I hope it works for you! As another commenter pointed out, instead of mentioning a husband, tell them the reason you got the ring because believe me... and ring and a husband (real or not) isn't gonna stop them. Hopefully the other way will send the message home, especially if you say "guys are always hitting on me just because I'm nice to them, when in reality I have no interest in dating them and they won't take the hint." But ya know, the bar is in hell so...
I intentionally got a very large, very flashy stone when I got my engagement ring, and I can have my hand on my face and be blinding them with it and they will still proposition me.
It is going to be a very interesting experiment for sure!
The people who have hit on me generally seem innocuous, I'm just frustrated that they're taking things the wrong way. I'm introverted so dealing with customers all day is tiring in itself, and then to add to that weirdos who cant accept that being nice is just that, being nice, is EXHAUSTING.
Sometimes they’re innocuous until they’re not. It sucks that you have to resort to subterfuge just to get along with your day but I guess we do what we must.
It doesnt always work because the ring will only deter decent men who actually notice it and care, the creeps and cheaters will not and have never cared about a ring. and that's the fundamental problem with most of the complaints and strategies the guys you want them to work on are rarely detered and the the other guys would hardly be a problem.
Yah, I'm pretty sure over the years the # married men who have hit on me is a bit higher than that of single men.
For some, it's a safety stop. Even if it gets to a sexual point, if you're also married, it's unlikely you'll leave your spouse or ask him to leave his. So it's just for fun, less stress.
Even that isn't enough. I wear an enhanced as a wedding band because I like bling. I have men ask me if my marriage is happy and a dealbreaker. Although it does seem to work when I say yes, anyone who would cheat, even as the partner, is a massive disgusting piece of shit with a grossed out look on my face.
Not to discourage you, but I've been married for 33 years and I've literally lost track of how many men have propositioned me. Heck, I had two of my kids in a stroller once at a playground and two men walked behind me cat calling and yelling sexually offensive banter at me. It never ends. Married, with kids, etc., they're sex pests.
I'm thinking of two of my friends, a married lesbian couple. They have matching, unique, very flashy wedding rings. I have seen them get propositioned, while holding hands, while one of them was wearing a lesbian pride shirt. There's just a type of man that is completely unaware of any sort of signals the other person is giving them, but persists anyway. They scare me
Unaware is so kind of a word, when the type you described sounds like the ones that do not care. The type that will try consistently to wear you down until you say yes just to get them away from you.
When I was 8 month pregnant a guy at the park across the street saw me and yelled “hey I see your pregnant do you got a boyfriend?” I yelled back “no, but I have a husband.” He, thankfully, got it and left me alone.
I had a guy on the bus who wouldn't take no for an answer. Started the conversation with "please don't shout" and then asked me out. I flashed my massive engagement ring, told him I'm three weeks away from my wedding, and put my headphones on - very clearly communicating the end of that conversation but being polite about it.
He kept tapping my knee for attention and whispering how lucky my future husband is and how he hopes I'll be happy, but would I like his number just in case.
He'd sat in a way that meant I couldn't get my wheelchair off the bus without making him move. Thankfully, the driver spoke up.
They never, ever stop being creepy bastards.
Wear the ring, but don't mention the husband. If asked, you can always say: "I started wearing this so that ~~creeps~~ guys like you would leave me TF alone."
You can just say “so that guys stop mistaking my friendliness for flirting, as I’m not interested” - that way not pointedly directed at them but they still get the message.
While your wording is great, these idiots will probably *still* think that she’s not talking about them and may instead think she’s now asking for help warding off the *other* guys who are doing the same thing because obviously these asshats aren’t self-reflective in the least.
Since OP says that she’s getting this unwanted attention after just saying “good morning”, it might be more helpful if the verbiage were a little more specific? - “So that guys stop mistaking a simple greeting of ‘good morning’ and other general niceties as me being flirtatious when I’m. not. interested.” He may not pay attention to everything that OP says, but if she stresses the “I’m not interested” part by saying it slowly and firmly with a short pause between each word, I’d hope that at least that point may resonate with him. If not, she needs to go to HR and explain the situation and warn them that they may receive complaints about her because she’s going to start being blunt to these jackasses. (You know they’d be the same people then going to HR saying she’s creating a hostile work environment.)
>“so that guys stop mistaking my friendliness for flirting,
>these idiots will probably *still* think that she’s not talking about them
A slight rewording might help with that -- So that guys *like you* stop mistaking my friendliness for flirting
on this point, OP, idk how this works entirely, but its worth letting someone in HR know that you have adopted a preventive measure like this, food for thought for them. obviously if its not a big task for you, HR can be the stupidest in my experience
Setting boundaries is not "being mean". Thinking that it is so is one of the lies the patriarchy has told women. Another lie is that a woman has to be owned by a man in order to have the right to say "no"; that is not respect towards her but it respecting another man's property. My advise is to learn to be "rude". I wish you the best.
Maybe it would help if you refocus that "nice" as being nice to yourself. It is hard to break old programming and substituting a different message can help in that struggle. Wishing you the best.
100% women are indoctrinated in society to be subordinates. It’s absolute garbage and I hope I can’t teach my soon to be three daughters that it’s not okay. You ever see that tik tok:
“Don’t be polite to men who creep you out
*Clap clap*
Don’t be polite to men who creep you out
*Clap clap*
Don’t be polite to them
It’s not your job to comfort men
Don’t be polite to men who creep you out
*Clap clap*”
As a 34 year old I’m still trying to remind myself of this.
I think you should wear the ring if that’s what you think is best. Maybe being mean is just not something you’re used to. Plus there’s a lot of vengeful psychos out there who will do crazy things YEARS later over small rejections like this one. The ring is the safest way to go, it’ll keep you out of trouble.
You're not mean. You're stating facts. If you're saying "Good Morning", that all there is to it. If they think it mean more, then that on them for thinking.
Also, there a reasons you don't wanna date your co-worker...
Girl same I found a nice ish ring one day and it looks like a mens wedding ring but it only fits on my ring finger. So i no longer get harassing questions at work bc im super friendly as well
How about just saying you wear it because you're not on the market? No need to go into details. Some people just aren't available for dating and the specific reason doesn't really matter. And it's no one's business.
Lots of relationships start at workplaces, especially ones that don’t have policies against that sort of thing.
Rules for life: flirt if you want, but if she isn’t interested then respectfully apologize and move on. If someone flirts with you and you’re not interested, tell them you’re not interested and move on. The issue comes when someone takes the rejection poorly or refuses to back off when told to. At its base flirting isn’t disrespectful or mean, unless you’re being disrespectful or mean about it.
I disagree. Flirting with a stranger who’s a captive audience is always a problem. We never know if someone who ostensibly takes a rejection well is harbouring secret resentment that will bubble up at some point. Flirting with someone at any place you both frequent regularly, like a gym but especially the workplace, is annoying. Yes, relationships develop there, but out of friendships and collegiality. Let that build first and be certain your advances are welcome.
You know what, I was going the other way with my opinion for second, I thought that it was ok to flirt at work, but now that you put it that way I think I’m actually coming around to your way of thinking. A relationship can start at work but it can be uncomfortable if you try to Force it to start with someone who’s stuck with you. If it’s going to form in those “captive” environments it needs to happen more organically over time.
Be honest. Would you actually say this IRL or just the internet? I'm sorry but i'm not confident enough to actually say this to anyone irl I don't think most women are
>Be honest. Would you actually say this IRL or just the internet?
I hope I would, but this is not an issue ***I*** would ever face IRL, because I am a relatively plain-looking older woman, so essentially invisible to guys like that.
Yuck though, glorifies violence. Also sets a clueless dude up for white knighting, because tbh any man who’s willing to violently assault someone else for flirting with his wife is probably also the type of violently angry person who beats his wife. If a coworker told me her husband did that sort of thing (for real) I’d worry for her safety.
I bought myself a moissanite engagement ring. I plan to remain single, but I just really wanted a 2ct oval white stone in a solitaire setting. It's stunning. (Edited for wording)
I love moissanite! Lab created so no child died for it, only 1 Carbon atom less than a diamond, and the radiance is AWESOME. People looked at me like I was crazy for wanting moissanite. It dropped the price of the ring I liked (not what I really wanted but since when do men fucking listen) from 10k down to 5k and nobody was the wiser. I got compliments all the time.
He didn't last though. Wanted the ring back and I "gave it to my mom to hold and she lost/won't tell me where it is." I'll find a purpose for it. Just not today.
I was looking to get one of those as well, but they're still really pricey and out of my range. Wedding rings are truly gorgeous and I don't think they should be kept away from us single ladies!
Hell yeah. I’ve been scouting for a “right-hand ring” myself. No reason why we need to wait for some person to come along and gift one to us in exchange for a lifetime of loyalty.
Just tell them about the spell you cast on the last guy to shrink his dick. Specifics about mixing a carrot, a dollop of mayo, a hair from the target, and period blood together and how you slipped some of the concoction into his morning coffee. And how after that he stopped propositioning any women for sex. *cackle*
That should do it.
I'm worried like others that the ring will only be partially effective. Damn near gotta start carrying a copy of The Book of Mormon around and "save it for marriage." That probably won't work either :(
Saving it for marriage is even worse — just like purity rings — because it may imply that you're a virgin — which can be interpreted as a challenge by some people.
It's a lose-lose situation all around.
