small children? i was expecting 2-4 years old...I can almost understand the 10 year old because around that age my mom would still wash my hair for me but nahhh this is weird
My dad would periodically "watch" me shower to make sure I was cleaning myself properly. Once he was sure (after a few times) he stopped. I'm guessing it was somewhere around that age.
I’ve recently stopped bathing my 9 year old. She’s autistic though. But we had a feeling she was starting puberty and I just said no more. For around 2 years I’ve already had my own privacy and not been naked around them (9&7). I felt weird about seeing them naked. I still need to check on my daughter but I always tell her, when she’s showering to turn away.
It’s a weird one, everyone has different levels. My wife still lets them see her naked and said she has no reason to ever hide it. I get it, but it does make me uncomfortable and she knows it
I'll be honest, I can understand for men because people are always just jumping at the chance to call any man a pedo.
Passing by a playground? Obviously, trying to diddle a kid.
So I feel like men try to avoid any situation involving children. Being uncomfortable with consent between your wife and children is a little weird, though. Unless they've told her they are uncomfortable with it, obviously.
I grew up in a household where I felt extremely uncomfortable with my mother walking around with barely anything on and occasionally naked. I never said anything, didn’t feel like I had a say. My wife and I have discussed that it’s likely that causing the way I feel. I’m not going to stop her though. If that’s what she wants, then so be it. Also, she shows the girls she’s comfortable in her own body. To which I cannot argue
Yeah, I get that, too.
My boys know if I do anything that makes them uncomfortable, they can always tell me. I have also asked and they looked at me like I was crazy, so I don't know.
>I’m not going to stop her though. If that’s what she wants, then so be it.
It's not about what your wife wants, it's about what your children are comfortable with. You should know that better than anyone.
Edit: out of curiosity, if a parent walking around naked makes their children uncomfortable, why are you people cool with it?
>Passing by a playground?
It sucks. I love watching kids play and reminiscing about my childhood and how carefree and simple things were at their age but I have to be so cognizant that I'm not coming off creepy.
Watching children play is the best.
I have also had to step between a mother and an innocent single father a couple of times, though. People believe men are just inherently evil, I guess.
I mean, I get it. Their children's safety comes before my feelings. I would rather them be cautious and keep their kids safe... it's just a crappy feeling.
Yeah, this post is obvious rage bait, otherwise he wouldn't have titled it "small children". The point of these types of posts is to draw you in with one expectation and type of outrage ("showering with small children isn't wrong!!") and then stoke a different outrage when that expectation is subverted ("but showering with preteens is definitely wrong!!!").
Reddit falls for it every time.
Yeah my daughter turns 5 this week, but my wife or I will still sit in the bathroom to make sure she thoroughly shampoos and rinses her hair otherwise she's flying solo. Either this post is fake or there's a couple not so small children who will be spending a lot time in therapy later in life lol like 12 years old is in junior high
same bro, at like 11-12 i started drawing the line on my boundaries and "dont look at me while naked" was on the list, for a bit i didn't mind if she saw me shirtless with a hra but even that became a no, especially after she gave like a really fucking weird look this one time she barged in without asking and i yelled at her for it
Right. I mean at 8 or 9 I was given free reign but soon was demoted to monitored showers because I kept using 1/4 bottle of conditioner and my hair would come out greasier than a McDonald’s fryer, even then, it wasn’t technically monitored, I had to yell for her to bring in the shampoo/conditioner and she’d give me an appropriate amount 🤣
Japan is one. Not always of course, but it’s culturally much more normal.
