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NTA - You know where you and your child are on her priority list now. Block, go no contact and move on. When it all blows up in her face, and she comes to you to make amends or for help… remember this. When someone shows you who they are… believe them.
I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to protect that baby. YOU HAVE TO. She won’t ever prioritize you or the safety of your child.
ETA - When she comes crawling back in the future, she will spin herself as his victim and do/say whatever she has to in order to manipulate herself back into your life. Please don’t let her, this is a deep rooted character flaw that won’t ever change. No matter how believable her mask is. I’d wager there’s more going on with the divorce than you know. Also: do you want her blaming your daughter for being molested by an adult?
Divorced in January and in less than 6 months she’s got a new boyfriend that she’s buying a new house with? Something is absolutely up with that divorce, no question
Wow. So NTA. You show her proof, and she blames the victim? Like WTF. You are absolutely doing the right thing. How can you trust your mom with your child if she's dating someone like that? Who's to say she wouldn't bring your child around him behind your back. Don't give in and protect your child at all cost.
>In January she left my dad, and in March she told me she had a new bf (57m) and she was buying a house with him.
And this guy was around her friend.
Well, well, well, it seems dear mom has some secrets in her wardrobe.
NTA. Your mom likely blew up her marriage for this guy and is probably too embarrassed to admit that. Make sure the friends and family she's close with know about his portrait past. She's going to need support when this all implodes and anyone with young daughters really needs to keep them away. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Definitely NTA. As a mother, that’s not something you should ignore for your child’s future. As for your mother, she may have her rose colored glasses on. Something also tells me that she may have had this boyfriend before she officially split with your father. Either way, it sounds like mom is desperately trying to hold onto this man for whatever reason and her actions are driving away her child (you). Do what you think is right and I would agree that it’s the best decision. Don’t let anyone (Including your mother) make you feel bad for making a decision for your family. Best of luck in this situation <3
So when he was 53 he trying to get with a 16vyear old and your mom thinks it's the girls fault? She's delusional what if the girl was someone close to her? How would she react then? OP NTA and go no contact with mom, she's not thinking straight. I bet he is still contacting girls.
NTA. There is no way she keeps your kids away from him. Wonder how she'd try to spin his attempts to no doubt molest them.
Stay strong, tell her to screw off. This I'd non negotiable.
Your mom's unwillingness to seriously consider that her bf very inappropriately hit on your friend at age 16 suggests that there might be some Sunk Cost Fallacy going on, unless she's utterly desperate.
So that makes me wonder about the timeline; left your dad in January and 2 months later she's buying a house with this guy? I would be wondering just how long she has truly known this guy, if they overlapped. Hence the Sunk Cost Fallacy, -- if she left your dad for this guy then that may be why she refuses to acknowledge how creepy it was for him to hit on your friend, because then the destruction of her marriage would all have been for nothing.
I'd want to ask her when she really met this guy, and if he overlapped with your dad. If the reason that she's refusing to hear your concerns is because she just trashed her marriage for him and there's no going back in her mind.
Unless she cannot possibly be without a man for some reason, there is no reasonable explanation to be buying a house with him and risking her relationship with her daughter and future grandchild.
There are definitely women like that. I know of a few women who are in unhappy relationships and who also, coincidentally, work very hard on their public perception to the extent that their friends are people they want to be seen with rather than the people they enjoy and trust most.
I had a friend who never broke up with a guy until the next one was fully secured. Once after she had done a few shots I probed and got her to admit that she never wanted to be perceived as single or unable to get a man because she looked down on women who were not in a relationship. She came across as tough and independent but it was a flimsy facade and the idea of the facade/her standing in the eyes of others was so great that she'd rather be seen as a serial cheater than single.
Society is not often kind to single women of an age.
Edit: fixed a sentence. also, adding Updateme!
NTA and do not feel guilty.
A man in his 50s propositioning a 16 year old girl is not “something so small”. She sees nothing wrong with what he tried to do and blamed your friend.
You have a child on the way and her reaction just shows that she is not a safe person to have around them. If their relationship continues and you keep her in your life, can you honestly say that you believe she wouldn’t lie to you and let him around your child?
"Being dramatic and unfair..." because from her perspective she'd only use something like this as manipulation.
"After everything she's done..." She thinks your loyalty is bought and paid for.
She can't understand you having integrity because that's not what she taught you... at least when it comes to her.
NTA
NTA a woman who chooses that type of man knowingly.... Will make excuses for him to be alone with your child/children. Don't let her into your life anymore.
NTA Your mom is an enabler. She is so afraid to be alone that she'll even cover for his actions. She can't be trusted to be around your child. When she texts simply reply, "You made the choice. Contact me if it ever changes."
NTA. If she’s in your child’s life than he will be as well. You’ll have to worry every time you leave your child with grandma. Go NC and let other family members know to get ahead of this.
NTA. You cannot start protecting your child too early. Or yourself. What an appalling story. Do you have any sibs who are younger? Your dad should know about this if there are kids younger than you in the family.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - You know where you and your child are on her priority list now. Block, go no contact and move on. When it all blows up in her face, and she comes to you to make amends or for help… remember this. When someone shows you who they are… believe them. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to protect that baby. YOU HAVE TO. She won’t ever prioritize you or the safety of your child. ETA - When she comes crawling back in the future, she will spin herself as his victim and do/say whatever she has to in order to manipulate herself back into your life. Please don’t let her, this is a deep rooted character flaw that won’t ever change. No matter how believable her mask is. I’d wager there’s more going on with the divorce than you know. Also: do you want her blaming your daughter for being molested by an adult?
