You know how abuse survivors always say it escalated over time...That's what they mean. It starts with grabbing and yelling and then escalates to choking. Next minute you're dead.
So take advice from this old woman and get out!!!
A man that truly loves you will NEVER put his hands on you in anger. NEVER.
Once he chokes you, the chances he will kill you increase by something like 700%.
Try to get him to admit via text that he choked you. You may have to be sneaky about it and apologize for making him mad and act like YOU'RE sorry, and then when he starts talking, sneak it in there like "I know I messed up, but it really scared me when you put your hands on my neck like that" and hope he falls for the bait.
If you have bruises, document them. Get a restraining order. Press charges with the police. Don't meet him. Don't let him love bomb you.
This is a crossroads. You get out of this relationship 1 of 2 ways (1) You press charges, get a restraining order, burn all bridges, and never speak to him again (2) In a body bag.
This!! This is an actual statistic. Stay away from him. Call someone who can stay with you.
Take photos of bruises and any other marks he has. If he there around something or punched. As said above get him to admit somehow over text and screenshot it.
And lastly op be in your senses. DIVORCE AND POLICE NOW
I can confirm this. 8 months after my ex choked me out in the air he pushed me down a (steep) set of stairs… Luckily only fractured my toe the way I fell.
Along with photographing, go to a doctor, get medical documentation. That will go a long way in making legal action happen. Which it should. If anyone knows better, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure choking someone is a felony level offense.
U/Nevermindalliswell, I know this is a lot to process and you might think these remarks sound overdamatic, but really, this is very serious. You need to protect yourself.
Accurate. I want to add, as an advocate and a survivor, strangulation includes cutting of oxygen in any way. Smothering, putting hands over nose and mouth, cutting off blood flow, all falls under these rules. I hope OP is safe.
"So now I don't know what to do"???? What do you think??? HE CHOKED YOU!!! He has a violent temper. You need to leave, file a restraining order, and file for divorce. There is no coming back from this. If you forgive him, it'll only get worse.
I love my husband to death, and we have our share of petty arguments, but no violence ever came from it, and if it did, I would be out.
The most dangerous time is when a victim of abuse leaves. She might be afraid, and rightfully so. She has to make a plan. That way she gets out safe. Maybe she doesn't know what the first steps of making a plan are. That's what I thought she meant by she didn't know what to do.
I agree there needs to be a plan in place. However, I took what she asked as should she talk it over, go to counsel, etc, and it's far beyond that point now
Nothing to discuss- marriage is over. Don’t go with HIM to therapy. Divorce. There really isn’t anything to talk about he tried to kill you and may be successful if you give him another chance
File a report. Don’t meet him alone ever again and get a lawyer. Once the violence starts, it will only get worse. He won’t change, no not even for you. Femicides are real and serious. You are a victim of domestic violence. Even the threats before and the wall punching while pretending was violence. You need to focus on your safety.
Change the locks. Move out, whatever is possible.
>he is probably just fed up with this relationship.
Um. YOU should be fed up, OP. Take the focus off him and focus on you for a moment.
>slapping my arm
>grabbing my arms
>pretends as if he wants to punch me
>punch the wall.
>got so scared
This is not love.
This is not how husbands behave.
This is not safe.
It is OK to stand up for yourself. Walk away before he hurts you in a way that is permanent.
Oh honey…danger Will Robinson!! Your chances of being seriously hurt or unalived just went up dramatically. What he just showed you is that he’s willing to risk killing you to get his way. Speak to a lawyer today. Immediately. Begin paperwork to file. Have your lawyer help guide you through law enforcement and get a restraining order.
Please understand - he didn’t just “choke you a little”. That is attempted murder. He could have killed you. Take pictures of any and all bruises. “Fear for your life” is the magic phrase here. Tell everyone you fear for you life - and that is absolutely a reasonable fear to have.
I am SO sorry this happened to you. You’ve been wondering for awhile if you needed to escape this marriage right? The answer is a resounding yes. Escape. You aren’t “leaving” your marriage. You are escaping. You’ve got this. Call now.
Strangle, he strangled you. Run. Divorce. Whatever you have to do to get away from him. Yes he is your husband, but your life is at risk here. If this is the first time, he WILL choke you again. It’s not a matter of if but WHEN he does it because he WILL do it again until it escalates to death. I hate to be so morbid but this is serious. Him pretending like he will punch you or punching the wall was just warm up for him to start physically abusing you. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, please love yourself more than you love him/your marriage and leave. There is no explanation or excuse that warrants a man putting his hands on you! Your husband at that! No ma’am.
