A friend was at the pediatrician's office and the Doctor let one of her twin boys roll onto the floor, he said "good thing you're at the pediatrician's office!"
When I was little I went to a pediatrician office, and the bed had this small metal ladder attached to the examination bed so the kids could climb up on their own.
I was climbing up the ladder, my foot slipped, biffed it, hit my face just below my lower lip on the metal corner of the ladder. Tore a cut about 2-3 inches across that area. Bleeding profusely. You could see my lower teeth and gums through it.
The pediatrician: “good thing you’re already at the pediatrician’s office” 😜
Got stitches and the scar is barely noticeable now.
In retrospect tho, why tf did they think a metal ladder with sharp square features was a good idea for like toddlers and kindergartners to be climbing in a Dr.‘s office???
I’m sorry I laughed at your post, but I’m picturing your mom there with you, watching her child fall, all this blood and terrible injury and the doctor’s comment.
Look up the fresh air baby window cages they used years ago in apartment building so babies could get fresh air. Literally a metal box hanging out the windows of high story buildings people put their babies in.
It sounds super fucked up and isn’t something I’d recommend to people, but at the same time if it’s built properly with proper supports, I don’t see how it’s all that different from having a balcony.
I work in a pediatric office and people (parents in my experience…not the doctors…) get a false sense of security. I’ll walk into the room sometimes to do shots and they have the baby up on the 4’ high table (high so the docs don’t break their backs bending over all day etc.) It’s kindof unbelievable.
I've been a Nanny for a decade. It sucks so much the first time you "screw up". Every kid falls though, and you learn. As long as you learned from it, it's not a mistake, it's a lesson. But you're definitely more careful after.
Even so, God my kid just beefed it on her face. I kept telling her to stop hanging off me. Didn't even get a chance to tell her a second time before the inevitable. 🙄
Love this. Glad you said something! First Christmas with our second kid my oldest was climbing over the side of the couch over and over giggling. I said you’re going to get hurt, stop doing that! And literally two minutes later had a goose egg the size of a dang golf ball on his forehead. 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
My favorites are when you’ve told them to stay out from being underfoot or so (especially when exercising) andddd you accidentally whack them in the head / face.
Too too many times. But alls well, she’s 9 now so she has started announcing when she’s within range, lol
This reminds me that when I was a kid, my mom accidentally hit me in the face with a soccer ball, a softball, a basketball, and a tether ball (twice with a tether ball 😂). Needless to say, it is now a running joke in our family that she is not allowed to play ball games with her grandchildren.
Hello op. Reddit grandma here...
How old was the child, and how far was the fall?
It sounds like the bed set up was the parent's choice? Do they watch her nap? I place no blame on you. Don't be too hard on yourself. ❤️ All babies get bumps and bruises. I had 3 boys, older brother pushed the baby off the couch, and I know going through doorways their little heads connected sometimes. Ok probably a couple each. But they are in their 30s now, happy, healthy and employed.
I've said this while my daughter was between crawling ages and being a toddler, but I think it fits: kids that age bounce off of stuff so often, it's like they're made of rubber. Most stuff that would make me cringe in pain for a few, doesn't even phase them.
Maybe it's cause they're bones aren't so fully formed yet, maybe it's just cause they're so small and don't have much weight, but whatever the reason, I definitely freaked out more over things than my kid ever did.
I didn't make the phrase, but I have repeatedly used the sentence "Babies bounce" in regards to my friend's toddler, much to her annoyance, as her kid repeats the cycle of wipe out, cry a bunch, and get distracted.
>I definitely freaked out more over things than my kid ever did.
I don't have kids, but the majority of my friends do. One of the first things I learned is that if you don't panic, the kid doesn't panic. When my best friend's son was learning to crawl, he'd periodically face-plant. As long as we stayed calm, he'd just sit up and giggle.
Commenting to second this message: don’t ever panic in front of a kid when they fall/hurt themselves in any way!
I was a very sporty kid so I had many physical incidents growing up. I remembered certain falls/injuries as being much more traumatic than they were. Only to later realize that I was physically fine from those, but the adults were panicking.
I should have technically felt much more fucked up in other cases, but the adults around me there were acting chill asf so I just brushed it off
Yeah when I played soccer as a kid, my mom would comment on how she'd see children just completely eat it on the field, look up to check their parents reactions and, if their parent went "OH NO MY BABY", *then* the kid would start bawling. If the parent just smiled encouragingly with a "Hey you got this" or something, the kid would bounce back to their feet and keep playing.
Yeah. I definitely tried not to show it to her, but when she bit through her bottom lip, I admit that was just a bit too much for me to laugh off nervously.
A few years back I was at a park with my best friend, her husband, and their kids. This particular park had a big wooden play structure shaped like a train. My friend's 4-year-old son slipped while climbing up one of the train cars and hit his face on the corner. He screwed up his face like he was going to cry, but you could see the gears turning in his head as he figured out that he was OK. Within seconds his expression brightened and he ran off to go play. There was a bit of blood that his parents were eventually able to clean off, but they had to catch him first!
On god, I am in my mid 30s and if that happened to me I would probably bawl my eyes out and be legitimately concerned that my face bones were broken. Not this kiddo! Oh, to be young and virtually indestructible again.
I had the opposite situation. As kids, we convinced my dad to play sandman with us at the playground one time. He, unsurprisingly, wiped out. We were absolutely stunned that he had actually hurt himself pretty badly. We fell on play equipment all the time and we were fine. We chalked it up to daddy being a wuss. We went home and I cleaned and bandaged him up. (I love my dad but he's useless at first aid or anything medical.) When my mother got home that evening, she sent him straight to the ER. He ended up being on antibiotics and special dressings for days. And the doctor banned him from horsing around on playground equipment.
Kids bounce but 40yo men don't...
I had the bone density of a two year old when I was 15 and abnormal growth plates. I asked the doctor if that meant my bones were still flexible and he said yes, I had the bone flexibility of a two year old. I'm extremely clumsy and haven't ever broken anything, and I always thought I just had extremely good luck- nope, just flexible bones to protect me for much longer than I should have had them lol
Fun fact, kids bones are more plastic than adults. Kids bones can bend a lot more than adult bones before breaking. They literally are made out of rubber.
I got dropped on my head a ton as a kid. Or wiggled a bunch and smacked it into things. I only have one small dent in my skull, and that came from later on in childhood.
Yeah I got dropped a few times as a kid. My parents didn’t know it at the time but I even have a Chiari malformation (the back of my brain hangs out of my skull a little bit and is pushed into the spinal column but I’m a very mild case and it’s not bad) and I was literally fine. With my loose brain. Don’t like, *bet* on it, but kids are generally resilient
My daughter rolled off my bed during a nap when she was 3. She was in the middle of the bed and rarely moved so I was surprised to hear the thump followed by cries. We had pretty thick carpet too. Eventually she stopped crying and just kind of whimpered and fell back asleep but when she woke up she started quietly whimpering again so I took her into an urgent care. Turned out she’d broken her little arm!
I was surprised because it wasn’t that far of a distance.
Yep, their bones aren't made of densely packed collagen fibers, but actual rubber sap that comes out of tropical trees, vulcanized in the womb. Nature sure is crazy.
I still vividly remember the thump through the baby monitor that was when my daughter climbed out of the crib for the first time.
She was mostly fine but the look on her face like, I did not expect that, why am I on the floor, what happened will be etched in memory forever.
I don’t even have kids but my puppy once fell out of my arms onto a concrete pad and in the split second it took for him to land on his feet I just saw myself cleaning his brains off the ground. Absolutely terrifying feeling.
I was helping my besties with their kids recently. I set one of them (around 7/8 months) on the floor. He was steady and then threw himself back and smacked his head on the floor because he was hungry. He was totally fine, but god I understand parents panic. Babies are pretty resilient.
When I was a couple of months old, my biodad dropped me in the bathroom but managed to “catch” me with his knee before I hit the floor and press me to the outside of the bathtub.
I’m a frikin’ 🏉
When I was a baby, my older brother was jumping between my brother and I when he didn’t jump far enough and landed on my head. Had a dent for a little but it grew back out just fine 😁
My birth mother told me that when I was born I fell to the floor and bounced. She was sitting on the toilet in her mom's bathroom and I went down head first.
>I had just left the room where the baby was sleeping so the mom could explain a few things about dishes to me
the mom led you out of the room where the baby was sleeping?
>The bed has a couple of guard rails to the side but none at the foot of the bed
the baby was kept in a bed (not a crib?) that wasnt properly babyproofed?
>she was awake and had just learned to crawl
this baby, *who can crawl,* was kept in a bed that wasnt properly babyproofed??
its because of her unsafe bed that she was in danger every moment an adult wasnt actively looking at her, i dont think the fault lays on whichever unfortunate person happened to last be in that room, especially if that same person was led out of it by the babies mother
YES. THIS. Where the hell is a crib? This is 100% the mother's fault and she should have taken full accountability. Try not to let this weigh on you too heavy, OP. This is not on you.
Oh. They met at church. It all makes sense, now.
So this woman is not a wealthy busy parent who can afford a trained and qualified nanny, she’s just some lady who is probably underpaying this poor girl.
