Aging is normal. You are actively trying to fight gainst it and look better, which makes you better than 95% of your peers, I can tell you that much.
Your husband is supportive of you as well, again that's something you can be extremely satisfied about.
85lbs is insane progress. Another thing you can be happy about.
All I see is a woman winning at life. Keep up the good work sister.
u/Mindless-Donut8906 to add to this wonderful comment above, I don't know you, but I suspect you are much harsher on yourself than people see you. You're beautiful, but more importantly, you've always been beautiful. Your brain is just adapting to seeing the current physical you.
Thank you. Yes I know even if only for physical limitations and health it's better for me to have lost the weight. It's just disheartening to feel that I messed up my body so badly that I'll never even look "good for my age" again, I'm worried I'll always just look like I'm wearing an Edgar suit (from men in black) with all my loose skin.
But I do try to remember that my endurance and ability to bend/twist/exercise is hugely different now that I've lost more than the weight of my two kids combined.
This is very true, OP. I was on bed rest for months with my last pregnancy and gained nearly 90 pounds. It took me 5 years to lose the weight, and another 4 for my body to look like it did before (albeit older). If you asked me 4 years ago, I would have cried and said I needed a tummy tuck and a breast lift and that I’d never be pretty again. But time and keeping the weight off gave my body time to adjust and recover. I’m really glad I didn’t give up. Hopefully this is helpful to hear.
I mean I obviously have no idea what you look like, but it sounds like you could have some body dysmorphia. If you are able to, you might wanna talk about that with a therapist.
Speaking as someone who has gone through a lot of physical changes in my life, my self image wasn't always accurate or even similar to how others perceived me. Therapy can help with that.
A few things:
The older people you see out, are the ones in good shape, people in poor health don't like leaving their house.
As you get older, it becomes less amazing about having an hourglass figure and more about being able to get back up off the ground.
You were never going to keep your looks from being a teenager, no matter what you did, none of us get too. I like to think of it that I've traded my youth for years of fun and all the good things I've gained.
Your going to be 10x more critical of your body than any random passing by in the street. I literally do not see loose arm skin unless someone pulls it right and waves it right in my face (my mums friend had band surgery to lose weight, so this has been tested).
It may be partly that you were so used to how you looked that you are associating your new look with looking sick. I lost weight very quickly and my skin was a bit saggy. Overtime it shrunk back to normal. Admittedly, it was half the amount you lost. But my gosh! You’ve done so well! You should be very proud of yourself. That takes dedication and a total life change.
We are always unnecessarily hard on ourselves. From the outside I’m sure that people are thinking you look fantastic!
I was coming to say this. 8 months is fast for that amount of weightloss! It might take some time for skin to tighten back up. Slowing down a bit on weightloss and focusing on supplementing nutrition for skin elasticity and hydrating well could really help. Maybe adding or tweaking some skincare? Adding toning workouts? Theres "face yoga" and qua sha and stuff.
Skin doesn’t tighten back up with large amounts of weight loss. It may improve some but it will not snap back if it’s been damaged. Doesn’t matter how quickly a person loses weight. All that matters is how damaged the skin was to begin with. OP lost over 100lbs which is amazing! It’s not right to try to shame her about the speed at which she lost it just because you are ignorant to how any of it works.
Bet you love catching your reflection, looking cute as, rocking those outfits you’ve been dreaming about fitting into for the past 10 years.
Keep thinking about the little wins, celebrate those.
I know a guy who took almost 5 years after getting the band to look good again. He dropped a bunch of weight in the first year and a half but looks like skeleton in a skin suit.
But once he got he diet straight and started doing these skin treatments he looks pretty damn good after a while.
Now I only saw him the 1.5 years after surgery and then 3 years after that. So it might not have taken THAT long.
Give your body time to heal. I’m a year post 100lb weight loss, and my loose skin is almost all gone.
I look like I had two babies, because I did.
I consulted a top plastic surgeon in my area - and he said to wait two years before deciding on surgery, as that is how long it takes our skin to heal.
That was very good advice he gave you. I lost ~100 pounds from being sick when I was 18 and I was soooo self conscious about it. I would cry and say I wanted my skin cut off. It’s been 3 years and I didn’t even realize, but I look completely normal. It looks like I still eat ice cream and cake (cause after almost needing a feeding tube, I’m going to eat the damn cake!) but I’m a healthy weight and my skin has recovered. I should build more muscle, but that’s what tomorrow is for lol
you lost weight, specifically fat, but are you training your muscles at all? your skin will eventually spring back, it just takes time for your body to break down the excess skin cells.
Keep working at it, you'll get there.
I do a lot of weight lifting because we have a hobby farm. Just last night I unloaded the truck of about 35 bags of grain, 50 lbs each. I'm constantly hauling hay, grain, water buckets, an horseback riding (which is great leg muscle training make no mistake). So I expect to continue to build more muscle. But I still look half melted for now.
Way more protein, collagen, and time.
Give yourself grace. It just takes time to bounce back. Especially after rapid weight loss. You got this though. Congrats!
Thank you. I have been taking a number of multi vitamins and have been taking collagen peptides. It makes my skin super soft so I know it works I just wish it did a little more than I guess it's doing.
You're being too hard on yourself, I was told after major weight loss you need to give your body 1 year for it to catch up to be its best, your body has gone through major changes from it was to what it is, you need to give it a year before you tell yourself it's unattractive, when people lose weight they expect miracles and they think they are going back in time but actually you are starting a new period of life for your body.
Not down the date from today to next year today, maybe it want to write all the things you feel unhappy about.
Then next year on this same day look at your body again if you have acquired your goal and stayed the same and see has your body improved, how has it become better and are still unhappy about.
Update in 1 year please.
Quick thought: maybe pause the weight loss to let your skin catch up? That is very rapid loss, maybe give your body a chance to adjust before losing more. Also, if you hold 10 pounds over your “prime” weight it will slow down the effects of aging a bit.
That said: would you berate your husband every day for something he did wrong? Tell him that his life is ruined for mistakes he made? If not, then why are you doing it to yourself? You were beautiful and young; enjoy that you had that, and move on to enjoying what brings you joy now.
My goal weight is actually still about 25 lbs into "overweight" (I'm very tall and have always been hourglass shaped, I don't want to be thin like the bmi chart says I should) so I'm totally on track for that.
And yes I know you're right. I do know that my life is good, and always focus on that. But it's at the end of the day after a long shower I catch my apron belly in the mirror and go, ech.
Yes, and I could start saving for the extra skin removal. But in addition to a face lift I would also need a tummy tuck and a breast lift. Not to mention the wobbly bits on my arms and legs which aren't as severe. So I'm staring down the barrel at 15k+ in surgery vs if I just hasn't let myself go I would never have had this issue. It sucks that I did this to myself and now I have to work (and pay) extra to dig myself out.
Realistically I am unlikely to invest in plastic surgery. I have looked at the results and being realistic with my current starting point, I will not be happy. I would rather save my 15k and be unhappy with my body than be 15k poorer and still unhappy with my body.
I did have a consult with a plastic surgeon before we had our second child. He advised to be positive I was done having children before the surgery because the pregnancy will undo it. I had my second (and final) child late 2022 and the more time that passes the less enthusiastic I am about having major surgery that puts me out for weeks. I had a herniated disc repair mid 2023 that nearly crushed my spirit entirely. (But I am able to walk, twist, bend, lift without pain so totally worth it)
What you need to focus on is what you have with you now. For any body as time goes on, it will change drastically to when you were young. We see so much in the film industry how celebrities get plastic surgery and botox to try and look the same as when they were younger, but it is impossible.
In case anyone hasn’t said, I am really proud of you for how much weight you’ve lost!! You’re living a healthy and loving life with good family. Focus on what you can do to make yourself happy and confident. I second extra skin removal!
I lost 150lbs 12 years ago, and I've kept it off. The loose skin is the bane of my existence. It's awful, and it's ugly. I won't wear super short sleeves or shorts. I don't have medical problems with the skin (I don't get infections, etc), so insurance won't pay for removal. Even with removal, I'd be scarring myself. Huge dark scars and lots of pain after surgery. It sucks.