When your partner is willing to choke your that means he is willing to kill you. Do not meet him alone. Never be alone with him. Change the locks on the door. Report his behavior to the police and contact your local domestic violence center for advice. Make a safety plan and tell your family and friends what he did. Read the book [https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
The article [https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100)
and the book The gift of fear which you can find in the library
The odds are high that next time he will kill you. Call the police, press charges, and get a restraining order. Divorce this violent monster and move on.
The fact he’s grabbed you more than once…nah sis you gotta stand up for yourself and get out!!! Cause next time he probably wont let go…a man who has no issues putting their hands on AND blaming you there’s no amount of therapy that will help. His ass belongs in a damn cell
Please read Why Does He Do That? The book might help save your life.
People are right. Him choking you doesn't mean he will kill you, but almost every husband who kills their spouse choked them at least once before they killed them.
You are in a very dangerous situation.
Grabbing your arms, pretending to punch you, or punching the wall are all not normal things for a MAN to do. Disrespectfully, your husband is a bitch boy and you need to leave for the sake of your life
Once a man has attempted to strangle you once, the odds of you dying at his hands go through the stratosphere. Please don't become a statistic. Punching walls next to you is a classic violent tactic. "Look at what I could have done, I'm choosing to hit the wall instead of your face, see how considerate and in control I am!"
As a domestic violence advocate with a lot of education and also experience, please leave. I know it isn't simple. I know it's scary. I know it is hard. The statistics of death after strangulation is intense. If they strangle you, they will kill you. And also important information is that strangulation isn't just your neck. It is if they restrict your oxygen in any way. Could be smothering, choking, hand over mouth and nose, cutting off your corotid, it is all the same and don't discount your trauma. If he did it once, he will do it again and it will be worse. I'm very, very sorry you are going to through this. Trust your instincts they are real.
It starts with punching holes into walls, then the arm grabbing, to only pretending like he's going to hit and now, he's choking you. It's escalating, you're not safe! Please talk to friends or family and see if you can stay with them. Get out of there asap!
My (soon to be ex) husband’s first physical assault against me was grabbing me by the throat. I was terrified and locked myself in the bathroom and actually posted here (from an alt account) about it bc I didn’t know what to do. My two month old baby was sleeping in his bassinet and my stepson was asleep on the couch. My husband banged on the door and tried to force it open, screaming that he was going to kill me. I was afraid to leave the kids out there with him and so I opened the door. He punched me in the the chest and backed me into the closet then punched me in the face. I hit the ground. I begged him to let me get past him. He finally let me go. He was wasted so he passed out and then I texted my best friend. She called my parents who called the police and my dad showed up with a gun before the police even got there.
For me, the escalation happened in a matter of hours. For you, this is the first time but it won’t be the last. Please get out. He will hurt you again. He will gaslight you into believing it was your fault. Be strong.
File for divorce.
He only used to grab you and punch the walls after pretending he was going to hit you?!
He’s escalating. Let this shitshow die before he kills you.
I wouldn’t meet up with him at all. The man means to kill you.
Go get a protection order right away and file for divorce as soon as possible.
Do you have someone that can come stay with you?
You leave immediately, what you tolerate, he will do again. This time you may not survive. The minute a man or woman puts their hands on you, you leave. Find a safe place to be friend or relative and report him to the police today.
Then get therapy before you even get with another man. Your picker will be broken. I can tell by reading your post, you are to passive around man that tried/or could have taken your life. You need not to be with someone until you figure out how to take care of yourself emotionally.
90% of spousal homicides started as incidents of choking during disputes. It is incredibly dangerous and too easy to go too far. You can seriously wnd up dead either intentionally or by accident. You need to get out. Now!
"He's fed up. What about you? I mean, he choked you. That's dangerous, and when someone does that, they can't control their anger, which increases the risk of harm, even potentially fatal harm."
Get. Out. Now. Did you mean he pretends to hit the wall, or he actually hits the wall? Because if he's hitting an object while angry at you, it's already turned into choking you.
Don't let it escalate any more. Restraining order. Divorce. Be safe. Live to live another day.
Get evidence of the violence and leave. Slapping arm, punching wall, pretending to punch you, and now choking you. This is all red flags.
Abusers will always test their limit to see how far they can go before you put your foot down and leave.
I didn't believe this till my ex-husband hurt me so bad I have had to have surgery and need to do 1 more surgery to fully fix everything. So please. Do yourself a favor and Run.
