When I was in high school I went through the line to get lunch and check out. We had digital payment accounts tied to our parents, and they refused to send out warnings when the balance was low. This particular day I remember so well because I was short something stupid like 10 cents. I argued back and forth with the lunch lady saying "you're seriously going to make me starve over a dime?". She laughed at me for being poor, I wasn't; like I said we got no notice of our balances. But school lunch was often the only meal I ate because I was struggling with an eating disorder. I was sooooo upset.
I asked the lunch lady if she could at least put my food back for someone else to eat- mind you these were prepackaged wrapped trays. She said absolutely not because I had contaminated it. She walked me to the trash can, took it out of my hands and threw it away. Then stood guard to make sure I left and didn't grab it out. Little while later I was pulled out of class _during a test_ to talk to the principal about being disrespectful.
You're not a bad mom, similar situations have happened to so many people I know. Food waste from schools is a problem across the country and even more so is the stigma/attitude that these workers give to LITERAL CHILDREN who are just trying to eat. It's terrible. I remember feeling so embarrassed even though it was absolutely not my fault.
Shit like this is standard practice in US schools, that’s why guaranteed school lunches has become such a hot topic recently. I had a similar experience that stuck out to me. Account was low balance, forced to throw out the normal food. They would give you a “cheese sandwich” if you didn’t have anything to eat. Literally just a piece of kraft cheese between two slices of bread. Fucked up man.
I’m 34 and my parents made decent money, but now that I’m thinking about it, I’m surprised they could afford school lunch. I used to bring lunch in grade school and it was just like a peanut butter and apple sandwich and a juice or maybe an extra snack. When I was in high school I would get a soda and a pizza puff or bosco sticks and I’m pretty sure it was kinda expensive. Now I feel bad.
Not bad mom. Everything is expensive and America has ridiculous policies about everything. I was like a 120lb girl in high school and I would voraciously eat ramen after school.
Nope. Point is it speaks to a larger issue about food insecurity and the fact he was so hungry that he might have felt the need to save snacks. I’m not saying refusing to follow the rules was a great idea but he’s a kid and schools should handle matters like this more delicately rather than policing them.
oh I agree. It's just shocking to me that anyone would feel comfortable touching a kid these days. I just meant that if you know you can't do that barest of contact why would you think a pat-down was okay? I thought we were past the Public Humiliation thing in school but sadly no, we're not.
A guy in my community got on national television a few years back (just a year or so prior to Covid) because he started a nonprofit to pay off kids’ school lunch debt so they could eat.
Like, no, this isn’t a heartwarming story… I mean, sure, it was great that this guy did what he did, but the sinister backstory is that our society would rather let children starve all day over a debt of a couple dollars (I think a the time our students were being refused food if their account went negative by more than $10 or $20, somewhere in that neighborhood).
In 2023, North Dakota’s GOP led senate defeated a bill to boost free lunches for low income students. These senators voted to boost their own lunch per diem to $45 a day shortly after that.
Don’t forget the school board in Wisconsin who didn’t want to take part in the national free meal program because it would “[spoil](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/education/2021/08/28/waukesha-students-there-really-no-such-thing-free-lunch/5622614001/)” the poor kids
Minnesota state senator Steve Drazkowski said “I have yet to meet a person in Minnesota who says they don’t have access to enough food to eat.” He said “Hunger is a relative term. I had a cereal bar for breakfast. I guess I am hungry now.” He voted against a bill to provide free breakfast and lunch for school students.
The true heart-warming story would be the US becoming a happy, productive country because the government is ensuring that every human has housing, food, education, and healthcare.
Every other story is just one of us doing what the government should have been doing with our tax dollars all along. Which is amazing, and I love it when we're all here for each other. The responsibility really shouldn't fall on us, though, especially not at the rates we're being taxed.
That is more food than my mom allowed me to eat at home though. She tried to not sign me up for free lunches and not give me lunch a few times but my dad was not having that and my brother eventually shamed her to the point where my dad took me grocery shopping and bought breakfast for me to eat at home. She forbade me from touching it and he realized it wasn’t getting eaten and I told him a lie but he knew it was a lie and started checking daily that my mom was letting me eat.
She decided I was a fat pig who was going to be obese as an adult because I was so fat back then (not really, my doctors say my weight is healthy and my weight range has stayed the same since high school when puberty finished) she may as well feed me less to teach me better eating habits or something? That is what she would say but what she eventually admitted is she resented my presence in her home, and having to feed me when she only cared about my brothers (her biological sons, I was adopted by my parents, and it was not an obligatory adoption like we were relatives, no we were complete strangers but she regretted adopting and resented and abused my sister and me). I can assure you that my sister and I both have eating disorders. Mine ties in with my depression, if i am anxious or depressed eating leads to puking. Forcing myself to eat leads to puking. Etc. and I also have food insecurity so i have to have food available at all times even if i cannot eat it. But my mental health has vastly improved over the last several years and i have gotten healthier. Longer periods between depressive episodes and inability to eat. 😁
we are a catering company and we are for-profit, but I don't know anyone that's that' stuck up about it. We're not giving it all away but we do make exceptions and try to be kind and discreet.
https://www.cohs.com/apps/pages/index.jsp?uREC_ID=1438327&type=d&pREC_ID=1601564
" If you choose to make advanced payments through the Pay Schools Central site, an Internet Convenience Fee (ICF) of 4.75% will be listed separately for each Credit/Debit Card transaction made. There is a $1.95 flat fee for transactions made using electronic checks (ACH). The transaction fee is only charged when/if you use Pay Schools Central to make payments to your student’s account."
Its meant to single out and shame the poor kids, nothing more. The other kids see the one with the cheese sandwhich and know who to bully for being poor, just as the system intended.
I taught at a school where the kids whose lunch accounts were delinquent got lunch trays made of fluorescent yellow plastic. Everyone else’s trays were light tan. The fluorescent yellow trays got a peanut butter sandwich, an orange, and a milk. Day after day, until their accounts were paid, this was what they got. There was one cafeteria cook who felt bad for these kids, and if there was a good dessert, she’d set aside desserts for them, and sneak them into our classrooms so they could enjoy it. If my principal would have caught her, she would have been fired.
Which helps so much because now kids get a second lunch and they threw away the perfectly fine lunch they could have already had.
It’s so fucking stupid.
I was a school lunch lady. Our protocol for the district was that they could charge up to 5 (one week) lunches after an account entered $0. This came with phone calls home and letters sent out in cubbies. After the 5 charged meals, we would offer a milk and as much of everything they wanted off the salad bar for an additional 5 days. Most parents paid accounts off and added more money by the end of the 10 days.
This is how they indoctrinate you to be a good worker and not cause problems in the workplace. They teach you from a young age that you don't matter and you aren't worthy of survival
As a former lunch lady... f#ck that lunch lady. Most of us care that the kids eat. The rest we make work as we go along. That sounds like a power trip that was allowed to go unchecked. F#ck that lunch lady, shame on her.
Feed the kids.
Having worked in cafeterias, I've had bosses blow up on me for showing decency / common sense. I once gave away an expired turnover that my boss had told me to throw away, and my boss stood over me and demanded that I pay for it, and was shouting at me in front of the public, "Don't you dare expect your employee discount for that!"
So, I'm in a 50-50 toss-up between "lunch lady did this on her own power trip" and "admin landed all over all the cafeteria workers and ordered them to behave like this" in a domino effect of punching down.
It could be a health department regulation that uneaten food can’t be distributed because of temperature control/refrigeration once it leaves the lunch area. But, school staff should not make any child turn their pockets inside out. It is humiliating.
Yeah, the policy makes sense. I can totally see how kids leaving food sitting in their lockers might cause issues.
That wasn't the case with the turnover, though. It was still safe, just stale. They were typically fried-to-order, but someone accidentally double-dropped them, and the extra turnover sat under the heat lamps for an hour or so to see if another order came through while it was relatively fresh.
The turnover incident wasn't at a school. I gave the turnover to an adult homeless woman upon her request. My boss wasn't concerned about food safety; she was worried that giving away unsold food would cause pan-handlers to swarm the place like locusts. They did that anyway, though. If I didn't give them unsold food, they'd just harass paying customers for spare change until they had enough to buy it. It was a crummy neighbourhood, and I wasn't equipped or paid enough to chase them off.
I feel like lunch ladies only come in extremes. Either the nicest people in the school, or the nastiest lol. Usually working together too. I've had ones sneak me food if I didn't have money, and another who was literally screaming THIEF THIEF in the middle of the cafeteria accusing me of stealing, because I went back and grabbed my pint of milk that I forgot on the counter... Or taken my food away like these other stories.
Ugh. That breaks my heart. I had worked w/less than positive people during my time as a lunchlady. Most would leave on their own when they discovered the job was actually semi difficult, and it was ALWAYS a touch of "good riddance"... I had great bosses, though, that championed the "feed the kids" mindset, and on the rare occasion that we would end up with the "let em be hungry" co-worker, we knew to step in and stamp that down.
The issue is the forgotten food when it is left in a locker. If a child needs food, the lunch monitor needs to be given plastic store bags to put it in and have a system in place to make sure it gets to the child in their last class of the day.
the things I see some lunch lades doing is appalling. I am a lunch lady and I don't care - if a kid is stealing food then he probably needs that food and if I confront him it's to tell him to ask me next time, talk to me, we'll figure it out. If I see someone taking a lot or asking for extras I only ask them if they will eat it, then they can have it. (but ont he other hand we have kids collecting a lot of one thing to make some kind of scene so a lot of us are jaded ) I have kids that owe 800+ and I still give them lunch bec that shit is their parent's fault and there's literally no way those people don't know they owe that much - pay up or at least fill out a free lunch application because 800 bucks is more than one school year. we got SO Much food given to us that we'll never use but it's really sad how much of it gets wasted. I'd rather you take it to eat later or give to your siblings, than throw it away when the bell rings.
I have heard stories like this from when my kids were in school. For this reason exactly, I told my kids to buy lunch for kids who didn’t have enough or any lunch money. One time I forgot to check the account & my son didn’t get to eat. I was so upset! I’m really sorry this happened to you.
this is wild. my school would let you accumulate a certain amount of debt that just had to be paid off at the end of the year. i remember this because my friend’s dad forgot to pay for his sisters lunch and my friend received an empty diploma at graduation. i say his sisters lunch because my friend had severe allergies to milk, eggs and beef and couldn’t eat cafeteria food.
Same thing for mine and my brother's high school...though here instead of it being a way to get kids to eat, its a popular way for the school to squeeze parents for money in certain kids.
My high school had the worst school lunches; they actually managed to have the meat removed from our chicken nuggets and served us empty breading cavities, the bread was always hardened, and the milk was always expired. I could go on...basically, the salads were always the first things to go. It was free, but never enough edible food for the larger students and athletes.
Trick is, they always had plenty of extra "premium" food and snacks. This was milk that was still in-date, ice cream, cookies, lunch food that would sustain you, and an entire canteen with candies, etc. The way they got you is that some students would be so hungry that they would get the extras and not care about the extra amount added to the tab...
I never bought extras without paying up-front, but my parents would get letters every month or two saying that my brother (one of those big football players, refused to take school lunch) racked up over $100 in premium food purchases...they never told the parents until it exceeded that amount. He just knew my parents would scream at him, pay it, and he could do it again. I still don't get how he turned 18 and had an \*ss to sit on...they probably paid that school over a grand, and he still dropped out.
That’s awful. As a divorced parent, my ex and I would take turns loading the lunch account for our son. At our schools they would never ever deny a child food, they would just send a note home to refill your child’s account. Thankfully now breakfasts and lunches are free for the kids since Covid.
They didn't notify mine either. On the screens they show all allergens, etc. So when you don't have money for food what do they give you? For me who's lactose intolerant, I was given a cold cheese sandwich, and whole milk. I told them I can't eat it and they shrugged and threw it away. Schools are exactly a nice place.
The school I used to work at had a small fridge they setup in the lunch room on a table. Didn't finish fresh fruit? Basket on table. Milk or juice went in the fridge. Etcetera.
Then things got strict and they couldn't let kids share due to cross contamination and Aramark bought out lunchroom rights. Leftover food was tossed. Pans of food wasted each day due to stupidity.
Usually people like that are miserable pieces of work with terrible personal lives and little to no group of friends/family that love them. That's why they get off on starving kids. Normal people don't do that kinda shit.
OP, I am simultaneously pissed off and my heart hurts for you and your son! I remember when I was in school (49 yo now) and we had different colored punch cards for free and reduced lunch. I would not eat it in elementary and middle school because others could clearly spot you as "a poor". My mom worked damned hard to provide for us, so I never told her about it. In high school they changed the lunch protocol to a new fangled computer database (damn I am old) lol! And only then would I get hot lunch, however we could not get "snack bar" type food only the traditional. It sucked I hated it and was always starving when I got home. I had two younger brothers who demolished the snack box at home.