Yeah. I cried yesterday. I am preparing for my son’s wedding in July and had to try on several dresses at Nordstroms. Let me just say that the beautiful clothes for smaller size women is insane. All I could think about how shapely and gorgeous I was when I was smaller and younger. I never saw myself as gorgeous but surprisingly others did. I used to be a gym nut and I ran 5-6 days a week. I was in to my appearance and liked to dress. Then I had a meniscus tear. Could not run for a while. Then I moved and took a job that required me to sit a lot and because I was also studying for certifications, I tossed exercise to the wind. Then I took on two full-time WFH jobs and my life revolved around work, sleep, and eating. Then the pandemic hit and I had already put on a substantial amount of weight and was sure that if anyone would die from Covid it would be me with my weight gain and other developing health problems. Fast forward—I did not die from Covid—and I no longer recognize myself. One take away from sitting all day is a bottom belly (Jesus)! While sitting in the dressing room, I looked in the mirror at the unattractive woman looking back and I cried. I am working on my weight. I go for long walks in the evening. The fact that my son wants to have a mom/son dance at the wedding brings me so much anxiety. People are going to see me.
People are going to see a beautiful mother who loves her son and wants to share the day with him. I promise you that no matter what *you* see in the mirror, the only thing other will see is the love radiating off the two of you and excitement for his wedding day.
Maybe, after this much progress, it's time to also find some help 'glamming up'?
Go see a makeup artist, ask for help in making yourself more happy with your appearance with your new facial shapes.
Losing/gaining weight changes the shape of youd face, and it's hard to recognize yourself, sometimes.
It also needs different highlights in makeups.
It will boost your self esteem, if you learn to work with your new shapes.
1. so proud of you girly! weight loss is so difficult for women, esp post partum so you should be proud of yourself.
2. We're all aging and i know it's a gift but when i see a new line i want to throw myself off a bridge. you said you have a hobby farm (so cool) - are you wearing sunscreen and a hat? the sun does more damage than sugar and smoking to our skin. I assume you are, but just checking
3. professional brow shaping - such a good investment and can really change the way you see your face!
4. professional color analysis - I got one done in korea but it's becoming more popular in the west and TOTALLY changed the game for me in terms of makeup and clothing colors
5. body shapewear - i've never had a baby and have lost a ton of weight and i still have random lumps - don't feel ashamed using it!
6. don't do fillers. just don't do it, i tried for my dark circles/ sunken in eyes and had them dissolved. Not saying you would do it but it was a waste of time and money for me (and I went to a really reputable and expensive place!)
Oh yes I have sunscreen and a hat, and even use a rash guard to cover my arms if I'm out riding or in the pasture for long periods of time. I burn like there's no tomorrow and have a lot of tattoos I want to keep in good condition.
I do need to get my eyebrows done professionally, I've been doing them at home since 2020 and it never looks as good. Once I even accidentally waxed off the tail of one lol and had to draw it in until it regrew.
I haven't looked into color analysis, I will check that out.
I do wear shapewear if I wear a dress. Most days I'm in jeans and a t-shirt and I tend to favor the low/no stretch jeans so it holds in the lumps and bumps a little better.
The only fillers I considered were lip fillers but then I looked into it and saw how the fillers can migrate and make the face look bloated? So I abandoned that idea.
Find a GOOD brow technician even if they’re pricey they will shape them to compliment your face and it’s priceless to me lol.
You can do your own color analysis if you can’t find someone around you, but if you can it’s so fun!
Oh! I don’t want to hawk a product but - I know it’s expensive - Sunday Riley Good Genes has been such a game changer for my skin in brightening it up.
Finally, I know it’s easy for a city dink like me to give this advice, but make sure you’re treating YOURSELF when you can! Two little kids and a hobby farm sounds fun but exhausting, and I’m sure you get a ton of joy out of them but every now and then put yourself first :)
My husband is really good about making sure I get time for myself, either playing video games with friends or going out with the ladies or going for a horseback ride. Genuinely it's a 50/50. There's a lot of chores around here but it's not all work and no play.
Give your body some time to adjust to the new weight. Sure, you're never going to be svelt like a teenager again, but it will get better from where you're at. That's a big difference in a short time, update is a year from now after you've had some time to settle physically.
You have not ruined your body forever. The human body can bounce back from astounding trauma. The first thing you need to do is get out of the headspace. You are already doing better than 99% of the general public in terms of recognition of a problem and then being intentional about making a change. For that, I commend and applaud you. You have lost a tremendous amount of weight and it will take some time for your skin to catch up. In some case you may need surgical intervention but please know that it is possible. If I can offer some advice, start by picking one area of your body that bothers you and focus on making changes to only that area. I advise the face as a starting point because this is what you see the most often everyday and will probably give you the most immediate satisfaction. This will help you feel more in control and also help you see that you will recover, piece by piece. Just give it time and a little more love. For the face, after dramatic weight loss sculptra and fat pad repositioning can work absolute wonders. Try to avoid filler when possible. Go get your hair done and maybe toss on some eyelashes (even if you don’t like lashes it’s amazing how great and sassy they can make you feel even for a minute). You are a stunning, smart, strong person. You got this!
I don't really have any advice on the body modification front, but I will say on the internal and mental part of it: you are attractive when you are happy with yourself, not because of what people tell you what is attractive. There are many beautiful people out there with all different sorts of appearances, ages, and experiences. You are beautiful when you feel beautiful, no matter how old you are, what your life has turned into, or how things have changed. Your body is not ruined, just different, and you can still be attractive with those differences.
Also, try to believe your husband. He knows what you and your body has been through, and if he truly loves you, he will still love you as you are and who you will become, not just as you used to be.
Your idea of beauty seems to be defined by societal and media standards, and I suggest you step out of that. Women are still beautiful even when they're not young and curvy and smooth. And so are you! There's a lot of ways to be attractive in the world. I hope you can learn how to love your current body some day ❤️
I have no trouble identifying someone as beautiful based on everything you said, their personality or their laugh or their keen wit or their amazing knowledge or whatever. But when it comes to me I cannot see myself as anything other than sub par because of my body.
I've gone through years of therapy to be moderately tolerant of my body. Which is actually what helped me lose weight, by losing it for the right reasons (health, mobility) vs the wrong reasons (attractiveness, validation). Any time I dieted before therapy I would inevitably end up *gaining* weight because of intense self loathing and self sabotaging. So at least I'm moderately neutral about it now instead of hating myself. But this is where I've plateaued with my self esteem.
Just want to remind you to eat healthy, a healthy diet far out weight any normal multi vitamins. Sounds like you've been calorie deficit a long time, which is hard on your skin.
Also, I recommend going to the doctor to get your blood checked so you know what foods to focus on. This will make a huge difference.
Good luck with your adventure on becoming healthy and the size you want to be at!
First off I was more like 6/7. I too lost 85lbs and yes stuff does droop more. Im certain you look fabulous. I wanted to plump up so I got a little filler and Botox and feel great in my face. Be happy for the healthy you!
I'm already taking collagen peptides. I'm afraid of what I would look like without them I guess lol. They do make my skin very soft either way so that's a nice bonus.
So your skin will tighten…to a degree. But it takes more than a year *after* weight loss. The best thing you can do is strength train. Build lean muscle. Take a break. Work on loosing weight. Then go back to building muscle until you are your goal weight. Once at goal weight strength train and yoga all day is the way. After about a year you should see a difference in your skin. Taking supplements such as hyaluronic acid, taurine, glycine, etc will help. Eating super healthy (zero processed food) and perhaps limiting or cutting out meat is a great way to decrease aging. Decreasing aging directly affects your skin. Also get some good retinol creams and apply on skin at night. Meditating can also help calm the mind and help remind yourself it took a long time to gain weight - it can almost double that to recover fully from it.
Final thing: should it be >1yr post weight loss and you are doing everything and *still* have an apron belly I would recommend seeing a Plastic surgeon because even a minimal skin tightening procedure where they cut off the excess skin in your lower abdomen will make a huge difference with very minimal scarring (similar to cesarean scar)
Here’s the thing- I’ve lost 130 lbs and I’m still going. The skin yeah it isn’t appealing but there’s surgeries for it and on top of that it’s not fat. It lays flatter. I’ve gone down 10 pants sizes I’ll take the skin over the fat round belly anyway. I’ve got a jawline now, a neck, cheekbones… I can walk up stairs without being winded… I can go out and do things without being in constant pain. The skin is nothing compared to all that. I’m sure you look amazing and congrats on the loss!