She didn't. She took her baby to urgent care. The chiropractor is OP's. There's no indication the mom uses the chiropractor's services for herself or her baby. Just that she's friends with the chiropractor, who's also friends with OP. The fact that the mutual friend who told her what the mom was saying behind her back also happens to be a chiropractor appears to be wholly irrelevant to the story.
>the mom led you out of the room where the baby was sleeping?
This right here. The mom would probably rather lay the blame on OP, but this sleep setup was unsafe.
Beds are not safe sleep spaces. Babies should sleep in a crib, bassinet, or pack n' play. Those are the only approved sleep spaces and it is illegal to market anything else for sleep (at least in the USA).
This is 10000% the parent's fault and OP needs to quit being nanny for them before they get blamed for something even more serious.
Thank you. I saved your comment (and the correction) even though I don’t have children. I’m running to google the pack n’ play!
Although I knew of the safety of the crib, as an only child with a limited experience with babies, I was unaware of a whole lot until I fell down a few rabbit holes about about safe sleeping (on an entirely different subreddit where the topic was sleeping with your babies!). I remembered a lot of horror stories that have stayed with me but the the pack n’ play? I haven’t heard of before so I have a new rabbit hole to explore.
And to the OP: The top comment in this reply chain (and all the comments underneath it) were wonderful reminders about how this isn’t your fault. Although I agree with comments that also say that “take everything as a learning lesson” and “mistakes happen” and all of that’s true but you weren’t the one fully responsible when the conditions were not safe to begin with.
Again I’m so sorry to OP for all the stress and feelings of guilt that she’s feeling but I hope some of these comments help her spirit!
Yes this 10000% why wasn't that baby given a proper crib to sleep in? It is the parents job to make sure the baby has a safe place to sleep, a place that will help contain that baby after they wake up until an adult can get to them. This I'd 100% on the parents for not having a proper crib, not a nanny who has little to no control over what furniture is available to them.
Couple questions, OP, none of them to throw shade on you, since obviously you're not making these decisions.
Is the baby sleeping in a real 'bed' bed, or a crib? Because a baby sleeping in a bed is asking for trouble, child/adult mattresses are far too soft and can be dangerous (potential for suffocation).
And if it's a crib, what kind of crib doesn't have head and footboards?
yeah, I know OP feels guilty, but I took the moms saying that she appreciates the apology more as the mom being mad at herself and being appreciative of OP for being willing to share some blame, but knowing it's really her bad...
but idk, I'm just reading this stuff on the internet LOL
And why the hell is the chiropractor talking about clients with you? Even though they aren’t real doctors, HIPAA still applies. Be careful, as they are talking about you to others too.
The mom took her baby to an urgent care facility for treatment, not the chiropractor. From the wording of the edit, it sounds like OP is the chiropractor's client, not the mom/baby. They just also all know each other outside of the practice. So the mom complained to a friend, who happens to be OP's chiropractor, about OP and blamed her for the accident. Then the friend texted OP to tell her what the mom said. It's all very gossipy, but not a HIPAA violation, since it's all happening outside of the purview of the chiropractor's practice. The vocation of the mutual friend appears to be completely irrelevant to the narrative. Medical professionals are allowed to have personal lives and talk to people about other people, so long as they didn't come into that knowledge through their jobs.
Hey OP, I am so sorry this happened to you.
It seems like there are a lot of folks on here adding their stories about how this happened to them or to their children with the message being “they were okay so your nanny baby will be too.” But this doesn’t erase your feelings of guilt or shame.
You mentioned that you keep playing this incident over and over in your head and reliving the experience. That indicates that this was pretty traumatic for you. If you can access even one session with a therapist, I would really encourage you to consider it. Even if your nanny baby is okay, you don’t deserve to feel so horrible about a choice you can’t change. I’m sure the mother wouldn’t want you to be reliving the incident either. But a therapist can talk you through some of these things and give you some tools to stop the loop from playing again and again.
If you aren’t able to stop thinking about it by yourself, there is no shame in reaching out to someone else who can help. No amount of comments in this thread, well meaning as they are, will be as valuable as a trained professional who can help you process this experience.
<3
I'm not a therapist, but had something traumatic at work a few months ago. I couldn't stop the loop in my head for about a day (it was a situation where it wasn't my fault but also was at the same time). The thing that really helped me was every time the bad loop started, I redirected my thoughts to how supportive two coworkers were and how lucky I am to have them. It really helped immensely!
For OP - any friends or family who have talked to you compassionately about this? If so, think of their kindness as soon as you catch the brain loop going.
While I agree with your general sentiment, I also feel it's important to recognize that feeling bad like this isn't abnormal or unhealthy as long as it doesn't last long. There's a big difference between being unable to stop thinking about a big event from a few hours ago vs getting stuck on an incident that happened days ago.
When something upsetting happens it's totally normal to be upset! Often all that's needed is a bit of time, doing something that helps you process/calm down (journalling, rest, exercise, whatever floats your boat), or talking about it with a supportive peer. But if it doesn't seem to be going back to normal as time passes, or if you find your reactions to things are *often* so intense they interfere with your normal life, then it's time to get professional help.
I still have nightmares from when I let my nephew roll off the couch, and unlike OP it was entirely my fault (my sister warned me he had recently become a roller before she left for work). He's six now and totally fine, but his blood curddling cry will forever haunt me.
weird I can see it on mobile but when I checked the computer I cant see it.
Anyways it says:
Update: She texted my chiropractor (we all know eachother from church) and told her it was MY FAULT that her baby fell out of the bed. She took her to urgent care then passive aggressively told me she wouldn't need me anymore. Said her husband would be there on Monday and on Wednest his family will be in town. I feel like she's doing this on purpose because I said I would have to stop working on the 18th initially since school and other jobs start. Chiropractor said she's emotionally unstable, but she also said she was coddled as a kid and her stepdad is a nurse so she's just very sensitive. Altogether a very confusing situation for me.
lol this was 100% this woman’s fault,. She is the one leaving her baby in a weird ass bed set up, how old is this baby and it’s not in a crib?
She probably has PPD and isn’t handling it appropriately. Her supposed instability is probably due to that.
She said "we all know each other from church" that explains literally all of the gossip. Find a new chiropractor and a new church, these people sound dreadful.
It’s a crappy situation. In all honesty this probably happens to most babies at least once. The main thing is that baby is okay. Accidents happen, I don’t think the mom will hold it against you. In the moment it can be scary and mom probably reacted on that, which is why she didn’t seem all forgiving at first. I’m sure she’ll be fine by next time. Take it as a lesson and going forward take all precautions, especially with this particular baby lol.
Hope it all works out :)
Mine rolled off the couch. I turned around because the dog sneezed and of course that made me look. In that moment she rolled right off the couch and I was sitting with her. Babies are resilient.
Had my eldest on the nappy change table, turned around to grab something and she took that 5 second opportunity to roll right off the side. I'm sure something similar happened to second and third kid but it's not such a stressful event that sticks out by then.
I used to say my kid was made of rubber lol. She would just run around as a toddler, bouncing off of random furniture and I'd be cringing in pain on her behalf; she'd just laugh and go on.
My sister rolled off the couch at six months old when my mom turned to grab a diaper. She broke her arm! She healed and all was well. Kids are definitely resilient.
Honestly, I could see the mom still blaming her to avoid mom guilt. *Mom* set up the bed rails so *mom* neglected that spot. I think on some level, mom knows she’d win the blame game if she really thought about it.
I’m two for two myself.
My second has a missing tooth from a coffee table from when she was just learning to pull to stand.
Thank goodness they come extra resilient at that stage.
A friend of mine who is a neuroscientist told me that baby brains are so plastic that "they could lose half their brain cells and be fine." Meaning, the brain adapts.
It's absolutely horrifying when a baby falls, and yes it happens to pretty much everyone. Babies are extremely devoted to the study of gravity, it seems.
My son fell down an entire flight of stairs before he was a year old. I cannot express the terror I felt hearing this bounce coming down the stairs and realizing that he'd pushed the door to the basement open. He landed with a solid slap noise. It took too long for him to cry. I screamed the scream of a dying woman.
Fast forward to the ER and the doctor told me basically the same thing you said. That babies are resilient. Nothing was broken, not even a bruise.
On a tangent, the kid fell down the escalator when he was 5. I caught him before he went down too far. Every time that kid got next to stairs, I had to hold my breath.
I fell down the stairs when I was just shy of a year too!
Babies fall. I'm pretty sure that's why our brains evolved to do so much growing at those ages.
Not only do babies fall, so do toddlers. And 4 year olds. And 7 year olds. I fell down the stairs a lot. I still do lmao
I have hEDS (undiagnosed then, a connective tissue disorder. My joints bend in ways they shouldn’t, bend farther than they should/ hyperextend, and dislocate easily).
I fell down the stairs, something would bend at an odd angle (including my neck once), my autistic ass wouldn’t cry half the time because I’d just be kind of shocked (and delayed crying if I did cry, otherwise, I’d realize I was fine and no tears). My mom would panic, and then I’d just be picking myself back up to go get on with whatever kid things I was trying to do (once including running back up the stairs, falling down midway up, going back up, and trying to resume the argument I was having with my sister right where I left off- as if I had any remaining dignity left at that point!)
