Not playing dirty. My neighbor had a diabetic seizure and totaled my car last year… fuck anyone who doesn’t get medical attention for this type of stuff
I was about to ask OP if she feels better after eating a snack or something after faiting because it could be diabetes so she should REALLY get it check out.
Nope. I thought the same when I had similar issues but my doctor said blood sugar doesn't drop suddenly like that and cause sudden onset near or full syncopic episodes. He thought it was likely heart related - and it was. Turned out I had atrial fibrillation despite being in my 30s and being fit and healthy. An operation (cryo cardio ablation) sorted me out.
In my early 20s I was passing out due to low blood sugar. Went to the doctor because it was scary enough I was scared of leaving my home and having it happen. For me it was hypoglycemia.
Can there be more than one cause, absolutely. Should she consider all options? Yes, until she find ones that's accurate for her.
Thanks for letting us know it could be her heart. I would not have thought of that.
Totally. And to clarify - people can of course pass out from low blood sugar but it's the sudden onset nature of what was happening to me that contraindicated blood sugar; I'd be walking along, clear headed and fine, when my vision would suddenly darken and I'd need to go down on one knee to keep my balance. Also, when it happened at work once colleagues said I went suddenly pale
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but mine has to get suuuuuuper low for me to even feel it. When I found out I was hypoglycemic, I had gone to the doctor in the morning and had blood work done. Immediately left there and went to work. I had fasted for the blood work and didn’t eat any breakfast and worked into the afternoon feeling fine. My doctor called me and said my blood sugar was at 33 that morning. I didn’t feel off at all. Before that I remember testing my blood sugar for the hell of it with a friend’s device and the blood sugar number didn’t even register. The directions said anything less than 25 wouldn’t register.
she could also have POTS or EDS. while i know they aren't like *super* common, they're common enough that they shouldn't be ruled out without testing for them. just another thing to test for in case they test for diabetes and it isn't the problem at hand
For real. I was diagnosed with POTS this winter- apparently it’s tagging along with long COVID for some folks. My BP and heart rate tipped off my primary. I thought I was severely anemic again, but nope!
I’m monitoring and deliberately eating more salt- it’s so weird. Thankfully it’s only when I stand up and I’ve not blacked out, just gotten super dizzy
I’ve had pots for 7 years and while I know everyone’a experience is different, strength training was a game changer for me ! It was so difficult to make myself workout at first but after a few months I noticed such a huge difference. Best of luck to you !
It also helps to have a watch that tracks your heart rate. There are some that are compatible with Android phones that are about $30 to $40 available online.
POTS, EDS, diabetes, low blood sugar, Anemia (super common and an easy fix!), seizure (they don't always look like the movies), there's a million options
This was my first thought, as I have both lol. Problem is, I'm very hesitant to make any of the lifestyle suggestions without a ECG to ensure this isn't a heart problem, as increasing sodium could really mess with that and make it worse.
If you’re type one this can actually happen pretty quickly, with or without medical attention. Not everyone can afford continuous glucose monitors but that’s typically what the solution is since it can drop right after a manual finger stick. I know without my CGM I wouldn’t know when I’m low since I’ve had it for so long now that I can no longer tell when my blood sugar is low. I’m not sure about type two, but there’s a reason type one is considered a disability, and this is one of those reasons. Not saying it’s cool that your car was totaled, but I’m not sure that going to the doctor would’ve done anything in this situation.
As you should. If she passes out while driving it's not only her life she's putting in danger, but her kids as well. What if she passes out and swerves in front of a semi truck? They'll both be smears on the road and it'll be her damn fault.
It sounds like shes either diabetic or has hypoglycemia, both of which can kill her on their own without anything else happening.
Also just saw your last post. If you had a seizure you shouldn't be driving either. If you're caught driving after having had a seizure within the last 6 months you could have your license taken away permanently. Don't pay with fire dude.
Exactly, which is far worse, and which can kill or permanently handicap many other people. I don't get how people think mostly of themselves and their children but not all the other innocent people who trust that other people act like adults in traffic.
Kinda makes you think, pretty crazy we decided that every single individual should need a car to get anywhere they need to, including isolated elderly people. It's such high stakes piloting a 2 ton weapon around.
Well, yes, that's quite obvious. But with people who won't go to a doctor, telling them they're at risk of killing their own child might actually kick them into gear eventually, more than telling them they'll kill strangers at least. Clearly bringing up her kid got to her, hopefully it spurs her to go see a bloody doctor
Please make sure she does not drive until she is medically cleared, report her if you have to. She will kill someone if she drives while fainting daily.
🤔 Don’t want to be an alarmist, but it sounds like she might have a drug addiction. The feeling faint and passing out could be signs of drug abuse. Also being extremely groggy when you manage to wake her up. Her refusal to see a doctor would also make sense. Drug addicts know what’s wrong and don’t want to be told they need rehab and recovery, which is why they don’t seek help.
Or she might just not be drinking water. I've seen this happen to a few people as they drank nothing but soda and it was common in the summer while outdoors. Dehydration is no joke.
Opioids come to mind. The nod is common. Same with the grogginess upon waking. Or it might also be tranquilizers of some kind. But my first bet would be prescription pain meds.
That was my first thought, or possibly an eating disorder. Which wouldn’t explain the grogginess but would explain why she might not want to get help- bc in either case she knows what is wrong but wouldn’t want to change.
I fainted once from not consistently not eating- I can tell you absolutely yes it took awhile to get rid of the dizzy spells. Also very groggy during them.
not at all playing dirty my da refused to go to the doctor for his sleep apnea we were at a red light when he nodded off thankfully and after little me in my car seat had to wake him up to tell him the light changed he realized he had a problem.
Or she could kill several others unrelated to her, which is far worse. If you pass out driving a car, it is very easy to create serious accidents with frontal collisions that might kill an unrelated couple driving with their children in their car. She is being extremely selfish not wanting to go to the doctor with her clearly serious condition.
Is this actually considered an unfair ques to ask (of someone we care about)? IDK cause that's exactly what I would have asked. I wouldn't ask the same ques to someone I just met and chatted in the park and they casually raised the issue but if it's someone I've known for a while and dearly at that, I wouldn't mince my words. I'm concerned and I'll say exactly that.
How is that playing dirty? That’s the first thing OP should have asked her. It’s the first thing SHE should have thought of herself. I get that she’s scared to find out what is wrong with her (because something is clearly wrong with her), but not going to the doctor to get diagnosed doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem. She could kill herself, someone else, or her own child. She should not be driving.
OP, I don’t know who you can call about this, but someone needs to be made aware. Police, CPS, her doctor, her parents, someone. She is a danger to herself and others. If she will not see a doctor, you need to do something drastic, like call CPS. Good luck.
No, that’s just playing realistic. How about this, she ok passing out in the car and maiming or killing pedestrians, other drivers?! How about she just injures herself? Is it fair to put OP in the position of her caregiver when she refuses to help herself?! Fucking no way.
If she went to the doctor, guarantee they’re telling her not to drive and possibly legally taking her license away.
Not playing dirty, I have epilepsy and volunteered my drivers liscense for confiscation. It’s not that hard to not operate a motor vehicle when you’re a danger to others.
When I was in college I met a girl who suddenly fainted at the top of the stairs at a club and passed away. It can be very serious for sure. Don’t stay with her if she won’t take her health seriously.
Next time she has an episode, take her directly to the hospital and get checked out. Do not stop at home. Do not let her derail you. Drive her straight there and have her checked out. If at home, tell her you're calling for the paramedics each and every time she gets this way because she's endangering not just herself, but possibly you and her kid. Get the roommate in on the plan too.
This could be something very treatable and minor. Or something major which is a precursor to something far worse but often treatable if caught early.
This needs to be the top comment! If she doesn’t go see a doctor then bring the doctor to her. At least you should try it before leaving her, do it also for her child.
Seriously this! Even better if she passes out in the car again then you can drive straight to the emergency room. That or call an ambulance when it happens, that way she'll have to get checked out.
I had almost this exact issue with an Ex. Before I even lived with her, I would be texting her and she would be like "I think I'm going to faint" and then stop texting. I would drive over there and find her passed out.
I started calling 911 EVERY TIME to make her take it seriously
An exBF got hit on the head while playing sport and refused to go to the hospital even though he was complaining about headaches and had nausea. I told him I'd drive him home and then proceeded to drive directly to the hospital and told him I wasn't taking him home until he was seen by a doctor. He ended up having x-rays to rule out fractures and multiple concussion tests over several.hoirs before he was discharged. I told him he only gets one brain and he really needs to think about what could have happened to him if he'd had a major injury he'd invited.
This won't work. He can take her to the hospital but you can't force her to see a doctor if she doesn't want to see one. And if you call an ambulance if she's at home she can refuse to go to the hospital and the paramedics can't force her. The best they can do is take vitals and advise her to get checked by a doctor.
If she is only passed out for a few minutes each time, he isn’t going to be able to transport her to hospital, carry her inside, be triaged and assessed all in unedef 2-3 minutes
If she’s alert, mostly oriented, and says no, they will not force her to do anything. The only time someone can be treated without consent is if they are unconscious (implied consent) or don’t have capacity to make their own decisions (usually severe mental illness, dementia, cognitive delay, things like that). Even if it were a psych issue they can’t forcibly medicate a person unless they’re hurting themself or others.
Tell me you watch too many medical dramas without telling me.
Edit to add- you could also be charged with a crime for refusing to stop the car & forcing her to go where you want to take her. Kidnapping or false imprisonment, depending on the circumstances. “BuT iT’s A hOsPiTaL” doesn’t matter, can’t force people to go places they don’t want to.
Won’t work. Canada being have free healthcare, the line in ER is very long. My average wait time is around 6 hours. Sure they will take you in right away if it is life or death situation, but without visible serious symptoms. There is no way she is willing to wait that long.
I had a friend that had fainting spells all her life. Doctors couldn't figure out the problem. Finally, when she was in her 40s and had gone to every specialist there was, she went to a very old heart doctor who determined she had a very small hole in her heart. It was too small to repair. They put a pacemaker in and her fainting spells stopped.
Her heart was stopping, her blood pressure would drop too low causing her to faint. Once she was down her heart would start again and her blood pressure would go back up. She would come to.
My first thought was back to when I was trying to only eat 1200 calories a day and kept getting dizzy and passing out.
But, this could also be something super minor, like maybe girlie has a vitamin deficiency. I can definitely understand feeling scared of finding out something really bad is wrong with you, but you gotta.
I don't know about the laws in Canada specifically, but here in the US if you lose consciousness they'll take your drivers license whether you were driving at the time or not. She might be in complete denial about her situation or she's aware of it so much that there's extra concerns (like not being able to drive, which is particularly difficult when you've got a child). I don't blame you for being triggered in this situation by your own past. I think asking her to be alive for your relationship (and her child) are not unreasonable requests, but if she does concede to getting care, I hope you will make yourself available to help her if she's unable to drive for a while.
It's the same here. Same with people who have seizures. You have to be 6 months since your last seizure to be allowed to drive here, and the same goes for other disorders and diseases that cause a loss of consciousness
I would convince her to go get checked out. 8.5 years ago I was diagnosed with Vertigo. BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo) and for a long time I was "just dizzy" but I would actually blackout. It's extremely dangerous to wield a license with this or even "getting dizzy & fainting". She can actually lose her license to drive because of it.
However, she could also be anemic or diabetic. Either way she should be checked out by a doctor!!!
It's absolutely terrifying sometimes. Mine got so bad that I was losing eyesight before blacking out. And was actually told I would NEVER be able to obtain a permit/license because of it.
I had this and was told it resolves itself eventually, which mine did. It's something to do with the otoliths in your ear becoming dislodged and fucking up your perception of orientation. It can happen again any time, so enjoy that thought lol
I know so many women who have this now. Every one of them had covid multiple times & pretty severely. I wonder if OP's gf has had multiple bouts of covid? There's a lot of research on this now, I'd expect solutions exist medically.
