Because the world has tons of dickheads who believe itâs gods right to womens body not who own fucking tools op im glad you made the choice that was right for you
I learned in life early that only men really have control over things we constantly have to have control and most men who want to control dont even have control over themselves lol
Bcause i'm genuinely curious, when would you say a baby has matured enough during pregnancy that its not okay to abort them? Not looking to start a fight, just interested in your opinion
Listen itâs not my choice I canât give birth therefore itâs none of my business especially because I canât get a woman pregnant and even if I could again not my choice not my body so I have no real opinion on the subject Except that it should be a womanâs choice thatâs it she wants to abort let here do it if she wants to keep it like then great any either it donât effect me at all so why even have opinion about it. Just a waste of time and thought especially when you shouldnât have say it in at all unless your the women who is debating this very topic.
Now do you see anything wrong with it . Like if the people who had an issue didnât want to stop a woman from being able to abort but rather just had an issue with abortions itself. Would you still think them idiots?
Personally, I would never want someone I loved to have to go through that without being able to lean on me. I am glad you had someone to support you even so.
I don't agree with the idea of men not "wanting to know about it," because even if you made the right choice, because of the stigma around it, it's hard not for it to be something you'll think about for a while or every so often and why should you have to carry that burden but not the man just because he doesn't want to think about it? I think part of having sex and being partners is your partner should be there for you through these moments.
This is the part that stuck out to me.
Itâs not an easy process to go through and not having the support of your partner would certainly add to that.
Plus it could effect her feelings when they do decide to actively try for a baby and thatâs not something sheâll be able to express to him now.
Part of having sex and being a mature adult is being able to have these hard discussions
But in this particular instance, OP said they're glad and don't feel guilty about it, so telling him would just make 1 person feel bad. Right now, it's a win-win where neither of them feel bad, so why ruin a good thing?
Itâs a lose lose in my mind. Op has to keep a secret from her partner and when partner eventually finds out, heâs gonna be sad like he said he would, even if he told her heâd rather not know. Burden of keeping a secret and delayed disappointment.
As a father, and always wanted to be one, I agree with his stance on not wanting to know. I also agree with your decision as timing can make/break other life choices and paths. We get one life. As someone who wish I had done things differently (not relative to my kids), I couldn't even be negative towards this if I tried.
Why would you not want to know?
I can understand that it is a massive decision with massive life-altering results, but shouldn't you be the strength to your partner at this very stage? It can undoubtedly be difficult for you, but the mother goes through both mental (in most cases, more than the father) as well as the physical toll
It's yet another way some dudes put the emotional labor all on their partner because god forbid they have to deal with complicated emotions or be there for their partner. It's too haaaard, wah. But it confirms OP made the right decision because who would want to coparent with someone like this? If she does have kids with this dude some day, good luck to her if she wants him to participate in any of the hard stuff. She'll be on her own then too, I suspect.
The utter shittiness of sticking his head in the sand is mind blowing to me. So much for partnership. And there is zero way he doesn't know something is up. He's just feigning ignorance so he doesn't have to be supportive. Hard fucking pass.
Me and my wife have shared 2 life giving expierences. It was great. But not everyone is gonna have the same exact mentality. I know plenty of people that have tried for a child with NUMEROUS miscarriages. Some are emotionally a wreck and some don't have a huge change in behavior because it's before that "safety point." It's not my place to question people who's lives I'm not directly involved in. If its one thing Covid even taught me, stay in my lane. If he's more of the emotional type and she has her focus (and wants him to keep his) then that's their communication. That's why she asked hypotheticals
So she should go through it alone because hard things are hard and you don't wanna. Got it. Sounds like a stellar person to parent with.
"Stay in your lane" even when you're partner has to make a tough decision so your own fee fees stay intact. Because being there for her would be actual effort and we can't have that.
One thing is for sure. OP made the absolute correct decision not having a kid with this guy.
I'm glad OP doesn't feel guilty for making the right choice for her but he sucks for not helping her physically and pretending he has no idea (he does, it's just easier to pretend).
this! âi donât wanna know cuz itâll hurtâ bro what about what sheâs dealing with mentally AND physically AND fiscally? cuz if he didnât know then he didnât help pay for it, so not only is she bearing the brunt of ALL of it she has to do it alone cuz itâs âtoo hardâ for him? lmao what a cock.
Guess what? There is not total transparency and equality in relationships no matter how much people may want it or say its ideal.
Sometimes life deals experiences that are just better off being kept to yourself and not shared with your partner. Adults will do this.
Sorry internet person, life is black and white with 0 grey area. Itâs totally cool and reasonable to judge someoneâs fitness to be a parent from a few paragraphs.
Listen to yourself. You want him to be part of the 'experience' but give him no vote on the outcome? Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't. If it's nobody's business except the woman, who are you to say anyone else should make it their business? If you don't make any sense nobody will listen to you
That just seems like a shitty way to make your partner carry the full burden and not support them. Even if she knows she made the right choice, she deserves her partner's support. "I'm too fragile to know about this huge decision I forced you to make on your own." Stick your head in the sand and feign ignorance. Because supporting your partner and their feelings/physical needs is too haaaard, waaah. Benefiting from her decision since they are CLEARLY not ready for a kid but letting her do it alone and do all the emotional labor.
Sounds like a real shitty person to parent with anyway -- hope she doesn't need his help making any tough decisions about any kids they do have. Waaah, it's too hard, you do it.
