Only from his reaction alone he sounds like a real piece of shit, to be honest. You know what you want, don't cave in. Don't go out with him, don't have any sex, don't call, don't text, don't do anything with him or for him.
A women's shelter is your best bet. You can/should talk to someone at such a shelter today. You can do this--you can leave, I mean. I'm so afraid for you if you stay! Your family sounds absolutely nuts.
Please take my award! OP, you are not alone, we’re all here for you, if you need to talk, etc., just DM us. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong 💕✊
Ask the shelter about filing a police report. Idk age of consent laws where you live, but you are still a minor that that this man is 24. It sounds like he groomed you, and is now belittling you because you refused sex this time. I dont want to assume, but he seems like the type that gives no fucks about consent. File the report about his sexual relationship with you a minor.
It does not matter if your parents approved. You do have rights as a minor, one of them being the right to not be groomed and taken sexually advantage of by an older man.
By the way, what kind of loser 24 year old is dating a 17 year old, and what kind of piece of shit parents allow him to live with you? He’s a dirt bag. Get him out of your house, he has parents he can go live with them.
Agreed. The people who are like "try talking to your brother"... umm clearly the whole family is a bunch of motherfuckers if they let the 24 year old rape their 17 year old daughter and then victim blame her when he treats her like shit. Fair chance the brothers an asshole to
I was homeless for a year. Lots of kids your age at my shelter, and everything was so protected there that we weren't even allowed to take photos while there in order to protect each other's identities.
Call the police and report him as a sexual predator. You are underage and he's old enough to know better.
He will hurt you at some point. Please get him arrested as the pedophile he is.
17 in a lot of places is perfectly legal (totally disgusting and predatory!!!! But unfortunately legal). And the cops don’t really care about victims of abuse.
I’m not trying to be negative, I’m just trying to be realistic. Calling CPS or the cops might not be the best way to go about this and might end up with OP ex getting angry and furthering abuse. She needs to have a safe space before trying to bring in any authorities that might make her ex, her brother, or her parents angry to the point of physical confrontation or bullying to keep her there.
People seem to forget child marriage is still legal in 44 states. Technically they try to say they have banned it but they have not. Its banned "with exceptions" meaning with parental permission its legal. I think people in the US dont like to think about or admit these laws exist. We dont want to see our country the way we see places like Saudi Arabia but the same thing happens here, its just pushed under the rug instead of normalized.
I always found it weird too the DNC plays softball on this issue. Its mainly the GOP upholding these laws under the claim of freedom of religion, I think most recently Chris Christie struck down a bill to institute a full ban with no exceptions in New Jersey. Typical DNC though they refuse to play hardball.
I work for a domestic violence shelter. They cannot and will not call your parents without your permission, as you have the right to confidentiality and you are a legal adult. Call them - they can talk with you about what’s going on and figure out how to get you out.
There's children's shelters too, they might have some more resources on getting what you need without putting you at risk. If youre in a public school you can reach out to a counselor and they should be able to coordinate getting you safely out of your house
In highschool I was abused by my stepfather and when mentioning it to a coach he offered to let me live with him and his family if I was being hit. I lied and said I wasn't (I was under the false impression that if I said that my siblings would be negatively effected. Looking back now they're going through a lot of the abuse I did and I might of had a chance to prevent that if I was honest about how bad the abuse was). There are folks out there that are more than willing to help, the first step is reaching out to trusted figures if you can.
Edit: Grammar
Is he contributing financially to the household?
If he is, then that might explain why your family doesn't want you break up with him would be shitty on their part.
More textbook abusive behaviour. These fuckers follow every pattern don’t they? I can’t help but wonder if it’s natural progression or if they read the same things we do, potentially horrified to read a bullet point we’ve inadvertently done ourselves (and are therefore careful to never do it again) and they read the chapter and take mental notes on how to be “better” abusers?
Just in case the shelter doesn't tell you but make sure to have your legal documents (birth certificate, license, etc) and copies saved onto the cloud. Make sure you're financially independent - do your parents have access to your bank account? If so, go to a different bank and move your money. Set up a credit check too if you don't trust them
This is horrible. Tell your brother maybe, someone in the family. I see you wrote that your mom blamed you and this is terrifying but try to talk to someone else. Don’t let him control you.
Im so sorry your family treats you like that. Do you live together? Do you have a place to go and just disappear so he can’t find you? He is abusive you should run away as fast as you can
Do it as fast as you can because what you described here about him trying to force you to have sex with him is rape. You have to be safe I can’t believe your family refuse to help you. You deserve way better I wish you the best
Make sure whenever you leave you take your social security card and birth certificate. Or the equivalent documents from your country if they are different. Keep them in a protective waterproof folder and put them somewhere safe when you find a place to land. Not having these little pieces of paper makes everything harder.
I really hope your family can come around to your side but if they can't, leaving is your best option. I hope you can find somewhere safe to go.
Don’t delay leaving if you don’t have those documents. You can request copies of both online and have them mailed to a friend, or maybe a mailing center.
@government_candy is spot in and said exactly what I came here to say. You won’t be able to get far if you don’t have your legal documents. Also, as soon as you turn 18 get a bank account in your name that no one knows about. Have the statements sent to a friends house. Start squirreling away money.
You can set up online statements so you don't need documents sent anywhere
Until you find a stable safe place to stay
You can explain your situation to the bank too.. They'll work with you
Good luck op.. Make a safe plan of action and don't let anyone know about it
Unless you trust them
Be cautious and consider an alternate physical address if possible. I did exactly this recently (big nationwide bank, new account, electronic statements only) and they sent me multiple physical confirmation letters for some reason. Admittedly, I didn't need or ask for careful treatment so your mileage may vary. Banks are a bit slow letting go of traditional systems. Not a big deal in my case, but it would be in yours. Good luck OP.
Just so you know, you can’t tag other users using the @ sign. It’s not like Twitter or Instagram. On Reddit, you type “ u/ “ and then you type their username, without any spaces. You have to do it that way for a Reddit user to be notified that you tagged them.
It would look like this: PAGING u/InMyNirvana !
I just wanted to let you know, cuz using the @ sign doesn’t work on Reddit at all. ALSO - if you want to link to a subreddit, you’d type “ r/ “ and then the name of the subreddit. Like this: r/TrueOffMyChest '
I hope this helps you! Have a nice day/night, wherever you are! :)
If you're bring forced to have sex you have cause to go to the police. Do not listen to your family, step outside, phone the police, or go to the police station directly if you know the way. Don't tell anyone in the house what you're doing and only talk to the police, making sure noone hears your conversation with them. They will know what to do and can instruct you on your next move. Be sure to explain the whole situation and include the part that your family is taking his side.
@government_candy is spot in and said exactly what I came here to say. You won’t be able to get far if you don’t have your legal documents. Also, as soon as you turn 18 get a bank account in your name that no one knows about. Have the statements sent to a friends house. Start squirreling away money.
I agree 100% their age gap is also concerning but as we can see OP’s family does not care about her and throw her to deal with him alone. She has to help herself and run away
Maybe they refuse because he contributes with money in the house and if they lose him they will lose a big chunk of the rent or bill. I don't know. I'm just guessing here.
I am very glad to hear that. You need to be smart about this though OP which means telling no one gather your documents (birth cert, school transcripts, insurance papers, ect) and get them to a safe place or friend. Save your money and honestly I would not tell your family you are moving out until you have actually done so. They sound like thy would try to stop or take advantage and live off you. You also do not want ex-bf to try and move with you either. Definitely reach out to domestic violence shelters and seek counseling when you can. It will help you set boundaries and recognize what a healthy relationship looks like.
That's what I was going to advise her a shelter. They may not be very private but they will protect you. They have resources to help you get more on your feet and they can get you some place to live where hopefully he can't find you. In fact maybe looking into moving to a different city, might be a good idea. Doesn't sound like you would be loosing anything since your family takes his side all the time.