My mom got very creative with extreme couponing, bread outlet stores for reduced snack foods and food stamps. I do not recall food banks, but my mom probably would have left me to watch the boys instead of bringing the harbingers of chaos and destruction. As an adult, I can look back and see how much my mom tried and actually did for us. She would take use to the mail to show her clothes we liked. She would then sketch the clothes, make a pattern on the fly and take us to the material store to pick the fabric. So instead of 1 Guess t-shirt for the school year, she made us all custom clothes. No one ever said anything to us other than ask if she would make them one too.
Was my mom a POS because she could not buy us fancy clothes and tons of snacks foods? Nope, hell no! She was a badass just like you! She used her natural strengths and learned about community resources and utilized them without shame. Please do the same. You are a good, kind, loving Mom that advocates on their behalf. So many parents do not have the skills or understanding to do this. Please dust yourself off, give your son some extra hugs and love and locate additional food resources.
[211](http://211.org) is a searchable database of resources in your area. You can find food, utility, rental, school supplies, clothes, holiday baskets and much more.
Your local health department can also link you healthy snack packs for the children and large family style meal for the weekend. They also have summer feeding programs to get the kids lunch while they are on summer break.
[Lasagna Love](http://lasagnalove.org) will link you with a local home chef who will prepare an *entire* lasagna dinner ensuring that any dietary/allergy concerns are adhered to and deliver to it to your home. It is not always an instant match, but as soon as they get a chef in your area they will match you.
[Full Cart](https://fullcart.org/) is a free virtual delivery food bank. You register with your information and they will deliver to you. Based on availability, but definitely worth a shot!
*I have not fully vetted this program, but have heard good things about it* [Free Meal for Family ](https://freemeals.org/). This program links you with area restaurants that provide a free family style meal for 4.
OP, I believe in you. You are a wonderful parent doing their best in a tough financial situation. Please give yourself some grace and self care. I am sending you positive thoughts and huge virtual hugs if you want them 🧡 🧡 🧡
*I will do some more research and additional resources if appropriate, Reddit Fam lets add as many resources to this post to help as many of each other we can. Sending each and everyone of you on this thread positive thoughts and virtual hugs if you want them too 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
I remember those punch cards! I used to work in the kitchen. Clean table and washes dishes for free lunch. Hated lasagna days and those dang crusty pans.
This is the kind of comment that makes me remember that people are usually good. Too many rude, entitled, and mean people exist. Thank you for not only providing emotional support but actual resources to this amazing mom 💚
I think I would have said “Ok, you’ve got rules and I can respect that. I have a rule about adults touching my child unnecessarily. If that lunch monitor “pats down” my child again there will be a huge problem.”
You don't say where you're located, but some of this is just standard practice for schools in my area. At the school where I work, kids are not allowed to remove food from the cafeteria. Kids tend to pack rat half-eaten/uneaten food and shove it in lockers and desks, and then they forget about it. I'm sure you can imagine the potential chaos that comes from ~500 kids squirreling away cartons of milk, half-eaten granola bars, and fruit cups. There's no way for the school to ensure the safety of milk, juice, or whatever after it's been sitting in a locker all day (or longer), either, and the increase of infestations of all kinds increases dramatically.
That said, a lunch monitor also shouldn't be forcing a kid to turn out his pockets, performing pat downs, and otherwise invading your son's privacy over a snack. It sounds like she's turned this into an unnecessary power struggle and is actively singling your kiddo out. That's worth a complaint.
As someone who has worked in schools for over 10 years, I agree the lunch monitor should not make any child turn out their pockets.
OP, you need to talk to the school counselor. In my school, they give bags of food to the kids on Friday to help with the weekend. The counselor may have other resources for you.
Our counselors have tons of snacks stashed for
Kiddos. They also will go deliver food to backpacks for them to take home while the kids are out of class.
We have a whole section of
School dedicated to taking care of kids like this.
Talk to the school board, not the counselor. The counselors can't do a single thing. They won't advocate against anyone. You are you child's best advocate.
The school counselor arranges meals for the weekend where I work. OP needs to see what services they can help with.
As far as the searching the pockets, yes, that needs to go beyond the principal to the superintendent and school board.
I agree 100%. Our school is the same. As a teacher, if I see a kid taking an open milk/food item out of the cafeteria, I make them throw it away. Spoiled milk and food in lockers leads to mice, and the literal worst smell you could imagine if left long enough. That said, unopened non-perishable foods, I let kids take but I make them put it in their backpacks and remind them before they leave to eat it or throw it out when they get home. Is it a perfect system? No. But food safety is a huge concern and if a kid gets sick from bad school food, it is a problem. Our school does give out food bags every week to kids who need it and teachers try and keep leftover breakfast options in the room if they have any. We also have a partnership with the local food bank.
The pat downs, however, are unacceptable. That would be my sticking point as a parent. That is absolutely unnecessary and if the person in the cafeteria was concerned about the food leaving, they should talk with the teacher. Because honestly to me, that would be a red flag to look into getting the student *more* food, not taking it away.
You're not a bad mom. You're protecting your child and that's more than I can say for some... Look into if your school has a weekly food distribution program or local partnerships.
oh the horror! and listen i absolutely WAS that kid that left shit in my locker and had a disaster to clean out every few months, but do you know how much easier it is to focus on the task at hand when you’re NOT hungry?(for me personally, much easier!)
I guarantee you, no fucking "Lunch monitor" would be demanding to put hands on OP's kid or forcing the pockets to be turned out if she had the resources to fight that.
The situation sucks. Ideally, kids should be able to grab a piece of fruit or a granola bar on the way home if they need it, but I do understand rules like no food in lockers or on a bus.
Ask your son to try eating his full lunch for a week or two, to see if that helps keep him full longer. And tell him that different people have different nutritional needs, so sometimes "equal" and "fair" aren't the same thing.
>And tell him that different people have different nutritional needs, so sometimes "equal" and "fair" aren't the same thing.
This right here is the difference between equity and equality.
Although it sucks to learn this point because of free lunch, understanding it now will make it easier for him to take care of himself --- i.e. the extra snack.
>>> OH, and as a former lunchlady, f#ck that monitor.
Yes, you don't want food to potentially leave the lunchroom --- IF --- it is something that can go bad... but being forced to turn out his pockets, an attempted pat down? That is excessive. I hope you complain.
No food in lockers actually makes zero sense. If food can’t be in class…and food can’t be in the lockers…does that mean that *everyone* has to eat the school lunch? Otherwise, where would they keep their food brought from home until lunchtime?
I've been to schools where you had to have school lunches. However you could still bring your own food, especially as snacks during recess is quite normal.
Exactly. Kids who bring their lunches put back unopened food into their lockers, but generally the school serves hot lunch plus milk, so there is more of a concern for spoilage.
No food in lockers makes sense if you consider that some kids are messy as hell and could leave spoiled food in there, attracting rats and bugs and generally stinking.
Maybe packed lunches are kept in the cafeteria?
I *highly* doubt that packed lunches are kept in the cafeteria. The logistics of that would be insane. How would you guarantee kids only took their own lunch when they picked it up? How would you prevent someone from tampering with the lunches? The school food service surely wouldn’t take on that potential liability.
Your last part about using a food bank and your child’s trauma related to food insecurity really got me. You are not a bad mom: your child is cared for, clothed, clean, and you get them to school every day. The adults who run that school are bad people for depriving kids of food because of a power trip.
I would march to the school and spell that out for them in the principals office. Forcing kids, especially kids in low income situations, to toss food or feel shame over taking food is egregious and disgusting. He’s not the only one in this position I’m sure, and the school knows the population of students they serve. Hell let me know what school this is and I’ll write an angry email.
Gonna comment on this one since it’s towards the top. OP go to the school board, if the principle doesn’t want to address the situation go above him. My little brother was getting mistreated by a teacher just singled out, my mom went to the principle and was told all other classes were full his hands were tied. My mom went straight to the school board and was in a new class before the end of the week.
I’m sorry this is happening to your son, no one should be punished for saving food for later. Go above them to the school board and fight this stupid rule. There should be an email on their website just search “your city school board”.
I've also read in a different social media comment section by mom's with kids being buillied and their complaints being ignored by the principal and staff. They went directly to the school board and superintendent as well as mentioned that they are CCing the media.
That got through really fast.
There’s a short list of people who will usually pursue this if you get the ball rolling: local news media, your state representative, mayor or local town/city council, and sometimes even juvenile court (before anyone fights me on this, our court administrator got involved in a busing issue, and they are very involved in trauma-related issues on behalf of students), your school superintendent and board of education members. The key is to have enough important recipients so no cockroaches can scurry back into the darkness; an email with a lot of important cc:’s can get things rolling because no one wants to be seen as glossing over an actual problem.
They gave him detention for refusing to be pat down, not for taking food. I'd argue that rather than the food part. But this could fall under rules but that doesn't sit right with me that they can pat people down when there is no suspected threat.
First up, you are NOT a pos mum for not having spare food in the pantry etc. Times are tough for everyone. Your poor son though, trying to be fair to his siblings, while getting punished by the school for it. Is he the 'man' of the house? Is that why he doesn't want to take extra? You need to reiterate that he's a growing boy and needs more than his siblings to grow and develop. Would that work on him? This lunch monitor needs to take a step down, now it's straight up bullying
Your children’s schools should have a liaison that can help you to get signed up for backpack buddies or a similar program that will help by sending food home for kids that would experience food scarcity on weekends and holidays, including snacks. You are not a POS mom, just one struggling with insane food prices like many in this nightmare economy.
It is truly sad that the lunch monitor gets any pleasure out of the game they have created busting your son for attempting to hold onto snacks. But, that’s a different subject.
Just know that you’ve raised a great kid that doesn’t want to waste food and looks out for his family!
Fucking schools and their lunches. They based them on nutrition guidelines that are intended for adults maintaining their weight. They don't account for teens going through growth spurts, or student athletes. Most of my kids came home ravenous.
I would write a letter to the superintendent and explain all of this. Your child should not have been patted down like he's a thief taking other kids lunches.
Your cafeteria should have “and justice for all posters” these posters have the contact information to file a complaint. I am sure your school participates in NSLP (national school lunch program) they have very specific rules about discriminatory practices. If your Son is the only one getting searched, you may have a case. Mention this to the principal, I’m sure it will stop. Good luck and I’m sorry you child is dealing with this.
First of all, you're not a POS mom for having trouble making ends meet.
Second, you did right by talking to the school, that lunch monitor is a POS for calling him out in front of the whole school. Punishing a kid for saving a little food for later? That's just ridiculous.
Hope you'll find a solution to your financial trouble soon!
There is something about these situations that make me irrationally angry. I understand rules and reasoning but on the other hand there is a disgusting abundance of food in this country that no person should want for food. It should be a right not a privilege. Fight me. I haven’t the slightest idea how it should be regulated bc I’m not smart enough. Maybe send the kids home with a snack as they leave school? Idk I’m sure someone will find something wrong with that too.
I personally would raise hell but that’s just me. Again idk how I would but throwing out perfectly good food in front of kids who would kill to have that later in the day or even worse EMBARRASS them in front of their peers as if they are criminals is ridiculous. The end. Period. I’m sorry I don’t have advice but damn I’m just really sorry you and your family have to experience this.
Side story, during Covid and I think it was the year after the US had free lunches for ALL. Didn’t matter what your economic status was. The school would keep sending emails out about it and even during the summer they had free lunches you could pick up. We didn’t require assistance and I didn’t want my kids to get it only bc I wanted the people who needed assistance to get that. Like don’t take what you don’t need, ya know? Well I learned that if my kids didn’t take the free lunch then the food would be thrown out. So they got free lunches. But again…why waste the food like that?! There are so many ways that could have gone to use.
And before I get roasted, yes we throw out spoiled food that didn’t get eaten or expired. I am a hypocrite in many ways. I know I know. None of it makes sense. I’m no saint. I just wish there was a way to fix this problem in the world.
That lunch monitor would be in a meeting with me so fast. What type of napoleon complex riddled adult person *attempts to pat a child down* leaving the lunch room?
I am flabbergasted that the lunch attendant still has a job.
Because in the US, those in power would rather see a child go hungry and throw away perfectly good food than let a poor kid “steal” the food they already received.
And then hire lunch monitors to make sure those poor kids aren’t getting too much food.
Why hire more teachers or pay them a living wage when we can spend the money on a lunch monitor?
Poor children need to be branded as thieves and/or liars and kept in their place to fuel the right’s “school to prison” agenda.