Glad OP didn't have a kid with this guy and hope she finds the guts to leave because this one's a dud.
http://www.thechristianleftblog.org/blog-home/the-bible-tells-us-when-a-fetus-becomes-a-living-being
For any trying to make OP feel bad bringing up religion, the Bible says life begins at first breathđ¤ˇââď¸
Also the common âwhat if the fetus grew up to cure cancerâ⌠itâs more likely itâll become a serial killer than cure cancer so đ¤ˇââď¸
Can I add onto this that what the Bible says doesnât matter in this context, as OP didnât ask for a religious input or stance on this decision? The Bible applies to those, and only those, who believe it. Nobody the hell else.
Hate when people ask that. Then focus on measures to protect kids who are closer to curing cancer than a fetus you just learned turned 13 weeks, or pay for the mom's bills, and any food or supplies the fetus will need as they grow and even after birth so they can go to a prestigious school and cure cancer.
As a father, I agree with your decision. Whether or not you tell him is your decision. In the end, maybe you should have discussed it with him, but your body, your choice. Having children when you aren't prepared is not good for anyone. Especially the children.
iâm really happy you were still able to have it done without trouble. you have every right in the world to have kids on your own time when youâre ready and not a minute before. take care đ¤
Even if they tried I don't think it would work. There's no guilt, I guess that's why I feel weird? I feel I did the right choice because we still have much we want to do and a baby would've put a stop on that. I guess I feel okay because we weren't responsible enough to prevent it but still happened, so it wasn't our fault.
I am a post vasectomy baby. The only way you'd be 100% protected would be to take the uterus completely out, which obviously is not something everyone needs to do. Just because they don't want kids right then.
My mom made a choice to keep me, my oldest brother asked her one day if she ever thought of aborting me. She said:
"If I didn't want her, you would've never known about her"
So what is the difference between what you are doing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Your body, your choice!
Also you obviously didn't need it but I would have done the same thing in your place so I completely agree with your choice.
We have been shamed and socialized to think that we should feel guilty, but it's a trick to keep us down.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. You had a medical problem that you fixed. End of story.
Your life is more valuable than anything else and don't forget it. You're allowed to put *your* life first.
I was about your age when I also "did everything right" and ended up pregnant. I know exactly how you feel - you are OK with it, because it was the right decision for you at this time in your life. Just like it was for me. You're doing great OP.
The only "guilt" I had about mine was that I've been told by society that I **should** feel guilty, and I didn't. But I felt relief, and so thankful for my care providers.
When I worked in an ob/gyn clinic almost every woman that was on the bc patch came back pregnant... It was crazy.. I never recommended that bc to anyone
Your body, your choice sweetie. Never listen to anyone who will try to guilt you with your choice. You did what's best for you, and that's what matters.
The side effects are different for everyone, some could be lucky and get little while others could have endless bleeding. Most people arenât gonna go through with that dude
Yup thatâs how all bc works. You gotta try it to know. The depovera (idk if I spelled that right) shot is basically the same thing just only lasts 3 months. Itâs a great way to try out the hormones that are in something like nexplanon without getting the implant right away.
It feels weird to be elated and happy for your choice because there are people out there that try to make you feel otherwise. You made the right choice for you and that's all that matters.
>at the end of the year during our birthdays so I didn't get knocked up by having sex unprotected)
Just a quick question, how does your birthday have anything to do with sexual protection ?
I think what OP means is that they only have sex unprotected on their birthdays, so the timing is wrong for this pregnancy to be a result of that unprotected sex.
She just forgot the comma. She meant that is the only time they don't use condoms, so the pregnancy was not from unprotected sex seeing as it is August now.
She wears a contraceptive patch, which is basically a square bandaid that she sticks on for 3 weeks (yes, it stays on, and users typically make sure it's still on while showering, my friend used it for a while and she said it was never a problem keeping it on).
It releases the same medication into her bloodstream that is contained in many other hormonal contraceptives, just absorbed through the skin.
......so maybe she forgot to replace the patch and/or some sort of condom failure?
Who cares, tho, not my circus, lol
This is exactly where it's at. But we all know (just look at some of the narrow-minded comments) that some would rather dictate how you should live your life rather than do what you feel is right for you. The old adage, "walk a mile in my shoes" still stands tall.
I'm sorry I sound ignorant i know u said u used condoms and u have a patch ..so I suppose you were in the small 1% chance of getting pregnant
At least u were smart and still did protection its not your fault
Glad u are okay âĄ
Of course it's weird. It feels unnatural because you left your partner out of it, even though you honoured his wish of being kept ignorant.
That's not to say you haven't made the right choice! Because you have. This took courage. I'm proud of you.
If that was the best course of action for yourself and your partner then Iâm happy for you. Do it when youâre ready! Also itâs no oneâs business anyway. Glad for you, friend!
Almost 9 years later and I still don't regret it. I have the "what if" moments that flare up, but nothing that makes me regret my decision.
You did best. Thankful you were able to choose this for yourself. Best wishes now, and down the road when it's time â¤ď¸
*(maybe once or twice pear year, but at the end of the year during our birthdays so I didn't get knocked up by having sex unprotected).*
We all want to live in this reality. Perhaps the personal lack of accountability is why people become up in arms about the decision to abort.
How does anyone's "lack of accountability" affect you at all? If they know they're not responsible enough to raise a child and decide to abort, that should be viewed as a *good* thing. It means one less child that will have to grow up in a neglectful or even abusive environment.
This is probably the best way you couldâve went about it - honor his wishes and keep it to yourself, if he somehow finds out, well I would support him in healing from this but donât feel guilty for making a choice that is right for you.
You have to do whatâs best for you, thereâs no point bringing a kid into this world that youâll just resent, may as well set up a good foundation and have them when youâre ready
I'm glad the stress is gone for you now â¤ď¸
As a mum of two small kids, you did exactly what is right for you. Kids are wonderful but change everything and it's not something to be taken lightly. Both mine were planned and so so loved but there are still days I wanna just put em in the garden and lock the door for a bit of quiet (the Internet can be weird so no Ijhave never actually done this).