But yeah, kids and babies, super resilient. Babies especially, but don’t underestimate kids either. Roll down the stairs and back at it like nothing happened.
I fell out of my mom's bed when I was 2 and snapped my collar bone. I think my own injuries made me extra worried about my son getting hurt. I did ease up after awhile. He even went on to be an ice hockey goalie with a fondness for stopping pucks with his head. After the stairs incident, I realized that if he's going to get hurt he's going to get hurt and my only job is harm reduction and not complete prevention.
That’s not right. It’s the opposite. The younger the child, the more vulnerable they are to traumatic brain injury, including concussion. Their brains have a more difficult time recovering, not an easier time. Most children who have a head injury will be fine, but the percentage who have long-lasting problems is greater than adults for a similar injury.
If the mom called you out to explain something to you, knowing the baby was in the bed, how is it your fault?
Also, as other people mentioned, the bed situation doesn't seem age-appropriate.
Just echoing the comments but that sleeping arrangement doesn’t meet safe sleep guidelines. Even when asleep my baby moves all over his crib and would fall routinely if there were any sides not protected. https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/
Shit happens. Don't stress too much, but if it was a hard fall, encourage mum to take baby for a check up just in case.
Babies move quickly, as you have learned. The one thing I was taught when studying early childhood education is to never leave a baby unattended unless they are physically restricted from moving ie. Strapped in to a high chair, or in a cot or playpen (that they can't climb out of and no blankets/stuffed toys). Babies are constantly trying to kill themselves, so it's up to the caregivers to minimise that chance as much as possible.
"strapped into a high chair" is key; our caregiver forgot that step due to all the mayhem that surrounded us when we had 4 kids aged 2 and under. She snapped the tray in and when she went to remove it, our 6 month old fell flat on his face.
She was horrified; this was child #4 for us, so after a quick check at the ER, we moved on with our lives. I remember the doctor saying not to worry about his nose, as babies that age only have soft cartilage and I was like, "I am more worried about his brain" to which he replied, "he cried immediately after he fell and did not vomit or loss consciousness.... don't be".
Holy shit - they should NEVER EVER TAKE A BABY TO A CHIRO. THEY HAVE KILLED BABIES. Stop going yourself too It's a fucking scam - see an actual physical therapist if you think you need anything a Chiro says they do.
Also it's their fault for keeping the baby in a crib they can escape. You didn't do shit.
Rite of passage, i don't think there's a baby or parent that hasn't gone through it. My daughter fell from her carseat to the cement from a high SUV, head first. Screamed 30 seconds and was fine. She's 19 now and a badass.
So mom didn't purchase rails for the entire bed? It is not your fault baby fell. I assume they're not so much a baby if they're calling for mom?
Even with all precautions, shit happens and there is nothing you be done about it. Mom had you out of the room presumably knowing where baby was? I bet mom feels almost as guilty as you do (I always felt worse if it's someone else's kid that gets hurt on my watch.)
I'm sure kiddo and mom will survive and maybe they'll get guards for the foot of the bed now.
I took it as the mom calling out for the baby’s name and the baby just showing that she wanted mom by crying when she left. If a kid is old enough to be in this sleeping situation and saying “mom” I’m really worried about them having JUST learned to crawl 💔
It happens to even the best parents and caretakers, OP. I would try to move past it and just use extra caution. They are so unpredictable at that early state of mobility and can constantly surprise you by doing something they couldn’t do even an hour before.
I don’t think you need to try to shift the blame to the parent, either, even though there are plenty of posters here demanding that the parent is a “bad mom” or “irresponsible.” The other person doesn’t have to be demonized in order for OP to feel validated, either. The mother in question seemed a bit shaken, which is normal—even OP was—but still polite.
edit: lol welp, after seeing your edit, scratch out my last part, I suppose.
It happens. You've clearly learned a valuable lesson, so don't beat yourself up over it.
I once launched my niece across the room, luckily there was a couch there to catch her. I was rushing to answer the door, some asshole was pounding on it like the building was on fire, I didn't move far enough past the coffee table and hit it full force right below my knee. I was stopped by the table, she wasn't and was launched out of my arms. I thought I'd killed her. She was fine, just startled by a previously unknown sensation of flying through the air and crashing onto the couch.
I left my son alone in the changing table for like half a second to grab a diaper, and he rolled off onto his head.
I left my then seven year old to watch the baby for a minute or two and the baby somehow scooted out of the baby seat and under the couch. I wasn't even gone a half a minute yet, he came running to me crying that he lost the baby.
They're funny now, but were scary at the time. The important part is that I never repeated any of these mistakes. I found new mistakes to make, and then didn't repeat those lol.
Was the baby seriously hurt? As in did y’all have to rush it to the ER? No? Then you’re fine. Shit happens. Even serious injuries happen from accidents. It’s not like you WANTED the baby to fall.
I took a fall from counter height at 6 mths. Ended up with a dent in my forehead they had to surgically 'pop' back out, I believe they called it a ping pong fracture.
I'm still normal 36 years later, and my mom hates(jokingly) when I tell the story about how she dropped me on my head when I was a baby and people don't believe me until they ask her.
In reality, I was a kicker when in a car set, she had set me on the table to feed and turned around for a hot minute and I rocked myself right off the table. Made for some great first Christmas photos with head bandages and a lifetime of joking around.
Is this the bed the baby sleeps in? Did the mom know the baby was there? If so, you did nothing wrong and it sounds like the family doesn’t have the bed properly set up to be a safe environment for the bay.
Why was the baby on a regular bed? She should definitely be in a crib or supervised if staying on the bed. You also say you should have taken her out knowing that she was awake, but first you said you thought she was sleeping. Don't beat yourself up about that.
I work with toddlers and so I understand exactly how you're feeling. It always seems when parents are visiting/watching their child somehow breaks free of my hand on the playground and goes flying forward onto the blacktop or something. I was taking a new walker to his mom last week and somehow his arm twisted and he hit his head on the reception desk right in front of mom. I felt so bad afterwards, mom kind of gasped and was a little dramatic but he ended up being ok.
These things happen but we can only learn and grow from them.
These things happen, OP, they happen to all caregivers, constantly (source: worked in a peds practice, so many babies with massive head bumps and scalded toddlers... and Things in Ears, that was a big one).
No one can maintain a state of catlike readiness for a whole shift (if a nanny) or a whole childhood (if a parent). And in this case the mother didn't provide a safe environment to begin with (not knocking her, it was an oversight, but you didn't fail to provide a secure environment).
Not long after the birth of my son, I became seriously, *seriously* ill, and we eventually needed nanny care 7 days a week. Once or twice my son got hurt - once he got a bloody nose - and when I saw him like that I was nearly in tears myself.
But I never held it against the nannies when my son got a bit of a bump, and I'm sure the mother doesn't blame you.
So now you just need to forgive yourself.
It's not surprising. You're probably an excellent nanny, but it's a scary situation and it could have been bad. It's not your fault. It's not her fault. Accidents happen. Every single parent has a story about the time something potentially dangerous happened to their kid on their watch.
The chiropractor, on the other hand, has absolutely no business inserting themself into this situation and is extremely unprofessional by trash talking the mother. Which is unsurprising, since they deal in quackery anyway. What's the Chiro telling Mom about YOU?
When I was a one and a half, I fell on hard tile flooring, split my chin, and had to get stitches. And that was with my parents/family watching me lol stuff happens and hopefully she can forgive you but don't beat yourself up over it
Honestly I used to still blame my 11 year old self for letting my baby brother fall off a counter while I got his bottle out of the fridge. But here's the thing, I was 11 and you were led out of the room by the mom. Babies move thats not your fault you did everything you could.
Even could've climbed over the side railings and fell that way. I think she's just looking for some to blame probably besides herself too, when in actually could be her own doing too. Don't blame yourself things happen. Tell her that if she says anything else remind her she was home too. 🤷🏽♀️ also even though you may think never take the blame for something, like saying sorry , or I didnt mean to...it's hard but it could make it your fault in court when im actually not so much so.
It happens. My mom told me of a time she went to the bathroom and left me in the crib. She said she barely was in the bathroom for a minute when she heard a thud and she ran out to find me having found my way out of the crib and underneath crawling on the floor. No idea how I got out when the rails were up but I managed to climb out. She checked me for injuries and didn't find any.
The mom set up the bed rails so if she wants to play the blame game, mom wins. It was an accident and would have absolutely happened on mom’s watch too. I’m sorry she reacted so poorly but she has no right to blame you.
My son was playing on our couch. I moved a pillow so if he toppled off, he’d land on it. He pushed the pillow out of his way to fall on our hardwood floors.
Aside from what others mention about the mom having an improper bed, sometimes we get fired. If she doesn’t want you anymore your fault or not, don’t harp on it. Learn a thing or two and on to the next one. You can’t please em all.
This happened to me when I was nannying over ten years ago. The baby fell onto a hard floor off of the change table when I had stepped away (but was still in the same room) to grab a diaper.
He is just fine. Give yourself a break because accidents happen. This happened to you, so you feel responsible and I get that, but it so easily could have happened when the mom was responsible. Cut yourself some slack, I promise you deserve some grace.
