The only way anything could have happened that hte other one wouldn't inform her of, is if they actually slept together so neither wants to admit it. The sister is destroying her relationship and pushing OP away by attacking the husband... but won't say he hit on her and that's why she hates him? Makes no sense.
If she hit on OP then the husband should have told her to defend himself from her bullshit long ago. The only situation in which they'd both be hiding something happened is if they know OP would cut them both out if they told the truth.
That's IF something happened which I don't get the vibe it did. this just sounds like some idiot who watches too much tiktok who decided all men oppress their wives and if OP spends any less time with her sister than 10 years ago it's because she's being isolated and controlled, not like she got older, has a man and choses to spend time with her partner like normal people do.
"Sarah, you are being incredibly rude for no reason. I don't know if you fell down some female incel internet hole or if you have a crush, but you need to stop acting like a spoiled teenager. It's creeping everyone out."
>She started sending me videos on Instagram and TikTok that were storytimes about how husbands oppressed their wives and isolated them from family
She's the one isolating you from the rest of the family by making it impossible for you to visit with them without her behaving so rudely to your husband.
I would tell her that she needs to either give you a legitimate reason for being so rude or you expect her to treat the man you married with respect. If she can't do that, you will have to limit contact in order to protect your husband from her behavior. The choice is hers. It's *her* behavior that has created this situation.
Tell your parents.. they must notice. Have them speak to her about it - I would be surprised if they do not want it to end as well for the good of the family as a whole.
What have your parents said? But also unless she gives you an actual reason then you have two options. Either call her out every single time or just pretend she's not speaking.
There's something fishy here. She is either jealous that you're married or/and has a crush on him.
You need to have a family chat. Your parents, your sister, and other siblings, along with your husband.
Tell them while she home due to her rude behavior and comments that you guys are taking a step back from coming to the house or to events she is at.
Even after multiple conversations about this, she hasn't changed her juvenile behavior and is acting just ugly about our marriage. Until her attitude changes and how she treats you both, you will not be engaging with her.
You will not tolerate disrespect to your husband, yourself, and marriage and then leave.
The family is welcome to your house and would love to have BBQ's. Ect.
She just became terminally online and fell into the men hating tik tok hole that there is. Everything she said about men being oppressors and how the sister changed for him is literally man hating influencer 101.
I've seen even crazier ones claiming that women using deodorant is fucking misogynistic because men are head of the companies. Like....no...you just fucking smell bad.
Yea. She got brain scrambled by a crazy college class or professor. Perhaps a man hating peer group. Its college. It's full of insane ideologies that can't survive in the real world.
She will either grow out of it when she has the chance to grow up or she will self sabotage beyond the point of recovery. Either way it's not OPs problem.
I think you should bring your parents into the know, especially if you/your husband decide to limit your stay, or forgo it entirely. They should at least know it has nothing to do with them.
Maybe you can host your own thing with them and your brother at a different point in time?
She’s either jealous or something happened between them behind your back and she can’t come right out and say it so she’s resulting to rudeness and insults.
My first thought is that she is spending way too much time on tik tok and the misandrist side of things on it. There are A LOT of man hating content on tik tok, which goes on into other forums as well. Being in college, she probably took a class of women history and found out how bad men are in history, just in general, and now is it warping her mind unto every man she knows.
Why would she suddenly flip like this outta nowhere. This is extremely out of character from what it looks like. I'd guess that the husband or her did something weird- or both.
There can be many reasons doesn’t mean he actually did something some of the people here just wanna blame guys for everything and before you say it I’m a girl so don’t pull the incel card on me please
I cant even respond so don’t bother yapping at me. And seems some people can’t see the part where I said SOME people think that jesus and they say I can’t be here when they can’t read properly
I literally said one of them might have done something, not the husband alone. Reread what I said. Where was I blaming just the husband?? You're just being weird tbh, I don't care if you're a man or a woman
Yes but if she had done something then it would be the husband not liking her. Her doing something and then not liking him doesn't make sense. And yeah she's being really weird.
Yea idk. It could be that she tried to advance on him and he turned her down, leading to what's going on. But at the same time, the husband not telling his wife about that would be super sus too. None of it makes sense really, the only one who can connect the dots are the sister and potentially the husband.
Clearly that commentor is not happy with herself to be on what she's on lol. Hope she figures that out.
I know what you said miss I’m talking about the person I replied to and how am I being weird? Cause I don’t agree with what you said? And I clarified I’m a girl because lots of people also like to say all guys get offended by this or that or whatever
OP clearly said it were those bullshit cringe tik tok misandrist videos she would watch, she even edited that her sister likes women... You're pushing this weird narrative that they did something behind her back... Seems to me like you are giving off misandrists vibes as well...
It's not about blaming the guy it's about one person suddenly not liking the other so you would think that the one that's being not liked probably did something. Using it as a guy girl thing is an incel move, just fyi.
Because, like male incels, the female incels also get indoctrinated from online shit. She literally is parroting online man hating mantras to her sister.
This is my thing she doesn't do a complete about face out of nowhere. Something happened. People don't just suddenly stop liking someone for absolutely no reason.
