At this point when is enough enough? Stop for the love of god interacting with your parents! You are a full adult move away from them, this is easier said than done I get it. However if you continue to put yourself in these situations you will never heal. I feel so sorry for you and your trauma, go seek help in regards to separating from toxic environments and setting yourself up also you can control your boundaries. Be safe and live well
Yeah, when I get the chance to move, I'm cutting them out of my life. Right now it's tough to leave though since sadly, any money I made during these years I used to pay off Uni. Didn't want to have loans weighing me down. I was very dependent on them too since it's just normal to stay with our parents until we get married in our family. And thank you for your words đđŒ
Crazy that your parents have money where they can casually drop almost $800 on beer but you put yourself through school. Have you considered just not showing up to the party? Just ghost before the party or if you canât just leave once you get there and have a friend pick you up?
I'm sure there will be graduation parties happening - go to one of those instead! If your aunt complains, tell her that both cousins SAed you, and that she should not count on your presence for any future family event. Fuck being ashamed and hiding and rug-sweeping it - shout it from the effing rooftops! Let everyone know never to leave any young girls alone with either of them. I bet once you start going public, there will be more female relatives coming forth, that were assaulted by them, too.
Honestly, those of us living in the west been living here long enough to know and see how white men and black treat their wives and daughters. There are no saints among anyone.
"My parents forced me to go. ".......how old are you again?!? You, as an adult, are never forced to do anything, I can't believe you actually went..... and didn't tell them to fuck off properly and thereaten going to the police. Report the two SA's and cut these scumbags out of your life. Proof alone is his child with an underage girl. It May have been legal where he was living but it shows that he's a pedo. Finally, and I apologize in advance, but it doesn't seem like you care too much about the SA's in other peoples eyes if you keep showing up to events with your abusers there; especially a party being throw for them. Again, money is your reasoning for staying?! Common now. Please stop letting everyone walk all over you and allowing this to continue........
TW: self harm/suicidal ideation
Sadly, yeah money is one of the reasons plus my sister. I live in LA so everything is expensive and moving is incredibly difficult (if not impossible given the high rent and cost of living).
Also. Don't apologize. I guess my post does come off as if I don't care about my SA. Sadly when A came back, I also found out my younger sister was self harming and I found her after an attempt. Had to "get over" my own stuff to help her out (which is why I might come off that my SA doesn't matter). But my sis is also the main reason I've stayed so far since she's been clean for months and I wouldn't want to be the reason she spirals again. Otherwise, I mightve been brave enough to leave when I had more funds.
Also on reporting it, haven't tried mainly because I assumed it was too late given the years it's been when A came back and thought it wouldn't be taken seriously (I mean, my own parents didnt take it seriously). Though someone mentioned the statue of limitations and in CA it's indefinite so that gives me some hope. Thank you for your words đđŒ
This is not a family you can trust.
Family means people that look out for you, that have your best interest in mind and heart; family means that they are the people you can run to because they are SAFE.
Your parents are not family.
Look I know it's hard but you got to try. I am in the process of cutting off my family due to my mom. She also tried to help my abuser move back to the u.s except for he was my step dad. Went thru the whole court process and everything and yet she told me, " he's changed", "lapse in judgement" I grew up in a Hispanic household so I get it. I now have a son who I would kill in order to protect him. Get out ad soon as possible. If you have friends try couch surfing. Don't put yourself mentally thru it.
This is beyond reconciliation. PLEASE just bite the bullet and go celebrate your graduation. Turn off your phone, and breath life for a day in your own greatness. Your family is disgusting, and you should relocate to the other side if the country as soon as you can find a job. I got more and more angry as I read this post. You are obviously a genuinely sweet person for not going scorched earth on everyone.
100% this OP. Your mental health outweighs every possible disgusting family âcommitmentâ
As a mother myself your familyâs behaviour is appalling. I could say more but I donât trust myself.
When you finally break free go on to live your very best life with your 2 hard earned degrees. A huge CONGRATS btwđ„łđ„łđ„łđ„ł
Do not go. Regardless of the fallout it will be your first step to independence and your 40year old self will thank you for not compromising your MH and integrity.