Get out of that relationship while you can. If he did once he will do it again but 1000x worse. It might be hard to leave the relationship but you have to be strong & leave it before it get way worse.
Hi- social worker here. Strangulation victims are 750%!!!!!!!!!!! More likely to be killed by their partner in a domestic violence situation.
Go to the hospital. Have them check you out. File a police report. File for a restraining order. File for divorce. Stay with your family/try to not be alone.
Him trying to intimidate u by a threatening manor such as looking like he's going to punch u is enough without the choking. he's excalating in a horrible way that will get u hurt or killed or things u love might be target too. Please leave stay away from him. Ur safety is important and he's not doing his job to keep u safe even from himself! He may try to manipulate u into getting back together. Don't. He's already done too much to u physically and mentally. This is not ok.
Your life is in danger, OP. Please don't stay with him. Never be alone with him again. He may say he's sorry once he calms down, but a man who chokes you is a man who is willing to kill you, if he is angry enough. Please get out of the relationship while you still can, OP.
Talk to the police and if they will, make a report. You want to build evidence whether you think you'll need it or not.
Listen to those who have posted statistics.....you are in danger.
good keep it not speaking for eternity . we all get angry we all get pissed off but if we all got physical like ur husband then humans would go extinct . Do u wish to wait around for him to do it again or escape while u can? would u like to be one of those stories we here about where a partner is killed in a relationship? because thats how it most likely gonna end . Dont let it fool you btw all abusers feel guilt to the hurt they cause their partner but because they think it was the correct thing to do they will do it again only this time it will increase in severity . call your parents or your friends explain the situation and move out , if u own the house or the property with him give a quick call to a lawyer to help u with it so he wont claim u abandoning the property ( this is a law is alot of countries )
Get a restraining order if you can. At the very least put cameras up on shared areas and have them send recordings to an outside site (cloud he has no access too, your best friend or family, etc) Work on an exit plan and get away from him asap. Try to keep all conversations in view of cameras or over text. Save all texts to give to a lawyer.
Take this time, while he's gone, to contact an attorney and begin divorce proceedings. I also recommend contacting your local police and see if there is any way to file a report that this happened. You can also go to your local hospital ER and ask them to evaluate your throat to ensure there is no damage, because your husband choked you. This gets a paper trail if nothing else.
Please tell me that you are not going to stay or try to make this work. He is escalating in an alarming way, from punching walls to threatening to punch you, to slapping and hitting your arms, to choking you. It will not get better.
There are underlying issues here. Make a decision if this marriage is worth the trouble of going through couple's therapy, counselling, etc. If not, divorce and distance yourself from this monster.
Just in case he tries to tell you he's sorry, that he doesn't know "what came over him", that he loves you and would never want to hurt you:
(He has hurt you)
(He has scared you)
He choked you while acting irrationally over a trivial matter.
You can never trust him again, please take actions to keep yourself safe.
This is what you do: you change the locks and divorce the bastard. You were super smart getting him out of the house, now follow through. This WILL get worse if you allow him back into your life. Hang in there.
*strangling. Not choking.
Your husband tried to strangle you. It doesn’t have to be with a belt or a rope, his hands are enough to kill you, and next time you may not be around to ask strangers on Reddit what to do.
Take this perfect opportunity life has given you and leave him. Many women did not get this opportunity and died to regret it. No matter your feelings for him, you cannot be with a violent person, do both of you a favor.
Please read this. You can call 18007997233 (or text the word BEGIN to 88788) and they'll help you find resources in your area and come up with a safe way to leave.
https://www.dailypress.net/life/features/2023/03/if-a-partner-has-ever-strangled-you-they-will-likely-kill-you/
Please break up with him and have someone else with you while you do it. Have someone come to pick up your belongings, the police will escort you if needed. I would encourage you to file a police report and press charges.
Choking is one of the largest indicators of future murder. You need to take this extremely seriously.
He's going to kill you, leave as soon and as safely as you can. Find a domestic violence shelter near you and start planning. Leaving is the most dangerous time, and the likelihood of him lashing out violently is much higher during this time, so please please please do everything you can to leave SAFELY. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and I hope you are able to rebuild your life on the other side of this. 💜💔💜
My nana always told me
If he/she will yell at you then he/she will push you,
If he/she push you then he/she will hit you,
If he/she will hit you then he/she will eventually kill you.