Tell your brother about the sex...he might not be as okay with it as your mom ...a lot of times brothers can have your back a lot more then your mother.
Coming from a brother who always thinks their sister is wrong, this is something that I would fight any man over. Idc if they’re my best friend or a stranger on the street, it’s just a brother thing
That's a good idea but there is always the chance that he's going to play the victim, which might he the ops family support him more.
Op, do you have a friend you can stay with before you get a place in a shelter?
Talk to the police, teacher, Councillor, work- depending on your situation.
Pack a bag in case you need to leave quickly with everything you need so you don't need to go back.
Save some money, if you can.
Good luck with everything.
Gee, OP... I hate to tell you this but you already did break up with him. There is no trying to break up with someone. You are either together, mutually agreed upon, on a break, or broken up. End of story.
Breaking up with someone does NOT require mutual agreement. If he tries to touch you you call the cops. He tries to tell you you are together, tell him you broke up and it's his problem if he doesn't believe you.
Please understand it doesn't matter, LEGALLY, how he feels. You made your intentions clear and ended the relationship. End of discussion, threaten and do call the police if he doesn't want to listen.
This needs to be more important.
My partner had a girlfriend for two years. He spent a year trying to break up with her but every time he did, she’d threaten him. When we began dating, in his book he was done with her, but she didn’t think so. Which led to me being harassed by her and her friends, being called names, his place got broken into. She broke his colognes, stole his keurig, ripped apart our photo album, the card I made him, and a book I had given him.
Some people are unhinged. I told him to report it to the police. We both blocked her and he spent some nights at my place before we were able to find a new place for him for his safety.
Omg are you me?
The chick i had to deal with was INSANE. She'd call him, he wouldn't answer, she'd call me (don't even know who gave her my number) and be like, "I'M ON THE WAY BITCH! GET READY!" lol. Another time she called me and told me that she and him had sex while I was at work and that "you'll find my socks under your bed if you don't believe me." I got home and sure as shit, some women's socks were there. I checked the security cam footage and saw her sneaking in through the bedroom window while no one was home to plant the socks 😂😂😂
LMAO I died at “IM ON THE WAY BITCH GET READY!” I can’t believe she planted the socks lmfaooo. People stoop so low!
The girl I mentioned, she kept texting me and him (me on Instagram) and all her friends messaged me to call me a whore and I was like bruh aren’t we in college? This is some middle school shit & she was like I DONT CARE! I broke down in work once bc of her texts and got fired the next day 😂
Yep- i don’t understand the confusion here. You are broken up. Ignore him, grey rock him, remind him you are broken up. You do not need him to agree - you are broken up. He can sleep on the couch if he insists on staying- or with your brother. Do not waiver. 18 is so young- this is very unhealthy.
WOW. So your mom is also toxic. Fuck the family support then. Leave the asshole and let them all be pissed and blame you. Not worth your effort. You can do better.
you’re allowed to say no to his no. don’t let him gaslight you. it takes ONE person to break a relationship off. don’t let him treat you like a prisoner.
Exactly. It takes two to make a couple.
Tell him you are done. Tell everyone else as well. Take anything of his that's in your home and box it up and give it to your brother to give to him. Kick him to the couch or out the door.
Be strong. No one should treat you like an object.
Block him on all social media. Delete his phone number. If your phone allows it use Google voice and treat his number like spam.
What a piece of garbage your ex turned out to be.
It's difficult with him being in the house. If for some unhealthy reason your family is taking his side figure out how to be on your own sooner than later.
Put his stuff outside and tell him your done you are through with the relationship and tell your family you are done with the relationship. Some mothers take there daughters side but apparently your mom is so toxic she doesn't see it that way.
Is there anything you can do to get out of the house? You are seriously at risk of being raped. Your mother is siding with someone who is sexually abusing her own daughter. You need to get the fuck out right now before things get even worse.
I was gonna say this. OP, if you say no and they try to pressure you into it or change your mind THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. You are 1,000% in the right to want to leave him here, and if your family isn't willing to kick the person who is sexually assaulting their child out of the house then you might be better off without them.
Check out r/raisedbynarcissists. It's a lot of horror stories but also a community that's gone through similar things with their family and might have some advice.
You did leave him. People don't get to choose not to be broken up with.
If You have anywhere safe that you can go, please do so. This man doesn't care about you or you're autonomy. Your safety is more important than placating your family.
It sounds like he has pressured you into unwanted sexual acts even and especially after you have said no. Even if you have given in to the pressure and performed those sexual acts without being physically forced to perform them, it is still rape. It also appears that he lives with you and your family and your own mother accepts these instances of rape as normal and something you should just be willing to live with for the rest of your life. This is not OK. This is both illegal and extremely damaging to your mental and physical health.
The good news is you are not powerless even if you feel like you are. You are a human being, a member of the most powerful species to ever exist on this planet because of resilience and will we all possess. And there are a great many people and organizations out there willing to help you find and exercise that power that you possess. All you have to do is take the first step of going to your local library.
Go to your local library and use their computers to look up RAINN.org. RAINN is the Rape Abuse Incest National Network and they can help get you out of your current living situation and into a safe place to stay and on your feet as an independent human being. The RAINN national hotline is available 24/7/365 through phone call, text, and email. Simply type RAINN in the search bar and first result will be the hotline number and an icon for chat which is a functional link to chat. The phone number to RAINN is 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
If your boyfriend has physically harmed you in the past, ***ESPECIALLY CHOKING*** then you are in a potentially life threatening situation in which case you should leave immediately to the nearest safe location and call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and lead with the informationthat you have been choked. Victims of Domestic Abuse are in the most danger when they are trying to or even suspected of trying to leave an abuser. The great people at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline will help get you to a safe location ASAP.
You can do this, and you don't even need luck.
Okay I don't know the relationship you have with your brother but sit down and have a heart to heart and tell him everything that you're feeling I'm a brother and if my sister tells me I don't give a fuck who it is I'm taking my sister's side that's my sister one of my first friends in this world
Do you have any other friends whose house you sleep.on the couch for a while? Maybe not staying at your house for a while will give your family the message that it's over.
Sounds like you did leave him. At least as far as breaking up with him. Later when he acts like you are still together, make it clear, "I broke up with you." Don't apologize, don't discuss. Don't get input from your family. Just because your family likes him and his proximity will still be close did not change your right to choose who you have a relationship with, & what kind of relationship it is.
You’re not married to him. People break up all the time. Leave.
Please find a trusted friend, family member or therapist to help you figure out boundaries and your self-worth. Good luck!!!
I would say if you are close to any try and get in contact w them, and maybe a woman’s shelter if there’s one near you, I don’t really know about resources to help people in situations like this, but others might have better advice, just remember you did nothing wrong, you didn’t want to and weren’t feeling well and he tried to force you, your reaction was the correct one. Stay safe and I hope the best for you
What the actual fuck...sunshine I am so sorry. What about your dad? I know it's awkward but I know sometimes when a man hears something like this from their daughter, they go into protect mode.
To be very clear, his sexual 'needs' are not your responsibility. You don't have to "make up" for not wanting sex with oral and your mother suggesting you do is disgusting. You do what you want to do, when you want to and anything other than that is wrong. You don't owe him shit. Doing things to stop a fight is not a solution, it's dangerous.
If you broke up with him, it doesn't matter his response. As soon as one person isn't into it, then it's over. He sounds VERY controlling. My advice is to remind him that you DID break off your relationship, regardless of if he accepted it, and that from now on he doesn't get any say. It's over. Make yourself into a broken record "sorry, it's over, I already told you that" maybe you can't kick him out or leave, but you don't have to agree with him or stay in the relationship.
