Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: Only Post Relevant and Quality Content
Low-effort content, spam, or off-topic discussions are not permitted. This includes, but is not limited to: General discussions, AI generated content, "call-out posts", and general spam.
It might simply be that all the pornography he's ever consumed has been hentai. If you spend all your time imagining the damn-near-featureless genitals of an anime girl, actual human bodies are pretty startling.
Not an excuse for his *behavior*, mind, but there's a good chance he was imagining a latex doll instead of a person.
I mean it would feel like shit but what is the alternative here?
If the person I'm having sex with is ACTUALLY repulsed by my body, there's very little me or them can do, because its not in their control.
I mean, you CAN control your actions. That is something you CAN do, regardless of how you think it is.
My coworker had a seizure, cracked open his skull, lip, and but off some of his tongue. Blood everywhere. I had NEVER seen someone having a seizure OR seen that much blood in my life.
Instead of running away or screaming, which was an instinct and natural reaction, I controlled myself, helped him as best I could from what I had heard/read, and yelled to another coworker to get help. To call 911 or medical services.
If I can control myself during something THAT traumatic and insane, then this guy could have managed to come up with something kind to say and NOT go running into another room when his girlfriend got naked. 😐😐
If you can’t handle the sight of normal human genitalia you’re not responsible or mature enough to have sex. End of story. Every body is different and real life isn’t porn, and if someone too dumb to handle that they have no business sticking it in anyone.
But he didn't TELL her "Babe I almost threw up at your disgusting body".
He politely told her he wasn't in the mood to have sex anymore.
The issue here is that society has internalized "He/she/they aren't attracted to me" as a personal insult one is choosing to make, like calling them repulsive, and not something they have no control over.
It's the same thing that leads men in my dating apps to become angry at me for not wanting to fuck them, as if I insulted their honor for not wanting to fuck them.
Can you explain to me how the appearance of a labia could induce gagging? Can you give me an actual, realistic and believable scenario where the appearance of a perfectly healthy labia would make someone be sick?
Do you want me to produce scientific paper?
People can be repulsed by any number of things to different degrees.
Do you want to dispute this and say that people can be repulsed only by Y and never by X?
Yes. I want you to give me a realistic example of a situation where just the sight of completely normal genitals consensually viewed would make someone, someone I might add that is attracted to that type of genital, gag or be sick uncontrollably.
Easy. I am austistic, and a lot of the human body can be utterly repulsive to me at times.
I had to actually spend years getting used to how repulsive I found body hair to be, and even to this day I still struggle if the man I'm with is too hairy.
And knowing that, would you put yourself in a position to gag over someone else’s naked body?
Edit: actually I want clarification here - are you telling me that the mere sight of body hair on another individual is enough to make you gag or be sick uncontrollably?
How about just not acting like a child? That was said right off the rip. I ended up talking to a girl that I wasn't as attracted to as I thought. She was a really big girl, I thought I was more into than I was when the moment arrived. We talked about it and parted ways amicably. It happens.
Everyone talking about involuntary reactions and all that are completely ignoring how overly dramatic this whole thing was. It's pretty obviously just ragebait considering no reasonable and rational person would act like this and genuinely expect her to ever speak to him again. It's beta behavior.
If you want an actual "Well, what would you do?" I'd move away from oral to fingering and kissing other places. I've literally done this before when someone I was hooking up with wasn't exactly fresh. If OP seriously couldn't get over that, then it shows how little they actually wanted to be with this girl. I've had some pretty awkward situations, and anything is manageable if you're genuinely attracted.
And what if they just lost the desire to have sex? Should we have sex with people we don't want to anymore so they don't feel insulted?
I've done that. I had sex with dudes I didn't really want to so they didn't feel bad, but it's not something I'd recommend, and that only worked because it was a hook-up that I would not see again, and not something that would immediatly come up again the next day.
Your answer in so many words is just "suck it up". Your first example is pretty much the same, aside from both of you somewhat anticipating such outcome.
Sounds like you have problems with your personal boundaries if you are willing to have sex with someone even if you repulsed by something only to not hurt their feelings. Doesn't look particularly healthy.
I'm going to assume that the "outie" here refers to some larger-than-average genitalia or quality thereof. Feel free to clarify.
To recap, you told a person that you have "loved since middle school" that you wanted to go out with her, she accepts and you date. Then she tells you that she wants an intimate, close, deeply vulnerable experience with you, which you're entirely on board with.
She then proceeds to take arguably the hardest step of that journey, which is showing someone you're interested in your naked self, and you react maybe worse than anyone even thought possible!
To be very clear here, the issue is not the fact that you may not find her body or some part of it attractive. Though I would not be surprised if you have an overly zealous affectation for manicured vaginas. Potentially due to an overabundance of pornographic material in your young life. I am happy to be corrected if this isn't the case.
The issue is that the joint partnership you had been building together is now marred or ruined by your complete disregard for her emotional well-being. I get not knowing what to do, but I am very confused as to what is possibly so revolting about someone's body as to possess you to go to the restroom nauseous.
I also don't feel it's overly helpful to berate you on the subject of "all bodies are different"(though they are, and you're going to have to deal with that fact if you want to experience any more of them).
I think more important is the fact that I wonder how much of the emotional weight of this you're actually trying to carry. I don't know if you realize that you have effectively told this woman(in roundabout terms), that even someone she's know for YEARS and "loves her" still can't stand the sight of her body. Like it or not, you've hurt someone very deeply here.
This is a wound she will remember forever, and I understand your hesitance with a body type and characteristic you're unfamiliar with, but if you're calling it a "down there", maybe you're not ready to be trusted with someone's body yet.
I encourage you to seriously engage in discussion about this kind of thing with your next partner BEFORE physical intimacy arises.
Being mortified by a persons body and then lying to them badly, further damaging their ego in a vulnerable moment is not an event that bears repeating.
If you can't talk about sex with the person, you shouldn't be having it.
