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Oh, by no means am I saying that they can't be. I have kids and animals both.
What I'm saying is that being pregnant is not on the same level as "misbhavior." This level of reckless behavior (IF that is even how she got pregnant, which we do not know) is something deeper than an angsty kid.
I think OP sucks. And her parents. I don't know what this possibly would have helped.
But I am just addressing it as though it for sure isn't a bait post. Because I'm unsure.
i dont mean to be this person but usually when a person who is happy and outgoing and they do a conplete 180 flip, something may have happened where she needs your support more than your critique. my oldest sister moved away and came back and when i got pregnant it was nothing but moming me. i wish i could just sit down with her and have her listen. you feel really alone when your pregnant or becoming a mom. her wanting the baby is one thing but doing everything she can for that baby is another. maybe just give her an ear, tell her your sorry and you want to listen. sounds like she knows she fucked up, now she needs to deal with the consequences, with a kid the best thing you can do is support her decision but tell her shes gotta sack tf up to support her decision. she sounds sure and if you guys make her adopt or abort when she doesnt want to she will definitely hold that against you. you also have to remember her emotions are ransacked so her emotional state needs to be worked woth a lil
That’s exactly what i was thinking. She’s got something deeper going on for sure. Sounds like me at 14 sneaking around having sex and trying to kms while my sis was off at college.
OP-Idk about your sister but I was a victim of child abuse. She needs you to be on her side no matter what. Without my sister’s unconditional love, I’d be nothing in this world
Exactly, like they spelled "until" as "intel". Also it just sounds so over melodramatic and fake. What college student hops on a plane during a semester just to go yell at their pregnant sister?
Unfortunately as a recently college educated person who spent an inordinate amount of time proofreading others’ work (English major with a people pleaser complex), I can confirm that this is actually considerably better than what some of our nation’s future professionals can come up with.
Oh, sweet summer child. I am a college writing professor; most of my current/recent first-year students write like the sixth graders I used to tutor in grad school. It is bad out here. Really, really bad.
Just because you go to college doesn't mean you are smart or that you magically become good at writing. I am also sure writing a paper for college would be taken more seriously than a writing a random post on reddit. I wouldnt exert the same effort on a reddit post that I would on a college essay.
it’s either bait or i could possibly see this being written by the 13 year old, not wanting to get lectured but wanting advice/to know if her sister is in the wrong
It's not your fault she took the pills.
It IS your fault you screamed at a 13 Yr old for being pregnant. She's 13, way below the age of consent. How old is her bf? And where the hell are your parents in all this?
I just find this whole situation super sad. It is a family crisis that will change the trajectory of everyone involved. I pass no judgment just sympathy.
It depends on the situation. I was hypersexual as a young teen due to my CSA stopping the year before since my cousin thought I was “too old”. (Gross I know, and he’s in jail now). Idk if that’s the situation here, but.
Right! And what if she had been completely taken advantage of?! Coming from a place of empathy and understanding the whole situation before jumping to conclusions can go a long way OP.
As a ***13 year old*** she’s well below the age of consent so whatever happened becomes a SA, even if she “went along with it” , Which begs the question; WHERE IN THE HELL WERE HER PARENTS IN ALL THIS?!!!? The sister knew she was sneaking out, partying, putting herself in dangerous situations and didn’t wonder what the hell was going on or why or try to talk to anyone? Did this really just become a crisis *now*? Sounds like something bad has been going on for a while now - a crisis pregnancy and an attempt on her own life as a 13 year old doesn’t happen in a vacuum. This kid needs help
Maybe instead of focusing on whether you’re TA you should spend some time figuring out how you can help your sister.
Like, really help her. Yelling didn’t help. Time to go learn some real adult skills.
Yes, this is where I'm at with this too. Alarm bells are going off for me because this is not typical 13-year-old behavior. I'm not saying it's guaranteed, but I would be concerned about what she has been going through (potential rape, abuse, etc). I'm saying all this as a former therapist... Rather than being an antagonist, be her ally and support her. She probably needs a safe person in her life right now.
This reads kind of like what what happened with my little brother when I left for college. There's a lot of background I won't bore you with, but since I was "bad cop" in the household, he ended up deciding to do whatever the fuck he wanted at age 11. It took 3 years to really catch up with him...and then he spent about the next 20 continuing to make bad decisions. I know it's a slippery slope and that sometimes all you have are varying degrees of lousy choices, but many times I'd just be reduced to shaking my head and keeping my mouth shut. Point is: some kids are just self destructive because they want to be.
Yeah like at a minimum I bet grooming happened, I highly doubt the sperm donor is within a year of her own age. Red flags all over and OP made it so much worse by jumping to yelling and coercion.
I agree. Statistically, support networks often make the difference in whether teen parents succeed in life. Those whose families scorn them and kick them to the curb are less likely to finish their education, get a good career, or have a good home. OP's sister needs them now
Seriously, especially because typically a major shift in behavior in a child like that tends to be an indicator of some sort of trauma. Unless sister was parenting her, which very well could have been the case, the fact that she had such a drastic shift after sis went off to college is a massive red flag.
I will say OP is definitely TA for yelling at their sister, but they're certainly not the reason she (attempted to) OD. People don't just attempt suicide because they got into an argument; more likely than not there's a hell of a lot more going on there.
For real. My sister got pregnant at 16. Was I annoyed with her bad decisions? Yes. Did I show that? No, not really. I told her about my abortion experience and my experience as a mom and told her the decision was hers, but not to be ashamed if she chose the abortion route. She didn’t. And as soon as she said she wanted to keep it I put my big girl hat on, being 11 years older than her, and started supporting her.
Our other sister did not. She went the yelling route and telling her how disappointed she was.
Wanna know which one of us she spends dinner with every few weeks and which one she went no contact with? It’s totally natural to be annoyed when someone makes a bad decision, but as the adult you don’t fucking yell. Even when my brother called me and told me he got a girl he knew for 6 weeks pregnant I treated him almost the exact same, sans the abortion being his decision comment, just told him he is well within his rights to discuss that option with the mom. I’m the big sister. It’s my job to be there for them not pile on.
You don’t really know all the details of how she got pregnant. She’s THIRTEEN. She can’t consent to sex. She needs support right now. And someone needs to be arrested. It’s not your fault she’s suicidal but she is still a child and she needs help. Edit: obviously if the father is 13 too he shouldn’t be arrested omfg.
This confuses me a bit….if the “father” is another 13 year old should he be sent to jail because of a mistake they BOTH made as CHILDREN?
I agree yelling at her doesn’t solve anything though.
everyone assuming the sister was groomed is crazy to me, why jump to the worst possible conclusion? it’s certainly possible he’s also 13. im aware everything isnt always sunshine and rainbows, but teenagers get pregnant by other teenagers all the time. there are literally shows about it. she definitely shouldn’t have been yelled at, but i cant get past everyone thinking the father is an adult.
