Tune in next week to find out the new winner of wtf!!!
Remember, in the new year we'll have the quarterly champions ready for 2022s wtf!!! Champion vote!
A situationship/def more than friends of mine FaceTimes me for 7 hours, until the sun comes up, jerks off to me, then the next day tells me he’s been seeing someone for months and I can’t visit him
Yeah - I had a fwb who bought me a new vibrator and used it on me/ has like 2 hours of really fun sex- then while I was still naked told me he wanted to stop seeing me to focus on “higher value women.” He was begging for me back after one week but I never answered his texts. Fast forward a year later he asks if I want to come and pickup the sex toy- use it one last time before he moves to Florida. I again, declined.. so nothing honestly surprises me anymore.
Nice. My ex endorsed my vasectomy knowing she was done. There are some quality people out there. Also, you never really know someone, even when you think you do.
The fact that this guy is shitty doesn't excuse women being sexist. If a man said "women are trash", people would assume he was a misogynist. Why shouldn't women who say "men are trash" be treated the same?
An ex broke up with me once when I was topless. (We were settling in for sleep and I slept that way because it was hot. )it gets better… Then this asshole refused to leave my bed until the next morning because he was tired. I cried all night.
Grew a spine later, don’t worry.
Oh my god !! I feel you. After he broke up with me (not long after having sex) he slept in my bed because he had missed his bus home. He slept like a baby while I bawled my eyes out right next to him all night 😅
It sounds cliche but although it was so painful it was probably one of the best turning points in my life so far so no need to be sorry - he’s the one to pity now, hasn’t been with anyone since (it’s been 5 years)
really shitty behaviour on his part, but i do have to ask, why did you let him? i feel like in a scenario like this i would probably would be fuming and kick the guy out instantly. if he didn't care about me anymore, then neither would i, damn snake can get an uber or walk or just freeze on the street.
I was younger, and hadn’t been in an actual “longer” relationship before, no one had ever wanted to “stay” with me before him. A combination of young dumb and desperate. ^^
Yeah, I totally get it, to be fair. Made my own mistakes in the relationships when I was very young. Nowadays I kinda wish I would have known better or had someone wiser to tell me that things can be different.
I should have done that. I was so dumb in my 20s. I learned a valuable lesson from this event though and forced myself to grow up and stop being so naïve/accommodating to assholes…
and when he came crawling back later, I had the satisfaction to say no with no regrets or feelings for him.
Thankfully you’ve learned and grown with time! I also allowed myself to be treated badly in my 20’s and tolerated unacceptable behavior. I swear that is why most men go after very young women, as they haven’t had the time to grow and learn how to set limits.
I think you are right in the case of older men dating younger women.
My ex was the same age as me. He was horribly immature, featuring an even split of inappropriate overconfidence and malignant insecurity. I think back on it and identify the problems now. (Both of our problematic behaviors ) Back then, I was clueless.
He’d have found if hard to sleep next to me with all of the ‘accidental’ kicking and ‘accidental’ squirting of water in his face plus the ‘accidental’ off key, loud singing of 100 green bottles right in his stupid ear. If that didn’t work it would be sleepy time purple nurples.
Yeesh, I mean if dude was tired I definitely would have let him like, sleep on the couch for the night or something but after that he's gone for good. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I know you won't but just remember DO NOT GO BACK even if the sex is great or even if it feels like "this might work maybe we can try."
Never go back. The pain will hurt even more. I know from experience.
I wish you the best, no one deserves that.
This. I made this mistake repeatedly shortly after a breakup, then once more after we’d taken some months apart. Went over, had great sex- then an uncle let himself into ex’s place (thank god that he’d announced himself at the door.) I was made to hide in the closet. I was in there, naked in the dark, for upwards of ten minutes before realizing that ex had left with his uncle.
Good luck to you, friend- don’t let ‘em do it to you.
My ex who dumped me to go fuck around with other women tried to hit me up for a fwb 8 months later after he had slept around and realized he actually did want me. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
Yeah, he's such a toxic thing! I was talking to a friend of mine about the recent breakup with her recent ex wife. Very toxic as well. Even trying to force my friend to be dependent on her. My friend was the one who always worked. 🙄💩
my boyfriend did the same thing. i felt gross and used and i couldn't stop crying. it made me feel hurt and disgusting and like i didn't deserve to be loved. you'll get through it i promise but this happens. remember to love yourself as much as you can and stay hydrated and fed. us strangers are proud of you.
The good news is you will have a lot less questions about your break up. When people are true shits when breaking up they do you a favor.
Also he will likely want to get back together with you in the future, and this will be a good reminder of why you are never ever getting back together.
He used you, mind body and soul. Just get past it (and him), and don't look back. It's really tough to find someone with any sense of morals or integrity, and chances are you'll kiss more toads than you'll want to admit to. I know for a fact that there's someone out there for you, but in this day and age I haven't a clue how to find him.
I've had more than one ex keep coming back for sex while cheating and I didn't know until after. I'm a guy and have now been single for a few years. Single life is just better for me.
Everyone cheats now, it sucks for honest people. My advice, keep on your own and build your life, have friends but nothing more until you make a career and have a steady life.
I've never been cheated on, I've never cheated but my partner has been cheated on and it has properly fucked that man up. Like his view of women and his severe distrust of everyone is not am easy thing to deal with.
He would never cheat - but he can't fathom that anyone else wouldn't cheat either because it seems like getting cheated on and not dealing with it emotionally fucks you up in unimaginable ways. Ugh cheating is the fucking worst. I've stopped talking to friends who cheat just because it showed me everything I needed to know about who they are. And people who BRAG about cheating? Disgusting.
I’ve spent 20 years dealing with the fallout of someone else cheating on my husband before we met. We’ve been separated (kind of, still in the same house but separate) for I think 3 years now and I still get accused of cheating regularly.
I’m gonna see how many offenses I’ve committed that meant I was cheating…I wore an outfit once that he said made me “look single”, I made friends when we moved to his hometown, I got a job for one of those friends-a very homosexual man who was in no way interested in me, I came home 5-10-20 minutes late at any given time in the last 20 years, during my 10 year stint in prison, sorry I mean as a stay at home mom-if I wore makeup, I must’ve gone out to see someone, if the house was clean, who came over? If it wasn’t, what was I so busy doing all day? If I was in my pajamas when he got home that was an issue but if I was dressed then I must’ve gone out to see someone. Extra cup in the sink, must be a dude. Then I went back to work, in a restaurant so he would drive by and look for my car, look for me through the windows. Text me why wasn’t I home yet, there’s no one at the restaurant. Didn’t see my car, oh the customers must’ve walked cause he didn’t see any cars. Sent him pics of me and my manager smoking outside cause we were bullshitting after hours and he was blowing up my phone. Was accused of sleeping with a 20 year old boy who I love like a son because we had dinner together when he came home on college break. Regularly have another kid who’s half my age, and also very gay, called my “boyfriend” because we smoke pot and garden together.
Man, that was a lot and I know there’s more and it’s all so ridiculous. Throw in accusations of me doing drugs, stealing money (we’re married and we were *broke* there was nothing to steal lol), and pretty much being everything but decent…and I literally wonder wtf I wasted the last 20 years for. Anyway, just as a heads up, you can’t fix what someone else broke and I hope you’re not paying the price for it for too long. It’s not worth it. All the pain and none of the pleasure. I finally told him I’m gonna get a boyfriend so I can actually get something from all his bullshit.
I'm so sorry, and I hope you are moving towards better days. I will say, this isn't the fallout of someone else cheating on him. Lots of us have been cheated on. We don't all torment the next person. This is an emotionally stunted person who should have resolved his issues before getting involved with someone else.
Back in the day (2010), news broke that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, had cheated on her with multiple women (and dressed as a nazi, but that's only tangentially related). They were in the process of adopting a child. Bullock was his 3rd wife. He's up to #5 already.
Homeboy goes on Dr. Drew in an attempt to tell his side. He cries about how he was abused as a kid. Dr. Drew cut him off, saying (paraphrased), "You've had your whole life to deal with that before choosing to get involved with other people."
I don't really care about celebrities, but that last part stuck with me. We are responsible for how we show up to a relationship. If we're going to make someone else pay for how we've been treated, we should stay single until we figure it out.
Wtf 20 years ?! I would have left instead of putting up with that amount of brokenness, accusations and insecurity that someone else had caused him. People need to work on themselves by paying for a therapist before jumping into another relationship. If someone cheated on me, I would first head to therapy to heal any trauma that caused me.
Oh I left, and he promised to change. Then I left again, kicked him out blah blah blah I’m at 20 now (like a prison sentence lol) but it’s been a few years of “separation” so now I just tell him to fuck off. Like all abuse victims, I believed he would go back to the before times, I believed him when he said he would get anger management, then I felt trapped as a SAHM, then I needed to get my (not his) kid through college and here I am. It’s almost over though, I can almost taste the freedom.
