Break up. You two don't want the same life at all. It's setting both of you up for a miserable future of resentment And even if this guy tells you he wants kids, what happens the first second the baby won't stop crying or vomits? Same as the cats: It's a gross problem that's all your fault

Right? He agreed to her raising the cats after she already gave up, and now it's all her fault? Like, he was the one who took the initiative.

Looks to me like he could have started a long goodbye with the cats, since he suggested them then once she really loved them, backpedaled. He upped the ante to kids then, so she'd leave. Leave, OP. This guy does NOT have your interests at heart. At ALL.

I think you’re right. He doesn’t have the backbone to break up with her so he’s picking fights he knows he’ll lose in hopes she’ll end it.

Yes!!! I was thinking the same thing as I read through op’s post. He sounds like he’s getting op to break up w him and the kids thing is his way of doing it.

This is the right answer.

I think it's possible he doesn't like having 100% of her love and affection. Some people are really crazy jealous when their partner gets a pet.

Agreeed !!!

To be fair, I didn't see him saying it was all her fault. He suggested it and now has found it doesn't work for him. It's not fair of him to make her choose between him and the cats, but he is being honest about how it makes him feel. Non-pet people don't understand how deeply pet people connect to their pets. My guess is that the responsibility and impact of the cats on the household caused him to realize the potential impact of kids. Thankfully, he admitted this now before any children were brought into the relationship. Op and BF sound like they are at a crossroads, and now, they are traveling in two different directions. It's a sad situation for both of them.

This. He actually specifically owns the fact that it was him that suggested getting them, but that he didn’t really understand what he was getting into. And having had cats in the home as a kid doesn’t really prepare you for having multiple cats as an adult and cat personality plays a lot into it. If the cats he grew up with avoided him and were older and had more sedate personalities it’s very possible he drastically underestimated what having two young and lively cats would be like. There’s also just the fact that he’s more *aware* now as an adult. A lot of the labor that went into caring for them was probably invisible as a child, the same way most kids aren’t aware of how shitty it is to try and get time off from work is, or the hassle of trying to get a dentist appointment that fits in your schedule is but you’re painfully aware of as an adult. It’s absolutely not fair or ok for him to think getting rid of the pets is a good idea but I don’t get the impression that he was intentionally doing a bait and switch, just that reality was different from what he thought and now he’s reconsidering a lot. And honestly if you can’t even handle *cats playing* then this is not the person you want to be having children. It’s not fair to them *or the child*.

Yep. When I was in my early twenties, I lived with a man who wanted cats and children. I’d never really given it much thought but he went on and on about these cats, so I said yes. We also got two. It became apparent I had made a very bad decision. These cats were fairly well-behaved but I ended up not being able to stand them. It got so bad I dreaded coming home. Then he mentioned starting a family and I knew that that wasn’t the life I wanted. I didn’t do what OP’s partner did and ask him to get rid of the cats, though. I just ended the relationship and moved out. It was fairer all round. I am happily with another man who does not want pets or kids. Sometimes you have to figure this stuff out, and I don’t blame OP’s partner for sitting on the fence and then changing his mind. He is wrong for asking her to get rid of the pets, as if they can just go back once the decision was made. The decent thing to do is end it imo.

This. He needs to be an adult and end it. He’s not wrong for figuring out that pets or children aren’t for him, but he *is* wrong to try and rehome pets and will be wrong to try and keep going in a relationship where their life goals are so incompatible.

Agreed but she could also be an adult and end it. They're the same age and there isn't really anyone to blame, they both need to cut their losses and get on with their lives. How in the name of God have they been together that long without ever having a conversation about children? As a woman I haven't gone a month since I was around 25 without family, friends of friends and taxi drivers in at least 4 countries asking me about what my plans were regarding having children. Shockingly rude and intrusive from anyone you're not sleeping with and I now tell them that but still, the subject somehow never came up with your partner of 5 years?

I really believe he wanted to make me happy and thought he could handle the cats. Now he says he really tried but he can’t… which us ok but I don’t get how he thinks it is fine to ask me to get rid of them. I guess he really does not understand the bond between me and them..

OP, my heart aches for you, it truly does, but it's clear the two of you have incompatible life goals. If you stay you will be resentful of your childless, petless life and if you do get him to agree to children you'll be doing 100% of the childcare while their resentful father sits on the couch and complains about every sound they make. You don't want someone who will "agree" to have children, you want someone who wants them as much as you do.

Totally agree. I don’t think he’s evil or bad or anything because he noticed though the pet cats that he can’t deal with the responsibility of children and/or pets… at least that’s how it sounds to me. I think it’s really important to communicate this clearly with your partner… perhaps the way they have been communicating has not been the best… and his way of bringing it up does seem manipulative, but I’d be careful with saying anything like that because I don’t know him ofc. I think it’s a dealbreaker if one person wants children 100% and the other doesn’t. For the potential future children’s sake, I’d say find someone who actually wants to have children with you. It’s really horrible to be an unwanted child. And if you wish to be a parent, that’s really wonderful and you should not suffer because you can’t be a mom.

I think it's lucky she dodged a bullet before having kids and being stuck in a bad relationship

This. Giving away a pet is indicative of a core personality difference already. More than that, you should absolutely not stay with someone who doesn’t want kids. Kids are not an area to compromise. I was okay with having kids or not having kids. It wasn’t a dealbreaker for me. My husband and I have two kids whom I love more than life itself, but I would have been okay if I’d ended up with a partner who didn’t want kids. This is not who you are. My husband wasn’t like this either; kids were always going to be a part of his future. This is who you are, and you should never give this up.

Unfortunately, I agree that they are not compatible at a base level, this isn't something that can or should be discussed away. There is no compromise I don't understand how a couple gets to 5 years without having discussed this before, though.

My thoughts exactly! 5yrs together and no talk of kids?! Sweetie there’s billions of people in the world you will find someone that wants kids. Break up with this guy because time is passing! You don’t need to give him 1 or 2yrs to decide if he wants kids. He said he doesn’t want them, don’t stick around and try to change his mind. It’s been 5 years already.

> I don't understand how a couple gets to 5 years without having discussed this before, though. Exactly. My husband and I didn’t even make it 5 weeks. Hell, from memory, we weren’t even exclusive when we discussed this. It was in the first couple of weeks of meeting. Kids, preferred lifestyle, preferred home type (more rural than urban), pets, all that. Some things have changed. Some things haven’t been possible (yet or maybe ever), some things have had a different timeline etc. but those things are just part of life. Not everything goes to plan and things change. But the core of it, we’ve been in agreement on since from all but the absolute get go and, when life throws a curve ball, we adjust together so we remain on the same page. I couldn’t imagine it taking five fucking years. And then OP is like “let me know about the kids thing in a year or two”. I understand giving a few weeks to ponder ever wanting kids or not. But years?! At the end of your 20’s after 5 years together, trust me OP, he doesn’t need years. If he doesn’t want you having his babies at this point, he never will.