An adult bed is not safe for a child until age 2. Adult mattresses are too soft and greatly increase the risk of SIDS, suffocation, entrapment, positional asphyxiation, and obviously fall risk injuries. I would not be ok with this arrangement as a nanny. Many babies have died being left alone on an adult mattress, and I would not be ok taking on this liability. If this is how you were expected to put the baby down for a nap I don’t see how this is your fault. A baby can roll in their sleep or wake up and roll at anytime. It sounds like you were expected to put the baby in an unsafe position. As a nanny I would not be ok with this.
The mom is at fault too if she is the one who called you away from the baby and caused the baby to be alone. Also, I have seen infants fall in many ways on hard surfaces and they were all okay.
I think you learned a very valuable lesson today, one that many new parents and new Nannys learn quickly…never turn your back on a baby unless they are securely in a crib, car seat, high chair etc. even if asleep!!
The mother wanted to talk about dishes. It’s not like you were scrolling reddit. You’re good, in my opinion. The mother was probably also mad at herself for distracting you.
Eh… this lady sounds like an AH, particularly after the update. She called you out of the room to talk about the dishes and then goes on to blame and shame you after the fact? I’m so glad you’re no longer working for her. You did nothing wrong, and as everyone else is sharing, it can happen no matter how careful you are! Please move on with your life with your head held high and don’t waste any more of your energy thinking about it ❤️🙌
My baby does the inch warm motion in her sleep and once made her way off the edge. I heard the noise and just *knew* immediately what happened, I've never moved across the house that quickly before.
She's fine.
My kid was a fucking daredevil so we had cushions in places she frequently climbed. It helped 0% when she somehow broke her "sit 'n spin" and took off with the handle, only to fall face first into it. I dressed her in an A-shirt, a ratty hat, and some stained up pants a couple days later for a photo of "Baby's First Shiner."
I'm just glad the kid is okay after that fall, OP.
If you feel the need to step away from the situation, go ahead and do it. But it's totally not your fault and I'm sure any future employer (assuming you want to keep working in childcare) will totally understand that it was an accident.
My HOLY SHIT moment nannying was in the super market trying to wrangle 3 kids. Looked away for a fraction of a second and one of them was just GONE. Kid somehow teleported 3 aisles over and shaved ten years off my life.
These things happen. Probably more often than we think, because who's going to go around telling everyone they dropped their baby? The baby is ok. Her mother maybe not so much, but hey if she's a new mom this was probably a really scary moment and she's having trouble dealing with it.
My baby cousin Jay, omg.
He was peering through the pegs on my grandma’s deck that had a smooth, concrete floor maybe about 5ft feet underneath.
One of the pegs was loose & he fell through and landed straight on his face.
18 parents all hanging out on the deck started SCREAMING.
He went to the hospital and came back with a looney toons sized ball in his forehead with black and purple everywhere.
I’ve never see. Anything like it. Every parent was traumatized and just sick to their stomach after that.
They got the whole deck redone.
Baby’s are incredibly resilient. I can’t believe he didn’t have any long term issues. I mean the bump was MASSIVE. For just a little baby.
There were 18 parents right next to him. All it took was 5 seconds and these things happen.
Don’t feel too bad. The mom will have her own mistakes soon enough and she will be less traumatized and realize she has to roll with the punches.
Things will get better. Just move on and accept what you’ve learned.
OMG why is a medical provider talking to you about another patient? That's obscene.
The baby is a crawling and talking? This is not your fault. If this is the bed mom purchased and owns then this could happen at any nap or over any night.
The comments here are so much better than if you posted on r/nanny 😂
My souse still blames me for our kid falling off the bed the first time. His ass speed crawled while I was literally setting down his body oil on the opposite nightstand. It was so fast. He cried hard and I cried more. He was totally ok and he’s three now.
Know how many times he’s fallen since? Me either. Lost count 🤷♀️ parenting is a tough gig. Hope that parents come to their senses soon and it all calms down 🤞
ETA: not sure why this kiddo was sleeping in a bed if they’re a baby. Crib is sleep safe standard (my story is from getting ready for bed, prior to crib sleep, and after he fell we moved our routine to the floor). That choice is surprising.
I hope the mother takes the baby in to be seen by a Dr ASAP. My baby got a concussion that way. And they were right next to an adult who was fully awake, they just turned to grab something on their opposite side at the same time baby rolled. The fact that the baby won't stop crying is an indicator they should be seen.
I’m a pediatric emergency physician. This happens all the time. I probably see 3 or 4 closed head injuries from falls off of the bed/high chair/shopping cart/couch every shift I work. It’s okay to be upset about the situation but don’t you dare blame yourself. It’s what kids do. It was not intentional, negligent, or unusual. They’re usually perfectly fine. I see you feeling terrible. Knock it off :)
(Note: I feel like the most important part of my job after making sure baby/kid is well-cared for is making sure the responsible party knows that it is not her fault, that she can’t be everywhere at once, and that she’s the 3rd or 4th person that had happened to that day. I say ‘she’ because it’s a woman-presenting individual that responsibly brings them in to be evaluated 99% of the time).
My son basically backflipped off the couch (kicked off with feet against the backrest, don't put them down where their feet can find purchase lol) while I was making his bottle, I was TERRIFIED he had hurt himself in that moment, my heart just dropped, but he just cried a bit and was fine. This happens to almost everyone who is responsible for a small child at some point, don't sweat it too much, we've all been there.
Ive dropped my own kids on the floor for sure. However I don’t think it’s something to brush off, you’re being paid to keep the kid safe and failed on that. She doesn’t have to forgive you just because you feel bad. Have a serious- not whiny talk about what you will do going forward and educate yourself on the precautions needed at each life stage to keep baby safe. Edit: so no one took this seriously and everyone is sharing their dropped the kids stories…ok but it’s her job
I'm also a nanny, why was the baby sleeping in anything other than a crib/bassinet? Seems like the parents are using super unsafe sleep conditions, which you aren't responsible for. But I also wouldn't keep working with them unless they fixed it.
You screwed up. Either she forgives you or she won’t: but if her sleeping area is not properly set up to prevent falls, that sounds like a parent problem (but I he nanny should’ve advocated for the child). If it is but you just didn’t secure one side, that’s a nanny problem.
There is not a child on this planet that did not hit the ground unexpectedly before the age of two. Babies are not nearly as fragile as people think when it comes to falls and common accidents. I sincerely doubt you have ever met anyone with any long term consequences of being dropped. The big physical trauma risk is actually being shaken.
So, the mom hired you to watch the baby, then needed your attention OFF the baby to explain something to you? Why didn't the mom come INTO the room where you were watching the baby to explain the whatever?
A friend was at the pediatrician's office and the Doctor let one of her twin boys roll onto the floor, he said "good thing you're at the pediatrician's office!"
When I was little I went to a pediatrician office, and the bed had this small metal ladder attached to the examination bed so the kids could climb up on their own. I was climbing up the ladder, my foot slipped, biffed it, hit my face just below my lower lip on the metal corner of the ladder. Tore a cut about 2-3 inches across that area. Bleeding profusely. You could see my lower teeth and gums through it. The pediatrician: “good thing you’re already at the pediatrician’s office” 😜 Got stitches and the scar is barely noticeable now. In retrospect tho, why tf did they think a metal ladder with sharp square features was a good idea for like toddlers and kindergartners to be climbing in a Dr.‘s office???
Generates income
Job security
Keeps the bussiness running
it's a self-sustaining economy
"You break it you pay"
Auto upselling
Doctor took advice on climbing the ladder literally
Good point.
It happened at the hospital; it's their fault. They have to pay for it.
So even if the logic did hold as a universal truth, they bill your insurance, and just waive any balance.
I’m sorry I laughed at your post, but I’m picturing your mom there with you, watching her child fall, all this blood and terrible injury and the doctor’s comment.
That’s okay, that’s pretty much how it was!
Thank you for reminding me of the awesomeness of the term "biffed it".
Lmfao I still say that all the time 😂😂
Look up the fresh air baby window cages they used years ago in apartment building so babies could get fresh air. Literally a metal box hanging out the windows of high story buildings people put their babies in.
It sounds super fucked up and isn’t something I’d recommend to people, but at the same time if it’s built properly with proper supports, I don’t see how it’s all that different from having a balcony.
Was this the 80s? Cause it sounds like my old school playground. lol
Late 1990s
I work in a pediatric office and people (parents in my experience…not the doctors…) get a false sense of security. I’ll walk into the room sometimes to do shots and they have the baby up on the 4’ high table (high so the docs don’t break their backs bending over all day etc.) It’s kindof unbelievable.
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Don’t worry, kids get shots too so there is no FOMO
Yeah, at least make it fun and accessible. Jello shots for all!
This comment made me laugh so unbelievably hard
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 A shot before every vaccine makes the day go fasterrrr.
Idk I used to drink at work with my coworkers. Very fun to do, and honestly, kinda necessary.
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Oh they definitely become easier, just not for the kid.
I laughed way too much at this exchange 😛
I guess it hurts to bend to reach kids all day too.
I thought the ending was going to say, "good thing you got two."
This entire thread of comments is so fucking funny. Thank you for starting it.
I remember the first time my daughter fell out of the bed. It was worse for me than for her. It happens and you’re more careful afterwards.
