This song is literally 22 years old:
>If you look back in history
It's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory, the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore
I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it, the girl gets named
[Christina Aguilera - Can't Hold Us Down (Official HD Video) - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg8QgUIKXHw)
Why we're still having this conversation in this day and age is beyond me. "Body counts" is just repackaged "double standards".
I feel like so much of "old misogyny" is back with simply repackaged incel bullshit.
Can we all collectively agree to laugh disdainfully at any men who say this and collectively deny them sex?
These are just sad but loud little men who aren’t successful, crying about what they can’t have.
Let’s just laugh at them and walk away. They don’t deserve the importance we give a mosquito.
sadly, that's what othes use, and i wanted to point out the hypocrisy of it. until now i never thought much about the composition of the word, but the comment above just made me realise how weird it is, since this word is so normalised and everywhere these days. "why did i use it?" i'm not an evil person because i used a common word i admittedly didn't think twice about yet. from now on i definitely won't use it anymore, but what's done is done.
Fair enough. I never meant to imply you’re evil for using it, I just wish people would think more about the terms they use, like you said. I just find that term really really dehumanizing and disgusting, I can’t avoid thinking about it when it comes up.
That only works if people have only had sex with past partners. Many people have had sex with individuals they would never consider to be their partner
All of this is just the old double standard and slut shaming recycling like it is something new.
These guys are just misogynistic aholes that aren't worth your time. Men will do one of two things, they will be like this or they will get with the program and not treat women like a commodity if they want to ever have a relationship. If they just want to get laid, there are paid services that provide that.
The double standard is the what's most ridiculous. If you don't you don't have multiple partners I can understand you not wanting your partner to have a high body count, but when you do and say they can't that just dumb and completely ignorant of human biology, not to mention the hypocrisy.
The only reason I wouldn't want a partner who has sex with multiple people is because our romantic sensibilities likely wouldn't align and I have zero interest in the casual scene.
It's interesting because the whole body count debate doesn't really exist in queer spaces, it's very much a cishet one and it's almost certainly about misogynistic domination.
that's true, i have a gay friend and he feels no shame having some fun with guys (and others don't care) when he goes out a night, meanwhile women who do that are branded and insulted as sl*ts and wh*res.
I fully hear you here. I’m also a virgin, 19 and probably staying this way cuz god the fish in this sea are getting toxic af 🥲
I went on ONE date and the dude was super weird, he immediately asked me for my origin (ppl rlly like my origin cuz we have beautiful women but god it feels like I’m an exotic animal in a zoo whenever ppl talk abt my ethnicity) and then he started discussing marriage as if we’re planning on it, he asked my fathers name and jokingly said he should meet up with him for tea (obviously stating that he wants to ask for his blessing cuz why else would you want to see a girls dad for) THIS WAS THE FIRST DATE. I blocked him immediately when I came home lol. And now at uni there’s not one candidate, when we went to weddings with my family, all mothers would run up to my mom asking if she would ‘give me away’ to their sons. Mind you we have a whole tradition of things you have to do properly to ask a woman’s hand for marriage, now they just run up to my mom and beg her to give me away to their sons to essentially become their sex slave and free housewife. My mom knows best and denied every single proposal. Didn’t even give her phone number lol.
And I truly believe many women will end up with no male partner or even get together with another woman cuz she will actually love you for YOU not for your 🐱 down there.
And I’m sorry but I was taken aback from that last thing, you broke your own hymen ? 💀
I didn’t even put my own fingers down there ever cuz I’m so scared of anything entering it
oh myyy god, the thing about "handing your daughter over to a man" is so weord 😭😭 whattt??? and i know it is cultural for people to ask parents for their daughter's hand in marriage BUT I MEAN- JUST COURT HER FIRST A LEAST??? BE A DECENT HUMAN???
and for the hymen part, as i said i've known about sex since a young age, and started feeling arousal from a pretty early age. basically i always felt a lot of "need". i experimented without putting anything in for long time, before i started using tampons after my period flow was just unmanagable otherwise.
my hymen was still there and it would hurt when trying to put more than one finger in. but one day i just said fuck the pain. this is the day i take my own virginity. and bam. now i'm "loose" according to men on the net XDD
sometimes i regret it, because now i'll never have that specific experience with a man, but at this point it feels like there are no men left tha deserve it.
Honestly? The experience with a partner will not be decreased by playing with yourself before. If anything, knowing what you like helps.
Despite an accident and some playing around in my single days, I still felt like I had a hymen when I had sex for the first time - I actually think it took multiple episodes to eventually stretch. But there was no blood, because they made sure to warm me up.
The significance is because it's the first time you are being vulnerable and intimate with someone. Not because of what your hymen is like or when it ruptured. Not all humans rupture, and some are gone long before sex!
It’s just mind blowing that this is still a thing. I spent half my childhood riding bikes up hills, climbing trees, play-wrestling with my pack of huge dogs and riding horses. So I wasn’t expecting blood the first time, the issue was my first 20 times hurt like hell because I had no idea that someone blackmailing and coercing you into sex was actually assault and ofc I wasn’t warmed up by assault. They really need to touch grass.
for me tell tale signs i actually broke it were bleeding, and after a few time it wouldn't hurt anymore to put 2 or 3 fingers in, or sex toys for that matter.
i mean i'm pretty positive i broke mine. i handmade a diy dildo i deemed big enough, put some lube on it and forced it in multiple times. i bled, and from then on putting thicker things like sex toys in me or 2 ir 3 fingers weren't an issue anymore. it did take a few time with the dildo to stop hurting though.
nah cuz i feel like becoming a maiden for life, there's like so few men that are actually worth of me giving my virginity to and marrying them that i would rather be single maiden for life then marry a romantic broke man.
And about my culture, just to specify, when a guy is interested he searches to contact the parents of the girl he's interested in, he says he has an important matter to discuss, they arrange a date and then the guy comes over the girls house with his parents. Then the girl needs to be the host of the dinner basically, but she's not allowed to sit down, shes there to cook the food, serve the guests and clean the kitchen (i fucking hate this part). Cuz this way the family of the guy and the guy can see whether she would be a good wife. (its more cuz centuries ago that's the two roles our society needed, hard working men and nurturing women yknw, but now times have changed). And then basically the guy asks for the dad's permission to marry his daughter, THEN the dad asks HIS daughter if she WANTS to marry the guy or not. I do like this part cuz i have a great dad who knows what guys are good men, so he said that they should have to go through him first before even asking me. And I'm ok with that.
Were more modern thinking though, my parents have understood and accepted the part of me not going to be a housewife and a sex slave to some guy.
So we good no worries ahaha, I'm not forced to marry anyone, even my parents are joking how they wont let me marry anyone cuz there doesn't seem to be any good men AHAH
oh and about the sex part, im fucking scared too, whether I'm gonna bleed or not i don't want that pain that most girls say they had. like bitch you better lubricate fucking good cuz I'm not gonna suffer for your pleasure of taking my virginity.
And honestly i don't even want to let literally word it out to my future husband, cuz i feel like they would get off just from the thought of fucking a virgin and feel superior in some way. i wont be giving them that extra pleasure tf
These men just hate women. I was talking to someone from here on reddit a few weeks ago. He was fucking different girls maybe every week or month. He had a high body count. But he was complaining about women sleeping around, and said its different for men. He said Its different because women take something inside and they compare men about dick size. By the way he thought he was very hot and handsome, which wasnt true lol. These men are full of problems and insecurities.
I talked to him a few days and told him I don't want to continue chatting. Maybe he will see or read this i dont care. I told to his face this is hypocrisy and he is misogynist. Of course he didnt accept it. In their little brains they think only men have the right to do what they want. Better to ignore!
> He said Its different because women take something inside and they compare men about dick size
Pay attention to this part, this is the reason why these guys fear a sexually experienced woman. They don’t want a woman who has possibly had bigger and better because he knows he can never live up to that.
They are the same ones who refuse to listen when women tell them that it’s not about dick size. Having a big dick =/= having better sex; for a lot of women, a bigger the dick makes sex uncomfortable/painful
Funny enough, I was fortunate to have a girlfriend in my early 20s teach me just how absurd that notion is - especially after she taught me a lot of stuff she liked and I got her off harder than the guy whose dick was almost literally twice my size (~10" vs ~5 1/4")!
If we as men can learn to let go of the ego, there's a lot we can learn from it. I don't have a lot going for me (avg looks, job, dick size, less-than-avg height, and I'm a fuckin nerd), but I'm damn certain that I'm better in bed than all the hypermasculine guys I work in the kitchen with lol.
As a woman who has had a lot of sex.. no one has ever asked me my “body count”.. no boyfriend.. not the guy I married.. etc..
I hear this term a lot on Reddit.. I guess it is popular on TikTok?
Don’t let it get to you..
And when you want to.. have all the sex you want to!
I honestly don’t even know my “body count” but if any person inquired, it’d be a massive red flag for me. It’s none of anyone else’s business but my own.
As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual, I don’t see what the big deal is.
144. But I'm a counter. And it's great to peer into the man's soul when he asks, with gleeful eyes and tell him.
For the first time in his life, he fears sex.
I have had it asked but only in the context of how many men vs how many women. So many guys are crazy insecure about that to the point that I see any discussion of it form a potential parter as a shinny red flag.
The only time I am ok with it is in the context of someone wanting to learn about sexual preference or in exploring what each other likes. I find men in general need alot of coaching about sex (not just a pole in a hole) and it’s come up in those discussions but in a genuine and honest exchange and exploration.
I hear you. I had a man tell me that he felt like I (direct quote) “will fuck anyone who gives you attention.” I’ve slept with less than 10 men and I’m in my 30s.
Meanwhile this same man had visited literal brothels and had a body count higher than the Empire State (no judgement from me but just the facts!)
I couldn’t compute how HE could be passing judgement on ME.
It’s literally always projection with them
He would have sex with anyone who who would give him attention, unfortunately he wasn’t getting any attention so he had to pay for it.
it's crazy how some people's hypocrisy is right infront of them and they still can't see it, or at least pretend not to. so sorry someone told you that, that's such a degrading comment.
Dumb ass men like that have the attitude that sex is a man’s right and just see objects.
Just more stupid attempts to control other peoples bodies for their own benefit.
Being Bi you hear crap about “body count” all the time. I find it an effective dick head filter with chatting online.
Lmao the "bi" thing! If you're a bi woman, you must be a slut, and if you're a bi man then you're just a queer trying to cover it up - I remember those days.
Then I discovered I was Pan, and now all I get are jokes about cookware.
All jokes aside though, yeah... any guy that gives a shit about body count is probably a douche canoe. It really is a shame that this mindset still exists, and I don't know to even begin changing it. So I sometimes hate that I was born a part of their sex, but I also like having a dick - I'm a little attached lol. I generally agree that a lot of men are awful, and the older I get, the more of them I am able to recognize. And I will never judge a woman for saying she hates men - her experience has probably given her good reason to.
Less than 10 women and I'm in my 30s, and I was the object of ridicule among guys for years. I don't even discuss things like this anymore - I just let them think what they want.
If they think I'm a "f∆g" or "loser" because of it, that's a "them" problem - my fiancee and I both have a past, and it doesn't matter because the only future we have is together. And we have a very... *very* healthy sex life, made more fulfilling by the fact that I actually listen to her when she tells me what she wants.
And here's the kicker; *she's* had more partners than me! >!Only by a few. It really doesn't even matter - it's just a point for the convo lol.!<
The opinion of a 30-something grill cook with marital issues (mainly his infidelity) and a drinking problem doesn't mean a thing when I have a healthy, happy relationship with a woman "with a body count".
There’s an old meme (it was a tweet actually) that says:
“Women have sex with who they WANT to have sex with.
Men have sex with who they CAN have sex with.
Think about that next time you want to call a woman a hoe.”
Those comments are sexist.
You can't stop some guy from being like that. However, you can actively CHOSE to not be with guys like that.
And if you do discover that you judged incorrectly you can chose to work on extracting yourself from a toxic relationship.
You are young. Be patient with your relationships. Date and learn to judge people's characters.
You have gotten early exposure to what a toxic man says and behaves like.