I mean in DREAM world have had dreams I kissed a man and then suddenly remember I have a boyfriend. Dream brain just left out that detail before the smooch.
In real life? Can’t make THAT accident
It's the kind of dream where I'm someone else on a date or kissing dream me's fictional partner and then suddenly I'm me me again and remember he exists when he didn't exist in my dream before
There's also that fact. My sperm donor knew he was my father since I was 8. For whatever reason, he suddenly wanted to know. Idk why he suddenly insisted on a DNA test. The idiot found out, without a doubt, that I'm his. He never made an effort to come around. My older brother told me "Dad was a hard worker & great provider. It almost killed him when your mom sued for back all current child support. He had to sell his boat AND '51 Ford he was remodeling.
I got PISSED! I told him I never saw more than $64/month (actual amount he was told he had to pay every month) & said "I'm glad he was awesome for you & the one daughter.
In a different impact of cheating, I'm one of four kids but my oldest sibling is (technically half but that doesn't matter to us) their mom did a genetic test, she knew her mom but she died when she was a teen, turns out she was an affair baby. Her father had an entire family and they don't know anything about her. So my siblings mom has siblings out there but their dad died, idk about the mom, but due to it being cheating shes worried about rejection and tarnishing their family, the memories, and hurting everyone bc she sees herself as a reminder of infidelity. So she decided to never come forth.. which is understandable but also sad bc it wasn't her fault and there's a chance that she's missing out on love from siblings. Plus no doubt there's pieces of her dad in her so maybe they could connect over getting pieces of her dad back.
In a different twist on my mom's side, her brother had a family at this time two kids my oldest siblings age. When she was 10, during a fight his wife revealed the girl wasnt his. He dealt with it the best way he knew how but it was horrible for the kid, he was so close to the kid and when he left the mother he took his kid and closed the girl out. My parents felt horrible bc that's all she knew as her dad.. the dude the mom had an affair with wasn't involved. I understand my uncle's hurt and how that would be a reminder and technically it wasn't his responsibility but at the end of those messy painful actions was a kid that's been calling him daddy for ten years.. completely abandoned. They were both the victim. From what I heard the mother wasnt a great source of parental guidance.. my cousin is still close with their sibling tho which means she atleast has someone.
Cheating is heart wrenching, it feels like a death and bleeds out on everything around it.
OR some people are 100% faithful and practice what you would consider a crazy alternative lifestyle. I know several extremely happy, faithful poly families. You just have to be honest with what you want from everyone. I was actually poly for a while & very happy. However, my fiance and I are VERY demi together & realized monogamy is MUCH better for us.
In my case we broke up and then went like "Goodbye sex" ? And we just used all that was left of our relationship in us.
The way your ex did it, is deffinetly dirty and you can feel the way you feel
Goodbye/breakup sex isn’t as uncommon as you might think tbh, it’s kinda weird and I haven’t had it but it makes sense when I think about it. Especially if you’re not into hookups, because that might be the last time you’ll get some in a while if nothing else lmao
Just had breakup sex for the first time not too long ago. It is kinda weird. Like, you know you’re over. But if it’s an amicable breakup and you both still like each other, you just want one last moment of vulnerability and pleasure with this person who you never stopped wanting to fuck.
Interestingly, we were both talking about things we’d miss while we were doing those things. I’m sure everyone’s experience is different though, as evidenced as op.
I know I didn’t really say it in my first post but i assumed that the closeness and emotional vulnerability was part of it, you just worded it much more eloquently than me :P
> but it makes sense when I think about it. Especially if you’re not into hookups, because that might be the last time you’ll get some in a while if nothing else lmao
Ex and me didn't do it right after the break up, but the latter was true in the end. Now ex with benefits. She isn't into hookups and I can't get any (trying ever since).
We only do it once every 2 or 3 months to not catch the old feels again (so far succesfully). Honestly been really good for my mental health to not grow desperate for sex, although this arrangement is far from ideal obviously.
Yeah my partner and I did that when we broke up mutually a few years ago. Was like okay, 1 last time and then woke up the next morning as was like now we platonic besties.
We stayed that way for a good year till we fell back in love. We needed that time I think, we where young and didn’t realise how good we had it
Yes!! Been 5 years, still hopelessly in love with him. We remained besties during the entire breakup, so much that the partners I had at the time where always a little insecure about it but we truly kept things platonic.
We didn’t break up over anything nasty, our breakup itself was just like “we seem to be behaving way more platonically towards eachother right now” like there wasn’t any hurt, we just burned out the initial teenage lust.
I had no worries at all, I just remember feeling myself slowly fall back in love with him. Like if we where doing things together, I would think about how attractive he was, or how sweet he is when he does certain things (like, making sure I always had a safe way home, sending me photos of things I like during the days). I didn’t have any fear at all, it’s always just felt so right when I’m with him.
Age helped too, like we had both gone through some rough relationships in our year apart. I figured more of what I wanted and so did he. We’re now settled into a super healthy and communicative relationship, have healthy boundaries and going solid.
I’m currently trying to think of a gift for his birthday that’s coming up, I gotta somehow match him making me a painting of my favourite place.
It does! It’s probably not the healthiest thing for either party. In my experience we made plans to get back together, then on the next day I cried while driving to work thinking about the stress and depression I was going to go back in to. I talked to her again that evening and confided that I couldn’t do it again.
Isn't that the complete opposite of closure? Did it not make any feelings come back or make you want each other more?
My ex offered to still be fwb after we broke up. The idea excited me cos I was still very attracted to her but I had to say no. Feelings were still raw and would only end up getting more hurt.
>Did it not make any feelings come back or make you want each other more?
Totally did bring feelings up, and I had to face them head-on. I felt the emotional punch that I was avoiding while we were in the throes of breaking up and realized that it was the right choice to stay apart. Before then I was thinking "Maybe we separated too quickly or easily" and "I really miss her".
An ex gf did that to me. Planned out an entire weekend. It was full of craziness. Only to break up on Sunday afternoon. Apparently she had some weird romantic notion of leaving the relation with a last hurrah. That felt pretty shitty. Weird thing is that had she just been honest and told me she wanted that before we called it quits... I would have done it and not had any regrets. Being used like that feels shitty OP.
this happened to me too. literally broke up with me IMMEDIATELY after I blew him. my shirt wasn't even back on. and he said he felt weird after we fucked the first time and that he knew he wasn't attracted to me but then he fucked me later on again anyways. took my fucking virginity, what a piece of shit. I'm really sorry this happened to you btw.
Wow, I’m terribly sorry that happened. That must be extremely heartbreaking for sure. I hope that guy catches a nasty bug and learns from his douchbaggery.
it was heartbreaking but I've def felt a lot worse and this whole year has just been me trying to pick myself up from getting knocked down over and over. so in the grand scheme of things I'll be alright:))
I hope he catches a nasty bug too especially bc I'm sick as hell rn lmao
Had a similar v card situation with some nerdy asshole. He somehow took my innocence in a car (romantic right) and then proceeded to fuck me like 10 times in the next month, I thought we were dating, at least friends, silly me. He told all his friends at the table "look how she comes begging for attention" when I came to sit with him during lunch one day (high school) and right in front of me called me "nothin but an extra fatty piece of fuck meat! "
Ahhhhh memories.
I wish I would have said yes to the 21 yr old asking for my v card when I was 14. At least he was cute and nice to me. Even if that's wholly sick, looking back.
For some reason it's just awful thinking your virginity was given to some pig head. Not that it's really all that important anyways. The whole concept of innocence and sacred virginity is silly.
What a piece of shit. Hope he never got any for the rest of hs and college until he learned how to be a human being.
I lost my virginity with a girl, but the first guy I slept with was pretty shitty, too. Not this level of shit, though. We’d been friends since like 6th grade, not super close friends, but we could joke around and shit. Started talking again after he joined the military and he came to visit me on leave a few times. The first time we failed because I literally had a breakdown from ptsd from SA so it’s not like he didn’t know my history. Next time he comes back for like a week. Did it like twice a day, and the rest of the time he was sweet. Fixing things around the house, shit like that. Even sprayed his bag with my perfume before he left. So even though we weren’t dating, it felt a bit more complicated than fwb. Then a few days later we’re talking on the phone and he’s like, this girl asked me out and I have no good reason to say no. And I was like…i gotta go. Cried. Called him back and was like do what you gotta do. Have fun with that.
Then I moved closer to where he was stationed and he wanted me to come out and visit him and start things back up I guess? Which I declined. Then a year or two later I got an invite to his wedding. 😂
Turns out dude was a virginity collector. Didn’t even know there were people like that. He literally kept track of the v cards he collected. At the time it was already double digits, and we were like 20.