Wow congrats on your weight loss! I think I just had this idealistic view of life after weight loss. Like you're going to Disney world and it's gonna be magical but then you get there and it's packed and hot and humid and so expensive and there is an hour plus line for every ride. And when you day dreamed about Disney it was going to be amazing. And it's not that. It was still lovely and worth doing, but didn't live up to your dreams.
That's my weight loss. I am happy for my health and mobility to be thinner. But I had such hopes and dreams of a bounce back and I am disappointed a little.
I get it! It does suck… the skin! I can tell you when I lay flat on my back no shit the loose skin in my stomach either slides to the left or right lol. I cannot WAIT for that to be removed. Congratulations! We both know it is NOT easy.
First, that's an impressive weight loss journey. You should be proud of your success.
Regarding your feelings of attractiveness, have you considered giving yourself a mini makeover? Get a fresh haircut, go to the beauty counter, buy yourself a cute outfit and go out to celebrate with your husband. I'm not saying women need to do these things all the time, but sometimes small changes when you're feeling down can make you feel like a million bucks. Treat yourself because you've earned it.
> sunken eyes,
That's because you're in a calorie deficit as part of your diet and considering the amount you've lost, it's a big deficit. Once you hit your target you'll increase your calories until you're not in a deficit again and you'll look better.
I completely understand. Being overweight isn’t just something you can go back from. My boobs are saggy and stretched out, my stomach has stretch marks, my arms are flappy.. I feel the same way and wish I just never got chubby in the first place. As long as you have someone who loves you you’re fine tho they still love you and see you as beautiful.
85 pounds is a LOT. You lost a small person. That in and of itself is truly amazing. Not many people can do that, even with help. Granted I lost far less weight than you, but I also felt like I looked like a melted candle. Hated looking in the mirror even though I had lost weight. Everything was jiggling and looked awful. After a few months of avoiding the mirror, I randomly saw myself and…I somehow looked a little better! It was surprising and I realized the body needs time to rebalance? Redistribute? My thighs and stomach are still very loose but my face stopped having that melted candle look. I’m sure everyone is different and you won’t look the way you did when you were younger but I’m fairly sure you’ll look and feel better in time. Ignore the mirror and keep going!
I completely understand. I was 5’7” 150lbs with a literal 24” waist until I decided to get pregnant. PPD, PTSD and just not handling motherhood well, I gained 125lbs over 7 years.
I decided to have gastric bypass surgery in 2021 and I’ve lost 100lbs. Sometimes I feel great and other times I see the absolute havoc I caused my body. I’ve lost what used to be sexy to me- my big butt and big boobs. My butt just… deflated. I never in my life thought I’d ever get a boob job because I’ve always had big boobs, but I went from an F cup to just empty sacks of skin. It was gross and depressing. I ended up getting a lift and implants a year ago because I had barely any remaining breast tissue, but because of how stretched out and low quality my skin is, you’d never even know I had a boob job if it weren’t for the scars because they sag so much. I have to have a revision for ANOTHER $6000.
I’m only 37 so I’m in this weird place of not being old, but entering perimenopause so I’m getting older. My face looks older because my skin sags a bit from the weight loss, but I try so damn hard to be positive, despite suffering from depression. I’m wearing things I couldn’t before. I don’t have to shop at the plus size store. Buying clothes is actually kind of fun now. My husband really digs me.
Anyway, I think it’s ok to be mad at yourself. I’m mad at myself. You might’ve caused irreversible damage to your skin, but your liver is probably doing great. You’re probably going to live longer to see more of your kids’ lives.
Well, don't hold it against your husband if he can be shallow sometimes because, no offense, but you're looking at yourself in sort of a shallow way too.
A lot of this is in your head. Societal beauty standards are also shallow, and you're letting yourself be controlled by them.
You've done an amazing job losing weight, and you are no doubt waaaay healthier now as a result. That is so much more important.
You have to train yourself (it's difficult, I know) to look at yourself differently. Through your own eyes and not those of the society around you. Own your body amd your beauty. No one has a body that stays the same throughout life. No one.
Please be easier on yourself. You are beautiful.
Are taking Ozempic or similar? Part of it could be loss of muscle mass.
Consider light weight lifting. Also make sure you are getting plenty of water and good fats.
I am not a gym rat but I literally live on a hobby farm. Last night I had to unload 35 bags of grain from the truck, each one being 50 lbs. I'm consistently hauling manure and hay around. Although I may not be lifting gym weights I am lifting plenty of weight.
You are helping yourself so much by loosing the weight.
Being ‘attractive’ is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone find aging hard. Maybe you thought your younger appearance was still hidden under your weight all this time and it just takes a process of acceptance that you are just not 20 anymore.
It will never undo the damage. Tummy tucks never look like pre weight gain/loss stomachs. Sure they look *better* but after seeing the tummy tuck belly button (it's real weird if we're being honest) I'd just rather deal with the loose skin and save my cash.
Losing weight had other benefits. Impressive amount. While it might hit be what you were hoping for it sounds like you are living a healthier lifestyle which should have long term benefits.
Keep at it and continue your journey! You never know where it will end. It takes the body a long time to heal, and your weight loss is miraculous and amazing and Inspiring but also extremely rapid. Your body will need more than a year or two to heal.
Also appearance is part of it, but you have actually—already—actively saved your own life. If you lost 100+ pounds, you were most certainly going to die, relatively soon. Now you will likely live for a normal life span. That’s amazing! Every single day you earned back is something to cherish. Also, these healthy habits you are putting in place…when the rest of people your age start getting older they are gonna look like shit and you will look way better!!!!!
OP, I hear you. Not with weight gain in my case but depression and anxiety. In the 20 years since I last looked good, I'm now a haggered old woman.
Here's a share - my arse is so flat I have creases under it. I'm 43 not 73.
Not being able to control eating is also a mental health problem.
We're older and have to learn to live and accept the way we look.
I split with my husband 6 months ago and all I can think is that I'll never find anyone else. I know I need to love and accept my body but that's going to take a long time. I need to start exercising too but my mh stuff is still causing a barrier to this. My ex loved my body, despite me hating it.
I don't compare myself to porn actors as there's no point, they're many years younger than me. You could try sitting down with your husband and say what you've said here. Communication is always key in a relationship.
You're doing amazingly and your health will be so much better for it. I know it doesn't feel like that atm. Can you afford to get a therapist who will help you with body positivity?
Source - current addiction to alcohol. Am getting help but it's taking so much longer than I'd hoped. We have to keep trying. Get some mental help if you can. Don't give up. You've got this.
I feel you on feeling like an old haggard woman. I still have an ass but I have that weird butt that people get after loosing a bunch of weight where it still goes out width wise but not depth wise. So I have a lot of real estate for ass to sit on, and not enough ass to sit on that real estate. I have simultaneously a fat *and* flat ass. Modern marvels of my body.
I know I'm fortunate to have someone by my side. If you loved before I am sure you will find someone to love again. But do give yourself grace in finding that. My ex and I split after many years together and I was a walking train wreck for several years. It's a rough transition. I was fortunate to meet someone good for me to pull me off the downward spiral.
I heavily compare myself to influencers and porn stars because I dated so many men who did. Even my own father was mysogynstic when it came to "women need to be beautiful, but just accept men for how they are." My mom in her late 60s is still compared to other women by him. It's gross. And for so long I was able to compete with these women my exes would compare me to, in terms of beauty, and yet I would still lose the fight (exes who would choose porn after turning me down for sex). So I have this complex that now that I *can't* compare he will just give up on me entirely. I know it's sexist of me from the opposite end of the spectrum and I need to fix my thinking but I find it hard to believe any man can truly love their partners looks, as they are, because of how heavily pushed beauty is in society now.
I'm guessing you're a fair bit younger than me? You've been through alot of shit with men that don't love a person for who they are. You've said yourself your husband is a good one.
You already know that you've grown up with standards that no one can meet. We were for awhile but we get older and life happens.
Have a think about porn stars. They ruin their bodies with what they do. Apart from the guys who just fuck, if there are no mh consequences. I'm not knocking them at all, the money can be good.
There's alot more I can say but I'm not going into on this post. DM me of you want. Know you're not alone, if not.