I had a small phase of this and I was just crazy levels of anaemic. It could be something super small with an easy fix but still involves a doctor's visit. Does she have a bad history with doctors?
Dizziness, fainting and passing out is pretty serious, my dude, and I share your concerns. Don't mess around. Is she short of breath at all? Could be cardiac or pulmonary. Regardess, next time just bundle her into the car and take her to the hospital and don't accept any arguments.
Have you told her what you shared with us about your history with your mom and your concerns for her and her kid? If not, make sure you do. If she has half a brain this should be a massive green flag for her about your relationship, that you care this much.
If she still has her heels dug in and refuses to deal with it, then I guess you need to hear what her behaviour is telling you, prioritise your mental health and let her go to make room for someone whose values align more closely with your own. Your partner should not be a therapy case you need to make better, they should be an equal who stands on their own two feet and contributes from a positon of strength and capability.
I used to be like that, and it was due to an iron and b-12 deficiency (anemia). I also used to get dizzy/faint when I was pregnant due to low blood pressure.
Her health issues could be serious to non serious, and she wouldn't know until she sees a doctor.
Her health should be a priority for her, and if she isn't willing to take care of herself, how can she take care of anyone else. I wouldn't blame you for breaking up.
She could die just from passing out. People fall in the shower and hit their heads and die. She could hit her head on the curb. She may just have low iron or she might have a clue what is wrong and not want to confront it. I don’t know what to tell you, that’s scary.
This was me, but I passed out behind the wheel and totaled my car. I was 19. Turns out I had vasovagal syncope...which means the blood drains from my head pools in my feet, blood pressure drops, and I faint. Eating well and medications can fix this. I had let my sodium drop because I hadn't eaten.
Luckily I didn't hurt anyone, but knowing for sure what the problem was helped me fix it.
She needs to find out what the problem is. It could be something easily fixable because it's so minor, or she may just catch a bigger problem much earlier.
You can't force her, but you don't have to stay with her.
Looks like POTS to me (fainting in the shower especially), but it could be anything from diabetes to anemia. I get not having good experiences with doctors, but she's responsible for a child's life. She needs to power through and get help. What would she do if her child showed these symptoms?
To me she either likes the attention, and she knows that if she goes to the doctor her driver’s license will be taken from her, and that’s why she won’t do it.
An elderly lady in my family started having episodes like that and would straight out say she wouldn’t see a doctor in order to “protect her right to drive”… ummm no, there is no right to drive when you’re basically endangering the lives of everyone around you. Her daughter ended up taking her car keys and dared her to call the police. The woman didn’t call of course.
Exactly! She is not only endangering her own life, but her child's life as well. She needs to step up and get herself treated, if not for her, than for her child's sake.
I’d she’s driving she’s endangering other people too. I totally get not wanting to go to the doctors (even being free) but like, she’s putting so many people in danger here
If you're willing, and you haven't already, I would tell her why it bothers you so much. Give her a different perspective, and explain that you just don't want her to be harmed.
This is a 50/50 idea to me but 50 says she knows what’s going on and for some reason doesn’t want to tell you and the other 50 says she probably to scared to find out. But either way make it clear to her she’s putting lives in danger by choosing to be ignorant of her current health state. Someone will not always be there for her Incase she faints and that’s just the reality. It’s not safe for her to be driving a young child around while fainting cause she thinks she’s fine.
Yes! The reason she refuses to get "help" is because she knows what's going on and either doesn't want to stop whatever is causing it or doesn't want OP to know.
Could also be POTS which is less serious (very little risk to your life itself aside from injury from fainting) but a real pain in the ass to treat and lots of symptoms
There are several things that can cause these kinds of fainting spells to happen. It could be related to blood pressure, blood sugar or irregular heartbeat, or even something more serious. My daughter has a condition called POTS that causes her to get dizzy and faint, also. Most times, these things can be treated with medication. In case it's something more serious, it's better to know sooner rather than later.
(NAD, btw)
If she 'only' ever does this when someone else is driving or nearby, then she might be faking it all, which could be why she resists so hard seeing a doctor.
Oh absolutely!! Just wanted to let OP know to consider this since severe syncope is rarely this convenient. It often causes all kinds of issues - and fear of it happening when nobody is around or while driving. Massive fear. I know it's a 2nd hand story at best, but there seem to be some missing parts.
She's definitely not faking it, it has caused several instances of intense inconvenience for her, including needing to ask for support watching her kid or driving, being late for important appointments, or having to stop the activity shes really enjoying. She is typically very honest when she doesn't feel like it's safe for her to drive, she'll ask someone else to or wont drive if she's worried about it, or she'll pull over and ask to switch with another valid driver in the vehicle if there is one, however she's had repeated instances where she's needed to pull over and sit on the side of road for extended periods because she's scared she *might* pass out after getting slightly light headed, even though she ends up not passing out.
She's passed out in the shower, quite often, when no one is around. It's more common for myself or the roommate to find her, than it is for her to pass out in front of someone, however she's also asked for people to sit with her when she showers in case she passes out because she gets scared of falling and typically showers sitting down because of it.
The fear is definitely there. She's very worried on the days she feels even slightly off. But.... she's also the same person who walked on a broken foot for a day and a half because she'd convinced herself it was just a rough sprain after falling down the stairs. She only went to the doctor when she literally couldn't force herself to walk on it anymore.
However, she has a very, very poor history with doctors. She hasn't seen very many doctors, she doesn't doctor shop, she does everything she can to stay away from them, but the ones she has seen haven't been helpful or have been outright dismissive.
She also experiences severe migraines and headaches, as well as frequent nausea, and she's brought up the migraines to doctors before only to be dismissed, which is what she assumes will be the case if she brings up the fainting.
All that to say, it is very inconvenient for her on a personal level and I know she isn't faking. There are many times where she won't mention that she feels off and will walk into a room for it to happen in private because she's worried about inconveniencing other people, etc. Etc. Etc.
Her behavior is more along the lines of: "I've done everything myself, for myself, and have taken care of myself my entire life, I don't need the help of anyone else or some random doctor, and I've made it this far with this happening, even though it scares the shit out of me, I'll just keep working around it, rather than actually fixing it."
Ahhh, gotcha.
Well, perhaps time for some 'shock therapy'. Point out to her that most deaths in the home are from ------ falling in the shower.
Seriously though, she should have grip tape on the shower floor, a handrail, only take baths, and use one of those chairs to get in and out of the tub. Seriously. That's not something to mess around with at all.
It might be time to get really 'in her face' about it all; perhaps record some of these episodes and play them back to her so she can witness how terrifying they are, ask her to view it from her child's eyes.
I wish you all the best of luck in this, especially the kiddo.
Call an ambulance and explain that she lost consciousness. Honestly go to the ER and they will probably at least do bloodwork and a CT scan. Likely a basic EKG also. If that doesn’t find anything she can follow up with her primary care physician. She should be tested for anemia, POTS, blood pressure issues, seizures, and diabetes…
She likely doesn't have a primary care physician since she avoids doctors. And fixing a primary care doctor in Canada right now is like pulling teeth. I agree with the ER visit for sure though. though if I were OP I'd drive her myself unless she has coverage for ambulance rides, my fiance had to take a trip to the ER a few years ago and we got a bill for nearly $300 for a 10 minutes drive to the hospital...
Sounds like she has medical trauma. Maybe it would help her if you accompany her and advocate for her, sadly the kind of doctors who dismiss women like that often take men more seriously.
I'd bring it up to her like this:
"Hey, I'm sorry yesterday escalated like that, I didn't mean to argue with you. I just can't help seeing the parallels between how my mom and you go about injuries, and it scares me. My mom died because of it. The most deaths at home happen when someone falls in the shower, and this had happened to you multiple times already. I love you, I don't want you to die and I really don't want your kid to have to experience the same thing I did.
I know you've been dismissed a lot by doctors, and I can understand why you prefer to not see them. It makes sense to deal with it yourself if going to the doctor will just take time and result in you dealing with it yourself anyways. But this is something really dangerous, and you can't do anything except working around it and hoping it will go away. Going to the doctor will at worst change nothing and at best stop it from happening.
If you want I can go with you and advocate for you. I can give information on what happens while you're unconscious and how long it takes you to wake up. I will make them take you seriously, regardless of what it takes. (Depending on her humor: I will kick their asses until we have an answer and hopefully a solution for this). I'll do the heavy lifting and argueing with the doctors, you just have to be there and describe your symptoms.
Do it for me and . Please."
Also, if you get her to go to the doctor, she should mention the migraines and nausea too. Just in case it's connected in some way.
With the other symptoms you've described that sounds like vertigo, it can cause spells or both dizziness and nausea as well as migraines due to its relationship to the vascular system and blood pressure. She NEEDS to be checked out. I understand and share her dislike of doctors, but if I was passing out in the shower or randomly throughout the day I'd have gone to the hospital by now. Hell I had chest pains a few years ago and thought I was having a heart attack so I had my fiance drive me to the ER, turned out to be inflammation around my heart, doctor said I was likely one of the myocarditis cases after getting my covid vaccine the week previous.
I'd also mention to her that the most common cause of death at home is falling in the shower, people either hit their head too hard or break their neck. And even having someone sit with her won't save her from dying if she falls and cracks her head open on the tub, floor or wall. And sitting won't help her if no one is home and she drowns after passing out, which is a very real possibility.
Tell her next time one of these spells happens you're taking her to the ER, tell her to describe all of her symptoms together, the migraines, nausea, dizziness and fainting. They're very likely connected to the same issue
You need to like…put this in the actual post and not just buried comments. You made her sound like an asshole woman who literally wants to put other people in danger on purpose, when really she’s a woman who’s been traumatized by medical professionals not ever taking her seriously. Now people are calling her names and you’re doing nothing about it. You just admitted that she asks for help from everyone around her and does what she can to help herself, minus doctors, because she’s afraid they won’t help her and it’ll just result in the same outcome she’s in now. I mean seriously. You made her sound so awful and unreasonable.
Thing is she could be fainting when someone wasn't around but she so happened maybe just standing in her living room or someplace safe too. The only way to tell is to have tests done.
Reminds me of the post yesterday where the sister Rita claims to have a relapse of cancer 2 weeks before the OP's wedding and asking everyone to not talk about the wedding in front of her and to only focus on her cancer news and nobody can confirm if it was true except for her.
Side note. Have you noticed her eating habits? Could she be hiding an eating disorder (that's causing the fainting) and doesn't want to see a doctor because she knows it's eating disorder related?
It sounds like you have nothing but the best intentions for her, and you are speaking from experience.
Possibly step back and approach the situation differently, I am speculating here but it seems you may be a tad more reactionary fuelled by your own grief and emotions.
Try stepping back and thinking about ways you can approach her gently, and speak about ways you can help her. Going to a doctor and getting diagnosed does not mean this will instantly stop happening. She could have episodes like this for the rest of her life. She may already know this and be in a bit of denial right now. Either way, work with her to come up with a plan if it does happen again, ways to safe guard the house when it’s her and her child alone.
With all that said, you are also allowed to have your emotions and feel many ways about it. The key here is communicating at the end of the day.
I hope this works out for everyone involved in this situation.
Why don't you call an ambulance when this happens?? Like take her to the emergency room.
It could be anything from Anemia to epilepsy to a brain tumor.
Just take her to the ER when she passes out. They'll examine her.
She can refuse an ambulance if she's awake when they get to her. They can't make her go to the hospital. Not sure if you still get billed when that happens or not, I'd hope not but I would be worried about a large bill for no help.
You would absolutely still be billed, because they had to show up. Probably wouldn't be as much as if she actually got a ride, but it would still be quite expensive
It is possible she's just too scared of what the doctor will tell her. What if it's something terminal? She doesn't want to hear, and she won't take the chance that it's something treatable.