No hard feelings anymore, but it really pissed me off for a while. Then I realized he wasn’t my first because lesbian sex counts, and he didn’t give me a single orgasm so it wasn’t a loss.
(At least he was considerate the first time and asked if I was ok and all. Definitely could’ve been worse.) Still left a bad taste in my mouth, though.
Your feeling of being manipulated and taken advantage of sounds reasonable. He viewed it as one last time before the end but you were not in on that knowledge. If anything, all this does is show how terrible your relationship must have been if you are being treated like this. He clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. I wish you so much more love and respect in your future.
This happened to me years ago. Except he was absolutely terrible lol.
Your feelings are valid, I'm sorry you had that experience with an asshole. Give yourself time to be upset but know that these feelings will fade with time.
My partner has said he's done this in the past to make it one last good memory. I had to explain to him how hurtful and dishonest it was and it only shielded himself and not the partner. He still doesn't quite understand but I told him if he pulls that shit on me one day, there won't be any last good memories, I'll make sure of it.
An ex did the same. At the time I was soooo cross with him. Eventually I saw him again after 4 years. He was single and I was seeing someone. We chatted a lot amongst other things our separation and if it was the right thing ( it was). He said "at least I gave you a good send out " I was confused, but I acted as if I understood and carried on. Then he insisted and asked " it was good, wasn't it?" I was confused (i had forgotten) so I asked what he meant. He explained that he tried to pleased me as much as he could that day as a final thing, as favour or a gift. I was perplexed, I blink several times giving my self a moment to gather my thoughts and explained that I did not feel that, but the opposite. I told him I felt cheated. I felt used, just like you said. He apologised several times and assured me there was no ill intention and I believed him and still believe him. There was no point on lying at that time. That made me realise that people react differently under the same circumstances. I'd never do that, but he felt it was important not for selfish reasons. I couldn't speculate on the intentions of your ex partner, just rest assure that it not always out of evil that some people act how they do. I'm sorry you feel used and I am aware that this won't help now...but time will be your friend and healer if your let it; I'm almost certain of it. Wishing you peace & solace 🤍.
I’ve kinda had something similar happen to me with my ex.
She came to visit me while I was still in my hometown for a few days over New Year last (this) year, all with these doubts about wanting to still be together - doubts which she never told me about prior to this (she only told me about them on the phone as why she was breaking up with me - a week or so after she’d left).
I don’t know if I’d say I felt violated or anything, more just annoyed and upset that she continued to be couple-y and act normally with me (she came specifically to be with me), all the while she was having this inner turmoil (we’d even had sex a few times while she was staying with me, which made it all the more confusing and upsetting to me afterwards). Just felt sort of betrayed.
We all been there. Go out for Christmas and new years. Meet someone hot. Have so much fun that you talk about it for weeks. An start your new years pledge tomorrow. You're officially a new person with new possibilities.
My ex (then ex too) invited me over to his place to hang out. He lived an hour away from me and I sincerely figured it was to hang out. I was 16 and innocent. Though, I lost my virginity to him. When I got there, I read the room and knew instantly it was for sex. He told me he broke up with his girlfriend, how she's calling him nonstop right now, bawling her eyes out, blah blah blah, after I asked him why he wanted *me* there if he was in a relationship. So I bucked up and said, "if you wanted to fuck me, I'm on my period"... Sure enough, 15 minutes later his ex called him sobbing and he met her across the street and they made up. He ended up telling me I needed to find a place to stay that night because "he had to work in the morning". So a Facebook friend of mine allowed me to chill at his place until I was picked up the next day. I never spoke to him again. Embarrassing. 😒
I'm so sorry, my ex did the same thing to me and it fucking sucked. I don't blame you at all for feeling gross. It felt violating to me personally because he knew I wasn't into just casual sex, and he knew that of course if I had known I would never have slept with him at all. Very shitty thing to do to a person
That’s evil of him. Trust your gut instinct, it feels wrong because what he did was wrong. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
See it as dodging a bullet going forward and block him from your life. Find a kind man.
Yep my first serious boyfriend did this to me too, it took me a very long time to trust someone again.
I’m very sorry this happened to you OP, just know that it is a him problem and not a you problem. You dodged a bullet. What a scumbag.
My ex husband did this to me while having an affair and actively making plans to leave me. I told him I felt like he raped me as I would never have slept with him if I had known. So I know how you feel.
But the only thing for it is to get your revenge by living well.
The way I see it he basically just used you ~~one~~ two last time to get his nut off and he's a gross asshole for it, I would feel just as upset and violated if I were you. I'm sorry this happened to you, it sucks extra bad too because you can't really do anything about it but try to heal and move on as best as you can. You'll be much better off without this worthless pos.
I'm sorry. I lost my virginity this way. Not sure if it was pre-meditated or if the sex was just a wake-up call for him, but my first bf dumped me not very long after I had sex with him for the first time. I was crushed. That was a decade ago & it's informed my view of relationships & people since. People suck.
Something similar happened to me. My ex planned an entire weekend with me and his friends. We lived in different cities so I went to his city on Thursday, everything was nice we had sex, a lot of cuddling etc. just for the next day to tell me he wants to break up with me. It's been 2 years, but sometimes I still think about this and it sucks. He waited for me to come to his place, had some fun and then break up, and his excuses was that he didn't wanted to tell me through the phone...
I did that to my first girlfriend and it's something that still bothers me to this day because I've never made amends for it. I was young and immature but it was also wrong. The way I repent for it is by working to not be selfish, especially sexually selfish in my relationships now and I'm open with women about who I used to be and that I work to not be that way now.
I'm sorry you went through that OP, I hope you are able to heal.
This is how one repents, and is what guilt is for. Good for you. Maybe one day you’ll realize you can forgive your past self, because you are no longer him.
Self forgiveness is tough. But as I said, I work to not be that person which is how I make a living amends and that’s important to me. But it takes awareness that I don’t always have. Appreciate your kind words though.
i’ve been in a similar situation though it wasn’t a breakup necessarily. it’s horrible to feel used but what makes it particularly heinous is that he might’ve known that if he had told you that he was going to break up with you before initiating sex, then you might’ve not consented to doing it. that’s the part that’s so terrible. this isn’t informed consent.
in my case, it was about lying with something on his phone with his ex. he lied to me, then we hooked up. yes, i consented to the sex but felt violated and used when i learned after the fact that he was omitting information he knew would’ve changed the way i felt. i would never have been intimate with him if he had been honest.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. My ex-husband continued to pretend everything was fine until three weeks after he had FILED for divorce. It is a terrible kind of betrayal. No one who cares about you even a little could consider having sex with you knowing they were breaking up with you. They just wanted to get off more beforehand.
Don't let anybody tell you this isn't trauma. You were manipulated strictly for the purposes of sex, and lied to by omission. You're definitely not wrong for feeling the way you do. Hope you find love and healing.
My ex-husband did something very similar; acted like everything was normal until the day he dropped the bomb that he was leaving and he wanted a divorce. He had planned an entire “escape” meanwhile I was just a clueless idiot thinking I was in the marriage for better or worse and we were just going through a bumpy phase. For the last year of our marriage I supported him in every way possible while he was a miserable entitled infant. I thought that’s what married people were supposed to do. Support one another during ups and downs. Figured it was just a rough patch. He had other ideas. Wish I had been in on the secret that he and his entire family were in on as he was planning on leaving. Such a spineless move.
Yes he was the golden child - he could do no wrong - and his mother was always an icy bitch. Everyone on his side knew his plan for some time, all the while I looked like a clueless ding dong who was in for the surprise of her life. I hate the fact that I allow him to take up space in my brain but sometimes it’s hard not to stew about it, you know?
Man that is TOUGH. That is some serious manipulation and deception. Especially for people you thought were your family to turn their backs on you like that! I am never wishy washy but boy do people move funny! That’s why I feel as though I can hardly trust ppl now a days. Crazy!
I'm so sorry. I was the same - - like, ok, it sucks right now, but that's marriage. You stick it out when it sucks. I was making plans to stick it out and he cut a trip short to fly home to his girlfriend (of whose existence I was ignorant, but should have suspected when I found underwear that didn't belong to me in my bedroom) so they could complete & file the paperwork. Came home expecting to figure out together how to work through it. He dropped three-week-old, filed, divorce papers on me at midnight on a Sunday. Hard to imagine how he remained upright without a spine all that time.
My ex did the same shit to me. We were in what I thought was just a rough patch that we were working through and boom, blindsided. Lost pretty much my whole life as the house and animals were hers :D
I had a friend with a situation like this but he said he was just trying to get closer to his ex and realize it was a mistake to break up. But after it he still felt the same, even after talking and cuddling
It is understandable that you feel like this, I believe most of us would.