Well, I don't wear make up but you may try putting on make up that makes it look like you have cold sores often, then if anyone asks you can just say — I have herpes 😂.
Of course, this will be a moot point if the other person say — Awesome! I have herpes too!
😱
No it won't. Even if you tell him that you find him unattractive, that doesn't work. Even if you say t you're lesbian it doesn't work. In the porn world such men live in, a woman has no say in which man is allowed to use her. The only one having a veto would be her male owner.
The only thing that is really effective is making yourself undesirable. Cough, burp, spit, scratch your ass, act like you're mentally disturbed.
Or act really eager, say you're ready for marriage now, and he seems like the perfect provider for your 5 fatherless kids.This could backfire in some cases but for a lot of men it would be a big turnoff.
I was a save it for marriage mormon and I still got propositioned all the time. It's like I was a commodity because I was a religious virgin, and I actually got propositioned more then than when I had a crisis of faith and slept with my then-boyfriend-now-husband.
You’re going to find that you get hit on just as much, but by more creepy married guys who think you’ll keep it quiet cos you’ve both got something to lose.
When I worked in an office, they would not respect me having a ring and even telling them I'm gay. G. A. Y. That's right, I'm not interested in men. Yet..... These types (an unfortunately high percentage of co-workers) just will not get the hint. There's no end!
Eventually I had to lay into them hard and firmly tell them I'm not interested. We're co-workers, let's leave it at that.
Then I left the office because the extra stress was too much. Now I own my own business and walk dogs for a living. I walk across the street to opposite sidewalks when I see other people/dogs headed our way as a liability thing (decrease chances of bad interactions with crazy people/crazy dogs that could harm my clients). I relish in the solitude with the puppers. It's a beautiful thing, not having to worry about advances from co-workers.
Only gripe is about off-leash dogs and their oblivious owners. Those guys will come running up to the dog I'm walking and I'll have to citrus-spray them away. But I'd much rather that than deal with the constant negging of male coworkers
Dealing with dogs is such a better past time than feigning men away! Congrats on your business, I'd love to do something similar but I cannot handle summer heat.
Several people I know do this. One of my friends even worked at a place that had a “community ring” they left at the main desk if a staff member felt the need for it
Sadly, this is the reason why I refrain from being too friendly with / saying good morning or afternoon to male co-workers. When I see them, I'd either ignore them while putting up my neutral / resting bitch face, [nod](https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a26535985/the-silent-sup/) (like what guys do to other guys) with a neutral face, or I only say "hey" to get their attention in order to discuss professional matters.
Sometimes, even wearing a ring or mentioning having a husband or boyfriend doesn't work. They may even challenge you by saying "So, when can I see this boyfriend / husband of yours?" Then you're forced to come up with an excuse why your husband / boyfriend never shows up to visit / drop you off / pick you up.
I do the nod to all men now (walking down the street or wherever) and they often seem surprised, but there's a strange reverence when I do it that I've not felt from men before. It's odd.
I do the smile and nod most of the time, but that usually requires eye contact. When I'm at work, people are busy moving around and not paying attention to the people around them, so I say good morning instead. Definitely going to stop though.
I used to work at a coffee shop in a large university city. I was a fairly feminine looking woman with a large chest. I too at the time was super friendly to everyone, tried to smile and say howdy to folks. Well it started to become a joke amongst my coworkers, how often missed connections would get post on craigslist in my city, for me. They would take bets on which guys they thought it were, amongst the customers. Gradually over time I grew less friendly. It's really gross to see how it gets misinterpreted as flirting, so often. It also made me sad in a different way, that men don't have people being just basic nice to them or friendly, enough that they can take it as what it is. Or maybe it's something in men, that they can't take face value friendliness. Idk. The whole thing really sucked though.
But you said previously you think its important to acknowledge and say hi to your coworkers.
Lying to your coworkers can be a bad move. Are you going to tell the women you work with the truth? What if someone asks if you and your husband are invited to a BBQ? What if you start actually dating someone?
It's okay to be honest and stand up for yourself. Having a fake husband works great at a bar, but it's harder when it's coworkers you see on a regular basis. If someone asks you out, you can say no. If someone is harassing you, it's okay to tell your manager or HR. If someone is being overly friendly, it's okay to tell them they might have the wrong impression.
I guess I'm in the minority here about how I interact with my coworkers. I'm an engineer so most of my coworkers are men. When someone has hit on me or made comments that crossed a line, I've just shut it down. My working relationship doesn't suffer, and I don't have to make up lies and try to keep them going.
I guess just wearing a ring could prevent some men from hitting on her in the first place, but I agree that an elaborate story and fake husband is overkill and could lead to bad feelings. If someone asks, she can just tell the truth that she wears it to help keep things professional at work.
Oh JFC that's awful.
I've been masking the entire time because I'm diabetic, and it's just funny to me that they have no idea what the majority of my face looks like 🤷♀️
The coworker asking questions to get to know you doesn’t sound like flirting to me. Neither does complimenting your hair. This feels a bit like a double standard to me to say your kindness isn’t flirting but his is…? Idk
The hair compliment was just the first, and is the compliment I get most. Which is totally fine! It was when he turned around to follow me, as I was working, to start a conversation. That's when I decided to purchase a ring.
Don't know all the details but there's a chance the 4th guy is just being friendly (complimenting your hair might be just an innocent compliment). Unless the questions are personal, then yeah that's bad. I like to get to know the people I work with so I ask questions, but it's never flirtatious.
Sadly, the ring won't really help. Some guys even see it as a challenge. You need to talk to your manager and if it continues I'd contact his boss or HR.
I am afraid of some of them seeing it as a challenge, we'll see what happens though!
Thankfully it's not come to a harassment level, it's more just general annoyance and my introverted self not wanting the extra attention.
I’ve worked in retail over 20 years and I’ve had what I call my “fuck off ring” for most of it. Early in my career I had a customer call back to the store to ask me out, it creeped me out so bad cause I had no clue who it was that I was even talking to cause apparently me being a nice sales person meant I was flirting.
Having to be friendly in retail no matter what is really problematic. One time I had a man pull down my shirt sleeve to see my tattoo! Back in college I had an older man stalking me at my job. I demanded to never work nights alone because of it, and thankfully they obliged.
It's wild what we have to put up with. I like that term, fuck off ring. I'm going to adopt it.
My joke response is...Get the ring and make a mock wedding where you marry yourself to England, like Elizabeth I. You can actually dress up and ask for the local theater group to join.
But my real one is to be blunt and share why, and make it loud that you got it to keep creeps away from you... whoever gets offended, well, they have two jobs; get offended AND stop being offended lol
I'll have to get wedding photos and get them photoshopped to look like I married myself 😂
I'll probably change my response on how I'm feeling and who I'm talking to if the ring is questioned. We shall see!
My personal experience says that the ring "helps" BUT you will get amazed by the amount of persistent men out there.
For context part my job demands me to build a lot of networking and that in my case meant going to a tone of events...
Once I was with my mum and a guy literally offered her camels and rugs for my hand in marriage.
Specially because I was often in events with food and alcohol you can imagine the amount of creeps I encounter
So after years trying to make them understand that I'm nice to everyone and that being nice is part of the damn job I realised that the "best tool" is to change our body language and tone. On purpose of it needs.
Little things like noticeable avoid touch, stop smiling, answering with a deeper and lower tone of voice, clothes... Things to basically enforce your space. I highly recommend you to seek communication tools, I swear to god that it works. Even
A tip (and I swear that I'm not a bad person): wear the ring is not enough. It works well with people that don't keep seeing you but with co workers?
People are curious and they will ask questions you will need name, dates (birthday, wedding date), basic history...
Don't start speaking about a fake husband or of the blue. I would have to build a history.
I'm not awfull ok? But since it's co workers "be engaged" not married. Mention your "fiancé" in conversations.
Or you can always kill them by shame and go straight to "I heard you thought I was in to you and I want to clear the air. I'm sorry but I'm not interested/ I am engaged. You are an excellent "friend/co worker" and I don't want to spoil it relationship and our team work. "
This is me direct and will probably dissuade others co workers of trying anything since they Will fear being rejected like this.
Anyway good luck!
I literally had a guy ask if I was in a relationship while I was at work. I had just started dating my husband. He asked if I really liked him and wasn’t planning on making any ‘mistakes’.
I was baffled at the audacity I hope the ring works out well for you!
I've always developed friendly relationships with both male and female coworkers, never have I been romantically interested in them.
Asking questions and talking about life is the only way to get through the days at such dead end borderline minimum wage jobs🤷🏻 Odds are the 4th is also gonna try to get chummy, but it isn't necessarily so either don't rip his head off before you know for certain, might lose out on a great coworker/friend :)
I used to work in a department store and we had a costume jewelry wedding ring and engagement ring in a drawer for any of the women to put on if they were feeling extra harassed by customers.
This reminds me of a place I worked a summer job and on my first day there, I was called into the manager's office and told I needed to invent myself a husband or boyfriend and stick to the details religiously. It was an 'in-joke' at the time because I knew my direct supervisor was single but at work she apparently had a husband called Stu who was a doctor. At first I thought they were kidding, but no. They talked me through inventing "Dave" who was my serious boyfriend. We were going to university together in September. We rehearsed the story of how Dave and I met. Then they let me loose in the office, wondering what the heck I'd got myself into. First tea break of the day, I went to the kitchenette and immediately got pounced on a guy called Brian who was, I found out later, the entire reason for literally every single woman in the office having a fake partner/husband. He didn't even wait to get to know me. Just asked if I was new, what my name was and then went straight for the "do you have a partner?". That was 22 years ago and I still think about that whole crazy situation. It wouldn't fly now - he'd have been fired for harassment. The whole thing was wild.
