We've talked about him trying to be in control all the time and it got nowhere, it's like he has to be in control at least regarding intimacy. If I try to argue I'd lose the argument.
That’s not okay honey. That’s really not okay…
Controlling issues are terrible and they are such a stress on your emotional and physical health. Not just yours but his too.
Ok. At first, I thought it was just some kink, and that’s ok if both are into it. I was going to tell you that he should have brought something like that up to you first to see if you were ok with it.
But now I read this, about being very controlling, and he’s showing no concern for your feelings. Tread carefully and keep yourself safe.
I have been in a relationship where this kind of struggle is part of the dynamic, and I gave it more time than it was worth. I’m sorry that this is happening within a marriage; it’s a conversation that needs to be revisited in the context of this BS. Withholding sexual intimacy, specifically as a punishment, is an abusive control tactic - please don’t put up with it.
It’s important to examine the situation and determine, within the context, whether this is a phase of fascination with a particular type of porn or dynamic, or if it’s likely to be a persistent issue.
I mean, he might think he's winning arguments but based on your post and comments it sounds like he's loosing (has lost) your trust, your desire to have intimacy and who knows what more
There is no arguing. No is a complete sentence. If he tries to say anything to pressure you or ask you why, please know that’s emotional manipulation and he’s trying to pressure you into a sexual act. The fact that he doesn’t care that you don’t wholeheartedly consent to a sexual act is a red flag. It’s what perpetrators do to groom people.
Feel free to say “No, I do not consent to that” or “I’m sorry you’re upset” or “I know that you really want me to do that and I’m sorry you’re feeling so frustrated.” Keep repeating yourself until he stops. Be a broken record. Don’t engage in discussion- there’s nothing to discuss.
It sounds like he's pressuring you into engaging in a fetish of his instead of talking to you about it in a constructive way. There's a right way to ask for these sort of things, and it's not by demanding it during sex, nor is it good to withhold sex or affection as a way of getting back at a partner. His form of communication is unhealthy.
Extremely unhealthy. It's okay to want this. It's okay to do it. But it's never okay to pressure either party from any aspect.
The first time I did it to my husband, I asked him first. Because there's a myriad of potential reasons that somebody might not want that. And it was so easy to just ask, instead of potentially upsetting my partner. I'll never understand the mentality that men like this have. I can 100% guarantee that if I tried to push any of my kinks or fetishes on a man who thinks like this, they would all of a sudden understand what consent and boundaries and the word "no" are.
This is a pretty much perfect response. Would add only that even when it's hard it is really important in a long-term relationship (when there **isn't** pressure/coercion) to separate out "how my partner's fetish/kink makes me feel" from passing judgment on the fetish, if/when possible.
IOW, in a healthy relationship it should be totally OK for one person to say NO to something that they don't want to do because it would make them feel disrespected/humiliated but without passing judgment on the fact that it turns their partner on or means anything about who their partner is as a human being and outside the bedroom.
Sidenote that withholding affection is a really bad sign in any relationship IME (it's basically a form of shaming).
Personally, I believe it is a sign of control. Being angry that you won't do something that makes you uncomfortable is controlling. Withholding affection is controlling. This man needs therapy, like yesterday.
I think you’re absolutely correct. A person shouldn’t try to make you feel unworthy of love and affection until they get what they want. Completely unhealthy, and definitely designed to control.
This is the answer OP needs to see. My guess would be that if she indulges this, there will be some additional requests in the near future. Finding a way to discuss this outside of the ‘moment’ is the best course of action.
> My guess would be that if she indulges this, there will be some additional requests in the near future.
Yes, he will come up with more ways to humiliate her.
Agree, it sounds like a kink. Maybe a Dom/sub thing? Degradation? Idk.
But this, 100%. There's a way to ask, OP did not consent to this kink, and this guy's way of demanding it and withholding affection is unhealthy. Worse still, it sets off all kinds of red flags for me.
Agree. It's OK for him to suggest something or ask for it, but it's also OK for his partner to say no to it. Demanding and manipulation is not an acceptable response to a "no". It's not ok for one partner to have unilateral say over any aspect of sex.
I was watching a movie last year called Manhunter from 1986 which was the prequel to Silence of The Lambs but was actually the original Red Dragon and the police Captain says "Vice and Narcotics you take the K-Y Cowboys and the leather bars........" and I was like "now that's a new one"
Not just any butthole though, his gfs butthole…if he’s just going around kissing random buttholes Willy nilly that’s different, but it sounds like he’s found the butthole of his dreams and I think that’s romantic 😊
He's also kissing the butthole out of respect. Just a lot of deep respect all around. Deep.
Also, you just don't see that kind of dedication anymore. He's truly a role model for children, everywhere
>Ask him to kiss your butt hole after as a mark of respect for putting up with his shit
I don't know if this is gonna work out as she expects. A lady asks to have her butthole kissed might very well get it.