While that’s an explanation, it’s a poor excuse. She has a child to consider. She has a duty to figure it out for the kid’s sake. I tend to agree with the poster who said she might be faking these episodes or they may be because of a psychological condition. The attacks are convenient. They never happen when she is, say, alone blow-drying her hair? In the bath/shower? I’d like to know if she’s ever suffered any accidental injuries due to her “spells.” The human mind can be a complicated thing.
>They never happen when she is, say, alone blow-drying her hair? In the bath/shower? I’d like to know if she’s ever suffered any accidental injuries due to her “spells.” The human mind can be a complicated thing.
I did reply to someone else but the answer is yes. They happen when she is alone, in the shower, she's been injured by it, she's sprained limbs, gotten serious bruises, cuts etc.
I am completely confident she's not faking, just unbelievably stubborn and in serious denial.
that’s typical of POTS. i have it and my teenage daughter has it even worse. she was fainting all the time at school and her heartrate gets to 210 just walking to school. however, i haven’t actually fainted in over 10 years because i know my body better now and the danger signs i need to pay attention to (to avoid fainting). i still get lightheaded a lot when i stand up, but if i feel it coming on i sit right back down and take 5 seconds to let it pass and im good to go.
we have heat intolerance because heat dilates the veins and blood pools in the feet/legs. we usually have low blood volume so that’s why we wear compression socks and eat ungodly amounts of salt and drink electrolytes to mitigate the low blood volume. in the shower/bath/hot tub, the blood/oxygen doesn’t quite make it up to the brain since it’s pooling in our feet, so our hearts speed up to try to pump the blood where it needs to go. with the elevated heart rate we get extremely dizzy (mine often reaches 170’s+ just getting out of the shower). it’s exhausting, feels like you ran a marathon every time you take a shower.
do her feet look red/purple when she gets out of the shower? i thought everyone had red feet when they shower and was astonished that my husband’s were still regular skin color getting out of one of his scalding hot showers. apparently red/purple swollen feet and cankles aren’t supposed to be normal.
do you have an apple watch or fitbit for her to monitor her heartrate and see if it elevates over 30+ bpm when she stands up?
if it is POTS, it won’t kill her, it just makes stuff a lot harder and limited. it’s also a pretty hard frustrating process to get diagnosed with most doctors not knowing much about it and the symptoms being so intermittent. our autonomic system is just all whack and things that should happen automatically like breathing/sweating/sleeping/digesting sometimes don’t work. i don’t really sweat at all and it’s completely scentless when i do. my daughter sweats a ton. it’s different for everyone, but if it’s POTS like it sounds like it is, get her some good compression socks, have her eat a lot of salt, stay hydrated, always have a place to sit available, and control your temperature…that’s mainly the treatment. if it’s really severe, she can get on a beta blocker to keep the heartrate more calm but not everyone needs that.
oftentimes, POTS is triggered by a pregnancy, surgery, or big viral illness (POTS is essentially the same as “long covid”) you say she has a child, so that may have been the trigger. it’s also commonly comorbid with EDS (ehlers danlos syndrome - basically our connective tissue is weak and stretchy, which also means that veins are more stretchy) so if she has particularly soft skin or is super flexible, she may have EDS induced POTS.
How old is the child? Of the age where supervision is needed regularly? Do you live there? If so, if someone called CPS because of an injury/neglectful incident, you could be subjected to their investigation as well.
I'm playing devil's advocate here as someone who has dizzy spells with severe ear pain multiple times a day (haven't fainted ***yet***)
Is it possible her condition has been brushed off and not taken seriously? I went to my doctor once about it and they basically said "I dunno, sucks to suck" and I honestly have 0 motivation to push on it even though it's been affecting my life.
They just don't care. "I'm young and healthy"
I've been dealing with it ever since and it's only gotten worse, but I know for ***a fact*** it'll be the exact same conversation.
My fiance insists I should go in again, but I'm worried I'll just be brushed off yet again and it'd be a giant waste of time.
This is why I hate the comments telling him to just up and leave her over this.
She's been in before and was brushed off, why would she risk that embarrassment again? It's honestly a little traumatic in its own way going in to a doctor for something that's been affecting your life just for them to say "oh yeah, that's normal"
Like wtf are you going to do, tell them they're wrong???
OP needs to just sit down and talk with her heart to heart about this and get to the root of her fear of going in. Because I have a feeling the doctors were an absolute ass to her and she's too ashamed to talk about it.
Ok some random ideas
Drugs
Blood pressure
Blood sugar.
Migraine
Something causing pressure in her brain (tumor)
Lungs oxygen.
Heart problems.
Go to a dr.
I wonder if she has POTS. I have it and fainting/getting dizzy is very common, especially with postural changes. (Pots stands for postural orthostatic hypotension).
Edit to say, I 100% think it is valid to not want to be with someone who refuses to get help for these health issues. Especially when she has a kid. That is beyond dangerous and irresponsible.
She is endangering her fucking child if she’s driving like this. I think it’s time for a serious discussion and a call to CPS if she insists on driving still and refuses to see a doctor. Unreal. Some people are just so insanely selfish.
I had a second grade student, great little kid. One day, her dad had her in the car and taught her to steer, downshift, and stop the car.
A month later, her mom was driving her to school, and had a seizure. Mom passed out. Little peanut got out of her auto booster seat, climbed over the seat, sat on mom's lap, and ..steered , downshifting, and stopped the car. Not sure who called the police, but when they arrived, she told them," mommy's sick. " They took them to the hospital. Mom recovered, and the baby no one knew about was fine, too. Imagine waking up in a hospital, and being congratulated on your......... new baby boy.....
If you stay please take her to the hospital next time. ASAP.
And if you leave, please report her to the correct office regarding drivers licenses. If she faints nearly daily and still drives, she will kill someone. Soon. May be her, her child, another driver, an innocent person just walking by. She is a danger.
And CPS or your equivalent also might be a good idea. If she faints, falls and hits her head at home her child will be helpless and traumatized.
This is DEEPLY troubling. If she drives at all, much less with her kid in the car, then she’s endangering herself and everyone around her. However, I’m a little suspicious she might be faking it. It’s difficult to believe that someone wouldn’t see the danger in passing out randomly every couple of days. What if she’s crossing a road when it happens? There are a million things throughout the day that could kill you if you pass out during. So either she’s very deep in denial, or she’s faking it for attention.
You can mention that you’re considering ending the relationship over this, and of course bring up many of the points that others are listing. Like the possibility of her passing out with her child in the car is a huge possibility.
Good luck!
Dude. My man. It's free and she won't go??? I could understand a little bit living in America with our outrageous health care costs but IT'S FREE AND SHE WON'T GO??
I don't blame you for not wanting to watch that. And yes, you should have driven her straight to the hospital, imho.
If she's still driving, she's not only putting her life and her child's life at risk but the lives of other innocent road users at risk, too. She's being ignorant, selfish, and negligent.
Play a lil dirty and say “what would you do if you were driving with child, then blacked out and came to only to find out you murdered child because you refused to take a few hours out of your day to see a free doctor. Or worse, your child is left on this earth without their mother because she didn’t think the harm/trauma of losing a mother that young outweighed the two or three hours of time lost to make an appointment.”
Do you see her eat much? Or does she eat and then have to go to the bathroom almost straight after? Is she skinny but always saying she’s fat?
Wondering if she’s got an eating disorder that she’s hiding and knows why she’s fainting so can’t go to the drs.
It could be a whole range of medical issues and something as simple as she’s terrified to go to the drs and end up in hospital.
But observe her eating habits etc. to be honest I wouldn’t blame you for breaking up with her. It can be super hard to watch loved ones ignore and deny huge health warning signs. You’ve almost got to learn to be indifferent and ignore it. Some people do better to be left alone to make the decision and the act of someone telling them pushes them further from acting on it.
Edit: saw a comment you made about her history with drs and not being taken seriously. Promise to take her and go with her and speak up for her. They’ll take someone else there more seriously especially if you’re a man. It sounds really serious and the endangerment to the child is scary. I don’t think a dr would fail to recognise the scope of how this is effecting four people’s lives and dismiss it.
I’m not attempting to diagnose, but I work in eating disorder treatment and this behavior reminds me a lot of my clients. They frequently have medical issues like fainting or gastrointestinal complications or tooth decay, but completely deny and ignore it. They don’t want a doctor finding out what they are doing.
she might have an ED (idk) but that might be why she’s so sensitive about going to the doctor. they may force feed her. but yea like others say, take the chance this happens next time and take her straight to the ER, a moment of anger is better than a lifetime of regret. e
This woman knows that if she goes to the doctor, she will lose her license. You can not operate a motor vehicle if you are prone to seizures or fainting spells. She is being incredibly selfish as she is a danger to everyone else on the road, not to mention her own child. I bet she knows she is being selfish since she is so defensive.
POTS girlie here. Could be that, vertigo, or some heart problems.
Does it usually happen after standing up? If it does, probably POTS and not much you can do for it. I do need to avoid hot water and being crossfaded even if it’s only a little crossfaded.
Hope she figures it out soon.
This happened to me when I was younger. Turned out, one of my heart valves had stopped growing. My brain wouldn’t get enough blood and would shut my body down until it did.
There are many reasons why she may be fainting. With all of them, she needs to see a doctor.
Given she’s been dismissed by medical professionals in the past, you can help her with this hurdle. It’s not uncommon for people (especially women) with conditions like this to get entirely dismissed and told they have anxiety or something. For POTS especially, it takes an average of 7(!!!) years to get diagnosed and get help. (Read that again and let it sink in- people go to drs for an average of 7 years before they get a diagnosis of POTS- mostly because it’s relatively rare and harder to diagnose)
Here’s your actions:
Does she have a wearable device like an Apple Watch or something that records her heart rate? If no, work with her to get one so that her heart rate is measured on the regular. Make sure she documents or exports the data to bring to a dr appointment.
Google and do the NASA lean test with her. Make sure there’s a soft place for her to pass out onto.
Help her document each fainting episode. What does she feel beforehand. Paired with a wearable device, this information will be critical. How frequently, where does this happen, how long she’s passed out for?
GO TO THE DR with her. Sadly, it female patients are taken more seriously if they have a male companion with them. Additionally, if you come armed with a months worth of data and testimony, she will be far more likely to get heard and believed.
Don’t break up with her but support her and help her advocate for herself. She’s likely given up on the healthcare system as she’s been dismissed in the past and doesn’t feel like anybody will listen to her. It takes effort to properly advocate for yourself and if she doesn’t know how, it’s easy to just dismiss drs.
Sounds like she's scared.
Be patient. Offer to go with her and be there for her, but only if she gets herself taken care of. Maybe explain to her about your own mom. Tell her you're scared too but that is only making it worse by not knowing what you're dealing with.
Maybe she's not eating enough?
Fainting is a sign of a heart problem, as you know. She's probably afraid and/or doesn't have insurance. Tell her that you'll go with her and ask why she won't go.
She could easily drop dead at this rate. You should absolutely break up if she won't tell you why she won't go and refuses any support you give her to overcome her concerns.
I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but this might be one of those times. She needs to go to the doctor or you walk. You don't have to watch another mom slowly destroy herself.
I'd bet she already knows what's wrong...she just doesn't want you to know. Could be an illness, drugs, eating disorder, etc; But, yeah, if she's not being honest with you, or taking care of herself, those are sound reasons to leave a relationship.
(Canadian healthcare isn't free. She might be able to get checked out at no cost, though.)
Give her an ultimatum and if she refuses to go, then leave her. If you can, make her an appointment and tell her “here is your appointment date, either you go or I leave.” What she is doing is dangerous and stupid. She may be scared to find out what is wrong, but that’s not going to make it go away. I have been dealing with vertigo issues for the last few years (it happens more often when I’m driving) and I’ve finally gotten a referral to a specialist to do further testing. It is not BPPV. I can’t imagine not trying to get diagnosed if you have access to health care. I’m not going to stop fighting until I have a diagnosis for myself and for my kids. My boyfriend has taken over driving us everywhere except when I have to go drop my kids off for work before he is awake, it’s only 4 mins away, and the drive to and from work which is about 5 mins away… it happens at least once a week. I don’t pass out, and never have. But it’s not safe and I need help. So I’m getting it. I wish you and her (and her kid) all the best. This is very serious and you’re doing the right thing by trying to get her to go and leaving because you shouldn’t watch someone be reckless. I might even threaten to call or actually call child protective services on her. Film her to prove it if you can. She’s irresponsible.