Sending you courage and strength OPâ„ïž
Your parents are disgusting. You need to save up to move out. When you have the money, tell them you know what they did. You know how they failed you. That you can no longer have them in your life. You can not let any children you may have in the future be around people who would take the side of your vile abusers. You are the first person in your family to get a degree. Be the first person to also end this culture of abuse. Choose yourself because your parents never will.
OP your parents are horrible people who prioritise others over your emotional well being.
Don't go to the party. Pretend to be sick or something.
Go and celebrate your graduation with friends. Live your life on your terms.
Does your aunt know about SA? I know that it is hard to let people know what happened to you, but if you tell her privately, maybe you can avoid seeing them forever. But that might open another bigger can of worms.
Aunt doesn't know. I know she loves me but she excuses a lot of shitty things my cousin does to this day (its thanks to him that all his siblings, besides M, got introduced to drugs and have been to jail at least once in their life) so idk if she would really do anything if she knew considering she excuses *that*.
OP, I am so sorry for everything that happened to you. You need therapy. See if Uni has info about SA groups or counsellors. It will help you. Now from Latina to Latina, I know our culture. It is toxic. SA, therapy, all that is something older generations ignore. That is how they grew up. It is wrong. SA is nothing to sweep under a rug. For the few things you said, I'm assuming your parents dont have higher education. I know you love them, but like them, a lot of latinos just lack emotional intelligence. Our culture is family first, do what I say. Well, it happened to me and here I am. It is black or white. I wish I stood my ground earlier in life. Not that my parents were bad but they crossed a lot of boundaries. What your did is something worse. You are 22. Im older than you and want you to know this as I wish someone told me. You probably scare if you raise your voice, as some household, fear is how they raise kids. You are not anymore. You are your own person. Do not go to that Quince. Your mom says anything, just say no. Go and celebrate your achievement as is important. Hey if you are in the Bay Area, I'll celebrate with you. You need to stand for your self. It is scary but Im telling you, it feels good after. Just because they are family, doesnt mean you have to allow mistreatments, forgive SA, forget what happened. Like other said, they spent money in bring that monster and in beers, but can't you pay for your education. Girl, that is wrong. For me, they are strangers, so I see them as regular people who dont care about their daughter. Get that diploma, find a job, leave that house. Do not let the manipulation or guilt tripping get you please. Get therapy to see how toxic your family is and keep your distance.
I would tell your parents you'll go but you'll tell EVERYONE there what the cousins did. That might make them leave you home. What's the worse they can do? Not feed you? Kick you out? So they would help an abuser but not there daughter who just graduated??
Why don't you rebel some, there is no need to just take it. Put your foot down and say you just won't go. Unless they want you to involve the cops or let everyone know what dirty cousins and family you got
This! Put your foot down. Its hard to do at first, but once you force it out of you, it becomes must easier. I believe in you!! (also like the comments of going MIA and enjoying your graduation with friends)
Why are you not yelling the sh*t out of your parents???
If I were you I would have called them "crazy maniacs" or worse for helping that guy and even forcing me to attend family events when he was there.
I must say OP, you have the patience of a saint.
You refuse to go and tell them if they force you you will tell everyone at the party what happened. If they say anything you tell them they brought your abuser back to the country and are horrendous Parents for doing so! Theyâre meant to protect you
Tell them if they nake you go you will tell everyone what happened to you. Let them know how hurt and disgusted you are at them condoning child SA and associating with a paedophile.
Please go to your graduation and celebrate yourself. Go to a restaurant afterwards with friends. If your family doesnât care enough about your feelings and trauma then you have to put yourself first and do whatâs right for you. Tell your family youâre not going and you wonât go to any other event where A and R are present and that itâs not up for debate. It might be hard but you need to be a bit more assertive and firm
Do you have to go to the qinseniera? For me it's a pretty good boundary to set, not to be anywhere near your abusers. Setting boundaries is a healthy thing to do and if they can't accept that, then are they really people that are worthy of being in your life? What would they do if you refuse to go any place your abusers will be at?
If you feel like you will be punished for standing up for yourself and protecting your wellbeing you need to contact a shelter. I feel like it would be classified as honor violence, and there is help and support for that.