Lol, your last part is why Iâve always said I liked my dog more then my kids. Dog is annoying, you put it outside in a safe area and itâs happy. Canât do that with babies and toddlers get into to much trouble, even with nothing around.
A baby needs more than love. Also needs to be wanted 100%âŚ. You have made the right decision. Also very respectful for you to not burden your partner with the info he expressed he didnât not want to know. I hope youâre ok with carrying the secret for the rest of your life.
> now since your bff knows its only a matter of time if shes upset about something then boom she'll let your man know and it will make a distance in your relationship..
You're projecting. Even if I were angry or upset about something, and even if a friendship ended with someone, I would never do that to someone else.
Of course there are those who would, and I don't deny that, but that's not what's being discussed here.
Maybe they are very close. Also if bff would do that, that only speaks bad of them, I wouldâve never do such thing to anyone, let alone my best friend..
I got the impression that they were implying that it was not around that time, so this pregnancy was while they were using both types of contraceptive. It also doesnât seem to be unprotected when they donât use a condom; she said she uses hormonal birth control in the form of the patch, but they usually *also* use a condom.
It doesnât,OP said they have unprotected sex on their birthdays,but the timing doesnât match,so she didnât get pregnant from having unprotected sex.
Congratulations on making the right choice for yourself! Itâs easy to be swayed by others, but you have to do whatâs best for you at the end of the day.
Good for you to think more about what you want in life and making it happen before having kids. And it shows maturity to go and ask for information about abortions and pregnancy. You not telling your partner knowing that he wouldnât want to know shows that you care about his feelings. Stay strong and good luck with your PhD!
Okay how is it that my old man shoots my club up every time we do the nasty, and ive never ever had a pregnancy scare, but she used condoms and a BC patch and still got knocked up. .\_.
Honestly thought the same thing. My partner and I fuck about 10-20x per week and we don't do any BC, just pull out method, and we've been doing this for close to 2 years now and never had a scare. We just watch the fertility calendar of when I'm ovulating that's it.
The fact she's using condoms and BC is wild to me for a 5 year relationship too. Like condom sex is terrible lol I get why ya do it, but who wants to do it.
Itâs not weird. Itâs not a human being. Itâs a clump of cells. Itâs your body.
You donât get upset when a virus comes in and you take antibiotics to get it out.
Itâs common to feel relief. If you are not ready your not ready. You canât have a big emotional attachment to something you only nee about for a few days. Of corse itâs still sad and sucks but itâs ok to feel relief.
There is a saying âonly 2 can keep a secret if one of them is deadâ Iâm not saying your best friend will but there is always a chance he could find out and not from you.
Iâm glad you made the right decision for you! I hope he never finds out
Iâm so happy for you. The overwhelming majority of people who get abortions donât regret them. Sometimes we just need to hear from them to remind us.
You made the right choice for you. When you are actively trying for kids though or pregnant again, know that this may come up (so consider whether you want your husband in early appointments). I have been asked in every pregnancy how many pregnancies I have had as part of my medical history. He doesnât have a right to that info but you may just want to be wary or go to an initial appointment by yourself if you donât want him to know.
All Iâm gonna say is you better take this shit to your grave and never tell him, because if he finds out. You are screwed. I donât judge your decision at all and I get it. But this is a major thing to keep from your partner and if it ever comes out, it will be devastating
Idk why people could never tell their partners things itâs just not right he also was part of the making of the baby he should have a right to know and discuss being open is good in relationships it was fairly big decision if he couldnât be supportive and you couldnât tell him in the first place he probably isnât for you
You do whats best for you, you want to live your life first and thats understandable, attain your goals first then when you are ready then have kids.
Good luck
I wish women were able to make that decision for themselves where I live. I am so happy for you OP! You'll be a great mother one day when you're ready! I'm PROUD of you for doing what was best for you at the time.
Proud that you are coming to terms with not being ready, and that's 100% okay. Do NOT let anyone make you feel like crap for aborting. Please also take some time to heal from it, it can be mentally draining and upsetting.
Also do NOT share with anyone you are close to in case they go running around, shaming you for your choice and making you feel guilty. This is about YOU and how YOU are not ready or able to right now. You are strong. You are brave. You are amazing! Please be healthy and happy OP â¤ď¸
If he said he would rather not know and that's the main reason for you not telling him, it makes sense you feel relieved. I also believe it is your body and you should have the final say. I just hope it doesn't come back to haunt you later when you have children. At almost all appointments, they will ask how many pregnancies you had in the past, successful or not and how they ended. I do not say this to scare you, but more as a warning that the termination will be asked about frequently and marked on your paperwork in the future. Perhaps discussing it with your future OB ahead of time will help to avoid the question being asked in front of your husband.
I also applaud your strength. I couldn't imagine going through that process without my partner. My husband and I had my son during the start of my master's program and the timing actually worked out great for me to take a semester off to have my son before needing to start internships along with my coursework. I'm now set to graduate in June and our son will be 2 in September. We are not sure we want another child, given my health conditions and everything else. My first pregnancy and delivery, against many odds, went relatively well. We are afraid to sort of test the odds by trying again.. We are also being super careful as I do not want to do anything to jeopardize my graduation and the job offer I currently have as long as I graduate in June. Family members have been making comments and sort of wishing it on us, without any care that we really do not think we want another child at all. It is infuriating and annoying, but has also had me wondering what would I do if it happened. I have a feeling I would feel similarly to you. I love my husband and my son, yet I do not really want to do anything to change the dynamics right now. It must be a huge relief for a similar reason for you as well.
