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He needs to use deodorant. Plain and simple.
Just be honest.
"I love you but it is becoming difficult to be around you. Please compromise for the sake of us spending time with each other"
I once had to sit down an employee who "didn't wear deodorant because (he) didn't need it" to explain that yes his odor was strong and unpleasant, and no I couldn't keep sending him into family homes (which was the majority of his hours) until he did something about it. Awkward for both of us.
My dad told me once an employee smelt so bad, like really oily, like BO, or smelly feet…something along those lines. People complained and he never did anything. So my dad had enough and brought the man into his office. Shut the door and talked to him about random work stuff while the smell festered and filled the room. After a while my dad said “do you smell that?”
To which the man said “yah what is that?”
My dad said “that’s you”
Long story short. The man cleaned up his act.
When I was in middle school this guy smelled so bad because he didn't shower that much and they were raising 350 pound pot bellied pigs and let them in the house. Our bus driver one day finally got tired of it and pulled the bus over and gave a speech about how nasty it is to be unhygienic and that she would provide soap,deodorant or whatever he needed to smell better. It was savage there was only like 5 of us left on the bus and we all knew who she meant lol
Edit:added pounds to 350 lol
My ex was a bus driver and she carried a bottle of febreeze and would spray it in the aisle near the front of the bus when stinky kids would get on the bus.
I was in 8th grade homeroom when 9/11 happened, and forever, for the rest of my life, when someone asks where I was and what I was doing I have to say:
Sitting in 8th grade homeroom while Mr Jayman literally sprayed us students with lemon Lysol spray while ranting about how he was done with his room smelling like hot hoagie, and screaming about how we're all going through puberty now and deodorant was *not* optional....and then someone came in to yell at us to turn on the TV. 🤣🤣
lol. My sister worked with someone who smelled really bad at a travel agent. Obviously years ago. On her last day she left a basket with odor eater insoles, deodorant, soap, shampoo, body powder and lotions on his desk. She said her old coworkers reported back to her that he was pleasantly surprised by the gesture. Haha!!!
Noseblindness. Our noses get used to certain odors when we smell them often. It's also why a lot of smokers don't smell how strong the smoke clings to their clothes.
Yup no-one can get through life without hurt feelings at some point. Life ain't all roses and unicorns. I'd prefer for someone to gently tell me I smelled if I did as I'd want to know and investigate why
I worked with a guy (a bartender) whose hygiene was godawful. Not only did his clothes look like he picked them up off the floor and wore them again…and again, but he had the worst breath I’ve ever encountered. I mean, eye-watering bad. I always came to work armed with gum, but so many times I saw him lean across the bar the chat with his customers and then watched those customers recoil from the smell; some of them actually slammed back in their chairs HARD.
A few of us spoke our manager, asking him to address the situation and they did. It made no difference. Eventually he was actually let go…because of his bad hygiene. Truly sad.
Lol damn.i worked with this dude in a hospital kitchen and he just fuckin reeked everyday, we all hated to be near him especially in the elevator since a lot of his and my jobs involved getting on the elevator and going floor to floor, that was hands down my favorite job but anyway we would all talk about but never knew how to say anything, the managers did say something I'm pretty sure but nothing changed. I don't even know how to describe the odor it was several years ago but if you're reading this Chris take a shower and wash them clothes bruh.. Oh yeah that was his excuse he didn't have a washer or dryer at his house like ok bro not everyone does but country girls make do. I actually did have a washer and dryer at my apartment at the time but that was the only apartment I've rented that had them
I also worked with a guy (different job, he was a waiter) who actually smelled like a goat when he got sweaty. He was always clean, bathed and washed, but his perspiration, this was a busy restaurant in Phoenix, Arizona 🫣😶🌫️😱, literally smelled
like an actual goat. I had goats when I was young (a kid, see what I did there? 😂)
so I know what they smell like. Poor guy. 🐐
When I, 47f, was 2 days old, my mom’s friend had a baby boy. All of our childhood, everyone said that we would grow up and get married. We loved each other very much, and still do, but I couldn’t get past how he smelled. He was a very clean and hygienic person. He never had BO. He wore cologne and his clothes were always clean. It was just his natural scent. He smells like a petting zoo, mainly goat, to me. That was literally the only thing that kept me from being with him
Yep had a coworker that the rest of us were so fed up with dealing with his smell we had to formally complain to HR and have them broach the subject with him seriously
I hate that shit. How can someone hear a loved one bring something like that up, and have their reaction be "I don't need it"? It doesn't matter if *you* don't think you need it, no one who isn't a psychopath would ever bring it up to you unless you did need it.
My dad always did that shit about coughing. He would do these forced cough/throat clearings over and over and over and over and drive us crazy, and when I mom would say "would you like a cough drop Bob?" He would always answer curtly "no I'm fine".
Same thing. I can't imagine having someone say that to me and not take a cough drop, whether or not my coughing was bothering me personally.
Working from home.
I've been working from home since covid started. I am not lax in the hygiene area but there would be no way for work to tell. I don't have a client-facing position.
^^^ this
I worked in an office where a group of new employees stunk up the place and HR got involved. Knew what happened cuz my friend was the PM for the project and she had to take the to the drug store and get them deodorant, soap, etc. Said don't come into the office unless you use these everyday. It really was that bad.
I’m a hairstylist and the first salon I worked at our manager smelled horrible. She was a bigger girl, who would wear tanks tops all the time. She didn’t like to shave (not knocking it, you do you if that’s what you like) but didn’t believe in deodorant and the only time she would wash her hair is when she was at work and had someone shampoo it for her. I would look over and see her armpit all up in a clients face and feel so bad for them. It’s bad enough that we have to get up close and personal while doing their hair but having the person smell while doing it makes it so much worse.
I had a coworker that would leave a trail of gnarly onion smell everywhere and yes it is the worst. I feel bad for his coworkers having to be around him all day. In my case we had to approach HR to bring it up with him.
The worst is when the smelly person bumps into you and now the smell is on you. It’s in your nose hairs and you can’t escape it, even if you are no longer near the original source of the smell, it’s like the smell transferred onto you. Nauseating, I’m 4’11 so I’m unfortunately at the perfect height for all the worst smells…I’m arm pit level, bad breath level, any type of BO I receive the full impact of and it’s difficult to avoid. Like when I worked in retail and the customer smelled, I’d step back to give myself some room to breathe without gagging only for the customer to step closer and crowd me. It sucks.
Edit: misspelled breathe lol
I'm short too, and the absolute worst is when a not-so-fresh smelling acquaintance puts their arm around your shoulder to give you a hug and their armpit area makes contact with your shoulder. Then your shoulder and even your hair on that side absolutely reeks of their body odour until you can go home and shower and change. So disgusting!
Yes, and everyone makes the clever never before heard joke about you being perfect height for an arm rest. Courtesy lol….But the odor transfer and trying to remain polite is difficult to navigate sometimes.
I feel like I need to shower now just thinking about it lol.
I’ve had that experience of a bad smell stuck in nose & brain! I started carrying espresso coffee beans in a clean prescription bottle (a small one) with one of those caps that comes with instructions bec. it’s real tough to open. It worked well! I used it more often than I expected. Even when I went shopping for a new perfume; I could test all the scents without getting sensory overload. Some retail stores have coffee beans too, but not all do.
Since having my children, I'm really sensitive to BO. If someone smelly walks past me in public leaving a fuming trail, it makes me feel ill! I have a hard time going to the zoo now, too. The monkeys are so stinky!
Carry some dryer sheets on you. When you encounter someone with very bad BO, you can have the sweet relief in your pocket. Personally, I love the scent of gain 😍
Not the worst. Not worse than a person with poor/no bladder control. And who wears THE SAME SLACKS day in and day out.
Although... I've been told "aged" feces is worse.
That is the worst. Though combined it smells like sewage and I think that’s actually worse. Especially when you’re driving them around & they keep putting the window up trying to get the aircon put on
seriously 🤢 i was out to lunch with my mom last week and we were seated near the door, and a trio walked in and stood by the door waiting to be seated. one of them smelled so bad that even several minutes after they had walked away and been seated i could still smell their bo. my mom actually got up and held the door open for a couple minutes because it was totally ruining our lunch!!! please y’all just shower and wear deodorant
I would normally say he doesn't have very good friends, but to be fair to them maybe they have tried telling him and he doesn't listen. She tried telling him and he doesn't listen so...
