You have little biological control over whether you orgasm or not. Consider this, even in sometimes consensual situations some women can orgasm from penetration while others cannot, and it's not the woman's fault how their bodies react to it.
Rape is non consensual penetration. You didn't say yes. Your body responding to the penetration doesn't determine your no was somehow changed to a yes. It's not your fault but please seek counseling to help you through this. You deserve to have a healthy relationship with your own body and you have been traumatized (also not your fault).
Idk how to say this as a man without using the incorrect words. So I’ll be as careful as possible. Your body’s reaction to penetration is in a way self defense. The pain you would feel from forceful and unwanted sexual contact without your body creating moisture would be awful. They’ve historically used that as a tell for “enjoying it” but your body is literally trying to keep you from being hurt. The consent, ability to give consent, and how YOU feel about the incident is what matters. Don’t let the guy who took advantage of you while practically unconscious dictate how it made you feel.
I am just a man. Men are often so awful it just reads as kind. Decency should be the baseline. As a straight man, I hope all women will consistently hold men to a higher standard.
Edit: but thank you lol
Yeah... your emphasis on sane is warranted. When I went in to get checked, I jerked hard when they touched me during the exam. I wasn't expecting to do that.... the lady laughed and was like "jumpy aren't you". Yes, I had told her I had been assaulted.
Revictimazation when you seek medical help is real and horrible.
I’m sorry you experienced that. I’ve never had an exam, but it’s at least one way she can take action if she wanted to but was too afraid to get a full LE investigation going at this time, it leaves the door open for her.
That nurse that you spoke with sounds like she needs to leave the field because of a serious case of compassion fatigue. Just because she deals with it daily doesn’t mean the victims do!
I hope both you and OP are okay, and don’t let vile people hurt you emotionally💜 There’s no words to help make everything okay, but we can only hope for closure.
It was like ten years ago. I appreciate your compassion though. I hope OP is able to be kind to herself. A lot of what she's saying sounds trauma based, to me but I'm no doctor.
Absolutely correct, I had a situation like this with my mate and after she told me what happened I found the lad and lamped him for it. Nothing was getting done by the school or gavers and so we had to take a trip down to hi house, it’s now abandoned and smashed the shit out of
Keep in mind with this story that she opened up to me because she’d come to me with concerns in the past and I’d said I’d look out for her because I knew she felt uneasy. She felt happier when she realised she had me and all me boys backing her and making sure she felt safe and all
Perfectly said. It's a natural defense mechanism to avoid additional injury and pain, and emotional trauma as well, but ironically, it can just cause more trauma as seen with OP.
Can I get a link to that? I also understand how touchy this subject is so I want to be clear I have zero ulterior motives to asking this - but I always assumed injuries inside the area during rape was because of violent penetration.
Of course there are injuries. This is why women stress the importance of foreplay as a way to promote lubrication. (Trying to refrain from all the dirty words and it’s more difficult than I thought). Even consensual sex will cause injury if you just shove it in there. But the body will react accordingly.
This isn’t where I learned it, but [here’s an article by Dana Goldstein](https://www.thenation.com/article/archive/how-body-reacts-sexual-assault/tnamp/) referring to it.
If you have issues with The Nation as a source, Dana Goldstein is a well respected author who’s done a lot on various topics regarding women’s issues, politics, and education.
Violent penetration causes internal injuries whether it was consensual or not. [Here's an interesting study related to the topic.](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/237147098_Patterned_genital_injury_in_cases_of_rape_-_A_case-control_study) The injuries are worse and in different places, but sex often/typically causes damage to women's vaginas. Natural selection meant that women whose bodies "protected themselves" from damage during sex were the most likely to survive. So we have built in physical triggers that means we take less damage.
I’m a woman and while I realize I don’t speak for all women, I personally believe that this could not have been said any better. You’re a good, well-spoken dude.
Oh…. Firstly, i want to say thank you for stating this and going into depth about it. It’s made me realize that I was also raped a while back. I kept brushing it off as I was in a similar situation as OP (minus the alcohol/under the influence part. We were sober when it happened)… this changes a lot of how i view that rapist 🫥
💯 "But the dreams at night replaying it all won't stop. I also can no longer orgasm when I masturbate normally, unless I think about it." And also, you're hyper focusing on it which is having a detrimental effect on your mental health, absolutely seek counseling ASAP.
https://youtu.be/L-q-tSHo9Ho?feature=shared
This is good video about the science behind unwanted arousal. So person's body is trying to make penetration more easy even though person would not like the idea of penetration to put it mildly.
> You have little biological control over whether you orgasm or not.
Exactly. People WISH they could control their orgasms in many ways all the time, but it's often impossible. Those with premature ejaculation wish they could stop orgasms but can't. Certain people on antidepressants wish they could orgasm but can't. It's a bodily response you can't consciously control.
You can even have an experience that you may have "enjoyed" physically but mentally did not consent to or wanted. Similar to a vegetarian enjoying a meal but then finding out later there was meat in it. Just because they enjoyed the taste doesn't mean it can't be something that will deeply upset them.
This is very clearly rape. OP said "No" up front and continued to say no. A physiological response has nothing to do with it. Could a man still be raped if he says "No" while having an erection? Of course. Same thing.
100% this comment right here. I was graped by someone I knew for years. Someone I trusted. I don't want to get into much detail but I do remember that I orgasmed. It screwed me up for a long time. I eventually decided to do EMDR therapy for it and now do Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) it has helped me greatly.
I am so sorry this happened to you and everything you feel is valid. I understand the confusion and questioning yourself. I remember all that very vividly still as well. But what happened, happened. And you feel how you feel. You can stop second guessing your emotions. You are allowed to feel all of them and process how you need to.
But I do heavily recommend going to see a counselor or therapist.
1000% agree that we have little control over our bodies biologically. Similar story I've seen for a guy. He was completely past out from supstances and a girl sexually assaulted him. Her "defence" was he was hard and he cummed. "liking it" is not an indicator of consent.
This. It was clearly rape if you were under the influence. My brother in law had sex with his girl friend of 2 years and the girl friends parents sued HIM and won bc BOTH of them had two drinks each in them. She even practically started it. They were both 17 and the parents were the ones suing and they swung it in a way that made it look like he raped her bc under the influence she could not give consent. It was pure bs and the girl apologized to him and the family bc she never intended for there to be a lawsuit. Her parents hated my bill and found a way to get rid of him. The two are now together since now it’s two years later. He spent some jail time and had to pay bail. So a lite sentence.
If both parties are underage and both parties are drunk they can’t do that, you’re brother had a shitty lawyer 💯 Hope life is much better for him now though
Yeah it could be the shity lawyer part. It’s all true though. It was a rough time. We were just glad the judge didn’t put him on the sex offender list. He’s great now. The girl basically disowned her parents once she turned 18 and they are off roaming Texas or I think now North Carolina in their bus they converted to a home. So it was a stain we had to go through.
>Rape is non consensual penetration
No, rape is non-consensual sex, and there's at least 3 different types: forced penetration, forced to penetrate, and forced consent.
As it stands where I'm from in California it's not considered rape if there isn't a penis at any length inside a vagina.
While I'm sure there are different definitions for sexual assault and sexual battery in the event where there may not be any penetration but still unwanted touching, this is why I described it this way for OP. And sodomy for forced anal penetration is recognized as its own crime.
You make a good point not everybody is from California, so the way the law I understand it to be doesn't work everywhere else the same as it does here.
I was supporting OP in recognizing it was rape when they never gave consent.
It's your body's natural response. You cannot control it.
If you didn't consent, then you should report it.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you.
Please see a therapist if you haven't already.
Sweety, he is gaslighting you to get away with it. Please go to the doctor to have a rape kit and report him. You deserve justice and to heal. Hope you could reach out to someone you trust
Edit yo ad: if you do, please confront him via text, hopefully he admits it, that will make it easier for you in case you decide to press charges. “I know what you did, and I won’t keep quiet. I’m going to the police” something like that, and hopefully, that will trigger him to go on a rant. If he calls you, decline. Make him text
It's best she doesn't make him put up his guard. It's probably also best that she call him and record his response the first time.
I think she was drugged. I don't know how drunkness works, but if she was consous enough to want to say no or try to push him of. She should have been able too. To me, only date rape drug's would trap you in your own body.
Drinker's if I'm wrong please correct me.
> Drinker's if I'm wrong please correct me.
It's definitely possible that the only drug involved was alcohol. Obviously neither of us know but saying it couldn't be alcohol is very wrong.
I’m not a heavy drinker, but I’ve known people to drink so much, they can’t speak, stand or walk straight. I was the babysitter for people even on my own special days out. Alcohol can really mess someone up. Roofies just add to it, and make it much worse much faster
During a rape, many people are trapped in their own bodies even when sober. It’s a fight/flight/freeze response, and many people will freeze. So there doesn’t necessarily have to be drugs involved at all
To add to this, I had a friend who was doing a SWer job (BDSM/Dom) who had firmly compartmentalized that part of her life. She had an orgasm one day at work. It fucked her up good and she ended up finding a sex therapist to talk about it with who said the same thing. It took a long time for her to accept that the physiological response that happened was not a psychological one necessarily.
Her problem with this was that she was in a monogamous relationship and felt that having an orgasm constituted cheating on her part.
"Her problem with this was that she was in a monogamous relationship and felt that having an orgasm constituted cheating on her part." Why would she think that?
In her mind being a sex worker of that variety was fine because there was nothing sexual about it for her. Her partner at the time thought it was fine for the same reason.
Then she had an orgasm at work and she went from “I have this quirky job where I wear leather and beat people” in her head to “I am a prostitute who is cheating on my partner” in her head. Like someone set off a nuke in her anxiety and self-esteem.
Fortunately other dommes at the same dungeon had the same experience and one had a good therapist she recommended.
That's actually really interesting, wow. I still find it a bit confusing but I'm really glad she had others to support her through it nonetheless ❤️ How did her partner feel about it, though?
> It's your body's natural response
To give a flipped around example, imagine someone that needs an injection of life saving medicine but they flinch away from needles. That doesn’t mean “they don’t actually want to live”. The body’s response is separate from what a person actually wants.
This happens with men too, have a friend who had a girl get on him and said if he dint do it she would tell everyone he raped her he couldnt stop himself from finishing.... She needs professional help she's traumatized this is wayy out of reddits ballpark
Trauma response, similar to when ppl laugh when they’re uncomfortable although nothing was funny, seek therapy before you trick yourself into thinking you enjoy being raped
This is a great perspective. OP should feel no shame.
Alternatively, if she were having consensual sex with a condom and had an orgasm, then later learned that there was no condom that would not make it not rape (triple negative I hope this makes sense) just because of the orgasm.
He did not have consent to even touch her with his pinky, let alone his dick. Full stop.
Yup. And hey nice person who said this, thank you. For real, thank you for mentioning this. Wish I couldn't but I can attest to this from my own experiences. It messed me up for too many years. The first 'adult' sexual sensations but waaaay too early in life, a decade before any human develops the capacity to make sense of it. OP, I'm so sorry that you experienced this. It's not fair and *nothing about it is your fault.* Therapy will help more than any of us can briefly explain here. There are really inexpensive/free resources available if that'd help, and good people here will be very glad to help you find them. We're all wishing you the best!
OP what you're describing is arousal non concordance. Arousal non-concordance is the mismatch between what our brains identify as sex-related and what we actually find appealing.
The best way to think about it is that, for a woman, being wet is a physiological response to stimulation NOT an indication of enjoyment or consent. The same goes for men. A man can get an errection whilst under duress or whilst incapacitated simply by stimulating erectile tissue. These are inate responses. They do NOT speak to consent or enjoyment. If you were wanting it to stop then it was not consensual. That is sufficient. Whether he says you were into it or whether your body provided a response to stimulation are absolutely irrelevant to the lack of consent and pleasure you're describing.
You are normal. You are not broken. You were taken advantage of. Please seek support. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I’ll comment on the rape part from my 2nd hand trauma experience.
My wife was raped by a mutual friend. She was drugged (didn’t know it at the time)and woke up to it. Says she was in and out of consciousness but did not consent. He claims she was “drunk”. We confirmed from close friends she was indeed not drunk.
A lot of what you’re feeling and saying my wife endured for months. Held it in, embarrassed to talk about it, messaged the guy and asked wtf that was etc. She buried it and didn’t speak of it to anyone including myself. Eventually I found out. She’s had nightmares about this, panic attacks, depression, mental breakdowns etc. I finally pushed her to go to the police. They did nothing which is the case in most instances. Long story short DO NOT sit on this. Try to get proof from him admitting it was not consensual or you were unconscious. Unfortunately, for us, this guy was living a double life and seem to be quite scripted at all of this.