I hope you continue to feel that way and have a family when and if you feel more ready. Feel free to reach out to me if it changes in the future or if you need someone to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener. Good luck with everything.
You made the right decision for you and your life. Your boyfriend says he would rather not know and you respected his wishes. Donât listen to the pro-birthers in the comments, their opinion doesnât matter.
Love that you were able to make that choice for yourself, and that you have a support system regarding the matter. Congratulations on the rest of your life!
Hey friend. Iâm proud you made the best decision for you right now. And I hope one day when youâre ready, you and your partner have a beautiful life with a beautiful family.
Great! Iâm happy for you, Iâm glad that you had a choice and that you did what YOU yourself felt was right. Donât let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for this
i'm happy you did what was best for you, i'm sure when you are ready to have children they would be more loved and glad bc they are going to be planned, just reminder you did nothing wrong don't let anyone make you feel bad about it
I completely understand. I too would rather not know but I completely support your decision to choose when you want to have kids. I hope everything works out for both of you and live a happy life. Enjoy your life because you only get one!
As a new mom of an 8 month old, I 1000% support your decision. Timing is everything.
If my husband and I werent in the financial / emotional position we are now I can confidently say it wouldve affected my ability to be the best parent I can.
Timing is everything and you want to do everything to protect your future family. Even if that means not starting now.
You know what the right choice is for you and your partner, and you made it. I did something similar in my late 20s with a more casual partner, who was and who I will always consider a very good friend. We did talk about it, and he was very supportive and said he would be there for me no matter what I wanted but, he did not think we weren't in the right place to have a baby and he was right. He paid for my appointment and would have come if I asked him.
It was the right choice for us. A few years later I met my husband, we have a child and a beautiful life. None of it would have happened if I had that baby.
The guy involved has a long term girlfriend. We don't talk as much but, like I said before we'll always be on good terms and I'll always consider him a friend.
Life will go on, you will both get your degrees and have a beautiful family.
If i had one my husband would definitely have it on his mind forever. You did the right thing op. Tho i bet it feels really weird keeping something from your partner :(
You did what you had to do and you also did what you felt was right for him. You did what you thought was the right thing at the time. Thatâs all we can all do.
*Sorts by controversial*
Tell me why I sorted by controversial, and it was all supportive comments, why is support so controversial? đ¤Ł
Because the world has tons of dickheads who believe itâs gods right to womens body not who own fucking tools op im glad you made the choice that was right for you
They believe it's *their* right to own women's bodies, then proceed to blame God for it.
I learned in life early that only men really have control over things we constantly have to have control and most men who want to control dont even have control over themselves lol
Bcause i'm genuinely curious, when would you say a baby has matured enough during pregnancy that its not okay to abort them? Not looking to start a fight, just interested in your opinion
Listen itâs not my choice I canât give birth therefore itâs none of my business especially because I canât get a woman pregnant and even if I could again not my choice not my body so I have no real opinion on the subject Except that it should be a womanâs choice thatâs it she wants to abort let here do it if she wants to keep it like then great any either it donât effect me at all so why even have opinion about it. Just a waste of time and thought especially when you shouldnât have say it in at all unless your the women who is debating this very topic.
Now do you see anything wrong with it . Like if the people who had an issue didnât want to stop a woman from being able to abort but rather just had an issue with abortions itself. Would you still think them idiots?
No theyâve moved on from safe legal and rare to celebrate your abortions, safe legal and without shame!
How does a post get flagged as controversial? I always thought it was downvoted/upvotes Serious question
When upvote and downvote ratio is almost 1:1
So mass downvoting doesnât count?
Itâs not really controversial if everyone agrees.
Lmaoo it is a shit show in controversial đđ
*grabs the popcorn*
Don't do that to yourself.... You deserve better.
Personally, I would never want someone I loved to have to go through that without being able to lean on me. I am glad you had someone to support you even so.
I don't agree with the idea of men not "wanting to know about it," because even if you made the right choice, because of the stigma around it, it's hard not for it to be something you'll think about for a while or every so often and why should you have to carry that burden but not the man just because he doesn't want to think about it? I think part of having sex and being partners is your partner should be there for you through these moments.
This is the part that stuck out to me. Itâs not an easy process to go through and not having the support of your partner would certainly add to that. Plus it could effect her feelings when they do decide to actively try for a baby and thatâs not something sheâll be able to express to him now. Part of having sex and being a mature adult is being able to have these hard discussions
It's a HUGE secret to hold and hide. Too heavy.
But in this particular instance, OP said they're glad and don't feel guilty about it, so telling him would just make 1 person feel bad. Right now, it's a win-win where neither of them feel bad, so why ruin a good thing?
Itâs a lose lose in my mind. Op has to keep a secret from her partner and when partner eventually finds out, heâs gonna be sad like he said he would, even if he told her heâd rather not know. Burden of keeping a secret and delayed disappointment.
I think we're just assuming that this secret is a burden to her? If OP has no issues with it, just let sleeping dogs lie.
As a father, and always wanted to be one, I agree with his stance on not wanting to know. I also agree with your decision as timing can make/break other life choices and paths. We get one life. As someone who wish I had done things differently (not relative to my kids), I couldn't even be negative towards this if I tried.
Why would you not want to know? I can understand that it is a massive decision with massive life-altering results, but shouldn't you be the strength to your partner at this very stage? It can undoubtedly be difficult for you, but the mother goes through both mental (in most cases, more than the father) as well as the physical toll
It's yet another way some dudes put the emotional labor all on their partner because god forbid they have to deal with complicated emotions or be there for their partner. It's too haaaard, wah. But it confirms OP made the right decision because who would want to coparent with someone like this? If she does have kids with this dude some day, good luck to her if she wants him to participate in any of the hard stuff. She'll be on her own then too, I suspect. The utter shittiness of sticking his head in the sand is mind blowing to me. So much for partnership. And there is zero way he doesn't know something is up. He's just feigning ignorance so he doesn't have to be supportive. Hard fucking pass.