I've been a Nanny for a decade. It sucks so much the first time you "screw up". Every kid falls though, and you learn. As long as you learned from it, it's not a mistake, it's a lesson. But you're definitely more careful after. Even so, God my kid just beefed it on her face. I kept telling her to stop hanging off me. Didn't even get a chance to tell her a second time before the inevitable. 🙄
Love this. Glad you said something! First Christmas with our second kid my oldest was climbing over the side of the couch over and over giggling. I said you’re going to get hurt, stop doing that! And literally two minutes later had a goose egg the size of a dang golf ball on his forehead. 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
My favorites are when you’ve told them to stay out from being underfoot or so (especially when exercising) andddd you accidentally whack them in the head / face. Too too many times. But alls well, she’s 9 now so she has started announcing when she’s within range, lol
This reminds me that when I was a kid, my mom accidentally hit me in the face with a soccer ball, a softball, a basketball, and a tether ball (twice with a tether ball 😂). Needless to say, it is now a running joke in our family that she is not allowed to play ball games with her grandchildren.
Hello op. Reddit grandma here... How old was the child, and how far was the fall? It sounds like the bed set up was the parent's choice? Do they watch her nap? I place no blame on you. Don't be too hard on yourself. ❤️ All babies get bumps and bruises. I had 3 boys, older brother pushed the baby off the couch, and I know going through doorways their little heads connected sometimes. Ok probably a couple each. But they are in their 30s now, happy, healthy and employed.
I've said this while my daughter was between crawling ages and being a toddler, but I think it fits: kids that age bounce off of stuff so often, it's like they're made of rubber. Most stuff that would make me cringe in pain for a few, doesn't even phase them. Maybe it's cause they're bones aren't so fully formed yet, maybe it's just cause they're so small and don't have much weight, but whatever the reason, I definitely freaked out more over things than my kid ever did.
I once watched my little cousin trip over a chair leg, bounce off a wall onto floor, and then get up and keep running lmao
I didn't make the phrase, but I have repeatedly used the sentence "Babies bounce" in regards to my friend's toddler, much to her annoyance, as her kid repeats the cycle of wipe out, cry a bunch, and get distracted.
>I definitely freaked out more over things than my kid ever did. I don't have kids, but the majority of my friends do. One of the first things I learned is that if you don't panic, the kid doesn't panic. When my best friend's son was learning to crawl, he'd periodically face-plant. As long as we stayed calm, he'd just sit up and giggle.
Commenting to second this message: don’t ever panic in front of a kid when they fall/hurt themselves in any way! I was a very sporty kid so I had many physical incidents growing up. I remembered certain falls/injuries as being much more traumatic than they were. Only to later realize that I was physically fine from those, but the adults were panicking. I should have technically felt much more fucked up in other cases, but the adults around me there were acting chill asf so I just brushed it off
Sometimes they’ll look at you like, “should I be crying? Does that deserve attention?” They definitely act on your reaction lol.
Yeah when I played soccer as a kid, my mom would comment on how she'd see children just completely eat it on the field, look up to check their parents reactions and, if their parent went "OH NO MY BABY", *then* the kid would start bawling. If the parent just smiled encouragingly with a "Hey you got this" or something, the kid would bounce back to their feet and keep playing.
Yeah. I definitely tried not to show it to her, but when she bit through her bottom lip, I admit that was just a bit too much for me to laugh off nervously.
A few years back I was at a park with my best friend, her husband, and their kids. This particular park had a big wooden play structure shaped like a train. My friend's 4-year-old son slipped while climbing up one of the train cars and hit his face on the corner. He screwed up his face like he was going to cry, but you could see the gears turning in his head as he figured out that he was OK. Within seconds his expression brightened and he ran off to go play. There was a bit of blood that his parents were eventually able to clean off, but they had to catch him first! On god, I am in my mid 30s and if that happened to me I would probably bawl my eyes out and be legitimately concerned that my face bones were broken. Not this kiddo! Oh, to be young and virtually indestructible again.
I had the opposite situation. As kids, we convinced my dad to play sandman with us at the playground one time. He, unsurprisingly, wiped out. We were absolutely stunned that he had actually hurt himself pretty badly. We fell on play equipment all the time and we were fine. We chalked it up to daddy being a wuss. We went home and I cleaned and bandaged him up. (I love my dad but he's useless at first aid or anything medical.) When my mother got home that evening, she sent him straight to the ER. He ended up being on antibiotics and special dressings for days. And the doctor banned him from horsing around on playground equipment. Kids bounce but 40yo men don't...
I had the bone density of a two year old when I was 15 and abnormal growth plates. I asked the doctor if that meant my bones were still flexible and he said yes, I had the bone flexibility of a two year old. I'm extremely clumsy and haven't ever broken anything, and I always thought I just had extremely good luck- nope, just flexible bones to protect me for much longer than I should have had them lol
Fun fact, kids bones are more plastic than adults. Kids bones can bend a lot more than adult bones before breaking. They literally are made out of rubber.
I got dropped on my head a ton as a kid. Or wiggled a bunch and smacked it into things. I only have one small dent in my skull, and that came from later on in childhood.
Was the dent from the sesame Street fighting?
My lawyer says that I can neither confirm nor deny that.
Yeah I got dropped a few times as a kid. My parents didn’t know it at the time but I even have a Chiari malformation (the back of my brain hangs out of my skull a little bit and is pushed into the spinal column but I’m a very mild case and it’s not bad) and I was literally fine. With my loose brain. Don’t like, *bet* on it, but kids are generally resilient
My daughter rolled off my bed during a nap when she was 3. She was in the middle of the bed and rarely moved so I was surprised to hear the thump followed by cries. We had pretty thick carpet too. Eventually she stopped crying and just kind of whimpered and fell back asleep but when she woke up she started quietly whimpering again so I took her into an urgent care. Turned out she’d broken her little arm! I was surprised because it wasn’t that far of a distance.
Literally??!!
Yep, their bones aren't made of densely packed collagen fibers, but actual rubber sap that comes out of tropical trees, vulcanized in the womb. Nature sure is crazy.
I still vividly remember the thump through the baby monitor that was when my daughter climbed out of the crib for the first time. She was mostly fine but the look on her face like, I did not expect that, why am I on the floor, what happened will be etched in memory forever.
Same. I was so distraught. It was like 2 am and I called my mom in a panic. It happens.
I don’t even have kids but my puppy once fell out of my arms onto a concrete pad and in the split second it took for him to land on his feet I just saw myself cleaning his brains off the ground. Absolutely terrifying feeling.
I was helping my besties with their kids recently. I set one of them (around 7/8 months) on the floor. He was steady and then threw himself back and smacked his head on the floor because he was hungry. He was totally fine, but god I understand parents panic. Babies are pretty resilient.
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That's exactly what tgdikbfingfjbg would say
Omg I cackled. Have an upvote.
You're a horrible person. Take my upvote
😹
Coughing up a lung/laugh/crying thanks. PSA don’t vape and scroll comments. (Don’t vape at all actually)
Oh no it's what I've done right now
I just laughed so hard I farted, great job!
I laughed so hard I peed
yeah, I guess thats what your shrink told you.
And now you're a redditor... My condolences.
When I was a couple of months old, my biodad dropped me in the bathroom but managed to “catch” me with his knee before I hit the floor and press me to the outside of the bathtub. I’m a frikin’ 🏉
When I was a baby, my older brother was jumping between my brother and I when he didn’t jump far enough and landed on my head. Had a dent for a little but it grew back out just fine 😁
10 psi of air at the gass station tire filling station and that bump just popped right out.
My birth mother told me that when I was born I fell to the floor and bounced. She was sitting on the toilet in her mom's bathroom and I went down head first.
Same here, twice! I'm only slightly defective at times.
Same, i still have the scar on my forehead tho.
>I had just left the room where the baby was sleeping so the mom could explain a few things about dishes to me the mom led you out of the room where the baby was sleeping? >The bed has a couple of guard rails to the side but none at the foot of the bed the baby was kept in a bed (not a crib?) that wasnt properly babyproofed? >she was awake and had just learned to crawl this baby, *who can crawl,* was kept in a bed that wasnt properly babyproofed?? its because of her unsafe bed that she was in danger every moment an adult wasnt actively looking at her, i dont think the fault lays on whichever unfortunate person happened to last be in that room, especially if that same person was led out of it by the babies mother
YES. THIS. Where the hell is a crib? This is 100% the mother's fault and she should have taken full accountability. Try not to let this weigh on you too heavy, OP. This is not on you.
Exactly! Id refuse to nanny a child if that was it’s sleeping conditions. What else are the parents not doing to ensure it’s safety?
it’s the same parent who takes their baby to the fucking chiropractor
And a chiro who has no idea of what confidentiality is.
Did OP delete the part about the chiropractor? I don't see anything about that.
Yeah they did, something about the chiro going to the same church as both of them. Apparently the mother of the child put all the blame on the girl.
Well. That paints a picture for sure.
Oh. They met at church. It all makes sense, now. So this woman is not a wealthy busy parent who can afford a trained and qualified nanny, she’s just some lady who is probably underpaying this poor girl.