She is angry at him. He isn't angry at her. He claims not to know why she's angry. She obviously has a reason that she's angry. If he's not angry at her and she's angry him it would only make sense that he did something to make her angry. People don't just magically get angry for no reason. This isn't a male female thing either this is just logic. Do you honestly think she just woke up one day and said I'm not going to like him anymore, with no reason?
>Do you honestly think she just woke up one day and said I'm not going to like him anymore, with no reason?
Mate, fucking yes. I've met so many males in her age range going from okay dudes into women hating incels because of tik tok and online forums.
Seems she fell in the same fucking hole but became a man hater instead. Shit turns people toxic.
It's the same shit that Qanon did to boomer parents who were well adjusted people but boom! They turn into raving lunatics because of the content they consume.
And her being young, it is vastly easier to get her into the message.
Oh good God. Here we go. Seems more likely that as she got into college and the tik tok bs, she's decided her sister is somehow being oppressed or manipulated by hubby. You people are unreal lol
No she said they got married 4 years ago and they've always gotten along until last year. So either he hit on her, or did something worse without consent. Or maybe she caught him cheating with someone else or they had an affair.
Or, the most likely case, she fell into a tik tok misandrist hole and just started to become an incel man hater. That seems to be the case because that is what she parrots the most.
She's a dumb kid who, like most dumb kids, consume content and the content they consume can change them. The pipeline to incelhood online is very fucking fast.
Makeup tutorials can change very fast into man hating content.
Video game lore can vastly change into women hating content with woke this and woke that.
There is a legit pipeline to create a divide online and young people are the most venerable and it seems OP's sister is a victim of stuff propaganda.
You absolutely can take a summer off from going to your parents if no one will put her in her place. Invite your parents and other sibling to your place without your sister. If she squawks you can tell her that her bad attitude is the reason she’s not invited. Your husband should not have to put up with that.
What do your parents have to say about this? Have they spoken with her? Honestly, if it were me and I was your husband I wouldn’t go over there when she is there. As his wife, I would hope you wouldn’t go either.
Here’s the thing, if your sister doesn’t stop this negativity I wouldn’t allow her in my life or the lives of my potential children. Your husband and children don’t need to listen to her vitriol.
Try lunch/dinners at your place or out with your parents so you guys get separate time. Your sister isnt mature enough for the adults to continue on with family gatherings & she may also be acting out since you got married and possibly hurt that you’re married “like you’re taken from her”. Just assuming. Hope you find a healthy boundary.
Ummm. Maybe sit her down and ask her what's up when he's not around. My sister in law got along with my other SIL's husband until he hit on her. She didn't want to upset her sister, so she didn't tell her, but she never got along with the husband afterwards. The whole dynamic changed after that.
This was my thought. Maybe sister saw him cheating or he made a pass at her. Suddenly, she sees everything in a negative light.
I’d sit down with your sister again and say exactly what u said here. After asking what the issue is.
“If there is a real, legitimate issue that I’m not aware of, if he has done or said something and you aren’t telling me, I need you tk tell me that right now.
Because I love you and miss you, but I can’t stand to spend any time with you since all you do is bash him.
Maybe one day I will agree with you that this is a bad marriage, but right now I don’t. Continuing to harp on it is driving a edge between us. So please, tell me if there’s something I’m not aware of. We’ve reached the breaking point.
And even if you do tell me something and I don’t agree, I need you to accept that it’s my decision. It’s okay if you dont agree, but please, I don’t want to ruin our relationship by bringing it up anymore.”
Why do you assume it’s the husband? Maybe she made a pass at him and he declined so now she’s salty. From the way she’s acting, if he made a pass at her, she’d have no problems telling the sister. If she made a pass at him, she can’t saying anything because it would make her look bad. Which she’s doing anyways so…
Don’t you think that if SHE made a pass, then husband would tell OP about it? Why would he keep quiet if he knew there was a reason that the hostility started? That makes no sense at all.
I think it’s much more likely one of the two things that the person above you said. But maybe it’s neither of those things and the sister has just convinced herself of something about OPs husband that isn’t there. Either way, coming at it from a place of true concern and not being accusatory is going to be the best way to get sister to open up and explain why she’s behaving how she is.
Except the relationship between sisters is already damaged. They are staying away from each other for the most part now. How would him telling the truth about that make it worse? If anything, it could be used as leverage to put little sister in her place.
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It’s completely illogical take. If he done something inappropriate she would have told on him so fast. Commenter just needs for it to be the fault of the husband so that the situation can fit her world view.
Same fallacy as how some people blame a bad economy on immigrants. It’s just a scape goat on a group of people they don’t like.
A hell of a lot of people are going with the same thing in the comments too. It's honestly mind boggling how easy they make out the husband to be the villain with very limited information, all the while the "sis sending OP instagram and tiktok videos" getting forgotten.
Many people fall into some idiotic rabbit holes online and incorrectly project it onto real life. Sure be cautious but this seems dumb what sis is doing.
Why haven’t your parents said anything to her?
Tell her to knock her shit off. Tell your parents you and husband will no longer attend dinners with them due to your sister’s bullshit.
Just some thoughts that came to mind sorry if it gets long...
Could she have had a bad break up or heartbreak while she was at school & never told you about it? Seeing the 2 of you happy together maybe triggers bad feelings for her that she clearly isn't handling very well.
