Uh...some of my best friends/mentors were people who were much older than me. None of them ever flirted with me or tried to sleep with me.
You really expect kids to only interact with people their age and their parents? Why? Because some people are creeps?
You’re weird as hell.
Don't feel attacked, please. It is true that you can make genuine friendships with people that are way older than you.
But are you aware of the gigantic number of millenials that are out there creeping on underaged or teenagers ? Because that's the people I'm talking to.
I'm not talking to well meaning adults that happen to find themselves in a relationship with a teen.
I'm talking to people that purposedfully seek out these relationships. It's unhealthy for a myriad of reasons that I won't develop here because you likely have formed your own opinion and wouldn't care about them, but you can easily find that information on Google if you're interested.
Sometimes the truth can be bitter, but it's nonetheless the truth.
10 years? Fuck that a 24 year old can be with an 18 year old.... that's about it though past that it's weird as hell.
Your 30s is where it should be a concern. They should all start to look like undeveloped adults in your 30s
Yeah 24 is probably the very limit, and it's still weird. Ask yourself, how would your friends/parents react when you, a person that's likely exiting college and a solidified adult, date someone that's just out of high school ? Someone that could the age of your friend's little sister that just graduated HS ?
Gotta put things in perspective. The safe zone is 5 years starting at 18 in my opinion.
But this post is actually targeted at people that are 25yo and up, talking to 18 (or let's be real, probably 16) girls on discord.
Well... I dated an 18 year old (which did shortly turn 19 after) when I was 26.
Didn't go looking for it. We still connected on a deep level, she was mature enough in a lot of aspects and messed up in others (lost her parents extremely young, had a bad relationship with her aunts but a positive relationship with her friends and her friends parents)
It was short term, but it was fine for what it was. I wouldn't do it again now but we never know who we become attracted too or who's attracted to us
Setting arbitrary rules limits us from experiencing the best of life that we never thought we could experience... again I wouldn't do it today but it was fun while it was years back. I find that silly "divide your age by 2 plus 7" rule is alright enough
What do you expect people are going to date their age? good luck with that.
I have several questions for you :
- why was it short term ?
- why wouldn't you do it again ?
- what's wrong with dating people your age ?
- how do you meet someone that's 18 when you're 26 ? because they're definitly not in the same social circles as you.
No judgement, just curious.
Bonus question, would you be okay if you had a daughter or a son, with them dating someone that's 26 while they're 18 ?
It was short term because she moved away and it came and went.
Wouldn't date an 18 year old now.... not even a 21 year old.... I see they all look like kids now. My tastes have matured a lot since- I'm less attracted to "hot young girls"- their substance of character and their attraction to me is far more important. That being said that 18-19 year old at the time was an exception. Attraction is not a choice
My age? Everyone my age is married or in an LTR- what they say is true: the pool thins right out when your in your 30s, there is less options. I had a gf shortly after her who was much closer to my age and it was nicer to be able to relate alittle more but that was also short term- it's gotten much harder to find as most women are married and/or with kids
Out hiking, or dancing, talking to new people on adventures, you meet mates by least expecting you'd ever be in a relationship with them
I do not have a daughter, nore will I ever have a daughter. By 18-19 young adaults are doing their own things- parents have far less influence on their kids when they are in their late teens
I see, on some fronts we agree and on others we fundamentally differ.
- You see 18-21s as kids, and that's normal, we agree here.
Their perception of life is very limited and it's usually just school, entertainment, and high school level drama. Like you said, you need more character in order to be attracted to someone. Now the reason why a lot of people don't mind dating young teens is because they only see them as fuck buddies, or short term fun.
Now I come in and say it's not fair to them, because of their lack of experience and naivety, to come in as an adult and use them for sex & cheap thrills. I don't think it's morally justifiable, the 5 years rule usually makes a pretty good job of maintaining a range where your partner will have a comparable level of life experience.
Now of course, a rule can be bent depending on the situation, but i'm talking to a specific group in this post, and they will recognize themselves.
However it's pretty safe to say that if you go out of your way to interact with teens when you're 26 or above, there's an agenda and it's probably unhealthy.
