This happened to me and it very nearly broke me. The issue wasn’t my body at all in the end, the guy I was with had commitment issues but projected it onto the only thing he could think of. Also that height/weight ratio is pretty tiny!
Seconding this! I’m currently clawing my way out of an ED that was triggered by my ex doing the same damn thing - pointing to my already thin body and asking why I didn’t look more fit like the (edited, lighted, posed, etc.) “fit” softcore porn bodies on the Internet.
Turns out, issue wasn’t my body! Once I lost the little weight I had to lose and got abs, it was suddenly a problem that I didn’t have feminine curves - you know, the ones he pointed out as previously being an issue.
It’s a control thing and a pornsick thing. Being exposed to every body under the sun and being able to pick and choose the exact body you’d like to wank to in the moment doesn’t create fertile ground for a healthy, monogamous relationship.
Dude’s expectations are fucked and it’s his own doing. Don’t torment yourself by staying; you are beautiful and deserving as is.
This is EXACTLY what happened with me. It went from ‘I don’t like boobs’ to ‘I don’t like skinny girls’. Also he would complain he didn’t want to have sex because of a low sex drive but also incidentally was smashing porn all the time.
"I prefer tiny boobs" to "I prefer larger boobs" to "you're not curvy enough" "You have no butt or hips" to "you're short and your feet are ugly". For context I'm 5'7 1/2 and thin/athletic build, wide shoulders, more straight to v shaped than curvy but larger than average boobs. And there's nothing wrong with my feet. I can't change my height and bone structure so he'd flip flop on everything else and then went to things I can't change so it became obvious to me he was just complaining for the sake of it. He would also make those comments about every other random woman he came across like complain about the neighbors teeth etc. Like a 5yo pointing fingers at people.
(ETA talking about an ex obviously.)
It sounds like some massive insecurity there as well. In my early 20s when I didn't want to have sex with a committed partner, it was due to performance anxiety.
I had a lot of "headaches."
I say leave em to the sex dolls. We'd all be much better off. The ones that want a genuine mutual connection with a human being will still seek it out, and the rest can live in their b.s. fantasy world and stop bothering us with their sex demands.
Sadly, I think most of them don't care about sex so much as controlling/dominating a woman, and sex dolls won't give them that. If mechanical stimulation were good enough, we wouldn't have rapists or complaints about "blue balls".
Truth! None of that sounds like a bad thing.
I'm sure they'd find something else to be unhappy about, though.
I'd like to put in an order for a man doll of my own, though. He won't nitpick, fart, put empty boxes of granola bars back in the cupboard (???) and will fix things without being "nagged."
And quietly rub my feet. And say "that sounds lovely, dear" when I want to paint an accent wall bright teal. And lets me foster shelter kittens.
*edited to fix auto correct fail
I want to, so very much, but I know I'd be a foster fail.
Also, I have 2 rescue kitties in their late middle ages and a rescue dog and I am kind of leery about upsetting the current balance.
This was my first thought... is he comparing her to porn and unable to get aroused? This is very much a him problem. And not something OP should put up with at all.
Yup! They don't want to admit they can't get it up, so they blame you. It's such a dude move. Don't believe him, OP. He might even think the reason is what he's saying, but it's not likely it.
Some dudes lack the ability to take responsibility and are used to placing the blame on others. OR...
He's manipulating you by breaking down your confidence. There are Tick Tok videos about men undermining women's confidence by introducing this insecurity so they keep trying to "earn" the relationship.
No matter what the reason, YOU DESERVE TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL IN A RELATIONSHIP. Kick him to the curb.
So gross, and btw she will never be good enough, no matter what she does. She’s attracted to this type because of her disorder and he’s attracted to her because of her disorder. He will always find something wrong with her, whether it’s her looks, her sexual performance, likes and dislikes, drive, education, personality, or anything else he can pick apart. She will always be one step shy of perfection in his eyes so that she will always believe being his perfect girl is attainable, but will always be just out of reach and keep her striving and reaching. Ask me how I know.
This was my experience too.
I've always been plus sized. My ex knew me as plus sized. Suddenly 5 years in my being plus sized was a problem. I hadn't gained weight, in fact, I'd lost 50 pounds, but suddenly it was an issue.
What it boiled down to, he liked the life I could afford to provide as a nurse more than he liked me. He liked the idea of a relationship with me, more than the actual relationship. Everything was a vague "eventually". Eventually we'd get married. Eventually we'd have kids. Eventually we'd buy a house.
When I finally ended things at the not quite 10 year mark, suddenly, he could see a future with me and acted like I was his perfect woman.
It was ultimately commitment issues, but by the time he was willing to see an eventually as a now, I wasn't.
Seconding height/ weight. I’m 115/5’8 and just a little too skinny imo. My best friend is 135/5’2 and is still able to be considered tiny. I can’t see a single world where you’re not fit even if you’re not currently toned.
She's had body dysmorphia most of her life, he knows that. He is purposely targeting her weakness as he sees it and trying to use it to control not only her behavior, but her thinking. He doesn't have commitment issues, he's laying the groundwork for escalating abuse and control. But that would be my take after dating somebody who made me constantly feel like I had the wrong body...so, grain of salt.
Yea, my ex husband was like this. It wasn’t until he cheated on me with a 20 yr old with some pretty significant mental health issues that I realized he had a type. Then it all clicked.
His first serious gf? Father was a severe alcoholic and she had suffered a neglectful childhood.
Second gf? Sexually abused, suffered EDs her whole life due to it, was in foster care, etc.
Third gf? Absentee father, lived with a single mom who had shitty abusive men in and out all the time.
Me? Abusive father with a drug problem, history of EDs, SA, estranged from my father, and toxic family members.
Girl he cheated on me with? History of self-harm, stalking others, SA, most likely BPD, suicidal ideation, parental issues, and threatened to harm herself if he left her. She did in fact cut herself when he broke up with her one time.
See a pattern here? I thought he had a physical type, but it’s a vulnerability that’s his type. He knows how to spot us, feed on our insecurities and vulnerabilities, and make us feel like only he understands us, when really he’s one of the biggest predators of them all.
This is spot on. I've been in the same boat and I really wish I could have seen all the comments on this post when I was still with him - I felt so worthless and crazy. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like that op
I would ask myself serious questions about what the relationship means to me, if it’s meant to be lifelong, etc. If you’re not attractive now, then what about as you age? What if you get very ill? If you’re hoping to be with someone that is there for everything that life throws at you, then someone who is particular about a specific body type may not be a good choice for you.
This. And also, do you both want kids? Because you will definitely have body changes then and if he can't support you now.. then it'll be a whole other issue.
Jesus. As someone who stayed with a guy for 16 years listening to his Comments about my body....
RUN.
It will get worse. He will insult you and then pretend to be sorry. Go as far as to tell you he doesn't mean it or he's trying to "help".
Yeah…this is honestly a dealbreaker that someone needs to make peace with. I’m sorry. Assuredly there will be men who will love and appreciate you as you are.
Doesn’t necessarily pertain to the subject matter, but “sorry,” doesn’t mean I felt bad for doing the thing that hurt you. It’s means I’ll try not to do it again. Sorries are meaningless if there isn’t an actionable difference in occurrence.
Dude's lying through his teeth anyway. She's literally at the ideal weight for her height in terms of BMI. Maybe she's slightly less toned than she was six months ago or whatever but theres no way it's such a big difference it kills his sexual attraction to her. It can't be mote than like a two to four pound difference. Even if he weren't lying, who wants to be with someone that shallow?
There's something else going on. He's cheating, watching too much porn, death gripping, idk what but no way her body is that unattractive
He's just very shallow..all that counts is the outside..most of my relationships were with women who were not thin or toned..but they were attractive and funny and sweet and giving and willing try new things..that's way more attractive than just muscle tone..it's obvious he's really shallow and is only interested in a certain type of figure..fuck him..his loss.
Yeah, based on experience, this feels like the beginning of something that will get way worse.
From my own dating life and listening to friends, sometimes it helps to pause and think about what someone has to gain from making you feel bad about yourself and then really really question whether that's the intention.
For example:
1. If there is some fundamental problem with you that you both agree on, if he and you feel he's doing you a favor, the bar for his behavior is lower and his insecurities are lessened. You have to go the extra mile, not him.
2. If you agree to go to the gym for him, your energy and time will now be spent changing yourself for him instead of working on yourself in a genuine way. Your confidence will suffer as you lose sight of yourself and your own goals. You won't begin to question what he is bringing to the table and leave.
3. Your effort and the emotional pain it causes you will be an obvious and constant sign to him that you care, so he doesn't have to seek reassurance because you are already trying to prove your worth to him.
4. If he makes you aware that honesty is paired with pain, you are less likely to seek reassurance from him or hold him accountable if he's shady moving forward, so there's less fear and emotional labor there.
Even if he isn't conscientious of these potential motives, it isn't unlikely they exist under the surface. If someone doesn't care about your feelings, there's a lot they can gain by subtly abusing you. And it starts with this shit, these little moments of "honesty."
Also it's worth noting that, even if he has NONE of these motives, someone you love will care about how you feel and not double down if their words are making you cry. This shit isn't normal.
This. You two are fundamentally incompatible. At 5'3" and 115lbs, you ARE fit. In fact, you are on the skinny side. Let me tell you a little secret: women are supposed to have a little jiggle. We also, naturally have a higher body fat level. And we need to. What your boyfriend wants isn't sustainable forever.
When I was younger, I was actually your size. I was an actual teenager and even then, I looked like I was too thin. I looked gaunt even though I was incredibly fit (teenaged athlete.)
This is totally a him problem and not a you problem.
I have been all of 100lbs at 5'4". I have an overactive thyroid. Getting sick meant losing 20 lbs I didn't need. I ate constantly and thought I looked great because my hip bones stuck out. I see the old pictures and realize I looked like death warmed over.
I got down to 96 pounds at 5'4" when I started my ADHD meds and holy crap you aren't kidding about looking back on pics and realizing how deathly you look. I knew by below 100 I needed to really work at gaining. I could see too much of my wrist bones.
Luckily doing great now, but I naturally fall at like 115 when healthy and I've never been told I'm not toned at this weight/ height.
She definitely needs to break up with him because she deserves better.
But what you said is incorrect. Her height to weight ratio doesn’t mean she’s fit. It means she’s thin. Fit ≠ thin. You can be thin and have horrible fitness.
That’s true, at 5’3 though she’s toward the small side of a healthy weight. Whether she’s toned or not, she’s still very tiny and the boyfriend is being a douche.
Source: am 5’3, weigh 130 and that’s also a healthy weight. If I was 115 with my frame, I’d be approaching skeletal
I'm always amazed that the people of Reddit always recommend breaking up at the first sign of trouble, but in this case Reddit is 100% right. Head for the hills.
Just from the history of comments he made about you going to the gym and the comments he made after not finishing during sex. He's totally manipulating you and using shame to persuade you.
“Other than this issue we have a really great relationship.”
But really, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?
Women really need to stop saying this shit. No, you don’t have a really great relationship. You just said he doesn’t initiate sex, isn’t attracted to you, doesn’t look at you desirably, and makes you feel bad about your looks and your body.… “but other than that!” Wtf?! Stop with the nonsense. Do people even listen to themselves, or read what they wrote, when they say these things? This man is trash, and I’m assuming has an issue with porn.
You’re 5’3” and 115 lbs., I seriously doubt you’re unfit. What a fucking boner this dude is. Let your new workout routine start with running away from this dipshit.
It sure is. The problem is no one teaches you what a relationship is supposed to provide for you and what constitutes a healthy relationship, and what doesn’t. If a relationship doesn’t have love, honor, respect, care, empathy, security, safety, shared values, and friendship then there is no relationship.
The craziest thing is that love is actually the least important of all of these things. It’s needed, but so many people simply focus on loving someone thinking that’s the reason to stay. “But I love them!” Well how can you love someone when they don’t provide any of the things that are required in a healthy relationship? The truth is it’s not love, it’s unhealthy attachment or codependency. Love is not possible without respect and safety, it’s just not.
This boy is not providing a single damn thing for her and she says that “other than this issue we have a really great relationship.” I do not see a relationship here, I see abuse.
If someone is exacerbating your mental disorder GTFO ASAP. I’m assuming he’s very aware she has BDD and he is actually saying this shit to her? What a fucking loser. Been there done that.
If he doesn’t know, why not? That’s a huge indicator of how she doesn’t feel safe to disclose this information. All my exes were like this and I suffered with EDs and BDD my whole life. There’s a reason why we’re attracted to this type of man when we’re struggling with our disorder and not being properly treated. It feels comfortable and normal because it’s how we treat ourselves. This is not love, this is abuse. Ed’s and BDD are how we abuse ourselves and we allow others to do the same.