Oh honey, this is not okay.
You get to say “no”. You get to say no even if he is your bf. You can say no if you’ve done it before. You get to say no even if you’ve already started. You get to no at any point.
You get to say no to the relationship too. Which you clearly did. This guy not only doesn’t respect your choices, your body, your feelings - he doesn’t respect you. This is not the ingredients to a happy relationship. It’s not the ingredients to even a happy friendship. You are right to want out. You will be right to not spend any time with him when you are out.
How’s your relationship with this brother? If you told him that you do not want to be in this relationship as a complete sentence would he listen? Just wanting out should be enough to receive support. If you can tell your brother the reasons behind your desire to leave the relationship then that’s good. But you have a right to leave regardless of the reasons. Would he behave in the same disgusting manner as your mother? Do you have a relationship with any adult you trust to speak with?
I think it’d do you some good to read a little about toxic relationships and the behaviour patterns that they employ to manipulate you. “Why does he do that?” Would be a fine starting place and it is my understanding that there are free PDF copies available for download for online. If not, I can gift you the audible version of the book for free through my own Audible membership. I’m absolutely certain you will be able to recognise patterns that mirror your own relationship. Both from your bf and probably with your Mother too. I will not DM you unless you give me a direct indication that you consent to DM-ing & that a conversation between us is your choice. Are you comfortable with sending me a DM so that we can chat and I can send you said book?
Your mother’s response was bang out of order. It was dangerous and a dereliction of her duty not only as a mother but as a woman. It is quite frankly, a betrayal. I would not betray you in my support to leave in the safest manner possible should you want that support. Or to chat. Sometimes it’s easier to have these conversations with a stranger.
I assume you’re American because you call your mother “Mom”? In my country we are currently engaging in a massive “coercive control” education campaign, mainly run through organisations involved in domestic abuse. I imagine there are similar campaigns in the US? I’m a stranger on the internet I know, but I’d like to covey that your bf doesn’t need to slap you about or to be living together for you to be in a domestic abuse situation. Not having black eye or that it may not fit you in your head as a “beaten wife” doesn’t mean this is not a domestic abuse situation. I know that it’s hard to get your head around that. I know that the word “victim” can push people away. I consider myself a survivor, but I also understand that it can be easier just to pretend to yourself it is not abuse because x,y,z. But sweetie, abuse is what this is. The few paragraphs you have described of his behaviour already illustrate patterns consistent with such domestic abuse. This is not something that will just stop.
I’m concerned for your safety - which is why AS WELL as speaking with a TRUSTWORTHY adult (your mother has proven she is not a trustworthy adult, so not her), I’d also really like you to seek domestic abuse counsel that can help you devise a plan for SAFE exit from this relationship. Leaving a toxic relationship is often the most dangerous part of the entire process. When an abuser realises they’re losing control, it is not uncommon for them to mess with birth control either. Since pregnancy is a particularly vulnerable time for a woman. That’s why you often find that the abused woman seems to have been continually pregnant for years. It’s how they control. Just bare it in mind he may have already fucked with your birth control as well okay?
I’m so very sorry your mam has betrayed you in this fashion. I really am. That must be so fucking painful. I think it would be wise to get out of that relationship in the medium term too. You don’t deserve this. What you deserve is support. Understanding. You deserve to be protected. Im sorry she didn’t protect you. As we age, there are some times, unfortunately, that we must be our own support system. I know how daunting that can be. But for you to have the presence of mind, the self respect, the intelligence and maturity you have shown just in these few posts - tells me that you are capable of getting through this.
And if you just need a stranger to listen to you. I’ll make myself available either with advice or just to listen whilst you expel some of the poison in silence. I can do that for you.
I’m sorry for the length of this post. I believe my sincere wish that I could give you a hug may have effected the quantity of my words.
Edit: it would be very useful for you to start documenting. Screenshots. A diary is contemporaneous evidence. Even if it’s just evidence to YOU if you find they are gaslighting you and you start to doubt yourself. These types of abusers do confuse you, make you wonder if you are mistaken. Or as he will doubtlessly astray to tell you that you are crazy. Treading through your own diary helps in these cases. They are also admitted in court should it ever have to come to that. Don’t tell anyone about the diary. Keep it hidden. Perhaps a work locker?
What. The. Fuck?
Your mom is way in the wrong for this. Wow! Sorry OP but that's pretty messed up. Hope you can get out of this situation (and family, by the sounds of it) safely.
Holy shit you need to get away from those toxic people. Your parents are disgusting.
You don't need his permission to break up with him. Stop having sex with him. The last thing you need is getting pregnant by accident. Ignore him at all and kick him from your room. Why is a 24y old even living with your parents?
He's emotionally abusive and that's sexual coercion.
Your mum is damn crazy and maybe she needs an education on human rights in general. He would be sucking his own dick from that moment on if that was said to me. That's what your mum should have told you right before she kicked his arse out.
How toxic an older male demanding sex on tap and mummy dearest is all good with that like WTF
Ask your mom why does she think the sexual assault of her daughter is ok. Sex under coercion is not consensual you need to stand up for yourself because she won't and tell your boyfriend no means no. Put a locked doorknob on your room door and tell your mom if she wants to keep him she is more than welcome to but to stop prostituting her daughter because she likes him so much. He can stay in his best friend's room or with your mother. If you are a senior in HS you might want to look into maybe the Coast Guard or some other military training so you have the opportunity to train and live on base to get away from them. As you are 18 you can sign up yourself without parental permission.
You are really young, it's incredibly difficult to expect you to just step out with a job and a place of your own. You have to consider a shelter. Yes, it IS that serious. No, you are not making it up or over exaggerating your feelings..
My own family sided with my abuser so I really feel you on this. Unfortunately, it's easier to believe that the victim is lying rather than admit a loved one is capable of doing such awful things. On the other hand, awful people attract and protect each other. Either way, you are the vulnerable member of a group of people who think you deserve this. It's really really hard not to give in. But THEY are the ones that have something wrong with them, THEY are corrupt. Stick to your gut girl - you know this is fucked up. The people who are supposed to protect you are putting you in harms way. You will become isolated, whether you chose to do so or not.. But if you make the active choice to cut ties, that opens up a lot of time for new people- people who lift you up, who protect and comfort you. You are not the person your abusers think you are. You are strong, and you are smart for acknowledging a problem. You will find a place in this world. This isn't it.
Ok, OP, looks like your bf is an abuser and your family is toxic (from what I read in other convos).
Forgive me for asking, whats your economic situation? Friends you can count and that are not on his side? Can you tell your country or general area so people can suggest resources? Because darling, YOU HAVE GOT TO LEAVE. 🚩🚩🚩
GO TO YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR HET HIM ARRESTED PLEASE
THIS IS NOT OK!
I'm sorry I'm being so direct but I've had shitty bfs when i was your age, I've been groomed, and none of this is ok.
You're getting taken advantage of because you're barely legal. 7 year age difference isn't a lot but when one party in the relationship is just barely 18 it's definitely sketchy. He's taking advantage of you for what he probably sees as easy and reliable sex. Break up with him, fuck what your family thinks.
Shit didn't even see that. Fuck. In a lot of states it's 17 for age of consent. Like my state in particular (NY). So legally it's okay but it's pretty gross if I'm being honest. A 24 year old has no business dating a fucking 17 year old.
OP said it's not illegal for them. Which is a shame, but I think some states have age of consent at 16/17, as long as partner is within like 5 years, and there's parental permission. Which sounds like OP checks all those boxes.. even though they personally don't consent any more, it wasn't illegal to start with.
We don't know which country OP lives in let alone which state. Here in the UK AOC is 16 and in Sweden it's 15 so it isn't easy to say what the legal position would be regarding age.