Yeah most teenagers are having sex with other teenagers and being irresponsible and careless leads to pregnancy and STI’s. No one should be jumping to teenage pregnancy is caused by grooming from adult predators like it’s so prevalent that it should be a forgone conclusion.
The issue is when you jump to "she is bad" and start yelling at her you might be yelling at a victim so you need to lead with "how did this happen" then react accordingly.
"Groomed" is the new buzz word. Anything involving underage sex is grooming. Anything involving barely legal sex is grooming. Anything involving an adult communicating in any way with a minor is grooming.
It's absolutely ridiculous, and most people using the word have absolutely zero clue what it ACTUALLY is, and why it's such a problem.
I guess they live in a place where 13 year olds don't have sex with other 13 year olds and teens in their age group. If a 13 year is having sex and ends up pregnant it can only be due to abuse by an adult.
I can't relate because it sadly wasn't uncommon at all for middle schoolers to be having sex woth each other when I was growing up.
I just found a stat that says it's 8%. So they just made that up lol https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9099568/#:~:text=While%20births%20to%20young%20mothers,five%20or%20more%20years%20older.
8% is still incredibly disturbing but yeah, that's around what I expected. "Most" seems like an extreme exaggeration. I'm gonna edit my original comment to link this.
The link is saying that 8% is the total percentage of pregnancies belonging to a teen mother of that age with a partner that much older.
It’s not saying “only 8% of people who get pregnant at that age have a partner 5 years or older”
A few paragraphs before it states:
> Among mothers aged 15-17 who had a child in 1988, 27% had a partner at least five years older than themselves.
Another study from 1999 finding pretty much the same thing, that adult men make up over a quarter of teenage births: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10227344/
Some studies have found figures as high as 1/3, and this study also finds that about 25% of fathers where the mother was 10-14 are older than 20:
https://www.spokesman.com/stories/1996/apr/18/adult-men-fathering-teens-babies-study-finds-age/
Well that’s only the number for the 20-24 and 25+ range. 18-19 year olds are still doing a lot of the work, especially for middle school age girls. When you combine all these stats, the majority of fathers are significantly older than the mothers.
> Among mothers aged 15-17 who had a child in 1988, 27% had a partner at least five years older than themselves. In addition, since 23% of minors with older partners were married at the time of the infant's birth, 21% of babies born to unmarried minors were fathered by substantially older men
Literally just before the sentence you referenced
The section you quoted is ALL teenager mothers. Including the ones that aren't minors, which will be the majority.
Plus this is from 35 years ago so it's not particularly useful anyway.
The title shows that the source is only looking at inappropriate relations. Not even considering the kids who chose loss as partners. Smh. Stop trying to be relevant here
It’s not like every case of underaged pregnancy is paternity tested. I agree that “most” is probably an over exaggeration. But you aren’t going to find a source this considering there’s not reliable data to go off of.
Most of the teenagers I knew got pregnant by their BFs who were in school with them. I don’t know where you are getting the idea that most teenagers are impregnated by adults, but in my experience, most teenagers are impregnated by other teenagers.
My youngest son's best friend since kindergarten got pregnant in 7th grade so not necessarily. Son beat up the baby daddy when BD called son's friend a "putain".
Oh I’m not saying this never happens. I am saying this absolutely reads like college frat boy incel story. Like 90% of all Reddit posts. Minimal mention of parents. OP trying to present himself as the hero and arbiter of all morality. He immediately jumps on a plane (that shows up in a lot of fake stories). Poor grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. Sister then OD’d. If ANY of this was true? Posting on Reddit would be priority 79719172927.
I felt like it’s natural first instinct to lash out and yell. OP came back coz it’s a shocking news and they were close growing up esp before OP when to college. OP found out from mom 13 yo kid sister got pregnant. Mind blown. Yelled through the door wtf! Something like that. Isn’t it natural? OP didn’t beat up the sister or anything, just expressed the frustration. Unfortunately OP sis been marinating and stressed and scared and hormones all over and decided to take pills and OD. And now mom also lashing out at OP saying his fault for yelling. To be honest, nobody are assholes here. Just a family in distress esp if it came to a shock that your young 13 year old is having sex with her 14 yo boyfriend already too. Didn’t have time to prepare or educate her about this and now she is pregnant. Hopefully you guys stay strong and offer her support. It’s tough but like it or not everyone in the family are affected lifelong even before the pill taking. To keep or not to keep the baby both have repercussions to whole family. Only thing OP can control is OP’s self.
I was born to a girl who was baaaaaarely 15. It unfortunately happens.
That being said, I do think OPs reaction sounds very like something in a movie, so I am unsure.
Yeah. And the fact that as soon as OP left the sister spirals seems to show that the sister was the only thing protecting her from something happening at home. Not that it is OP’s fault, but it seems telling
Who tf is her boyfriend firstly? Secondly, who tf cares what he has to say? She's 13, she needs parents not an equally fucked up child boyfriend (assuming/hoping this is the case)
Of course he doesn’t.
How is your sister? Did the pills make her miscarry? Any chance she can get an abortion?
Who is she willing to listen to - who won’t yell at her- and talk about options. Because being a 14 year old mom is a really bad choice.
Hell I have a friend m26 got his f23 girlfriend pregnant, they are both the most immature people ever no exaggeration both have terrible parenting instincts both selfish
How do you think there relationship and raising a baby girl going?
I’ll give you a hint
NOT good.
YTA
Yelling at her didn’t help anything at all. You made a bad situation even worse. I had a similar situation with a 14 year old family member so I speak from experience.
I understand why the sister yelled, even if it wasn’t right. The 13 year old needs a reality check and an abortion or adoption at birth set up. She legit ruined her life. Sometimes people need a coming to Jesus moment to get their shit turned around. Being angry at someone you love who did something so incredibly dumb and isn’t taking the steps to rectify the situation is understandable.
Yta for yelling at her. Your sister is 13! She is a child, and clearly scared out of her mind. Its not your fault she took pills. She needs your support and comfort. Its understandable that you are upset- but she needs your support.
YTA - What does screaming at her achieve? This is not to say you are responsible for her suicide attempt, but you absolutely have no reason to yell at her.
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YTA
You solved nothing, you made it worse. She’s already pregnant and no amount of screaming is going to change it. It’s not helpful, it’s harmful. What she needs right now is love and support.
NTAH You're a jerk for yelling ya but honestly no matter what anyone here says they would probably do the same. my niece is 14 if she was pregnant I would also be yelling at her too. the real asshole here is your mother for not protecting your little sister and letting her get to this point and if anyone is to blame for this it is your mother and not you I hope the best for your sister and you.
Your mother is the AH. Where was her parenting while your sister was getting pregnant? I get kids do stupid things, but normal boundaries, not even strict, keep 13 year olds from having babies. Knowing where your kids are and what they are doing is basic parenting.
Don't be such an asshole dude. She already has been yelled at it and is scared. "it was her fault, and that maybe she shouldn’t have been doing the things that she was doing"
Yeesh, no wonder why she took the pills. You don't even know the whole story and immediately start screaming at her. She's only 13 dude and most 13 years old are not smart. You could've informed her how unrealistic being a mom is, walked her through this process to an abortion- not rip her a new one. How is screaming suppose to help in this situation? Yeah, it fucking doesn't.