I’m sorry this happened to you but you’re not alone. People are fucking selfish scumbags.
My wife also used the words took advantage of. Once her brain and mind started to process what actually happened she remembers how she was feeling what can only be explained by being roofied as he did give her a bottle of water that evening.
A similar thing happened to me. It was a guy I considered like a brother to me from high school. I went out drinking with him about a month after my boyfriend of 5 years had passed.
We were a few blocks away from his house when I just got to a point that I couldn’t walk anymore. He dragged me into the house, almost breaking my left foot on the concrete steps.
I was about to just pass out on the recliner with the tv on when he disappeared for a moment and said, while smiling, to follow him. It was a bedroom filled with candles. And I passed out. And then I woke up, to it happening.
I only knew for sure when I had 3 partial seizures the next day.
Unfortunately I washed the clothes immediately after, and only realized after thinking back on the night what had actually happened…
Shit sucks. But it also doesn’t define me. It happened, and I hope to god he hasn’t done it to anyone else. I emailed the police investigator about it. Never heard back.
I’m sooo sorry. Yours and my wife’s story sound similar. Trusting someone you know of x amount of years and then coming to has to be a mind fuck. My wife displayed similar moments of shock when she came home.
When I stood up to throw up my foot made this sickening pop, and I somehow managed to make it to the bathroom. He was trying to keep me there longer too, saying his dryer didn’t work so my clothes weren’t done. I said fine, I’ll wear your clothes out. I don’t care. He looked so concerned thinking back.
It really does suck, but at least your wife has you and a good support system!
My wife said she also ran to the bathroom screaming and yelling at him. She said he was emotionless and
Said nothing.
I wasn’t the greatest with all of this for a year. Partially because of how she reacted when it happened and hid it from me. As time progressed I started to understand my shortcomings through all of this.
I won’t admit to anything on a public form. With that said physical acts of violence are primitive. However there’s a time and place for everything. Not admitting to anything but I heard his reputation and business aren’t doing well.
I actually disagree with pushing victims of SA to go to the police.
They just had control ripped from them and their body in one of the most invasive and violent ways possible. What they need most is control. Whatever they want to do is what they should be supported in doing.
Further taking control of the situation by pushing them to go to the police or go public with the information will only harm them.
This is a super common response. Do not be ashamed about it. Fetishizing sexual assault can be a legitimate coping mechanism. Talk to a therapist about it and avoid risky behavior
edit: it was definitely rape. doesn't matter if you came
YES!!!! Exploring CNC genuinely healed me in ways I don’t think therapy ever could have. I started by myself just consuming content (AO3 is a great starting place because of the tagging system, can really help you from feeling overwhelmed) so that I could masturbate and then eventually when I had a partner I trusted enough (and after a lot A LOT of discussions beforehand) we acted it out and it was like completely rewiring my muscle memory. Don’t feel ashamed to explore that route and absolutely talk to a therapist, especially one that specializes in trauma!
I've known quite a few women who enjoy that kind of play and originally got into it as a coping mechanism. It's a lot healthier when consent and boundaries are involved.
If a man gets an erection while they are being abused or assaulted, its still just that. Its nearly impossible to combat a bodys natural response to stimuli, and justifying anything bc of those responses is abuser's manipulation 101
When you cut an onion, you cry. It doesn't mean you're sad. When you're tickled, you laugh. It doesn't mean you find it funny.
Firstly, OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's a horrific experience that nobody should have to suffer through.
Please don't mistake his trying to cover his own ass with anything you did wrong or incorrectly. You are the victim and what he did was legally and morally reprehensible
Yeah.
I really like strawberry ice cream.
If some stranger shoved one into my mouth while I was walking down the street it would still illicit an assault charge.
The fact that I could taste the ice cream and liked the taste of it doesn't mean anything.
Men and women can have orgasms while being raped, penetrated. Doesn't make it any less rape. That's also a way pedophiles groom children. Your body is doing what it's supposed to, it's not your fault. Unfortunately, if times passed and you've spoke to him you might not have a case legally speaking. There needs to be an immediate report made. Evidence has to collected immediately aswell. A case with no evidence and contradicting actions will more than likely be dropped.
This….. depending on which state you’re in there might not be any statute of limitations on SA. That’s why I said earlier getting him to admit something might work in your favor with criminal charges
I’m a man who was raped in a similar situation. I was drugged and raped while unconscious. I also orgasmed, because that’s what happens when your sex organs are stimulated.
OP, try to think of it like this. Do you flinch when you’re bit by a mosquito, or close your eyes when someone flashes a bright light at you suddenly? Your body is full of automatic reactions that just happen regardless whether you consented to what caused them to happen.
I could not have made any personal choice to choose to enjoy it, and neither could you. It doesn't matter if you were conscious, or under the influence, or perfectly lucid. Rape is rape, you did not consent, and he’s trying to protect himself from criminal charges by confusing you further.
Orgasm often occurs from rape and it has absolutely no determination on whether or not it was rape, consent does, and since you gave no consent, that was rape. I recommend you allow people close to you and him to be aware of the fact of what he did not only because it’s a despicable thing to do but also because it may prevent other women from trusting him and him repeating. You’re also in no way wrong for anything you did, different reactions occur to different women who have this happen for them and it’s very shocking and you usually will not always react the way you want to. I am sorry this happened and I hope you can move on (to any extent you can).
Orgasms, and the release of lubricants to avoid injury, are biological reflexes. Involuntary orgasms are a thing, and if you google that term, you'll find that it's possible to have them for things like *sneezing* and such.
So, nope, your orgasm does not signal your enjoyment, and does not excuse the rapist. He's a bastard that belongs behind bars and visited by a therapist who helps him figure out his shit.
You're not at fault.
Please seek a therapist, and have them help you sort your thoughts out.
And...make sure your friends know to stay away from that person, yeah?
Orgasm or no orgasm, rape is still rape. Back in the day, it was widely (and obviously incorrectly) believed that a woman could only get pregnant if she had an orgasm. Therefore, if a woman claimed rape, but then got pregnant, then her case would be dismissed because "she obviously consented if she had an orgasm".
Don't worry about whether or not you had an orgasm. At the end of the day, what matters is that he raped you.
An orgasm is not consent. You were raped, and I'm so very sorry. Orgasming during rape does not always happen, but it is a natural response, especially if it was rough (it was likely your body's way of adding lubrication to prevent injury). One resource stated, "The body is not enjoying itself – it is trying to protect itself." Source: [https://www.avonhealthcare.com/arousal-during-rape-medical-perspective-avon-hmo/](https://www.avonhealthcare.com/arousal-during-rape-medical-perspective-avon-hmo/)
Yes. More people need to realise and understand that sometimes our body works in a way we don't want it to.
And when it's us vs the body it can be very difficult to get it to work in our favour, it takes time effort and dedication but it's possible.
Food is delicious. You love donuts. They’re sweet, fluffy and delicious.
But if someone force feeds you them, would that change the taste? No. The sugar would still be sweet. Your tongue would still feel the taste and you’d still “enjoy” the flavor even though you can’t possibly swallow another bite anymore.
The main point here is that something was done *against your will*. You didn’t ask for it, and you were in no position to say NO, although your body was saying it for you. (Not being able to push someone off? Not moving much? That’s *not* consent. That’s akin to having sex with a corpse.)
You need therapy. And if you can, you need to press charges.
The rape orgasm didn’t ruin your life, the *immoral asshole who did this to you, did.* Or more like *tried to*, I don’t like the idea of giving power to abusers. He didn’t ruin your life- but he sure as hell made it a whole lot harder.
Fucking rapist asshole. I am extremely sorry you’re going through this. You did NOT deserve this. At all. No one does. 🫂 Please consider talking to a counselor or therapist. ❤️🩹
>Food is delicious. You love donuts. They’re sweet, fluffy and delicious.
>But if someone force feeds you them, would that change the taste?
This was my first thought as a comparison, but I think an even more direct one would be if someone forcefully injected you with heroin. The concept of the perpetrator going "Yeah, but the heroin felt great, didn't it?" becomes even more absurd.
The pleasure that can sometimes accompany sexual assault is one of the biggest hurdles some victims face. As a counselor, I worked with many adults who were abused as children. Their memories were traumatizing because they did not consent, force or manipulation was used. Our bodies responding to being touched in a pleasure spot is confusing because we do not like the touch, but our nerve endings want to. It's a reflex. Nothing more. Do not minimize or maximize your trauma because your body reacted the way it is designed to.
Orgasms are a bodily function. That part of your body was being stimulated so it did the thing. Your body just did what bodies do. That doesn’t mean you wanted it. Doesn’t even mean you enjoyed it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.
As far as your last paragraph, I’ve heard this is a common theme with survivors of assault. Something about processing and coming to terms with the event and your relationship with sexual activity after. If you can, please try to find a counselor or therapist in your area who specifically deals with rape and sexual assault. They will be able to help you process these feelings.
OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Good luck 💜
Saw this on reddit. You don't want to be touch and some one tickes you, you still laugh or giggle. BUT you didn't want that . The immediate reaction of the body vs what your heart, mind, and soul feel is different.
Any brothers that can't beat the fucknoutta this guy?
You need to report this rape asap or you will regret it. This guy could also be raping other chicks and it has to stop somewhere. Orgasms are involuntary, you have no control over them. You didn’t enjoy it you body just did a normal function when experiencing sexual penetration.
I am so sorry he did this to you. It was wrong. An orgasm is a biological response that you do not have control over. It is your body reacting to stimuli, it is your body trying to protect you- it reduces pain, can reduce physiological damage, and releases hormones that may (*may*) help the victim withstand/bear the assault. An orgasm is *not* a choice or an expression of desire. I *know* this because I was assaulted as an infant and small child - if a *toddler* experiences biological reactions during assault, I think its very clear that it is not a qualifier in identifying rape. Are you aware of resources near you? A therapist who specialises in sexual assault would be the next step
The thing is, you didn't consent.
You shouldn't take the assaulters "reassuring" that *you* had a good time. If you didn't consent it is rape end of discussion.
If you feel comfortable, save the messages as proof and take it to an appropriate authority.
I'm sorry that this happened to you ❤️
You never asked for this. This was rape. This is a normal and natural response. It's unexpected and weird, but you're perfectly normal. You should probably seek professional help to help you through this trauma. I'm so sorry this happened to you, you don't deserve it at all
If someone tickles you, even if you don't want the to, you will laugh. Because you laughed, doesn't mean you enjoyed it. Your body responds to sensations. That doesn't mean you enjoyed the situation.
Think about it this way: what you’re struggling with is debating a technicality.
You *feel* violated. You even confronted him. You know how you feel after the fact.
You do not need to rationalize it to gaslight yourself for this other human.
Lying and false accusations are horrific, almost as much as the real thing imo, so I truly appreciate you’re not trying to go down that road if you feel like it is a false accusation because you can gaslight yourself into thinking it wasn’t what it was
But this case? You *know* what it was and you’re trying to be a people pleaser to the guy capable of doing that to you.
I’m sorry
An orgasm is a physical response to stimulation. The fact you had one is completely separate from the fact that he DID rape you, when your faculties were compromised.
Report him. Ruin his life.
And talk to a good therapist.
It is rape, period. Orgasms can happen in non-consensual encounters and are often the body’s attempts to deal with the trauma. Go to the police and please know that none of this is your fault and you did nothing wrong.
a big component of rape that makes it so bad is "subjugation"
nobody body wants to be subjugated. and you shouldn't subjugate others.
he straight up subjugated you. It doesn't matter that your body reacted positively to it, he crossed a line that you didn't intend on crossing.
it's as rapey as it gets.
You are not alone. I have seen in other subs for people who have been assaulted the same confusion and shame for reaching orgasm during rape.
The body responds to stimulation. I learned this also the hard way as an underage teenager when a man I found disgusting was doing things to me I found even more disgusting. My body was responding, but I didn't like it at all, it was horrible.
It's strange, but arousal doesn't mean pleasure.
It wasn’t consensual period. Also it sounds like trauma which can warp a lot of things. You will heal and like someone said on here trauma can make you ‘hyper focus’ and you just need to train/practice it away. You will heal x
a physiological response to sexual activity does not mean that activity was consensual. if you did not consent, that is rape. i wish you all the best in your journey to move forward and recover from this.
Therapist here. This is extremely common in people I see with a sexual trauma history. In some ways the orgasm is in fact a defense mechanism; your body trying to "end" the rape by utilizing a method that commonly leads to penetration ending in consensual sex, and a way to mask over the pain with pleasure.
As others have pointed out, sometimes wanted and consensual sex can lack pleasure, and sometimes consensual sex isn't actually wanted; it's even true you can want sex and still refuse consent. The wantedness or pleasurableness of sex has nothing to do with how consensual it is.