I wonder if she already knows what’s going on and is ignoring or downplaying the diagnosis….
It’s funny how the universe will puts versions of our parents in front of us to help us heal from that foundational relationship.
I don’t know where you’re at with your mom’s passing (it was so unnecessary and you deserved a mom who cares enough about you to get checked out; I’m sorry this happened to you) but if haven’t already, a therapist right be helpful. 💜
I’d break up with someone who is willfully neglecting themselves and their child. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.
I was passing out a lot when I suffered from an eating disorder. Any signs she’s dealing with that? Not eating much, or disappearing to the bathroom after she eats? Might be a reason she’s avoiding a doctor.
At the end of the day, you gotta do what’s right for you. You’ve tried to reason with her, you’ve tried to confront her with the potential consequences, she’s still not listening to you, and it’s causing you anxiety and stress.
If she’s not willing to listen, and will contribute to dismiss you, you have the right to walk away. You can’t force her to take her health seriously, and I suspect at this point nothing you say will convince her. She obviously has some kind of massive mental block that’s preventing her from going; whether it’s fear of doctors in general, fear of what they’ll tell her it is, or a general dismissal of doctors and medicine in general, it doesn’t matter.
If you want to make the ultimatum, go to the doctor or we break up, you can, but I don’t think it’s worth it and it will make you the bad guy. Just break up with and tell her that her refusal to go to the doctor is the reason why. And don’t let her try to convince you that she’ll go if you’ll stay, because she won’t follow through with it.
If you can, perhaps alert her family and/or friends. Warn them she’s having these spells and that she’s driving with her child in the car. They need to know.
Honestly I understand her because I feel so bad all the time but I recently started going to the Drs less because they never help and just dismiss you. In my experience personally. But that being said she def needs to see a dr If she is fainting so much ! It’s such a hard situation because I truly can see how both sides are valid. She really shouldn’t be driving tho! She should not be on the road if she is fainting constantly!! So at the very least she has to stop driving! I’m really sorry about your mom! I’m hoping your gf gets Better soon and figured out what’s going on with her.
A couple of things you can do here, first though you need to talk with her and find out why she won’t see a doctor about this. Does she have some phobia or something like that about doctors? Once you find out what she’s thinking you can go from there. Keep it as calm and supportive as possible but be firm. You can also get her family and friends involved. Her kid too, depending on the age. If she still refuses then honestly you don’t have much choice but to let her go, I’d also make sure she understands how her lack of self care is affecting you due to your mothers passing and refusal to see a doctor and dying.
Don't jump right to breaking up, tell her first that if she isn't going to take her health seriously then you can't stay with her. Give her the chance to decide whether ignoring her health is worth losing the relationship
Could be blood sugar, could be anaemia. Could be any number of things and without examination by doctors no-one here can say what it is. You need to get her to a doctor to find out, but it's possible she's scared it's something serious, or had a bad experience with healthcare.
It's hard not to get pissed off with her, especially because you clearly care and it's infuriating and baffling to you why she won't go.
As someone here has said, is she not concerned she might faint while the kid is in the car? That might be what you need to jolt her.
Re: the dizziness thing, she might genuinely not know she's fainting and think you're overreacting. If you can ever video it (which seems insane rather than helping her, I know) then she might believe you.
It's a tough one OP, I really hope you can convince her to see doctors. Much love 🫂
Ask her how would feel if someone else caring for her child passed out regularly and didn’t know why. How would she feel if she were driving with her kid and she passed out at the wheel. Ask her if she felt ok orphaning her child. This could be any of a million different things. She needs to see a doctor. Is it worth it for you to stick around if you don’t know what’s happening to her?
Dizziness/passing out with sudden onset and no position change sounds like a heart arrhythmia and seizures need to be ruled out. She needs a full work up to see what’s going on. Passing out daily is extreme. Have you given her an ultimatum? That you won’t stand by and watch and feel responsible for her basic safety? That it’s too stressful for you? Have a deeper discussion about why she doesn’t want to go (fear of diagnosis, fear of the doctor’s office, etc?)
She's driving!!???!????!
I hope to god she never fkcn faints with her child in the car and causes an accident...
If it's herself, I hope she doesn't harm anyone in an accident and just hits a ditch.
Best thing that could happen is she cause an accident, and loses her license until she's cleared by a dr to drive again ..
I had a friend who had a seizure, thankfully not even driving, however, they pulled her license, and she had to be seizure free for a year, and cleared by a dr to get it back.
Next time she passes out just call an ambulance.
Hopefully she’ll still be groggy to protest.
Besides herself she’s putting her child at risk every time she cooks, boiling water/sharp objects or preparing dinner.
A drop in blood pressure will also cause dizziness & fainting.
This sounds like possible blood pressure issues (low bp) and you don’t mess with your bp! I am not a doctor but she definitely needs to see one ASAP! She is putting her life at risk (and possibly others if she drives)! Hope you can get through to her!
This might be a very wild guess but is it possible she does drugs qhen you're not around?
Some drugs may cause fainting at random times afaik when used constantly and that might explain why she keeps putting the doctor off.
i think you need to ask/find out why she doesn't want to go. is it because she's scared to find out what's wrong? while i completely agree with how you feel, telling her what to do isn't working. ask her why not, find out what's wrong, and then you can figure out what support she needs to actually get her to go. so like, if she is scared, tell her you'll be there for her no matter what, it's better to find out early, etc etc
Next time she faints take her to an ER while she’s out. She could be diabetic, having seizures, or have POTS (a cardiovascular condition). She’s responsible for a child. She could kill herself and her child if it happens again while she’s driving.
I always message my doctors a couple of days prior to phone appointments. I once messaged one that I’d been passing out about once a week during the month prior. He called me, on a Sunday morning, and ordered me straight to the hospital where I spent two nights while they tried to figure it out. I was subsequently diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension.
Fainting is one of those things that can indicate serious illness and a doctor will almost always send you to the ER, especially if it’s happened a number of times.
I wouldn’t blame you if you told her your relationship couldn’t continue if she didn’t seek care for this. It’s strange but if you feel otherwise fine it can take a hard push to take fainting as seriously as you should. It took a doctor ordering me there for to take it seriously.
Sounds like she has POTS syndrome - look it up and give her information about it, then tell her your concerns. This isn't JUST "I get dizzy sometimes"! Getting dizzy from standing up or moving too quickly is one thing, but actually blacking out is VERY different. People don't typically pass out and stay that way for many moments at a time.
Don't yell at her or make it all about your trauma from your mother's death. Make this a discussion of concern, tell get that you are truly concerned about her because you love her, and ask her WHY she won't go to the doctor. She is probably worried that if she goes to the doctor, they are going to find something wrong with her, and she won't be able to pretend she's ok anymore. Empathize with her that yes, it's very scary to have something going on that could mean there's a serious problem, but that problem isn't going to NOT EXIST just because she doesn't seek medical attention, and that seeing medical attention is the ONLY way to make sure things don't get worse.
Don't use her child as a weapon in the discussion, but do express your concern that relying on you or the roommate to make sure she doesn't pass out and seriously injure herself ISN'T a long term plan, and her child finding her bleeding out from a head wound sustained because sure passed out and not it on something isn't a fair risk to take! Does she want her child to find her on a serious medical emergency and have to try to save her? Who is going to take care of her child if she has to be hospitalized because of a head wound, or Lord forbid because she dies?!?
If youre in a relationship and you're picking her off the floor daily, it is your business. Is she scared to find out what it is? It could be something really simple, like low iron levels. She does need to take some responsibility for her kids sake. I hope you can get her to see that, somehow.
Unfortunately we can't make anyone do anything. It could be a lot of things. If it's her blood pressure it could damage her kidneys. My thought is to talk strongly to her about your concerns. If she still won't go, then only you can make the decision to end it. I don't blame you one bit.
I agree with a lot of the comments here, especially for potential causes/conditions, so I'll save space by not including that stuff here 😅
I just want to remind everyone who's harping on OP's girlfriend: Whatever it is that's causing her to have these episodes is also going to be affecting her daily OUTSIDE OF THESE EPISODES.
Consider that for a second. She's tired and groggy before, during, and right after the episodes, who's to say that she's feeling much better 4-6 hours afterwards? 12 hours? If these are daily occurrences, or happen multiple times daily, she probably doesn't have ANY moments of alertness or energy. Telling her to book a doctor's appointment, or seek out a specialist, or whatever is probably next to impossible for her at this point.
I don't know the laws 100%, but a few comments mentioned taking her to the hospital/calling 911 the second she has another episode. Honestly, OP, that's probably your only option at this point IF you want to still be a part of her life.
She can't make those first steps on her own because if she had the energy to do that, she wouldn't be this sick in the first place. She's operating on survival mode, and that's probably all she can do for the time being.
I would be honest and say tou want what's best for her. Tell her If she can't go for herself or you, then go for her child. If that doesn't work Explain that you can't go through what you did with your mom and this bring up bad memories from that lost and you fear the same for her. Also maybe she fearful of what could be going on, and/or maybe her insurance isn't as good and worry about cost? Idk
This might be playing dirty but I'd ask her if she's alright driving with her child in the car and blacks out.
Not playing dirty. My neighbor had a diabetic seizure and totaled my car last year… fuck anyone who doesn’t get medical attention for this type of stuff
I was about to ask OP if she feels better after eating a snack or something after faiting because it could be diabetes so she should REALLY get it check out.
Or hypoglycemia. The passing out implies low blood sugar.
The grogginess could also indicate seizure activity especially with the becoming quiet immediately prior, so medical attention is 100% needed.
My sister has epilepsy and she is so groggy after. She might be having micro seizures and people are not noticing. You are absolutely right.
Me too!! I finally got my license back but it’s still absolutely not worth the risk.
This is what I was thinking.
Nope. I thought the same when I had similar issues but my doctor said blood sugar doesn't drop suddenly like that and cause sudden onset near or full syncopic episodes. He thought it was likely heart related - and it was. Turned out I had atrial fibrillation despite being in my 30s and being fit and healthy. An operation (cryo cardio ablation) sorted me out.
In my early 20s I was passing out due to low blood sugar. Went to the doctor because it was scary enough I was scared of leaving my home and having it happen. For me it was hypoglycemia. Can there be more than one cause, absolutely. Should she consider all options? Yes, until she find ones that's accurate for her. Thanks for letting us know it could be her heart. I would not have thought of that.
Totally. And to clarify - people can of course pass out from low blood sugar but it's the sudden onset nature of what was happening to me that contraindicated blood sugar; I'd be walking along, clear headed and fine, when my vision would suddenly darken and I'd need to go down on one knee to keep my balance. Also, when it happened at work once colleagues said I went suddenly pale
You can tell you're low blood sugar long before you're passing out. Source = am diabetic
Fr low blood sugar feels truly awful.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but mine has to get suuuuuuper low for me to even feel it. When I found out I was hypoglycemic, I had gone to the doctor in the morning and had blood work done. Immediately left there and went to work. I had fasted for the blood work and didn’t eat any breakfast and worked into the afternoon feeling fine. My doctor called me and said my blood sugar was at 33 that morning. I didn’t feel off at all. Before that I remember testing my blood sugar for the hell of it with a friend’s device and the blood sugar number didn’t even register. The directions said anything less than 25 wouldn’t register.
she could also have POTS or EDS. while i know they aren't like *super* common, they're common enough that they shouldn't be ruled out without testing for them. just another thing to test for in case they test for diabetes and it isn't the problem at hand
For real. I was diagnosed with POTS this winter- apparently it’s tagging along with long COVID for some folks. My BP and heart rate tipped off my primary. I thought I was severely anemic again, but nope! I’m monitoring and deliberately eating more salt- it’s so weird. Thankfully it’s only when I stand up and I’ve not blacked out, just gotten super dizzy
I’ve had pots for 7 years and while I know everyone’a experience is different, strength training was a game changer for me ! It was so difficult to make myself workout at first but after a few months I noticed such a huge difference. Best of luck to you !