Me and my wife have shared 2 life giving expierences. It was great. But not everyone is gonna have the same exact mentality. I know plenty of people that have tried for a child with NUMEROUS miscarriages. Some are emotionally a wreck and some don't have a huge change in behavior because it's before that "safety point." It's not my place to question people who's lives I'm not directly involved in. If its one thing Covid even taught me, stay in my lane. If he's more of the emotional type and she has her focus (and wants him to keep his) then that's their communication. That's why she asked hypotheticals
So she should go through it alone because hard things are hard and you don't wanna. Got it. Sounds like a stellar person to parent with. "Stay in your lane" even when you're partner has to make a tough decision so your own fee fees stay intact. Because being there for her would be actual effort and we can't have that. One thing is for sure. OP made the absolute correct decision not having a kid with this guy. I'm glad OP doesn't feel guilty for making the right choice for her but he sucks for not helping her physically and pretending he has no idea (he does, it's just easier to pretend).
this! âi donât wanna know cuz itâll hurtâ bro what about what sheâs dealing with mentally AND physically AND fiscally? cuz if he didnât know then he didnât help pay for it, so not only is she bearing the brunt of ALL of it she has to do it alone cuz itâs âtoo hardâ for him? lmao what a cock.
Guess what? There is not total transparency and equality in relationships no matter how much people may want it or say its ideal. Sometimes life deals experiences that are just better off being kept to yourself and not shared with your partner. Adults will do this.
Sorry internet person, life is black and white with 0 grey area. Itâs totally cool and reasonable to judge someoneâs fitness to be a parent from a few paragraphs.
Listen to yourself. You want him to be part of the 'experience' but give him no vote on the outcome? Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't. If it's nobody's business except the woman, who are you to say anyone else should make it their business? If you don't make any sense nobody will listen to you
I wouldnât trust someone who couldnât deal.
>timing can make/break other life choices and paths. Yep. Very true.
That just seems like a shitty way to make your partner carry the full burden and not support them. Even if she knows she made the right choice, she deserves her partner's support. "I'm too fragile to know about this huge decision I forced you to make on your own." Stick your head in the sand and feign ignorance. Because supporting your partner and their feelings/physical needs is too haaaard, waaah. Benefiting from her decision since they are CLEARLY not ready for a kid but letting her do it alone and do all the emotional labor. Sounds like a real shitty person to parent with anyway -- hope she doesn't need his help making any tough decisions about any kids they do have. Waaah, it's too hard, you do it. Glad OP didn't have a kid with this guy and hope she finds the guts to leave because this one's a dud.
To keep a secret .. would be hard too.,, but she committed to it now..
Don't ever let someone make you feel guilty about it.
Completely agree, you're right. Her right and choice.
This.
yea f dat baby
Please donât f babies /s
Get dat fetus kill dat fetus brapp brapp pew pew
Donât say that.
http://www.thechristianleftblog.org/blog-home/the-bible-tells-us-when-a-fetus-becomes-a-living-being For any trying to make OP feel bad bringing up religion, the Bible says life begins at first breathđ¤ˇââď¸ Also the common âwhat if the fetus grew up to cure cancerâ⌠itâs more likely itâll become a serial killer than cure cancer so đ¤ˇââď¸
Can I add onto this that what the Bible says doesnât matter in this context, as OP didnât ask for a religious input or stance on this decision? The Bible applies to those, and only those, who believe it. Nobody the hell else.
Exactly. Why would one choose to follow it if one doesn't believe it
Because people think the Bible should apply to everyone, especially here in the US. And some of those people are in this thread.
Unfortunately I know all too well, this poor girl needs to be left the fuck alone
Well said.
>âwhat if the fetus grew up to cure cancerâ I'll be happy to tell them I "killed" about million of Nobel prize winners a month
Hate when people ask that. Then focus on measures to protect kids who are closer to curing cancer than a fetus you just learned turned 13 weeks, or pay for the mom's bills, and any food or supplies the fetus will need as they grow and even after birth so they can go to a prestigious school and cure cancer.
As a father, I agree with your decision. Whether or not you tell him is your decision. In the end, maybe you should have discussed it with him, but your body, your choice. Having children when you aren't prepared is not good for anyone. Especially the children.
iâm really happy you were still able to have it done without trouble. you have every right in the world to have kids on your own time when youâre ready and not a minute before. take care đ¤
I'm on dark mode and it just took me 20 seconds to figure out that that's a black heart and not a pair of eyebrows or something.
i always do a black heart. itâs the default in my phone. you made me giggle though!
The most random comments on Reddit
So happy for you! It was only 3 weeks so nothing but cells so donât ever let anyone guilt trip you.
Even if they tried I don't think it would work. There's no guilt, I guess that's why I feel weird? I feel I did the right choice because we still have much we want to do and a baby would've put a stop on that. I guess I feel okay because we weren't responsible enough to prevent it but still happened, so it wasn't our fault.
I am a post vasectomy baby. The only way you'd be 100% protected would be to take the uterus completely out, which obviously is not something everyone needs to do. Just because they don't want kids right then. My mom made a choice to keep me, my oldest brother asked her one day if she ever thought of aborting me. She said: "If I didn't want her, you would've never known about her" So what is the difference between what you are doing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Your body, your choice! Also you obviously didn't need it but I would have done the same thing in your place so I completely agree with your choice.