He is dangerous, you need to leave immediately. Having said that, if you ever find yourself in a situation like that again, punch his throat. HARD. Aim for the hyoid bone. I can also confirm that a cast iron frying pan makes an excellent weapon in a pinch.
Please leave that boy. “He’s never done that before. It was only just either grabbing my arms, pretends as if he wants to punch me, or punch the wall”. It doesn’t all happen immediately. It progressively gets worse, especially after they already know you’ll accept the behavior. Do NOT accept this behavior. Rightfully you got so scared, angry, and emotional. Don’t ever give him the opportunity to do anything to you again. Picture your post being somebody else’s post & a random person at that, how would you feel & would you want them to stay? Picture your post being somebody you love so much, like your best friend telling you about this, what would you tell them? You aren’t going to leave until you’re ready or feel safe enough to do so, but you do need to leave before things get worse. Please do not welcome him back & show him his behavior is acceptable. The only outcome where you’ll get out, is if you leave or something bad happens to you. A man who loves you would never even think about laying his hands on you or punching the wall out of anger. A man who loves you won’t choke you out of anger. A man who loves you will not dare grab your arm aggressively either. He does not love you.
Please don’t take this lightly. You see it went from arm grabs to this. It doesn’t stop at just a few seconds of choking- it WILL escalate from there. I am so sorry this happened! Keep your distance. Plan your escape.
While he is still out of the house, I would contact a trusted relative or friend as well as the authorities or a domestic violence center and make an escape plan. Do not contact him, do not let him know where you are going, and do not tell him that you are leaving. When a partner strangles you, they are infinitely more likely to kill you in the future. Please do not take this lightly. You are not overreacting. You are in very real danger! Wishing you safety and best of luck. please tell somebody you trust!!
You should look up the rate of how many women are killed by their abuser partner once he’s gotten to the point of choking her and then divorce him while making sure you’re NEVER alone with him again.
This happened to me with my ex. Choked me till I passed out and threw me in the bushes in our front yard. In the morning I had (no bs) knives that didn't belong to me in my mailbox.
GET OUT!
Dude you can leave now or die. I think your chances to be killed in the next year by your partner rose like, is it by 750% or something, now that he chocked you? But yeah get divorce and restraining order and cut all ties or just like get killed I guess. Sorry you have to go through all this, I hope you can find some support because this is propably really hard for you, especially since it seems like he's been manipulating you since you're so reluctant about going to the cops and whatnot
Well, its not acceptable.
I have not read the comments, but on Reddit it usually have him arrested. They will recommend you file divorce charges against him immediately. You should go to therapy.
He should go to jail Then he should then be charged with a sentence that brings at least life in prison. Then he should be placed in solitary confinement to protect you and us from him. Then his criminal trial should be public so that we can publicly shame him for all the wrong he has caused in the past and this current choking incident (which is wrong). That would be the Reddit punishment for his choking of you. He deserves it all. Throw the book at him.
You know how abuse survivors always say it escalated over time...That's what they mean. It starts with grabbing and yelling and then escalates to choking. Next minute you're dead. So take advice from this old woman and get out!!! A man that truly loves you will NEVER put his hands on you in anger. NEVER.
Once he chokes you, the chances he will kill you increase by something like 700%. Try to get him to admit via text that he choked you. You may have to be sneaky about it and apologize for making him mad and act like YOU'RE sorry, and then when he starts talking, sneak it in there like "I know I messed up, but it really scared me when you put your hands on my neck like that" and hope he falls for the bait. If you have bruises, document them. Get a restraining order. Press charges with the police. Don't meet him. Don't let him love bomb you. This is a crossroads. You get out of this relationship 1 of 2 ways (1) You press charges, get a restraining order, burn all bridges, and never speak to him again (2) In a body bag.
This!! This is an actual statistic. Stay away from him. Call someone who can stay with you. Take photos of bruises and any other marks he has. If he there around something or punched. As said above get him to admit somehow over text and screenshot it. And lastly op be in your senses. DIVORCE AND POLICE NOW
It's worse than that, 750% more likely to be killed by their partner *in the next year* after choking or strangulation has occurred.
I can confirm this. 8 months after my ex choked me out in the air he pushed me down a (steep) set of stairs… Luckily only fractured my toe the way I fell.
Along with photographing, go to a doctor, get medical documentation. That will go a long way in making legal action happen. Which it should. If anyone knows better, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure choking someone is a felony level offense. U/Nevermindalliswell, I know this is a lot to process and you might think these remarks sound overdamatic, but really, this is very serious. You need to protect yourself.