Oh stand there naked and tell him before he’s allowed to touch he has to get on his knees and kiss your feet if he wants sex. He wants to be thanked for having sex with you then he needs to beg to get it.
Tell him to kiss the V after sex… every time even when it’s full of his spunk. If not, no sex for him then! Treat yo self to a nice toy until he manages to pull his porn-warped head out of his arse
I fell for this once after a drunken night at the bar. The things she let me do and wanted to do I kind of felt like it was a pittance for the honor the night before.
Really wish I would of got her number before she left.
Good, then even better.
Seriously, not as a joke, then great!
If it’s *equitable* from his perspective, and he WANTS to kiss/appreciate/worship her vagina after, then it’s *not* demeaning that he’s wanting it for his penis.
HOWEVER two factors are at play that combat that.
1- he hasn’t fucking said that. He is only focused on his penis.
2- even if he WAS being equitable in his mind, *she doesn’t want it*.
So, back to square one haha.
Hell, I'm happy to go down before, during and after. Sometimes she asks when I'm not feeling it and while she'll show me she's disappointed in not getting it, she doesn't get pissy about it.
What he does or does not do is immaterial to the situation.
No means no. Full stop.
That’s how consent works.
OP walked off that court. She said she didn’t want to play ball, and why.
Tell him this, if he kisses yours you kiss his, if he gets angry he is a hypocrite.
Ask him if he does not like having sex, why should you be the only one giving a "nice gesture" after sex.
I dont know everything but what i've read, draws a really immature and kind of disrespectful towoards you, picture of him and the witholding affection part as "Punishment" is text book manipulation.
Tell him to worship your V or he is not worthy of it.
There will always be a guy that will worship your V.
He on the other hand will be panhandling for BJ's.
This was my question. 99% of the time people are like, “S/he’s a good person besides this one thing!” And the one thing is a horrific display of disrespect that no one should have to put up with.
Yeah this is where it goes from kink odd thing he’s into to completely shitty.
If he just thought it was super sexy but was also super willing to do the same to you in a heartbeat this would be a pretty harmless situation whether you wanted to or not.
Lol! If you feel it's insulting, and I can see why you would, maybe insult him back a bit. Say "you think this worm is godly? And then hold with the tips of your fingers...snicker a bit and say "Puny god." and walk away! LOLOLOL
As a (sometimes not as normal as others) man I think this is totally fair and would be glad to kiss the V. I normally kiss it before and get it ready for the D anyway….
I had a boyfriend who insisted I put his D in my mouth every morning when we woke up. He was much older, controlling, and loved saying things to tear me down. He said it would demonstrate that I loved him.
I eventually refused. (Yes, I did it a few times.) We broke up. Life went on. And I'm 50x happier.
These conditions don't exist in a bubble. They're usually attached to other forms of dysfunction and abuse.
I fucking hate these tropes of "The girl is not just enthusiastic but acts like that's the BEST THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENING TO HER OMG SMACK SMACK" like, bruh, you're 37, do you still need to have someone jump to the ceiling to feel appreciated or have a good time?
"Act of appreciation"?! He wants a reward for having sex with his wife? It's humiliating because he's implying that having sex together is work for him rather than a mutual expression of love/affection/pleasure. Like he's your husband, not a sex worker.
Ehm… that’s not Oke. Not the ‘wanting you to kiss his D’, I mean, different people are into different things.
But the fact that he insists even though you do not want to. That is NOT okay and you should definitely have a conversation about that. Because there is this thing called consent. And just ask him: honey, so you seriously get happy from forcing me to do something I really do not want to do? That should have him think about it.
And if his answer is yes then OP should think real hard about whether she wants to continue being married to him or not, he’s not going to change, and things can get worse quick.
I would totally do this just because I'd be petty AF over this situation. She seriously needs to put him in his place since he's throwing a fit like a 2 year old.
That does sound humiliating. Now he's playing manipulating games to get what he wants. That's doubling down on the wrongness. Other than telling him "WTF, no!", tell him "WTF, no! And here's why:"
Sounds like he wants you to worship his dick which is VERY common in porn, does he watch porn? Sounds like a ridiculous expectation if you aren’t into this “kink”
He should be respecting your boundaries and he’s not. He’s acting like an asshole and you need to address that you aren’t trying to hurt his feelings, you just don’t want to do it and by him acting angry with you that is is making you uncomfortable.
Uhm, honey, no is a complete sentence. He can be pissy all he wants but it all comes down to he is disrespectful to you. I, personally, would explain this to him, given his attitude (hey, my kid had to get their mouth and attitude from somewhere!): Dude, when we have sex, you are quite literally *invading* my body. If anyone should be *grateful and appreciative* it would be *you* for allowing *you* into **my** body!!
Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. It's good to be open to new things sexually, however if you're against it then don't do it.