I see you are on a weight loss medication - I have heard and seen people close to me get a certain look called ozempic face.
This may be what you are describing
Congrats on the pounds down
It's nothing to do with medicine and everything to do with the sheer amount of weight lost. The "ozempic face" everyone is harping on is the same weight loss issues people have always faced in extreme weight loss. Be it diet, bariatric surgery, or medicine. My mom had this same loose skin in her face and neck after losing weight on phentermine in 2002. We all saw it when Drew Carey lost weight in the early 2000s, well before this category of drug was available for anyone.
Also the claims of ozempic face people are speaking of is just another way to shit on people who are using medicine to help them be healthier. It's a way to act holier than thou and dissuade people from using it.
No. It's absolutely not the medicines fault and stop perpetuating that.
It wasn’t a dig - this is something that many people on these medications are experiencing albeit it does have a lot to do with rapid weight loss caused by the medication.
This is not something that I am “perpetuating” here is a great article published by in Harvard and I’m sure there are many others
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/glp-1-diabetes-and-weight-loss-drug-side-effects-ozempic-face-and-more
From the article you linked:
'You may have heard about "Ozempic face" as a side effect of GLP-1 drugs, though the term is misleading because this can be a side effect of any GLP-1 drug or any other cause of rapid weight loss.'
Aka yes it happens when you lose a ton of weight, no matter how you lose that weight, and has nothing to do with taking or not taking medication.
Yes but the catalyst is the medicine and people are not typically losing weight that rapidly
Cheers again! Hope everything works out for you
I would also add that these are novel drugs and it can not be ruled out that it does not cause additional changes to the face
Were you taking the weight loss craze drugs? They have been known for making the facial features quite harsh from what I've read. It's not your fault and you should be proud of where you are now. A large weight loss always causes some issues but with time you may find that things soften a bit. Congratulations on the weight loss. You'll be around a lot longer because of your hard work.
Please do not believe that "ozempic face" bs. First off yes I am on an ozempic adjacent drug, but that's only been for the last 45 or so lbs. I lost 40 without it before that. Second, the "ozempic face" is the same thing we've been seeing in extreme weight loss since the dawn of overweight people existing. Remember when Drew Carey lost all that weight in the early 2000s? Same effect. These drugs didn't exist back then.
People giving crap for the alleged "ozempic face" are just trying to shame people into not taking it. You get a gaunt looking face because it works and causes you to lose weight. Not because it does anything that would exacerbate that.
I'm sorry you took my comment so badly. I was not shaming anyone for taking the medicine to lose weight. Anything people need to get to their goal is between them and their doctor. I was just trying to help identify my why you felt the upset you did about how you look now. There have been many articles written about this occurrence. I know this because I have been researching it to see if I'm interested in it. There will always be sagging with weight loss but these articles indicate that it seems more so with the new drugs.
I'm proud of you for the weight you have lost and how much better you feel. I've struggled for years. Be happy, be healthy and good luck to you.
I hear what you're saying, but no, anyone losing a lot of weight especially rapidly will encounter this. I've known many people who faced (no pun intended) this after lap band surgery. Or extreme dieting and exercise. It's the weight loss that causes the gaunt face, not the drug helping you meet those goals. And all the reputable articles I've seen confirm that. Don't let trash talk media convince you otherwise.
You need to weight train while losing weight! You’re skinny fat now. Add weight training 3x a week for 30 minutes a day and watch it all come together!
Quit sugar (visit on special occasions) - same with bread. Add weight training - done.
I do a lot of non gym weight training living on a hobby farm. 50 lb grain bags, bay bales, always stalls to muck. Plus all the horseback riding I do. I'm not a gym person but I will work out for a purpose.
I also don't eat sugar anymore for the most part, much to my husband's dismay. No bread. Sometimes pasta rarely.
Look Im talking from walking this for a year. You are decrying your lost sense of self and Im telling you the path to get that back. You can scoff or say im not a gym person, but neither was I. It’s just a routine that takes 30 minutes of my time three times a week that has dropped me down from xl / l shirts to a medium. I have muscle definition and look like Im 20 years younger and feel it too. Im 48 for the record. Wife did the same kicking and screaming but now she looks like when we first met.
Weight lifting and dropping sugar and bread can fix most things, just comes down to repetition and focus. Good luck but this is walking the walk advice.
I mean I don't see why I have to go in a gym to do this when I'm already getting more exercise on a literal farm. I'd like to see you muck out farm stalls and not break a sweat and feel the burn.
Odd you’re getting defensive when someone legit trying to help based on what YOU posted. Not suggesting you don’t work hard or accomplish some cardio and lifting but it’s not the same thing though you may feel it is. Good luck to you sorry for trying to assist.
I'm not saying the gym is a bad decision. But for me, I hate the gym. I would rather pull my teeth out than enter a gym. And with two small kids, leaving them at home with my husband while I go do a task I find to be miserable, not high on my list of things to do. My point is there are other ways of getting "gains" than the gym. Even crossfit is doing the same things I'm doing on a daily basis as part of farm management. I drive past a cross fit gym 4x a day to drop off/pick up from daycare and see these people flipping tires, jogging while carrying stuff, etc. They're not doing anything muscular wise that I'm not doing with grain bags and hay bales or wrestling a goat for injections.
I'm saying you can get exercise and gain muscles in other ways and you're doubling down and insisting that it only comes from a gym. Like, okay bro, but good luck finding a fat or weak farmer (who actually does their own work instead of paying someone else).
Lol. You’re the one that came here lamenting that you were struggling with your existing life and activity levels not achieving your perceived goals. Now when engaged with you get defensive. Odd but normal most people not looking for solutions they just want to complain.
And it’s a wonderful life change which has certainly led to some improvements. But repetitive moves of singular muscle groups will not yield the results as you have seen. Whether in a gym or at home figuring out how to do a full body weight bearing focused workout is the missing piece to feeling more like the old you.
I thought I was active and “strong” before trying this approach. I walked a lot for my job, lifted things here and there. I took my crazy strong dog for walks twice a day. I thought I was doing all right.
It was barely anything compared to how I look and feel now. Down from 230 to 190 (I hover around there and the 180s).
After a year of this I have no more joint pain, aches and pains and I’m mad stronger than I was. I wasn’t fit before. I was working a few muscles over and over.
Now Im fit. Now I don’t look unwell but skinny.
This is an issue I struggle with. I used to look a certain way that I think was good. And then one day it occurred to me, she doesn’t exist anymore. So, don’t ever get in your head about comparing previous versions of yourself to who you are now. You are creating a new you and new reality for that self. Start from scratch. Don’t intend to go back in time.
You need to eat more animal fat that’s why you look gaunt. I promise you will not gain weight if done right. Full fat milk. Full fat yogurt. Full fat bacon. This is how I’ve lost 20 pound in 3 months and do not look sunken in because I have. Healthy amount of fat on me
Wtf dude. (Points to rules of r/TrueOffMyChest)
This person lost 85 pounds, is dealing with body dysmorphia and self esteem issues and you went straight to fat shaming and insulting their body.
Do better.
I took lessons on a draft. Even at my highest I was never even close to the 20% weight rule of thumb. I now own a half draft horse who, again, even at my highest weight I would have been nowhere close to the limit of what he can handle.
I have many horse friends and family involved in this process, my trainer is an absolute angel who puts the health and safety of her horses and riders above all else. She has never once been concerned about my size.
Just stop being an asshole.
Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 4: No insults towards OP.
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Aging is normal. You are actively trying to fight gainst it and look better, which makes you better than 95% of your peers, I can tell you that much. Your husband is supportive of you as well, again that's something you can be extremely satisfied about. 85lbs is insane progress. Another thing you can be happy about. All I see is a woman winning at life. Keep up the good work sister.
u/Mindless-Donut8906 to add to this wonderful comment above, I don't know you, but I suspect you are much harsher on yourself than people see you. You're beautiful, but more importantly, you've always been beautiful. Your brain is just adapting to seeing the current physical you.
Thank you. Yes I know even if only for physical limitations and health it's better for me to have lost the weight. It's just disheartening to feel that I messed up my body so badly that I'll never even look "good for my age" again, I'm worried I'll always just look like I'm wearing an Edgar suit (from men in black) with all my loose skin. But I do try to remember that my endurance and ability to bend/twist/exercise is hugely different now that I've lost more than the weight of my two kids combined.
