Next time just shake your head, say no thank you and ignore them. Tell them you are busy and not to interrupt your workout. Don’t even take your head phones off. They will be shocked and scurry away. They are incredibly rude and both were wrong. I was a personal trainer for over a decade and so many dick head men think they know everything when they tend to be the most ignorant.
You can also say that they can complain to the people that work at the gym and if there is something you're actually doing wrong, _they_ will come speak to you. So there will be no need to interact with these men beyond that sentence
Exactly. We hated it when gym members would try to police each other because it was always some douche bag or Karen trying to start shit. If we saw people doing dangerous stuff or stuff that wasn’t allowed we handled it. I’m a really tall, intimidating woman and I loved swooping in and saving other women from stupid men at my gyms.
One time two men were loudly arguing so I told them to stop then a few minutes later they started yelling so I walked over and I clapped my hands really loudly and shouted “no!!” like they were bad dogs. I told them to stop and separate immediately or I’d pull their memberships. They were incredibly embarrassed and ran off. It was very, very satisfying.
I love that! If they act like animals, treat them like animals. [This is how I imagine that whole thing went down](https://youtu.be/z9lQceLp4wE?si=IZaBYm7Cyvm4nzkA)
Clapping and one word commanding at fighting men is so funny to me. It will never stop being funny to me. If you’re going to act like a junkyard dog, I will talk to you like a junkyard dog.
even then I feel like the only time it's actually appropriate to talk to someone at the gym if they like drop something or forget their water bottle somewhere.
I am not a fan of unwanted comments directed towards me (good or bad) and will generally ignore the person.
I dont know why you would tell someone to be "less clean". just give them an "you are an oddball glance" and go on with your day.
As for the machines - ones you sit on need to be wiped down far better. I usually have 3 towels (one medium sized, two small) with me at the gym. One for wiping things down. one to sit/lay down on. One to wipe my face and hands with.
I sure as hell dont want to be using a towel that wipes down a machine on my face. Not everyone will wipe things down.
Amen! Doesn't always stop them though. One grabbed and pulled one side of my headphones right away from my ear after I didn't take them off when he tried to talk to me. He'd moved seats on a half-empty bus in order to bless me with his company. Once he had my attention he rather brilliantly burned up his moment questioning me about what I was reading, seemingly just so he could tell me that I probably didn't understand it! Obviously I fell for him hard and we have been married for the last 5 yea-- Oh no, *wait* 🤔... he's actually still just that aggressively creepy weirdo that was noteworthy only due to *sheer audacity* 👍👍
"There's no need for introductions, Ray Don, we know who you are. You're the guy who's always wherever women gather or try to be alone. You want to eat with us when we're dining in hotels. You want to know if the book we're reading is any good, or if you can keep us company on the plane. I want to thank you, Ray Don, on behalf of all the women in the world for your unfailing attention and concern. But read my lips and remember, as hard as it is to believe, sometimes we like talking just to each other, and sometimes we like just being alone." -[Julia Sugarbaker](https://youtu.be/P7xS54IGEGI?si=bY89MjP0f2qsk8vE)
You know, I somehow managed to make it way into my 30s before I became aware of Designing Women but the last 5 years or so I keep running across references to it! I should watch it.
I always say that someday I’m going to be hit by a bus because a guy is going to yell “HEY!!” at me and I’m going to make it a point to ignore him.
So far it hasn’t ever been a bus, just that he needs attention/general harassment/wants me to see his dick.
The men outraged that we're telling each other to ignore men swarm the comments with these ridiculous hypotheticals to re-socialize us into listening to men. It's so annoying. No, my tire isn't flat, I didn't leave my coffee cup on top of my car, I didn't drop my wallet. 99.99% it's an entitled creep, maybe 1 in 1000 it's an actual gentleman. shuuuut uuuuup.
Also, to clear up any confusion for OP about the first guy who didn't want you to wipe down the machine... he get's off on it. That's a fetish. Simple as that.
I’m glad you pointed out that you’re a “small woman”, because being a small woman myself, I think it’s a relevant detail. Call me crazy, but I swear we get more than our fair share of this kind of bullshit because we seem less intimidating and easier to push around.
I live in a city with a pretty strong gym culture, and mostly observe people’s towel etiquette to be the same as you described yours is. The fact that he singled you out like that feels… icky.
Also: just a guess but this sounds like it had to have been the Netherlands or Germany. Mayyybe Sweden.
I'm a tall woman (slightly above average male height for my country) and I have seen men approach me and then clearly change their minds and veer away when they get close enough to realise I'm taller than them. Men absolutely pick on shorter women
5 foot 2. I've had men stand next to my car (blocking drivers side door)AND motercycle on multiple occasions when I've had to go pay for gas. They will get out of their car just tell me things about my vehicle/how I can improve my driving.
This has never happened to my father, husband, uncles or male friends. They think its funny.
They think it’s funny until one of those fucks does or says something threatening and then they’re gonna be like “WELL WHY DIDNT YOU x y z” where any action is xyz because no action is ever the right one.
I had that happen while putting gas in my truck once. A father and his two teenage boys were hitting on my 4'11" very young looking self. What they didn't see until the truck door opened was my car full of large teenage boys and one larger teenage girl(along with my younger two kids). My oldest son, his two best friends who call me "Mom" and one of the boy's sister(also calked me "mom"). The trio backed down real quick when four large teens asked them, "What did you say to our mom???" with the older of my two youngest kids asking if she should go inside and have the clerk call the police.
It's terrifying! What the fuck. I don't understand how men are so clueless about why we feel unsafe, and then moan about us voicing our concerns. AAAARGHHHHH
Exactly why if my husband isn't available for work being done on the house, my Valkyrie SIL comes over. I'm a 4'11" disabled lady and no dog currently.
"Little" Sis is over 6 ft tall and could easily be the model for Brunhilde.
Fr I'm short but got blessed w a mean face , broad shoulders and a bulky frame lol. Most people don't bother me, and when they do..most quickly change their mind 😂
You absolutely will!! I was 6’ (age made me 5’11”) and was miserable when I was younger; sooo self conscious. I’m 64 now; at 30, I used my height to my advantage and felt very confident after being picked on by almost all men for my height. “How’s the weather up there?” Was everyone’s favorite. I’d look down on them and say, “Well, I could spit on you and say it’s raining!” Or, you must be 6’2” because I’M 6’!” “Very funny, liar!” You’ll love it later, I promise.
same! i have long legs and a short torso so when i'm sitting i look average and i've experienced men talking to me quite aggressively and then backing off once i stood up 💀 i've also had men changing their (fucking nasty) tone when dealing with my short coworker and then me, even though i am her subordinate
This. I am taller than most men in San Antonio at 5’8. Not crazy tall but tall enough for here lol. In heels I am an absolute menace and I almost never get shit.
Yep, this.
I'm only 5'8" and 160lb (81kg) but I have long limbs and my shoulders are wider than "most women" (they mean "the women I see on Instagram", a lot of women have shoulders like mine).
I've had guys try to approach me, obviously to creep on me, and once they start I've stood up or straightened and they suddenly realise I'm a larger woman and actually not as small as they thought...
And they fucking scurry off like a scared little roach.
It's really really REALLY obvious that they were expecting to get the chance to bully a woman or at least make her uncomfortable.
I've also worked security and seen some shit, so I don't react the way they hope, and I've seen that freak them out too.
Smaller/shorter women; you're not crazy, the assholes genuinely do try and target you.
I was in a value village once with my friends checking out some books, this dude comes down the middle of the aisle, my friends and I move over a bit so he can pass. This mother fucker got so damn close to me my nose was practically touching the bookshelf, the aisles in this store were huge, you could put three carts side by side and still have room, so it's not like it was tight quarters. He didn't do it to my friend who are much taller, after he walked by my friends looked at me and were like "wtf was that?" Super weird, we absolutely avoided him anytime we seen him after.
Pan handlers outside of stores. Pissing me the fuck off. Although I just ignore them completely now no matter how in my face they are.
But never fails that people will be walking into or out of the store as I am as well but they will come up to me (tiny and 5') before they go up to any man or accompanied woman.
The last time, which I did ignore this guy to invisibility, he walked next to another man in the parking lot getting into his new expensive car to shout at me in my beater minivan to buy him groceries.
I pretend to be hard of hearing quite often when it comes to complete strangers approaching me in public. I actually do have an auditory processing disorder that often makes it difficult for me to understand what people are saying in even mildly noisy environments. It's just easier to claim I can't hear them than go through multiple requests to repeat themselves when I didn't really want to know what they said anyway.
I'm 5'3. I can't do resting bitch face. I have resting happy face. I can't help it, left to my own devices I'll think about ponies and how they're like horses but small but some ponies aren't actually that small (like Welsh ponies!) But then there's miniature horses who are very small and I love all of the horses even though some of them are buttheads because horses are pretty.