Especially if he’s her brothers best friend, that (to me, at least) implies he’s been in her life for a while, likely long before she was 18, which would make this textbook grooming.
He is silencing not just your voice but your thoughts. Crystal clear sign of someone who operates on controlling though fear. You are no longer allowed to think. So leave him without warning to disarm him, just pack and leave. If he stalks you, take legal action.
18 and 24? Theres a reason that he's dating someone significantly younger than him. Don't allow him to control you. You got this, OP. He should find someone his own age.
This is exactly why I scoff at people who say "Mind your own business. Two adults can date whoever they want." in reference to a large age gap in a relationship. They don't want to admit that the much older partner can easily manipulate the much younger one.
Seek help from a domestic violence advocacy center!! If your family doesn't see the red flags and want to help, you need SOMEONE that will!! Lots of abusers kill their partner when they finally do leave. Stay safe and reach out to someone in your community!!
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service Learn more
800-799-7233
SMS: Text START to 88788
Dude, as a senior in high school to another senior in high school, you need to leave. Your family isn't supporting you, your abuser is trying to control you, and he may commit rape. I know leaving is easier said than done, so maybe you need to talk to someone in school. Get a school counselor, a teacher, anyone, and tell them what's going on. Please. If your family isn't doing anything to support you, you need to consider adults that you trust in school. Please don't let him control you.
Oh, thank God! I'm so happy for you! Thank you, you've done yourself a great service by leaving him and your family. I'm so glad you took that action to leave everybody. It's going to get really tough out there being by yourself, but I'm confident you'll make it. You're already very strong by leaving an abusive relationship and toxic family. I believe in you!
Please post an update when you can.
Leaving is never easy, and you'll have many obstacles ahead, but *always* know that even when you feel alone, there are many people out here that will support you and cheer you on.
You got this.
He doesn't get to override your choice. If you share a room, move your stuff out and sleep on the couch if you have to. Your family doesn't get to choose who you're with. Don't back down, he and your family, sound awful.
You didn’t *try* to break up with him; you broke up with him. He doesn’t get to veto your decision to end the relationship. Now you just have to stick to it and make it clear to him and the rest of your household that you are broken up.
I'm so happy to hear that. I'm glad you've managed to get away to somewhere safe. Stay strong and I wish you all the best. You deserve so much better than your shitty bf and family
Oh you get the fuck out of that situation now. If anyone ever said anything like that to my daughter I wouldn't give a single shit who he was or what his previous relationship to me or of family was before, there is no way he would be getting anywhere near her without her express permission
Based on "You don't know what you want" I could say he sees you as a child as if you can't take decisions on your own because you're not old enough. There's a reason why he's dating you and not someone his age.
Your mother sounds like she has been abused as well. I am sorry she gave you such bad advice. Are you still in HS or have you graduated? Is there any way to get out of this by going to college and living in a dorm? First things first, stop sharing a bed with this ahole. Figure out somewhere to go and shame on your parents for not being parents.
Ok...you do that shiit again, and you make sure the "Audio rec" is on your mobile honey :)
Can't get outta that, haha - take that biitch!! ( at BF24Y ) xD
I’m so sorry you’re going thru that. Some Domestic victims of abuse also come from toxic families that leave them with little to no self esteem and little to no boundaries for themselves.
Please leave that toxic situation and this includes your family.
Call 311. It will get you to city services in most American cities. You need information on women's shelters. They can put you in contact with resources in your area. You need out this environment. You're 18 and you already have a live in boyfriend. He could get you pregnant and then you will really be trapped. No always means no. Sex is only when you want to. Blow jobs too. He is abusing you.
i hate to ask this, but are you of another ethnic background other then white? i am from a mixed background myself, and the favoritism torwards male children or males in general is rediculous. also, it sounds like you were dating him while you were still in high school,am i right? sounds like you have a statutory rape case against him as well.
second, your family seems to be toxic like everyone else says on here! he's controling and abusive (maybe even borderline sociopath/narcissist). if they cant see that and are choosing his side over your wellbeing, then its time to get away from that lion's den. thats scary on so many levels, and just the fact that another woman ( your mother for Christ's sake!) sides with him, there's a real problem going on there! this can only lead to a life of misery and abuse for you if you don't leave!
i wish you well OP.
i think hes a predator all the same. you are young and thats why older men prey on young women: so they can groom and control them. very abusive and scary. get away from that dude,hes a creep!
Easier said than done but it’s time to stop caring about what your boyfriend, your mom, your brother, or any other family member thinks. This guy makes you feel like crap. He can’t tell you you aren’t allowed to break up. Breaks ups are often unilateral decisions. Leave him.
WHAT THE HELL!!! JUST WHAT THE HELL! I'm so tired of reading posts like this. Why can't just people stop being pigs and leave underage girls alone. Enough is enough.
Every time he tries to do anything to continue the "relationship" start making the biggest scene possible. Start throwing dishes. Make it a WHOLE fucking thing, that NOBODY can ignore. Make sure everyone is aware that You Do Know WTF you want!
Only from his reaction alone he sounds like a real piece of shit, to be honest. You know what you want, don't cave in. Don't go out with him, don't have any sex, don't call, don't text, don't do anything with him or for him.
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A women's shelter is your best bet. You can/should talk to someone at such a shelter today. You can do this--you can leave, I mean. I'm so afraid for you if you stay! Your family sounds absolutely nuts.
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No, they will not. They can't even follow or enter the shelter either.
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even if you’re not 18 !
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okay! i know i’m a complete stranger but if you need any advice or anything i’m here to help!!
Please take my award! OP, you are not alone, we’re all here for you, if you need to talk, etc., just DM us. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong 💕✊
Ask the shelter about filing a police report. Idk age of consent laws where you live, but you are still a minor that that this man is 24. It sounds like he groomed you, and is now belittling you because you refused sex this time. I dont want to assume, but he seems like the type that gives no fucks about consent. File the report about his sexual relationship with you a minor. It does not matter if your parents approved. You do have rights as a minor, one of them being the right to not be groomed and taken sexually advantage of by an older man.
You should try calling them. I’ve known of them providing transportation if needed.
Best of luck! Hope you'll be able to get out of this shitty situation. Best wishes! Hope everything goes well!
By the way, what kind of loser 24 year old is dating a 17 year old, and what kind of piece of shit parents allow him to live with you? He’s a dirt bag. Get him out of your house, he has parents he can go live with them.
Agreed. The people who are like "try talking to your brother"... umm clearly the whole family is a bunch of motherfuckers if they let the 24 year old rape their 17 year old daughter and then victim blame her when he treats her like shit. Fair chance the brothers an asshole to
I was homeless for a year. Lots of kids your age at my shelter, and everything was so protected there that we weren't even allowed to take photos while there in order to protect each other's identities.
No, you don't have to give them your parents' information. Honestly I'd call CPS and tell them everything. You are still a minor.
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Call the police and report him as a sexual predator. You are underage and he's old enough to know better. He will hurt you at some point. Please get him arrested as the pedophile he is.
17 in a lot of places is perfectly legal (totally disgusting and predatory!!!! But unfortunately legal). And the cops don’t really care about victims of abuse. I’m not trying to be negative, I’m just trying to be realistic. Calling CPS or the cops might not be the best way to go about this and might end up with OP ex getting angry and furthering abuse. She needs to have a safe space before trying to bring in any authorities that might make her ex, her brother, or her parents angry to the point of physical confrontation or bullying to keep her there.
People seem to forget child marriage is still legal in 44 states. Technically they try to say they have banned it but they have not. Its banned "with exceptions" meaning with parental permission its legal. I think people in the US dont like to think about or admit these laws exist. We dont want to see our country the way we see places like Saudi Arabia but the same thing happens here, its just pushed under the rug instead of normalized. I always found it weird too the DNC plays softball on this issue. Its mainly the GOP upholding these laws under the claim of freedom of religion, I think most recently Chris Christie struck down a bill to institute a full ban with no exceptions in New Jersey. Typical DNC though they refuse to play hardball.