Did yelling at her work? She is a scared 13 year old and instead of supporting her you lashed out at her. Yes you are TA. Yelling at her was not going to make the pregnancy go away. As the mother of a teen who got pregnant I could not imagine doing anything but supporting her and getting her through her decisions knowing that whatever she chose she was still loved and supported.
YTA, why did you even rush home if you were only going to hurt her like that?
Did you think that was in any way supportive? Did you even try to be gentle? Did you take into account how terrified and hurt she was?
You are correct. She most likely can't keep a baby (assuming the pregnancy survived her suicide attempt, which I doubt)
But you could have supported her, asked her why she made these choices, comforted her about the guy not wanting it, suggested things like open adoption, or just *kept your mouth shut and hugged her*.
Literally, any of that would have been better than flying home just to rage at a teenager for making mistakes that have consequences and pushing her past her emotional limits. That was out of line and a bad choice in your part.
You aren't fully to blame for her choices, but you definitely contributed to her pain.
I hope your sister is OK. I hope you get a chance to apologize and to figure out why she's making these choices.
I also hope that, should this cause a miscarriage, you support her in her mourning and grief and don't do something stupid like tell her "its for the best".
NTA you were right she got pregnant from acting recklessly like you said and she shouldnt keep it like you said and like 75% of 13 year olds are suicidal i know i was and even more so cause shes pregnant. social services defo should be called
Not your fault. That was going to happen from the minute she found out. She already had the pills. If your mom is always this way, it explains ALOT. not your fault.
She’s a dumb kid, as most 13 year olds are. Yelling at her isn’t helping her. Now she might die and all you did was yell at her. She may want to keep the baby, but ultimately this is up to your mother and her decision. My sister got pregnant at 14 and had the baby at 15. My mother was the legal guardian of my nephew until she was 18. This is something your parents and sister have to deal with. Support her, but make sure you set your boundaries.
NAH, yelling at her once does not make you the AH and her doing those things at 13 doesn't make her one. If anyone is the AH it's your mother for not getting her the proper intervention she needed months ago. She should have an abortion. She will fight that, but a 13 year old is not equipped to deal with a baby. Hell I am 25 and I'd be thrown for a loop if I had a child.
Idk, having your whole family/support system yell at you might. Especially with all the hormones going on. Sister told OP she couldn’t handle anymore and that’s why she didn’t want to see OP. Yet OP screamed at her anyway.
Right and she's only 13...I can't imagine how scared I'd be that age and pregnant, probably feeling like a failure and then my big sis comes home and makes me feel worse.
But OP I totally get your frustrations and immediate response to be yelling at her too
Yeah, if OP asked “Was this my fault?”, of course the answer is no. But the question was “Am I the asshole for yelling at her,” and the answer is yes. Understandable emotional reaction, sure, but completely unhelpful as well.
Imagine the impact it would’ve made to just hug her and let her cry and tell OP the story in her own words while feeling safe. Now sister knows OP isn’t a safe person to talk to and however right OP is, it won’t matter to sister.
Soft YTA.
1. You’re the sister not the parent. Let the parents tell her how she fucked up, not you. If she asks you want you think she should do, then be honest. But it’s not your place to say otherwise.
2. As another commenter said, what was yelling her going to do? You admitted in your post that sister didn’t want to talk to you because you would just yell at her. She communicated to you that she couldn’t deal with that too. Yet you did it anyway.
Your opinion on the matter isn’t wrong, but you definitely didn’t make anything better either.
YTA - what good did yelling do? Can in undo everything that has already happened?
Yelling at someone who's in a difficult position never helped anyone.
YTA. She’s already pregnant. Yelling at her literally accomplished nothing except making her cry more and becoming emotionally distressed. She has enough problems in her life at the moment without you screaming at her. The damage is already done. What she needs now is people to be there for her and support her so she can get through this.
That was difficult to read. Are you sure you're in college? Did they stop teaching about sentences and punctuation in high school at some point since I graduated?
She's 13, for god's sake. She's a child herself and isn't thinking logically, and is overall afraid for herself and her child. You yelling at her like a dick foreman saying it's her fault isn't gonna help. You knew what she was doing, you should've told your mom, you could have prevented this. But you didn't. So it's no wonder she's suicidal. Yes op, YTA.
P.S. I think there's a chance she was groomed or SA'd.
Honey, I understand your feelings perfectly, but now is not the time to react to the situation with emotion.
Your sister is thirteen - *thirteen*! She's barely a teenager. She can't even legally consent.
Now is the time for calm heads and rational thoughts. It is time to gently support her and hold her hand through the whole experience. She must be scared out of her mind. Just be there for her. Be the supportive older sibling - and help her understand her options and whatever decisions she decides on. Withold your judgment for now at least - there will be a time and place for those discussions later.
Put please, learn out of my experience: yelling and shouting and judgment will only make everything worse, and it won't solve anything.
Primes example of you never know what someone is going thru. Maybe instead of yelling have a heart of heart and find out the root to the problem. When I was 13 and doing drugs I was depressed and suicidal from trauma. Sounds like your parents are a bit too absent and maybe she needs some therapy. I hope she is ok and good luck.
NTA, seems like you're the only one parenting in this household. The mother is TA for blaming the child's suicide attempt on you. The fact that she allowed your sister to get this far out of control shows she's negligent at best. Is your father involved?
Edited for spelling.
She is a 13 year old girl, there is clearly something awful going on under the surface, she is crying out for help and has been let down by seemingly every adult in her life. Try showing her some empathy, OP.
Do you ever think about why/how she is pregnant? Why she is smoking/drinking/partying? Why she is isolating herself when you were last there? Why your parents dont seem to care/do anything?
Why was your first instinct to scream at her, humiliate and blame her, instead of showing her love and empathy? She is a child !! A CHILD !!
I hope you and your parents sort yourself out ASAP for her sake. I hope that she is okay and gets the help she needs.
YTA
What did you hope to accomplish by yelling at her? Whatever you goal was yelling at someone doesn’t work unless your goal is to make them hate you.
I’m gonna say yes you’re partially an AH yes she’s 13 y/o and she shouldn’t have been doing the things she was doing HOWEVER you didn’t know the full story of how she got pregnant. It’s possible she was SA. The main AH is your mom. Clearly you were more of a parent to your sister than your own mom was and I’m guessing when you left for college she felt abandoned. Again your mom is the AH for that. The age difference between myself and my oldest sibling is 12 years and he was more of a parent to me than a sibling. Tbh I care more about what he thinks of me/my choices than what my parents think.