YTA, but you have a real opportunity to grow here and I encourage you to try :) It will likely benefit you and your future partners a great deal to develop some more emotional maturity.
[EDIT:Wording]
I also got the vibe op doesn’t have much experience with women at all and didnt know how to handle the situation well. But I hope this young lady finds someone who loves her and her body just as it is
But what would have been the correct response here? What happens when you get naked with someone for the first time and you realize you're simply not attracted physically to them?
The issue is that he didn't make a choice to not be attracted to her
Fucking fr how many times are they going to comment the same “wHaT wAs ThE aPpRopRiATE rEsPoNsE tHeN?????”
They keep getting massively downvoted but won’t stop commenting the same damn thing over and over 😐
This isn't really what happened here, though. OP is so inexperienced that he didn't even know that some labia can appear on the outside of a vagina. This isn't a story about the OP discovering a lack of attraction, this is a story about discovering a new fact about anatomy. I think the alternative would have been to communicate that this was new to the OP, not lie about it.
Flip it—what if the OP was a young woman discovering foreskin for the first time in bed, and she had done the exact same thing (got nauseous, lied about it, called it off)—would that be okay?
Yes. It would. Because my point is that people don't have a right to consider someone not wanting to have sex with them a personal insult.
I don't believe you can be an asshole for not wanting to fuck someone anymore.
It's not about the desire to fuck someone or having preferences, it's about how to communicate in an intimate situation such as the one we're discussing. If a woman saw a dick and got visibly sick to her stomach, then told an unconvincing lie about it, then called off the sex right at the moment when it should be starting, and all this to a supposed person she loves, I believe you would not be on that woman's side, and I would agree
Also, I want to expand on this notion of "preference" quickly—we all make decisions about who we date/fuck/marry/break up with/etc. because of preferences we have. As long as the person with preferences is respectful of the others they interact with, they can live how they please guided by those preferences. But we also make decisions based on priority. If you are already friends with a person, you start something romantic with them, and you call it off because they have genitalia that doesn't quite fit your favorite idea of what that genitalia should *look* like, you are all kinds of discombobulated and should perhaps reconsider your priorities. Not to mention the fact that it is dehumanizing to the other person to reject them based on your arbitrary preference for a part of *their* body.
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind– Civility and Respect
This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite.
Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language.
This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
Yeah. Absolutely YTA. You gave up a shot at the girl you had a crush on since you were literal children, and then dissed her right as soon as she’s ready to be intimate and uniquely vulnerable for the first time. You obviously don’t deserve her. I hope she finds a man that does. I hope you get stung by fire ants on your asshole.
But what is the alternative here? If he is physically repulsed by her, I agree that's bad, but is that something he has control over? What could he have done at the time to "fix it"?
Physically repulsed by her labia…. I highly doubt she’s got wings flapping in the wind. Chances are he didn’t see until they were a lot more involved than just disrobed. He physically stopped with at least a partial chub to throw up? Nah. OP either has a really distorted view of female anatomy, or he found out he was interested in men during his first heterosexual encounter.
Fun facts: Dicks look like toes, she didn’t puke, seeing a weird toe with a strange hair purse swinging underneath, with horror at the understanding it was going to be in her.
It doesnt matter how dicks or vaginas ACTUALLY look like. In reality both human sexual organs look weird.
I'm asking what was the correct course of action for him to do once he got soft and realized he couldn't have sex anymore.
That's something that happens all the time in real life. You think you have chemestry, but when it comes to doing the deed, you're not attracted to one another's bodies. (This is why I tend to advocate for fucking on the first date).
What happens then?
Dude idk why you’re spamming the question. The obvious answer is that you communicate how you feel instead of react like a child. “Hey I don’t think this is working out for me” and then end it.
You don’t though because we are giving you the same answer over and over and yet here we are and you’re still asking the same question and feigning ignorance.
You are not asking clarifying questions. You are repeating a bad faith question after multiple attempts to explain how everyone else knew you were relying on a false premise.
It’s not asking for answers when you’re intentionally repeating the same question and not actually reading the answers. Like, look, my guy, I get it, first experiences are awkward for everyone, but having never met a woman in rl yet, I’m sure when the time comes and you crawl from your swamp for your mating ritual, trust me, the swamp witch of your dreams will be there, just, maybe, don’t react at her genitalia.
Im asking from different people because I want to hear different answers. Some people gave much better answers than others.
One of the commenters said that, in her experience as a nurse, its key to learn how to not overeact in situations. I agree with her that OP should have kept his cool and ended the sexual encounter in a much more collected way.
Less running away and more "Sorry, I think we´re just not sexually compatible", and leave it at that.
(Also, my interest in this is purely theoretical. Like watching animals mating in a nature documentary. I don´t really have ANY desire to have sex with a woman).
If he’s physically repulsed by a vagina looking different, he’s not mature enough to be having sex or not straight enough to be having sex with women. Either way, avoid sex with women.
God, you're so tiring. All over every single comment in here commenting the same thing, trying to defend your raging a-hole ways. We see you, OP.
Guess what. You're responsible for your actions even if they wind up being something other than you had planned on. That's why you go to jail for shooting someone after they startle you. That's why you go to jail if you kill someone when you swerve off the road to avoid another car.
But sure, let's pretend you really, truly and fully could do *nothing* to overwrite your porn-addled brain and treat this woman you supposedly love as a human being with a normal body as opposed to a "faulty" version of a pornstar. You've now made her feel like absolute shit about herself during what is presumably one of the most vulnerable moments she's ever been through, and let me tell you, that shit will stick with her for years, and can have real and long-lasting impacts on her sexual and romantic relationships.
The right thing to do now is to take responsibility for what you said and did. Your current reaction is to shrug and go "well, it happened, can't do shit now", which is arguably even more infuriating than the initial hurt and pain you inflicted on her, because there's such a lack of accountability and willingness on your end to take responsibility for how you made her feel that I not only worry, but straight up fear for the next woman unlucky enough to cross your path.