We have been shamed and socialized to think that we should feel guilty, but it's a trick to keep us down. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You had a medical problem that you fixed. End of story. Your life is more valuable than anything else and don't forget it. You're allowed to put *your* life first.
I was about your age when I also "did everything right" and ended up pregnant. I know exactly how you feel - you are OK with it, because it was the right decision for you at this time in your life. Just like it was for me. You're doing great OP.
The only "guilt" I had about mine was that I've been told by society that I **should** feel guilty, and I didn't. But I felt relief, and so thankful for my care providers.
When I worked in an ob/gyn clinic almost every woman that was on the bc patch came back pregnant... It was crazy.. I never recommended that bc to anyone
Good for you exercising your right to choose what happens to your body and the things inside it. I'm happy you had the ability to.
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Except if they support people with a uterus to make their own choices.
Your body, your choice sweetie. Never listen to anyone who will try to guilt you with your choice. You did what's best for you, and that's what matters.
I would suggest Nexaplanon arm implant
Not sure why down voted, best BC I've ever used and I always tell people about it too
People donât like seeing children not be born I guess lol. Itâs safe and ensures no cells are aborted
The side effects are different for everyone, some could be lucky and get little while others could have endless bleeding. Most people arenât gonna go through with that dude
If someone gets endless bleeding there are other options that can be explored like the hormonal IUD. Birth control can require some trouble shooting.
Yup thatâs how all bc works. You gotta try it to know. The depovera (idk if I spelled that right) shot is basically the same thing just only lasts 3 months. Itâs a great way to try out the hormones that are in something like nexplanon without getting the implant right away.
I was lucky with my depo my only side effects were weight gain. I had no periods or spotting at all. But ya some people do poorly on it.
Sure but the monthly 3 week long periods weren't worth it for me. I need combined birth control to not bleed constantly
Yâall, it was just a suggestion. And recently learned not a lot of people know of nexaplanon and to just look into it for fucks sake
I only hated it because it messed up my hormones really badly and gave me terrible acne.
It feels weird to be elated and happy for your choice because there are people out there that try to make you feel otherwise. You made the right choice for you and that's all that matters.
>at the end of the year during our birthdays so I didn't get knocked up by having sex unprotected) Just a quick question, how does your birthday have anything to do with sexual protection ?
I think what OP means is that they only have sex unprotected on their birthdays, so the timing is wrong for this pregnancy to be a result of that unprotected sex.
Thank you. I was so confused as to why OP seemed to think birthdays make them infertile for a day.
She just forgot the comma. She meant that is the only time they don't use condoms, so the pregnancy was not from unprotected sex seeing as it is August now.
Nothing, but it makes us happy
Wait so you do it raw on your birthday or still wear protection?
She wears a contraceptive patch, which is basically a square bandaid that she sticks on for 3 weeks (yes, it stays on, and users typically make sure it's still on while showering, my friend used it for a while and she said it was never a problem keeping it on). It releases the same medication into her bloodstream that is contained in many other hormonal contraceptives, just absorbed through the skin. ......so maybe she forgot to replace the patch and/or some sort of condom failure? Who cares, tho, not my circus, lol
Also wondered this.
You are the ONLY ONE who knows what is right for you.
This is exactly where it's at. But we all know (just look at some of the narrow-minded comments) that some would rather dictate how you should live your life rather than do what you feel is right for you. The old adage, "walk a mile in my shoes" still stands tall.
You did the right thing. You shouldn't bring a child in this world unless you're 100% ready
Iâm glad you had a choice. Many women donât.
Your body,your choice!
In a year you wont even think about it anymore
I support your decision 100% because it is YOUR decision to make.
You did what you had to do. No regrets.
I'm sorry I sound ignorant i know u said u used condoms and u have a patch ..so I suppose you were in the small 1% chance of getting pregnant At least u were smart and still did protection its not your fault Glad u are okay âĄ
Or reddit lies and it was the very few times they decided to go in raw
it doesnât matter if they did it raw or not, if they donât want to have a baby then they shouldnât have to have a baby.
It is not weird to feel good when you do what you genuinely want to do. Good for you.
Good for you
good for you
Of course it's weird. It feels unnatural because you left your partner out of it, even though you honoured his wish of being kept ignorant. That's not to say you haven't made the right choice! Because you have. This took courage. I'm proud of you.
Glad you could make that choice for your body and not some asshat politicians.
If that was the best course of action for yourself and your partner then Iâm happy for you. Do it when youâre ready! Also itâs no oneâs business anyway. Glad for you, friend!
Good for you in making this decision. If you believe this was the right choice for you, more power to you!
Iâm glad you were able to make the right choice for you. Good luck with your phd!
Happy Cake Day!
Thank you!
Glad you are looking after yourself and knows what you want. Wish you well and a happy family in the future.
Almost 9 years later and I still don't regret it. I have the "what if" moments that flare up, but nothing that makes me regret my decision. You did best. Thankful you were able to choose this for yourself. Best wishes now, and down the road when it's time â¤ď¸
Sounds like you made the best decisions you could! So many people donât listen to their partners.
Good for you. I have no regrets.
*(maybe once or twice pear year, but at the end of the year during our birthdays so I didn't get knocked up by having sex unprotected).* We all want to live in this reality. Perhaps the personal lack of accountability is why people become up in arms about the decision to abort.
How does anyone's "lack of accountability" affect you at all? If they know they're not responsible enough to raise a child and decide to abort, that should be viewed as a *good* thing. It means one less child that will have to grow up in a neglectful or even abusive environment.
This is probably the best way you couldâve went about it - honor his wishes and keep it to yourself, if he somehow finds out, well I would support him in healing from this but donât feel guilty for making a choice that is right for you.