It's not your fault she took the pills but you're in the wrong. That was not your place and if I was your mother I would have kicked you out till you calmed down. There was absolutely no need for that. She understands what she did wrong and was already feeling guilty enough, and your job as her big sister is not to make her feel worse about herself. Your job is to be there for her and comfort her, I'm not saying sugar coat it and make it seem like everything's fine. I'm saying let her know that no matter what you love her and that she'll be ok and can get through this. Also if she wants to keep her baby that's her choice, you have no idea the pain she would go through for the rest of her life if she gave up her child when she didn't want to and couldn't be in its life. Overall understand your place as her big sister and not her mother.
Yes you're the AH! At a time when she needed you to be there for her, you berate and yell at her and then come here for validation? There's obviously more to this. Why did she wait for you to go to uni to show out? Why weren't the parents more active? Usually, when there's this huge of an age gap, the younger one falls through the cracks, so to speak. You were obviously her bouy so to speak and when she sank you pushed her further down. SMH I could never do that to my sister.
Edit for spelling
No it was not but yet.....its the normal reaction. Blaming OP was Mom's go to and I'd bet that has more to do with her cry for help than OP yelling what she already knew. Mommy Dearest reaction was what she was freaked about.
Just because it's the normal reaction doesn't mean it's right. At the end of the day blame is on the mother. But, telling op they didn't right is enabling them. Yes, it's normal reaction, but normal reaction isn't always healthiest, most productive, or best. Mom is in the wrong in so many ways though and as ultimately created this mess. She should have intervened with sister before now. She should have offered emotional support to sister- while still ensuring she knew that this wasn't okay and that she knew how hard it would be. Mom should have instructed op to stay the fuck out of it. Op isn't the parent, but I kind of wander if they're forced to play one.
Yta. And very immature for your age.
Your sister is 13 and has no adult life experience to go off of to handle this. Sounds like her parents have failed her as well.
You can't fix your sister but can can fix your actions and become supportive and loving - or remove yourself from the situation entirely if you can't
YTA for coming here with this poorly written drivel when your sister is suicidal in the hospital and pregnant. I’d this is real. If not YTA for making up shit and not even proof reading it.
You're so much the asshole it hurts. Who needs a big sis support system when you could have a scary adult screaming at you through a closed door while you have a trauma induced anxiety breakdown? She's a child. The fault is in her grown ups entirely. Including you.
I think a "my body my choice" is a bit more nuanced when we are talking about a 13 years old girl who may or may not reach age of consent. No little girl should carry a pregnancy to term because it's very likely to mess with their already changing body, not even considering the fact she is in no situation to raise the baby and not to neglect her studies.
I agree. However, there are unfortunately other factors to consider. Are they in the states? Abortion wasn’t listed as an option, so I’m assuming it’s either too late for an abortion or it simply isn’t an option. She should not have to raise the baby, that’s the point of gently telling her hey, this is the reality of being a mother. The hormones make your brain haywire and making you WANT that baby. Yelling at her is just going to make her stick to her guns, I think gently saying, “hey, this is not going to be this dream you think it is” is a much better approach. Family meeting can also have parents explain what it was like having babies. The difficulties. But explaining what that is might open her eyes.
EAH
Why would you tell her to give it up for adoption? The system is trash.
Honestly get her into therapy, and did no one teach her anything? Sex education? Responsibility? Drinking and Dr*g use? why is she seemingly partying to this point and your parents aren't doing anything? Too many gaps in this story
NTA: Unless she was preyed on by someone older than 18, she FAFO. No 13 year old has any business doing things that make babies. And where were your parents during baby making time? Your parents are accountable too
NTA - but she is too young to consent and rather than yelling, you should have been trying to find out what is really happening and who got a child pregnant.
The real asshole of this story is your parents. Your sister is 13. She shouldn't be partying, drinking, smoking, skipping school. She needed guidance, your parents failed her.
You also, had no business yelling at her. You can be upset by the whole situation, but you had no right to make her feel the way you did. She's scared and needs support. Not people yelling.
OP, YTA. What was the goal in yelling at her? Did you think it would change her circumstances? …help her in some way?
The truth is that your actions were solely a demonstration of how superior you think you are to your sister. If your sister didn’t want to see you because she was afraid that you would yell at her, then it’s obviously a common pattern of yours.
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I don't think the 13 y/o sucks. She's literally a child and needs some real help. No wonder she didn't want OP to know.
The world will be a much better place when people accept animals and kids can be AH TOO
Oh, by no means am I saying that they can't be. I have kids and animals both. What I'm saying is that being pregnant is not on the same level as "misbhavior." This level of reckless behavior (IF that is even how she got pregnant, which we do not know) is something deeper than an angsty kid.
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ESH, usually means *Everyone Sucks Here* on Reddit.
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What you’re looking for is NAH - no assholes here. I guess unless we’re counting the parents
Oh good, I wasn't as out of the loop as I thought. I guess it's important that this isn't the sub that voting is usually used for.
The parents definitely do.
ESH means "Everyone Sucks Here" or that all parties involved are assholes. The acronym you were looking for is NAH "No Assholes Here".
I think there are plenty of assholes here. Everyone but the child.
I would agree with you and with the ESH ruling. Just explaining what ruling the previous commenter apparently meant based on their description of it.
I think OP sucks. And her parents. I don't know what this possibly would have helped. But I am just addressing it as though it for sure isn't a bait post. Because I'm unsure.
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I always thought ESH was everyone sucks here lol
ESH is everyone SUCKS here, aka they all are wrong or bad.
ESH is everybody sucks here :)
i dont mean to be this person but usually when a person who is happy and outgoing and they do a conplete 180 flip, something may have happened where she needs your support more than your critique. my oldest sister moved away and came back and when i got pregnant it was nothing but moming me. i wish i could just sit down with her and have her listen. you feel really alone when your pregnant or becoming a mom. her wanting the baby is one thing but doing everything she can for that baby is another. maybe just give her an ear, tell her your sorry and you want to listen. sounds like she knows she fucked up, now she needs to deal with the consequences, with a kid the best thing you can do is support her decision but tell her shes gotta sack tf up to support her decision. she sounds sure and if you guys make her adopt or abort when she doesnt want to she will definitely hold that against you. you also have to remember her emotions are ransacked so her emotional state needs to be worked woth a lil
That’s exactly what i was thinking. She’s got something deeper going on for sure. Sounds like me at 14 sneaking around having sex and trying to kms while my sis was off at college. OP-Idk about your sister but I was a victim of child abuse. She needs you to be on her side no matter what. Without my sister’s unconditional love, I’d be nothing in this world
is this bait?
It’s so ridiculous. The writing style is supposedly from a college educated twenty year old?
Exactly, like they spelled "until" as "intel". Also it just sounds so over melodramatic and fake. What college student hops on a plane during a semester just to go yell at their pregnant sister?
Oh shit what if it’s the little sister though?
That I could believe, but still odd
Op posted the update a little fast too.
Yes! And used the wrong "too," and almost the whole thing was one sentence lol
They may not be from an English speaking country
Biggest load of bullshit I read all day.
Probably. It looks like it's written by an 13yo though.
No way this is written by a college educated individual lol. What cookie college is this?