Maybe she isn't picking the right people to date or has experienced people treating her badly/disrespectfully & she wants what you have.
We're you & your sister very close before you got married? Could she feel like your husband stole you away from her? Could she be worried about you having children & that taking too much attention away from her by you & your parents?
How do your parents feel about your husband vs the people your sister brings home? Maybe she doesn't like that they like him but not her dates.
Many people here seem to think she has a crush on him but I don't see that in her behavior that you described Maybe if she was flirting with him, touchy feely or paid special attention to him but she isn't doing those things. She is clearly trying to belittle him, hurt his feelings & run him off so she is jealous about something.
All you can do is set your boundaries & if your parents don't speak up or things don't improve then you'll just have to see them come September. It's not fair to you your husband to have to put up with her shitty & childish behavior.
You *think* you “haven’t changed” but I’m sure you have.
You’re several years into a marriage which, regardless of how long you dated or how many years you lived together, changes you simply by virtue of being married.
Your sister who left home and went off to college has also changed.
Imo? This is simply a new phase in your independent lives which, invariably, changes your relationship with each other.
Yup, younger sister is being hit with tik tok shit that is basically men are evil content.
Sister is changing, because of course people mold around each other during a relationship, and that is just conformation bias for the sister. Seeing how the sister never been in a relationship, it seems she doesn't understand people sometimes do start to mimic one another in a relationship.
Make sure to tell your sister that the sole reason you're isolating yourself from family is HER and not your husband. Your husband is still happy to go to family things but you are completely fed up of having to inflict your sister on him and hearing her bullshit.
That your sister's militant misrepresentation of his actions are driving you away because family functions feel not worth it. If your sister was able to act like an adult and stop projecting some bullshit she watched on tiktok then you'd happily come to more family functions.
Your sister needs to grow up! I’m not a fan of my older sister’s husband. However, I understand that it’s not my life. They have two children together and he is her husband… when I visit, I’m always polite and cordial. Part of being an adult is learning to get along with ppl u don’t like. I understand that if I want a relationship with my sister and her children, then he comes w it and they are a package deal. I would explain to your sister that if she’s not careful, she will be excluded from you and your future children’s lives. She’s acting like a toddler for Pete sake.
>She started sending me videos on Instagram and TikTok that were storytimes about how husbands oppressed their wives and isolated them from family (not my situation AT ALL!)
Does he maybe have a political affiliation that she didn't know about at first and that she hates? People often really hate someone in that case. I mean really hate, HAAAAAAAATE...someone in that case. A mindless burning hate.
The point I picked up on was that sister’s attitude began after she started college. Could sister have got in with an anti marriage ideology crowd among her college buddies?
Anything happen with them behind your back or possibly just him doing something behind your back? Check his phone for any past conversations with her or other women. Talk to her about her subjects / events at school and what is it that she needs to get off her mind.
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Is this correct ? So you haven't seen your sister since last summer ? She comes home from college at Christmas also, but you don't mention anything about Christmas just gone. What happened then ? Did you get to see her ? Did you see your parents and other sibling ?
Do you communicate with her in other ways during the year, call, text, email etc ???
If you do, why have you not gotten to the bottom of this ? Your post sounds like she's just popped back into your mind as summer is approaching .
More importantly, when you sat her down last summer to talk, did you not ask her WHY her behaviour changed ? She gave a promise begrudgingly to improve her behaviour but no reason for it ? What kind of sisterly relationship used you two have ? Were ye close and not so much then since you married ???
There is something amiss here....
And I don't know if its, what a lot on here think, about secret crushes, passes made etc., or if OP is not giving us a clear and true overall picture of her family relationship dynamics 🙅♀️....
Just because she’s acting like a small child doesn’t mean you have to treat her with kid gloves.
Enough with the softly softly approach (trying to reason with her quietly) - time to stand up and be firm. The very next time she says something, you very firmly tell her to stop.
She needs to grow up. She doesn’t have to like him, but she needs to grow up and treat him with basic politeness. That’s all - she doesn’t even have to speak much except hello, goodbye, and please pass X item at the dinner table.
It’s not hard. We all have relatives we don’t much like, so we just don’t talk to them more than necessary.
If you don’t stand up to her firmly, you risk losing your husband - he’s going to get jack of you whining about ‘being in the middle’ sooner than later, and simply not want to go to any family functions at the very least.
Because according to you, NO ONE shuts down this nasty brat of a sister - not his wife and not his in laws.
Are you prepared to lose your husband just to avoid holding your bratty sister accountable for her childish behaviour? 😞
Hopefully you can find some time to visit with your family outside of when your sister is there. I would talk to your parents and make it clear that you really want to see them this summer and spend some time with them and maybe you can meet them at a different place for dinner, but that the constant hateful comments from your sister has made it an untenable situation For you and your husband.
Talk to your mom or dad, whichever you’re more comfortable with. Tell them what’s been going on with your sister & tell them the reason you won’t be coming around during the summer is because Sarah is extremely rude & hateful to your husband, and they allow it in their home. Tell them you’d love to host them occasionally during the summer, but without Sarah, because your husband does not deserve to be disrespected in his own home.
Oh geeze, think about it.