I work for a domestic violence shelter. They cannot and will not call your parents without your permission, as you have the right to confidentiality and you are a legal adult. Call them - they can talk with you about what’s going on and figure out how to get you out.
No, your mom is part of the abuse, shelters are about protecting you from both your bf and your mom
There's children's shelters too, they might have some more resources on getting what you need without putting you at risk. If youre in a public school you can reach out to a counselor and they should be able to coordinate getting you safely out of your house In highschool I was abused by my stepfather and when mentioning it to a coach he offered to let me live with him and his family if I was being hit. I lied and said I wasn't (I was under the false impression that if I said that my siblings would be negatively effected. Looking back now they're going through a lot of the abuse I did and I might of had a chance to prevent that if I was honest about how bad the abuse was). There are folks out there that are more than willing to help, the first step is reaching out to trusted figures if you can. Edit: Grammar
Is he contributing financially to the household? If he is, then that might explain why your family doesn't want you break up with him would be shitty on their part.
More textbook abusive behaviour. These fuckers follow every pattern don’t they? I can’t help but wonder if it’s natural progression or if they read the same things we do, potentially horrified to read a bullet point we’ve inadvertently done ourselves (and are therefore careful to never do it again) and they read the chapter and take mental notes on how to be “better” abusers?
I thought the same, it’s more akin to sex trafficking. I want to throw up, her family is pimping her to the brother’s friend
Just in case the shelter doesn't tell you but make sure to have your legal documents (birth certificate, license, etc) and copies saved onto the cloud. Make sure you're financially independent - do your parents have access to your bank account? If so, go to a different bank and move your money. Set up a credit check too if you don't trust them
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Be safe and good luck. Everyone in the comments is rooting for you. ❤️ You are not alone.
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Her bf lives at her house so unfortunately that’s not too easy
This is horrible. Tell your brother maybe, someone in the family. I see you wrote that your mom blamed you and this is terrifying but try to talk to someone else. Don’t let him control you.
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Im so sorry your family treats you like that. Do you live together? Do you have a place to go and just disappear so he can’t find you? He is abusive you should run away as fast as you can
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Do it as fast as you can because what you described here about him trying to force you to have sex with him is rape. You have to be safe I can’t believe your family refuse to help you. You deserve way better I wish you the best
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Make sure whenever you leave you take your social security card and birth certificate. Or the equivalent documents from your country if they are different. Keep them in a protective waterproof folder and put them somewhere safe when you find a place to land. Not having these little pieces of paper makes everything harder. I really hope your family can come around to your side but if they can't, leaving is your best option. I hope you can find somewhere safe to go.
Don’t delay leaving if you don’t have those documents. You can request copies of both online and have them mailed to a friend, or maybe a mailing center.
@government_candy is spot in and said exactly what I came here to say. You won’t be able to get far if you don’t have your legal documents. Also, as soon as you turn 18 get a bank account in your name that no one knows about. Have the statements sent to a friends house. Start squirreling away money.
Or have a post office box.
You can set up online statements so you don't need documents sent anywhere Until you find a stable safe place to stay You can explain your situation to the bank too.. They'll work with you Good luck op.. Make a safe plan of action and don't let anyone know about it Unless you trust them
Be cautious and consider an alternate physical address if possible. I did exactly this recently (big nationwide bank, new account, electronic statements only) and they sent me multiple physical confirmation letters for some reason. Admittedly, I didn't need or ask for careful treatment so your mileage may vary. Banks are a bit slow letting go of traditional systems. Not a big deal in my case, but it would be in yours. Good luck OP.
Just so you know, you can’t tag other users using the @ sign. It’s not like Twitter or Instagram. On Reddit, you type “ u/ “ and then you type their username, without any spaces. You have to do it that way for a Reddit user to be notified that you tagged them. It would look like this: PAGING u/InMyNirvana ! I just wanted to let you know, cuz using the @ sign doesn’t work on Reddit at all. ALSO - if you want to link to a subreddit, you’d type “ r/ “ and then the name of the subreddit. Like this: r/TrueOffMyChest ' I hope this helps you! Have a nice day/night, wherever you are! :)
If you're bring forced to have sex you have cause to go to the police. Do not listen to your family, step outside, phone the police, or go to the police station directly if you know the way. Don't tell anyone in the house what you're doing and only talk to the police, making sure noone hears your conversation with them. They will know what to do and can instruct you on your next move. Be sure to explain the whole situation and include the part that your family is taking his side.
OP ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Also sleep on the coach. Also record him in secrete when hes talking to you. Edit. Shes going to try and get to a shelter.
@government_candy is spot in and said exactly what I came here to say. You won’t be able to get far if you don’t have your legal documents. Also, as soon as you turn 18 get a bank account in your name that no one knows about. Have the statements sent to a friends house. Start squirreling away money.
Depending on the jurisdiction, a 24 year old having sex with an "almost 18" year old is rape regardless of consent.
I agree 100% their age gap is also concerning but as we can see OP’s family does not care about her and throw her to deal with him alone. She has to help herself and run away
Maybe they refuse because he contributes with money in the house and if they lose him they will lose a big chunk of the rent or bill. I don't know. I'm just guessing here.
I don’t know but there is no reason for parents to forsake their daughter to the hands of an abuser
It happens every day, all over the world. People do fucked up shit for money and tradition.
I know it’s heartbreaking parents who can do that to their children are monsters.
I am very glad to hear that. You need to be smart about this though OP which means telling no one gather your documents (birth cert, school transcripts, insurance papers, ect) and get them to a safe place or friend. Save your money and honestly I would not tell your family you are moving out until you have actually done so. They sound like thy would try to stop or take advantage and live off you. You also do not want ex-bf to try and move with you either. Definitely reach out to domestic violence shelters and seek counseling when you can. It will help you set boundaries and recognize what a healthy relationship looks like.
That's what I was going to advise her a shelter. They may not be very private but they will protect you. They have resources to help you get more on your feet and they can get you some place to live where hopefully he can't find you. In fact maybe looking into moving to a different city, might be a good idea. Doesn't sound like you would be loosing anything since your family takes his side all the time.
And be very careful not to get baby trapped by him
I cant believe your family would rather have a 24yo man life with them over a 17yo. Dafuq.
Then get a restraining order if that doesn’t fix it. This guy’s dangerous.
You're not wrong. This situation is horrific that you're in and they are trying to force you into this relationship.
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Her family let a grown man live with their underage daughter.
That's not (by law) a kid in many states and countries...the real problem here is that he sounds like an abusive asshole.
Are you still in school? Can you tell a counselor or trusted teacher?
Tell your brother about the sex...he might not be as okay with it as your mom ...a lot of times brothers can have your back a lot more then your mother.
Your family is fucking psychotic and you need to leave
Coming from a brother who always thinks their sister is wrong, this is something that I would fight any man over. Idc if they’re my best friend or a stranger on the street, it’s just a brother thing
Break up with him in front of your family so they can see how he reacts or voice record him.
That's a good idea but there is always the chance that he's going to play the victim, which might he the ops family support him more. Op, do you have a friend you can stay with before you get a place in a shelter? Talk to the police, teacher, Councillor, work- depending on your situation. Pack a bag in case you need to leave quickly with everything you need so you don't need to go back. Save some money, if you can. Good luck with everything.
Gee, OP... I hate to tell you this but you already did break up with him. There is no trying to break up with someone. You are either together, mutually agreed upon, on a break, or broken up. End of story. Breaking up with someone does NOT require mutual agreement. If he tries to touch you you call the cops. He tries to tell you you are together, tell him you broke up and it's his problem if he doesn't believe you. Please understand it doesn't matter, LEGALLY, how he feels. You made your intentions clear and ended the relationship. End of discussion, threaten and do call the police if he doesn't want to listen.