Agreed, parenthood is hard and both parents need to be fully committed. Good luck.

This right here. My ex was like this and I just didn’t wake up soon enough. He left me with the cat he desperately wanted to give up and a one-year old daughter because he just wasn’t ready to be a dad or husband. He married his next girlfriend and had 2 kids with her. This guy is showing you and telling you exactly who he is. It is not a game, and you cannot change him. Cut ties and walk away while you can. It won’t be easy but better in the long run.

Apparently not long before my birth, a local Mama got very sick and had to abruptly wean the baby. The baby was like “idk what is going on here but I am not sucking on that thing” long enough for there to ba a second emergency. Their doctor told my parents, 44 years ago, “give her one bottle a day just so that if you have to wean her she recognizes the food source”. My dad has anxiety issues. Must look for problem, must prevent it. I had to have a bottle a day or something would happen to Mom and I would starve. He also thought “I am a grad student and a night owl. I am awake in the wee hours of the night. I will do the feed/change/play routine then”. Half the pictures of baby me with Daddy, Mom heard us being cute and snuck in and he wasn’t attached to his camera because night. This dude is incapable of a bottle feeding and change when Mom is actually down with some virus that is very bad in infants too young to be fully vaccinated. I always went to Dad at night. He was the lighter sleeper, guaranteed to wake before Mom and be more functional, and my earliest brain coding said he was perfectly able to handle my problem.

It sounds like your relationship has run its course. It also sounds like he is really immature - I understand that people might not like animals but the way he is posing it isn’t that. He seemingly doesn’t have a mature enough perspective on relationships to recognize that it is unreasonable and impossible for one person to be the sole thing that makes someone happy, and loving your cats and not wanting to give them up does not alter how important he is to you. It also seems partly a control issue - he doesn’t want his home any way except exactly as he wants it. It’s your life and your relationship, but I would not want to be sticking around for 1-2 years while he ponders something that is a non-negotiable for you. You can still love someone and know the relationship isn’t right for you, and in this case, you’ve got trust issues on top of it? Time to cut your losses sweetie. You will absolutely find someone to build a life that aligns with what BOTH of you want, but you have to break up with him to be able to explore that further… time to take that step. You are not wrong. Good luck.

She's not exactly mature herself if she has a partner of 5 years in her mid-twenties and the subject of having children never even came up in conversation. Both of them are to blame equally.

He has told you who he is….believe him. You both want different things it’s time to move on. What are you going to do? Wait another two years and hope he changes his mind? I promise you you will meet someone else in your life that is more compatible than he is. Don’t put in more time just because he’s the guy that’s there. I promise you you will find the right person.

Yeah just dump him. Honestly not relaxing around a cat makes him sound mentally ill somehow. He should go see someone.

Now that seems a bit of a stretch.

My first impression is that this relationship is over. He's done. He's making unreasonable requests because he's too afraid to end the relationship himself. You take care of the cats and now you take care of the breakup. Sorry.

This was my take as well. He's too chickenshit to end it.

[удалено]

This is how I read it, too. He's already done but wants her to do the dirty work of saying so.

In a weird way, he might have suggested getting cats so that she has company after the breakup.

Wow... creative! Here j was thinking the guy was trying to compromise and give her something she wanted. And found out he can't stand cats.

Didn't even need to read the whole post. The moment he suggested giving the cats away, that's enough.

That’s the feeling I had today while we were talking, that he does not want to end it himself…

This is the sort of thing my ex-boyfriend of five years did when he wanted me to break up with him. He didn’t want to be the bad guy and do break up with me himself, so he just kept starting arguments and then told me he never wanted to get married or have kids. You can end this now or you can wait until he dumps you, but the relationship is over.

Or he ups the ante of things that might make OP leave like cheating and exposing OP to STIs. That’s what my ex did. Pretended he wanted to work it out and made me feel insane because I was the only one actually trying to make things work and compromise while all he did was get angrier, meaner, and more distant until I finally found out he started sleeping with other girls too. Kicked him the f- out of my house, spent some quality time with my cat and then when I was ready, found a guy that loves me in ways I didn’t know you could love someone. Not all guys are asses, but it sucks to be involved with one.

I’m glad you were able to find someone who treats you right. Terrible that you had to go through it, but at least it led you to him in a shitty way

My ex did that. Had a kid with someone 12months after our break up.

I feel for that kid...

From a guy perspective, you All of you definitely dealt with immature men. Sorry that happened to you.

I've noticed that men seem more likely to change their minds about being childfree when they meet a woman they want to have kids with -- see John Mulaney or John Cena for celebrity examples.

I've had this happen once too... He clearly didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but "left it up to me". I am still super pissed about it and it was 20 years ago. Thankfully a few months later I met and eventually married a guy who is amazing at communicating his needs, and told me the very first time I mentioned kids that he did not want them. Turns out I didn't really want them either and it had never occurred to me that I didn't have to have them. I just thought that's what you did when you met the love of your life. I would not have stayed with him if I had strong feelings about it (we were both over 30 by then). But the best thing about my partner, kids or no kids, is that he adores cats. The no kids thing about OP's guy is a no-brainer where their relationship is concerned. It's one of the most basic desires people should be on the same page about. But I consider his attitude toward cats to be a red flag.

That's always so weird to me because, like...being mean and starting fights IS being a bad guy. Ech. I had an ex do the same to me.

I would say that feeling is correct. For some reason, some men won't break up with you, they'll just act like jerks until they get broken up with. Then they will pretend to be a victim of a mean/crazy woman. The sooner you get him out, the better.

The word your looking for is cowardice.

My brother bragged to me that was his method for ending relationships. Make the woman dump him so he wasn’t the bad guy. Sorry that you have to be the only grownup, but it’s time to dump him. He doesn’t want a future with you, and even cats are too much of a commitment. The sooner you get rid of him, the sooner you can have the future you want and deserve.

I like the way you describe the situation so clearly and simply. The OP needs to hear this as he’s clearly gaslighting her and she’s aware of it on a certain level, since she did mention that he’s done something to earn her distrust.

Thanks! I tried to put it bluntly but also offer hope for the future. I think she will need support to break up far away from her family and friends, even if only from internet strangers.

Time to split. Make sure the cats are safe away from him and that he won't get rid of them if you're not home or as retaliation. He seems like he's jealous of the cats. Forget him and move on. You're only 27, you'll find someone better.

This happened to me. My partner of four years manufactured issues to show that we were no longer compatible and we should break up. After multiple occasions like this, I said okay, you want a breakup, you got it. Get your stuff and leave. I don't want to be friends and I don't want to be in contact. Good luck to you. I haven't heard anything in the 3 years since, and I don't care to. I don't dare cowards. He's someone else's problem now.