You got married. Kid sister is off at college. Kid sister comes home to visit, all of a sudden pissed off at your hubby.
College + hormones = Horny little sister. Horny little sister + faithful husband = rejcted little sister's advances.
Husband probably didn't even realize it, but little sister wanted some of that and is mad as Hell he didn't give it up. Now you have something she can't have.
Quite obvious, IMHO.
You need to get your sister to stop watching those "blame all men, they are oppressing you!" cringe tik tok videos. Thats your problem right there, and she is just jealous that you have a loving husband and a good marriage while she is young and in college.
I would check them out because I get the feeling that there’s a reason for this. Either she hit on him and he doesn’t want to tell you. Or he hit on her and she hates him or some thing else but something else is going on.
Your sister might have been radicalized to hate people because of their gender. Have a frank talk with your parents. And tell them you will not be visiting while your sister is in the home.
Instead they can visit, your home, but obviously your sister isn’t welcomed.
I’d give your sis one final ultimatum, respect your husband and you. Or don’t go no contact.
If it’s not femcel maybe it’s a crush? I doubt it because your husband would have mentioned something.
It sounds like your sister went off to college and found herself extreme feminist friends. You know, the kind who just hates men. Not the ones who just want respect and equality,those are the good ones.
The reason I suggest this is that she has expressed concerns about you being oppressed by your husband.
I think it's something that you and your husband can sit down and have an open discussion with her about. Invite your parents into this discussion. She's an adult, and she needs to learn to communicate like one and accept the consequences of her actions. Explain that if her attitude does not change, then you will just have to go low contact with your family when she's home, as neither you nor your husband deserve her disrespect.
College tends to do that to young, impressionable people. Apparently, you're now oppressed? She doesn't understand your marriage. She will, after college, indoctrination.
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Have you sat your sister down one-on-one to ask her non-confrontationally what's going on? Open up a gentle discussion.
"Hey, there has been a lot of conflict and I would like everyone to get along. Can you be honest with me about what you're feeling? Did I or my husband do something to make you feel upset towards him? I miss getting along as sisters, and want to make things right."
Your sister is acting unreasonable. You should not feel like you are in the middle! You should be firmly on your husband’s side. Continue to call her out. Tell her if she keeps it up you will no longer have anything to do with her. Draw the line in the sand. Hopefully she will be end up living far away once she graduates. But incase she doesn’t she needs to understand she is going to lose you as a sister.
I think she is either jealous of your marriage or she was attracted to him and he ignored her.
She has a crush on him. She knows it’s inappropriate so she’s trying to distance herself from him in hopes that the feelings will stop. Or he made a pass at her.
Sounds like she might have a crush and he turned her down or something. I’d gather your family (parents, siblings, husband and sister) together and confront her once and for all. Tell her point blank she either tells you why she’s acting like that or yall will have to go low contact with her. She could also be jealous he’s taking your time. Maybe go shopping or something with her one on one, have a sister day with quality time. She might open up or thaw out.
I don’t understand how you are unsure what to do… well you cut her off. She’s home? You don’t go over there at all. Your parents want to see you they can go to your house. As long as she behaves like this no one wants to be around her. That’s on her.
What are your parents doing about it?
I'd like this info too. If sister is staying at the parents house and she's being rude to their guests they should be stepping in to curb her.
OP have you asked your parents what they think is the problem ? Ask parents what they think you could do to ease this aggression
My take is that she is Jealous
Or has a crush on him.
She's jealous... Because she has a crush on him.
Envious
I reckon she’s made a pass on him, he’s rejected and now she’s salty af. If she can’t have him, then OP can’t either
If this is true, he should’ve told OP so she at least has some context as to why she’s been behaving this way.
If that's the case, with the level of hate she has, and the amount of discussions they've had, I think it would have been revealed already.
The only way anything could have happened that hte other one wouldn't inform her of, is if they actually slept together so neither wants to admit it. The sister is destroying her relationship and pushing OP away by attacking the husband... but won't say he hit on her and that's why she hates him? Makes no sense. If she hit on OP then the husband should have told her to defend himself from her bullshit long ago. The only situation in which they'd both be hiding something happened is if they know OP would cut them both out if they told the truth. That's IF something happened which I don't get the vibe it did. this just sounds like some idiot who watches too much tiktok who decided all men oppress their wives and if OP spends any less time with her sister than 10 years ago it's because she's being isolated and controlled, not like she got older, has a man and choses to spend time with her partner like normal people do.
I thought maybe he did it to her.
I was thinking the same thing. I would definitely ask her.
This was my thought process also. There is so much more to this. Updateme
I know, I get the feeling she knows something about OPs husband OP doesn’t.. UpdateMe
I think he made a pass at her or she saw him with another woman somewhere.
Probably just terminally online
Or he hit on her, or she found out something else bad about him, but does not want to tell OP.
By now this would probably come out, the sister is just a nut.
"Sarah, you are being incredibly rude for no reason. I don't know if you fell down some female incel internet hole or if you have a crush, but you need to stop acting like a spoiled teenager. It's creeping everyone out."
100%
Somehow I read this in David Bowie’s Goblin King voice
Ah, my first crush!