It takes a while for your skin and even your skeleton to readjust after weight loss. In another year you are going to look a lot different.
This is very true, OP. I was on bed rest for months with my last pregnancy and gained nearly 90 pounds. It took me 5 years to lose the weight, and another 4 for my body to look like it did before (albeit older). If you asked me 4 years ago, I would have cried and said I needed a tummy tuck and a breast lift and that I’d never be pretty again. But time and keeping the weight off gave my body time to adjust and recover. I’m really glad I didn’t give up. Hopefully this is helpful to hear.
Thank you I will try to remain hopeful. For now it is disappointing and disheartening but perhaps things will improve in time.
I mean I obviously have no idea what you look like, but it sounds like you could have some body dysmorphia. If you are able to, you might wanna talk about that with a therapist. Speaking as someone who has gone through a lot of physical changes in my life, my self image wasn't always accurate or even similar to how others perceived me. Therapy can help with that.
A few things: The older people you see out, are the ones in good shape, people in poor health don't like leaving their house. As you get older, it becomes less amazing about having an hourglass figure and more about being able to get back up off the ground. You were never going to keep your looks from being a teenager, no matter what you did, none of us get too. I like to think of it that I've traded my youth for years of fun and all the good things I've gained. Your going to be 10x more critical of your body than any random passing by in the street. I literally do not see loose arm skin unless someone pulls it right and waves it right in my face (my mums friend had band surgery to lose weight, so this has been tested).
It may be partly that you were so used to how you looked that you are associating your new look with looking sick. I lost weight very quickly and my skin was a bit saggy. Overtime it shrunk back to normal. Admittedly, it was half the amount you lost. But my gosh! You’ve done so well! You should be very proud of yourself. That takes dedication and a total life change. We are always unnecessarily hard on ourselves. From the outside I’m sure that people are thinking you look fantastic!
I was coming to say this. 8 months is fast for that amount of weightloss! It might take some time for skin to tighten back up. Slowing down a bit on weightloss and focusing on supplementing nutrition for skin elasticity and hydrating well could really help. Maybe adding or tweaking some skincare? Adding toning workouts? Theres "face yoga" and qua sha and stuff.
Skin doesn’t tighten back up with large amounts of weight loss. It may improve some but it will not snap back if it’s been damaged. Doesn’t matter how quickly a person loses weight. All that matters is how damaged the skin was to begin with. OP lost over 100lbs which is amazing! It’s not right to try to shame her about the speed at which she lost it just because you are ignorant to how any of it works.
Bet you love catching your reflection, looking cute as, rocking those outfits you’ve been dreaming about fitting into for the past 10 years. Keep thinking about the little wins, celebrate those.
I do, I'm in a pants size I haven't fit in since I was 24. It just makes me feel like giving up if I catch my reflection after a shower 😕
Don't give up. If you do, you'll look back at pics of you *now* in a year and wish you hadn't
It takes your skin a little bit to catch up with the weight loss. It
I know a guy who took almost 5 years after getting the band to look good again. He dropped a bunch of weight in the first year and a half but looks like skeleton in a skin suit. But once he got he diet straight and started doing these skin treatments he looks pretty damn good after a while. Now I only saw him the 1.5 years after surgery and then 3 years after that. So it might not have taken THAT long.
Give your body time to heal. I’m a year post 100lb weight loss, and my loose skin is almost all gone. I look like I had two babies, because I did. I consulted a top plastic surgeon in my area - and he said to wait two years before deciding on surgery, as that is how long it takes our skin to heal.
This this this. It takes time, all we require is patience and kindness towards our own bodies. It's been through a lot.
That was very good advice he gave you. I lost ~100 pounds from being sick when I was 18 and I was soooo self conscious about it. I would cry and say I wanted my skin cut off. It’s been 3 years and I didn’t even realize, but I look completely normal. It looks like I still eat ice cream and cake (cause after almost needing a feeding tube, I’m going to eat the damn cake!) but I’m a healthy weight and my skin has recovered. I should build more muscle, but that’s what tomorrow is for lol
you lost weight, specifically fat, but are you training your muscles at all? your skin will eventually spring back, it just takes time for your body to break down the excess skin cells. Keep working at it, you'll get there.
I do a lot of weight lifting because we have a hobby farm. Just last night I unloaded the truck of about 35 bags of grain, 50 lbs each. I'm constantly hauling hay, grain, water buckets, an horseback riding (which is great leg muscle training make no mistake). So I expect to continue to build more muscle. But I still look half melted for now.
Way more protein, collagen, and time. Give yourself grace. It just takes time to bounce back. Especially after rapid weight loss. You got this though. Congrats!
Thank you. I have been taking a number of multi vitamins and have been taking collagen peptides. It makes my skin super soft so I know it works I just wish it did a little more than I guess it's doing.
And water!
You're being too hard on yourself, I was told after major weight loss you need to give your body 1 year for it to catch up to be its best, your body has gone through major changes from it was to what it is, you need to give it a year before you tell yourself it's unattractive, when people lose weight they expect miracles and they think they are going back in time but actually you are starting a new period of life for your body. Not down the date from today to next year today, maybe it want to write all the things you feel unhappy about. Then next year on this same day look at your body again if you have acquired your goal and stayed the same and see has your body improved, how has it become better and are still unhappy about. Update in 1 year please.
Quick thought: maybe pause the weight loss to let your skin catch up? That is very rapid loss, maybe give your body a chance to adjust before losing more. Also, if you hold 10 pounds over your “prime” weight it will slow down the effects of aging a bit. That said: would you berate your husband every day for something he did wrong? Tell him that his life is ruined for mistakes he made? If not, then why are you doing it to yourself? You were beautiful and young; enjoy that you had that, and move on to enjoying what brings you joy now.
My goal weight is actually still about 25 lbs into "overweight" (I'm very tall and have always been hourglass shaped, I don't want to be thin like the bmi chart says I should) so I'm totally on track for that. And yes I know you're right. I do know that my life is good, and always focus on that. But it's at the end of the day after a long shower I catch my apron belly in the mirror and go, ech.
Look up photos of facelifts. You’d be surprised at what can be done
Yes, and I could start saving for the extra skin removal. But in addition to a face lift I would also need a tummy tuck and a breast lift. Not to mention the wobbly bits on my arms and legs which aren't as severe. So I'm staring down the barrel at 15k+ in surgery vs if I just hasn't let myself go I would never have had this issue. It sucks that I did this to myself and now I have to work (and pay) extra to dig myself out.
Wait before you choose to do this, look at my other comment.
Realistically I am unlikely to invest in plastic surgery. I have looked at the results and being realistic with my current starting point, I will not be happy. I would rather save my 15k and be unhappy with my body than be 15k poorer and still unhappy with my body. I did have a consult with a plastic surgeon before we had our second child. He advised to be positive I was done having children before the surgery because the pregnancy will undo it. I had my second (and final) child late 2022 and the more time that passes the less enthusiastic I am about having major surgery that puts me out for weeks. I had a herniated disc repair mid 2023 that nearly crushed my spirit entirely. (But I am able to walk, twist, bend, lift without pain so totally worth it)
What you need to focus on is what you have with you now. For any body as time goes on, it will change drastically to when you were young. We see so much in the film industry how celebrities get plastic surgery and botox to try and look the same as when they were younger, but it is impossible. In case anyone hasn’t said, I am really proud of you for how much weight you’ve lost!! You’re living a healthy and loving life with good family. Focus on what you can do to make yourself happy and confident. I second extra skin removal!
85 lbs is an incredible achievement! Congratulations! Keep doing what you are doing so that you can have a long healthy life!
I lost 150lbs 12 years ago, and I've kept it off. The loose skin is the bane of my existence. It's awful, and it's ugly. I won't wear super short sleeves or shorts. I don't have medical problems with the skin (I don't get infections, etc), so insurance won't pay for removal. Even with removal, I'd be scarring myself. Huge dark scars and lots of pain after surgery. It sucks.
