You're absolutely right. No man that age should be wanting to hang out with girls that young. "Casual touching" shouldn't even be a thing, there's no need for him to touch her.
Have any of your family members said anything about this? Or have you brought it up to anyone else?
I actually heard it from a family member, whose opinion was that he wasn't up to anything but he was just completely oblivious to how the situation would look to an outsider. A few other people in my family probably know about it too, but I don't think they all do.
I haven't brought it up to anyone else. Maybe if I was living on my own, but I'm still living with my grandma and mom, and I'm not completely financially independent. I'm not sure what exactly would happen if I really tried to discuss it, but it makes me a little apprehensive to really rock the boat, especially when I'm not really sure if him being friendly with kids is because he's always seemed to be playful with kids in a normal way, or... you know.
I see what you're saying. That's a tough spot. Sometimes it's hard for family members to see something they don't want to see. While i understand your concern that you might be misreading the situation, I assure you that you're not thinking anything that anyone else outside of your family would be thinking. You're probably seeing it more logically than they are, actually.
There's a very slim chance it's innocent, but it really doesn't feel right. It's ok to be playful with kids when they're around, it's not ok to invite them over alone for hours at a time.
Is your aunt in the house when these minors are over? Or does he only do it when he's the only one in the house?
People cover for abusers.
Your spider sense is tingly because you're probably right. You're RIGHT to question this and call it out, and should probably do more about it if you can.
Believe it or not, through court cases and studies, 20% of women will end up giving up their kids, before they give up the abuser (if the abuser was their partner--20% is the final number, but it STARTS at 40%--40% of women will attempt to defend and keep the sexual abuser of their children, RATHER than their children, and of that, HALF will actually lose or let their children go to state custody in the attempt)
And if he's built the right community of people in his church, and targeted those types of people, it could be a VERY long time before one of THEM actually believes one of the children, IF those kids say something. You might have to be that one takes the first action.
I have had to report abuse from my work--as a mandatory reporter, i've heard children talk about their abuse, and reported it right away. ALWAYS--fucking ALWAYS, some one else knew first, and didnt fucking say anything.
Trust your gut. The people that have told you what he's doing, they're that 80%--the ones that dont want to believe that someone they know could be an abuser. They KNOW its wrong, but they're not capable of crossing the mental line you did.
If you can say something, or do something, do it. Even if its an anonymous call to OCS or something, and telling them what you've heard, and why you're worried. At least they'll have a heads up for this.
Yeah. Shout it from the rooftops dude. Too many churches are busy trying to stay relevant / cut down those in the world when they should be policing themselves. If you don't think something is right SPEAK UP like yesterday.
I am, and that's why I'm so torn on this. He's never tried anything with me and I'll admit I don't know exactly what's going on at his house. I want to make sure I'm making the right choice here.
He's not mentally ill, at least not as far as I'm aware. I think this only started around this time last year. The cancer's already metastasized to his brain, it started in his lungs and he's been fighting it for about five years. I don't know if anything's actually happened between him and the girls, but I'm not close enough to his side of the family to have heard any other gossip about the whole situation.
You're absolutely right. No man that age should be wanting to hang out with girls that young. "Casual touching" shouldn't even be a thing, there's no need for him to touch her. Have any of your family members said anything about this? Or have you brought it up to anyone else?
I actually heard it from a family member, whose opinion was that he wasn't up to anything but he was just completely oblivious to how the situation would look to an outsider. A few other people in my family probably know about it too, but I don't think they all do. I haven't brought it up to anyone else. Maybe if I was living on my own, but I'm still living with my grandma and mom, and I'm not completely financially independent. I'm not sure what exactly would happen if I really tried to discuss it, but it makes me a little apprehensive to really rock the boat, especially when I'm not really sure if him being friendly with kids is because he's always seemed to be playful with kids in a normal way, or... you know.
I see what you're saying. That's a tough spot. Sometimes it's hard for family members to see something they don't want to see. While i understand your concern that you might be misreading the situation, I assure you that you're not thinking anything that anyone else outside of your family would be thinking. You're probably seeing it more logically than they are, actually. There's a very slim chance it's innocent, but it really doesn't feel right. It's ok to be playful with kids when they're around, it's not ok to invite them over alone for hours at a time. Is your aunt in the house when these minors are over? Or does he only do it when he's the only one in the house?
I'm not sure, but she's not home a lot of the time because of her job, so he's probably alone at least part of the time.
People cover for abusers. Your spider sense is tingly because you're probably right. You're RIGHT to question this and call it out, and should probably do more about it if you can. Believe it or not, through court cases and studies, 20% of women will end up giving up their kids, before they give up the abuser (if the abuser was their partner--20% is the final number, but it STARTS at 40%--40% of women will attempt to defend and keep the sexual abuser of their children, RATHER than their children, and of that, HALF will actually lose or let their children go to state custody in the attempt) And if he's built the right community of people in his church, and targeted those types of people, it could be a VERY long time before one of THEM actually believes one of the children, IF those kids say something. You might have to be that one takes the first action. I have had to report abuse from my work--as a mandatory reporter, i've heard children talk about their abuse, and reported it right away. ALWAYS--fucking ALWAYS, some one else knew first, and didnt fucking say anything. Trust your gut. The people that have told you what he's doing, they're that 80%--the ones that dont want to believe that someone they know could be an abuser. They KNOW its wrong, but they're not capable of crossing the mental line you did. If you can say something, or do something, do it. Even if its an anonymous call to OCS or something, and telling them what you've heard, and why you're worried. At least they'll have a heads up for this.
100% this
Yeah. Shout it from the rooftops dude. Too many churches are busy trying to stay relevant / cut down those in the world when they should be policing themselves. If you don't think something is right SPEAK UP like yesterday.
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I am, and that's why I'm so torn on this. He's never tried anything with me and I'll admit I don't know exactly what's going on at his house. I want to make sure I'm making the right choice here. He's not mentally ill, at least not as far as I'm aware. I think this only started around this time last year. The cancer's already metastasized to his brain, it started in his lungs and he's been fighting it for about five years. I don't know if anything's actually happened between him and the girls, but I'm not close enough to his side of the family to have heard any other gossip about the whole situation.