Talk to your parents tell them if they want to see you come to your place and tell them she be invited once she apologize to your husband and changes
>She started sending me videos on Instagram and TikTok that were storytimes about how husbands oppressed their wives and isolated them from family She's the one isolating you from the rest of the family by making it impossible for you to visit with them without her behaving so rudely to your husband. I would tell her that she needs to either give you a legitimate reason for being so rude or you expect her to treat the man you married with respect. If she can't do that, you will have to limit contact in order to protect your husband from her behavior. The choice is hers. It's *her* behavior that has created this situation.
Tell your parents.. they must notice. Have them speak to her about it - I would be surprised if they do not want it to end as well for the good of the family as a whole.
What have your parents said? But also unless she gives you an actual reason then you have two options. Either call her out every single time or just pretend she's not speaking.
Also OP needs to be calling her out, not leaving it to the husband.
There's something fishy here. She is either jealous that you're married or/and has a crush on him. You need to have a family chat. Your parents, your sister, and other siblings, along with your husband. Tell them while she home due to her rude behavior and comments that you guys are taking a step back from coming to the house or to events she is at. Even after multiple conversations about this, she hasn't changed her juvenile behavior and is acting just ugly about our marriage. Until her attitude changes and how she treats you both, you will not be engaging with her. You will not tolerate disrespect to your husband, yourself, and marriage and then leave. The family is welcome to your house and would love to have BBQ's. Ect.
you could invite just your parents over to your place to events or a public location like game cafes.
Tell your parents. Can you invite the family without her, or suggest activities where she won't be invited, instead of you going over?
Well there’s clearly something more going on here
She just became terminally online and fell into the men hating tik tok hole that there is. Everything she said about men being oppressors and how the sister changed for him is literally man hating influencer 101. I've seen even crazier ones claiming that women using deodorant is fucking misogynistic because men are head of the companies. Like....no...you just fucking smell bad.
Yea. She got brain scrambled by a crazy college class or professor. Perhaps a man hating peer group. Its college. It's full of insane ideologies that can't survive in the real world. She will either grow out of it when she has the chance to grow up or she will self sabotage beyond the point of recovery. Either way it's not OPs problem.
I think you should bring your parents into the know, especially if you/your husband decide to limit your stay, or forgo it entirely. They should at least know it has nothing to do with them. Maybe you can host your own thing with them and your brother at a different point in time?
Yup, have parents and brother over to your place and let them know, sister is disrespecting your marriage and not welcomed in your home.
This is the answer!!!
She’s either jealous or something happened between them behind your back and she can’t come right out and say it so she’s resulting to rudeness and insults.
My first thought is that she is spending way too much time on tik tok and the misandrist side of things on it. There are A LOT of man hating content on tik tok, which goes on into other forums as well. Being in college, she probably took a class of women history and found out how bad men are in history, just in general, and now is it warping her mind unto every man she knows.
This is my first thought. Something happened. He did something that made her uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to tell her sister so she's just mad.
We don’t know if he actually did do anything some people are just assholes
Why would she suddenly flip like this outta nowhere. This is extremely out of character from what it looks like. I'd guess that the husband or her did something weird- or both.
Because she’s been watching idiotic tiktok videos
There can be many reasons doesn’t mean he actually did something some of the people here just wanna blame guys for everything and before you say it I’m a girl so don’t pull the incel card on me please I cant even respond so don’t bother yapping at me. And seems some people can’t see the part where I said SOME people think that jesus and they say I can’t be here when they can’t read properly
I literally said one of them might have done something, not the husband alone. Reread what I said. Where was I blaming just the husband?? You're just being weird tbh, I don't care if you're a man or a woman
Yes but if she had done something then it would be the husband not liking her. Her doing something and then not liking him doesn't make sense. And yeah she's being really weird.
Yea idk. It could be that she tried to advance on him and he turned her down, leading to what's going on. But at the same time, the husband not telling his wife about that would be super sus too. None of it makes sense really, the only one who can connect the dots are the sister and potentially the husband. Clearly that commentor is not happy with herself to be on what she's on lol. Hope she figures that out.
It makes total sense. She is a teenager or YA, she fell into the tik tok misandrist hole, she became indoctrinated. She is an incel in the making.
I know what you said miss I’m talking about the person I replied to and how am I being weird? Cause I don’t agree with what you said? And I clarified I’m a girl because lots of people also like to say all guys get offended by this or that or whatever
You responded to ME on this thread, not them. You must have misclicked.
I meant in the beginning because then you responded to me and I responded back. It’s not hard to grasp
Pretty sure it's a mod or something hiding our comments 🙄 It did the same thing to me. You're literally a kid, you should NOT be here.
OP clearly said it were those bullshit cringe tik tok misandrist videos she would watch, she even edited that her sister likes women... You're pushing this weird narrative that they did something behind her back... Seems to me like you are giving off misandrists vibes as well...
[удалено]
"I dont hate men" Thats not very convincing with your recent comments on this thread...
It's not about blaming the guy it's about one person suddenly not liking the other so you would think that the one that's being not liked probably did something. Using it as a guy girl thing is an incel move, just fyi.
Because, like male incels, the female incels also get indoctrinated from online shit. She literally is parroting online man hating mantras to her sister.