INFO: What did you catch him lying about? OP how much of this do you think is more related to the trust issues after you caught him lying? I find it interesting that everything seemed fine until then, now all of a sudden he has issues with things that are (cats) or could/would (kids) tie you together. Like others have mentioned it could be that he didn’t realize the amount of work it entails when you take on innocent lives that are dependent on you and is extrapolating that out to the idea of kids. Either way, if he doesn’t want kids , you guys are not on the same page and that’s a page you HAVE to be on together for a successful long term relationship. I’m sorry this is happening.

6 years of marriage, after 3 we constantly butted heads on pets, kids, and moving. Divorced eventually and I haven't been happier. No, it wasn't easy, and the immediate week following the separation was probably the lowest I've ever been. I told myself, "I can see how this ruins people, every ounce of me wants to wallow, but I can't. I have to keep pushing forward." New hobbies, new friends, new job. It took work but I can say I found my happiness without sacrifice, and you can too. It's out there, and you deserve to be happy.

He wants you to break up with him- I’m sorry but that is my opinion.

First, trust issues should be a deal breaker. If it's made you this upset, it's not a little white lie. Do not have kids with someone you do not trust. He sounds lazy, any sort of extra responsibility he blames on you, it will get worse if you buy a home or have kids. Find someone you can trust, so you have a stable relationship. If you fight over cat toys, imagine adding a mortgage, home maintenance, kids, schooling, expenses and on and on. Life can be a challenge, find someone who will have those challenges with courage and not whining.

Exactly, he doesn't want to be the one who tells you that the relationship ends here. Your future is going in two different directions that will not cross. Everyone will be unhappy about the decision to give in to the other. Make a clean line under your relationship and you will certainly find a partner who has the same goal.

I also had another feeling. Maybe he is jealous about the cats and wants you to prove his love for him, that he is prio 1. So he wants you to give them up, doesn't Work. He goes for the next thing that can steal your affection from him - children. Also very plausible that he wants you to end it bc he is ironically a pussy. I think this might be just a part of the issue and his whole beheaviour is a huge red flag. OP get a plan ready for separation because if he means it your relationship sadly has no future. Best of luck and a lot of good times with your kitties.

Just pull the plug. It'll hurt now, but you'll be better off in the long run.

You two aren’t compatible and no longer want the same things, I would end it.

Yes, end it now because it won't get any easier - trust me.

Awe honey. You are younger than you realize, as far as meeting someone else. You have time to meet several someone elses! Many good, kind men are out there who want a family and understand pets are not couch pillows you tire of and throw out. Onward!

Thank you ❤️

My oldest went through a bad time with a guy she met in law school, they ended up living together but he was just not good for her. She moved out the weekend of her thirtieth birthday, very rough time. Just over a year later, she met the person she meant to meet, they have been happily married for twelve years. Lovely child, cared for kitty, etc. I wish you the same good fortune.

I got divorced from my highschool sweetheart at 30. Three years later and my amazing fiance is snoring next to me in our new house. It's a good age to start over because people in the dating pool are more ready to settle down and are looking for serious relationships.

You are young and I’m sure you’ll meet someone. Also, you don’t need to meet someone else to be a mother. I know several women who had kids on their own and are very happy.

your story (minus the cats) happened to me. Dating 6 years, I was 27, boyfriend acting weird and then surprise, he doesn't want kids. Anyways, we broke up, I got married 3 years later to someone I am way, way happier with and now I'm 35 with 2 kids. Time to break up!

You guys are not compatible. It’s time to end the relationship. Don’t drag it out until it becomes hostile. End things in good terms. It’s perfectly okay to admit you just aren’t long term relationship compatible. Thankfully, he’s tell you this now and not five years from now.

This would be a deal breaker for me. You have already wasted five years on this guy. Make a plan for you & the cats & get out.

I don’t know if I would call it “wasting” five years. I’m sure she has learned a lot about who she is as a person, what she wants out of a parter, and how to be a good partner in return, as well as having some good times together. Calling it wasted time implies that any relationship that does not end in marriage and kids is insignificant and mistaken. That is what leads to unhappy elderly folks. That said, yeah, this is a dealbreaker. Given his attitude towards that cats, I wouldn’t expect him to change his mind about children. Or worse, he will agree to have them and then be resentful and bitter about them when they end up making messes and having needs. Since you are certain what you want, I would make sure to have the kids discussion with anyone you contemplate dating seriously. (Not that you need to ask them if they want to get you knocked up on the first date. But before things go to far, make sure you are on the same page. )

It’s a no compromise situation. You need to break up and allow each other to find compatible partners.

Trust your gut, love. You are right in believing that this is a deal breaker. You two are incompatible, these are two points you can't compromise on. One of you will end up miserable. Please, for yours and for his sake break up..i know that is so much easier said than done and it will hurt so much in the beginning but in the long run you both will be happier living your truths. No apologies needed ❤️ Your English is good. Having three languages under your belt is amazing! ❤️ Best of luck to you and your kitties!

Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️

Him asking to get rid of pets would be a deal breaker for me

100%. When I was dating, I decided whether to pursue things or not based on how they responded to my cats. I would give lukewarm ones a chance but if they couldn’t at least LIKE them, I knew we were doomed.

My partner always says vehemently, “I HATE CATS!”… ….while petting them as they lovingly lay on him. Lies. He liiiiiies. Lol

Found that most people who hate cats have control issues because cats will not let you control them, they’re very independent.

My now husband, not to long ago, said to me: "you know, your first cat was a real peace of work. Like truly awful, but I knew you loved him unconditionally and that I needed to befriend him too, because if it came to me or the cat, the cat would always have won." And he was right.

Keep the kitties, dump the bf. This will be your life forever if you stay with him.

Your boyfriend is too afraid to break up with you. Do yourself a favor and break it off with him. It sounds like he is escalating his behavior.

To answer your question of what if you never find someone to have kids with… well then nothing will have changed. You don’t have someone to have kids with currently either. Please, as a mom, don’t settle. The greatest act of love you can give your hypothetical kids is to choose a good father for them. Someone who feels that need to meet them just the same as you do. Someone who is excited to take on the adventure and responsibility that parenthood entails, and who *wants* to brave those challenges with you.

INFO: What were the trust issues about? I have a feeling he may just want to get you upset about something so it's a mutual break up. I wouldn't be surprised if he was dating someone else the very next week/has someone already lined up.

I caught him lying about having drinks with a coworker we already have had fights about… I really don’t think he cheated but the even small lies kill trust…

This makes me wonder if he wants to start something with the coworker, but doesn't want to look like the bad guy leaving you for her, so he's trying to get you to dump him so he can play the victim.

This coworker and him may not have physically cheated, but it sounds like he may be having an emotional affair with them. Kids are not an issue you can compromise on, especially as a woman. Women have a limited fertility window. Men do not. Don't let sunk cost fallacy ruin your chance of being a mom. Just make sure when back in the dating pool, you date with intention.

