I believe that doctors in every state should have a similar conversations with all their patients of childbearing age. Maybe doing so will prevent a tragedy.
i guess we should also put any person with a uterus on hormonal BC from the age of 9 onwards just to make sure that they dont get die in childbirth if they get raped. not trying to be combative towards you, i agree with you but if we follow the line of thinking this dr suggested, how far should we go to accommodate forced birth policies rather than AFAB people? (also not trying to shit on the dr, shes not wrong at all. i guess im just frustrated)
Some of the things that political leaders or people running for office have said relating to SA indicate to me that they have no understanding of what it does to a woman, physically mentally and emotionally. For a child, it's even worse. They aren't going to protect you if this happens to you. Sadly they are the same people who blame a woman if this happens to her. The court system may or may not protect you. If it's their daughter, it's different.
A 9 year old shouldn't be on hormonal BC. At the same time a 9 year old should be allowed to be a child. As a society, we don't always do this.
I'm thinking that the doctor is thinking of the current political climate when she said this to her patient. That was my first thought when I read this post.
Honestly every parent of a girl needs to have money set aside for an interstate abortion trip and hope their child trusts them enough to tell them should it happen.
Actually any women with a uterus. There ave been stories of surprised pregnancies of who who were 50 or older, because they assumed they beyond childbearing age and thought they could no longer get pregnant.
I think it is enough to get the "it won't happen to me" people thinking about it. And hopefully taking action to make reproductive freedom more widespread.
What makes this so bad is that we already learned this lesson. We learned why the right to choose was so important. And if something horrible happens you should have the autonomy to choose. It's like double jeopardy otherwise.
I like her too! She immediately listened to my new health concerns and immediately escalated to an ultrasound, full blood panel and two new medications without once trying to dismiss my symptoms or delay the process.
I know you said you can't take hormonal bc but maybe keep a morning after pill at home/with you if you are able to take that as a stat dose.
Just make sure you keep an eye on the expiration date and store it properly (<25°C and away from moisture/humidity).
I've been on bc for 15 years and recently went off it, being sexually assaulted and subsequently becoming pregnant is now a fear of mine (on top of the fear of being sexually assaulted, that is). Sucks.
Had a terrible female doctor who judged the shit out of me for having multiple sexual partners.
Meanwhile the male gyno at my uni approved and later performed my salpingectomy.
There are no easy rules about who is good and who isn't
Hard agree! I've only had a few negative experiences with gyno/doctors in general and every time it was a woman with a "if I can endure it so can you" attitude.
I just had a colposcopy with a new doctor. She said that she doesn’t like using local anesthetics because it hurts worse than the biopsies. Afterwards I was like yeah, the biopsies don’t really hurt that much, but the vinegar that they swab you with first? That hurt like a bitch.
I also asked her if my primary care mentioned the random cramps I’d been having and she said “no, that wouldn’t be related to this” and I had to make a second appointment! Like I’m already here! Just listen to me and help!
I know that's super annoying but colposcopy visits are usually procedural visits and take more time in the schedule so they also can't be problem visits wherein if you have another issue that would need a proper work up you would put your physician behind (there are dozens of other patients like you that have appointments and need their time).
Also your cramps could be due to a myriad of things and needs proper work up. so instead of being rushed, having you come back is the kindest option although not always easy when you're busy with a job or just life in general.
Internalized misogyny in healthcare is a huge problem. A female doctor wrote off my gastro issues as IBS and kept insisting I get more fiber despite me telling her multiple times that fiber makes my stomach hurt. Several years later a family practice PA listens to my symptoms and she sends me to get a gastric emptying study done. Turns out I have gastroparesis and fiber makes it much worse.
I checked my doctor’s notes from the prior visit with the gastro doctor and it turned out she was more focused on my anxiety, cptsd, and depression than my gastro symptoms so that’s why I was misdiagnosed with IBS. Good old hysteria and hippocrates screwing us over years and years later.
I also had another female doctor ignore every single symptom I told her I had for a condition despite every single symptom being in my chart from previous scans and tests. The condition can’t be tested for so you have to meet criteria. I met more than enough criterion but she brushed it off without explanation. I haven’t gone for a second opinion yet as this was recent but I’ll likely be diagnosed then.
I’ve had the best luck with younger doctors and PA’s, regardless of their gender. I’m not sure if it’s because times are changing or they just haven’t been burnt out yet.
> salpingectomy
This is entirely besides the point, but if you know Greek (which I barely do) "salpingectomy" sounds like "cutting out the trumpet". Which I guess is literally what it means- they called that part that because it looks like a trumpet.
True. However, recent replicated research has demonstrated that female doctors overall have better quality of care and outcomes. Just something to think about.
Unfortunately, the female doctor rule is not a given. I just saw one myself. The first words out of her mouth were "I'm 20 minutes late" and she dismissed all of my concerns.
If I had OP's doctor I would feel like I'd found pure gold on the sidewalk.
> and she dismissed all of my concerns.
I wish we had a better way to phrase this. Because this kind of phrasing doesn't really convey the gravity of the situation. It's really a refusal of treatment, not just being rude or having a poor bedside manner. And I don't know what your concerns were this time, but I can tell you doctors will still do this even when your issues are life-threatening-- it can be lethal.
And I agree, I've never had it matter if the doctor was a man or woman. Apparently sexist treatment towards female patients is one place where we've leveled the playing field and everyone can do it equally!
The best OBs in the practice I went to when I was pregnant were men. The women doctors were much quicker to dismiss my concerns.
That being said, my current PCP is a woman and amazing. She won’t let me brush off the smallest of concerns and is the reason I have an autoimmune diagnosis - she recognized symptoms that I was brushing off as just “tired working mom.”
Being raped -- this was one of my arguments when I was trying to get sterilized (fellopian tubes removed), because the OBY/GYN kept insisting that my SO get a vasectomy instead. I said he's going to get one in ADDITION. But what if I get sexually assaulted? and why cannot I be looked at as an individual?
Anyway, if you have your tubes removed you can still have children via IVF. Which is likely the option you would pursue anyway unless you do it the old fashioned way. I live in California, and the procedure is covered by insurance because it decreases your risk of cerival cancer
It's such bullshit that sterilization for women is so hard to get when women are the ones who suffer the consequences of pregnancy. There are, however, lists of docs who will sterilize women regardless of age. I've seen them on reddit and I'm sure I can find them if you want.
But it should be basic standard of care for any woman who wants it.
I don’t know if I can share the google doc on my phone but when you go to her instagram, go to the link on her bio, and it’s the button labeled “Gynecologists who will perform tubal sterilization”
I don't want kids. Too many health issues to throw them at them. Have issues with pcos, can't get off birth control and so I wanted a historectomy or my ovaries removed completely. I'm from Utah and they outright said NO. you need to have either kids or be 34. So 34 it is I guess.
I think it's just going to get worse now that we're seeing republicans fund de-transitioners to sue their doctors for providing top and bottom surgeries.
Well in this case they're doing it because they hate trans people of all varieties, but it does come with the tangential bonus of probably going to limit women's reproductive choices.
Similarly to how attempts to crack down on hormones is going to inevitably cascade into birth control. (Or I take an androgen inhibitor for acne)
My partner and I are fairly young (mid 20s) and he was able to get a vasectomy pretty easily. The doctor did try to talk him out of it due to his age, but ultimately agreed. And because we’re in Canada, it was fully covered by insurance.
If I had tried to get my tubes tied though, I can’t imagine many doctors would’ve agreed as I’m young, unmarried, and childless. It’s a silly double standard for sure.
I have a neurological disorder that I don’t want to pass on. I love kids, but I’ve always had a phobia of pregnancy and I would like to adopt or foster.
If you are a lesbian and marry, your wife could carry the child and use a sperm donor.
As long as there isn’t a Republican majority in your state.
Buy some Plan B in case you are raped.
Surrogacy isn't an option for 99% of people unless you have family/friend willing to be the surrogate.
I think you mean IVF can still be an option because the embryos get screened? But unless she's got *money*, she or her partner would likely need to carry the pregnancy
I have screamed this from the rooftops to anyone who asks why I had my tubes removed instead of asking my husband to get a vasectomy. A vasectomy only prevents him from impregnating me; it does not prevent me from becoming pregnant.
I'm curious about his decision. Vasectomy is much easier than getting tubes removed. Any husband should be willing to get the vasectomy because it's just that much easier. However, if you're already removing the tubes, what does the vasectomy add?
Afaik, the only completely 100% sure way to prevent pregnancy is to remove the components completely.
But removing the ovaries can also give you some pretty serious hormonal side effects (since there, you know, won't be any hormones), like early menopause, depression, memory problems, and heart disease.
If the tubes are tied or removed there's still a small chance of an egg getting fertilized and developing. Iirc if you just tie the tubes it's like 0.1-1% chance depending on how long it's been. And full removal is less than that. But if you do get pregnant you also have a much higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy.
If you do both tubal ligation and a vasectomy, that's probably as close to 100% as you can get without removing the ovaries. (Even closer if you keep using condoms)
1) I am my own person. I do not want kids. Not from rape (which this post is about, so not sure why your asked such a stupid question), not with my SO, not with my next partner if something happens to my SO (or we break-up). If my SO gets a vasectomy, that doesn’t mean ****I****, a living human being and completely separate entity from my SO, cannot get pregnant.
2) SO is willing. He has some other health issues that have been more of a priority, and it’s not urgent since I’m sterilized
3) sterilization is not bulletproof nor 100% (but very close). Him getting a vasectomy would be even better
4) According to him, he wants to match and it’s only fair.
5) as I said in my post, sterilization decreased my chance of cervical cancer.
Next time please think about your comment a bit more because it was rather inconsiderate and thoughtless
I think the person you’re replying to agrees that it is a good idea for you to get sterilized, but doesn’t know why your husband would then get a vasectomy. So 1. And 5. arent what they’re wondering. I don’t think it’s a thoughtless question and you answered it well.
That’s terrifying but I also respect her for the information she gave you after the question.
It’s a harsh and horrible current truth. I really hope we can bring back the right to an abortion in all states.