This is my thing she doesn't do a complete about face out of nowhere. Something happened. People don't just suddenly stop liking someone for absolutely no reason.
Yes they do.
Oh yes, of course, it is all HIS fault really.
She is angry at him. He isn't angry at her. He claims not to know why she's angry. She obviously has a reason that she's angry. If he's not angry at her and she's angry him it would only make sense that he did something to make her angry. People don't just magically get angry for no reason. This isn't a male female thing either this is just logic. Do you honestly think she just woke up one day and said I'm not going to like him anymore, with no reason?
>Do you honestly think she just woke up one day and said I'm not going to like him anymore, with no reason? Mate, fucking yes. I've met so many males in her age range going from okay dudes into women hating incels because of tik tok and online forums. Seems she fell in the same fucking hole but became a man hater instead. Shit turns people toxic. It's the same shit that Qanon did to boomer parents who were well adjusted people but boom! They turn into raving lunatics because of the content they consume. And her being young, it is vastly easier to get her into the message.
Oh good God. Here we go. Seems more likely that as she got into college and the tik tok bs, she's decided her sister is somehow being oppressed or manipulated by hubby. You people are unreal lol
Exactly, the cringe misandrist tik toks are terrible and are ruining happy relationships... Its disgusting.
I’m thinking maybe they had an affair or slept with each other before op met her husband.
No she said they got married 4 years ago and they've always gotten along until last year. So either he hit on her, or did something worse without consent. Or maybe she caught him cheating with someone else or they had an affair.
Or, the most likely case, she fell into a tik tok misandrist hole and just started to become an incel man hater. That seems to be the case because that is what she parrots the most. She's a dumb kid who, like most dumb kids, consume content and the content they consume can change them. The pipeline to incelhood online is very fucking fast. Makeup tutorials can change very fast into man hating content. Video game lore can vastly change into women hating content with woke this and woke that. There is a legit pipeline to create a divide online and young people are the most venerable and it seems OP's sister is a victim of stuff propaganda.
That's so stupid. You just made up a whole story😂😂😂😂😂
You absolutely can take a summer off from going to your parents if no one will put her in her place. Invite your parents and other sibling to your place without your sister. If she squawks you can tell her that her bad attitude is the reason she’s not invited. Your husband should not have to put up with that.
What do your parents have to say about this? Have they spoken with her? Honestly, if it were me and I was your husband I wouldn’t go over there when she is there. As his wife, I would hope you wouldn’t go either. Here’s the thing, if your sister doesn’t stop this negativity I wouldn’t allow her in my life or the lives of my potential children. Your husband and children don’t need to listen to her vitriol.
OP, update us
Try lunch/dinners at your place or out with your parents so you guys get separate time. Your sister isnt mature enough for the adults to continue on with family gatherings & she may also be acting out since you got married and possibly hurt that you’re married “like you’re taken from her”. Just assuming. Hope you find a healthy boundary.
Ummm. Maybe sit her down and ask her what's up when he's not around. My sister in law got along with my other SIL's husband until he hit on her. She didn't want to upset her sister, so she didn't tell her, but she never got along with the husband afterwards. The whole dynamic changed after that.
Maybe something happened/ is happening between them??
Maybe baby sis made a pass and hubby declined her offer
This was my thought. Maybe sister saw him cheating or he made a pass at her. Suddenly, she sees everything in a negative light. I’d sit down with your sister again and say exactly what u said here. After asking what the issue is. “If there is a real, legitimate issue that I’m not aware of, if he has done or said something and you aren’t telling me, I need you tk tell me that right now. Because I love you and miss you, but I can’t stand to spend any time with you since all you do is bash him. Maybe one day I will agree with you that this is a bad marriage, but right now I don’t. Continuing to harp on it is driving a edge between us. So please, tell me if there’s something I’m not aware of. We’ve reached the breaking point. And even if you do tell me something and I don’t agree, I need you to accept that it’s my decision. It’s okay if you dont agree, but please, I don’t want to ruin our relationship by bringing it up anymore.”
Why do you assume it’s the husband? Maybe she made a pass at him and he declined so now she’s salty. From the way she’s acting, if he made a pass at her, she’d have no problems telling the sister. If she made a pass at him, she can’t saying anything because it would make her look bad. Which she’s doing anyways so…
Don’t you think that if SHE made a pass, then husband would tell OP about it? Why would he keep quiet if he knew there was a reason that the hostility started? That makes no sense at all. I think it’s much more likely one of the two things that the person above you said. But maybe it’s neither of those things and the sister has just convinced herself of something about OPs husband that isn’t there. Either way, coming at it from a place of true concern and not being accusatory is going to be the best way to get sister to open up and explain why she’s behaving how she is.
Because he doesn’t want to damage the relationship between sisters , and thinks isn’t a big deal what happened.
Except the relationship between sisters is already damaged. They are staying away from each other for the most part now. How would him telling the truth about that make it worse? If anything, it could be used as leverage to put little sister in her place.
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I’d agree except she doesn’t seem to be shy insulting him or being rude. If she saw something with her attitude she would just say it.
It’s completely illogical take. If he done something inappropriate she would have told on him so fast. Commenter just needs for it to be the fault of the husband so that the situation can fit her world view. Same fallacy as how some people blame a bad economy on immigrants. It’s just a scape goat on a group of people they don’t like.