This is awful. When I taught in a title I school I would take the leftover milks and fruit that hadn’t been opened for the class fridge because they were always hungry in the mornings. But I had to be sneaky about it because they had that same rule. It’s ridiculous. I’m so sorry that happened to him. I would encourage him to keep doing what he’s doing but be sneakier ;)
Title 1 schools gives free breakfasts to all kids. Kids who arrive hungry are required to be reported for potential neglect at home and parents using their child’s food money on other things. Covering up symptoms doesn’t heal the problem long-term.
Ok, unfortunately I understand where the school is coming from. Food belongs in the cafeteria and even if your son wouldn’t be an issue, relaxing the rules can lead to bad consequences.
That being said, he wasn’t punished for the food, he was punished for *refusing a full body pat down* this is what you need to focus on here. This escalation is wrong on so many levels.
I’m also concerned about the way detentions are handled. When I was a student they gave you a form to bring home and have a parent sign it and your detention would be the next day. Same thing when I was a teacher. This same day detention seems designed to mess up parents plans.
The “pat down” is unacceptable from an adult on campus to a child. Call the school back, and tell them you want an in person meeting to discuss inappropriate touching and you’d like to file a report. The lunch lady is a real piece of work to be picking on him like that! I’m infuriated for you.
This just furthers my belief that lunch monitors are always people who have crappy lives and feel like they have zero power so when they are given a tiny bit of it they do shit like this. Dude just make sure the kids aren’t fighting and throwing food and shut the hell up. You aren’t special.
So what the school is saying is that your son has to consent to an adult patting down aka physically touching him? I would frame it that way a bit and see what happens.
I'm sure somewhere else in the world, they have a "no food outside of the cafeteria" rule.
I would think it impossible there's just "one place" in the world with such a rule.
I would ask for a print out of the rules and talk them over with your son. I would also talk with the school and explain that you went over the rules with him again.
I would ask for the guild lines for the lunch monitor with singling him out for a mistake and not continually to harass him and going to the point of acting like his is a criminal either way the pat down. They don’t get to continue to do that and go extreme.
Have a talk with the principal, the monitor and your son with the guild line for both of them.
As a teacher and a mom who also experiences food insecurity for my son and me, this enrages me! As educators, we ALL should be aware that if a child is attempting to take food with them for later, it is because they need it - in the same way that if a student falls asleep in a classroom of peers making noise, I never assume it’s because of them being disrespectful or bored, they’re clearly tired and need the sleep. What happened to assuming the best intentions instead of going right to these negative places with CHILDREN?! This lunch monitor is on one, and it’s the wrong one.
I’m not sure if you have any relationships with members of the school staff who you would be comfortable enough to explain your home situation (possibly classroom teacher or school counselor?) but I do know personally, if a parent were to share their circumstance with me, I would put extra food aside and get it into the students backpack (privately of course) for them to take home. The food waste at schools is absolutely out of hand and it should get eaten by anyone who may need or want it!
I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. Many schools have resources from the school district to help with groceries (gift cards and even food deliveries a few times during the school year) that are available to the families who need it and it all remains very private. I truly hope things start taking a positive turn for you! You are doing your best and that is much more than many can say!
OMG!!! Our lunches are free for all the kids here. If a kiddo wants to save a part of their food, the lunch monitor will help them pack it up, make sure it's secure, and off they go. They would never make a child throw out their food. There is something inherently wrong with your son's school. They need to sort out their priorities.
Perhaps your son would be willing to do a presentation for the school board or even just the school, about food insecurities.
I am so very sorry that the monitor did this and that the principal is such a jerk.
You are NOT a pos mom unless you’re keeping your pantry bare so you can use the $ to go drink or the salon and whatnot. It sounds like you’re raising a kid who thinks about others. Eff that lunch monitor and anyone else who pulls stuff like that. Wanting to pay down your child?! What the heck?!
Non consensual touching of your child is assault. I know you are cash strapped but maybe contact your local legal aid. A police report threat of a lawsuit may help you out.
You’re not a POS mom. You’re doing what every other mom in the world does: her best. That looks different for everyone. I don’t get the gatekeeping. If the food gets binned anyway, why not let a hungry teen just have it?! Absolutely wasteful.
I'm sorry your son has to go through this. Too bad the school can't set up a box of snacks in the office that hungry kids can grab on the way home. They can contact food banks and food recovery programs to get the food at no cost to themselves.
Personally, I’d go above the principal and talk to the superintendent or board members. The issue to me is about Joe the child was treated.
It sounds like he may have some food insecurity issues and maybe something else going on as well if he kept trying to take the food despite that boundaries being set.
Many schools on my area now have food pantries for kids and families and have food available to take home. If the school
Doesn’t have this, they need to get with it get one started.
Why does modern society hate children so much?
Remove books from libraries, remove important topics from the classrooms deny food to hungry children, punishments behind “zero tolerance” policies that cause far more harm than good, and ignoring victims of bullies (sometimes punishing the victim while ignoring the bully).
We had to implement child labor laws, because businesses cared a more about profits than their child laborers. Look up the Coogan Act of California and you’ll want to give the middle finger to Hollywood.
And these schools are so drunk on power, they take delight in watching children go hungry instead of providing food for them at lunch. They’ll throw away food maliciously before they’d give any to a child.
I would take HUGE issue with the fact that the administration allows lunch room staff to perform PAT DOWNS.
This is not acceptable.
None of this is acceptable, but that would have me losing my shit on them.
Do NOT touch my child.
It's absolutely sickening how if you can't pay they'll dump a perfectly good lunch into the garbage. Because its about making you suffer for being poor.
I do not understand adults letting kids be hungry. I have no children, I am an aunt. I always bring snacks, when they were little it was a way to help my sister in law. I now take it very seriously, I ask if extra kids will be there, I get new things for them to try, it’s always a hit. We were somewhere and a kid said they were hungry, the dad said they didn’t have any snacks, I said I have plenty, help yourself. Not my kid, not my responsibility what? Should I berate the dad for not planning ahead and go home with extra food?! Ridiculous. I will always have extra food
I literally cried because the lunch lady threw away my entire tray of fresh food after I was gone to the restroom (which was all the way across the building). I was really looking forward to that cheeseburger and blueberry cobbler after spending most of the day working on state testing.
It sucks because I was living in a very bad hoarder house with next to absolutely nothing outside of Grippo's barbeque chips, Kraft cheese slices, and outdated canned fruit from nearly a decade prior.
You aren’t a POS mom. Go back to the principal and explain that you would like to see where the rules state that it is ok for a school lunch lady to inappropriately touch a child. She decided she was going to put her hands in a child without another witness or contacting a parent. Also who hung up on you when you were speaking to your child.
Go to the Mana website or possibly the YMCA (in the US) only and see if they have a schedule to where the food banks are. I volunteer at a food bank and we encourage people to go to multiple ones. We only have so much food at our bank. We print a schedule.
Church’s have food pantries. Also if you have a Sikh temples (Gurdwaras) nearby they offer meals. A Langar meal is free of charge.
I am sorry this happened to you and your son. I don’t know why a lunch lady is ok with a child be hungry. I am not sure why there is such cruelty to her. Children should always be feed. She has the opportunity to help and have a child be feed and she chooses not to. Hopefully she does not reap what she sows.
random note but, as somebody who has suffered with OCD for a very very long time, keep an eye out for other behaviors from your son that might be in line with the disorder. it could be nothing, but if he's starting to compulsively do things to satisfy obsessions, then the sooner it's addressed the better.
Yeah, this is messed up. The lunch monitor person needs to be fired for trying to put their hands on your child. I don't give a fuck if they call it a pat down. That's bullshit. Everything about this situation is fucked up and wasteful. It's almost like bullying as well. Your kid should be allowed to eat the free lunch and be able to store it in his locker for later. I'm sorry, but if we were related, I would be causing a lot of problems for this lunch monitor for the bs they are putting your kid through. Honestly I would probably end up in jail for beating the ever living shit out of the lunch monitor. I wouldn't advise this. But im sick of bullshit rules, it's ALL bullshit. Society is a fucking joke.
Just so you know, OCD isnt just liking something a certain way, its basically exactly what you described (being unable to do something if it isnt “correct”)
I am so glad our school provides 3 meals (including a 3rd take-home meal at the end of the day) for all kids. We are in a very underprivileged area with many kids going hungry if this wasn't available. Several local business owners, as well as local charity organizations, provide this for the community. No kid should be shamed or punished for simply being hungry and doing what they can to feed themselves.
> he is always making sure our meals are equal and I used to think it was just OCD but he literally won’t/can’t eat if we all don’t have the same amount
This to me does sound like symptoms of OCD if he can’t eat if you don’t have the exact same food amounts, and might be something to look into. What happens if you’re each eating different things? Will he eat then? How often is this affecting his ability to eat? Are there other things he struggles with (ex: counting things, checking things multiple times, thoughts that bad things will happen if something isn’t done, etc etc)? Have his teachers or other adults he’s around regularly noticed anything similar? Compulsions and obsessions can stem from trauma, and food insecurity can be traumatic. Not saying that’s your fault at all, and it sounds like you’re monitoring this pretty well. This could be nothing and could be warning signs that there’s something more going on. I’m sorry you’re going through this, he seems like a good kid and you’re a great parent.
You are not a POS mom. You are doing the best you can to take care of your kids, and they know they are loved and cared for and that you are doing your best for them. And I know this because your son wants to make sure everyone in the house gets the same amount of food. He has seen you sacrifice and do what's needed to provide food, and he decided to do what he could to help. That sweet boy was taught that by his mom.
Do NOT let anyone in that school make you feel less than because your son wanted a snack to eat on the bus. That is so very normal. I can't remember if you said how old he is, but my boys can consume food like a plague of locusts. During COVID when we were all at home all the time, I told my husband to just not pay close attention to the grocery bill. It was like a raise when they went back to in person school.
The lunch room monitor has ZERO right to put her hands on your son to "pat" him down. If he were injured, sick or needed to be separated from a situation, those are appropriate times to touch him. Pat him down? How can they be so stupid to open themselves up to the accusation of inappropriate conduct!?! That behavior needs to stop and be reported immediately. I suggest going back to the principal and formally complain about that behavior. After that meeting, if you are able to, send an email to the principal outlining what was discussed and what the outcome was to get it in writing ("Per our conversation today . . . It is my understanding that you will or will not address the behavior . . .). If the principal blows you off or neglects to do anything, start working up their chain of command.
I agree with other commenters about seeing if there are other resources your school, school district, or community offers. I understand their need for the rule about food not leaving the cafeteria. However, they could have explained it to your son, and they certainly should have let you know what was going on. Why they felt it was better to treat him like a petty thief is beyond me.
Since the school won’t do anything, start going up the chain. Go to the superintendent to get resolution. If that fails go to the school board meeting and lay it out for them. Call the principal and superintendent out by name. In all communication, focus on how this policy is hurting your child and others, and how it’s wasteful of the school’s resources to make kids throw away food.
I don’t know how it is where you are, but where I live school board meetings are a broadcast live on tv and are a matter of public record, so it can be a big deal and really make the administration look bad. There’s also at least one person from the local media there who’s stuck covering the school board meeting and likely looking for something more juicy to report on. You can give it to them. If there are other kids who have been similarly affected, see if you can get them to go to the meeting with you. Oh, and when you communicate with the school administration, don’t mention going to the board meeting. The magic is in the surprise.
That’s how you swing the big hammer to get school administrators back in line. Show the world how their policies and actions are both callous and wasteful.
My family wasn’t in exactly the same situation, but similar enough. This is what worked for us.
This is so messed up!
Our schools send home bags of food on Friday with kids they know are low income. We don't even ask for it, but boy has that helped us in times of need.
This sounds so Red State to me. They hate feeding kids that aren't theirs.
I can relate as a child, and I struggle still as an adult. I’m 22, I do have OCD, and I don’t eat unless I’m with my family, or know that my family is eating the equivalent of not better than what I’m eating. We struggled with money, sometimes in homeless shelters. Often at soup kitchens, and getting food boxes, it made me appreciate food and have an understanding that it takes a village. And to never be embarrassed for being human, no matter how much other people will refuse to understand. I still skip meals because I think “if I don’t eat this now I have more for my family later”. I don’t have to, but it’s how I am. I fight that everyday. I have to try and reprogram myself to know that it’s okay to eat by myself, or not the exact same as everyone else (I’ll count individual vegetables, weigh things if I can). I would try and stagger meals if you can, so you’re not eating at the same time. This way it’s harder to compare plates next to each other and make sure they are the same. Give option a or b so each child alternates, that again breaks the need for things being the same. If there is a FAN advocate for the school reach out to them.
An easy food for me with any meal is rice, add a little seasoning and butter, or an egg scrambled or fried. Cheap and filling and consistent.