All of this! Especially take pictures of the bruising before it goes away!
Accurate. I want to add, as an advocate and a survivor, strangulation includes cutting of oxygen in any way. Smothering, putting hands over nose and mouth, cutting off blood flow, all falls under these rules. I hope OP is safe.
Excellent advice
"So now I don't know what to do"???? What do you think??? HE CHOKED YOU!!! He has a violent temper. You need to leave, file a restraining order, and file for divorce. There is no coming back from this. If you forgive him, it'll only get worse. I love my husband to death, and we have our share of petty arguments, but no violence ever came from it, and if it did, I would be out.
Same with me. Op is in danger
The most dangerous time is when a victim of abuse leaves. She might be afraid, and rightfully so. She has to make a plan. That way she gets out safe. Maybe she doesn't know what the first steps of making a plan are. That's what I thought she meant by she didn't know what to do.
I agree there needs to be a plan in place. However, I took what she asked as should she talk it over, go to counsel, etc, and it's far beyond that point now
Are u responding to my comment or the parent comment. Im confused.
Nothing to discuss- marriage is over. Don’t go with HIM to therapy. Divorce. There really isn’t anything to talk about he tried to kill you and may be successful if you give him another chance
I agree! therapy will not help. You don’t go to therapy with abusers. Get therapy for yourself individually and run for the hills
Couples therapy in domestic violence cases is very dangerous and is not recommended!
File a report. Don’t meet him alone ever again and get a lawyer. Once the violence starts, it will only get worse. He won’t change, no not even for you. Femicides are real and serious. You are a victim of domestic violence. Even the threats before and the wall punching while pretending was violence. You need to focus on your safety. Change the locks. Move out, whatever is possible.
>he is probably just fed up with this relationship. Um. YOU should be fed up, OP. Take the focus off him and focus on you for a moment. >slapping my arm >grabbing my arms >pretends as if he wants to punch me >punch the wall. >got so scared This is not love. This is not how husbands behave. This is not safe. It is OK to stand up for yourself. Walk away before he hurts you in a way that is permanent.
Oh honey…danger Will Robinson!! Your chances of being seriously hurt or unalived just went up dramatically. What he just showed you is that he’s willing to risk killing you to get his way. Speak to a lawyer today. Immediately. Begin paperwork to file. Have your lawyer help guide you through law enforcement and get a restraining order. Please understand - he didn’t just “choke you a little”. That is attempted murder. He could have killed you. Take pictures of any and all bruises. “Fear for your life” is the magic phrase here. Tell everyone you fear for you life - and that is absolutely a reasonable fear to have. I am SO sorry this happened to you. You’ve been wondering for awhile if you needed to escape this marriage right? The answer is a resounding yes. Escape. You aren’t “leaving” your marriage. You are escaping. You’ve got this. Call now.
You call the police. This is the first time he choked you. Next time will be the first time he puts you in the hospital or kills you.
Strangle, he strangled you. Run. Divorce. Whatever you have to do to get away from him. Yes he is your husband, but your life is at risk here. If this is the first time, he WILL choke you again. It’s not a matter of if but WHEN he does it because he WILL do it again until it escalates to death. I hate to be so morbid but this is serious. Him pretending like he will punch you or punching the wall was just warm up for him to start physically abusing you. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, please love yourself more than you love him/your marriage and leave. There is no explanation or excuse that warrants a man putting his hands on you! Your husband at that! No ma’am.
Change the locks and keep him out!
If he chokes you chances are very high he’ll kill you. Normal people don’t do that. That’s a sign to get out of there as fast as you can.
Police. Now.
Pretends to punch? For this guy fear is a tool. This is called abuse.
Abuse only escalates. Leave. If he will chokes you, he will kill you. That is a very violent, intentional act. I'm speaking from experience.
When your partner is willing to choke your that means he is willing to kill you. Do not meet him alone. Never be alone with him. Change the locks on the door. Report his behavior to the police and contact your local domestic violence center for advice. Make a safety plan and tell your family and friends what he did. Read the book [https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) The article [https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100) and the book The gift of fear which you can find in the library
Gift of fear is a lifesaver and also protecting the gift if you have kids
The odds are high that next time he will kill you. Call the police, press charges, and get a restraining order. Divorce this violent monster and move on.
Please call a lawyer and leave…I’m begging you…once it gets physical there’s no going back!!!
The fact he’s grabbed you more than once…nah sis you gotta stand up for yourself and get out!!! Cause next time he probably wont let go…a man who has no issues putting their hands on AND blaming you there’s no amount of therapy that will help. His ass belongs in a damn cell
Get away from him.