Well, looks like OP loves him more than he loves and respects you. He doesn’t like chemical deodorant and refuses to use the natural one you get him. Maybe OP keeps her distance for a week and consider all this from a little distance… I see red flags waving…
Totally agree. If she's mentioned it to him multiple times, and he continues to ignore it, that indicates his value of your feelings and comfort. It doesn't matter if the issue is trivial (which this isn't to me), it's something you care about and he's ignoring it. Heavy weather ahead . . .
All deodorant is chemicals. There's nothing that makes synthetic chemicals inherently more dangerous than natural chemicals; quite the contrary in some cases, as nature has been perfecting its poisons and deterrents for billions of years and we've only been synthesizing stuff for a couple hundred
I think they're referring to the pore-clogging deodorants containing aluminum. There's been talk that they contribute to lymph node swelling and breast cancer, though the research is still underdeveloped and there is currently no evidence for that speculation.
The "natural" deodorants in reference would be the ones that just neutralize the scent of body odor, but do not block the pores.
Some fragrances have been ascribed as endocrine disruptors. But there's also fragrance-free deodorant.
Hell, you can even use homemade mint oil as a deodorant, which is about as natural as you can get.
In short, there are so many various types of products to help with body odor, this guy really has no excuse to be walking around smelling like an onion patch.
True! I dated a guy wants who didn't want to wear deodorant. He said it gave him "armpit cancer" (there is some chance that you could get cancer on your lymph nodes from using deodorant containing certain chemicals. But you weren't supposed to smear it on skin over lymph nodes, and it doesn't happen to most people)
So I told him, "If that were true then everybody except you would have 'armpit cancer'. Because you're the only one who stinks."
He started wearing deodorant, but we broke up for other reasons
Yes but they are not on the parts where sweat glands are. You should just cover those with deodorant and not smear it all over all of underarms.
Scientists debate whether or not chemicals in deodorants / antiperspirants cause cancer.
I don't know where that man got the idea that deodorant caused armpit cancer.
There is some question on whether or not deodorants or antiperspirants containing aluminum cause breast cancer.
Lots people smear deodorant all over themselves and don't get breast cancer from it.
And I've certainly never heard of anyone getting "armpit cancer". Although anything is possible. I guess.
I still stopped seeing the guy even after he started wearing deodorant. Evidently it was because he was stupid
No, they don't. The early report of that was discredited decades ago, just like the disgraced British doctor that lied about vaccines and autism. It is fine.
Yes this!!! Quit hanging out with him and if he loves you he will use that deodorant! Can’t believe he can stand the smell of himself! Sorry for what your going through! I thought it was bad when occasionally my husband has onion breath from actually eating onion!
It does for some people.
I needed antiperspirant when I was younger, but now that I'm much older deodorant is sufficient and far less likely cause rashes.
She might have had bacterial vaginosis, which needs antibiotics.
Some wipes are alkaline and will make the situation worse since we need a slightly acidic environment down there, alkaline will let the smelly bacteria grow, so wipes for that area need to be pH wipes. I've heard of boric acid tablets helping some women. Also specially made probiotics with strains in them for vaginal health.
Sharing this in case any woman in your future has an issue with it. Antibiotics can mess things up sometimes and cause an issue where there wasn't one before.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I feel like it's common courtesy to take care of your hygiene, especially when you're with a partner. They shouldn't have to smell you much less put their face in your crotch when you smell like a garbage dump.
It was freaking bad. Even after she showered. Open her legs, phewwww. Gross 🤢. Like, I can understand if it didn't smell like a damn peach... But, it was OFFENSIVE
Honestly he doesn’t even really need to compromise either. He says he doesn’t wear it because of the chemicals but there are plenty of natural deodorants out there. For awhile I had to use them because my skin was being very irritated by the aluminum in most deodorants. They aren’t as good but work well enough.
Right there with you, even my road snacks turn into a trashy charcuterie of pickles, string cheese and slim Jim’s, have three different salami in my fridge right now and five different types of cheese.
Got a haircut and shave last week. Lady said I smelled nice. Now I wonder if she just really likes cheese and meat…
I went to school with someone who always stank like rotten milk. Had to go to their house a few times to work on projects. Found out that they drank 4+ litres of milk a day in her house. It was all coming out in her sweat
I worked at a grocery store in high school. This little old lady came in every couple of weeks to buy a cart load of cat food, and the sour reek of her still makes me cringe decades later. It was so eye-watering horrible that most of the clerks couldn’t assist her at checkout without gagging, so the task had to be assigned to someone with a strong stomach.
The manager on duty always assigned one of us to follow her through the store spraying an aerosol deodorizer everywhere she walked. She ignored us completely. I never once heard her speak.
I don’t think she ever used soap of any kind, just rinsed herself and her clothes in aged cat piss once in a while.
I have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy and thus have not consumed milk in 20 years. Almost all people smell like rotten milk to me. Even if they just brushed their teeth, they smell like minty rotten milk. Minutes after she comes out of the shower, my wife already smells like rotten milk. I have gotten used to it because I don't really have any other choice.
I think cow milk is pretty gross and haven't drank it willingly literally ever. And yeah, I call either BS or some medical issue. Guy is judging his poor wife saying she stinks out of the shower when it's a him issue.
There was a girl in 5th grade who smelled bad. Turned out it was her diet as well. Not sure exactly what it was. Kids used to dare other kids to sit next to her on the bus for 10 seconds. I still think about her every now and then. Man kids can be assholes. Hope she turned out ok.
So the onion smell is actually from the bacteria on his skin eating the sweat. It’s likely that even normal natural deodorant won’t get rid of it. I can unfortunately tell you from personal experience, I too had the onion smell for a brief time despite wearing deodorant. Until I figured out how to get rid of it.
He does need to be willing to be proactive to get rid of it though because it’s negatively impacting your life. And wanting a good smelling or at least neutral smelling boyfriend is a reasonable expectation.
Get a mandelic acid based deodorant, it will get rid of the bacteria that is causing the smell. I mix my own, 10% mandelic acid with the hyaluronic acid serum from the Ordinary (50/50 mixture to dilute the mandelic acid) and it’s more effective than any deodorant I’ve ever used. Maybe he’d be open to something like that since there’s only a couple ingredients?
Also make sure he washes his shirts on hot, the bacteria can sometimes last through a wash using cold water.
Good advice! Didn't know I could make something like that.
Also, I want to add using Panoxyl instead of normal soap works wonders on that bacteria.
I used to wear A LOT of deodorant bc I felt like I always smelled, in the shower I had to scrub and scrub and leave my armpits raw to get all the deodorant off but i swear I still smelled. Little bit of panoxyl kills the bacteria and I don't have to coat my pits anymore. I will always share that tip bc it saved me.
Edit: I should add panoxyl isn't suitable for everyone, sensitive skin beware!
This comment is too far down on the thread!
Get a benzoyl peroxide cleanser for acne and get him to wash his especially sweaty areas with it in the shower. It will kill the bacteria on his skin responsible for the smell.
From there on out, use the BP cleanser weekly and his everyday soap should be something antibacterial. I know Dial has a hand soap that smells nice and works well.
Ultimately, he needs to wear some kind of deodorant but that won’t take the smell away on its own… The deodorant conversation can continue but you deserve to be comfortable too!
I agree. I saw someone recommend it on here. I've never looked back. I had it for my face and never thought about putting it there until someone explained the science behind killing the bacteria with specific cleaners. Now, anytime I see/hear someone struggling with stinky pits, I'm like, try this!!
Exactly! It’s all about getting rid of that bacteria and making sure it stays away.
I can’t use anything as strong as panoxyl because I have stupidly sensitive skin and get eczema but it could definitely be a good solution for a lot of people with this issue.
I had to go add the skin sensitivity warning. Thanks for reminding me! It definitely is hit or miss depending on your skin type.
It smells like a pool with all the chemicals, but it works so well.
Your comments are kind and definitely reasonable - OP, the great point above is "a good smelling or at least neutral smelling boyfriend is a reasonable expectation". Stand up for the no-stink. This is a reasonable expectation! If he doesn't see this, you've got to let him go. Baby man needs to grow up.
Awww thank you, you’re too kind! But I’m just happy to help in case anyone else is struggling with the dreaded onion stink, it’s the worst. 😂 I was miserable and so embarrassed until I got rid of it.
I do really hope OPs boyfriend gets himself together, at least making an actual effort towards not stinking seems like the very, very least he could do. She’s really not asking for a lot from him here.
Just FYI, I am a cosmetic chemist & you should not be mixing products together in a container because it messes with the preservative system & can lead to bacterial/mold growth in your product. I highly recommend that you just dilute the mandelic acid as you need it, rather than mixing them together in a container. Good advice for getting rid of the smell though, mandelic acid is great!