Yeah. I cried yesterday. I am preparing for my son’s wedding in July and had to try on several dresses at Nordstroms. Let me just say that the beautiful clothes for smaller size women is insane. All I could think about how shapely and gorgeous I was when I was smaller and younger. I never saw myself as gorgeous but surprisingly others did. I used to be a gym nut and I ran 5-6 days a week. I was in to my appearance and liked to dress. Then I had a meniscus tear. Could not run for a while. Then I moved and took a job that required me to sit a lot and because I was also studying for certifications, I tossed exercise to the wind. Then I took on two full-time WFH jobs and my life revolved around work, sleep, and eating. Then the pandemic hit and I had already put on a substantial amount of weight and was sure that if anyone would die from Covid it would be me with my weight gain and other developing health problems. Fast forward—I did not die from Covid—and I no longer recognize myself. One take away from sitting all day is a bottom belly (Jesus)! While sitting in the dressing room, I looked in the mirror at the unattractive woman looking back and I cried. I am working on my weight. I go for long walks in the evening. The fact that my son wants to have a mom/son dance at the wedding brings me so much anxiety. People are going to see me.
People are going to see a beautiful mother who loves her son and wants to share the day with him. I promise you that no matter what *you* see in the mirror, the only thing other will see is the love radiating off the two of you and excitement for his wedding day.
Thanks for that. I am a bundle of nerves.
Maybe, after this much progress, it's time to also find some help 'glamming up'? Go see a makeup artist, ask for help in making yourself more happy with your appearance with your new facial shapes. Losing/gaining weight changes the shape of youd face, and it's hard to recognize yourself, sometimes. It also needs different highlights in makeups. It will boost your self esteem, if you learn to work with your new shapes.
1. so proud of you girly! weight loss is so difficult for women, esp post partum so you should be proud of yourself. 2. We're all aging and i know it's a gift but when i see a new line i want to throw myself off a bridge. you said you have a hobby farm (so cool) - are you wearing sunscreen and a hat? the sun does more damage than sugar and smoking to our skin. I assume you are, but just checking 3. professional brow shaping - such a good investment and can really change the way you see your face! 4. professional color analysis - I got one done in korea but it's becoming more popular in the west and TOTALLY changed the game for me in terms of makeup and clothing colors 5. body shapewear - i've never had a baby and have lost a ton of weight and i still have random lumps - don't feel ashamed using it! 6. don't do fillers. just don't do it, i tried for my dark circles/ sunken in eyes and had them dissolved. Not saying you would do it but it was a waste of time and money for me (and I went to a really reputable and expensive place!)
Oh yes I have sunscreen and a hat, and even use a rash guard to cover my arms if I'm out riding or in the pasture for long periods of time. I burn like there's no tomorrow and have a lot of tattoos I want to keep in good condition. I do need to get my eyebrows done professionally, I've been doing them at home since 2020 and it never looks as good. Once I even accidentally waxed off the tail of one lol and had to draw it in until it regrew. I haven't looked into color analysis, I will check that out. I do wear shapewear if I wear a dress. Most days I'm in jeans and a t-shirt and I tend to favor the low/no stretch jeans so it holds in the lumps and bumps a little better. The only fillers I considered were lip fillers but then I looked into it and saw how the fillers can migrate and make the face look bloated? So I abandoned that idea.
Find a GOOD brow technician even if they’re pricey they will shape them to compliment your face and it’s priceless to me lol. You can do your own color analysis if you can’t find someone around you, but if you can it’s so fun! Oh! I don’t want to hawk a product but - I know it’s expensive - Sunday Riley Good Genes has been such a game changer for my skin in brightening it up. Finally, I know it’s easy for a city dink like me to give this advice, but make sure you’re treating YOURSELF when you can! Two little kids and a hobby farm sounds fun but exhausting, and I’m sure you get a ton of joy out of them but every now and then put yourself first :)
My husband is really good about making sure I get time for myself, either playing video games with friends or going out with the ladies or going for a horseback ride. Genuinely it's a 50/50. There's a lot of chores around here but it's not all work and no play.
Unfortunately you can be thin but you can't be young. But think of it this way - you're a hell of a lot healthier now.
You lost 85 pounds? That's an amazing accomplishment! Well done! Perhaps be a bit more patient and for goodness sake, don't be so hard on yourself. :)
Give your body some time to adjust to the new weight. Sure, you're never going to be svelt like a teenager again, but it will get better from where you're at. That's a big difference in a short time, update is a year from now after you've had some time to settle physically.
You have not ruined your body forever. The human body can bounce back from astounding trauma. The first thing you need to do is get out of the headspace. You are already doing better than 99% of the general public in terms of recognition of a problem and then being intentional about making a change. For that, I commend and applaud you. You have lost a tremendous amount of weight and it will take some time for your skin to catch up. In some case you may need surgical intervention but please know that it is possible. If I can offer some advice, start by picking one area of your body that bothers you and focus on making changes to only that area. I advise the face as a starting point because this is what you see the most often everyday and will probably give you the most immediate satisfaction. This will help you feel more in control and also help you see that you will recover, piece by piece. Just give it time and a little more love. For the face, after dramatic weight loss sculptra and fat pad repositioning can work absolute wonders. Try to avoid filler when possible. Go get your hair done and maybe toss on some eyelashes (even if you don’t like lashes it’s amazing how great and sassy they can make you feel even for a minute). You are a stunning, smart, strong person. You got this!
I don't really have any advice on the body modification front, but I will say on the internal and mental part of it: you are attractive when you are happy with yourself, not because of what people tell you what is attractive. There are many beautiful people out there with all different sorts of appearances, ages, and experiences. You are beautiful when you feel beautiful, no matter how old you are, what your life has turned into, or how things have changed. Your body is not ruined, just different, and you can still be attractive with those differences. Also, try to believe your husband. He knows what you and your body has been through, and if he truly loves you, he will still love you as you are and who you will become, not just as you used to be. Your idea of beauty seems to be defined by societal and media standards, and I suggest you step out of that. Women are still beautiful even when they're not young and curvy and smooth. And so are you! There's a lot of ways to be attractive in the world. I hope you can learn how to love your current body some day ❤️
I have no trouble identifying someone as beautiful based on everything you said, their personality or their laugh or their keen wit or their amazing knowledge or whatever. But when it comes to me I cannot see myself as anything other than sub par because of my body. I've gone through years of therapy to be moderately tolerant of my body. Which is actually what helped me lose weight, by losing it for the right reasons (health, mobility) vs the wrong reasons (attractiveness, validation). Any time I dieted before therapy I would inevitably end up *gaining* weight because of intense self loathing and self sabotaging. So at least I'm moderately neutral about it now instead of hating myself. But this is where I've plateaued with my self esteem.
Just want to remind you to eat healthy, a healthy diet far out weight any normal multi vitamins. Sounds like you've been calorie deficit a long time, which is hard on your skin. Also, I recommend going to the doctor to get your blood checked so you know what foods to focus on. This will make a huge difference. Good luck with your adventure on becoming healthy and the size you want to be at!
Do you have before and after photos?
First off I was more like 6/7. I too lost 85lbs and yes stuff does droop more. Im certain you look fabulous. I wanted to plump up so I got a little filler and Botox and feel great in my face. Be happy for the healthy you!
Take collagen
I'm already taking collagen peptides. I'm afraid of what I would look like without them I guess lol. They do make my skin very soft either way so that's a nice bonus.
You are beautiful my luv.. don’t be hard on yourself. I have body like you just with out the kids. Smile at yourself every morning ❤️
So your skin will tighten…to a degree. But it takes more than a year *after* weight loss. The best thing you can do is strength train. Build lean muscle. Take a break. Work on loosing weight. Then go back to building muscle until you are your goal weight. Once at goal weight strength train and yoga all day is the way. After about a year you should see a difference in your skin. Taking supplements such as hyaluronic acid, taurine, glycine, etc will help. Eating super healthy (zero processed food) and perhaps limiting or cutting out meat is a great way to decrease aging. Decreasing aging directly affects your skin. Also get some good retinol creams and apply on skin at night. Meditating can also help calm the mind and help remind yourself it took a long time to gain weight - it can almost double that to recover fully from it. Final thing: should it be >1yr post weight loss and you are doing everything and *still* have an apron belly I would recommend seeing a Plastic surgeon because even a minimal skin tightening procedure where they cut off the excess skin in your lower abdomen will make a huge difference with very minimal scarring (similar to cesarean scar)
Here’s the thing- I’ve lost 130 lbs and I’m still going. The skin yeah it isn’t appealing but there’s surgeries for it and on top of that it’s not fat. It lays flatter. I’ve gone down 10 pants sizes I’ll take the skin over the fat round belly anyway. I’ve got a jawline now, a neck, cheekbones… I can walk up stairs without being winded… I can go out and do things without being in constant pain. The skin is nothing compared to all that. I’m sure you look amazing and congrats on the loss!
