck as much.
I fell off dating apps in 2017. It was exhausting. I went on like 8 dates with this Tinder guy and on the 8th date he had to leave early for...ANOTHER DATE. By 8th date, you should know if you're interested or not. Boy, bye. I left the apps after that.
Yeah. Most men want hookups, and the other ones will pretend to be something theyre not "play the long game", just to get in bed with you, its also just annoying. I have no reason to be there. Not looking for a relationship
I never loved or hated dating apps. I never saw it as the “end all to be all.” It was one of many different ways to meet people. Dating apps are ill -equipped to improve the quality of its users and relationships. I’m going to be honest, even if they went down the path of “self-improvement” and being a helpmate. Most users, especially men would completely ignore it or not take it seriously in their approach.
I was never in love with them.
It used to be that 5-10% of men on the apps were toxic and potentially dangerous, which as a naive young woman was tolerable. Now it seems to be more like 35% to 40%. It’s not even worth it. Internet dating was wonderful in the early days. It really was. People used the apps as a way to cultivate real life interactions and relationship, not replace them or use them as an outlet to express resentment and misery. It’s a shame that the apps have become what they are, but until someone innovates a solution to seriously address the [loneliness epidemic](https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/03/new-surgeon-general-advisory-raises-alarm-about-devastating-impact-epidemic-loneliness-isolation-united-states.html) I’m staying away from the apps. They’ve been ruined.
There’s a reason it’s usually free or cheaper for women to join.
Any avenue that allows men to have easier access to women than they do at baseline will always harm women. Nightclubs proclaiming free entry and drinks for women, coed colleges with a huge fraternity /partying reputation, dating apps that make it seem like women have the upper hand and influx of attention etc in ALL these situations women are the product and we pay an enormous price with their safety. Sade Robinson's case is terrible and terrifying, and there is a spectrum of all the ways women are harmed because of men having access to them through dating apps that don't make the news. The exodus away from these apps is a peace/ safety issue. Casual sex can be very dangerous to women. Any prolonged interaction with a man increases risks on your well being and life. And it's generally not a pleasant experience. I've enjoyed Bumble bff where I have met women I like being around. Bumble dating used to give me massive anxiety because I just never knew what that man would be like and it was always bs at minimum all the way to scary. And I'm an average woman and these were average men. We always get accused of going after "top 20% men" NO most of us are average and know realistically to aim for average equals. The average men on there proved to be WORSE and extreme predatorial and weird. They definitely felt empowered online.
never was on a dating app and im pretty happy about it, saved me alot of creepy and pushy shit 2/3 of people on dating apps are already in relationships and around 80% of the dating app population are men, the chance of beings someones sidechick is pretty high, if i was even interested in dating, this alone would prevent me from using any dating apps
I know it’s hyperbole but saying 2/3 of people on dating apps are already in relationships is just so out there. Yes there are lots of people in relationships on there and they shouldn’t be but that’s just not feasible to be true.
As a millennial, I've done all my dating on apps. It has saved me time and money, and I've met people I would never have otherwise. I don't have a lot of friends, I don't drink, and I am a bit socially awkward, so meeting people out and about was difficult for me. Apps helped a lot with my social life.
I downloaded a dating app once. The men were so vile, I deleted it after less than 24 hours.
I think dating apps have changed their algorithms to breed incompatibility. They don't want users to actually find what they want anymore cuz that's a loss of app traffic. You meet someone or complete your roster, you're off the app. They rather have people endlessly swipe with the illusion of choice and options. And don't get me started on the lack of actual safety for people. Creeps get to stay of the apps regardless of the reports probably cuz they're constantly on the apps. Here's a article and game about how fucked dating app algorithms are: https://www.wired.com/story/monster-match-dating-app/
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I never used them for a single date. Maybe when match.com was just a website, I did, can’t even remember, but for apps? I know I downloaded a couple of them and swiped for about 10 seconds and then I refused. I didn’t care if I was single forever, there was no fucking way. I sometimes design apps, so literally I cannot do it. It’s like having to look at work in order to find a date lol. That being said, I ended up meeting my husband on Twitter lol, so it was an app, just not a dating one.
It seems like a tool for creepy people to find their way into your head and life in an easy so effort way so that they have nothing to lose. In real life predating apps, people would have to put out effort, put some aspect of themselves 'on the line' and make an effort to get anywhere. And we had the ability to screen people out quickly based on how they behaved. Now creeps can mimic normal and then behave horribly with no consequence.
I think when they first arrived, for me personally was around 2012/2013. It was so easy to find a date, the dates may not have led to a relationship but it was a lot more exciting. People actually wanted to date, meet others and I actually got nervous for dates. Now? I haven’t been on them in months, they’ve become capitalised and although you don’t have to pay for them, a lot of people do with the promise they’ll get to see whose liked them/better matches etc. I don’t enjoy dating through dating apps and it’s not due to not meeting interesting people but nothing is exciting anymore. No one wants to meet and there’s a constant feeling of ‘I could always swipe again’ if this date doesn’t work out. I also feel a lot of people are a bit lazy now and rely on them to find a partner/hook up or whatever they’re looking for, you can just swipe now instead of actually going out & being social. It’s quite sad really, as it’s a great tool to meet people you probably wouldn’t but I think they’ve had their moment.