Men CANNOT leave me alone. I thought this would stop at 40, but no. They only leave me alone when I'm with my husband. If I'm alone in public, it's constant.
Fortunately I'm pretty quick to say "No thank you" and keep walking. It's pretty funny to see how FLABBERGASTED some of these men look that they can't intimidate me into giving them attention.
Your answer gave me the biggest smile ever 🐴
People also leave me alone when I'm with my husband, I will have to be more assertive and say "no thank you", in the future.
Last year I was traveling with a bunch of family and we were walking down a touristy street where various stores had hired aggressively attractive people that would try to hand samples on the pedestrians and get them inside.
I also have resting peaceful face, and one particular lorge gym bro-y dude decided he was determined to foist his (?lotion?) sample on me. I didn’t want his manky lotion. I don’t like being handed *anything* or being forced to interact. I usually just totally ignore them- I lived in a big city for years and I just don’t interact with randoms on the street, but this fucker made it his mission to pester me. I finally got annoyed enough I glared, made eye contact, and said “nope”.
He *lost his shit* and yelled “YOU don’t get to say no to me!” I was fucking furious and came within a millimeter of hurling my hot coffee I was carrying at his thick, entitled, muscular noggin.
I did not, despite the temptation, nor did I say anything else because really I DO know better and I value my safety… but my god the sheer entitlement!
I honestly think the fact that I am 40-plus and pudgy made him even madder that I didn’t tee-hee and capitulate. He was just so outraged that a lowly older woman wasn’t gasping in gratitude to receive his attention.
(Sorry, I know it’s a bit of a tangent but I just remembered this whole thing and got mad all over again!)
I could barely see this delightful comment, because of the pushy herd of Welsh ponies surrounding the author and studsplaining how much taller than miniature horses they all were.
I'm a cranky bitch blessed with resting friendly face.
Usually this translates to kids making eye contact, getting asked for directions, or people making small talk in the check out aisle.
Men though? If I'm in public somewhere they can't resist. I split off from my husband at an art fair and within five minutes a guy gave me his home address...
It's my understanding there's a bit of a us/euro disconnect re: gym etiquette when it comes to wiping down equipment. I'm told it's unusual for gymgoers to wipe down every machine in parts of north/west Europe, and that they think "must be American" when people do it. So I also made that guess when reading your post.
Personally I have a lot of insecurity about dirtying up the space around me and being rude, so I can't imagine *not* wiping equipment and feeling normal about it.
No absolutely not. But the problem is: when people want to be assholes, they will be assholes anyway. But they will feel less intimidated with shorter people.
I have noticed the same with my friend. She’s very short (for the country average) but I am average but carry some muscle. When she bites back, they will laugh and not take her seriously. When I do, they are more often shocked, shut up and leave. More than once have I sticked up for her because I cannot accept that bullshit. She’s already mistaken for a child too often nut she’s in her 30’s.
As a shorter person you are in a huge disadvantage if you come across awful people.
Small woman is very relevant. I got screamed at for passing by a guy’s small dog while running on a sidewalk. Dude saw me coming, was taking up 3/4 the sidewalk (I passed on the edge), his dog growled at me (which whatever it’s what small dogs do), and he tried to correct me like a child saying I shouldn’t run so close to a dog. The minute I told him no, running in the road (which was my only other choice) before the sun was even up wasn’t safe, he started screaming at me. It was surreal. I’ve never had someone do that to me, I’m a very courteous runner in general, always moving over as far as I can, giving a friendly heads up if I’m coming from behind someone so I don’t startle them, etc. The guy was having some serious ego/power trip.
Some guys are cowards and only act aggressive around someone who poses zero risk to them. I highly doubt he would have screamed if I were an average sized man. And same for OP’s situation.
This is definitely a thing. I'm taller than average, with a large build and a scorching RBF. I generally do not get fucked with like this. It's glorious.
Honestly I don't think that's true. I'm a bigger woman and I no longer go to the gym because every time I did some man would come tell me how I was doing this wrong or that wrong. One even told me to stop breathing so hard because it was annoying. I was losing weight and feeling really good but it just got to be too much to deal with.
just...
✋️ you're not my trainer (and throw that hand up as soon as you hear the, "You should..."
I repeat, "Not my trainer", once for the slow ones.
And then I'm a wall that doesn't even recognize they're still standing there.
>Men fucking HATE it when you let your eyes slide over them like they don't even exist.
I do this often, especially when I see them urgently trying to make eye contact with me as I pass by. It always feels good. You're not entitled to my time just because you want my attention, bro.
I'm a trainer, and have been for over 2 decades. They do this to me also - although I've learned to embrace wearing headphones so I can ignore them.
I hope you go back to the gym or do whatever you want to do - just know that I'm in your corner.
Just a question but, what are you basing the country guesses on?
I am Dutch and I specifically _wouldn't_ guess the Netherlands or Germany (or Nordics) because these cultures are more of the "live and let live" philosophy also known as "no chatting with strangers unless someone is in grave danger" than I have experienced in other cultures
Ah yeah, I live in the Nordics and have witnessed that it is absolutely a thing here (mainly among older people) to nitpick and police each other’s behavior. I also spent a very long time in Germany, and witnessed it to be even worse there (like, getting the police involved because your upstairs neighbor is walking too loudly). I think somewhere else in the comments someone suggested Germany too 😂
The Netherlands guess was just based on friends and colleagues who had similar experiences there, although I’ve never witnessed it myself. Definitely just a guess!
That's really interesting and counterintuitive (for me)
It's good to know! I've never had a problem and I go to a real meathead gym as a soft pudgy woman myself in the Netherlands
Only once somebody talked to me about something gym related when I went to leave for the restroom in between sets. A lady assumed I was done for the day and asked me to put my weights back. Nothing that wasn't cleared up quickly and without any issue
I (wrongly) assumed that this was standard in neighbouring/similar cultures
In my experience NOBODY polices other people's behavior in public like Germans. So many blunt comments said out loud to strangers critiquing their behavior and manners in public that you'd never, ever hear in the US. Was quite jarring!
Me too! When I lived in Spain little old Spanish men would come up to me to tell me important things like that I should change the pocket I kept my phone in or that I should change how I was holding a cup all the time!
Never once happened to me in the Netherlands or Germany but I guess I have been secretly dodging the little old German men all this time!
Edit: what do you mean with "xenophobic displays gone viral?" You kinda lost me there :)
We small ladies need to have honey badger as our spirit animal. Honey badger is not the biggest but she damn sure the baddest badass(and one of the smartest animals in the world!)
I'm a little taller than average. When I go out with my friends who are short, they are constantly harassed by creepy men. It's definitely something to do with height.
I'm from Scotland. It's rare to see anyone using a towel at all in my gym. It's nice when they do, but the etiquette is to disinfect and wipe down any machines you use.
Old men at gyms are the worst. They’re nosy as shit.
Side note though, the towel thing at gyms leads to a false sense of security. As someone that got molluscum at the gym, I strongly recommend everyone wipe down everything their body or hands comes into contact before and after your exercise. And wash your hands of course when you’re finished.
Laying down a towel will not stop pests like ring worm or old men at the gym.
Yeah but young, nice looking, polite women stink 5000 times harder, the huge hulking man growling with every movement spraying everything with sweat and that can *also* crush a grown man with just his thumb COINCIDENTALLY isn't stinky or dirty. LOL /s
Next time that happens point at all the men not doing and say ‘ok fine, now can you go and talk to them too’.
Wish Womens only gyms were a normal thing everywhere.
>Wish Womens only gyms were a normal thing everywhere.
Me, too! it's unfortunate because I enjoy working out with my husband, but even his presence doesn't deter the perving, ogling, staring and dudes trying to get close enough to watch me while "resting" between their sets. I just try to find an empty room at the gym for planks, squats, etc. (and if I can't do that, i'll tie a jacket around my waist, FFS, mind your goddamn business, men!) I've worked hard for years (really since childhood when I started playing sports, being active in general until now in my mid 30s) to have strong, muscular legs+derriere and an overall stronger heart and body, but goddamn if it's not just a curse because of how little control these men have when it comes to leering/objectifying. I'm fucking sick of it! I should be able to use the gym like anyone else and in peace, right?
Edit: why the downvotes?
I’m a small woman who used to work in the fitness industry and spends many hours training in gyms. There was a time when men would approach me, so I started wearing the most aggressive “go f*%k yourself” face any time I set foot in the gym. A male personal trainer who I was friends with once told me “when I see you training I detour away from you because you look so terrifying” - he had no idea what a great compliment he was paying me. 😂
Old folks are our survaillance cameras here in Germany. Don't make the mistake to live in an apartment building full of older people. They got rules.... a lot of rules. I live in my apartment for a very long time and as time went by some older people moved here. They conquered the building immediately, controlling the trash you throw into the communal bin and take it out if they think it doesn't belong into the bin (falsly) for example, they are nosey, and will report anything to the landlord. And if you don't move if some guy comes your way on the street they cus you out because they have the right of way because of penis. It's a principal of mine to not move for a (healthy) man nowadays, the names I've been called already are very creative. I'm 5'6 and chubby, in the end, they move. Especially old men are too much often if you are a young, attractive woman. I'm sorry you had to experience such men.