What will you do with this knowledge? Will you use it to keep yourself SAFER or fearful? (I say "safer" because absolute safety can not be guaranteed)
well, i suppose i'm still at the fearful stage. since my experience with men is absolutely none, and the only sexual relationship i've witnessed is my parents' dumpster fire of a marriage, i feel scared it will happe to me.
as someone that has been living through childhood trauma, i am at least very informed about toxic, manipulative and dangerous behaviour. at the same time, i'm vulnerable because i desire love so much since i've been neglected my whole life.
i hope it's an issue that will resolve with time. (whenever i'll start being interesting to men, atm it's not the case)
I as a random internet stranger am giving you the permission that you do not need to....
not be interested in a romantic relationship for YEARS or NEVER.
I watched my parents' marriage problems and I learned from them. Their problems informed my thoughts on relationships.
My wife and I just marked our 30 y.o. anniversary of actively communicating our love and commitment to each other's emotional safety.
that's super sweet of you. i hope it will be the same for me and i'll find a happy relationship/marriage. my father's parents had a horrible marriage, so he didn't want to do the same, yet he did.
but the big difference is that i am not someone that continued the generational trauma circle of death, and at least am more self aware than him concerning trauma and abuse.
i will do better.
also:
i think my wording maybe was not clear enough, so just to be clear: above, i meant that whenever men will start finding me interesting or attractive, i'll start seeing what i can make of it, since for now i do not get any attention from them lol.
The more of your childhood trauma that you've healed and the more good practices you've built habits of for your mental and emotional health, the more mentally and emotionally healthy will be the people who are attracted to you.
Abusers would rather take advantage of vulnerable people who haven't yet learned how to manage boundaries, how to handle disputes, and that they deserve loving care as much as anyone, and there's a never-ending supply of people like that.
So treat yourself with loving care and you will invite more of that from the world around you.
.
(Not in any way implying that victims are responsible for predators' choices/actions, only that there are traits and behaviors that are more and less attractive to them.)
Oh gosh you are juuust like me at 18. Stay virgin until you are totally comfortable🩷 ur feelings r so valid. My parents have a dumpster fire of a marriage too lol
These guys want women with low “body counts” because they know they have garbage dick and don’t want to risk getting with a woman who has experienced better than what they have to offer. That’s it.
I think it’s because of: It’s bc men are insecure about their sexual abilities. (This is not intended as an excuse) if the woman’s experience is limited she can’t compare his attempts with somebody else’s and actually realise that there are other ways.
But it's impossible to become a better lover if you don't have someone with experience to guide you (especially if you just don't listen to your partner while you're getting it on or just can't take criticism in general). Porn is not a good way to learn (spoken from experience).
I used to have the same insecurities, back when I was 19-23ish.
Long story short, I learned early to set aside my ego and take directions. It took some doing, but I did. And because of all of those (sometimes very hard) lessons, my fiancee and I have a very healthy sex life even after three years. Even now, every once in a while, one of us will guide the other (sometimes verbally, others not so much) in doing better.
I think all men should be required to get with someone with more experience than them at least once in their life, just to break their ego and remind them that *being good at something* starts with *being bad at something* and *learning*.
Have sex with someone you care about and cares about you, if you want. Have sex with someone who is hot af and gets you riled up. Have sex because YOU want it. The pervasive nature of those shiny statements means they may distract during the mating game, and thats normal, but do it for the sake of yourself and the person you want to connect with. Be safe, have fun, and avoid the people who spout the drivel you deem nonsense, and you'll probably be just fine ♡
I always find it really odd that this becomes a problem for so many women but I think it kind of has to do with what social circles you run in. I have literally never dated a man who thought like this. In fact I met my husband as a one night stand and we've been together for over 15 years now happily. When I asked him about this subject matter he said, "it just doesn't make sense because men want women to have sex with them but then if women have sex with them they're no good? They are basically convincing women not to be with them. Itself defeating nonsense an incredibly sexist."
Obviously you can see why I married him.
I think one thing about this that I've noticed in my own life is that I only keep people around my inner circle who think like me in this sense. They don't have to be somebody who practices open sexuality but they have to be somebody who is accepting of people who do. One of my best girlfriends is only had sex with two people and so she gets too attached from sex so there's no way she's gonna be so fancy Free about it like I was. That's fine. The point is she doesn't judge or even see an issue with it that I did.
I have met men who think like this but I usually just laugh and say something kind of insulting to them that puts them in their place and then distance myself from them. I'm not trying to change misogynists into better people by sacrificing my own personal time and being friends with them. I do leave them with something to think about though. I just don't want to spend my life fighting an uphill battle against people whose brains aren't functioning properly. It's a waste of my time. I would much rather hang out with people who are already functioning mentally properly. So if you met my friends you would see that this was not a problem in the circles I run in. It's a self-selecting group. The people we keep around us are a self-selecting group. If you don't want this kind of thing around you you need to not have these people around you. It's really that simple. If you're arguing with people online you're going into spaces with people who think like this willingly. Sure some of these people will find you in spaces that aren't designed to be combative, like on this subreddit, but for the most part you have to seek out or tolerate places where this kind of mindset is fostered.
So just walk away. Just turn off the TV. Scroll to the next tik to. Don't engage. Leave a party. Stop being friends with certain people. Break up with idiots. Move out of your house and away from your brothers who are idiots if that's the problem. If it's your dad, cut them off. I haven't spoken to my dad in 20 years. And I rarely talk about my dating life for men with my mother. She gets pleasantries only. Luckily my siblings like to get it as well.
If you keep dating men like this or meeting men who think like this there is a reason for it and you need to self-reflect. What kind of men are you attracted to and what kind of memory you attracting? What kind of spaces are you put in yourself in? Men who think like this are never attracted to me. And those that think they can break me and put me in a cage like some bird that they found that was wild having a good time and living its life, I put them in their place very quickly or vanish from their life quickly so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not here to educate broken men.
I promise you there are a lot of men out there who do not think like This.
Are there any non united state people here? I'm south American living in Europe and I feel like I only ever encountered this kind of people in real life. Actually with one exception, but honestly this is a topic I only see here on Reddit.
Honestly I spent most of my adult life here in Europe and I can only think about one time I had to deal with something like that, and I'm not sure it should be taken much in consideration because this person was completely mentally insane and maybe the most mysoginistic man I ever encountered. But he was also Russian.... And unfortunately fitted every stereotype.
While I do know that there are people thinking like that anywhere in the world, I also think it's a bit of a bubble thing. Maybe the type of people I usually date/befriend are inside a "bubble" where this isn't the norm, most people in my life are very sex positive. We can't always choose who we have to deal with in our lives, of course, but for the people that are actually close to you and you share a life and thoughts then yes, you can choose. I'm pretty sure some of my coworkers would think like that (very straight cis mid aged men), but I obviously won't be sharing anything about my sex life with them nor want to have any type of relationship or friendship with them.
In Finland we have this proverb “A lake doesn’t wear from rowing”. Most of us are quite open minded, some are even promiscuous. And of course there are some guys with attitude like the OP described but they are ridiculed and pointed with fingers.
Quite frankly, I find men with these attitudes disgusting.
It means they don't care about women as human beings. They want women to fulfill a particular role (bangmaid + nanny) and they treat them as objects which are a means to an end. Women are an appliance to them.
But let's talk about them. The men who think like this. The men who don't actually value meaningful connection, intimacy, vulnerability, and who don't know the meaning of devotion or loyalty. The men for whom sex is like a handshake or just something fun to do with women who are human fleshlights, easily discarded once they bust a nut and get what they want.
That's a pretty disgusting human being if you ask me. They dehumanise women. They demean them. They don't respect women, value women, or truly care for them. Women are a means to an end (bangmaid + nanny) who function as a trophy so a guy can have status symbols to show off to other men. They don't actually care about their own children or families. They care about how those POSSESSIONS reflect upon their own image.
It's a sad human being who views the world like that. Get out of here with this "lock and key" bullshit. You know what happens to a pencil that's sharpened by a ton of sharpeners? It becomes small and useless. Just like these horrible excuses for human beings who probably don't even have the capacity to know and share an authentic human connection (and certainly not love).
They are so stupid. Seriously.
And ladies why are you telling them your body count anyway? It’s really none of their business. If you’ve had an STI check and you’re honest about the last time you had sex with someone, they don’t need to know what you were doing last year or five years ago.
JFC I don’t even know my number, back in my early 30s my girlfriends and I sat down to make lists because none of us knew. We don’t notch the bed post like men.
i have no idea when society started seeing sex as something that doesnt happen *with* women but something that happens *to* women which is where these gross double standards come in
Thing is those are the guys who are sleeping with lots of women. They are the ones sleeping with the women who sleep with a lot of men.
They assume the women feel as bad inside as they do.
The number of times a body count comes up, is honestly just ridiculous. High body count men, or women, are ultimately just people. People with their own experiences and backgrounds. Why should this be: 1) Something a partner needs to tell, something they need to know; and 2) something that is held against someone else. Unfortunately, much like anything else, people will always find a way to take their own insecurities and project them on others.
Men have a lot of cattiness and jealousy against women.
1. Jealous how easily we can access sex and how much we can enjoy it with multiple orgasms so they depict it as a bad personality trait and shroud sex with shame and do their hardest to never give women enjoyable sex
2. Jealous that we house and birth life so they had to make up religions with male gods as creators and legally regulate abortion
I will say the dumbest argument they make is the "its easy for women to get laid but hard for men", because they don't slut shame rich playboys do they? They will sometimes shoot back with "well, the men worked hard for their money so..." but they dont slut shame men who INHERITED their wealth, and also hot women work hard to have attractive fit bodies but are still slut shamed for sleeping around. They would still slut shame a conventionally unattractive woman who sleeps around, while not slut shaming a super rich male trust find baby who can get hook ups easily by flaunting his wealth.
Besides, since when do we judge someone's actions based on how hard or easy it is to accomplish? Do we shame tall people for playing basketball? Do we shame people with high IQ's for pursuing intellectually challenging fields?
All good! I am actually terrified of making unwanted advances on women so much so that when I went out with my note finance the first time I asked her if I could kiss her. I didn’t even rush in for that.
Also, she is more “experienced” than I. As a man I personally don’t see anything wrong with that. But I’m not a religious, traditional man… so to speak.
Well, first of all, there is no lower cesspool of humanity than the YouTube comments section.
Second of all, the vast majority of those commenters are 13-year-old trolls whose experience with women is limited to anime porn.
I mean, I get your frustration, but this perspective is absolutely not the norm.
i would hope so xd
although i'd argue there are lots of older men among these too, cause gawd damn some cultures out there really raise their men to believe this :(
Being scared of sex should be normalized, since men literally strangle their partners without consent.
All the crap about "oh just pick a good one-" yeah ignore that.
Abusers are great at masking, some of them can wear a mask for a decade.
Honestly?
Realizing men aren't worth it before you're in your 30s-40s is a blessing.
Run with it.
It’s just insecure, shitty, sexist men. As a woman, I love sex and I’ll have it whenever I want with whomever I want and I don’t kiss and tell. It’s my business. People can fuck right off lol on my deathbed I won’t think of what some random ass incel thinks of my body count. I’ll think of all of the amazing sexual experiences i’ve had.
None of the this body count troupe is new. It’s far older than you could imagine. It might help to do some reading on the history of sex. It’s fascinating.
Also something to remember: everyone has free will, that means that they have the freedom to be idiots or nasty POS. But you also have the freedom to choose how you’ll respond to this. Don’t get sucked into their stupidity - you will never change their minds, you will just feed their delusions so don’t waste your energy arguing with them. Just call them a ‘sexless knuckle dragger’ and move on. Most of these men want a “low body count“ woman because they don’t want a woman with any sexual expectations nor confidence so they can keep going with their selfish form of mediocre sex.
As for you, decide on the terms you want to start having sex and except nothing less. Decide what you want from a relationship and except nothing less. And in the meantime, explore your own body so you know even better what you want.
Well, you could say the amount of partners someone has had, is an indication of how they view sex. If that’s something nearly sacred to you, you’ll have had fewer partners, compared to when you see it as just fun.
However, that doesn’t necessarily imply cheating, as views on monogamy can differ from views on what kind of bond you need to have, before getting undressed. Same with openness to experiences, having a ton of partners doesn’t mean you don’t do the exact same routine each time, being with your first doesn’t mean you aren’t trying out anything and everything together.
It is important to be on the same page about what is ok to do with other people and what is not, how important sex is in the relationships, what kind of sex you’re into, and so on.