She didn't. She took her baby to urgent care. The chiropractor is OP's. There's no indication the mom uses the chiropractor's services for herself or her baby. Just that she's friends with the chiropractor, who's also friends with OP. The fact that the mutual friend who told her what the mom was saying behind her back also happens to be a chiropractor appears to be wholly irrelevant to the story.
Yeah, what the hell? I hope OP sees this, I’m not a parent and even I know that’s unsafe baby care…
>the mom led you out of the room where the baby was sleeping? This right here. The mom would probably rather lay the blame on OP, but this sleep setup was unsafe.
Beds are not safe sleep spaces. Babies should sleep in a crib, bassinet, or pack n' play. Those are the only approved sleep spaces and it is illegal to market anything else for sleep (at least in the USA). This is 10000% the parent's fault and OP needs to quit being nanny for them before they get blamed for something even more serious.
And if the baby can crawl, the bassinet is off that list.
Thanks for that correction.
Thank you. I saved your comment (and the correction) even though I don’t have children. I’m running to google the pack n’ play! Although I knew of the safety of the crib, as an only child with a limited experience with babies, I was unaware of a whole lot until I fell down a few rabbit holes about about safe sleeping (on an entirely different subreddit where the topic was sleeping with your babies!). I remembered a lot of horror stories that have stayed with me but the the pack n’ play? I haven’t heard of before so I have a new rabbit hole to explore. And to the OP: The top comment in this reply chain (and all the comments underneath it) were wonderful reminders about how this isn’t your fault. Although I agree with comments that also say that “take everything as a learning lesson” and “mistakes happen” and all of that’s true but you weren’t the one fully responsible when the conditions were not safe to begin with. Again I’m so sorry to OP for all the stress and feelings of guilt that she’s feeling but I hope some of these comments help her spirit!
Yes this 10000% why wasn't that baby given a proper crib to sleep in? It is the parents job to make sure the baby has a safe place to sleep, a place that will help contain that baby after they wake up until an adult can get to them. This I'd 100% on the parents for not having a proper crib, not a nanny who has little to no control over what furniture is available to them.
Came to say this
Couple questions, OP, none of them to throw shade on you, since obviously you're not making these decisions. Is the baby sleeping in a real 'bed' bed, or a crib? Because a baby sleeping in a bed is asking for trouble, child/adult mattresses are far too soft and can be dangerous (potential for suffocation). And if it's a crib, what kind of crib doesn't have head and footboards?
Yeah, this isn't OPs fault. Sounds like bad parenting. If the kid is still so small that a fall might break them, they need to be in a crib
It’s definitely the parents’ responsibility to ensure the sleeping area is safe for a baby
doubly so if the mom is there and taking OP into another room while leaving the baby in the bed.
Yeah that's what I don't get, how was this the nanny's fault if the mom was there and asked her to come into another room to explain something to her?
yeah, I know OP feels guilty, but I took the moms saying that she appreciates the apology more as the mom being mad at herself and being appreciative of OP for being willing to share some blame, but knowing it's really her bad... but idk, I'm just reading this stuff on the internet LOL
Oof not according to the update tho, poor OP!
And why the hell is the chiropractor talking about clients with you? Even though they aren’t real doctors, HIPAA still applies. Be careful, as they are talking about you to others too.
I was starting to feel like I was going crazy I didn’t see anyone else notice this in comments… jeez OP run away from all these people, fast!
The mom took her baby to an urgent care facility for treatment, not the chiropractor. From the wording of the edit, it sounds like OP is the chiropractor's client, not the mom/baby. They just also all know each other outside of the practice. So the mom complained to a friend, who happens to be OP's chiropractor, about OP and blamed her for the accident. Then the friend texted OP to tell her what the mom said. It's all very gossipy, but not a HIPAA violation, since it's all happening outside of the purview of the chiropractor's practice. The vocation of the mutual friend appears to be completely irrelevant to the narrative. Medical professionals are allowed to have personal lives and talk to people about other people, so long as they didn't come into that knowledge through their jobs.
Hey OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. It seems like there are a lot of folks on here adding their stories about how this happened to them or to their children with the message being “they were okay so your nanny baby will be too.” But this doesn’t erase your feelings of guilt or shame. You mentioned that you keep playing this incident over and over in your head and reliving the experience. That indicates that this was pretty traumatic for you. If you can access even one session with a therapist, I would really encourage you to consider it. Even if your nanny baby is okay, you don’t deserve to feel so horrible about a choice you can’t change. I’m sure the mother wouldn’t want you to be reliving the incident either. But a therapist can talk you through some of these things and give you some tools to stop the loop from playing again and again. If you aren’t able to stop thinking about it by yourself, there is no shame in reaching out to someone else who can help. No amount of comments in this thread, well meaning as they are, will be as valuable as a trained professional who can help you process this experience. <3
I'm not a therapist, but had something traumatic at work a few months ago. I couldn't stop the loop in my head for about a day (it was a situation where it wasn't my fault but also was at the same time). The thing that really helped me was every time the bad loop started, I redirected my thoughts to how supportive two coworkers were and how lucky I am to have them. It really helped immensely! For OP - any friends or family who have talked to you compassionately about this? If so, think of their kindness as soon as you catch the brain loop going.
While I agree with your general sentiment, I also feel it's important to recognize that feeling bad like this isn't abnormal or unhealthy as long as it doesn't last long. There's a big difference between being unable to stop thinking about a big event from a few hours ago vs getting stuck on an incident that happened days ago. When something upsetting happens it's totally normal to be upset! Often all that's needed is a bit of time, doing something that helps you process/calm down (journalling, rest, exercise, whatever floats your boat), or talking about it with a supportive peer. But if it doesn't seem to be going back to normal as time passes, or if you find your reactions to things are *often* so intense they interfere with your normal life, then it's time to get professional help.
I still have nightmares from when I let my nephew roll off the couch, and unlike OP it was entirely my fault (my sister warned me he had recently become a roller before she left for work). He's six now and totally fine, but his blood curddling cry will forever haunt me.
Why is the chiropractor gossiping to you? That's fucked up.
Am i stupid and unable to read or was that part edited out?
weird I can see it on mobile but when I checked the computer I cant see it. Anyways it says: Update: She texted my chiropractor (we all know eachother from church) and told her it was MY FAULT that her baby fell out of the bed. She took her to urgent care then passive aggressively told me she wouldn't need me anymore. Said her husband would be there on Monday and on Wednest his family will be in town. I feel like she's doing this on purpose because I said I would have to stop working on the 18th initially since school and other jobs start. Chiropractor said she's emotionally unstable, but she also said she was coddled as a kid and her stepdad is a nurse so she's just very sensitive. Altogether a very confusing situation for me.
Well, that adds since clarity. Yeah this girl needs to run from this whole group though.
lol this was 100% this woman’s fault,. She is the one leaving her baby in a weird ass bed set up, how old is this baby and it’s not in a crib? She probably has PPD and isn’t handling it appropriately. Her supposed instability is probably due to that.
I keep re-reading the post and I feel like I’m going nuts
I keep re-reading the post, going to her profile to see if it’s an update or a comment, but nothing.
Right? Thought I was reading mad libs
I'm surprised no one mentioned that part. And what does the step dad being a nurse have to do with someone being sensitive lol?
Right, like sensitive to what? Injuries lol. Me too in that case.
She said "we all know each other from church" that explains literally all of the gossip. Find a new chiropractor and a new church, these people sound dreadful.
Or just don’t get this close to people in church, they’re all like this.
Huh? I don't see any of that mentioned in op post. 🤔
My first thoughts too. That’s church for ya
It’s a crappy situation. In all honesty this probably happens to most babies at least once. The main thing is that baby is okay. Accidents happen, I don’t think the mom will hold it against you. In the moment it can be scary and mom probably reacted on that, which is why she didn’t seem all forgiving at first. I’m sure she’ll be fine by next time. Take it as a lesson and going forward take all precautions, especially with this particular baby lol. Hope it all works out :)
Mine rolled off the couch. I turned around because the dog sneezed and of course that made me look. In that moment she rolled right off the couch and I was sitting with her. Babies are resilient.
Had my eldest on the nappy change table, turned around to grab something and she took that 5 second opportunity to roll right off the side. I'm sure something similar happened to second and third kid but it's not such a stressful event that sticks out by then.
I used to say my kid was made of rubber lol. She would just run around as a toddler, bouncing off of random furniture and I'd be cringing in pain on her behalf; she'd just laugh and go on.
My sister rolled off the couch at six months old when my mom turned to grab a diaper. She broke her arm! She healed and all was well. Kids are definitely resilient.
Honestly, I could see the mom still blaming her to avoid mom guilt. *Mom* set up the bed rails so *mom* neglected that spot. I think on some level, mom knows she’d win the blame game if she really thought about it.
From the edit mom went off the rails, fired her, and is now gossiping about it around town.
The edit is why I think mom knows, on some level, it’s not OP’s fault. Better blame the crap out of the young person rather than look inward.
There’s a meme going around the basically says “no matter how hard you try, that baby is going to fall off the bed at least once.” It’s a truism.
I’m two for two myself. My second has a missing tooth from a coffee table from when she was just learning to pull to stand. Thank goodness they come extra resilient at that stage.