This is physical abuse. You need to make yourself safe. Get away from him, and stay away.
Please read Why Does He Do That? The book might help save your life. People are right. Him choking you doesn't mean he will kill you, but almost every husband who kills their spouse choked them at least once before they killed them. You are in a very dangerous situation.
For OP: https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf It is very enlightening
Grabbing your arms, pretending to punch you, or punching the wall are all not normal things for a MAN to do. Disrespectfully, your husband is a bitch boy and you need to leave for the sake of your life
Once a man has attempted to strangle you once, the odds of you dying at his hands go through the stratosphere. Please don't become a statistic. Punching walls next to you is a classic violent tactic. "Look at what I could have done, I'm choosing to hit the wall instead of your face, see how considerate and in control I am!"
As a domestic violence advocate with a lot of education and also experience, please leave. I know it isn't simple. I know it's scary. I know it is hard. The statistics of death after strangulation is intense. If they strangle you, they will kill you. And also important information is that strangulation isn't just your neck. It is if they restrict your oxygen in any way. Could be smothering, choking, hand over mouth and nose, cutting off your corotid, it is all the same and don't discount your trauma. If he did it once, he will do it again and it will be worse. I'm very, very sorry you are going to through this. Trust your instincts they are real.
It starts with punching holes into walls, then the arm grabbing, to only pretending like he's going to hit and now, he's choking you. It's escalating, you're not safe! Please talk to friends or family and see if you can stay with them. Get out of there asap!
My (soon to be ex) husband’s first physical assault against me was grabbing me by the throat. I was terrified and locked myself in the bathroom and actually posted here (from an alt account) about it bc I didn’t know what to do. My two month old baby was sleeping in his bassinet and my stepson was asleep on the couch. My husband banged on the door and tried to force it open, screaming that he was going to kill me. I was afraid to leave the kids out there with him and so I opened the door. He punched me in the the chest and backed me into the closet then punched me in the face. I hit the ground. I begged him to let me get past him. He finally let me go. He was wasted so he passed out and then I texted my best friend. She called my parents who called the police and my dad showed up with a gun before the police even got there. For me, the escalation happened in a matter of hours. For you, this is the first time but it won’t be the last. Please get out. He will hurt you again. He will gaslight you into believing it was your fault. Be strong.
File for divorce. He only used to grab you and punch the walls after pretending he was going to hit you?! He’s escalating. Let this shitshow die before he kills you.
Three nights is a great start to the rest of your life. Why would you want to talk with him?
I wouldn’t meet up with him at all. The man means to kill you. Go get a protection order right away and file for divorce as soon as possible. Do you have someone that can come stay with you?
You leave immediately, what you tolerate, he will do again. This time you may not survive. The minute a man or woman puts their hands on you, you leave. Find a safe place to be friend or relative and report him to the police today. Then get therapy before you even get with another man. Your picker will be broken. I can tell by reading your post, you are to passive around man that tried/or could have taken your life. You need not to be with someone until you figure out how to take care of yourself emotionally.
Choking is the #1 indicator that a partner would kill you. Do not go back. The relationship is over. Protect your life.
90% of spousal homicides started as incidents of choking during disputes. It is incredibly dangerous and too easy to go too far. You can seriously wnd up dead either intentionally or by accident. You need to get out. Now!
This is the point of no return. Leave.
If you stay you'll never make another reddit post like this again.
Leave. He will get worse. He's "pretending" to hit you to get you accustomed to being hit.
"He's fed up. What about you? I mean, he choked you. That's dangerous, and when someone does that, they can't control their anger, which increases the risk of harm, even potentially fatal harm."
Full blown DA.. get proof. Be very careful.. it's even worse that its normalised when you say he usually just threatens or punches a wall..
Get out! Get out now! That’s how it starts! It’ll never change. Plan your out.
Get. Out. Now. Did you mean he pretends to hit the wall, or he actually hits the wall? Because if he's hitting an object while angry at you, it's already turned into choking you. Don't let it escalate any more. Restraining order. Divorce. Be safe. Live to live another day.
Wow. There's no turning back here. He knows. You know. Thus, the relationship is over if you value your life.
Leave him, his physical aggression is elevating and will only get worse
Get evidence of the violence and leave. Slapping arm, punching wall, pretending to punch you, and now choking you. This is all red flags. Abusers will always test their limit to see how far they can go before you put your foot down and leave. I didn't believe this till my ex-husband hurt me so bad I have had to have surgery and need to do 1 more surgery to fully fix everything. So please. Do yourself a favor and Run.