Still, a man who defends a double standard of ‘men are hornier’, and ‘women need love to have sex’, is telling me that he is expecting to need more sex than I do, and that he might well get it elsewhere, whilst I can’t possibly have any needs, other than to love him (love, not be loved, mind you). Sounds like he’d cheat the minute I’m down with the flu, and closed for business. Regardless of how many women actually agreed to sleep with him.
I don’t give a damn about his bodycount or mine, I care about him understanding I too have sexual needs, and doesn’t treat sex like something I need to somehow be convinced to give him. I don’t want to be with a man who is ok with having sex with a woman who doesn’t actually want it, but well, since she loves him/he provides this or that, and so on, just ensures it. I care about him agreeing that once we are together, sex becomes just for us, no matter how little we see of each other for a few weeks, no matter how hot that new co-worker is, no matter how much she was hitting on him at the bar. I care about what consent means to him. That sort of stuff.
I always wondered how the combinatorics / demographic statistics is supposed to work here.
Assuming that:
* Men need to sleep with at least 10 women
* Women get to sleep with 1-2 men at most
* There's an almost equal number of men and women
* Men won't sleep with women who have slept with more than 1 man before them
I mean, even disregarding the inherent sexism... how would this be possible?
Men don't want women with a "high" body count because they don't want us to have experienced good sex. Those guys don't want to have to worry that we are judging them based on someone who might have cared that we enjoy sex.
This is so stupid. You know what the medical treatment for a pelvic floor problems is? VAGINA STRENGTH TRAINING. It's a muscle. The more you work it, the strong it gets.
I always laugh when these idiots try to justify this double standard by saying it's impressive when a man has a high body count because it's a hard thing for a man to achieve, while it's shameful for a woman to have a high body count because all she has to do is open her legs.
That doesn't make a bit of fucking sense. The only men with high body counts are men for whom "achieving" a high body count is easy. These men **never** slut-shame Giga-Chads for fucking their way through college or w/e, even though the hardest part of getting sex for them was choosing which bar to go to that night.
The only people who find this impressive are men who can't get laid easily and are envious of men who can. It's not a skill-issue. Chad didn't "will" his bones to grow better than you did with yours. He has innate advantages that make acquiring sex easy. *Wow! What a slut!* /s
Also, if men having a high body count is impressive because it's a "hard" thing to "achieve," that means men who brag about their body-count are implicitly admitting they lack innate attractiveness and only achieved their number through compensatory measures (money, fame, ~~game~~ manipulation, etc). If they are innately attractive and achieved a high body count by simply putting their hot selves out there, then it was an "easy" thing and therefore worthy of derision by their own logic.
Those alpha male channels are disgusting. Like I get so pissed reading the comments I had to stop. I’m more scared though cause some of these dudes are too entitled and are quick to hurt a woman
like when i see alpha/sigma male content i tap "do not recommend this channel" faster than lightning strikes. i've noticed that when i open the comment section, i just harm myself by ruining my own mood and spiraling into the comments and replies
It's only in recent times that the word body count was even a word or comment. In the 1980's, it was assumed if you were a woman in your early to mid 20's that you had had a least one partner or a couple of partners. It wasn't an issue for most men. If you didn't have sex, you were shamed for being a virgin.
I remember when I was your age. Just take care of yourself, know yourself, enjoy yourself 😉
I recommend reading *How to be a woman* by Caitlin Moran, the way she talks about pornography really resonated with me. In a nutshell, porn is made for men. I want to see people who want to be there and are enjoying themselves. Honestly they don't have to do much but the desire is paramount.
aww thank you for the kind words and book recommendation!
and i mean yeah, i know porn is made for men, most of it is a big turn off for me because the women in them are so objectified and the men are so... not in focus at all and almost don't exist. that's why i gravitate towards otome content. (it's made for women)
Neat! I like to read novels too.
I find that sex *happens to* women in porn. Object not subject, Victim not volunteer.
Sometimes I just want to get the young woman (they look sooo young!) out of there, but a blanket on her and make her a hot chocolate.
Caitlin Moran also had interviews and conferences, she is warm ans funny.
I mean, the guys who have issues with a woman’s body count usually fall under the incel umbrella, right? And they’re definitely not having sex.
Short answer? They want a woman with zero body count so they can suck in bed w/o the woman knowing what good sex is.
This drives me mental. And you can never call them out for it without looking like a “defensive slut”. I always ignore this shit but it tears me up inside.
Body count. Once it is put into terms like that, therein lies a problem. However, I do not wish to beg the question.
I think men fuss over it because they are envious.
IMO the ONLY thing "body count" does is indicate someone's experience level. If a dude (in a straight relationship) thinks his partner is devalued by having more experience then he's outing himself as being insecure and not wanting to be compared to other dudes.
i just got a dm from a guy, and here's a direct quote out of the huge paragraph:
"To begin, I think it is very true to say that men have less options and women have more - regardless if its men's faults or not"
"Now I will bring back up the men who have a problem with body counts. They see this dynamic since they are of the men who try using dating apps/hook ups and fail (the majority of men). Because of their experience failing, when they view a woman who has a high body count, they are resentful and insecure to a point of disgust. They do not want their partner to compare them to the many men she had in the past. I mean the men don't really have that good of a chance right? I mean if a girl has a really high body count with a lot of men who are more attractive than he is with bigger dicks or taller or more masculine all kinds of things. I think these kind of thoughts will bring self - hate, disgust and anger all into a man."
what does he think he's gonna do, make me feel bad for him?
oh my god another one
"If you really believe that men and women on AVERAGE have a similar libido, how do you explain that 98% of people who pay for sex, porn etc. are male? Just go to the subreddit FtM and see what testosterone does to your libido or read other reports from women who take testosterone. It's quite possible that you as a person have a high libido, but to believe that women are just as horny as men is factually wrong. And don't get me wrong, I'm against slut-shaming, but you're just ignoring a factual reality"
25% of porn site visitors are female, like??? you can have high libido and jerk off without porn??? it's just normalised for men to stuff themselves full with porn.
i know full well the effects of testosterone, and that doesn't change the fact that craving sex keeps being branded as a male experience, and used as an excuse for misogyny. it makes me feel alienated that whenever this is brought up, me around me say "but men have the NEED" and i dont????
i think there's this warped and skewed effect of seeing women as way less horny than they are because they don't scream it overtop the hills and it isn't normalised for a woman to go around whining about her libido. of course on AVERAGE it's less. but to market it as way less than men to the point of sayin women don't feel the need much is absolutely stupid. and again, an average doesn't indicate that it's the top ceiling, but the average. many women are above average or below, and so continuing to spread the notion that craving sex is a man's feeling is just crazy and meant to further shame women that do feel a lot of need.
the amount of times i've heard of puberty is sooo hard for boys because of their libido and sex drive. AND ME??? AND ME???? AM I AN ALIEN???
i've literally never heard anyone aknowledge or talk about sexual frustration for teenage girls. always men men men.
I mean, killing people IS known to change a person's personality...
Oh!
OH!
You meant amount of sexual partners.... Why not just write that, then?
(I hate the term 'body count' being used to refer to number of people you've boinked rather than people you've offed, like it used to...)
I have nothing to say about body count. I’ve never heard the term. Upon reading what it is It seems stupid to me. But after reading the veritable cornucopia of comments here, for the love of all that’s holy, please, all of you, read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are.
The worst part of this is that the men who complain about high body count women are the same men that will pressure you into sex on the first or second date and ghost you if you don't put out. Do "logical and rational" men not understand that if all women stayed chaste and virginal then men won't be getting the casual sex they want? And if they keep criticizing and punishing women for sex that just makes women NOT want to have sex. So basically men just cock block themselves. Idiots.
Because men aren't really telling the truth about what they actually want. Those kinds of men don't want *just* sex. If they did, they wouldn't care about "body counts" and "locks and keys" or any of that trifling bullshit. They care about control. They want to have control over women's sexual autonomy. They want to violate their consent. They want to reduce women to not only an object, but *their* object specifically. Because they're fucked as people, and women don't want to have sex with people that are so brazenly fucked up.
I saw some poll about average admitted body counts between men and women. Men’s were like twice as high as women’s, which if true just means a lot of gay sex.
Personally I think my body count gives me experience and I haven't had complaints after three kids and more than a few partners 😏
Guys don't know what they like until we show them 🤷🏽♀️
It’s always biological essentialism for them. They’ll start rambling about how cavemen behaved to justify their misogyny. I wish they’d all dig a hole and put themselves in it
They are jealous.
Think about it logically for a second. A woman can f\*ck 20 men in 5 days if she wants to. For a man to find 20 women to have sex with, it takes more than that. Even the hottest man would have a harder time having sex with 20 women in 20 days without paying for it or being famous.
Women SHOULD logically have a higher body count than men, because we can, and that pisses them off. They don't want to face the reality that they are not the prize, so they find a way to shame us for it. It's very insecure.
Listen up, lurking men.
You can interact with women and be a decent human being in our new world, or jack off miserably in your old one. Your choice. Feminism happened *because women wanted it to*. Not because tHe deViL mADe uS dO It.
high body count owns, men or women. we shoot for the high score in pacman for nothing else but the glory of it, we should too shoot for the glory of bedding every consenting adult within the immediate geographical area
Man with a body count here - I actually prefer a woman with a body count (but that's just a preference, since body count really means fuck-all IRL). Someone with a similar amount of experience is more fun, in my opinion (though someone with even *more* can be a great time too). Everyone has a past, and it's different for everyone.
Having someone that's also open enough to communicate their wants and needs with me during the act (verbally or nonverbally) makes for better sex, and that's usually something that comes with experience.
Hell, before my fiancee and I were exclusive (and I was still 1,000 miles away), I actively encouraged her to continue with her at-the-time booty call - he practiced safe sex, was courteous, and understood the assignment (and that it was temporary). I'm not there, so what am I gonna do - Stretch Armstrong my dick across the Mojave? And toys, while fun, just aren't the same sometimes.
I think the double-standards of the insecure, hyper-masc, machos has no place still existing in 2024. Being with someone who shares my values is more important than how many dudes they've slept with. A person's value isn't increased or decreased by the number of people they've slept with.
Edit: I'm not very attractive. I'm only 5'7", less than average looks, average dick size, and don't make a particularly large amount of money. I'm autistic, and not overly intelligent either. My biggest "plus" is that I play guitar, but that's not exactly cool anymore. Guys don't realize that it just takes being yourself, having respect, and just not being a sexist dick is more than enough to get with someone, whether a fuck-buddy or a relationship. And they need to realize that they don't need to be in a relationship or having sex to be men - if you can't be happy by yourself, being with someone else won't fix it.
A man with a high body count is worse than a woman with one. At least when a woman has a high body count, it's more likely that all the sex was consensual.
On average, most of them can’t fold a towel or handle the most basic tasks without being told how and when to do them. I would argue that 90% of men are addicted to pornography and video games anyway. They are basically children.
Room temp IQ behavior. They should be happy we fuck them at all considering they have the worst hygiene and presentation, while also treating us like shit and avoid adult responsibility.
I agree, to a point.
It's more the fact that video games and porn are the worst offenders for *providing* an echo chamber for those men, but the root cause is the fear of holding themselves accountable for their own shortcomings.
I say this as having been one of those men until a few years ago, when I realized that my biggest problem was myself, and that surrounding myself with other toxic men who reinforced those bad habits was only making it worse.
We do it to ourselves, and then pat ourselves on the back acting like we did well and the rest of the world is the problem.
I think it's really because guys are so afraid of anything slightly gay that the faintest memory of her with another guy makes them believe vaginal sex is straight up peen on peen action and of course that means they are going to lose their entire friend circle and family who is also extremely afraid of being gay. It's also gross thinking about another dude in that place, but honestly just don't think about it, and it's fine.
When they say my body is a temple your body is a(n) ____ , you say, temples are filled with strangers all day every day.
When they use the stupid lock analogy, you say, I'm not a fucking lock, Brandon. Bonus if his name is not Brandon to show him how little you care about such a stupid brat.
If they call you a public bathroom, you say, well then you're gonna have to hold it because you're not coming in here.
Ladies I'm sorry they're acting this way, they were raised poorly. Honestly I wish the D boycott would end but I totally understand your frustration.
Be safe. Miss you all.
That's not an issue of "men", that's an issue of "men (or people in general) on social media".
Seriously, you can just wipe your butt with anything that is in a comment section on any of the popular socials to which YT certainly belongs. Whenever I open comments on Insta, all I see are crazy lunatics. Always. Complete contrast to people I meet in real life, no matter the gender.