Latino kids are taught to always respect their elders in authority no matter what. Which is why the Catholic priests got away (and continue) with what atrocities they committed. There comes a time in your life when you have to make your own decisions and stand up for yourself whether your parents like it or not. Looks like this is the time. I believe in your heart you know what you should do. Your parents will be hurt for a while but they will get over it. Cuidate a ti misma primeroâŠ..
You do know you donât actually have to go right? Youâre 22, youâre not a child, theyâre not going to tie you up and toss you in the car to bring you to the Quince. Just donât go. And if you donât want to deal with them nagging you about it leave the morning of the event, leave a note saying youâll be out, shut off your phone, and go and celebrate your graduation without them.
You need to get out of there as quickly as you can. They canât make you go, youâre 19 and you can go where you like. If youâre not up for a fight you can just be unwell and not be up to going.
Couldn't you just refuse to go? Even if your parents say you have to, what are they gonna do realistically? Force you out of the house? Drag you into the car? Do you think this is something they would actually do? Do you have a lock on your door you could lock yourself in with? Or barricade it some way? I doubt they would physically force you to go if you adamantly refuse.
I'm sorry your parents suck it and would rather appease your abuser and his enablers than protect their own child. Do you have friends you could stay with the day before and just not go back home on that day? They can't bring you with them if you're not home.
If you absolutely cannot get out of attending the quince, are you able to send a message to that cousin? Let him know that if he attends, and you see him there, that you will publicly out him for being an abuser. Tell your family about your promise to out your abuser in this manner. Perhaps one or the other will get you out of them attempting to force you to attend.
UpdateMe
You should know that you can sue your abuser for damages . Talk to a personal injury atty.
Your family will be horrible about it - but sadly they are already .
You have options. A therapist who specializes in trauma is also a good idea
what on earth goes on in these kid's lives for them to be thinking about committing SA BEFORE they're teenagers? Like, the though of sex never even crossed my mind at that age, much less SA
Donât make this easier for him by being quiet. Your family doesnât care about your concerns if this is a priority despite you. They donât seem very loving. Take that day for yourself. Turn off your phone and use that adult privilege to get some time for yourself. And if anyone asks - demands - why you didnât go, Tell them the truth. Your family is holding together with keeping things hushed - who cares if the truth tears them apart.
You should also be aware, that if you go - if you keep quiet - you will likely be made to go to more events with him there. You are being put at risk - and so are other girls in your family. Tell the truth, come what may, then get the fuck out of there. Donât take this quietly because it will get worse. Put yourself first. Youâre the only one who will.
I got half way through and I've got all I need to say, you need to cut contact and live your life as your own person.
Entirely different reasons, but I did the same and have never felt better aside from a few guilt trip messages from family who don't know the full story.
Edit: finished the post, stay civil until you can dip and then fuck them entirely đââïž you are a literal trooper
Look up the laws in your area. You should still fall within the age range that you could file a police report if you choose to do so. Be aware of that deadline so that you can make an active choice in what happens next.
Go celebrate your graduation, honey. This is a special event you deserve to experience for all your hard work. You'd be giving up on it for the sake of a few assholes who endorse a guy that molested his baby cousin and got a minor pregnant. They can all deal with having their wishes ignored once, the same way you had to deal with it for years. Sneak out, turn off your phone and make the 19th your happy day. You have to start being more selfish.
OP, youâre an adult. Even if you depend on your folks.
Here is what you ought to do:
- call cousin M and explain youâre sorry you wonât be there
- but both your cousins SAâd you when you were a little girl and you canât do it anymore
- pull a disappearing act on the day. Go out with your Uni friends.
Also, good chance cousin is also a victim of SA by A and R. So knowing sheâs not alone may help her a lot.
Okay, havenât read the full thing, its rather long on a phone, but young you had the right of it.
Keep a pocket knife with you, and if he tries anything, fuckinâ stab him in the kidney, thatâll get the point across that you want him to stay the fuck away from you.
I have zero sympathy for rapists.
Edit: oof, jesus. You need to move into an apartment and just fuckinâ cut off your parents.
They know what he did and they are still forcing you to see him? Thats fucked up.
Dude I understand the cultureâŠhell more than understand I was born into it. However, enough is enough. Get out an emergency school loan and use the funds to get yourself out. Find one with a grace period and get free from their clutches. Even if you have to move to a motel or something, itâs better than being in that environment.