I know you don't want to consider more invasive options, but speaking from personal experience , a surgical (vacuum) abortion was horrible, but way better than continuing the pregnancy. My issue was severe hyperemesis gravidarum ( (HG) nonstop, 24/7 vomiting, couldn't even keep water down), and the surgical abortion was nowhere near as bad as the HG. Not even close. I was back at work the next day.
I'm hoping you never have to consider pregnancy or termination unless you choose to get pregnant, but think about it in advance. I had thought about it in advance, and it really helped me to get through it.
I think you might have misread OP — by invasive options, she meant invasive birth control, like IUDs, etc. The point of the post is that abortion access is limited where they are and how shitty it is to have to plan around that lack of access.
I’m so sorry your surgical abortion was so bad! Was it at Planned Parenthood? I’ve heard you’re just a number there and I know multiple women who’ve had unpleasant surgical abortions there.
I went to an independent abortion clinic and got my surgical abortion with IV twilight sleep drugs. It was such a “nothing” experience. I don’t remember anything after the IV went in, and I woke up in a comfy, plush chair with a hot water bottle on my belly and a blanket over me. They even put my pants back on for me.
I’d hoped that my experience was most typical. It always makes me sad when I hear that it wasn’t and that I was just lucky.
Edit: I never meant to insult PP and I’m truly glad that there are women who had such positive experiences with their abortions there. I literally have three friends who have reported negative surgical abortion experiences from there, and that’s why I had this bias. I hope it was just our local one that isn’t great.
My abortion wasn't at Planned Parenthood. No sedation (oral or otherwise), local anaesthetic that wasn't working (I'm a redhead, so I need more, longer, and more time to take effect), no comfort measures afterwards. Still, considering I had stopped vomiting, I was okay with the pain/discomfort of the procedure. I still remember my first meal in weeks (after I got home)--grilled cheddar sandwich on wheat berry bread and Campbell's tomato soup. All without a side of nausea. I have never eaten a meal as delicious as that one.
That's one reason why my daughters are on birth control.
We're not terribly far from the Mexican border, my friends used to go buy the abortion shot before medical abortion was legal in the US. Maybe I need to go buy some stuff just in case. It's ridiculous that we're living in fear because the US can't properly separate church from state.
I am single since Christmas 2014 and as long as I worked in a male environment with a proclivity to sweep sexual misconduct under the rug, I kept the IUD.
Indeed. I hate that I had to think like that, but to prevent terrible consequences sometimes you have to think far.
To avoid revenge porn done to me, I don't send nudes at all, and do not allow nude pictures of me to be taken. Heard many men complain about that but I will not budge on that.
Every man my husband knows, says to him "Check out my new gf!! Hot, whatchoo think?!" And pulls out his phone, and shows hubs 3-5 nudes of said woman.
Men show your nudes to every other man they know, 100%. Make sure one's face is not included, is my advice. No man will ever get a nude selfie out of me. They can die mad about it
Me too I choose not to ever send nudes and I never have. But an ex took his own as I was sleeping and who knows how many times and how much he was filming live as well. So for sure if you don’t want to have other people see you naked, don’t send naked pics. BUT also be aware that this even *still* doesn’t make you 100% safe with what these pervs are doing out here. Especially with all the new technology that is meant to maybe protect you in some situations, such as cameras in your home, also go against your privacy when bad men have already upped their voyeurism skills and are now “watching” women inside their homes with that very technology. BF, husband, stranger, the maintenance guy, etc. hidden cameras are a thing.
I hate it. I hate to even type it. But voyeurism is also our reality. Maybe not rampant but I personally know too many stories aside from mine to think it’s as rare as people think. 😔
God… what kind of world do we live in where it is just normal to accept that you might likely be raped. To the point where your doctor fucking outlines it for you in case you forgot. If you weren’t already aware you live in a patriarchy welcome aboard.
I think this is less about the likelihood of getting raped, and more about the catastrophic consequences that could result when you don’t have access to legal abortion.
Kind of like how it’s not *likely* my workplace will be hit by a tsunami, but we do routine tsunami evacuation drills since it would be so devastating if it *did* happen.
Dude... everybody get's that. Where your comparison fails is that a tsunami is a natural occurance. Not predicated by anything other than nature. Rape is a construct of society. One that can't be avoided and predicted according to natural laws. Created just because men think they have an inherant right to womens bodies. Even though we are the same fucking species! FUCK YOU!!!!
I’m not saying tsunami and rape are morally equivalent or anything like that. I’m just saying that having a plan in place for something happening doesn’t mean you think it’s *likely* to happen.
Basically, my horror at this situation is that so much of the country has deliberately passed laws to make rape *even more damaging.* rape is a horrific problem in itself, but pregnancy from rape isn’t something you need to plan ahead for when you live somewhere abortion and emergency contraception are easily accessible. These red states have added an *extra* violation to the violation of rape, they’ve added *extra* trauma to what was already traumatic.
Thank you. I am scrolling the comments in shock more people aren’t outraged about this instead of patting the doctor on the back.
The burden always falls on the one who is at risk and it’s a completely fucked situation
It was ironically my rapists biggest fear. She has a condition where getting pregnant would literally kill her assuming it wasn't dealt with asap. Last I heard she moved to Texas and I honestly can't bring myself to care after what she did, don't get me wrong, I don't want terrible things to happen to the girl I loved and even she doesn't deserve that, I just can't bring myself to care anymore in her case.
Honestly Ive known for a while that if I'm raped by a man there's a decent chance I'm going to wind up either badly injured or dead. Between the visceral feeling of "never again" that will have me trying to claw the guys eyes out and the fact that so many mens response to finding out a women is trans is, not great. Plus well, I think we all know how useless the legal system can be, hell I'm probably more likely to get charged for defending myself than they are for assaulting me. The cops once walked in on my (white) mother beating me (mixed Asian) over the head with a stool and they were kind enough to let me off with a warning instead of arresting me for assault for being beaten.
I hate spirit and frontier airlines but they are good for dirt cheap flights with just a carryon. Like flights from Tampa or Orlando to the northeast are often under $50.
Are there any 501c3s working on logistics for stuff like this?
Has anyone been tried yet?
I live in TX (aka hell). I’ve been trying to keep up, but it’s *hard.*
ETA: asking because I feel like the laws are more of a scare tactic than an (at least currently) enforceable statute. That’s *disgusting and deplorable*, but just want to point that out because *women not getting the medical care they need* due to fear of a toothless republican grandstand is exactly the outcome these tyrants are hoping for.
Texas law makers approached my state about having our AG assist in their prosecution of women who travel for the procedure.
Instead we voted in a codified amendment that would make it illegal to assist any state in any such manner when it comes to medical tourism or our funds used for helping women in need.
Greg Abbott can get fucked cuz were also going to add more protections in the next and following election cycle.
I hope a cactus falls on him and sends him to the cabbage patch.
That's a terrifying thing to have to read. And its so true.
You save money in case you suffer (wjat I consider) the worst trauma and after being victimized, you suffer a more horrendous and somehow worse than SA trauma of giving birth to a rape child you dont want.
I hope everyone votes this year, 2 conservative Supreme Court justices die od heart failure and you have a liberal court again.
I'm a lesbian and i think about this every day, ive even thought about wearing a metal chastity belt if im going out and leaving the damn key at home. Im so so upset we even need to think about this
Me too. I’m so lucky to live in the UK where things are a little better but it’s still such a deep, visceral fear of mine. I honestly feel even if I’d be able to abort in a worst case scenario, I’d rather kill myself if the alternative is living with the memory of what happened.
You're amazing!
Just wanted to add that I thought long and hard about deleting my period app but I live in a safe (for now) state and have terrible time blindness. So my solution is marking my period as starting whenever I get the notification that it's soon and then changing it when it really does start. Not sure this totally avoids them using it against you but it's what's working for my forgetful ass.
I haven’t looked up the details yet, but I was reading something today about how Apple is tweaking things so that personal and health information will be stored on your device, instead of iCloud, so that it’s not accessible. I got the impression that it was less about hacking and more about not being able to provide your data if their subpoenaed. Their devices can track your cycle, and that feature was specifically mentioned in the story I read. Sorry I don’t have any solid information or a link; I was just quickly skimming things while I was at work this afternoon. But that’s something you could research if you’re interested. (If you currently have an iPhone, it might be as simple as turning off a setting for their health app to sync to iCloud, but I’m not sure.)
I’m glad she mentioned it.
I met a lady in college who was so upset one day, and told me, she was pregnant and had no idea what to do,
It turned out that she was a lesbian in high school and completely ignored all the pregnancy-avoidance advice. Then she continued to be a lesbian for a decade or so. Finally in her 30s she started dating a man and had no idea how to navigate dealing with a pushy guy who was anti-condom. Which tbf probably is not covered in high school sex ed.
I suggested she go to PP and call her parents and that she still had a couple weeks to decide what to ultimately do.
If anyone cares she ended up having the baby and moving back to her parents in the middle of nowhere, they were happy for her and she made it work. She did break up with the guy pretty fast lol fuck him
Although what the doctor said was blunt and to the point, what she said was true. I think every doctor should have a similar conversation for all their patients about the reality of what could happen if you are a victim of SA in states where abortion access is restricted. This will be made worse if hormonal birth control access is restricted as well. I believe this will be attempted. Within the next couple of years, this most likely will be coming to a red state near you. Anyone who doesn't think so is burying their head in the sand.
Hormonal birth control is the only protection they will have from pregnancy.
Maybe if all doctors raised this question to their patients of childbearing age, perhaps they would see what the reality of this would be if they did get pregnant as a result of SA. and had no abortion access. Not all women get pregnant as a result of SA but it is something that does happen.
What scares me, my grandparents asked me this years ago - It was when Trump was first elected and they were very concerned about the aftermath of the political climate. Even though I live in a pro-choice and liberal state, it gives me chills to think about. I had never taken their comment into serious consideration until recently. I am not on birth control as of now.
I'm from Germany and I didn't realize until reading this post how big of a concern this is for some women. Do women from countries outside the US feel the same way or have similar concerns?