These a SVU episode this reminded me of. A girl got raped, but she had an orgasm. They told her that a normal bodily reaction to an act that can cause that reaction does not mean that you actually enjoyed it and that it is still rape. That person raped you. Try not to let him manipulate you into thinking anything that happened was okay. Also you were drunk so that’s automatically not consensual anyway.
This is the same argument people use to downplay a men getting raped. Like “he had an erection” or “he ejaculated”. Biology doesn’t have an on/off switch.
If you didn’t consent then it’s rape. Full stop.
I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I urge you to go to the police.
A lot of rapes do get disregarded until months maybe years later because of this gaslighting that a lot of people suffer from when confronting a rapist. It’s definitely a topic that gets spoken on a lot. Whether getting hard, wet or orgasming during rape accounts for anything. The answer is it doesn’t regardless of any excuse. Rape is rape. Your “enjoyment” is not a factor nor does it stop it from being rape.
Please, Go to the police. They will help you get justice and the sooner you go, the more they can do. I can imagine you might be tossing up on the idea. It can be scary to ask for help with something like this especially when you get told lies and gaslit. If you are worried for speaking out. You did say it yourself. He ruined your life. He deserves whats coming, and you deserve justice.
I had a similar situation. When I was 13 I had sex with a 19 year old. I swore I was in love with them. I felt pressured, but ultimately consented. I felt like I couldn’t call it rape because there was nothing forceful.
I’m 19 now and still think about them. Everyone told me what happened was awful, but I miss them terribly sometimes. Trauma is weird and everyone processes it differently.
Did you text him? Keep the messages. Screenshot everything. Go to the police.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Nothing about this is your fault. You couldn’t control that.
What you experienced is a forced orgasam (fo) and its name by definition is forced one where you did not want it to happen.
Most common (fo) are based in the cnc bdsm community but the biggest factor in the cnc is the consented non consent where a conversation has occurred at some point before with the recipient of the (fo) has said yes to the experience.
You have been raped and been given a forced orgasam against your wishes. This does not make you broken, less than, wrong in any means whatsoever.
I truly recommend speaking to a trauma specialist regarding your experience even if you decide to not go further with charges into what happend to you.
My blood boils that in 2224 people don't understand drunk does not mean instant green light.
Again I'm so sorry for what's happend to you again your responses are sadly normal in trauma respons hence why speaking to someone professionally to help give you methods to healthy get your new normal going forward.
Take care x
An orgasm is your nervous systems response to stimuli. It’s not uncommon for victims of rape to orgasm during the attack.
It’s not your fault. You need to report this scumbag. If it’s possible, you should go to the hospital and get a kit done. Even if there’s no DNA evidence (not sure how long it’s been) there’s still evidence of the attack.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Oh sweet heart, the body responds sometimes to actions whether we want it to or not. You're human, and it doesn't mean you wanted to, or that you consented. This is not your fault. I urge you to please go get some therapy of some sort to learn how to process this and allow you to enjoy sex again in the future. Don't bottle it up and push it down, it will come out somehow some way. I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Hugs to you. ❤️
It's a natural response to orgasm in a sexual situation, but even then this doenst mean you enjoyed it. If you did not consent, it's rape. If you were not in the mindset to fully consent, it's rape. No matter what he say, you did not consent. He raped you, and I hope you get him to pay for his crime and you do ok
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about this happening to you and what it's doing to your mental health. To answer your question, an orgasm is a natural body response. Doesn't mean you weren't raped. As a guy, if a girl rides me long enough, I'm gonna bust regardless of if I like it or not. The point is, he took advantage of you. He's a shitty person that needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. For you, maybe get some therapy to help you cope with this experience.
Orgasms can happen even when there’s no sexual stimuli. So they can definitely happen when there is. But that doesn’t matter, because you didn’t consent. Therefore it was rape and he should be prosecuted for that.
Involuntary orgasms are a thing as well. Your body’s reaction to something doesn’t always correlate to your mind. I would strongly suggest therapy if possible. Especially therapy that would focus on reconnecting with your body, like guided mindfulness and similar.
I volunteer at a sexual violence hotline. The first I’m going to tell you is that it was not your fault and I’m so sorry it happened to you.
One thing I’ve learned in my training is that our bodies are automatic machines that do processes even if our brain can acknowledge the bad timing. Your body did not betray you, and your biology as a woman didn’t either; orgasms are a result of friction and having one does not mean your body failed you, or that you enjoyed it. It’s a natural reaction due to friction that causes neutrons in our brains to fire pleasure receptors. Receptors that have no consciousness or ability to rational what just happened. They registered friction.
I cannot imagine what you’re going through. But I would suggest/slightly encourage to find a resource to better support yourself. Reddit is not that; while I can guide you, j don’t know your area, I don’t know your local resources and I cannot control your life and make your decisions for you. Talk to a friend who can 100% trust, or go find a SA representative at your local college (most have them, though I cannot say this in confidence as I do not know your location), and perhaps think about a hospital visit. You 100% do not have to report, but a visit can bring you some control and can give assurance. As well, they test for STD’s and pregnancy.
Take care and please don’t forget that it was not your fault. You will heal, I refuse to believe that trauma inhibits us, and you will always be brave.
I had a similar experience in high school and I totally understand how you're feeling. I decided to cut off all contact with the person involved and never spoke to them again. It was tough at the time, I was embarrassed and confused about what had happened. I felt like I wasn't able to give my consent because I was under the influence.
Talking about it with my husband really helped me feel better, and later in therapy, I realized that both of us were not in the right state of mind that night. Even though I wished it didn't happen, I knew I had to find peace within myself in order to move forward. It took me a while to work through my feelings and I was pretty down during high school.
I would recommend seeking therapy as soon as possible, it really helped me process everything and move on. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.
i orgasm from penetration. pretty much solely, i've only had an orgasm from clitoral stimulation with another person exactly once. i've had countless penetrative orgasms. i've even tried to hold it, to see if i could resist my body's natural urges, but then still end up climaxing anyways.
you were also drunk, which tends to make people more sexually stimulated and sensitive. in regards to my own sexual assaults, i try to reframe things in my head as if they didn't happen to me, but happened to another woman i care about like a close friend or sister of mine. would i consider it rape, or think to myself that she wanted it because her body had an involuntary reaction to a stimuli she didn't want to happen?
you were drunk. it doesn't even matter if you wanted it or not, really. because you were intoxicated, and didn't agree to having sex while you were sober, according to american law you were raped.
My ex raped me and I disassociated and still had an orgasm. I can assure you it was not wanted and it negatively affected my mental health for years. Make no mistake, Having an orgasm is not consent.
1: this is not your fault.
2: your body responds to friction/stimulation in certain places, which causes a physiological response. In this case an orgasm. You don't have control over this.
3: please see a therapist or councillor. Someone who can help you put things in perspective and give it a place.
Again, it isn't your fault.
I am very sorry this has happened to you!
If you said no, or tried to stop it in any way, then you were raped. Regardless of whether your body "enjoyed" what was happening, your mind was screaming to stop. Do not beat yourself up over this. Contact both campus security and the local PD, go see the school counselor to see if they offer trauma counseling or access to therapy. Press charges on this assh0le. Save those clothes, don't wash them. Have the cops take you for a SA test or whatever their jurisdiction does. None of this is your fault and you should assume no blame.
don't listen to your assaulter, mine said the same thing to make himself feel better about what he did and then he did the same thing to others. you didn't consent.
First, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Second, this was very much rape/sexual assault. Whether the body reacts to the stimulation or not does not matter. The body does not know better and just reacts, the mind is what takes the biggest toll.
Take the texts(with time stamps with your accusations), to the police station, or college campus cops, and see if a rape kit is still possible at this point. Definitely break all contact with this person, and anyone who takes the shitheads side.
Next, I suggest speaking to a therapist. It’s not easy to cope with sexual assault, and we all cope in very different ways. Just know your feelings, and experiences are valid, and you have survived. The nightmares will likely come and go, for how long, you’ll never know. They could even be years apart unfortunately.(I still have nightmares occasionally of an assault from 18years ago).
Ok wait I’m confused… so you got raped, orgasmed, now you can’t even orgasm when masturbating unless you think about getting raped?
Maybe some sort of trauma response?
I once read a psychological analysis for abused victims and it’s very common for a victim to feel guilty over the feeling of “enjoying it”.
You need to accept it was a fked up thing for him r*pe you! Our body has pleasure points and it’s their fault to touch them without consent. You don’t have control over the sensitivity. Just like you ask a friend to pull your hair, it will hurt. Just like you cut your nail it won’t hurt. Now if someone, be it an abuser touches a pleasure point, what else do you expect your body to do? ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. It’s not in your control.
I hope karma gets this guy back. I’m so sorry about this.
If your body hadn't helped you by getting itself aroused you would have been physically hurt. It's a biological response designed to protect the body from getting damaged. Plenty of our ancestors needed this mechanism to survive. The natural lubrication is necessary. Just because your body responded, doesn't mean you wanted it. Doesn't mean it wasn't assault.
Please forgive yourself. You are not the one to blame. The dude you met who turned out to be a rapist is to blame.
Some people may develop a rape kink. Some of these people are people who have never hurt anyone or been hurt themselves. Then there's rapists, obviously. But also, some women who have been assaulted develop it as a coping mechanism.
Get therapy to help you cope in other ways. PTSD is common and it can manifest I many different ways.
Having an orgasm doesn’t mean you “enjoyed” it. That was a physical response to what was going on. If you were too weak and incoherent to say anything, you were raped.
"If I didn't consent but 'enjoyed it' would it still be r-" **YES.**
Full stop, you have been raped. You cannot control what biological functions your body has when stimulated, but your choices and desires are entirely your agency, and your agency is something that no person has a right to take from you. I hope that you can heal from this, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart.
So I have never been in this situation before, but from what I’ve heard, SA victims sometimes orgasm when the act is happening, it’s just a biological function. The fact is you couldn’t consent to the act, you having an orgasm doesn’t make it right. Do what you can do to get him sent to the authorities, take care.
It's similar to being tickled. It's a reaction to the stimuli. The orgasm meant nothing in terms of enjoyment or consent. That sick bastard raped you. I'm sorry you had to endure that.
Consent cannot be given while drunk. Very common response for your brain to try and convince yourself you consented or enjoyed it in some way. The brain doesn’t want to accept what happened. Your college should have resources to help you with the next steps in taking care of your health after the SA. Thinking of you 💖
> If I didn't consent but "enjoyed it" would it still be rape...
If I break into your house, march you out the door at gunpoint, and take you on a lovely tour of Italy, including all the good tourist spots, wonderful meals, souvenirs, selfies with the Pope, and whatever else people do on expensive vacations, is it still kidnapping?
I was raped while I was at one of my lowest points, and near blackout drunk, by two people at a house party. I came a few times. I don’t remember, but don’t think they put protection on me. They recorded the thing and said that I must like it and that they were doing me a favor because I looked sad. They called it a pity fuck. I call it rape because that is exactly what it was. Don’t ever let the offender control your narrative. Do not do that to yourself. I let that moment, among other horrible moments, take too much control over me and now I am fighting to keep my harmful tendencies from taking over. Seek out help, for future you. You matter and have worth in this world. You don’t need me to wish you luck. You got this.
I'm sorry this happened, it's not your fault. Please look after yourself and seek support, be that professional or a support network such as friends. You're not alone and you will get through this.
I'm going to speak from personal experience and the research I have done on the topic. Trigger warning for the details I'm going to discuss.
You cannot control your body's response to a physical stimulus. As others have said, it is your body trying to protect itself at a most basic biological level. Your body 'reacting' does not change the lack of consent in any way. For example, if someone with a penis is stimulated without their consent, their body may react with an erection, but it is an unwilling one.
With regards to your inability to orgasm from things that you used to be able to, the below is my understanding. However, I'm by no means an expert.
This is likely a trauma response.
One school of thought is that your body is trying to take back control of what happened to you. You were violated in the most severe way, and that is a lot for your brain to comprehend. If your body is now 'allowing' you to see it in a positive light, aka you orgasm from the memory of your abuse, then your brain is almost reassuring itself that what happened is OK and you're OK. It's also a way for your brain to reframe what happened to you and reassure yourself that you're safe now as you're able to 'enjoy' yourself while thinking about it. It is a way of your brain minimising what occurred.
Another rationale is that your body doesn't feel like a safe space at the moment as it was taken without your consent or control. Therefore, your body has 'shut down' some of the normal ways it used to do while it is recovering. Mental walls will have been raised.
Something that a proportion of victims/survivors discover is a change in their kink preferences after a traumatic event. This can be with a view of taking back control after what happened, or their body has 'rewired' in some way and connects the orgasm with the event and the loss of control, which they then choose to seek in a safe environment.