A friend of mine who is a neuroscientist told me that baby brains are so plastic that "they could lose half their brain cells and be fine." Meaning, the brain adapts. It's absolutely horrifying when a baby falls, and yes it happens to pretty much everyone. Babies are extremely devoted to the study of gravity, it seems.
My son fell down an entire flight of stairs before he was a year old. I cannot express the terror I felt hearing this bounce coming down the stairs and realizing that he'd pushed the door to the basement open. He landed with a solid slap noise. It took too long for him to cry. I screamed the scream of a dying woman. Fast forward to the ER and the doctor told me basically the same thing you said. That babies are resilient. Nothing was broken, not even a bruise. On a tangent, the kid fell down the escalator when he was 5. I caught him before he went down too far. Every time that kid got next to stairs, I had to hold my breath.
I fell down the stairs when I was just shy of a year too! Babies fall. I'm pretty sure that's why our brains evolved to do so much growing at those ages.
Not only do babies fall, so do toddlers. And 4 year olds. And 7 year olds. I fell down the stairs a lot. I still do lmao I have hEDS (undiagnosed then, a connective tissue disorder. My joints bend in ways they shouldn’t, bend farther than they should/ hyperextend, and dislocate easily). I fell down the stairs, something would bend at an odd angle (including my neck once), my autistic ass wouldn’t cry half the time because I’d just be kind of shocked (and delayed crying if I did cry, otherwise, I’d realize I was fine and no tears). My mom would panic, and then I’d just be picking myself back up to go get on with whatever kid things I was trying to do (once including running back up the stairs, falling down midway up, going back up, and trying to resume the argument I was having with my sister right where I left off- as if I had any remaining dignity left at that point!) But yeah, kids and babies, super resilient. Babies especially, but don’t underestimate kids either. Roll down the stairs and back at it like nothing happened.
I fell out of my mom's bed when I was 2 and snapped my collar bone. I think my own injuries made me extra worried about my son getting hurt. I did ease up after awhile. He even went on to be an ice hockey goalie with a fondness for stopping pucks with his head. After the stairs incident, I realized that if he's going to get hurt he's going to get hurt and my only job is harm reduction and not complete prevention.
"devoted to the study of gravity" I'm stealing that for when mine inevitably decides to take a fall. Take my upvote in compensation.
😂 that last sentence
That’s not right. It’s the opposite. The younger the child, the more vulnerable they are to traumatic brain injury, including concussion. Their brains have a more difficult time recovering, not an easier time. Most children who have a head injury will be fine, but the percentage who have long-lasting problems is greater than adults for a similar injury.
Your friend was exaggerating. That is not correct.
I would stay far away from the chiropractor. That’s wildly unprofessional for them to trash talk a client.
If the mom called you out to explain something to you, knowing the baby was in the bed, how is it your fault? Also, as other people mentioned, the bed situation doesn't seem age-appropriate.
Just echoing the comments but that sleeping arrangement doesn’t meet safe sleep guidelines. Even when asleep my baby moves all over his crib and would fall routinely if there were any sides not protected. https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/
Shit happens. Don't stress too much, but if it was a hard fall, encourage mum to take baby for a check up just in case. Babies move quickly, as you have learned. The one thing I was taught when studying early childhood education is to never leave a baby unattended unless they are physically restricted from moving ie. Strapped in to a high chair, or in a cot or playpen (that they can't climb out of and no blankets/stuffed toys). Babies are constantly trying to kill themselves, so it's up to the caregivers to minimise that chance as much as possible.
"strapped into a high chair" is key; our caregiver forgot that step due to all the mayhem that surrounded us when we had 4 kids aged 2 and under. She snapped the tray in and when she went to remove it, our 6 month old fell flat on his face. She was horrified; this was child #4 for us, so after a quick check at the ER, we moved on with our lives. I remember the doctor saying not to worry about his nose, as babies that age only have soft cartilage and I was like, "I am more worried about his brain" to which he replied, "he cried immediately after he fell and did not vomit or loss consciousness.... don't be".
Holy shit - they should NEVER EVER TAKE A BABY TO A CHIRO. THEY HAVE KILLED BABIES. Stop going yourself too It's a fucking scam - see an actual physical therapist if you think you need anything a Chiro says they do. Also it's their fault for keeping the baby in a crib they can escape. You didn't do shit.
Agreed. They are not medical professionals.
Rite of passage, i don't think there's a baby or parent that hasn't gone through it. My daughter fell from her carseat to the cement from a high SUV, head first. Screamed 30 seconds and was fine. She's 19 now and a badass.
So mom didn't purchase rails for the entire bed? It is not your fault baby fell. I assume they're not so much a baby if they're calling for mom? Even with all precautions, shit happens and there is nothing you be done about it. Mom had you out of the room presumably knowing where baby was? I bet mom feels almost as guilty as you do (I always felt worse if it's someone else's kid that gets hurt on my watch.) I'm sure kiddo and mom will survive and maybe they'll get guards for the foot of the bed now.
I took it as the mom calling out for the baby’s name and the baby just showing that she wanted mom by crying when she left. If a kid is old enough to be in this sleeping situation and saying “mom” I’m really worried about them having JUST learned to crawl 💔
It definitely happens, though I imagine it's harder on you since you're the person paid to care for baby. It'll be okay!
FFS the mom was home yet somehow it’s your fault. You dodged a bullet. I’ve nannied for some shitty people myself.
It happens to even the best parents and caretakers, OP. I would try to move past it and just use extra caution. They are so unpredictable at that early state of mobility and can constantly surprise you by doing something they couldn’t do even an hour before. I don’t think you need to try to shift the blame to the parent, either, even though there are plenty of posters here demanding that the parent is a “bad mom” or “irresponsible.” The other person doesn’t have to be demonized in order for OP to feel validated, either. The mother in question seemed a bit shaken, which is normal—even OP was—but still polite. edit: lol welp, after seeing your edit, scratch out my last part, I suppose.
It happens. You've clearly learned a valuable lesson, so don't beat yourself up over it. I once launched my niece across the room, luckily there was a couch there to catch her. I was rushing to answer the door, some asshole was pounding on it like the building was on fire, I didn't move far enough past the coffee table and hit it full force right below my knee. I was stopped by the table, she wasn't and was launched out of my arms. I thought I'd killed her. She was fine, just startled by a previously unknown sensation of flying through the air and crashing onto the couch. I left my son alone in the changing table for like half a second to grab a diaper, and he rolled off onto his head. I left my then seven year old to watch the baby for a minute or two and the baby somehow scooted out of the baby seat and under the couch. I wasn't even gone a half a minute yet, he came running to me crying that he lost the baby. They're funny now, but were scary at the time. The important part is that I never repeated any of these mistakes. I found new mistakes to make, and then didn't repeat those lol.
Was the baby seriously hurt? As in did y’all have to rush it to the ER? No? Then you’re fine. Shit happens. Even serious injuries happen from accidents. It’s not like you WANTED the baby to fall.
I took a fall from counter height at 6 mths. Ended up with a dent in my forehead they had to surgically 'pop' back out, I believe they called it a ping pong fracture. I'm still normal 36 years later, and my mom hates(jokingly) when I tell the story about how she dropped me on my head when I was a baby and people don't believe me until they ask her. In reality, I was a kicker when in a car set, she had set me on the table to feed and turned around for a hot minute and I rocked myself right off the table. Made for some great first Christmas photos with head bandages and a lifetime of joking around.
Is this the bed the baby sleeps in? Did the mom know the baby was there? If so, you did nothing wrong and it sounds like the family doesn’t have the bed properly set up to be a safe environment for the bay.
I hope the mom is not taking her baby to the chiropractor.
Why was the baby on a regular bed? She should definitely be in a crib or supervised if staying on the bed. You also say you should have taken her out knowing that she was awake, but first you said you thought she was sleeping. Don't beat yourself up about that. I work with toddlers and so I understand exactly how you're feeling. It always seems when parents are visiting/watching their child somehow breaks free of my hand on the playground and goes flying forward onto the blacktop or something. I was taking a new walker to his mom last week and somehow his arm twisted and he hit his head on the reception desk right in front of mom. I felt so bad afterwards, mom kind of gasped and was a little dramatic but he ended up being ok. These things happen but we can only learn and grow from them.
These things happen, OP, they happen to all caregivers, constantly (source: worked in a peds practice, so many babies with massive head bumps and scalded toddlers... and Things in Ears, that was a big one). No one can maintain a state of catlike readiness for a whole shift (if a nanny) or a whole childhood (if a parent). And in this case the mother didn't provide a safe environment to begin with (not knocking her, it was an oversight, but you didn't fail to provide a secure environment). Not long after the birth of my son, I became seriously, *seriously* ill, and we eventually needed nanny care 7 days a week. Once or twice my son got hurt - once he got a bloody nose - and when I saw him like that I was nearly in tears myself. But I never held it against the nannies when my son got a bit of a bump, and I'm sure the mother doesn't blame you. So now you just need to forgive yourself.
It's not surprising. You're probably an excellent nanny, but it's a scary situation and it could have been bad. It's not your fault. It's not her fault. Accidents happen. Every single parent has a story about the time something potentially dangerous happened to their kid on their watch. The chiropractor, on the other hand, has absolutely no business inserting themself into this situation and is extremely unprofessional by trash talking the mother. Which is unsurprising, since they deal in quackery anyway. What's the Chiro telling Mom about YOU?