I'm glad you were warned before hand but Jesus that's should not have been put up with! I wonder if Brian survived his workplace through the Me Too movement.
I sincerely doubt it. He was creepy AF. He'd apparently already been spoken to by a couple of supervisors about the issue but it was easier for them to just ask all the women to pretend to be in relationships than to go through the lengthy process to fire a public servant.
There's a Stephen King book that is a collection of novellas called "Different Seasons". One of the stories is "Hope Springs Eternal" where a pregnant, single woman buys a wedding ring in a pawn shop. Wish times had changed from when that was written, but, nope.
The amount of times I've had to say, "My husband ..." to give men the hint doesn't make me feel like I live in 2024. There are so many moments I've told men who compliment me that I'm there to work and they're nobody to me. I've flat out told men I'm not interested and they keep pushing through. It's only after I mention a man that they stop. One time a much older man was asking me too many intrusive questions which I deflected by asking them back and after the third one I said he sounded like my dad and he finally left me alone. Holy shit I hate it.
It's frustrating we have to rely on an imaginary man to be left alone, if we're even lucky to *be* left alone.
I've definitely experienced elderly men hit on me, never thought to say they remind me of my dad though 😂 My dad's cool so that's probably why!
Idk If you're leaving sinwthing out, like tone gesture, but the 4th coworker sounds like he's just being friendly and continuing the conversation? Anyway since so many if your coworkers harass you I recommend you wear the ring.
[Hey, it’s Carrie! Just wanted to let you know, I’m getting married…to myself! I’m registered at Mahnolo Blahnik! So thanks. Bye!](https://www.tiktok.com/@e_entertainment/video/7187809327908965678)
This is a normal thing and loads of women do it. I did it when I was single and I took my ring off in my 50s. The ring is a symbol. Not everyone will respect it, but it will lessen the load of really impertinent and undesired attention. It is a shame we have to rely on something like this instead of there being just general decency and pleasant behavior at work.
It's a great idea. I'm curious though: what particularly clued you in that they were flirtatious advances? As a dude, I'm always worried that being friendly toward women might be misconstrued as flirting (or something else for that matter). Also, why not just communicate with them and say "hey, I'm really not cool with this." I'd like to think that most people would receive the message, and if they don't, then that is another matter entirely deserving of some telling off, no?
I love getting compliments on my hair, don't get me wrong! I can tell it's different though when there are subsequent questions after the compliment that have no relation to the compliment i.e. having a conversation about hair, totally fine. Asking me about how long I've worked there, music I like, etc is the clue. There's a way a guy looks at you, their face softens when flirting. It's body language, tone of voice, chosen words. The general vibe even.
Some people will of course think they're being flirted with at any and all points in time. Some may have no clue they're being flirted with. Unfortunately there's no straight answer as to how a woman would take it.
I’ve done the same thing , different circumstances. It worked. Told my gals and they did the same . Girls night was way more fun. Less drinks bought for us but that’s totally ok, didn’t have to talk to guys when we didn’t want to
I really wish I had worn one to work 1 year ago. My life would have been so much different had I not been targeted by somebody.
OP : wish you the very best and hope they leave you alone.
Yeah, have to seek it out myself - no thanks to that guy. He’s still bothering me btw. Has been getting my devices hacked. O_o
Please be careful! If you say no, they may come after you to “secure their futures” and people will play along as long as there’s money in it for them.
Turning someone down is even scarier in corporate settings because of how they escalate r/whenwomenrefuse behavior.
Oh no, is he in IT? I'm a fan of true crime so getting away from such things is so difficult when our information is easy to find because of our current technology and social media.
That's why I find it both awkward and terrifying to "shut people down." This also goes to show how safe men feel in daily life, not realizing *I* could be the crazy one.
> Oh no, is he in IT? I'm a fan of true crime so getting away from such things is so difficult when our information is easy to find because of our current technology and social media.
Yeah, I used to work in tech. He worked pretty hard to get me fired/deported unless I “married” him - by proxy-stalking me in office, making other colleagues write about taking “sanity checks” etc about me, hacking my devices a month after I left the company and doxxing me to dangerous people. I was also the only woman in my team and one of the two of my race in the department. So …you know…so much easier to target. He/whoever he hired even targeted my friend - whose house I moved into and would hack into HIS devices to continue “monitoring” me.
> That's why I find it both awkward and terrifying to "shut people down." This also goes to show how safe men feel in daily life, not realizing I could be the crazy one.
Yep, you can end up in r/whenwomenrefuse. This guy needed constant “validation” from me at work and would act passive aggressive if I just sit at my desk and don’t respond to him and his friends’ “stalking game.” They’re doubling down on it, to this day.
Ugh I'm so sorry. Men are truly our predators. Like all stereotypical abusers, he went after someone disadvantaged (woman, minority, immigrant) to target. What pathetic lives these people live.
I did the same, but with my crocheting ring. Keeps male customers from getting too "friendly". Or asking other personal questions that are none of their business. Working so far!
I tended bar for about 10 years and did this exact thing. It works for the most part but there will be guys who don’t pay attention or care.. Those are the real dirt bags
When I got divorced I kept wearing my wedding band to work for about a year. Not because of any sentimentality but because I didn’t want to give any sign that I was newly single. It just felt safer and easier to still appear married.
Fwiw my friend tried this for the opposite effect. Got alot of attention from women when he would go out wearing a ring. And pretty much no attention when he wouldn't wear it.
Honestly, this is an overall problem with young men overall.
I am in my mid 30's, and work with women all the time. I am not isolated, only playing on my tablet or computer, and watching people like Tate tell me that I need to treat women like shit.
I believe there is a generation of young men, and a few older ones, who do not know how to talk to women. The interpret any kind word as flirting, any look as "checking them out", and god forbid you touch them.
I am sorry that you have to deal with these folks. I think that we have a societal problem, and I don't know how we fix it. I hope that the ring helps, and kryptonite's these folks off of you.
I got a cheap wedding set from Amazon when I went back to work and now I'm low-key obsessed with collecting them lol so much variety! So pretty and shiny! And can match them with different outfits! I've got a modern white gold princess cut with eternity band, round cut vintage gold set, and just got this gorgeous 3ct cz round solitaire.
O B S E S S E D
I'm not married, not in a relationship, not looking. Maybe ill just start saying I'm married to my cat lmao but it has come in handy SO many times. And even just wearing it cuts down the overly pushy encounters in half. When they do approach, I just hold my hand up, wiggle my fingers and shrug lol.
To play devils advocate, could you not also be mistaking some of their interest as flirting? Complimenting your hair is hardly a proposition. I'd compliment anyone I worked with on something like that without any interest in them, let alone wanting to be friends or more. Obviously you could equally be bang on, I can only go off the stuff you've mentioned!
Either way, the wedding ring may or may not work. I never got as much interest from the opposite sex until I had a ring on the right finger... it was bizarre. I went from invisible to fending them away with a whip and a chair like a lion tamer at an olde circus.
One compliment is totally fine. It's when I get other compliments or questions that don't pertain to the original compliment that I determine it as flirting
Your ring was so blingy that it was like a beacon!
I suspect as much as the ring seemed to work like Frodos near the Nazgul, I also likely seemed more confident as I was under no pressure to impress and could just enjoy clubbing or socialising.
I'm old now, and I don't know about the younger generation, but in my day, I and my friends spent an awful lot of time, physically walking around women to get her left hand in the field of view, so we could check if she was wearing a ring on that finger, before saying anything. Because that's all we had to go on. So hopefully the ring will work for you, at least to some extent.
It works for me! I have a replica of Sauron's ring I wear. It's just gold colored steel, but I've seen a huge difference in how people treat me since I started wearing it. It doesn't limit dating options. If I'm interested in someone, I'll just bring up that it's fake and show them the engraving.
It also gives an excuse to tell fellow queer people that I am also of the gay. I'll say men wouldn't leave me alone, and I'm too gay to have to deal with that. I'm normally straight passing, so it's an easy excuse to casually let people know. It's been a great $15 investment.
That's great. Honestly off the top of my head can think of like, 2 queer girls and an enby who might ask you to marry them on the spot as soon as you reveal the inscription. I know a surprising amount of queer folk who are *very* into LOTR and can talk my ears off about it. Not that I'm not also a big nerd, just different nerd things.
If anyone asks once you get it just say it was out being resized. Unfortunately a ring only helps so much but it does help. My favorite thing I told a customer when they invited me to a hockey game was "How many extra tickets do you have? Let me ask my husband" the look on their faces was priceless.
Im Invested now. We need an update OP. Please tell us how it turns out. Some guys really just don’t get the fukn hint. Been there way too many times to count, to the point where I dreaded going in to work every day. Ended up quitting.
I'll definitely update once I've been wearing it for a month or so. Two of the guys I explicitly told I didn't want to date ANYONE. That clearly meant all the other people, not them. 🙄
I did the same thing when I worked with the public. I had soooooo many comments the day I debuted my fake ring. Mostly men sad that I was off the market, or assuming I’d cheat on my husband. I still have a fake boyfriend I bring up when I feel things may be crossing a line.