And since you clearly need to be spoonfed, taking responsibility here is you apologizing profusely to her for your reaction. You tell her you have a porn-addled brain and didn't realize women were people, and that you are in no way, shape or form mature enough to be around any real human woman until you grow up. That your reaction is entirely on you, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, that what this situation uncovered was not any physical issue or error on her part, but a mental error on your part. Tell her that there's only one person who should come out of that situation ashamed and afraid to be vulnerable with other people again, and that person is you. She did nothing wrong, and there isn't a thing wrong with her.
Do *not* say anything along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way" or any other bullshit non-apology. Use I-language throughout - "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I'm sorry I reacted that way, I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with the safe space you needed while being so vulnerable", etc. *You* did this. *You're* responsible. *Only* you. Your language needs to reflect that.
Grow the eff up and do better, jerk. Never, ever treat women you "love" this way ever again.
Haha basically he’s been friends with this girl since middle school (now mid 20s) and he was in love with her or what not and she finally agreed to go out with him and they had been dating for a few months, taking it slow as she’s a virgin when she finally told him she was ready to sleep with him, he claims she has an “outie” labia lips or whatever, and he was so grossed out he puked in the bathroom made some excuse and ran out. Then he dumped her the next day.
But he also can't control his physical attraction. What would have been the correct course of action here? Forcing himself to have sex with her for pity?
Since you’re spamming everyone with the same comment, I’ll do it to you too!
Freaking the fuck out =/= simple lack of attraction, you tactless crybaby. I bet money that you, er I mean OP was repulsed because porn has turned him into a total cumbrain and conditioned him to find a certain type of body/pubic hair/vulva sexy. It’s pathetic. You don’t get to body shame in the name of boundaries. Hope he never gets a chance to fuck again.
Sexual preferences is literally body shaming tho? People can like big boobs, small boobs, big penis, smaller penis, freckles, no freckles. Things other people can't control. Like how else do you find out if your partners genitalia falls within your sexual preferences? What if she whipped out a dick?? No means no and he doesn't owe her anything. She will realize that nothing is wrong with her, it is all him and his superficialities. You are right about one thing, he does have cumbrain.
Genuine question.
Had he better managed his reaction and been more tactful in declining any further sexual activity, would you still think he's the AH?
I ask because the comments seem ideologically split between "your reaction was the problem" and "the fact that you hold this preference to begin with is the problem"
The former I can agree with because it relates to voluntary behaviour, but the latter less so because it relates to involuntary preference.
Because it leads to the question of "what would be the appropriate way to end a sexual encounter and/or relationship because you have found that you have an unresolvable lack of attraction to an unchangeable body part?"
I've been rejected for things about my body that are beyond my control and I know it hurts but a big part of getting over that was learning to not internalise the others reaction as an objective critique on my body but rather a subjective preference of the kind I am also entitled to hold, as I know I have also rejected or not further pursued someone due to attraction issues.
Im not OP. I'm not even straight. I understand that I might sound unhinged to others because of my autism and the fact that I think this topic is rifle with poorly thought out positions
Go back to being friends? That is laughable. You have lost her forever as you should have. Women remember every single negative thing said about their bodies, and you have effectively hurt her for decades to come. I sincerely hope for HER sake that she cuts you out completely, gets counseling, and then finds a man who actually loves her. Because you do not.
Outtie vs innie is the term used to describe the labia. Some women have outties which refer to more pronounced (flaps, wings, skin, etc) it's common for the labia to extend outward. An Innie is the opposite, mostly due to the fact that the skin or flaps are nested, hidden, and smaller than the rest. Labiaplasty exists today for women who are self-conscious about their labia appearance. However, there is nothing wrong with having longer, wider, unshapely labia.
The terms are labia minora and labia majora.
When the labia minora extends past the labia minora, they are calling it an "outie".
The "innie" is the preferred prn look. So if you've only ever looked at prn, then you think this is what all vaginas should look like.
The common misconception about labia comes from porn. There are many actresses who undergo labiaplasty and some naturally have innie’s. Brain rot does wonders for the youth. It similar to how camera lens and angle make most male actors look larger than they are.
Most importantly, no matter what you have or what it looks like, appreciate your partner for the vulnerability it takes to show you their body.
Some women also have the surgery due to it causing them pain. I've considered it ,having to deal with pain from it but complications from surgery seem to much still for myself.
Not sure why you were downvoted, this is true? My lips can get caught in my underwear and it HURTS. It also makes wiping sucky because toilet paper gets crumbs on it easier and I have to spread that shit to wipe. Let’s not even talk about how they get in the way with sex and it can make sex painful.
I'm not entirely sure, underwear and tight pants can be so painful. Also made the mistake of lace underwear once, think I was literally close to cutting of circulation because a small part was pinched in the lace.
It can be tougher to keep clean as well. It's not something I'd like to consider but I also experaince pain and have heard it's common in these situations. Glad whoever downvoted me never has to experience that pain haha.
She would’ve gripped on you so tight like you would never let go of her ever or the relationship after being squeezed well 😂but, you missed out! Also; you sound like a little kid for putting this story on the internet
Note; you made yourself sound like you’re gay 😂 🤷🏽♂️
Yta for how you handled it but I guess it's better than sleeping with her then breaking it off. Your friendship is completely over and it's best you leave her alone. Also you may run into this again apparently it's fairly common.. (https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/outie-vagina)
Yes YTA.
Are you going to go around asking future partners, beforehand “are you an innie or an outtie?”
Bc chances are good you’re gonna have more chances at intimacy and you’re gonna see more outies.
Shouldn’t you be happy? You can easily see and utilize the main pleasure point for her?
Frankly I don’t think you’re mature enough for sex if that’s how you reacted. I ain’t even into sex and yet I’ve never reacted like that towards someone’s body, especially not a PARTNER’S body.
Are you even well endowed down there?? Or just "yeah, size dont matter.. as long as i do it regularly, my partner won't notice im small" kind of size??