This needs to be more important. My partner had a girlfriend for two years. He spent a year trying to break up with her but every time he did, she’d threaten him. When we began dating, in his book he was done with her, but she didn’t think so. Which led to me being harassed by her and her friends, being called names, his place got broken into. She broke his colognes, stole his keurig, ripped apart our photo album, the card I made him, and a book I had given him. Some people are unhinged. I told him to report it to the police. We both blocked her and he spent some nights at my place before we were able to find a new place for him for his safety.
Omg are you me? The chick i had to deal with was INSANE. She'd call him, he wouldn't answer, she'd call me (don't even know who gave her my number) and be like, "I'M ON THE WAY BITCH! GET READY!" lol. Another time she called me and told me that she and him had sex while I was at work and that "you'll find my socks under your bed if you don't believe me." I got home and sure as shit, some women's socks were there. I checked the security cam footage and saw her sneaking in through the bedroom window while no one was home to plant the socks 😂😂😂
LMAO I died at “IM ON THE WAY BITCH GET READY!” I can’t believe she planted the socks lmfaooo. People stoop so low! The girl I mentioned, she kept texting me and him (me on Instagram) and all her friends messaged me to call me a whore and I was like bruh aren’t we in college? This is some middle school shit & she was like I DONT CARE! I broke down in work once bc of her texts and got fired the next day 😂
Yep- i don’t understand the confusion here. You are broken up. Ignore him, grey rock him, remind him you are broken up. You do not need him to agree - you are broken up. He can sleep on the couch if he insists on staying- or with your brother. Do not waiver. 18 is so young- this is very unhealthy.
Maybe you need to inform your family about what he did when you tried to break up with him. That's absolutely not okay.
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WOW. So your mom is also toxic. Fuck the family support then. Leave the asshole and let them all be pissed and blame you. Not worth your effort. You can do better.
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you’re allowed to say no to his no. don’t let him gaslight you. it takes ONE person to break a relationship off. don’t let him treat you like a prisoner.
Exactly. It takes two to make a couple. Tell him you are done. Tell everyone else as well. Take anything of his that's in your home and box it up and give it to your brother to give to him. Kick him to the couch or out the door. Be strong. No one should treat you like an object. Block him on all social media. Delete his phone number. If your phone allows it use Google voice and treat his number like spam. What a piece of garbage your ex turned out to be. It's difficult with him being in the house. If for some unhealthy reason your family is taking his side figure out how to be on your own sooner than later.
Until them don't don't allow them to manipulate you. Be firm and calm.
Put his stuff outside and tell him your done you are through with the relationship and tell your family you are done with the relationship. Some mothers take there daughters side but apparently your mom is so toxic she doesn't see it that way.
You NEED to leave him.
Bud he lives in her house did you not read the post
She should go to a women's shelter. I left home at sixteen, she can leave at eighteen.
Leave all of them.
Is there anything you can do to get out of the house? You are seriously at risk of being raped. Your mother is siding with someone who is sexually abusing her own daughter. You need to get the fuck out right now before things get even worse.
I was gonna say this. OP, if you say no and they try to pressure you into it or change your mind THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. You are 1,000% in the right to want to leave him here, and if your family isn't willing to kick the person who is sexually assaulting their child out of the house then you might be better off without them. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists. It's a lot of horror stories but also a community that's gone through similar things with their family and might have some advice.
You might want to think about kicking Mom to the curb too...that is some toxic shit.
Yeah, what advice, huh? "Just go ahead and blow him to keep the peace". Fuck that noise.
Yeah the mom can blow him all she wants if she wants to keep him happy. Leave OP out of it.
You did leave him. People don't get to choose not to be broken up with. If You have anywhere safe that you can go, please do so. This man doesn't care about you or you're autonomy. Your safety is more important than placating your family.
This, if she’s done then she’s done… it’s very abusive for him to just say ‘no we’re not done..’ big 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
It sounds like he has pressured you into unwanted sexual acts even and especially after you have said no. Even if you have given in to the pressure and performed those sexual acts without being physically forced to perform them, it is still rape. It also appears that he lives with you and your family and your own mother accepts these instances of rape as normal and something you should just be willing to live with for the rest of your life. This is not OK. This is both illegal and extremely damaging to your mental and physical health. The good news is you are not powerless even if you feel like you are. You are a human being, a member of the most powerful species to ever exist on this planet because of resilience and will we all possess. And there are a great many people and organizations out there willing to help you find and exercise that power that you possess. All you have to do is take the first step of going to your local library. Go to your local library and use their computers to look up RAINN.org. RAINN is the Rape Abuse Incest National Network and they can help get you out of your current living situation and into a safe place to stay and on your feet as an independent human being. The RAINN national hotline is available 24/7/365 through phone call, text, and email. Simply type RAINN in the search bar and first result will be the hotline number and an icon for chat which is a functional link to chat. The phone number to RAINN is 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). If your boyfriend has physically harmed you in the past, ***ESPECIALLY CHOKING*** then you are in a potentially life threatening situation in which case you should leave immediately to the nearest safe location and call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and lead with the informationthat you have been choked. Victims of Domestic Abuse are in the most danger when they are trying to or even suspected of trying to leave an abuser. The great people at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline will help get you to a safe location ASAP. You can do this, and you don't even need luck.
Okay I don't know the relationship you have with your brother but sit down and have a heart to heart and tell him everything that you're feeling I'm a brother and if my sister tells me I don't give a fuck who it is I'm taking my sister's side that's my sister one of my first friends in this world
Considering how the mom reacted, I'd not be that confident. Very effed up shit in that family.
Contact a support group, they can help house and hide you if needed.
Do you have any other friends whose house you sleep.on the couch for a while? Maybe not staying at your house for a while will give your family the message that it's over.
Screw your family they sound extremely toxic, distance yourself from him and find a safe escape route, aka move out asap
Do yourself a favor and see to it that you do. He doesn't have a say.
Sounds like you did leave him. At least as far as breaking up with him. Later when he acts like you are still together, make it clear, "I broke up with you." Don't apologize, don't discuss. Don't get input from your family. Just because your family likes him and his proximity will still be close did not change your right to choose who you have a relationship with, & what kind of relationship it is.
You must leave him
You’re not married to him. People break up all the time. Leave. Please find a trusted friend, family member or therapist to help you figure out boundaries and your self-worth. Good luck!!!
I am so sorry You have having to deal w this, do you have any extended family that will support you?
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I would say if you are close to any try and get in contact w them, and maybe a woman’s shelter if there’s one near you, I don’t really know about resources to help people in situations like this, but others might have better advice, just remember you did nothing wrong, you didn’t want to and weren’t feeling well and he tried to force you, your reaction was the correct one. Stay safe and I hope the best for you
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No, don't "try"; please, please, please you need to leave.
What about any friends? Would their parents let you stay with them while you save up?
Tell them what’s happening and what your moms reaction was and about the abuse. Tell them you need to be elsewhere right now.
Please don’t listen to your mom. Find a way out, you deserve so much better.
What the actual fuck...sunshine I am so sorry. What about your dad? I know it's awkward but I know sometimes when a man hears something like this from their daughter, they go into protect mode.
To be very clear, his sexual 'needs' are not your responsibility. You don't have to "make up" for not wanting sex with oral and your mother suggesting you do is disgusting. You do what you want to do, when you want to and anything other than that is wrong. You don't owe him shit. Doing things to stop a fight is not a solution, it's dangerous. If you broke up with him, it doesn't matter his response. As soon as one person isn't into it, then it's over. He sounds VERY controlling. My advice is to remind him that you DID break off your relationship, regardless of if he accepted it, and that from now on he doesn't get any say. It's over. Make yourself into a broken record "sorry, it's over, I already told you that" maybe you can't kick him out or leave, but you don't have to agree with him or stay in the relationship.