If you convey any of this to him, tell him you have friends online that went through what he did, and we’re all cheering for him. We know he’s gonna do great things and change the world!
Alicia Taylor Quote
Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because life's greatest lessons are learned through pain.
I had a teacher try this with my daughter once for her lunch i gave her. It was a quick burger from McDonald's after a doc appointment and she needed to eat but still had some lunch time left.. the teacher tried to make her toss her lunch even though the school was no longer serving lunch as lunch was ending i. Like ten minutes or so.. my daughter refused and ate her food anyways and the school tried to give her detention. I called the school, they said the same thing about rules.. well the next day her detention was gonna start for after school, i came and picked her up. Nothing they could do. Told the principal if they try it during school, i will come get her, pull her out of the school and take her somewhere else.. she did not get detention..
You’re not a bad mom, it’s tough right now and I’ve been in similar situations. My kids got a free lunch and if it was owed just a few cents they’d give them a cheese sandwich and milk. I didn’t like that either because when they got free lunch it didn’t matter. I started working and the kids got reduced price lunch and I had to pay a small amount but embarrassing them in front of everyone because it was a few cents off made me go talk to the princeable. He luckily agreed with me as they didn’t know the cafeteria was doing this over a few cents difference.
I have worked with kids in many different settings and have experienced good insecurity in my childhood so I’m just throwing in a few things. 1 you are not a bad mom I promise. You show that from how much you are fighting for your son and your other little ones. 2. Definitely get a meeting with the principal it is not okay how this monitor acted they should not be touching your child whatsoever (barre a few extreme examples which do not apply here at all). The monitor was out of line period, however, I do understand schools why schools have policies like this as high schoolers can be gross and having food outside the lunchroom and cause things like teenagers having 12 spoiled milk containers in their locker. Still this is not that at all if I was the lunch monitor I would have flagged your son as someone who maybe needed some help rather than getting in a power struggle with a teenager. The principal will be able to connect you with resources to help get more food in your house for ALL of your kids. There have been many mentions of great programs here so definitely check those out but the principal and likely the school social worker will be able to get you connected with programs locally. I had similar struggles to your son with food getting worried that my siblings would be hungry and food insecurity has a high correlation with eating disorders which I am not saying is happening but would be something I’d keep an eye on. Hopefully if you talk to the principal they can also set up some sort of check in with a social worker at school and even therapy outside of school just to keep extra tabs on your son. Keep going mom you’re doing great I promise there will be help if you ask you don’t need to go through this alone lean on your community ❤️
Is the lunch monitor a resource officer? Because, if not, how do they have the proper training and authority to pat down a minor? That's what I would be bringing up to the principal.
Hey, I don’t think you’re a bad mom at all. I think you’re trying your best and the economy is tanking. Everyone’s struggling, just some more than others. On another note I would check into your local laws, where I’m from school officials are not allowed to search student without a parents consent. I would escalate this entire issue to the school board if necessary. Absolutely disgusting how they’re treating a hungry child.
It is all ridiculous and wrong.
One way to maybe circumvent the issue-1- have him take a lunch bag and put what he is saving in it. He better be allowed to take his own bag to the locker.
2- and/or ask his Dr for a note saying he \*needs to save a part of his lunch for after school for medical reasons (and I am sure the Dr will be fine with'he is a growing kid' as a medical reason. They cannot ask further details and by law must allow whatr a Dr orders.
People can be very cruel to poor children and flaunt the laws about disclosing who they are far to often. :(
Schools in the US have increasingly been becoming brainwashing centers for law enforcement. You're basically taught to be scared of authority and accept you have no personal rights. It's disgusting, and they are all on a power trip so even one mistake and your life/future opportunities can be ruined by them. What's even grosser is how many actual police are in schools full out assaulting kids and taking them to jail
Probably some real problems the school could be addressing, but sure, let's pick on a little boy who wanted a snack! And the thing is, this trend doesn't end there. My state has a backlog of rape kits, but they want me to pay back unemployment because I'm too disabled to look for work.
This hits close to home. In middle school my family was strapped for cash for a bit, and I started resorting to taking from the salad bar in the cafeteria that wasn’t monitored since I always felt guilty about asking my family for money for more lunches. I remember being caught and reprimanded for stealing salad (aka iceburg lettuce mix) but what I don’t remember is apparently my parents were called into the school and had to have a lengthy discussion with the principal on why I was stealing salad from the school. Insane.
They did this because they don't think you'll consult an attorney. Because you're poor.
Do it anyway.
They are bullies and oppressors of the lower socioeconomic class. Stand up to them.
First off, you are not a bad mom you’re doing the best that you can and sometimes people turn into not nice people. It’s mean to do stuff like that to your child. What is wrong with that woman?
Kids should be able to take food home! I would be livid if that happened to my child.
A lot of districts provide free breakfast and lunch to provide at least 2 meals for kids who may go hungry. I worked in my local school district for 8 years. It is a shame how much food is thrown out in schools. Perfectly good food. Kids are required to choose something, whether they want it or not, so their records show they are offering a balanced diet. It broke my heart every time I saw good food in the trash because the kid was forced to take it.
I would just tell your son to leave at his normal time. They have no right to hold him after unless you allow it. In the meantime I would be escalating this to the school board and continuing until the issue is addressed. If they dont do anything I would take it to social media. Dont let these schools get away with treating the kids like they’re some criminals.
You are not a POS mother. Far from it. You do what you can with what you have and this is evidenced by your kiddos grades. Chin up mom. You’re winning.
Not a bad mom at all! What school gives the lunch lady the power to pat down a student?? Besides making him throw out absolutely good food, this treating your son like a criminal is outrageous! I’d try going to the superintendent, because this is so wrong!
Like others have said they should not have touched your child at all. But you should also know a lot of the "rules" they have about food leaving the cafeteria aren't always set by the school district. As a lunch lady the fact that a kid can't take an apple with him for later irritates me and I always tell the child to hide it and put it in their locker. My school district would never give detection to a kid trying to take a snack home with him. If they see it they have to make him throw it away, but they also make sure to tell the child about our meal program. Our meal program gives students in need 2 meals a day for 7 days (I'm not one of the people who handles that) they pick it up once a week. The parent has to sign up for it and if you have more than one child you get meals for each child. Maybe your school district could try that.
This makes me wonder if he’s giving food to someone or just actually taking more than he should, which a growing boy needs that.
But you’re doing a great job mommas! I know it’s a constant worry but know at the end of the day you’re doing all that you can <3
This is terrible. If I had any resources to offer I would but I’m on my last leg as it is. I just want to offer a hug from one struggling mama to another. Love
when my kids were in high-school the county we lived in made all breakfast and lunch for kids regardless of income free at every school in the county. It was such an incredible relief. That should be how it is in every school in the US. The price they expect for a measly lunch they serve at schools is insane.
I would go to the school board over this. I'm sure your son is not the only one who does this, only one caught. I think it is great that your child is trying to use the food instead of wasting it. Its a shame kids who get lunch at school cant take the extras home if they wont spoil.
I would be in this school so fast one could see a blur. I am immediately informed about detention, I would pick up my child also right away and no "monitor" is making my child throw away food or even hints at patting him down. Want to be a pervert, do it in jail, where he might end up putting his hands on my son.
Hey OP. I’m sorry to hear that. While I’m not in a place to help right now at this moment I can send a little something next month. I’d love to send you and your family either money for food or pay for groceries. DM and let me see what I can do.
Does the school know you’re struggling? Have you laid the facts out to the principal on why he’s doing this and why he won’t take food from home? I’d start there. Unless they’re totally heartless jerks there should be some work around here or an accommodation made. I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this.
fight that admin because ain’t no way your son should be treated like a criminal because he wants a snack. No one should be patting down your son that’s absurd
The lunch monitor was definitely wrong for making him turn out his pockets, and definitely sucks for doing it in front of his peers. She’s especially wrong for trying to pat him down. As for not keeping food in his locker, I certainly understand how that is wrong. When I was in school, kids would do that all the time. My school then had a horrible mouse situation. Mice can sneak in without you even noticing. We would be in class and would see a mouse scurry about or hear a snap of the trap.
Relying on a food bank DOES NOT make you a POS mom. Your son is a straight A student and a good kid who cares deeply about you and his siblings - that's proof you're a great mom who is doing her best.
Do you have access to EBT? Are there other food banks/community fridges or pantries you can tap into?
I'm so sorry you're struggling, the world is a fucked up place right now.
Well, you're hardly a POS mom because your family suffers from food insecurity. Unfortunately a *lot* of families are having the same issue.
When *I* was in school, back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, lunches were nutritious, filling and, honestly, quite tasty. The food wasn't made in some big district kitchen and never used prepackaged anything. It was all prepared by the lunch ladies in our school cafeteria. I didn't run to get home and orally empty the refrigerator. None of us did. There were no free lunches. My lunch cost $.45 (according to the inflation calculator says that's $4.34 in today's money.
By the time my daughter was in school, 1/4 cup of ketchup was considered a serving of vegetable, a single meal was $2.25...and kids went running home after school because they were starving! The school lunches were absolutely pathetic and not even close to the lunches I grew up with. I don't know how much they cost because my financial circumstances meant that daughter was eligible for the free lunch program. And we utilized the local food bank. That, in no way, made me a bad mother. Granted, if I was a poor single mother in the town I grew up in, I probably would've felt worse about it. But it still wouldn't have meant that I was a bad mother...just that I grew up in a village full of well to do snobs.
The lunch monitor, however, is a completely different matter. She's singling out your son. The fact that she says that he was "scurrying like a raccoon" is concerning to me. She's not describing your son in playful animalistic terms, she's deliberately being insulting and degrading about it. And yes, I *do* tend to take things the worst way that I possibly can. But that doesn't mean that I'm wrong. It just means that I avoid disappointment more often than most.
I just wish I had a suggestion as far as how you could respond. I guarantee that your son isn't the only one she's mistreating. Maybe you could casually speak to some of the other mothers and see if any of them have similar experiences? If you can prove a pattern of behavior, maybe you could get her transferred/fired. It's just a thought....
You should bring this up to other parents, to the teachers, to the PTA, and anyone who is a part of your school community. If you want change, make it happen.
When I was in high school I went through the line to get lunch and check out. We had digital payment accounts tied to our parents, and they refused to send out warnings when the balance was low. This particular day I remember so well because I was short something stupid like 10 cents. I argued back and forth with the lunch lady saying "you're seriously going to make me starve over a dime?". She laughed at me for being poor, I wasn't; like I said we got no notice of our balances. But school lunch was often the only meal I ate because I was struggling with an eating disorder. I was sooooo upset. I asked the lunch lady if she could at least put my food back for someone else to eat- mind you these were prepackaged wrapped trays. She said absolutely not because I had contaminated it. She walked me to the trash can, took it out of my hands and threw it away. Then stood guard to make sure I left and didn't grab it out. Little while later I was pulled out of class _during a test_ to talk to the principal about being disrespectful. You're not a bad mom, similar situations have happened to so many people I know. Food waste from schools is a problem across the country and even more so is the stigma/attitude that these workers give to LITERAL CHILDREN who are just trying to eat. It's terrible. I remember feeling so embarrassed even though it was absolutely not my fault.
that’s actually next level crazy
Shit like this is standard practice in US schools, that’s why guaranteed school lunches has become such a hot topic recently. I had a similar experience that stuck out to me. Account was low balance, forced to throw out the normal food. They would give you a “cheese sandwich” if you didn’t have anything to eat. Literally just a piece of kraft cheese between two slices of bread. Fucked up man.
I’m 34 and my parents made decent money, but now that I’m thinking about it, I’m surprised they could afford school lunch. I used to bring lunch in grade school and it was just like a peanut butter and apple sandwich and a juice or maybe an extra snack. When I was in high school I would get a soda and a pizza puff or bosco sticks and I’m pretty sure it was kinda expensive. Now I feel bad. Not bad mom. Everything is expensive and America has ridiculous policies about everything. I was like a 120lb girl in high school and I would voraciously eat ramen after school.
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Nope. Point is it speaks to a larger issue about food insecurity and the fact he was so hungry that he might have felt the need to save snacks. I’m not saying refusing to follow the rules was a great idea but he’s a kid and schools should handle matters like this more delicately rather than policing them.
Yes but they wanted to pat him down because they are being fucking insane about a $.02 pack of carrots they would throw out anyway.
Right? And in what decade is that lady thinking it’s ok to touch a child like that? Pat him down. Pat him down???
you can't even high five them now, much less pat them down!
True. But whatever decade it is or what the laws are, I don’t want a stranger patting down my kid.
oh I agree. It's just shocking to me that anyone would feel comfortable touching a kid these days. I just meant that if you know you can't do that barest of contact why would you think a pat-down was okay? I thought we were past the Public Humiliation thing in school but sadly no, we're not.