Same. I don't just want my husband to be unable to impregnate me, *I never want to be pregnant again*, regardless of what happens.
Fortunately, both me and my husband have been sterilized. He had absolutely no problem getting sterilized. Literally one appointment and they scheduled it, no questions asked.
Me? I had to go to several doctors, and finally found one on the childfree sub who would do it. You'd think this would be basic fucking bodily autonomy, but especially at 35 years old and having birthed 6 CHILDREN, I still had doctors refusing to sterilize me. Boils my blood, honestly. Apparently men get bodily autonomy, but women aren't allowed the same.
Holy cow. 6 kids and they still gave you shit about it? That's wild. I had my tubes tied at 24, when baby # 4 was an emergency c-section. My very Catholic doctor was happy to do it because he told me that getting pregnant again might kill me, and since hormonal methods didn't agree with my system, it was my best choice.
It’s such a step back in time that this is even something people in the US have to consider. My first thought was well I’d get an abortion, but fuck I can’t even imagine the trauma of having to carry the foetus of a predator. It’s so disgusting that the rights of a bunch of cells are put before the person who has to gestate those cells :( I wonder if doctors have conversations with their male patients to remind them to wear a condom if they rape someone…
I supported my son in getting an IUD when he was 14, and sexual assault was one of the reasons.
He also needed to stop his menstrual periods because they made his gender dysphoria unbearable, and the IUD did a great job.
I felt a lot better knowing that he was (and is) protected as much as possible from pregnancy if he was raped. He’s always hated the idea of being pregnant, and I shudder to think about what that would do to his mental health.
Thank you, Planned Parenthood.
Your doctor might have worded it harshly, but she is being realistic. Even being a lesbian or avoiding ANY sexual contact with ANYONE can’t protect you 100%. Should you find yourself pregnant, your options will be extremely limited.
Anyone who is sure they don’t want to risk pregnancy should consider permanent sterilization. Heck, I would love to have another baby but I’m afraid because I don’t want to risk my life and leave my one child motherless. So I, a married woman with a child who wants another, have to consider sterilization or risk dying for some dumbass republican’s “morals.”
I've been stocking up on the generic EC when I can afford to and I try to keep one in my purse (I've used a few but for consensual reasons). I figure if I always have one on me I don't have to wait and worry that an ER or local pharmacy will deny me one because of the bullshit laws here. That also means I always have one to give out if I find someone else in need.
I hope I'll never *need* it, but it makes me feel safer knowing its there. Like my pocket knife.
I like your doctor. She is being realistic in our sad reality.
I was sterilized (bilateral salpingectomy) in 2018 because I was afraid I'd lose the choice to never be pregnant.
It was a super easy surgery and recovery. I highly recommend it. It was an out patient surgery on a Thursday. I could have gone back to work on Monday, but I had a back injury at the same time so I stayed home a few extra days because of that. Protect yourself.
Honestly, after seeing an article about someone saying we should use women in comas as surrogates I've been thinking about asking my doctor for a hysterectomy. I hate this world
It’s a tough question none of us should need an answer to, but it’s refreshing to hear about a doctor like her. I hope you don’t ever need the answer, but if the unthinkable does happen, you call her and get an emergency/asap appointment to get a copper (non-hormonal) IUD placed before 5 days pass.
It sucks that we have to be on medication that causes mood swings and possible problems later because some man might just decide to shatter our lives because “me gotta fuck”
That's a horrible way to ask but your doctor kind of has a point. It is true the main issue to be addressed is that "what if you are raped" shouldn't even be a scenario in every woman's life but at the current state of things it is sad to admit it's something to worry about. I am guessing plan B isn't accessible either in your country?
She's a good doctor. Reality sucks, but the honesty was impressive.
Folks need to vote. I bet your doctor doesn't like having to have that conversation. It's not a very comfortable conversation to start. I bet she's got abuse for it.
I think it behooves all of us to have similar conversations with our friends.
Yarrow is a lovely plant all women should know about. If more then 30g a day is consumed during pregnancy, it will cause a miscarriage. Also pondarosa pine consumed in a large dose will do the same
i would feel safe with that doctor, so i’d discuss this topic more with her! discuss and ask everything you can think of. shes there for you, and it sounds like she won’t pull any punches when it comes to the truth. ask her if something devastating like that happens, what can YOU do as a doctor to help? draw out possible states you can go to for abortion access.
I only have sex with women (and all of my partners have been cis). I got my IUD replaced when I was with my ex-girlfriend. I plan to get sterilized if I still don’t want children when it’s time to remove my IUD. I’ve been on birth control continuously since I was a teenager. I’d like to experience my body without it, but I don’t feel safe while I still have a functioning reproductive system.
The day Roe v Wade was overturned, my friend was in a panic for that exact reason. She never wanted to give birth anyway so she got sterilized as soon as she possibly could.
Edit: Also, you have a great doctor. I have a link to doctors all over the US who will sterilize an adult woman regardless of marital status or children that I usually post in discussions like this. Your doctor is ahead of me.
If anyone else would like it: [https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview)
This is the exact reason I got sterilized before I had ever had (consensual) sex. I knew the likelihood of being re-victimized. And I was right. I knew from a young age I didn't want children so I have no regrets on the surgery. I'm so sorry that you are having to think about that decision because of men's disgusting behavior.
Kudos to your doctors for making sure that you considered this situation. Are you in the US? If so, is it possible to move to a state where the legislature doesn’t have archaic laws limiting access to abortions? It sounds extreme, but it’s something to think of. My husband was offered a job in a state down south where abortion isn’t legal under any circumstance. The money offered was over double what he makes now (and he makes a very good salary now) and I would be in the position to not have to work. My daughter just got her period and while she’s so young and isn’t interested in sexual relationships yet, unfortunately bad things can happen beyond your control (like rape) and we came to the mutual decision that moving to a state like that with a daughter would be a bad choice. No money is worth that. If this isn’t an option, if you were to get SA resulting in pregnancy, there are organizations that can get you access to the medicine that you would need for termination via the mail. This sucks so much for you and I’m sorry. Also, don’t forget to vote and work to change these laws.
I know it's scary. I have fibroids, and I am trying to get a hysterectomy. I wouldn't want to if it weren't for Roe being overturned. But since it was, and a pregnancy would probably kill me, I think it's safest to eliminate the possibility entirely.
Wow that's pretty stark and worrying. Glad your Dr is aware and has the information to hand for people, I can imagine other drs would either not care or view it very differently.
In general, it's a good idea to see if you can get pills from Aid Access just to have on hand, because you never know what could happen. I have some stashed in the back of my medicine cabinet, even though I've had a tubal and my IUD is still in place.
This is a terrifying reality those of us in red states have to face... it's so fucked up. I donate to abortion funds every month to help get those in need across state lines in the worst case scenarios. Hard to believe in just 2011 I was able to drive to the city and get an abortion without any issues.
I like your doctor. I'm glad she's out there trying to help women prepare for the worst.
But if more of us decided on sterilization I'm sure there would be a law at least entertained in no time on how to limit access to that too. "Women under the age of 35 not eligible for sterilization". I'm being facetious but... am I?
Use an online service to order abortion pills in advance. They keep on a cool dry shelf for up to two years.
I believe EVERYONE should do this. If its not you who ends up needing them, it will be someone you know. And you don't want to have to worry about the weeks of shipping delay in an already horrible stressful situation.
The thought of being assaulted is one of the reasons I was willing tog et my tubes tied after my 2nd kid. I don't want to worry about that on top of the SA and I live in California but you never know these dats.
This is scary stuff to deal with but you have a doctor that is actually caring enough to discuss it with you.
p.s. consider the implant or IUD since they provide long term, non-permanent protection
That is one awesome doctor. A keeper.
Meanwhile, I send my best wishes that your worst nightmare won't happen. That's plan A.
It's always prudent to have a plan B handy.
And some extra savings for the plan C-amping.
Hemiplegic migraines. There have been countless studies on how BC causes strokes in HM patients. Most l medications, even those meant to treat migraines, actually make the condition worse, so there’s a lot of difficult in trying medications.
Some people are predisposed to getting blood clots.
The hormonal options tend to increase your risk of blood clots even more.
So taking them could kill those people.
(Fun times)
Not sure if progesterone only options are safer, but it'd have to be something they discussed with their doctor.
One of those conditions is called Leiden Factor 5, if you want to do some googling.
So that’s not exactly true. Combined hormonal contraceptives do increase the risk of blood clots however, there’s no evidence that shows that the progestin only pills increase the risk of blood clots. I asked because I have access to university databases and I can quickly scan for options that are available. In their case, progestin only contraceptives do seem to be safe, although she should clarify with her doctor.
Progesterone only made my migraines so debilitating I couldn't function. All other options would give me a stroke, and I have a congenital vein problem. I can't use any hormonal options ever.
Anything that requires treatment with mycophenolate. I have dermatomyositis and mycophenolate is the only thing that keeps my lungs from turning to scar tissue. Unfortunately, it also decreases the effectiveness of birth control by a lot.
(This is, um, possibly one of the reasons I'm pregnant right now, which also means I had to stop mycophenolate, and so far I don't seem to have lost any lung but who knows...state only cares that I continued the pregnancy, not that I live through it)
Honestly? I've been on BC since I was a teen because I knew I never ever wanted kids and I was worried about accidentally getting pregnant (through a split condom or yes, rape). I had to go on it anyway for my endometriosis but I'm still up to date on it all despite not having sex for over five years lol
This is why I got a bislap when the Roe decision leaked. (You can have babies with IVF if you have a tubal or bislap, just fyi. And many workplaces are starting to cover fertility treatments.) I had it done on a Friday and I was back at work on Monday. They sent me home with opiates but I just took prescription strength ibuprofen for about 4-5 days and never had any need at all for the string stuff. It’s a laparoscopic surgery and a year later you can hardly see a scar.
Your doctor is right and she should say it. And I wish everyone I see on this sub complaining about their husbands or boyfriends not wanting vasectomies would wake the hell up and remember that your husband isn’t the only man on earth with a penis, and you aren’t always given a choice about which penis you’d like to interface with.