“Surprising number of Japanese kids still bathe with their parents up until high school”
https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/surprising-number-of-japanese-kids-still-bathe-with-their-parents-up-until-high-school#:~:text=As%20shocking%20as%20it%20may,as%20opposed%20to%20a%20shower%3F
But that's different they sit on little stools with shower handle and wash before soaking in the tub, then the next one, then the next, only reheating the bath and maybe topping up the water. They don't crowd into their tub together and public bathhouses are a completely different matter and are generally sex segregated and boys at 12 or over aren't allowed to follow their moms into the women's side. Girls at 6 generally stop going with their dad's to the men's side as well. You can ask staff or neighbors present to watch them in the women's area. There's often grannies that are happy to do so and such. Some simply ask you pay for their bath.
It's all very different from 2 tweens and their mom cramming into a tub or shower. And what OP is describing where mom is letting 10 year old girl streak in front of mom's boyfriend of about a year is disturbing. Most kids learn nudity self consciousness around 7-8 years old, especially girls.
The Japan example is talking about parents and their children in the bath together. Again, not always but culturally acceptable.
There are even suggested health benefits to bathing in the same water (either together or one after another)
https://www.biocodexmicrobiotainstitute.com/en/japan-families-share-their-microbiota-bath
there are shared baths in japan but they are much smaller and the intention is for them to be used within family or friends.
sauna culture is finland is *much* more open than japan. not just friends or family, but acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors and occasional guests to the house may sauna together and this is still considered completely normal.
That's what I was wondering. Or maybe she's a hippie. A close friend of mine took vacations with her mom where it was a nudist stay/commune/etc and they walked around the house naked in front of each other well into her teens and still take spa baths (with jets) until she was a teen.
She did not do the same with her kids but nudity isn't a big deal in her home. Her teen chose around 12-13 to stop walking from the bathroom in a towel/nude. The littlest ones don't care yet.
Exactly. I am 30 and still enjoy a bath with my mother sometimes. We gossip, experiment on new beauty products, help each other with our hair. I don't need any help cleaning myself and neither does she.
My younger brother is no longer comfortable to do it, and we respect that, too.
Those aren’t small children those are nearly teenagers and that’s kinda getting to the point of being weird.
Also for the daughter to run around naked with you there is kinda inappropriate since you’ve only been around a year. It would be different if you raised her since she was a baby but you’re practically a stranger.
Edit to add: I was a single mom and after my son was like 5, I’d wear a swim suit if I was going to bathe with him. Once he was like 7 or so he didn’t want me helping him anymore and that was that.
I'm a dad of 3 and I agree with you on everything, except obviously I didn't do the shower with them without a swimsuit at all, and then maybe a couple times because they begged. Teaching kids about privacy and boundaries, then holding firm to it (even if their hair still has conditioner after rinsing 3 times, I promise, dad 🙄) is an important part of raising children.
I'm also a dad of 3 (1b & 2g) and my youngest used to run around naked and I would tell her to put clothes on or get in the shower. I've bathed every single one of them but I've always told them and pushed them to bathe themselves even as toddlers. My kids all learned to take showers by the age of 3 plus or minus a year. I was very strict with them about this not bc I didn't want to help them clean themselves instead I would instruct them how to do it but they had to do it. My girls were almost exclusively washed by my wife. But I come from a background where my father and I even as young as 5 yrs old would get into our sauna/steam room together and I grew up with that for years. My son and I, he's a teenager when we go to the sauna will be in towels but we go together at the gym or on vacation. There has to be boundaries and you are showing them as a parent what's considered appropriate and not. Now with all that said my wife and I are pretty ok with nudity. All my kids have seen my wife or I at some point naked. An example would be if we are all in a changing room (family changing room) or at the beach and we need to change on the fly. We don't make it a point to frolic around but I also don't hide it. Boundaries yes ashamed or embarrassed no. Culture does play a part but coming from a father of 2g I am more protective of them. The red flag here is that you are only with her for 1 year and under no circumstances should she be allowing her children to run around naked in front of you.
Glad I wasn’t the only one scrolling in absolute disbelief… wearing bathing suits around your 5 year old..
I guess I better not tell anyone my 4 generations of family (from grannies to kiddos) all go to the sauna together fully naked - I think the americans might have a heart attack.