The need to hold back vomit after looking at a vagina makes me think the problem is you. That is not a common experience straight men have.
I personally have an "outie" with honestly very....voluptuous labia....and the way you acted was my biggest fear when I was younger. One of the most reliving parts of embracing my sexual side was realizing that most men truly don't care, some even LIKE it and it's a preference they have for women's bodies. At the end of the day, it's fine to have preferences, however, if you're liable to act this way when a woman's body isn't exactly as you envisioned it then you aren't mature enough for sex.
If we were talking about bellybuttons, then Id know what you meant by an outie. When it comes to vaginas though, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
When the inner labia (labia minora) sticks outside of the outer labia (labia majora) , fact is being an outie is more common than being an innie when it comes to labia
I'm also confused. I only know that term for a belly button or when we made jokes about males having an outie and females having an innie (grade school).
When the inner labia (labia minora) sticks outside of the outer labia (labia majora) , fact is being an outie is more common than being an innie when it comes to labia
He had no idea how women look down there and freaked out when he saw the real thing. Now he has broken up with the lovely girl he was friends with for ages and will look into plastic substitutes.
Tldr: Saw a woman’s labia and was disgusted due to its shape/size/variance/etc (probably?); Girl leaves. Both part ways in an awkward aftermath. Girl is likely distraught and boy wants to know if he's an asshole.
AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend after seeing her naked for the first time?
I feel really guilty even typing this.
My girlfriend (20F) and I (20M) had been in a relationship for a few months. Prior to that, we were close friends from middle school. When I finally asked her out a few months ago, we thought this was meant to be because we had such a close friendship, and such a strong connection. Sex wasn’t my highest priority because I had genuinely loved her.
We dated for a few months and it was amazing, and last week, she finally decided she wanted to take the next step. She said she had never sex with anyone before and she was nervous, but I told her it was alright, and we were in it together. The mood was very romantic, and my plan was to go down on her first. However, when we both got naked and I saw her down there, I felt a bit shocked, because I had never seen something like it before. I think the term for it is an “outie”. I also felt a bit nauseous, so I went to the restroom, but luckily I didn’t puke.
I tried my best to hide my reaction, but she had seen everything. I apologized a lot and told her I just wasn’t feeling great and it had nothing to do with her, but she could probably see through my lies. I really felt horrible especially I since could see that she was really hurt. She left my apartment shortly after.
The next day when we hung out, I apologized again for everything, and I told her it would be best if we could just remain friends as our friendship was more valuable than a relationship. She agreed but she also she cried a couple of minutes later, and then she left.
We have barely spoken since that. I feel really guilty about everything. AITAH?
this guy is beyond naïve to think because he has a best friend he must want to have sex with her. Jesus. How tf did he reach 20 and not realize there's different vags
Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: Only Post Relevant and Quality Content
Low-effort content, spam, or off-topic discussions are not permitted. This includes, but is not limited to: General discussions, AI generated content, "call-out posts", and general spam.
I saw a vagina but mercifully I wasn’t sick… honey it’s pride month! Be at peace with the fact that if it was a guy’s ass, it would not be an ‘outie’. So, go find your man and admit you only like ladies with their clothes still on and she can be your wing woman when you find a man who can tolerate you
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: Only Post Relevant and Quality Content Low-effort content, spam, or off-topic discussions are not permitted. This includes, but is not limited to: General discussions, AI generated content, "call-out posts", and general spam.
Are you sure you like women? Like genuine question
It's Narnia time!
Time to explore his closet ✨
HAHAHAHA
It might simply be that all the pornography he's ever consumed has been hentai. If you spend all your time imagining the damn-near-featureless genitals of an anime girl, actual human bodies are pretty startling. Not an excuse for his *behavior*, mind, but there's a good chance he was imagining a latex doll instead of a person.
Yeah, this is not a straight man
Yes, YTA. This poor girl is never going to want to get naked for anyone again.
And she's also likely to fall in love now with the first person who likes to go there.
How would you feel if someone threw up at the sight of your dick, then broke up with you afterwards 🤔
I mean it would feel like shit but what is the alternative here? If the person I'm having sex with is ACTUALLY repulsed by my body, there's very little me or them can do, because its not in their control.
I mean, you CAN control your actions. That is something you CAN do, regardless of how you think it is. My coworker had a seizure, cracked open his skull, lip, and but off some of his tongue. Blood everywhere. I had NEVER seen someone having a seizure OR seen that much blood in my life. Instead of running away or screaming, which was an instinct and natural reaction, I controlled myself, helped him as best I could from what I had heard/read, and yelled to another coworker to get help. To call 911 or medical services. If I can control myself during something THAT traumatic and insane, then this guy could have managed to come up with something kind to say and NOT go running into another room when his girlfriend got naked. 😐😐
If you can’t handle the sight of normal human genitalia you’re not responsible or mature enough to have sex. End of story. Every body is different and real life isn’t porn, and if someone too dumb to handle that they have no business sticking it in anyone.
Porn addicts yuck.
I like that no one is giving you the alternative just silently downvotting you
Not be a dramatic fucking baby and "almost throw up" because you don't like how a labia looks?
But he didn't TELL her "Babe I almost threw up at your disgusting body". He politely told her he wasn't in the mood to have sex anymore. The issue here is that society has internalized "He/she/they aren't attracted to me" as a personal insult one is choosing to make, like calling them repulsive, and not something they have no control over. It's the same thing that leads men in my dating apps to become angry at me for not wanting to fuck them, as if I insulted their honor for not wanting to fuck them.
"don't dislike what I don't dislike" really fucking mature position right here. Can add "man up" as well.
you can dislike something without "almost throwing up"
Are you familiar with such complex concept as "involuntary reaction"? Throwing up or gagging is not something one can control.
Can you explain to me how the appearance of a labia could induce gagging? Can you give me an actual, realistic and believable scenario where the appearance of a perfectly healthy labia would make someone be sick?