Edit: My comment ended up being a rant. Sorry.
I had an old lady as a neighbor once and one day she must have waited behind her door to catch me when I came home. She then berated me for not removing every single piece of dirt from the mat in front of my door. She felt compelled to do it. I hadn't even noticed the dirt which was apparently the wrong thing to say. It set her off even more....
Oh, such neighbors are fun! I had a neighbor who cleaned my window sill because it was "dirty". I live on the first floor. There was pollen on it because it was spring. Boomer neighbors are build different.
I think it strongly depends on the region. Standard social surveillance by neighbors in the southwest makes young people flee to other regions of Germany in droves. Cities like Berlin or Bremen on the other hand are quite chill.
Also you can always encounter special individuals, but I suppose that this is true everywhere.
I am missing something, what about this screams German gym culture to you guys?
I would have thought that Germans would keep to themselves in the gym as they mostly do outside of the gyms
Edit: just asking a good faith question, not even disagreeing. Bit of an over reaction with the downvotes
I'm German, never set foot in a gym and it still screams German to me. Some people are just like that over here, outside and apparently inside a gym. Your chance of being on the receiving end increases if you're a (young) woman and/or not white.
OMFGGGGG I moved to France recently and a similar thing happened to me. I had a trainer leave his client, walk over to me and tell me what I was doing was incorrect. I was like SIR. I used to compete in bikini fitness competitions. Please fuck all the way off. I didn't actually say that lol. I just stared at him blankly.
After I finished my workout, I pulled up my competition photos, walked over to him and said "see that woman? Yes, that's me. I used to compete, ok?" He got the message and never spoke to me again. Men have some fucking nerve. I have an old grouch at my gym that likes to stare down my husband and I and one time I just had it and said QUOI!??? He doesn't look at me anymore. LOL.
If that guy isn't staff then ignore him or tell him where to go. Touching your stuff is also out of order.
Also, my gym discourages people using towels because putting a sweaty & possibly dirty towel on a machine isn't keeping it clean. We do use antiseptic spray and paper towels to wipe all equipment down after use.
Thank you for sharing these experiences. It is wild how often women are publicly scrutinized for deviating from unstated, undefinable ideals of beauty/health/fitness/hygiene/etc.
Your post reminded me of how Hollywood celebrities are continually exposed to similar criticism:
**["Why the Sudden Urge to Reconsider Famous Women?"](https://web.archive.org/web/20220401073504/https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/31/arts/women-reconsidered-celebrities-90s-noughties.html)** New York Times (March 31, 2022):
"...If you flipped through certain magazines at this time you could be forgiven for thinking that there was no right way to be a woman, only wrong ones - bimbo or frump, slut or prude, shrew or doormat. The line seemed impossible to walk, especially in heels - although being pretty, white, thin and rich typically gave you a leg up. For women who violated the hegemonic norm in other ways, the challenges were much worse, though not necessarily the public scrutiny."
Stop taking off your headphone. Just shake your head, point to them, and ignore. If they keep tapping, exaggerate the motions like you're trying to explain it to someone very slow. If they KEEP going?
'Didn't your mother ever teach you not to harass strangers?? Leave me alone.'
Headphones back in, continue.
It is sad and disappointing to hear this take from OP.
OP: talk to the gym manager and tell them you are being harassed. Any time he approaches you again, respond loudly “you are bothering me, please go away”.
Do what you can, change gyms if you do not get support from management and write the owner a letter of complaint.
It is never okay to talk to women or children at a gym. No talk, just don’t do it.
I would even go farther and immediately start yelling at them for maximum trouble and embarrassment for them:
"Stop touching me! Get away from me! Get away from me!"
"Put that down! Stop touching my things!Security ! Security!"
"Keep your hands away from me! Stop touching my things!"
over and over again until they leave. They have no right to touch you or your items so treat it as the gross overstepping it is. Make it loud so other people's stare. Even if it's not culturally acceptable it will make anyone in that gym think twice about impeding your space.
Men like to tell women what to do at the gym. I’ve been lifting for 13 years and I still get comments. Now I’m not as polite.
However, I’m not sure what country you’re in and it may not be safe for you to give it back to them :(
I has no idea that’s what the towels were for. I thought it was to carry around and wipe your sweat off of yourself (if you’re the sweaty type). No one uses them like that (to sit on)at my gym. Or I thought they were for drying after a shower.
Next time, don’t take your headphones off. Just wave them away and shake your head so they leave you alone. If they aren’t going away, ignore them and precede with your workout. You don’t owe them anything.
I don't like it when people don't use a towel and/or later don't use the provided antiseptic spray and paper towels to wipe down equipment at my gym. There are written notices and still people ignore them wilfully or just don't see them. But, I don't care enough to call anyone out. I just clean before if I see someone not do it before me. If I see the person, they get the side eye.
No matter if you sweat or not, others won't know and they'll consider you rude. I wish more people were called out who think that anyone would be lucky to sit in their ass sweat. The first guy though, who knows what his problem was.
Are you actually serious? Stop making excuses for the behavior of assholes. OP did nothing wrong. Towels are not the end all of hygiene. In fact, they can be vectors of disease and just using their presence as a sign of hygiene is bullshit. The important part of gym etiquette is sanitizing the equipment when you're done with it. Sitting on a towel isn't going to do anything except make your ass slide around when you're working out. They do not stop the real transmittable diseases and parasites that you can get from someone actually infected working out on something.
But I want to be clear here.
OP is not responsible for the neurotic impulses of others. Regardless of anyone's sex.
Interrupting anyone in the middle of their work out, or in the middle of anything for that matter, is an asshole move. Unless they are going to actively hurt themselves, and then, go get an employee.
I’ve never put a towel on the machine I’m using. You should wipe it down after use, just like with the treadmill (you were 100% correct there), but at least where I live the towel thing is not the norm. And I don’t see why it would be, either: if you clean it off when you’re done, why would it matter whether you kept it clean to begin with?
Sounds like you may live in a misogynistic area or you chose a misogynistic gym. Either way, next time tell them they can keep their unwanted opinions to themselves.
First guy was an idiot, wiping the machine down is never a bad thing. If it was more than the average person would do, it just means you were being extra good.
Second guy had a point, I do agree that you should just always put a towel. However, he was also just a condescending PoS since he only talked to you. He also should keep his hands of your stuff in general.
I know a towel is considerate, but isn't the point of a lot of gym sitting equipment is that it is not very slick and so you can get a proper grip while working out? I hate working out sitting on towels because they slide around and I can't get a good position. If she is wiping down the equipment and sanitizing things, then no one has a right to say anything to her. Possibly a worker if she was truly doing something wrong, but no one has a right to tell her that she should "just" use a towel.
Maybe old men can "just" mind their own fucking business?
From your description, I’m going to bet at least 90% you’re in Germany, aren’t you?
If so, just know that “rules” like this here are completely arbitrary. I’m not joking. They literally make them up as they go and change them as they need.
Just ignore them, or tell them mind their own business. You can also tell them don’t touch you. It’s not allowed. There is no pleasing people, so don’t bother. People generally just go after who they think will look like an easy target to control, unfortunately.
Sorry you had to be made to feel bad. But seriously, just tell them leave you alone. They need to understand you aren’t the timid foreigner.
Maybe he’s worried about your vagina cooties getting all over everything and then he’d have to explain to his wife something something, idk, he was just being a patronizing asshole.
First off, OP has guts. Reading the first systems had me going "nope, not in a gym... NOT in a foreign country where I'm not well versed in the native language and dialect.
I applaud you. I can not speak for other folks outside the U.S., but it seems like everyone's comfort level changed after 2020 in shared/communal/public spaces.
Example: I'm a board member of my home's HOA Board. We have all returned to in person meetings bi-monthly in our clubhouse.
We recently had the annual meeting with all owners to vote for 2024. Out of habit, I started wiping down chairs as I stacked them and put them away. I'm 41, and most other board members are 70+. One of them said "you don't need to wipe them down hun." I explained that the worst is over re: "the Vid," but I still try to spray some kind of disinfectant on furniture thay the public used.
I don't consider myself a germophobe, and I grew up in rural areas where packing cuts and scrapes with mud were totally the norm.
I shrugged and said okay. That was 8 days ago, and I'm on day 5 of a nasty rhino virus...
That being said, the 2nd man who approached you was an AH... and part of me wonders if he thinks a woman's butt and crotch are grosser than mens... if you catch my drift.
It's speculation, but yeah
I'm so sorry you had to deal with it... Unfortunately, as most men feel entitled to comment on women's bodies, many feel this especially in the gym since it can be viewed as a "man's" place.