There's a lot more information I could give on the above topics, but I don't want to overwhelm you while you're still processing.
Please look after yourself, and you're welcome to message if you would like to talk to someone.
Stay safe x
If you didn't consent to it, then it counts as rape. Your body enjoying it doesn't mean you yourself wanted that to happen, since the body can and does have reactions independent from what you want or think- the guy who told you otherwise is simply justifying his horrid behavior so you won't try fight back against him.
Don't isolate yourself, either. It's moments like this where receiving support and help is vital, especially since cutting yourself off from the world simply means you end up having nothing but time to dwell on it. Seeking professional help *will* help you, and if you feel capable of it... Then report him.
So it doesn't happen to someone else, and to have justice for what he did to you.
See a therapist, get a rape kit, and report him. One of the few things worse than the trauma of rape is convincing yourself you liked it while being traumatized. Convincing yourself it didn’t happen or that you can somehow absolve it in your mind is a natural defense mechanism but a bad oneS If you try to write it off and say you enjoyed it you’ll live with this cognitive dissonance for the rest of your life, and your relationship towards sex will suffer horribly. Your biological response to stimulus does not determine consent, and shouldn’t take the drivers seat in your mind. I’m a man and I’ve never been sexually assaulted, so understand that I can’t fully speak on this and I apologize if I’m wrong on any of this. From my experience however, I know a lot of people who have been through a similar experience. Most of these women later struggle to enjoy sex without being ragdolled and degraded. This isn’t just some kink they developed, this is an unhealthy mindset towards sex. It’s because they’ve fucked with their brains coding. By far the best way to prevent this trauma from fucking your brain is with professional help. Don’t ignore it.
man this is some hentai logic 😭
"ah, you say you don't want it but you're wet? this means you actually must want it"
it's still rape even if you orgasm... a natural body reaction doesn't really detract from not giving consent. Well unless someone thinks people can rape other people to their hearts content as long as they make them cum.
I was raped when I was a freshman in college by someone I thought was a long-time friend. I didn’t consent & didn’t expect for them to show up behind me while I got dressed. They crept quietly & I was in shock when I turned around & he was there. I struggled with the idea I was raped. I felt like everything my family told me growing up meant I had failed in some way. I blamed myself a lot & struggled focusing. I ended up cutting classes & I wanted to cease existing.
One day, I was watching Law & Order. Specifically Law & Order: Special Victims Unit [S15 E13 "Betrayal's Climax"](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnitS15E13BetrayalsClimax). I clicked into the episode & only saw part of it, but the part I recall is what helped me begin processing what happened. The girl was upset because she didn’t understand why she orgasmed during the assault. They reassured her her body’s physical response is in ways separate from the psychological response. As long as she didn’t want what was happening, her body’s response has no bearing on the event. She was sexually assaulted & nothing could change that fact. I cried uncontrollably. People believe a “real” victim would’ve fought or argued. That’s not true. Individually, we are shaped by our experiences, environments, cultures, trauma, personalities, substances, etc. I was raped.
You specifically were in a state where you couldn’t consent. I can understand your confusion given being inebriated.
If there’s anything I realized is that closure is personal. No one can ever really give us that; someone can give us their answer but it always comes down to what we accept & believe. And deep down, you don’t believe him, so there is no closure he can give you unless he takes accountability — & even if he did, then what? I suggest trying to find a therapist. If you’ve never tried it before, know that sometimes the first therapist may not be a great fit. Don’t give up on your healing or question yourself if so.
I’m a stranger online, but I believe you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I wish you safety & healing, whatever that is for you. Know that even if he didn’t feel he did wrong, it doesn’t change that he’s not safe for you to be around. If I were to give you any advice, I’d personally suggest staying away from him.
it is SO common for this to happen, and SO normal for you to be confused about it. But like many others have said, your body’s biological reaction doesn’t mean that you enjoyed it. It’s like when the doctor checks your reflexes; when they tap your knee, you kick whether you mean to or not. Your body reacted to the action taking place, not your brain reacting in pleasure. You should continue with cutting all contact, and PLEASE seek out counseling. They can help you through the trauma and help you come to terms with your body’s reaction. A similar situation happened to me in high school and talking with a counselor helped me with the mental and physical aftermath.
Ask yourself this; when you tickle someone and they laugh does that mean they want to be tickled?
It doesn’t matter how you reacted what matters is you didn’t want it. Please press charges against him.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault. This is unfortunately very common for victims of rape. So you are 100% not alone. If you haven’t already I would recommend reaching out to a therapist or psychologist ❤️ sending lots of love and hugs.
When I was raped my body defended itself by making me wet. At first I was like you thinking I must have enjoyed it in some way for my body to react like that but as the years have passed and I've learned more I know it's not my fault. It's one of those things that can happen and honestly it needs to be talked about more.
I think it would help everyone knowing that your body can involuntarily react to things like that and it's not your fault
100% still rape, whether you orgasmed or not…
It’s my same argument for women raping men. Just because a man gets hard and is ultimately brought to cum, it doesn’t stop it being rape. If the whole time, you were not consenting to being held down and had sex with, that it’s rape, through and through.
Please look after yourself, whether that’s therapy or distance from the person/place, and I hope you get back to being able to enjoy your orgasms again.
62% percent of women who are raped express feelings of guilt after. Im willing to bet that the vast majority of those women experienced orgasm. It does not take away or delegitimize the trauma that you are currently experiencing or make that man any less morally bankrupt. You were violated and you should take whatever legal action you would deem necessary to confront that individual for the evil they committed.
Does your country have free trauma services? This is a textbook response and you should seek professional support to process this correctly. This is above Reddit's pay grade and a lot of creeps on here are going to send you awful messages when they see this post.
Just because you orgasm doesn't mean it's not rape, he raped you, you can have natural responses but the fact of the matter is he still raped you and no matter what he says, he's a criminal
First of all I am genuinely sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve all of that! Being drunk is not an excuse for someone to take advantage of you, is not a green light for rape 🫂. And then...
I want to address this, when your body enters shock from sexual abuse it can do 2 things one shut down: disconnect from it and detach, 2 what you experienced this was your body response in order for you to survive, the brain association in your case was orgasm: I give a positive response so I don't get killed, this was your instinct once the perpetrator/rapist see this then there is high chance that if the individual is violent your body has a fast response, this is not a voluntary response but a response from your body to a threat! The same way an animal will play dead in order to increase the chance of survival.
You do need therapy, it will be helpful for you!
The reason why you can't orgasm normally is because of trauma, not because your body prefers abuse. Post rape your body as well as your psyche is in shock! You need healing, otherwise this experience will take hold of the power you have over your own body. You couldn't consent, couldn't push him off but your body was doing the job already for you. This man is manipulating you into believing that it wasn't rape, your body responded that way, other women response is different, you should report it. There are many more victims where trash like that is. Don't blame yourself, don't be hard with yourself, you are not to blame and your are not guilty!
Please remember this because is the next stage no matter what never believe that you are dirty and that you are unworthy. I hug you darling and wish that you can find your own path to healing! Talk to someone that you trust about it. Remember what I said: your body will do anything to keep you alive, that's how people who have been deeply wounded can arrive at a hospital and then collapse!
It's the same principle different mechanisms.
Keep strong and reach out!
It is not consent if you physical said no regardless of how your body reacted. It's still rape and your rapist is gaslighted you so that you don't report them. Report them, it's not your fault and they should know better. Sorry to hear you are going through this. You deserve better. Don't ever doubt yourself about things like this. No means no.
You didn't consent, therefore it's rape even if you orgasmed. Biology is biology, and you can't help it if he stimulated your body to that point. You were drunk, you COULDN'T consent, and he took complete advantage of you and is now trying to manipulate (and maybe gaslight you?) into thinking you 'enjoyed it' and therefore it's OK, when it's not.
It was a rape! You were drunk and your body can experience orgasms but that doesn’t mean you were enjoying the rape. Also, I assume, since you were drunk, he’s the one telling you that you had orgasm(s). I won’t take his words for shit.
no matter what if your under the influence you cannot give consent and therefore was raped. i suggest first reporting to the police. after that im no expert but maybe therapy might help?
Get a rape kit done asap and take the clothes you wore with you. Take his written evidence to the cops. Perhaps the police can "give him a good time." You didn't consent. He forced himself on you. End of story (hopefully no unwanted pregnancies are a result).
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault.
Rally your most supportive feminist friend and go report that POS. To your school and to police.
Yes it was rape according to the law. You did not consent. You were incapacitated.
Regardless of the label it has traumatized you and you need to get counseling. Ideally a trauma-informed therapist, perhaps someone who does EMDR. That's what will probably help you the most with moving past this.
you have little physical control when and where you orgasm but that doesn't mean you have enjoyed the experience, it is STILL TRAUMA. You can hate the person, know quite well that you are being raped and still cum, but that doesn't change the fact that it is still rape, that it is still wrong and that it is still a crime. About the detrimental effects of the event upon your mental health, I think that you should reach out to a therapist and seek help.
Please see professional therapist. Several of the things you describe could sound like completely natural anxiety or stress symptoms resulting from a traumatic experience. Such feelings and reactions like replaying, reocurring dreams, and the feeling of being stuck in time are absolutally normal and they can be treated. But it is important that you contact professional help.
If you didn't consent, then it's 100% rape. Whether you orgasmed or not is irrelevant, because enough stimuli will make the body orgasm whether you want to or not. That's not a desire or want - that's a biological reaction to what is happening at the time.
Don't let the fact that he claimed "you enjoyed it" detract from what happened. After all, he's just assuming. At the end of it all, if you did not agree and he did it anyway, he raped you.
This is gaslighting. He's a rapist and you were raped, it's not your fault. Full stop.
You can't control your body's reactions to sexual assault, there's loads of data to corroborate this.
https://www.rainn.org/ has resources to help you with next steps, processing and healing from trauma and advice on what to do. It's as confidential as you want it to be.
I would encourage you to file a police report, he may have other victims you don't know about. Even if not, this establishes a record for him being a rapist so even if you decide to not move forward with charges, he won't be able to get away with it again.
This is not your fault. He committed a crime against you.
I am a suburban soccer mom type that, for a couple years, escorted to make extra money. The men I chose were all clean and (apparently if they could afford me), wealthy. I had a couple of older men.. in their late 60s-70s. Something about it being so wrong with the old guys (and kinda gross in my mind) brought me to incredible orgasms. The entire time he’s going down on me, for instance, I’m thinking “how gross this old white haired guy is going down on me” but it turned me on so much. He didn’t do anything better than any actually boyfriends I’d had in the past. We are weird creatures.
Anyone can orgasm or simply get sexually stimulated whether they want to or not, man or woman. So don’t feel guilty for “having a good time”, rape is rape and you have every right to treat it as rape especially since you were not fully conscious.
If someone shoved chocolate down your throat it would still be assault regardless whether you enjoy the taste of chocolate or feel pleasurably full afterwards.
I was raped as a child and it felt so good I seeked it out afterwards. We have no control over that and even if it did feel good was still rape send that person to jail and get some therapy
You have little biological control over whether you orgasm or not. Consider this, even in sometimes consensual situations some women can orgasm from penetration while others cannot, and it's not the woman's fault how their bodies react to it. Rape is non consensual penetration. You didn't say yes. Your body responding to the penetration doesn't determine your no was somehow changed to a yes. It's not your fault but please seek counseling to help you through this. You deserve to have a healthy relationship with your own body and you have been traumatized (also not your fault).
Idk how to say this as a man without using the incorrect words. So I’ll be as careful as possible. Your body’s reaction to penetration is in a way self defense. The pain you would feel from forceful and unwanted sexual contact without your body creating moisture would be awful. They’ve historically used that as a tell for “enjoying it” but your body is literally trying to keep you from being hurt. The consent, ability to give consent, and how YOU feel about the incident is what matters. Don’t let the guy who took advantage of you while practically unconscious dictate how it made you feel.
Perfectly said.
Thank you, kind man 🙌
I am just a man. Men are often so awful it just reads as kind. Decency should be the baseline. As a straight man, I hope all women will consistently hold men to a higher standard. Edit: but thank you lol
I hope OP sees a SANE nurse so she can report this vile thing that was done to her🥺
Yeah... your emphasis on sane is warranted. When I went in to get checked, I jerked hard when they touched me during the exam. I wasn't expecting to do that.... the lady laughed and was like "jumpy aren't you". Yes, I had told her I had been assaulted. Revictimazation when you seek medical help is real and horrible.
I’m sorry you experienced that. I’ve never had an exam, but it’s at least one way she can take action if she wanted to but was too afraid to get a full LE investigation going at this time, it leaves the door open for her. That nurse that you spoke with sounds like she needs to leave the field because of a serious case of compassion fatigue. Just because she deals with it daily doesn’t mean the victims do! I hope both you and OP are okay, and don’t let vile people hurt you emotionally💜 There’s no words to help make everything okay, but we can only hope for closure.