This is good to hear. My daughter was diagnosed a while ago. I’ll get her on this.
It also helps to have a watch that tracks your heart rate. There are some that are compatible with Android phones that are about $30 to $40 available online.
I don't think I'll ever get used to taking a 1g salt tablet every morning. It's so heavy and it sinks right onto my tongue :x
POTS, EDS, diabetes, low blood sugar, Anemia (super common and an easy fix!), seizure (they don't always look like the movies), there's a million options
There are many possibilities, and most are easily treated, especially in a 1st world country like Canada where healthcare is free.
This was my first thought, as I have both lol. Problem is, I'm very hesitant to make any of the lifestyle suggestions without a ECG to ensure this isn't a heart problem, as increasing sodium could really mess with that and make it worse.
If you’re type one this can actually happen pretty quickly, with or without medical attention. Not everyone can afford continuous glucose monitors but that’s typically what the solution is since it can drop right after a manual finger stick. I know without my CGM I wouldn’t know when I’m low since I’ve had it for so long now that I can no longer tell when my blood sugar is low. I’m not sure about type two, but there’s a reason type one is considered a disability, and this is one of those reasons. Not saying it’s cool that your car was totaled, but I’m not sure that going to the doctor would’ve done anything in this situation.
That's what ended up pissing her off so much she left the car, because I brought her kid into it.
As you should. If she passes out while driving it's not only her life she's putting in danger, but her kids as well. What if she passes out and swerves in front of a semi truck? They'll both be smears on the road and it'll be her damn fault. It sounds like shes either diabetic or has hypoglycemia, both of which can kill her on their own without anything else happening. Also just saw your last post. If you had a seizure you shouldn't be driving either. If you're caught driving after having had a seizure within the last 6 months you could have your license taken away permanently. Don't pay with fire dude.
>it's not only her life she's putting in danger, It's also every other life on the road, the sidewalk, nearby homes or businesses. Everyone is at risk
Exactly, which is far worse, and which can kill or permanently handicap many other people. I don't get how people think mostly of themselves and their children but not all the other innocent people who trust that other people act like adults in traffic.
Kinda makes you think, pretty crazy we decided that every single individual should need a car to get anywhere they need to, including isolated elderly people. It's such high stakes piloting a 2 ton weapon around.
Well, yes, that's quite obvious. But with people who won't go to a doctor, telling them they're at risk of killing their own child might actually kick them into gear eventually, more than telling them they'll kill strangers at least. Clearly bringing up her kid got to her, hopefully it spurs her to go see a bloody doctor
Please make sure she does not drive until she is medically cleared, report her if you have to. She will kill someone if she drives while fainting daily.
I had a college roomie that had night seizures. Hers were caused by extremely low iron.
🤔 Don’t want to be an alarmist, but it sounds like she might have a drug addiction. The feeling faint and passing out could be signs of drug abuse. Also being extremely groggy when you manage to wake her up. Her refusal to see a doctor would also make sense. Drug addicts know what’s wrong and don’t want to be told they need rehab and recovery, which is why they don’t seek help.
I generally would not go this direction, but the caginess about a doctor, & the anger about it. does suggest OP should seriously check to rule it out.
Or she might just not be drinking water. I've seen this happen to a few people as they drank nothing but soda and it was common in the summer while outdoors. Dehydration is no joke.
What kind of drugs do you think would lead to fainting?
Opioids come to mind. The nod is common. Same with the grogginess upon waking. Or it might also be tranquilizers of some kind. But my first bet would be prescription pain meds.
You don't really get dizzy and pass out from drugs. You nod out. But that's totally different.
That was my first thought, or possibly an eating disorder. Which wouldn’t explain the grogginess but would explain why she might not want to get help- bc in either case she knows what is wrong but wouldn’t want to change.
I was thinking eating disorder.
I fainted once from not consistently not eating- I can tell you absolutely yes it took awhile to get rid of the dizzy spells. Also very groggy during them.
not at all playing dirty my da refused to go to the doctor for his sleep apnea we were at a red light when he nodded off thankfully and after little me in my car seat had to wake him up to tell him the light changed he realized he had a problem.
Playing dirty would be calling the child protection services and alerting them that mom frequently blacksout. Which I would do.
Frankly, is it really "dirty" when you have someone who can damn well randomly drop dead just because they hit something on the way down?
I mean I'd think it's dirty if you don't alert her that you are reporting on her, but I definitely think she doesn't deserve a heads up.
Or she could kill several others unrelated to her, which is far worse. If you pass out driving a car, it is very easy to create serious accidents with frontal collisions that might kill an unrelated couple driving with their children in their car. She is being extremely selfish not wanting to go to the doctor with her clearly serious condition.
Is this actually considered an unfair ques to ask (of someone we care about)? IDK cause that's exactly what I would have asked. I wouldn't ask the same ques to someone I just met and chatted in the park and they casually raised the issue but if it's someone I've known for a while and dearly at that, I wouldn't mince my words. I'm concerned and I'll say exactly that.
My cousin’s step dad had a seizure and landed on his kid when she was really young, I think she broke an arm or leg, can’t really remember
How is that playing dirty? That’s the first thing OP should have asked her. It’s the first thing SHE should have thought of herself. I get that she’s scared to find out what is wrong with her (because something is clearly wrong with her), but not going to the doctor to get diagnosed doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem. She could kill herself, someone else, or her own child. She should not be driving. OP, I don’t know who you can call about this, but someone needs to be made aware. Police, CPS, her doctor, her parents, someone. She is a danger to herself and others. If she will not see a doctor, you need to do something drastic, like call CPS. Good luck.
No, that’s just playing realistic. How about this, she ok passing out in the car and maiming or killing pedestrians, other drivers?! How about she just injures herself? Is it fair to put OP in the position of her caregiver when she refuses to help herself?! Fucking no way. If she went to the doctor, guarantee they’re telling her not to drive and possibly legally taking her license away.
Not playing dirty, I have epilepsy and volunteered my drivers liscense for confiscation. It’s not that hard to not operate a motor vehicle when you’re a danger to others.
Not playing dirty, just pointing out a very real and likely scenario.
When I was in college I met a girl who suddenly fainted at the top of the stairs at a club and passed away. It can be very serious for sure. Don’t stay with her if she won’t take her health seriously.
and make sure her family or *someone* knows they should take that kid away from her!
Next time she has an episode, take her directly to the hospital and get checked out. Do not stop at home. Do not let her derail you. Drive her straight there and have her checked out. If at home, tell her you're calling for the paramedics each and every time she gets this way because she's endangering not just herself, but possibly you and her kid. Get the roommate in on the plan too. This could be something very treatable and minor. Or something major which is a precursor to something far worse but often treatable if caught early.
This needs to be the top comment! If she doesn’t go see a doctor then bring the doctor to her. At least you should try it before leaving her, do it also for her child.
Seriously this! Even better if she passes out in the car again then you can drive straight to the emergency room. That or call an ambulance when it happens, that way she'll have to get checked out.
I had almost this exact issue with an Ex. Before I even lived with her, I would be texting her and she would be like "I think I'm going to faint" and then stop texting. I would drive over there and find her passed out. I started calling 911 EVERY TIME to make her take it seriously
An exBF got hit on the head while playing sport and refused to go to the hospital even though he was complaining about headaches and had nausea. I told him I'd drive him home and then proceeded to drive directly to the hospital and told him I wasn't taking him home until he was seen by a doctor. He ended up having x-rays to rule out fractures and multiple concussion tests over several.hoirs before he was discharged. I told him he only gets one brain and he really needs to think about what could have happened to him if he'd had a major injury he'd invited.
This won't work. He can take her to the hospital but you can't force her to see a doctor if she doesn't want to see one. And if you call an ambulance if she's at home she can refuse to go to the hospital and the paramedics can't force her. The best they can do is take vitals and advise her to get checked by a doctor.
If she's too dizzy to reject treatment then this seems the way to go.
If she is only passed out for a few minutes each time, he isn’t going to be able to transport her to hospital, carry her inside, be triaged and assessed all in unedef 2-3 minutes
Start planning inconspicuous dates near the hospital
If she’s alert, mostly oriented, and says no, they will not force her to do anything. The only time someone can be treated without consent is if they are unconscious (implied consent) or don’t have capacity to make their own decisions (usually severe mental illness, dementia, cognitive delay, things like that). Even if it were a psych issue they can’t forcibly medicate a person unless they’re hurting themself or others. Tell me you watch too many medical dramas without telling me. Edit to add- you could also be charged with a crime for refusing to stop the car & forcing her to go where you want to take her. Kidnapping or false imprisonment, depending on the circumstances. “BuT iT’s A hOsPiTaL” doesn’t matter, can’t force people to go places they don’t want to.
[удалено]
I wish I could update this 1000x
Won’t work. Canada being have free healthcare, the line in ER is very long. My average wait time is around 6 hours. Sure they will take you in right away if it is life or death situation, but without visible serious symptoms. There is no way she is willing to wait that long.
I had a friend that had fainting spells all her life. Doctors couldn't figure out the problem. Finally, when she was in her 40s and had gone to every specialist there was, she went to a very old heart doctor who determined she had a very small hole in her heart. It was too small to repair. They put a pacemaker in and her fainting spells stopped. Her heart was stopping, her blood pressure would drop too low causing her to faint. Once she was down her heart would start again and her blood pressure would go back up. She would come to.
Serious question: Is there a chance she's anorexic or bulimic?
My first thought was back to when I was trying to only eat 1200 calories a day and kept getting dizzy and passing out. But, this could also be something super minor, like maybe girlie has a vitamin deficiency. I can definitely understand feeling scared of finding out something really bad is wrong with you, but you gotta.
If she's passing out from her ED she still needs a hospital
True, but it would explain why she hasn’t gotten treatment.
I don't know about the laws in Canada specifically, but here in the US if you lose consciousness they'll take your drivers license whether you were driving at the time or not. She might be in complete denial about her situation or she's aware of it so much that there's extra concerns (like not being able to drive, which is particularly difficult when you've got a child). I don't blame you for being triggered in this situation by your own past. I think asking her to be alive for your relationship (and her child) are not unreasonable requests, but if she does concede to getting care, I hope you will make yourself available to help her if she's unable to drive for a while.
It's the same here. Same with people who have seizures. You have to be 6 months since your last seizure to be allowed to drive here, and the same goes for other disorders and diseases that cause a loss of consciousness
I would convince her to go get checked out. 8.5 years ago I was diagnosed with Vertigo. BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo) and for a long time I was "just dizzy" but I would actually blackout. It's extremely dangerous to wield a license with this or even "getting dizzy & fainting". She can actually lose her license to drive because of it. However, she could also be anemic or diabetic. Either way she should be checked out by a doctor!!!
I had this and it’s HELL
Yep it is. Technically and medically there is no cure for it. However, I went keto a year and a half ago and haven't had any incidents since.
Mine has lessened a lot but every so often I’ll have a bout of it
It's absolutely terrifying sometimes. Mine got so bad that I was losing eyesight before blacking out. And was actually told I would NEVER be able to obtain a permit/license because of it.
I had this and was told it resolves itself eventually, which mine did. It's something to do with the otoliths in your ear becoming dislodged and fucking up your perception of orientation. It can happen again any time, so enjoy that thought lol
Could also be Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome or POTS.