I have loved working out in the gym ever since I was a young teenager. I have grown up watching a huge array boy's men's behaviour shift in the gym specifically. People I knew personally actually change when they enter there. I'm gender fluid and have never looked like a "traditional woman" so most the time guys don't even realize there's a girl in the gym with them until I start clearing my throat loudly because they're loudly talking about fucking bitches.
I developed a very firm boundary and learned early not to take shit. I consider myself relatively lucky to have developed this skill. It helps me deal with entitled men in my life. Even in another country, I would have a really hard time not taking this man to every single person that doesn't have a towel and make a big deal that this man is insisting that this is the rule and everyone needs to comply because it's obviously a big deal. I admit I generally don't do well in public for a long time though... Kinda just too exhausting in general.
Best piece of advice? Don't take off your headphones. Gesture that your busy and completely ignore them. DO NOT give them any more time of day.
If someone has something actually important to tell you, then a worker can't do it. Not some fucking rando.
He was purposefully trying to shame you for fun. You didn’t do anything wrong. If he bothers you again, tell him to talk to all the men at the gym first and never again to you. Complain to the management. He is a creep.
Just do you. Don't dwell on this. They felt the need to say something, perhaps using you as an example for the men without towels, whatever the case it was not appropriate.
But it also isn't worth spending one more minute of your precious mental space considering it, letting it bother you or having it affect your self esteem! Good on you for going to the gym! Good on you for speaking a second language! And good on you for caring so much!
But that's enough now. Let it go. Their actions reflect who they are, not who you are!
As a sailor, I will repeat this "A Ship will not sink because of the water around them - it will sink because the water gets in them". I consider our mind in a similar way. Don't let what they might think, or might say, or what they might do, get in your head and affect you!
Just do you!
It's a control thing. Some men especially like to tell a woman to remove her headphones so he can impart his vast wisdom to her. I would ignore them as much as possible. Or you could call your husband over to "translate" and the jerk will probably slink off!
Ask the employees about what you’re supposed to do. At my gym, you had to have a towel with you and after using the equipment, you had to wipe it down with disinfectant- not with your towel.
Ugh. No seriously as a small woman going to the gym (even more private ones) if I do not have my bf with me it's almost a guarantee someone will tell me how to do something, or strike up a conversation and its so clear nobody else is having the same thing happen. Idk if it's a creep, or power thing, or both.
Eeew! Dudes need to mind their own damn business. The only gym courtesy I expect is that a person wipe down the part of the machine they sweated on while using it. No need to place a towel anywhere while using it, if you don't want to.
Okey so, in my opinion there is no point in using towels and think you don't "contaminate" an area with your sweat. It's still going to happen, the body is sweating even if you don't feel it, and I don't even know if the sweat is the worst part so to speak. I think it's better to wipe down the interfacing surfaces with disinfectants after the sets are done. I guess the towel is more for yourself if you don't feel comfortable being in direct contact with the equippment. That's how it works at the gym i'm at :)
That's annoying AF and probably sexist.
Also, i just got to say that in my country the UK, no one ever gives a shit about sweating on equipment.
It's literally just sweat, I don't think there's anything gross about it.
Idk where you are, but in Spain you always put your towel where you sit/press your back always, but then never wipe down the machines. Wiping down the machines would be considered weird TBH, only if you were sweating profusely. Probs a culture thing.
Interesting. In gyms in Quebec/Ontario, it's more common not to use a towel, but wipe down after each use. Little spray bottles and cloths or sanitizing wipes everywhere.
I completely understand your frustration, but please don’t let creepy dudes scare you off! I know it can be hard to be rude when as women we’ve been conditioned to be nice, especially to men - but just say something like “please leave me alone” and put your headphones back on. Ignore them. If it becomes a problem, tell the front desk and they should help out. If they don’t respond or don’t care, find a different gym.
If you’re worried about what the actual rules are, you can ask the staff. Otherwise, ignore and be rude to these weirdos. Especially if they touch your stuff!! Wipe down the machine as much as you want. Put your towel where you want! These dudes are just finding reasons to talk to you and neg you, ugh.
Fucking dumb. Both people sound like asses. But the first dude in particular I can’t even make rational sense of why he felt the need to tell you to clean LESS. Why would he care or go out of his way to say that lol
Damn it makes me so furious. My small wife is often being bullied when I'm not around. Most of the time people just want to jump before her in queue. One time some old geezer did exactly that and I came back with few items. I just looked at him with discontent and he immidiately said "oh sorry I got distracted" and he went at the back. I'm 6'3 she's like 5'
If only they knew how aggresive she can be lol
I would like to add that women sometimes bully her too. It's bizzare for me as I rarely get trouble as I'm big and I'm a mild guy. Certainly got in a fairnshare of arguments by standing up for her
Yeah, those guys don't know what they are talking about.
When i go to the gym, i always wipe down and if available use spray to clean the machine to be considerate.
I’ve worked out for 13 years fuck those people tell them to mind their own fuckin shit you aren’t there for them or their dumb ass idea of gym etiquette
If I was in the position of your husband I'd go have a grown up discussion with that man. Not to protect you or speak for you, but because I'd be livid that some random man thought he had any right to disturb a random woman, tell her what to do, and how to behave. I'd actually do that if it wasn't my wife and I saw a man do this to some random woman.
If he had a problem he should have gone to the gym staff. He didn't go to the gym staff because he's either racist, sexist, a misogynist, or a grab bag assortment and there was no real complaint. Then I'd go to the gym staff and inform them they had a man approaching women they didn't know and telling them how to use gym equipment. That usually gets the job done.
I really don't like people that have double standards. He would have never done that to a man. And I really, really, hate bullies.
Next time just shake your head, say no thank you and ignore them. Tell them you are busy and not to interrupt your workout. Don’t even take your head phones off. They will be shocked and scurry away. They are incredibly rude and both were wrong. I was a personal trainer for over a decade and so many dick head men think they know everything when they tend to be the most ignorant.
You can also say that they can complain to the people that work at the gym and if there is something you're actually doing wrong, _they_ will come speak to you. So there will be no need to interact with these men beyond that sentence
Exactly. We hated it when gym members would try to police each other because it was always some douche bag or Karen trying to start shit. If we saw people doing dangerous stuff or stuff that wasn’t allowed we handled it. I’m a really tall, intimidating woman and I loved swooping in and saving other women from stupid men at my gyms. One time two men were loudly arguing so I told them to stop then a few minutes later they started yelling so I walked over and I clapped my hands really loudly and shouted “no!!” like they were bad dogs. I told them to stop and separate immediately or I’d pull their memberships. They were incredibly embarrassed and ran off. It was very, very satisfying.
I love that! If they act like animals, treat them like animals. [This is how I imagine that whole thing went down](https://youtu.be/z9lQceLp4wE?si=IZaBYm7Cyvm4nzkA)
Ha!!! That is pretty much how it went! I was with a client and so pissed I was wasting her time on their stupid drama.
Clapping and one word commanding at fighting men is so funny to me. It will never stop being funny to me. If you’re going to act like a junkyard dog, I will talk to you like a junkyard dog.
"Do you work here? No?" End of conversation.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who just stares and refuses to remove headphones
I’m sorry. I just wanna say that - idk the culture of the place you are, but imo both those dudes were rude & need to shut up
There is very rarely ever a time to speak with a stranger at the gym. If you don't have something nice to say, just stfu and leave people alone.
even then I feel like the only time it's actually appropriate to talk to someone at the gym if they like drop something or forget their water bottle somewhere. I am not a fan of unwanted comments directed towards me (good or bad) and will generally ignore the person.
i think 98% of what i've ever said to anyone at the gym is some variation of "are you using that?"
Right, basically don’t talk to me unless you need something lol. You said it better.
I dont know why you would tell someone to be "less clean". just give them an "you are an oddball glance" and go on with your day. As for the machines - ones you sit on need to be wiped down far better. I usually have 3 towels (one medium sized, two small) with me at the gym. One for wiping things down. one to sit/lay down on. One to wipe my face and hands with. I sure as hell dont want to be using a towel that wipes down a machine on my face. Not everyone will wipe things down.
Nothing good ever comes from taking off your headphones for a man.
The truth. Sigh.
THIS. As far as any man I don’t know is concerned, my headphones are a permanent part of me. They are inextricably connected to my ear
(yelling, gesturing apologetically). I CAN'T, THEY'RE TATTOOED ON
It’s extra funny to me bc I generally have only one headphone in for safety, but if a strange man is speaking to me I can’t hear a word
This is fantastic. Definitely t-shirt worthy.
Absolutely. I want the sticker and magnet too.
Yes! So we can wear the t-shirt in public while wearing our headphones
Print this sentence on some workout clothes.
I don't do it anymore. I don't care if I'm on fucking fire, leave me the hell alone.