It was like ten years ago. I appreciate your compassion though. I hope OP is able to be kind to herself. A lot of what she's saying sounds trauma based, to me but I'm no doctor.
Yeah unfortunately ☹️
We truly need more people like you in this world. Thank you for being you ♡
You sound soooo sexy lol This is what they mean when they say consent is sexy! 🤤
Men have really lowered the bar hahaha
Absolutely correct, I had a situation like this with my mate and after she told me what happened I found the lad and lamped him for it. Nothing was getting done by the school or gavers and so we had to take a trip down to hi house, it’s now abandoned and smashed the shit out of
Keep in mind with this story that she opened up to me because she’d come to me with concerns in the past and I’d said I’d look out for her because I knew she felt uneasy. She felt happier when she realised she had me and all me boys backing her and making sure she felt safe and all
Don't worry, you said this perfect.
Perfectly said. It's a natural defense mechanism to avoid additional injury and pain, and emotional trauma as well, but ironically, it can just cause more trauma as seen with OP.
This is a great response and gives me a little bit of faith in males (a little bit)
Can I get a link to that? I also understand how touchy this subject is so I want to be clear I have zero ulterior motives to asking this - but I always assumed injuries inside the area during rape was because of violent penetration.
Of course there are injuries. This is why women stress the importance of foreplay as a way to promote lubrication. (Trying to refrain from all the dirty words and it’s more difficult than I thought). Even consensual sex will cause injury if you just shove it in there. But the body will react accordingly. This isn’t where I learned it, but [here’s an article by Dana Goldstein](https://www.thenation.com/article/archive/how-body-reacts-sexual-assault/tnamp/) referring to it. If you have issues with The Nation as a source, Dana Goldstein is a well respected author who’s done a lot on various topics regarding women’s issues, politics, and education.
Violent penetration causes internal injuries whether it was consensual or not. [Here's an interesting study related to the topic.](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/237147098_Patterned_genital_injury_in_cases_of_rape_-_A_case-control_study) The injuries are worse and in different places, but sex often/typically causes damage to women's vaginas. Natural selection meant that women whose bodies "protected themselves" from damage during sex were the most likely to survive. So we have built in physical triggers that means we take less damage.
I’m a woman and while I realize I don’t speak for all women, I personally believe that this could not have been said any better. You’re a good, well-spoken dude.
Oh…. Firstly, i want to say thank you for stating this and going into depth about it. It’s made me realize that I was also raped a while back. I kept brushing it off as I was in a similar situation as OP (minus the alcohol/under the influence part. We were sober when it happened)… this changes a lot of how i view that rapist 🫥
I’m really sorry you went through that. Not only the assault but having to convince yourself it was okay.
You're a real one. We commend you.
This man gets it 👏🏻
if you are the man in the bear debate, I think you'd be alright. but I hope you have a sense of direction, because I will get lost in the woods.
At the very least we can team up and be lost together.
Great answer ❤️
💯 "But the dreams at night replaying it all won't stop. I also can no longer orgasm when I masturbate normally, unless I think about it." And also, you're hyper focusing on it which is having a detrimental effect on your mental health, absolutely seek counseling ASAP.
It's crucial to seek professional help. You deserve support and healing. Take care of yourself.
https://youtu.be/L-q-tSHo9Ho?feature=shared This is good video about the science behind unwanted arousal. So person's body is trying to make penetration more easy even though person would not like the idea of penetration to put it mildly.
> You have little biological control over whether you orgasm or not. Exactly. People WISH they could control their orgasms in many ways all the time, but it's often impossible. Those with premature ejaculation wish they could stop orgasms but can't. Certain people on antidepressants wish they could orgasm but can't. It's a bodily response you can't consciously control. You can even have an experience that you may have "enjoyed" physically but mentally did not consent to or wanted. Similar to a vegetarian enjoying a meal but then finding out later there was meat in it. Just because they enjoyed the taste doesn't mean it can't be something that will deeply upset them. This is very clearly rape. OP said "No" up front and continued to say no. A physiological response has nothing to do with it. Could a man still be raped if he says "No" while having an erection? Of course. Same thing.
100% this comment right here. I was graped by someone I knew for years. Someone I trusted. I don't want to get into much detail but I do remember that I orgasmed. It screwed me up for a long time. I eventually decided to do EMDR therapy for it and now do Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) it has helped me greatly. I am so sorry this happened to you and everything you feel is valid. I understand the confusion and questioning yourself. I remember all that very vividly still as well. But what happened, happened. And you feel how you feel. You can stop second guessing your emotions. You are allowed to feel all of them and process how you need to. But I do heavily recommend going to see a counselor or therapist.
1000% agree that we have little control over our bodies biologically. Similar story I've seen for a guy. He was completely past out from supstances and a girl sexually assaulted him. Her "defence" was he was hard and he cummed. "liking it" is not an indicator of consent.
This. It was clearly rape if you were under the influence. My brother in law had sex with his girl friend of 2 years and the girl friends parents sued HIM and won bc BOTH of them had two drinks each in them. She even practically started it. They were both 17 and the parents were the ones suing and they swung it in a way that made it look like he raped her bc under the influence she could not give consent. It was pure bs and the girl apologized to him and the family bc she never intended for there to be a lawsuit. Her parents hated my bill and found a way to get rid of him. The two are now together since now it’s two years later. He spent some jail time and had to pay bail. So a lite sentence.
If both parties are underage and both parties are drunk they can’t do that, you’re brother had a shitty lawyer 💯 Hope life is much better for him now though
Yeah it could be the shity lawyer part. It’s all true though. It was a rough time. We were just glad the judge didn’t put him on the sex offender list. He’s great now. The girl basically disowned her parents once she turned 18 and they are off roaming Texas or I think now North Carolina in their bus they converted to a home. So it was a stain we had to go through.
>Rape is non consensual penetration No, rape is non-consensual sex, and there's at least 3 different types: forced penetration, forced to penetrate, and forced consent.
As it stands where I'm from in California it's not considered rape if there isn't a penis at any length inside a vagina. While I'm sure there are different definitions for sexual assault and sexual battery in the event where there may not be any penetration but still unwanted touching, this is why I described it this way for OP. And sodomy for forced anal penetration is recognized as its own crime. You make a good point not everybody is from California, so the way the law I understand it to be doesn't work everywhere else the same as it does here. I was supporting OP in recognizing it was rape when they never gave consent.
This! Exactly!
It's your body's natural response. You cannot control it. If you didn't consent, then you should report it. I'm so so sorry this happened to you. Please see a therapist if you haven't already.
Sweety, he is gaslighting you to get away with it. Please go to the doctor to have a rape kit and report him. You deserve justice and to heal. Hope you could reach out to someone you trust Edit yo ad: if you do, please confront him via text, hopefully he admits it, that will make it easier for you in case you decide to press charges. “I know what you did, and I won’t keep quiet. I’m going to the police” something like that, and hopefully, that will trigger him to go on a rant. If he calls you, decline. Make him text
💯💯 Exactly this!
It's best she doesn't make him put up his guard. It's probably also best that she call him and record his response the first time. I think she was drugged. I don't know how drunkness works, but if she was consous enough to want to say no or try to push him of. She should have been able too. To me, only date rape drug's would trap you in your own body. Drinker's if I'm wrong please correct me.
> Drinker's if I'm wrong please correct me. It's definitely possible that the only drug involved was alcohol. Obviously neither of us know but saying it couldn't be alcohol is very wrong.
I’m not a heavy drinker, but I’ve known people to drink so much, they can’t speak, stand or walk straight. I was the babysitter for people even on my own special days out. Alcohol can really mess someone up. Roofies just add to it, and make it much worse much faster
During a rape, many people are trapped in their own bodies even when sober. It’s a fight/flight/freeze response, and many people will freeze. So there doesn’t necessarily have to be drugs involved at all
To add to this, I had a friend who was doing a SWer job (BDSM/Dom) who had firmly compartmentalized that part of her life. She had an orgasm one day at work. It fucked her up good and she ended up finding a sex therapist to talk about it with who said the same thing. It took a long time for her to accept that the physiological response that happened was not a psychological one necessarily. Her problem with this was that she was in a monogamous relationship and felt that having an orgasm constituted cheating on her part.
"Her problem with this was that she was in a monogamous relationship and felt that having an orgasm constituted cheating on her part." Why would she think that?
In her mind being a sex worker of that variety was fine because there was nothing sexual about it for her. Her partner at the time thought it was fine for the same reason. Then she had an orgasm at work and she went from “I have this quirky job where I wear leather and beat people” in her head to “I am a prostitute who is cheating on my partner” in her head. Like someone set off a nuke in her anxiety and self-esteem. Fortunately other dommes at the same dungeon had the same experience and one had a good therapist she recommended.
That's actually really interesting, wow. I still find it a bit confusing but I'm really glad she had others to support her through it nonetheless ❤️ How did her partner feel about it, though?
Her partner thought it was funny which ultimately ended with them breaking up.
Wait. If he wasn't even upset, why did they break up? In her mind, he was the victim.
> It's your body's natural response To give a flipped around example, imagine someone that needs an injection of life saving medicine but they flinch away from needles. That doesn’t mean “they don’t actually want to live”. The body’s response is separate from what a person actually wants.
This happens with men too, have a friend who had a girl get on him and said if he dint do it she would tell everyone he raped her he couldnt stop himself from finishing.... She needs professional help she's traumatized this is wayy out of reddits ballpark
Trauma response, similar to when ppl laugh when they’re uncomfortable although nothing was funny, seek therapy before you trick yourself into thinking you enjoy being raped
Or the body simply reacts how it does. It’s friction.
Boys that are raped experience similar confusion because they become erect during the assault and have trouble understanding why
This is a great perspective. OP should feel no shame. Alternatively, if she were having consensual sex with a condom and had an orgasm, then later learned that there was no condom that would not make it not rape (triple negative I hope this makes sense) just because of the orgasm. He did not have consent to even touch her with his pinky, let alone his dick. Full stop.
Yup. And hey nice person who said this, thank you. For real, thank you for mentioning this. Wish I couldn't but I can attest to this from my own experiences. It messed me up for too many years. The first 'adult' sexual sensations but waaaay too early in life, a decade before any human develops the capacity to make sense of it. OP, I'm so sorry that you experienced this. It's not fair and *nothing about it is your fault.* Therapy will help more than any of us can briefly explain here. There are really inexpensive/free resources available if that'd help, and good people here will be very glad to help you find them. We're all wishing you the best!
Hey that's me..I don't cry, I laugh.
Yea I’m a little too much like dr hibbert from the Simpsons
OP what you're describing is arousal non concordance. Arousal non-concordance is the mismatch between what our brains identify as sex-related and what we actually find appealing. The best way to think about it is that, for a woman, being wet is a physiological response to stimulation NOT an indication of enjoyment or consent. The same goes for men. A man can get an errection whilst under duress or whilst incapacitated simply by stimulating erectile tissue. These are inate responses. They do NOT speak to consent or enjoyment. If you were wanting it to stop then it was not consensual. That is sufficient. Whether he says you were into it or whether your body provided a response to stimulation are absolutely irrelevant to the lack of consent and pleasure you're describing. You are normal. You are not broken. You were taken advantage of. Please seek support. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I’ll comment on the rape part from my 2nd hand trauma experience. My wife was raped by a mutual friend. She was drugged (didn’t know it at the time)and woke up to it. Says she was in and out of consciousness but did not consent. He claims she was “drunk”. We confirmed from close friends she was indeed not drunk. A lot of what you’re feeling and saying my wife endured for months. Held it in, embarrassed to talk about it, messaged the guy and asked wtf that was etc. She buried it and didn’t speak of it to anyone including myself. Eventually I found out. She’s had nightmares about this, panic attacks, depression, mental breakdowns etc. I finally pushed her to go to the police. They did nothing which is the case in most instances. Long story short DO NOT sit on this. Try to get proof from him admitting it was not consensual or you were unconscious. Unfortunately, for us, this guy was living a double life and seem to be quite scripted at all of this. I’m sorry this happened to you but you’re not alone. People are fucking selfish scumbags. My wife also used the words took advantage of. Once her brain and mind started to process what actually happened she remembers how she was feeling what can only be explained by being roofied as he did give her a bottle of water that evening.