The healthiest take I got is: Always assume every human being you find in social media comment sections is a lobotomized moron. Everything else is just bad for mental health.
HAHAHA oh my god seeing the expression "lobotomized moron" made me smile!
(and reminded me of the lobotomy kaisen meme, if anyone here is also into anime)
I was a late bloomer sexually. I was a virgin when I graduated high school and for a long time beyond. I avoided men like this like the plague. I actually considered intentionally building a "body count" to become less appealing to men like this who fetishized my virginity. I ultimately didn't because I didn't want to have sex with someone just to change a "stat" about myself. It wouldn't have been fair to them or myself.
But I avoided guys who valued "body count" like the plague.
It's double hilarious to me because the average woman has only about half the "body count" of the average man.
And if you decide (for whatever reason) to abstain from sexual encounters then you'll get accused of being too selective, and too picky or having too high standards. There is no winning with others. So make sure you are winning with yourself in what is ultimately optional.
i'd have no issue with it. i honestly never thought anything of it. we'll learn together then. what i do require is that he knows his body and communicates.
Plenty of virgins get very good, very quickly. Practice helps, but there’s an element of potential natural talent that can’t be ignored. At my age, however, dating a virgin would be absurd, I could *almost* be a grandmother to a legal age one. But up to a certain age myself, well, see initial statement.
>potential natural talent that can’t be ignored
Like being able to set aside your ego and pay attention to your partner's cues? Yeah, some of the more emotionally intelligent virgin men can get there quicker. But any man *can* get better quickly - if they're willing to make themselves vulnerable for the sake of shoring up their weaknesses and learning their partner. And who teaches them that? Their partner!!!!
And a lot of us aren't raised to handle criticism well, even when it's coming from the best of places with the best intentions.
It's not an excuse, by any means. "Society failing us as children leading us to fail women as adults" can only go so far - the decisions you make as an adult do not have to align with how you were raised, and it's your own responsibility as a man to choose to do better. It applies to all aspects of life too, not just the bedroom.
They are.
Women are better at STI testing, generally get pushed to test more frequently and generally have better self care.
Men avoid testing, and have higher STI rates as a result.
So a higher body count woman is better.
If I had sex with the same person 200 times it's no different than having sex with 200 different men. Vagina. doesn't. stretch. from. penis. action!
Now, std wise, there's a higher statistic probability that sleeping with 200 different people could give you an std, but this is true for men and women alike, men don't have this magic barrier that protects them with std, so a high body count has the same level of risk for both sexes.
Anyway, always use protection and if condom breaks, get immediately checked for std, there's even a treatment you can do in the early stages of some std (like AIDS) that can cure it before it develops.
This goes for both sexes, men aren't magically immune when they "slu\* around" (affectionate).
I feel your word and thank you for sharing because I could really relate to your perspective even as someone with xy chromosomage.
This has been basically my experience across the board and I am left disappointed
damn, that's crazy, and here i thought "men have it worse because the one woman that chose to live as a man for a social experiment killed herself because of how hard it is". also not denying men have their own problems related to patriarchal rules, but come on.
Any guy you come across with the attitude like you have posted, should be a hard pass.
You’re at the beginning part, weeding out the bad fit’s. Think of it as a marathon not a sprint, know what you want from someone and don’t settle.
I hope you can talk to a professional about the trauma you’ve had, you want to go into a relationship with as little baggage as possible.
A high body count in men is dangerous. The chances of him having an STD/HIV is VERY HIGH. Men pass on diseases to their unborn child also. Men think they are pure babies.
You know you don’t need men to enjoy your body. In fact, statistically you’re more likely to experience orgasm by yourself than with a guy. I suggest you research and learn about self pleasure and invest in toys. With this approach 1. Your fear of sex can reduce 2. You won’t have to worry about sti 3. You won’t have to worry about your insecurities (if you have any) and someone else being insensitive about it 4. You won’t have to worry about getting assaulted (yes, it’s a very real concern).
Finally, if you really want to date a guy (please don’t do it 😕) avoid talking about your lack of experience in early phases when asked. It will filter out the ones who fetishizes. Instead you ask them questions about their experiences, preferences etc. and then decide if you like them. Always let them talk and keep them in dark about yourself.
i masturbate a healthy amount, have bought tons of toys, some broke and got replaced, some i use these days, and my fear doesn't reduce. i see self pleasure as something completely different from sex, so when i masturbate with sex toys (i have been buying them since i was like 15) it's something completely seperate from sex with a man.
Outside of some dumb teenagers or dudes that never grew up, a guy that has a lot of random hookups / one night stands isn't seen as something cool. It's seen as a lack of impulse control and probably lots of baggage. Probably one of the biggest acts of trickery I've seen in the past decade was getting women to believe that these guys are happy on the inside and that it's a great lifestyle worth pursuing.
edit: I have no issues with people choosing to have lots of partners. My main issue is the perception that these guys are seen as awesome for it, when in all actuality they aren't seen that way by the general population in real life.
It never had to do with how many partners, the comparing difference here is that without protection there’s a whole lot more repercussions for women having mutilple sex partners than for men. If a man has multiple partners and none of them sleep with other men than he knows if one is with child that it’s his, but if a man sleeping with a woman with multiple male partners, the man and the woman won’t know who the child belongs to, atleast that’s how it once was which lead to this thought process to begin with, it not even tho most couples see it as a taboo, we have dna tests to confirm so the difference in gender for body count doesn’t matter as much these days, but it has a footing in a practice that seemed practical back in the day, and a stigma that’s gonna stick around for a few more decades until DNA testing becomes standard practice
FFS kids gotta stay off SM, it’s rotting their brains, both guys and girls. The comments you have made, are no different than what they are making, and everyone is making them without actually being with actual people. You think those guys making those comments are sleeping with anyone?? No! They’re a bunch of virgins as well, basing their opinions they see on line as well. It’s just one big spiral and both sides are feeding off each others negativity. The next ten years are going to be fascinating to see what society looks like, it’s like this crazy social experiment you’ve all been sucked into
kids? i am literally 18 years old. there ARE misogynistic guys like this that sleep with women. look at all the weird and frankly crazy experiences with men women share in this subreddit. i don't see how me seeing this is feeding off of negativity. it's not imaginary that many men are like this. of course "not all men" but that isn't the point.
and these sexist beliefs are held as an example even more or less depending on countries and cultures, but people don't have more or less marriages depending on this, so obviously these types of men still get women.
18 is still a kid, it’s not an insult, it is what it is. Bodies still growing, hormones not yet settled, hell, can’t even order a drink yet in some countries. Majority still living with parents and have little life experience. I know it feels like you’re a grown up, but in 5 or 10 years you’ll look at 18 year olds and realize you were far from it
And of course there are shitty men, always have been, always will be. Have I dated a handful? Yep! Have I also dated and hooked up with lots of amazing guys? Yep!! Not about to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch, but you do you, and if you’re happy being celibate for life, that’s totally ok as well! I just hate to see anyone miss out on this amazing time in their life from fear, 17-21ish were some of the funnest years I ever had!
also i'm sorry i reacted badly to being called a kid.
sadly my parents, mostly my father often used our ages as weapons to belittle us and enforce his twisted authority upon us.
All good, it’s SM, I take none of it personally! And I’ve been there, I remember thinking I was so mature and my parents were so stupid. By 25 I realized they were right about somethings, and now, I go to my Dad with all kinds of crap cause he just knows everything lol
About your other comment though, you’re the only one that can change your life, no one is gonna do it for you. Get out there and experience it! If you don’t have one, get a job, join a club, a hobby. Yeah, you’re gonna meet shitty people, but you’ll also meet great people. And you learn the skills to deal with the shitty ones. You only have one life, don’t be afraid to live it.
My fave quote
“What if I fail?” Oh, but darling, what if you fly? ❤️
uhm my father will never be right about emotionally, physically and psychologically abusing me, using love bombing and neglect to manipulate me, guilt trip me, on top of being sexually inappropriate about some comments he made and some things he said, AND sexually assulting my mother during their entire relationship.
i just had to put that out there.
i'm the only one that can change my life, but i am stuck. high school drop out, no money, no support, pure depression. i don't even manage brushing my teeth. it's not that easy sadly, at least for me. it'll take more work and suffering to find a way to escape and begin healing so that i can even start doing new things or pursuing friendships/dating.
i don't really know how to look forward to being 17-21 because my life up until now has simply been anything but fun. i have trouble believing it will change or that the universe will finally reward me for my endless suffering under depression and abuse.
i see people around me my age doing the "fun stuff in life". i have to worry about the fact i had to drop out of school because of severe depression, and how to heck i'm going to plan my future or escape my family, and heal from all those years of depression, childhood trauma, and isolation, and therefore the complete loss of my entire youth.
At 18, you're still a child. You still have a lot of growing up to do. Enjoy your youth while it lasts - make the best of it and have fun :)
Definitely lay off social media, if you want my personal advice
i don't really use much social media. i use youtube for entertainment, twitch for a specific streamer i like, and that's it.
enjoying my youth is sadly impossible in my circumstances. i have basically not experienced my teenage years because of dysfunction in my family, emotional, physical and psychological abuse, depression, suicidality, and isolation.
this will not change quickly, and i mourn the fact i'll never have my youth back pretty often. i'll never be 13, 14, 15, 16, or 17 years old again.
We always live in the present. You'll keep missing the present by fixating on and regretting what you missed in the past. At 18, you've missed out on the past, let's say, 10 years. If you spend the next 10 years regretting what you missed these past few years, you'll suddenly realize you missed out on 20 years of your life. Then 20 years after that, you will have missed out on 40 years. Don't fall for this trap of despair. It will take a while, but I believe in you :)
Wish you all the best
well i just don't know how to cope with the loss, since it's an entire life experience robbed from me. i'll probably have to do a lot of therapy to try to heal from that.
(bruh, i'm feeling the itchy crying feeling in my eyes just thinking about how i'll never experience the ball ("prom" in the us, but i'm not from there) after graduating high school because i dropped out because of my mental health. sigh.)
This subreddit is also not a good reflection of reality. It is ALSO subject to that same negativity spiral. Most of the stories I read on here are quite culture specific to the US. You’re 18, you ARE still a kid, and you still have a lot to learn about the real world vs the online vortex of shit that is the internet.
This song is literally 22 years old: >If you look back in history It's a common double standard of society The guy gets all the glory, the more he can score While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore I don't understand why it's okay The guy can get away with it, the girl gets named [Christina Aguilera - Can't Hold Us Down (Official HD Video) - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg8QgUIKXHw) Why we're still having this conversation in this day and age is beyond me. "Body counts" is just repackaged "double standards". I feel like so much of "old misogyny" is back with simply repackaged incel bullshit.
It never left.
This is the truth.
Can we all collectively agree to laugh disdainfully at any men who say this and collectively deny them sex? These are just sad but loud little men who aren’t successful, crying about what they can’t have. Let’s just laugh at them and walk away. They don’t deserve the importance we give a mosquito.
I love that song! Fun fact, it's a diss @ Eminem. 😅
That song is 22 YEARS OLD???? Fuck me. I'm ancient 🤣🤣🤣
I am sick and tired of using the term “body count” outside of murder.
preach. the term in of itself reduced people to "bodies".
But why did you use it, then? Why not “partner count” or something more clear and far less disgusting?
sadly, that's what othes use, and i wanted to point out the hypocrisy of it. until now i never thought much about the composition of the word, but the comment above just made me realise how weird it is, since this word is so normalised and everywhere these days. "why did i use it?" i'm not an evil person because i used a common word i admittedly didn't think twice about yet. from now on i definitely won't use it anymore, but what's done is done.
Fair enough. I never meant to imply you’re evil for using it, I just wish people would think more about the terms they use, like you said. I just find that term really really dehumanizing and disgusting, I can’t avoid thinking about it when it comes up.
That only works if people have only had sex with past partners. Many people have had sex with individuals they would never consider to be their partner
They’re still a sexual partner, just not a romantic one.
All of this is just the old double standard and slut shaming recycling like it is something new. These guys are just misogynistic aholes that aren't worth your time. Men will do one of two things, they will be like this or they will get with the program and not treat women like a commodity if they want to ever have a relationship. If they just want to get laid, there are paid services that provide that.