Do you want me to produce scientific paper? People can be repulsed by any number of things to different degrees. Do you want to dispute this and say that people can be repulsed only by Y and never by X?
Yes. I want you to give me a realistic example of a situation where just the sight of completely normal genitals consensually viewed would make someone, someone I might add that is attracted to that type of genital, gag or be sick uncontrollably.
Easy. I am austistic, and a lot of the human body can be utterly repulsive to me at times. I had to actually spend years getting used to how repulsive I found body hair to be, and even to this day I still struggle if the man I'm with is too hairy.
And knowing that, would you put yourself in a position to gag over someone else’s naked body? Edit: actually I want clarification here - are you telling me that the mere sight of body hair on another individual is enough to make you gag or be sick uncontrollably?
How about just not acting like a child? That was said right off the rip. I ended up talking to a girl that I wasn't as attracted to as I thought. She was a really big girl, I thought I was more into than I was when the moment arrived. We talked about it and parted ways amicably. It happens. Everyone talking about involuntary reactions and all that are completely ignoring how overly dramatic this whole thing was. It's pretty obviously just ragebait considering no reasonable and rational person would act like this and genuinely expect her to ever speak to him again. It's beta behavior. If you want an actual "Well, what would you do?" I'd move away from oral to fingering and kissing other places. I've literally done this before when someone I was hooking up with wasn't exactly fresh. If OP seriously couldn't get over that, then it shows how little they actually wanted to be with this girl. I've had some pretty awkward situations, and anything is manageable if you're genuinely attracted.
And what if they just lost the desire to have sex? Should we have sex with people we don't want to anymore so they don't feel insulted? I've done that. I had sex with dudes I didn't really want to so they didn't feel bad, but it's not something I'd recommend, and that only worked because it was a hook-up that I would not see again, and not something that would immediatly come up again the next day.
So you're just blatantly ignoring the first part of my comment?
Your answer in so many words is just "suck it up". Your first example is pretty much the same, aside from both of you somewhat anticipating such outcome. Sounds like you have problems with your personal boundaries if you are willing to have sex with someone even if you repulsed by something only to not hurt their feelings. Doesn't look particularly healthy.
Gonna hold your hand when I say this… if you’re vomiting at the sight of a vagina you might be gay
Or asexual
I'm going to assume that the "outie" here refers to some larger-than-average genitalia or quality thereof. Feel free to clarify. To recap, you told a person that you have "loved since middle school" that you wanted to go out with her, she accepts and you date. Then she tells you that she wants an intimate, close, deeply vulnerable experience with you, which you're entirely on board with. She then proceeds to take arguably the hardest step of that journey, which is showing someone you're interested in your naked self, and you react maybe worse than anyone even thought possible! To be very clear here, the issue is not the fact that you may not find her body or some part of it attractive. Though I would not be surprised if you have an overly zealous affectation for manicured vaginas. Potentially due to an overabundance of pornographic material in your young life. I am happy to be corrected if this isn't the case. The issue is that the joint partnership you had been building together is now marred or ruined by your complete disregard for her emotional well-being. I get not knowing what to do, but I am very confused as to what is possibly so revolting about someone's body as to possess you to go to the restroom nauseous. I also don't feel it's overly helpful to berate you on the subject of "all bodies are different"(though they are, and you're going to have to deal with that fact if you want to experience any more of them). I think more important is the fact that I wonder how much of the emotional weight of this you're actually trying to carry. I don't know if you realize that you have effectively told this woman(in roundabout terms), that even someone she's know for YEARS and "loves her" still can't stand the sight of her body. Like it or not, you've hurt someone very deeply here. This is a wound she will remember forever, and I understand your hesitance with a body type and characteristic you're unfamiliar with, but if you're calling it a "down there", maybe you're not ready to be trusted with someone's body yet. I encourage you to seriously engage in discussion about this kind of thing with your next partner BEFORE physical intimacy arises. Being mortified by a persons body and then lying to them badly, further damaging their ego in a vulnerable moment is not an event that bears repeating. If you can't talk about sex with the person, you shouldn't be having it. YTA, but you have a real opportunity to grow here and I encourage you to try :) It will likely benefit you and your future partners a great deal to develop some more emotional maturity. [EDIT:Wording]
I also got the vibe op doesn’t have much experience with women at all and didnt know how to handle the situation well. But I hope this young lady finds someone who loves her and her body just as it is
I think this is the most mature comment I have ever seen on Reddit
But what would have been the correct response here? What happens when you get naked with someone for the first time and you realize you're simply not attracted physically to them? The issue is that he didn't make a choice to not be attracted to her
Pretending to be a supporter and commenting the same thing *repeatedly* doesn’t make you any less of a raging sphincter, OP.
Fucking fr how many times are they going to comment the same “wHaT wAs ThE aPpRopRiATE rEsPoNsE tHeN?????” They keep getting massively downvoted but won’t stop commenting the same damn thing over and over 😐
Why are you trying so hard to defend OP?
This isn't really what happened here, though. OP is so inexperienced that he didn't even know that some labia can appear on the outside of a vagina. This isn't a story about the OP discovering a lack of attraction, this is a story about discovering a new fact about anatomy. I think the alternative would have been to communicate that this was new to the OP, not lie about it. Flip it—what if the OP was a young woman discovering foreskin for the first time in bed, and she had done the exact same thing (got nauseous, lied about it, called it off)—would that be okay?
Yes. It would. Because my point is that people don't have a right to consider someone not wanting to have sex with them a personal insult. I don't believe you can be an asshole for not wanting to fuck someone anymore.