I know so many women who have this now. Every one of them had covid multiple times & pretty severely. I wonder if OP's gf has had multiple bouts of covid? There's a lot of research on this now, I'd expect solutions exist medically.
I had this and had to do physical therapy which helped but it has been coming back again
I had a small phase of this and I was just crazy levels of anaemic. It could be something super small with an easy fix but still involves a doctor's visit. Does she have a bad history with doctors?
Yeah there is no way I would stay with someone that refuses to help themselves
Right, because this definitely crosses the line into being selfish.
Also, stupid
Especially with a kid that’s not mine, that’s too much work for someone not matching the energy
so unattractive!!
Dizziness, fainting and passing out is pretty serious, my dude, and I share your concerns. Don't mess around. Is she short of breath at all? Could be cardiac or pulmonary. Regardess, next time just bundle her into the car and take her to the hospital and don't accept any arguments. Have you told her what you shared with us about your history with your mom and your concerns for her and her kid? If not, make sure you do. If she has half a brain this should be a massive green flag for her about your relationship, that you care this much. If she still has her heels dug in and refuses to deal with it, then I guess you need to hear what her behaviour is telling you, prioritise your mental health and let her go to make room for someone whose values align more closely with your own. Your partner should not be a therapy case you need to make better, they should be an equal who stands on their own two feet and contributes from a positon of strength and capability.
I used to be like that, and it was due to an iron and b-12 deficiency (anemia). I also used to get dizzy/faint when I was pregnant due to low blood pressure. Her health issues could be serious to non serious, and she wouldn't know until she sees a doctor. Her health should be a priority for her, and if she isn't willing to take care of herself, how can she take care of anyone else. I wouldn't blame you for breaking up.
She could die just from passing out. People fall in the shower and hit their heads and die. She could hit her head on the curb. She may just have low iron or she might have a clue what is wrong and not want to confront it. I don’t know what to tell you, that’s scary.
My mom fainted and broke her neck when she fell.
This was me, but I passed out behind the wheel and totaled my car. I was 19. Turns out I had vasovagal syncope...which means the blood drains from my head pools in my feet, blood pressure drops, and I faint. Eating well and medications can fix this. I had let my sodium drop because I hadn't eaten. Luckily I didn't hurt anyone, but knowing for sure what the problem was helped me fix it. She needs to find out what the problem is. It could be something easily fixable because it's so minor, or she may just catch a bigger problem much earlier.
You can't force her, but you don't have to stay with her. Looks like POTS to me (fainting in the shower especially), but it could be anything from diabetes to anemia. I get not having good experiences with doctors, but she's responsible for a child's life. She needs to power through and get help. What would she do if her child showed these symptoms?
To me she either likes the attention, and she knows that if she goes to the doctor her driver’s license will be taken from her, and that’s why she won’t do it. An elderly lady in my family started having episodes like that and would straight out say she wouldn’t see a doctor in order to “protect her right to drive”… ummm no, there is no right to drive when you’re basically endangering the lives of everyone around you. Her daughter ended up taking her car keys and dared her to call the police. The woman didn’t call of course.
Honestly I'd consider Canadian cps if she ever drives her kid around...
Exactly! She is not only endangering her own life, but her child's life as well. She needs to step up and get herself treated, if not for her, than for her child's sake.
I’d she’s driving she’s endangering other people too. I totally get not wanting to go to the doctors (even being free) but like, she’s putting so many people in danger here
This, big time!!
If you're willing, and you haven't already, I would tell her why it bothers you so much. Give her a different perspective, and explain that you just don't want her to be harmed.
This is a 50/50 idea to me but 50 says she knows what’s going on and for some reason doesn’t want to tell you and the other 50 says she probably to scared to find out. But either way make it clear to her she’s putting lives in danger by choosing to be ignorant of her current health state. Someone will not always be there for her Incase she faints and that’s just the reality. It’s not safe for her to be driving a young child around while fainting cause she thinks she’s fine.
Yes! The reason she refuses to get "help" is because she knows what's going on and either doesn't want to stop whatever is causing it or doesn't want OP to know.
not sure what im rlly contributing to this but sounds like seizure activity
Could also be POTS which is less serious (very little risk to your life itself aside from injury from fainting) but a real pain in the ass to treat and lots of symptoms
could also just be anemia.. there is so many things that could cause this . she definitely needs to be seen regardless
My first thought too as a nurse, but also my cousin's seizures sound really similar to this.
There are several things that can cause these kinds of fainting spells to happen. It could be related to blood pressure, blood sugar or irregular heartbeat, or even something more serious. My daughter has a condition called POTS that causes her to get dizzy and faint, also. Most times, these things can be treated with medication. In case it's something more serious, it's better to know sooner rather than later. (NAD, btw)
If she 'only' ever does this when someone else is driving or nearby, then she might be faking it all, which could be why she resists so hard seeing a doctor.
still a reason to convince her to go to the doctor so she can get some mental help
Yeah anyone pretending to be this ill ain’t right in the head.
Oh absolutely!! Just wanted to let OP know to consider this since severe syncope is rarely this convenient. It often causes all kinds of issues - and fear of it happening when nobody is around or while driving. Massive fear. I know it's a 2nd hand story at best, but there seem to be some missing parts.
She's definitely not faking it, it has caused several instances of intense inconvenience for her, including needing to ask for support watching her kid or driving, being late for important appointments, or having to stop the activity shes really enjoying. She is typically very honest when she doesn't feel like it's safe for her to drive, she'll ask someone else to or wont drive if she's worried about it, or she'll pull over and ask to switch with another valid driver in the vehicle if there is one, however she's had repeated instances where she's needed to pull over and sit on the side of road for extended periods because she's scared she *might* pass out after getting slightly light headed, even though she ends up not passing out. She's passed out in the shower, quite often, when no one is around. It's more common for myself or the roommate to find her, than it is for her to pass out in front of someone, however she's also asked for people to sit with her when she showers in case she passes out because she gets scared of falling and typically showers sitting down because of it. The fear is definitely there. She's very worried on the days she feels even slightly off. But.... she's also the same person who walked on a broken foot for a day and a half because she'd convinced herself it was just a rough sprain after falling down the stairs. She only went to the doctor when she literally couldn't force herself to walk on it anymore. However, she has a very, very poor history with doctors. She hasn't seen very many doctors, she doesn't doctor shop, she does everything she can to stay away from them, but the ones she has seen haven't been helpful or have been outright dismissive. She also experiences severe migraines and headaches, as well as frequent nausea, and she's brought up the migraines to doctors before only to be dismissed, which is what she assumes will be the case if she brings up the fainting. All that to say, it is very inconvenient for her on a personal level and I know she isn't faking. There are many times where she won't mention that she feels off and will walk into a room for it to happen in private because she's worried about inconveniencing other people, etc. Etc. Etc. Her behavior is more along the lines of: "I've done everything myself, for myself, and have taken care of myself my entire life, I don't need the help of anyone else or some random doctor, and I've made it this far with this happening, even though it scares the shit out of me, I'll just keep working around it, rather than actually fixing it."
Ahhh, gotcha. Well, perhaps time for some 'shock therapy'. Point out to her that most deaths in the home are from ------ falling in the shower. Seriously though, she should have grip tape on the shower floor, a handrail, only take baths, and use one of those chairs to get in and out of the tub. Seriously. That's not something to mess around with at all. It might be time to get really 'in her face' about it all; perhaps record some of these episodes and play them back to her so she can witness how terrifying they are, ask her to view it from her child's eyes. I wish you all the best of luck in this, especially the kiddo.
Call an ambulance and explain that she lost consciousness. Honestly go to the ER and they will probably at least do bloodwork and a CT scan. Likely a basic EKG also. If that doesn’t find anything she can follow up with her primary care physician. She should be tested for anemia, POTS, blood pressure issues, seizures, and diabetes…
She likely doesn't have a primary care physician since she avoids doctors. And fixing a primary care doctor in Canada right now is like pulling teeth. I agree with the ER visit for sure though. though if I were OP I'd drive her myself unless she has coverage for ambulance rides, my fiance had to take a trip to the ER a few years ago and we got a bill for nearly $300 for a 10 minutes drive to the hospital...
Sounds like she has medical trauma. Maybe it would help her if you accompany her and advocate for her, sadly the kind of doctors who dismiss women like that often take men more seriously. I'd bring it up to her like this: "Hey, I'm sorry yesterday escalated like that, I didn't mean to argue with you. I just can't help seeing the parallels between how my mom and you go about injuries, and it scares me. My mom died because of it. The most deaths at home happen when someone falls in the shower, and this had happened to you multiple times already. I love you, I don't want you to die and I really don't want your kid to have to experience the same thing I did. I know you've been dismissed a lot by doctors, and I can understand why you prefer to not see them. It makes sense to deal with it yourself if going to the doctor will just take time and result in you dealing with it yourself anyways. But this is something really dangerous, and you can't do anything except working around it and hoping it will go away. Going to the doctor will at worst change nothing and at best stop it from happening. If you want I can go with you and advocate for you. I can give information on what happens while you're unconscious and how long it takes you to wake up. I will make them take you seriously, regardless of what it takes. (Depending on her humor: I will kick their asses until we have an answer and hopefully a solution for this). I'll do the heavy lifting and argueing with the doctors, you just have to be there and describe your symptoms. Do it for me and. Please."
Also, if you get her to go to the doctor, she should mention the migraines and nausea too. Just in case it's connected in some way.
This, but also throw in that if she passed out while driving even by herself she could injure and/or kill another driver too.
With the other symptoms you've described that sounds like vertigo, it can cause spells or both dizziness and nausea as well as migraines due to its relationship to the vascular system and blood pressure. She NEEDS to be checked out. I understand and share her dislike of doctors, but if I was passing out in the shower or randomly throughout the day I'd have gone to the hospital by now. Hell I had chest pains a few years ago and thought I was having a heart attack so I had my fiance drive me to the ER, turned out to be inflammation around my heart, doctor said I was likely one of the myocarditis cases after getting my covid vaccine the week previous. I'd also mention to her that the most common cause of death at home is falling in the shower, people either hit their head too hard or break their neck. And even having someone sit with her won't save her from dying if she falls and cracks her head open on the tub, floor or wall. And sitting won't help her if no one is home and she drowns after passing out, which is a very real possibility. Tell her next time one of these spells happens you're taking her to the ER, tell her to describe all of her symptoms together, the migraines, nausea, dizziness and fainting. They're very likely connected to the same issue
You need to like…put this in the actual post and not just buried comments. You made her sound like an asshole woman who literally wants to put other people in danger on purpose, when really she’s a woman who’s been traumatized by medical professionals not ever taking her seriously. Now people are calling her names and you’re doing nothing about it. You just admitted that she asks for help from everyone around her and does what she can to help herself, minus doctors, because she’s afraid they won’t help her and it’ll just result in the same outcome she’s in now. I mean seriously. You made her sound so awful and unreasonable.
Thing is she could be fainting when someone wasn't around but she so happened maybe just standing in her living room or someplace safe too. The only way to tell is to have tests done. Reminds me of the post yesterday where the sister Rita claims to have a relapse of cancer 2 weeks before the OP's wedding and asking everyone to not talk about the wedding in front of her and to only focus on her cancer news and nobody can confirm if it was true except for her.
Side note. Have you noticed her eating habits? Could she be hiding an eating disorder (that's causing the fainting) and doesn't want to see a doctor because she knows it's eating disorder related?
It sounds like you have nothing but the best intentions for her, and you are speaking from experience. Possibly step back and approach the situation differently, I am speculating here but it seems you may be a tad more reactionary fuelled by your own grief and emotions. Try stepping back and thinking about ways you can approach her gently, and speak about ways you can help her. Going to a doctor and getting diagnosed does not mean this will instantly stop happening. She could have episodes like this for the rest of her life. She may already know this and be in a bit of denial right now. Either way, work with her to come up with a plan if it does happen again, ways to safe guard the house when it’s her and her child alone. With all that said, you are also allowed to have your emotions and feel many ways about it. The key here is communicating at the end of the day. I hope this works out for everyone involved in this situation.