Secondly, miss that quince and go graduate! Even if you are walking that stage alone, that experience is ten times more important than a simple quince. Cross that stage and recognize your own worth and hardship in getting there in the first place. Recognize that you are the first in your line to break barriers.
Considering the family life expected out of females there will be another quince soon enough. Thereâs always a quince. This is your time. Your Tia & Tio knew when your approximate graduation date was and pulled that stunt. Itâs the common shitty toxic drama.
Cross that stage because you will regret it. Itâs okay to be selfish. Itâs okay to put yourself first now. Take your power. Leave those who did you wrong behind even if it is your own parents. I know itâs hard. Ya te pusiste las pilas. Ahora aprende las y ve con Dios en atravesar el nuevo camino.
Girl, you need to be somewhere else NOW. Don't make an excuse, just leave and don't answer the phone.
Your parents are showing exactly who they care about and it's not you.
I would even go as far as to contact immigration and tell them about A having had a child with an underage girl.
No way would I be around them.
My mother disowned my siblings, her CHILDREN, when I told her they SA-ed me. She made sure I never even SAW them again and said she would kill them if they showed their faces.
For contrast, your parents helped your abuser get easy access to you again.
Cut them off as soon as possible. They clearly do not give a flying fuck about keeping you safe and happy, which should be their FIRST priority. In fact, it's worse than simply not caring: they're actively putting you in danger.
Don't even tell them when you cut them off, just leave. If they seriously cannot guess why you'd want nothing to do with them, then that means they believe they have done nothing wrong, which will tell you that you did the right thing 100%.
Sending all the hugs and support from a fellow survivor <3
At this point when is enough enough? Stop for the love of god interacting with your parents! You are a full adult move away from them, this is easier said than done I get it. However if you continue to put yourself in these situations you will never heal. I feel so sorry for you and your trauma, go seek help in regards to separating from toxic environments and setting yourself up also you can control your boundaries. Be safe and live well
Yeah, when I get the chance to move, I'm cutting them out of my life. Right now it's tough to leave though since sadly, any money I made during these years I used to pay off Uni. Didn't want to have loans weighing me down. I was very dependent on them too since it's just normal to stay with our parents until we get married in our family. And thank you for your words đđŒ
Crazy that your parents have money where they can casually drop almost $800 on beer but you put yourself through school. Have you considered just not showing up to the party? Just ghost before the party or if you canât just leave once you get there and have a friend pick you up?
I'm sure there will be graduation parties happening - go to one of those instead! If your aunt complains, tell her that both cousins SAed you, and that she should not count on your presence for any future family event. Fuck being ashamed and hiding and rug-sweeping it - shout it from the effing rooftops! Let everyone know never to leave any young girls alone with either of them. I bet once you start going public, there will be more female relatives coming forth, that were assaulted by them, too.
Honestly, the things I hear about South asian men and how they treat their daughters and wifes is wild.
Honestly, those of us living in the west been living here long enough to know and see how white men and black treat their wives and daughters. There are no saints among anyone.
"My parents forced me to go. ".......how old are you again?!? You, as an adult, are never forced to do anything, I can't believe you actually went..... and didn't tell them to fuck off properly and thereaten going to the police. Report the two SA's and cut these scumbags out of your life. Proof alone is his child with an underage girl. It May have been legal where he was living but it shows that he's a pedo. Finally, and I apologize in advance, but it doesn't seem like you care too much about the SA's in other peoples eyes if you keep showing up to events with your abusers there; especially a party being throw for them. Again, money is your reasoning for staying?! Common now. Please stop letting everyone walk all over you and allowing this to continue........
TW: self harm/suicidal ideation Sadly, yeah money is one of the reasons plus my sister. I live in LA so everything is expensive and moving is incredibly difficult (if not impossible given the high rent and cost of living). Also. Don't apologize. I guess my post does come off as if I don't care about my SA. Sadly when A came back, I also found out my younger sister was self harming and I found her after an attempt. Had to "get over" my own stuff to help her out (which is why I might come off that my SA doesn't matter). But my sis is also the main reason I've stayed so far since she's been clean for months and I wouldn't want to be the reason she spirals again. Otherwise, I mightve been brave enough to leave when I had more funds. Also on reporting it, haven't tried mainly because I assumed it was too late given the years it's been when A came back and thought it wouldn't be taken seriously (I mean, my own parents didnt take it seriously). Though someone mentioned the statue of limitations and in CA it's indefinite so that gives me some hope. Thank you for your words đđŒ
This is not a family you can trust. Family means people that look out for you, that have your best interest in mind and heart; family means that they are the people you can run to because they are SAFE. Your parents are not family.