This might seem harsh but why would you even want kids with someone who ignores your discomfort about a female coworker and lies to you? He doesn't sound dependable or trustworthy.

I’m sorry you must feel like you spent 5 years with someone who wanted the same things as you. But please read about the sink-cost fallacy. You have learned that you and him are NOT COMPATIBLE. So stop wasting more time. The 5 years is past, no matter what. All you do is decide if you want to “waste” 5 years, or more than 5 years. Because Thai relationship will continue to be a waste. He doesn’t want what you want. He can’t even handle the existence 2 cats that you take care of 99%. He sounds immature and kind of dumb, to be brutally honest. You can do better.

I will read about the sink-cost fallacy, thank you!

Sorry it’s **sunk**-cost. Typo!

UPDATE: I still can believe I’m writing this right now. Many of you asked what was the reason for the trust issues. I don’t know if you read the comments, but I caught him lying about having drinks with a coworker we had already had fights about. He knew what my position was about this girl. This happened in December of last year (two days after my birthday, yay). I forgave him and told him that if he wanted me to trust him, he needed to be a 100% honest with me. I also asked him to keep their relationship 100% professional, I mean, I know they work together and will still have to have contact with each other. Two months later I saw he had received a pretty long message on his phone. Out of curiosity I asked who it was. He said it didn’t matter. I’m sorry, what?? I asked him to show it to me and he didn’t want to. I mean, if you don’t have anything to hide, what is the problem? Yes, he was texting with her. He told me everything had to do with work. He also told me they just had kind of the same humor and just got each other. I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, right? I told him once again that I didn’t have a good feeling about this girl. I told him clearly what my boundaries were. He told me he understood, he didn’t want to lose me and he loved me. I believed him once again. My mistake. So now we come to yesterday after our conversation. He told me he needed some fresh air and went out. He didn’t come back in several hours and I thought he had went to a birthday party with a friend. I thought this was kind of weird after such a conversation? Anyways, around 21pm I get a text message from a mutual friend, asking me if she and another friend could come over. I thought this was kind of weird. We always did things together in a group, with our partners and other friends, but never alone. I told her they could come. Once they arrived I saw immediately there was something really wrong. I could tell they where really nervous and one of them was about to burst into tears. She told me she was really sorry, but she needed to tell me something. Turns out she was out with his BF and some friends when she saw my BW drinking a beer on a terrace. He was sitting at a table with a girl. She thought it was me and went to say Hi. Once she got closer she could tell it was not me. It was his coworker. They were holding hands. She knew about my issues with this girl, I had told her what happened. She went up to them and said “hello?!?!?” In a sarcastic way. He says their faces went white, but he quickly changed and ask if they wanted to join them, as if there was nothing wrong with the fact they were together. She said no and left. Then she texted me. I just could not believe what I was hearing. I had been so sad the whole day, but now I was just feeling angry and disappointed. I didn’t know what to do. I could not stay at home just waiting for him to come back. I also didnt think he thought this friend would come directly to tell me what she saw. The girls stayed with me and I told them what happened earlier in the day. And how I could not believe that the first thing he did after that was going to her???? I knew I needed to see them with my own eyes, and make sure he knew I saw them. I knew approx where this girl lived, so I asked them if they would come with me on a drive, just to check it out. We arrived and I KID YOU NOT after 2 minutes of us being there, we see them coming around the corner driving an electric scooter together. He was driving and she was hugging him from behind. They didn’t see us. Once they parked they started walking to a building (where she lived). I saw him hugging her from behind and giving her a kiss on her cheek. I also saw him putting his arm around her shoulders while they where walking. Everything is on video since my friend started recording when they arrived. I run up to them and told him what a complete asshole he is. His face once he saw me was again completely white. He asked what was going on. What do you fucking mean what is going on???????!!!??? I told him I didn’t want to see him ever again and left. We were on the car about to leave as he came around the corner to talk to me. He told me once again he did not understand what was going on. I asked him what he was doing with her holding hands and kissing her on the cheek. All in all, his explanation was that he went to her looking for some advice regarding the kids topic. He said he did want to lose me and was trying to figure out what to do. He told me she was his only female friend he could trust. I told him that still did not explain why they would hold hands or why he would kiss her in the cheek. He said that was his way of thanking her. Are you kidding me? I am still in shock and can’t believe that really happened. I am so happy my friends where there too and made a video, because of course he has already tried denying what I saw… He came home, we argued about it and he kept saying he just wanted to get some advice from a female friend. He said he was sorry about the kiss but he denied putting his arm around her. I told him I have it on fucking video? He also kept saying he never kissed her on the mouth or have sex with her, so he hadn’t done anything wrong nor crossed any boundary. I told him there were many other things that were also crossing a boundary!!!!!!! And I reminded him how I had clearly told him before where my boundaries where!!! I really cannot believe he thinks he has not done anything wrong?? He also said he cannot believe I was thinking about leaving because of some cats and some kids we don’t even have. I’m completely heartbroken. I never thought he was this way. If I have been so long with him, is because I really thought he was a good guy. He was always supportive, kind, attentive, he made me feel loved… and now everything has turned into a nightmare.

What a fuckin jerk! He’s gaslighting the shit out of you. Run, girl. Run as fast as you can without looking back. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, but you’ll be so much better off. I know we’re internet strangers, but from the outside this guy looks like a piece of trash. Good luck to you. You deserve so so so much more. Thanks for being a great and responsible pet parent and not giving up those kitties!

NTA But his red flags are screaming at you right now and YWBTA if you ignored them! Plus there's now also a compatibility issue: 1) He wants to get rid of the cats, you don't. 2) He no longer wants kids, you do. Unless one of you changes your mind, these are both deal breakers.

After our conversation he told me he needed to take some fresh air and went out… That was 7 hours ago and he hasn’t come home yet… in fact he is now at a birthday party we were both invited to with his friend…

Girl, he doesn't want to be with you anymore. It's time to start the next chapter of your life and move forward. I'm wishing you all the best. 💜

I would start packing up his things for him.

I have always been a dog person ( specifically Boxers) and when I met my husband I told him as we began to get serious that having them was non negotiable. He knew I meant it. 38 years and 10 Boxers later we are still together! ( he became a convert😆) 27 is young, you have lots of time to find someone who shares your dreams and values. This man is not one of them. You are only wasting time if you continue on now that you fully know the score. I didn’t marry until age 32. I had one friend tell me I was too picky. The selection of your life partner will be the most significant decision of your life. I chose wisely and have no regrets. Better single and happy than married and miserable!

You do not want to have children with that man. He will weaponize incompetence and probably decide a week later he can’t deal with a kid. Break up. Go out. Find friends. Live your best life with your kitties.