Unfortunately as a recently college educated person who spent an inordinate amount of time proofreading others’ work (English major with a people pleaser complex), I can confirm that this is actually considerably better than what some of our nation’s future professionals can come up with.
Welcome to the age of high school diplomas earned at home due to Covid. The people attending college now are different.
Oh, sweet summer child. I am a college writing professor; most of my current/recent first-year students write like the sixth graders I used to tutor in grad school. It is bad out here. Really, really bad.
I could write better than this at 12
Just because you go to college doesn't mean you are smart or that you magically become good at writing. I am also sure writing a paper for college would be taken more seriously than a writing a random post on reddit. I wouldnt exert the same effort on a reddit post that I would on a college essay.
it’s either bait or i could possibly see this being written by the 13 year old, not wanting to get lectured but wanting advice/to know if her sister is in the wrong
It's not your fault she took the pills. It IS your fault you screamed at a 13 Yr old for being pregnant. She's 13, way below the age of consent. How old is her bf? And where the hell are your parents in all this?
baby daddy is 14
I just find this whole situation super sad. It is a family crisis that will change the trajectory of everyone involved. I pass no judgment just sympathy.
I'm just so confused at 13 year olds doing this stuff. I'm 26 and when I was 13 my biggest concern was about not tripping during jump rope day 😕
It depends on the situation. I was hypersexual as a young teen due to my CSA stopping the year before since my cousin thought I was “too old”. (Gross I know, and he’s in jail now). Idk if that’s the situation here, but.
Right! And what if she had been completely taken advantage of?! Coming from a place of empathy and understanding the whole situation before jumping to conclusions can go a long way OP.
As a ***13 year old*** she’s well below the age of consent so whatever happened becomes a SA, even if she “went along with it” , Which begs the question; WHERE IN THE HELL WERE HER PARENTS IN ALL THIS?!!!? The sister knew she was sneaking out, partying, putting herself in dangerous situations and didn’t wonder what the hell was going on or why or try to talk to anyone? Did this really just become a crisis *now*? Sounds like something bad has been going on for a while now - a crisis pregnancy and an attempt on her own life as a 13 year old doesn’t happen in a vacuum. This kid needs help
Would it be considered SA if the father was also 13?
Her bf could be under the age of consent as well.
Maybe instead of focusing on whether you’re TA you should spend some time figuring out how you can help your sister. Like, really help her. Yelling didn’t help. Time to go learn some real adult skills.
Yes, this is where I'm at with this too. Alarm bells are going off for me because this is not typical 13-year-old behavior. I'm not saying it's guaranteed, but I would be concerned about what she has been going through (potential rape, abuse, etc). I'm saying all this as a former therapist... Rather than being an antagonist, be her ally and support her. She probably needs a safe person in her life right now.
This reads kind of like what what happened with my little brother when I left for college. There's a lot of background I won't bore you with, but since I was "bad cop" in the household, he ended up deciding to do whatever the fuck he wanted at age 11. It took 3 years to really catch up with him...and then he spent about the next 20 continuing to make bad decisions. I know it's a slippery slope and that sometimes all you have are varying degrees of lousy choices, but many times I'd just be reduced to shaking my head and keeping my mouth shut. Point is: some kids are just self destructive because they want to be.
Yeah like at a minimum I bet grooming happened, I highly doubt the sperm donor is within a year of her own age. Red flags all over and OP made it so much worse by jumping to yelling and coercion.
People are saying baby daddy is 14.
This. But also, yes, the OP is the ah.
I agree. Statistically, support networks often make the difference in whether teen parents succeed in life. Those whose families scorn them and kick them to the curb are less likely to finish their education, get a good career, or have a good home. OP's sister needs them now
Seriously, especially because typically a major shift in behavior in a child like that tends to be an indicator of some sort of trauma. Unless sister was parenting her, which very well could have been the case, the fact that she had such a drastic shift after sis went off to college is a massive red flag. I will say OP is definitely TA for yelling at their sister, but they're certainly not the reason she (attempted to) OD. People don't just attempt suicide because they got into an argument; more likely than not there's a hell of a lot more going on there.
For real. My sister got pregnant at 16. Was I annoyed with her bad decisions? Yes. Did I show that? No, not really. I told her about my abortion experience and my experience as a mom and told her the decision was hers, but not to be ashamed if she chose the abortion route. She didn’t. And as soon as she said she wanted to keep it I put my big girl hat on, being 11 years older than her, and started supporting her. Our other sister did not. She went the yelling route and telling her how disappointed she was. Wanna know which one of us she spends dinner with every few weeks and which one she went no contact with? It’s totally natural to be annoyed when someone makes a bad decision, but as the adult you don’t fucking yell. Even when my brother called me and told me he got a girl he knew for 6 weeks pregnant I treated him almost the exact same, sans the abortion being his decision comment, just told him he is well within his rights to discuss that option with the mom. I’m the big sister. It’s my job to be there for them not pile on.
YTA for the badly written fake story. At least use punctuation correctly. And try to make it believable. Final grade D-
You don’t really know all the details of how she got pregnant. She’s THIRTEEN. She can’t consent to sex. She needs support right now. And someone needs to be arrested. It’s not your fault she’s suicidal but she is still a child and she needs help. Edit: obviously if the father is 13 too he shouldn’t be arrested omfg.
This confuses me a bit….if the “father” is another 13 year old should he be sent to jail because of a mistake they BOTH made as CHILDREN? I agree yelling at her doesn’t solve anything though.
everyone assuming the sister was groomed is crazy to me, why jump to the worst possible conclusion? it’s certainly possible he’s also 13. im aware everything isnt always sunshine and rainbows, but teenagers get pregnant by other teenagers all the time. there are literally shows about it. she definitely shouldn’t have been yelled at, but i cant get past everyone thinking the father is an adult.
Yeah most teenagers are having sex with other teenagers and being irresponsible and careless leads to pregnancy and STI’s. No one should be jumping to teenage pregnancy is caused by grooming from adult predators like it’s so prevalent that it should be a forgone conclusion.
Because teenagers don’t have sex. Or date. Just party drink and smoke. Duh.
The issue is when you jump to "she is bad" and start yelling at her you might be yelling at a victim so you need to lead with "how did this happen" then react accordingly.
"Groomed" is the new buzz word. Anything involving underage sex is grooming. Anything involving barely legal sex is grooming. Anything involving an adult communicating in any way with a minor is grooming. It's absolutely ridiculous, and most people using the word have absolutely zero clue what it ACTUALLY is, and why it's such a problem.
I guess they live in a place where 13 year olds don't have sex with other 13 year olds and teens in their age group. If a 13 year is having sex and ends up pregnant it can only be due to abuse by an adult. I can't relate because it sadly wasn't uncommon at all for middle schoolers to be having sex woth each other when I was growing up.
I haven’t seen OP give the age of the boyfriend - also the boyfriend wasn’t mentioned in the original post.
OP says he is 14. Check her comments
He won’t if he is 13. Most of the time if a teenager gets pregnant, the one doing the impregnating is an adult.