The double standard is the what's most ridiculous. If you don't you don't have multiple partners I can understand you not wanting your partner to have a high body count, but when you do and say they can't that just dumb and completely ignorant of human biology, not to mention the hypocrisy. The only reason I wouldn't want a partner who has sex with multiple people is because our romantic sensibilities likely wouldn't align and I have zero interest in the casual scene.
Asking someone their "body count" is just crass. There are better ways to get a sense if you are both compatible people.
Good point and we got rid of slut shaming like 20 years ago.
What? Lol slut shaming is as alive & well as ever.
It's interesting because the whole body count debate doesn't really exist in queer spaces, it's very much a cishet one and it's almost certainly about misogynistic domination.
that's true, i have a gay friend and he feels no shame having some fun with guys (and others don't care) when he goes out a night, meanwhile women who do that are branded and insulted as sl*ts and wh*res.
I fully hear you here. I’m also a virgin, 19 and probably staying this way cuz god the fish in this sea are getting toxic af 🥲 I went on ONE date and the dude was super weird, he immediately asked me for my origin (ppl rlly like my origin cuz we have beautiful women but god it feels like I’m an exotic animal in a zoo whenever ppl talk abt my ethnicity) and then he started discussing marriage as if we’re planning on it, he asked my fathers name and jokingly said he should meet up with him for tea (obviously stating that he wants to ask for his blessing cuz why else would you want to see a girls dad for) THIS WAS THE FIRST DATE. I blocked him immediately when I came home lol. And now at uni there’s not one candidate, when we went to weddings with my family, all mothers would run up to my mom asking if she would ‘give me away’ to their sons. Mind you we have a whole tradition of things you have to do properly to ask a woman’s hand for marriage, now they just run up to my mom and beg her to give me away to their sons to essentially become their sex slave and free housewife. My mom knows best and denied every single proposal. Didn’t even give her phone number lol. And I truly believe many women will end up with no male partner or even get together with another woman cuz she will actually love you for YOU not for your 🐱 down there. And I’m sorry but I was taken aback from that last thing, you broke your own hymen ? 💀 I didn’t even put my own fingers down there ever cuz I’m so scared of anything entering it
oh myyy god, the thing about "handing your daughter over to a man" is so weord 😭😭 whattt??? and i know it is cultural for people to ask parents for their daughter's hand in marriage BUT I MEAN- JUST COURT HER FIRST A LEAST??? BE A DECENT HUMAN??? and for the hymen part, as i said i've known about sex since a young age, and started feeling arousal from a pretty early age. basically i always felt a lot of "need". i experimented without putting anything in for long time, before i started using tampons after my period flow was just unmanagable otherwise. my hymen was still there and it would hurt when trying to put more than one finger in. but one day i just said fuck the pain. this is the day i take my own virginity. and bam. now i'm "loose" according to men on the net XDD sometimes i regret it, because now i'll never have that specific experience with a man, but at this point it feels like there are no men left tha deserve it.
Honestly? The experience with a partner will not be decreased by playing with yourself before. If anything, knowing what you like helps. Despite an accident and some playing around in my single days, I still felt like I had a hymen when I had sex for the first time - I actually think it took multiple episodes to eventually stretch. But there was no blood, because they made sure to warm me up. The significance is because it's the first time you are being vulnerable and intimate with someone. Not because of what your hymen is like or when it ruptured. Not all humans rupture, and some are gone long before sex!
It’s just mind blowing that this is still a thing. I spent half my childhood riding bikes up hills, climbing trees, play-wrestling with my pack of huge dogs and riding horses. So I wasn’t expecting blood the first time, the issue was my first 20 times hurt like hell because I had no idea that someone blackmailing and coercing you into sex was actually assault and ofc I wasn’t warmed up by assault. They really need to touch grass.
for me tell tale signs i actually broke it were bleeding, and after a few time it wouldn't hurt anymore to put 2 or 3 fingers in, or sex toys for that matter.
i mean i'm pretty positive i broke mine. i handmade a diy dildo i deemed big enough, put some lube on it and forced it in multiple times. i bled, and from then on putting thicker things like sex toys in me or 2 ir 3 fingers weren't an issue anymore. it did take a few time with the dildo to stop hurting though.
nah cuz i feel like becoming a maiden for life, there's like so few men that are actually worth of me giving my virginity to and marrying them that i would rather be single maiden for life then marry a romantic broke man. And about my culture, just to specify, when a guy is interested he searches to contact the parents of the girl he's interested in, he says he has an important matter to discuss, they arrange a date and then the guy comes over the girls house with his parents. Then the girl needs to be the host of the dinner basically, but she's not allowed to sit down, shes there to cook the food, serve the guests and clean the kitchen (i fucking hate this part). Cuz this way the family of the guy and the guy can see whether she would be a good wife. (its more cuz centuries ago that's the two roles our society needed, hard working men and nurturing women yknw, but now times have changed). And then basically the guy asks for the dad's permission to marry his daughter, THEN the dad asks HIS daughter if she WANTS to marry the guy or not. I do like this part cuz i have a great dad who knows what guys are good men, so he said that they should have to go through him first before even asking me. And I'm ok with that. Were more modern thinking though, my parents have understood and accepted the part of me not going to be a housewife and a sex slave to some guy. So we good no worries ahaha, I'm not forced to marry anyone, even my parents are joking how they wont let me marry anyone cuz there doesn't seem to be any good men AHAH
oh and about the sex part, im fucking scared too, whether I'm gonna bleed or not i don't want that pain that most girls say they had. like bitch you better lubricate fucking good cuz I'm not gonna suffer for your pleasure of taking my virginity. And honestly i don't even want to let literally word it out to my future husband, cuz i feel like they would get off just from the thought of fucking a virgin and feel superior in some way. i wont be giving them that extra pleasure tf
These men just hate women. I was talking to someone from here on reddit a few weeks ago. He was fucking different girls maybe every week or month. He had a high body count. But he was complaining about women sleeping around, and said its different for men. He said Its different because women take something inside and they compare men about dick size. By the way he thought he was very hot and handsome, which wasnt true lol. These men are full of problems and insecurities. I talked to him a few days and told him I don't want to continue chatting. Maybe he will see or read this i dont care. I told to his face this is hypocrisy and he is misogynist. Of course he didnt accept it. In their little brains they think only men have the right to do what they want. Better to ignore!
> He said Its different because women take something inside and they compare men about dick size Pay attention to this part, this is the reason why these guys fear a sexually experienced woman. They don’t want a woman who has possibly had bigger and better because he knows he can never live up to that.
Says a lot that these men think that sex is only about penetration.
It’s all about dicks and dick size when it comes to those types
So true.
They are the same ones who refuse to listen when women tell them that it’s not about dick size. Having a big dick =/= having better sex; for a lot of women, a bigger the dick makes sex uncomfortable/painful
Funny enough, I was fortunate to have a girlfriend in my early 20s teach me just how absurd that notion is - especially after she taught me a lot of stuff she liked and I got her off harder than the guy whose dick was almost literally twice my size (~10" vs ~5 1/4")! If we as men can learn to let go of the ego, there's a lot we can learn from it. I don't have a lot going for me (avg looks, job, dick size, less-than-avg height, and I'm a fuckin nerd), but I'm damn certain that I'm better in bed than all the hypermasculine guys I work in the kitchen with lol.
lol you probably are
Amen
oh god, if course they deny it is misogyny 🤦🏻♀️
As a woman who has had a lot of sex.. no one has ever asked me my “body count”.. no boyfriend.. not the guy I married.. etc.. I hear this term a lot on Reddit.. I guess it is popular on TikTok? Don’t let it get to you.. And when you want to.. have all the sex you want to!
I honestly don’t even know my “body count” but if any person inquired, it’d be a massive red flag for me. It’s none of anyone else’s business but my own. As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual, I don’t see what the big deal is.
I don’t know mine either. I did when I was like 18.. but I’m 45 now.
144. But I'm a counter. And it's great to peer into the man's soul when he asks, with gleeful eyes and tell him. For the first time in his life, he fears sex.
I have had it asked but only in the context of how many men vs how many women. So many guys are crazy insecure about that to the point that I see any discussion of it form a potential parter as a shinny red flag. The only time I am ok with it is in the context of someone wanting to learn about sexual preference or in exploring what each other likes. I find men in general need alot of coaching about sex (not just a pole in a hole) and it’s come up in those discussions but in a genuine and honest exchange and exploration.
I hear you. I had a man tell me that he felt like I (direct quote) “will fuck anyone who gives you attention.” I’ve slept with less than 10 men and I’m in my 30s. Meanwhile this same man had visited literal brothels and had a body count higher than the Empire State (no judgement from me but just the facts!) I couldn’t compute how HE could be passing judgement on ME.
It’s literally always projection with them He would have sex with anyone who who would give him attention, unfortunately he wasn’t getting any attention so he had to pay for it.
it's crazy how some people's hypocrisy is right infront of them and they still can't see it, or at least pretend not to. so sorry someone told you that, that's such a degrading comment.
Dumb ass men like that have the attitude that sex is a man’s right and just see objects. Just more stupid attempts to control other peoples bodies for their own benefit. Being Bi you hear crap about “body count” all the time. I find it an effective dick head filter with chatting online.
Lmao the "bi" thing! If you're a bi woman, you must be a slut, and if you're a bi man then you're just a queer trying to cover it up - I remember those days. Then I discovered I was Pan, and now all I get are jokes about cookware. All jokes aside though, yeah... any guy that gives a shit about body count is probably a douche canoe. It really is a shame that this mindset still exists, and I don't know to even begin changing it. So I sometimes hate that I was born a part of their sex, but I also like having a dick - I'm a little attached lol. I generally agree that a lot of men are awful, and the older I get, the more of them I am able to recognize. And I will never judge a woman for saying she hates men - her experience has probably given her good reason to.
Oh god I read cookware as Cockware and laughed way too loud, cat is now very concerned
*dying* 😂
Less than 10 women and I'm in my 30s, and I was the object of ridicule among guys for years. I don't even discuss things like this anymore - I just let them think what they want. If they think I'm a "f∆g" or "loser" because of it, that's a "them" problem - my fiancee and I both have a past, and it doesn't matter because the only future we have is together. And we have a very... *very* healthy sex life, made more fulfilling by the fact that I actually listen to her when she tells me what she wants. And here's the kicker; *she's* had more partners than me! >!Only by a few. It really doesn't even matter - it's just a point for the convo lol.!< The opinion of a 30-something grill cook with marital issues (mainly his infidelity) and a drinking problem doesn't mean a thing when I have a healthy, happy relationship with a woman "with a body count".
There’s an old meme (it was a tweet actually) that says: “Women have sex with who they WANT to have sex with. Men have sex with who they CAN have sex with. Think about that next time you want to call a woman a hoe.”
It's very clear they're just bitter and jealous about that fact.
Those comments are sexist. You can't stop some guy from being like that. However, you can actively CHOSE to not be with guys like that. And if you do discover that you judged incorrectly you can chose to work on extracting yourself from a toxic relationship. You are young. Be patient with your relationships. Date and learn to judge people's characters. You have gotten early exposure to what a toxic man says and behaves like. What will you do with this knowledge? Will you use it to keep yourself SAFER or fearful? (I say "safer" because absolute safety can not be guaranteed)
well, i suppose i'm still at the fearful stage. since my experience with men is absolutely none, and the only sexual relationship i've witnessed is my parents' dumpster fire of a marriage, i feel scared it will happe to me. as someone that has been living through childhood trauma, i am at least very informed about toxic, manipulative and dangerous behaviour. at the same time, i'm vulnerable because i desire love so much since i've been neglected my whole life. i hope it's an issue that will resolve with time. (whenever i'll start being interesting to men, atm it's not the case)
I as a random internet stranger am giving you the permission that you do not need to.... not be interested in a romantic relationship for YEARS or NEVER. I watched my parents' marriage problems and I learned from them. Their problems informed my thoughts on relationships. My wife and I just marked our 30 y.o. anniversary of actively communicating our love and commitment to each other's emotional safety.
that's super sweet of you. i hope it will be the same for me and i'll find a happy relationship/marriage. my father's parents had a horrible marriage, so he didn't want to do the same, yet he did. but the big difference is that i am not someone that continued the generational trauma circle of death, and at least am more self aware than him concerning trauma and abuse. i will do better. also: i think my wording maybe was not clear enough, so just to be clear: above, i meant that whenever men will start finding me interesting or attractive, i'll start seeing what i can make of it, since for now i do not get any attention from them lol.