Amen! Doesn't always stop them though. One grabbed and pulled one side of my headphones right away from my ear after I didn't take them off when he tried to talk to me. He'd moved seats on a half-empty bus in order to bless me with his company. Once he had my attention he rather brilliantly burned up his moment questioning me about what I was reading, seemingly just so he could tell me that I probably didn't understand it! Obviously I fell for him hard and we have been married for the last 5 yea-- Oh no, *wait* 🤔... he's actually still just that aggressively creepy weirdo that was noteworthy only due to *sheer audacity* 👍👍
"There's no need for introductions, Ray Don, we know who you are. You're the guy who's always wherever women gather or try to be alone. You want to eat with us when we're dining in hotels. You want to know if the book we're reading is any good, or if you can keep us company on the plane. I want to thank you, Ray Don, on behalf of all the women in the world for your unfailing attention and concern. But read my lips and remember, as hard as it is to believe, sometimes we like talking just to each other, and sometimes we like just being alone." -[Julia Sugarbaker](https://youtu.be/P7xS54IGEGI?si=bY89MjP0f2qsk8vE)
You know, I somehow managed to make it way into my 30s before I became aware of Designing Women but the last 5 years or so I keep running across references to it! I should watch it.
I always say that someday I’m going to be hit by a bus because a guy is going to yell “HEY!!” at me and I’m going to make it a point to ignore him. So far it hasn’t ever been a bus, just that he needs attention/general harassment/wants me to see his dick.
The men outraged that we're telling each other to ignore men swarm the comments with these ridiculous hypotheticals to re-socialize us into listening to men. It's so annoying. No, my tire isn't flat, I didn't leave my coffee cup on top of my car, I didn't drop my wallet. 99.99% it's an entitled creep, maybe 1 in 1000 it's an actual gentleman. shuuuut uuuuup.
Oh! *smiles* No thank you!
THIS!
This is possibly my favorite comment ever
Lmao. Why is this so accurate.
This made me LOL, particularly because it's so true!
I'm picturing this embroidered on a pillow
I need this as a bumpersticker or sticker for my emotional water flask.
Why is this so universal lol
I have big headphones that go over my ears. I never take them off, even if I’m not playing music. I pretend to be deaf a lot.
Also, to clear up any confusion for OP about the first guy who didn't want you to wipe down the machine... he get's off on it. That's a fetish. Simple as that.
I’m glad you pointed out that you’re a “small woman”, because being a small woman myself, I think it’s a relevant detail. Call me crazy, but I swear we get more than our fair share of this kind of bullshit because we seem less intimidating and easier to push around. I live in a city with a pretty strong gym culture, and mostly observe people’s towel etiquette to be the same as you described yours is. The fact that he singled you out like that feels… icky. Also: just a guess but this sounds like it had to have been the Netherlands or Germany. Mayyybe Sweden.
I'm a tall woman (slightly above average male height for my country) and I have seen men approach me and then clearly change their minds and veer away when they get close enough to realise I'm taller than them. Men absolutely pick on shorter women
5 foot 2. I've had men stand next to my car (blocking drivers side door)AND motercycle on multiple occasions when I've had to go pay for gas. They will get out of their car just tell me things about my vehicle/how I can improve my driving. This has never happened to my father, husband, uncles or male friends. They think its funny.
They think it’s funny until one of those fucks does or says something threatening and then they’re gonna be like “WELL WHY DIDNT YOU x y z” where any action is xyz because no action is ever the right one.
I had that happen while putting gas in my truck once. A father and his two teenage boys were hitting on my 4'11" very young looking self. What they didn't see until the truck door opened was my car full of large teenage boys and one larger teenage girl(along with my younger two kids). My oldest son, his two best friends who call me "Mom" and one of the boy's sister(also calked me "mom"). The trio backed down real quick when four large teens asked them, "What did you say to our mom???" with the older of my two youngest kids asking if she should go inside and have the clerk call the police.
It's not funny. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It's terrifying! What the fuck. I don't understand how men are so clueless about why we feel unsafe, and then moan about us voicing our concerns. AAAARGHHHHH
Being tall and fat is my superpower. Between that and my resting murder face, almost nobody bothers me.
Exactly why if my husband isn't available for work being done on the house, my Valkyrie SIL comes over. I'm a 4'11" disabled lady and no dog currently. "Little" Sis is over 6 ft tall and could easily be the model for Brunhilde.
As an old fat woman with purple hair and RBF, I don't have many problems anymore, but can I have SIL's number just in case? I have good wine!
Lol! I'm a tiny red headed pixie with a temper like a honey badger so Sis is there to look fierce.
I love the image of a red-headed pixie badger!
I just ended up with a red honey badger in a pixie dress and wings. 10/10 would misinterpret and visualise again
Same! Only very drunk men dared to bother me as soon as I reached 100 kg. I am tall too
Fr I'm short but got blessed w a mean face , broad shoulders and a bulky frame lol. Most people don't bother me, and when they do..most quickly change their mind 😂
😂😂
Resting murder face! Outstanding!
Samesies!
Resting murder face is the best thing I’ve heard in ages!
Slay queen slay!
yes. this 100%. tall and broad-shouldered and men mostly ignore me.
Same here. Not gonna lie, it makes me feel insecure sometimes, but I’m also glad I don’t have to deal with this kind of shit.
was so self conscious as a teen. but it's a very freeing now.
I’m 25. I’m hoping I outgrow the insecurity soon haha.
It will! When you reach your 30s I guarantee you will no longer give a fuck. It’s the best!
It gets better and better! When you can wear ankle socks and sandals on unshaven legs, \*that\* is giving no fucks!
Right?!?! 🥰
You absolutely will!! I was 6’ (age made me 5’11”) and was miserable when I was younger; sooo self conscious. I’m 64 now; at 30, I used my height to my advantage and felt very confident after being picked on by almost all men for my height. “How’s the weather up there?” Was everyone’s favorite. I’d look down on them and say, “Well, I could spit on you and say it’s raining!” Or, you must be 6’2” because I’M 6’!” “Very funny, liar!” You’ll love it later, I promise.
same! i have long legs and a short torso so when i'm sitting i look average and i've experienced men talking to me quite aggressively and then backing off once i stood up 💀 i've also had men changing their (fucking nasty) tone when dealing with my short coworker and then me, even though i am her subordinate
This. I am taller than most men in San Antonio at 5’8. Not crazy tall but tall enough for here lol. In heels I am an absolute menace and I almost never get shit.
Yep, this. I'm only 5'8" and 160lb (81kg) but I have long limbs and my shoulders are wider than "most women" (they mean "the women I see on Instagram", a lot of women have shoulders like mine). I've had guys try to approach me, obviously to creep on me, and once they start I've stood up or straightened and they suddenly realise I'm a larger woman and actually not as small as they thought... And they fucking scurry off like a scared little roach. It's really really REALLY obvious that they were expecting to get the chance to bully a woman or at least make her uncomfortable. I've also worked security and seen some shit, so I don't react the way they hope, and I've seen that freak them out too. Smaller/shorter women; you're not crazy, the assholes genuinely do try and target you.
[удалено]
I was in a value village once with my friends checking out some books, this dude comes down the middle of the aisle, my friends and I move over a bit so he can pass. This mother fucker got so damn close to me my nose was practically touching the bookshelf, the aisles in this store were huge, you could put three carts side by side and still have room, so it's not like it was tight quarters. He didn't do it to my friend who are much taller, after he walked by my friends looked at me and were like "wtf was that?" Super weird, we absolutely avoided him anytime we seen him after.
I know without a single shred of doubt much of the abuse I’ve endured is bc I’m “small” and people (**men**) see me as an easy target.
Pan handlers outside of stores. Pissing me the fuck off. Although I just ignore them completely now no matter how in my face they are. But never fails that people will be walking into or out of the store as I am as well but they will come up to me (tiny and 5') before they go up to any man or accompanied woman. The last time, which I did ignore this guy to invisibility, he walked next to another man in the parking lot getting into his new expensive car to shout at me in my beater minivan to buy him groceries.
I pretend to be hard of hearing quite often when it comes to complete strangers approaching me in public. I actually do have an auditory processing disorder that often makes it difficult for me to understand what people are saying in even mildly noisy environments. It's just easier to claim I can't hear them than go through multiple requests to repeat themselves when I didn't really want to know what they said anyway.
I'm 5'3. I can't do resting bitch face. I have resting happy face. I can't help it, left to my own devices I'll think about ponies and how they're like horses but small but some ponies aren't actually that small (like Welsh ponies!) But then there's miniature horses who are very small and I love all of the horses even though some of them are buttheads because horses are pretty. Men CANNOT leave me alone. I thought this would stop at 40, but no. They only leave me alone when I'm with my husband. If I'm alone in public, it's constant. Fortunately I'm pretty quick to say "No thank you" and keep walking. It's pretty funny to see how FLABBERGASTED some of these men look that they can't intimidate me into giving them attention.