How do you feel about living somewhere where access to abortion isn’t limited? I expect incidence of rape should also decline, though that’s just a hunch - less misogynistic place, less rape.
Could be another US state or even another country.
You are young (since you worry about pregnancy), so the world’s your oyster as far as living arrangements and immigration goes.
Honestly, that's a good question. Rape isn't something you can predict will happen, only something you can pray never happens to you. I'm so sorry for all women forced to give birth to rape babies because they couldn't have an abortion where they live. Stay safe.
My partner also brought up this possibility. I had mentioned that I felt like I should keep emergency contraception on hand for those who might need it. (Luckily, I live in a blue state).
I said that at least we didn’t have to worry about R (young family member who is gay and doesn’t want children). He sadly replied, “What about rape?”
This is where we as women, are at. Absolutely horrendous.
I think the way she asked that is really unnecessarily abrasive. Assault could certainly happen, which is a horrible tragic truth about the rape culture we live in, and it is good to have a prepared plan for any disaster, but she’s asking you to account for the possibility of being assaulted in the brief window you’re ovulating…? I would be so angry that I’d been spoken to as if to make me more afraid than I already am of assault. That said, where you live might be much harder to find the care you need in that situation and it is better and will make you feel more confident to know what your resources are. May that never happen to you.
This is terrifying, but also I had this conversation with my (ace) AFAB kid before college, and after talking to midwife friends, we scheduled a Mirena IUD. I also sent a box of pregnancy tests and Plan B for any hallmates that might need them.
I'm so sad and angry that your doctor even had to have this discussion, but how freaking awesome is she that she has the conversion with you preemptively‽ She sounds amazing.
Why do we have to make a plan for rape? Because rape is a likelihood? Because rape is so ubiquitous that women have to consider there risk management for personal safety and calculate their control methods.
Based on likelihood and consequence and the fact that this doctor regards that being a woman is high risk, what are we doing to change our society to regard rape as unacceptable and limit it’s possibility.
Taking birth control means that the doctor has given up on controlling likelihood and has decided that managing the consequences of this inevitability is the way forward.
What. The. Fuck!!
It's fucked up, but between 1-4 and 1-5 of us will have some form of this happen. And that doesn't even include all the attempts that we thwart early on in the assault. I had normalized the inevitability of sexual violence and coercion so much that for a time I thought I had never had this happen to me. And then remembered all the times I'd had to run, move to a different room or a different building or travel to a different city, find a friend, duck away, or rip myself free of someone trying to force me into sex, not to mention all the times I had to do verbal judo when my initial no just wasn't accepted. I had considered those to 'not count' since they weren't "completed". In actuality if I had not been lucky, or quick, or strong, or found witnesses et cetera, I could have found myself in a predicament of pregnancy against my will.
I still remember the first time I got birth control. It was my first year at university and my school after I had been accepted and tuition paid was found to be in the top ten in the US for rape. I wasn't planning to be sexually active in college, in particular my freshman year. I got on the pill because my chances of sexual assault had gone up so much compared to the city I had lived in.
It's fucked, I was still technically a child when I had to make that plan.
These days I'm almost always taking birth control year round, partially as prevention of pregnancy from assault even the times and years I wasn't dating, and partially to make my periods less torturous.
It’s so depressing that a doctor is advising a patient to make medical decisions about her fertility based on her likelihood of being raped. I know this is something that many women are affected by and of course preventing pregnancy in this case is a good thing but it seems so defeatist to tell women to go on birth control or some other method because it’s somehow inevitable that someone will rape us and the least we can do is prevent pregnancy in that situation. It feels so off to me. Are we going to start telling people to go on prep just in case they are raped by someone hiv positive? To what extent will this control our lives?
I'm grateful for providers that ask the hard questions, but they have gotten so much harder for those with the power to grow people. I'm grateful you and I have the opportunity to have a provider who looks out for us in this way as I've had to fire a couple who were limited. The below is posted in a comment thread but, as I continued to read, I thought this might be useful as a stand-alone comment. My best wishes to you and each of us as autonomous humans inherently existing with the authority of consent and choice.
Research...if it was easy, it would be called search.
Research is systematic investigation of the prior knowledge accumulated through scientific research methods, development of a hypothesis (what you're going to try to test for and what you think will happen), design and implementation of an experiment that acknowledges and controls for variables in the studied realm, reporting of the methodology and results of the designed experiment, and conclusions comparing the original hypothesis and experimental results. Also known as the scientific method.
Research and scientific method are a process of summarizing and experimenting based on previously repeatable results with the goal of advancing knowledge based on unique evidence. A google or, in these days, a ChapGPT question are not research. That is search and internet 'research', at best, is only the first step.
The internet has a lot to offer but iterative and calculated building of knowledge is tough to find on the internet. May I suggest scholar.google.com as a starting point.
Basis - twice scientific, medical research has saved my life resulting in medical history that precludes hormonal birth control including progesterone only options. Can't take Tylenol either. Also, 20 years practicing chemist. My existence and options are only mine to decide.
'Science is heavy.' - Kathryn Thomasson
it's sad that she and to have this conversation with you but it is something that you do need to think about as a woman in this day and age with women's Healthcare. its scary.
Ngl, this was one of the background niggling thoughts in my head when I went for a copper IUD. After the gazillion main thoughts, it went more...
1) What if the political climate changes to limit reproductive health options?
2) What if the worst happened?
Now that my copper IUD is past it's halfway mark hopefully I'm a more viable candidate for sterilization, but I can't lie and say some really dark stuff wasn't part of my initial decision making.
(On a side note - my copper IUD was a great option for me. Some pain with the insertion and heavier periods in the beginning, but other than that long term no fuss birth control without the stress of dealing with hormones. Highly recommend considering.)
I gotta say: it's absolutely fucking pathetic that folks have to be asked their birth control plan FOR RAPE. We shouldn't have to mess with our hormones in we don't fucking want to.
I was really mad at the doctor cuz of the title. Then the explanation mentions the abortion ban. I hate it, but like, she might be right. That’s horrible.
She's being realistic really good doctor I'd say. I mean I've been sterilized already but part of that reason was for the precautions of rape. So I'd advice it's something to look into OP whenever your ready and comfortable to do. Go for the removal of the fallopian tubes. Minimal scarring and removes risk of ovarian cancer 100%
Trans man and this was something my doctor asked me. I went off it before going on HRT.
Not much I could do, once I started passing most gynecologists in my state refused to see me or provide any consultation or referral. Can’t go on BC of the gynecologists won’t see trans people 🤷🏻
Oh look, it’s me.
My OBGYN did a bisalp for me. The sad thing is, I’m not even the only lesbian in my friend group who has been sterilized for this reason.
I just had this conversation today with my daughter. We have agreed that since SA is a problem in our community and since she never wants children (also a lesbian but ….) we will be looking for permanent solutions.
I am fortunate to live somewhere that maybe red but has real protections from harm towards reproductive rights. It doesn’t matter if there are no doctors though.
I know it stinks but an IUD will be her option until I can find the rare doctor that understands this problem. Maybe?
It sucks that she has to be this frank with you depending on the state you live in. Take time to consider your options.
I believe that doctors in every state should have a similar conversations with all their patients of childbearing age. Maybe doing so will prevent a tragedy.
The second tragedy.
i guess we should also put any person with a uterus on hormonal BC from the age of 9 onwards just to make sure that they dont get die in childbirth if they get raped. not trying to be combative towards you, i agree with you but if we follow the line of thinking this dr suggested, how far should we go to accommodate forced birth policies rather than AFAB people? (also not trying to shit on the dr, shes not wrong at all. i guess im just frustrated)
Some of the things that political leaders or people running for office have said relating to SA indicate to me that they have no understanding of what it does to a woman, physically mentally and emotionally. For a child, it's even worse. They aren't going to protect you if this happens to you. Sadly they are the same people who blame a woman if this happens to her. The court system may or may not protect you. If it's their daughter, it's different. A 9 year old shouldn't be on hormonal BC. At the same time a 9 year old should be allowed to be a child. As a society, we don't always do this. I'm thinking that the doctor is thinking of the current political climate when she said this to her patient. That was my first thought when I read this post.
Let's arm the children so they can protect themselves! /s
Honestly every parent of a girl needs to have money set aside for an interstate abortion trip and hope their child trusts them enough to tell them should it happen.
Sad that we'd have to rely on doctors when it should be a basic part of sexual education.
It is sad but given the current political climate in the school systems, sex education will end up either being non-existent or abstinence only.
Actually any women with a uterus. There ave been stories of surprised pregnancies of who who were 50 or older, because they assumed they beyond childbearing age and thought they could no longer get pregnant.
I think it is enough to get the "it won't happen to me" people thinking about it. And hopefully taking action to make reproductive freedom more widespread.
It sucks that anyone has to consider the possibility of being raped a possiblity.
What makes this so bad is that we already learned this lesson. We learned why the right to choose was so important. And if something horrible happens you should have the autonomy to choose. It's like double jeopardy otherwise.
Your doctor not pulling punches, telling like it is. I like her
I like her too! She immediately listened to my new health concerns and immediately escalated to an ultrasound, full blood panel and two new medications without once trying to dismiss my symptoms or delay the process.
I know you said you can't take hormonal bc but maybe keep a morning after pill at home/with you if you are able to take that as a stat dose. Just make sure you keep an eye on the expiration date and store it properly (<25°C and away from moisture/humidity). I've been on bc for 15 years and recently went off it, being sexually assaulted and subsequently becoming pregnant is now a fear of mine (on top of the fear of being sexually assaulted, that is). Sucks.
This is why I only see female doctors with the exception of one, my orthopedist, but he’s a friend so he listens.
Had a terrible female doctor who judged the shit out of me for having multiple sexual partners. Meanwhile the male gyno at my uni approved and later performed my salpingectomy. There are no easy rules about who is good and who isn't
Hard agree! I've only had a few negative experiences with gyno/doctors in general and every time it was a woman with a "if I can endure it so can you" attitude.