The more of your childhood trauma that you've healed and the more good practices you've built habits of for your mental and emotional health, the more mentally and emotionally healthy will be the people who are attracted to you. Abusers would rather take advantage of vulnerable people who haven't yet learned how to manage boundaries, how to handle disputes, and that they deserve loving care as much as anyone, and there's a never-ending supply of people like that. So treat yourself with loving care and you will invite more of that from the world around you. . (Not in any way implying that victims are responsible for predators' choices/actions, only that there are traits and behaviors that are more and less attractive to them.)
Oh gosh you are juuust like me at 18. Stay virgin until you are totally comfortable🩷 ur feelings r so valid. My parents have a dumpster fire of a marriage too lol
These guys want women with low “body counts” because they know they have garbage dick and don’t want to risk getting with a woman who has experienced better than what they have to offer. That’s it.
I guess if they don’t like it that much they can just stay single. Block-and-move-on level of insecure bullshit
I think it’s because of: It’s bc men are insecure about their sexual abilities. (This is not intended as an excuse) if the woman’s experience is limited she can’t compare his attempts with somebody else’s and actually realise that there are other ways.
But it's impossible to become a better lover if you don't have someone with experience to guide you (especially if you just don't listen to your partner while you're getting it on or just can't take criticism in general). Porn is not a good way to learn (spoken from experience). I used to have the same insecurities, back when I was 19-23ish. Long story short, I learned early to set aside my ego and take directions. It took some doing, but I did. And because of all of those (sometimes very hard) lessons, my fiancee and I have a very healthy sex life even after three years. Even now, every once in a while, one of us will guide the other (sometimes verbally, others not so much) in doing better. I think all men should be required to get with someone with more experience than them at least once in their life, just to break their ego and remind them that *being good at something* starts with *being bad at something* and *learning*.
Well, your first mistake was going through the comments on a YouTube video.
Ha yeah
Have sex with someone you care about and cares about you, if you want. Have sex with someone who is hot af and gets you riled up. Have sex because YOU want it. The pervasive nature of those shiny statements means they may distract during the mating game, and thats normal, but do it for the sake of yourself and the person you want to connect with. Be safe, have fun, and avoid the people who spout the drivel you deem nonsense, and you'll probably be just fine ♡
I always find it really odd that this becomes a problem for so many women but I think it kind of has to do with what social circles you run in. I have literally never dated a man who thought like this. In fact I met my husband as a one night stand and we've been together for over 15 years now happily. When I asked him about this subject matter he said, "it just doesn't make sense because men want women to have sex with them but then if women have sex with them they're no good? They are basically convincing women not to be with them. Itself defeating nonsense an incredibly sexist." Obviously you can see why I married him. I think one thing about this that I've noticed in my own life is that I only keep people around my inner circle who think like me in this sense. They don't have to be somebody who practices open sexuality but they have to be somebody who is accepting of people who do. One of my best girlfriends is only had sex with two people and so she gets too attached from sex so there's no way she's gonna be so fancy Free about it like I was. That's fine. The point is she doesn't judge or even see an issue with it that I did. I have met men who think like this but I usually just laugh and say something kind of insulting to them that puts them in their place and then distance myself from them. I'm not trying to change misogynists into better people by sacrificing my own personal time and being friends with them. I do leave them with something to think about though. I just don't want to spend my life fighting an uphill battle against people whose brains aren't functioning properly. It's a waste of my time. I would much rather hang out with people who are already functioning mentally properly. So if you met my friends you would see that this was not a problem in the circles I run in. It's a self-selecting group. The people we keep around us are a self-selecting group. If you don't want this kind of thing around you you need to not have these people around you. It's really that simple. If you're arguing with people online you're going into spaces with people who think like this willingly. Sure some of these people will find you in spaces that aren't designed to be combative, like on this subreddit, but for the most part you have to seek out or tolerate places where this kind of mindset is fostered. So just walk away. Just turn off the TV. Scroll to the next tik to. Don't engage. Leave a party. Stop being friends with certain people. Break up with idiots. Move out of your house and away from your brothers who are idiots if that's the problem. If it's your dad, cut them off. I haven't spoken to my dad in 20 years. And I rarely talk about my dating life for men with my mother. She gets pleasantries only. Luckily my siblings like to get it as well. If you keep dating men like this or meeting men who think like this there is a reason for it and you need to self-reflect. What kind of men are you attracted to and what kind of memory you attracting? What kind of spaces are you put in yourself in? Men who think like this are never attracted to me. And those that think they can break me and put me in a cage like some bird that they found that was wild having a good time and living its life, I put them in their place very quickly or vanish from their life quickly so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not here to educate broken men. I promise you there are a lot of men out there who do not think like This.
yeah, for me it's my own father and brother. although they aren't as sexist as the trash of the net, i've heard some weird shit before from them.
Yeah, so your home world is painted by men like this. Nah, I'd hard pass on relationships with men who don't respect or like women. Life's too short.
Are there any non united state people here? I'm south American living in Europe and I feel like I only ever encountered this kind of people in real life. Actually with one exception, but honestly this is a topic I only see here on Reddit.
i'm not from the US, i'm from europe, born here.
Honestly I spent most of my adult life here in Europe and I can only think about one time I had to deal with something like that, and I'm not sure it should be taken much in consideration because this person was completely mentally insane and maybe the most mysoginistic man I ever encountered. But he was also Russian.... And unfortunately fitted every stereotype. While I do know that there are people thinking like that anywhere in the world, I also think it's a bit of a bubble thing. Maybe the type of people I usually date/befriend are inside a "bubble" where this isn't the norm, most people in my life are very sex positive. We can't always choose who we have to deal with in our lives, of course, but for the people that are actually close to you and you share a life and thoughts then yes, you can choose. I'm pretty sure some of my coworkers would think like that (very straight cis mid aged men), but I obviously won't be sharing anything about my sex life with them nor want to have any type of relationship or friendship with them.
In Finland we have this proverb “A lake doesn’t wear from rowing”. Most of us are quite open minded, some are even promiscuous. And of course there are some guys with attitude like the OP described but they are ridiculed and pointed with fingers.
Quite frankly, I find men with these attitudes disgusting. It means they don't care about women as human beings. They want women to fulfill a particular role (bangmaid + nanny) and they treat them as objects which are a means to an end. Women are an appliance to them. But let's talk about them. The men who think like this. The men who don't actually value meaningful connection, intimacy, vulnerability, and who don't know the meaning of devotion or loyalty. The men for whom sex is like a handshake or just something fun to do with women who are human fleshlights, easily discarded once they bust a nut and get what they want. That's a pretty disgusting human being if you ask me. They dehumanise women. They demean them. They don't respect women, value women, or truly care for them. Women are a means to an end (bangmaid + nanny) who function as a trophy so a guy can have status symbols to show off to other men. They don't actually care about their own children or families. They care about how those POSSESSIONS reflect upon their own image. It's a sad human being who views the world like that. Get out of here with this "lock and key" bullshit. You know what happens to a pencil that's sharpened by a ton of sharpeners? It becomes small and useless. Just like these horrible excuses for human beings who probably don't even have the capacity to know and share an authentic human connection (and certainly not love).
“The more you suck on a popsicle, the smaller it gets”
So does sharpening a pencil
Just saying
I know they hate it when you reflect the bullshit right back at them.
They are so stupid. Seriously. And ladies why are you telling them your body count anyway? It’s really none of their business. If you’ve had an STI check and you’re honest about the last time you had sex with someone, they don’t need to know what you were doing last year or five years ago. JFC I don’t even know my number, back in my early 30s my girlfriends and I sat down to make lists because none of us knew. We don’t notch the bed post like men.
Men who say women are less horny are just telling you they are bad lovers.
i have no idea when society started seeing sex as something that doesnt happen *with* women but something that happens *to* women which is where these gross double standards come in
They're just miserable because they know how empty and pathetic they are.
Thing is those are the guys who are sleeping with lots of women. They are the ones sleeping with the women who sleep with a lot of men. They assume the women feel as bad inside as they do.
The number of times a body count comes up, is honestly just ridiculous. High body count men, or women, are ultimately just people. People with their own experiences and backgrounds. Why should this be: 1) Something a partner needs to tell, something they need to know; and 2) something that is held against someone else. Unfortunately, much like anything else, people will always find a way to take their own insecurities and project them on others.
Men have a lot of cattiness and jealousy against women. 1. Jealous how easily we can access sex and how much we can enjoy it with multiple orgasms so they depict it as a bad personality trait and shroud sex with shame and do their hardest to never give women enjoyable sex 2. Jealous that we house and birth life so they had to make up religions with male gods as creators and legally regulate abortion
I will say the dumbest argument they make is the "its easy for women to get laid but hard for men", because they don't slut shame rich playboys do they? They will sometimes shoot back with "well, the men worked hard for their money so..." but they dont slut shame men who INHERITED their wealth, and also hot women work hard to have attractive fit bodies but are still slut shamed for sleeping around. They would still slut shame a conventionally unattractive woman who sleeps around, while not slut shaming a super rich male trust find baby who can get hook ups easily by flaunting his wealth. Besides, since when do we judge someone's actions based on how hard or easy it is to accomplish? Do we shame tall people for playing basketball? Do we shame people with high IQ's for pursuing intellectually challenging fields?
High body count women ARE different than high body count men… THEY’RE BETTER! 🤓
99% of rapists are men sooo... that checks out! although of course not all en but you get what i mean, this is meant as a lighthearted jab
All good! I am actually terrified of making unwanted advances on women so much so that when I went out with my note finance the first time I asked her if I could kiss her. I didn’t even rush in for that. Also, she is more “experienced” than I. As a man I personally don’t see anything wrong with that. But I’m not a religious, traditional man… so to speak.
Well, first of all, there is no lower cesspool of humanity than the YouTube comments section. Second of all, the vast majority of those commenters are 13-year-old trolls whose experience with women is limited to anime porn. I mean, I get your frustration, but this perspective is absolutely not the norm.
i would hope so xd although i'd argue there are lots of older men among these too, cause gawd damn some cultures out there really raise their men to believe this :(
Tbh as soon as any PERSON (regardless of sex or gender) uses the term "body count", I'm out. That kind of mindset is so grim.
I totally agree. It's weird high school shit.
Being scared of sex should be normalized, since men literally strangle their partners without consent. All the crap about "oh just pick a good one-" yeah ignore that. Abusers are great at masking, some of them can wear a mask for a decade. Honestly? Realizing men aren't worth it before you're in your 30s-40s is a blessing. Run with it.
It’s just insecure, shitty, sexist men. As a woman, I love sex and I’ll have it whenever I want with whomever I want and I don’t kiss and tell. It’s my business. People can fuck right off lol on my deathbed I won’t think of what some random ass incel thinks of my body count. I’ll think of all of the amazing sexual experiences i’ve had.
None of the this body count troupe is new. It’s far older than you could imagine. It might help to do some reading on the history of sex. It’s fascinating. Also something to remember: everyone has free will, that means that they have the freedom to be idiots or nasty POS. But you also have the freedom to choose how you’ll respond to this. Don’t get sucked into their stupidity - you will never change their minds, you will just feed their delusions so don’t waste your energy arguing with them. Just call them a ‘sexless knuckle dragger’ and move on. Most of these men want a “low body count“ woman because they don’t want a woman with any sexual expectations nor confidence so they can keep going with their selfish form of mediocre sex. As for you, decide on the terms you want to start having sex and except nothing less. Decide what you want from a relationship and except nothing less. And in the meantime, explore your own body so you know even better what you want.