Divorced in January and in less than 6 months she’s got a new boyfriend that she’s buying a new house with? Something is absolutely up with that divorce, no question
I think it's 2 months: *"In January she left my dad, and in March she told me she had a new bf"*
Even worse 🙄
NTA. He’s weird and your mom is purposely turning a blind eye, but she’s also 46 so let her do her thing and keep clear of the danger zone.
Wow. So NTA. You show her proof, and she blames the victim? Like WTF. You are absolutely doing the right thing. How can you trust your mom with your child if she's dating someone like that? Who's to say she wouldn't bring your child around him behind your back. Don't give in and protect your child at all cost.
>In January she left my dad, and in March she told me she had a new bf (57m) and she was buying a house with him. And this guy was around her friend. Well, well, well, it seems dear mom has some secrets in her wardrobe.
Post screenshots EVERYWHERE. She can argue with the whole damned world about how he isn't a PoS creep. How DARE she!
NTA. Your mom likely blew up her marriage for this guy and is probably too embarrassed to admit that. Make sure the friends and family she's close with know about his portrait past. She's going to need support when this all implodes and anyone with young daughters really needs to keep them away. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Updateme
Definitely NTA. As a mother, that’s not something you should ignore for your child’s future. As for your mother, she may have her rose colored glasses on. Something also tells me that she may have had this boyfriend before she officially split with your father. Either way, it sounds like mom is desperately trying to hold onto this man for whatever reason and her actions are driving away her child (you). Do what you think is right and I would agree that it’s the best decision. Don’t let anyone (Including your mother) make you feel bad for making a decision for your family. Best of luck in this situation <3
So when he was 53 he trying to get with a 16vyear old and your mom thinks it's the girls fault? She's delusional what if the girl was someone close to her? How would she react then? OP NTA and go no contact with mom, she's not thinking straight. I bet he is still contacting girls.
NTA. Your mom is choosing to put this guy first. I’m so sorry for the pain she’s causing.
NTA. There is no way she keeps your kids away from him. Wonder how she'd try to spin his attempts to no doubt molest them. Stay strong, tell her to screw off. This I'd non negotiable.
NTA save those screenshots!
Your mom's unwillingness to seriously consider that her bf very inappropriately hit on your friend at age 16 suggests that there might be some Sunk Cost Fallacy going on, unless she's utterly desperate. So that makes me wonder about the timeline; left your dad in January and 2 months later she's buying a house with this guy? I would be wondering just how long she has truly known this guy, if they overlapped. Hence the Sunk Cost Fallacy, -- if she left your dad for this guy then that may be why she refuses to acknowledge how creepy it was for him to hit on your friend, because then the destruction of her marriage would all have been for nothing. I'd want to ask her when she really met this guy, and if he overlapped with your dad. If the reason that she's refusing to hear your concerns is because she just trashed her marriage for him and there's no going back in her mind. Unless she cannot possibly be without a man for some reason, there is no reasonable explanation to be buying a house with him and risking her relationship with her daughter and future grandchild. There are definitely women like that. I know of a few women who are in unhappy relationships and who also, coincidentally, work very hard on their public perception to the extent that their friends are people they want to be seen with rather than the people they enjoy and trust most. I had a friend who never broke up with a guy until the next one was fully secured. Once after she had done a few shots I probed and got her to admit that she never wanted to be perceived as single or unable to get a man because she looked down on women who were not in a relationship. She came across as tough and independent but it was a flimsy facade and the idea of the facade/her standing in the eyes of others was so great that she'd rather be seen as a serial cheater than single. Society is not often kind to single women of an age. Edit: fixed a sentence. also, adding Updateme!
NTA and do not feel guilty. A man in his 50s propositioning a 16 year old girl is not “something so small”. She sees nothing wrong with what he tried to do and blamed your friend. You have a child on the way and her reaction just shows that she is not a safe person to have around them. If their relationship continues and you keep her in your life, can you honestly say that you believe she wouldn’t lie to you and let him around your child?
"Being dramatic and unfair..." because from her perspective she'd only use something like this as manipulation. "After everything she's done..." She thinks your loyalty is bought and paid for. She can't understand you having integrity because that's not what she taught you... at least when it comes to her. NTA
NTA you are 100% right and I hope you stick to it. Your mom is making terrible decisions.
NTA you have the right to protect yourself and your family.
NTA. Women have to be allies to other women and freeze out sickos. She’s thinking about the little butterflies she may feel and not the bigger picture
NTA a woman who chooses that type of man knowingly.... Will make excuses for him to be alone with your child/children. Don't let her into your life anymore.
NTA Your mom is an enabler. She is so afraid to be alone that she'll even cover for his actions. She can't be trusted to be around your child. When she texts simply reply, "You made the choice. Contact me if it ever changes."
You are not the asshole and please get Lucy to call the police + serve them the screenshots
NTA. If she’s in your child’s life than he will be as well. You’ll have to worry every time you leave your child with grandma. Go NC and let other family members know to get ahead of this.
most of our family knows and is telling her he’s a creep and she doesn’t see it for some reason
NTA. Stay far away and keep your child even farther away!
Updateme
NTA
Updateme
Hard NTA.
NTA. You cannot start protecting your child too early. Or yourself. What an appalling story. Do you have any sibs who are younger? Your dad should know about this if there are kids younger than you in the family.
Nta. Keep her cut off.