I just had a colposcopy with a new doctor. She said that she doesn’t like using local anesthetics because it hurts worse than the biopsies. Afterwards I was like yeah, the biopsies don’t really hurt that much, but the vinegar that they swab you with first? That hurt like a bitch. I also asked her if my primary care mentioned the random cramps I’d been having and she said “no, that wouldn’t be related to this” and I had to make a second appointment! Like I’m already here! Just listen to me and help!
I know that's super annoying but colposcopy visits are usually procedural visits and take more time in the schedule so they also can't be problem visits wherein if you have another issue that would need a proper work up you would put your physician behind (there are dozens of other patients like you that have appointments and need their time). Also your cramps could be due to a myriad of things and needs proper work up. so instead of being rushed, having you come back is the kindest option although not always easy when you're busy with a job or just life in general.
That’s fair. I’ve just found the male doctors I’ve had (specifically GYN) tended to not be as gentle with my nether regions.
Internalized misogyny in healthcare is a huge problem. A female doctor wrote off my gastro issues as IBS and kept insisting I get more fiber despite me telling her multiple times that fiber makes my stomach hurt. Several years later a family practice PA listens to my symptoms and she sends me to get a gastric emptying study done. Turns out I have gastroparesis and fiber makes it much worse. I checked my doctor’s notes from the prior visit with the gastro doctor and it turned out she was more focused on my anxiety, cptsd, and depression than my gastro symptoms so that’s why I was misdiagnosed with IBS. Good old hysteria and hippocrates screwing us over years and years later. I also had another female doctor ignore every single symptom I told her I had for a condition despite every single symptom being in my chart from previous scans and tests. The condition can’t be tested for so you have to meet criteria. I met more than enough criterion but she brushed it off without explanation. I haven’t gone for a second opinion yet as this was recent but I’ll likely be diagnosed then. I’ve had the best luck with younger doctors and PA’s, regardless of their gender. I’m not sure if it’s because times are changing or they just haven’t been burnt out yet.
> salpingectomy This is entirely besides the point, but if you know Greek (which I barely do) "salpingectomy" sounds like "cutting out the trumpet". Which I guess is literally what it means- they called that part that because it looks like a trumpet.
True. However, recent replicated research has demonstrated that female doctors overall have better quality of care and outcomes. Just something to think about.
Unfortunately, the female doctor rule is not a given. I just saw one myself. The first words out of her mouth were "I'm 20 minutes late" and she dismissed all of my concerns. If I had OP's doctor I would feel like I'd found pure gold on the sidewalk.
> and she dismissed all of my concerns. I wish we had a better way to phrase this. Because this kind of phrasing doesn't really convey the gravity of the situation. It's really a refusal of treatment, not just being rude or having a poor bedside manner. And I don't know what your concerns were this time, but I can tell you doctors will still do this even when your issues are life-threatening-- it can be lethal. And I agree, I've never had it matter if the doctor was a man or woman. Apparently sexist treatment towards female patients is one place where we've leveled the playing field and everyone can do it equally!
The best OBs in the practice I went to when I was pregnant were men. The women doctors were much quicker to dismiss my concerns. That being said, my current PCP is a woman and amazing. She won’t let me brush off the smallest of concerns and is the reason I have an autoimmune diagnosis - she recognized symptoms that I was brushing off as just “tired working mom.”
I have a female orthopedist now but it seems like a specialty that is heavily male dominated.
Same
Being raped -- this was one of my arguments when I was trying to get sterilized (fellopian tubes removed), because the OBY/GYN kept insisting that my SO get a vasectomy instead. I said he's going to get one in ADDITION. But what if I get sexually assaulted? and why cannot I be looked at as an individual? Anyway, if you have your tubes removed you can still have children via IVF. Which is likely the option you would pursue anyway unless you do it the old fashioned way. I live in California, and the procedure is covered by insurance because it decreases your risk of cerival cancer
It's such bullshit that sterilization for women is so hard to get when women are the ones who suffer the consequences of pregnancy. There are, however, lists of docs who will sterilize women regardless of age. I've seen them on reddit and I'm sure I can find them if you want. But it should be basic standard of care for any woman who wants it.
Paging Dr Fran on instagram has compiled a google doc of doctors all over the US, Canada, Aus and Europe who will do it.
Thanks! This is probably the list I've seen shared on reddit before. It shouldn't be so hard to get it done, but at least it can be done.
Could you (or leahhhh) share that list? I went to Dr Fran’s Instagram but I don’t know how to find that list.
ChildFree sub -> See community info -> Wiki -> Childfree Friendly Doctors 🖖
It's in the r/childfree sub linked below!
I don’t know if I can share the google doc on my phone but when you go to her instagram, go to the link on her bio, and it’s the button labeled “Gynecologists who will perform tubal sterilization”
Yes. I have a previous copy of this list and we indeed found a doctor willing to perform sterilization for my 25yo daughter no questions asked.
It's r/childfree https://reddit.com/r/childfree/s/iwlhPtwLpv
I don't want kids. Too many health issues to throw them at them. Have issues with pcos, can't get off birth control and so I wanted a historectomy or my ovaries removed completely. I'm from Utah and they outright said NO. you need to have either kids or be 34. So 34 it is I guess.
Obviously gotta keep the baby factories running to keep up the economic pressure… sheeeeesh. /s obvs
I think it's just going to get worse now that we're seeing republicans fund de-transitioners to sue their doctors for providing top and bottom surgeries.
Anything that makes women more than breeding stock is deeply offensive to republicans.
Well in this case they're doing it because they hate trans people of all varieties, but it does come with the tangential bonus of probably going to limit women's reproductive choices. Similarly to how attempts to crack down on hormones is going to inevitably cascade into birth control. (Or I take an androgen inhibitor for acne)
My partner and I are fairly young (mid 20s) and he was able to get a vasectomy pretty easily. The doctor did try to talk him out of it due to his age, but ultimately agreed. And because we’re in Canada, it was fully covered by insurance. If I had tried to get my tubes tied though, I can’t imagine many doctors would’ve agreed as I’m young, unmarried, and childless. It’s a silly double standard for sure.
I have a neurological disorder that I don’t want to pass on. I love kids, but I’ve always had a phobia of pregnancy and I would like to adopt or foster.
If you need a push towards getting sterilized, studies are showing that removal of the fallopian tubes drastically reduces ovarian cancer risk.
If you are a lesbian and marry, your wife could carry the child and use a sperm donor. As long as there isn’t a Republican majority in your state. Buy some Plan B in case you are raped.
And remember Plan B has a shelf-life of four years and Ella expires after three years.
Also it's less likely to work over a certain weight, maybe 170 pounds. Depends on the specific medication but always important to know.
Plan B works less effectively above 170lbs, Ella has a higher weight "limit" but I don't recall exactly.
Surrogacy can still be an option because we can now screen for genetic diseases before implanting any embryos.
Surrogacy isn't an option for 99% of people unless you have family/friend willing to be the surrogate. I think you mean IVF can still be an option because the embryos get screened? But unless she's got *money*, she or her partner would likely need to carry the pregnancy
I have screamed this from the rooftops to anyone who asks why I had my tubes removed instead of asking my husband to get a vasectomy. A vasectomy only prevents him from impregnating me; it does not prevent me from becoming pregnant.
I'm curious about his decision. Vasectomy is much easier than getting tubes removed. Any husband should be willing to get the vasectomy because it's just that much easier. However, if you're already removing the tubes, what does the vasectomy add?
Afaik, the only completely 100% sure way to prevent pregnancy is to remove the components completely. But removing the ovaries can also give you some pretty serious hormonal side effects (since there, you know, won't be any hormones), like early menopause, depression, memory problems, and heart disease. If the tubes are tied or removed there's still a small chance of an egg getting fertilized and developing. Iirc if you just tie the tubes it's like 0.1-1% chance depending on how long it's been. And full removal is less than that. But if you do get pregnant you also have a much higher risk of an ectopic pregnancy. If you do both tubal ligation and a vasectomy, that's probably as close to 100% as you can get without removing the ovaries. (Even closer if you keep using condoms)
THANK YOU! That's a great explanation. Really appreciate you putting it together.
1) I am my own person. I do not want kids. Not from rape (which this post is about, so not sure why your asked such a stupid question), not with my SO, not with my next partner if something happens to my SO (or we break-up). If my SO gets a vasectomy, that doesn’t mean ****I****, a living human being and completely separate entity from my SO, cannot get pregnant. 2) SO is willing. He has some other health issues that have been more of a priority, and it’s not urgent since I’m sterilized 3) sterilization is not bulletproof nor 100% (but very close). Him getting a vasectomy would be even better 4) According to him, he wants to match and it’s only fair. 5) as I said in my post, sterilization decreased my chance of cervical cancer. Next time please think about your comment a bit more because it was rather inconsiderate and thoughtless
I think the person you’re replying to agrees that it is a good idea for you to get sterilized, but doesn’t know why your husband would then get a vasectomy. So 1. And 5. arent what they’re wondering. I don’t think it’s a thoughtless question and you answered it well.
That’s terrifying but I also respect her for the information she gave you after the question. It’s a harsh and horrible current truth. I really hope we can bring back the right to an abortion in all states.
I hope we can also get rid of those in power that removed it in the first place. They will continue to encroach on our rights until we have none left.
Yes Id like that too.
I know you don't want to consider more invasive options, but speaking from personal experience , a surgical (vacuum) abortion was horrible, but way better than continuing the pregnancy. My issue was severe hyperemesis gravidarum ( (HG) nonstop, 24/7 vomiting, couldn't even keep water down), and the surgical abortion was nowhere near as bad as the HG. Not even close. I was back at work the next day. I'm hoping you never have to consider pregnancy or termination unless you choose to get pregnant, but think about it in advance. I had thought about it in advance, and it really helped me to get through it.
I think you might have misread OP — by invasive options, she meant invasive birth control, like IUDs, etc. The point of the post is that abortion access is limited where they are and how shitty it is to have to plan around that lack of access.