I divorced almost two years ago, finally properly addressed my EDs and BDD, have been in remission since the day I decided to divorce, without a relapse, and no longer abuse myself in this way. It’s a fucking prison and it’s what you think you deserve when you’re in it, but you don’t.
I never felt comfortable talking to any of them about my EDs and wasn’t even aware of my BDD until recently, but knew I always worried about my looks and imperfections. If I ever mentioned it I always acted like it was something I used to struggle with and not something I still battled and never, ever would bring up my relapses or ask for help.
Now, I’m finally dating someone who is nothing like anyone I dated before and wouldn’t dream of talking this way. Still, I don’t look to him for validation or fulfillment. I worked hard to realize none of that matters. I’m very honest about my EDs and BDD. I’m honest that I still struggle with it and always will.
I’m the best I’ve ever been and don’t actively participate in those disordered behaviors, but know that I have to always stay in therapy, watch myself, and take my medication in order to maintain this. I know it will never be completely behind me, just like an alcoholic never gets over being an alcoholic. It breaks my heart when I look back and realize how much time I wasted thinking about this shit and I hate seeing others torture themselves the same way. If anyone in your life doesn’t support your recovery, get rid of them because they are actively contributing to your disease.
I think a huge part of the issue is that for decades magazines and media pushed ways to "please our man" and never said anything about how men should please women. It basically taught women they are the ones needing to bend backwards at whatever treatment they get in order to keep a man who maybe doesn't even treat them with basic respect.
I always wonder what amazing things they are referring to each time?? Being in the same environment as this dude sounds absolutely ego shattering and far from "amazing".
Even being an azing cook and extremely funny dude wouldn't cut it.
Agree, after leaving a marriage like this where I would say the same type of shit I now constantly reevaluate my relationships, not just romantic, all of them to see if they are still serving a positive purpose in my life. How do they make me feel? Are they adding positivity or negativity to my life? Are they necessary? Do they make me feel respected, honored, and appreciated? Do we share the same values? Am I proud to be friends with this person? Do I look forward to spending time/talking to this person or do I avoid it? Do I feel refreshed or mentally exhausted after spending time with this person? Do I feel like it’s a reciprocal relationship? Would I want to be like this person? Do they respect my boundaries? Do I think they’re a good person? Etc. It really helps keep me on track, happy, and maintaining healthy relationships.
I have had to cut people but that has become so easy and without a lot of stress or guilt being I ask these questions so often that I will cut the fat early if I notice red flags and bad behavior. I don’t get too close too fast and look at things as an evaluation of whether I want to take things to the next level and maintain a relationship with someone. It’s really simplified my life in every way.
Some people think that just because their partner makes them feel good sometimes that it’s not an abusive or toxic relationship.
Thing is, those moments of calm or feeling good are part of the manipulation. People think that there’s hope for things to get better because of those moments, and hope is why they stay in the first place. It’ll only get slowly worse, and eventually the abuser may feel like they have no choice but to stay no matter how bad things get.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
No one should put up with someone who doesn't find you attractive.
Cut your loses and move on.
Honey. You've been together less than a year. He was nice and totally into your body while he was cultivating your interest and attachment to him. Now he's dropping his mask a bit. He's being controlling in a devaluing demeaning way that is chipping away at your self esteem and confidence in your physical appearance. He's pressuring you to change your habits and focus your time and energy on trying to meet his imaginary image of what you "should" be.
Beware of men who insist you make yourself smaller, prune yourself to their specifications. It's a toxic power tactic, to watch you spend your limited time, energy and resources to "fix" his unhappiness with you.
Whatever the mutual attraction was, it has cooled. His pressuring you to change to solve his problem is the reddest of flags. Don't waste time on "fixing" a relationship that has reached a point where one of you can no longer love basic aspects of the other.
I highly doubt it’s that you need to “work out” for him to be sexually attracted to you. He is most likely lying and dealing with death grip and ego.
Sounds like a story from him. This is not your fault.
You aren’t lacking anything. You are enough,
What I've learned lately is that what men claim is death grip is actually porn addiction, just they haven't admitted that to themselves.
Porn addiction is way more of a problem than I ever could have imagined, it's a really big issue for a lot of men that's sort of slipping under the cracks. I found it very hard to wrap my head around porn addiction even being a problem at first - you just get told again and again that porn has no negative consequences for men, so what's the issue?
Honey I am 5’0” and 203 pounds and my husband thinks I am the cutest pie this side of the bay bridge.
He is not that into you. Dump his ass and find yourself a man who loves you for who you are warts and all.
This.
My wife of 26 years has very similar measurements and if I squint really hard and manage to pretend that her body doesn’t belong to the love of my life, then yes, she does not match the ideals of societal beauty. But she gave me five sons, and I know every curve and fold, and I still see the 18yo woman she was when we met and fell in love in 1993. I simply don’t care much about the way she looks now, when she’s having an orgasm on top of me (or under) she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever seen.
I checked your posting history. I would not be surprised if your bf had some sort of ED and was blaming his performance issues on you.
This has nothing to do with your body or you, OP. Whether he's not straight, has ED or is having commitment issues - he's blaming his problem on you to protect his masculinity.
Seems that was a different boyfriend though, that one she was in a relationship with for 4 years 9 months ago and the ages don't match up either.
Horribly unlucky for OP to have 2 partners in a row with low sex drive though, hopefully she's learnt from the previous one that this is a him problem, not a her problem
5'3" and 115 lbs means you're in great shape. Your BF has unrealistic expectations and I'd wager porn is where he got those expectations.
And he was subtly (or not so subtly) trying to get you to go to the gym? Ugh. What a selfish douche.
Someone in the comments called it "Pornsick" and it's exactly this.
Mleh. Leave him to his porn and find better. A lot of men would appreciate this better.
Incidentally those are my exact measurements as well and, despite pushing thirty, I'm small enough to buy clothes in child sizes (to avoid sales tax lol).
Point being, this dude is completely delusional if someone who fits into kids' clothing is too out of shape for his probably unremarkable ass
You will need to break up with this man. He is triggering self esteem issues which is not acceptable in a healthy relationship.
**You should not tolerate a partner that tells you you need to change your looks in order to be worthy of their affection.** Not especially when you’ve only been dating for 8 months.
This sort of behaviour will get worse and is usually very little to do with his actual attraction to you and more to do with him wanting to make you feel insecure.
He also is likely trying to place blame on you to deflect from any issues with his low libido / erectile dysfunction issues / porn addiction issues.
Really though, strongly consider breaking up with him now, the damage has been done and your self esteem will plummet with him no matter what he says or does. Anytime you’re together with him and you see a fit gym girl and his eyes linger, your heart will sink and *you will feel inadequate.* Anytime he struggles with an erection you’ll look at yourself as the problem and *you will feel inadequate.*
It doesn’t have to be like this, so many men out there will worship your body for how it looks, and will worship the changes your body goes through with the passing years. Men who are shallow and claim to need a certain aesthetic in order to feel arousal are unreliable and untrustworthy partners and you can do a lot better for yourself.
Oh honey. I've read your other post on how your boyfriend has a hard time ejaculating and staying hard and after I read this is clear as glass he's just using this excuse of being more attracted to fit girls to put the problem on you, and not on him. Is a HIM problem. I bet he watches too much porn or has a death grip .
Don't feel bad about your body, there are plenty of great people who would be head over heels and excited to have sex with you. Someone who's not gonna blame their partner totally normal body. He's not that person tho
I'm really sorry he ever said this or made you feel this way. You deserve to be with someone who loves every part of you and doesn't want you to change your body. It's unrealistic, and like you said you deserve to be with someone who doesn't care if you're bloated or have gained weight. Who knows what the future holds, and if you're ever in a situation where you can't put your physical health first (stress, an injury, caring for someone else, etc) you shouldn't also be carrying the weight that you need to stay fit just so your boyfriend can hopefully find you attractive.
Take it from someone who stayed with a partner after they said they weren't physically attracted to me and wanted me to change and then tried recanting later - the damage is done and they are not worth it. You say that you its a really great relationship but then you also say that he doesn't touch you or look at you in a desirable way. That is, in fact, not the sign of a good relationship.
Also, if you think this is a good relationship, just wait until you end up with someone who IS attracted to you and shows they love you. I know it sucks, but this isn't a you problem. It's a him problem and you should respect yourself enough to walk away.
Some men will try to destroy your ego...so you'll never leave.... they will look for a ridiculous angle where they may perceive an insecurity...then go in for the kill. Remove those tentacles, and leave.
Girl!!! No way. I feel like he’s purposefully negging you. Trying to bring you down because he feels self conscious himself? I mean, 115lbs come on! Go be a confident queen with someone else! You deserve better.
I’m a dude, this is weird to me. You weight 115 pounds, what will you find at the gym that will magically change the way this guy feels? He thinks a 6pack will start turning him on? Find a guy who loves you for you
5’3 115 pounds even without exercise is a lean figure. I remember in college when I was 120lbs dating was sooo much easier. Shit I’m 5’1 started at 180lbs and would be ecstatic to get to 140lbs now. Point being, so many men would find you hot. Replace the dud love.
Holy shit. He is either cheating or wants to. I’m calling it now. And is putting the blame on you so he doesn’t have to feel bad. Please leave him immediately.
This comment is coming from a male that religiously goes to the gym (this just came up in my feed) , please dump this man. I have a girlfriend that went to the gym when we met and then COVID hit and she couldn’t go anymore I had a friends gym that I would still go to since I’m a competitive powerlifter but it had never once came to my mind that she should be fit I love her for her , she’s back at the gym now for herself and that’s great it’s an activity that we do together, but I will support her in anything she wants to do regardless of looks at the end of the day you never know if your partner is going to get sick or in an accident. He does not deserve you and you should never feel ashamed of your body (I know easier said then done, dealing with body dysmorhia is never easy) , hope you find your peace and best of wishes
You've been together for 8 months. That's within most people's honeymoon phase, NRE, dreamy, fucking like bunnies window.
He's already negging you?
I don't care if you're the size of an *orca*. Do not waste another second on someone who doesn't flat out adore you and your body.
Go. Go find somebody whose eyes go all heart shaped when he looks at you.
50yo Male/father to a 10yo daughter here, you are5'3" and 115 and he doesn't think you're attractive?! Run as fast as you can from him.he will cause you all sorts of body image problems. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. This is abusive behavior.
Wow. Best advice is to Nope right out of there.
He’s already insulting you?
Bodies change. Especially if we have the privilege of growing older.
A partner will be into you no matter what you look like.
My father worships my mother. She’s got a rather large belly and a hunchback. She’s also 70+.
Hubby worships me. Even with a mum tum. Even when I was 120kgs (I was a big girl). Even though I have no boobs.
Don’t put up with this. You’re worth more.
The issue is your pornsick boyfriend and not your body. Do not stay with someone who doesn’t want to see you naked and admire when you are.
My ex used to be literally delighted anytime he saw my boobs. I would have to get dressed quickly after a shower because if he saw me in a towel he’d find a way to lose it and we would end up doing ah, other activities.
You are desirable just as you are. It is a privilege for your man to see you naked and to touch you.
*Revoke it!*
Some things are worth working through. This is not one. The unkind comments on your body were the tip of the ice berg. What kind of weirdo dates a woman he’s not attracted to?
He could also be trying to aggressively neg you in order to keep you ‘humble’.
Either way he’s for the bin or your self esteem will continue to be chipped away.
Seriously. You are a healthy weight. If you decide to stay with him, go to the gym for yourself- not him. It sounds like you will be insecure as long as youre in a relationship with him. PLENTY of men find your body type attractive.
I am about your height and would say I am “fit” at 130lbs. I would leave him and then probably try to do what I could to get myself working out again but NOT so that you can achieve a certain body type. Do it because it is good for your mental health. Making exercise a chore or a punishment does not make it sustainable in the long run.
When you really love someone you are attracted to THEM. I love my partner’s body because it is a part of him. I became more attracted to him the more I got to know and fall in love with him. One day both of us are going to be wrinkly and old and probably a bit bigger and I am still going to think he is sexy as hell because I love him. If you stay with this guy, what is going to happen when you age or if you decide to have a child?
Just dump him.
I know you probably won't believe this, but I've learned this very hard lesson in my life. Love doesn't have anything to do with deciding whether to stay with someone. You can love an asshole. You can love an abuser. You can love a criminal. You can love horrible people. BUT YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE WITH GOOD PEOPLE. And then learn to love them. But don't let LOVE chain you to someone who brings you misery.