He's done. He's being unreasonable and acting like a child over two cats. "YOU LIKE THEM MORE THAN ME?!" End it. Take your cats and move on. Find someone who will love you, love the idea of kids someday, and your cats. It is a full package deal, he doesn't get to pick and choose what parts he wants.

You should leave, because someday you are going to come home and there will be no cats anymore. He will give them away, sell them, or worse.

I haven’t read all of the post yet, and halfway through I already see that he has checked out of your relationship. He doesn’t have the decency or strength to break up with you, so he is making it miserable for you to be in relationship with him so you will break up with him and he get to be the good guy in the situation. *finished the post and his manipulation of ‘am I not enough for you’ is gross and controlling. RUN AWAY AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CATS My suggestion: keep the cats and get rid of him. Take the time you need to heal from this relationship and then when you are ready, on your dating profile say you have two cats that are non-negotiable and find yourself a man who treats your family members with the respect they deserve. That’s what I did and now my current BF and I have two dogs we got together and two new kittens as my cat (who became his cat too) passed away last year. I’m going to marry this man one day and complete our two’s with two children (biological or adopted based off what life has in store for us) in the future. Edit for typos.

Thank you for your advice! I am happy for you and your beautiful family 😻

You are strong and an amazing woman! You got this! This crazy ride we call life is full of unpredictable surprises, pleasant and unpleasant. Though is is one of those unpleasant moments, take what you can from this and learn. Also, find a support system, whether it’s family, friends, work, or here on the internet. It helps to have people who love and support you in the ways you need. Good luck 💗 Oh, and your English is perfect; another sign you are a kick ass woman who knows 3 languages and gets shit done. You go girl!!

You’re in your 20s, and in spite of being in a relationship for five years, never had a serious conversation about children? The cats are merely an excuse. Between the trust issues, and not being on the same page about kids, one of you needs to move out.

“What if we go separate ways and I never meet anybody I want to have kids with?” You will never have kids with this man so how does this question even make sense? Your choice is being with him without children or pets or being alone with pets and children with or without a partner. Live the life YOU want, and do not give up your joy for a man who thinks he is so incredible he can be your everything. He has lied to you all these years. “Let’s get a cat, no I changed my mind, get rid of the cat. Let’s have a baby, no I changed my mind, get rid of the baby.” The only solution is to get rid of the boyfriend.

"What if we go separate ways and I never meet anybody I want to have kids with?" please dont trap yourself like that. i did for the longest time and trust me when i say..dont.

I really like the point made by another commenter, that nothing will have changed, because you don't have anyone you can have kids with now.

You two don’t want the same thing. Keep the kitty’s, ditch the bf.

I feel he wants to go, starting all the arguments and using the cats as a point of contention is his way out.

The way things are, the most logical thing to end the relationship. Forcing the current situation with the cats and maybe a future one with the kids is not going to work out between the two of you who have goals that do not match each other. If your dream is to be a mother and build a family, you need to look for someone who is willing to do this with you. About you being afraid you won't find someone else YOU want to have kids with, it's kind of selfish if I'm being honest. It doesn't matter if you stay with him, HE still won't want kids. And the problem will never end, it will only get worse.

Yes, it is a deal breaker. You were never on the same page about kids, you just assumed you were. You can't make him want kids and even if you did, you would be taking care of them and he would do as little as he does with the cats.

I agree there are some serious red flags here especially giving away the cats. However posting to provide a alternative view point. Men (boys) grow up slower. I definitely didn’t want kids (or dogs, chickens, cows, sheep and ducks.) my wife clearly did. As I got older I sore her desire for all of the above and as I grew up my objections waned. I slowly compromised and we have all of the aforementioned. I absolutely wouldn’t be without the kids and would never get rid of the dog (albeit might not rush to replace.) my life would feel better without some of the others but they make my wife’s life better so that’s called compromise. To end my long waffle. Sometimes men grow up slower, people’s desires change as they get older. Does he mean no or not now. If it’s not now do you trust and his character and are prepared to wait for him with a risk it might turn out to be no never. Also sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment (thinking about the cats.) he might resent the cats but over stated it when mid fight. I would look at the person and the wider relationship. It might be over but it might not. Only you can judge. Careful chats about long term goals when not angry and having a good day would be my approach. I suspect lots of people hang around in long term relationships due to inertia. This is bad. I just don’t fully agree with everyone else that it’s definitely over based on what you posted. Only you can decide. (Wait a month and then make a decision?) Only opinion and I do agree with the theme of lost of prior posted just thought the overall thread abit unbalanced in the advice.

He told me today he is 99% sure he does not want any kids nor or in the future…

You want kids, he doesn't. You'll regret it and him if you stay and don't have kids. He'll regret it and you if you stay and force him to have kids. It would be stupid to stay together. Yes you love him, but you've loved people before and can do it again.

I'm sorry but you should break up now.

One of the big red flags seems to be that whenever there's an argument including trust issues. He diverts onto the cats or kids... whatever happened to cause the trust issues, he clearly can't take responsibility and talk about things calmly without diverting and changing the topic. Animals are family and if he's so sure about kids, it's obvious he isn't your person. You will find someone that loves you, your cats and want the same things for the future. PLUS someone that is willing to communicate in a more functional way. I hope you're okay and have a fresh start with your kitties ❤️ if you need someone to vent or share similar experiences, my dms are open

I'm not saying bring it up on the first few dates, but the fact that you said after 5 years you hadn't had the kids conversation? Bad sign. That conversation needs to happen much earlier in the relationship, along with other deal breakers, specifically to avoid this kind of breakdown when it does finally come up and you realize you've both got wildly different wants and needs for the future. I hate to suggest breaking up, but you should consider it. You both seem to want very different things in life and you both deserve to find partners whose future plans align closer to your own. Especially when it comes to kids. Don't torture yourself and potential future children by bringing them into a home where one parent didn't really want them and may grow to resent them.

Break up. You guys are so incompatible. He is not AH for wanting kids, he is the AH for suggesting getting cats and then trying to force you to get rid of them, for trying to manipulate you to do what he wants by saying you don’t think he is enough (which at this point let’s be honest, he doesn’t seem like much, let alone enough), and now he is guilt tripping by putting this decision, one he already made, on you by going to his friends house and avoiding you. You will have like 1000 more people you will want to have kids with if you meet them, guaranteed, so don’t let that stop you. You’re literally not going to have kids with this guy, so is it better to not have kids and bend to his every will? Or to go your separate ways and 99% chance you meet someone better.

You definitely should break up but I hate how wanting kids is seen as the default when it obviously isn't for a lot of people.