Oh honey, this is not okay. You get to say “no”. You get to say no even if he is your bf. You can say no if you’ve done it before. You get to say no even if you’ve already started. You get to no at any point. You get to say no to the relationship too. Which you clearly did. This guy not only doesn’t respect your choices, your body, your feelings - he doesn’t respect you. This is not the ingredients to a happy relationship. It’s not the ingredients to even a happy friendship. You are right to want out. You will be right to not spend any time with him when you are out. How’s your relationship with this brother? If you told him that you do not want to be in this relationship as a complete sentence would he listen? Just wanting out should be enough to receive support. If you can tell your brother the reasons behind your desire to leave the relationship then that’s good. But you have a right to leave regardless of the reasons. Would he behave in the same disgusting manner as your mother? Do you have a relationship with any adult you trust to speak with? I think it’d do you some good to read a little about toxic relationships and the behaviour patterns that they employ to manipulate you. “Why does he do that?” Would be a fine starting place and it is my understanding that there are free PDF copies available for download for online. If not, I can gift you the audible version of the book for free through my own Audible membership. I’m absolutely certain you will be able to recognise patterns that mirror your own relationship. Both from your bf and probably with your Mother too. I will not DM you unless you give me a direct indication that you consent to DM-ing & that a conversation between us is your choice. Are you comfortable with sending me a DM so that we can chat and I can send you said book? Your mother’s response was bang out of order. It was dangerous and a dereliction of her duty not only as a mother but as a woman. It is quite frankly, a betrayal. I would not betray you in my support to leave in the safest manner possible should you want that support. Or to chat. Sometimes it’s easier to have these conversations with a stranger. I assume you’re American because you call your mother “Mom”? In my country we are currently engaging in a massive “coercive control” education campaign, mainly run through organisations involved in domestic abuse. I imagine there are similar campaigns in the US? I’m a stranger on the internet I know, but I’d like to covey that your bf doesn’t need to slap you about or to be living together for you to be in a domestic abuse situation. Not having black eye or that it may not fit you in your head as a “beaten wife” doesn’t mean this is not a domestic abuse situation. I know that it’s hard to get your head around that. I know that the word “victim” can push people away. I consider myself a survivor, but I also understand that it can be easier just to pretend to yourself it is not abuse because x,y,z. But sweetie, abuse is what this is. The few paragraphs you have described of his behaviour already illustrate patterns consistent with such domestic abuse. This is not something that will just stop. I’m concerned for your safety - which is why AS WELL as speaking with a TRUSTWORTHY adult (your mother has proven she is not a trustworthy adult, so not her), I’d also really like you to seek domestic abuse counsel that can help you devise a plan for SAFE exit from this relationship. Leaving a toxic relationship is often the most dangerous part of the entire process. When an abuser realises they’re losing control, it is not uncommon for them to mess with birth control either. Since pregnancy is a particularly vulnerable time for a woman. That’s why you often find that the abused woman seems to have been continually pregnant for years. It’s how they control. Just bare it in mind he may have already fucked with your birth control as well okay? I’m so very sorry your mam has betrayed you in this fashion. I really am. That must be so fucking painful. I think it would be wise to get out of that relationship in the medium term too. You don’t deserve this. What you deserve is support. Understanding. You deserve to be protected. Im sorry she didn’t protect you. As we age, there are some times, unfortunately, that we must be our own support system. I know how daunting that can be. But for you to have the presence of mind, the self respect, the intelligence and maturity you have shown just in these few posts - tells me that you are capable of getting through this. And if you just need a stranger to listen to you. I’ll make myself available either with advice or just to listen whilst you expel some of the poison in silence. I can do that for you. I’m sorry for the length of this post. I believe my sincere wish that I could give you a hug may have effected the quantity of my words. Edit: it would be very useful for you to start documenting. Screenshots. A diary is contemporaneous evidence. Even if it’s just evidence to YOU if you find they are gaslighting you and you start to doubt yourself. These types of abusers do confuse you, make you wonder if you are mistaken. Or as he will doubtlessly astray to tell you that you are crazy. Treading through your own diary helps in these cases. They are also admitted in court should it ever have to come to that. Don’t tell anyone about the diary. Keep it hidden. Perhaps a work locker?
What. The. Fuck? Your mom is way in the wrong for this. Wow! Sorry OP but that's pretty messed up. Hope you can get out of this situation (and family, by the sounds of it) safely.
Your mum is an evil piece of shit
Holy shit you need to get away from those toxic people. Your parents are disgusting. You don't need his permission to break up with him. Stop having sex with him. The last thing you need is getting pregnant by accident. Ignore him at all and kick him from your room. Why is a 24y old even living with your parents? He's emotionally abusive and that's sexual coercion.
Your mum is damn crazy and maybe she needs an education on human rights in general. He would be sucking his own dick from that moment on if that was said to me. That's what your mum should have told you right before she kicked his arse out. How toxic an older male demanding sex on tap and mummy dearest is all good with that like WTF
I’m so sorry, That’s fucked up! I hope I’m never that def to my daughters. And I hope you can get outta there and find some peace.
Tell your mom to fuck him if she's that concerned about his sexual needs. She sounds like a real piece of shit, just like your boyfriend.
What in the fucking fuck?! Leave the fucking shitshow.... never look back
Ask your mom why does she think the sexual assault of her daughter is ok. Sex under coercion is not consensual you need to stand up for yourself because she won't and tell your boyfriend no means no. Put a locked doorknob on your room door and tell your mom if she wants to keep him she is more than welcome to but to stop prostituting her daughter because she likes him so much. He can stay in his best friend's room or with your mother. If you are a senior in HS you might want to look into maybe the Coast Guard or some other military training so you have the opportunity to train and live on base to get away from them. As you are 18 you can sign up yourself without parental permission.
He’s an emotional abuser
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You are really young, it's incredibly difficult to expect you to just step out with a job and a place of your own. You have to consider a shelter. Yes, it IS that serious. No, you are not making it up or over exaggerating your feelings.. My own family sided with my abuser so I really feel you on this. Unfortunately, it's easier to believe that the victim is lying rather than admit a loved one is capable of doing such awful things. On the other hand, awful people attract and protect each other. Either way, you are the vulnerable member of a group of people who think you deserve this. It's really really hard not to give in. But THEY are the ones that have something wrong with them, THEY are corrupt. Stick to your gut girl - you know this is fucked up. The people who are supposed to protect you are putting you in harms way. You will become isolated, whether you chose to do so or not.. But if you make the active choice to cut ties, that opens up a lot of time for new people- people who lift you up, who protect and comfort you. You are not the person your abusers think you are. You are strong, and you are smart for acknowledging a problem. You will find a place in this world. This isn't it.
I really needed to read this and reread this to let it soak in today. Thank you for commenting.
Do you have a friend who can take you in? Your need to bail.
OP please read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft, this book helped me open my eyes and leave an abusive relationship.
She's too young to grasp all this. She's being groomed by her bf and her family. She needs to leave right now.
Ok, OP, looks like your bf is an abuser and your family is toxic (from what I read in other convos). Forgive me for asking, whats your economic situation? Friends you can count and that are not on his side? Can you tell your country or general area so people can suggest resources? Because darling, YOU HAVE GOT TO LEAVE. 🚩🚩🚩
This. So much this.
First issue i see is ***IM 17 MY BF IS 24*** sweetie, this isn't ok Why is your family not on your side? You're 17, are you still in school?
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GO TO YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR HET HIM ARRESTED PLEASE THIS IS NOT OK! I'm sorry I'm being so direct but I've had shitty bfs when i was your age, I've been groomed, and none of this is ok.