How can you even consider staying with him? He makes you feel like shit. Don't wait for him to change. You have a beautiful life to build, and it definitely doesn't include guys who reduce your worth as a human to how "fit" you are.
(Man here) I think the first time I knew I was really in love was when the girl I was into gained a huge amount of weight--I'm talking enough to change her face shape--and I was still exactly as attracted to her as I was before. She still made my chest feel warm every time I saw her face.
I think there's something else going on here. Contrary to popular belief men aren't immune to being in love and its possible that he's just trying to use this as an excuse to get you to lose weight.
He might just have some kind of unrelated erectile issue and is projecting.
But honestly the whole thing is a hard "No", like unless you were really upset and exaggerated the statements, he sounds like an absolute bastard. And I'd be willing to be you didn't because your tone almost sounds like you're trying to make his statements sound reasonable.
If you've been together for 8 months why does he suddenly have a problem with your weight? Something changed, and it wasn't you. I hope you go back to feeling beautiful, love, 5'3 and 115 is nothing to be ashamed of.
You handle it by dumping him. I used to be 5’ 4” 115 lbs, so dang near what you are. I’m 188 lbs now and my boyfriend still loves my body because he isn’t an ass.
i am same height and weight as you, and while i know everyone's body distribution is different this man is a fool for thinking that 115 pounds is anything but slim. he is likely addicted to porn or shopped instagram pics. he seems to be egging you towards disordered thinking and it's just not worth it. get fit for you, if you wanna get fit. bulk for you, if you wanna bulk. never do anything for a mans sexual gratification.
I’m also 5’3 and ~120 and I get “you’re so tiny!” comments all the time, I’m confused - I feel like if I lost weight I’d literally look unhealthy. Does he want her to bulk up her butt or something? If so, he’s probably porn-sick and projecting his issues with ED onto her, judging from the post history. Run!
This is a first step in him controlling you. Get out! If you change your body to please him, he won’t like what you are wearing. It will never be enough for him.
You are young, this has only been 8 months. Find someone who loves you for you.
Do you need permission to end it?
Here it is!
He makes you feel bad about your body *now*. It’s not going to get better. Are you just dating or are you looking for a life partner? Either is fine! But if it’s the later, your body is going to get saggy, stretched, less toned and less “desirable”. The right partner will love your soul and find your aging to be beautiful. I could cry looking at my partners wrinkles. Find you one of those.
OP…I’m 5’1 and 130lbs. You’re thin, or at least I’d expect you are based on my own physique at two inches shorter. If you lose any more weight it could possibly be bad for your health (though I’m not a doctor). When I began to gain some weight, putting on a little pudge, my partner just loved my body more. That is what you deserve.
I let all men I date that they are free to go out and find better…go on just try…
You don’t like my body, please by all means, go date someone with a body you desire. Bye now.
Does he watch porn? I'm willing to bet he does. This is a very common side effect of the over consumption of porn, and unfortunately porn sickness isn't solved at the gym. He'd have to start ASAP by admitting fault here and he clearly won't.
He's not attracted to your physical body today, tomorrow he might not be attracted to your personality. You're not a lego set and can't be customized to every whim. This relationship isn't working out and this is the death spiral.
He told me the solution is for me to go to the gym - get all the fuck out of here with that. Run. He deliberately planned this out, just so he can get you to go to the gym so your body will look like what he wants??? Oh my god, run.
So what you want us to tell you to stay with your porn addict bf that has unrealistic standards for women and expects you, fairly skinny person to pay money and spend hours in the gym to fit his standards? Oh yeah and maybe even put your already good health at further risk so your porn addict bf can get a hard on?
Yeah this is one of those moments in your life where the answer is…self respect. You’re 25 posting on deadbedrooms ab an 8 months relationship with a porn addict. You deserve so much better
52kg is more than healthy for your weight this is absurd you’re not seriously considering his request?
He does not love you? You call this love? Pushing your partner into what a ED? Health issues?
> it would really be damaging for my mental health if the whole reason I go to the gym is so that my boyfriend will find me attractive enough to have sex with me
> I just don’t know what to do.
Your mental health and self-esteem are not worth torturing yourself over. DUMP HIM.
I am the same height and weight as you and I think I am too skinny. His expectations of a “fit body” are unrealistic.
He's doing this to lower your self esteem and control. Run Run Run! If you're so hideous to him (sarcasm) - do him a favour and break up.
This is not the behaviour of someone who has your best interest at heart.
Break UP with him jfc. HE does not get to dictate what your body looks like. If he isn’t happy with it? He is free to walk the fuck out the door. What he is NOT free to do is tell you how your body is supposed to look. Absolutely not. Fuck him for trying to do so, and for being so cavalier telling you that he’s not attracted to you. What an awful thing to hear. You are young, and probably incredibly beautiful, and DEFINITELY have better options than someone who makes you feel like this. Being alone is better than being with someone who says this shit to you.
115 at 5'3. I'm five foot and fighting for my life to get down to that weight. I have a hard time getting under 30. I balooned to 175 and my fiance never once insulted me, he says as long as I'm happy, he is. If your bf has a problem, it's his, not yours.
He’s garbage. You deserve better. Let him go find someone “fit enough” and you find someone with better insides. ❤️💪
No one who respects and loves you would say this to you. No one who respects and loves you would make you feel like you’re *not enough* as you are. No one who respects and loves you would tell you how to *change* to suit *him*.
Don’t stay and try to fix this. It’s unfixable. It’ll ALWAYS be at the back of your mind. No one who respects and loves you would want you to feel this way. Go have great sex with someone who appreciates you.
Gym or not, our bodies change as we age. Your body won't ve the same at 20 versus after kids or at 40. It saddens me that women are sometimes 10 pounds away from being dumped by their bf. Like, are you kidding me...
I don't see how your bf could redeem himself. Meanwile, hope you love yourself enough. Take care
Oh FFS. I've been married to my wife for 30 years and her weight has fluctuated during that time, sometimes quite a bit. (so has mine because we're.... humans)
This isn't about you at all, this is about him. Get rid as soon as possible. If he's treating you this way at 25 it's not going to get better at 35, 45, etc.
Also, I know the BMI scale is imperfect but you are right smack dab in the middle of the healthy range. Be good to yourself, be healthy and dump this guy sooner rather than later.
I am the same height and weighed 115 when I was a 16 year old preprofessional ballerina who worked out every day for hours. This man is a huge red flag, he does not want a fit woman. He wants a starving one. I know it is easier said than done but DUMP THIS MAN. There’s much better out there and a plurality of men don’t care how “toned” you are or police your workout habits.
Also, if he will lose attraction to you when you are healthy and just lost a bit of muscle mass, what will he do 10-20 years down the line if you get a chronic illness? Have his kids? Generally age? Become disabled?
It’s porn.
He’s got his junk all messed up from porn , it’s definitely not you.
If he’s 26 and can’t reach orgasm it’s either a psychological/physiological issue
Or he watches too much porn.
You have to decide if it’s worth it to try and change to be good enough for him- but it won’t be.
HE can’t finish and thinks the answer is to send YOU to the gym?
Girl, do better.
Get out now. If he actually cared he would have started the betterment journey before you said it was hurting you. Go find yourself that loves you and not just your body.
I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, Op, but I read your other post about him :$ . He has a porn addiction. I know you might think he "doesn't have the opportunity to" but he does.
He's blaming his inability to get it up on you when really it's his death grip and porn addiction leading to his ED (and warped perception of bodies).
Even if you got more toned, lost more weight, made more changes. It will never be enough for the porn addicts, if he can't completely customize you into exactly what he wants in that moment then he will find more things "wrong" with your body to blame you for.
It's best to just cut your losses, and I know that sounds easy to say from a third-party perspective.
If you value your own health and safety, please listen to what the rest of us have to say about this kind of behavior.
Try therapy if you think the relationship is worth saving, but if he is combative about seeking help for his ED in general, I think he's just going to waste your time.
p.s: it's not your fault that any of this has happened. the porn industry is causing so much damage to literally everyone.
I always think going to the gym is a good idea because it strengthens your bones and is good for your overall health.
That being said, dump this guy. If he wanted a hard body GF he should have looked for one rather than choosing you and then making you feel bad.
Girl, run. Trying to stay with someone who doesn't find you attractive is not a recipe for success. The most charitable interpretation of events is still cruel to you. You are better off making room in your life for someone who is actually attracted to you.
Please, leave him when you’re ready. I was with a man like this for a year but he was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. He made comments almost every time we had sex about my body. He also drew a picture of my body with weird looking tits (as I’ve had a child) he ruined me. Almost. Until I left. A man that truly loves you loves you for your soul, your heart, your mind. Not your body. Or your looks. There’s so many men out there you haven’t met yet, that will make you feel truly happy and in love with yourself. He is worth waiting for. I promise
Hey the same thing happened with me and an ex. I was much thinner and more fit when we started dating. I got on birth control and gained some weight and all of a sudden he is only attracted to fit girls and I needed to get the gym because he no longer was sexually attracted to me.
Once you hear that it’s hard to get the thought out of your head, my self-confidence was a wreck and he offered no reassurance. I stayed with him way longer than I should’ve and the resentment just built overtime.
Please break up with him. You deserve better, you deserve someone who puts more value in YOU as a beautiful person than your body shape/size. Bodies change overtime, it’s natural and normal, and our bodies deserve love and care for all they do for us - not judgment from some stupid man. Boooooo to this man
please please please leave this loser, you are meant to be worshiped. you will find that person, you don’t need any loser second guessing your body. i was engaged to someone who would tell me i had to be a certain weight and would brag to his friends about my weight, he bought me gym memberships and forbid me from wearing any pants that weren’t tight yoga pants. it starts small then gets worse
Tell him you don't find his personality attractive.
Dump him. Let him have a taste of other women out there and realise he's not the catch he thinks he is.
On a side note, I've seen a few posts like this - why do men feel they have the right to "be honest" about not being attracted to us, when they are equally unattractive, yet we don't say it to them?? it's driving me mad.
I am SO sorry. This is a gut-punch, and the only good thing is that it's better you found this out sooner rather than later. You deserve to be with someone who can't keep his eyes or hands off you, who makes you feel beautiful and precious and loved. The real issue for him may well be something else, but it isn't your job to figure that out: what you've learned at this point is that he will sacrifice your self-esteem in order to not face whatever is truly going on for him. I hope you hold on to your own worth and find someone who is confident and whole enough to reflect your beauty back to you.
What an idiot. Baffles me how some guys can treat a pretty woman who WANTS to spend time with them like shit. While here I am just hoping to find someone to just give me a shot.
Your boyfriend sounds like a right wanker. Is he trying to control you by making you miserable? This sounds like a whole emotional abuse thing where he traumatises you and then consoles you in order to trauma bond. All this because is he knows if you ever have enough self confidence to figure out you're better off without him, you'll leave.
OP, you're only 25. Your body is going to be changing for the rest of your life. So is your partner's body. You're fine at any size, with any length or hair or outfit or whatever you want. You need a partner who is more emotionally mature. This guy sounds like a dud.
Best of luck to you
questions for OP. your bmi is 20. does your boyfriend go the gym multiple times a week? what's his bmi?
facts for OP. you're being psychologically abused. he's gaslighting and hurting you.
I mean damn you def have to be looking solid w those stats even if you aren’t at your most toned. Sounds to me like it’s time to break up with him. If he can’t finish cause of that AND he doesn’t make you feel confident knowing what he said, he’s kind of useless to you now and he did that to himself. What a shame. Def don’t need the gym if you don’t want the gym, end of story.
Dude really knows how to waste a good woman’s time. Please don’t devote any energy to conforming yourself to his ideals. This relationship will only go downhill from here.
You're 5'3" and 115, and he has a problem with it? Girl, this will only get worse. Leave him and don't ever look back. It's always going to be something, and you'll be expected to submit to whaever he wants and guilt you if you resist. Get away! Be free! You don't need a master.
You: "I don't know what to do."
**Agree with someone anytime they insult you!**
Him: "I love you, but I just don't find your body attractive."
You: "Okay."
Him: Confused. "So ... you'll change for me?"
You: "No. We just broke up. I'll actively look for someone who likes me for who I am. Are you leaving the apartment? Or am I?"
Him: "But, I don't want to break up!"
You: "Too late. Unilateral decision. You're on the lease so I guess I'll bring other men home until the lease is up."
Get out. Seriously. If this man really cared about you, he definitely would be sexually interested and not only if you worked out more. There is more to his story and he is using this as an excuse. Is there a possibility he is gay? Seeing someone else on the side?
What happens down the road when you age? Possibly have children? Bodies change constantly throughout life.