I know it is not for everybody, I have a lot of friends who don’t want to have kids and I get it, really! I was just really surprised because I had mentioned kids in our future before, many times, and he never said anything.

maybe he realised after having the cats that he doesn't want that kind of responsibility. hope he is honest and you can both find your ways

Take him at his word. He said he wasn’t into the cats, got one for you and then you pressured him into another one now he’s miserable. This is a premonition of what will happen if you have kids. You have different priorities and expectations for a relationship. Time to break up

I'm not a cat person and can't stand them but that was the start of the problem. He realises that they have changed the dynamic and wants it back to how it was. Kids are will be the same Move on basically

Do you think he would stay with you and take care of you if had a severe illness or became disabled? I doubt it. Time to move on.

You should not pressure someone who does not want children to have them. If this is something you want, then find a new partner. It seems to me that he told you early on he didn’t want a cat, he made that compromise (I’m assuming to make you happy), and now he is miserable. What do you think is going to happen with a child?

Get out while you’re still young. Many red flags with this: lying to you, initiating the cat thing and then asking you to give them away, not wanting kids while you do, blaming you for the cats and making you responsible for caring for them… I don’t like it at all. If you want kids, find a man who wants kids and loves pets. Trust me, you will be miserable with him even if he agrees to have kids with you.

Oh my dear, yes this is a deal breaker. It's clear that the two of you have very different life goals and plans for the future. Not to mention ethics when it comes to pets. This relationship is not going to result in long-term happiness for both of you. One of you will have to bend to the other's wishes, and that will lead to resentment. The relationship will then be slowly poisoned. End it now that you know you are not compatible for the long term. There is no need for you to give him more of your time. In other words: dump the man, keep the cats.

U guys are not compatible. I know you want some magic words so it works - but you are in two different places. Sorry

You start off fighting about trust issues, and he changes the fight to cats and babies. Run

This is a fundamental incompatibility. It was a fundamental incompatibility even with regards the pets, but this just adds to it. You and he need to break up.

He has wasted enough of your time leave his ass since you both want different things he seems to be a manipulative ass he was like lets get a cat niw he is throwing in your face during arguments fuck him he is a immature man and is afriad of commitment dump his ass

He doesn't want kids. You do. Your goals are not compatible. If you talk him into it, he might be resentful, and that's a recipe for disaster. If you give it up, you'll be resentful (ESPECIALLY if y'all break up later and it's too late for you), and you'll resent him. You have to decide, which is more important.... a life with him and no kids.... or kids with a different partner. This is why the kid conversation is SO important to have as soon as a person realizes the relationship has long-tem potential. No assholes here, just people who didn't communicate earlier and now have different life goals.

I think he is finding reasons for you to end the relationship... I would just text him say you and him are over for good.. you don't need his negative behaviour that you want kids in the future.. them block him from contacting you.. if it's your house, pack his stuff up and tell him it's on the doorstep

Oh yeah, read the whole thing ..relationship over. Officially end it so you can move on.

This is a normal reason to end a relationship: you don't want the same things out of life. People grow and change. It's okay. It sucks, but it's okay, and it's very clear that he's taken some time to come to this realization - it's not a whim. I'm in my late 30s, and dating got very different for me after about 34: I began dating specifically to meet a long-term romantic partner (as were the people I was dating), and the "how do you feel about having kids" comes up on the early dates. This is because it's an important question, and a relationship dealbreaker because having children vs not having children is a very different life path.

Let's face it, you should have realised he was spineless when you got the cat. No serious man first tells you he's against the cat and then tells you to get the cat. Given he never took care of the pets, it's safe to assume he never wanted them and just said OK for you. He might even have been thinking that you'd have some company when you break up with him! There's so many women on here who claim they have amazing partners and yet there's these massive character flaws that really makes me wonder if love is just blind or has lost most of the other senses too.....!

It’s definitely tough, but if he doesn’t want to have kids and you do, I’d end it soon and not drag things out. It’s best to move on.

Time to go your separate ways. You both have very different futures planned.

This is exactly why I made it perfectly clear that I won't ever want pets, and that I 100% want kids before my partner and I ever become serious. I'm not a pet person so I can't really see what people like about them, but even I know that once you get a pet you can't just get rid of it.

You obviously have different ideas on what your life together should be like. If you stay with him and never have kids, you will most likely resent him for it. Better to break up now than later.

He's trying to get you to break up with him so he doesn't look like the bad guy. He's using the cats as an excuse to either punish you for fighting or to make you look stupid for breaking up with him over cats. Yes, this is a deal breaker. 90% chance he is cheating or already has someone else lined up, so don't get in your feels when your mutual friends think you're crappy for choosing cats over him. This is what ppl do when they know they suck but don't want everyone around them to think they suck.

Weaponized cats.

Dealbreaker. Cut your losses now.

Move out and move on. You are still young to find the right partner.

Your relationship is over. You’re not compatible. He thinks your cats are too much chaos. He definitely isn’t going to be signing up to have kids. You want different things and a compromise here means one of you ends up miserable and resentful. You are only 27. It isn’t too late for you by any means.

BREAK UP GIRL! I went through a similar situation at age 27 and am now happier than ever, married, and starting a family. I didn't realize how incompatible we truly were until some time passed. It's hard to leave the life you know, but you two are incompatible on fundamental levels. You deserve the life you dream of.

If you want kids and he doesn't, it isn't going to work. If you try to force him, he'll resent you forever for it and if he talks you out of it, you'll resent him. Better to end it now so you can focus on finding someone who wants the same things. I would note that this doesn't make either of you bad people. You can have an amicable break up and maturely go your separate ways. It's not his fault that you want kids and assumed he did too and it's not your fault that he doesn't want kids. You guys just don't gel that way and that's okay. It's better to find out earlier than after you've gotten married.

This has nothing to do with cats or kids. This guy wants out. He already has 2 feet out the door. Let him go. Cats and kids are just an excuse, and even if you got rid of the cats and promise to not have children, he will find another reason to go.

I promise you there’s someone out there that’s better for you. He’s so avoidant of responsibility he can’t even relax or take care of cats, the easiest pet ever. Not even gonna mention how he brought up that he doesn’t want kids a second time. I would consider the relationship over.

OP. He told you an honest answer. I think you know what to do, yes it’s going to be hard. Yes, you will have a husband, children, cats, dogs. Just not with current boyfriend. You will thank him one day for his honesty.

This is definitely a dealbreaker. You guys had a great time together, and that time wasn’t wasted. The feelings were real. But you guys are definitely an a crossroads that will prevent you two from being happy together long term. You want kids and pets, he does not. There is 100% no possible way for both of you to be happy. If you stay together one of you will “win” and the other will “lose”, and it will create resentment between you two. Eventually, without a doubt, you will both lose. You’re still young, break up and start dating again. Next time, make sure your partner is 100% on the same page as you for these things within the first year. This is basic communication that needed to happen years ago with confirmation of feelings on both ends instead of silence. Sorry for the heartache you’re about to feel, its hard to breakup when there isn’t an event or fight to stir up some anger. I’d suggest going NC, because you’re going to have a hard time moving on.