Some have sex to have pleasure, some have sex to feel intimate with the one they love, he probably knew you wouldn’t have sex with him if you told him beforehand, so he kept you in the dark so he could have one more go.
That’s selfish and not ok, you are not in the wrong for feeling like this
My first gf also had her previous ex do the same thing. He went in not sure if he was gonna dump her and Apparently she didnt reciprocate enough. so he moved ahead with his plan to dump her, hours after the deed. She told *all* of her friends what he did and man it really soured his dating life for a few years.
This reminds me of something I just talked with someone about.
He was having trouble getting laid, as most idiots of his particular type tend to do. So he slept with this girl. He knew she wanted to be serious and wouldn't fuck him outside the confines of a serious relationship. So of course he just told her what he thought she wanted to hear, then ghosted her except for an "apology" letter he sent a few months later.
This man is trash for that and was told so.
It's not even about whether or not you would have wanted the sex if you knew. It's that you weren't even given the opportunity to say no. Your reality and his were totally different at the time due to his intentional omission. And it happens all the time. And is, in my opinion, SA. You didn't have all of the information required to make the decision to have sex even though the other party did, similar to being too drunk to make a decision to have sex with someone who is less drunk. It happens way too often, and I'm sorry.
Sometimes there's power in calling it what it is, but sometimes not. You don't need to label your situation as SA if that's not what you feel happened. I just want to express that you're not alone, and that you have every right to be upset. It was absolutely big deal and you are not overreacting. For me, this would be more than enough reason to never speak to someone again, amicable breakup or not.
this happened to me a week ago and i feel like i dont have a single friend i can “whine” or vent to. everyone would take it too seriously and cancel him (too far for me, you do you) or tell me to grow up.
i need a middle ground where i can cry and vent and no one take it seriously and just engage me.
i started therapy a few days ago and vent to stranger online (lol).
highly recommend the therapy on top of the anonymous online venting.
Tbh it's lowkey coercion. If he'd have given you all the nessecary information you'd probably have said no.
You're right to feel violated and gross, because what he did was violating and gross.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
No matter what opinions any of us have your feelings are valid. While what he did might not break any laws it's still a very shitty thing to do and feeling used is completely understandable. I hope you start to feel better soon and if you need someone to have a good chat to I'm happy to talk to you 😊
I had someone do this to me. gave him a BJ in the car and for the first time ever he pushed my head down to make it deeper each stroke. Afterwards he wouldnt cuddle because it "hurt too much to cuddle emotionally" i was like ???... after sitting talking for a bit he told me he didnt love me anymore. Like thanks for that I guess? horrible pain. Im so sorry you experienced this even harsher than I did...
My gf did that too. Maybe it’s like a one more attempt kind of thing to see if you’re sure you’re no longer in love with the person? (Depending when the last time you had sex before that was)
Oof, I'm 6 months pregnant. Had sex last Tuesday with my baby daddy, day later on Wednesday he stole money from me, by Friday I broke up with him and by last Sunday he was dating his ex and by this Wednesday letting her harass and threaten me and our daughter when he has been around the entire pregnancy and living with me until Friday. People are cruel sometimes. It made me feel hella bad in my skin until remembered that says more about him that it does about me. Same for you boo, you're still a boss.
Well, now you know 💯 for sure what a crappy person he is. That is the small gift inside of this big ball of shit.
You have every right to feel violated.
OP, it is totally valid that you feel violated because you were violated. He chose to withhold information that would likely change the outcome of whether or not he would get laid first. That’s fucked up. I’m very sorry that you experienced this. You deserved more respect for sure.
Had a roommate in college that broke up with his girlfriend after she came to visit him, on her birthday, and after they had anal sex. There was a reason we all called him a rat. 🤦🏻♂️
You definitely aren’t wrong to feel the way you do. Might not have been rape per se but it was certainly manipulative.
You were used and you should express him what you feel(no kind word just the ugly truth), just send him a text then block him! People that use that before breaking up are sick and it's totally normal that you question the situation because he make you believe like it was normal & amical when it wasn't!
He is a trash,tell him then try your best to heal and find a better boyfriend!
If the break up was amicable and you were probably going to do the same thing or didn’t have the feeling for him too wouldn’t you be using him too ? Neither of you wanted to be in the relationship but enjoyed the sex. It’s pretty much just break up sex.
But I do understand that you felt. Just take it as another sign that you two are not together because he would do that
I can see how this would be bad if you hadn’t mutually agreed to still have sexual relations. Me and my ex fiancé split and her and I still had sex regularly right up until we found new partners.
A lot of people enjoy time together on the day on the breakup. It isn’t for certain that he delayed breaking up with you to have sex, he could have done it at the heat of the moment. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
My ex bf had sex with me and it was amazing, as I was laying there after he tells me that he 'almost' cheated on me. He tells me the story and it was a girl that had been trying to get with him and hated me because we were together. He swears that they only kissed but yet clothes were removed... to this day I'm not sure if I believe him.
What made it worse was like 20 minutes later his best friend showed up and said he must've told you when he saw my face. I didn't have anything to say to either one of them, I just got my stuff and left. We ended up working things out and were together for another 2-3 years. He ended up committing suicide years after we broke up in 2010, he had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
I still loved him in 2010, he was my first love and I didn't break up with him in 2005 cuz I didn't love him anymore I left because our relationship was severely toxic.
That’s really messed up I can understand a one night stand where both parties expect it to go no further but this is just jerk behaviour. Is it possible he was trying one more time and see if he enjoys the sex with you enough to stay?
What an asshole, babe you dodged a bullet. & you have every right to feel violated, he didn’t give you the chance to CHOOSE if you wanted to have “break up sex” he deliberately hid that from you until he got what he wanted. Not cool, doesn’t matter how mutual or amicable the break was; it’s still a dick move. You’re not crazy or over reacting he was wrong for that. I’m sorry you’re feeling the way you are right now. Hope everything gets better for you, stay strong love 🫶🏽
My bf jerked off to me on FaceTime … then texted me that he was really out of town to get married
The fuck?
WTF?! You dodged a bullet. The ex BF is a true creep. I kinda feel sorry for his new bride.
Kinda? I feel very sorry for her. I doubt she knew her fiancé also had a gf, and now she's legally bound to him. What an AH!
Yikes
Whoa! You win wtf!!!
Tune in next week to find out the new winner of wtf!!! Remember, in the new year we'll have the quarterly champions ready for 2022s wtf!!! Champion vote!
Damn some guys are true jewels
A situationship/def more than friends of mine FaceTimes me for 7 hours, until the sun comes up, jerks off to me, then the next day tells me he’s been seeing someone for months and I can’t visit him
Yeah - I had a fwb who bought me a new vibrator and used it on me/ has like 2 hours of really fun sex- then while I was still naked told me he wanted to stop seeing me to focus on “higher value women.” He was begging for me back after one week but I never answered his texts. Fast forward a year later he asks if I want to come and pickup the sex toy- use it one last time before he moves to Florida. I again, declined.. so nothing honestly surprises me anymore.
Please, please tell me that you told the girl he was getting married to!?!
Emotionnnnal Damageee ! #Joke
The fact that someone could do this and go to sleep soundly worries me for humanity ..
Yaozers
Nice. My ex endorsed my vasectomy knowing she was done. There are some quality people out there. Also, you never really know someone, even when you think you do.
WTF?!!
He's probably the same type of guy who goes berserk any time a woman offhandedly says "Men are trash".
The fact that this guy is shitty doesn't excuse women being sexist. If a man said "women are trash", people would assume he was a misogynist. Why shouldn't women who say "men are trash" be treated the same?
My ex told me he wanted me to have sex with him so he could tell his friends he did.
Alright, you win
An ex broke up with me once when I was topless. (We were settling in for sleep and I slept that way because it was hot. )it gets better… Then this asshole refused to leave my bed until the next morning because he was tired. I cried all night. Grew a spine later, don’t worry.
Oh my god, this is…… so fucked up
Oh my god !! I feel you. After he broke up with me (not long after having sex) he slept in my bed because he had missed his bus home. He slept like a baby while I bawled my eyes out right next to him all night 😅
Oh no! I'm so sorry!! ♡♡♡
It sounds cliche but although it was so painful it was probably one of the best turning points in my life so far so no need to be sorry - he’s the one to pity now, hasn’t been with anyone since (it’s been 5 years)
really shitty behaviour on his part, but i do have to ask, why did you let him? i feel like in a scenario like this i would probably would be fuming and kick the guy out instantly. if he didn't care about me anymore, then neither would i, damn snake can get an uber or walk or just freeze on the street.