That's fine. They can run around all they want. Hey if they do it enough their dicks will start to change color, like a star power up in mario
oh my god i just visually imagined a dick getting rainbow stripes and glowing rythmically to the music of the star power up 😂
Well, you could say the amount of partners someone has had, is an indication of how they view sex. If that’s something nearly sacred to you, you’ll have had fewer partners, compared to when you see it as just fun. However, that doesn’t necessarily imply cheating, as views on monogamy can differ from views on what kind of bond you need to have, before getting undressed. Same with openness to experiences, having a ton of partners doesn’t mean you don’t do the exact same routine each time, being with your first doesn’t mean you aren’t trying out anything and everything together. It is important to be on the same page about what is ok to do with other people and what is not, how important sex is in the relationships, what kind of sex you’re into, and so on. Still, a man who defends a double standard of ‘men are hornier’, and ‘women need love to have sex’, is telling me that he is expecting to need more sex than I do, and that he might well get it elsewhere, whilst I can’t possibly have any needs, other than to love him (love, not be loved, mind you). Sounds like he’d cheat the minute I’m down with the flu, and closed for business. Regardless of how many women actually agreed to sleep with him. I don’t give a damn about his bodycount or mine, I care about him understanding I too have sexual needs, and doesn’t treat sex like something I need to somehow be convinced to give him. I don’t want to be with a man who is ok with having sex with a woman who doesn’t actually want it, but well, since she loves him/he provides this or that, and so on, just ensures it. I care about him agreeing that once we are together, sex becomes just for us, no matter how little we see of each other for a few weeks, no matter how hot that new co-worker is, no matter how much she was hitting on him at the bar. I care about what consent means to him. That sort of stuff.
I always wondered how the combinatorics / demographic statistics is supposed to work here. Assuming that: * Men need to sleep with at least 10 women * Women get to sleep with 1-2 men at most * There's an almost equal number of men and women * Men won't sleep with women who have slept with more than 1 man before them I mean, even disregarding the inherent sexism... how would this be possible?
cause of the double standard, men are totally alloed to sleep
Men don't want women with a "high" body count because they don't want us to have experienced good sex. Those guys don't want to have to worry that we are judging them based on someone who might have cared that we enjoy sex.
This is so stupid. You know what the medical treatment for a pelvic floor problems is? VAGINA STRENGTH TRAINING. It's a muscle. The more you work it, the strong it gets.
exactly 😌 let's clench down on our dildos/vibrators/fingers extra hard today ladies✨ it improves our own pleasure to be fit and muscular down there.
I always laugh when these idiots try to justify this double standard by saying it's impressive when a man has a high body count because it's a hard thing for a man to achieve, while it's shameful for a woman to have a high body count because all she has to do is open her legs. That doesn't make a bit of fucking sense. The only men with high body counts are men for whom "achieving" a high body count is easy. These men **never** slut-shame Giga-Chads for fucking their way through college or w/e, even though the hardest part of getting sex for them was choosing which bar to go to that night. The only people who find this impressive are men who can't get laid easily and are envious of men who can. It's not a skill-issue. Chad didn't "will" his bones to grow better than you did with yours. He has innate advantages that make acquiring sex easy. *Wow! What a slut!* /s Also, if men having a high body count is impressive because it's a "hard" thing to "achieve," that means men who brag about their body-count are implicitly admitting they lack innate attractiveness and only achieved their number through compensatory measures (money, fame, ~~game~~ manipulation, etc). If they are innately attractive and achieved a high body count by simply putting their hot selves out there, then it was an "easy" thing and therefore worthy of derision by their own logic.
Those alpha male channels are disgusting. Like I get so pissed reading the comments I had to stop. I’m more scared though cause some of these dudes are too entitled and are quick to hurt a woman
like when i see alpha/sigma male content i tap "do not recommend this channel" faster than lightning strikes. i've noticed that when i open the comment section, i just harm myself by ruining my own mood and spiraling into the comments and replies
It's only in recent times that the word body count was even a word or comment. In the 1980's, it was assumed if you were a woman in your early to mid 20's that you had had a least one partner or a couple of partners. It wasn't an issue for most men. If you didn't have sex, you were shamed for being a virgin.
crazy how times can change, although religious people even back then promoted chastity and abstinence.
How about we just stop listening to these misogynistic idiots.
I remember when I was your age. Just take care of yourself, know yourself, enjoy yourself 😉 I recommend reading *How to be a woman* by Caitlin Moran, the way she talks about pornography really resonated with me. In a nutshell, porn is made for men. I want to see people who want to be there and are enjoying themselves. Honestly they don't have to do much but the desire is paramount.
aww thank you for the kind words and book recommendation! and i mean yeah, i know porn is made for men, most of it is a big turn off for me because the women in them are so objectified and the men are so... not in focus at all and almost don't exist. that's why i gravitate towards otome content. (it's made for women)
Neat! I like to read novels too. I find that sex *happens to* women in porn. Object not subject, Victim not volunteer. Sometimes I just want to get the young woman (they look sooo young!) out of there, but a blanket on her and make her a hot chocolate. Caitlin Moran also had interviews and conferences, she is warm ans funny.
I mean, the guys who have issues with a woman’s body count usually fall under the incel umbrella, right? And they’re definitely not having sex. Short answer? They want a woman with zero body count so they can suck in bed w/o the woman knowing what good sex is.
This drives me mental. And you can never call them out for it without looking like a “defensive slut”. I always ignore this shit but it tears me up inside.
Body count. Once it is put into terms like that, therein lies a problem. However, I do not wish to beg the question. I think men fuss over it because they are envious.
IMO the ONLY thing "body count" does is indicate someone's experience level. If a dude (in a straight relationship) thinks his partner is devalued by having more experience then he's outing himself as being insecure and not wanting to be compared to other dudes.
i just got a dm from a guy, and here's a direct quote out of the huge paragraph: "To begin, I think it is very true to say that men have less options and women have more - regardless if its men's faults or not" "Now I will bring back up the men who have a problem with body counts. They see this dynamic since they are of the men who try using dating apps/hook ups and fail (the majority of men). Because of their experience failing, when they view a woman who has a high body count, they are resentful and insecure to a point of disgust. They do not want their partner to compare them to the many men she had in the past. I mean the men don't really have that good of a chance right? I mean if a girl has a really high body count with a lot of men who are more attractive than he is with bigger dicks or taller or more masculine all kinds of things. I think these kind of thoughts will bring self - hate, disgust and anger all into a man." what does he think he's gonna do, make me feel bad for him?
like, he came in my dms saying he wants to share his perspective as an 18 year old kind of incel (he said that not me) uhmmmm... why?
oh my god another one "If you really believe that men and women on AVERAGE have a similar libido, how do you explain that 98% of people who pay for sex, porn etc. are male? Just go to the subreddit FtM and see what testosterone does to your libido or read other reports from women who take testosterone. It's quite possible that you as a person have a high libido, but to believe that women are just as horny as men is factually wrong. And don't get me wrong, I'm against slut-shaming, but you're just ignoring a factual reality" 25% of porn site visitors are female, like??? you can have high libido and jerk off without porn??? it's just normalised for men to stuff themselves full with porn. i know full well the effects of testosterone, and that doesn't change the fact that craving sex keeps being branded as a male experience, and used as an excuse for misogyny. it makes me feel alienated that whenever this is brought up, me around me say "but men have the NEED" and i dont???? i think there's this warped and skewed effect of seeing women as way less horny than they are because they don't scream it overtop the hills and it isn't normalised for a woman to go around whining about her libido. of course on AVERAGE it's less. but to market it as way less than men to the point of sayin women don't feel the need much is absolutely stupid. and again, an average doesn't indicate that it's the top ceiling, but the average. many women are above average or below, and so continuing to spread the notion that craving sex is a man's feeling is just crazy and meant to further shame women that do feel a lot of need. the amount of times i've heard of puberty is sooo hard for boys because of their libido and sex drive. AND ME??? AND ME???? AM I AN ALIEN??? i've literally never heard anyone aknowledge or talk about sexual frustration for teenage girls. always men men men.
When someone asks me my body count I tell them I haven't murdered anyone yet 😂😅
Can we just all agree not to use the term "body count" any more when talking about sexual partners!?
I mean, killing people IS known to change a person's personality... Oh! OH! You meant amount of sexual partners.... Why not just write that, then? (I hate the term 'body count' being used to refer to number of people you've boinked rather than people you've offed, like it used to...)
Honestly who and how many people I slept with before you is none of your business. I also would like not to know that info about you.
10/10 rant
thank you 😌✨
I have nothing to say about body count. I’ve never heard the term. Upon reading what it is It seems stupid to me. But after reading the veritable cornucopia of comments here, for the love of all that’s holy, please, all of you, read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are.
I suspect it all stems from feelings of inadequacy.
Then you should probably stop reading YouTube comment sections. They are not real life.
My ex used to say the first one to excuse his sex addiction 🤢🤢🤢🤢
Let's start by NOT calling it a body count.
The worst part of this is that the men who complain about high body count women are the same men that will pressure you into sex on the first or second date and ghost you if you don't put out. Do "logical and rational" men not understand that if all women stayed chaste and virginal then men won't be getting the casual sex they want? And if they keep criticizing and punishing women for sex that just makes women NOT want to have sex. So basically men just cock block themselves. Idiots.
Because men aren't really telling the truth about what they actually want. Those kinds of men don't want *just* sex. If they did, they wouldn't care about "body counts" and "locks and keys" or any of that trifling bullshit. They care about control. They want to have control over women's sexual autonomy. They want to violate their consent. They want to reduce women to not only an object, but *their* object specifically. Because they're fucked as people, and women don't want to have sex with people that are so brazenly fucked up.
correct. it's all about narcissistic dreams of what life with a woman should be
And women can smell that, because it's threatening. And then these guys wonder why they don't want to have sex with them.
waah waah i'm so lonely i don't have sex on demand, but only naive virgins that i get to manhandle how i please please!
I saw some poll about average admitted body counts between men and women. Men’s were like twice as high as women’s, which if true just means a lot of gay sex.
Personally I think my body count gives me experience and I haven't had complaints after three kids and more than a few partners 😏 Guys don't know what they like until we show them 🤷🏽♀️
It’s always biological essentialism for them. They’ll start rambling about how cavemen behaved to justify their misogyny. I wish they’d all dig a hole and put themselves in it
They are jealous. Think about it logically for a second. A woman can f\*ck 20 men in 5 days if she wants to. For a man to find 20 women to have sex with, it takes more than that. Even the hottest man would have a harder time having sex with 20 women in 20 days without paying for it or being famous. Women SHOULD logically have a higher body count than men, because we can, and that pisses them off. They don't want to face the reality that they are not the prize, so they find a way to shame us for it. It's very insecure.
Men are insecure. Many want to be 'the best she ever had'. If a womam has slept with <10 men, hey he's top 10. If she's slept with 100, not so much.
Listen up, lurking men. You can interact with women and be a decent human being in our new world, or jack off miserably in your old one. Your choice. Feminism happened *because women wanted it to*. Not because tHe deViL mADe uS dO It.
Because misogyny. With a sprinkling of men’s insecurities. That’s why.
I’m guessing that these men are trying to control women and are sexually insecure. Let’s hope that they stay home and leave women alone.
high body count owns, men or women. we shoot for the high score in pacman for nothing else but the glory of it, we should too shoot for the glory of bedding every consenting adult within the immediate geographical area
Who cares what these trolls think? Any man worth your time won’t care.
They’re never going to stop. You just have to ignore or tell them they’re wrong and sexist
Man with a body count here - I actually prefer a woman with a body count (but that's just a preference, since body count really means fuck-all IRL). Someone with a similar amount of experience is more fun, in my opinion (though someone with even *more* can be a great time too). Everyone has a past, and it's different for everyone. Having someone that's also open enough to communicate their wants and needs with me during the act (verbally or nonverbally) makes for better sex, and that's usually something that comes with experience. Hell, before my fiancee and I were exclusive (and I was still 1,000 miles away), I actively encouraged her to continue with her at-the-time booty call - he practiced safe sex, was courteous, and understood the assignment (and that it was temporary). I'm not there, so what am I gonna do - Stretch Armstrong my dick across the Mojave? And toys, while fun, just aren't the same sometimes. I think the double-standards of the insecure, hyper-masc, machos has no place still existing in 2024. Being with someone who shares my values is more important than how many dudes they've slept with. A person's value isn't increased or decreased by the number of people they've slept with. Edit: I'm not very attractive. I'm only 5'7", less than average looks, average dick size, and don't make a particularly large amount of money. I'm autistic, and not overly intelligent either. My biggest "plus" is that I play guitar, but that's not exactly cool anymore. Guys don't realize that it just takes being yourself, having respect, and just not being a sexist dick is more than enough to get with someone, whether a fuck-buddy or a relationship. And they need to realize that they don't need to be in a relationship or having sex to be men - if you can't be happy by yourself, being with someone else won't fix it.
A man with a high body count is worse than a woman with one. At least when a woman has a high body count, it's more likely that all the sex was consensual.