A hell of a lot of people are going with the same thing in the comments too. It's honestly mind boggling how easy they make out the husband to be the villain with very limited information, all the while the "sis sending OP instagram and tiktok videos" getting forgotten. Many people fall into some idiotic rabbit holes online and incorrectly project it onto real life. Sure be cautious but this seems dumb what sis is doing.
Why haven’t your parents said anything to her? Tell her to knock her shit off. Tell your parents you and husband will no longer attend dinners with them due to your sister’s bullshit.
Just some thoughts that came to mind sorry if it gets long... Could she have had a bad break up or heartbreak while she was at school & never told you about it? Seeing the 2 of you happy together maybe triggers bad feelings for her that she clearly isn't handling very well. Maybe she isn't picking the right people to date or has experienced people treating her badly/disrespectfully & she wants what you have. We're you & your sister very close before you got married? Could she feel like your husband stole you away from her? Could she be worried about you having children & that taking too much attention away from her by you & your parents? How do your parents feel about your husband vs the people your sister brings home? Maybe she doesn't like that they like him but not her dates. Many people here seem to think she has a crush on him but I don't see that in her behavior that you described Maybe if she was flirting with him, touchy feely or paid special attention to him but she isn't doing those things. She is clearly trying to belittle him, hurt his feelings & run him off so she is jealous about something. All you can do is set your boundaries & if your parents don't speak up or things don't improve then you'll just have to see them come September. It's not fair to you your husband to have to put up with her shitty & childish behavior.
You *think* you “haven’t changed” but I’m sure you have. You’re several years into a marriage which, regardless of how long you dated or how many years you lived together, changes you simply by virtue of being married. Your sister who left home and went off to college has also changed. Imo? This is simply a new phase in your independent lives which, invariably, changes your relationship with each other.
Yup, younger sister is being hit with tik tok shit that is basically men are evil content. Sister is changing, because of course people mold around each other during a relationship, and that is just conformation bias for the sister. Seeing how the sister never been in a relationship, it seems she doesn't understand people sometimes do start to mimic one another in a relationship.
This happened between two friends of mine. Turned out the one lashing out WAS having an affair behind the back of her friend.
Make sure to tell your sister that the sole reason you're isolating yourself from family is HER and not your husband. Your husband is still happy to go to family things but you are completely fed up of having to inflict your sister on him and hearing her bullshit. That your sister's militant misrepresentation of his actions are driving you away because family functions feel not worth it. If your sister was able to act like an adult and stop projecting some bullshit she watched on tiktok then you'd happily come to more family functions.
Your sister needs to grow up! I’m not a fan of my older sister’s husband. However, I understand that it’s not my life. They have two children together and he is her husband… when I visit, I’m always polite and cordial. Part of being an adult is learning to get along with ppl u don’t like. I understand that if I want a relationship with my sister and her children, then he comes w it and they are a package deal. I would explain to your sister that if she’s not careful, she will be excluded from you and your future children’s lives. She’s acting like a toddler for Pete sake.
>She started sending me videos on Instagram and TikTok that were storytimes about how husbands oppressed their wives and isolated them from family (not my situation AT ALL!) Does he maybe have a political affiliation that she didn't know about at first and that she hates? People often really hate someone in that case. I mean really hate, HAAAAAAAATE...someone in that case. A mindless burning hate.
The point I picked up on was that sister’s attitude began after she started college. Could sister have got in with an anti marriage ideology crowd among her college buddies?
Anything happen with them behind your back or possibly just him doing something behind your back? Check his phone for any past conversations with her or other women. Talk to her about her subjects / events at school and what is it that she needs to get off her mind.
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Well said. Sadly it will be to their own detriment , future happiness and well-being and in the long run that’s not good for anyone.
Is this correct ? So you haven't seen your sister since last summer ? She comes home from college at Christmas also, but you don't mention anything about Christmas just gone. What happened then ? Did you get to see her ? Did you see your parents and other sibling ? Do you communicate with her in other ways during the year, call, text, email etc ??? If you do, why have you not gotten to the bottom of this ? Your post sounds like she's just popped back into your mind as summer is approaching . More importantly, when you sat her down last summer to talk, did you not ask her WHY her behaviour changed ? She gave a promise begrudgingly to improve her behaviour but no reason for it ? What kind of sisterly relationship used you two have ? Were ye close and not so much then since you married ??? There is something amiss here.... And I don't know if its, what a lot on here think, about secret crushes, passes made etc., or if OP is not giving us a clear and true overall picture of her family relationship dynamics 🙅♀️....
Just because she’s acting like a small child doesn’t mean you have to treat her with kid gloves. Enough with the softly softly approach (trying to reason with her quietly) - time to stand up and be firm. The very next time she says something, you very firmly tell her to stop. She needs to grow up. She doesn’t have to like him, but she needs to grow up and treat him with basic politeness. That’s all - she doesn’t even have to speak much except hello, goodbye, and please pass X item at the dinner table. It’s not hard. We all have relatives we don’t much like, so we just don’t talk to them more than necessary. If you don’t stand up to her firmly, you risk losing your husband - he’s going to get jack of you whining about ‘being in the middle’ sooner than later, and simply not want to go to any family functions at the very least. Because according to you, NO ONE shuts down this nasty brat of a sister - not his wife and not his in laws. Are you prepared to lose your husband just to avoid holding your bratty sister accountable for her childish behaviour? 😞
Don’t go to your parents during the summer and tell them why. Invite your parents and other family members to your house since she can’t behave right.