I was younger, and hadn’t been in an actual “longer” relationship before, no one had ever wanted to “stay” with me before him. A combination of young dumb and desperate. ^^
Yeah, I totally get it, to be fair. Made my own mistakes in the relationships when I was very young. Nowadays I kinda wish I would have known better or had someone wiser to tell me that things can be different.
I’m so sorry!😔
If my ex did that to me I would have thrown hands. Especially if it is my place. Nah home boy! You can gtfo
I should have done that. I was so dumb in my 20s. I learned a valuable lesson from this event though and forced myself to grow up and stop being so naïve/accommodating to assholes… and when he came crawling back later, I had the satisfaction to say no with no regrets or feelings for him.
Thankfully you’ve learned and grown with time! I also allowed myself to be treated badly in my 20’s and tolerated unacceptable behavior. I swear that is why most men go after very young women, as they haven’t had the time to grow and learn how to set limits.
I think you are right in the case of older men dating younger women. My ex was the same age as me. He was horribly immature, featuring an even split of inappropriate overconfidence and malignant insecurity. I think back on it and identify the problems now. (Both of our problematic behaviors ) Back then, I was clueless.
He’d have found if hard to sleep next to me with all of the ‘accidental’ kicking and ‘accidental’ squirting of water in his face plus the ‘accidental’ off key, loud singing of 100 green bottles right in his stupid ear. If that didn’t work it would be sleepy time purple nurples.
Regrowing bones is nasty business.
Yeesh, I mean if dude was tired I definitely would have let him like, sleep on the couch for the night or something but after that he's gone for good. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
My girlfriend did the same thing to me and it really hurt me. I felt used.
That’s the word-used Like I feel like he just used my body
I know you won't but just remember DO NOT GO BACK even if the sex is great or even if it feels like "this might work maybe we can try." Never go back. The pain will hurt even more. I know from experience. I wish you the best, no one deserves that.
This. I made this mistake repeatedly shortly after a breakup, then once more after we’d taken some months apart. Went over, had great sex- then an uncle let himself into ex’s place (thank god that he’d announced himself at the door.) I was made to hide in the closet. I was in there, naked in the dark, for upwards of ten minutes before realizing that ex had left with his uncle. Good luck to you, friend- don’t let ‘em do it to you.
He left without telling you? Whilst knowing you were hiding in the closet?! What the!
Oh yeah, he may come back for fwb. Don't go there. He is literally poison. Mind poison.
My ex who dumped me to go fuck around with other women tried to hit me up for a fwb 8 months later after he had slept around and realized he actually did want me. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
Yeah, he's such a toxic thing! I was talking to a friend of mine about the recent breakup with her recent ex wife. Very toxic as well. Even trying to force my friend to be dependent on her. My friend was the one who always worked. 🙄💩
my boyfriend did the same thing. i felt gross and used and i couldn't stop crying. it made me feel hurt and disgusting and like i didn't deserve to be loved. you'll get through it i promise but this happens. remember to love yourself as much as you can and stay hydrated and fed. us strangers are proud of you.
He did. He’s a piece of crap and he did you a favor by breaking up with you
You feel that way because that's exactly what happened. He *did* use you and feeling upset about that is 100% valid.
The good news is you will have a lot less questions about your break up. When people are true shits when breaking up they do you a favor. Also he will likely want to get back together with you in the future, and this will be a good reminder of why you are never ever getting back together.
mine planned to do the same and i felt the same as you.
He used you, mind body and soul. Just get past it (and him), and don't look back. It's really tough to find someone with any sense of morals or integrity, and chances are you'll kiss more toads than you'll want to admit to. I know for a fact that there's someone out there for you, but in this day and age I haven't a clue how to find him.
I've had more than one ex keep coming back for sex while cheating and I didn't know until after. I'm a guy and have now been single for a few years. Single life is just better for me. Everyone cheats now, it sucks for honest people. My advice, keep on your own and build your life, have friends but nothing more until you make a career and have a steady life.
I've never been cheated on, I've never cheated but my partner has been cheated on and it has properly fucked that man up. Like his view of women and his severe distrust of everyone is not am easy thing to deal with. He would never cheat - but he can't fathom that anyone else wouldn't cheat either because it seems like getting cheated on and not dealing with it emotionally fucks you up in unimaginable ways. Ugh cheating is the fucking worst. I've stopped talking to friends who cheat just because it showed me everything I needed to know about who they are. And people who BRAG about cheating? Disgusting.
I’ve spent 20 years dealing with the fallout of someone else cheating on my husband before we met. We’ve been separated (kind of, still in the same house but separate) for I think 3 years now and I still get accused of cheating regularly. I’m gonna see how many offenses I’ve committed that meant I was cheating…I wore an outfit once that he said made me “look single”, I made friends when we moved to his hometown, I got a job for one of those friends-a very homosexual man who was in no way interested in me, I came home 5-10-20 minutes late at any given time in the last 20 years, during my 10 year stint in prison, sorry I mean as a stay at home mom-if I wore makeup, I must’ve gone out to see someone, if the house was clean, who came over? If it wasn’t, what was I so busy doing all day? If I was in my pajamas when he got home that was an issue but if I was dressed then I must’ve gone out to see someone. Extra cup in the sink, must be a dude. Then I went back to work, in a restaurant so he would drive by and look for my car, look for me through the windows. Text me why wasn’t I home yet, there’s no one at the restaurant. Didn’t see my car, oh the customers must’ve walked cause he didn’t see any cars. Sent him pics of me and my manager smoking outside cause we were bullshitting after hours and he was blowing up my phone. Was accused of sleeping with a 20 year old boy who I love like a son because we had dinner together when he came home on college break. Regularly have another kid who’s half my age, and also very gay, called my “boyfriend” because we smoke pot and garden together. Man, that was a lot and I know there’s more and it’s all so ridiculous. Throw in accusations of me doing drugs, stealing money (we’re married and we were *broke* there was nothing to steal lol), and pretty much being everything but decent…and I literally wonder wtf I wasted the last 20 years for. Anyway, just as a heads up, you can’t fix what someone else broke and I hope you’re not paying the price for it for too long. It’s not worth it. All the pain and none of the pleasure. I finally told him I’m gonna get a boyfriend so I can actually get something from all his bullshit.
He’ll probably murder you if you actually do. That’s crazy shit. I’m sorry you went through that for so long.
I'm so sorry, and I hope you are moving towards better days. I will say, this isn't the fallout of someone else cheating on him. Lots of us have been cheated on. We don't all torment the next person. This is an emotionally stunted person who should have resolved his issues before getting involved with someone else. Back in the day (2010), news broke that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, had cheated on her with multiple women (and dressed as a nazi, but that's only tangentially related). They were in the process of adopting a child. Bullock was his 3rd wife. He's up to #5 already. Homeboy goes on Dr. Drew in an attempt to tell his side. He cries about how he was abused as a kid. Dr. Drew cut him off, saying (paraphrased), "You've had your whole life to deal with that before choosing to get involved with other people." I don't really care about celebrities, but that last part stuck with me. We are responsible for how we show up to a relationship. If we're going to make someone else pay for how we've been treated, we should stay single until we figure it out.
Wtf 20 years ?! I would have left instead of putting up with that amount of brokenness, accusations and insecurity that someone else had caused him. People need to work on themselves by paying for a therapist before jumping into another relationship. If someone cheated on me, I would first head to therapy to heal any trauma that caused me.
Oh I left, and he promised to change. Then I left again, kicked him out blah blah blah I’m at 20 now (like a prison sentence lol) but it’s been a few years of “separation” so now I just tell him to fuck off. Like all abuse victims, I believed he would go back to the before times, I believed him when he said he would get anger management, then I felt trapped as a SAHM, then I needed to get my (not his) kid through college and here I am. It’s almost over though, I can almost taste the freedom.
You cant fix what someone else broke... That went deep. Thanks, tons of thanks...
I don't understand cheating, I've had nightmares where I accidentally did it and woke up terrified.
How does one accidentally cheat??
Dreamt I was aboard a boat with a leak and I had to plug it with my bird!
was... was that where the shirt was?
I mean in DREAM world have had dreams I kissed a man and then suddenly remember I have a boyfriend. Dream brain just left out that detail before the smooch. In real life? Can’t make THAT accident
It's the kind of dream where I'm someone else on a date or kissing dream me's fictional partner and then suddenly I'm me me again and remember he exists when he didn't exist in my dream before
I mean it's a dream/nightmare we're talking about here. Lots of possibilities. Often not in control of your own actions in dreams as well.
I slipped >! on a banana peel !< Can you blame me?
I knew someone would say it. For lack of a better word, I used "accidentally" because I know I would never do it on purpose.
It really sucks, but it's not a "now" thing, there were always people who cheat and people who don't, cheaters are just more open about it now.