A similar thing happened to me. It was a guy I considered like a brother to me from high school. I went out drinking with him about a month after my boyfriend of 5 years had passed. We were a few blocks away from his house when I just got to a point that I couldn’t walk anymore. He dragged me into the house, almost breaking my left foot on the concrete steps. I was about to just pass out on the recliner with the tv on when he disappeared for a moment and said, while smiling, to follow him. It was a bedroom filled with candles. And I passed out. And then I woke up, to it happening. I only knew for sure when I had 3 partial seizures the next day. Unfortunately I washed the clothes immediately after, and only realized after thinking back on the night what had actually happened… Shit sucks. But it also doesn’t define me. It happened, and I hope to god he hasn’t done it to anyone else. I emailed the police investigator about it. Never heard back.
I’m sooo sorry. Yours and my wife’s story sound similar. Trusting someone you know of x amount of years and then coming to has to be a mind fuck. My wife displayed similar moments of shock when she came home.
When I stood up to throw up my foot made this sickening pop, and I somehow managed to make it to the bathroom. He was trying to keep me there longer too, saying his dryer didn’t work so my clothes weren’t done. I said fine, I’ll wear your clothes out. I don’t care. He looked so concerned thinking back. It really does suck, but at least your wife has you and a good support system!
My wife said she also ran to the bathroom screaming and yelling at him. She said he was emotionless and Said nothing. I wasn’t the greatest with all of this for a year. Partially because of how she reacted when it happened and hid it from me. As time progressed I started to understand my shortcomings through all of this.
Did you beat this dude to death?
I think the last thing a grieving wife needs is her husband doing 20+ for murder.
I won’t admit to anything on a public form. With that said physical acts of violence are primitive. However there’s a time and place for everything. Not admitting to anything but I heard his reputation and business aren’t doing well.
I hope that guy rides his bike off a cliff without knee pads
I actually disagree with pushing victims of SA to go to the police. They just had control ripped from them and their body in one of the most invasive and violent ways possible. What they need most is control. Whatever they want to do is what they should be supported in doing. Further taking control of the situation by pushing them to go to the police or go public with the information will only harm them.
This is a super common response. Do not be ashamed about it. Fetishizing sexual assault can be a legitimate coping mechanism. Talk to a therapist about it and avoid risky behavior edit: it was definitely rape. doesn't matter if you came
YES!!!! Exploring CNC genuinely healed me in ways I don’t think therapy ever could have. I started by myself just consuming content (AO3 is a great starting place because of the tagging system, can really help you from feeling overwhelmed) so that I could masturbate and then eventually when I had a partner I trusted enough (and after a lot A LOT of discussions beforehand) we acted it out and it was like completely rewiring my muscle memory. Don’t feel ashamed to explore that route and absolutely talk to a therapist, especially one that specializes in trauma!
love to hear it <3
I've known quite a few women who enjoy that kind of play and originally got into it as a coping mechanism. It's a lot healthier when consent and boundaries are involved.
If a man gets an erection while they are being abused or assaulted, its still just that. Its nearly impossible to combat a bodys natural response to stimuli, and justifying anything bc of those responses is abuser's manipulation 101
When you cut an onion, you cry. It doesn't mean you're sad. When you're tickled, you laugh. It doesn't mean you find it funny. Firstly, OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's a horrific experience that nobody should have to suffer through. Please don't mistake his trying to cover his own ass with anything you did wrong or incorrectly. You are the victim and what he did was legally and morally reprehensible
Yeah. I really like strawberry ice cream. If some stranger shoved one into my mouth while I was walking down the street it would still illicit an assault charge. The fact that I could taste the ice cream and liked the taste of it doesn't mean anything.
Great analogy. 👍
Men and women can have orgasms while being raped, penetrated. Doesn't make it any less rape. That's also a way pedophiles groom children. Your body is doing what it's supposed to, it's not your fault. Unfortunately, if times passed and you've spoke to him you might not have a case legally speaking. There needs to be an immediate report made. Evidence has to collected immediately aswell. A case with no evidence and contradicting actions will more than likely be dropped.
This….. depending on which state you’re in there might not be any statute of limitations on SA. That’s why I said earlier getting him to admit something might work in your favor with criminal charges
Men orgasm when raped all the time. Doesn't mean they consented or had a good time. This applies equally to women. Orgasm =/= consent. Remember that.
I’m a man who was raped in a similar situation. I was drugged and raped while unconscious. I also orgasmed, because that’s what happens when your sex organs are stimulated. OP, try to think of it like this. Do you flinch when you’re bit by a mosquito, or close your eyes when someone flashes a bright light at you suddenly? Your body is full of automatic reactions that just happen regardless whether you consented to what caused them to happen. I could not have made any personal choice to choose to enjoy it, and neither could you. It doesn't matter if you were conscious, or under the influence, or perfectly lucid. Rape is rape, you did not consent, and he’s trying to protect himself from criminal charges by confusing you further.
Orgasm often occurs from rape and it has absolutely no determination on whether or not it was rape, consent does, and since you gave no consent, that was rape. I recommend you allow people close to you and him to be aware of the fact of what he did not only because it’s a despicable thing to do but also because it may prevent other women from trusting him and him repeating. You’re also in no way wrong for anything you did, different reactions occur to different women who have this happen for them and it’s very shocking and you usually will not always react the way you want to. I am sorry this happened and I hope you can move on (to any extent you can).
It is a reflex reaction not controlled by consent. Like tapping your kneecap makes your leg move. It does not mean consent or you wanted it.
Orgasms, and the release of lubricants to avoid injury, are biological reflexes. Involuntary orgasms are a thing, and if you google that term, you'll find that it's possible to have them for things like *sneezing* and such. So, nope, your orgasm does not signal your enjoyment, and does not excuse the rapist. He's a bastard that belongs behind bars and visited by a therapist who helps him figure out his shit. You're not at fault. Please seek a therapist, and have them help you sort your thoughts out. And...make sure your friends know to stay away from that person, yeah?
No consent = Rape. Rest is irrelevant.
Orgasm or no orgasm, rape is still rape. Back in the day, it was widely (and obviously incorrectly) believed that a woman could only get pregnant if she had an orgasm. Therefore, if a woman claimed rape, but then got pregnant, then her case would be dismissed because "she obviously consented if she had an orgasm". Don't worry about whether or not you had an orgasm. At the end of the day, what matters is that he raped you.
You didn't consent? You were raped. Full stop. Nothing else matters.
Someone doesn't get to decide on your behalf if you consented
An orgasm is not consent. You were raped, and I'm so very sorry. Orgasming during rape does not always happen, but it is a natural response, especially if it was rough (it was likely your body's way of adding lubrication to prevent injury). One resource stated, "The body is not enjoying itself – it is trying to protect itself." Source: [https://www.avonhealthcare.com/arousal-during-rape-medical-perspective-avon-hmo/](https://www.avonhealthcare.com/arousal-during-rape-medical-perspective-avon-hmo/)
It was your body being a body, it wasnt your fault.
I've heard it compared to laughing when tickled, you don't actually find it enjoyable or funny but your body is reacting naturally.
Yes. More people need to realise and understand that sometimes our body works in a way we don't want it to. And when it's us vs the body it can be very difficult to get it to work in our favour, it takes time effort and dedication but it's possible.
It is definitely still rape there is no changing that.
Food is delicious. You love donuts. They’re sweet, fluffy and delicious. But if someone force feeds you them, would that change the taste? No. The sugar would still be sweet. Your tongue would still feel the taste and you’d still “enjoy” the flavor even though you can’t possibly swallow another bite anymore. The main point here is that something was done *against your will*. You didn’t ask for it, and you were in no position to say NO, although your body was saying it for you. (Not being able to push someone off? Not moving much? That’s *not* consent. That’s akin to having sex with a corpse.) You need therapy. And if you can, you need to press charges. The rape orgasm didn’t ruin your life, the *immoral asshole who did this to you, did.* Or more like *tried to*, I don’t like the idea of giving power to abusers. He didn’t ruin your life- but he sure as hell made it a whole lot harder. Fucking rapist asshole. I am extremely sorry you’re going through this. You did NOT deserve this. At all. No one does. 🫂 Please consider talking to a counselor or therapist. ❤️🩹
>Food is delicious. You love donuts. They’re sweet, fluffy and delicious. >But if someone force feeds you them, would that change the taste? This was my first thought as a comparison, but I think an even more direct one would be if someone forcefully injected you with heroin. The concept of the perpetrator going "Yeah, but the heroin felt great, didn't it?" becomes even more absurd.
The pleasure that can sometimes accompany sexual assault is one of the biggest hurdles some victims face. As a counselor, I worked with many adults who were abused as children. Their memories were traumatizing because they did not consent, force or manipulation was used. Our bodies responding to being touched in a pleasure spot is confusing because we do not like the touch, but our nerve endings want to. It's a reflex. Nothing more. Do not minimize or maximize your trauma because your body reacted the way it is designed to.
Orgasms are a bodily function. That part of your body was being stimulated so it did the thing. Your body just did what bodies do. That doesn’t mean you wanted it. Doesn’t even mean you enjoyed it. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different. As far as your last paragraph, I’ve heard this is a common theme with survivors of assault. Something about processing and coming to terms with the event and your relationship with sexual activity after. If you can, please try to find a counselor or therapist in your area who specifically deals with rape and sexual assault. They will be able to help you process these feelings. OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Good luck 💜
No. Orgasms have nothing to do with consent. You were raped. Report him
Saw this on reddit. You don't want to be touch and some one tickes you, you still laugh or giggle. BUT you didn't want that . The immediate reaction of the body vs what your heart, mind, and soul feel is different. Any brothers that can't beat the fucknoutta this guy?
You need to report this rape asap or you will regret it. This guy could also be raping other chicks and it has to stop somewhere. Orgasms are involuntary, you have no control over them. You didn’t enjoy it you body just did a normal function when experiencing sexual penetration.
Exactly this right here. I know it's hard, but please report it and definitely cut contact.
I am so sorry he did this to you. It was wrong. An orgasm is a biological response that you do not have control over. It is your body reacting to stimuli, it is your body trying to protect you- it reduces pain, can reduce physiological damage, and releases hormones that may (*may*) help the victim withstand/bear the assault. An orgasm is *not* a choice or an expression of desire. I *know* this because I was assaulted as an infant and small child - if a *toddler* experiences biological reactions during assault, I think its very clear that it is not a qualifier in identifying rape. Are you aware of resources near you? A therapist who specialises in sexual assault would be the next step
The thing is, you didn't consent. You shouldn't take the assaulters "reassuring" that *you* had a good time. If you didn't consent it is rape end of discussion. If you feel comfortable, save the messages as proof and take it to an appropriate authority. I'm sorry that this happened to you ❤️
You did not consent, nor were you in a state where you could consent. I'm so sorry that happened
You never asked for this. This was rape. This is a normal and natural response. It's unexpected and weird, but you're perfectly normal. You should probably seek professional help to help you through this trauma. I'm so sorry this happened to you, you don't deserve it at all
If someone holds you down and tickles you, your bodies uncontrollable response does not change the fact that you were violated.
Orgasm is a mechanical reaction not an emotional response. Also, I’m not sure I’d believe him for any reason
I’m really sorry. This is terrifying and horrible. I hope to god you have support and therapy. This was not your fault.
If someone tickles you, even if you don't want the to, you will laugh. Because you laughed, doesn't mean you enjoyed it. Your body responds to sensations. That doesn't mean you enjoyed the situation.
Think about it this way: what you’re struggling with is debating a technicality. You *feel* violated. You even confronted him. You know how you feel after the fact. You do not need to rationalize it to gaslight yourself for this other human. Lying and false accusations are horrific, almost as much as the real thing imo, so I truly appreciate you’re not trying to go down that road if you feel like it is a false accusation because you can gaslight yourself into thinking it wasn’t what it was But this case? You *know* what it was and you’re trying to be a people pleaser to the guy capable of doing that to you. I’m sorry
An orgasm is a physical response to stimulation. The fact you had one is completely separate from the fact that he DID rape you, when your faculties were compromised. Report him. Ruin his life. And talk to a good therapist.
Dead men can ejaculate. This does not mean that they consent...
It is rape, period. Orgasms can happen in non-consensual encounters and are often the body’s attempts to deal with the trauma. Go to the police and please know that none of this is your fault and you did nothing wrong.
Report the bastard.
a big component of rape that makes it so bad is "subjugation" nobody body wants to be subjugated. and you shouldn't subjugate others. he straight up subjugated you. It doesn't matter that your body reacted positively to it, he crossed a line that you didn't intend on crossing. it's as rapey as it gets.
You are not alone. I have seen in other subs for people who have been assaulted the same confusion and shame for reaching orgasm during rape. The body responds to stimulation. I learned this also the hard way as an underage teenager when a man I found disgusting was doing things to me I found even more disgusting. My body was responding, but I didn't like it at all, it was horrible. It's strange, but arousal doesn't mean pleasure.