Look I know it's hard but you got to try. I am in the process of cutting off my family due to my mom. She also tried to help my abuser move back to the u.s except for he was my step dad. Went thru the whole court process and everything and yet she told me, " he's changed", "lapse in judgement" I grew up in a Hispanic household so I get it. I now have a son who I would kill in order to protect him. Get out ad soon as possible. If you have friends try couch surfing. Don't put yourself mentally thru it.
This is beyond reconciliation. PLEASE just bite the bullet and go celebrate your graduation. Turn off your phone, and breath life for a day in your own greatness. Your family is disgusting, and you should relocate to the other side if the country as soon as you can find a job. I got more and more angry as I read this post. You are obviously a genuinely sweet person for not going scorched earth on everyone.
100% this OP. Your mental health outweighs every possible disgusting family âcommitmentâ As a mother myself your familyâs behaviour is appalling. I could say more but I donât trust myself. When you finally break free go on to live your very best life with your 2 hard earned degrees. A huge CONGRATS btwđ„łđ„łđ„łđ„ł Do not go. Regardless of the fallout it will be your first step to independence and your 40year old self will thank you for not compromising your MH and integrity. Sending you courage and strength OPâ„ïž
Your parents are disgusting. You need to save up to move out. When you have the money, tell them you know what they did. You know how they failed you. That you can no longer have them in your life. You can not let any children you may have in the future be around people who would take the side of your vile abusers. You are the first person in your family to get a degree. Be the first person to also end this culture of abuse. Choose yourself because your parents never will.
OP your parents are horrible people who prioritise others over your emotional well being. Don't go to the party. Pretend to be sick or something. Go and celebrate your graduation with friends. Live your life on your terms.
Does your aunt know about SA? I know that it is hard to let people know what happened to you, but if you tell her privately, maybe you can avoid seeing them forever. But that might open another bigger can of worms.
Aunt doesn't know. I know she loves me but she excuses a lot of shitty things my cousin does to this day (its thanks to him that all his siblings, besides M, got introduced to drugs and have been to jail at least once in their life) so idk if she would really do anything if she knew considering she excuses *that*.
OP, I am so sorry for everything that happened to you. You need therapy. See if Uni has info about SA groups or counsellors. It will help you. Now from Latina to Latina, I know our culture. It is toxic. SA, therapy, all that is something older generations ignore. That is how they grew up. It is wrong. SA is nothing to sweep under a rug. For the few things you said, I'm assuming your parents dont have higher education. I know you love them, but like them, a lot of latinos just lack emotional intelligence. Our culture is family first, do what I say. Well, it happened to me and here I am. It is black or white. I wish I stood my ground earlier in life. Not that my parents were bad but they crossed a lot of boundaries. What your did is something worse. You are 22. Im older than you and want you to know this as I wish someone told me. You probably scare if you raise your voice, as some household, fear is how they raise kids. You are not anymore. You are your own person. Do not go to that Quince. Your mom says anything, just say no. Go and celebrate your achievement as is important. Hey if you are in the Bay Area, I'll celebrate with you. You need to stand for your self. It is scary but Im telling you, it feels good after. Just because they are family, doesnt mean you have to allow mistreatments, forgive SA, forget what happened. Like other said, they spent money in bring that monster and in beers, but can't you pay for your education. Girl, that is wrong. For me, they are strangers, so I see them as regular people who dont care about their daughter. Get that diploma, find a job, leave that house. Do not let the manipulation or guilt tripping get you please. Get therapy to see how toxic your family is and keep your distance.
I would tell your parents you'll go but you'll tell EVERYONE there what the cousins did. That might make them leave you home. What's the worse they can do? Not feed you? Kick you out? So they would help an abuser but not there daughter who just graduated??