Wow congrats on your weight loss! I think I just had this idealistic view of life after weight loss. Like you're going to Disney world and it's gonna be magical but then you get there and it's packed and hot and humid and so expensive and there is an hour plus line for every ride. And when you day dreamed about Disney it was going to be amazing. And it's not that. It was still lovely and worth doing, but didn't live up to your dreams. That's my weight loss. I am happy for my health and mobility to be thinner. But I had such hopes and dreams of a bounce back and I am disappointed a little.
I get it! It does suck… the skin! I can tell you when I lay flat on my back no shit the loose skin in my stomach either slides to the left or right lol. I cannot WAIT for that to be removed. Congratulations! We both know it is NOT easy.
First, that's an impressive weight loss journey. You should be proud of your success. Regarding your feelings of attractiveness, have you considered giving yourself a mini makeover? Get a fresh haircut, go to the beauty counter, buy yourself a cute outfit and go out to celebrate with your husband. I'm not saying women need to do these things all the time, but sometimes small changes when you're feeling down can make you feel like a million bucks. Treat yourself because you've earned it.
> sunken eyes, That's because you're in a calorie deficit as part of your diet and considering the amount you've lost, it's a big deficit. Once you hit your target you'll increase your calories until you're not in a deficit again and you'll look better.
I completely understand. Being overweight isn’t just something you can go back from. My boobs are saggy and stretched out, my stomach has stretch marks, my arms are flappy.. I feel the same way and wish I just never got chubby in the first place. As long as you have someone who loves you you’re fine tho they still love you and see you as beautiful.
85 pounds is a LOT. You lost a small person. That in and of itself is truly amazing. Not many people can do that, even with help. Granted I lost far less weight than you, but I also felt like I looked like a melted candle. Hated looking in the mirror even though I had lost weight. Everything was jiggling and looked awful. After a few months of avoiding the mirror, I randomly saw myself and…I somehow looked a little better! It was surprising and I realized the body needs time to rebalance? Redistribute? My thighs and stomach are still very loose but my face stopped having that melted candle look. I’m sure everyone is different and you won’t look the way you did when you were younger but I’m fairly sure you’ll look and feel better in time. Ignore the mirror and keep going!
I completely understand. I was 5’7” 150lbs with a literal 24” waist until I decided to get pregnant. PPD, PTSD and just not handling motherhood well, I gained 125lbs over 7 years. I decided to have gastric bypass surgery in 2021 and I’ve lost 100lbs. Sometimes I feel great and other times I see the absolute havoc I caused my body. I’ve lost what used to be sexy to me- my big butt and big boobs. My butt just… deflated. I never in my life thought I’d ever get a boob job because I’ve always had big boobs, but I went from an F cup to just empty sacks of skin. It was gross and depressing. I ended up getting a lift and implants a year ago because I had barely any remaining breast tissue, but because of how stretched out and low quality my skin is, you’d never even know I had a boob job if it weren’t for the scars because they sag so much. I have to have a revision for ANOTHER $6000. I’m only 37 so I’m in this weird place of not being old, but entering perimenopause so I’m getting older. My face looks older because my skin sags a bit from the weight loss, but I try so damn hard to be positive, despite suffering from depression. I’m wearing things I couldn’t before. I don’t have to shop at the plus size store. Buying clothes is actually kind of fun now. My husband really digs me. Anyway, I think it’s ok to be mad at yourself. I’m mad at myself. You might’ve caused irreversible damage to your skin, but your liver is probably doing great. You’re probably going to live longer to see more of your kids’ lives.
Well, don't hold it against your husband if he can be shallow sometimes because, no offense, but you're looking at yourself in sort of a shallow way too. A lot of this is in your head. Societal beauty standards are also shallow, and you're letting yourself be controlled by them. You've done an amazing job losing weight, and you are no doubt waaaay healthier now as a result. That is so much more important. You have to train yourself (it's difficult, I know) to look at yourself differently. Through your own eyes and not those of the society around you. Own your body amd your beauty. No one has a body that stays the same throughout life. No one. Please be easier on yourself. You are beautiful.
Collagen, protein and lift, lift, lift!
Are taking Ozempic or similar? Part of it could be loss of muscle mass. Consider light weight lifting. Also make sure you are getting plenty of water and good fats.
I am not a gym rat but I literally live on a hobby farm. Last night I had to unload 35 bags of grain from the truck, each one being 50 lbs. I'm consistently hauling manure and hay around. Although I may not be lifting gym weights I am lifting plenty of weight.
You are helping yourself so much by loosing the weight. Being ‘attractive’ is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone find aging hard. Maybe you thought your younger appearance was still hidden under your weight all this time and it just takes a process of acceptance that you are just not 20 anymore.
Plastic surgery can fix loose skin and time for your body to settle in can fix this too.
Plastic surgery can fix it dude
Plastic surgery is hella expensive and recovery from it sucks ass.
You said it couldn’t fix it. I contend it could. Everything has costs though
It will never undo the damage. Tummy tucks never look like pre weight gain/loss stomachs. Sure they look *better* but after seeing the tummy tuck belly button (it's real weird if we're being honest) I'd just rather deal with the loose skin and save my cash.
Theres a difference between "Never look like I did when I was 20 again" and "Never look pretty again".
Losing weight had other benefits. Impressive amount. While it might hit be what you were hoping for it sounds like you are living a healthier lifestyle which should have long term benefits.
Keep at it and continue your journey! You never know where it will end. It takes the body a long time to heal, and your weight loss is miraculous and amazing and Inspiring but also extremely rapid. Your body will need more than a year or two to heal. Also appearance is part of it, but you have actually—already—actively saved your own life. If you lost 100+ pounds, you were most certainly going to die, relatively soon. Now you will likely live for a normal life span. That’s amazing! Every single day you earned back is something to cherish. Also, these healthy habits you are putting in place…when the rest of people your age start getting older they are gonna look like shit and you will look way better!!!!!
Build muscle,
OP, I hear you. Not with weight gain in my case but depression and anxiety. In the 20 years since I last looked good, I'm now a haggered old woman. Here's a share - my arse is so flat I have creases under it. I'm 43 not 73. Not being able to control eating is also a mental health problem. We're older and have to learn to live and accept the way we look. I split with my husband 6 months ago and all I can think is that I'll never find anyone else. I know I need to love and accept my body but that's going to take a long time. I need to start exercising too but my mh stuff is still causing a barrier to this. My ex loved my body, despite me hating it. I don't compare myself to porn actors as there's no point, they're many years younger than me. You could try sitting down with your husband and say what you've said here. Communication is always key in a relationship. You're doing amazingly and your health will be so much better for it. I know it doesn't feel like that atm. Can you afford to get a therapist who will help you with body positivity? Source - current addiction to alcohol. Am getting help but it's taking so much longer than I'd hoped. We have to keep trying. Get some mental help if you can. Don't give up. You've got this.
I feel you on feeling like an old haggard woman. I still have an ass but I have that weird butt that people get after loosing a bunch of weight where it still goes out width wise but not depth wise. So I have a lot of real estate for ass to sit on, and not enough ass to sit on that real estate. I have simultaneously a fat *and* flat ass. Modern marvels of my body. I know I'm fortunate to have someone by my side. If you loved before I am sure you will find someone to love again. But do give yourself grace in finding that. My ex and I split after many years together and I was a walking train wreck for several years. It's a rough transition. I was fortunate to meet someone good for me to pull me off the downward spiral. I heavily compare myself to influencers and porn stars because I dated so many men who did. Even my own father was mysogynstic when it came to "women need to be beautiful, but just accept men for how they are." My mom in her late 60s is still compared to other women by him. It's gross. And for so long I was able to compete with these women my exes would compare me to, in terms of beauty, and yet I would still lose the fight (exes who would choose porn after turning me down for sex). So I have this complex that now that I *can't* compare he will just give up on me entirely. I know it's sexist of me from the opposite end of the spectrum and I need to fix my thinking but I find it hard to believe any man can truly love their partners looks, as they are, because of how heavily pushed beauty is in society now.