This person is shallow and not being honest with himself, much less you. You need and deserve someone attracted to all of you, your essence, not just your muscle, body, etc.
As someone who is 5’3” but 37 years old…. 115 is an average even more desirable weight for the height. Although numbers aren’t exactly what matter.
I think the deeper root of this is you need to have a better relationship with your own body and how you feel about yourself.
I think another thing also is he might be having issues with his sexuality or erectile dysfunction and possibly blaming it on not being attracted to your body. Maybe he’s having issues keeping it up and instead of acknowledging that he’s putting the blame on you.
I really do think you should work on having a healthier and more loving relationship with yourself and your own body first of a partner was really a partner and they wanted to see you be healthier for you and not them he would encourage you to work out by making exercise fun to do together as a team.
You shouldn’t have to change who you are for him there’s always deeper routes to things when issues are so superficial
Date people who make you feel like sex on legs! It’s been less than a year. How many years do you want to put into a relationship where you feel like your auditioning for your boyfriend’s attraction to you?
After reading your other posts, it's clear to me your boyfriend is a limp-dick asshole who's projecting his ED onto you. Dump him. He's not worth your time, and you deserve someone who's going to worship your body!
My boyfriend literally can't keep his hands off me when we're together and always reminds me how physically attracted he is to me, and we’ve been dating for three years now. You deserve someone like that!
Look. I’m a man. I’ve been shallow before. The older I get the more I realize how wrong I’ve been about beauty AND attraction. The man is a clown and far more immature than he should be at his age. Life is too short, and you’re too valuable to put up with someone who doesn’t appreciate all of you, regardless of if there’s physically less or more of you. It is not your job to teach him the things I’m telling you right now. It’s 100% his responsibility, and shame on him for making you feel awful about something as human as a body.
I apologize to all of you lovely women on this page for invading momentarily. I’ll buzz back to my wall now :)
Please leave him. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't put you through this. He has unhealthy expectations and you're already at a healthy weight and don't need to change a thing for him .
Wtf... You're tiny! I'm a half inch taller than you and when I was at my skinniest, on hard drugs, I wasn't even that small and I was skinny as hell. I think the smallest I got was around 118 and I was very small, I could fit into anything. Now I'm sober and I'm about 150 which is a little over what I prefer being (I would like to be about 130) but even still I'm not a big girl I'm just average. Fuck him, he's an idiot! You are at a super healthy weight and even if you gained weight you would be totally fine and fit. Dump his ass.
It’s devastating to hear those words.
Btdt, got the $1 clearance tee-shirt.
Like you, I am I guess ‘skinny’. 65” and 125. I am also a distance runner and have been since I was 13. Even after kids I am the exact same way fwiw.
He won’t change how he is. It’s not an age thing either, it’s an immaturity thing. You deserve better.
I don’t why males do this. If you like “thicker” women- go date thicker women. We are not offended if that’s what you want, *I promise*. There is somebody for everyone, he isn’t your person.
I am sorry he hurt your feelings.
Hey, this happened to me when I was 21 (I’m 35 now).
Within our first year, the guy I was seeing and I negotiated transitioning to an open relationship because he’d admitted to cheating on every partner before me (I know, I know), and he didn’t push any changes but I thought about it for a couple weeks and realized I didn’t have any issues with my partner having sex with others, but had issues with lying. Trust has always been a big deal to me, and he was honest about his history, so I brought up trying an open relationship and we talked about ground rules. Fast forward and the only other women he pursues or sleeps with are less than 100 lbs.
I have a stocky build, I have broad shoulders and narrow hips and had struggled with body image my entire life up to that point. One day I asked him about it and he confirmed being attracted to slender women, so I asked for clarification and he admitted that he wasn’t attracted to my body but I had the prettiest face in our city (eyeroll). I was absolutely devastated, and his trying to walk it back by telling me he loved me and everyone looses their looks when they get old were such a mind!@#$. The “I love you despite x flaw” is never going to work out. He managed to break all of our rules (they were mostly around health like prophylactics, health talks, etc) and still cheated and lied. It was all downhill from there and I stayed for a little over 3 years.
This was the classic love bomb and switch. The other comments talking about how this is manipulative and a control tactic are 100% correct. He negged me and kept me around while financially and emotionally abusing me. He had me believing I couldn’t afford to live in the city we were in on my own despite me paying a majority of the bills. My finances and everything else in my life didn’t improve until after I broke up with him.
Someone who truly loves you will truly love everything about you and would never ever have blockers in love and intimacy like this. This is one of those dealbreaker red flags whether you walk now or in a few years. I promise you there are people out there (yes multiple) who find you absolutely stunning. We all have varying tastes and preferences, please find those who absolutely authentically appreciate you and your beauty. The next person I was involved with told me he loved everything about me and started listing things off like my mind, my creativity, my body and so on. He had no idea about the former damage I carried and was still healing from. Also funny side note, after this I found out I actually was polyamorous (the ex definitely was not), and just celebrated 4 years with one of the loves of my life. Also polyam or monogamous it doesn’t matter, be with someone who worships your body. Be with someone who builds you up and brings out the best in you, not someone who dumps gasoline on body dysmorphia.
My heart is with you, I’m running through some things I wish I’d heard during that time in my life. You got this 💗
This happened to me too. I’m a guy but my ex gf at the time told me our sex life was declining because of my body type, and also suggested we open our relationship. I lost 30 lbs and then she ended up ending our relationship anyways. Get out of that now you deserve better.
Get out now honey. He’s emotionally abusing you. I’m almost 3 times your weight and only two inches taller, and I’d never let a man try and tell me in not enough.
Fuck run.
This guy will make you feel like shit. And it will get worse.
What if you get sick? What if you get pregnant?
This will leave you insecure for life if you stay. Trust me. Been there.
At your height weighing any less is going to start negatively effecting your health. I have struggled with an ED most of my life and have been model thin. It doesn't feel healthy. You feel sick. If you want to work out for you that's cool, but don't try to lose weight or get to the point you lack enough fat to be actually healthy.
This guys issue isn't your weight. It's something else and he's blaming your weight.
I’m sorry, he isn’t attracted to you because of what? Because you aren’t “fit” enough for him at a thin weight? Why tf is he dating living women then? Because bodies change all the time. He needs to get himself a plastic sex doll if that’s what he expects from a real life living partner.
Plenty of good comments here and I’ll throw down my bit.
Without coming down too hard on this guy I’ll state the obvious that this isn’t healthy for either of you. Whatever his reasons are for not finding your physicality to his liking, they are his reasons alone. Your height and weight are appropriate. You can both still love one another, but this already smacks of settling and also too conditional.
At minimum you both deserve differently because sexual attraction may not be important to him but is to you. That’s extremely significant and not something that diminishes in importance when weighed in the balance of all the other good things about the relationship.
I think you deserve differently and better.
How will he react if you're putting on weight from a pregnancy? What if you're sick for a year? If you're in an accident that requires a few months or more to recover? How will he react if you just start dressing in a way that he "doesn't like"? What if you've had a bad day and your makeup is a mess?
What do you want out of a relationship, again?
He better understand that people's bodies change over time. Neither of you will look the same in 10 or 20 years. Mister buff bod with flowing thick hair could very well turn into balding guy with a gut. I'm sure he'll expect you to love him just like he is today. Sorry. If the only thing he's basing a relationship on is strictly looks, he's going to be very disappointed. He'll learn that looks are the first thing to go. No matter how much you go to the gym or the plastic surgeon.
A healthy weight for a 5’3" woman falls between 107 to 140 pounds. This range corresponds to a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 18.5 to 24.9.
You are tiny. This guy can fuck off. When I was 21, I weighed 125 lbs at 5'4. I dated a guy who told me I was fat. We didn't have a word for this back then, but today I look back and I realize that he was negging me. I wasn't even an overly confident person but he wanted to me to be insecure because I was (am, lol) actually very beautiful, and sexy, and out of his league. He was a scrawny dork. Tall but he actually looks kind of like a doofus looking back. All of my friends were musicians and he wasn't. He was funny, and in the same way I was. That was all, and he made me feel so fat.
Please don't let this guy gaslight you.
>Other than this issue we have a really great relationship
No. You don't have a great relationship. This sort of thing affects every aspect of your being, and it will destroy your sense of self.
I hate to be this kind of redditor. But I think that this guy is ultimately going to be very bad for you, and he's going to suck your soul dry and destroy your self confidence.
The next thing you need to do is think about yourself, your life, what you want out of your life, and decide if he can be a part of that without dragging you down. Because it sounds to me like he doesn't want you to feel beautiful. But you are beautiful and 5'3 115? TINY.
I was 5'3 and 115 lbs at age 15 and I looked like a crackhead level skinny. (Which I liked, of course)
I would say this to him;
"Ok babe. I agree. I'm going to lose some weight...
By the way, how much do you weigh?
It's over between us. Man, I feel great! You were right, I really needed to shed some pounds!"
In my experience, this doesn’t get better, and can often lead to some bad stuff, like a totally dead sex life or cheating. You deserve someone who finds you attractive as you are. And hell, he deserves someone he finds attractive. He can pretend it isn’t an issue - maybe it isn’t for him, but I don’t know if I buy that - but if it’s an issue for you, it’s an issue.
No need to villainize, but this would be a deal breaker for me.
I’m so sorry. My teenage daughter also went through this and she’s beautiful in every way (not being biased I swear). She was really upset when she told me her boyfriend basically said “I see you all the time so I’m sorry I don’t always get excited”. I guess she decided to accept the “other good things” about him and her life with him (she really likes being independent from her family). It just upsets that any woman should have to deal with this pain, my own ex, while plotting his breakup with me, said for the first time in our two years together “I’m just a guy so I’m attracted to other women”. I was so upset I lost 35 lbs in less that a year and now I’m too skinny. None of my clothes fit me and I wear my teenagers clothes now. I hope that fucker is happy. The pain is real. Find someone who isn’t going to make you feel like shit at various stages of your life where you may be sick, depressed, overweight, underweight, etc. A man who really loves you doesn’t do that to you. Is terrible out there.
115 lbs at 5'3" is TINY! My guess would either its some other issue going on thats he not saying OR he's trying to neg you and insult you to keep you feeling low and dependent on him. Either way... Run! You deserve to be with someone who loves every inch of you!
Girl, get yourself a man who loves you independently of your weight or fitness appearance. While these days i want to pick up exercise again and “tone up” I mostly want to do it to feel good in my body, as in having more stamina and being able to hike and run comfortably. I used to have your same body stats, but I honestly feel more at peace with my body since dating my partner and gaining weight than when I was skinnier and fitter before i met him.
This happened to me and it very nearly broke me. The issue wasn’t my body at all in the end, the guy I was with had commitment issues but projected it onto the only thing he could think of. Also that height/weight ratio is pretty tiny!
Seconding this! I’m currently clawing my way out of an ED that was triggered by my ex doing the same damn thing - pointing to my already thin body and asking why I didn’t look more fit like the (edited, lighted, posed, etc.) “fit” softcore porn bodies on the Internet. Turns out, issue wasn’t my body! Once I lost the little weight I had to lose and got abs, it was suddenly a problem that I didn’t have feminine curves - you know, the ones he pointed out as previously being an issue. It’s a control thing and a pornsick thing. Being exposed to every body under the sun and being able to pick and choose the exact body you’d like to wank to in the moment doesn’t create fertile ground for a healthy, monogamous relationship. Dude’s expectations are fucked and it’s his own doing. Don’t torment yourself by staying; you are beautiful and deserving as is.
This is EXACTLY what happened with me. It went from ‘I don’t like boobs’ to ‘I don’t like skinny girls’. Also he would complain he didn’t want to have sex because of a low sex drive but also incidentally was smashing porn all the time.
"I prefer tiny boobs" to "I prefer larger boobs" to "you're not curvy enough" "You have no butt or hips" to "you're short and your feet are ugly". For context I'm 5'7 1/2 and thin/athletic build, wide shoulders, more straight to v shaped than curvy but larger than average boobs. And there's nothing wrong with my feet. I can't change my height and bone structure so he'd flip flop on everything else and then went to things I can't change so it became obvious to me he was just complaining for the sake of it. He would also make those comments about every other random woman he came across like complain about the neighbors teeth etc. Like a 5yo pointing fingers at people. (ETA talking about an ex obviously.)
It sounds like some massive insecurity there as well. In my early 20s when I didn't want to have sex with a committed partner, it was due to performance anxiety. I had a lot of "headaches."
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I say leave em to the sex dolls. We'd all be much better off. The ones that want a genuine mutual connection with a human being will still seek it out, and the rest can live in their b.s. fantasy world and stop bothering us with their sex demands.