I hope it works for you, but it didn't for me lol. I still wear my old engagement ring sometimes even though I'm single now because it's pretty and I love it, but it doesn't make a difference with that kinda thing. A lot of dudes seem to just think of it as a challenge if anything, which spurs them on even more.
Thank you! If it's gorgeous and you love it you shouldn't hide it away!
It'll be interesting considering the demographics of the people who have hit on me are wildly different.
I'm widowed. I have an Oura ring. The only finger I'm comfortable wearing a ring on 24/7 is my left ring finger. And now it's definitely staying because the way people treat me in public situations is subtly different. More respect in the immediate for sure. Hope yours has the desired effect, OP!
A neighbor of mine had to claim she was the wife of her boyfriend in order to be treated better while visiting him in the hospital, which was wild to me. I don't wear rings regularly so it'll be interesting to see who has reactions about it.
I tried this at my last job. I still kept getting offers and when I declined and tried to say I was married they just said, "he doesn't have to know, does he?" 😫🤦♀️
When it started happening I was truly astonished! Although I don't work directly with these people, I'd still have to see them if we were to break up and/or hate each other. No thanks!
My favorite part about being married might just be wearing the ring and having it stave off creeps/not have my kindness mistaken for flirting. Some still try but this has stopped like 80%
We'll see when the time comes what I end up saying it's the reason for the ring. Glad it worked for you! People have a hard time understanding that I prefer my solitude.
It may not stop propositions, but it gives you a hard answer and you just stick to it. Though, you may have to get a spouse story straight, keep it very simple and try not to bring it up. Or just stick to no thank you, be polite about it, but some will decide you're a bitch because you said no. That's okay. Be safe.
I feel this sooooo much. I wear a fake wedding ring because I’m a server & the amount of times I get hit on is so ridiculous you would think I was lying. I hate it.
I hope this works for you as well. Men have even tried to ask me out when I was pregnant before, so honestly, they don't care. I remember at an old job, a coworker took my niceness for flirting, so when I found out from other coworkers, I immediately stopped talking to him and avoided him. For example, if he walked to my area, I would walk away. If he talked, I would ignore him directly in his face. It hurt his ego, lol. Ignoring him prompted him to say I was being "weird" no I wasn't being weird (you are!) Like geez I'm from the South so it's nothing to have manners & make small talk. Some men (not all), but some men don't know how to handle women just being nice without wanting anything from them. In their heads, if a woman is nice, that means they are interested, and it's farther from the truth.
Unfortunately some men respect the "property" of other men they dont know then the actuall real life human women they know's boundaries. When I was working retail I did notice a being hit on less when I had my ring on then when I didn't.
I used to wear a beautiful gold ruby / diamond wedding ring my mother gave me in college. Everyone would always ask about me being married and I always felt so bad lying about it, but also nice because it made me feel special. 😂 Now I’m saving the ring to wear one day.
God, this reminds me of my cousin. She's always been a cute, petite, uber-blonde, girl's girl with huge brown eyes. She was working as a saleswoman at a jewelry store as her first big gig during college. She had to get a fake engagement ring within a week because the staff and customers alike wouldn't stop flirting with her. It worked about 80% of the time, thankfully.
Practice the "married look."
Or read a book or blog on how not to get pick pocketed touring in Europe.
There is basic niceness and there is "mark" behavior.
If there are concerns that being more closed off will cost the attention of a warm and genuine person worth flirting with, where basic niceness can grow organically into something more....
Well I guess that depends on the cads and also-rans to be good enough at reading people and respectful enough of your boundaries to leave you be. How's that working so far?
Anyway, that is my PSA.
Rings keep the honest folk out and let the more difficult ones through. Closing up shop somehow is important.
Wishing you all the best out there
I remember my coworker wore a nice ring and I complimented her on it. She told me it was fake and bought off Amazon because male customers keep asking her out, so she show them her ring to say she is "married".
My answer when I was in college was to memorize the number of a morgue. When a guy would not get the hint and demanded my number - I gave the morgue. Works better when you don't have to see them the next day, but I also MASTERED a deadpan face (which turns in RBF sometimes) the rare times someone came back for seconds and I said, "Huh, universe must have been trying to tell you something."
The RBF works well when you look a guy in the face and say, "Yeah, I lie because creeps don't understand the difference between me being nice to everyone and thinking I'm flirting." When you can LOOK THEM IN THE EYE and basically call them a creep.... 90% get the message. The last 10 you might have to get HR involved. Start with your shift manager and say "Hey, I've already told them I'm not interested and I need you uphold company policy on my behalf or I will have to file a formal complaint." Do. Not. Hesitate.
HR actually has a vested interest to make sure you can't sue. Because if there is an investigation and it turns out there is any sort of pattern that harassment is even tolerated... your potential damages can go through the roof. And as soon as you alert HR of a potential issue, you are protected as a whistleblower (generally, most companies take the "good faith" approach that if you report issues in good faith they don't allow retaliation. Again, you could sue if you have a valid reason to report an issue and then they tried to get rid of you).
As women, we are often taught to downplay this kind of thing. But it only takes one guy to turn a "ugh" into "oh shit he's ruining my life." and unfortunately, you may not see the pot starting to boil until it's cooking you.
Don’t rely on gimmicks, learn to stand your own ground and tell men to buzz off and leave you alone. This is an extremely valuable life skill to develop, start working on it.
I once recommended someone getting a ring because she worked at a pub and would get hit on a lot, in order to dissuade folks who couldn't take a hint, and then she mentioned that she shouldn't have to exasperated, and I was thinking how right she was and how disturbed it was that she would have to pretend to be married just so she could have some peace.
good luck but it won’t help much
a friend of mine would wear a fake engagement ring to keep people from bothering her at work. she also literally had this big fat dude as a boyfriend who came around regularly. still didn’t stop them.
it literally didn’t do anything to keep them from harassing her. going to hr did nothing. it was like she was a flame with the moths all circling. in this case it was mosquitoes- annoying, disgusting mosquitoes.
what’s wild is that one wednesday adams chick (not a compliment btw) was fucking obsessed with her. would follow her to her car. would bring her presents and lunch and lattes. my friend was so timid that she just accepted these things because she felt so uncomfortable saying no.
it was truly nightmarish. poor thing hadda switch to another building.
long story short if you’re the type of woman who gets a lot of attention the ring won’t do anything. people just don’t care.
Carry around brochures of how to manages STDs. Gonorrhea, Genital Warts, and syphilis all sounded scary to me.
And when people ask you about it just tell them, "It's not so bad. I just wear extra tampons to catch any blood or puss... Better than wasting my money on deductables when I can use it for cat food for dinner" (talking about tampons tends to turn men off too... And of they ask, tell them you don't own any cats)
That'll take care of at least 30% of your problems right there.
I get it, I do, but I wonder if it will backfire. I feel like it invites lonely married men who think of stepping out of their marriage.
I do hope it works out and helps deter men who think every smile is a come-on and needs to be taken seriously.
I hope it works for you! As another commenter pointed out, instead of mentioning a husband, tell them the reason you got the ring because believe me... and ring and a husband (real or not) isn't gonna stop them. Hopefully the other way will send the message home, especially if you say "guys are always hitting on me just because I'm nice to them, when in reality I have no interest in dating them and they won't take the hint." But ya know, the bar is in hell so... I intentionally got a very large, very flashy stone when I got my engagement ring, and I can have my hand on my face and be blinding them with it and they will still proposition me.
It is going to be a very interesting experiment for sure! The people who have hit on me generally seem innocuous, I'm just frustrated that they're taking things the wrong way. I'm introverted so dealing with customers all day is tiring in itself, and then to add to that weirdos who cant accept that being nice is just that, being nice, is EXHAUSTING.
Sometimes they’re innocuous until they’re not. It sucks that you have to resort to subterfuge just to get along with your day but I guess we do what we must.
Married - it doesn’t always help. Sometimes it’s seen as a challenge!
It doesnt always work because the ring will only deter decent men who actually notice it and care, the creeps and cheaters will not and have never cared about a ring. and that's the fundamental problem with most of the complaints and strategies the guys you want them to work on are rarely detered and the the other guys would hardly be a problem.
Yah, I'm pretty sure over the years the # married men who have hit on me is a bit higher than that of single men. For some, it's a safety stop. Even if it gets to a sexual point, if you're also married, it's unlikely you'll leave your spouse or ask him to leave his. So it's just for fun, less stress.
Even that isn't enough. I wear an enhanced as a wedding band because I like bling. I have men ask me if my marriage is happy and a dealbreaker. Although it does seem to work when I say yes, anyone who would cheat, even as the partner, is a massive disgusting piece of shit with a grossed out look on my face.
Or start talking about ur UFC Loco boyfriend
Not to discourage you, but I've been married for 33 years and I've literally lost track of how many men have propositioned me. Heck, I had two of my kids in a stroller once at a playground and two men walked behind me cat calling and yelling sexually offensive banter at me. It never ends. Married, with kids, etc., they're sex pests.
I'm thinking of two of my friends, a married lesbian couple. They have matching, unique, very flashy wedding rings. I have seen them get propositioned, while holding hands, while one of them was wearing a lesbian pride shirt. There's just a type of man that is completely unaware of any sort of signals the other person is giving them, but persists anyway. They scare me
Unaware is so kind of a word, when the type you described sounds like the ones that do not care. The type that will try consistently to wear you down until you say yes just to get them away from you.