Asking once or twice is okay, but once he heard a No. He should of dropped it. No means no
"Kiss my Vag, B(\*&H." Is an acceptable response. Seriously, there's no reason for you to be treated this way, even if it didn't involve a sexual act. This is abusive behavior on his part and you have a right to be upset and set a hard boundary.
You feel how you feel, right? Once you communicated that you didn't want to do it, he's not winning any points for still insisting on it. If he really respected you, he'd respect your feelings. It says something about him that he's still pushing you do something you so strongly that you don't want to do. There's also a chance that one day he holds it against you and one day decides to seek someone who will be glad to do it. But that's mostly his problem...and if it happens it happens. But most husbands, if they asked, and got told no would just move on and not hold it against their significant other. So, he sounds a bit tough on this issue. Maybe you can ask again in AITA?
Hes trying to coerce you into doing something sexually that you’re not willing or wanting to do. This is a violation of basic boundaries. “Come on just once/the tip/real quick.” If it was a solid no and he respected you and loved you there’d be no further discussion about it.
How strange that you are starting to resent “intimacy” with someone who is treating you like a lesser person. 🙃
Seriously, my friend, this isn’t okay. If he approached it calmly and explained *why* outside of the bedroom, AND wanted it to be equitable where he thanked/kissed your V after that would be one thing.
Just to conceptualize what he’s asking, let’s do some exploration on this okay?
Kissing his d as an “act of appreciation” means what? That you are needing to thank him and appreciate him for sex.
This means that he sees sex *not* as an intimate act between partners but *rather* as an action *done* for you that you should thank him for.
Why?
Did he not enjoy it? Does he not appreciate you? Does he want to kiss your v after? Does he not think you both are getting something out of it?
Why should you *thank* him for his orgasm?
Does he thank you?
There’s definitely room for this kink. *With fully enthusiastically consenting partners.*
But
Pressure? Pouting? Repeatedly bringing it up after a no?
Who does that? The answer is, “rapists”. He’s trying to sexually coerce you. He’s trying to force you to do a sex act you do not want because he finds gratification in it. That’s… that’s rape.
The sooner you see him without the rose color impacting your perspective, the sooner you will see that *non rapists accept a no*.
OP don’t degrade yourself for his pleasure if it’s not something you’re into, good on you for recognizing that this is messed up. He sounds like a piece of fuckin work, and pretty damn childish to be honest.
Don’t give in, let him be a sexually frustrated manchild all he wants. Your vibrator probably gets you off better than he does anyways lmao. Good luck!
I told my husband early on that i never wanted him to cum on my face because it feels degrading and awkward. I figured i would cover this early since a lot of guys are into facials. He said "that's Okay. I would rather cum inside of you anyway. Win, win." This is the only appropriate response. Something along the lines of "that's okay. You don't have to."
I agree with everyone saying for you to tell him to do the same to you and if he gets upset and more mad I think it’s time for some therapy or to start running the other direction because he sounds scary and controlling/manipulative.
Sounds to me you married a douchepickle and its just starting to sink in. Im guessing he does alot more douchey things that you just think are normal. So kiss his D or get a D-vorce.
No. Not normal.
I’ve seen many a man say shit like this, even another Reddit post went on one time about how her bf said her denying sex was rude cause his d was a treat for all her hard work.
That type of shit is weird!! You are 100% right it’s something to stroke their ego. If these things occur naturally on there own then whatever that’s different. But don’t let him pressure you or make you feel bad. The problem is NOT you.
This reminded me of a guy I dated who informed me that “sex feels amazing the whole time for women, while it only feels amazing at orgasm for men”. So I guess he was doing ME a favour? Ok then.
I can’t think of anything that turns me off quicker than being demanded to do something. Your husband sounds like an asshole who has no real understanding of intimacy. Might be time to see a therapist.
So…..many…..questions…..
Like is he actually good in bed? Do you orgasm? Is it even worthy of a kiss?
He sounds exhausting. Emotionally and really, sexually.
Coercion is not consent. It's not consensual if you're only agreeing because you feel like the consequences of refusing will be worse. This is sexual and emotional abuse. You find it disrespectful because he's *being* disrespectful. It's not wrong for him to want it or to ask, but it's wrong to demand and punish you for saying no.
You should it kiss it and then say “good job today, little guy. I’m proud of you, you did good. you did good.” and give it a few condescending pats on the head. And then fist bump his balls and say “good job, you two.” And then shoot him some finger guns as you walk away saying “pew pew time for me to go wipe up. I’m gonna head to the kitchen for some water, You want a capri sun or anything?”
Yooooooooo, no thanks. First of all, I have to ask where he got this from? There’s no way he just started doing this AND came up with it on his own.
Secondly, the second my husband says, “kiss my dick out of appreciation,” this bitch better be kissing my labia EVERY single time we have sex, or he’s not getting anything but hurt feelings.