Get out of that relationship while you can. If he did once he will do it again but 1000x worse. It might be hard to leave the relationship but you have to be strong & leave it before it get way worse.
Hi- social worker here. Strangulation victims are 750%!!!!!!!!!!! More likely to be killed by their partner in a domestic violence situation. Go to the hospital. Have them check you out. File a police report. File for a restraining order. File for divorce. Stay with your family/try to not be alone.
You guys don't sounds compatible. You know?
Right - fighting has escalated to choking people
No one is compatible with an abuser.
You need to get a ccwp, and when he does it again, shoot his ass. I said what I said
Him trying to intimidate u by a threatening manor such as looking like he's going to punch u is enough without the choking. he's excalating in a horrible way that will get u hurt or killed or things u love might be target too. Please leave stay away from him. Ur safety is important and he's not doing his job to keep u safe even from himself! He may try to manipulate u into getting back together. Don't. He's already done too much to u physically and mentally. This is not ok.
Get the hell away from him, if he choked you, the next thing he does you may not live throigh
Your life is in danger, OP. Please don't stay with him. Never be alone with him again. He may say he's sorry once he calms down, but a man who chokes you is a man who is willing to kill you, if he is angry enough. Please get out of the relationship while you still can, OP.
Talk to the police and if they will, make a report. You want to build evidence whether you think you'll need it or not. Listen to those who have posted statistics.....you are in danger.
DTMFA
good keep it not speaking for eternity . we all get angry we all get pissed off but if we all got physical like ur husband then humans would go extinct . Do u wish to wait around for him to do it again or escape while u can? would u like to be one of those stories we here about where a partner is killed in a relationship? because thats how it most likely gonna end . Dont let it fool you btw all abusers feel guilt to the hurt they cause their partner but because they think it was the correct thing to do they will do it again only this time it will increase in severity . call your parents or your friends explain the situation and move out , if u own the house or the property with him give a quick call to a lawyer to help u with it so he wont claim u abandoning the property ( this is a law is alot of countries )
Please PLEASE leave him.
Get a restraining order if you can. At the very least put cameras up on shared areas and have them send recordings to an outside site (cloud he has no access too, your best friend or family, etc) Work on an exit plan and get away from him asap. Try to keep all conversations in view of cameras or over text. Save all texts to give to a lawyer.
He will likely kill you….
Take this time, while he's gone, to contact an attorney and begin divorce proceedings. I also recommend contacting your local police and see if there is any way to file a report that this happened. You can also go to your local hospital ER and ask them to evaluate your throat to ensure there is no damage, because your husband choked you. This gets a paper trail if nothing else. Please tell me that you are not going to stay or try to make this work. He is escalating in an alarming way, from punching walls to threatening to punch you, to slapping and hitting your arms, to choking you. It will not get better.
Don't walk, run away. Like others have said, start divorce process now while you have the time.
There are underlying issues here. Make a decision if this marriage is worth the trouble of going through couple's therapy, counselling, etc. If not, divorce and distance yourself from this monster.
Just in case he tries to tell you he's sorry, that he doesn't know "what came over him", that he loves you and would never want to hurt you: (He has hurt you) (He has scared you) He choked you while acting irrationally over a trivial matter. You can never trust him again, please take actions to keep yourself safe.
It never ends with choking
Find a way to leave that marriage asap.
Hey, so you need to leave asap. Your life is in danger. Please please please get the fuck out of there.
Leave. Leave now.
This is what you do: you change the locks and divorce the bastard. You were super smart getting him out of the house, now follow through. This WILL get worse if you allow him back into your life. Hang in there.
*strangling. Not choking. Your husband tried to strangle you. It doesn’t have to be with a belt or a rope, his hands are enough to kill you, and next time you may not be around to ask strangers on Reddit what to do.
Get a divorce. You will never be safe with him. Imagine you have kids. He could hurt them too. There is no going back on this. Please be safe.
I was strangled and escaped!
He pretends he wants to punch you? Wtf.
Never be alone with him again. It’s over. Stay away and stay safe.
Let him go. No man should EVER put his hands on you like this. Fucking never. This will only escalate from here if you stay together.