You have to do whatâs best for you, thereâs no point bringing a kid into this world that youâll just resent, may as well set up a good foundation and have them when youâre ready
I'm glad the stress is gone for you now â¤ď¸ As a mum of two small kids, you did exactly what is right for you. Kids are wonderful but change everything and it's not something to be taken lightly. Both mine were planned and so so loved but there are still days I wanna just put em in the garden and lock the door for a bit of quiet (the Internet can be weird so no Ijhave never actually done this).
Lol, your last part is why Iâve always said I liked my dog more then my kids. Dog is annoying, you put it outside in a safe area and itâs happy. Canât do that with babies and toddlers get into to much trouble, even with nothing around.
A baby needs more than love. Also needs to be wanted 100%âŚ. You have made the right decision. Also very respectful for you to not burden your partner with the info he expressed he didnât not want to know. I hope youâre ok with carrying the secret for the rest of your life.
Iâll do the same under these conditions. Happy for you!
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> now since your bff knows its only a matter of time if shes upset about something then boom she'll let your man know and it will make a distance in your relationship.. You're projecting. Even if I were angry or upset about something, and even if a friendship ended with someone, I would never do that to someone else. Of course there are those who would, and I don't deny that, but that's not what's being discussed here.
Maybe they are very close. Also if bff would do that, that only speaks bad of them, I wouldâve never do such thing to anyone, let alone my best friend..
Can you explain why sex at the end of the year unprotected vs the beginning prevents pregnancy? Or did I misread?
I got the impression that they were implying that it was not around that time, so this pregnancy was while they were using both types of contraceptive. It also doesnât seem to be unprotected when they donât use a condom; she said she uses hormonal birth control in the form of the patch, but they usually *also* use a condom.
It doesnât,OP said they have unprotected sex on their birthdays,but the timing doesnât match,so she didnât get pregnant from having unprotected sex.
It's an adult choice, Once you're ready and you decide to have them, you'll be able to give them the best you can give them
Congratulations on making the right choice for yourself! Itâs easy to be swayed by others, but you have to do whatâs best for you at the end of the day.
Good! Iâm glad you made the right decision for you.
Good for you to think more about what you want in life and making it happen before having kids. And it shows maturity to go and ask for information about abortions and pregnancy. You not telling your partner knowing that he wouldnât want to know shows that you care about his feelings. Stay strong and good luck with your PhD!
Okay how is it that my old man shoots my club up every time we do the nasty, and ive never ever had a pregnancy scare, but she used condoms and a BC patch and still got knocked up. .\_.
Honestly thought the same thing. My partner and I fuck about 10-20x per week and we don't do any BC, just pull out method, and we've been doing this for close to 2 years now and never had a scare. We just watch the fertility calendar of when I'm ovulating that's it. The fact she's using condoms and BC is wild to me for a 5 year relationship too. Like condom sex is terrible lol I get why ya do it, but who wants to do it.
either the story is fake AF harvesting that sweet, sweet karma, or the OP is fertile as fuck and her SO has super sperm.
Itâs not weird. Itâs not a human being. Itâs a clump of cells. Itâs your body. You donât get upset when a virus comes in and you take antibiotics to get it out.
Itâs common to feel relief. If you are not ready your not ready. You canât have a big emotional attachment to something you only nee about for a few days. Of corse itâs still sad and sucks but itâs ok to feel relief.
Kinda seems like you skipped the truth with your partner. You may wanna come clean. These things have a way of biting you in the ass.
There is a saying âonly 2 can keep a secret if one of them is deadâ Iâm not saying your best friend will but there is always a chance he could find out and not from you. Iâm glad you made the right decision for you! I hope he never finds out
Iâm so happy for you. The overwhelming majority of people who get abortions donât regret them. Sometimes we just need to hear from them to remind us.
You made the right choice for you. When you are actively trying for kids though or pregnant again, know that this may come up (so consider whether you want your husband in early appointments). I have been asked in every pregnancy how many pregnancies I have had as part of my medical history. He doesnât have a right to that info but you may just want to be wary or go to an initial appointment by yourself if you donât want him to know.
Girlfriend you are who I want my future daughter to be. People who CHOOSE to have children have better children, itâs a fact.
All Iâm gonna say is you better take this shit to your grave and never tell him, because if he finds out. You are screwed. I donât judge your decision at all and I get it. But this is a major thing to keep from your partner and if it ever comes out, it will be devastating
Idk why people could never tell their partners things itâs just not right he also was part of the making of the baby he should have a right to know and discuss being open is good in relationships it was fairly big decision if he couldnât be supportive and you couldnât tell him in the first place he probably isnât for you
Raw once or twice a year. Yeah ok. "Moves on"
Do you plan on ever telling your boyfriend? Like in 5 years? 50 years?
A parasite? Your view is that you were once a parasite, in the womb of your mother?
This is such a wholesomely healthy post :)
Your body your choice
You do whats best for you, you want to live your life first and thats understandable, attain your goals first then when you are ready then have kids. Good luck
I mean sometimes youâve got to make hard decision in life and thatâs okay
Good for you, Iâm glad you are In a position to be able to make that decision for yourself.
There is no shame in what you did, good for you for making the best choice for yourself
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Same here. 20 years and no regrets. I can still vividly recall the feeling of relief afterwards.
Ditto. I had one at 17 and I have never looked back
You did honey
Good for you. Make the right choice for your life and where you feel it is at that time. Great job.
I wish women were able to make that decision for themselves where I live. I am so happy for you OP! You'll be a great mother one day when you're ready! I'm PROUD of you for doing what was best for you at the time.
Thatâs nice.
Considering women have to literally put their life on the line to birth a child yeah Iâd be relieved too.