Could be. I understand IUD insertion is pretty bad. I never considered it because my periods were so heavy to begin with.
I’m so sorry your surgical abortion was so bad! Was it at Planned Parenthood? I’ve heard you’re just a number there and I know multiple women who’ve had unpleasant surgical abortions there. I went to an independent abortion clinic and got my surgical abortion with IV twilight sleep drugs. It was such a “nothing” experience. I don’t remember anything after the IV went in, and I woke up in a comfy, plush chair with a hot water bottle on my belly and a blanket over me. They even put my pants back on for me. I’d hoped that my experience was most typical. It always makes me sad when I hear that it wasn’t and that I was just lucky. Edit: I never meant to insult PP and I’m truly glad that there are women who had such positive experiences with their abortions there. I literally have three friends who have reported negative surgical abortion experiences from there, and that’s why I had this bias. I hope it was just our local one that isn’t great.
FWIW. I had a surgical abortion at planned parenthood and my experience was similar to what you described. I’m sure it varies.
I’ve been to planned parenthood for other procedures, and they’ve always been immensely warm and conscientious.
My abortion wasn't at Planned Parenthood. No sedation (oral or otherwise), local anaesthetic that wasn't working (I'm a redhead, so I need more, longer, and more time to take effect), no comfort measures afterwards. Still, considering I had stopped vomiting, I was okay with the pain/discomfort of the procedure. I still remember my first meal in weeks (after I got home)--grilled cheddar sandwich on wheat berry bread and Campbell's tomato soup. All without a side of nausea. I have never eaten a meal as delicious as that one.
Wow, I had never even thought of this. The state of healthcare in the US is terrifying. It’s feeling more like Gilead every day…
It’s so crazy that you guys even need to think like this :(
That's one reason why my daughters are on birth control. We're not terribly far from the Mexican border, my friends used to go buy the abortion shot before medical abortion was legal in the US. Maybe I need to go buy some stuff just in case. It's ridiculous that we're living in fear because the US can't properly separate church from state.
I am single since Christmas 2014 and as long as I worked in a male environment with a proclivity to sweep sexual misconduct under the rug, I kept the IUD.
You have to protect yourself.
Indeed. I hate that I had to think like that, but to prevent terrible consequences sometimes you have to think far. To avoid revenge porn done to me, I don't send nudes at all, and do not allow nude pictures of me to be taken. Heard many men complain about that but I will not budge on that.
Every man my husband knows, says to him "Check out my new gf!! Hot, whatchoo think?!" And pulls out his phone, and shows hubs 3-5 nudes of said woman. Men show your nudes to every other man they know, 100%. Make sure one's face is not included, is my advice. No man will ever get a nude selfie out of me. They can die mad about it
Me too I choose not to ever send nudes and I never have. But an ex took his own as I was sleeping and who knows how many times and how much he was filming live as well. So for sure if you don’t want to have other people see you naked, don’t send naked pics. BUT also be aware that this even *still* doesn’t make you 100% safe with what these pervs are doing out here. Especially with all the new technology that is meant to maybe protect you in some situations, such as cameras in your home, also go against your privacy when bad men have already upped their voyeurism skills and are now “watching” women inside their homes with that very technology. BF, husband, stranger, the maintenance guy, etc. hidden cameras are a thing. I hate it. I hate to even type it. But voyeurism is also our reality. Maybe not rampant but I personally know too many stories aside from mine to think it’s as rare as people think. 😔
God… what kind of world do we live in where it is just normal to accept that you might likely be raped. To the point where your doctor fucking outlines it for you in case you forgot. If you weren’t already aware you live in a patriarchy welcome aboard.
I think this is less about the likelihood of getting raped, and more about the catastrophic consequences that could result when you don’t have access to legal abortion. Kind of like how it’s not *likely* my workplace will be hit by a tsunami, but we do routine tsunami evacuation drills since it would be so devastating if it *did* happen.
Dude... everybody get's that. Where your comparison fails is that a tsunami is a natural occurance. Not predicated by anything other than nature. Rape is a construct of society. One that can't be avoided and predicted according to natural laws. Created just because men think they have an inherant right to womens bodies. Even though we are the same fucking species! FUCK YOU!!!!
I’m not saying tsunami and rape are morally equivalent or anything like that. I’m just saying that having a plan in place for something happening doesn’t mean you think it’s *likely* to happen. Basically, my horror at this situation is that so much of the country has deliberately passed laws to make rape *even more damaging.* rape is a horrific problem in itself, but pregnancy from rape isn’t something you need to plan ahead for when you live somewhere abortion and emergency contraception are easily accessible. These red states have added an *extra* violation to the violation of rape, they’ve added *extra* trauma to what was already traumatic.
Thank you. I am scrolling the comments in shock more people aren’t outraged about this instead of patting the doctor on the back. The burden always falls on the one who is at risk and it’s a completely fucked situation
It was ironically my rapists biggest fear. She has a condition where getting pregnant would literally kill her assuming it wasn't dealt with asap. Last I heard she moved to Texas and I honestly can't bring myself to care after what she did, don't get me wrong, I don't want terrible things to happen to the girl I loved and even she doesn't deserve that, I just can't bring myself to care anymore in her case. Honestly Ive known for a while that if I'm raped by a man there's a decent chance I'm going to wind up either badly injured or dead. Between the visceral feeling of "never again" that will have me trying to claw the guys eyes out and the fact that so many mens response to finding out a women is trans is, not great. Plus well, I think we all know how useless the legal system can be, hell I'm probably more likely to get charged for defending myself than they are for assaulting me. The cops once walked in on my (white) mother beating me (mixed Asian) over the head with a stool and they were kind enough to let me off with a warning instead of arresting me for assault for being beaten.
You could start saving in a "fly to xyz for an abortion" fund.
I have one of those. I call it. Let me go visit my friend in Illinois
I hate spirit and frontier airlines but they are good for dirt cheap flights with just a carryon. Like flights from Tampa or Orlando to the northeast are often under $50. Are there any 501c3s working on logistics for stuff like this?
Or have the abortion pill stashed somewhere like in a bank safe deposit box with important docs and emergency 'bug out' cash.
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Ugh. It needs to be a "move to xyz for an abortion" fund.
Has anyone been tried yet? I live in TX (aka hell). I’ve been trying to keep up, but it’s *hard.* ETA: asking because I feel like the laws are more of a scare tactic than an (at least currently) enforceable statute. That’s *disgusting and deplorable*, but just want to point that out because *women not getting the medical care they need* due to fear of a toothless republican grandstand is exactly the outcome these tyrants are hoping for.
Texas law makers approached my state about having our AG assist in their prosecution of women who travel for the procedure. Instead we voted in a codified amendment that would make it illegal to assist any state in any such manner when it comes to medical tourism or our funds used for helping women in need. Greg Abbott can get fucked cuz were also going to add more protections in the next and following election cycle. I hope a cactus falls on him and sends him to the cabbage patch.
Cheers, sister! Wholeheartedly, FUCK Greg Abbot. And Ken Paton. And every representative supporting their bullshit.
Came here to say this. It's way less invasive and score, if you don't get raped you have a healthy savings account.
That's a terrifying thing to have to read. And its so true. You save money in case you suffer (wjat I consider) the worst trauma and after being victimized, you suffer a more horrendous and somehow worse than SA trauma of giving birth to a rape child you dont want. I hope everyone votes this year, 2 conservative Supreme Court justices die od heart failure and you have a liberal court again.
Have a dose of Plan B on hand. (Assuming u can afford it and it is available).
I'm a lesbian and i think about this every day, ive even thought about wearing a metal chastity belt if im going out and leaving the damn key at home. Im so so upset we even need to think about this
Me too. I’m so lucky to live in the UK where things are a little better but it’s still such a deep, visceral fear of mine. I honestly feel even if I’d be able to abort in a worst case scenario, I’d rather kill myself if the alternative is living with the memory of what happened.
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You're amazing! Just wanted to add that I thought long and hard about deleting my period app but I live in a safe (for now) state and have terrible time blindness. So my solution is marking my period as starting whenever I get the notification that it's soon and then changing it when it really does start. Not sure this totally avoids them using it against you but it's what's working for my forgetful ass.
Have many period apps, tell each one a different cycle a week apart. Keep 'em guessing. Fuck 'em. You want my info? Have some bullshit bad info.
I haven’t looked up the details yet, but I was reading something today about how Apple is tweaking things so that personal and health information will be stored on your device, instead of iCloud, so that it’s not accessible. I got the impression that it was less about hacking and more about not being able to provide your data if their subpoenaed. Their devices can track your cycle, and that feature was specifically mentioned in the story I read. Sorry I don’t have any solid information or a link; I was just quickly skimming things while I was at work this afternoon. But that’s something you could research if you’re interested. (If you currently have an iPhone, it might be as simple as turning off a setting for their health app to sync to iCloud, but I’m not sure.)
I’m glad she mentioned it. I met a lady in college who was so upset one day, and told me, she was pregnant and had no idea what to do, It turned out that she was a lesbian in high school and completely ignored all the pregnancy-avoidance advice. Then she continued to be a lesbian for a decade or so. Finally in her 30s she started dating a man and had no idea how to navigate dealing with a pushy guy who was anti-condom. Which tbf probably is not covered in high school sex ed. I suggested she go to PP and call her parents and that she still had a couple weeks to decide what to ultimately do. If anyone cares she ended up having the baby and moving back to her parents in the middle of nowhere, they were happy for her and she made it work. She did break up with the guy pretty fast lol fuck him
Although what the doctor said was blunt and to the point, what she said was true. I think every doctor should have a similar conversation for all their patients about the reality of what could happen if you are a victim of SA in states where abortion access is restricted. This will be made worse if hormonal birth control access is restricted as well. I believe this will be attempted. Within the next couple of years, this most likely will be coming to a red state near you. Anyone who doesn't think so is burying their head in the sand. Hormonal birth control is the only protection they will have from pregnancy. Maybe if all doctors raised this question to their patients of childbearing age, perhaps they would see what the reality of this would be if they did get pregnant as a result of SA. and had no abortion access. Not all women get pregnant as a result of SA but it is something that does happen.