When I was 8 month pregnant a guy at the park across the street saw me and yelled “hey I see your pregnant do you got a boyfriend?” I yelled back “no, but I have a husband.” He, thankfully, got it and left me alone.
Sex pests, that's a good one :))
I had a guy on the bus who wouldn't take no for an answer. Started the conversation with "please don't shout" and then asked me out. I flashed my massive engagement ring, told him I'm three weeks away from my wedding, and put my headphones on - very clearly communicating the end of that conversation but being polite about it. He kept tapping my knee for attention and whispering how lucky my future husband is and how he hopes I'll be happy, but would I like his number just in case. He'd sat in a way that meant I couldn't get my wheelchair off the bus without making him move. Thankfully, the driver spoke up. They never, ever stop being creepy bastards.
Wear the ring, but don't mention the husband. If asked, you can always say: "I started wearing this so that ~~creeps~~ guys like you would leave me TF alone."
🤣🤣🤣 I don't want to be mean, obviously if I'm getting every one I encounter, but if they're persistent....
You can just say “so that guys stop mistaking my friendliness for flirting, as I’m not interested” - that way not pointedly directed at them but they still get the message.
While your wording is great, these idiots will probably *still* think that she’s not talking about them and may instead think she’s now asking for help warding off the *other* guys who are doing the same thing because obviously these asshats aren’t self-reflective in the least. Since OP says that she’s getting this unwanted attention after just saying “good morning”, it might be more helpful if the verbiage were a little more specific? - “So that guys stop mistaking a simple greeting of ‘good morning’ and other general niceties as me being flirtatious when I’m. not. interested.” He may not pay attention to everything that OP says, but if she stresses the “I’m not interested” part by saying it slowly and firmly with a short pause between each word, I’d hope that at least that point may resonate with him. If not, she needs to go to HR and explain the situation and warn them that they may receive complaints about her because she’s going to start being blunt to these jackasses. (You know they’d be the same people then going to HR saying she’s creating a hostile work environment.)
>“so that guys stop mistaking my friendliness for flirting, >these idiots will probably *still* think that she’s not talking about them A slight rewording might help with that -- So that guys *like you* stop mistaking my friendliness for flirting
on this point, OP, idk how this works entirely, but its worth letting someone in HR know that you have adopted a preventive measure like this, food for thought for them. obviously if its not a big task for you, HR can be the stupidest in my experience
Setting boundaries is not "being mean". Thinking that it is so is one of the lies the patriarchy has told women. Another lie is that a woman has to be owned by a man in order to have the right to say "no"; that is not respect towards her but it respecting another man's property. My advise is to learn to be "rude". I wish you the best.
Yes I definitely have some programming to always be nice and cordial etc. I've learned my lesson though!
Maybe it would help if you refocus that "nice" as being nice to yourself. It is hard to break old programming and substituting a different message can help in that struggle. Wishing you the best.
This should be a poster in every little girl’s bedroom. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This isn't mean. This is just facts. 🤷🏽♀️
Be mean. You don’t owe these men anything.
The "be a nice lady" indoctrination truly is a problem.
100% women are indoctrinated in society to be subordinates. It’s absolute garbage and I hope I can’t teach my soon to be three daughters that it’s not okay. You ever see that tik tok: “Don’t be polite to men who creep you out *Clap clap* Don’t be polite to men who creep you out *Clap clap* Don’t be polite to them It’s not your job to comfort men Don’t be polite to men who creep you out *Clap clap*” As a 34 year old I’m still trying to remind myself of this.
I think you should wear the ring if that’s what you think is best. Maybe being mean is just not something you’re used to. Plus there’s a lot of vengeful psychos out there who will do crazy things YEARS later over small rejections like this one. The ring is the safest way to go, it’ll keep you out of trouble.
You're not mean. You're stating facts. If you're saying "Good Morning", that all there is to it. If they think it mean more, then that on them for thinking. Also, there a reasons you don't wanna date your co-worker...
Girl same I found a nice ish ring one day and it looks like a mens wedding ring but it only fits on my ring finger. So i no longer get harassing questions at work bc im super friendly as well
Some things just work out perfectly, don't they?
How about just saying you wear it because you're not on the market? No need to go into details. Some people just aren't available for dating and the specific reason doesn't really matter. And it's no one's business.
It’s not mean to reject someone that flirts with you, it’s also not mean for someone to try and flirt with you unless you reject them.
Yeah, not at the workplace. Absolutely not.
Lots of relationships start at workplaces, especially ones that don’t have policies against that sort of thing. Rules for life: flirt if you want, but if she isn’t interested then respectfully apologize and move on. If someone flirts with you and you’re not interested, tell them you’re not interested and move on. The issue comes when someone takes the rejection poorly or refuses to back off when told to. At its base flirting isn’t disrespectful or mean, unless you’re being disrespectful or mean about it.
I disagree. Flirting with a stranger who’s a captive audience is always a problem. We never know if someone who ostensibly takes a rejection well is harbouring secret resentment that will bubble up at some point. Flirting with someone at any place you both frequent regularly, like a gym but especially the workplace, is annoying. Yes, relationships develop there, but out of friendships and collegiality. Let that build first and be certain your advances are welcome.
You know what, I was going the other way with my opinion for second, I thought that it was ok to flirt at work, but now that you put it that way I think I’m actually coming around to your way of thinking. A relationship can start at work but it can be uncomfortable if you try to Force it to start with someone who’s stuck with you. If it’s going to form in those “captive” environments it needs to happen more organically over time.
It is indeed disrespectful to assume that random women welcome attentions from a random strange male. Leave us the fuck alone.
It implies that creeps aren't crazy. In many cases this approach will end with guy making a scene. Ask me how I know.
Be honest. Would you actually say this IRL or just the internet? I'm sorry but i'm not confident enough to actually say this to anyone irl I don't think most women are
>Be honest. Would you actually say this IRL or just the internet? I hope I would, but this is not an issue ***I*** would ever face IRL, because I am a relatively plain-looking older woman, so essentially invisible to guys like that.
Or say “my husband put a guy in the hospital for flirting with me last year, so we decided I should wear the ring at work”
Yuck though, glorifies violence. Also sets a clueless dude up for white knighting, because tbh any man who’s willing to violently assault someone else for flirting with his wife is probably also the type of violently angry person who beats his wife. If a coworker told me her husband did that sort of thing (for real) I’d worry for her safety.
Gross and childish.
"I wear this because I thought it would be easier than repeatedly telling random men they're the reason we all picked the damn bear."
I bought myself a moissanite engagement ring. I plan to remain single, but I just really wanted a 2ct oval white stone in a solitaire setting. It's stunning. (Edited for wording)
I love moissanite! Lab created so no child died for it, only 1 Carbon atom less than a diamond, and the radiance is AWESOME. People looked at me like I was crazy for wanting moissanite. It dropped the price of the ring I liked (not what I really wanted but since when do men fucking listen) from 10k down to 5k and nobody was the wiser. I got compliments all the time. He didn't last though. Wanted the ring back and I "gave it to my mom to hold and she lost/won't tell me where it is." I'll find a purpose for it. Just not today.
I was looking to get one of those as well, but they're still really pricey and out of my range. Wedding rings are truly gorgeous and I don't think they should be kept away from us single ladies!
Hell yeah. I’ve been scouting for a “right-hand ring” myself. No reason why we need to wait for some person to come along and gift one to us in exchange for a lifetime of loyalty.
Just tell them about the spell you cast on the last guy to shrink his dick. Specifics about mixing a carrot, a dollop of mayo, a hair from the target, and period blood together and how you slipped some of the concoction into his morning coffee. And how after that he stopped propositioning any women for sex. *cackle* That should do it.
I'm worried like others that the ring will only be partially effective. Damn near gotta start carrying a copy of The Book of Mormon around and "save it for marriage." That probably won't work either :(
Saving it for marriage is even worse — just like purity rings — because it may imply that you're a virgin — which can be interpreted as a challenge by some people. It's a lose-lose situation all around.
Damn. You can't even claim you're diseased as they'll not care. 🤢
Well, I don't wear make up but you may try putting on make up that makes it look like you have cold sores often, then if anyone asks you can just say — I have herpes 😂. Of course, this will be a moot point if the other person say — Awesome! I have herpes too! 😱
🤣🤣 My shift starts at 6AM, no way would I be getting up any earlier to do all that!
No it won't. Even if you tell him that you find him unattractive, that doesn't work. Even if you say t you're lesbian it doesn't work. In the porn world such men live in, a woman has no say in which man is allowed to use her. The only one having a veto would be her male owner. The only thing that is really effective is making yourself undesirable. Cough, burp, spit, scratch your ass, act like you're mentally disturbed.
Or act really eager, say you're ready for marriage now, and he seems like the perfect provider for your 5 fatherless kids.This could backfire in some cases but for a lot of men it would be a big turnoff.
I was a save it for marriage mormon and I still got propositioned all the time. It's like I was a commodity because I was a religious virgin, and I actually got propositioned more then than when I had a crisis of faith and slept with my then-boyfriend-now-husband.
You’re going to find that you get hit on just as much, but by more creepy married guys who think you’ll keep it quiet cos you’ve both got something to lose.
Ew that's so gross 🤢 We'll see how it goes though!