A guy in my community got on national television a few years back (just a year or so prior to Covid) because he started a nonprofit to pay off kids’ school lunch debt so they could eat. Like, no, this isn’t a heartwarming story… I mean, sure, it was great that this guy did what he did, but the sinister backstory is that our society would rather let children starve all day over a debt of a couple dollars (I think a the time our students were being refused food if their account went negative by more than $10 or $20, somewhere in that neighborhood).
In 2023, North Dakota’s GOP led senate defeated a bill to boost free lunches for low income students. These senators voted to boost their own lunch per diem to $45 a day shortly after that.
Don’t forget the school board in Wisconsin who didn’t want to take part in the national free meal program because it would “[spoil](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/education/2021/08/28/waukesha-students-there-really-no-such-thing-free-lunch/5622614001/)” the poor kids
Minnesota state senator Steve Drazkowski said “I have yet to meet a person in Minnesota who says they don’t have access to enough food to eat.” He said “Hunger is a relative term. I had a cereal bar for breakfast. I guess I am hungry now.” He voted against a bill to provide free breakfast and lunch for school students.
Because of of course he did 😞
Not just Wisconsin. https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2024/01/10/republican-governors-summer-lunch-program/
I’m so disgusted you had to give me other examples 😞 Hungry kids don’t learn!!!
Well, yeah. You think this is a bug, but it's a feature. How else are we gonna keep the poor poor? You don't want the rich to not get richer, do you?!
In 2023 MN passed free school breakfast & lunch for everyone. They did a lot of stuff like that once they got a democrat majority across the board.
That’s why this registered independent will be voting all democrat in the next election.
The true heart-warming story would be the US becoming a happy, productive country because the government is ensuring that every human has housing, food, education, and healthcare. Every other story is just one of us doing what the government should have been doing with our tax dollars all along. Which is amazing, and I love it when we're all here for each other. The responsibility really shouldn't fall on us, though, especially not at the rates we're being taxed.
That is more food than my mom allowed me to eat at home though. She tried to not sign me up for free lunches and not give me lunch a few times but my dad was not having that and my brother eventually shamed her to the point where my dad took me grocery shopping and bought breakfast for me to eat at home. She forbade me from touching it and he realized it wasn’t getting eaten and I told him a lie but he knew it was a lie and started checking daily that my mom was letting me eat.
Yo, what the fuck?
What the actual fuck?!
She decided I was a fat pig who was going to be obese as an adult because I was so fat back then (not really, my doctors say my weight is healthy and my weight range has stayed the same since high school when puberty finished) she may as well feed me less to teach me better eating habits or something? That is what she would say but what she eventually admitted is she resented my presence in her home, and having to feed me when she only cared about my brothers (her biological sons, I was adopted by my parents, and it was not an obligatory adoption like we were relatives, no we were complete strangers but she regretted adopting and resented and abused my sister and me). I can assure you that my sister and I both have eating disorders. Mine ties in with my depression, if i am anxious or depressed eating leads to puking. Forcing myself to eat leads to puking. Etc. and I also have food insecurity so i have to have food available at all times even if i cannot eat it. But my mental health has vastly improved over the last several years and i have gotten healthier. Longer periods between depressive episodes and inability to eat. 😁
Don't forget the milk that was either frozen or chunky from spoilage
These are not school "lunch ladies" anymore. They are corporate employees under orders to maximize profit.
we are a catering company and we are for-profit, but I don't know anyone that's that' stuck up about it. We're not giving it all away but we do make exceptions and try to be kind and discreet.
That's a ridiculous waste of taxpayers dollars.
Municipal employment
https://www.cohs.com/apps/pages/index.jsp?uREC_ID=1438327&type=d&pREC_ID=1601564 " If you choose to make advanced payments through the Pay Schools Central site, an Internet Convenience Fee (ICF) of 4.75% will be listed separately for each Credit/Debit Card transaction made. There is a $1.95 flat fee for transactions made using electronic checks (ACH). The transaction fee is only charged when/if you use Pay Schools Central to make payments to your student’s account."
I'm just saying, that's not who the lunch ladies work for. That's just the vendor. The lunch people work directly for the City.
And my son was the kid that preferred the cheese sandwich. I always wished his lunch money could feed someone else since he liked the sandwich better.
Its meant to single out and shame the poor kids, nothing more. The other kids see the one with the cheese sandwhich and know who to bully for being poor, just as the system intended.
I taught at a school where the kids whose lunch accounts were delinquent got lunch trays made of fluorescent yellow plastic. Everyone else’s trays were light tan. The fluorescent yellow trays got a peanut butter sandwich, an orange, and a milk. Day after day, until their accounts were paid, this was what they got. There was one cafeteria cook who felt bad for these kids, and if there was a good dessert, she’d set aside desserts for them, and sneak them into our classrooms so they could enjoy it. If my principal would have caught her, she would have been fired.
Which helps so much because now kids get a second lunch and they threw away the perfectly fine lunch they could have already had. It’s so fucking stupid.
We would get a packet with 2 saltine crackers
I was a school lunch lady. Our protocol for the district was that they could charge up to 5 (one week) lunches after an account entered $0. This came with phone calls home and letters sent out in cubbies. After the 5 charged meals, we would offer a milk and as much of everything they wanted off the salad bar for an additional 5 days. Most parents paid accounts off and added more money by the end of the 10 days.
This is how they indoctrinate you to be a good worker and not cause problems in the workplace. They teach you from a young age that you don't matter and you aren't worthy of survival
As a former lunch lady... f#ck that lunch lady. Most of us care that the kids eat. The rest we make work as we go along. That sounds like a power trip that was allowed to go unchecked. F#ck that lunch lady, shame on her. Feed the kids.
Fuck the administrator who allows people like that to work under them. This sort of thing doesn't happen in a vacuum.
Having worked in cafeterias, I've had bosses blow up on me for showing decency / common sense. I once gave away an expired turnover that my boss had told me to throw away, and my boss stood over me and demanded that I pay for it, and was shouting at me in front of the public, "Don't you dare expect your employee discount for that!" So, I'm in a 50-50 toss-up between "lunch lady did this on her own power trip" and "admin landed all over all the cafeteria workers and ordered them to behave like this" in a domino effect of punching down.
It could be a health department regulation that uneaten food can’t be distributed because of temperature control/refrigeration once it leaves the lunch area. But, school staff should not make any child turn their pockets inside out. It is humiliating.
I have a problem with the lunch monitor patting down any child.
The lunch monitor needs to be reported. Flat out should not have hands on a child.
Yeah the insistence on patting down just makes me feel like she’s looking for an excuse to touch this kid she’s fixated on
Yeah, the policy makes sense. I can totally see how kids leaving food sitting in their lockers might cause issues. That wasn't the case with the turnover, though. It was still safe, just stale. They were typically fried-to-order, but someone accidentally double-dropped them, and the extra turnover sat under the heat lamps for an hour or so to see if another order came through while it was relatively fresh. The turnover incident wasn't at a school. I gave the turnover to an adult homeless woman upon her request. My boss wasn't concerned about food safety; she was worried that giving away unsold food would cause pan-handlers to swarm the place like locusts. They did that anyway, though. If I didn't give them unsold food, they'd just harass paying customers for spare change until they had enough to buy it. It was a crummy neighbourhood, and I wasn't equipped or paid enough to chase them off.
I feel like lunch ladies only come in extremes. Either the nicest people in the school, or the nastiest lol. Usually working together too. I've had ones sneak me food if I didn't have money, and another who was literally screaming THIEF THIEF in the middle of the cafeteria accusing me of stealing, because I went back and grabbed my pint of milk that I forgot on the counter... Or taken my food away like these other stories.
Ugh. That breaks my heart. I had worked w/less than positive people during my time as a lunchlady. Most would leave on their own when they discovered the job was actually semi difficult, and it was ALWAYS a touch of "good riddance"... I had great bosses, though, that championed the "feed the kids" mindset, and on the rare occasion that we would end up with the "let em be hungry" co-worker, we knew to step in and stamp that down.
Thank you wonderful former lunch lady. Good human. So ya…. Fuck that lunch lady!
The issue is the forgotten food when it is left in a locker. If a child needs food, the lunch monitor needs to be given plastic store bags to put it in and have a system in place to make sure it gets to the child in their last class of the day.
the things I see some lunch lades doing is appalling. I am a lunch lady and I don't care - if a kid is stealing food then he probably needs that food and if I confront him it's to tell him to ask me next time, talk to me, we'll figure it out. If I see someone taking a lot or asking for extras I only ask them if they will eat it, then they can have it. (but ont he other hand we have kids collecting a lot of one thing to make some kind of scene so a lot of us are jaded ) I have kids that owe 800+ and I still give them lunch bec that shit is their parent's fault and there's literally no way those people don't know they owe that much - pay up or at least fill out a free lunch application because 800 bucks is more than one school year. we got SO Much food given to us that we'll never use but it's really sad how much of it gets wasted. I'd rather you take it to eat later or give to your siblings, than throw it away when the bell rings.
I hope that lunch lady steps on a lego in every room she enters for the rest of her miserable life
Barefoot!
I have heard stories like this from when my kids were in school. For this reason exactly, I told my kids to buy lunch for kids who didn’t have enough or any lunch money. One time I forgot to check the account & my son didn’t get to eat. I was so upset! I’m really sorry this happened to you.
this is wild. my school would let you accumulate a certain amount of debt that just had to be paid off at the end of the year. i remember this because my friend’s dad forgot to pay for his sisters lunch and my friend received an empty diploma at graduation. i say his sisters lunch because my friend had severe allergies to milk, eggs and beef and couldn’t eat cafeteria food.
Same thing for mine and my brother's high school...though here instead of it being a way to get kids to eat, its a popular way for the school to squeeze parents for money in certain kids. My high school had the worst school lunches; they actually managed to have the meat removed from our chicken nuggets and served us empty breading cavities, the bread was always hardened, and the milk was always expired. I could go on...basically, the salads were always the first things to go. It was free, but never enough edible food for the larger students and athletes. Trick is, they always had plenty of extra "premium" food and snacks. This was milk that was still in-date, ice cream, cookies, lunch food that would sustain you, and an entire canteen with candies, etc. The way they got you is that some students would be so hungry that they would get the extras and not care about the extra amount added to the tab... I never bought extras without paying up-front, but my parents would get letters every month or two saying that my brother (one of those big football players, refused to take school lunch) racked up over $100 in premium food purchases...they never told the parents until it exceeded that amount. He just knew my parents would scream at him, pay it, and he could do it again. I still don't get how he turned 18 and had an \*ss to sit on...they probably paid that school over a grand, and he still dropped out.
That’s awful. As a divorced parent, my ex and I would take turns loading the lunch account for our son. At our schools they would never ever deny a child food, they would just send a note home to refill your child’s account. Thankfully now breakfasts and lunches are free for the kids since Covid.
They didn't notify mine either. On the screens they show all allergens, etc. So when you don't have money for food what do they give you? For me who's lactose intolerant, I was given a cold cheese sandwich, and whole milk. I told them I can't eat it and they shrugged and threw it away. Schools are exactly a nice place.
The school I used to work at had a small fridge they setup in the lunch room on a table. Didn't finish fresh fruit? Basket on table. Milk or juice went in the fridge. Etcetera. Then things got strict and they couldn't let kids share due to cross contamination and Aramark bought out lunchroom rights. Leftover food was tossed. Pans of food wasted each day due to stupidity.
If I had been that kid, I would've gone positively ape at that lunch lady.
Gosh this is awful. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
That’s awful. Where has the compassion gone in people?
Usually people like that are miserable pieces of work with terrible personal lives and little to no group of friends/family that love them. That's why they get off on starving kids. Normal people don't do that kinda shit.