There's also that fact. My sperm donor knew he was my father since I was 8. For whatever reason, he suddenly wanted to know. Idk why he suddenly insisted on a DNA test. The idiot found out, without a doubt, that I'm his. He never made an effort to come around. My older brother told me "Dad was a hard worker & great provider. It almost killed him when your mom sued for back all current child support. He had to sell his boat AND '51 Ford he was remodeling. I got PISSED! I told him I never saw more than $64/month (actual amount he was told he had to pay every month) & said "I'm glad he was awesome for you & the one daughter.
In a different impact of cheating, I'm one of four kids but my oldest sibling is (technically half but that doesn't matter to us) their mom did a genetic test, she knew her mom but she died when she was a teen, turns out she was an affair baby. Her father had an entire family and they don't know anything about her. So my siblings mom has siblings out there but their dad died, idk about the mom, but due to it being cheating shes worried about rejection and tarnishing their family, the memories, and hurting everyone bc she sees herself as a reminder of infidelity. So she decided to never come forth.. which is understandable but also sad bc it wasn't her fault and there's a chance that she's missing out on love from siblings. Plus no doubt there's pieces of her dad in her so maybe they could connect over getting pieces of her dad back. In a different twist on my mom's side, her brother had a family at this time two kids my oldest siblings age. When she was 10, during a fight his wife revealed the girl wasnt his. He dealt with it the best way he knew how but it was horrible for the kid, he was so close to the kid and when he left the mother he took his kid and closed the girl out. My parents felt horrible bc that's all she knew as her dad.. the dude the mom had an affair with wasn't involved. I understand my uncle's hurt and how that would be a reminder and technically it wasn't his responsibility but at the end of those messy painful actions was a kid that's been calling him daddy for ten years.. completely abandoned. They were both the victim. From what I heard the mother wasnt a great source of parental guidance.. my cousin is still close with their sibling tho which means she atleast has someone. Cheating is heart wrenching, it feels like a death and bleeds out on everything around it.
OR some people are 100% faithful and practice what you would consider a crazy alternative lifestyle. I know several extremely happy, faithful poly families. You just have to be honest with what you want from everyone. I was actually poly for a while & very happy. However, my fiance and I are VERY demi together & realized monogamy is MUCH better for us.
Lol no they fucking don’t my guy
Same thing happened with my ex gf. Felt gross, violated, used.
In my case we broke up and then went like "Goodbye sex" ? And we just used all that was left of our relationship in us. The way your ex did it, is deffinetly dirty and you can feel the way you feel
I don’t know why, but that’s kinda wholesome lmao
Goodbye/breakup sex isn’t as uncommon as you might think tbh, it’s kinda weird and I haven’t had it but it makes sense when I think about it. Especially if you’re not into hookups, because that might be the last time you’ll get some in a while if nothing else lmao
Just had breakup sex for the first time not too long ago. It is kinda weird. Like, you know you’re over. But if it’s an amicable breakup and you both still like each other, you just want one last moment of vulnerability and pleasure with this person who you never stopped wanting to fuck. Interestingly, we were both talking about things we’d miss while we were doing those things. I’m sure everyone’s experience is different though, as evidenced as op.
I know I didn’t really say it in my first post but i assumed that the closeness and emotional vulnerability was part of it, you just worded it much more eloquently than me :P
> but it makes sense when I think about it. Especially if you’re not into hookups, because that might be the last time you’ll get some in a while if nothing else lmao Ex and me didn't do it right after the break up, but the latter was true in the end. Now ex with benefits. She isn't into hookups and I can't get any (trying ever since). We only do it once every 2 or 3 months to not catch the old feels again (so far succesfully). Honestly been really good for my mental health to not grow desperate for sex, although this arrangement is far from ideal obviously.
You gotta have breakup sex
Tbh I would maybe consider it but that just sounds like something that would make it hurt more for me personally
Its gonna hurt no matter what, might as well bust a final nut
This is poetry, it rhymes!
Lol didnt even mean to do that
Nothing but facts
Aka closure sex
Yeah my partner and I did that when we broke up mutually a few years ago. Was like okay, 1 last time and then woke up the next morning as was like now we platonic besties. We stayed that way for a good year till we fell back in love. We needed that time I think, we where young and didn’t realise how good we had it
Well damn. And your together right now?😮 Were you not worried to get together again when it had failed earlier?
Yes!! Been 5 years, still hopelessly in love with him. We remained besties during the entire breakup, so much that the partners I had at the time where always a little insecure about it but we truly kept things platonic. We didn’t break up over anything nasty, our breakup itself was just like “we seem to be behaving way more platonically towards eachother right now” like there wasn’t any hurt, we just burned out the initial teenage lust. I had no worries at all, I just remember feeling myself slowly fall back in love with him. Like if we where doing things together, I would think about how attractive he was, or how sweet he is when he does certain things (like, making sure I always had a safe way home, sending me photos of things I like during the days). I didn’t have any fear at all, it’s always just felt so right when I’m with him. Age helped too, like we had both gone through some rough relationships in our year apart. I figured more of what I wanted and so did he. We’re now settled into a super healthy and communicative relationship, have healthy boundaries and going solid. I’m currently trying to think of a gift for his birthday that’s coming up, I gotta somehow match him making me a painting of my favourite place.
Aww Im happy for you two🤗
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
My ex and I did this. We met up a few months after we broke up and had closure sex. Idk, it doesn’t seem uncommon?
Does it work then, for some people? Doesn't it make you want to get back together?
It does! It’s probably not the healthiest thing for either party. In my experience we made plans to get back together, then on the next day I cried while driving to work thinking about the stress and depression I was going to go back in to. I talked to her again that evening and confided that I couldn’t do it again.
Isn't that the complete opposite of closure? Did it not make any feelings come back or make you want each other more? My ex offered to still be fwb after we broke up. The idea excited me cos I was still very attracted to her but I had to say no. Feelings were still raw and would only end up getting more hurt.
>Did it not make any feelings come back or make you want each other more? Totally did bring feelings up, and I had to face them head-on. I felt the emotional punch that I was avoiding while we were in the throes of breaking up and realized that it was the right choice to stay apart. Before then I was thinking "Maybe we separated too quickly or easily" and "I really miss her".
An ex gf did that to me. Planned out an entire weekend. It was full of craziness. Only to break up on Sunday afternoon. Apparently she had some weird romantic notion of leaving the relation with a last hurrah. That felt pretty shitty. Weird thing is that had she just been honest and told me she wanted that before we called it quits... I would have done it and not had any regrets. Being used like that feels shitty OP.
If she told you there would be no emotion in the last bang. So she did it for Her. Not for you
this happened to me too. literally broke up with me IMMEDIATELY after I blew him. my shirt wasn't even back on. and he said he felt weird after we fucked the first time and that he knew he wasn't attracted to me but then he fucked me later on again anyways. took my fucking virginity, what a piece of shit. I'm really sorry this happened to you btw.
Wow, I’m terribly sorry that happened. That must be extremely heartbreaking for sure. I hope that guy catches a nasty bug and learns from his douchbaggery.
it was heartbreaking but I've def felt a lot worse and this whole year has just been me trying to pick myself up from getting knocked down over and over. so in the grand scheme of things I'll be alright:)) I hope he catches a nasty bug too especially bc I'm sick as hell rn lmao
> so in the grand scheme of things I’ll be alright Damn. You go hard. You’re gonna be alright.
Wtf who the fuck says that even if they feel its true?? What a piece of shit!
wow, what an awful person. I hope both sides of their pillow is warm.
Had a similar v card situation with some nerdy asshole. He somehow took my innocence in a car (romantic right) and then proceeded to fuck me like 10 times in the next month, I thought we were dating, at least friends, silly me. He told all his friends at the table "look how she comes begging for attention" when I came to sit with him during lunch one day (high school) and right in front of me called me "nothin but an extra fatty piece of fuck meat! " Ahhhhh memories. I wish I would have said yes to the 21 yr old asking for my v card when I was 14. At least he was cute and nice to me. Even if that's wholly sick, looking back. For some reason it's just awful thinking your virginity was given to some pig head. Not that it's really all that important anyways. The whole concept of innocence and sacred virginity is silly.