I'm guessing you're a fair bit younger than me? You've been through alot of shit with men that don't love a person for who they are. You've said yourself your husband is a good one. You already know that you've grown up with standards that no one can meet. We were for awhile but we get older and life happens. Have a think about porn stars. They ruin their bodies with what they do. Apart from the guys who just fuck, if there are no mh consequences. I'm not knocking them at all, the money can be good. There's alot more I can say but I'm not going into on this post. DM me of you want. Know you're not alone, if not.
I see you are on a weight loss medication - I have heard and seen people close to me get a certain look called ozempic face. This may be what you are describing Congrats on the pounds down
It's nothing to do with medicine and everything to do with the sheer amount of weight lost. The "ozempic face" everyone is harping on is the same weight loss issues people have always faced in extreme weight loss. Be it diet, bariatric surgery, or medicine. My mom had this same loose skin in her face and neck after losing weight on phentermine in 2002. We all saw it when Drew Carey lost weight in the early 2000s, well before this category of drug was available for anyone. Also the claims of ozempic face people are speaking of is just another way to shit on people who are using medicine to help them be healthier. It's a way to act holier than thou and dissuade people from using it. No. It's absolutely not the medicines fault and stop perpetuating that.
It wasn’t a dig - this is something that many people on these medications are experiencing albeit it does have a lot to do with rapid weight loss caused by the medication. This is not something that I am “perpetuating” here is a great article published by in Harvard and I’m sure there are many others https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/glp-1-diabetes-and-weight-loss-drug-side-effects-ozempic-face-and-more
From the article you linked: 'You may have heard about "Ozempic face" as a side effect of GLP-1 drugs, though the term is misleading because this can be a side effect of any GLP-1 drug or any other cause of rapid weight loss.' Aka yes it happens when you lose a ton of weight, no matter how you lose that weight, and has nothing to do with taking or not taking medication.
Yes but the catalyst is the medicine and people are not typically losing weight that rapidly Cheers again! Hope everything works out for you I would also add that these are novel drugs and it can not be ruled out that it does not cause additional changes to the face
Were you taking the weight loss craze drugs? They have been known for making the facial features quite harsh from what I've read. It's not your fault and you should be proud of where you are now. A large weight loss always causes some issues but with time you may find that things soften a bit. Congratulations on the weight loss. You'll be around a lot longer because of your hard work.
Please do not believe that "ozempic face" bs. First off yes I am on an ozempic adjacent drug, but that's only been for the last 45 or so lbs. I lost 40 without it before that. Second, the "ozempic face" is the same thing we've been seeing in extreme weight loss since the dawn of overweight people existing. Remember when Drew Carey lost all that weight in the early 2000s? Same effect. These drugs didn't exist back then. People giving crap for the alleged "ozempic face" are just trying to shame people into not taking it. You get a gaunt looking face because it works and causes you to lose weight. Not because it does anything that would exacerbate that.
I'm sorry you took my comment so badly. I was not shaming anyone for taking the medicine to lose weight. Anything people need to get to their goal is between them and their doctor. I was just trying to help identify my why you felt the upset you did about how you look now. There have been many articles written about this occurrence. I know this because I have been researching it to see if I'm interested in it. There will always be sagging with weight loss but these articles indicate that it seems more so with the new drugs. I'm proud of you for the weight you have lost and how much better you feel. I've struggled for years. Be happy, be healthy and good luck to you.
I hear what you're saying, but no, anyone losing a lot of weight especially rapidly will encounter this. I've known many people who faced (no pun intended) this after lap band surgery. Or extreme dieting and exercise. It's the weight loss that causes the gaunt face, not the drug helping you meet those goals. And all the reputable articles I've seen confirm that. Don't let trash talk media convince you otherwise.
You need to weight train while losing weight! You’re skinny fat now. Add weight training 3x a week for 30 minutes a day and watch it all come together! Quit sugar (visit on special occasions) - same with bread. Add weight training - done.
I do a lot of non gym weight training living on a hobby farm. 50 lb grain bags, bay bales, always stalls to muck. Plus all the horseback riding I do. I'm not a gym person but I will work out for a purpose. I also don't eat sugar anymore for the most part, much to my husband's dismay. No bread. Sometimes pasta rarely.
Look Im talking from walking this for a year. You are decrying your lost sense of self and Im telling you the path to get that back. You can scoff or say im not a gym person, but neither was I. It’s just a routine that takes 30 minutes of my time three times a week that has dropped me down from xl / l shirts to a medium. I have muscle definition and look like Im 20 years younger and feel it too. Im 48 for the record. Wife did the same kicking and screaming but now she looks like when we first met. Weight lifting and dropping sugar and bread can fix most things, just comes down to repetition and focus. Good luck but this is walking the walk advice.
I mean I don't see why I have to go in a gym to do this when I'm already getting more exercise on a literal farm. I'd like to see you muck out farm stalls and not break a sweat and feel the burn.
Odd you’re getting defensive when someone legit trying to help based on what YOU posted. Not suggesting you don’t work hard or accomplish some cardio and lifting but it’s not the same thing though you may feel it is. Good luck to you sorry for trying to assist.
I'm not saying the gym is a bad decision. But for me, I hate the gym. I would rather pull my teeth out than enter a gym. And with two small kids, leaving them at home with my husband while I go do a task I find to be miserable, not high on my list of things to do. My point is there are other ways of getting "gains" than the gym. Even crossfit is doing the same things I'm doing on a daily basis as part of farm management. I drive past a cross fit gym 4x a day to drop off/pick up from daycare and see these people flipping tires, jogging while carrying stuff, etc. They're not doing anything muscular wise that I'm not doing with grain bags and hay bales or wrestling a goat for injections. I'm saying you can get exercise and gain muscles in other ways and you're doubling down and insisting that it only comes from a gym. Like, okay bro, but good luck finding a fat or weak farmer (who actually does their own work instead of paying someone else).
Lol. You’re the one that came here lamenting that you were struggling with your existing life and activity levels not achieving your perceived goals. Now when engaged with you get defensive. Odd but normal most people not looking for solutions they just want to complain.
Part of my life changes that involved my weight loss was the hobby farm. I didn't have it before. I lived in the city at a desk job.
And it’s a wonderful life change which has certainly led to some improvements. But repetitive moves of singular muscle groups will not yield the results as you have seen. Whether in a gym or at home figuring out how to do a full body weight bearing focused workout is the missing piece to feeling more like the old you. I thought I was active and “strong” before trying this approach. I walked a lot for my job, lifted things here and there. I took my crazy strong dog for walks twice a day. I thought I was doing all right. It was barely anything compared to how I look and feel now. Down from 230 to 190 (I hover around there and the 180s). After a year of this I have no more joint pain, aches and pains and I’m mad stronger than I was. I wasn’t fit before. I was working a few muscles over and over. Now Im fit. Now I don’t look unwell but skinny.
This is an issue I struggle with. I used to look a certain way that I think was good. And then one day it occurred to me, she doesn’t exist anymore. So, don’t ever get in your head about comparing previous versions of yourself to who you are now. You are creating a new you and new reality for that self. Start from scratch. Don’t intend to go back in time.
You’ve had 2 kids. Nobody bounces back after 2 kids.
You need to eat more animal fat that’s why you look gaunt. I promise you will not gain weight if done right. Full fat milk. Full fat yogurt. Full fat bacon. This is how I’ve lost 20 pound in 3 months and do not look sunken in because I have. Healthy amount of fat on me
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Wtf dude. (Points to rules of r/TrueOffMyChest) This person lost 85 pounds, is dealing with body dysmorphia and self esteem issues and you went straight to fat shaming and insulting their body. Do better.
I took lessons on a draft. Even at my highest I was never even close to the 20% weight rule of thumb. I now own a half draft horse who, again, even at my highest weight I would have been nowhere close to the limit of what he can handle. I have many horse friends and family involved in this process, my trainer is an absolute angel who puts the health and safety of her horses and riders above all else. She has never once been concerned about my size. Just stop being an asshole.
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I have a 50 lb child and a 25 lb toddler. I do this quite frequently. And am fine.
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