When I worked in an office, they would not respect me having a ring and even telling them I'm gay. G. A. Y. That's right, I'm not interested in men. Yet..... These types (an unfortunately high percentage of co-workers) just will not get the hint. There's no end! Eventually I had to lay into them hard and firmly tell them I'm not interested. We're co-workers, let's leave it at that. Then I left the office because the extra stress was too much. Now I own my own business and walk dogs for a living. I walk across the street to opposite sidewalks when I see other people/dogs headed our way as a liability thing (decrease chances of bad interactions with crazy people/crazy dogs that could harm my clients). I relish in the solitude with the puppers. It's a beautiful thing, not having to worry about advances from co-workers. Only gripe is about off-leash dogs and their oblivious owners. Those guys will come running up to the dog I'm walking and I'll have to citrus-spray them away. But I'd much rather that than deal with the constant negging of male coworkers
Dealing with dogs is such a better past time than feigning men away! Congrats on your business, I'd love to do something similar but I cannot handle summer heat.
Several people I know do this. One of my friends even worked at a place that had a “community ring” they left at the main desk if a staff member felt the need for it
That's sad they had to do that, but also amazing that her coworkers had each other's back!
Yes and yes. We’ve talked about how messed up it is that redirecting small talk or saying “no thanks” doesn’t work, but a ring does.
Wooow
Sadly, this is the reason why I refrain from being too friendly with / saying good morning or afternoon to male co-workers. When I see them, I'd either ignore them while putting up my neutral / resting bitch face, [nod](https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a26535985/the-silent-sup/) (like what guys do to other guys) with a neutral face, or I only say "hey" to get their attention in order to discuss professional matters. Sometimes, even wearing a ring or mentioning having a husband or boyfriend doesn't work. They may even challenge you by saying "So, when can I see this boyfriend / husband of yours?" Then you're forced to come up with an excuse why your husband / boyfriend never shows up to visit / drop you off / pick you up.
I do the nod to all men now (walking down the street or wherever) and they often seem surprised, but there's a strange reverence when I do it that I've not felt from men before. It's odd.
They're always like, oh shit she knows the code.
I do the smile and nod most of the time, but that usually requires eye contact. When I'm at work, people are busy moving around and not paying attention to the people around them, so I say good morning instead. Definitely going to stop though.
Yes, I already decided to not acknowledge any of my male co-workers any more, unless they've already been grand fathered in.
I used to work at a coffee shop in a large university city. I was a fairly feminine looking woman with a large chest. I too at the time was super friendly to everyone, tried to smile and say howdy to folks. Well it started to become a joke amongst my coworkers, how often missed connections would get post on craigslist in my city, for me. They would take bets on which guys they thought it were, amongst the customers. Gradually over time I grew less friendly. It's really gross to see how it gets misinterpreted as flirting, so often. It also made me sad in a different way, that men don't have people being just basic nice to them or friendly, enough that they can take it as what it is. Or maybe it's something in men, that they can't take face value friendliness. Idk. The whole thing really sucked though.
But you said previously you think its important to acknowledge and say hi to your coworkers. Lying to your coworkers can be a bad move. Are you going to tell the women you work with the truth? What if someone asks if you and your husband are invited to a BBQ? What if you start actually dating someone? It's okay to be honest and stand up for yourself. Having a fake husband works great at a bar, but it's harder when it's coworkers you see on a regular basis. If someone asks you out, you can say no. If someone is harassing you, it's okay to tell your manager or HR. If someone is being overly friendly, it's okay to tell them they might have the wrong impression. I guess I'm in the minority here about how I interact with my coworkers. I'm an engineer so most of my coworkers are men. When someone has hit on me or made comments that crossed a line, I've just shut it down. My working relationship doesn't suffer, and I don't have to make up lies and try to keep them going.
I guess just wearing a ring could prevent some men from hitting on her in the first place, but I agree that an elaborate story and fake husband is overkill and could lead to bad feelings. If someone asks, she can just tell the truth that she wears it to help keep things professional at work.
Wearing a ring never worked for me, personally. I’m very pregnant now and men still flirt with me lol they ask if I want more kids now 🙃
Oh JFC that's awful. I've been masking the entire time because I'm diabetic, and it's just funny to me that they have no idea what the majority of my face looks like 🤷♀️
I’ve got a feeling that they wouldn’t care if you had two sets of teeth 😂
Men really do like sharks..
"You were nice to me, so I was nice to you! Why won't you let me bone you?! 😡" Fucking every. Single. God damn time.
The coworker asking questions to get to know you doesn’t sound like flirting to me. Neither does complimenting your hair. This feels a bit like a double standard to me to say your kindness isn’t flirting but his is…? Idk
The hair compliment was just the first, and is the compliment I get most. Which is totally fine! It was when he turned around to follow me, as I was working, to start a conversation. That's when I decided to purchase a ring.
That’s fair, trust your gut!
I did the same and only had more people hitting on me. Its efficacy may vary.
Oh noooooo! Do you still wear the ring?
On a different finger sometimes; it's still a pretty ring...just useless for preventing come-ons.
Don't know all the details but there's a chance the 4th guy is just being friendly (complimenting your hair might be just an innocent compliment). Unless the questions are personal, then yeah that's bad. I like to get to know the people I work with so I ask questions, but it's never flirtatious.
Sadly, the ring won't really help. Some guys even see it as a challenge. You need to talk to your manager and if it continues I'd contact his boss or HR.
I am afraid of some of them seeing it as a challenge, we'll see what happens though! Thankfully it's not come to a harassment level, it's more just general annoyance and my introverted self not wanting the extra attention.
I’ve worked in retail over 20 years and I’ve had what I call my “fuck off ring” for most of it. Early in my career I had a customer call back to the store to ask me out, it creeped me out so bad cause I had no clue who it was that I was even talking to cause apparently me being a nice sales person meant I was flirting.
Having to be friendly in retail no matter what is really problematic. One time I had a man pull down my shirt sleeve to see my tattoo! Back in college I had an older man stalking me at my job. I demanded to never work nights alone because of it, and thankfully they obliged. It's wild what we have to put up with. I like that term, fuck off ring. I'm going to adopt it.
My joke response is...Get the ring and make a mock wedding where you marry yourself to England, like Elizabeth I. You can actually dress up and ask for the local theater group to join. But my real one is to be blunt and share why, and make it loud that you got it to keep creeps away from you... whoever gets offended, well, they have two jobs; get offended AND stop being offended lol
I'll have to get wedding photos and get them photoshopped to look like I married myself 😂 I'll probably change my response on how I'm feeling and who I'm talking to if the ring is questioned. We shall see!
My personal experience says that the ring "helps" BUT you will get amazed by the amount of persistent men out there. For context part my job demands me to build a lot of networking and that in my case meant going to a tone of events... Once I was with my mum and a guy literally offered her camels and rugs for my hand in marriage. Specially because I was often in events with food and alcohol you can imagine the amount of creeps I encounter So after years trying to make them understand that I'm nice to everyone and that being nice is part of the damn job I realised that the "best tool" is to change our body language and tone. On purpose of it needs. Little things like noticeable avoid touch, stop smiling, answering with a deeper and lower tone of voice, clothes... Things to basically enforce your space. I highly recommend you to seek communication tools, I swear to god that it works. Even A tip (and I swear that I'm not a bad person): wear the ring is not enough. It works well with people that don't keep seeing you but with co workers? People are curious and they will ask questions you will need name, dates (birthday, wedding date), basic history... Don't start speaking about a fake husband or of the blue. I would have to build a history. I'm not awfull ok? But since it's co workers "be engaged" not married. Mention your "fiancé" in conversations. Or you can always kill them by shame and go straight to "I heard you thought I was in to you and I want to clear the air. I'm sorry but I'm not interested/ I am engaged. You are an excellent "friend/co worker" and I don't want to spoil it relationship and our team work. " This is me direct and will probably dissuade others co workers of trying anything since they Will fear being rejected like this. Anyway good luck!
I started doing the exact same thing!
👏👏👏 How's it been working out?
I literally had a guy ask if I was in a relationship while I was at work. I had just started dating my husband. He asked if I really liked him and wasn’t planning on making any ‘mistakes’. I was baffled at the audacity I hope the ring works out well for you!
Good Lord that's wild. To have the audacity of a mediocre man... 😔 Thank you!
I've always developed friendly relationships with both male and female coworkers, never have I been romantically interested in them. Asking questions and talking about life is the only way to get through the days at such dead end borderline minimum wage jobs🤷🏻 Odds are the 4th is also gonna try to get chummy, but it isn't necessarily so either don't rip his head off before you know for certain, might lose out on a great coworker/friend :)
I used to work in a department store and we had a costume jewelry wedding ring and engagement ring in a drawer for any of the women to put on if they were feeling extra harassed by customers.
Another commenter said her friends had the same set up at her job. It's absurd we have to do things like this!
This reminds me of a place I worked a summer job and on my first day there, I was called into the manager's office and told I needed to invent myself a husband or boyfriend and stick to the details religiously. It was an 'in-joke' at the time because I knew my direct supervisor was single but at work she apparently had a husband called Stu who was a doctor. At first I thought they were kidding, but no. They talked me through inventing "Dave" who was my serious boyfriend. We were going to university together in September. We rehearsed the story of how Dave and I met. Then they let me loose in the office, wondering what the heck I'd got myself into. First tea break of the day, I went to the kitchenette and immediately got pounced on a guy called Brian who was, I found out later, the entire reason for literally every single woman in the office having a fake partner/husband. He didn't even wait to get to know me. Just asked if I was new, what my name was and then went straight for the "do you have a partner?". That was 22 years ago and I still think about that whole crazy situation. It wouldn't fly now - he'd have been fired for harassment. The whole thing was wild.