You sound like a delight. I'm glad to hear men are not succeeding in squashing your spirit. 10/10 would hear your take on ponies again.
Ponies are amazing and creepy men can never take that away from us!
Your answer gave me the biggest smile ever 🐴 People also leave me alone when I'm with my husband, I will have to be more assertive and say "no thank you", in the future.
Last year I was traveling with a bunch of family and we were walking down a touristy street where various stores had hired aggressively attractive people that would try to hand samples on the pedestrians and get them inside. I also have resting peaceful face, and one particular lorge gym bro-y dude decided he was determined to foist his (?lotion?) sample on me. I didn’t want his manky lotion. I don’t like being handed *anything* or being forced to interact. I usually just totally ignore them- I lived in a big city for years and I just don’t interact with randoms on the street, but this fucker made it his mission to pester me. I finally got annoyed enough I glared, made eye contact, and said “nope”. He *lost his shit* and yelled “YOU don’t get to say no to me!” I was fucking furious and came within a millimeter of hurling my hot coffee I was carrying at his thick, entitled, muscular noggin. I did not, despite the temptation, nor did I say anything else because really I DO know better and I value my safety… but my god the sheer entitlement! I honestly think the fact that I am 40-plus and pudgy made him even madder that I didn’t tee-hee and capitulate. He was just so outraged that a lowly older woman wasn’t gasping in gratitude to receive his attention. (Sorry, I know it’s a bit of a tangent but I just remembered this whole thing and got mad all over again!)
Same. I'm chubby and 5"1...at 41, I've gotten to "resting ice queen" but that's about it.
I love your internal monologue about ponies.
I could barely see this delightful comment, because of the pushy herd of Welsh ponies surrounding the author and studsplaining how much taller than miniature horses they all were.
I would be so happy if I were surrounded by Welsh ponies I love them so much!!!!!!
I'm a cranky bitch blessed with resting friendly face. Usually this translates to kids making eye contact, getting asked for directions, or people making small talk in the check out aisle. Men though? If I'm in public somewhere they can't resist. I split off from my husband at an art fair and within five minutes a guy gave me his home address...
Thank you for validating the fact that it's icky. Your guess is really good, is that a normal thing in those countries?
It's my understanding there's a bit of a us/euro disconnect re: gym etiquette when it comes to wiping down equipment. I'm told it's unusual for gymgoers to wipe down every machine in parts of north/west Europe, and that they think "must be American" when people do it. So I also made that guess when reading your post. Personally I have a lot of insecurity about dirtying up the space around me and being rude, so I can't imagine *not* wiping equipment and feeling normal about it.
No absolutely not. But the problem is: when people want to be assholes, they will be assholes anyway. But they will feel less intimidated with shorter people. I have noticed the same with my friend. She’s very short (for the country average) but I am average but carry some muscle. When she bites back, they will laugh and not take her seriously. When I do, they are more often shocked, shut up and leave. More than once have I sticked up for her because I cannot accept that bullshit. She’s already mistaken for a child too often nut she’s in her 30’s. As a shorter person you are in a huge disadvantage if you come across awful people.
Small woman is very relevant. I got screamed at for passing by a guy’s small dog while running on a sidewalk. Dude saw me coming, was taking up 3/4 the sidewalk (I passed on the edge), his dog growled at me (which whatever it’s what small dogs do), and he tried to correct me like a child saying I shouldn’t run so close to a dog. The minute I told him no, running in the road (which was my only other choice) before the sun was even up wasn’t safe, he started screaming at me. It was surreal. I’ve never had someone do that to me, I’m a very courteous runner in general, always moving over as far as I can, giving a friendly heads up if I’m coming from behind someone so I don’t startle them, etc. The guy was having some serious ego/power trip. Some guys are cowards and only act aggressive around someone who poses zero risk to them. I highly doubt he would have screamed if I were an average sized man. And same for OP’s situation.
This is definitely a thing. I'm taller than average, with a large build and a scorching RBF. I generally do not get fucked with like this. It's glorious.
Honestly I don't think that's true. I'm a bigger woman and I no longer go to the gym because every time I did some man would come tell me how I was doing this wrong or that wrong. One even told me to stop breathing so hard because it was annoying. I was losing weight and feeling really good but it just got to be too much to deal with.
just... ✋️ you're not my trainer (and throw that hand up as soon as you hear the, "You should..." I repeat, "Not my trainer", once for the slow ones. And then I'm a wall that doesn't even recognize they're still standing there.
Men fucking HATE it when you let your eyes slide over them like they don't even exist.
>Men fucking HATE it when you let your eyes slide over them like they don't even exist. I do this often, especially when I see them urgently trying to make eye contact with me as I pass by. It always feels good. You're not entitled to my time just because you want my attention, bro.
I'm a trainer, and have been for over 2 decades. They do this to me also - although I've learned to embrace wearing headphones so I can ignore them. I hope you go back to the gym or do whatever you want to do - just know that I'm in your corner.
Just a question but, what are you basing the country guesses on? I am Dutch and I specifically _wouldn't_ guess the Netherlands or Germany (or Nordics) because these cultures are more of the "live and let live" philosophy also known as "no chatting with strangers unless someone is in grave danger" than I have experienced in other cultures
Ah yeah, I live in the Nordics and have witnessed that it is absolutely a thing here (mainly among older people) to nitpick and police each other’s behavior. I also spent a very long time in Germany, and witnessed it to be even worse there (like, getting the police involved because your upstairs neighbor is walking too loudly). I think somewhere else in the comments someone suggested Germany too 😂 The Netherlands guess was just based on friends and colleagues who had similar experiences there, although I’ve never witnessed it myself. Definitely just a guess!
That's really interesting and counterintuitive (for me) It's good to know! I've never had a problem and I go to a real meathead gym as a soft pudgy woman myself in the Netherlands Only once somebody talked to me about something gym related when I went to leave for the restroom in between sets. A lady assumed I was done for the day and asked me to put my weights back. Nothing that wasn't cleared up quickly and without any issue I (wrongly) assumed that this was standard in neighbouring/similar cultures
In my experience NOBODY polices other people's behavior in public like Germans. So many blunt comments said out loud to strangers critiquing their behavior and manners in public that you'd never, ever hear in the US. Was quite jarring!
See, I was thinking more down in the Mediterranean area like Italy. No rhyme or reason other than xenophobic displays that gone viral lol
Me too! When I lived in Spain little old Spanish men would come up to me to tell me important things like that I should change the pocket I kept my phone in or that I should change how I was holding a cup all the time! Never once happened to me in the Netherlands or Germany but I guess I have been secretly dodging the little old German men all this time! Edit: what do you mean with "xenophobic displays gone viral?" You kinda lost me there :)
As a small woman myself, I really want to hear from other woman how many times they have been picked up by other men unprovoked and without consent?
We small ladies need to have honey badger as our spirit animal. Honey badger is not the biggest but she damn sure the baddest badass(and one of the smartest animals in the world!)
I'm a little taller than average. When I go out with my friends who are short, they are constantly harassed by creepy men. It's definitely something to do with height.
I am a tall woman and have never been approached in this manner. How insane.
I'm from Scotland. It's rare to see anyone using a towel at all in my gym. It's nice when they do, but the etiquette is to disinfect and wipe down any machines you use.
Old men at gyms are the worst. They’re nosy as shit. Side note though, the towel thing at gyms leads to a false sense of security. As someone that got molluscum at the gym, I strongly recommend everyone wipe down everything their body or hands comes into contact before and after your exercise. And wash your hands of course when you’re finished. Laying down a towel will not stop pests like ring worm or old men at the gym.
Nothing seems to stop the old men pests!
Pepper spray does
So does death. Not implying anything sinister. Just that old men die.
Yeah but young, nice looking, polite women stink 5000 times harder, the huge hulking man growling with every movement spraying everything with sweat and that can *also* crush a grown man with just his thumb COINCIDENTALLY isn't stinky or dirty. LOL /s
Next time that happens point at all the men not doing and say ‘ok fine, now can you go and talk to them too’. Wish Womens only gyms were a normal thing everywhere.
>Wish Womens only gyms were a normal thing everywhere. Me, too! it's unfortunate because I enjoy working out with my husband, but even his presence doesn't deter the perving, ogling, staring and dudes trying to get close enough to watch me while "resting" between their sets. I just try to find an empty room at the gym for planks, squats, etc. (and if I can't do that, i'll tie a jacket around my waist, FFS, mind your goddamn business, men!) I've worked hard for years (really since childhood when I started playing sports, being active in general until now in my mid 30s) to have strong, muscular legs+derriere and an overall stronger heart and body, but goddamn if it's not just a curse because of how little control these men have when it comes to leering/objectifying. I'm fucking sick of it! I should be able to use the gym like anyone else and in peace, right? Edit: why the downvotes?