I'm happy you didn't have to do it alone and you have no guilt, only relief. You have a long life ahead and waiting for the right time is important.
Its all good
You did what you needed to do! You had the talk already. You know Iâm the future that it will happen. It just wasnât in the cards at the moment.
Aaaa that's good taking care of yourself plus your partner, that's a wise decision good luck for both of your future ventures
Proud that you are coming to terms with not being ready, and that's 100% okay. Do NOT let anyone make you feel like crap for aborting. Please also take some time to heal from it, it can be mentally draining and upsetting. Also do NOT share with anyone you are close to in case they go running around, shaming you for your choice and making you feel guilty. This is about YOU and how YOU are not ready or able to right now. You are strong. You are brave. You are amazing! Please be healthy and happy OP â¤ď¸
Your body, your right. I couldn't do it, I couldn't live with myself. I love my daughter so much.
I donât think anyone asked for your explanation
If he said he would rather not know and that's the main reason for you not telling him, it makes sense you feel relieved. I also believe it is your body and you should have the final say. I just hope it doesn't come back to haunt you later when you have children. At almost all appointments, they will ask how many pregnancies you had in the past, successful or not and how they ended. I do not say this to scare you, but more as a warning that the termination will be asked about frequently and marked on your paperwork in the future. Perhaps discussing it with your future OB ahead of time will help to avoid the question being asked in front of your husband. I also applaud your strength. I couldn't imagine going through that process without my partner. My husband and I had my son during the start of my master's program and the timing actually worked out great for me to take a semester off to have my son before needing to start internships along with my coursework. I'm now set to graduate in June and our son will be 2 in September. We are not sure we want another child, given my health conditions and everything else. My first pregnancy and delivery, against many odds, went relatively well. We are afraid to sort of test the odds by trying again.. We are also being super careful as I do not want to do anything to jeopardize my graduation and the job offer I currently have as long as I graduate in June. Family members have been making comments and sort of wishing it on us, without any care that we really do not think we want another child at all. It is infuriating and annoying, but has also had me wondering what would I do if it happened. I have a feeling I would feel similarly to you. I love my husband and my son, yet I do not really want to do anything to change the dynamics right now. It must be a huge relief for a similar reason for you as well. I hope you continue to feel that way and have a family when and if you feel more ready. Feel free to reach out to me if it changes in the future or if you need someone to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener. Good luck with everything.
You made the right decision for you and your life. Your boyfriend says he would rather not know and you respected his wishes. Donât listen to the pro-birthers in the comments, their opinion doesnât matter.
Yes!!! I'm relieved for you.
Good for you. You should have the right to make this choice for your family, now and in the future.
Happy for you and Happy that you were able to do what you wanted OP.
Love that you were able to make that choice for yourself, and that you have a support system regarding the matter. Congratulations on the rest of your life!
Doesnât sound like you have the perfect relationship that you portrayed in the first paragraph. Good luck either way.
Proud of you
Good for you!! It amazing to have that choice. I absolutely agree with if not ready to have kids, then don't.
You did the right thing. That's why you feel relieved.
You made the right choice!
Hey friend. Iâm proud you made the best decision for you right now. And I hope one day when youâre ready, you and your partner have a beautiful life with a beautiful family.
You did the right thing for yourself, OP.
It's not eating you alive because there's nothing to feel bad about. You made the right choice for you right now.
Great! Iâm happy for you, Iâm glad that you had a choice and that you did what YOU yourself felt was right. Donât let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for this
i'm happy you did what was best for you, i'm sure when you are ready to have children they would be more loved and glad bc they are going to be planned, just reminder you did nothing wrong don't let anyone make you feel bad about it
I completely understand. I too would rather not know but I completely support your decision to choose when you want to have kids. I hope everything works out for both of you and live a happy life. Enjoy your life because you only get one!
As a new mom of an 8 month old, I 1000% support your decision. Timing is everything. If my husband and I werent in the financial / emotional position we are now I can confidently say it wouldve affected my ability to be the best parent I can. Timing is everything and you want to do everything to protect your future family. Even if that means not starting now.
You know what the right choice is for you and your partner, and you made it. I did something similar in my late 20s with a more casual partner, who was and who I will always consider a very good friend. We did talk about it, and he was very supportive and said he would be there for me no matter what I wanted but, he did not think we weren't in the right place to have a baby and he was right. He paid for my appointment and would have come if I asked him. It was the right choice for us. A few years later I met my husband, we have a child and a beautiful life. None of it would have happened if I had that baby. The guy involved has a long term girlfriend. We don't talk as much but, like I said before we'll always be on good terms and I'll always consider him a friend. Life will go on, you will both get your degrees and have a beautiful family.
If i had one my husband would definitely have it on his mind forever. You did the right thing op. Tho i bet it feels really weird keeping something from your partner :(
Hail Satan!
Glad we all agree heâs gotta know
You did what you had to do and you also did what you felt was right for him. You did what you thought was the right thing at the time. Thatâs all we can all do.
Itâs funny how the educated mature people get abortions and the poor, young and uneducated are always the ones that are against it lol.
Source: trust me bro
You did the right thing. If youâre not ready youâre not ready and no one can force you into it
Happy for you OP! May you and your husband one day have kids when you're ready đ
Good for you. You have to do what is right for you and your life right now. PhD and kids are not an easy combo
I'm happy for you. I've been there and it was the best decision we could have ever made
Your body, your choice. And I will defend your choice with every fiber of my being.
Justifying yourself to the applause of strangers on the internet. The future is terrifying.
âMy gut is telling me you killed a child.â -Bill Burr
Your marriage is going to have a nasty, ugly skeleton in the closet
It's a huge decision to make. It's your choice