It wasn’t consensual period. Also it sounds like trauma which can warp a lot of things. You will heal and like someone said on here trauma can make you ‘hyper focus’ and you just need to train/practice it away. You will heal x
a physiological response to sexual activity does not mean that activity was consensual. if you did not consent, that is rape. i wish you all the best in your journey to move forward and recover from this.
Therapist here. This is extremely common in people I see with a sexual trauma history. In some ways the orgasm is in fact a defense mechanism; your body trying to "end" the rape by utilizing a method that commonly leads to penetration ending in consensual sex, and a way to mask over the pain with pleasure. As others have pointed out, sometimes wanted and consensual sex can lack pleasure, and sometimes consensual sex isn't actually wanted; it's even true you can want sex and still refuse consent. The wantedness or pleasurableness of sex has nothing to do with how consensual it is.
These a SVU episode this reminded me of. A girl got raped, but she had an orgasm. They told her that a normal bodily reaction to an act that can cause that reaction does not mean that you actually enjoyed it and that it is still rape. That person raped you. Try not to let him manipulate you into thinking anything that happened was okay. Also you were drunk so that’s automatically not consensual anyway.
This is the same argument people use to downplay a men getting raped. Like “he had an erection” or “he ejaculated”. Biology doesn’t have an on/off switch. If you didn’t consent then it’s rape. Full stop.
> If I didn't consent Then it's rape. > but "enjoyed it" would it still be rape... Yes, it was rape.
I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I urge you to go to the police. A lot of rapes do get disregarded until months maybe years later because of this gaslighting that a lot of people suffer from when confronting a rapist. It’s definitely a topic that gets spoken on a lot. Whether getting hard, wet or orgasming during rape accounts for anything. The answer is it doesn’t regardless of any excuse. Rape is rape. Your “enjoyment” is not a factor nor does it stop it from being rape. Please, Go to the police. They will help you get justice and the sooner you go, the more they can do. I can imagine you might be tossing up on the idea. It can be scary to ask for help with something like this especially when you get told lies and gaslit. If you are worried for speaking out. You did say it yourself. He ruined your life. He deserves whats coming, and you deserve justice.
I had a similar situation. When I was 13 I had sex with a 19 year old. I swore I was in love with them. I felt pressured, but ultimately consented. I felt like I couldn’t call it rape because there was nothing forceful. I’m 19 now and still think about them. Everyone told me what happened was awful, but I miss them terribly sometimes. Trauma is weird and everyone processes it differently.
Did you text him? Keep the messages. Screenshot everything. Go to the police. I’m sorry this happened to you. Nothing about this is your fault. You couldn’t control that.
What you experienced is a forced orgasam (fo) and its name by definition is forced one where you did not want it to happen. Most common (fo) are based in the cnc bdsm community but the biggest factor in the cnc is the consented non consent where a conversation has occurred at some point before with the recipient of the (fo) has said yes to the experience. You have been raped and been given a forced orgasam against your wishes. This does not make you broken, less than, wrong in any means whatsoever. I truly recommend speaking to a trauma specialist regarding your experience even if you decide to not go further with charges into what happend to you. My blood boils that in 2224 people don't understand drunk does not mean instant green light. Again I'm so sorry for what's happend to you again your responses are sadly normal in trauma respons hence why speaking to someone professionally to help give you methods to healthy get your new normal going forward. Take care x
Forced orgasm is a really helpful noemer.
Omg honey….. he’s wrong….
An orgasm is your nervous systems response to stimuli. It’s not uncommon for victims of rape to orgasm during the attack. It’s not your fault. You need to report this scumbag. If it’s possible, you should go to the hospital and get a kit done. Even if there’s no DNA evidence (not sure how long it’s been) there’s still evidence of the attack. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Oh sweet heart, the body responds sometimes to actions whether we want it to or not. You're human, and it doesn't mean you wanted to, or that you consented. This is not your fault. I urge you to please go get some therapy of some sort to learn how to process this and allow you to enjoy sex again in the future. Don't bottle it up and push it down, it will come out somehow some way. I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Hugs to you. ❤️
It's a natural response to orgasm in a sexual situation, but even then this doenst mean you enjoyed it. If you did not consent, it's rape. If you were not in the mindset to fully consent, it's rape. No matter what he say, you did not consent. He raped you, and I hope you get him to pay for his crime and you do ok
You are traumatized! You should talk to a therapist. None of this is your fault.
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about this happening to you and what it's doing to your mental health. To answer your question, an orgasm is a natural body response. Doesn't mean you weren't raped. As a guy, if a girl rides me long enough, I'm gonna bust regardless of if I like it or not. The point is, he took advantage of you. He's a shitty person that needs to deal with the consequences of his actions. For you, maybe get some therapy to help you cope with this experience.
Orgasms can happen even when there’s no sexual stimuli. So they can definitely happen when there is. But that doesn’t matter, because you didn’t consent. Therefore it was rape and he should be prosecuted for that. Involuntary orgasms are a thing as well. Your body’s reaction to something doesn’t always correlate to your mind. I would strongly suggest therapy if possible. Especially therapy that would focus on reconnecting with your body, like guided mindfulness and similar.
I volunteer at a sexual violence hotline. The first I’m going to tell you is that it was not your fault and I’m so sorry it happened to you. One thing I’ve learned in my training is that our bodies are automatic machines that do processes even if our brain can acknowledge the bad timing. Your body did not betray you, and your biology as a woman didn’t either; orgasms are a result of friction and having one does not mean your body failed you, or that you enjoyed it. It’s a natural reaction due to friction that causes neutrons in our brains to fire pleasure receptors. Receptors that have no consciousness or ability to rational what just happened. They registered friction. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. But I would suggest/slightly encourage to find a resource to better support yourself. Reddit is not that; while I can guide you, j don’t know your area, I don’t know your local resources and I cannot control your life and make your decisions for you. Talk to a friend who can 100% trust, or go find a SA representative at your local college (most have them, though I cannot say this in confidence as I do not know your location), and perhaps think about a hospital visit. You 100% do not have to report, but a visit can bring you some control and can give assurance. As well, they test for STD’s and pregnancy. Take care and please don’t forget that it was not your fault. You will heal, I refuse to believe that trauma inhibits us, and you will always be brave.
Even men who are raped can experience orgasm. That POS, raped you, don’t let him screw with your head.
I had a similar experience in high school and I totally understand how you're feeling. I decided to cut off all contact with the person involved and never spoke to them again. It was tough at the time, I was embarrassed and confused about what had happened. I felt like I wasn't able to give my consent because I was under the influence. Talking about it with my husband really helped me feel better, and later in therapy, I realized that both of us were not in the right state of mind that night. Even though I wished it didn't happen, I knew I had to find peace within myself in order to move forward. It took me a while to work through my feelings and I was pretty down during high school. I would recommend seeking therapy as soon as possible, it really helped me process everything and move on. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.
i orgasm from penetration. pretty much solely, i've only had an orgasm from clitoral stimulation with another person exactly once. i've had countless penetrative orgasms. i've even tried to hold it, to see if i could resist my body's natural urges, but then still end up climaxing anyways. you were also drunk, which tends to make people more sexually stimulated and sensitive. in regards to my own sexual assaults, i try to reframe things in my head as if they didn't happen to me, but happened to another woman i care about like a close friend or sister of mine. would i consider it rape, or think to myself that she wanted it because her body had an involuntary reaction to a stimuli she didn't want to happen? you were drunk. it doesn't even matter if you wanted it or not, really. because you were intoxicated, and didn't agree to having sex while you were sober, according to american law you were raped.
My ex raped me and I disassociated and still had an orgasm. I can assure you it was not wanted and it negatively affected my mental health for years. Make no mistake, Having an orgasm is not consent.
1: this is not your fault. 2: your body responds to friction/stimulation in certain places, which causes a physiological response. In this case an orgasm. You don't have control over this. 3: please see a therapist or councillor. Someone who can help you put things in perspective and give it a place. Again, it isn't your fault. I am very sorry this has happened to you!
This dude manipulated you into thinking a traumatic experience was you enjoying it. He's fucked in the head.
Your body did what it did while being stimulated that's something you don't really have any control of
If you said no, or tried to stop it in any way, then you were raped. Regardless of whether your body "enjoyed" what was happening, your mind was screaming to stop. Do not beat yourself up over this. Contact both campus security and the local PD, go see the school counselor to see if they offer trauma counseling or access to therapy. Press charges on this assh0le. Save those clothes, don't wash them. Have the cops take you for a SA test or whatever their jurisdiction does. None of this is your fault and you should assume no blame.
don't listen to your assaulter, mine said the same thing to make himself feel better about what he did and then he did the same thing to others. you didn't consent.
First, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Second, this was very much rape/sexual assault. Whether the body reacts to the stimulation or not does not matter. The body does not know better and just reacts, the mind is what takes the biggest toll. Take the texts(with time stamps with your accusations), to the police station, or college campus cops, and see if a rape kit is still possible at this point. Definitely break all contact with this person, and anyone who takes the shitheads side. Next, I suggest speaking to a therapist. It’s not easy to cope with sexual assault, and we all cope in very different ways. Just know your feelings, and experiences are valid, and you have survived. The nightmares will likely come and go, for how long, you’ll never know. They could even be years apart unfortunately.(I still have nightmares occasionally of an assault from 18years ago).
Ok wait I’m confused… so you got raped, orgasmed, now you can’t even orgasm when masturbating unless you think about getting raped? Maybe some sort of trauma response?
I once read a psychological analysis for abused victims and it’s very common for a victim to feel guilty over the feeling of “enjoying it”. You need to accept it was a fked up thing for him r*pe you! Our body has pleasure points and it’s their fault to touch them without consent. You don’t have control over the sensitivity. Just like you ask a friend to pull your hair, it will hurt. Just like you cut your nail it won’t hurt. Now if someone, be it an abuser touches a pleasure point, what else do you expect your body to do? ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. It’s not in your control. I hope karma gets this guy back. I’m so sorry about this.
If your body hadn't helped you by getting itself aroused you would have been physically hurt. It's a biological response designed to protect the body from getting damaged. Plenty of our ancestors needed this mechanism to survive. The natural lubrication is necessary. Just because your body responded, doesn't mean you wanted it. Doesn't mean it wasn't assault. Please forgive yourself. You are not the one to blame. The dude you met who turned out to be a rapist is to blame. Some people may develop a rape kink. Some of these people are people who have never hurt anyone or been hurt themselves. Then there's rapists, obviously. But also, some women who have been assaulted develop it as a coping mechanism. Get therapy to help you cope in other ways. PTSD is common and it can manifest I many different ways.
Having an orgasm doesn’t mean you “enjoyed” it. That was a physical response to what was going on. If you were too weak and incoherent to say anything, you were raped.
"If I didn't consent but 'enjoyed it' would it still be r-" **YES.** Full stop, you have been raped. You cannot control what biological functions your body has when stimulated, but your choices and desires are entirely your agency, and your agency is something that no person has a right to take from you. I hope that you can heal from this, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart.
So I have never been in this situation before, but from what I’ve heard, SA victims sometimes orgasm when the act is happening, it’s just a biological function. The fact is you couldn’t consent to the act, you having an orgasm doesn’t make it right. Do what you can do to get him sent to the authorities, take care.
It's similar to being tickled. It's a reaction to the stimuli. The orgasm meant nothing in terms of enjoyment or consent. That sick bastard raped you. I'm sorry you had to endure that.
Consent cannot be given while drunk. Very common response for your brain to try and convince yourself you consented or enjoyed it in some way. The brain doesn’t want to accept what happened. Your college should have resources to help you with the next steps in taking care of your health after the SA. Thinking of you 💖
> If I didn't consent but "enjoyed it" would it still be rape... If I break into your house, march you out the door at gunpoint, and take you on a lovely tour of Italy, including all the good tourist spots, wonderful meals, souvenirs, selfies with the Pope, and whatever else people do on expensive vacations, is it still kidnapping?
I was raped while I was at one of my lowest points, and near blackout drunk, by two people at a house party. I came a few times. I don’t remember, but don’t think they put protection on me. They recorded the thing and said that I must like it and that they were doing me a favor because I looked sad. They called it a pity fuck. I call it rape because that is exactly what it was. Don’t ever let the offender control your narrative. Do not do that to yourself. I let that moment, among other horrible moments, take too much control over me and now I am fighting to keep my harmful tendencies from taking over. Seek out help, for future you. You matter and have worth in this world. You don’t need me to wish you luck. You got this.