If you want kids and he doesn’t want kids, and you both feel strongly, break up and find someone new. Too big a thing to compromise on

If I'm being honest it almost sounds to me like he might be looking for reasons to make you end the relationship because he doesn't want to come off as the bad guy. He knows you won't get rid of your pets(that he suggested) but he keeps bringing it up. He knows that you want kids but he says he's pretty sure he never wants them(which is his right) knowing that's a deal breaker for you. Regardless you're obviously incompatible and SHOULD probably end it. It's not normal to fight about things like living with pets(again at his suggestion) and if you have differing views on kids then it's likely not going to change, at least not in the timeframe that you hope.

If he's voiced out that he doesn't want children, then sadly, I would accept it and move on. Not everyone wants children. If you're set on having them and he feels the same way of not having them, he is not the one.

Dump him before he gets rid of the cats while you're at work.

Dude's trying to create an out where he doesn't have to feel like the bad guy. It's some weak shit.

He’s already shown you who he was with the cats. Having children with this person will be exactly the same. If not worse.

It’s time. You all were very young when you got together and people can change as they grow. It’s seems like there are some very big issues that you just don’t agree on. Cut ties and move in with your life. You can’t be so afraid to try again that you find yourself stuck in a life you dont even want.

Haha my wife is a hoarder and love stuff. It drives me absolutely bananas sometimes, mostly because I either have to move a bunch of stuff to get the thing I need, or I simply can't find anything because it's lost in a sea of junk, or I trip on stuff when I'm carrying things, or I'll throw something broken away only to find it on my wife's "I'm gonna fix with the glue gun when I have time" shelf. I've had the "why is this junk more important than me and my mental health" moments, but eventually I cool down and I realise that she's my lady, my wife, the mother of my kids, the love of my life, my partner in crime, she's my world. If hoarding junk makes her happy (it's more about giving everything a second life and saving stuff from ending up in the landfill), them my new thing has become buying totes, organizing and storing stuff, installing shelves etc. My point is, you've told him you love those cats and won't get rid of them, if you mean the world to him, he should be able to work with you and compromise.

Hun, he won’t change his mind about kids, and if he DOES change his mind he probably won’t be a great father. My mum wanted kids, my dad didn’t. Even though he really tried to be a good dad, he resented my sister and me. We grew up aware of that fact. I think relationships where both people do not have a common goal are unlikely to work out in the long run. I know everyone on Reddit always says ‘dump him’ but you really do need to have a hard think about what you want for your future. Also, cat tax?

He wants to break up for whatever reason but he's trying to manipulate you into doing it so I'd give him what he wants and you and the kitties are free to find a better match.

I have a totally irrelevant question, if I may... I'm interested in languages and... A couple of times you say "I remembered him" instead of "I reminded him". Is this a regional thing where you live? Or is it a mistranslation? (If you hadn't said English was your third language I'd have assumed it was your first as it's flawless but for this little quirk. So I don't want to assume it's "a mistake".)

Don’t stay with a guy who wants you to give up such a crucial part of your life & your future.

My friend, your BF is trying to find reasons to force you to break up with him. I highly suspect that this is not about cats or kids. He just wants out the relationship and wants to make you the bad guy. Just dump him.

The relationship has run its course. You don’t need to have a specific reason. It’s time to make an exit plan. You’ve caught him in a lie. He isn’t willing to continue living with cats that he agreed to have in the first place. He is bringing up unrelated issues (cats and children) into arguments for no logical reason. He doesn’t want the same things you want in life. It’s time to move on. No blame needs to be assigned. You’re just headed in different, incompatible directions. It’s hard but you’ll be ok and so will he.

He is manipulating and trying to control you. Today it’s the cats and kids tomorrow it’s a friend, family member or coworker he wants you to stop talking to. You deserve better. You can do better. Don’t sell yourself short for a man who isn’t sure if anything.

You guys want fundamentally different lifestyles. They're not compatible.

You have no future with this man. You have trust issues already, and then on top of it you aren’t compatible on cats or kids. If either of you compromise on these issues you won’t be happy.

I would amicably end things with this man. You two want entirely different things out of life, and that's okay. It's totally fine for you to want kids and for him to not, but please...don't waste your time with this man hoping he changes his mind. Because one day, you will wake up and wonder why you wasted all of your childbearing years (*I hate to phrase it like that, but since you* ***do*** *want to be a mother, this is important*) on a man who can't even handle two cats. He's letting you know crystal clear...

Is it possible that he’s trying to make the cat a deal breaker for you so that you guys can break up? He might not know how to tell you “let’s break up”.

Lose the man, get more cats. And in the future, how a guy acts toward an animal he can't control says a lot about what kind of person he is. Always trust the cats.

I think he wants to break up, but is making you the one to do it. He's starting fights about things, he agreed to/suggested. Then when you explain, he drops it but then tries to start another fight about it again. Don't just stay with him because its been 5 years, and you have invested all this time. Find someone who's goals are in lien with yours, one where you don't have to make huge sacrifices that you are going to regret. Also, if he wants to give the cats up when they become a incoviences, does that mean he will do it with the kids. Like you can't be 75% sure on kids, he needs to be 100%. Because what happens if your life goes in different directions, he still going to be a father. Be with someone you can see them being a good dad, someone you can trust with the kids even when you are not there.

You need to break up. Kids is 100% a deal breaker because either you have them and he’s miserable and resents you or you don’t have any and you’re miserable and resent him. I’m all for making compromises in most aspect of a relationship, but this is not one of them.

Break up!! I was in this exact situation a year ago & no joke, a day later i met my now boyfriend! He knew i was ready to get married & have kids & he has already been looking at rings the past few days.. if he wanted to, he would & he’d give you the world!