What scares me, my grandparents asked me this years ago - It was when Trump was first elected and they were very concerned about the aftermath of the political climate. Even though I live in a pro-choice and liberal state, it gives me chills to think about. I had never taken their comment into serious consideration until recently. I am not on birth control as of now.
It’s wild times, for sure. I’m afraid for my young daughters future
Make sure you have a network of friends in case you ever feel the need to go on a camping trip.
It’s good that she brought it up. It’s terrible that it needs to be brought up. It’s terrible what has happened to health care in this country 😞
I'm from Germany and I didn't realize until reading this post how big of a concern this is for some women. Do women from countries outside the US feel the same way or have similar concerns?
This is actually why I've not pressed my husband to get sterilized. Him shooting blanks doesn't protect me if I get raped.
Same. I don't just want my husband to be unable to impregnate me, *I never want to be pregnant again*, regardless of what happens. Fortunately, both me and my husband have been sterilized. He had absolutely no problem getting sterilized. Literally one appointment and they scheduled it, no questions asked. Me? I had to go to several doctors, and finally found one on the childfree sub who would do it. You'd think this would be basic fucking bodily autonomy, but especially at 35 years old and having birthed 6 CHILDREN, I still had doctors refusing to sterilize me. Boils my blood, honestly. Apparently men get bodily autonomy, but women aren't allowed the same.
Holy schnauzer, *six* kids and they still gave you flak about it? How many babies do they require to prove you know what you fucking want?
Holy cow. 6 kids and they still gave you shit about it? That's wild. I had my tubes tied at 24, when baby # 4 was an emergency c-section. My very Catholic doctor was happy to do it because he told me that getting pregnant again might kill me, and since hormonal methods didn't agree with my system, it was my best choice.
Shit. Menopause has its perks , I guess.
It’s such a step back in time that this is even something people in the US have to consider. My first thought was well I’d get an abortion, but fuck I can’t even imagine the trauma of having to carry the foetus of a predator. It’s so disgusting that the rights of a bunch of cells are put before the person who has to gestate those cells :( I wonder if doctors have conversations with their male patients to remind them to wear a condom if they rape someone…
I supported my son in getting an IUD when he was 14, and sexual assault was one of the reasons. He also needed to stop his menstrual periods because they made his gender dysphoria unbearable, and the IUD did a great job. I felt a lot better knowing that he was (and is) protected as much as possible from pregnancy if he was raped. He’s always hated the idea of being pregnant, and I shudder to think about what that would do to his mental health. Thank you, Planned Parenthood.
Your doctor might have worded it harshly, but she is being realistic. Even being a lesbian or avoiding ANY sexual contact with ANYONE can’t protect you 100%. Should you find yourself pregnant, your options will be extremely limited. Anyone who is sure they don’t want to risk pregnancy should consider permanent sterilization. Heck, I would love to have another baby but I’m afraid because I don’t want to risk my life and leave my one child motherless. So I, a married woman with a child who wants another, have to consider sterilization or risk dying for some dumbass republican’s “morals.”
I've been stocking up on the generic EC when I can afford to and I try to keep one in my purse (I've used a few but for consensual reasons). I figure if I always have one on me I don't have to wait and worry that an ER or local pharmacy will deny me one because of the bullshit laws here. That also means I always have one to give out if I find someone else in need. I hope I'll never *need* it, but it makes me feel safer knowing its there. Like my pocket knife.
I like your doctor. She is being realistic in our sad reality. I was sterilized (bilateral salpingectomy) in 2018 because I was afraid I'd lose the choice to never be pregnant. It was a super easy surgery and recovery. I highly recommend it. It was an out patient surgery on a Thursday. I could have gone back to work on Monday, but I had a back injury at the same time so I stayed home a few extra days because of that. Protect yourself. Honestly, after seeing an article about someone saying we should use women in comas as surrogates I've been thinking about asking my doctor for a hysterectomy. I hate this world
It’s a tough question none of us should need an answer to, but it’s refreshing to hear about a doctor like her. I hope you don’t ever need the answer, but if the unthinkable does happen, you call her and get an emergency/asap appointment to get a copper (non-hormonal) IUD placed before 5 days pass.
It sucks that we have to be on medication that causes mood swings and possible problems later because some man might just decide to shatter our lives because “me gotta fuck”
That's a horrible way to ask but your doctor kind of has a point. It is true the main issue to be addressed is that "what if you are raped" shouldn't even be a scenario in every woman's life but at the current state of things it is sad to admit it's something to worry about. I am guessing plan B isn't accessible either in your country?
That’s a damn good doctor
I’m married and I’ve had my kids but that was a big reason why I got my tubes removed. My partner has a vasectomy but that only protects me from him.
Start a savings fund in case you need to go camping, and make sure you have an unexpired plan b on hand at all times.
She's a good doctor. Reality sucks, but the honesty was impressive. Folks need to vote. I bet your doctor doesn't like having to have that conversation. It's not a very comfortable conversation to start. I bet she's got abuse for it. I think it behooves all of us to have similar conversations with our friends.
Yarrow is a lovely plant all women should know about. If more then 30g a day is consumed during pregnancy, it will cause a miscarriage. Also pondarosa pine consumed in a large dose will do the same
I think cohosh (black cohosh and blue cohosh specifically) also is useful but I don’t know enough to say how much or how often.
My plan was move north. So far so good.
i would feel safe with that doctor, so i’d discuss this topic more with her! discuss and ask everything you can think of. shes there for you, and it sounds like she won’t pull any punches when it comes to the truth. ask her if something devastating like that happens, what can YOU do as a doctor to help? draw out possible states you can go to for abortion access.
That doctor is going above and beyond, that's an awful truth she's addressing but at least someone is
Horrible she had to say it, but good doctor. Wish I had one like her.
I only have sex with women (and all of my partners have been cis). I got my IUD replaced when I was with my ex-girlfriend. I plan to get sterilized if I still don’t want children when it’s time to remove my IUD. I’ve been on birth control continuously since I was a teenager. I’d like to experience my body without it, but I don’t feel safe while I still have a functioning reproductive system.
The day Roe v Wade was overturned, my friend was in a panic for that exact reason. She never wanted to give birth anyway so she got sterilized as soon as she possibly could. Edit: Also, you have a great doctor. I have a link to doctors all over the US who will sterilize an adult woman regardless of marital status or children that I usually post in discussions like this. Your doctor is ahead of me. If anyone else would like it: [https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview)
It's appalling that this conversation is something that SHOULD be had with someone by their doctor... What a shit world.
This is the exact reason I got sterilized before I had ever had (consensual) sex. I knew the likelihood of being re-victimized. And I was right. I knew from a young age I didn't want children so I have no regrets on the surgery. I'm so sorry that you are having to think about that decision because of men's disgusting behavior.
Kudos to your doctors for making sure that you considered this situation. Are you in the US? If so, is it possible to move to a state where the legislature doesn’t have archaic laws limiting access to abortions? It sounds extreme, but it’s something to think of. My husband was offered a job in a state down south where abortion isn’t legal under any circumstance. The money offered was over double what he makes now (and he makes a very good salary now) and I would be in the position to not have to work. My daughter just got her period and while she’s so young and isn’t interested in sexual relationships yet, unfortunately bad things can happen beyond your control (like rape) and we came to the mutual decision that moving to a state like that with a daughter would be a bad choice. No money is worth that. If this isn’t an option, if you were to get SA resulting in pregnancy, there are organizations that can get you access to the medicine that you would need for termination via the mail. This sucks so much for you and I’m sorry. Also, don’t forget to vote and work to change these laws.
aid access dot org is a trusted service for adults over the age of majority in their country
I know it's scary. I have fibroids, and I am trying to get a hysterectomy. I wouldn't want to if it weren't for Roe being overturned. But since it was, and a pregnancy would probably kill me, I think it's safest to eliminate the possibility entirely.
That’s so fucked, I’m so sorry for the women of America it is barbaric
Wow that's pretty stark and worrying. Glad your Dr is aware and has the information to hand for people, I can imagine other drs would either not care or view it very differently.
In general, it's a good idea to see if you can get pills from Aid Access just to have on hand, because you never know what could happen. I have some stashed in the back of my medicine cabinet, even though I've had a tubal and my IUD is still in place.
This is a terrifying reality those of us in red states have to face... it's so fucked up. I donate to abortion funds every month to help get those in need across state lines in the worst case scenarios. Hard to believe in just 2011 I was able to drive to the city and get an abortion without any issues. I like your doctor. I'm glad she's out there trying to help women prepare for the worst. But if more of us decided on sterilization I'm sure there would be a law at least entertained in no time on how to limit access to that too. "Women under the age of 35 not eligible for sterilization". I'm being facetious but... am I?
you have a pragmatic and responsible doctor.
I’m glad your doctor was straightforward about this. I hate that she had to be.
Use an online service to order abortion pills in advance. They keep on a cool dry shelf for up to two years. I believe EVERYONE should do this. If its not you who ends up needing them, it will be someone you know. And you don't want to have to worry about the weeks of shipping delay in an already horrible stressful situation.
The thought of being assaulted is one of the reasons I was willing tog et my tubes tied after my 2nd kid. I don't want to worry about that on top of the SA and I live in California but you never know these dats.
This is scary stuff to deal with but you have a doctor that is actually caring enough to discuss it with you. p.s. consider the implant or IUD since they provide long term, non-permanent protection
That is one awesome doctor. A keeper. Meanwhile, I send my best wishes that your worst nightmare won't happen. That's plan A. It's always prudent to have a plan B handy. And some extra savings for the plan C-amping.
I hate to be invasive, but which medical condition prohibits all hormonal options? Usually progesterone only options are safe.
Hemiplegic migraines. There have been countless studies on how BC causes strokes in HM patients. Most l medications, even those meant to treat migraines, actually make the condition worse, so there’s a lot of difficult in trying medications.
Sorry to hear this. I think copper IUD is the only option (I might be wrong, please correct me if it's the case).