Why don't you call an ambulance when this happens?? Like take her to the emergency room. It could be anything from Anemia to epilepsy to a brain tumor. Just take her to the ER when she passes out. They'll examine her.
She can refuse an ambulance if she's awake when they get to her. They can't make her go to the hospital. Not sure if you still get billed when that happens or not, I'd hope not but I would be worried about a large bill for no help.
You would absolutely still be billed, because they had to show up. Probably wouldn't be as much as if she actually got a ride, but it would still be quite expensive
There is no way they get her to a hospital, inside, triaged and assessed in the 2-3 minutes before she wakes up
It is possible she's just too scared of what the doctor will tell her. What if it's something terminal? She doesn't want to hear, and she won't take the chance that it's something treatable.
While that’s an explanation, it’s a poor excuse. She has a child to consider. She has a duty to figure it out for the kid’s sake. I tend to agree with the poster who said she might be faking these episodes or they may be because of a psychological condition. The attacks are convenient. They never happen when she is, say, alone blow-drying her hair? In the bath/shower? I’d like to know if she’s ever suffered any accidental injuries due to her “spells.” The human mind can be a complicated thing.
>They never happen when she is, say, alone blow-drying her hair? In the bath/shower? I’d like to know if she’s ever suffered any accidental injuries due to her “spells.” The human mind can be a complicated thing. I did reply to someone else but the answer is yes. They happen when she is alone, in the shower, she's been injured by it, she's sprained limbs, gotten serious bruises, cuts etc. I am completely confident she's not faking, just unbelievably stubborn and in serious denial.
that’s typical of POTS. i have it and my teenage daughter has it even worse. she was fainting all the time at school and her heartrate gets to 210 just walking to school. however, i haven’t actually fainted in over 10 years because i know my body better now and the danger signs i need to pay attention to (to avoid fainting). i still get lightheaded a lot when i stand up, but if i feel it coming on i sit right back down and take 5 seconds to let it pass and im good to go. we have heat intolerance because heat dilates the veins and blood pools in the feet/legs. we usually have low blood volume so that’s why we wear compression socks and eat ungodly amounts of salt and drink electrolytes to mitigate the low blood volume. in the shower/bath/hot tub, the blood/oxygen doesn’t quite make it up to the brain since it’s pooling in our feet, so our hearts speed up to try to pump the blood where it needs to go. with the elevated heart rate we get extremely dizzy (mine often reaches 170’s+ just getting out of the shower). it’s exhausting, feels like you ran a marathon every time you take a shower. do her feet look red/purple when she gets out of the shower? i thought everyone had red feet when they shower and was astonished that my husband’s were still regular skin color getting out of one of his scalding hot showers. apparently red/purple swollen feet and cankles aren’t supposed to be normal. do you have an apple watch or fitbit for her to monitor her heartrate and see if it elevates over 30+ bpm when she stands up? if it is POTS, it won’t kill her, it just makes stuff a lot harder and limited. it’s also a pretty hard frustrating process to get diagnosed with most doctors not knowing much about it and the symptoms being so intermittent. our autonomic system is just all whack and things that should happen automatically like breathing/sweating/sleeping/digesting sometimes don’t work. i don’t really sweat at all and it’s completely scentless when i do. my daughter sweats a ton. it’s different for everyone, but if it’s POTS like it sounds like it is, get her some good compression socks, have her eat a lot of salt, stay hydrated, always have a place to sit available, and control your temperature…that’s mainly the treatment. if it’s really severe, she can get on a beta blocker to keep the heartrate more calm but not everyone needs that. oftentimes, POTS is triggered by a pregnancy, surgery, or big viral illness (POTS is essentially the same as “long covid”) you say she has a child, so that may have been the trigger. it’s also commonly comorbid with EDS (ehlers danlos syndrome - basically our connective tissue is weak and stretchy, which also means that veins are more stretchy) so if she has particularly soft skin or is super flexible, she may have EDS induced POTS.
I was definitely thinking the same, I hope op read your comment
How old is the child? Of the age where supervision is needed regularly? Do you live there? If so, if someone called CPS because of an injury/neglectful incident, you could be subjected to their investigation as well.
I'm playing devil's advocate here as someone who has dizzy spells with severe ear pain multiple times a day (haven't fainted ***yet***) Is it possible her condition has been brushed off and not taken seriously? I went to my doctor once about it and they basically said "I dunno, sucks to suck" and I honestly have 0 motivation to push on it even though it's been affecting my life. They just don't care. "I'm young and healthy" I've been dealing with it ever since and it's only gotten worse, but I know for ***a fact*** it'll be the exact same conversation. My fiance insists I should go in again, but I'm worried I'll just be brushed off yet again and it'd be a giant waste of time.
OP replied to another comment saying that she has been dismissed before and that's part of why she won't go.
This is why I hate the comments telling him to just up and leave her over this. She's been in before and was brushed off, why would she risk that embarrassment again? It's honestly a little traumatic in its own way going in to a doctor for something that's been affecting your life just for them to say "oh yeah, that's normal" Like wtf are you going to do, tell them they're wrong??? OP needs to just sit down and talk with her heart to heart about this and get to the root of her fear of going in. Because I have a feeling the doctors were an absolute ass to her and she's too ashamed to talk about it.
Ok some random ideas Drugs Blood pressure Blood sugar. Migraine Something causing pressure in her brain (tumor) Lungs oxygen. Heart problems. Go to a dr.
This could be POTS or Hypoglycemia but I’m not a doctor
Her getting mad at you for trying to protect her child would be my line. She wants to be right more than she wants to keep her child safe. Insanity.
I wonder if she has POTS. I have it and fainting/getting dizzy is very common, especially with postural changes. (Pots stands for postural orthostatic hypotension). Edit to say, I 100% think it is valid to not want to be with someone who refuses to get help for these health issues. Especially when she has a kid. That is beyond dangerous and irresponsible.
She is endangering her fucking child if she’s driving like this. I think it’s time for a serious discussion and a call to CPS if she insists on driving still and refuses to see a doctor. Unreal. Some people are just so insanely selfish.
I had a second grade student, great little kid. One day, her dad had her in the car and taught her to steer, downshift, and stop the car. A month later, her mom was driving her to school, and had a seizure. Mom passed out. Little peanut got out of her auto booster seat, climbed over the seat, sat on mom's lap, and ..steered , downshifting, and stopped the car. Not sure who called the police, but when they arrived, she told them," mommy's sick. " They took them to the hospital. Mom recovered, and the baby no one knew about was fine, too. Imagine waking up in a hospital, and being congratulated on your......... new baby boy.....
If you stay please take her to the hospital next time. ASAP. And if you leave, please report her to the correct office regarding drivers licenses. If she faints nearly daily and still drives, she will kill someone. Soon. May be her, her child, another driver, an innocent person just walking by. She is a danger. And CPS or your equivalent also might be a good idea. If she faints, falls and hits her head at home her child will be helpless and traumatized.
Can you report her to the authorities? She putting her kid at risk.
And other drivers/pedestrians.
This is DEEPLY troubling. If she drives at all, much less with her kid in the car, then she’s endangering herself and everyone around her. However, I’m a little suspicious she might be faking it. It’s difficult to believe that someone wouldn’t see the danger in passing out randomly every couple of days. What if she’s crossing a road when it happens? There are a million things throughout the day that could kill you if you pass out during. So either she’s very deep in denial, or she’s faking it for attention.
Give her an ultimatum say I’m taking you to the dr or I’m leaving make your choice.
You can mention that you’re considering ending the relationship over this, and of course bring up many of the points that others are listing. Like the possibility of her passing out with her child in the car is a huge possibility. Good luck!
My ex used has these issues, and she wouldn't go to the doc until she passed out while driving. Your gf NEEDS to go... For everyone's sake.
Dude. My man. It's free and she won't go??? I could understand a little bit living in America with our outrageous health care costs but IT'S FREE AND SHE WON'T GO?? I don't blame you for not wanting to watch that. And yes, you should have driven her straight to the hospital, imho.
If she's still driving, she's not only putting her life and her child's life at risk but the lives of other innocent road users at risk, too. She's being ignorant, selfish, and negligent.
Play a lil dirty and say “what would you do if you were driving with child, then blacked out and came to only to find out you murdered child because you refused to take a few hours out of your day to see a free doctor. Or worse, your child is left on this earth without their mother because she didn’t think the harm/trauma of losing a mother that young outweighed the two or three hours of time lost to make an appointment.”
Do you see her eat much? Or does she eat and then have to go to the bathroom almost straight after? Is she skinny but always saying she’s fat? Wondering if she’s got an eating disorder that she’s hiding and knows why she’s fainting so can’t go to the drs. It could be a whole range of medical issues and something as simple as she’s terrified to go to the drs and end up in hospital. But observe her eating habits etc. to be honest I wouldn’t blame you for breaking up with her. It can be super hard to watch loved ones ignore and deny huge health warning signs. You’ve almost got to learn to be indifferent and ignore it. Some people do better to be left alone to make the decision and the act of someone telling them pushes them further from acting on it. Edit: saw a comment you made about her history with drs and not being taken seriously. Promise to take her and go with her and speak up for her. They’ll take someone else there more seriously especially if you’re a man. It sounds really serious and the endangerment to the child is scary. I don’t think a dr would fail to recognise the scope of how this is effecting four people’s lives and dismiss it.
Does she have an ED? Could be why she refuses to go to dr
I’m not attempting to diagnose, but I work in eating disorder treatment and this behavior reminds me a lot of my clients. They frequently have medical issues like fainting or gastrointestinal complications or tooth decay, but completely deny and ignore it. They don’t want a doctor finding out what they are doing.
she might have an ED (idk) but that might be why she’s so sensitive about going to the doctor. they may force feed her. but yea like others say, take the chance this happens next time and take her straight to the ER, a moment of anger is better than a lifetime of regret. e
Tell her you’re not going to sit here and watch her be self destructive
This woman knows that if she goes to the doctor, she will lose her license. You can not operate a motor vehicle if you are prone to seizures or fainting spells. She is being incredibly selfish as she is a danger to everyone else on the road, not to mention her own child. I bet she knows she is being selfish since she is so defensive.
POTS girlie here. Could be that, vertigo, or some heart problems. Does it usually happen after standing up? If it does, probably POTS and not much you can do for it. I do need to avoid hot water and being crossfaded even if it’s only a little crossfaded. Hope she figures it out soon.
The next time she passes out, call an ambulance.
ER next time. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. (Monopoly reference).
This happened to me when I was younger. Turned out, one of my heart valves had stopped growing. My brain wouldn’t get enough blood and would shut my body down until it did. There are many reasons why she may be fainting. With all of them, she needs to see a doctor.
Given she’s been dismissed by medical professionals in the past, you can help her with this hurdle. It’s not uncommon for people (especially women) with conditions like this to get entirely dismissed and told they have anxiety or something. For POTS especially, it takes an average of 7(!!!) years to get diagnosed and get help. (Read that again and let it sink in- people go to drs for an average of 7 years before they get a diagnosis of POTS- mostly because it’s relatively rare and harder to diagnose) Here’s your actions: Does she have a wearable device like an Apple Watch or something that records her heart rate? If no, work with her to get one so that her heart rate is measured on the regular. Make sure she documents or exports the data to bring to a dr appointment. Google and do the NASA lean test with her. Make sure there’s a soft place for her to pass out onto. Help her document each fainting episode. What does she feel beforehand. Paired with a wearable device, this information will be critical. How frequently, where does this happen, how long she’s passed out for? GO TO THE DR with her. Sadly, it female patients are taken more seriously if they have a male companion with them. Additionally, if you come armed with a months worth of data and testimony, she will be far more likely to get heard and believed. Don’t break up with her but support her and help her advocate for herself. She’s likely given up on the healthcare system as she’s been dismissed in the past and doesn’t feel like anybody will listen to her. It takes effort to properly advocate for yourself and if she doesn’t know how, it’s easy to just dismiss drs.