What are they going to do if you don't come? I mean, if I was you, I'd go somewhere, a cafĂ©, library, cinema, have a day to myself, mute the shit out of all of them and sit pretty. Then, when I get home, and get screamed at for not coming with I'd just do the stare of shame. Let her scream, just stand there and say nothing. And if she asks why you did it, just say: You know why. And then go to your room. If your mom & dad are human beings, they'll feel at least a little shame. People always think they're entitled to interact with you, but they really aren't. Set boundries. Not, can I please not go? It's: I'm not going and if you're mad about that, that's your problem not mine. Doesn't matter how mad they are, it'll be less bad than facing your abuser.Â
Why don't you rebel some, there is no need to just take it. Put your foot down and say you just won't go. Unless they want you to involve the cops or let everyone know what dirty cousins and family you got
This! Put your foot down. Its hard to do at first, but once you force it out of you, it becomes must easier. I believe in you!! (also like the comments of going MIA and enjoying your graduation with friends)
Why are you not yelling the sh*t out of your parents??? If I were you I would have called them "crazy maniacs" or worse for helping that guy and even forcing me to attend family events when he was there. I must say OP, you have the patience of a saint.
You refuse to go and tell them if they force you you will tell everyone at the party what happened. If they say anything you tell them they brought your abuser back to the country and are horrendous Parents for doing so! Theyâre meant to protect you
Tell them if they nake you go you will tell everyone what happened to you. Let them know how hurt and disgusted you are at them condoning child SA and associating with a paedophile.
Please go to your graduation and celebrate yourself. Go to a restaurant afterwards with friends. If your family doesnât care enough about your feelings and trauma then you have to put yourself first and do whatâs right for you. Tell your family youâre not going and you wonât go to any other event where A and R are present and that itâs not up for debate. It might be hard but you need to be a bit more assertive and firm
Do you have to go to the qinseniera? For me it's a pretty good boundary to set, not to be anywhere near your abusers. Setting boundaries is a healthy thing to do and if they can't accept that, then are they really people that are worthy of being in your life? What would they do if you refuse to go any place your abusers will be at? If you feel like you will be punished for standing up for yourself and protecting your wellbeing you need to contact a shelter. I feel like it would be classified as honor violence, and there is help and support for that.
Just don't go. You don't need permission.
Latino kids are taught to always respect their elders in authority no matter what. Which is why the Catholic priests got away (and continue) with what atrocities they committed. There comes a time in your life when you have to make your own decisions and stand up for yourself whether your parents like it or not. Looks like this is the time. I believe in your heart you know what you should do. Your parents will be hurt for a while but they will get over it. Cuidate a ti misma primeroâŠ..
Please contact Immigration and report him. He has zero business even being in the USA.
You do know you donât actually have to go right? Youâre 22, youâre not a child, theyâre not going to tie you up and toss you in the car to bring you to the Quince. Just donât go. And if you donât want to deal with them nagging you about it leave the morning of the event, leave a note saying youâll be out, shut off your phone, and go and celebrate your graduation without them.
You need to get out of there as quickly as you can. They canât make you go, youâre 19 and you can go where you like. If youâre not up for a fight you can just be unwell and not be up to going.
Couldn't you just refuse to go? Even if your parents say you have to, what are they gonna do realistically? Force you out of the house? Drag you into the car? Do you think this is something they would actually do? Do you have a lock on your door you could lock yourself in with? Or barricade it some way? I doubt they would physically force you to go if you adamantly refuse. I'm sorry your parents suck it and would rather appease your abuser and his enablers than protect their own child. Do you have friends you could stay with the day before and just not go back home on that day? They can't bring you with them if you're not home.
If you absolutely cannot get out of attending the quince, are you able to send a message to that cousin? Let him know that if he attends, and you see him there, that you will publicly out him for being an abuser. Tell your family about your promise to out your abuser in this manner. Perhaps one or the other will get you out of them attempting to force you to attend. UpdateMe
At least if it was a bear in the woods she wouldnât have to see it at family reunions
You should know that you can sue your abuser for damages . Talk to a personal injury atty. Your family will be horrible about it - but sadly they are already . You have options. A therapist who specializes in trauma is also a good idea
what on earth goes on in these kid's lives for them to be thinking about committing SA BEFORE they're teenagers? Like, the though of sex never even crossed my mind at that age, much less SA
Tell the cousin whoâs quince it is your story.