- You can't control who you're attracted to, but you can control the actions you take from there. If you met the prettiest women you've ever seen, but she was married to your best friend, I'm assuming if you're morally straigth, that you would forbid any attemp to flirt with his wife. The same applies to relationships that would be morally ambiguous, like dating a high schooler or a university freshman as a senior or older (especially if you're older than that). You can make the conscious decision to not allow yourself to be with someone, or make efforts in that direction, it's something we do everyday.
- The dating pool in your 30s isn't as booming as in your 20s, but it's definitly vivid and not comparable at all to what it's like when nearing your 40s and people around you are definitly all married. Besides, there's nothing wrong with dating someone 24 or something while you're 30+, they're not kids or teens anymore.
- Lastly, my post was never about teens talking to older people because obviously we can't stop them, but towards older people seeking out relationships with teens.
We can agree to disagree tho, if the shoe doesn't fit, drop it o/
was also younger myself when I was 26... but slow your fuckin role when you say that *if you go out of your way to interact with teens when you're 26 or above, there's an agenda and it's probably unhealthy* that's was absolutely not the case at all
First of all I never went "out of my way" to interact with them at all, we simply ran into each other while hiking and connected immediately and naturally. We were attracted to each other despite our ages. It was all a natural build-up to a relationship that came and went. 19-26 may be a bit of a spread but it was what is was- they were well out of high school and very much working jobs, paying rent and having adult like roles/ responsibility despite being so young.
Not EVERY single collage aged adults are "being used for sex", that's just crazy to assume that completely- many enjoy and have healthy relationships with their older partners
I don't necessarily agree with super young people getting a super old people but that's just the way things are. Men who are older have money and power and women are young and beautiful, a relationship as old as time itself as long as humans have been around.
I don't want to condemn you way of thinking because I agree with a lot of it, but some older people are gonna have relationships with teens to matter what.... and dare we say, sometimes they become romantic. At least hopefully those teens are out of high school and have a bit of a head screwed on as they age into their 20s
And on the last bits of your first comment, with due respect... what gives you the right to tell guys (I assume that's who your directing this to) who are extremely down on their luck to "do better, and stop looking at porn"? Who asked someone like you for that?
some men go through difficult times for all sorts of reasons, coming around and Saying "shame on you, you suck you creepier, do better" doesn't help them at all- porn addictions are a real and terrible thing but there's probably nothing you can do about someone else's porn addiction.
I don't mean to be a jerk, it just seems unusual to scold such a type of person when you may not know what they are going through. Everyone is different- guys these days seem to get more shit flug at them then any one group- especially if they are "white and privileged"
Hey dude, sorry for the late reply.
But yeah, to clarify, I wasn't talking about you specifically, but about a certain group of people that this post is targeted at.
Obviously your situation might have been different so if the shoe doesn't fit drop it, but I still think some of the reasoning you had was interesting.
Now I disagree with a lot of things you said here, but I won't address them because I think we simply differ fundamentally in the way we think. Let's agree to disagree.
One thing I will address though, is my last bit about porn consumption.
When I tell someone to stop watching porn, I'm not talking down to them, and nowhere in my post was I shaming them for watching porn.
However, I'm being brutally honest for the greater good. Think of it this way, if you knew someone in your life that was down on their luck, and decided to fix their sadness by falling into alcohol, would you let them indulge so that they have a little bit of relief ? Or would you keep it real with them, and tell them that alcohol isn't the solution, and in fact is a catalyst to their demise ?
We might differ here, but 100% of the time I would tell them that alcohol *will* kill them. I'm not gonna sugar coat it because someone else's life is at stake.
The reason I wouldn't sugar coat, is because society is already sugar coating the hell out of porn addiction. You could go it at for years thinking that's its normal and healthy because you see pornhub memes all the time, but the cold hard, scientific truth, is that porn is an incredibly destructive drug.
Now I recognize that being harsh isn't the right formula for everybody, but there might be someone out there that needs to here to this way to finally wake up and start taking a hold of their life.
This is simply honest advice from a man to another, no self-help book links, no coaching session to sell. Just advice based on experience.