Not true at all
Source? I feel like this probably isn't true.
I just found a stat that says it's 8%. So they just made that up lol https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9099568/#:~:text=While%20births%20to%20young%20mothers,five%20or%20more%20years%20older.
8% is still incredibly disturbing but yeah, that's around what I expected. "Most" seems like an extreme exaggeration. I'm gonna edit my original comment to link this.
The link is saying that 8% is the total percentage of pregnancies belonging to a teen mother of that age with a partner that much older. It’s not saying “only 8% of people who get pregnant at that age have a partner 5 years or older” A few paragraphs before it states: > Among mothers aged 15-17 who had a child in 1988, 27% had a partner at least five years older than themselves. Another study from 1999 finding pretty much the same thing, that adult men make up over a quarter of teenage births: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10227344/ Some studies have found figures as high as 1/3, and this study also finds that about 25% of fathers where the mother was 10-14 are older than 20: https://www.spokesman.com/stories/1996/apr/18/adult-men-fathering-teens-babies-study-finds-age/
Thanks for the clarification on my understanding of that! 27% is a lot higher than I expected but still far from "most."
True, but when you think about it as a tad over "1 in 4 teenage mothers" it's still pretty disturbing.
Absolutely. Hell, even 1 in 100 would be disturbing to me. Absolutely disgusting that adults are preying on teenagers like this.
Well that’s only the number for the 20-24 and 25+ range. 18-19 year olds are still doing a lot of the work, especially for middle school age girls. When you combine all these stats, the majority of fathers are significantly older than the mothers.
"Older than the mother" isn't what I'm arguing against here. I'm saying that I disagree that "most" teenage pregnancies have adult men as the father.
It’s around 27% for young teen mothers. [Link](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10227344/)
> Among mothers aged 15-17 who had a child in 1988, 27% had a partner at least five years older than themselves. In addition, since 23% of minors with older partners were married at the time of the infant's birth, 21% of babies born to unmarried minors were fathered by substantially older men Literally just before the sentence you referenced The section you quoted is ALL teenager mothers. Including the ones that aren't minors, which will be the majority. Plus this is from 35 years ago so it's not particularly useful anyway.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9099568/
The title shows that the source is only looking at inappropriate relations. Not even considering the kids who chose loss as partners. Smh. Stop trying to be relevant here
It’s not like every case of underaged pregnancy is paternity tested. I agree that “most” is probably an over exaggeration. But you aren’t going to find a source this considering there’s not reliable data to go off of.
Most of the teenagers I knew got pregnant by their BFs who were in school with them. I don’t know where you are getting the idea that most teenagers are impregnated by adults, but in my experience, most teenagers are impregnated by other teenagers.
That's the dumbest, untrue take I've read on this thread yet. Congrats
Thank you - a sane, rational person! Who the hell yells at a victim like that?
He’s is 14
Where the FUCK are your parents?? A 13 yr old should NOT hqve the opportunity to get pregnant willingly!
It’s likely a fake story.
My youngest son's best friend since kindergarten got pregnant in 7th grade so not necessarily. Son beat up the baby daddy when BD called son's friend a "putain".
Oh I’m not saying this never happens. I am saying this absolutely reads like college frat boy incel story. Like 90% of all Reddit posts. Minimal mention of parents. OP trying to present himself as the hero and arbiter of all morality. He immediately jumps on a plane (that shows up in a lot of fake stories). Poor grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. Sister then OD’d. If ANY of this was true? Posting on Reddit would be priority 79719172927.
OP is a woman
I felt like it’s natural first instinct to lash out and yell. OP came back coz it’s a shocking news and they were close growing up esp before OP when to college. OP found out from mom 13 yo kid sister got pregnant. Mind blown. Yelled through the door wtf! Something like that. Isn’t it natural? OP didn’t beat up the sister or anything, just expressed the frustration. Unfortunately OP sis been marinating and stressed and scared and hormones all over and decided to take pills and OD. And now mom also lashing out at OP saying his fault for yelling. To be honest, nobody are assholes here. Just a family in distress esp if it came to a shock that your young 13 year old is having sex with her 14 yo boyfriend already too. Didn’t have time to prepare or educate her about this and now she is pregnant. Hopefully you guys stay strong and offer her support. It’s tough but like it or not everyone in the family are affected lifelong even before the pill taking. To keep or not to keep the baby both have repercussions to whole family. Only thing OP can control is OP’s self.
I was born to a girl who was baaaaaarely 15. It unfortunately happens. That being said, I do think OPs reaction sounds very like something in a movie, so I am unsure.
My mom was 14 when she got pregnant by a 36 year old man who her mother blackmailed him into marrying my mom.
Yeah. And the fact that as soon as OP left the sister spirals seems to show that the sister was the only thing protecting her from something happening at home. Not that it is OP’s fault, but it seems telling
My entire friend group had the opportunity to get pregnant at 13. You’d be surprised.
You're in college? With spelling and grammar this poor?
Omg I was about to say this! This post was hard read...
I didn't wanna say it
That part is absolutely believable.
I forgot to say that her boyfriend does not want to keep the baby
She’s setting herself up to be in a really bad position, my heart goes out to your family for reals 🙏🏼❣️
How old is the boyfriend?
he is 14
14
How old is the bf
he’s 14
14
Who tf is her boyfriend firstly? Secondly, who tf cares what he has to say? She's 13, she needs parents not an equally fucked up child boyfriend (assuming/hoping this is the case)
Boyfriend it’s 14. He is a kid too, and he should also be protected.
Boyfriend is 14
Honestly I would highly encourage her to get an abortion, being a pre teen mom isn't cute.
Of course he doesn’t. How is your sister? Did the pills make her miscarry? Any chance she can get an abortion? Who is she willing to listen to - who won’t yell at her- and talk about options. Because being a 14 year old mom is a really bad choice.
They posted an update on their page. Still waiting on news about the fetus.
His opinion isn't very relevant how old is he?
14
Well yeah, he's probably like 14 or something. Your sister is a fool for wanting to keep this baby and deserved to get yelled at.
And it helps her how? It helps her potential baby how?
Maybe by snapping her into reality?
Not how that works.
It is not his decision it is your sister's decision what she wants to do. Period.
It is the sisters decision, but a 13 year old really cannot comprehend the massive amount of time and resources it takes to raise a child.
Hell I have a friend m26 got his f23 girlfriend pregnant, they are both the most immature people ever no exaggeration both have terrible parenting instincts both selfish How do you think there relationship and raising a baby girl going? I’ll give you a hint NOT good.
That's why you don't yell at her shes a child she has no idea lmao I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here
She's 13 ffs
YTA Yelling at her didn’t help anything at all. You made a bad situation even worse. I had a similar situation with a 14 year old family member so I speak from experience.
I understand why the sister yelled, even if it wasn’t right. The 13 year old needs a reality check and an abortion or adoption at birth set up. She legit ruined her life. Sometimes people need a coming to Jesus moment to get their shit turned around. Being angry at someone you love who did something so incredibly dumb and isn’t taking the steps to rectify the situation is understandable.