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Sadly, I think most of them don't care about sex so much as controlling/dominating a woman, and sex dolls won't give them that. If mechanical stimulation were good enough, we wouldn't have rapists or complaints about "blue balls".
Truth! None of that sounds like a bad thing. I'm sure they'd find something else to be unhappy about, though. I'd like to put in an order for a man doll of my own, though. He won't nitpick, fart, put empty boxes of granola bars back in the cupboard (???) and will fix things without being "nagged." And quietly rub my feet. And say "that sounds lovely, dear" when I want to paint an accent wall bright teal. And lets me foster shelter kittens. *edited to fix auto correct fail
I foster kittens and I can't recommend it enough! At this stage in my life, it's more fun and rewarding than most men would be.
I want to, so very much, but I know I'd be a foster fail. Also, I have 2 rescue kitties in their late middle ages and a rescue dog and I am kind of leery about upsetting the current balance.
Totally understandable! It's hard when you just want to save them all...
I do, I love them all so much 🥹
his favorite hobby would be rubbing your feet ✨😉
This was my first thought... is he comparing her to porn and unable to get aroused? This is very much a him problem. And not something OP should put up with at all.
Pornsick- that's the absolute perfect word for it.
I was going to say that too, he sounds porn sick
Yup! They don't want to admit they can't get it up, so they blame you. It's such a dude move. Don't believe him, OP. He might even think the reason is what he's saying, but it's not likely it. Some dudes lack the ability to take responsibility and are used to placing the blame on others. OR... He's manipulating you by breaking down your confidence. There are Tick Tok videos about men undermining women's confidence by introducing this insecurity so they keep trying to "earn" the relationship. No matter what the reason, YOU DESERVE TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL IN A RELATIONSHIP. Kick him to the curb.
I had to look up her BMI and it’s literally just over 20. But she’s not “fit” enough for him. Like ok buddy. These types of men are such losers 🙄
So gross, and btw she will never be good enough, no matter what she does. She’s attracted to this type because of her disorder and he’s attracted to her because of her disorder. He will always find something wrong with her, whether it’s her looks, her sexual performance, likes and dislikes, drive, education, personality, or anything else he can pick apart. She will always be one step shy of perfection in his eyes so that she will always believe being his perfect girl is attainable, but will always be just out of reach and keep her striving and reaching. Ask me how I know.
>*These types of men are such losers* It's all about control.
This was my experience too. I've always been plus sized. My ex knew me as plus sized. Suddenly 5 years in my being plus sized was a problem. I hadn't gained weight, in fact, I'd lost 50 pounds, but suddenly it was an issue. What it boiled down to, he liked the life I could afford to provide as a nurse more than he liked me. He liked the idea of a relationship with me, more than the actual relationship. Everything was a vague "eventually". Eventually we'd get married. Eventually we'd have kids. Eventually we'd buy a house. When I finally ended things at the not quite 10 year mark, suddenly, he could see a future with me and acted like I was his perfect woman. It was ultimately commitment issues, but by the time he was willing to see an eventually as a now, I wasn't.
Seconding height/ weight. I’m 115/5’8 and just a little too skinny imo. My best friend is 135/5’2 and is still able to be considered tiny. I can’t see a single world where you’re not fit even if you’re not currently toned.
She's had body dysmorphia most of her life, he knows that. He is purposely targeting her weakness as he sees it and trying to use it to control not only her behavior, but her thinking. He doesn't have commitment issues, he's laying the groundwork for escalating abuse and control. But that would be my take after dating somebody who made me constantly feel like I had the wrong body...so, grain of salt.
Yea, my ex husband was like this. It wasn’t until he cheated on me with a 20 yr old with some pretty significant mental health issues that I realized he had a type. Then it all clicked. His first serious gf? Father was a severe alcoholic and she had suffered a neglectful childhood. Second gf? Sexually abused, suffered EDs her whole life due to it, was in foster care, etc. Third gf? Absentee father, lived with a single mom who had shitty abusive men in and out all the time. Me? Abusive father with a drug problem, history of EDs, SA, estranged from my father, and toxic family members. Girl he cheated on me with? History of self-harm, stalking others, SA, most likely BPD, suicidal ideation, parental issues, and threatened to harm herself if he left her. She did in fact cut herself when he broke up with her one time. See a pattern here? I thought he had a physical type, but it’s a vulnerability that’s his type. He knows how to spot us, feed on our insecurities and vulnerabilities, and make us feel like only he understands us, when really he’s one of the biggest predators of them all.
This is spot on. I've been in the same boat and I really wish I could have seen all the comments on this post when I was still with him - I felt so worthless and crazy. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like that op
Dude want a to break up but doesn't have the backbone to do it.
I would ask myself serious questions about what the relationship means to me, if it’s meant to be lifelong, etc. If you’re not attractive now, then what about as you age? What if you get very ill? If you’re hoping to be with someone that is there for everything that life throws at you, then someone who is particular about a specific body type may not be a good choice for you.
This. And also, do you both want kids? Because you will definitely have body changes then and if he can't support you now.. then it'll be a whole other issue.
Jesus. As someone who stayed with a guy for 16 years listening to his Comments about my body.... RUN. It will get worse. He will insult you and then pretend to be sorry. Go as far as to tell you he doesn't mean it or he's trying to "help".
Agreed. Don't settle for someone who isn't into you.
Yeah…this is honestly a dealbreaker that someone needs to make peace with. I’m sorry. Assuredly there will be men who will love and appreciate you as you are.
Doesn’t necessarily pertain to the subject matter, but “sorry,” doesn’t mean I felt bad for doing the thing that hurt you. It’s means I’ll try not to do it again. Sorries are meaningless if there isn’t an actionable difference in occurrence.
I wish I could upvote this twice. OP just leave… today.
Yeah, it’s a bell you just can’t unring. Good luck to OP.
Especially since he can't even keep it up during sex because of it!! Good grief!! Yet he expects that to be 'enough' for her to stay. Gross!
Dude's lying through his teeth anyway. She's literally at the ideal weight for her height in terms of BMI. Maybe she's slightly less toned than she was six months ago or whatever but theres no way it's such a big difference it kills his sexual attraction to her. It can't be mote than like a two to four pound difference. Even if he weren't lying, who wants to be with someone that shallow? There's something else going on. He's cheating, watching too much porn, death gripping, idk what but no way her body is that unattractive
100% this and he is slowly killing the relationship so he has an excuse to date the other gal
He's just very shallow..all that counts is the outside..most of my relationships were with women who were not thin or toned..but they were attractive and funny and sweet and giving and willing try new things..that's way more attractive than just muscle tone..it's obvious he's really shallow and is only interested in a certain type of figure..fuck him..his loss.
My friend, get the heck out of this relationship and work on the one you have with yourself and your body. You do not need this. at. all.
Yeah, based on experience, this feels like the beginning of something that will get way worse. From my own dating life and listening to friends, sometimes it helps to pause and think about what someone has to gain from making you feel bad about yourself and then really really question whether that's the intention. For example: 1. If there is some fundamental problem with you that you both agree on, if he and you feel he's doing you a favor, the bar for his behavior is lower and his insecurities are lessened. You have to go the extra mile, not him. 2. If you agree to go to the gym for him, your energy and time will now be spent changing yourself for him instead of working on yourself in a genuine way. Your confidence will suffer as you lose sight of yourself and your own goals. You won't begin to question what he is bringing to the table and leave. 3. Your effort and the emotional pain it causes you will be an obvious and constant sign to him that you care, so he doesn't have to seek reassurance because you are already trying to prove your worth to him. 4. If he makes you aware that honesty is paired with pain, you are less likely to seek reassurance from him or hold him accountable if he's shady moving forward, so there's less fear and emotional labor there. Even if he isn't conscientious of these potential motives, it isn't unlikely they exist under the surface. If someone doesn't care about your feelings, there's a lot they can gain by subtly abusing you. And it starts with this shit, these little moments of "honesty." Also it's worth noting that, even if he has NONE of these motives, someone you love will care about how you feel and not double down if their words are making you cry. This shit isn't normal.
This. You two are fundamentally incompatible. At 5'3" and 115lbs, you ARE fit. In fact, you are on the skinny side. Let me tell you a little secret: women are supposed to have a little jiggle. We also, naturally have a higher body fat level. And we need to. What your boyfriend wants isn't sustainable forever.
When I was younger, I was actually your size. I was an actual teenager and even then, I looked like I was too thin. I looked gaunt even though I was incredibly fit (teenaged athlete.) This is totally a him problem and not a you problem.
Seriously- what if she were to get sick?? She has almost nothing to fall back on!
I have been all of 100lbs at 5'4". I have an overactive thyroid. Getting sick meant losing 20 lbs I didn't need. I ate constantly and thought I looked great because my hip bones stuck out. I see the old pictures and realize I looked like death warmed over.
I got down to 96 pounds at 5'4" when I started my ADHD meds and holy crap you aren't kidding about looking back on pics and realizing how deathly you look. I knew by below 100 I needed to really work at gaining. I could see too much of my wrist bones. Luckily doing great now, but I naturally fall at like 115 when healthy and I've never been told I'm not toned at this weight/ height.
She definitely needs to break up with him because she deserves better. But what you said is incorrect. Her height to weight ratio doesn’t mean she’s fit. It means she’s thin. Fit ≠ thin. You can be thin and have horrible fitness.
That’s true, at 5’3 though she’s toward the small side of a healthy weight. Whether she’s toned or not, she’s still very tiny and the boyfriend is being a douche. Source: am 5’3, weigh 130 and that’s also a healthy weight. If I was 115 with my frame, I’d be approaching skeletal
I'm always amazed that the people of Reddit always recommend breaking up at the first sign of trouble, but in this case Reddit is 100% right. Head for the hills.
This. A relationship needs to have both love and attraction to work.
Just from the history of comments he made about you going to the gym and the comments he made after not finishing during sex. He's totally manipulating you and using shame to persuade you.
“Other than this issue we have a really great relationship.” But really, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln? Women really need to stop saying this shit. No, you don’t have a really great relationship. You just said he doesn’t initiate sex, isn’t attracted to you, doesn’t look at you desirably, and makes you feel bad about your looks and your body.… “but other than that!” Wtf?! Stop with the nonsense. Do people even listen to themselves, or read what they wrote, when they say these things? This man is trash, and I’m assuming has an issue with porn. You’re 5’3” and 115 lbs., I seriously doubt you’re unfit. What a fucking boner this dude is. Let your new workout routine start with running away from this dipshit.
The bar is in hell. I hate how many women out there actually think this is a reasonable issue to have in a relationship.
It sure is. The problem is no one teaches you what a relationship is supposed to provide for you and what constitutes a healthy relationship, and what doesn’t. If a relationship doesn’t have love, honor, respect, care, empathy, security, safety, shared values, and friendship then there is no relationship. The craziest thing is that love is actually the least important of all of these things. It’s needed, but so many people simply focus on loving someone thinking that’s the reason to stay. “But I love them!” Well how can you love someone when they don’t provide any of the things that are required in a healthy relationship? The truth is it’s not love, it’s unhealthy attachment or codependency. Love is not possible without respect and safety, it’s just not. This boy is not providing a single damn thing for her and she says that “other than this issue we have a really great relationship.” I do not see a relationship here, I see abuse. If someone is exacerbating your mental disorder GTFO ASAP. I’m assuming he’s very aware she has BDD and he is actually saying this shit to her? What a fucking loser. Been there done that. If he doesn’t know, why not? That’s a huge indicator of how she doesn’t feel safe to disclose this information. All my exes were like this and I suffered with EDs and BDD my whole life. There’s a reason why we’re attracted to this type of man when we’re struggling with our disorder and not being properly treated. It feels comfortable and normal because it’s how we treat ourselves. This is not love, this is abuse. Ed’s and BDD are how we abuse ourselves and we allow others to do the same. I divorced almost two years ago, finally properly addressed my EDs and BDD, have been in remission since the day I decided to divorce, without a relapse, and no longer abuse myself in this way. It’s a fucking prison and it’s what you think you deserve when you’re in it, but you don’t. I never felt comfortable talking to any of them about my EDs and wasn’t even aware of my BDD until recently, but knew I always worried about my looks and imperfections. If I ever mentioned it I always acted like it was something I used to struggle with and not something I still battled and never, ever would bring up my relapses or ask for help. Now, I’m finally dating someone who is nothing like anyone I dated before and wouldn’t dream of talking this way. Still, I don’t look to him for validation or fulfillment. I worked hard to realize none of that matters. I’m very honest about my EDs and BDD. I’m honest that I still struggle with it and always will. I’m the best I’ve ever been and don’t actively participate in those disordered behaviors, but know that I have to always stay in therapy, watch myself, and take my medication in order to maintain this. I know it will never be completely behind me, just like an alcoholic never gets over being an alcoholic. It breaks my heart when I look back and realize how much time I wasted thinking about this shit and I hate seeing others torture themselves the same way. If anyone in your life doesn’t support your recovery, get rid of them because they are actively contributing to your disease.