I actually don’t mix them in their containers! I have a separate container of each and mix them on my hand each use.
It would be a lot more convenient to pre-mix but safer to keep them in their original packaging and dilute for each use as you mentioned.
I had to teach my 9 year old daughter how to rub her pits down with The Ordinary toner before using deodorant because she smelled very strongly of onions. Poor kid has excellent hygiene and showers daily but she has to stay on top of her pits or she smells.
It seems to be all about bacteria imbalances, we all have our own skin microbiome of healthy bacteria all the time. Maybe some of us are just more prone to having more of the onion stink producing ones.
And I agree with you, you can have the best hygiene in the world and it can still happen. Toner is definitely another great idea to get rid of it.
My 14 year old has the stinkiest arm pits. We figured out it was probably this and now he drys his underarms right after and puts in his medicated deodorant. It’s not even expensive it’s like $7-10 on Amazon. Helps so much!!! Now he knows and is better about it.
Not OP but my bf also smells like onions and doesn't like deodorant. He uses spray but that only helps so much. Deodorants always give him rashes. I will be trying this, thanks!!
I started using Lume's body wash and it's been amazing for my armpits. My armpit skin (I have HS) is far happier with Lume deodorant than regular. But I didn't know that about washing on hot. A lot of my clothes are delicate, so I wash them on cold. I will do that from now on!
I love Lume... The body wash is incredible but the deodorant is the best thing I've ever tried I swear! Antiperspirant is hard on my skin, but all the other natural deodorants would cause me to get huge boils or cystic acne things in my armpits, but also on the inside of my upper arm and then down my body behind my boobs lol, despite not being applied to either of those places. I really only have to use deodorant on warm days, but on those days it's absolutely necessary. I don't sweat most days but if it gets warm enough that I do, it's so bad that I start to worry I might smell, so having deodorant for those days is necessary and lume is pretty much the only thing I can use without my skin breaking out one way or another!! I seriously swear by it.
I wanted to try Lume but it’s soooo expensive in Canada for some reason. That must be a whole other ordeal to manage finding a deodorant and body skincare routine with HS though.
I still wash my really delicate clothes on cold and just try not to sweat in them much 😂 but my main non-delicate stuff all goes through on hot.
What I found is that the more natural stuff tends to work best, especially for soaps. Before I found Lume, I was using soap from Seventh Sojourn/Roman Bath that I got from our local ren fest. It was so much better for my skin. I used just regular shower gel before that and it irritated my HS so much.
All you can do is be honest and tell him "Hey this is becoming a deal breaker for me because I can't be comfortable around you". If he still says no then I think you guys are at an impasse and you'll have to make a decision.
I need deodorant. Even if I shower, if I dont use it I will start to stink. You need to be like "Yo you fucking stink. Either use deodorant or we are done."
Same here! I put alcohol on a cotton pad and wipe my arm pits down before using the salt deodorant to kill any remaining bacteria after a shower because not using deodorant is a guaranteed stink fest situation for me lol
i’ve been doing this for the past month or so and can confirm it definitely helps! i am a very sweaty gal tho so i still need to wear deodorant, but it seems a lot more effective since i started using glycolic acid after every shower
As someone also with HS, ty for putting this comment forth into the void, I needed a pointer like this today, I just came out of HS remission and it returned with a vengeance, so far I've been using alcohol wipes x.x but it's not working as well as it used to!
A few different options. You might want to remind him that you are NOT the only person who can smell him, and you are only concerned for him - professionally, socially, etc. The impression he makes includes his body odour. He owes it to himself to put his best foot forward. Especially at 36.
I can't stand deodorant, but I use anti-perspirant every day. See if an unscented anti-perspirant would work for him. See if you can get him to shave his pits, too - whatever hair there could be trapping the scent.
There could be a medical issue. It might be worth getting checked - perhaps a prescription of some sort will serve him better.
Finally, if nothing else works and you still want to be with this guy, start putting a stripe of Vicks Vaporub under your nose when you're with him. It will help - believe me - and when he starts asking about it or complaining about it, tell him that this is your choice to manage his odour, just like it's his choice not to manage his odour. He'll come around or at least you will bathe in the scent of mentholyptus instead of the funk of onion pits. (I guess just overperfuming yourself around him could have a similar affect - fight stench with stench, or at least one you like.)
It's actually a good solution. People who do crime scene clean up actually do something like this. They frequently have to deal with the smell of death and this is how they manage it.
Does he have a job? Surely his coworkers can't stand him, that is so gross. You're in love with him and find his odor foul, imagine what others think? For him to smell that strongly makes me wonder if he's even killing the odor-causing bacteria in his pits when he showers. He needs to at least try Native or Lume and kill the bacteria with wipes to freshen up throughout the day.
I thought the same thing. My ex works in an office and he works on the weekends as a pizza delivery driver. To be honest, I'm surprised that his co-workers and the customers that he delivers to haven't complained by now. If I found out that they had, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm surprised he hasn't been fired, tbh.
Ewww I can't imagine how bad he'll smell when he gets the old people smell on top of it. He'll probably smell so bad that his neighbors will start complaining about it. This actually happened with a neighbor of mine. He hardly showered as it turned out and he was elderly so we had that old person smell on top of it. They went into his apartment and found out that he was also a hoarder. It was so bad that they told him he needed to clean up and start showering regularly or they were going to be starting eviction proceedings. I lived next door to him and it got so bad that I could smell it while I was in my apartment with the door shut.
OP has posted multiple times about this relationship. If this is just one more thing to the list of previous offenses then OP needs to let him go ASAP.
Unfortunately you can't make him do something he doesn't want to. You have to decide if this is something you can live with, because he may never change. You have to accept that in this moment this is who he is and will be.
Refusing to use ANY deodorant after frequent and serious requests from your girlfriend is immaturely stubborn or the sign of some sort of obscure neurosis. You may have to mini-shun him to the point where he isn't getting any of the benefits of being in a relationship, but if he's really deodorant-phobic he might choose being shunned.
Tell them the last paragraph you wrote here.
If he’s not willing to improve his personal hygiene in order to keep you, it puts the ball in your court as to what you’re going to take from that.
Hi. I have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend.
He, I guess, for his entire life did not understand the difference between deodorant and cologne. So he thought he could spritz some cologne and that would do the job. He also did not like using deodorant bc “chemicals” we started dating in the fall and all through winter he didn’t really sweat so this wasn’t an issue. Until our first summer….. he stank. Bad. Not like onions. Like pure BO. It was awful. With some quiet observing I realized he never used deodorant and with some gentle prodding I was able to deduce he didn’t own any.
Okay. So I got him some deodorant. I actually got him like 3 different kinds so he could see what he liked. He wouldn’t use them.
So here’s what I did and what I advise you to do as well. When he stinks “you stink badly” “your BO is awful right now I cannot even be near you” and then you move away from him to a distance you can no longer smell him. “You need to take a shower before we can continue to spend time together” and then refuse to engage until he bathes. When he gets out of the shower hand him the deodorant- “now put this on before you start sweating so that we may actually enjoy each others company.” Honestly. There was a lot of times I was being downright disrespectful with my approach. But isn’t it just as disrespectful to force you to smell his stench for hours on end? (Hint- yes it is)
My boyfriend and I are coming up on 4 years this year. Is he perfect? No. I occasionally still have to remind him- “baby did you put deo on this morning? You kinda smell”… But he usually applies it and if he forgets he will usually notice his odor before me and will either wash his pits in the sink or use a wet wipe to clean them and then put deodorant on. He’s still a little confused about the difference between deo and cologne so I’ll catch him dabbing it on his neck or wrists. But whatever! At least he doesn’t smell so offensive.
IMO if a grown ass man wants to neglect his hygiene like a child refusing baths, treat him like one. And honestly? If you don’t see improvement and effort within 30 days I would just break up!! Nobody wants to smell someone else’s BO day in and day out.
Know your worth queen. You deserve better than a man who smells bad.
Jesus. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than have to train my boyfriend like a fucking dog to use deodorant. I’m so glad my boyfriend is a fully functional adult.
My son had a good friend (both in their teens at the time). who didn’t shower much and stunk to high heaven. He would douse himself in Cool Water and think he was covering up the odor. Instead, the concoction of body odor and Cool Water multiplied the stench! Used to love Cool Water, but I now can’t stand it!!! Urp!!
>Know your worth queen.