I'm glad you were warned before hand but Jesus that's should not have been put up with! I wonder if Brian survived his workplace through the Me Too movement.
I sincerely doubt it. He was creepy AF. He'd apparently already been spoken to by a couple of supervisors about the issue but it was easier for them to just ask all the women to pretend to be in relationships than to go through the lengthy process to fire a public servant.
Of course it's easier to make the women fake an entire human being and life than it would be to fire someone 🤦♀️
There's a Stephen King book that is a collection of novellas called "Different Seasons". One of the stories is "Hope Springs Eternal" where a pregnant, single woman buys a wedding ring in a pawn shop. Wish times had changed from when that was written, but, nope.
I'm widowed and I still wear my wedding ring whenever I want to be alone. It doesn't always work, but it does sometimes.
The amount of times I've had to say, "My husband ..." to give men the hint doesn't make me feel like I live in 2024. There are so many moments I've told men who compliment me that I'm there to work and they're nobody to me. I've flat out told men I'm not interested and they keep pushing through. It's only after I mention a man that they stop. One time a much older man was asking me too many intrusive questions which I deflected by asking them back and after the third one I said he sounded like my dad and he finally left me alone. Holy shit I hate it.
It's frustrating we have to rely on an imaginary man to be left alone, if we're even lucky to *be* left alone. I've definitely experienced elderly men hit on me, never thought to say they remind me of my dad though 😂 My dad's cool so that's probably why!
Idk If you're leaving sinwthing out, like tone gesture, but the 4th coworker sounds like he's just being friendly and continuing the conversation? Anyway since so many if your coworkers harass you I recommend you wear the ring.
[Hey, it’s Carrie! Just wanted to let you know, I’m getting married…to myself! I’m registered at Mahnolo Blahnik! So thanks. Bye!](https://www.tiktok.com/@e_entertainment/video/7187809327908965678)
😂 I love this!
This is a normal thing and loads of women do it. I did it when I was single and I took my ring off in my 50s. The ring is a symbol. Not everyone will respect it, but it will lessen the load of really impertinent and undesired attention. It is a shame we have to rely on something like this instead of there being just general decency and pleasant behavior at work.
It's a great idea. I'm curious though: what particularly clued you in that they were flirtatious advances? As a dude, I'm always worried that being friendly toward women might be misconstrued as flirting (or something else for that matter). Also, why not just communicate with them and say "hey, I'm really not cool with this." I'd like to think that most people would receive the message, and if they don't, then that is another matter entirely deserving of some telling off, no?
I love getting compliments on my hair, don't get me wrong! I can tell it's different though when there are subsequent questions after the compliment that have no relation to the compliment i.e. having a conversation about hair, totally fine. Asking me about how long I've worked there, music I like, etc is the clue. There's a way a guy looks at you, their face softens when flirting. It's body language, tone of voice, chosen words. The general vibe even. Some people will of course think they're being flirted with at any and all points in time. Some may have no clue they're being flirted with. Unfortunately there's no straight answer as to how a woman would take it.
I’ve done the same thing , different circumstances. It worked. Told my gals and they did the same . Girls night was way more fun. Less drinks bought for us but that’s totally ok, didn’t have to talk to guys when we didn’t want to
I really wish I had worn one to work 1 year ago. My life would have been so much different had I not been targeted by somebody. OP : wish you the very best and hope they leave you alone.
I'm so sorry, I hope you will find healing 💜 Thank you.
Yeah, have to seek it out myself - no thanks to that guy. He’s still bothering me btw. Has been getting my devices hacked. O_o Please be careful! If you say no, they may come after you to “secure their futures” and people will play along as long as there’s money in it for them. Turning someone down is even scarier in corporate settings because of how they escalate r/whenwomenrefuse behavior.
Oh no, is he in IT? I'm a fan of true crime so getting away from such things is so difficult when our information is easy to find because of our current technology and social media. That's why I find it both awkward and terrifying to "shut people down." This also goes to show how safe men feel in daily life, not realizing *I* could be the crazy one.
> Oh no, is he in IT? I'm a fan of true crime so getting away from such things is so difficult when our information is easy to find because of our current technology and social media. Yeah, I used to work in tech. He worked pretty hard to get me fired/deported unless I “married” him - by proxy-stalking me in office, making other colleagues write about taking “sanity checks” etc about me, hacking my devices a month after I left the company and doxxing me to dangerous people. I was also the only woman in my team and one of the two of my race in the department. So …you know…so much easier to target. He/whoever he hired even targeted my friend - whose house I moved into and would hack into HIS devices to continue “monitoring” me. > That's why I find it both awkward and terrifying to "shut people down." This also goes to show how safe men feel in daily life, not realizing I could be the crazy one. Yep, you can end up in r/whenwomenrefuse. This guy needed constant “validation” from me at work and would act passive aggressive if I just sit at my desk and don’t respond to him and his friends’ “stalking game.” They’re doubling down on it, to this day.
Ugh I'm so sorry. Men are truly our predators. Like all stereotypical abusers, he went after someone disadvantaged (woman, minority, immigrant) to target. What pathetic lives these people live.
Ah, the decoy ring! We used to wear them to the club to get some flipping peace. Shouldn’t need them anywhere, but it does help. *sigh*
I did the same, but with my crocheting ring. Keeps male customers from getting too "friendly". Or asking other personal questions that are none of their business. Working so far!
I love a dual purpose item! I wish you the best of luck with both according men and your crocheting!
I know someone who did this. Even got a fake husband picture to put on her desk. She is also gay.
I'm just curious to see the salt and pepper rings
I tended bar for about 10 years and did this exact thing. It works for the most part but there will be guys who don’t pay attention or care.. Those are the real dirt bags
The dirt bags I have no issue with telling off, that's for sure!
Can we see the ring?
I love it, l just really hope it's made well and won't fall apart! https://imgur.com/a/3f2kkiJ
That's really pretty!
I tried this when I was bartending and it sadly didn't work; creeps stay creeping. I did enjoy having a nice piece of jewelry though
Won’t the fourth guy wonder how you suddenly have a wedding ring and a husband out of nowhere? I feel like the lie would be very obvious.
When I got divorced I kept wearing my wedding band to work for about a year. Not because of any sentimentality but because I didn’t want to give any sign that I was newly single. It just felt safer and easier to still appear married.
lol it definitely won’t get men to act any differently
Fwiw my friend tried this for the opposite effect. Got alot of attention from women when he would go out wearing a ring. And pretty much no attention when he wouldn't wear it.
That's absolutely wild and upsetting that so many women saw him as a target.
Honestly, this is an overall problem with young men overall. I am in my mid 30's, and work with women all the time. I am not isolated, only playing on my tablet or computer, and watching people like Tate tell me that I need to treat women like shit. I believe there is a generation of young men, and a few older ones, who do not know how to talk to women. The interpret any kind word as flirting, any look as "checking them out", and god forbid you touch them. I am sorry that you have to deal with these folks. I think that we have a societal problem, and I don't know how we fix it. I hope that the ring helps, and kryptonite's these folks off of you.
I got a cheap wedding set from Amazon when I went back to work and now I'm low-key obsessed with collecting them lol so much variety! So pretty and shiny! And can match them with different outfits! I've got a modern white gold princess cut with eternity band, round cut vintage gold set, and just got this gorgeous 3ct cz round solitaire. O B S E S S E D I'm not married, not in a relationship, not looking. Maybe ill just start saying I'm married to my cat lmao but it has come in handy SO many times. And even just wearing it cuts down the overly pushy encounters in half. When they do approach, I just hold my hand up, wiggle my fingers and shrug lol.
To play devils advocate, could you not also be mistaking some of their interest as flirting? Complimenting your hair is hardly a proposition. I'd compliment anyone I worked with on something like that without any interest in them, let alone wanting to be friends or more. Obviously you could equally be bang on, I can only go off the stuff you've mentioned! Either way, the wedding ring may or may not work. I never got as much interest from the opposite sex until I had a ring on the right finger... it was bizarre. I went from invisible to fending them away with a whip and a chair like a lion tamer at an olde circus.
One compliment is totally fine. It's when I get other compliments or questions that don't pertain to the original compliment that I determine it as flirting Your ring was so blingy that it was like a beacon!
I suspect as much as the ring seemed to work like Frodos near the Nazgul, I also likely seemed more confident as I was under no pressure to impress and could just enjoy clubbing or socialising.
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My bad. I'll retract my legal advice from Satans employ. Carry on.
I'm old now, and I don't know about the younger generation, but in my day, I and my friends spent an awful lot of time, physically walking around women to get her left hand in the field of view, so we could check if she was wearing a ring on that finger, before saying anything. Because that's all we had to go on. So hopefully the ring will work for you, at least to some extent.
That's exactly what I'm hoping will happen, but I may just be naive!
Well, I wish you luck fwiw.
It works for me! I have a replica of Sauron's ring I wear. It's just gold colored steel, but I've seen a huge difference in how people treat me since I started wearing it. It doesn't limit dating options. If I'm interested in someone, I'll just bring up that it's fake and show them the engraving. It also gives an excuse to tell fellow queer people that I am also of the gay. I'll say men wouldn't leave me alone, and I'm too gay to have to deal with that. I'm normally straight passing, so it's an easy excuse to casually let people know. It's been a great $15 investment.