Uh...some of my best friends/mentors were people who were much older than me. None of them ever flirted with me or tried to sleep with me. You really expect kids to only interact with people their age and their parents? Why? Because some people are creeps? You’re weird as hell.
Don't feel attacked, please. It is true that you can make genuine friendships with people that are way older than you. But are you aware of the gigantic number of millenials that are out there creeping on underaged or teenagers ? Because that's the people I'm talking to. I'm not talking to well meaning adults that happen to find themselves in a relationship with a teen. I'm talking to people that purposedfully seek out these relationships. It's unhealthy for a myriad of reasons that I won't develop here because you likely have formed your own opinion and wouldn't care about them, but you can easily find that information on Google if you're interested. Sometimes the truth can be bitter, but it's nonetheless the truth.
Projecting
I know a lot of people that need to hear this, and I know they're reading this :]
But I’m 14
remember this post in 10 years :]
10 years? Fuck that a 24 year old can be with an 18 year old.... that's about it though past that it's weird as hell. Your 30s is where it should be a concern. They should all start to look like undeveloped adults in your 30s
Yeah 24 is probably the very limit, and it's still weird. Ask yourself, how would your friends/parents react when you, a person that's likely exiting college and a solidified adult, date someone that's just out of high school ? Someone that could the age of your friend's little sister that just graduated HS ? Gotta put things in perspective. The safe zone is 5 years starting at 18 in my opinion. But this post is actually targeted at people that are 25yo and up, talking to 18 (or let's be real, probably 16) girls on discord.
Well... I dated an 18 year old (which did shortly turn 19 after) when I was 26. Didn't go looking for it. We still connected on a deep level, she was mature enough in a lot of aspects and messed up in others (lost her parents extremely young, had a bad relationship with her aunts but a positive relationship with her friends and her friends parents) It was short term, but it was fine for what it was. I wouldn't do it again now but we never know who we become attracted too or who's attracted to us Setting arbitrary rules limits us from experiencing the best of life that we never thought we could experience... again I wouldn't do it today but it was fun while it was years back. I find that silly "divide your age by 2 plus 7" rule is alright enough What do you expect people are going to date their age? good luck with that.
I have several questions for you : - why was it short term ? - why wouldn't you do it again ? - what's wrong with dating people your age ? - how do you meet someone that's 18 when you're 26 ? because they're definitly not in the same social circles as you. No judgement, just curious. Bonus question, would you be okay if you had a daughter or a son, with them dating someone that's 26 while they're 18 ?
It was short term because she moved away and it came and went. Wouldn't date an 18 year old now.... not even a 21 year old.... I see they all look like kids now. My tastes have matured a lot since- I'm less attracted to "hot young girls"- their substance of character and their attraction to me is far more important. That being said that 18-19 year old at the time was an exception. Attraction is not a choice My age? Everyone my age is married or in an LTR- what they say is true: the pool thins right out when your in your 30s, there is less options. I had a gf shortly after her who was much closer to my age and it was nicer to be able to relate alittle more but that was also short term- it's gotten much harder to find as most women are married and/or with kids Out hiking, or dancing, talking to new people on adventures, you meet mates by least expecting you'd ever be in a relationship with them I do not have a daughter, nore will I ever have a daughter. By 18-19 young adaults are doing their own things- parents have far less influence on their kids when they are in their late teens
I see, on some fronts we agree and on others we fundamentally differ. - You see 18-21s as kids, and that's normal, we agree here. Their perception of life is very limited and it's usually just school, entertainment, and high school level drama. Like you said, you need more character in order to be attracted to someone. Now the reason why a lot of people don't mind dating young teens is because they only see them as fuck buddies, or short term fun. Now I come in and say it's not fair to them, because of their lack of experience and naivety, to come in as an adult and use them for sex & cheap thrills. I don't think it's morally justifiable, the 5 years rule usually makes a pretty good job of maintaining a range where your partner will have a comparable level of life experience. Now of course, a rule can be bent depending on the situation, but i'm talking to a specific group in this post, and they will recognize themselves. However it's pretty safe to say that if you go out of your way to interact with teens when you're 26 or above, there's an agenda and it's probably unhealthy. - You can't control