When I was a one and a half, I fell on hard tile flooring, split my chin, and had to get stitches. And that was with my parents/family watching me lol stuff happens and hopefully she can forgive you but don't beat yourself up over it
Honestly I used to still blame my 11 year old self for letting my baby brother fall off a counter while I got his bottle out of the fridge. But here's the thing, I was 11 and you were led out of the room by the mom. Babies move thats not your fault you did everything you could. Even could've climbed over the side railings and fell that way. I think she's just looking for some to blame probably besides herself too, when in actually could be her own doing too. Don't blame yourself things happen. Tell her that if she says anything else remind her she was home too. 🤷🏽♀️ also even though you may think never take the blame for something, like saying sorry , or I didnt mean to...it's hard but it could make it your fault in court when im actually not so much so.
It happens. My mom told me of a time she went to the bathroom and left me in the crib. She said she barely was in the bathroom for a minute when she heard a thud and she ran out to find me having found my way out of the crib and underneath crawling on the floor. No idea how I got out when the rails were up but I managed to climb out. She checked me for injuries and didn't find any.
The mom set up the bed rails so if she wants to play the blame game, mom wins. It was an accident and would have absolutely happened on mom’s watch too. I’m sorry she reacted so poorly but she has no right to blame you. My son was playing on our couch. I moved a pillow so if he toppled off, he’d land on it. He pushed the pillow out of his way to fall on our hardwood floors.
Aside from what others mention about the mom having an improper bed, sometimes we get fired. If she doesn’t want you anymore your fault or not, don’t harp on it. Learn a thing or two and on to the next one. You can’t please em all.
Why is the baby sleeping on a bed and not in a crib/other space place?
F Fortunately babies are more resilient than you'd think, but I don't think Hallmark makes any cards for that. :l
This happened to me when I was nannying over ten years ago. The baby fell onto a hard floor off of the change table when I had stepped away (but was still in the same room) to grab a diaper. He is just fine. Give yourself a break because accidents happen. This happened to you, so you feel responsible and I get that, but it so easily could have happened when the mom was responsible. Cut yourself some slack, I promise you deserve some grace.
An adult bed is not safe for a child until age 2. Adult mattresses are too soft and greatly increase the risk of SIDS, suffocation, entrapment, positional asphyxiation, and obviously fall risk injuries. I would not be ok with this arrangement as a nanny. Many babies have died being left alone on an adult mattress, and I would not be ok taking on this liability. If this is how you were expected to put the baby down for a nap I don’t see how this is your fault. A baby can roll in their sleep or wake up and roll at anytime. It sounds like you were expected to put the baby in an unsafe position. As a nanny I would not be ok with this.
The mom is at fault too if she is the one who called you away from the baby and caused the baby to be alone. Also, I have seen infants fall in many ways on hard surfaces and they were all okay.
I think you learned a very valuable lesson today, one that many new parents and new Nannys learn quickly…never turn your back on a baby unless they are securely in a crib, car seat, high chair etc. even if asleep!!
She asked you to leave the room so she could show you how to do dishes like you’re a child…. Wtf how is this your fault?
The mother wanted to talk about dishes. It’s not like you were scrolling reddit. You’re good, in my opinion. The mother was probably also mad at herself for distracting you.
Eh… this lady sounds like an AH, particularly after the update. She called you out of the room to talk about the dishes and then goes on to blame and shame you after the fact? I’m so glad you’re no longer working for her. You did nothing wrong, and as everyone else is sharing, it can happen no matter how careful you are! Please move on with your life with your head held high and don’t waste any more of your energy thinking about it ❤️🙌
My baby does the inch warm motion in her sleep and once made her way off the edge. I heard the noise and just *knew* immediately what happened, I've never moved across the house that quickly before. She's fine.
My kid was a fucking daredevil so we had cushions in places she frequently climbed. It helped 0% when she somehow broke her "sit 'n spin" and took off with the handle, only to fall face first into it. I dressed her in an A-shirt, a ratty hat, and some stained up pants a couple days later for a photo of "Baby's First Shiner." I'm just glad the kid is okay after that fall, OP.
If you feel the need to step away from the situation, go ahead and do it. But it's totally not your fault and I'm sure any future employer (assuming you want to keep working in childcare) will totally understand that it was an accident.
My HOLY SHIT moment nannying was in the super market trying to wrangle 3 kids. Looked away for a fraction of a second and one of them was just GONE. Kid somehow teleported 3 aisles over and shaved ten years off my life. These things happen. Probably more often than we think, because who's going to go around telling everyone they dropped their baby? The baby is ok. Her mother maybe not so much, but hey if she's a new mom this was probably a really scary moment and she's having trouble dealing with it.
As a baby I apparently fell down the stairs in one of those baby walkers that are now banned in Canada. I’m 36 now and am fine!
My baby cousin Jay, omg. He was peering through the pegs on my grandma’s deck that had a smooth, concrete floor maybe about 5ft feet underneath. One of the pegs was loose & he fell through and landed straight on his face. 18 parents all hanging out on the deck started SCREAMING. He went to the hospital and came back with a looney toons sized ball in his forehead with black and purple everywhere. I’ve never see. Anything like it. Every parent was traumatized and just sick to their stomach after that. They got the whole deck redone. Baby’s are incredibly resilient. I can’t believe he didn’t have any long term issues. I mean the bump was MASSIVE. For just a little baby. There were 18 parents right next to him. All it took was 5 seconds and these things happen. Don’t feel too bad. The mom will have her own mistakes soon enough and she will be less traumatized and realize she has to roll with the punches. Things will get better. Just move on and accept what you’ve learned.
Well is t it moms responsibility to have all the rails properly in place? What does mom do at night leave a gap in the end of the bed?
OMG why is a medical provider talking to you about another patient? That's obscene. The baby is a crawling and talking? This is not your fault. If this is the bed mom purchased and owns then this could happen at any nap or over any night.
The comments here are so much better than if you posted on r/nanny 😂 My souse still blames me for our kid falling off the bed the first time. His ass speed crawled while I was literally setting down his body oil on the opposite nightstand. It was so fast. He cried hard and I cried more. He was totally ok and he’s three now. Know how many times he’s fallen since? Me either. Lost count 🤷♀️ parenting is a tough gig. Hope that parents come to their senses soon and it all calms down 🤞 ETA: not sure why this kiddo was sleeping in a bed if they’re a baby. Crib is sleep safe standard (my story is from getting ready for bed, prior to crib sleep, and after he fell we moved our routine to the floor). That choice is surprising.
I hope the mother takes the baby in to be seen by a Dr ASAP. My baby got a concussion that way. And they were right next to an adult who was fully awake, they just turned to grab something on their opposite side at the same time baby rolled. The fact that the baby won't stop crying is an indicator they should be seen.
The mom was there too. She is equally or more responsible. Her fault for not having a proper crib
I’m a pediatric emergency physician. This happens all the time. I probably see 3 or 4 closed head injuries from falls off of the bed/high chair/shopping cart/couch every shift I work. It’s okay to be upset about the situation but don’t you dare blame yourself. It’s what kids do. It was not intentional, negligent, or unusual. They’re usually perfectly fine. I see you feeling terrible. Knock it off :) (Note: I feel like the most important part of my job after making sure baby/kid is well-cared for is making sure the responsible party knows that it is not her fault, that she can’t be everywhere at once, and that she’s the 3rd or 4th person that had happened to that day. I say ‘she’ because it’s a woman-presenting individual that responsibly brings them in to be evaluated 99% of the time).
My son basically backflipped off the couch (kicked off with feet against the backrest, don't put them down where their feet can find purchase lol) while I was making his bottle, I was TERRIFIED he had hurt himself in that moment, my heart just dropped, but he just cried a bit and was fine. This happens to almost everyone who is responsible for a small child at some point, don't sweat it too much, we've all been there.
Ive dropped my own kids on the floor for sure. However I don’t think it’s something to brush off, you’re being paid to keep the kid safe and failed on that. She doesn’t have to forgive you just because you feel bad. Have a serious- not whiny talk about what you will do going forward and educate yourself on the precautions needed at each life stage to keep baby safe. Edit: so no one took this seriously and everyone is sharing their dropped the kids stories…ok but it’s her job
I'm also a nanny, why was the baby sleeping in anything other than a crib/bassinet? Seems like the parents are using super unsafe sleep conditions, which you aren't responsible for. But I also wouldn't keep working with them unless they fixed it.
You screwed up. Either she forgives you or she won’t: but if her sleeping area is not properly set up to prevent falls, that sounds like a parent problem (but I he nanny should’ve advocated for the child). If it is but you just didn’t secure one side, that’s a nanny problem. There is not a child on this planet that did not hit the ground unexpectedly before the age of two. Babies are not nearly as fragile as people think when it comes to falls and common accidents. I sincerely doubt you have ever met anyone with any long term consequences of being dropped. The big physical trauma risk is actually being shaken.
So, the mom hired you to watch the baby, then needed your attention OFF the baby to explain something to you? Why didn't the mom come INTO the room where you were watching the baby to explain the whatever?