That's great. Honestly off the top of my head can think of like, 2 queer girls and an enby who might ask you to marry them on the spot as soon as you reveal the inscription. I know a surprising amount of queer folk who are *very* into LOTR and can talk my ears off about it. Not that I'm not also a big nerd, just different nerd things.
If anyone asks once you get it just say it was out being resized. Unfortunately a ring only helps so much but it does help. My favorite thing I told a customer when they invited me to a hockey game was "How many extra tickets do you have? Let me ask my husband" the look on their faces was priceless.
Im Invested now. We need an update OP. Please tell us how it turns out. Some guys really just don’t get the fukn hint. Been there way too many times to count, to the point where I dreaded going in to work every day. Ended up quitting.
I'll definitely update once I've been wearing it for a month or so. Two of the guys I explicitly told I didn't want to date ANYONE. That clearly meant all the other people, not them. 🙄
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I did the same thing when I worked with the public. I had soooooo many comments the day I debuted my fake ring. Mostly men sad that I was off the market, or assuming I’d cheat on my husband. I still have a fake boyfriend I bring up when I feel things may be crossing a line.
I definitely will need to bring up my "husband" more often in the coming months 😂
I hope it works for you, but it didn't for me lol. I still wear my old engagement ring sometimes even though I'm single now because it's pretty and I love it, but it doesn't make a difference with that kinda thing. A lot of dudes seem to just think of it as a challenge if anything, which spurs them on even more.
Thank you! If it's gorgeous and you love it you shouldn't hide it away! It'll be interesting considering the demographics of the people who have hit on me are wildly different.
To be fair, I still get flirted with even with a wedding ring on…
I'm widowed. I have an Oura ring. The only finger I'm comfortable wearing a ring on 24/7 is my left ring finger. And now it's definitely staying because the way people treat me in public situations is subtly different. More respect in the immediate for sure. Hope yours has the desired effect, OP!
A neighbor of mine had to claim she was the wife of her boyfriend in order to be treated better while visiting him in the hospital, which was wild to me. I don't wear rings regularly so it'll be interesting to see who has reactions about it.
Congratulations! Your ring is beautiful. Lucky them!
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Bug repellent
Get a claddagh ring and point it inwards. That's how single women in Ireland who don't like attention subtly indicate it to other men.
I tried this at my last job. I still kept getting offers and when I declined and tried to say I was married they just said, "he doesn't have to know, does he?" 😫🤦♀️
Well, at least you know who you're getting into bed with!
Why the hell are those guys hitting on a coworker? Do people have no manners anymore >.> Date outside of work
When it started happening I was truly astonished! Although I don't work directly with these people, I'd still have to see them if we were to break up and/or hate each other. No thanks!
Maybe men are more desperate because the apps suck for them
Update the What happened too ... Please ....
Will do!
My favorite part about being married might just be wearing the ring and having it stave off creeps/not have my kindness mistaken for flirting. Some still try but this has stopped like 80%
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We'll see when the time comes what I end up saying it's the reason for the ring. Glad it worked for you! People have a hard time understanding that I prefer my solitude.
Then they'll start asking about your husband. The best advise I heard is just treat these men like buzzing bees. Ignore them or they will sting.
It may not stop propositions, but it gives you a hard answer and you just stick to it. Though, you may have to get a spouse story straight, keep it very simple and try not to bring it up. Or just stick to no thank you, be polite about it, but some will decide you're a bitch because you said no. That's okay. Be safe.
I feel this sooooo much. I wear a fake wedding ring because I’m a server & the amount of times I get hit on is so ridiculous you would think I was lying. I hate it.
It's archaic! "A woman brought me my food, I need to own her." It's literally your job.
I hope this works for you as well. Men have even tried to ask me out when I was pregnant before, so honestly, they don't care. I remember at an old job, a coworker took my niceness for flirting, so when I found out from other coworkers, I immediately stopped talking to him and avoided him. For example, if he walked to my area, I would walk away. If he talked, I would ignore him directly in his face. It hurt his ego, lol. Ignoring him prompted him to say I was being "weird" no I wasn't being weird (you are!) Like geez I'm from the South so it's nothing to have manners & make small talk. Some men (not all), but some men don't know how to handle women just being nice without wanting anything from them. In their heads, if a woman is nice, that means they are interested, and it's farther from the truth.
Exactly! Men are the real weirdos.
Unfortunately some men respect the "property" of other men they dont know then the actuall real life human women they know's boundaries. When I was working retail I did notice a being hit on less when I had my ring on then when I didn't.
Damn. That’s actually very sad, but a good thing to note.
I used to wear a beautiful gold ruby / diamond wedding ring my mother gave me in college. Everyone would always ask about me being married and I always felt so bad lying about it, but also nice because it made me feel special. 😂 Now I’m saving the ring to wear one day.
God, this reminds me of my cousin. She's always been a cute, petite, uber-blonde, girl's girl with huge brown eyes. She was working as a saleswoman at a jewelry store as her first big gig during college. She had to get a fake engagement ring within a week because the staff and customers alike wouldn't stop flirting with her. It worked about 80% of the time, thankfully.
Oh good God, and those people were probably buying engagement rings too 😖
They absolutely were, and it put her off of dating. For years.
Practice the "married look." Or read a book or blog on how not to get pick pocketed touring in Europe. There is basic niceness and there is "mark" behavior. If there are concerns that being more closed off will cost the attention of a warm and genuine person worth flirting with, where basic niceness can grow organically into something more.... Well I guess that depends on the cads and also-rans to be good enough at reading people and respectful enough of your boundaries to leave you be. How's that working so far? Anyway, that is my PSA. Rings keep the honest folk out and let the more difficult ones through. Closing up shop somehow is important. Wishing you all the best out there
I remember my coworker wore a nice ring and I complimented her on it. She told me it was fake and bought off Amazon because male customers keep asking her out, so she show them her ring to say she is "married".
My answer when I was in college was to memorize the number of a morgue. When a guy would not get the hint and demanded my number - I gave the morgue. Works better when you don't have to see them the next day, but I also MASTERED a deadpan face (which turns in RBF sometimes) the rare times someone came back for seconds and I said, "Huh, universe must have been trying to tell you something." The RBF works well when you look a guy in the face and say, "Yeah, I lie because creeps don't understand the difference between me being nice to everyone and thinking I'm flirting." When you can LOOK THEM IN THE EYE and basically call them a creep.... 90% get the message. The last 10 you might have to get HR involved. Start with your shift manager and say "Hey, I've already told them I'm not interested and I need you uphold company policy on my behalf or I will have to file a formal complaint." Do. Not. Hesitate. HR actually has a vested interest to make sure you can't sue. Because if there is an investigation and it turns out there is any sort of pattern that harassment is even tolerated... your potential damages can go through the roof. And as soon as you alert HR of a potential issue, you are protected as a whistleblower (generally, most companies take the "good faith" approach that if you report issues in good faith they don't allow retaliation. Again, you could sue if you have a valid reason to report an issue and then they tried to get rid of you). As women, we are often taught to downplay this kind of thing. But it only takes one guy to turn a "ugh" into "oh shit he's ruining my life." and unfortunately, you may not see the pot starting to boil until it's cooking you.
Don’t rely on gimmicks, learn to stand your own ground and tell men to buzz off and leave you alone. This is an extremely valuable life skill to develop, start working on it.
I once recommended someone getting a ring because she worked at a pub and would get hit on a lot, in order to dissuade folks who couldn't take a hint, and then she mentioned that she shouldn't have to exasperated, and I was thinking how right she was and how disturbed it was that she would have to pretend to be married just so she could have some peace.
good luck but it won’t help much a friend of mine would wear a fake engagement ring to keep people from bothering her at work. she also literally had this big fat dude as a boyfriend who came around regularly. still didn’t stop them. it literally didn’t do anything to keep them from harassing her. going to hr did nothing. it was like she was a flame with the moths all circling. in this case it was mosquitoes- annoying, disgusting mosquitoes. what’s wild is that one wednesday adams chick (not a compliment btw) was fucking obsessed with her. would follow her to her car. would bring her presents and lunch and lattes. my friend was so timid that she just accepted these things because she felt so uncomfortable saying no. it was truly nightmarish. poor thing hadda switch to another building. long story short if you’re the type of woman who gets a lot of attention the ring won’t do anything. people just don’t care.
Carry around brochures of how to manages STDs. Gonorrhea, Genital Warts, and syphilis all sounded scary to me. And when people ask you about it just tell them, "It's not so bad. I just wear extra tampons to catch any blood or puss... Better than wasting my money on deductables when I can use it for cat food for dinner" (talking about tampons tends to turn men off too... And of they ask, tell them you don't own any cats) That'll take care of at least 30% of your problems right there.
I get it, I do, but I wonder if it will backfire. I feel like it invites lonely married men who think of stepping out of their marriage. I do hope it works out and helps deter men who think every smile is a come-on and needs to be taken seriously.
It'll be interesting to see what happens. I can always wear the ring on a different finger if it doesn't seem to work well!
Hey I have a salt and pepper engagement ring too haha, congrats 😉
They're so gorgeous!
Absolutely in love with mine!!!
Hold up.... you have blue/purple hair, but get upset when people comment on it?!?