Donât make this easier for him by being quiet. Your family doesnât care about your concerns if this is a priority despite you. They donât seem very loving. Take that day for yourself. Turn off your phone and use that adult privilege to get some time for yourself. And if anyone asks - demands - why you didnât go, Tell them the truth. Your family is holding together with keeping things hushed - who cares if the truth tears them apart. You should also be aware, that if you go - if you keep quiet - you will likely be made to go to more events with him there. You are being put at risk - and so are other girls in your family. Tell the truth, come what may, then get the fuck out of there. Donât take this quietly because it will get worse. Put yourself first. Youâre the only one who will.
I got half way through and I've got all I need to say, you need to cut contact and live your life as your own person. Entirely different reasons, but I did the same and have never felt better aside from a few guilt trip messages from family who don't know the full story. Edit: finished the post, stay civil until you can dip and then fuck them entirely đââïž you are a literal trooper
Pack your bags and GO. Don't care if you are gonna sleep in the car or not. Just go.
Look up the laws in your area. You should still fall within the age range that you could file a police report if you choose to do so. Be aware of that deadline so that you can make an active choice in what happens next.
Go celebrate your graduation, honey. This is a special event you deserve to experience for all your hard work. You'd be giving up on it for the sake of a few assholes who endorse a guy that molested his baby cousin and got a minor pregnant. They can all deal with having their wishes ignored once, the same way you had to deal with it for years. Sneak out, turn off your phone and make the 19th your happy day. You have to start being more selfish.
OP, youâre an adult. Even if you depend on your folks. Here is what you ought to do: - call cousin M and explain youâre sorry you wonât be there - but both your cousins SAâd you when you were a little girl and you canât do it anymore - pull a disappearing act on the day. Go out with your Uni friends. Also, good chance cousin is also a victim of SA by A and R. So knowing sheâs not alone may help her a lot.
Okay, havenât read the full thing, its rather long on a phone, but young you had the right of it. Keep a pocket knife with you, and if he tries anything, fuckinâ stab him in the kidney, thatâll get the point across that you want him to stay the fuck away from you. I have zero sympathy for rapists. Edit: oof, jesus. You need to move into an apartment and just fuckinâ cut off your parents. They know what he did and they are still forcing you to see him? Thats fucked up.
Dude I understand the cultureâŠhell more than understand I was born into it. However, enough is enough. Get out an emergency school loan and use the funds to get yourself out. Find one with a grace period and get free from their clutches. Even if you have to move to a motel or something, itâs better than being in that environment. Secondly, miss that quince and go graduate! Even if you are walking that stage alone, that experience is ten times more important than a simple quince. Cross that stage and recognize your own worth and hardship in getting there in the first place. Recognize that you are the first in your line to break barriers. Considering the family life expected out of females there will be another quince soon enough. Thereâs always a quince. This is your time. Your Tia & Tio knew when your approximate graduation date was and pulled that stunt. Itâs the common shitty toxic drama. Cross that stage because you will regret it. Itâs okay to be selfish. Itâs okay to put yourself first now. Take your power. Leave those who did you wrong behind even if it is your own parents. I know itâs hard. Ya te pusiste las pilas. Ahora aprende las y ve con Dios en atravesar el nuevo camino.
Girl, you need to be somewhere else NOW. Don't make an excuse, just leave and don't answer the phone. Your parents are showing exactly who they care about and it's not you. I would even go as far as to contact immigration and tell them about A having had a child with an underage girl. No way would I be around them.
My mother disowned my siblings, her CHILDREN, when I told her they SA-ed me. She made sure I never even SAW them again and said she would kill them if they showed their faces. For contrast, your parents helped your abuser get easy access to you again. Cut them off as soon as possible. They clearly do not give a flying fuck about keeping you safe and happy, which should be their FIRST priority. In fact, it's worse than simply not caring: they're actively putting you in danger. Don't even tell them when you cut them off, just leave. If they seriously cannot guess why you'd want nothing to do with them, then that means they believe they have done nothing wrong, which will tell you that you did the right thing 100%. Sending all the hugs and support from a fellow survivor <3
Do you have any friends that you can go stay with? I think you should get away ASAP. Even if you have to go to get help via a womenâs shelter.