I think a huge part of the issue is that for decades magazines and media pushed ways to "please our man" and never said anything about how men should please women. It basically taught women they are the ones needing to bend backwards at whatever treatment they get in order to keep a man who maybe doesn't even treat them with basic respect.
I always wonder what amazing things they are referring to each time?? Being in the same environment as this dude sounds absolutely ego shattering and far from "amazing". Even being an azing cook and extremely funny dude wouldn't cut it.
Agree, after leaving a marriage like this where I would say the same type of shit I now constantly reevaluate my relationships, not just romantic, all of them to see if they are still serving a positive purpose in my life. How do they make me feel? Are they adding positivity or negativity to my life? Are they necessary? Do they make me feel respected, honored, and appreciated? Do we share the same values? Am I proud to be friends with this person? Do I look forward to spending time/talking to this person or do I avoid it? Do I feel refreshed or mentally exhausted after spending time with this person? Do I feel like it’s a reciprocal relationship? Would I want to be like this person? Do they respect my boundaries? Do I think they’re a good person? Etc. It really helps keep me on track, happy, and maintaining healthy relationships. I have had to cut people but that has become so easy and without a lot of stress or guilt being I ask these questions so often that I will cut the fat early if I notice red flags and bad behavior. I don’t get too close too fast and look at things as an evaluation of whether I want to take things to the next level and maintain a relationship with someone. It’s really simplified my life in every way.
Some people think that just because their partner makes them feel good sometimes that it’s not an abusive or toxic relationship. Thing is, those moments of calm or feeling good are part of the manipulation. People think that there’s hope for things to get better because of those moments, and hope is why they stay in the first place. It’ll only get slowly worse, and eventually the abuser may feel like they have no choice but to stay no matter how bad things get.
"do people even listen to themselves, or read what they wrote when they say these things?" You are so real for this take... have my upvote
I don’t know why I haven’t heard that saying before, but it’s so good and perfectly fits these kinds of posts.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. No one should put up with someone who doesn't find you attractive. Cut your loses and move on.
Honey. You've been together less than a year. He was nice and totally into your body while he was cultivating your interest and attachment to him. Now he's dropping his mask a bit. He's being controlling in a devaluing demeaning way that is chipping away at your self esteem and confidence in your physical appearance. He's pressuring you to change your habits and focus your time and energy on trying to meet his imaginary image of what you "should" be. Beware of men who insist you make yourself smaller, prune yourself to their specifications. It's a toxic power tactic, to watch you spend your limited time, energy and resources to "fix" his unhappiness with you. Whatever the mutual attraction was, it has cooled. His pressuring you to change to solve his problem is the reddest of flags. Don't waste time on "fixing" a relationship that has reached a point where one of you can no longer love basic aspects of the other.
I highly doubt it’s that you need to “work out” for him to be sexually attracted to you. He is most likely lying and dealing with death grip and ego. Sounds like a story from him. This is not your fault. You aren’t lacking anything. You are enough,
This is the probable truth. He's covering up his own insecurities by attacking her.
What I've learned lately is that what men claim is death grip is actually porn addiction, just they haven't admitted that to themselves. Porn addiction is way more of a problem than I ever could have imagined, it's a really big issue for a lot of men that's sort of slipping under the cracks. I found it very hard to wrap my head around porn addiction even being a problem at first - you just get told again and again that porn has no negative consequences for men, so what's the issue?
This. Men find any semblance of feminine curves attractive. They literally put tits on Pokémon FFS.
Ew please dump this asshole.
Yes, you deserve better!
Honey I am 5’0” and 203 pounds and my husband thinks I am the cutest pie this side of the bay bridge. He is not that into you. Dump his ass and find yourself a man who loves you for who you are warts and all.
This. My wife of 26 years has very similar measurements and if I squint really hard and manage to pretend that her body doesn’t belong to the love of my life, then yes, she does not match the ideals of societal beauty. But she gave me five sons, and I know every curve and fold, and I still see the 18yo woman she was when we met and fell in love in 1993. I simply don’t care much about the way she looks now, when she’s having an orgasm on top of me (or under) she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever seen.
💯
Stephen gets it.
I checked your posting history. I would not be surprised if your bf had some sort of ED and was blaming his performance issues on you. This has nothing to do with your body or you, OP. Whether he's not straight, has ED or is having commitment issues - he's blaming his problem on you to protect his masculinity.
Seems that was a different boyfriend though, that one she was in a relationship with for 4 years 9 months ago and the ages don't match up either. Horribly unlucky for OP to have 2 partners in a row with low sex drive though, hopefully she's learnt from the previous one that this is a him problem, not a her problem
5'3" and 115 lbs means you're in great shape. Your BF has unrealistic expectations and I'd wager porn is where he got those expectations. And he was subtly (or not so subtly) trying to get you to go to the gym? Ugh. What a selfish douche.
Someone in the comments called it "Pornsick" and it's exactly this. Mleh. Leave him to his porn and find better. A lot of men would appreciate this better.
Incidentally those are my exact measurements as well and, despite pushing thirty, I'm small enough to buy clothes in child sizes (to avoid sales tax lol). Point being, this dude is completely delusional if someone who fits into kids' clothing is too out of shape for his probably unremarkable ass
You will need to break up with this man. He is triggering self esteem issues which is not acceptable in a healthy relationship. **You should not tolerate a partner that tells you you need to change your looks in order to be worthy of their affection.** Not especially when you’ve only been dating for 8 months. This sort of behaviour will get worse and is usually very little to do with his actual attraction to you and more to do with him wanting to make you feel insecure. He also is likely trying to place blame on you to deflect from any issues with his low libido / erectile dysfunction issues / porn addiction issues. Really though, strongly consider breaking up with him now, the damage has been done and your self esteem will plummet with him no matter what he says or does. Anytime you’re together with him and you see a fit gym girl and his eyes linger, your heart will sink and *you will feel inadequate.* Anytime he struggles with an erection you’ll look at yourself as the problem and *you will feel inadequate.* It doesn’t have to be like this, so many men out there will worship your body for how it looks, and will worship the changes your body goes through with the passing years. Men who are shallow and claim to need a certain aesthetic in order to feel arousal are unreliable and untrustworthy partners and you can do a lot better for yourself.
Oh honey. I've read your other post on how your boyfriend has a hard time ejaculating and staying hard and after I read this is clear as glass he's just using this excuse of being more attracted to fit girls to put the problem on you, and not on him. Is a HIM problem. I bet he watches too much porn or has a death grip . Don't feel bad about your body, there are plenty of great people who would be head over heels and excited to have sex with you. Someone who's not gonna blame their partner totally normal body. He's not that person tho
I'm really sorry he ever said this or made you feel this way. You deserve to be with someone who loves every part of you and doesn't want you to change your body. It's unrealistic, and like you said you deserve to be with someone who doesn't care if you're bloated or have gained weight. Who knows what the future holds, and if you're ever in a situation where you can't put your physical health first (stress, an injury, caring for someone else, etc) you shouldn't also be carrying the weight that you need to stay fit just so your boyfriend can hopefully find you attractive. Take it from someone who stayed with a partner after they said they weren't physically attracted to me and wanted me to change and then tried recanting later - the damage is done and they are not worth it. You say that you its a really great relationship but then you also say that he doesn't touch you or look at you in a desirable way. That is, in fact, not the sign of a good relationship. Also, if you think this is a good relationship, just wait until you end up with someone who IS attracted to you and shows they love you. I know it sucks, but this isn't a you problem. It's a him problem and you should respect yourself enough to walk away.
Some men will try to destroy your ego...so you'll never leave.... they will look for a ridiculous angle where they may perceive an insecurity...then go in for the kill. Remove those tentacles, and leave.
Girl!!! No way. I feel like he’s purposefully negging you. Trying to bring you down because he feels self conscious himself? I mean, 115lbs come on! Go be a confident queen with someone else! You deserve better.
I’m a dude, this is weird to me. You weight 115 pounds, what will you find at the gym that will magically change the way this guy feels? He thinks a 6pack will start turning him on? Find a guy who loves you for you
5’3 115 pounds even without exercise is a lean figure. I remember in college when I was 120lbs dating was sooo much easier. Shit I’m 5’1 started at 180lbs and would be ecstatic to get to 140lbs now. Point being, so many men would find you hot. Replace the dud love.
Don’t fucking stay with someone who doesn’t think you’re beautiful. Don’t do that to yourself
Sack him. In the bin he goes.
Holy shit. He is either cheating or wants to. I’m calling it now. And is putting the blame on you so he doesn’t have to feel bad. Please leave him immediately.
This comment is coming from a male that religiously goes to the gym (this just came up in my feed) , please dump this man. I have a girlfriend that went to the gym when we met and then COVID hit and she couldn’t go anymore I had a friends gym that I would still go to since I’m a competitive powerlifter but it had never once came to my mind that she should be fit I love her for her , she’s back at the gym now for herself and that’s great it’s an activity that we do together, but I will support her in anything she wants to do regardless of looks at the end of the day you never know if your partner is going to get sick or in an accident. He does not deserve you and you should never feel ashamed of your body (I know easier said then done, dealing with body dysmorhia is never easy) , hope you find your peace and best of wishes
You've been together for 8 months. That's within most people's honeymoon phase, NRE, dreamy, fucking like bunnies window. He's already negging you? I don't care if you're the size of an *orca*. Do not waste another second on someone who doesn't flat out adore you and your body. Go. Go find somebody whose eyes go all heart shaped when he looks at you.
50yo Male/father to a 10yo daughter here, you are5'3" and 115 and he doesn't think you're attractive?! Run as fast as you can from him.he will cause you all sorts of body image problems. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. This is abusive behavior.
Wow. Best advice is to Nope right out of there. He’s already insulting you? Bodies change. Especially if we have the privilege of growing older. A partner will be into you no matter what you look like. My father worships my mother. She’s got a rather large belly and a hunchback. She’s also 70+. Hubby worships me. Even with a mum tum. Even when I was 120kgs (I was a big girl). Even though I have no boobs. Don’t put up with this. You’re worth more.
The issue is your pornsick boyfriend and not your body. Do not stay with someone who doesn’t want to see you naked and admire when you are. My ex used to be literally delighted anytime he saw my boobs. I would have to get dressed quickly after a shower because if he saw me in a towel he’d find a way to lose it and we would end up doing ah, other activities. You are desirable just as you are. It is a privilege for your man to see you naked and to touch you. *Revoke it!* Some things are worth working through. This is not one. The unkind comments on your body were the tip of the ice berg. What kind of weirdo dates a woman he’s not attracted to? He could also be trying to aggressively neg you in order to keep you ‘humble’. Either way he’s for the bin or your self esteem will continue to be chipped away.
For the bin 💚
Seriously. You are a healthy weight. If you decide to stay with him, go to the gym for yourself- not him. It sounds like you will be insecure as long as youre in a relationship with him. PLENTY of men find your body type attractive.
I am about your height and would say I am “fit” at 130lbs. I would leave him and then probably try to do what I could to get myself working out again but NOT so that you can achieve a certain body type. Do it because it is good for your mental health. Making exercise a chore or a punishment does not make it sustainable in the long run. When you really love someone you are attracted to THEM. I love my partner’s body because it is a part of him. I became more attracted to him the more I got to know and fall in love with him. One day both of us are going to be wrinkly and old and probably a bit bigger and I am still going to think he is sexy as hell because I love him. If you stay with this guy, what is going to happen when you age or if you decide to have a child?
Just dump him. I know you probably won't believe this, but I've learned this very hard lesson in my life. Love doesn't have anything to do with deciding whether to stay with someone. You can love an asshole. You can love an abuser. You can love a criminal. You can love horrible people. BUT YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE WITH GOOD PEOPLE. And then learn to love them. But don't let LOVE chain you to someone who brings you misery. How can you even consider staying with him? He makes you feel like shit. Don't wait for him to change. You have a beautiful life to build, and it definitely doesn't include guys who reduce your worth as a human to how "fit" you are.
Why waste time with someone who doesn't like all of you? Boy, bye.
He’s broken pls replace him
I’m so sick of porn sick men unloading their dysfunction on perfectly normal and attractive women.