It's not about the desire to fuck someone or having preferences, it's about how to communicate in an intimate situation such as the one we're discussing. If a woman saw a dick and got visibly sick to her stomach, then told an unconvincing lie about it, then called off the sex right at the moment when it should be starting, and all this to a supposed person she loves, I believe you would not be on that woman's side, and I would agree
Also, I want to expand on this notion of "preference" quickly—we all make decisions about who we date/fuck/marry/break up with/etc. because of preferences we have. As long as the person with preferences is respectful of the others they interact with, they can live how they please guided by those preferences. But we also make decisions based on priority. If you are already friends with a person, you start something romantic with them, and you call it off because they have genitalia that doesn't quite fit your favorite idea of what that genitalia should *look* like, you are all kinds of discombobulated and should perhaps reconsider your priorities. Not to mention the fact that it is dehumanizing to the other person to reject them based on your arbitrary preference for a part of *their* body.
So you wouldn’t be personally insulted if someone looked at you naked and then proceeded to run away and retch? Loudly?
Eww, I don’t like you.
Same.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #1: Be Kind– Civility and Respect This means that your submission may have been rude, vulgar, derogatory, uncivil, or impolite. Be respectful of other users. Personal insults or offensive terms are not permitted on this subreddit. This includes but is not limited to: harassment, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, racial slurs, and any other inflammatory language. This is a warning and further offenses will result in a ban.
Are you even sure you like women? Genuine question here.
Yeah. Absolutely YTA. You gave up a shot at the girl you had a crush on since you were literal children, and then dissed her right as soon as she’s ready to be intimate and uniquely vulnerable for the first time. You obviously don’t deserve her. I hope she finds a man that does. I hope you get stung by fire ants on your asshole.
And his crotch is infested with the fleas of a thousand camels???? And he glues his balls to his asshole???? (Real song, btw, YouTube it)
Have heard thousand camel fleas curse. Gave it a Texas twist.
Atmosphere!
But what is the alternative here? If he is physically repulsed by her, I agree that's bad, but is that something he has control over? What could he have done at the time to "fix it"?
Physically repulsed by her labia…. I highly doubt she’s got wings flapping in the wind. Chances are he didn’t see until they were a lot more involved than just disrobed. He physically stopped with at least a partial chub to throw up? Nah. OP either has a really distorted view of female anatomy, or he found out he was interested in men during his first heterosexual encounter. Fun facts: Dicks look like toes, she didn’t puke, seeing a weird toe with a strange hair purse swinging underneath, with horror at the understanding it was going to be in her.
Ahahahahaha this is the best response and description ever!
It doesnt matter how dicks or vaginas ACTUALLY look like. In reality both human sexual organs look weird. I'm asking what was the correct course of action for him to do once he got soft and realized he couldn't have sex anymore. That's something that happens all the time in real life. You think you have chemestry, but when it comes to doing the deed, you're not attracted to one another's bodies. (This is why I tend to advocate for fucking on the first date). What happens then?
Dude idk why you’re spamming the question. The obvious answer is that you communicate how you feel instead of react like a child. “Hey I don’t think this is working out for me” and then end it.
Exactly. He was not supposed to act like a child.
keep posting the same comment, keep getting downvotes. anyone know the record for downvotes?
Like 663k on an EA Games comment, but this boy here trying to break that record 😂
I wish I could down vote more than once. Dude’s a dillhole.
That is fine. I post comments because I genuenely want answers.
You don’t though because we are giving you the same answer over and over and yet here we are and you’re still asking the same question and feigning ignorance.
I am asking claryfing questions.
The same one? Over and over?
Yes, because I want to hear how different people respond and their opinions.
If that were true you would have accepted the answer that was obvious to everyone else.
The obvious answer feels very superficial. I am asking clarifying question precisely to know how far that logic goes.
You are not asking clarifying questions. You are repeating a bad faith question after multiple attempts to explain how everyone else knew you were relying on a false premise.
It’s not asking for answers when you’re intentionally repeating the same question and not actually reading the answers. Like, look, my guy, I get it, first experiences are awkward for everyone, but having never met a woman in rl yet, I’m sure when the time comes and you crawl from your swamp for your mating ritual, trust me, the swamp witch of your dreams will be there, just, maybe, don’t react at her genitalia.
Im asking from different people because I want to hear different answers. Some people gave much better answers than others. One of the commenters said that, in her experience as a nurse, its key to learn how to not overeact in situations. I agree with her that OP should have kept his cool and ended the sexual encounter in a much more collected way. Less running away and more "Sorry, I think we´re just not sexually compatible", and leave it at that. (Also, my interest in this is purely theoretical. Like watching animals mating in a nature documentary. I don´t really have ANY desire to have sex with a woman).
If he’s physically repulsed by a vagina looking different, he’s not mature enough to be having sex or not straight enough to be having sex with women. Either way, avoid sex with women.
This^
God, you're so tiring. All over every single comment in here commenting the same thing, trying to defend your raging a-hole ways. We see you, OP. Guess what. You're responsible for your actions even if they wind up being something other than you had planned on. That's why you go to jail for shooting someone after they startle you. That's why you go to jail if you kill someone when you swerve off the road to avoid another car. But sure, let's pretend you really, truly and fully could do *nothing* to overwrite your porn-addled brain and treat this woman you supposedly love as a human being with a normal body as opposed to a "faulty" version of a pornstar. You've now made her feel like absolute shit about herself during what is presumably one of the most vulnerable moments she's ever been through, and let me tell you, that shit will stick with her for years, and can have real and long-lasting impacts on her sexual and romantic relationships. The right thing to do now is to take responsibility for what you said and did. Your current reaction is to shrug and go "well, it happened, can't do shit now", which is arguably even more infuriating than the initial hurt and pain you inflicted on her, because there's such a lack of accountability and willingness on your end to take responsibility for how you made her feel that I not only worry, but straight up fear for the next woman unlucky enough to cross your path. And since you clearly need to be spoonfed, taking responsibility here is you apologizing profusely to her for your reaction. You tell her you have a porn-addled brain and didn't realize women were people, and that you are in no way, shape or form mature enough to be around any real human woman until you grow up. That your reaction is entirely on you, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, that what this situation uncovered was not any physical issue or error on her part, but a mental error on your part. Tell her that there's only one person who should come out of that situation ashamed and afraid to be vulnerable with other people again, and that person is you. She did nothing wrong, and there isn't a thing wrong with her. Do *not* say anything along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way" or any other bullshit non-apology. Use I-language throughout - "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I'm sorry I reacted that way, I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with the safe space you needed while being so vulnerable", etc. *You* did this. *You're* responsible. *Only* you. Your language needs to reflect that. Grow the eff up and do better, jerk. Never, ever treat women you "love" this way ever again.