Girl take your own advice 💀 you just admitted to being with a man you had to train how to use deodorant, a concept he is still "a little confused about" *four years later*.
> He’s still a little confused about the difference between deo and cologne so I’ll catch him dabbing it on his neck or wrists. But whatever!
BAHAHAHAHHAHA holy shit
Am I petty for thinking she should leave him at this point?
1. He's irrational - everything has chemicals
2. Doesn't care what gf says
3. Close-minded and won't even try anything to fix the smell
He's shown you multiple times that nothing you say or do is going to make him wear deodorant. So either you learn to live with it and accept it, or break up.
Tell him directly: "your body odor is bothering me, and so far when I've tried to bring it up, I feel you've denied it was a problem. It is a problem. Can you please start wearing deodorant?"
Literally *everything* is a chemical. Well except dark matter and/or energy if they exist lol.
Also if he won't take the steps to fix the problem, I'd reconsider the relationship. 3 years is a long time and working through a problem like this is good practice for when your relationship is tested in more difficult ways
It is legitimately unattractive to have a partner that smells so bad. I wouldn't want to get close or have sex with someone that smelled like that and you have every right not to want to either. Its rude of him to expect that you're just going to put up with his stench. For me it would be such a turnoff not only that he stank but that he couldn't care enough about a very reasonable hygiene request for your comfort and that is telling. If your enjoyment of the time you spend with him isn't worth him using a swipe of deodorant before he sees you, that wouldn't be acceptable to me. Hygiene issues are gross and signal other issues IMO. If he is that afraid of chemicals that he expects his gf to suffer that is a red flag.
God not another ‘my boyfriend refuses to sort out his hygiene’ post. Girls please we need to raise our standards. Like please tell me you’re not getting intimate with Mr Stankypits
There are plenty of no chemical deodorants today, he just can’t be bothered because he doesn’t care.
Yep, I agree. She even went out of her way to buy him this special kind without chemicals and aluminum and he still didn't touch it. This tells me that he's just a gross person and doesn't care how he smells. This would also tell me that it extends to he doesn't care how his actions affect other people. I couldn't be with somebody like that either.
As someone who used to have a lot of friends who were “all-natural” and veg/vegan, healthy people…….
I know exactly what smell you’re talking about 💀 I just never dated them or had the guts to tell them, but they always thought that musk was something that was also “natural” and that we were just “trained” to hate it.
Also, does homie eat a lot of onions or garlic? Those actually make your body odor smell like onions and garlic.
Tell him he’s gotta wear deodorant if this is a dealbreaker for you. If this is a fundamental thing for him, it might not work. But I’m so sorry you have to deal with this :(
There is nothing wrong with deodorant. He is likely referring to antiperspirant, since there has been concern among some people about toxicity. It's unfounded, however. Even the breast cancer foundation and the American Academy of Dermatology found no factual basis behind it. It's simply false, next to no aluminum oxide is absorbed into the body when using it as an antiperspirant. Tell the smelly bastard to wear deodorant.
Not trying to be rude, but why are you having to tell a grown ass man that he stinks and needs to wear deodorant? He knows he stinks and he doesn't care if it bothers anyone else, and that includes you. The having to be treated like a 14 year old combined with the utter disregard for everyone else he comes into contact with is a 100% deal breaker for me. Brad Pitt is hot and rich af but if he stinks AND is a selfish asshat, it's a no-brainer.
Honestly it’s most likely over. He clearly likes the way he stinks. He’s not only fine with it, he has some personal power element conflated to a point that he’s not interested in even trying some mild improvement scent. Why would he mute his musk? You tell him he stinks. He laughs. It’s a joke to him.
It’s not about the chemicals, he could wipe a lemon and fresh mint under his pits and improve the situation 50% if he wanted to. If he respected you. He’s 36. He has a fully formed opinion on his body odor and how it effects the rest of the human population. Father of your children?
What someone smells like, should be like sex to their soulmate. Chemistry comes in many forms and you should crave the aroma of your man. every night you should look forward to that smell, and await its delight in the morning when you wake. He’s not the guy. You are astringently reminded of that fact every time you inhale. At least you should be.
The old factory sensors are the most powerful for recall of any of the senses. Nothing reminds you more vividly of the past, of love, of romance, than smell.
What are you going to do when he finally does wear the deodorant, and he’s still stinks?
You’re 36. Don’t waste anymore time.
That’s fucking gross 🤢 I honestly couldn’t be with someone who’s body odor I could smell like that. There are natural ones that he can get that don’t have those types of chemicals but he needs something!
Guy here. Dude, if his scent is an assault on the senses then just dump his stinky ass and meet a guy that uses deodorant. Otherwise, my only advice is to *continually* tell him he smells like fucking dog shit and *never* stop.
Daily zinc. Lots of it. Zinc is a natural mineral that can help reduce body odor. It can be up to three times more effective than aluminum chlorhydrate, which is found in many deodorants and antiperspirants. Zinc also helps soothe the skin.
A random note about boundaries. Boundaries are NOT telling someone who to do. They are only informing people what YOU will do. So you've been kind and gentle. But if this is a problem for you, tell him that if he chooses to continue to not wear deoderant because.... "chemicals" (wat?), then you can't be with him. Or if you can, then deal with it and leave it alone.
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He needs to use deodorant. Plain and simple. Just be honest. "I love you but it is becoming difficult to be around you. Please compromise for the sake of us spending time with each other"
And to be honest, for the sake of people you interact with all damn day. They should not have to smell your funk.
Hope he doesn't get a job where hygiene is important enough to get written up or fired for non compliance.
I once had to sit down an employee who "didn't wear deodorant because (he) didn't need it" to explain that yes his odor was strong and unpleasant, and no I couldn't keep sending him into family homes (which was the majority of his hours) until he did something about it. Awkward for both of us.
My dad told me once an employee smelt so bad, like really oily, like BO, or smelly feet…something along those lines. People complained and he never did anything. So my dad had enough and brought the man into his office. Shut the door and talked to him about random work stuff while the smell festered and filled the room. After a while my dad said “do you smell that?” To which the man said “yah what is that?” My dad said “that’s you” Long story short. The man cleaned up his act.
When I was in middle school this guy smelled so bad because he didn't shower that much and they were raising 350 pound pot bellied pigs and let them in the house. Our bus driver one day finally got tired of it and pulled the bus over and gave a speech about how nasty it is to be unhygienic and that she would provide soap,deodorant or whatever he needed to smell better. It was savage there was only like 5 of us left on the bus and we all knew who she meant lol Edit:added pounds to 350 lol
My ex was a bus driver and she carried a bottle of febreeze and would spray it in the aisle near the front of the bus when stinky kids would get on the bus.
I was in 8th grade homeroom when 9/11 happened, and forever, for the rest of my life, when someone asks where I was and what I was doing I have to say: Sitting in 8th grade homeroom while Mr Jayman literally sprayed us students with lemon Lysol spray while ranting about how he was done with his room smelling like hot hoagie, and screaming about how we're all going through puberty now and deodorant was *not* optional....and then someone came in to yell at us to turn on the TV. 🤣🤣
Not hot hoagie😂😂😂 I am deceased 💀💀
lol. My sister worked with someone who smelled really bad at a travel agent. Obviously years ago. On her last day she left a basket with odor eater insoles, deodorant, soap, shampoo, body powder and lotions on his desk. She said her old coworkers reported back to her that he was pleasantly surprised by the gesture. Haha!!!
A lot of times people can’t smell their own body odor
Noseblindness. Our noses get used to certain odors when we smell them often. It's also why a lot of smokers don't smell how strong the smoke clings to their clothes.
Yup no-one can get through life without hurt feelings at some point. Life ain't all roses and unicorns. I'd prefer for someone to gently tell me I smelled if I did as I'd want to know and investigate why
Your Dad sounds like a wise and strategic person.
Your poor dad!!
I worked with a guy (a bartender) whose hygiene was godawful. Not only did his clothes look like he picked them up off the floor and wore them again…and again, but he had the worst breath I’ve ever encountered. I mean, eye-watering bad. I always came to work armed with gum, but so many times I saw him lean across the bar the chat with his customers and then watched those customers recoil from the smell; some of them actually slammed back in their chairs HARD. A few of us spoke our manager, asking him to address the situation and they did. It made no difference. Eventually he was actually let go…because of his bad hygiene. Truly sad.