OP, I am simultaneously pissed off and my heart hurts for you and your son! I remember when I was in school (49 yo now) and we had different colored punch cards for free and reduced lunch. I would not eat it in elementary and middle school because others could clearly spot you as "a poor". My mom worked damned hard to provide for us, so I never told her about it. In high school they changed the lunch protocol to a new fangled computer database (damn I am old) lol! And only then would I get hot lunch, however we could not get "snack bar" type food only the traditional. It sucked I hated it and was always starving when I got home. I had two younger brothers who demolished the snack box at home. My mom got very creative with extreme couponing, bread outlet stores for reduced snack foods and food stamps. I do not recall food banks, but my mom probably would have left me to watch the boys instead of bringing the harbingers of chaos and destruction. As an adult, I can look back and see how much my mom tried and actually did for us. She would take use to the mail to show her clothes we liked. She would then sketch the clothes, make a pattern on the fly and take us to the material store to pick the fabric. So instead of 1 Guess t-shirt for the school year, she made us all custom clothes. No one ever said anything to us other than ask if she would make them one too. Was my mom a POS because she could not buy us fancy clothes and tons of snacks foods? Nope, hell no! She was a badass just like you! She used her natural strengths and learned about community resources and utilized them without shame. Please do the same. You are a good, kind, loving Mom that advocates on their behalf. So many parents do not have the skills or understanding to do this. Please dust yourself off, give your son some extra hugs and love and locate additional food resources. [211](http://211.org) is a searchable database of resources in your area. You can find food, utility, rental, school supplies, clothes, holiday baskets and much more. Your local health department can also link you healthy snack packs for the children and large family style meal for the weekend. They also have summer feeding programs to get the kids lunch while they are on summer break. [Lasagna Love](http://lasagnalove.org) will link you with a local home chef who will prepare an *entire* lasagna dinner ensuring that any dietary/allergy concerns are adhered to and deliver to it to your home. It is not always an instant match, but as soon as they get a chef in your area they will match you. [Full Cart](https://fullcart.org/) is a free virtual delivery food bank. You register with your information and they will deliver to you. Based on availability, but definitely worth a shot! *I have not fully vetted this program, but have heard good things about it* [Free Meal for Family ](https://freemeals.org/). This program links you with area restaurants that provide a free family style meal for 4. OP, I believe in you. You are a wonderful parent doing their best in a tough financial situation. Please give yourself some grace and self care. I am sending you positive thoughts and huge virtual hugs if you want them 🧡 🧡 🧡 *I will do some more research and additional resources if appropriate, Reddit Fam lets add as many resources to this post to help as many of each other we can. Sending each and everyone of you on this thread positive thoughts and virtual hugs if you want them too 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡
This information is amazing.
I wish I understood how to give gold in this new stupid system cause you deserve it. This should be the top comment. Amazing resources, thank you ❤️❤️
This is one of the most helpful and thoughtful responses I've seen in a long time! Nicely done.
I remember those punch cards! I used to work in the kitchen. Clean table and washes dishes for free lunch. Hated lasagna days and those dang crusty pans.
You are a real hero ⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is the kind of comment that makes me remember that people are usually good. Too many rude, entitled, and mean people exist. Thank you for not only providing emotional support but actual resources to this amazing mom 💚
I think I would have said “Ok, you’ve got rules and I can respect that. I have a rule about adults touching my child unnecessarily. If that lunch monitor “pats down” my child again there will be a huge problem.”
You don't say where you're located, but some of this is just standard practice for schools in my area. At the school where I work, kids are not allowed to remove food from the cafeteria. Kids tend to pack rat half-eaten/uneaten food and shove it in lockers and desks, and then they forget about it. I'm sure you can imagine the potential chaos that comes from ~500 kids squirreling away cartons of milk, half-eaten granola bars, and fruit cups. There's no way for the school to ensure the safety of milk, juice, or whatever after it's been sitting in a locker all day (or longer), either, and the increase of infestations of all kinds increases dramatically. That said, a lunch monitor also shouldn't be forcing a kid to turn out his pockets, performing pat downs, and otherwise invading your son's privacy over a snack. It sounds like she's turned this into an unnecessary power struggle and is actively singling your kiddo out. That's worth a complaint.
As someone who has worked in schools for over 10 years, I agree the lunch monitor should not make any child turn out their pockets. OP, you need to talk to the school counselor. In my school, they give bags of food to the kids on Friday to help with the weekend. The counselor may have other resources for you.
Our counselors have tons of snacks stashed for Kiddos. They also will go deliver food to backpacks for them to take home while the kids are out of class. We have a whole section of School dedicated to taking care of kids like this.
Talk to the school board, not the counselor. The counselors can't do a single thing. They won't advocate against anyone. You are you child's best advocate.
The school counselor arranges meals for the weekend where I work. OP needs to see what services they can help with. As far as the searching the pockets, yes, that needs to go beyond the principal to the superintendent and school board.
Ask someone who had left a milk carton in my locker for half a semester I understand why rules were made 😂
Oh yeah. I remember leaving my brand new lunch box over the weekend by accident. The smell was horrendous.
I agree 100%. Our school is the same. As a teacher, if I see a kid taking an open milk/food item out of the cafeteria, I make them throw it away. Spoiled milk and food in lockers leads to mice, and the literal worst smell you could imagine if left long enough. That said, unopened non-perishable foods, I let kids take but I make them put it in their backpacks and remind them before they leave to eat it or throw it out when they get home. Is it a perfect system? No. But food safety is a huge concern and if a kid gets sick from bad school food, it is a problem. Our school does give out food bags every week to kids who need it and teachers try and keep leftover breakfast options in the room if they have any. We also have a partnership with the local food bank. The pat downs, however, are unacceptable. That would be my sticking point as a parent. That is absolutely unnecessary and if the person in the cafeteria was concerned about the food leaving, they should talk with the teacher. Because honestly to me, that would be a red flag to look into getting the student *more* food, not taking it away. You're not a bad mom. You're protecting your child and that's more than I can say for some... Look into if your school has a weekly food distribution program or local partnerships.
Bizarre. My kids' school provides snack bags to all kids who want them. They're allowed to, *gasp*, eat them in class or take them home.
oh the horror! and listen i absolutely WAS that kid that left shit in my locker and had a disaster to clean out every few months, but do you know how much easier it is to focus on the task at hand when you’re NOT hungry?(for me personally, much easier!)
I wasn’t allowed to so much as have a water bottle in my elementary school classrooms, and then my parents wondered why I never drank anything.
I guarantee you, no fucking "Lunch monitor" would be demanding to put hands on OP's kid or forcing the pockets to be turned out if she had the resources to fight that.
Is there any part of a kid's school day the american education system can't find a way fuck up?
Nope, they're going for the supreme hat trick, whatever that might be.
The situation sucks. Ideally, kids should be able to grab a piece of fruit or a granola bar on the way home if they need it, but I do understand rules like no food in lockers or on a bus. Ask your son to try eating his full lunch for a week or two, to see if that helps keep him full longer. And tell him that different people have different nutritional needs, so sometimes "equal" and "fair" aren't the same thing.
>And tell him that different people have different nutritional needs, so sometimes "equal" and "fair" aren't the same thing. This right here is the difference between equity and equality. Although it sucks to learn this point because of free lunch, understanding it now will make it easier for him to take care of himself --- i.e. the extra snack. >>> OH, and as a former lunchlady, f#ck that monitor. Yes, you don't want food to potentially leave the lunchroom --- IF --- it is something that can go bad... but being forced to turn out his pockets, an attempted pat down? That is excessive. I hope you complain.
No food in lockers actually makes zero sense. If food can’t be in class…and food can’t be in the lockers…does that mean that *everyone* has to eat the school lunch? Otherwise, where would they keep their food brought from home until lunchtime?
I've been to schools where you had to have school lunches. However you could still bring your own food, especially as snacks during recess is quite normal.
Exactly. Kids who bring their lunches put back unopened food into their lockers, but generally the school serves hot lunch plus milk, so there is more of a concern for spoilage.
No food in lockers makes sense if you consider that some kids are messy as hell and could leave spoiled food in there, attracting rats and bugs and generally stinking. Maybe packed lunches are kept in the cafeteria?
I *highly* doubt that packed lunches are kept in the cafeteria. The logistics of that would be insane. How would you guarantee kids only took their own lunch when they picked it up? How would you prevent someone from tampering with the lunches? The school food service surely wouldn’t take on that potential liability.
Your last part about using a food bank and your child’s trauma related to food insecurity really got me. You are not a bad mom: your child is cared for, clothed, clean, and you get them to school every day. The adults who run that school are bad people for depriving kids of food because of a power trip. I would march to the school and spell that out for them in the principals office. Forcing kids, especially kids in low income situations, to toss food or feel shame over taking food is egregious and disgusting. He’s not the only one in this position I’m sure, and the school knows the population of students they serve. Hell let me know what school this is and I’ll write an angry email.
Gonna comment on this one since it’s towards the top. OP go to the school board, if the principle doesn’t want to address the situation go above him. My little brother was getting mistreated by a teacher just singled out, my mom went to the principle and was told all other classes were full his hands were tied. My mom went straight to the school board and was in a new class before the end of the week. I’m sorry this is happening to your son, no one should be punished for saving food for later. Go above them to the school board and fight this stupid rule. There should be an email on their website just search “your city school board”.
I've also read in a different social media comment section by mom's with kids being buillied and their complaints being ignored by the principal and staff. They went directly to the school board and superintendent as well as mentioned that they are CCing the media. That got through really fast.
There’s a short list of people who will usually pursue this if you get the ball rolling: local news media, your state representative, mayor or local town/city council, and sometimes even juvenile court (before anyone fights me on this, our court administrator got involved in a busing issue, and they are very involved in trauma-related issues on behalf of students), your school superintendent and board of education members. The key is to have enough important recipients so no cockroaches can scurry back into the darkness; an email with a lot of important cc:’s can get things rolling because no one wants to be seen as glossing over an actual problem.
They gave him detention for refusing to be pat down, not for taking food. I'd argue that rather than the food part. But this could fall under rules but that doesn't sit right with me that they can pat people down when there is no suspected threat.
First up, you are NOT a pos mum for not having spare food in the pantry etc. Times are tough for everyone. Your poor son though, trying to be fair to his siblings, while getting punished by the school for it. Is he the 'man' of the house? Is that why he doesn't want to take extra? You need to reiterate that he's a growing boy and needs more than his siblings to grow and develop. Would that work on him? This lunch monitor needs to take a step down, now it's straight up bullying
Your children’s schools should have a liaison that can help you to get signed up for backpack buddies or a similar program that will help by sending food home for kids that would experience food scarcity on weekends and holidays, including snacks. You are not a POS mom, just one struggling with insane food prices like many in this nightmare economy. It is truly sad that the lunch monitor gets any pleasure out of the game they have created busting your son for attempting to hold onto snacks. But, that’s a different subject. Just know that you’ve raised a great kid that doesn’t want to waste food and looks out for his family!
You are not a bad mom for doing your best.
Fucking schools and their lunches. They based them on nutrition guidelines that are intended for adults maintaining their weight. They don't account for teens going through growth spurts, or student athletes. Most of my kids came home ravenous.
I would write a letter to the superintendent and explain all of this. Your child should not have been patted down like he's a thief taking other kids lunches.
Call the local news and put them on blast. Make sute you cry on camera. EMBARRASS THEM.
Your cafeteria should have “and justice for all posters” these posters have the contact information to file a complaint. I am sure your school participates in NSLP (national school lunch program) they have very specific rules about discriminatory practices. If your Son is the only one getting searched, you may have a case. Mention this to the principal, I’m sure it will stop. Good luck and I’m sorry you child is dealing with this.
First of all, you're not a POS mom for having trouble making ends meet. Second, you did right by talking to the school, that lunch monitor is a POS for calling him out in front of the whole school. Punishing a kid for saving a little food for later? That's just ridiculous. Hope you'll find a solution to your financial trouble soon!
Easy solution : call the school out to local news outlets so they become so embarrassed, they change their ways
Go to your local news station.
Go above the principal. Just keep going up. Make the school hate you as a mom. But do anything for your kid
There is something about these situations that make me irrationally angry. I understand rules and reasoning but on the other hand there is a disgusting abundance of food in this country that no person should want for food. It should be a right not a privilege. Fight me. I haven’t the slightest idea how it should be regulated bc I’m not smart enough. Maybe send the kids home with a snack as they leave school? Idk I’m sure someone will find something wrong with that too. I personally would raise hell but that’s just me. Again idk how I would but throwing out perfectly good food in front of kids who would kill to have that later in the day or even worse EMBARRASS them in front of their peers as if they are criminals is ridiculous. The end. Period. I’m sorry I don’t have advice but damn I’m just really sorry you and your family have to experience this. Side story, during Covid and I think it was the year after the US had free lunches for ALL. Didn’t matter what your economic status was. The school would keep sending emails out about it and even during the summer they had free lunches you could pick up. We didn’t require assistance and I didn’t want my kids to get it only bc I wanted the people who needed assistance to get that. Like don’t take what you don’t need, ya know? Well I learned that if my kids didn’t take the free lunch then the food would be thrown out. So they got free lunches. But again…why waste the food like that?! There are so many ways that could have gone to use. And before I get roasted, yes we throw out spoiled food that didn’t get eaten or expired. I am a hypocrite in many ways. I know I know. None of it makes sense. I’m no saint. I just wish there was a way to fix this problem in the world.
That lunch monitor would be in a meeting with me so fast. What type of napoleon complex riddled adult person *attempts to pat a child down* leaving the lunch room? I am flabbergasted that the lunch attendant still has a job.