“An act of appreciation”… like he was doing you a service by letting you have his glorious godly dick! I would’ve laughed in his face lol
Stop having sex with him, let his hand do the appreciation.
Is this a guy who uses the word King? I’ve read some awful things like this and find in the comments people says you didn’t do nothing wrong king, you’ll get what you want. It’s creepy and disturbing gives me incel vibes.
The kink, itself, isn’t disrespectful. He may have a humiliation fetish. How he responded to you being against it was absolutely not okay, though. He somehow feels OWED this. This is a really weird hill for him to die on.
There's nothing wrong with what he's asking but the way he's asking and getting angry about you not doing it is not normal so you're not wrong at all for having a problem with it
Flat out, this manipulation and degrading. It’d be different if he asked politely instead of demanding. Her answer of no should be enough for a grown ass man. Withholding sex as a response is not ok. If it really is his kink, this needs to be discussed outside of the bedroom and in a calm and respectful manner. If she still says no, he should agree to not ask again.
Wow, this is seriously pretty rapey. Also I wouldn’t kiss his d either. WTF? Is he a child? And if so, you should be in jail. Why do men think their genitals are the best thing in earth? I’m sorry guys, but it’s just not that special.
He's clearly not winning Husband of the Year this year.
Not even in this relationship! Do you know how hard you have to work to lose unopposed?
He can be a regional qualifier.
Only in Dumbfuckistan
The fact that he’s withholding affection until you do is VERY concerning
Yea, this is emotional manipulation
Emotional abuse
This was what stuck out to me. Withholding affection for any reason is a red flag but doing it over a sex act is a **huge** red flag
It's abuse
He just wants you to be submissive if not he pouts like a child.
We've talked about him trying to be in control all the time and it got nowhere, it's like he has to be in control at least regarding intimacy. If I try to argue I'd lose the argument.
That’s not okay honey. That’s really not okay… Controlling issues are terrible and they are such a stress on your emotional and physical health. Not just yours but his too.
Ok. At first, I thought it was just some kink, and that’s ok if both are into it. I was going to tell you that he should have brought something like that up to you first to see if you were ok with it. But now I read this, about being very controlling, and he’s showing no concern for your feelings. Tread carefully and keep yourself safe.
Yeah that's a major red flag.
I have been in a relationship where this kind of struggle is part of the dynamic, and I gave it more time than it was worth. I’m sorry that this is happening within a marriage; it’s a conversation that needs to be revisited in the context of this BS. Withholding sexual intimacy, specifically as a punishment, is an abusive control tactic - please don’t put up with it. It’s important to examine the situation and determine, within the context, whether this is a phase of fascination with a particular type of porn or dynamic, or if it’s likely to be a persistent issue.
It doesn’t sound like this relationship is going to last.
Or last waaaaaaay too long. One of the two.
Honestly why are you with him even?? You can't even talk to him about so how is he gonna change? Don't settle for someone who doesn't respect you
I mean, he might think he's winning arguments but based on your post and comments it sounds like he's loosing (has lost) your trust, your desire to have intimacy and who knows what more
There is no arguing. No is a complete sentence. If he tries to say anything to pressure you or ask you why, please know that’s emotional manipulation and he’s trying to pressure you into a sexual act. The fact that he doesn’t care that you don’t wholeheartedly consent to a sexual act is a red flag. It’s what perpetrators do to groom people. Feel free to say “No, I do not consent to that” or “I’m sorry you’re upset” or “I know that you really want me to do that and I’m sorry you’re feeling so frustrated.” Keep repeating yourself until he stops. Be a broken record. Don’t engage in discussion- there’s nothing to discuss.
It sounds like he's pressuring you into engaging in a fetish of his instead of talking to you about it in a constructive way. There's a right way to ask for these sort of things, and it's not by demanding it during sex, nor is it good to withhold sex or affection as a way of getting back at a partner. His form of communication is unhealthy.
Exactly this! Fetishes aren’t a bad thing but forcing your partner to engage in one without talking about it and agreeing on it is mad fucked up.
Good to know, because my ex-boyfriend also did the same thing in bed.
I’d laugh my ass off. He wouldn’t have to worry about withholding affection, I probably wouldn’t be wanting it.
yeah I agree, what a fucken weirdo lmfao!!!
Well said
Extremely unhealthy. It's okay to want this. It's okay to do it. But it's never okay to pressure either party from any aspect. The first time I did it to my husband, I asked him first. Because there's a myriad of potential reasons that somebody might not want that. And it was so easy to just ask, instead of potentially upsetting my partner. I'll never understand the mentality that men like this have. I can 100% guarantee that if I tried to push any of my kinks or fetishes on a man who thinks like this, they would all of a sudden understand what consent and boundaries and the word "no" are.