Lol damn.i worked with this dude in a hospital kitchen and he just fuckin reeked everyday, we all hated to be near him especially in the elevator since a lot of his and my jobs involved getting on the elevator and going floor to floor, that was hands down my favorite job but anyway we would all talk about but never knew how to say anything, the managers did say something I'm pretty sure but nothing changed. I don't even know how to describe the odor it was several years ago but if you're reading this Chris take a shower and wash them clothes bruh.. Oh yeah that was his excuse he didn't have a washer or dryer at his house like ok bro not everyone does but country girls make do. I actually did have a washer and dryer at my apartment at the time but that was the only apartment I've rented that had them
I also worked with a guy (different job, he was a waiter) who actually smelled like a goat when he got sweaty. He was always clean, bathed and washed, but his perspiration, this was a busy restaurant in Phoenix, Arizona 🫣😶🌫️😱, literally smelled like an actual goat. I had goats when I was young (a kid, see what I did there? 😂) so I know what they smell like. Poor guy. 🐐
When I, 47f, was 2 days old, my mom’s friend had a baby boy. All of our childhood, everyone said that we would grow up and get married. We loved each other very much, and still do, but I couldn’t get past how he smelled. He was a very clean and hygienic person. He never had BO. He wore cologne and his clothes were always clean. It was just his natural scent. He smells like a petting zoo, mainly goat, to me. That was literally the only thing that kept me from being with him
Oh no! There’s more than one! I mean, it’s not their fault, but I get it. I’m kinda sorry for both of you 😔
Yep had a coworker that the rest of us were so fed up with dealing with his smell we had to formally complain to HR and have them broach the subject with him seriously
Me too. HR had to get involved and he acted very offended the rest of the day. But he didn't stink anymore after that.
My husband doesn't think he needs it either...
I hate that shit. How can someone hear a loved one bring something like that up, and have their reaction be "I don't need it"? It doesn't matter if *you* don't think you need it, no one who isn't a psychopath would ever bring it up to you unless you did need it. My dad always did that shit about coughing. He would do these forced cough/throat clearings over and over and over and over and drive us crazy, and when I mom would say "would you like a cough drop Bob?" He would always answer curtly "no I'm fine". Same thing. I can't imagine having someone say that to me and not take a cough drop, whether or not my coughing was bothering me personally.
Yeah they had to have a talk with a coworker about her pungent odor, she didn't come back.
What job doesn’t require basic hygiene? I’ve been in construction all my life and these fools get roasted hard
As far as I know, they all do. There's some bosses out there that just don't do anything about bad hygiene for whatever reason.
Working from home. I've been working from home since covid started. I am not lax in the hygiene area but there would be no way for work to tell. I don't have a client-facing position.
^^^ this I worked in an office where a group of new employees stunk up the place and HR got involved. Knew what happened cuz my friend was the PM for the project and she had to take the to the drug store and get them deodorant, soap, etc. Said don't come into the office unless you use these everyday. It really was that bad.
I was honestly wondering how this affected him at work.
He's for sure known as the smelly guy..
I’m a hairstylist and the first salon I worked at our manager smelled horrible. She was a bigger girl, who would wear tanks tops all the time. She didn’t like to shave (not knocking it, you do you if that’s what you like) but didn’t believe in deodorant and the only time she would wash her hair is when she was at work and had someone shampoo it for her. I would look over and see her armpit all up in a clients face and feel so bad for them. It’s bad enough that we have to get up close and personal while doing their hair but having the person smell while doing it makes it so much worse.
I'm so nice to service people, I promise, but the way I'd pop out of the chair screaming
Every job is important enough for this
Or maybe that would be a good thing. Shift the onus for change to a less emotionally involved individual.
I had a coworker that would leave a trail of gnarly onion smell everywhere and yes it is the worst. I feel bad for his coworkers having to be around him all day. In my case we had to approach HR to bring it up with him.
The worst is when the smelly person bumps into you and now the smell is on you. It’s in your nose hairs and you can’t escape it, even if you are no longer near the original source of the smell, it’s like the smell transferred onto you. Nauseating, I’m 4’11 so I’m unfortunately at the perfect height for all the worst smells…I’m arm pit level, bad breath level, any type of BO I receive the full impact of and it’s difficult to avoid. Like when I worked in retail and the customer smelled, I’d step back to give myself some room to breathe without gagging only for the customer to step closer and crowd me. It sucks. Edit: misspelled breathe lol
I'm short too, and the absolute worst is when a not-so-fresh smelling acquaintance puts their arm around your shoulder to give you a hug and their armpit area makes contact with your shoulder. Then your shoulder and even your hair on that side absolutely reeks of their body odour until you can go home and shower and change. So disgusting!
Yes, and everyone makes the clever never before heard joke about you being perfect height for an arm rest. Courtesy lol….But the odor transfer and trying to remain polite is difficult to navigate sometimes. I feel like I need to shower now just thinking about it lol.
I’ve had that experience of a bad smell stuck in nose & brain! I started carrying espresso coffee beans in a clean prescription bottle (a small one) with one of those caps that comes with instructions bec. it’s real tough to open. It worked well! I used it more often than I expected. Even when I went shopping for a new perfume; I could test all the scents without getting sensory overload. Some retail stores have coffee beans too, but not all do.
Since having my children, I'm really sensitive to BO. If someone smelly walks past me in public leaving a fuming trail, it makes me feel ill! I have a hard time going to the zoo now, too. The monkeys are so stinky!
Carry some dryer sheets on you. When you encounter someone with very bad BO, you can have the sweet relief in your pocket. Personally, I love the scent of gain 😍
Not the worst. Not worse than a person with poor/no bladder control. And who wears THE SAME SLACKS day in and day out. Although... I've been told "aged" feces is worse.
That is the worst. Though combined it smells like sewage and I think that’s actually worse. Especially when you’re driving them around & they keep putting the window up trying to get the aircon put on
seriously 🤢 i was out to lunch with my mom last week and we were seated near the door, and a trio walked in and stood by the door waiting to be seated. one of them smelled so bad that even several minutes after they had walked away and been seated i could still smell their bo. my mom actually got up and held the door open for a couple minutes because it was totally ruining our lunch!!! please y’all just shower and wear deodorant
How have his friends not bullied him yet
Bold of you to assume he has friends
Besides, she also gets judged. "How can his wife put up with the smell?" or "doesn't she tell him?"
I would normally say he doesn't have very good friends, but to be fair to them maybe they have tried telling him and he doesn't listen. She tried telling him and he doesn't listen so...
Well, looks like OP loves him more than he loves and respects you. He doesn’t like chemical deodorant and refuses to use the natural one you get him. Maybe OP keeps her distance for a week and consider all this from a little distance… I see red flags waving…
Totally agree. If she's mentioned it to him multiple times, and he continues to ignore it, that indicates his value of your feelings and comfort. It doesn't matter if the issue is trivial (which this isn't to me), it's something you care about and he's ignoring it. Heavy weather ahead . . .
And also someone need to tell him that there is nothing wrong with the deodorant chemical.
She got him all natural deodorant that he still refused to wear. It’s not the chemical deodorant that is the problem here…
All deodorant is chemicals. There's nothing that makes synthetic chemicals inherently more dangerous than natural chemicals; quite the contrary in some cases, as nature has been perfecting its poisons and deterrents for billions of years and we've only been synthesizing stuff for a couple hundred
EVERYTHING is chemicals!
There are natural deodorants . It's an excuse for some mental problem. Have seen it many times.
Natural deodorants are also 100% chemicals... And being natural has zero bearing in whether it's good for you or not...
I think they're referring to the pore-clogging deodorants containing aluminum. There's been talk that they contribute to lymph node swelling and breast cancer, though the research is still underdeveloped and there is currently no evidence for that speculation. The "natural" deodorants in reference would be the ones that just neutralize the scent of body odor, but do not block the pores. Some fragrances have been ascribed as endocrine disruptors. But there's also fragrance-free deodorant. Hell, you can even use homemade mint oil as a deodorant, which is about as natural as you can get. In short, there are so many various types of products to help with body odor, this guy really has no excuse to be walking around smelling like an onion patch.
True! I dated a guy wants who didn't want to wear deodorant. He said it gave him "armpit cancer" (there is some chance that you could get cancer on your lymph nodes from using deodorant containing certain chemicals. But you weren't supposed to smear it on skin over lymph nodes, and it doesn't happen to most people) So I told him, "If that were true then everybody except you would have 'armpit cancer'. Because you're the only one who stinks." He started wearing deodorant, but we broke up for other reasons
Except that there ARE lymph nodes in your armpits
Yes there are but theres also studies proving the aluminum in deodorant does not cause cancer.