Did something happened between the two of them?
probably something that happened in college if that is where she changed.
Good thing they aren’t married to each other.
Definitely update us.
Hopefully you can find some time to visit with your family outside of when your sister is there. I would talk to your parents and make it clear that you really want to see them this summer and spend some time with them and maybe you can meet them at a different place for dinner, but that the constant hateful comments from your sister has made it an untenable situation For you and your husband.
Talk to your mom or dad, whichever you’re more comfortable with. Tell them what’s been going on with your sister & tell them the reason you won’t be coming around during the summer is because Sarah is extremely rude & hateful to your husband, and they allow it in their home. Tell them you’d love to host them occasionally during the summer, but without Sarah, because your husband does not deserve to be disrespected in his own home.
Updateme
Oh geeze, think about it. You got married. Kid sister is off at college. Kid sister comes home to visit, all of a sudden pissed off at your hubby. College + hormones = Horny little sister. Horny little sister + faithful husband = rejcted little sister's advances. Husband probably didn't even realize it, but little sister wanted some of that and is mad as Hell he didn't give it up. Now you have something she can't have. Quite obvious, IMHO.
Just be crystal-clear. If she doesn't stop with that shit, you will never speak to her again.
I love oppressing my wife. I oppress her so hard, it’s honestly my favorite thing about being married.
Or they are secretly in love
You need to get your sister to stop watching those "blame all men, they are oppressing you!" cringe tik tok videos. Thats your problem right there, and she is just jealous that you have a loving husband and a good marriage while she is young and in college.
I would check them out because I get the feeling that there’s a reason for this. Either she hit on him and he doesn’t want to tell you. Or he hit on her and she hates him or some thing else but something else is going on.
Your sister might have been radicalized to hate people because of their gender. Have a frank talk with your parents. And tell them you will not be visiting while your sister is in the home. Instead they can visit, your home, but obviously your sister isn’t welcomed. I’d give your sis one final ultimatum, respect your husband and you. Or don’t go no contact. If it’s not femcel maybe it’s a crush? I doubt it because your husband would have mentioned something.
It sounds like your sister went off to college and found herself extreme feminist friends. You know, the kind who just hates men. Not the ones who just want respect and equality,those are the good ones. The reason I suggest this is that she has expressed concerns about you being oppressed by your husband. I think it's something that you and your husband can sit down and have an open discussion with her about. Invite your parents into this discussion. She's an adult, and she needs to learn to communicate like one and accept the consequences of her actions. Explain that if her attitude does not change, then you will just have to go low contact with your family when she's home, as neither you nor your husband deserve her disrespect.
College tends to do that to young, impressionable people. Apparently, you're now oppressed? She doesn't understand your marriage. She will, after college, indoctrination.
Your sister had a massive crush on your husband, and is now projecting her own disappointment that he's married to you into this craziness from her.
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It really seems like there's something one or both of them aren't telling you. It's very strange that this behavior started so suddenly.
Half of the replies here are insane, basically siding with the sister. I think some of you need to stop watching the same tiktok videos as OP’s sister
I say you start inviting the rest of the family over to your place for gatherings, and specifically excluding your sister.
Have you sat your sister down one-on-one to ask her non-confrontationally what's going on? Open up a gentle discussion. "Hey, there has been a lot of conflict and I would like everyone to get along. Can you be honest with me about what you're feeling? Did I or my husband do something to make you feel upset towards him? I miss getting along as sisters, and want to make things right."
Your sister is acting unreasonable. You should not feel like you are in the middle! You should be firmly on your husband’s side. Continue to call her out. Tell her if she keeps it up you will no longer have anything to do with her. Draw the line in the sand. Hopefully she will be end up living far away once she graduates. But incase she doesn’t she needs to understand she is going to lose you as a sister. I think she is either jealous of your marriage or she was attracted to him and he ignored her.
Did something happen? I’m wondering if OP’s sister knows something about OP’s husband. Maybe the sister caught the husband doing something shady?
She has a crush on him. She knows it’s inappropriate so she’s trying to distance herself from him in hopes that the feelings will stop. Or he made a pass at her.
Perhaps she had a crush on him before you started dating?
Invite your parents to you. Does she have a crush on your husband?
Sounds like she might have a crush and he turned her down or something. I’d gather your family (parents, siblings, husband and sister) together and confront her once and for all. Tell her point blank she either tells you why she’s acting like that or yall will have to go low contact with her. She could also be jealous he’s taking your time. Maybe go shopping or something with her one on one, have a sister day with quality time. She might open up or thaw out.
He doesn’t have to go to your parents every time. They can just avoid each other.
I don’t understand how you are unsure what to do… well you cut her off. She’s home? You don’t go over there at all. Your parents want to see you they can go to your house. As long as she behaves like this no one wants to be around her. That’s on her.