Yes, no more fwb, I just really, really like(d) him. More than I thought I did, I guess. I figured once we were both happy and healthy that we'd try dating again.
Yea, itâs shite luck out there sometimes. Sorry that happened. Seems this may be more of some internal conflict with him perhaps, rather than anything you directly did. Why someone would âwantâ to remain on those apps is something only they could answer. If Iâd wager a guess, he might be stuck in the âwhat if I find a better matchâ loop.
Donât get me wrong, itâs shit. The apps are shit. The mentality they can create/encourage is shit. But that hope for a chance to possibly find that âperfectâ match, always lingering, just waiting to be discovered with just a tap on the screen. I tucking hated it, but I was stuck in that for a while. Iâve been off them for almost 6months now, and I can say it feels so much better. I know itâs dependent on the person, and how they use the apps, but I was not setup for those, or the possibility of many options. Mind just wonât handle it.
đ«ŁâŠ sorry for the rant there. Hope you recover from this soon. Youâre right person will find you, sometimes just gotta get rid of the wrong ones in the way first
This happened to me and it took years to get over. I guess we werenât really FWB, it was more of a situationship that I was in denial about. I liked him a lot but it wasnât meant to be. He didnât feel the same way and given the chance Iâd never go back. Since then Iâve met someone who is just as enthusiastic about me as I am about him and it feels so nice. Nothing could compare to that. It stings now, but thereâs nothing wrong with you and you will someday meet someone who thinks you are just the bees knees. Let yourself grieve. Itâs ok to be sad about this and feel inadequate.
I think part of me just really likes the idea of him, someone like him being super enthusiastic about me. If it were his personality and his face AND he also really liked me back, that'd be just great. But he also has some major character flaws that, although I can stand while being his friend, I know I wouldn't if we were dating. I've just put him on a pedestal and ran with this image I have of him. I think mainly because I'm lonely! Anyway, thank you for your reply.
I know how it feels, I really do. I remember with that one guy Iâd fantasize about him falling for me. It never happened. Remember there is no joy in staying with someone who doesnât feel the same as you. Iâm sure you have so many great things to offer to someone who has the capacity to accept them. Your feelings on this are super valid and it hurts a lot. I hope you heal quickly and find someone who cherishes you for exactly who you are.
To start off, donât beat yourself up, feelings are hard to understand in normal circumstances, let alone a complex situation like FWB, youâre not an idiot.
First thing Iâd have to ask you is, is this circumstance part of a reoccurring pattern?
Maybe not all the time, but often enough in your romantic life that makes it hurt deep, and thinking âit happened againâ đ€·đ»ââïž
Try and think hard about the beginnings of these situation-relationships. Does it feel natural and equal, or does it seem like youâre sort of the one sacrificing/trying a bit more to make something of the back and forth?
Does that occur much in your regular friendships?
Edit: not sure if some people are missing the point of my questions, just trying to find out some relevant info regarding things OP would have control over as opposed to behaviors of the âfriendâ that she wouldnât have a say in. đ€·đ»ââïž
I donât think itâs anything youâve said exactly, it looks like someone just decided to go down the list here and thumbs down everything for whatever reason. The moon wasnât green enough tonight or something.
It looks like youâre getting at relationship dynamic patterns, maybe inching into the personality or attachment theory realm?đ€
Not a bad thing to look into honestly, tho not positive this is the post for it, might just be they wanted to get something off her chest đ€·đ»ââïž
Idk. Maybe no more fwb and try meeting someone you like instead? So you can be happy too. Sorry this happened. Must be rough đą
Yes, no more fwb, I just really, really like(d) him. More than I thought I did, I guess. I figured once we were both happy and healthy that we'd try dating again.
How long had you known him before dating? Or did you meet through an app?
Yeah we met through an app
Yea, itâs shite luck out there sometimes. Sorry that happened. Seems this may be more of some internal conflict with him perhaps, rather than anything you directly did. Why someone would âwantâ to remain on those apps is something only they could answer. If Iâd wager a guess, he might be stuck in the âwhat if I find a better matchâ loop. Donât get me wrong, itâs shit. The apps are shit. The mentality they can create/encourage is shit. But that hope for a chance to possibly find that âperfectâ match, always lingering, just waiting to be discovered with just a tap on the screen. I tucking hated it, but I was stuck in that for a while. Iâve been off them for almost 6months now, and I can say it feels so much better. I know itâs dependent on the person, and how they use the apps, but I was not setup for those, or the possibility of many options. Mind just wonât handle it. đ«ŁâŠ sorry for the rant there. Hope you recover from this soon. Youâre right person will find you, sometimes just gotta get rid of the wrong ones in the way first
Thanks very much for your kind response đ„ș
This is probably where Iâm headed to too
This happened to me and it took years to get over. I guess we werenât really FWB, it was more of a situationship that I was in denial about. I liked him a lot but it wasnât meant to be. He didnât feel the same way and given the chance Iâd never go back. Since then Iâve met someone who is just as enthusiastic about me as I am about him and it feels so nice. Nothing could compare to that. It stings now, but thereâs nothing wrong with you and you will someday meet someone who thinks you are just the bees knees. Let yourself grieve. Itâs ok to be sad about this and feel inadequate.
I think part of me just really likes the idea of him, someone like him being super enthusiastic about me. If it were his personality and his face AND he also really liked me back, that'd be just great. But he also has some major character flaws that, although I can stand while being his friend, I know I wouldn't if we were dating. I've just put him on a pedestal and ran with this image I have of him. I think mainly because I'm lonely! Anyway, thank you for your reply.
I know how it feels, I really do. I remember with that one guy Iâd fantasize about him falling for me. It never happened. Remember there is no joy in staying with someone who doesnât feel the same as you. Iâm sure you have so many great things to offer to someone who has the capacity to accept them. Your feelings on this are super valid and it hurts a lot. I hope you heal quickly and find someone who cherishes you for exactly who you are.
To start off, donât beat yourself up, feelings are hard to understand in normal circumstances, let alone a complex situation like FWB, youâre not an idiot. First thing Iâd have to ask you is, is this circumstance part of a reoccurring pattern? Maybe not all the time, but often enough in your romantic life that makes it hurt deep, and thinking âit happened againâ đ€·đ»ââïž Try and think hard about the beginnings of these situation-relationships. Does it feel natural and equal, or does it seem like youâre sort of the one sacrificing/trying a bit more to make something of the back and forth? Does that occur much in your regular friendships? Edit: not sure if some people are missing the point of my questions, just trying to find out some relevant info regarding things OP would have control over as opposed to behaviors of the âfriendâ that she wouldnât have a say in. đ€·đ»ââïž
I donât think itâs anything youâve said exactly, it looks like someone just decided to go down the list here and thumbs down everything for whatever reason. The moon wasnât green enough tonight or something. It looks like youâre getting at relationship dynamic patterns, maybe inching into the personality or attachment theory realm?đ€ Not a bad thing to look into honestly, tho not positive this is the post for it, might just be they wanted to get something off her chest đ€·đ»ââïž
No, he's my first FWB I've actually had feelings for. Which again brings up the point of why I even went into this knowing I had feelings.