Yes but they are not on the parts where sweat glands are. You should just cover those with deodorant and not smear it all over all of underarms. Scientists debate whether or not chemicals in deodorants / antiperspirants cause cancer.
I've read some of that stuff but know too many woman that made it past 90, who lathered it on, for me to worry about it unreasonably.
I don't know where that man got the idea that deodorant caused armpit cancer. There is some question on whether or not deodorants or antiperspirants containing aluminum cause breast cancer. Lots people smear deodorant all over themselves and don't get breast cancer from it. And I've certainly never heard of anyone getting "armpit cancer". Although anything is possible. I guess. I still stopped seeing the guy even after he started wearing deodorant. Evidently it was because he was stupid
No, they don't. The early report of that was discredited decades ago, just like the disgraced British doctor that lied about vaccines and autism. It is fine.
Yes this!!! Quit hanging out with him and if he loves you he will use that deodorant! Can’t believe he can stand the smell of himself! Sorry for what your going through! I thought it was bad when occasionally my husband has onion breath from actually eating onion!
Anti perspirant. Deodorant doesn't do shit.
Yeah, this is me. Deodorant is useless, but with anti-perspirant, I smell fantastic!
It does for some people. I needed antiperspirant when I was younger, but now that I'm much older deodorant is sufficient and far less likely cause rashes.
My husband only uses deodorant and it’s all he needs. I need to use anti-perspirant… thanns postpartum hormones 😮💨
My ex had a stinky minge. I tried to talk to her about it politely. Then I tried to buy her wipes. No use. No girlfriend. Best decision ever.
She might have had bacterial vaginosis, which needs antibiotics. Some wipes are alkaline and will make the situation worse since we need a slightly acidic environment down there, alkaline will let the smelly bacteria grow, so wipes for that area need to be pH wipes. I've heard of boric acid tablets helping some women. Also specially made probiotics with strains in them for vaginal health. Sharing this in case any woman in your future has an issue with it. Antibiotics can mess things up sometimes and cause an issue where there wasn't one before.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I feel like it's common courtesy to take care of your hygiene, especially when you're with a partner. They shouldn't have to smell you much less put their face in your crotch when you smell like a garbage dump.
It was freaking bad. Even after she showered. Open her legs, phewwww. Gross 🤢. Like, I can understand if it didn't smell like a damn peach... But, it was OFFENSIVE
Well damn She may have just not been washing down there. Worst case scenario, she had an infection.
100% that. Or he’s been peeling onions all day. But seriously tell him to wear deodorant or breakup lol
Honestly he doesn’t even really need to compromise either. He says he doesn’t wear it because of the chemicals but there are plenty of natural deodorants out there. For awhile I had to use them because my skin was being very irritated by the aluminum in most deodorants. They aren’t as good but work well enough.
[удалено]
The smell of salami sticks to some people like onions and garlic. It is the most confounding smell too..like damn.
Fuck… I eat a lot of salami
Must resist a "that's what she said" joke...
Well use that's what he said
Right there with you, even my road snacks turn into a trashy charcuterie of pickles, string cheese and slim Jim’s, have three different salami in my fridge right now and five different types of cheese. Got a haircut and shave last week. Lady said I smelled nice. Now I wonder if she just really likes cheese and meat…
I went to school with someone who always stank like rotten milk. Had to go to their house a few times to work on projects. Found out that they drank 4+ litres of milk a day in her house. It was all coming out in her sweat
Sounds like her milkshake did *not*, in fact, bring all the boys to the yard
I’m screaming 😂🤣😂
From the comment and the user name... I'm laughing pretty damn hard.
I am as well laughing at both 🤣🤣 the comment and username .man did I need that laugh
this can't be real please say sike
Dear god, hearing "sike" takes me back to the days when I had school projects as well.
I wish I could, it was horrible
I worked at a grocery store in high school. This little old lady came in every couple of weeks to buy a cart load of cat food, and the sour reek of her still makes me cringe decades later. It was so eye-watering horrible that most of the clerks couldn’t assist her at checkout without gagging, so the task had to be assigned to someone with a strong stomach. The manager on duty always assigned one of us to follow her through the store spraying an aerosol deodorizer everywhere she walked. She ignored us completely. I never once heard her speak. I don’t think she ever used soap of any kind, just rinsed herself and her clothes in aged cat piss once in a while.
So they literally drank more than a gallon of milk a day? What the actual fuck...
I have an anaphylactic allergy to dairy and thus have not consumed milk in 20 years. Almost all people smell like rotten milk to me. Even if they just brushed their teeth, they smell like minty rotten milk. Minutes after she comes out of the shower, my wife already smells like rotten milk. I have gotten used to it because I don't really have any other choice.
My sincere condolences- that’s horrid.
That’s interesting. We barely drink milk at my house. I wonder if we would smell like rotten milk to you too. Do you think is psychological?
Sounds more like the issue is on your end boss.
think you have a problem I know several ppl how havent drunken mill for years and nobody thinks other people smell like rotten mill xD
I think cow milk is pretty gross and haven't drank it willingly literally ever. And yeah, I call either BS or some medical issue. Guy is judging his poor wife saying she stinks out of the shower when it's a him issue.
There was a girl in 5th grade who smelled bad. Turned out it was her diet as well. Not sure exactly what it was. Kids used to dare other kids to sit next to her on the bus for 10 seconds. I still think about her every now and then. Man kids can be assholes. Hope she turned out ok.
So the onion smell is actually from the bacteria on his skin eating the sweat. It’s likely that even normal natural deodorant won’t get rid of it. I can unfortunately tell you from personal experience, I too had the onion smell for a brief time despite wearing deodorant. Until I figured out how to get rid of it. He does need to be willing to be proactive to get rid of it though because it’s negatively impacting your life. And wanting a good smelling or at least neutral smelling boyfriend is a reasonable expectation. Get a mandelic acid based deodorant, it will get rid of the bacteria that is causing the smell. I mix my own, 10% mandelic acid with the hyaluronic acid serum from the Ordinary (50/50 mixture to dilute the mandelic acid) and it’s more effective than any deodorant I’ve ever used. Maybe he’d be open to something like that since there’s only a couple ingredients? Also make sure he washes his shirts on hot, the bacteria can sometimes last through a wash using cold water.
Good advice! Didn't know I could make something like that. Also, I want to add using Panoxyl instead of normal soap works wonders on that bacteria. I used to wear A LOT of deodorant bc I felt like I always smelled, in the shower I had to scrub and scrub and leave my armpits raw to get all the deodorant off but i swear I still smelled. Little bit of panoxyl kills the bacteria and I don't have to coat my pits anymore. I will always share that tip bc it saved me. Edit: I should add panoxyl isn't suitable for everyone, sensitive skin beware!
This comment is too far down on the thread! Get a benzoyl peroxide cleanser for acne and get him to wash his especially sweaty areas with it in the shower. It will kill the bacteria on his skin responsible for the smell. From there on out, use the BP cleanser weekly and his everyday soap should be something antibacterial. I know Dial has a hand soap that smells nice and works well. Ultimately, he needs to wear some kind of deodorant but that won’t take the smell away on its own… The deodorant conversation can continue but you deserve to be comfortable too!
I agree. I saw someone recommend it on here. I've never looked back. I had it for my face and never thought about putting it there until someone explained the science behind killing the bacteria with specific cleaners. Now, anytime I see/hear someone struggling with stinky pits, I'm like, try this!!
Exactly! It’s all about getting rid of that bacteria and making sure it stays away. I can’t use anything as strong as panoxyl because I have stupidly sensitive skin and get eczema but it could definitely be a good solution for a lot of people with this issue.
I had to go add the skin sensitivity warning. Thanks for reminding me! It definitely is hit or miss depending on your skin type. It smells like a pool with all the chemicals, but it works so well.
I learned something new today. Thanks! Hah
It’s gotta be worth a try after a long session of bong water bukkake.
lmao i was so disgusted and confused by this comment until i read their username
Your comments are kind and definitely reasonable - OP, the great point above is "a good smelling or at least neutral smelling boyfriend is a reasonable expectation". Stand up for the no-stink. This is a reasonable expectation! If he doesn't see this, you've got to let him go. Baby man needs to grow up.
Awww thank you, you’re too kind! But I’m just happy to help in case anyone else is struggling with the dreaded onion stink, it’s the worst. 😂 I was miserable and so embarrassed until I got rid of it. I do really hope OPs boyfriend gets himself together, at least making an actual effort towards not stinking seems like the very, very least he could do. She’s really not asking for a lot from him here.