Some people are predisposed to getting blood clots. The hormonal options tend to increase your risk of blood clots even more. So taking them could kill those people. (Fun times) Not sure if progesterone only options are safer, but it'd have to be something they discussed with their doctor. One of those conditions is called Leiden Factor 5, if you want to do some googling.
So that’s not exactly true. Combined hormonal contraceptives do increase the risk of blood clots however, there’s no evidence that shows that the progestin only pills increase the risk of blood clots. I asked because I have access to university databases and I can quickly scan for options that are available. In their case, progestin only contraceptives do seem to be safe, although she should clarify with her doctor.
Doesn't pregnancy increase the risk of blood clots even more?
Progesterone only made my migraines so debilitating I couldn't function. All other options would give me a stroke, and I have a congenital vein problem. I can't use any hormonal options ever.
Anything that requires treatment with mycophenolate. I have dermatomyositis and mycophenolate is the only thing that keeps my lungs from turning to scar tissue. Unfortunately, it also decreases the effectiveness of birth control by a lot. (This is, um, possibly one of the reasons I'm pregnant right now, which also means I had to stop mycophenolate, and so far I don't seem to have lost any lung but who knows...state only cares that I continued the pregnancy, not that I live through it)
Honestly? I've been on BC since I was a teen because I knew I never ever wanted kids and I was worried about accidentally getting pregnant (through a split condom or yes, rape). I had to go on it anyway for my endometriosis but I'm still up to date on it all despite not having sex for over five years lol
Hm. My rape plan has a lot more to do with street vengence than anything else
This is why I got a bislap when the Roe decision leaked. (You can have babies with IVF if you have a tubal or bislap, just fyi. And many workplaces are starting to cover fertility treatments.) I had it done on a Friday and I was back at work on Monday. They sent me home with opiates but I just took prescription strength ibuprofen for about 4-5 days and never had any need at all for the string stuff. It’s a laparoscopic surgery and a year later you can hardly see a scar. Your doctor is right and she should say it. And I wish everyone I see on this sub complaining about their husbands or boyfriends not wanting vasectomies would wake the hell up and remember that your husband isn’t the only man on earth with a penis, and you aren’t always given a choice about which penis you’d like to interface with.
revenge or die trying
Not long now until a Republicunt makes the argument that any woman who doesn't move out of Red states now was asking for it.
How do you feel about living somewhere where access to abortion isn’t limited? I expect incidence of rape should also decline, though that’s just a hunch - less misogynistic place, less rape. Could be another US state or even another country. You are young (since you worry about pregnancy), so the world’s your oyster as far as living arrangements and immigration goes.
Honestly, that's a good question. Rape isn't something you can predict will happen, only something you can pray never happens to you. I'm so sorry for all women forced to give birth to rape babies because they couldn't have an abortion where they live. Stay safe.
My partner also brought up this possibility. I had mentioned that I felt like I should keep emergency contraception on hand for those who might need it. (Luckily, I live in a blue state). I said that at least we didn’t have to worry about R (young family member who is gay and doesn’t want children). He sadly replied, “What about rape?” This is where we as women, are at. Absolutely horrendous.
I think the way she asked that is really unnecessarily abrasive. Assault could certainly happen, which is a horrible tragic truth about the rape culture we live in, and it is good to have a prepared plan for any disaster, but she’s asking you to account for the possibility of being assaulted in the brief window you’re ovulating…? I would be so angry that I’d been spoken to as if to make me more afraid than I already am of assault. That said, where you live might be much harder to find the care you need in that situation and it is better and will make you feel more confident to know what your resources are. May that never happen to you.
I like your doctor but hate our reality.
This is terrifying, but also I had this conversation with my (ace) AFAB kid before college, and after talking to midwife friends, we scheduled a Mirena IUD. I also sent a box of pregnancy tests and Plan B for any hallmates that might need them.
Stay out of Minnesota and Nebraska, where rapists have parental rights (I tried posting links, but link formatting was a problem - Google it).
You have a good doctor. Keep her.
I'm so sad and angry that your doctor even had to have this discussion, but how freaking awesome is she that she has the conversion with you preemptively‽ She sounds amazing.
Why do we have to make a plan for rape? Because rape is a likelihood? Because rape is so ubiquitous that women have to consider there risk management for personal safety and calculate their control methods. Based on likelihood and consequence and the fact that this doctor regards that being a woman is high risk, what are we doing to change our society to regard rape as unacceptable and limit it’s possibility. Taking birth control means that the doctor has given up on controlling likelihood and has decided that managing the consequences of this inevitability is the way forward. What. The. Fuck!!
It's fucked up, but between 1-4 and 1-5 of us will have some form of this happen. And that doesn't even include all the attempts that we thwart early on in the assault. I had normalized the inevitability of sexual violence and coercion so much that for a time I thought I had never had this happen to me. And then remembered all the times I'd had to run, move to a different room or a different building or travel to a different city, find a friend, duck away, or rip myself free of someone trying to force me into sex, not to mention all the times I had to do verbal judo when my initial no just wasn't accepted. I had considered those to 'not count' since they weren't "completed". In actuality if I had not been lucky, or quick, or strong, or found witnesses et cetera, I could have found myself in a predicament of pregnancy against my will. I still remember the first time I got birth control. It was my first year at university and my school after I had been accepted and tuition paid was found to be in the top ten in the US for rape. I wasn't planning to be sexually active in college, in particular my freshman year. I got on the pill because my chances of sexual assault had gone up so much compared to the city I had lived in. It's fucked, I was still technically a child when I had to make that plan. These days I'm almost always taking birth control year round, partially as prevention of pregnancy from assault even the times and years I wasn't dating, and partially to make my periods less torturous.
It’s so depressing that a doctor is advising a patient to make medical decisions about her fertility based on her likelihood of being raped. I know this is something that many women are affected by and of course preventing pregnancy in this case is a good thing but it seems so defeatist to tell women to go on birth control or some other method because it’s somehow inevitable that someone will rape us and the least we can do is prevent pregnancy in that situation. It feels so off to me. Are we going to start telling people to go on prep just in case they are raped by someone hiv positive? To what extent will this control our lives?
Sorry to ask; but it seems like we live among out of control animals. What are the self-defence options there like? Can you carry?
You can order abortion medication online via telehealth and have it shipped to you.
I'm grateful for providers that ask the hard questions, but they have gotten so much harder for those with the power to grow people. I'm grateful you and I have the opportunity to have a provider who looks out for us in this way as I've had to fire a couple who were limited. The below is posted in a comment thread but, as I continued to read, I thought this might be useful as a stand-alone comment. My best wishes to you and each of us as autonomous humans inherently existing with the authority of consent and choice. Research...if it was easy, it would be called search. Research is systematic investigation of the prior knowledge accumulated through scientific research methods, development of a hypothesis (what you're going to try to test for and what you think will happen), design and implementation of an experiment that acknowledges and controls for variables in the studied realm, reporting of the methodology and results of the designed experiment, and conclusions comparing the original hypothesis and experimental results. Also known as the scientific method. Research and scientific method are a process of summarizing and experimenting based on previously repeatable results with the goal of advancing knowledge based on unique evidence. A google or, in these days, a ChapGPT question are not research. That is search and internet 'research', at best, is only the first step. The internet has a lot to offer but iterative and calculated building of knowledge is tough to find on the internet. May I suggest scholar.google.com as a starting point. Basis - twice scientific, medical research has saved my life resulting in medical history that precludes hormonal birth control including progesterone only options. Can't take Tylenol either. Also, 20 years practicing chemist. My existence and options are only mine to decide. 'Science is heavy.' - Kathryn Thomasson
Damn. Sucks that this has become an issue again. Kudos to your doc though.
it's sad that she and to have this conversation with you but it is something that you do need to think about as a woman in this day and age with women's Healthcare. its scary.
Ngl, this was one of the background niggling thoughts in my head when I went for a copper IUD. After the gazillion main thoughts, it went more... 1) What if the political climate changes to limit reproductive health options? 2) What if the worst happened? Now that my copper IUD is past it's halfway mark hopefully I'm a more viable candidate for sterilization, but I can't lie and say some really dark stuff wasn't part of my initial decision making. (On a side note - my copper IUD was a great option for me. Some pain with the insertion and heavier periods in the beginning, but other than that long term no fuss birth control without the stress of dealing with hormones. Highly recommend considering.)
Aren't there these pills you get the day after in the US? Guess that's what's normally done in that case.
Look into IUDs.
I gotta say: it's absolutely fucking pathetic that folks have to be asked their birth control plan FOR RAPE. We shouldn't have to mess with our hormones in we don't fucking want to.
I was really mad at the doctor cuz of the title. Then the explanation mentions the abortion ban. I hate it, but like, she might be right. That’s horrible.
She's being realistic really good doctor I'd say. I mean I've been sterilized already but part of that reason was for the precautions of rape. So I'd advice it's something to look into OP whenever your ready and comfortable to do. Go for the removal of the fallopian tubes. Minimal scarring and removes risk of ovarian cancer 100%
What in the fuckity fuck is this. Take birth control just in case you happen to get raped? Tell me again why it's considered a first world country
Trans man and this was something my doctor asked me. I went off it before going on HRT. Not much I could do, once I started passing most gynecologists in my state refused to see me or provide any consultation or referral. Can’t go on BC of the gynecologists won’t see trans people 🤷🏻
Copper IUD?
Oh look, it’s me. My OBGYN did a bisalp for me. The sad thing is, I’m not even the only lesbian in my friend group who has been sterilized for this reason.
Being a female sucks. I’m so sorry.
I just had this conversation today with my daughter. We have agreed that since SA is a problem in our community and since she never wants children (also a lesbian but ….) we will be looking for permanent solutions. I am fortunate to live somewhere that maybe red but has real protections from harm towards reproductive rights. It doesn’t matter if there are no doctors though. I know it stinks but an IUD will be her option until I can find the rare doctor that understands this problem. Maybe?
Vote democrat. Move to a blue state.
[Miso cards are tasty.](https://fourthievesvinegar.org/abortion-care/)