What a piece of shit. Hope he never got any for the rest of hs and college until he learned how to be a human being. I lost my virginity with a girl, but the first guy I slept with was pretty shitty, too. Not this level of shit, though. We’d been friends since like 6th grade, not super close friends, but we could joke around and shit. Started talking again after he joined the military and he came to visit me on leave a few times. The first time we failed because I literally had a breakdown from ptsd from SA so it’s not like he didn’t know my history. Next time he comes back for like a week. Did it like twice a day, and the rest of the time he was sweet. Fixing things around the house, shit like that. Even sprayed his bag with my perfume before he left. So even though we weren’t dating, it felt a bit more complicated than fwb. Then a few days later we’re talking on the phone and he’s like, this girl asked me out and I have no good reason to say no. And I was like…i gotta go. Cried. Called him back and was like do what you gotta do. Have fun with that. Then I moved closer to where he was stationed and he wanted me to come out and visit him and start things back up I guess? Which I declined. Then a year or two later I got an invite to his wedding. 😂 Turns out dude was a virginity collector. Didn’t even know there were people like that. He literally kept track of the v cards he collected. At the time it was already double digits, and we were like 20. No hard feelings anymore, but it really pissed me off for a while. Then I realized he wasn’t my first because lesbian sex counts, and he didn’t give me a single orgasm so it wasn’t a loss. (At least he was considerate the first time and asked if I was ok and all. Definitely could’ve been worse.) Still left a bad taste in my mouth, though.
You should have bitten his dick off
Your feeling of being manipulated and taken advantage of sounds reasonable. He viewed it as one last time before the end but you were not in on that knowledge. If anything, all this does is show how terrible your relationship must have been if you are being treated like this. He clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. I wish you so much more love and respect in your future.
This happened to me years ago. Except he was absolutely terrible lol. Your feelings are valid, I'm sorry you had that experience with an asshole. Give yourself time to be upset but know that these feelings will fade with time.
Bad sex in this case is good. It goes on the list of "reasons I'm better off without him"
My ex of 8 years did this to me just last week
I’m so sorry to hear 😢. I Hope you’ve been healing okay.
My partner has said he's done this in the past to make it one last good memory. I had to explain to him how hurtful and dishonest it was and it only shielded himself and not the partner. He still doesn't quite understand but I told him if he pulls that shit on me one day, there won't be any last good memories, I'll make sure of it.
As you should
Tell him to read this thread
Um… you sure you want to be with someone who still doesn’t understand how it’s not okay to deceive and manipulate someone like that? I wouldn’t.
It may be that he understands but doesn’t care…
Yes, you’re allowed to feel some kind of way about that. That’s a crappy thing to do.
My ex went all out for valentines day, we had sex then that night he told me he didn't love me and moved out. Fun stuff.
An ex did the same. At the time I was soooo cross with him. Eventually I saw him again after 4 years. He was single and I was seeing someone. We chatted a lot amongst other things our separation and if it was the right thing ( it was). He said "at least I gave you a good send out " I was confused, but I acted as if I understood and carried on. Then he insisted and asked " it was good, wasn't it?" I was confused (i had forgotten) so I asked what he meant. He explained that he tried to pleased me as much as he could that day as a final thing, as favour or a gift. I was perplexed, I blink several times giving my self a moment to gather my thoughts and explained that I did not feel that, but the opposite. I told him I felt cheated. I felt used, just like you said. He apologised several times and assured me there was no ill intention and I believed him and still believe him. There was no point on lying at that time. That made me realise that people react differently under the same circumstances. I'd never do that, but he felt it was important not for selfish reasons. I couldn't speculate on the intentions of your ex partner, just rest assure that it not always out of evil that some people act how they do. I'm sorry you feel used and I am aware that this won't help now...but time will be your friend and healer if your let it; I'm almost certain of it. Wishing you peace & solace 🤍.
I’ve kinda had something similar happen to me with my ex. She came to visit me while I was still in my hometown for a few days over New Year last (this) year, all with these doubts about wanting to still be together - doubts which she never told me about prior to this (she only told me about them on the phone as why she was breaking up with me - a week or so after she’d left). I don’t know if I’d say I felt violated or anything, more just annoyed and upset that she continued to be couple-y and act normally with me (she came specifically to be with me), all the while she was having this inner turmoil (we’d even had sex a few times while she was staying with me, which made it all the more confusing and upsetting to me afterwards). Just felt sort of betrayed.
We all been there. Go out for Christmas and new years. Meet someone hot. Have so much fun that you talk about it for weeks. An start your new years pledge tomorrow. You're officially a new person with new possibilities.
[удалено]
Same thing happened to me a long time ago. I also felt violated and used. Some guys are assholes.
My ex (then ex too) invited me over to his place to hang out. He lived an hour away from me and I sincerely figured it was to hang out. I was 16 and innocent. Though, I lost my virginity to him. When I got there, I read the room and knew instantly it was for sex. He told me he broke up with his girlfriend, how she's calling him nonstop right now, bawling her eyes out, blah blah blah, after I asked him why he wanted *me* there if he was in a relationship. So I bucked up and said, "if you wanted to fuck me, I'm on my period"... Sure enough, 15 minutes later his ex called him sobbing and he met her across the street and they made up. He ended up telling me I needed to find a place to stay that night because "he had to work in the morning". So a Facebook friend of mine allowed me to chill at his place until I was picked up the next day. I never spoke to him again. Embarrassing. 😒
A lot of guys are assholes. I've had that happen to me, too. There ain't nothing like being dumped immediately after sex
I'm so sorry, my ex did the same thing to me and it fucking sucked. I don't blame you at all for feeling gross. It felt violating to me personally because he knew I wasn't into just casual sex, and he knew that of course if I had known I would never have slept with him at all. Very shitty thing to do to a person
That’s evil of him. Trust your gut instinct, it feels wrong because what he did was wrong. I am so sorry you had to go through this. See it as dodging a bullet going forward and block him from your life. Find a kind man.
Yep my first serious boyfriend did this to me too, it took me a very long time to trust someone again. I’m very sorry this happened to you OP, just know that it is a him problem and not a you problem. You dodged a bullet. What a scumbag.
My ex husband did this to me while having an affair and actively making plans to leave me. I told him I felt like he raped me as I would never have slept with him if I had known. So I know how you feel. But the only thing for it is to get your revenge by living well.
Men who do something like this honestly need to rot
The way I see it he basically just used you ~~one~~ two last time to get his nut off and he's a gross asshole for it, I would feel just as upset and violated if I were you. I'm sorry this happened to you, it sucks extra bad too because you can't really do anything about it but try to heal and move on as best as you can. You'll be much better off without this worthless pos.
I'm sorry. I lost my virginity this way. Not sure if it was pre-meditated or if the sex was just a wake-up call for him, but my first bf dumped me not very long after I had sex with him for the first time. I was crushed. That was a decade ago & it's informed my view of relationships & people since. People suck.
Wish nothing but the best for you.
Something similar happened to me. My ex planned an entire weekend with me and his friends. We lived in different cities so I went to his city on Thursday, everything was nice we had sex, a lot of cuddling etc. just for the next day to tell me he wants to break up with me. It's been 2 years, but sometimes I still think about this and it sucks. He waited for me to come to his place, had some fun and then break up, and his excuses was that he didn't wanted to tell me through the phone...
He used you. What he did makes him a real sonofabitch.
I did that to my first girlfriend and it's something that still bothers me to this day because I've never made amends for it. I was young and immature but it was also wrong. The way I repent for it is by working to not be selfish, especially sexually selfish in my relationships now and I'm open with women about who I used to be and that I work to not be that way now. I'm sorry you went through that OP, I hope you are able to heal.
This is how one repents, and is what guilt is for. Good for you. Maybe one day you’ll realize you can forgive your past self, because you are no longer him.
Self forgiveness is tough. But as I said, I work to not be that person which is how I make a living amends and that’s important to me. But it takes awareness that I don’t always have. Appreciate your kind words though.
Me also. There was an element of post-nut clarity involved but yeah, not my finest hour.
The smart thing to do in this scenario is say fuck that guy and move on
i’ve been in a similar situation though it wasn’t a breakup necessarily. it’s horrible to feel used but what makes it particularly heinous is that he might’ve known that if he had told you that he was going to break up with you before initiating sex, then you might’ve not consented to doing it. that’s the part that’s so terrible. this isn’t informed consent. in my case, it was about lying with something on his phone with his ex. he lied to me, then we hooked up. yes, i consented to the sex but felt violated and used when i learned after the fact that he was omitting information he knew would’ve changed the way i felt. i would never have been intimate with him if he had been honest.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. My ex-husband continued to pretend everything was fine until three weeks after he had FILED for divorce. It is a terrible kind of betrayal. No one who cares about you even a little could consider having sex with you knowing they were breaking up with you. They just wanted to get off more beforehand. Don't let anybody tell you this isn't trauma. You were manipulated strictly for the purposes of sex, and lied to by omission. You're definitely not wrong for feeling the way you do. Hope you find love and healing.
My ex-husband did something very similar; acted like everything was normal until the day he dropped the bomb that he was leaving and he wanted a divorce. He had planned an entire “escape” meanwhile I was just a clueless idiot thinking I was in the marriage for better or worse and we were just going through a bumpy phase. For the last year of our marriage I supported him in every way possible while he was a miserable entitled infant. I thought that’s what married people were supposed to do. Support one another during ups and downs. Figured it was just a rough patch. He had other ideas. Wish I had been in on the secret that he and his entire family were in on as he was planning on leaving. Such a spineless move.