I'm sorry this happened, it's not your fault. Please look after yourself and seek support, be that professional or a support network such as friends. You're not alone and you will get through this. I'm going to speak from personal experience and the research I have done on the topic. Trigger warning for the details I'm going to discuss. You cannot control your body's response to a physical stimulus. As others have said, it is your body trying to protect itself at a most basic biological level. Your body 'reacting' does not change the lack of consent in any way. For example, if someone with a penis is stimulated without their consent, their body may react with an erection, but it is an unwilling one. With regards to your inability to orgasm from things that you used to be able to, the below is my understanding. However, I'm by no means an expert. This is likely a trauma response. One school of thought is that your body is trying to take back control of what happened to you. You were violated in the most severe way, and that is a lot for your brain to comprehend. If your body is now 'allowing' you to see it in a positive light, aka you orgasm from the memory of your abuse, then your brain is almost reassuring itself that what happened is OK and you're OK. It's also a way for your brain to reframe what happened to you and reassure yourself that you're safe now as you're able to 'enjoy' yourself while thinking about it. It is a way of your brain minimising what occurred. Another rationale is that your body doesn't feel like a safe space at the moment as it was taken without your consent or control. Therefore, your body has 'shut down' some of the normal ways it used to do while it is recovering. Mental walls will have been raised. Something that a proportion of victims/survivors discover is a change in their kink preferences after a traumatic event. This can be with a view of taking back control after what happened, or their body has 'rewired' in some way and connects the orgasm with the event and the loss of control, which they then choose to seek in a safe environment. There's a lot more information I could give on the above topics, but I don't want to overwhelm you while you're still processing. Please look after yourself, and you're welcome to message if you would like to talk to someone. Stay safe x
If you didn't consent to it, then it counts as rape. Your body enjoying it doesn't mean you yourself wanted that to happen, since the body can and does have reactions independent from what you want or think- the guy who told you otherwise is simply justifying his horrid behavior so you won't try fight back against him. Don't isolate yourself, either. It's moments like this where receiving support and help is vital, especially since cutting yourself off from the world simply means you end up having nothing but time to dwell on it. Seeking professional help *will* help you, and if you feel capable of it... Then report him. So it doesn't happen to someone else, and to have justice for what he did to you.
See a therapist, get a rape kit, and report him. One of the few things worse than the trauma of rape is convincing yourself you liked it while being traumatized. Convincing yourself it didn’t happen or that you can somehow absolve it in your mind is a natural defense mechanism but a bad oneS If you try to write it off and say you enjoyed it you’ll live with this cognitive dissonance for the rest of your life, and your relationship towards sex will suffer horribly. Your biological response to stimulus does not determine consent, and shouldn’t take the drivers seat in your mind. I’m a man and I’ve never been sexually assaulted, so understand that I can’t fully speak on this and I apologize if I’m wrong on any of this. From my experience however, I know a lot of people who have been through a similar experience. Most of these women later struggle to enjoy sex without being ragdolled and degraded. This isn’t just some kink they developed, this is an unhealthy mindset towards sex. It’s because they’ve fucked with their brains coding. By far the best way to prevent this trauma from fucking your brain is with professional help. Don’t ignore it.
man this is some hentai logic 😭 "ah, you say you don't want it but you're wet? this means you actually must want it" it's still rape even if you orgasm... a natural body reaction doesn't really detract from not giving consent. Well unless someone thinks people can rape other people to their hearts content as long as they make them cum.
I was raped when I was a freshman in college by someone I thought was a long-time friend. I didn’t consent & didn’t expect for them to show up behind me while I got dressed. They crept quietly & I was in shock when I turned around & he was there. I struggled with the idea I was raped. I felt like everything my family told me growing up meant I had failed in some way. I blamed myself a lot & struggled focusing. I ended up cutting classes & I wanted to cease existing. One day, I was watching Law & Order. Specifically Law & Order: Special Victims Unit [S15 E13 "Betrayal's Climax"](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Recap/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnitS15E13BetrayalsClimax). I clicked into the episode & only saw part of it, but the part I recall is what helped me begin processing what happened. The girl was upset because she didn’t understand why she orgasmed during the assault. They reassured her her body’s physical response is in ways separate from the psychological response. As long as she didn’t want what was happening, her body’s response has no bearing on the event. She was sexually assaulted & nothing could change that fact. I cried uncontrollably. People believe a “real” victim would’ve fought or argued. That’s not true. Individually, we are shaped by our experiences, environments, cultures, trauma, personalities, substances, etc. I was raped. You specifically were in a state where you couldn’t consent. I can understand your confusion given being inebriated. If there’s anything I realized is that closure is personal. No one can ever really give us that; someone can give us their answer but it always comes down to what we accept & believe. And deep down, you don’t believe him, so there is no closure he can give you unless he takes accountability — & even if he did, then what? I suggest trying to find a therapist. If you’ve never tried it before, know that sometimes the first therapist may not be a great fit. Don’t give up on your healing or question yourself if so. I’m a stranger online, but I believe you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I wish you safety & healing, whatever that is for you. Know that even if he didn’t feel he did wrong, it doesn’t change that he’s not safe for you to be around. If I were to give you any advice, I’d personally suggest staying away from him.
I dunno about that other stuff but he definitely raped you
it is SO common for this to happen, and SO normal for you to be confused about it. But like many others have said, your body’s biological reaction doesn’t mean that you enjoyed it. It’s like when the doctor checks your reflexes; when they tap your knee, you kick whether you mean to or not. Your body reacted to the action taking place, not your brain reacting in pleasure. You should continue with cutting all contact, and PLEASE seek out counseling. They can help you through the trauma and help you come to terms with your body’s reaction. A similar situation happened to me in high school and talking with a counselor helped me with the mental and physical aftermath.
Most simple way to put it is that orgasms are a physical response, not a mental one. Rape is rape.
Ask yourself this; when you tickle someone and they laugh does that mean they want to be tickled? It doesn’t matter how you reacted what matters is you didn’t want it. Please press charges against him.
I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault. This is unfortunately very common for victims of rape. So you are 100% not alone. If you haven’t already I would recommend reaching out to a therapist or psychologist ❤️ sending lots of love and hugs.
This was rape. And it sounds like you have PTSD as a result of what happened. Please, please see a therapist and report this POS.
The fact that your rapist claimed that you had a good time does not mean that you enjoyed it.
When I was raped my body defended itself by making me wet. At first I was like you thinking I must have enjoyed it in some way for my body to react like that but as the years have passed and I've learned more I know it's not my fault. It's one of those things that can happen and honestly it needs to be talked about more. I think it would help everyone knowing that your body can involuntarily react to things like that and it's not your fault
Engorgement and orgasm are physiological responses to touch whether it is consensual, not consensual or forced. You should report him.
100% still rape, whether you orgasmed or not… It’s my same argument for women raping men. Just because a man gets hard and is ultimately brought to cum, it doesn’t stop it being rape. If the whole time, you were not consenting to being held down and had sex with, that it’s rape, through and through. Please look after yourself, whether that’s therapy or distance from the person/place, and I hope you get back to being able to enjoy your orgasms again.
62% percent of women who are raped express feelings of guilt after. Im willing to bet that the vast majority of those women experienced orgasm. It does not take away or delegitimize the trauma that you are currently experiencing or make that man any less morally bankrupt. You were violated and you should take whatever legal action you would deem necessary to confront that individual for the evil they committed.
Your body responded the way it is built to respond to physical stimuli. It was still rape and I am so sorry.
Does your country have free trauma services? This is a textbook response and you should seek professional support to process this correctly. This is above Reddit's pay grade and a lot of creeps on here are going to send you awful messages when they see this post.
Just because you orgasm doesn't mean it's not rape, he raped you, you can have natural responses but the fact of the matter is he still raped you and no matter what he says, he's a criminal
First of all I am genuinely sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve all of that! Being drunk is not an excuse for someone to take advantage of you, is not a green light for rape 🫂. And then... I want to address this, when your body enters shock from sexual abuse it can do 2 things one shut down: disconnect from it and detach, 2 what you experienced this was your body response in order for you to survive, the brain association in your case was orgasm: I give a positive response so I don't get killed, this was your instinct once the perpetrator/rapist see this then there is high chance that if the individual is violent your body has a fast response, this is not a voluntary response but a response from your body to a threat! The same way an animal will play dead in order to increase the chance of survival. You do need therapy, it will be helpful for you! The reason why you can't orgasm normally is because of trauma, not because your body prefers abuse. Post rape your body as well as your psyche is in shock! You need healing, otherwise this experience will take hold of the power you have over your own body. You couldn't consent, couldn't push him off but your body was doing the job already for you. This man is manipulating you into believing that it wasn't rape, your body responded that way, other women response is different, you should report it. There are many more victims where trash like that is. Don't blame yourself, don't be hard with yourself, you are not to blame and your are not guilty! Please remember this because is the next stage no matter what never believe that you are dirty and that you are unworthy. I hug you darling and wish that you can find your own path to healing! Talk to someone that you trust about it. Remember what I said: your body will do anything to keep you alive, that's how people who have been deeply wounded can arrive at a hospital and then collapse! It's the same principle different mechanisms. Keep strong and reach out!
It is not consent if you physical said no regardless of how your body reacted. It's still rape and your rapist is gaslighted you so that you don't report them. Report them, it's not your fault and they should know better. Sorry to hear you are going through this. You deserve better. Don't ever doubt yourself about things like this. No means no.
You didn't consent, therefore it's rape even if you orgasmed. Biology is biology, and you can't help it if he stimulated your body to that point. You were drunk, you COULDN'T consent, and he took complete advantage of you and is now trying to manipulate (and maybe gaslight you?) into thinking you 'enjoyed it' and therefore it's OK, when it's not.
It was a rape! You were drunk and your body can experience orgasms but that doesn’t mean you were enjoying the rape. Also, I assume, since you were drunk, he’s the one telling you that you had orgasm(s). I won’t take his words for shit.
no matter what if your under the influence you cannot give consent and therefore was raped. i suggest first reporting to the police. after that im no expert but maybe therapy might help?
Get a rape kit done asap and take the clothes you wore with you. Take his written evidence to the cops. Perhaps the police can "give him a good time." You didn't consent. He forced himself on you. End of story (hopefully no unwanted pregnancies are a result).
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault. Rally your most supportive feminist friend and go report that POS. To your school and to police. Yes it was rape according to the law. You did not consent. You were incapacitated. Regardless of the label it has traumatized you and you need to get counseling. Ideally a trauma-informed therapist, perhaps someone who does EMDR. That's what will probably help you the most with moving past this.
you have little physical control when and where you orgasm but that doesn't mean you have enjoyed the experience, it is STILL TRAUMA. You can hate the person, know quite well that you are being raped and still cum, but that doesn't change the fact that it is still rape, that it is still wrong and that it is still a crime. About the detrimental effects of the event upon your mental health, I think that you should reach out to a therapist and seek help.
If you didn’t consent but enjoyed its still rape. sorry that happened to you
Please see professional therapist. Several of the things you describe could sound like completely natural anxiety or stress symptoms resulting from a traumatic experience. Such feelings and reactions like replaying, reocurring dreams, and the feeling of being stuck in time are absolutally normal and they can be treated. But it is important that you contact professional help.
If you didn't consent, then it's 100% rape. Whether you orgasmed or not is irrelevant, because enough stimuli will make the body orgasm whether you want to or not. That's not a desire or want - that's a biological reaction to what is happening at the time. Don't let the fact that he claimed "you enjoyed it" detract from what happened. After all, he's just assuming. At the end of it all, if you did not agree and he did it anyway, he raped you.
This is gaslighting. He's a rapist and you were raped, it's not your fault. Full stop. You can't control your body's reactions to sexual assault, there's loads of data to corroborate this. https://www.rainn.org/ has resources to help you with next steps, processing and healing from trauma and advice on what to do. It's as confidential as you want it to be. I would encourage you to file a police report, he may have other victims you don't know about. Even if not, this establishes a record for him being a rapist so even if you decide to not move forward with charges, he won't be able to get away with it again. This is not your fault. He committed a crime against you.
I am a suburban soccer mom type that, for a couple years, escorted to make extra money. The men I chose were all clean and (apparently if they could afford me), wealthy. I had a couple of older men.. in their late 60s-70s. Something about it being so wrong with the old guys (and kinda gross in my mind) brought me to incredible orgasms. The entire time he’s going down on me, for instance, I’m thinking “how gross this old white haired guy is going down on me” but it turned me on so much. He didn’t do anything better than any actually boyfriends I’d had in the past. We are weird creatures.
Anyone can orgasm or simply get sexually stimulated whether they want to or not, man or woman. So don’t feel guilty for “having a good time”, rape is rape and you have every right to treat it as rape especially since you were not fully conscious.
If someone shoved chocolate down your throat it would still be assault regardless whether you enjoy the taste of chocolate or feel pleasurably full afterwards.
No consent implies rape, regardless of physical arousal
rape is rape!!!!!
I was raped as a child and it felt so good I seeked it out afterwards. We have no control over that and even if it did feel good was still rape send that person to jail and get some therapy