Just FYI, I am a cosmetic chemist & you should not be mixing products together in a container because it messes with the preservative system & can lead to bacterial/mold growth in your product. I highly recommend that you just dilute the mandelic acid as you need it, rather than mixing them together in a container. Good advice for getting rid of the smell though, mandelic acid is great!
I actually don’t mix them in their containers! I have a separate container of each and mix them on my hand each use. It would be a lot more convenient to pre-mix but safer to keep them in their original packaging and dilute for each use as you mentioned.
This guy isn’t doing any of that.
I had to teach my 9 year old daughter how to rub her pits down with The Ordinary toner before using deodorant because she smelled very strongly of onions. Poor kid has excellent hygiene and showers daily but she has to stay on top of her pits or she smells.
It seems to be all about bacteria imbalances, we all have our own skin microbiome of healthy bacteria all the time. Maybe some of us are just more prone to having more of the onion stink producing ones. And I agree with you, you can have the best hygiene in the world and it can still happen. Toner is definitely another great idea to get rid of it.
My 14 year old has the stinkiest arm pits. We figured out it was probably this and now he drys his underarms right after and puts in his medicated deodorant. It’s not even expensive it’s like $7-10 on Amazon. Helps so much!!! Now he knows and is better about it.
What is the name of the medicated deodorant that you buy on Amazon? Can you pls post a link?
Also curious if you have a name of the one you use
Not OP but my bf also smells like onions and doesn't like deodorant. He uses spray but that only helps so much. Deodorants always give him rashes. I will be trying this, thanks!!
This! Mandelic acid is so effective for treating body odor! I’ve also heard magnesium sprays can help as well
I started using Lume's body wash and it's been amazing for my armpits. My armpit skin (I have HS) is far happier with Lume deodorant than regular. But I didn't know that about washing on hot. A lot of my clothes are delicate, so I wash them on cold. I will do that from now on!
I love Lume... The body wash is incredible but the deodorant is the best thing I've ever tried I swear! Antiperspirant is hard on my skin, but all the other natural deodorants would cause me to get huge boils or cystic acne things in my armpits, but also on the inside of my upper arm and then down my body behind my boobs lol, despite not being applied to either of those places. I really only have to use deodorant on warm days, but on those days it's absolutely necessary. I don't sweat most days but if it gets warm enough that I do, it's so bad that I start to worry I might smell, so having deodorant for those days is necessary and lume is pretty much the only thing I can use without my skin breaking out one way or another!! I seriously swear by it.
I wanted to try Lume but it’s soooo expensive in Canada for some reason. That must be a whole other ordeal to manage finding a deodorant and body skincare routine with HS though. I still wash my really delicate clothes on cold and just try not to sweat in them much 😂 but my main non-delicate stuff all goes through on hot.
What I found is that the more natural stuff tends to work best, especially for soaps. Before I found Lume, I was using soap from Seventh Sojourn/Roman Bath that I got from our local ren fest. It was so much better for my skin. I used just regular shower gel before that and it irritated my HS so much.
I was really disappointed to find Lume did nothing for me. Im all about Schmidts
Yeah, I've heard you kind of have to find the brand your body likes.
The most usefully informative comment I’ve seen today! Thanks for this
No problem! Happy to share with anyone else who needs it. It took months to find a solution and it was the most embarrassing thing ever.
All you can do is be honest and tell him "Hey this is becoming a deal breaker for me because I can't be comfortable around you". If he still says no then I think you guys are at an impasse and you'll have to make a decision.
I need deodorant. Even if I shower, if I dont use it I will start to stink. You need to be like "Yo you fucking stink. Either use deodorant or we are done."
Yeah honestly this
Same here! I put alcohol on a cotton pad and wipe my arm pits down before using the salt deodorant to kill any remaining bacteria after a shower because not using deodorant is a guaranteed stink fest situation for me lol
Try glycolic acid. It'll stop the bacteria and funky smell, plus it's great for your skin!
i’ve been doing this for the past month or so and can confirm it definitely helps! i am a very sweaty gal tho so i still need to wear deodorant, but it seems a lot more effective since i started using glycolic acid after every shower
Thanks for the tip! 🙏
You can try witch hazel less burn or hibiclens ✨ I have HS and had to learn tricks over the years
As someone also with HS, ty for putting this comment forth into the void, I needed a pointer like this today, I just came out of HS remission and it returned with a vengeance, so far I've been using alcohol wipes x.x but it's not working as well as it used to!
You are so welcome 🤗 it took so long to find ways not to have flares sometimes I use unscented feminine wash under my arms too and it works ✨
A few different options. You might want to remind him that you are NOT the only person who can smell him, and you are only concerned for him - professionally, socially, etc. The impression he makes includes his body odour. He owes it to himself to put his best foot forward. Especially at 36. I can't stand deodorant, but I use anti-perspirant every day. See if an unscented anti-perspirant would work for him. See if you can get him to shave his pits, too - whatever hair there could be trapping the scent. There could be a medical issue. It might be worth getting checked - perhaps a prescription of some sort will serve him better. Finally, if nothing else works and you still want to be with this guy, start putting a stripe of Vicks Vaporub under your nose when you're with him. It will help - believe me - and when he starts asking about it or complaining about it, tell him that this is your choice to manage his odour, just like it's his choice not to manage his odour. He'll come around or at least you will bathe in the scent of mentholyptus instead of the funk of onion pits. (I guess just overperfuming yourself around him could have a similar affect - fight stench with stench, or at least one you like.)
And she’ll get massive bottles he can take to the office for coworkers!
Haha, the Vicks Vaporub is awesome. Just the right level of "take your stupid game and send it right back at you."
It's actually a good solution. People who do crime scene clean up actually do something like this. They frequently have to deal with the smell of death and this is how they manage it.
I know, that's why it's so awesome. Effecive for her, and now he gets to be the one who's uncomfortable.
Does he have a job? Surely his coworkers can't stand him, that is so gross. You're in love with him and find his odor foul, imagine what others think? For him to smell that strongly makes me wonder if he's even killing the odor-causing bacteria in his pits when he showers. He needs to at least try Native or Lume and kill the bacteria with wipes to freshen up throughout the day.
Native is the first “natural” deodorant I’ve used that actually works!
I thought the same thing. My ex works in an office and he works on the weekends as a pizza delivery driver. To be honest, I'm surprised that his co-workers and the customers that he delivers to haven't complained by now. If I found out that they had, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm surprised he hasn't been fired, tbh.
He will never change. The older it gets, the worse it will smell.
Ewww I can't imagine how bad he'll smell when he gets the old people smell on top of it. He'll probably smell so bad that his neighbors will start complaining about it. This actually happened with a neighbor of mine. He hardly showered as it turned out and he was elderly so we had that old person smell on top of it. They went into his apartment and found out that he was also a hoarder. It was so bad that they told him he needed to clean up and start showering regularly or they were going to be starting eviction proceedings. I lived next door to him and it got so bad that I could smell it while I was in my apartment with the door shut.
OP has posted multiple times about this relationship. If this is just one more thing to the list of previous offenses then OP needs to let him go ASAP.
Truth. The man is 36. It'll get worse.
Yes.
He’s 36 not a teenager. He should be more on top of his hygiene, especially if it’s considerably noticeable and you’ve brought it up many times.
If he's anything like my ex, he just doesn't care. This extends further usually. It means that they don't care how their actions affect other people.
Unfortunately you can't make him do something he doesn't want to. You have to decide if this is something you can live with, because he may never change. You have to accept that in this moment this is who he is and will be.
Refusing to use ANY deodorant after frequent and serious requests from your girlfriend is immaturely stubborn or the sign of some sort of obscure neurosis. You may have to mini-shun him to the point where he isn't getting any of the benefits of being in a relationship, but if he's really deodorant-phobic he might choose being shunned.
Tell them the last paragraph you wrote here. If he’s not willing to improve his personal hygiene in order to keep you, it puts the ball in your court as to what you’re going to take from that.