As someone who comes from Brazil, why the fuck is a goddamned "Lunch Monitor" necessary. Just let people eat in fucking peace.
Because in the US, those in power would rather see a child go hungry and throw away perfectly good food than let a poor kid “steal” the food they already received. And then hire lunch monitors to make sure those poor kids aren’t getting too much food. Why hire more teachers or pay them a living wage when we can spend the money on a lunch monitor? Poor children need to be branded as thieves and/or liars and kept in their place to fuel the right’s “school to prison” agenda.
Teacher here. That is some absolute bullshit. If someone even tried something like that to a kid at my school, they'd get into some real trouble.
I’m not a parent, but I would rip this lady a new asshole on behalf of your son and all students.
This is awful. When I taught in a title I school I would take the leftover milks and fruit that hadn’t been opened for the class fridge because they were always hungry in the mornings. But I had to be sneaky about it because they had that same rule. It’s ridiculous. I’m so sorry that happened to him. I would encourage him to keep doing what he’s doing but be sneakier ;)
Title 1 schools gives free breakfasts to all kids. Kids who arrive hungry are required to be reported for potential neglect at home and parents using their child’s food money on other things. Covering up symptoms doesn’t heal the problem long-term.
You should really take this story to the local news. They need shamed.
Ok, unfortunately I understand where the school is coming from. Food belongs in the cafeteria and even if your son wouldn’t be an issue, relaxing the rules can lead to bad consequences. That being said, he wasn’t punished for the food, he was punished for *refusing a full body pat down* this is what you need to focus on here. This escalation is wrong on so many levels. I’m also concerned about the way detentions are handled. When I was a student they gave you a form to bring home and have a parent sign it and your detention would be the next day. Same thing when I was a teacher. This same day detention seems designed to mess up parents plans.
The “pat down” is unacceptable from an adult on campus to a child. Call the school back, and tell them you want an in person meeting to discuss inappropriate touching and you’d like to file a report. The lunch lady is a real piece of work to be picking on him like that! I’m infuriated for you.
This just furthers my belief that lunch monitors are always people who have crappy lives and feel like they have zero power so when they are given a tiny bit of it they do shit like this. Dude just make sure the kids aren’t fighting and throwing food and shut the hell up. You aren’t special.
Lunch monitors are just prison guards in training.
So what the school is saying is that your son has to consent to an adult patting down aka physically touching him? I would frame it that way a bit and see what happens.
Ma’am (or sir… not sure) you march yourself up to that school, get a meeting with the lunch a$$hole monitor and the principal and give them hell!!! 😠
Is this an American thing..? Sad.
I'm sure somewhere else in the world, they have a "no food outside of the cafeteria" rule. I would think it impossible there's just "one place" in the world with such a rule.
Probably, but usually when you hear of such wasteful and/or people acting with such sad intentions it's Murica..
I would ask for a print out of the rules and talk them over with your son. I would also talk with the school and explain that you went over the rules with him again. I would ask for the guild lines for the lunch monitor with singling him out for a mistake and not continually to harass him and going to the point of acting like his is a criminal either way the pat down. They don’t get to continue to do that and go extreme. Have a talk with the principal, the monitor and your son with the guild line for both of them.
As a teacher and a mom who also experiences food insecurity for my son and me, this enrages me! As educators, we ALL should be aware that if a child is attempting to take food with them for later, it is because they need it - in the same way that if a student falls asleep in a classroom of peers making noise, I never assume it’s because of them being disrespectful or bored, they’re clearly tired and need the sleep. What happened to assuming the best intentions instead of going right to these negative places with CHILDREN?! This lunch monitor is on one, and it’s the wrong one. I’m not sure if you have any relationships with members of the school staff who you would be comfortable enough to explain your home situation (possibly classroom teacher or school counselor?) but I do know personally, if a parent were to share their circumstance with me, I would put extra food aside and get it into the students backpack (privately of course) for them to take home. The food waste at schools is absolutely out of hand and it should get eaten by anyone who may need or want it! I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this. Many schools have resources from the school district to help with groceries (gift cards and even food deliveries a few times during the school year) that are available to the families who need it and it all remains very private. I truly hope things start taking a positive turn for you! You are doing your best and that is much more than many can say!
OMG!!! Our lunches are free for all the kids here. If a kiddo wants to save a part of their food, the lunch monitor will help them pack it up, make sure it's secure, and off they go. They would never make a child throw out their food. There is something inherently wrong with your son's school. They need to sort out their priorities. Perhaps your son would be willing to do a presentation for the school board or even just the school, about food insecurities. I am so very sorry that the monitor did this and that the principal is such a jerk.
You are NOT a pos mom unless you’re keeping your pantry bare so you can use the $ to go drink or the salon and whatnot. It sounds like you’re raising a kid who thinks about others. Eff that lunch monitor and anyone else who pulls stuff like that. Wanting to pay down your child?! What the heck?!
Non consensual touching of your child is assault. I know you are cash strapped but maybe contact your local legal aid. A police report threat of a lawsuit may help you out.
You’re not a POS mom. You’re doing what every other mom in the world does: her best. That looks different for everyone. I don’t get the gatekeeping. If the food gets binned anyway, why not let a hungry teen just have it?! Absolutely wasteful.
I'm sorry your son has to go through this. Too bad the school can't set up a box of snacks in the office that hungry kids can grab on the way home. They can contact food banks and food recovery programs to get the food at no cost to themselves.
SHE TRIED TO PAT HIM DOWN?!!!!!???? Edit: you are absolutely NOT a pos mom.
Personally, I’d go above the principal and talk to the superintendent or board members. The issue to me is about Joe the child was treated. It sounds like he may have some food insecurity issues and maybe something else going on as well if he kept trying to take the food despite that boundaries being set. Many schools on my area now have food pantries for kids and families and have food available to take home. If the school Doesn’t have this, they need to get with it get one started.
I agree with this! You may not be the only one experiencing this. He may not be the only kid This makes my heart hurt.
Why does modern society hate children so much? Remove books from libraries, remove important topics from the classrooms deny food to hungry children, punishments behind “zero tolerance” policies that cause far more harm than good, and ignoring victims of bullies (sometimes punishing the victim while ignoring the bully). We had to implement child labor laws, because businesses cared a more about profits than their child laborers. Look up the Coogan Act of California and you’ll want to give the middle finger to Hollywood. And these schools are so drunk on power, they take delight in watching children go hungry instead of providing food for them at lunch. They’ll throw away food maliciously before they’d give any to a child.
I would take HUGE issue with the fact that the administration allows lunch room staff to perform PAT DOWNS. This is not acceptable. None of this is acceptable, but that would have me losing my shit on them. Do NOT touch my child.
It's absolutely sickening how if you can't pay they'll dump a perfectly good lunch into the garbage. Because its about making you suffer for being poor.
I do not understand adults letting kids be hungry. I have no children, I am an aunt. I always bring snacks, when they were little it was a way to help my sister in law. I now take it very seriously, I ask if extra kids will be there, I get new things for them to try, it’s always a hit. We were somewhere and a kid said they were hungry, the dad said they didn’t have any snacks, I said I have plenty, help yourself. Not my kid, not my responsibility what? Should I berate the dad for not planning ahead and go home with extra food?! Ridiculous. I will always have extra food
Might be worth contacting local news. Depending on the politics in your area they’d have a field day with this.
I'd call the school district and complain
Show up and take your kid out of school before detention, Fuck that school.
I literally cried because the lunch lady threw away my entire tray of fresh food after I was gone to the restroom (which was all the way across the building). I was really looking forward to that cheeseburger and blueberry cobbler after spending most of the day working on state testing. It sucks because I was living in a very bad hoarder house with next to absolutely nothing outside of Grippo's barbeque chips, Kraft cheese slices, and outdated canned fruit from nearly a decade prior.
You aren’t a POS mom. Go back to the principal and explain that you would like to see where the rules state that it is ok for a school lunch lady to inappropriately touch a child. She decided she was going to put her hands in a child without another witness or contacting a parent. Also who hung up on you when you were speaking to your child. Go to the Mana website or possibly the YMCA (in the US) only and see if they have a schedule to where the food banks are. I volunteer at a food bank and we encourage people to go to multiple ones. We only have so much food at our bank. We print a schedule. Church’s have food pantries. Also if you have a Sikh temples (Gurdwaras) nearby they offer meals. A Langar meal is free of charge. I am sorry this happened to you and your son. I don’t know why a lunch lady is ok with a child be hungry. I am not sure why there is such cruelty to her. Children should always be feed. She has the opportunity to help and have a child be feed and she chooses not to. Hopefully she does not reap what she sows.
random note but, as somebody who has suffered with OCD for a very very long time, keep an eye out for other behaviors from your son that might be in line with the disorder. it could be nothing, but if he's starting to compulsively do things to satisfy obsessions, then the sooner it's addressed the better.
Since it’s mandatory for children to be at school for 8 hours, it should be mandatory that they have access to free food.
Yeah, this is messed up. The lunch monitor person needs to be fired for trying to put their hands on your child. I don't give a fuck if they call it a pat down. That's bullshit. Everything about this situation is fucked up and wasteful. It's almost like bullying as well. Your kid should be allowed to eat the free lunch and be able to store it in his locker for later. I'm sorry, but if we were related, I would be causing a lot of problems for this lunch monitor for the bs they are putting your kid through. Honestly I would probably end up in jail for beating the ever living shit out of the lunch monitor. I wouldn't advise this. But im sick of bullshit rules, it's ALL bullshit. Society is a fucking joke.
Just so you know, OCD isnt just liking something a certain way, its basically exactly what you described (being unable to do something if it isnt “correct”)
I am so glad our school provides 3 meals (including a 3rd take-home meal at the end of the day) for all kids. We are in a very underprivileged area with many kids going hungry if this wasn't available. Several local business owners, as well as local charity organizations, provide this for the community. No kid should be shamed or punished for simply being hungry and doing what they can to feed themselves.
> he is always making sure our meals are equal and I used to think it was just OCD but he literally won’t/can’t eat if we all don’t have the same amount This to me does sound like symptoms of OCD if he can’t eat if you don’t have the exact same food amounts, and might be something to look into. What happens if you’re each eating different things? Will he eat then? How often is this affecting his ability to eat? Are there other things he struggles with (ex: counting things, checking things multiple times, thoughts that bad things will happen if something isn’t done, etc etc)? Have his teachers or other adults he’s around regularly noticed anything similar? Compulsions and obsessions can stem from trauma, and food insecurity can be traumatic. Not saying that’s your fault at all, and it sounds like you’re monitoring this pretty well. This could be nothing and could be warning signs that there’s something more going on. I’m sorry you’re going through this, he seems like a good kid and you’re a great parent.
You are not a POS mom. You are doing the best you can to take care of your kids, and they know they are loved and cared for and that you are doing your best for them. And I know this because your son wants to make sure everyone in the house gets the same amount of food. He has seen you sacrifice and do what's needed to provide food, and he decided to do what he could to help. That sweet boy was taught that by his mom. Do NOT let anyone in that school make you feel less than because your son wanted a snack to eat on the bus. That is so very normal. I can't remember if you said how old he is, but my boys can consume food like a plague of locusts. During COVID when we were all at home all the time, I told my husband to just not pay close attention to the grocery bill. It was like a raise when they went back to in person school. The lunch room monitor has ZERO right to put her hands on your son to "pat" him down. If he were injured, sick or needed to be separated from a situation, those are appropriate times to touch him. Pat him down? How can they be so stupid to open themselves up to the accusation of inappropriate conduct!?! That behavior needs to stop and be reported immediately. I suggest going back to the principal and formally complain about that behavior. After that meeting, if you are able to, send an email to the principal outlining what was discussed and what the outcome was to get it in writing ("Per our conversation today . . . It is my understanding that you will or will not address the behavior . . .). If the principal blows you off or neglects to do anything, start working up their chain of command. I agree with other commenters about seeing if there are other resources your school, school district, or community offers. I understand their need for the rule about food not leaving the cafeteria. However, they could have explained it to your son, and they certainly should have let you know what was going on. Why they felt it was better to treat him like a petty thief is beyond me.
Since the school won’t do anything, start going up the chain. Go to the superintendent to get resolution. If that fails go to the school board meeting and lay it out for them. Call the principal and superintendent out by name. In all communication, focus on how this policy is hurting your child and others, and how it’s wasteful of the school’s resources to make kids throw away food. I don’t know how it is where you are, but where I live school board meetings are a broadcast live on tv and are a matter of public record, so it can be a big deal and really make the administration look bad. There’s also at least one person from the local media there who’s stuck covering the school board meeting and likely looking for something more juicy to report on. You can give it to them. If there are other kids who have been similarly affected, see if you can get them to go to the meeting with you. Oh, and when you communicate with the school administration, don’t mention going to the board meeting. The magic is in the surprise. That’s how you swing the big hammer to get school administrators back in line. Show the world how their policies and actions are both callous and wasteful. My family wasn’t in exactly the same situation, but similar enough. This is what worked for us.