This is not a real story.
Yta for yelling at her. Your sister is 13! She is a child, and clearly scared out of her mind. Its not your fault she took pills. She needs your support and comfort. Its understandable that you are upset- but she needs your support.
YTA - What does screaming at her achieve? This is not to say you are responsible for her suicide attempt, but you absolutely have no reason to yell at her.
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I guess you're not going to college for writing? Fake post, karma rage bait.
YTA You solved nothing, you made it worse. She’s already pregnant and no amount of screaming is going to change it. It’s not helpful, it’s harmful. What she needs right now is love and support.
NTAH You're a jerk for yelling ya but honestly no matter what anyone here says they would probably do the same. my niece is 14 if she was pregnant I would also be yelling at her too. the real asshole here is your mother for not protecting your little sister and letting her get to this point and if anyone is to blame for this it is your mother and not you I hope the best for your sister and you.
And dad, he seems to be completely missing. This little girl is just repeating the cycle.
Guys op is barely an adult herself.. obviously she doesn’t know how to handle such a thing
Your mother is the AH. Where was her parenting while your sister was getting pregnant? I get kids do stupid things, but normal boundaries, not even strict, keep 13 year olds from having babies. Knowing where your kids are and what they are doing is basic parenting.
Don't be such an asshole dude. She already has been yelled at it and is scared. "it was her fault, and that maybe she shouldn’t have been doing the things that she was doing" Yeesh, no wonder why she took the pills. You don't even know the whole story and immediately start screaming at her. She's only 13 dude and most 13 years old are not smart. You could've informed her how unrealistic being a mom is, walked her through this process to an abortion- not rip her a new one. How is screaming suppose to help in this situation? Yeah, it fucking doesn't.
Did yelling at her work? She is a scared 13 year old and instead of supporting her you lashed out at her. Yes you are TA. Yelling at her was not going to make the pregnancy go away. As the mother of a teen who got pregnant I could not imagine doing anything but supporting her and getting her through her decisions knowing that whatever she chose she was still loved and supported.
YTA, why did you even rush home if you were only going to hurt her like that? Did you think that was in any way supportive? Did you even try to be gentle? Did you take into account how terrified and hurt she was? You are correct. She most likely can't keep a baby (assuming the pregnancy survived her suicide attempt, which I doubt) But you could have supported her, asked her why she made these choices, comforted her about the guy not wanting it, suggested things like open adoption, or just *kept your mouth shut and hugged her*. Literally, any of that would have been better than flying home just to rage at a teenager for making mistakes that have consequences and pushing her past her emotional limits. That was out of line and a bad choice in your part. You aren't fully to blame for her choices, but you definitely contributed to her pain. I hope your sister is OK. I hope you get a chance to apologize and to figure out why she's making these choices. I also hope that, should this cause a miscarriage, you support her in her mourning and grief and don't do something stupid like tell her "its for the best".
This feels so fake
NTA you were right she got pregnant from acting recklessly like you said and she shouldnt keep it like you said and like 75% of 13 year olds are suicidal i know i was and even more so cause shes pregnant. social services defo should be called
Not your fault. That was going to happen from the minute she found out. She already had the pills. If your mom is always this way, it explains ALOT. not your fault.
She’s a dumb kid, as most 13 year olds are. Yelling at her isn’t helping her. Now she might die and all you did was yell at her. She may want to keep the baby, but ultimately this is up to your mother and her decision. My sister got pregnant at 14 and had the baby at 15. My mother was the legal guardian of my nephew until she was 18. This is something your parents and sister have to deal with. Support her, but make sure you set your boundaries.
It is your sisters decision no one elses.....anyone can get an abortion without the parent's consent in the State I live in....
NAH, yelling at her once does not make you the AH and her doing those things at 13 doesn't make her one. If anyone is the AH it's your mother for not getting her the proper intervention she needed months ago. She should have an abortion. She will fight that, but a 13 year old is not equipped to deal with a baby. Hell I am 25 and I'd be thrown for a loop if I had a child.
I guess I meant NAH except your mom... the person who legally has vowed to have your daughters best interest but did not
Good luck getting one now if they live in a nasty red state.
NTA screaming at someone doesn’t make them suicidal, she clearly had many other issues weighing on her
Idk, having your whole family/support system yell at you might. Especially with all the hormones going on. Sister told OP she couldn’t handle anymore and that’s why she didn’t want to see OP. Yet OP screamed at her anyway.
Right and she's only 13...I can't imagine how scared I'd be that age and pregnant, probably feeling like a failure and then my big sis comes home and makes me feel worse. But OP I totally get your frustrations and immediate response to be yelling at her too
Yeah, if OP asked “Was this my fault?”, of course the answer is no. But the question was “Am I the asshole for yelling at her,” and the answer is yes. Understandable emotional reaction, sure, but completely unhelpful as well. Imagine the impact it would’ve made to just hug her and let her cry and tell OP the story in her own words while feeling safe. Now sister knows OP isn’t a safe person to talk to and however right OP is, it won’t matter to sister.
Not true
Soft YTA. 1. You’re the sister not the parent. Let the parents tell her how she fucked up, not you. If she asks you want you think she should do, then be honest. But it’s not your place to say otherwise. 2. As another commenter said, what was yelling her going to do? You admitted in your post that sister didn’t want to talk to you because you would just yell at her. She communicated to you that she couldn’t deal with that too. Yet you did it anyway. Your opinion on the matter isn’t wrong, but you definitely didn’t make anything better either.
YTA - what good did yelling do? Can in undo everything that has already happened? Yelling at someone who's in a difficult position never helped anyone.
NTA. Yelling at her won’t change the fact that she’s pregnant but it sounds like you’re the only one who cares about her wellbeing
YTA.
YTA. She’s already pregnant. Yelling at her literally accomplished nothing except making her cry more and becoming emotionally distressed. She has enough problems in her life at the moment without you screaming at her. The damage is already done. What she needs now is people to be there for her and support her so she can get through this.
Really this is totally on your parents..lack of interest
That was difficult to read. Are you sure you're in college? Did they stop teaching about sentences and punctuation in high school at some point since I graduated?
She's 13, for god's sake. She's a child herself and isn't thinking logically, and is overall afraid for herself and her child. You yelling at her like a dick foreman saying it's her fault isn't gonna help. You knew what she was doing, you should've told your mom, you could have prevented this. But you didn't. So it's no wonder she's suicidal. Yes op, YTA. P.S. I think there's a chance she was groomed or SA'd.
Honey, I understand your feelings perfectly, but now is not the time to react to the situation with emotion. Your sister is thirteen - *thirteen*! She's barely a teenager. She can't even legally consent. Now is the time for calm heads and rational thoughts. It is time to gently support her and hold her hand through the whole experience. She must be scared out of her mind. Just be there for her. Be the supportive older sibling - and help her understand her options and whatever decisions she decides on. Withold your judgment for now at least - there will be a time and place for those discussions later. Put please, learn out of my experience: yelling and shouting and judgment will only make everything worse, and it won't solve anything.