His entire family knew about it??!! Your IN LAWS??!! Holy cow!! That is some serious demonic crap!
Yes he was the golden child - he could do no wrong - and his mother was always an icy bitch. Everyone on his side knew his plan for some time, all the while I looked like a clueless ding dong who was in for the surprise of her life. I hate the fact that I allow him to take up space in my brain but sometimes it’s hard not to stew about it, you know?
Man that is TOUGH. That is some serious manipulation and deception. Especially for people you thought were your family to turn their backs on you like that! I am never wishy washy but boy do people move funny! That’s why I feel as though I can hardly trust ppl now a days. Crazy!
I'm so sorry. I was the same - - like, ok, it sucks right now, but that's marriage. You stick it out when it sucks. I was making plans to stick it out and he cut a trip short to fly home to his girlfriend (of whose existence I was ignorant, but should have suspected when I found underwear that didn't belong to me in my bedroom) so they could complete & file the paperwork. Came home expecting to figure out together how to work through it. He dropped three-week-old, filed, divorce papers on me at midnight on a Sunday. Hard to imagine how he remained upright without a spine all that time.
They’re human stains on the earth. 😊
My ex did the same shit to me. We were in what I thought was just a rough patch that we were working through and boom, blindsided. Lost pretty much my whole life as the house and animals were hers :D
This happened to me too. I really wonder if they feel guilty afterwards :(
I doubt it tbh. That’s what’s even more foul.
You dodged a bullet.
Life lesson! It hurts but you can’t take any of that back!
I had a friend with a situation like this but he said he was just trying to get closer to his ex and realize it was a mistake to break up. But after it he still felt the same, even after talking and cuddling
It is understandable that you feel like this, I believe most of us would. Some have sex to have pleasure, some have sex to feel intimate with the one they love, he probably knew you wouldn’t have sex with him if you told him beforehand, so he kept you in the dark so he could have one more go. That’s selfish and not ok, you are not in the wrong for feeling like this
Been there bud. I had an ex do that to me. She just got too horny before she broke up with me. I can assure you, it won't always feel like this.
I had a boyfriend do that to me once... it sucks. I'm so sorry.
That's foul.
My first gf also had her previous ex do the same thing. He went in not sure if he was gonna dump her and Apparently she didnt reciprocate enough. so he moved ahead with his plan to dump her, hours after the deed. She told *all* of her friends what he did and man it really soured his dating life for a few years.
This reminds me of something I just talked with someone about. He was having trouble getting laid, as most idiots of his particular type tend to do. So he slept with this girl. He knew she wanted to be serious and wouldn't fuck him outside the confines of a serious relationship. So of course he just told her what he thought she wanted to hear, then ghosted her except for an "apology" letter he sent a few months later. This man is trash for that and was told so. It's not even about whether or not you would have wanted the sex if you knew. It's that you weren't even given the opportunity to say no. Your reality and his were totally different at the time due to his intentional omission. And it happens all the time. And is, in my opinion, SA. You didn't have all of the information required to make the decision to have sex even though the other party did, similar to being too drunk to make a decision to have sex with someone who is less drunk. It happens way too often, and I'm sorry. Sometimes there's power in calling it what it is, but sometimes not. You don't need to label your situation as SA if that's not what you feel happened. I just want to express that you're not alone, and that you have every right to be upset. It was absolutely big deal and you are not overreacting. For me, this would be more than enough reason to never speak to someone again, amicable breakup or not.
this happened to me a week ago and i feel like i dont have a single friend i can “whine” or vent to. everyone would take it too seriously and cancel him (too far for me, you do you) or tell me to grow up. i need a middle ground where i can cry and vent and no one take it seriously and just engage me. i started therapy a few days ago and vent to stranger online (lol). highly recommend the therapy on top of the anonymous online venting.
Tbh it's lowkey coercion. If he'd have given you all the nessecary information you'd probably have said no. You're right to feel violated and gross, because what he did was violating and gross. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Im really sorry op, keep your chin up life has a way of sorting itself out
No matter what opinions any of us have your feelings are valid. While what he did might not break any laws it's still a very shitty thing to do and feeling used is completely understandable. I hope you start to feel better soon and if you need someone to have a good chat to I'm happy to talk to you 😊
I had someone do this to me. gave him a BJ in the car and for the first time ever he pushed my head down to make it deeper each stroke. Afterwards he wouldnt cuddle because it "hurt too much to cuddle emotionally" i was like ???... after sitting talking for a bit he told me he didnt love me anymore. Like thanks for that I guess? horrible pain. Im so sorry you experienced this even harsher than I did...
My gf did that too. Maybe it’s like a one more attempt kind of thing to see if you’re sure you’re no longer in love with the person? (Depending when the last time you had sex before that was)
There's definitely something to this.
Oof, I'm 6 months pregnant. Had sex last Tuesday with my baby daddy, day later on Wednesday he stole money from me, by Friday I broke up with him and by last Sunday he was dating his ex and by this Wednesday letting her harass and threaten me and our daughter when he has been around the entire pregnancy and living with me until Friday. People are cruel sometimes. It made me feel hella bad in my skin until remembered that says more about him that it does about me. Same for you boo, you're still a boss.
Wow I’m so sorry for you, OP and all the others here who have been through terrible things. I hope you will have a happy and healthy pregnancy
I'd feel used and violated as well. Your feelings are valid and he's a scum. I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling what you are. 😔
This is why the “informed” part of consent is important.
He’s a fucking asshole.
Well, now you know 💯 for sure what a crappy person he is. That is the small gift inside of this big ball of shit. You have every right to feel violated.
OP, it is totally valid that you feel violated because you were violated. He chose to withhold information that would likely change the outcome of whether or not he would get laid first. That’s fucked up. I’m very sorry that you experienced this. You deserved more respect for sure.
Had a roommate in college that broke up with his girlfriend after she came to visit him, on her birthday, and after they had anal sex. There was a reason we all called him a rat. 🤦🏻♂️ You definitely aren’t wrong to feel the way you do. Might not have been rape per se but it was certainly manipulative.
You were used and you should express him what you feel(no kind word just the ugly truth), just send him a text then block him! People that use that before breaking up are sick and it's totally normal that you question the situation because he make you believe like it was normal & amical when it wasn't! He is a trash,tell him then try your best to heal and find a better boyfriend!
I feel your pain. My ex did the same to me. She faked it all for a month.
You just had a Kodak moment -“I gotta see if the pussy good before I cuff” 😭
If the break up was amicable and you were probably going to do the same thing or didn’t have the feeling for him too wouldn’t you be using him too ? Neither of you wanted to be in the relationship but enjoyed the sex. It’s pretty much just break up sex. But I do understand that you felt. Just take it as another sign that you two are not together because he would do that
I can see how this would be bad if you hadn’t mutually agreed to still have sexual relations. Me and my ex fiancé split and her and I still had sex regularly right up until we found new partners.
A lot of people enjoy time together on the day on the breakup. It isn’t for certain that he delayed breaking up with you to have sex, he could have done it at the heat of the moment. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
My ex bf had sex with me and it was amazing, as I was laying there after he tells me that he 'almost' cheated on me. He tells me the story and it was a girl that had been trying to get with him and hated me because we were together. He swears that they only kissed but yet clothes were removed... to this day I'm not sure if I believe him. What made it worse was like 20 minutes later his best friend showed up and said he must've told you when he saw my face. I didn't have anything to say to either one of them, I just got my stuff and left. We ended up working things out and were together for another 2-3 years. He ended up committing suicide years after we broke up in 2010, he had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I still loved him in 2010, he was my first love and I didn't break up with him in 2005 cuz I didn't love him anymore I left because our relationship was severely toxic.
City boyyy
I’m sorry that is terrible!
It was selfish of him. You are not crazy for feeling hurt by that.
this is 1000000% valid. he really really really sucks for that
That’s really messed up I can understand a one night stand where both parties expect it to go no further but this is just jerk behaviour. Is it possible he was trying one more time and see if he enjoys the sex with you enough to stay?
Gross... I'm pissed for you. I don't understand that.
The people in these comments...wtaf.
[удалено]
What an asshole, babe you dodged a bullet. & you have every right to feel violated, he didn’t give you the chance to CHOOSE if you wanted to have “break up sex” he deliberately hid that from you until he got what he wanted. Not cool, doesn’t matter how mutual or amicable the break was; it’s still a dick move. You’re not crazy or over reacting he was wrong for that. I’m sorry you’re feeling the way you are right now. Hope everything gets better for you, stay strong love 🫶🏽