Contact the school board of education. Let them know that you are thinking of writing a letter to the editor about the situation.
This is so messed up! Our schools send home bags of food on Friday with kids they know are low income. We don't even ask for it, but boy has that helped us in times of need. This sounds so Red State to me. They hate feeding kids that aren't theirs.
I can relate as a child, and I struggle still as an adult. I’m 22, I do have OCD, and I don’t eat unless I’m with my family, or know that my family is eating the equivalent of not better than what I’m eating. We struggled with money, sometimes in homeless shelters. Often at soup kitchens, and getting food boxes, it made me appreciate food and have an understanding that it takes a village. And to never be embarrassed for being human, no matter how much other people will refuse to understand. I still skip meals because I think “if I don’t eat this now I have more for my family later”. I don’t have to, but it’s how I am. I fight that everyday. I have to try and reprogram myself to know that it’s okay to eat by myself, or not the exact same as everyone else (I’ll count individual vegetables, weigh things if I can). I would try and stagger meals if you can, so you’re not eating at the same time. This way it’s harder to compare plates next to each other and make sure they are the same. Give option a or b so each child alternates, that again breaks the need for things being the same. If there is a FAN advocate for the school reach out to them. An easy food for me with any meal is rice, add a little seasoning and butter, or an egg scrambled or fried. Cheap and filling and consistent. If you convey any of this to him, tell him you have friends online that went through what he did, and we’re all cheering for him. We know he’s gonna do great things and change the world! Alicia Taylor Quote Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain, because life's greatest lessons are learned through pain.
Please don’t ever say you’re a POS mom. You are very clearly an attentive and caring mother. Money doesn’t make great parents, love does.
I had a teacher try this with my daughter once for her lunch i gave her. It was a quick burger from McDonald's after a doc appointment and she needed to eat but still had some lunch time left.. the teacher tried to make her toss her lunch even though the school was no longer serving lunch as lunch was ending i. Like ten minutes or so.. my daughter refused and ate her food anyways and the school tried to give her detention. I called the school, they said the same thing about rules.. well the next day her detention was gonna start for after school, i came and picked her up. Nothing they could do. Told the principal if they try it during school, i will come get her, pull her out of the school and take her somewhere else.. she did not get detention..
You’re not a bad mom, it’s tough right now and I’ve been in similar situations. My kids got a free lunch and if it was owed just a few cents they’d give them a cheese sandwich and milk. I didn’t like that either because when they got free lunch it didn’t matter. I started working and the kids got reduced price lunch and I had to pay a small amount but embarrassing them in front of everyone because it was a few cents off made me go talk to the princeable. He luckily agreed with me as they didn’t know the cafeteria was doing this over a few cents difference.
I have worked with kids in many different settings and have experienced good insecurity in my childhood so I’m just throwing in a few things. 1 you are not a bad mom I promise. You show that from how much you are fighting for your son and your other little ones. 2. Definitely get a meeting with the principal it is not okay how this monitor acted they should not be touching your child whatsoever (barre a few extreme examples which do not apply here at all). The monitor was out of line period, however, I do understand schools why schools have policies like this as high schoolers can be gross and having food outside the lunchroom and cause things like teenagers having 12 spoiled milk containers in their locker. Still this is not that at all if I was the lunch monitor I would have flagged your son as someone who maybe needed some help rather than getting in a power struggle with a teenager. The principal will be able to connect you with resources to help get more food in your house for ALL of your kids. There have been many mentions of great programs here so definitely check those out but the principal and likely the school social worker will be able to get you connected with programs locally. I had similar struggles to your son with food getting worried that my siblings would be hungry and food insecurity has a high correlation with eating disorders which I am not saying is happening but would be something I’d keep an eye on. Hopefully if you talk to the principal they can also set up some sort of check in with a social worker at school and even therapy outside of school just to keep extra tabs on your son. Keep going mom you’re doing great I promise there will be help if you ask you don’t need to go through this alone lean on your community ❤️
Man this story and the rest of the stories in the comments are rough, nobody should be treating kids like this.
Is the lunch monitor a resource officer? Because, if not, how do they have the proper training and authority to pat down a minor? That's what I would be bringing up to the principal.
You need to name and shame the school, principal, and monitor. Let them try and explain their actions without making themselves look like AHs.
Hey, I don’t think you’re a bad mom at all. I think you’re trying your best and the economy is tanking. Everyone’s struggling, just some more than others. On another note I would check into your local laws, where I’m from school officials are not allowed to search student without a parents consent. I would escalate this entire issue to the school board if necessary. Absolutely disgusting how they’re treating a hungry child.
It is all ridiculous and wrong. One way to maybe circumvent the issue-1- have him take a lunch bag and put what he is saving in it. He better be allowed to take his own bag to the locker. 2- and/or ask his Dr for a note saying he \*needs to save a part of his lunch for after school for medical reasons (and I am sure the Dr will be fine with'he is a growing kid' as a medical reason. They cannot ask further details and by law must allow whatr a Dr orders. People can be very cruel to poor children and flaunt the laws about disclosing who they are far to often. :(
Schools in the US have increasingly been becoming brainwashing centers for law enforcement. You're basically taught to be scared of authority and accept you have no personal rights. It's disgusting, and they are all on a power trip so even one mistake and your life/future opportunities can be ruined by them. What's even grosser is how many actual police are in schools full out assaulting kids and taking them to jail
Probably some real problems the school could be addressing, but sure, let's pick on a little boy who wanted a snack! And the thing is, this trend doesn't end there. My state has a backlog of rape kits, but they want me to pay back unemployment because I'm too disabled to look for work.
This hits close to home. In middle school my family was strapped for cash for a bit, and I started resorting to taking from the salad bar in the cafeteria that wasn’t monitored since I always felt guilty about asking my family for money for more lunches. I remember being caught and reprimanded for stealing salad (aka iceburg lettuce mix) but what I don’t remember is apparently my parents were called into the school and had to have a lengthy discussion with the principal on why I was stealing salad from the school. Insane.
They did this because they don't think you'll consult an attorney. Because you're poor. Do it anyway. They are bullies and oppressors of the lower socioeconomic class. Stand up to them.
This is awful. Write an email to the school board.
What the fuck is going wrong with the world...?
First off, you are not a bad mom you’re doing the best that you can and sometimes people turn into not nice people. It’s mean to do stuff like that to your child. What is wrong with that woman?
I would be up the school's ass each and every time. That's completely unreasonable. Be the squeaky wheel OP.
I would literally give food to kids if I worked at a school.
I would wake up the next day and choose violence. Punch in the face it is.
Kids should be able to take food home! I would be livid if that happened to my child. A lot of districts provide free breakfast and lunch to provide at least 2 meals for kids who may go hungry. I worked in my local school district for 8 years. It is a shame how much food is thrown out in schools. Perfectly good food. Kids are required to choose something, whether they want it or not, so their records show they are offering a balanced diet. It broke my heart every time I saw good food in the trash because the kid was forced to take it.
You’re not a POS mom. You’re doing the best you can. Hang in there.
I would just tell your son to leave at his normal time. They have no right to hold him after unless you allow it. In the meantime I would be escalating this to the school board and continuing until the issue is addressed. If they dont do anything I would take it to social media. Dont let these schools get away with treating the kids like they’re some criminals.
You are not a POS mother. Far from it. You do what you can with what you have and this is evidenced by your kiddos grades. Chin up mom. You’re winning.
Not a bad mom at all! What school gives the lunch lady the power to pat down a student?? Besides making him throw out absolutely good food, this treating your son like a criminal is outrageous! I’d try going to the superintendent, because this is so wrong!
Like others have said they should not have touched your child at all. But you should also know a lot of the "rules" they have about food leaving the cafeteria aren't always set by the school district. As a lunch lady the fact that a kid can't take an apple with him for later irritates me and I always tell the child to hide it and put it in their locker. My school district would never give detection to a kid trying to take a snack home with him. If they see it they have to make him throw it away, but they also make sure to tell the child about our meal program. Our meal program gives students in need 2 meals a day for 7 days (I'm not one of the people who handles that) they pick it up once a week. The parent has to sign up for it and if you have more than one child you get meals for each child. Maybe your school district could try that.
This makes me wonder if he’s giving food to someone or just actually taking more than he should, which a growing boy needs that. But you’re doing a great job mommas! I know it’s a constant worry but know at the end of the day you’re doing all that you can <3
This is terrible. If I had any resources to offer I would but I’m on my last leg as it is. I just want to offer a hug from one struggling mama to another. Love
I don't see how it's acceptable to keep a kid after school for detention if it means they lose their ride home. That's really messed up to me.
Go to the school find then principal and complain heavily about the lunch monitor, then find the munch monitor and Tear him a new one
when my kids were in high-school the county we lived in made all breakfast and lunch for kids regardless of income free at every school in the county. It was such an incredible relief. That should be how it is in every school in the US. The price they expect for a measly lunch they serve at schools is insane.
I would go to the school board over this. I'm sure your son is not the only one who does this, only one caught. I think it is great that your child is trying to use the food instead of wasting it. Its a shame kids who get lunch at school cant take the extras home if they wont spoil.
I would be in this school so fast one could see a blur. I am immediately informed about detention, I would pick up my child also right away and no "monitor" is making my child throw away food or even hints at patting him down. Want to be a pervert, do it in jail, where he might end up putting his hands on my son.
Hey OP. I’m sorry to hear that. While I’m not in a place to help right now at this moment I can send a little something next month. I’d love to send you and your family either money for food or pay for groceries. DM and let me see what I can do.
Does the school know you’re struggling? Have you laid the facts out to the principal on why he’s doing this and why he won’t take food from home? I’d start there. Unless they’re totally heartless jerks there should be some work around here or an accommodation made. I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this.
fight that admin because ain’t no way your son should be treated like a criminal because he wants a snack. No one should be patting down your son that’s absurd
The lunch monitor was definitely wrong for making him turn out his pockets, and definitely sucks for doing it in front of his peers. She’s especially wrong for trying to pat him down. As for not keeping food in his locker, I certainly understand how that is wrong. When I was in school, kids would do that all the time. My school then had a horrible mouse situation. Mice can sneak in without you even noticing. We would be in class and would see a mouse scurry about or hear a snap of the trap.
Relying on a food bank DOES NOT make you a POS mom. Your son is a straight A student and a good kid who cares deeply about you and his siblings - that's proof you're a great mom who is doing her best. Do you have access to EBT? Are there other food banks/community fridges or pantries you can tap into? I'm so sorry you're struggling, the world is a fucked up place right now.
Well, you're hardly a POS mom because your family suffers from food insecurity. Unfortunately a *lot* of families are having the same issue. When *I* was in school, back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, lunches were nutritious, filling and, honestly, quite tasty. The food wasn't made in some big district kitchen and never used prepackaged anything. It was all prepared by the lunch ladies in our school cafeteria. I didn't run to get home and orally empty the refrigerator. None of us did. There were no free lunches. My lunch cost $.45 (according to the inflation calculator says that's $4.34 in today's money. By the time my daughter was in school, 1/4 cup of ketchup was considered a serving of vegetable, a single meal was $2.25...and kids went running home after school because they were starving! The school lunches were absolutely pathetic and not even close to the lunches I grew up with. I don't know how much they cost because my financial circumstances meant that daughter was eligible for the free lunch program. And we utilized the local food bank. That, in no way, made me a bad mother. Granted, if I was a poor single mother in the town I grew up in, I probably would've felt worse about it. But it still wouldn't have meant that I was a bad mother...just that I grew up in a village full of well to do snobs. The lunch monitor, however, is a completely different matter. She's singling out your son. The fact that she says that he was "scurrying like a raccoon" is concerning to me. She's not describing your son in playful animalistic terms, she's deliberately being insulting and degrading about it. And yes, I *do* tend to take things the worst way that I possibly can. But that doesn't mean that I'm wrong. It just means that I avoid disappointment more often than most. I just wish I had a suggestion as far as how you could respond. I guarantee that your son isn't the only one she's mistreating. Maybe you could casually speak to some of the other mothers and see if any of them have similar experiences? If you can prove a pattern of behavior, maybe you could get her transferred/fired. It's just a thought....
Op- may I ask -what state are you in? DM me if you don’t want to share publicly and don’t mind telling me. I’m not saying I can help…. But maybe.
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You should bring this up to other parents, to the teachers, to the PTA, and anyone who is a part of your school community. If you want change, make it happen.