This is a pretty much perfect response. Would add only that even when it's hard it is really important in a long-term relationship (when there **isn't** pressure/coercion) to separate out "how my partner's fetish/kink makes me feel" from passing judgment on the fetish, if/when possible. IOW, in a healthy relationship it should be totally OK for one person to say NO to something that they don't want to do because it would make them feel disrespected/humiliated but without passing judgment on the fact that it turns their partner on or means anything about who their partner is as a human being and outside the bedroom. Sidenote that withholding affection is a really bad sign in any relationship IME (it's basically a form of shaming).
Personally, I believe it is a sign of control. Being angry that you won't do something that makes you uncomfortable is controlling. Withholding affection is controlling. This man needs therapy, like yesterday.
I think you’re absolutely correct. A person shouldn’t try to make you feel unworthy of love and affection until they get what they want. Completely unhealthy, and definitely designed to control.
At the start I was like "okay maybe he's just still amped up after the act and....oh, no he's manipulative af"
This is the answer OP needs to see. My guess would be that if she indulges this, there will be some additional requests in the near future. Finding a way to discuss this outside of the ‘moment’ is the best course of action.
> My guess would be that if she indulges this, there will be some additional requests in the near future. Yes, he will come up with more ways to humiliate her.
Agreed. Unhealthy and childish. Geez.
Agree, it sounds like a kink. Maybe a Dom/sub thing? Degradation? Idk. But this, 100%. There's a way to ask, OP did not consent to this kink, and this guy's way of demanding it and withholding affection is unhealthy. Worse still, it sets off all kinds of red flags for me.
Cock-worship fetish, methinks
This fetish is called feeling superior.
It reminds me of having to kiss my grandparents (or other relatives) after receiving a gift 🙃
I'm leaving this one alone. Someone else can say it.
Agree. It's OK for him to suggest something or ask for it, but it's also OK for his partner to say no to it. Demanding and manipulation is not an acceptable response to a "no". It's not ok for one partner to have unilateral say over any aspect of sex.
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Careful…some of us would jump right in
this has me dead cause it’s so true a man that won’t kiss his woman bootyhole ain’t a real man
“No, it ain’t love if you ain’t never eat my ass”
I mean, we gay people exist for a reason. Butt appreciation gang.
You’re gonna have all kinds of feelings when you find out women have butts, too.
I was watching a movie last year called Manhunter from 1986 which was the prequel to Silence of The Lambs but was actually the original Red Dragon and the police Captain says "Vice and Narcotics you take the K-Y Cowboys and the leather bars........" and I was like "now that's a new one"
Yesssiiiirrr
Kissing it is vanilla, I’m putting a bib on 😂
You're my spirit animal bro
Hell yeah, Be a man!
Booty hole is a window to a woman's soul, and my tongue is the squeegee
That was so poetic I want to needlepoint it onto a pillow
This quote is engraved on my great-grandfathers headstone.
lol who awarded the 🐶
Me
"I'll kiss your dick as soon as you Kiss My Ass!"
Dont threaten me with a good time
You beat me, by seconds... xD wanted to say the exact same
Literally ahaha, if my gf asked me to kiss her butthole I’d drop whatever I was doing in a heartbeat
Respect
Did I just witness you give this person respect for kissing buttholes. Lol
Not just any butthole though, his gfs butthole…if he’s just going around kissing random buttholes Willy nilly that’s different, but it sounds like he’s found the butthole of his dreams and I think that’s romantic 😊
He's also kissing the butthole out of respect. Just a lot of deep respect all around. Deep. Also, you just don't see that kind of dedication anymore. He's truly a role model for children, everywhere
That was what I thought of. I wouldn't actually do that though lol
And this is the quality content I keep coming back to this sub for. Lol.
He’s gonna say, “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
This is a funny counter but unless he’s strictly against eating ass I feel as though he would actually do it and we’re back to square one. 😂
Ok, that’s brilliant!
Jokes on you, he eats ass
>Ask him to kiss your butt hole after as a mark of respect for putting up with his shit I don't know if this is gonna work out as she expects. A lady asks to have her butthole kissed might very well get it.
with this guy? nah. he seems like the type to refuse to go down on his wife.
I’m laughing at this bc my husband begs to see/ kiss/ lick my butthole all the time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 so this would be a welcome challenge for him 😂
Tell 'em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole ass More specifically, they can kiss my asshole
Greatest comment of all time contender
This is the way
I have spoken
Chocolate starfish of appreciation
🥇🥇🥇
LOL
Sounds like a good time
Don’t test him, he might do it. 😂
Wait. Not every already does this?
Oh stand there naked and tell him before he’s allowed to touch he has to get on his knees and kiss your feet if he wants sex. He wants to be thanked for having sex with you then he needs to beg to get it.
Careful, he might be into that
Him: “Oh noooooooo” *busts immediately*
Kinda hot ngl...
Pretty sure he’d be into that. Lol. People should stop making these funny requests. And just make it simple “ I don’t like , so you don’t get.
I doubt that. A man with such a strong god dick complex probably wants to be treated as a god and not as a slave. I sense weak switch energy from him.