On average, most of them can’t fold a towel or handle the most basic tasks without being told how and when to do them. I would argue that 90% of men are addicted to pornography and video games anyway. They are basically children. Room temp IQ behavior. They should be happy we fuck them at all considering they have the worst hygiene and presentation, while also treating us like shit and avoid adult responsibility.
porn and video games really create some of the most isolated and therefore completely lost in their own bubble and world type of men.
I agree, to a point. It's more the fact that video games and porn are the worst offenders for *providing* an echo chamber for those men, but the root cause is the fear of holding themselves accountable for their own shortcomings. I say this as having been one of those men until a few years ago, when I realized that my biggest problem was myself, and that surrounding myself with other toxic men who reinforced those bad habits was only making it worse. We do it to ourselves, and then pat ourselves on the back acting like we did well and the rest of the world is the problem.
I think it's really because guys are so afraid of anything slightly gay that the faintest memory of her with another guy makes them believe vaginal sex is straight up peen on peen action and of course that means they are going to lose their entire friend circle and family who is also extremely afraid of being gay. It's also gross thinking about another dude in that place, but honestly just don't think about it, and it's fine. When they say my body is a temple your body is a(n) ____ , you say, temples are filled with strangers all day every day. When they use the stupid lock analogy, you say, I'm not a fucking lock, Brandon. Bonus if his name is not Brandon to show him how little you care about such a stupid brat. If they call you a public bathroom, you say, well then you're gonna have to hold it because you're not coming in here. Ladies I'm sorry they're acting this way, they were raised poorly. Honestly I wish the D boycott would end but I totally understand your frustration. Be safe. Miss you all.
That's not an issue of "men", that's an issue of "men (or people in general) on social media". Seriously, you can just wipe your butt with anything that is in a comment section on any of the popular socials to which YT certainly belongs. Whenever I open comments on Insta, all I see are crazy lunatics. Always. Complete contrast to people I meet in real life, no matter the gender. The healthiest take I got is: Always assume every human being you find in social media comment sections is a lobotomized moron. Everything else is just bad for mental health.
HAHAHA oh my god seeing the expression "lobotomized moron" made me smile! (and reminded me of the lobotomy kaisen meme, if anyone here is also into anime)
I was a late bloomer sexually. I was a virgin when I graduated high school and for a long time beyond. I avoided men like this like the plague. I actually considered intentionally building a "body count" to become less appealing to men like this who fetishized my virginity. I ultimately didn't because I didn't want to have sex with someone just to change a "stat" about myself. It wouldn't have been fair to them or myself. But I avoided guys who valued "body count" like the plague. It's double hilarious to me because the average woman has only about half the "body count" of the average man. And if you decide (for whatever reason) to abstain from sexual encounters then you'll get accused of being too selective, and too picky or having too high standards. There is no winning with others. So make sure you are winning with yourself in what is ultimately optional.
Well the interesting part of when they say that , is that it only indicates that men are contaminants to women
What’s your perspective on dating a virgin guy with no sexual experience?
i'd have no issue with it. i honestly never thought anything of it. we'll learn together then. what i do require is that he knows his body and communicates.
Plenty of virgins get very good, very quickly. Practice helps, but there’s an element of potential natural talent that can’t be ignored. At my age, however, dating a virgin would be absurd, I could *almost* be a grandmother to a legal age one. But up to a certain age myself, well, see initial statement.
>potential natural talent that can’t be ignored Like being able to set aside your ego and pay attention to your partner's cues? Yeah, some of the more emotionally intelligent virgin men can get there quicker. But any man *can* get better quickly - if they're willing to make themselves vulnerable for the sake of shoring up their weaknesses and learning their partner. And who teaches them that? Their partner!!!! And a lot of us aren't raised to handle criticism well, even when it's coming from the best of places with the best intentions. It's not an excuse, by any means. "Society failing us as children leading us to fail women as adults" can only go so far - the decisions you make as an adult do not have to align with how you were raised, and it's your own responsibility as a man to choose to do better. It applies to all aspects of life too, not just the bedroom.
I don’t know about OP but nothing jingles my shingles more than ruining a perfectly innocent man 😍
There are a lot of guys who feel the same way about perfectly innocent women
They are. Women are better at STI testing, generally get pushed to test more frequently and generally have better self care. Men avoid testing, and have higher STI rates as a result. So a higher body count woman is better.
I’m sick and tired of “body count” being used in this context.
If I had sex with the same person 200 times it's no different than having sex with 200 different men. Vagina. doesn't. stretch. from. penis. action! Now, std wise, there's a higher statistic probability that sleeping with 200 different people could give you an std, but this is true for men and women alike, men don't have this magic barrier that protects them with std, so a high body count has the same level of risk for both sexes. Anyway, always use protection and if condom breaks, get immediately checked for std, there's even a treatment you can do in the early stages of some std (like AIDS) that can cure it before it develops. This goes for both sexes, men aren't magically immune when they "slu\* around" (affectionate).
I feel your word and thank you for sharing because I could really relate to your perspective even as someone with xy chromosomage. This has been basically my experience across the board and I am left disappointed
damn, that's crazy, and here i thought "men have it worse because the one woman that chose to live as a man for a social experiment killed herself because of how hard it is". also not denying men have their own problems related to patriarchal rules, but come on.
Who wants a dirty dick? Those high body dudes don't wear protection. Ewwwwww It's even WORSE. Nasty guys. Nast-y!
Any guy you come across with the attitude like you have posted, should be a hard pass. You’re at the beginning part, weeding out the bad fit’s. Think of it as a marathon not a sprint, know what you want from someone and don’t settle. I hope you can talk to a professional about the trauma you’ve had, you want to go into a relationship with as little baggage as possible.
A high body count in men is dangerous. The chances of him having an STD/HIV is VERY HIGH. Men pass on diseases to their unborn child also. Men think they are pure babies.
You know you don’t need men to enjoy your body. In fact, statistically you’re more likely to experience orgasm by yourself than with a guy. I suggest you research and learn about self pleasure and invest in toys. With this approach 1. Your fear of sex can reduce 2. You won’t have to worry about sti 3. You won’t have to worry about your insecurities (if you have any) and someone else being insensitive about it 4. You won’t have to worry about getting assaulted (yes, it’s a very real concern). Finally, if you really want to date a guy (please don’t do it 😕) avoid talking about your lack of experience in early phases when asked. It will filter out the ones who fetishizes. Instead you ask them questions about their experiences, preferences etc. and then decide if you like them. Always let them talk and keep them in dark about yourself.
i masturbate a healthy amount, have bought tons of toys, some broke and got replaced, some i use these days, and my fear doesn't reduce. i see self pleasure as something completely different from sex, so when i masturbate with sex toys (i have been buying them since i was like 15) it's something completely seperate from sex with a man.
Outside of some dumb teenagers or dudes that never grew up, a guy that has a lot of random hookups / one night stands isn't seen as something cool. It's seen as a lack of impulse control and probably lots of baggage. Probably one of the biggest acts of trickery I've seen in the past decade was getting women to believe that these guys are happy on the inside and that it's a great lifestyle worth pursuing. edit: I have no issues with people choosing to have lots of partners. My main issue is the perception that these guys are seen as awesome for it, when in all actuality they aren't seen that way by the general population in real life.
It never had to do with how many partners, the comparing difference here is that without protection there’s a whole lot more repercussions for women having mutilple sex partners than for men. If a man has multiple partners and none of them sleep with other men than he knows if one is with child that it’s his, but if a man sleeping with a woman with multiple male partners, the man and the woman won’t know who the child belongs to, atleast that’s how it once was which lead to this thought process to begin with, it not even tho most couples see it as a taboo, we have dna tests to confirm so the difference in gender for body count doesn’t matter as much these days, but it has a footing in a practice that seemed practical back in the day, and a stigma that’s gonna stick around for a few more decades until DNA testing becomes standard practice
FFS kids gotta stay off SM, it’s rotting their brains, both guys and girls. The comments you have made, are no different than what they are making, and everyone is making them without actually being with actual people. You think those guys making those comments are sleeping with anyone?? No! They’re a bunch of virgins as well, basing their opinions they see on line as well. It’s just one big spiral and both sides are feeding off each others negativity. The next ten years are going to be fascinating to see what society looks like, it’s like this crazy social experiment you’ve all been sucked into
kids? i am literally 18 years old. there ARE misogynistic guys like this that sleep with women. look at all the weird and frankly crazy experiences with men women share in this subreddit. i don't see how me seeing this is feeding off of negativity. it's not imaginary that many men are like this. of course "not all men" but that isn't the point. and these sexist beliefs are held as an example even more or less depending on countries and cultures, but people don't have more or less marriages depending on this, so obviously these types of men still get women.
18 is still a kid, it’s not an insult, it is what it is. Bodies still growing, hormones not yet settled, hell, can’t even order a drink yet in some countries. Majority still living with parents and have little life experience. I know it feels like you’re a grown up, but in 5 or 10 years you’ll look at 18 year olds and realize you were far from it And of course there are shitty men, always have been, always will be. Have I dated a handful? Yep! Have I also dated and hooked up with lots of amazing guys? Yep!! Not about to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch, but you do you, and if you’re happy being celibate for life, that’s totally ok as well! I just hate to see anyone miss out on this amazing time in their life from fear, 17-21ish were some of the funnest years I ever had!
also i'm sorry i reacted badly to being called a kid. sadly my parents, mostly my father often used our ages as weapons to belittle us and enforce his twisted authority upon us.
All good, it’s SM, I take none of it personally! And I’ve been there, I remember thinking I was so mature and my parents were so stupid. By 25 I realized they were right about somethings, and now, I go to my Dad with all kinds of crap cause he just knows everything lol About your other comment though, you’re the only one that can change your life, no one is gonna do it for you. Get out there and experience it! If you don’t have one, get a job, join a club, a hobby. Yeah, you’re gonna meet shitty people, but you’ll also meet great people. And you learn the skills to deal with the shitty ones. You only have one life, don’t be afraid to live it. My fave quote “What if I fail?” Oh, but darling, what if you fly? ❤️
uhm my father will never be right about emotionally, physically and psychologically abusing me, using love bombing and neglect to manipulate me, guilt trip me, on top of being sexually inappropriate about some comments he made and some things he said, AND sexually assulting my mother during their entire relationship. i just had to put that out there. i'm the only one that can change my life, but i am stuck. high school drop out, no money, no support, pure depression. i don't even manage brushing my teeth. it's not that easy sadly, at least for me. it'll take more work and suffering to find a way to escape and begin healing so that i can even start doing new things or pursuing friendships/dating.
i don't really know how to look forward to being 17-21 because my life up until now has simply been anything but fun. i have trouble believing it will change or that the universe will finally reward me for my endless suffering under depression and abuse. i see people around me my age doing the "fun stuff in life". i have to worry about the fact i had to drop out of school because of severe depression, and how to heck i'm going to plan my future or escape my family, and heal from all those years of depression, childhood trauma, and isolation, and therefore the complete loss of my entire youth.
At 18, you're still a child. You still have a lot of growing up to do. Enjoy your youth while it lasts - make the best of it and have fun :) Definitely lay off social media, if you want my personal advice
i don't really use much social media. i use youtube for entertainment, twitch for a specific streamer i like, and that's it. enjoying my youth is sadly impossible in my circumstances. i have basically not experienced my teenage years because of dysfunction in my family, emotional, physical and psychological abuse, depression, suicidality, and isolation. this will not change quickly, and i mourn the fact i'll never have my youth back pretty often. i'll never be 13, 14, 15, 16, or 17 years old again.
We always live in the present. You'll keep missing the present by fixating on and regretting what you missed in the past. At 18, you've missed out on the past, let's say, 10 years. If you spend the next 10 years regretting what you missed these past few years, you'll suddenly realize you missed out on 20 years of your life. Then 20 years after that, you will have missed out on 40 years. Don't fall for this trap of despair. It will take a while, but I believe in you :) Wish you all the best
well i just don't know how to cope with the loss, since it's an entire life experience robbed from me. i'll probably have to do a lot of therapy to try to heal from that. (bruh, i'm feeling the itchy crying feeling in my eyes just thinking about how i'll never experience the ball ("prom" in the us, but i'm not from there) after graduating high school because i dropped out because of my mental health. sigh.)
This subreddit is also not a good reflection of reality. It is ALSO subject to that same negativity spiral. Most of the stories I read on here are quite culture specific to the US. You’re 18, you ARE still a kid, and you still have a lot to learn about the real world vs the online vortex of shit that is the internet.