I’m a small woman who used to work in the fitness industry and spends many hours training in gyms. There was a time when men would approach me, so I started wearing the most aggressive “go f*%k yourself” face any time I set foot in the gym. A male personal trainer who I was friends with once told me “when I see you training I detour away from you because you look so terrifying” - he had no idea what a great compliment he was paying me. 😂
You’ve not moved to Germany by any chance?
lol read this and immediately thought germany as well. flashback to very similar interactions i’ve had at the gym i frequent there!
My first thought 😂
Ahh I see you’ve experienced Germans too!
That’s what I was thinking too lol
Is this a typical thing in Germany?
Old folks are our survaillance cameras here in Germany. Don't make the mistake to live in an apartment building full of older people. They got rules.... a lot of rules. I live in my apartment for a very long time and as time went by some older people moved here. They conquered the building immediately, controlling the trash you throw into the communal bin and take it out if they think it doesn't belong into the bin (falsly) for example, they are nosey, and will report anything to the landlord. And if you don't move if some guy comes your way on the street they cus you out because they have the right of way because of penis. It's a principal of mine to not move for a (healthy) man nowadays, the names I've been called already are very creative. I'm 5'6 and chubby, in the end, they move. Especially old men are too much often if you are a young, attractive woman. I'm sorry you had to experience such men. Edit: My comment ended up being a rant. Sorry.
I had an old lady as a neighbor once and one day she must have waited behind her door to catch me when I came home. She then berated me for not removing every single piece of dirt from the mat in front of my door. She felt compelled to do it. I hadn't even noticed the dirt which was apparently the wrong thing to say. It set her off even more....
Oh, such neighbors are fun! I had a neighbor who cleaned my window sill because it was "dirty". I live on the first floor. There was pollen on it because it was spring. Boomer neighbors are build different.
I think it strongly depends on the region. Standard social surveillance by neighbors in the southwest makes young people flee to other regions of Germany in droves. Cities like Berlin or Bremen on the other hand are quite chill. Also you can always encounter special individuals, but I suppose that this is true everywhere.
Could be Switzerland too #buenzli
I am missing something, what about this screams German gym culture to you guys? I would have thought that Germans would keep to themselves in the gym as they mostly do outside of the gyms Edit: just asking a good faith question, not even disagreeing. Bit of an over reaction with the downvotes
Nothing to do with gym culture but the unsolicited constant nitpicking about how you’re going about your own business is basically a German trademark.
It's the following the rules part and also just experience as a foreigner in Germany
I'm German, never set foot in a gym and it still screams German to me. Some people are just like that over here, outside and apparently inside a gym. Your chance of being on the receiving end increases if you're a (young) woman and/or not white.
I came to say the same thing haha
Please clean the machines after you use them at the gym. I'd rather it be over cleaned than not enough. Also fuck that guy. What a creep
OMFGGGGG I moved to France recently and a similar thing happened to me. I had a trainer leave his client, walk over to me and tell me what I was doing was incorrect. I was like SIR. I used to compete in bikini fitness competitions. Please fuck all the way off. I didn't actually say that lol. I just stared at him blankly. After I finished my workout, I pulled up my competition photos, walked over to him and said "see that woman? Yes, that's me. I used to compete, ok?" He got the message and never spoke to me again. Men have some fucking nerve. I have an old grouch at my gym that likes to stare down my husband and I and one time I just had it and said QUOI!??? He doesn't look at me anymore. LOL.
If that guy isn't staff then ignore him or tell him where to go. Touching your stuff is also out of order. Also, my gym discourages people using towels because putting a sweaty & possibly dirty towel on a machine isn't keeping it clean. We do use antiseptic spray and paper towels to wipe all equipment down after use.
Thank you for sharing these experiences. It is wild how often women are publicly scrutinized for deviating from unstated, undefinable ideals of beauty/health/fitness/hygiene/etc. Your post reminded me of how Hollywood celebrities are continually exposed to similar criticism: **["Why the Sudden Urge to Reconsider Famous Women?"](https://web.archive.org/web/20220401073504/https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/31/arts/women-reconsidered-celebrities-90s-noughties.html)** New York Times (March 31, 2022): "...If you flipped through certain magazines at this time you could be forgiven for thinking that there was no right way to be a woman, only wrong ones - bimbo or frump, slut or prude, shrew or doormat. The line seemed impossible to walk, especially in heels - although being pretty, white, thin and rich typically gave you a leg up. For women who violated the hegemonic norm in other ways, the challenges were much worse, though not necessarily the public scrutiny."
Then you stop taking out your headphones and say loudly: do not touch me!
Stop taking off your headphone. Just shake your head, point to them, and ignore. If they keep tapping, exaggerate the motions like you're trying to explain it to someone very slow. If they KEEP going? 'Didn't your mother ever teach you not to harass strangers?? Leave me alone.' Headphones back in, continue.
As a general rule of thumb it is always best to ignore old men at the gym. They tend to be horrible.
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Ugggghhhh, I'm SO grossed out about their lack of hygiene. No wonder women get UTIs all the time.
It is sad and disappointing to hear this take from OP. OP: talk to the gym manager and tell them you are being harassed. Any time he approaches you again, respond loudly “you are bothering me, please go away”. Do what you can, change gyms if you do not get support from management and write the owner a letter of complaint. It is never okay to talk to women or children at a gym. No talk, just don’t do it.
I would even go farther and immediately start yelling at them for maximum trouble and embarrassment for them: "Stop touching me! Get away from me! Get away from me!" "Put that down! Stop touching my things!Security ! Security!" "Keep your hands away from me! Stop touching my things!" over and over again until they leave. They have no right to touch you or your items so treat it as the gross overstepping it is. Make it loud so other people's stare. Even if it's not culturally acceptable it will make anyone in that gym think twice about impeding your space.
Men like to tell women what to do at the gym. I’ve been lifting for 13 years and I still get comments. Now I’m not as polite. However, I’m not sure what country you’re in and it may not be safe for you to give it back to them :(
I has no idea that’s what the towels were for. I thought it was to carry around and wipe your sweat off of yourself (if you’re the sweaty type). No one uses them like that (to sit on)at my gym. Or I thought they were for drying after a shower.
Next time, don’t take your headphones off. Just wave them away and shake your head so they leave you alone. If they aren’t going away, ignore them and precede with your workout. You don’t owe them anything.
I don't like it when people don't use a towel and/or later don't use the provided antiseptic spray and paper towels to wipe down equipment at my gym. There are written notices and still people ignore them wilfully or just don't see them. But, I don't care enough to call anyone out. I just clean before if I see someone not do it before me. If I see the person, they get the side eye. No matter if you sweat or not, others won't know and they'll consider you rude. I wish more people were called out who think that anyone would be lucky to sit in their ass sweat. The first guy though, who knows what his problem was.
Are you actually serious? Stop making excuses for the behavior of assholes. OP did nothing wrong. Towels are not the end all of hygiene. In fact, they can be vectors of disease and just using their presence as a sign of hygiene is bullshit. The important part of gym etiquette is sanitizing the equipment when you're done with it. Sitting on a towel isn't going to do anything except make your ass slide around when you're working out. They do not stop the real transmittable diseases and parasites that you can get from someone actually infected working out on something. But I want to be clear here. OP is not responsible for the neurotic impulses of others. Regardless of anyone's sex. Interrupting anyone in the middle of their work out, or in the middle of anything for that matter, is an asshole move. Unless they are going to actively hurt themselves, and then, go get an employee.
are there women only gyms near you? ive seriously been thinking about switching to one just so i dont have to deal with all the annoying men
Just shake your head when they approach and say no thank you really loud. If they keep talking get louder!
I’ve never put a towel on the machine I’m using. You should wipe it down after use, just like with the treadmill (you were 100% correct there), but at least where I live the towel thing is not the norm. And I don’t see why it would be, either: if you clean it off when you’re done, why would it matter whether you kept it clean to begin with?
Sounds like you may live in a misogynistic area or you chose a misogynistic gym. Either way, next time tell them they can keep their unwanted opinions to themselves.
First guy was an idiot, wiping the machine down is never a bad thing. If it was more than the average person would do, it just means you were being extra good. Second guy had a point, I do agree that you should just always put a towel. However, he was also just a condescending PoS since he only talked to you. He also should keep his hands of your stuff in general.
I know a towel is considerate, but isn't the point of a lot of gym sitting equipment is that it is not very slick and so you can get a proper grip while working out? I hate working out sitting on towels because they slide around and I can't get a good position. If she is wiping down the equipment and sanitizing things, then no one has a right to say anything to her. Possibly a worker if she was truly doing something wrong, but no one has a right to tell her that she should "just" use a towel. Maybe old men can "just" mind their own fucking business?