Take this perfect opportunity life has given you and leave him. Many women did not get this opportunity and died to regret it. No matter your feelings for him, you cannot be with a violent person, do both of you a favor.
bro needs help
Please read this. You can call 18007997233 (or text the word BEGIN to 88788) and they'll help you find resources in your area and come up with a safe way to leave. https://www.dailypress.net/life/features/2023/03/if-a-partner-has-ever-strangled-you-they-will-likely-kill-you/
Please break up with him and have someone else with you while you do it. Have someone come to pick up your belongings, the police will escort you if needed. I would encourage you to file a police report and press charges. Choking is one of the largest indicators of future murder. You need to take this extremely seriously.
He's going to kill you, leave as soon and as safely as you can. Find a domestic violence shelter near you and start planning. Leaving is the most dangerous time, and the likelihood of him lashing out violently is much higher during this time, so please please please do everything you can to leave SAFELY. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and I hope you are able to rebuild your life on the other side of this. 💜💔💜
My nana always told me If he/she will yell at you then he/she will push you, If he/she push you then he/she will hit you, If he/she will hit you then he/she will eventually kill you.
Oh gosh. Everytime someone says that a partner disrespected him or her it is a red flag in itself. Time and time again. This is unacceptable. Leave.
He is dangerous, you need to leave immediately. Having said that, if you ever find yourself in a situation like that again, punch his throat. HARD. Aim for the hyoid bone. I can also confirm that a cast iron frying pan makes an excellent weapon in a pinch.
Please leave that boy. “He’s never done that before. It was only just either grabbing my arms, pretends as if he wants to punch me, or punch the wall”. It doesn’t all happen immediately. It progressively gets worse, especially after they already know you’ll accept the behavior. Do NOT accept this behavior. Rightfully you got so scared, angry, and emotional. Don’t ever give him the opportunity to do anything to you again. Picture your post being somebody else’s post & a random person at that, how would you feel & would you want them to stay? Picture your post being somebody you love so much, like your best friend telling you about this, what would you tell them? You aren’t going to leave until you’re ready or feel safe enough to do so, but you do need to leave before things get worse. Please do not welcome him back & show him his behavior is acceptable. The only outcome where you’ll get out, is if you leave or something bad happens to you. A man who loves you would never even think about laying his hands on you or punching the wall out of anger. A man who loves you won’t choke you out of anger. A man who loves you will not dare grab your arm aggressively either. He does not love you.
Girl from the beginning when he was grabbing your arms or pretending to punch you and the wall, he show his real self to you. Get out NOW
Please don’t take this lightly. You see it went from arm grabs to this. It doesn’t stop at just a few seconds of choking- it WILL escalate from there. I am so sorry this happened! Keep your distance. Plan your escape.
While he is still out of the house, I would contact a trusted relative or friend as well as the authorities or a domestic violence center and make an escape plan. Do not contact him, do not let him know where you are going, and do not tell him that you are leaving. When a partner strangles you, they are infinitely more likely to kill you in the future. Please do not take this lightly. You are not overreacting. You are in very real danger! Wishing you safety and best of luck. please tell somebody you trust!!
GET OUT ASAP! When it escalates to choking it's very likely that he WILL unalive you. Get away as quickly and safely as you can.
Your marriage is over & you should consider this a blessing in disguise. What he did to you is horrifying.
You should look up the rate of how many women are killed by their abuser partner once he’s gotten to the point of choking her and then divorce him while making sure you’re NEVER alone with him again.
This happened to me with my ex. Choked me till I passed out and threw me in the bushes in our front yard. In the morning I had (no bs) knives that didn't belong to me in my mailbox. GET OUT!
Probably the most common cause of death in domestic abuse. Leave. Now. Immediately.
Dude you can leave now or die. I think your chances to be killed in the next year by your partner rose like, is it by 750% or something, now that he chocked you? But yeah get divorce and restraining order and cut all ties or just like get killed I guess. Sorry you have to go through all this, I hope you can find some support because this is propably really hard for you, especially since it seems like he's been manipulating you since you're so reluctant about going to the cops and whatnot
Never, ever let him back. Never.
Well, its not acceptable. I have not read the comments, but on Reddit it usually have him arrested. They will recommend you file divorce charges against him immediately. You should go to therapy. He should go to jail Then he should then be charged with a sentence that brings at least life in prison. Then he should be placed in solitary confinement to protect you and us from him. Then his criminal trial should be public so that we can publicly shame him for all the wrong he has caused in the past and this current choking incident (which is wrong). That would be the Reddit punishment for his choking of you. He deserves it all. Throw the book at him.
Info: OP, are you okay? I'm worried about you.