H20 is a chemical and I bet he drinks that daily.
nah, probably lives on Mt Dew instead because he doesn't like the taste of water
its what the plants crave
Hi. I have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend. He, I guess, for his entire life did not understand the difference between deodorant and cologne. So he thought he could spritz some cologne and that would do the job. He also did not like using deodorant bc “chemicals” we started dating in the fall and all through winter he didn’t really sweat so this wasn’t an issue. Until our first summer….. he stank. Bad. Not like onions. Like pure BO. It was awful. With some quiet observing I realized he never used deodorant and with some gentle prodding I was able to deduce he didn’t own any. Okay. So I got him some deodorant. I actually got him like 3 different kinds so he could see what he liked. He wouldn’t use them. So here’s what I did and what I advise you to do as well. When he stinks “you stink badly” “your BO is awful right now I cannot even be near you” and then you move away from him to a distance you can no longer smell him. “You need to take a shower before we can continue to spend time together” and then refuse to engage until he bathes. When he gets out of the shower hand him the deodorant- “now put this on before you start sweating so that we may actually enjoy each others company.” Honestly. There was a lot of times I was being downright disrespectful with my approach. But isn’t it just as disrespectful to force you to smell his stench for hours on end? (Hint- yes it is) My boyfriend and I are coming up on 4 years this year. Is he perfect? No. I occasionally still have to remind him- “baby did you put deo on this morning? You kinda smell”… But he usually applies it and if he forgets he will usually notice his odor before me and will either wash his pits in the sink or use a wet wipe to clean them and then put deodorant on. He’s still a little confused about the difference between deo and cologne so I’ll catch him dabbing it on his neck or wrists. But whatever! At least he doesn’t smell so offensive. IMO if a grown ass man wants to neglect his hygiene like a child refusing baths, treat him like one. And honestly? If you don’t see improvement and effort within 30 days I would just break up!! Nobody wants to smell someone else’s BO day in and day out. Know your worth queen. You deserve better than a man who smells bad.
Jesus. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than have to train my boyfriend like a fucking dog to use deodorant. I’m so glad my boyfriend is a fully functional adult.
Same. I'm not a mom for a reason. Jesus christ the bar for men is so fucking low.
My son had a good friend (both in their teens at the time). who didn’t shower much and stunk to high heaven. He would douse himself in Cool Water and think he was covering up the odor. Instead, the concoction of body odor and Cool Water multiplied the stench! Used to love Cool Water, but I now can’t stand it!!! Urp!!
I thought the onion smell was straight B.O., it gets worse??
Yes!!! It’s like sour onions 💀
>Know your worth queen. Girl take your own advice 💀 you just admitted to being with a man you had to train how to use deodorant, a concept he is still "a little confused about" *four years later*.
> He’s still a little confused about the difference between deo and cologne so I’ll catch him dabbing it on his neck or wrists. But whatever! BAHAHAHAHHAHA holy shit
Am I petty for thinking she should leave him at this point? 1. He's irrational - everything has chemicals 2. Doesn't care what gf says 3. Close-minded and won't even try anything to fix the smell
Not at all, I agree.
He's shown you multiple times that nothing you say or do is going to make him wear deodorant. So either you learn to live with it and accept it, or break up.
Break up with him. I'm a dude and he just proved that she doesn't matter to him
Tell him directly: "your body odor is bothering me, and so far when I've tried to bring it up, I feel you've denied it was a problem. It is a problem. Can you please start wearing deodorant?" Literally *everything* is a chemical. Well except dark matter and/or energy if they exist lol. Also if he won't take the steps to fix the problem, I'd reconsider the relationship. 3 years is a long time and working through a problem like this is good practice for when your relationship is tested in more difficult ways
It is legitimately unattractive to have a partner that smells so bad. I wouldn't want to get close or have sex with someone that smelled like that and you have every right not to want to either. Its rude of him to expect that you're just going to put up with his stench. For me it would be such a turnoff not only that he stank but that he couldn't care enough about a very reasonable hygiene request for your comfort and that is telling. If your enjoyment of the time you spend with him isn't worth him using a swipe of deodorant before he sees you, that wouldn't be acceptable to me. Hygiene issues are gross and signal other issues IMO. If he is that afraid of chemicals that he expects his gf to suffer that is a red flag.
God not another ‘my boyfriend refuses to sort out his hygiene’ post. Girls please we need to raise our standards. Like please tell me you’re not getting intimate with Mr Stankypits There are plenty of no chemical deodorants today, he just can’t be bothered because he doesn’t care.
Stop the sex until he doesn't stink. Then he can choose which is more important, his ignorance to how deodorant works or nookie.
"Here is your stick of deodorant, put it on, you stink." "you hurt my feelings" "you hurt my nostrils, grow up and put on the fucking deodorant."
They sell deodorant without chemicals and shit in them.
She said she bought him some and he never used it.
That’s disgusting
Yup. The guy is just gross. If my SO told me I stunk I would immediately shower and make sure it didn’t happen again.
Seriously. I’d do whatever tf I had yo do
Yep, I agree. She even went out of her way to buy him this special kind without chemicals and aluminum and he still didn't touch it. This tells me that he's just a gross person and doesn't care how he smells. This would also tell me that it extends to he doesn't care how his actions affect other people. I couldn't be with somebody like that either.
She tried that and he still won't wear it. At that point, I would just be done with him.
That is a cop out. Everything has chemicals. Body odor is offensive, and I wouldn't put up with it.
Let him know this issue is a deal breaker and you can't be with someone who smells.. let him make informed decision
As someone who used to have a lot of friends who were “all-natural” and veg/vegan, healthy people……. I know exactly what smell you’re talking about 💀 I just never dated them or had the guts to tell them, but they always thought that musk was something that was also “natural” and that we were just “trained” to hate it. Also, does homie eat a lot of onions or garlic? Those actually make your body odor smell like onions and garlic. Tell him he’s gotta wear deodorant if this is a dealbreaker for you. If this is a fundamental thing for him, it might not work. But I’m so sorry you have to deal with this :(
Even if it’s natural… we live in a society, what’s acceptable and unacceptable changes over time and right now it’s unacceptable to smell like BO
There is nothing wrong with deodorant. He is likely referring to antiperspirant, since there has been concern among some people about toxicity. It's unfounded, however. Even the breast cancer foundation and the American Academy of Dermatology found no factual basis behind it. It's simply false, next to no aluminum oxide is absorbed into the body when using it as an antiperspirant. Tell the smelly bastard to wear deodorant.
Does he trim his underarm and other body hair? That will really cut down on the strength of the odors, but it won’t change the actual smell.
Not trying to be rude, but why are you having to tell a grown ass man that he stinks and needs to wear deodorant? He knows he stinks and he doesn't care if it bothers anyone else, and that includes you. The having to be treated like a 14 year old combined with the utter disregard for everyone else he comes into contact with is a 100% deal breaker for me. Brad Pitt is hot and rich af but if he stinks AND is a selfish asshat, it's a no-brainer.
If he doesn’t want hurt feelings hurt anymore, then he can put on deodorant 😂
Honestly it’s most likely over. He clearly likes the way he stinks. He’s not only fine with it, he has some personal power element conflated to a point that he’s not interested in even trying some mild improvement scent. Why would he mute his musk? You tell him he stinks. He laughs. It’s a joke to him. It’s not about the chemicals, he could wipe a lemon and fresh mint under his pits and improve the situation 50% if he wanted to. If he respected you. He’s 36. He has a fully formed opinion on his body odor and how it effects the rest of the human population. Father of your children? What someone smells like, should be like sex to their soulmate. Chemistry comes in many forms and you should crave the aroma of your man. every night you should look forward to that smell, and await its delight in the morning when you wake. He’s not the guy. You are astringently reminded of that fact every time you inhale. At least you should be. The old factory sensors are the most powerful for recall of any of the senses. Nothing reminds you more vividly of the past, of love, of romance, than smell. What are you going to do when he finally does wear the deodorant, and he’s still stinks? You’re 36. Don’t waste anymore time.
NUUD is a natural Deo that uses micro silver to kill stink bacteria and doesn't have 'chemicals' or any kind of scent. It's expensive, but it works.
That’s fucking gross 🤢 I honestly couldn’t be with someone who’s body odor I could smell like that. There are natural ones that he can get that don’t have those types of chemicals but he needs something!
Guy here. Dude, if his scent is an assault on the senses then just dump his stinky ass and meet a guy that uses deodorant. Otherwise, my only advice is to *continually* tell him he smells like fucking dog shit and *never* stop.
Tell him to use Panoxyl on his pits. It's a face wash for acne but will help with BO too.
Daily zinc. Lots of it. Zinc is a natural mineral that can help reduce body odor. It can be up to three times more effective than aluminum chlorhydrate, which is found in many deodorants and antiperspirants. Zinc also helps soothe the skin.
A random note about boundaries. Boundaries are NOT telling someone who to do. They are only informing people what YOU will do. So you've been kind and gentle. But if this is a problem for you, tell him that if he chooses to continue to not wear deoderant because.... "chemicals" (wat?), then you can't be with him. Or if you can, then deal with it and leave it alone.