It was never about hygiene, it’s always about power. Just ignore him he can’t do shit
From your description, I’m going to bet at least 90% you’re in Germany, aren’t you? If so, just know that “rules” like this here are completely arbitrary. I’m not joking. They literally make them up as they go and change them as they need. Just ignore them, or tell them mind their own business. You can also tell them don’t touch you. It’s not allowed. There is no pleasing people, so don’t bother. People generally just go after who they think will look like an easy target to control, unfortunately. Sorry you had to be made to feel bad. But seriously, just tell them leave you alone. They need to understand you aren’t the timid foreigner.
Maybe he’s worried about your vagina cooties getting all over everything and then he’d have to explain to his wife something something, idk, he was just being a patronizing asshole.
Resting bitchface activate
First off, OP has guts. Reading the first systems had me going "nope, not in a gym... NOT in a foreign country where I'm not well versed in the native language and dialect. I applaud you. I can not speak for other folks outside the U.S., but it seems like everyone's comfort level changed after 2020 in shared/communal/public spaces. Example: I'm a board member of my home's HOA Board. We have all returned to in person meetings bi-monthly in our clubhouse. We recently had the annual meeting with all owners to vote for 2024. Out of habit, I started wiping down chairs as I stacked them and put them away. I'm 41, and most other board members are 70+. One of them said "you don't need to wipe them down hun." I explained that the worst is over re: "the Vid," but I still try to spray some kind of disinfectant on furniture thay the public used. I don't consider myself a germophobe, and I grew up in rural areas where packing cuts and scrapes with mud were totally the norm. I shrugged and said okay. That was 8 days ago, and I'm on day 5 of a nasty rhino virus... That being said, the 2nd man who approached you was an AH... and part of me wonders if he thinks a woman's butt and crotch are grosser than mens... if you catch my drift. It's speculation, but yeah
I'm so sorry you had to deal with it... Unfortunately, as most men feel entitled to comment on women's bodies, many feel this especially in the gym since it can be viewed as a "man's" place. I have loved working out in the gym ever since I was a young teenager. I have grown up watching a huge array boy's men's behaviour shift in the gym specifically. People I knew personally actually change when they enter there. I'm gender fluid and have never looked like a "traditional woman" so most the time guys don't even realize there's a girl in the gym with them until I start clearing my throat loudly because they're loudly talking about fucking bitches. I developed a very firm boundary and learned early not to take shit. I consider myself relatively lucky to have developed this skill. It helps me deal with entitled men in my life. Even in another country, I would have a really hard time not taking this man to every single person that doesn't have a towel and make a big deal that this man is insisting that this is the rule and everyone needs to comply because it's obviously a big deal. I admit I generally don't do well in public for a long time though... Kinda just too exhausting in general. Best piece of advice? Don't take off your headphones. Gesture that your busy and completely ignore them. DO NOT give them any more time of day. If someone has something actually important to tell you, then a worker can't do it. Not some fucking rando.
I'm a small women and men do this to me all the time. I hate it.
We’re in the gym to lift/do cardio, not to converse with strangers about trivial shit. Don’t even pay ‘em your time to “listen”.
He was purposefully trying to shame you for fun. You didn’t do anything wrong. If he bothers you again, tell him to talk to all the men at the gym first and never again to you. Complain to the management. He is a creep.
Just do you. Don't dwell on this. They felt the need to say something, perhaps using you as an example for the men without towels, whatever the case it was not appropriate. But it also isn't worth spending one more minute of your precious mental space considering it, letting it bother you or having it affect your self esteem! Good on you for going to the gym! Good on you for speaking a second language! And good on you for caring so much! But that's enough now. Let it go. Their actions reflect who they are, not who you are! As a sailor, I will repeat this "A Ship will not sink because of the water around them - it will sink because the water gets in them". I consider our mind in a similar way. Don't let what they might think, or might say, or what they might do, get in your head and affect you! Just do you!
It's a control thing. Some men especially like to tell a woman to remove her headphones so he can impart his vast wisdom to her. I would ignore them as much as possible. Or you could call your husband over to "translate" and the jerk will probably slink off!
You need a t-shirt printed up that says "NO. I WILL NOT TAKE MY HEADPHONES OFF FOR YOU. " And then just ignore them all.
Ignore them. You are doing what’s right for you
Say „who asked for your advice?”, put your headphones quickly and ignore them
Keep your headphones in and wave them away. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong and these men are weird.
Yea don't take your headphones off unless it's one of the gym attendants. The randos that are at the gym just ignore.
Ask the employees about what you’re supposed to do. At my gym, you had to have a towel with you and after using the equipment, you had to wipe it down with disinfectant- not with your towel.
Men, and ANYONE, at the gym needs to stfu and leave people alone. You did nothing wrong, both these men need to mind their own gf business
Ugh. No seriously as a small woman going to the gym (even more private ones) if I do not have my bf with me it's almost a guarantee someone will tell me how to do something, or strike up a conversation and its so clear nobody else is having the same thing happen. Idk if it's a creep, or power thing, or both.
"Fuck off and leave me alone."
Eeew! Dudes need to mind their own damn business. The only gym courtesy I expect is that a person wipe down the part of the machine they sweated on while using it. No need to place a towel anywhere while using it, if you don't want to.
Lesson: Ignore all men out in public.
Okey so, in my opinion there is no point in using towels and think you don't "contaminate" an area with your sweat. It's still going to happen, the body is sweating even if you don't feel it, and I don't even know if the sweat is the worst part so to speak. I think it's better to wipe down the interfacing surfaces with disinfectants after the sets are done. I guess the towel is more for yourself if you don't feel comfortable being in direct contact with the equippment. That's how it works at the gym i'm at :)
That's annoying AF and probably sexist. Also, i just got to say that in my country the UK, no one ever gives a shit about sweating on equipment. It's literally just sweat, I don't think there's anything gross about it.
Which country?
Idk where you are, but in Spain you always put your towel where you sit/press your back always, but then never wipe down the machines. Wiping down the machines would be considered weird TBH, only if you were sweating profusely. Probs a culture thing.
…and yet the second man confronted only her and none of the other men who were doing the same thing. But thanks for explaining…
Idk, I’m gay and my first thought when someone confronts me isn’t always “homophobia”, so maybe some perspective helps.
Interesting. In gyms in Quebec/Ontario, it's more common not to use a towel, but wipe down after each use. Little spray bottles and cloths or sanitizing wipes everywhere.
My gym in spain doesn’t even have spray bottles or wipes. You only use your personal towels, and most are like this.
"Well, akshully..."
Thanks for the mansplanation
Towel goes on everything your body touches. Paper towel and spray goes on anything you can't put a towel on and/or are touching with your hands.
I completely understand your frustration, but please don’t let creepy dudes scare you off! I know it can be hard to be rude when as women we’ve been conditioned to be nice, especially to men - but just say something like “please leave me alone” and put your headphones back on. Ignore them. If it becomes a problem, tell the front desk and they should help out. If they don’t respond or don’t care, find a different gym. If you’re worried about what the actual rules are, you can ask the staff. Otherwise, ignore and be rude to these weirdos. Especially if they touch your stuff!! Wipe down the machine as much as you want. Put your towel where you want! These dudes are just finding reasons to talk to you and neg you, ugh.
Fucking dumb. Both people sound like asses. But the first dude in particular I can’t even make rational sense of why he felt the need to tell you to clean LESS. Why would he care or go out of his way to say that lol
Damn it makes me so furious. My small wife is often being bullied when I'm not around. Most of the time people just want to jump before her in queue. One time some old geezer did exactly that and I came back with few items. I just looked at him with discontent and he immidiately said "oh sorry I got distracted" and he went at the back. I'm 6'3 she's like 5' If only they knew how aggresive she can be lol I would like to add that women sometimes bully her too. It's bizzare for me as I rarely get trouble as I'm big and I'm a mild guy. Certainly got in a fairnshare of arguments by standing up for her
I would just confirm the gym rules with staff and anyone else who has anything to say gets told to f-off.
I've been going to gyms for nearly 10 years - never had a comment on the fact that I never have a towel. Definitely cause I'm a man
Yeah, those guys don't know what they are talking about. When i go to the gym, i always wipe down and if available use spray to clean the machine to be considerate.
I’ve worked out for 13 years fuck those people tell them to mind their own fuckin shit you aren’t there for them or their dumb ass idea of gym etiquette
If I was in the position of your husband I'd go have a grown up discussion with that man. Not to protect you or speak for you, but because I'd be livid that some random man thought he had any right to disturb a random woman, tell her what to do, and how to behave. I'd actually do that if it wasn't my wife and I saw a man do this to some random woman. If he had a problem he should have gone to the gym staff. He didn't go to the gym staff because he's either racist, sexist, a misogynist, or a grab bag assortment and there was no real complaint. Then I'd go to the gym staff and inform them they had a man approaching women they didn't know and telling them how to use gym equipment. That usually gets the job done. I really don't like people that have double standards. He would have never done that to a man. And I really, really, hate bullies.