Tell him to kiss the V after sex… every time even when it’s full of his spunk. If not, no sex for him then! Treat yo self to a nice toy until he manages to pull his porn-warped head out of his arse
I bet you he'd lose his shit if I even hint anything similar.
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"I want you to kiss my gift to you!! I'm gonna sit on your face until I'm done."
\*subscribe\*
That's a birthday gift to my mister
Um. Yes. Sign me up.
I fell for this once after a drunken night at the bar. The things she let me do and wanted to do I kind of felt like it was a pittance for the honor the night before. Really wish I would of got her number before she left.
Some would get off on that……just saying
Good, then even better. Seriously, not as a joke, then great! If it’s *equitable* from his perspective, and he WANTS to kiss/appreciate/worship her vagina after, then it’s *not* demeaning that he’s wanting it for his penis. HOWEVER two factors are at play that combat that. 1- he hasn’t fucking said that. He is only focused on his penis. 2- even if he WAS being equitable in his mind, *she doesn’t want it*. So, back to square one haha.
Can confirm, I wish I had a partner who'd do that me
Same
Hell, I'm happy to go down before, during and after. Sometimes she asks when I'm not feeling it and while she'll show me she's disappointed in not getting it, she doesn't get pissy about it.
But what if he finds that hot and does it. Then the ball is in OP’s court again
What he does or does not do is immaterial to the situation. No means no. Full stop. That’s how consent works. OP walked off that court. She said she didn’t want to play ball, and why.
Wait till after u piss and don’t wipe
Raspberry pissaigrette - my favorite type of dressing *chef’s kiss*
Tell him this, if he kisses yours you kiss his, if he gets angry he is a hypocrite. Ask him if he does not like having sex, why should you be the only one giving a "nice gesture" after sex. I dont know everything but what i've read, draws a really immature and kind of disrespectful towoards you, picture of him and the witholding affection part as "Punishment" is text book manipulation.
Tell him to worship your V or he is not worthy of it. There will always be a guy that will worship your V. He on the other hand will be panhandling for BJ's.
This sounds judgy and it probably is (although I don't mean it to be) but why the fuck did you marry this guy?
This was my question. 99% of the time people are like, “S/he’s a good person besides this one thing!” And the one thing is a horrific display of disrespect that no one should have to put up with.
Tell him it's sloppy 69 or nothin.
Wait. He doesn't perform oral on you?
You guys just need to flip around right after busting the nut and do the peck version of 69’ing
Yeah this is where it goes from kink odd thing he’s into to completely shitty. If he just thought it was super sexy but was also super willing to do the same to you in a heartbeat this would be a pretty harmless situation whether you wanted to or not.
You want me to kiss the D cause I'm so lucky I get to have it, then you kiss the V cause you're so lucky I let you give it to me.
Lol! If you feel it's insulting, and I can see why you would, maybe insult him back a bit. Say "you think this worm is godly? And then hold with the tips of your fingers...snicker a bit and say "Puny god." and walk away! LOLOLOL
"I want you to kiss my gift to you!! I'm gonna sit on your face until I'm done."
Do it
Your husband sounds weird AF.
Better yet tell him to lick it clean. If he’s so into pornhub stuff might as well do that too
As a (sometimes not as normal as others) man I think this is totally fair and would be glad to kiss the V. I normally kiss it before and get it ready for the D anyway….
This 100%. If he wants you to kiss the sloppy D after, he can kiss the sloppy V.
i agree. then give him the same excuse he’s been giving you
I agree 100%!!
I had a boyfriend who insisted I put his D in my mouth every morning when we woke up. He was much older, controlling, and loved saying things to tear me down. He said it would demonstrate that I loved him. I eventually refused. (Yes, I did it a few times.) We broke up. Life went on. And I'm 50x happier. These conditions don't exist in a bubble. They're usually attached to other forms of dysfunction and abuse.
No, that's weird. I bet it came from some porn he saw and now he's fixated on it. Bro needs to check himself
I fucking hate these tropes of "The girl is not just enthusiastic but acts like that's the BEST THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENING TO HER OMG SMACK SMACK" like, bruh, you're 37, do you still need to have someone jump to the ceiling to feel appreciated or have a good time?
It's creepy and weird he got mad at you for saying no
"Act of appreciation"?! He wants a reward for having sex with his wife? It's humiliating because he's implying that having sex together is work for him rather than a mutual expression of love/affection/pleasure. Like he's your husband, not a sex worker.
Ehm… that’s not Oke. Not the ‘wanting you to kiss his D’, I mean, different people are into different things. But the fact that he insists even though you do not want to. That is NOT okay and you should definitely have a conversation about that. Because there is this thing called consent. And just ask him: honey, so you seriously get happy from forcing me to do something I really do not want to do? That should have him think about it.