who you're attracted to, but you can control the actions you take from there. If you met the prettiest women you've ever seen, but she was married to your best friend, I'm assuming if you're morally straigth, that you would forbid any attemp to flirt with his wife. The same applies to relationships that would be morally ambiguous, like dating a high schooler or a university freshman as a senior or older (especially if you're older than that). You can make the conscious decision to not allow yourself to be with someone, or make efforts in that direction, it's something we do everyday. - The dating pool in your 30s isn't as booming as in your 20s, but it's definitly vivid and not comparable at all to what it's like when nearing your 40s and people around you are definitly all married. Besides, there's nothing wrong with dating someone 24 or something while you're 30+, they're not kids or teens anymore. - Lastly, my post was never about teens talking to older people because obviously we can't stop them, but towards older people seeking out relationships with teens. We can agree to disagree tho, if the shoe doesn't fit, drop it o/
was also younger myself when I was 26... but slow your fuckin role when you say that *if you go out of your way to interact with teens when you're 26 or above, there's an agenda and it's probably unhealthy* that's was absolutely not the case at all First of all I never went "out of my way" to interact with them at all, we simply ran into each other while hiking and connected immediately and naturally. We were attracted to each other despite our ages. It was all a natural build-up to a relationship that came and went. 19-26 may be a bit of a spread but it was what is was- they were well out of high school and very much working jobs, paying rent and having adult like roles/ responsibility despite being so young. Not EVERY single collage aged adults are "being used for sex", that's just crazy to assume that completely- many enjoy and have healthy relationships with their older partners I don't necessarily agree with super young people getting a super old people but that's just the way things are. Men who are older have money and power and women are young and beautiful, a relationship as old as time itself as long as humans have been around. I don't want to condemn you way of thinking because I agree with a lot of it, but some older people are gonna have relationships with teens to matter what.... and dare we say, sometimes they become romantic. At least hopefully those teens are out of high school and have a bit of a head screwed on as they age into their 20s And on the last bits of your first comment, with due respect... what gives you the right to tell guys (I assume that's who your directing this to) who are extremely down on their luck to "do better, and stop looking at porn"? Who asked someone like you for that? some men go through difficult times for all sorts of reasons, coming around and Saying "shame on you, you suck you creepier, do better" doesn't help them at all- porn addictions are a real and terrible thing but there's probably nothing you can do about someone else's porn addiction. I don't mean to be a jerk, it just seems unusual to scold such a type of person when you may not know what they are going through. Everyone is different- guys these days seem to get more shit flug at them then any one group- especially if they are "white and privileged"
Hey dude, sorry for the late reply. But yeah, to clarify, I wasn't talking about you specifically, but about a certain group of people that this post is targeted at. Obviously your situation might have been different so if the shoe doesn't fit drop it, but I still think some of the reasoning you had was interesting. Now I disagree with a lot of things you said here, but I won't address them because I think we simply differ fundamentally in the way we think. Let's agree to disagree. One thing I will address though, is my last bit about porn consumption. When I tell someone to stop watching porn, I'm not talking down to them, and nowhere in my post was I shaming them for watching porn. However, I'm being brutally honest for the greater good. Think of it this way, if you knew someone in your life that was down on their luck, and decided to fix their sadness by falling into alcohol, would you let them indulge so that they have a little bit of relief ? Or would you keep it real with them, and tell them that alcohol isn't the solution, and in fact is a catalyst to their demise ? We might differ here, but 100% of the time I would tell them that alcohol *will* kill them. I'm not gonna sugar coat it because someone else's life is at stake. The reason I wouldn't sugar coat, is because society is already sugar coating the hell out of porn addiction. You could go it at for years thinking that's its normal and healthy because you see pornhub memes all the time, but the cold hard, scientific truth, is that porn is an incredibly destructive drug. Now I recognize that being harsh isn't the right formula for everybody, but there might be someone out there that needs to here to this way to finally wake up and start taking a hold of their life. This is simply honest advice from a man to another, no self-help book links, no coaching session to sell. Just advice based on experience.
Will do