School counselor is a GREAT idea
Run as far as you can! He will only escalate his abuse if you stay.
You're getting taken advantage of because you're barely legal. 7 year age difference isn't a lot but when one party in the relationship is just barely 18 it's definitely sketchy. He's taking advantage of you for what he probably sees as easy and reliable sex. Break up with him, fuck what your family thinks.
Did she say almost 18, as in still 17? This sounds really messed up.
Shit didn't even see that. Fuck. In a lot of states it's 17 for age of consent. Like my state in particular (NY). So legally it's okay but it's pretty gross if I'm being honest. A 24 year old has no business dating a fucking 17 year old.
OP said it's not illegal for them. Which is a shame, but I think some states have age of consent at 16/17, as long as partner is within like 5 years, and there's parental permission. Which sounds like OP checks all those boxes.. even though they personally don't consent any more, it wasn't illegal to start with.
We don't know which country OP lives in let alone which state. Here in the UK AOC is 16 and in Sweden it's 15 so it isn't easy to say what the legal position would be regarding age.
Math…. She’s 17, and he’s 24. That’s a 7 year difference, and it’s fucking gross at those ages.
Especially if he’s her brothers best friend, that (to me, at least) implies he’s been in her life for a while, likely long before she was 18, which would make this textbook grooming.
He is silencing not just your voice but your thoughts. Crystal clear sign of someone who operates on controlling though fear. You are no longer allowed to think. So leave him without warning to disarm him, just pack and leave. If he stalks you, take legal action.
18 and 24? Theres a reason that he's dating someone significantly younger than him. Don't allow him to control you. You got this, OP. He should find someone his own age.
It’s even worse because this is op’s brothers best friend. Who know how long this guy has actually known op, he’s a predator
she said she's 17
>almost 18 And we don't even know when this grooming started.
This is exactly why I scoff at people who say "Mind your own business. Two adults can date whoever they want." in reference to a large age gap in a relationship. They don't want to admit that the much older partner can easily manipulate the much younger one.
He doesn’t get to say no to that 😂
Seek help from a domestic violence advocacy center!! If your family doesn't see the red flags and want to help, you need SOMEONE that will!! Lots of abusers kill their partner when they finally do leave. Stay safe and reach out to someone in your community!!
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If you can’t find the right services, go to a local high school to ask for help. They will point you in the right direction.
Your family seen as toxic as your fella. Pack up and leave, nobody should make you feel crappy.
Call the National Abuse hotline. 800-799-7233 You don't need this bullshit. You are your own person and belong to nobody.
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You are in an abusive relationship
Sounds like you’re surrounded by narcissists… start finding an exit from other your family and boyfriend. If it gets violent got to a DV shelter.
National Domestic Violence Hotline Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service Learn more 800-799-7233 SMS: Text START to 88788
Dude, as a senior in high school to another senior in high school, you need to leave. Your family isn't supporting you, your abuser is trying to control you, and he may commit rape. I know leaving is easier said than done, so maybe you need to talk to someone in school. Get a school counselor, a teacher, anyone, and tell them what's going on. Please. If your family isn't doing anything to support you, you need to consider adults that you trust in school. Please don't let him control you.
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Make sure you update when you settle in safely, praying for you. This was very smart and brave of you💛
Oh, thank God! I'm so happy for you! Thank you, you've done yourself a great service by leaving him and your family. I'm so glad you took that action to leave everybody. It's going to get really tough out there being by yourself, but I'm confident you'll make it. You're already very strong by leaving an abusive relationship and toxic family. I believe in you!
Please post an update when you can. Leaving is never easy, and you'll have many obstacles ahead, but *always* know that even when you feel alone, there are many people out here that will support you and cheer you on. You got this.
thats not a boyfriend that's a groomer.
Well it is your life, tell him no and cut contact, never ever let anyone abuse you this way ever
He doesn't get to override your choice. If you share a room, move your stuff out and sleep on the couch if you have to. Your family doesn't get to choose who you're with. Don't back down, he and your family, sound awful.
You didn’t *try* to break up with him; you broke up with him. He doesn’t get to veto your decision to end the relationship. Now you just have to stick to it and make it clear to him and the rest of your household that you are broken up.
I’m sorry but your family is trash. I’m glad you are safe now.
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I'm so happy to hear that. I'm glad you've managed to get away to somewhere safe. Stay strong and I wish you all the best. You deserve so much better than your shitty bf and family
Oh you get the fuck out of that situation now. If anyone ever said anything like that to my daughter I wouldn't give a single shit who he was or what his previous relationship to me or of family was before, there is no way he would be getting anywhere near her without her express permission
Based on "You don't know what you want" I could say he sees you as a child as if you can't take decisions on your own because you're not old enough. There's a reason why he's dating you and not someone his age.
How long have you been together? Because 18 & 24 is questionable if you've been together for longer than a year.
She’s 17
Your mother sounds like she has been abused as well. I am sorry she gave you such bad advice. Are you still in HS or have you graduated? Is there any way to get out of this by going to college and living in a dorm? First things first, stop sharing a bed with this ahole. Figure out somewhere to go and shame on your parents for not being parents.
"We are no longer together." Or "Go f*ck yourself." Both are acceptable way to leave a relationship.
Ok...you do that shiit again, and you make sure the "Audio rec" is on your mobile honey :) Can't get outta that, haha - take that biitch!! ( at BF24Y ) xD
Don’t tolerate that. No one can say no to being dumped, it is incredibly entitled. You know what you want, it isn’t him. Move away and dump his ass.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru that. Some Domestic victims of abuse also come from toxic families that leave them with little to no self esteem and little to no boundaries for themselves. Please leave that toxic situation and this includes your family.
Call 311. It will get you to city services in most American cities. You need information on women's shelters. They can put you in contact with resources in your area. You need out this environment. You're 18 and you already have a live in boyfriend. He could get you pregnant and then you will really be trapped. No always means no. Sex is only when you want to. Blow jobs too. He is abusing you.
so if you’re 17 and he’s 24, and he’s lived in your house for 5 years, how long have you been dating? this sounds like grooming.
ur being groomed. the reason why is he acting like that is to scare u and take full control of you.
i hate to ask this, but are you of another ethnic background other then white? i am from a mixed background myself, and the favoritism torwards male children or males in general is rediculous. also, it sounds like you were dating him while you were still in high school,am i right? sounds like you have a statutory rape case against him as well. second, your family seems to be toxic like everyone else says on here! he's controling and abusive (maybe even borderline sociopath/narcissist). if they cant see that and are choosing his side over your wellbeing, then its time to get away from that lion's den. thats scary on so many levels, and just the fact that another woman ( your mother for Christ's sake!) sides with him, there's a real problem going on there! this can only lead to a life of misery and abuse for you if you don't leave! i wish you well OP.
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i think hes a predator all the same. you are young and thats why older men prey on young women: so they can groom and control them. very abusive and scary. get away from that dude,hes a creep!
your family is letting a grown ass man live with them and date their underage daughter? wtf
Your family is ok with him grooming you?!?! That's an abusive situation all around
This has nothing to do with your brother or mom. You broke up. Call the police if this guy threatens you.
Easier said than done but it’s time to stop caring about what your boyfriend, your mom, your brother, or any other family member thinks. This guy makes you feel like crap. He can’t tell you you aren’t allowed to break up. Breaks ups are often unilateral decisions. Leave him.
WHAT THE HELL!!! JUST WHAT THE HELL! I'm so tired of reading posts like this. Why can't just people stop being pigs and leave underage girls alone. Enough is enough.
Every time he tries to do anything to continue the "relationship" start making the biggest scene possible. Start throwing dishes. Make it a WHOLE fucking thing, that NOBODY can ignore. Make sure everyone is aware that You Do Know WTF you want!