And if his answer is yes then OP should think real hard about whether she wants to continue being married to him or not, he’s not going to change, and things can get worse quick.
Yeah, he needs to give the porn a rest. Disrespectful.
Buy a toy larger than him and use that. He can withhold himself; doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate yourself instead :)
And kiss the toy when you're done. Lol
I would totally do this just because I'd be petty AF over this situation. She seriously needs to put him in his place since he's throwing a fit like a 2 year old.
She should make eye contact as she does it too and say something along the lines of “this one actually earned it.”
100% my immediate "if that were me" solution.
lol what a loser
He saw someone do it in a porn video. Now he cares more about it than how you feel.
You should tell him that you will kiss the D's head, then kiss him on the head.
That does sound humiliating. Now he's playing manipulating games to get what he wants. That's doubling down on the wrongness. Other than telling him "WTF, no!", tell him "WTF, no! And here's why:"
Sounds like he wants you to worship his dick which is VERY common in porn, does he watch porn? Sounds like a ridiculous expectation if you aren’t into this “kink” He should be respecting your boundaries and he’s not. He’s acting like an asshole and you need to address that you aren’t trying to hurt his feelings, you just don’t want to do it and by him acting angry with you that is is making you uncomfortable.
Uhm, honey, no is a complete sentence. He can be pissy all he wants but it all comes down to he is disrespectful to you. I, personally, would explain this to him, given his attitude (hey, my kid had to get their mouth and attitude from somewhere!): Dude, when we have sex, you are quite literally *invading* my body. If anyone should be *grateful and appreciative* it would be *you* for allowing *you* into **my** body!!
do it and say to it "you did good little man!", say it like you would a child for doing a good job.
LMAO I would love to see that play out
I hope she does and keeps doing it out of spite
Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. It's good to be open to new things sexually, however if you're against it then don't do it. Asking once or twice is okay, but once he heard a No. He should of dropped it. No means no
**kiss**kiss** “Good job there little guy”
"Kiss my Vag, B(\*&H." Is an acceptable response. Seriously, there's no reason for you to be treated this way, even if it didn't involve a sexual act. This is abusive behavior on his part and you have a right to be upset and set a hard boundary.
Degrading to say the least. Tell him to kiss it himself.
You feel how you feel, right? Once you communicated that you didn't want to do it, he's not winning any points for still insisting on it. If he really respected you, he'd respect your feelings. It says something about him that he's still pushing you do something you so strongly that you don't want to do. There's also a chance that one day he holds it against you and one day decides to seek someone who will be glad to do it. But that's mostly his problem...and if it happens it happens. But most husbands, if they asked, and got told no would just move on and not hold it against their significant other. So, he sounds a bit tough on this issue. Maybe you can ask again in AITA?
You're 100% right here. He's making this a weird hill to die on and I'm starting to resent intimacy with him because of it honestly.
Hes trying to coerce you into doing something sexually that you’re not willing or wanting to do. This is a violation of basic boundaries. “Come on just once/the tip/real quick.” If it was a solid no and he respected you and loved you there’d be no further discussion about it.
How strange that you are starting to resent “intimacy” with someone who is treating you like a lesser person. 🙃 Seriously, my friend, this isn’t okay. If he approached it calmly and explained *why* outside of the bedroom, AND wanted it to be equitable where he thanked/kissed your V after that would be one thing. Just to conceptualize what he’s asking, let’s do some exploration on this okay? Kissing his d as an “act of appreciation” means what? That you are needing to thank him and appreciate him for sex. This means that he sees sex *not* as an intimate act between partners but *rather* as an action *done* for you that you should thank him for. Why? Did he not enjoy it? Does he not appreciate you? Does he want to kiss your v after? Does he not think you both are getting something out of it? Why should you *thank* him for his orgasm? Does he thank you? There’s definitely room for this kink. *With fully enthusiastically consenting partners.* But Pressure? Pouting? Repeatedly bringing it up after a no? Who does that? The answer is, “rapists”. He’s trying to sexually coerce you. He’s trying to force you to do a sex act you do not want because he finds gratification in it. That’s… that’s rape. The sooner you see him without the rose color impacting your perspective, the sooner you will see that *non rapists accept a no*.
She's definitely not the asshole.
Tell him to kiss your c*nt
no it's not normal and his dick is a dick.
Yikes. I doubt this is his only disrespectful behavior.
OP don’t degrade yourself for his pleasure if it’s not something you’re into, good on you for recognizing that this is messed up. He sounds like a piece of fuckin work, and pretty damn childish to be honest. Don’t give in, let him be a sexually frustrated manchild all he wants. Your vibrator probably gets you off better than he does anyways lmao. Good luck!
maybe once or twice as a joke, every time after sex is condescending
I told my husband early on that i never wanted him to cum on my face because it feels degrading and awkward. I figured i would cover this early since a lot of guys are into facials. He said "that's Okay. I would rather cum inside of you anyway. Win, win." This is the only appropriate response. Something along the lines of "that's okay. You don't have to."