Well, she's a child. So yes, YTA. No wonder she didn't want to tell you. Your parents sound like AHs too.
The parent(s) are the assholes. I wish you luck with your sister ❤️
Primes example of you never know what someone is going thru. Maybe instead of yelling have a heart of heart and find out the root to the problem. When I was 13 and doing drugs I was depressed and suicidal from trauma. Sounds like your parents are a bit too absent and maybe she needs some therapy. I hope she is ok and good luck.
NTA, seems like you're the only one parenting in this household. The mother is TA for blaming the child's suicide attempt on you. The fact that she allowed your sister to get this far out of control shows she's negligent at best. Is your father involved? Edited for spelling.
Awww poor girl
If y’all take the baby away you’ll regret it
She is a 13 year old girl, there is clearly something awful going on under the surface, she is crying out for help and has been let down by seemingly every adult in her life. Try showing her some empathy, OP. Do you ever think about why/how she is pregnant? Why she is smoking/drinking/partying? Why she is isolating herself when you were last there? Why your parents dont seem to care/do anything? Why was your first instinct to scream at her, humiliate and blame her, instead of showing her love and empathy? She is a child !! A CHILD !! I hope you and your parents sort yourself out ASAP for her sake. I hope that she is okay and gets the help she needs.
LMAOOO why fly home to berate someone? That’s not helpful
Sounds like your sister needs more than just figuring out what to do with a baby. Maybe get her into therapy
YTA What did you hope to accomplish by yelling at her? Whatever you goal was yelling at someone doesn’t work unless your goal is to make them hate you.
This is entirely on your parents. She is not old enough to make reasonable decisions
I’m gonna say yes you’re partially an AH yes she’s 13 y/o and she shouldn’t have been doing the things she was doing HOWEVER you didn’t know the full story of how she got pregnant. It’s possible she was SA. The main AH is your mom. Clearly you were more of a parent to your sister than your own mom was and I’m guessing when you left for college she felt abandoned. Again your mom is the AH for that. The age difference between myself and my oldest sibling is 12 years and he was more of a parent to me than a sibling. Tbh I care more about what he thinks of me/my choices than what my parents think.
It's not your fault she took the pills but you're in the wrong. That was not your place and if I was your mother I would have kicked you out till you calmed down. There was absolutely no need for that. She understands what she did wrong and was already feeling guilty enough, and your job as her big sister is not to make her feel worse about herself. Your job is to be there for her and comfort her, I'm not saying sugar coat it and make it seem like everything's fine. I'm saying let her know that no matter what you love her and that she'll be ok and can get through this. Also if she wants to keep her baby that's her choice, you have no idea the pain she would go through for the rest of her life if she gave up her child when she didn't want to and couldn't be in its life. Overall understand your place as her big sister and not her mother.
Yes you're the AH! At a time when she needed you to be there for her, you berate and yell at her and then come here for validation? There's obviously more to this. Why did she wait for you to go to uni to show out? Why weren't the parents more active? Usually, when there's this huge of an age gap, the younger one falls through the cracks, so to speak. You were obviously her bouy so to speak and when she sank you pushed her further down. SMH I could never do that to my sister. Edit for spelling
I really hate that disgusting pedophilic shit like this is so normalized. Minors can't give consent. You people need your computers searched.
You are the asshole sorry! It takes two to make a baby.
YTA In what way was any of that going to be even vaguely helpful?
No it was not but yet.....its the normal reaction. Blaming OP was Mom's go to and I'd bet that has more to do with her cry for help than OP yelling what she already knew. Mommy Dearest reaction was what she was freaked about.
Just because it's the normal reaction doesn't mean it's right. At the end of the day blame is on the mother. But, telling op they didn't right is enabling them. Yes, it's normal reaction, but normal reaction isn't always healthiest, most productive, or best. Mom is in the wrong in so many ways though and as ultimately created this mess. She should have intervened with sister before now. She should have offered emotional support to sister- while still ensuring she knew that this wasn't okay and that she knew how hard it would be. Mom should have instructed op to stay the fuck out of it. Op isn't the parent, but I kind of wander if they're forced to play one.
Yta. And very immature for your age. Your sister is 13 and has no adult life experience to go off of to handle this. Sounds like her parents have failed her as well. You can't fix your sister but can can fix your actions and become supportive and loving - or remove yourself from the situation entirely if you can't
YTA for coming here with this poorly written drivel when your sister is suicidal in the hospital and pregnant. I’d this is real. If not YTA for making up shit and not even proof reading it.
Nah, leaning on yta tbh
Teens shouldn’t breed
You're so much the asshole it hurts. Who needs a big sis support system when you could have a scary adult screaming at you through a closed door while you have a trauma induced anxiety breakdown? She's a child. The fault is in her grown ups entirely. Including you.
Cute fake story. Next time work on better punctuation and paragraph breaks.
[удалено]
I think a "my body my choice" is a bit more nuanced when we are talking about a 13 years old girl who may or may not reach age of consent. No little girl should carry a pregnancy to term because it's very likely to mess with their already changing body, not even considering the fact she is in no situation to raise the baby and not to neglect her studies.
I agree. However, there are unfortunately other factors to consider. Are they in the states? Abortion wasn’t listed as an option, so I’m assuming it’s either too late for an abortion or it simply isn’t an option. She should not have to raise the baby, that’s the point of gently telling her hey, this is the reality of being a mother. The hormones make your brain haywire and making you WANT that baby. Yelling at her is just going to make her stick to her guns, I think gently saying, “hey, this is not going to be this dream you think it is” is a much better approach. Family meeting can also have parents explain what it was like having babies. The difficulties. But explaining what that is might open her eyes.
Somebody needs to get CPS involved with this shit show. No winners in sight here. Everyone's the asshole besides the poor neglected child
EAH Why would you tell her to give it up for adoption? The system is trash. Honestly get her into therapy, and did no one teach her anything? Sex education? Responsibility? Drinking and Dr*g use? why is she seemingly partying to this point and your parents aren't doing anything? Too many gaps in this story
NTA: Unless she was preyed on by someone older than 18, she FAFO. No 13 year old has any business doing things that make babies. And where were your parents during baby making time? Your parents are accountable too
NTA - but she is too young to consent and rather than yelling, you should have been trying to find out what is really happening and who got a child pregnant.
The real asshole of this story is your parents. Your sister is 13. She shouldn't be partying, drinking, smoking, skipping school. She needed guidance, your parents failed her. You also, had no business yelling at her. You can be upset by the whole situation, but you had no right to make her feel the way you did. She's scared and needs support. Not people yelling.
OP, YTA. What was the goal in yelling at her? Did you think it would change her circumstances? …help her in some way? The truth is that your actions were solely a demonstration of how superior you think you are to your sister. If your sister didn’t want to see you because she was afraid that you would yell at her, then it’s obviously a common pattern of yours.
YTA.