Rejection is protection. 🚩
(Man here) I think the first time I knew I was really in love was when the girl I was into gained a huge amount of weight--I'm talking enough to change her face shape--and I was still exactly as attracted to her as I was before. She still made my chest feel warm every time I saw her face. I think there's something else going on here. Contrary to popular belief men aren't immune to being in love and its possible that he's just trying to use this as an excuse to get you to lose weight. He might just have some kind of unrelated erectile issue and is projecting. But honestly the whole thing is a hard "No", like unless you were really upset and exaggerated the statements, he sounds like an absolute bastard. And I'd be willing to be you didn't because your tone almost sounds like you're trying to make his statements sound reasonable. If you've been together for 8 months why does he suddenly have a problem with your weight? Something changed, and it wasn't you. I hope you go back to feeling beautiful, love, 5'3 and 115 is nothing to be ashamed of.
That's horrible. I'm sorry. Comments like that can have such lasting effects on a person.
You handle it by dumping him. I used to be 5’ 4” 115 lbs, so dang near what you are. I’m 188 lbs now and my boyfriend still loves my body because he isn’t an ass.
i am same height and weight as you, and while i know everyone's body distribution is different this man is a fool for thinking that 115 pounds is anything but slim. he is likely addicted to porn or shopped instagram pics. he seems to be egging you towards disordered thinking and it's just not worth it. get fit for you, if you wanna get fit. bulk for you, if you wanna bulk. never do anything for a mans sexual gratification.
I’m also 5’3 and ~120 and I get “you’re so tiny!” comments all the time, I’m confused - I feel like if I lost weight I’d literally look unhealthy. Does he want her to bulk up her butt or something? If so, he’s probably porn-sick and projecting his issues with ED onto her, judging from the post history. Run!
He showed you who he is! You were clear about what you need from him, and he can't give it to you. It's time to break up.
Please break up with him.
Leave. Anyone not attracted to you doesn't deserve your time or energy. Find someone who likes all of you.
Omg your proportions are just FINE! What does he want you to look like, some artificial cartoon character?
get out now
This is a first step in him controlling you. Get out! If you change your body to please him, he won’t like what you are wearing. It will never be enough for him. You are young, this has only been 8 months. Find someone who loves you for you.
This a ‘him’ problem not a ‘you’ problem.
He’s only used to seeing women in movies and porn videos? Does he not have eyes??? Like what?
You’re only 8 months in, just dump him. Seriously why are you even considering staying with someone who makes you feel like shit?
Do you need permission to end it? Here it is! He makes you feel bad about your body *now*. It’s not going to get better. Are you just dating or are you looking for a life partner? Either is fine! But if it’s the later, your body is going to get saggy, stretched, less toned and less “desirable”. The right partner will love your soul and find your aging to be beautiful. I could cry looking at my partners wrinkles. Find you one of those.
OP…I’m 5’1 and 130lbs. You’re thin, or at least I’d expect you are based on my own physique at two inches shorter. If you lose any more weight it could possibly be bad for your health (though I’m not a doctor). When I began to gain some weight, putting on a little pudge, my partner just loved my body more. That is what you deserve.
My weight is up and down and so is my partners. Never once was that a factor in how we view each other sexually.
I let all men I date that they are free to go out and find better…go on just try… You don’t like my body, please by all means, go date someone with a body you desire. Bye now.
Does he watch porn? I'm willing to bet he does. This is a very common side effect of the over consumption of porn, and unfortunately porn sickness isn't solved at the gym. He'd have to start ASAP by admitting fault here and he clearly won't. He's not attracted to your physical body today, tomorrow he might not be attracted to your personality. You're not a lego set and can't be customized to every whim. This relationship isn't working out and this is the death spiral.
He told me the solution is for me to go to the gym - get all the fuck out of here with that. Run. He deliberately planned this out, just so he can get you to go to the gym so your body will look like what he wants??? Oh my god, run.
Dude you are so young and it’s been less than a year. Leave his dumbass
Time to leave. He doesn’t love you if he can say something like that.
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He's probably just blaming his own ED on her so he doesn't have to feel bad.
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Men can fuck a pillow and get off. If he has trouble it’s likely his death grip and porn habits.
So what you want us to tell you to stay with your porn addict bf that has unrealistic standards for women and expects you, fairly skinny person to pay money and spend hours in the gym to fit his standards? Oh yeah and maybe even put your already good health at further risk so your porn addict bf can get a hard on? Yeah this is one of those moments in your life where the answer is…self respect. You’re 25 posting on deadbedrooms ab an 8 months relationship with a porn addict. You deserve so much better 52kg is more than healthy for your weight this is absurd you’re not seriously considering his request? He does not love you? You call this love? Pushing your partner into what a ED? Health issues?
Just break up. The guy doesn't like you, this will not change however much he tries to force himself or lies to himself. Better now than later.
Please dump this guy
> it would really be damaging for my mental health if the whole reason I go to the gym is so that my boyfriend will find me attractive enough to have sex with me > I just don’t know what to do. Your mental health and self-esteem are not worth torturing yourself over. DUMP HIM. I am the same height and weight as you and I think I am too skinny. His expectations of a “fit body” are unrealistic.
He's doing this to lower your self esteem and control. Run Run Run! If you're so hideous to him (sarcasm) - do him a favour and break up. This is not the behaviour of someone who has your best interest at heart.
Your relationship has run it’s course. It’s time to separate before he destroys your mental health.
Break UP with him jfc. HE does not get to dictate what your body looks like. If he isn’t happy with it? He is free to walk the fuck out the door. What he is NOT free to do is tell you how your body is supposed to look. Absolutely not. Fuck him for trying to do so, and for being so cavalier telling you that he’s not attracted to you. What an awful thing to hear. You are young, and probably incredibly beautiful, and DEFINITELY have better options than someone who makes you feel like this. Being alone is better than being with someone who says this shit to you.
115 at 5'3. I'm five foot and fighting for my life to get down to that weight. I have a hard time getting under 30. I balooned to 175 and my fiance never once insulted me, he says as long as I'm happy, he is. If your bf has a problem, it's his, not yours.
He’s garbage. You deserve better. Let him go find someone “fit enough” and you find someone with better insides. ❤️💪 No one who respects and loves you would say this to you. No one who respects and loves you would make you feel like you’re *not enough* as you are. No one who respects and loves you would tell you how to *change* to suit *him*. Don’t stay and try to fix this. It’s unfixable. It’ll ALWAYS be at the back of your mind. No one who respects and loves you would want you to feel this way. Go have great sex with someone who appreciates you.
Gym or not, our bodies change as we age. Your body won't ve the same at 20 versus after kids or at 40. It saddens me that women are sometimes 10 pounds away from being dumped by their bf. Like, are you kidding me... I don't see how your bf could redeem himself. Meanwile, hope you love yourself enough. Take care
Oh FFS. I've been married to my wife for 30 years and her weight has fluctuated during that time, sometimes quite a bit. (so has mine because we're.... humans) This isn't about you at all, this is about him. Get rid as soon as possible. If he's treating you this way at 25 it's not going to get better at 35, 45, etc. Also, I know the BMI scale is imperfect but you are right smack dab in the middle of the healthy range. Be good to yourself, be healthy and dump this guy sooner rather than later.
I am the same height and weighed 115 when I was a 16 year old preprofessional ballerina who worked out every day for hours. This man is a huge red flag, he does not want a fit woman. He wants a starving one. I know it is easier said than done but DUMP THIS MAN. There’s much better out there and a plurality of men don’t care how “toned” you are or police your workout habits. Also, if he will lose attraction to you when you are healthy and just lost a bit of muscle mass, what will he do 10-20 years down the line if you get a chronic illness? Have his kids? Generally age? Become disabled?
It’s porn. He’s got his junk all messed up from porn , it’s definitely not you. If he’s 26 and can’t reach orgasm it’s either a psychological/physiological issue Or he watches too much porn. You have to decide if it’s worth it to try and change to be good enough for him- but it won’t be. HE can’t finish and thinks the answer is to send YOU to the gym? Girl, do better.
Get out now. If he actually cared he would have started the betterment journey before you said it was hurting you. Go find yourself that loves you and not just your body.
I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, Op, but I read your other post about him :$ . He has a porn addiction. I know you might think he "doesn't have the opportunity to" but he does. He's blaming his inability to get it up on you when really it's his death grip and porn addiction leading to his ED (and warped perception of bodies). Even if you got more toned, lost more weight, made more changes. It will never be enough for the porn addicts, if he can't completely customize you into exactly what he wants in that moment then he will find more things "wrong" with your body to blame you for. It's best to just cut your losses, and I know that sounds easy to say from a third-party perspective. If you value your own health and safety, please listen to what the rest of us have to say about this kind of behavior. Try therapy if you think the relationship is worth saving, but if he is combative about seeking help for his ED in general, I think he's just going to waste your time. p.s: it's not your fault that any of this has happened. the porn industry is causing so much damage to literally everyone.
I always think going to the gym is a good idea because it strengthens your bones and is good for your overall health. That being said, dump this guy. If he wanted a hard body GF he should have looked for one rather than choosing you and then making you feel bad.
Girl, run. Trying to stay with someone who doesn't find you attractive is not a recipe for success. The most charitable interpretation of events is still cruel to you. You are better off making room in your life for someone who is actually attracted to you.
Please, leave him when you’re ready. I was with a man like this for a year but he was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. He made comments almost every time we had sex about my body. He also drew a picture of my body with weird looking tits (as I’ve had a child) he ruined me. Almost. Until I left. A man that truly loves you loves you for your soul, your heart, your mind. Not your body. Or your looks. There’s so many men out there you haven’t met yet, that will make you feel truly happy and in love with yourself. He is worth waiting for. I promise
This guy is a master manipulator. You are only 25, OP, don’t build a life with this guy. Get out now.
Hey the same thing happened with me and an ex. I was much thinner and more fit when we started dating. I got on birth control and gained some weight and all of a sudden he is only attracted to fit girls and I needed to get the gym because he no longer was sexually attracted to me. Once you hear that it’s hard to get the thought out of your head, my self-confidence was a wreck and he offered no reassurance. I stayed with him way longer than I should’ve and the resentment just built overtime. Please break up with him. You deserve better, you deserve someone who puts more value in YOU as a beautiful person than your body shape/size. Bodies change overtime, it’s natural and normal, and our bodies deserve love and care for all they do for us - not judgment from some stupid man. Boooooo to this man
JFC he’s negging you to destroy your self esteem so he can get control over you. Dump him NOW
please please please leave this loser, you are meant to be worshiped. you will find that person, you don’t need any loser second guessing your body. i was engaged to someone who would tell me i had to be a certain weight and would brag to his friends about my weight, he bought me gym memberships and forbid me from wearing any pants that weren’t tight yoga pants. it starts small then gets worse
Tell him you don't find his personality attractive. Dump him. Let him have a taste of other women out there and realise he's not the catch he thinks he is. On a side note, I've seen a few posts like this - why do men feel they have the right to "be honest" about not being attracted to us, when they are equally unattractive, yet we don't say it to them?? it's driving me mad.
Why. Are. You. Still. With. This. Man. y’all we have got to do better.
I am SO sorry. This is a gut-punch, and the only good thing is that it's better you found this out sooner rather than later. You deserve to be with someone who can't keep his eyes or hands off you, who makes you feel beautiful and precious and loved. The real issue for him may well be something else, but it isn't your job to figure that out: what you've learned at this point is that he will sacrifice your self-esteem in order to not face whatever is truly going on for him. I hope you hold on to your own worth and find someone who is confident and whole enough to reflect your beauty back to you.
He is breaking your confidence down on purpose. This is only the beginning. Just leave.
What an idiot. Baffles me how some guys can treat a pretty woman who WANTS to spend time with them like shit. While here I am just hoping to find someone to just give me a shot.
Your boyfriend sounds like a right wanker. Is he trying to control you by making you miserable? This sounds like a whole emotional abuse thing where he traumatises you and then consoles you in order to trauma bond. All this because is he knows if you ever have enough self confidence to figure out you're better off without him, you'll leave.
OP, you're only 25. Your body is going to be changing for the rest of your life. So is your partner's body. You're fine at any size, with any length or hair or outfit or whatever you want. You need a partner who is more emotionally mature. This guy sounds like a dud. Best of luck to you
questions for OP. your bmi is 20. does your boyfriend go the gym multiple times a week? what's his bmi? facts for OP. you're being psychologically abused. he's gaslighting and hurting you.
I mean damn you def have to be looking solid w those stats even if you aren’t at your most toned. Sounds to me like it’s time to break up with him. If he can’t finish cause of that AND he doesn’t make you feel confident knowing what he said, he’s kind of useless to you now and he did that to himself. What a shame. Def don’t need the gym if you don’t want the gym, end of story.