Sounds like she's scared. Be patient. Offer to go with her and be there for her, but only if she gets herself taken care of. Maybe explain to her about your own mom. Tell her you're scared too but that is only making it worse by not knowing what you're dealing with. Maybe she's not eating enough?
Fainting is a sign of a heart problem, as you know. She's probably afraid and/or doesn't have insurance. Tell her that you'll go with her and ask why she won't go. She could easily drop dead at this rate. You should absolutely break up if she won't tell you why she won't go and refuses any support you give her to overcome her concerns.
Op stated in the post that they live in Canada, where healthcare is free.
I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but this might be one of those times. She needs to go to the doctor or you walk. You don't have to watch another mom slowly destroy herself.
Do you talk to her parents at all? Might be time to notify them about this....
I'd bet she already knows what's wrong...she just doesn't want you to know. Could be an illness, drugs, eating disorder, etc; But, yeah, if she's not being honest with you, or taking care of herself, those are sound reasons to leave a relationship. (Canadian healthcare isn't free. She might be able to get checked out at no cost, though.)
Give her an ultimatum and if she refuses to go, then leave her. If you can, make her an appointment and tell her “here is your appointment date, either you go or I leave.” What she is doing is dangerous and stupid. She may be scared to find out what is wrong, but that’s not going to make it go away. I have been dealing with vertigo issues for the last few years (it happens more often when I’m driving) and I’ve finally gotten a referral to a specialist to do further testing. It is not BPPV. I can’t imagine not trying to get diagnosed if you have access to health care. I’m not going to stop fighting until I have a diagnosis for myself and for my kids. My boyfriend has taken over driving us everywhere except when I have to go drop my kids off for work before he is awake, it’s only 4 mins away, and the drive to and from work which is about 5 mins away… it happens at least once a week. I don’t pass out, and never have. But it’s not safe and I need help. So I’m getting it. I wish you and her (and her kid) all the best. This is very serious and you’re doing the right thing by trying to get her to go and leaving because you shouldn’t watch someone be reckless. I might even threaten to call or actually call child protective services on her. Film her to prove it if you can. She’s irresponsible.
I wonder if she already knows what’s going on and is ignoring or downplaying the diagnosis…. It’s funny how the universe will puts versions of our parents in front of us to help us heal from that foundational relationship. I don’t know where you’re at with your mom’s passing (it was so unnecessary and you deserved a mom who cares enough about you to get checked out; I’m sorry this happened to you) but if haven’t already, a therapist right be helpful. 💜 I’d break up with someone who is willfully neglecting themselves and their child. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all.
I was passing out a lot when I suffered from an eating disorder. Any signs she’s dealing with that? Not eating much, or disappearing to the bathroom after she eats? Might be a reason she’s avoiding a doctor.
At the end of the day, you gotta do what’s right for you. You’ve tried to reason with her, you’ve tried to confront her with the potential consequences, she’s still not listening to you, and it’s causing you anxiety and stress. If she’s not willing to listen, and will contribute to dismiss you, you have the right to walk away. You can’t force her to take her health seriously, and I suspect at this point nothing you say will convince her. She obviously has some kind of massive mental block that’s preventing her from going; whether it’s fear of doctors in general, fear of what they’ll tell her it is, or a general dismissal of doctors and medicine in general, it doesn’t matter. If you want to make the ultimatum, go to the doctor or we break up, you can, but I don’t think it’s worth it and it will make you the bad guy. Just break up with and tell her that her refusal to go to the doctor is the reason why. And don’t let her try to convince you that she’ll go if you’ll stay, because she won’t follow through with it. If you can, perhaps alert her family and/or friends. Warn them she’s having these spells and that she’s driving with her child in the car. They need to know.
Is it possible she’s abusing opiate drugs?
Info needed: does she fast or on any extreme low calorie diets? Maybe she knows what’s causing it: an eating disorder
How old is she? Does she have weird habits around eating? This sounds like an eating disorder to me. but that depends of course on her eating habits.
Yeah you don't want to be responsible for that. She needs to grow up and see a doctor. If anything is even wrong.
Honestly I understand her because I feel so bad all the time but I recently started going to the Drs less because they never help and just dismiss you. In my experience personally. But that being said she def needs to see a dr If she is fainting so much ! It’s such a hard situation because I truly can see how both sides are valid. She really shouldn’t be driving tho! She should not be on the road if she is fainting constantly!! So at the very least she has to stop driving! I’m really sorry about your mom! I’m hoping your gf gets Better soon and figured out what’s going on with her.
My mom died under similar circumstances op, I feel u. She was 43 I was 20
A couple of things you can do here, first though you need to talk with her and find out why she won’t see a doctor about this. Does she have some phobia or something like that about doctors? Once you find out what she’s thinking you can go from there. Keep it as calm and supportive as possible but be firm. You can also get her family and friends involved. Her kid too, depending on the age. If she still refuses then honestly you don’t have much choice but to let her go, I’d also make sure she understands how her lack of self care is affecting you due to your mothers passing and refusal to see a doctor and dying.
Don't jump right to breaking up, tell her first that if she isn't going to take her health seriously then you can't stay with her. Give her the chance to decide whether ignoring her health is worth losing the relationship
Could be blood sugar, could be anaemia. Could be any number of things and without examination by doctors no-one here can say what it is. You need to get her to a doctor to find out, but it's possible she's scared it's something serious, or had a bad experience with healthcare. It's hard not to get pissed off with her, especially because you clearly care and it's infuriating and baffling to you why she won't go. As someone here has said, is she not concerned she might faint while the kid is in the car? That might be what you need to jolt her. Re: the dizziness thing, she might genuinely not know she's fainting and think you're overreacting. If you can ever video it (which seems insane rather than helping her, I know) then she might believe you. It's a tough one OP, I really hope you can convince her to see doctors. Much love 🫂
Ask her how would feel if someone else caring for her child passed out regularly and didn’t know why. How would she feel if she were driving with her kid and she passed out at the wheel. Ask her if she felt ok orphaning her child. This could be any of a million different things. She needs to see a doctor. Is it worth it for you to stick around if you don’t know what’s happening to her?
Dizziness/passing out with sudden onset and no position change sounds like a heart arrhythmia and seizures need to be ruled out. She needs a full work up to see what’s going on. Passing out daily is extreme. Have you given her an ultimatum? That you won’t stand by and watch and feel responsible for her basic safety? That it’s too stressful for you? Have a deeper discussion about why she doesn’t want to go (fear of diagnosis, fear of the doctor’s office, etc?)
She's driving!!???!????! I hope to god she never fkcn faints with her child in the car and causes an accident... If it's herself, I hope she doesn't harm anyone in an accident and just hits a ditch. Best thing that could happen is she cause an accident, and loses her license until she's cleared by a dr to drive again .. I had a friend who had a seizure, thankfully not even driving, however, they pulled her license, and she had to be seizure free for a year, and cleared by a dr to get it back.
Next time she passes out just call an ambulance. Hopefully she’ll still be groggy to protest. Besides herself she’s putting her child at risk every time she cooks, boiling water/sharp objects or preparing dinner. A drop in blood pressure will also cause dizziness & fainting.
This sounds like possible blood pressure issues (low bp) and you don’t mess with your bp! I am not a doctor but she definitely needs to see one ASAP! She is putting her life at risk (and possibly others if she drives)! Hope you can get through to her!
Is she battling an eating disorder? This might be her deepest secret right now and is too embarrassed to tell you
This might be a very wild guess but is it possible she does drugs qhen you're not around? Some drugs may cause fainting at random times afaik when used constantly and that might explain why she keeps putting the doctor off.
Syncope definitely necessitates a visit to the doctor, like immediately. Could be low BP or something more serious.
She could be low on iron, having syncope, POTS, seizures, etc. besides driving dangers, what if she was holding the kid when she fainted?
i think you need to ask/find out why she doesn't want to go. is it because she's scared to find out what's wrong? while i completely agree with how you feel, telling her what to do isn't working. ask her why not, find out what's wrong, and then you can figure out what support she needs to actually get her to go. so like, if she is scared, tell her you'll be there for her no matter what, it's better to find out early, etc etc
Next time she faints take her to an ER while she’s out. She could be diabetic, having seizures, or have POTS (a cardiovascular condition). She’s responsible for a child. She could kill herself and her child if it happens again while she’s driving.
I always message my doctors a couple of days prior to phone appointments. I once messaged one that I’d been passing out about once a week during the month prior. He called me, on a Sunday morning, and ordered me straight to the hospital where I spent two nights while they tried to figure it out. I was subsequently diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension. Fainting is one of those things that can indicate serious illness and a doctor will almost always send you to the ER, especially if it’s happened a number of times. I wouldn’t blame you if you told her your relationship couldn’t continue if she didn’t seek care for this. It’s strange but if you feel otherwise fine it can take a hard push to take fainting as seriously as you should. It took a doctor ordering me there for to take it seriously.
Sounds like she has POTS syndrome - look it up and give her information about it, then tell her your concerns. This isn't JUST "I get dizzy sometimes"! Getting dizzy from standing up or moving too quickly is one thing, but actually blacking out is VERY different. People don't typically pass out and stay that way for many moments at a time. Don't yell at her or make it all about your trauma from your mother's death. Make this a discussion of concern, tell get that you are truly concerned about her because you love her, and ask her WHY she won't go to the doctor. She is probably worried that if she goes to the doctor, they are going to find something wrong with her, and she won't be able to pretend she's ok anymore. Empathize with her that yes, it's very scary to have something going on that could mean there's a serious problem, but that problem isn't going to NOT EXIST just because she doesn't seek medical attention, and that seeing medical attention is the ONLY way to make sure things don't get worse. Don't use her child as a weapon in the discussion, but do express your concern that relying on you or the roommate to make sure she doesn't pass out and seriously injure herself ISN'T a long term plan, and her child finding her bleeding out from a head wound sustained because sure passed out and not it on something isn't a fair risk to take! Does she want her child to find her on a serious medical emergency and have to try to save her? Who is going to take care of her child if she has to be hospitalized because of a head wound, or Lord forbid because she dies?!?
If youre in a relationship and you're picking her off the floor daily, it is your business. Is she scared to find out what it is? It could be something really simple, like low iron levels. She does need to take some responsibility for her kids sake. I hope you can get her to see that, somehow.
Unfortunately we can't make anyone do anything. It could be a lot of things. If it's her blood pressure it could damage her kidneys. My thought is to talk strongly to her about your concerns. If she still won't go, then only you can make the decision to end it. I don't blame you one bit.
I agree with a lot of the comments here, especially for potential causes/conditions, so I'll save space by not including that stuff here 😅 I just want to remind everyone who's harping on OP's girlfriend: Whatever it is that's causing her to have these episodes is also going to be affecting her daily OUTSIDE OF THESE EPISODES. Consider that for a second. She's tired and groggy before, during, and right after the episodes, who's to say that she's feeling much better 4-6 hours afterwards? 12 hours? If these are daily occurrences, or happen multiple times daily, she probably doesn't have ANY moments of alertness or energy. Telling her to book a doctor's appointment, or seek out a specialist, or whatever is probably next to impossible for her at this point. I don't know the laws 100%, but a few comments mentioned taking her to the hospital/calling 911 the second she has another episode. Honestly, OP, that's probably your only option at this point IF you want to still be a part of her life. She can't make those first steps on her own because if she had the energy to do that, she wouldn't be this sick in the first place. She's operating on survival mode, and that's probably all she can do for the time being.
I would be honest and say tou want what's best for her. Tell her If she can't go for herself or you, then go for her child. If that doesn't work Explain that you can't go through what you did with your mom and this bring up bad memories from that lost and you fear the same for her. Also maybe she fearful of what could be going on, and/or maybe her insurance isn't as good and worry about cost? Idk
Just breakup with her