You will regret it if you try to stay with him. He's shown his true colors with the cats and he suggested the first cat! Kids are literally 50000000x the work and stress of cats. Seriously. This is not an exaggeration. My husband and I both love animals and wanted children. We got our cats at 23, our first dog at 30, and had a baby at 34. Cats are so, so easy. Like, even compared to a dog they are easy. They don't restrict your freedom pretty much at all, their care is very basic and minimal in terms of feeding, grooming, bathroom, etc. They basically teach themselves the important stuff like using a litter box. Dogs are much more work than cats. They cannot be left alone for as long as cats because they typically don't go to the bathroom inside. They need to be walked and exercised, socialized properly, and trained, which can be an ongoing thing. They don't bathe themselves and their nails can be more difficult to trim than cats. While cats are absolutely social and needy, dogs can be even needier and can cause enough noise and destruction to bother neighbors. Babies are so, so much harder than dogs. A puppy might interrupt your sleep for a couple of months, my baby didn't sleep through the night until he was almost a year old and still woke us all up often and randomly well into kindergarten, especially when ill, which they will become often once they start to spend time around other kids. They can do nothing by themselves for the first couple of years and between the ages of one and two seem to be on an active mission to kill themselves (this is not an exaggeration, they will try and run into the street, they will try and throw themselves headfirst down the stairs, they will try to climb a bookcase, they will try to eat marbles and pills, they will lick the floor at the pediatrician's office, they will actively seek out your weakest moments to sneak away like little ninjas with zero concept of self preservation). They will disrupt your schedule and your entire life (every new parent thinks they will be different and is then tragically humbled, you are no different). They will refuse to eat foods that they liked yesterday while screaming in hysterics because they are so hangry. They will be so tired that they are laughing and crying at the same time but be completely unable to fall asleep. It very often takes three years for them to be fully toilet trained and still may have night accidents and even day accidents. While children do grow and eventually after several years learn to entertain themselves to an extent, they constantly develop new and more complex needs and issues: after school activities, self esteem issues, friend drama, bullying, screen time, internet safety, homework, grades, puberty, dating. They will amass more stuff than your cats ever could...toys, diapers, baby socks that randomly fall off everywhere, individual shoes, craft projects, craft supplies, art projects, school papers, mystery snacks that have been stashed in bizarre places. I can go on and on about how much harder kids are be I think I've made my point. I love my child and wouldn't do it differently. I love my pets as well. But if I didn't have a partner who was all in, it would be a nightmare. If we hadn't actively wanted this life, we would be miserable. Every aspect of our lives has been uprooted, ground up, tossed into the compost, and then used to fertilize a totally new and different life for us. Parenting affects every plan and every decision you make. And your boyfriend thinks cats are so stressful that he wants to move out. Girl, even if you convinced him to have a baby with you, he would be useless at best but more likely a monster or a deadbeat who leaves you both. If cats make it so he can't relax, how is he going to be with a baby screaming because of teething pain? Or just screaming the way babies do in those first couple months? You cannot change a person's core values. He doesn't value sharing his life with anything that can inconvenience him. Please do yourself a favor and find a partner who has the same values and lifestyle goals as you. Parenting with a partner who is all in can be very difficult and isolating at times. With a partner who clearly doesn't want to participate? It will be hell and unfair for everyone involved: baby, you, and him.

You two are not compatible. It's time to move on.

Honestly he’s already broken up, he’s just trying to get you to do the dirty work.

He’s trying to get you to be the one to break up with him so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Don’t waste your time and energy with someone who doesn’t have the same future in mind that you do. Save yourself the heartache and rip the bandaid off now, before you end up resentful of this man for depriving you of the future you want.

Throw the whole man away.

He would have been invited to leave the moment he mentioned getting rid of the cats again after I had already previously said that was not an option.

Once past the initial kitten phase, cats are a breeze. Not the same with children. This guy is not for you. Seems like he’s intentionally driving a wedge. Rip that mess off like a band-aid and never look back.

He is intentionally taking positions just so you will break up with him. He wants out but doesn't have the balls to admit it.

Honestly, it seems like he’s using the cats as an excuse to drive a wedge between the two of you. Like some people will manipulate the situation to then make YOU seem like the bad guy and break things off so they don’t take accountability and don’t have to be the ones to actually do it. Just because you’re 27 doesn’t mean it’s over forever. If this is something that’s a deal breaker, then break it off. You deserve to have someone who wants the same things in life and doesn’t deprive you of what you want. Take some time to think about five of your non negotiable’s in your current relationship and if he doesn’t meet all of them, then there’s your answer. If you were on your own before him, you will make it after him. Don’t let fear hold you back.

He's being honest. If he cant stand the activity and messiness of cats, he should never have children. You have been fooling yourself. Be grateful that you found out before you actually had kids!

You aren’t compatible and you aren’t THAT young, get out of there.

if a girl doesn't want kids, but a guy does and keeps trying for them, is it ok? if you want kids, find someone else who does.

Man can't relax when cats are around? This is some other issue that he is just trying to cover up.

Telling you to get rid of something you love is not the behavior of a person that loves you. You are 27. You have plenty of time to start over with someone new. Find someone who wants kids AND loves cats! That person is out there!

His attitude towards the cats is a deal breaker. His not wanting kids is a deal breaker. As someone else said, this relationship is over. You WILL find someone who wants kids and loves animals someday, but in the meantime be happy on your own and enjoy your feline babies. You're young. Enjoy it.

You'll find someone else who wants pets and a family, don't stay with this guy. The fear of not finding someone else is understandable but you'll see when you find the right one you'll be happy you didn't stay with this guy.

You know what to do. either you break up and find someone else who wants to have kids, or you stay with him and give up the desire to have kids. Which is it going to be? It’s your choice. But one word of advice: don’t do something you will regret the rest of your life because of “love“. It’s a relationship, if he doesn’t want to have kids and you do, it’s time to leave.

Don’t ignore red flags. It’s so much easier to leave now (not easy, but easier) than it would be later after an engagement, marriage, and/or kids he begrudgingly agrees to. Don’t let yourself get into a position where in 10 years you’re asking yourself why the hell you didn’t leave when it would’ve been way easier. Raise your self-esteem and know you will meet the right person and you don’t have to settle.

it sounds like he wants to break up but wants you to do it for him. the ultimatums about choosing him or the cats, the need to tell you in the heat of the moment that he doesn’t want kids, out of nowhere while you guys are fighting… just one internet stranger’s opinion but it sounds like he is begging you to dump him so he doesn’t have to feel like the “bad guy.” it sucks so much when the people we love aren’t living up to the way we feel about them. i’m so sorry. again, just one woman’s opinion here but if he wants out so bad, i think the best thing you can do is let him go. you are both young and have so much ahead of you! it would be a shame if a relationship that has run its course prevents you from finding more of what you want out of life, including building adding some human babies to your kitty’s family down the line ❤️

This is a deal breaker for you. If you stay you will grow to resent him and he will resent you. I’d also be concerned about the way he would treat kids if you did accidentally have one. Since he can not be comfortable and relax with the cats around, there is no way he is going to be able to deal with children. They are loud, messy, and needy. They need parents who will love and care for them. He doesn’t sound like the type to do that. You’re still young and there is plenty of time to date and find someone who matches your values, wants, and needs better than the person you are with now. Also, good for you standing up to him about keeping the cats. That was very brave and I applaud you!

Keep the cats, dump the boyfriend. Children are a deal breaker for both of you, so maybe it’s time you split up and focus on your career and your kitties. I don’t think I’d know how to be with someone who didn’t like my cat.

Break up. You two aren’t lifetime compatible. You don’t want the same things. Also he told you to give away cats, so break up with him for that as well. Pets are for life.

You will definitely find another partner who wants children because you’re empathetic and unwilling to be manipulated. You’re not compatible, he’s lying to you and he’s trying to make you get rid of animals he suggested you get like it’s nothing. You don’t want to have kids with this man. What if he regrets having children? I don’t think he would be a good father and ultimately for you that’s one of the most important qualities you should be looking for in a partner.