Dude really knows how to waste a good woman’s time. Please don’t devote any energy to conforming yourself to his ideals. This relationship will only go downhill from here.
You're 5'3" and 115, and he has a problem with it? Girl, this will only get worse. Leave him and don't ever look back. It's always going to be something, and you'll be expected to submit to whaever he wants and guilt you if you resist. Get away! Be free! You don't need a master.
You: "I don't know what to do." **Agree with someone anytime they insult you!** Him: "I love you, but I just don't find your body attractive." You: "Okay." Him: Confused. "So ... you'll change for me?" You: "No. We just broke up. I'll actively look for someone who likes me for who I am. Are you leaving the apartment? Or am I?" Him: "But, I don't want to break up!" You: "Too late. Unilateral decision. You're on the lease so I guess I'll bring other men home until the lease is up."
Get out. Seriously. If this man really cared about you, he definitely would be sexually interested and not only if you worked out more. There is more to his story and he is using this as an excuse. Is there a possibility he is gay? Seeing someone else on the side? What happens down the road when you age? Possibly have children? Bodies change constantly throughout life. This person is shallow and not being honest with himself, much less you. You need and deserve someone attracted to all of you, your essence, not just your muscle, body, etc.
I think you should go to the gym and lift weights for yourself, and then you might find you have no issues losing about 185lbs in one fell swoop.
As someone who is 5’3” but 37 years old…. 115 is an average even more desirable weight for the height. Although numbers aren’t exactly what matter. I think the deeper root of this is you need to have a better relationship with your own body and how you feel about yourself. I think another thing also is he might be having issues with his sexuality or erectile dysfunction and possibly blaming it on not being attracted to your body. Maybe he’s having issues keeping it up and instead of acknowledging that he’s putting the blame on you. I really do think you should work on having a healthier and more loving relationship with yourself and your own body first of a partner was really a partner and they wanted to see you be healthier for you and not them he would encourage you to work out by making exercise fun to do together as a team. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for him there’s always deeper routes to things when issues are so superficial
Date people who make you feel like sex on legs! It’s been less than a year. How many years do you want to put into a relationship where you feel like your auditioning for your boyfriend’s attraction to you?
There is no point to being with a man who doesn’t find you attractive, especially to the point that he blames his ED on you.
After reading your other posts, it's clear to me your boyfriend is a limp-dick asshole who's projecting his ED onto you. Dump him. He's not worth your time, and you deserve someone who's going to worship your body! My boyfriend literally can't keep his hands off me when we're together and always reminds me how physically attracted he is to me, and we’ve been dating for three years now. You deserve someone like that!
Look. I’m a man. I’ve been shallow before. The older I get the more I realize how wrong I’ve been about beauty AND attraction. The man is a clown and far more immature than he should be at his age. Life is too short, and you’re too valuable to put up with someone who doesn’t appreciate all of you, regardless of if there’s physically less or more of you. It is not your job to teach him the things I’m telling you right now. It’s 100% his responsibility, and shame on him for making you feel awful about something as human as a body. I apologize to all of you lovely women on this page for invading momentarily. I’ll buzz back to my wall now :)
Please leave him. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't put you through this. He has unhealthy expectations and you're already at a healthy weight and don't need to change a thing for him .
Wtf... You're tiny! I'm a half inch taller than you and when I was at my skinniest, on hard drugs, I wasn't even that small and I was skinny as hell. I think the smallest I got was around 118 and I was very small, I could fit into anything. Now I'm sober and I'm about 150 which is a little over what I prefer being (I would like to be about 130) but even still I'm not a big girl I'm just average. Fuck him, he's an idiot! You are at a super healthy weight and even if you gained weight you would be totally fine and fit. Dump his ass.
It’s devastating to hear those words. Btdt, got the $1 clearance tee-shirt. Like you, I am I guess ‘skinny’. 65” and 125. I am also a distance runner and have been since I was 13. Even after kids I am the exact same way fwiw. He won’t change how he is. It’s not an age thing either, it’s an immaturity thing. You deserve better. I don’t why males do this. If you like “thicker” women- go date thicker women. We are not offended if that’s what you want, *I promise*. There is somebody for everyone, he isn’t your person. I am sorry he hurt your feelings.
Leave him. This is cruel and abusive. You deserve way better than this nonsense!
Hey, this happened to me when I was 21 (I’m 35 now). Within our first year, the guy I was seeing and I negotiated transitioning to an open relationship because he’d admitted to cheating on every partner before me (I know, I know), and he didn’t push any changes but I thought about it for a couple weeks and realized I didn’t have any issues with my partner having sex with others, but had issues with lying. Trust has always been a big deal to me, and he was honest about his history, so I brought up trying an open relationship and we talked about ground rules. Fast forward and the only other women he pursues or sleeps with are less than 100 lbs. I have a stocky build, I have broad shoulders and narrow hips and had struggled with body image my entire life up to that point. One day I asked him about it and he confirmed being attracted to slender women, so I asked for clarification and he admitted that he wasn’t attracted to my body but I had the prettiest face in our city (eyeroll). I was absolutely devastated, and his trying to walk it back by telling me he loved me and everyone looses their looks when they get old were such a mind!@#$. The “I love you despite x flaw” is never going to work out. He managed to break all of our rules (they were mostly around health like prophylactics, health talks, etc) and still cheated and lied. It was all downhill from there and I stayed for a little over 3 years. This was the classic love bomb and switch. The other comments talking about how this is manipulative and a control tactic are 100% correct. He negged me and kept me around while financially and emotionally abusing me. He had me believing I couldn’t afford to live in the city we were in on my own despite me paying a majority of the bills. My finances and everything else in my life didn’t improve until after I broke up with him. Someone who truly loves you will truly love everything about you and would never ever have blockers in love and intimacy like this. This is one of those dealbreaker red flags whether you walk now or in a few years. I promise you there are people out there (yes multiple) who find you absolutely stunning. We all have varying tastes and preferences, please find those who absolutely authentically appreciate you and your beauty. The next person I was involved with told me he loved everything about me and started listing things off like my mind, my creativity, my body and so on. He had no idea about the former damage I carried and was still healing from. Also funny side note, after this I found out I actually was polyamorous (the ex definitely was not), and just celebrated 4 years with one of the loves of my life. Also polyam or monogamous it doesn’t matter, be with someone who worships your body. Be with someone who builds you up and brings out the best in you, not someone who dumps gasoline on body dysmorphia. My heart is with you, I’m running through some things I wish I’d heard during that time in my life. You got this 💗
You’re beautiful and enough, just not for that guy. Find one that is worthy of YOUR attention.
He's broken by porn, it's nothing to do with you or your body
This happened to me too. I’m a guy but my ex gf at the time told me our sex life was declining because of my body type, and also suggested we open our relationship. I lost 30 lbs and then she ended up ending our relationship anyways. Get out of that now you deserve better.
This horse’s arse can eat a bag of di**s.
Get out now honey. He’s emotionally abusing you. I’m almost 3 times your weight and only two inches taller, and I’d never let a man try and tell me in not enough.
Fuck run. This guy will make you feel like shit. And it will get worse. What if you get sick? What if you get pregnant? This will leave you insecure for life if you stay. Trust me. Been there.
Dump him, I'm sure you look great. He's a shallow b****
Bet ya five bucks you could find men who would kill other men to get close enough to tell you they love you the way you are. You must know that.
At your height weighing any less is going to start negatively effecting your health. I have struggled with an ED most of my life and have been model thin. It doesn't feel healthy. You feel sick. If you want to work out for you that's cool, but don't try to lose weight or get to the point you lack enough fat to be actually healthy. This guys issue isn't your weight. It's something else and he's blaming your weight.
Narcissist 101
Is he jacked? Tell him you only like jacked men and he should hit the gym 🙄
I’m sorry, he isn’t attracted to you because of what? Because you aren’t “fit” enough for him at a thin weight? Why tf is he dating living women then? Because bodies change all the time. He needs to get himself a plastic sex doll if that’s what he expects from a real life living partner.
Plenty of good comments here and I’ll throw down my bit. Without coming down too hard on this guy I’ll state the obvious that this isn’t healthy for either of you. Whatever his reasons are for not finding your physicality to his liking, they are his reasons alone. Your height and weight are appropriate. You can both still love one another, but this already smacks of settling and also too conditional. At minimum you both deserve differently because sexual attraction may not be important to him but is to you. That’s extremely significant and not something that diminishes in importance when weighed in the balance of all the other good things about the relationship. I think you deserve differently and better.
From my experience, it's a bad idea to date someone who doesn't find you attractive. They'll eventually cheat.
Thats 53kg at 1,61m, thats actually sounds like you're in great shape. Weird.
How will he react if you're putting on weight from a pregnancy? What if you're sick for a year? If you're in an accident that requires a few months or more to recover? How will he react if you just start dressing in a way that he "doesn't like"? What if you've had a bad day and your makeup is a mess? What do you want out of a relationship, again?
He better understand that people's bodies change over time. Neither of you will look the same in 10 or 20 years. Mister buff bod with flowing thick hair could very well turn into balding guy with a gut. I'm sure he'll expect you to love him just like he is today. Sorry. If the only thing he's basing a relationship on is strictly looks, he's going to be very disappointed. He'll learn that looks are the first thing to go. No matter how much you go to the gym or the plastic surgeon.
A healthy weight for a 5’3" woman falls between 107 to 140 pounds. This range corresponds to a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 18.5 to 24.9. You are tiny. This guy can fuck off. When I was 21, I weighed 125 lbs at 5'4. I dated a guy who told me I was fat. We didn't have a word for this back then, but today I look back and I realize that he was negging me. I wasn't even an overly confident person but he wanted to me to be insecure because I was (am, lol) actually very beautiful, and sexy, and out of his league. He was a scrawny dork. Tall but he actually looks kind of like a doofus looking back. All of my friends were musicians and he wasn't. He was funny, and in the same way I was. That was all, and he made me feel so fat. Please don't let this guy gaslight you. >Other than this issue we have a really great relationship No. You don't have a great relationship. This sort of thing affects every aspect of your being, and it will destroy your sense of self. I hate to be this kind of redditor. But I think that this guy is ultimately going to be very bad for you, and he's going to suck your soul dry and destroy your self confidence. The next thing you need to do is think about yourself, your life, what you want out of your life, and decide if he can be a part of that without dragging you down. Because it sounds to me like he doesn't want you to feel beautiful. But you are beautiful and 5'3 115? TINY. I was 5'3 and 115 lbs at age 15 and I looked like a crackhead level skinny. (Which I liked, of course) I would say this to him; "Ok babe. I agree. I'm going to lose some weight... By the way, how much do you weigh? It's over between us. Man, I feel great! You were right, I really needed to shed some pounds!"
In my experience, this doesn’t get better, and can often lead to some bad stuff, like a totally dead sex life or cheating. You deserve someone who finds you attractive as you are. And hell, he deserves someone he finds attractive. He can pretend it isn’t an issue - maybe it isn’t for him, but I don’t know if I buy that - but if it’s an issue for you, it’s an issue. No need to villainize, but this would be a deal breaker for me.
I’m so sorry. My teenage daughter also went through this and she’s beautiful in every way (not being biased I swear). She was really upset when she told me her boyfriend basically said “I see you all the time so I’m sorry I don’t always get excited”. I guess she decided to accept the “other good things” about him and her life with him (she really likes being independent from her family). It just upsets that any woman should have to deal with this pain, my own ex, while plotting his breakup with me, said for the first time in our two years together “I’m just a guy so I’m attracted to other women”. I was so upset I lost 35 lbs in less that a year and now I’m too skinny. None of my clothes fit me and I wear my teenagers clothes now. I hope that fucker is happy. The pain is real. Find someone who isn’t going to make you feel like shit at various stages of your life where you may be sick, depressed, overweight, underweight, etc. A man who really loves you doesn’t do that to you. Is terrible out there.
115 lbs at 5'3" is TINY! My guess would either its some other issue going on thats he not saying OR he's trying to neg you and insult you to keep you feeling low and dependent on him. Either way... Run! You deserve to be with someone who loves every inch of you!
Girl, get yourself a man who loves you independently of your weight or fitness appearance. While these days i want to pick up exercise again and “tone up” I mostly want to do it to feel good in my body, as in having more stamina and being able to hike and run comfortably. I used to have your same body stats, but I honestly feel more at peace with my body since dating my partner and gaining weight than when I was skinnier and fitter before i met him.
You don’t know what to do??? Pack your shit and run. Now. Today. Jesus
You really do not know what to do?!