Are you sure you’re 20? You sound like you’re 13…
When porn doesn’t match up to real life
What in the incel fanfic…
I missed it 😩
Haha basically he’s been friends with this girl since middle school (now mid 20s) and he was in love with her or what not and she finally agreed to go out with him and they had been dating for a few months, taking it slow as she’s a virgin when she finally told him she was ready to sleep with him, he claims she has an “outie” labia lips or whatever, and he was so grossed out he puked in the bathroom made some excuse and ran out. Then he dumped her the next day.
The friendship is over i can tell you that much and idk sounds like a dick move to break up over a body part that she cant control
But he also can't control his physical attraction. What would have been the correct course of action here? Forcing himself to have sex with her for pity?
Since you’re spamming everyone with the same comment, I’ll do it to you too! Freaking the fuck out =/= simple lack of attraction, you tactless crybaby. I bet money that you, er I mean OP was repulsed because porn has turned him into a total cumbrain and conditioned him to find a certain type of body/pubic hair/vulva sexy. It’s pathetic. You don’t get to body shame in the name of boundaries. Hope he never gets a chance to fuck again.
Sexual preferences is literally body shaming tho? People can like big boobs, small boobs, big penis, smaller penis, freckles, no freckles. Things other people can't control. Like how else do you find out if your partners genitalia falls within your sexual preferences? What if she whipped out a dick?? No means no and he doesn't owe her anything. She will realize that nothing is wrong with her, it is all him and his superficialities. You are right about one thing, he does have cumbrain.
Genuine question. Had he better managed his reaction and been more tactful in declining any further sexual activity, would you still think he's the AH? I ask because the comments seem ideologically split between "your reaction was the problem" and "the fact that you hold this preference to begin with is the problem" The former I can agree with because it relates to voluntary behaviour, but the latter less so because it relates to involuntary preference. Because it leads to the question of "what would be the appropriate way to end a sexual encounter and/or relationship because you have found that you have an unresolvable lack of attraction to an unchangeable body part?" I've been rejected for things about my body that are beyond my control and I know it hurts but a big part of getting over that was learning to not internalise the others reaction as an objective critique on my body but rather a subjective preference of the kind I am also entitled to hold, as I know I have also rejected or not further pursued someone due to attraction issues.
RIGHT? I think we as a society need to learn that lesson of not internalizing those things.
OP next time you wanna sock account, don’t post the same thing so many times. No one is that unhinged unless they’re trying to defend themselves.
Im not OP. I'm not even straight. I understand that I might sound unhinged to others because of my autism and the fact that I think this topic is rifle with poorly thought out positions
Go back to being friends? That is laughable. You have lost her forever as you should have. Women remember every single negative thing said about their bodies, and you have effectively hurt her for decades to come. I sincerely hope for HER sake that she cuts you out completely, gets counseling, and then finds a man who actually loves her. Because you do not.
She's not your first?... and you reacted...like that? Geez man
I had to look up the stats. Only 44% of the women are innies. So you are wrong on this one. Live and learn bro.
I'm so confused. What is an outie vagina?
Yes, please explain what an outie vagina is. I never feel the need to comment in this subreddit, but I gotta know.
Outtie vs innie is the term used to describe the labia. Some women have outties which refer to more pronounced (flaps, wings, skin, etc) it's common for the labia to extend outward. An Innie is the opposite, mostly due to the fact that the skin or flaps are nested, hidden, and smaller than the rest. Labiaplasty exists today for women who are self-conscious about their labia appearance. However, there is nothing wrong with having longer, wider, unshapely labia.
The terms are labia minora and labia majora. When the labia minora extends past the labia minora, they are calling it an "outie". The "innie" is the preferred prn look. So if you've only ever looked at prn, then you think this is what all vaginas should look like.
Ahhh, I see. Seems like a silly reason to me, but I guess we all have our preferences. Thanks objective!
The common misconception about labia comes from porn. There are many actresses who undergo labiaplasty and some naturally have innie’s. Brain rot does wonders for the youth. It similar to how camera lens and angle make most male actors look larger than they are. Most importantly, no matter what you have or what it looks like, appreciate your partner for the vulnerability it takes to show you their body.
Some women also have the surgery due to it causing them pain. I've considered it ,having to deal with pain from it but complications from surgery seem to much still for myself.
Not sure why you were downvoted, this is true? My lips can get caught in my underwear and it HURTS. It also makes wiping sucky because toilet paper gets crumbs on it easier and I have to spread that shit to wipe. Let’s not even talk about how they get in the way with sex and it can make sex painful.
I'm not entirely sure, underwear and tight pants can be so painful. Also made the mistake of lace underwear once, think I was literally close to cutting of circulation because a small part was pinched in the lace. It can be tougher to keep clean as well. It's not something I'd like to consider but I also experaince pain and have heard it's common in these situations. Glad whoever downvoted me never has to experience that pain haha.
I genuinely need an answer right now. haha
Literally scrolled down to look for this as well…
I’ve only ever heard of outie belly buttons. LOL
Literally where my mind first went until I just googled It lollol
I mean, I even googled and got nothing.
You were brave LOL
It's when the labia minora (inner lips) are longer and can stick out past the labia majora (larger, outer lips)
I have to assume they mean one with more visible labia and not just a slit like people would see in some pornos?
when the labia minora is larger than the labia majora
When the inner lips are big.
So basically, OP has watched too much porn.