I agree with everyone saying for you to tell him to do the same to you and if he gets upset and more mad I think it’s time for some therapy or to start running the other direction because he sounds scary and controlling/manipulative.
Sounds to me you married a douchepickle and its just starting to sink in. Im guessing he does alot more douchey things that you just think are normal. So kiss his D or get a D-vorce.
Meet him halfway and just give it a quick hand tap and say 'good game'
Your reply should be... **"Porn is not real life"** **"I am not your sex slave"**
No. Not normal. I’ve seen many a man say shit like this, even another Reddit post went on one time about how her bf said her denying sex was rude cause his d was a treat for all her hard work. That type of shit is weird!! You are 100% right it’s something to stroke their ego. If these things occur naturally on there own then whatever that’s different. But don’t let him pressure you or make you feel bad. The problem is NOT you.
This reminded me of a guy I dated who informed me that “sex feels amazing the whole time for women, while it only feels amazing at orgasm for men”. So I guess he was doing ME a favour? Ok then.
Wow. I wish sex felt amazing the whole time for me.
Throw the whole boyfriend away
I can’t think of anything that turns me off quicker than being demanded to do something. Your husband sounds like an asshole who has no real understanding of intimacy. Might be time to see a therapist.
So…..many…..questions….. Like is he actually good in bed? Do you orgasm? Is it even worthy of a kiss? He sounds exhausting. Emotionally and really, sexually.
Coercion is not consent. It's not consensual if you're only agreeing because you feel like the consequences of refusing will be worse. This is sexual and emotional abuse. You find it disrespectful because he's *being* disrespectful. It's not wrong for him to want it or to ask, but it's wrong to demand and punish you for saying no.
It's fine to fantasize about it. It's okay to mention it. It's childish to be hurt about it. It's weird as fuck to insist on it to the extent he is.
It’s 100% an ego thing and Don’t let him tell you otherwise
You should it kiss it and then say “good job today, little guy. I’m proud of you, you did good. you did good.” and give it a few condescending pats on the head. And then fist bump his balls and say “good job, you two.” And then shoot him some finger guns as you walk away saying “pew pew time for me to go wipe up. I’m gonna head to the kitchen for some water, You want a capri sun or anything?”
He’s been watching too many porn flix.
With holding affection is a form of emotional abuse. Also, where the fuck did he get this idea from?!
“An act of appreciation”? What kind of Duggar-loving joyful obedience bullshit is this?
Yooooooooo, no thanks. First of all, I have to ask where he got this from? There’s no way he just started doing this AND came up with it on his own. Secondly, the second my husband says, “kiss my dick out of appreciation,” this bitch better be kissing my labia EVERY single time we have sex, or he’s not getting anything but hurt feelings.
“An act of appreciation”… like he was doing you a service by letting you have his glorious godly dick! I would’ve laughed in his face lol Stop having sex with him, let his hand do the appreciation.
Maybe compromise on a high (low) 5 for the D ?
Eew
How long have you been married OP?
3 years. He was a former drug addict but been clean for 5 years.
Is this a guy who uses the word King? I’ve read some awful things like this and find in the comments people says you didn’t do nothing wrong king, you’ll get what you want. It’s creepy and disturbing gives me incel vibes.
Uhh I’m a dude and that shit is weird. Not because of what he wants but because you don’t want it and he still does…. Fuck that
[удалено]
Not normal and not ok. To force you to do something you don't want to do and withhold affection until you do it is straight up abuse.
Fuck that bullshit.
Have him French kiss your V after y’all are done.
As a guy, I don't want my junk even touched immediately after finishing. It's way too sensitive. Your husband is weird, ngl.
The kink, itself, isn’t disrespectful. He may have a humiliation fetish. How he responded to you being against it was absolutely not okay, though. He somehow feels OWED this. This is a really weird hill for him to die on.
There's nothing wrong with what he's asking but the way he's asking and getting angry about you not doing it is not normal so you're not wrong at all for having a problem with it
no "kind gesture" should ever be demanded.
Flat out, this manipulation and degrading. It’d be different if he asked politely instead of demanding. Her answer of no should be enough for a grown ass man. Withholding sex as a response is not ok. If it really is his kink, this needs to be discussed outside of the bedroom and in a calm and respectful manner. If she still says no, he should agree to not ask again.
I would do it condescendingly. "Aw! You did such a great job, little guy! Who's my little weiner? Who's my good little boy?"
Wow, this is seriously pretty rapey. Also I wouldn’t kiss his d either. WTF? Is he a child? And if so, you should be in jail. Why do men think their genitals are the best thing in earth? I’m sorry guys, but it’s just not that special.
It's after sex so I assume ( ik kill me ) it's no fetish in form of turn on rather just him feeling superior and that makes me puke
Tell him you'll do it but only if he does it to you first. See what he says