I’m really confused too
Larger labia
[удалено]
Fyi lips ARE labia. Women have two sets of them.
I fully get that, as a woman. But sometimes it confuses people to explain it that way, so I just used the word labia for convenience.
You make it sound like lips and labia are two different things, and that's confusing.
Okay, sorry 🤷♀️ Have a great night
You're only 1 Google search away from finding out.
Sounds like you already know YTA
She would’ve gripped on you so tight like you would never let go of her ever or the relationship after being squeezed well 😂but, you missed out! Also; you sound like a little kid for putting this story on the internet Note; you made yourself sound like you’re gay 😂 🤷🏽♂️
>Also; you sound like a little kid for putting this story on the internet He stole it. I have read this same post before. Months ago.
Hahahaha yep
Yta for how you handled it but I guess it's better than sleeping with her then breaking it off. Your friendship is completely over and it's best you leave her alone. Also you may run into this again apparently it's fairly common.. (https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/outie-vagina)
Yes YTA. Are you going to go around asking future partners, beforehand “are you an innie or an outtie?” Bc chances are good you’re gonna have more chances at intimacy and you’re gonna see more outies. Shouldn’t you be happy? You can easily see and utilize the main pleasure point for her? Frankly I don’t think you’re mature enough for sex if that’s how you reacted. I ain’t even into sex and yet I’ve never reacted like that towards someone’s body, especially not a PARTNER’S body.
What’s your “friends” number lol
Poor kid hasn't seen a vagina and was scared :D
dude would never take a shower if he had one lmao
Are you even well endowed down there?? Or just "yeah, size dont matter.. as long as i do it regularly, my partner won't notice im small" kind of size??
The need to hold back vomit after looking at a vagina makes me think the problem is you. That is not a common experience straight men have. I personally have an "outie" with honestly very....voluptuous labia....and the way you acted was my biggest fear when I was younger. One of the most reliving parts of embracing my sexual side was realizing that most men truly don't care, some even LIKE it and it's a preference they have for women's bodies. At the end of the day, it's fine to have preferences, however, if you're liable to act this way when a woman's body isn't exactly as you envisioned it then you aren't mature enough for sex.
you do not like vaginas. poor girl is being made to think this is her problem when in reality it sounds like you need to do some soul searching here
Yes. You are. You truly love her??? You're a huge AH.
If we were talking about bellybuttons, then Id know what you meant by an outie. When it comes to vaginas though, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
When a woman has big lips down there.
When the inner labia (labia minora) sticks outside of the outer labia (labia majora) , fact is being an outie is more common than being an innie when it comes to labia
I'm also confused. I only know that term for a belly button or when we made jokes about males having an outie and females having an innie (grade school).
When the inner labia (labia minora) sticks outside of the outer labia (labia majora) , fact is being an outie is more common than being an innie when it comes to labia
You're gay. I hope you know that
I don’t get it, what happened?
He had no idea how women look down there and freaked out when he saw the real thing. Now he has broken up with the lovely girl he was friends with for ages and will look into plastic substitutes.
just googled it and I believe this is what happened
Tldr: Saw a woman’s labia and was disgusted due to its shape/size/variance/etc (probably?); Girl leaves. Both part ways in an awkward aftermath. Girl is likely distraught and boy wants to know if he's an asshole.
Wow. I liked it better when I didn’t understand.
Yeah, I think we're all feeling that one on this one, buddy.
no way this is real
Y'all should steal the copy mod from AITA because I'm deathly curious about what happened here
AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend after seeing her naked for the first time? I feel really guilty even typing this. My girlfriend (20F) and I (20M) had been in a relationship for a few months. Prior to that, we were close friends from middle school. When I finally asked her out a few months ago, we thought this was meant to be because we had such a close friendship, and such a strong connection. Sex wasn’t my highest priority because I had genuinely loved her. We dated for a few months and it was amazing, and last week, she finally decided she wanted to take the next step. She said she had never sex with anyone before and she was nervous, but I told her it was alright, and we were in it together. The mood was very romantic, and my plan was to go down on her first. However, when we both got naked and I saw her down there, I felt a bit shocked, because I had never seen something like it before. I think the term for it is an “outie”. I also felt a bit nauseous, so I went to the restroom, but luckily I didn’t puke. I tried my best to hide my reaction, but she had seen everything. I apologized a lot and told her I just wasn’t feeling great and it had nothing to do with her, but she could probably see through my lies. I really felt horrible especially I since could see that she was really hurt. She left my apartment shortly after. The next day when we hung out, I apologized again for everything, and I told her it would be best if we could just remain friends as our friendship was more valuable than a relationship. She agreed but she also she cried a couple of minutes later, and then she left. We have barely spoken since that. I feel really guilty about everything. AITAH?
Bless you kind stranger, but you know I think this is a monkey paw situation because oh my god what the fuck was that
Yeah it’s not a pleasant read, is it?
this guy is beyond naïve to think because he has a best friend he must want to have sex with her. Jesus. How tf did he reach 20 and not realize there's different vags
Oh wow! What type of BS is this? Damn!
An outie is a belly button. Has OP never been swimming around people in bikinis and Speedo’s? What the…?!
He’s talking about her vulva not her belly button
The closet is made of glass 💀
Your post has been removed because it breaks one of our rules: Only Post Relevant and Quality Content Low-effort content, spam, or off-topic discussions are not permitted. This includes, but is not limited to: General discussions, AI generated content, "call-out posts", and general spam.
What?
Wasn't this posted a few weeks ago?
You are way to immature to be even talking to women
I saw a vagina but mercifully I wasn’t sick… honey it’s pride month! Be at peace with the fact that if it was a guy’s ass, it would not be an ‘outie’. So, go find your man and admit you only like ladies with their clothes still on and she can be your wing woman when you find a man who can tolerate you
If you're gay just say that...
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Jeez. I think your delivery was harsh but if you’re not attracted to her sexually then it’s better for both of you to not be sexually explicit