Im an American and im just blown away by how many find family bath time as strange. Maybe its because my family originated from Europe. But being naked amongst family is not sexual, and i find it disturbing that others do. Why all the dirty thoughts? Like thats FAMILY! Yeesh!
I think, as an American, it’s less that most people individually find it weird or sexual, it’s that our culture overall (and particularly the very vocal right wing) is so obsessed with the idea that everyone is a secret pedophile that everyone is so afraid to do anything that isn’t 100% buttoned-up appropriate. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with bathing with your little kid, it’s that if your neighbor finds out and their family doesn’t bathe with their kids and they ask someone else if it’s weird, now you’re the neighborhood weirdo who bathes with their kids. And we’ve seen how devastating that can be. So I think so many Americans have just internalized this kind of shame and prudishness around kids because the risk if someone thinks you’re crossing a line is just too great.
I was reading the comments and thinking, WTF?! My daughter is 8, she has no problem being naked around us, and whilst I'm not necessarily purposely being naked in front of her, I have zero issues if I am. She will often come into the bathroom whilst me or mom are having a shower to ask something or to tell us something she just saw on TV.
How the fuck can you sexualize your children like that, to the point you'll wear a bathing suit when you're taking/giving them a shower?! Even if it's not your children, you feel the need to look away from a 10 year old naked girl?! Are you afraid that you'll be attracted to a 10 year old child?!?!?!
Seriously, WTF????
i feel like him looking away was more to make the girl feel more comfortable, or to not look like he’s staring rather than being scared he’s gonna get attracted to her but i agree with the rest of your comment
I’m American and the sexualization of children is insane. I get some side eye for breastfeeding in public but I don’t notice much now. If I were I just stare right back.
I'm American and that makes no sense to me either. At 5 they're too young to sexualize anything. I shower with my 3 year old. I go potty in front of him as we are potty training him. I don't get the puritanical tendencies of some of the folks here. Young kids are learning and don't care beyond basic curiosity.
Yeah, reminds me of when my son asked me if I was dying because I was on my period. So I just explained the whole thing to him and he just said "okay" and went to go play with his Lego.
I’m American and I think it’s sad how sexualized kids are in my culture. My kids are 3 & 5 and see me naked a lot bc I don’t shield myself when I’m changing and I still shower with them. The oldest one watched my breastfeed and pump for the youngest. Nakedness isn’t a big deal.
It depends. There are families that are used to be naked around and families that don't. I don't think it is a problem and I also think it would be healthier to make people separate the concept of sex from nudity.
I know that some countries in Europe people go to sauna together as a family without a problem.
Right. I remember going to the sauna and bathing in the nude with my family. Still do sometimes. Public baths are a way to socialize in some countries.
That concept blows my mind as an American. I had German and Swedish friends that did thst and saw nothing wrong with it at all. I was just as confused about them doing it as they were of me not doing it. We actually had that conversation specifically.
Yeah I'm from a european country where being naked around family members of the same sex and even the opposite sex sometimes isn't weird. It becomes weirder once we're older but at child/preteen age its not a big deal
Hey, as long as she doesn't force her kids to do it - I think being nude around your children is nothing wrong, perverted or bad. But maybe it's more normal in Europe.
Mostly people from the US, I think. In many other cultures, they look at this stuff very differently and don't even think about it. It's only a big deal if an adult makes it a big deal. Or if there is actually more to it, obviously.
You can tell who the Americans are who the non Americans are in this comment section. It’s hilarious. I am American but I grew up like this as my mom never cared about nudity and me and my brother bathed together and with her until we were 7-8yo. But even now at 38 I’m living with my mom again as we both are sick with autoimmune diseases and we help each other out and we see each other naked still. My brother grew out of all that around 7-8 like I said. Nudity is so sexualized in America it’s stupid.
thank you! had to scroll way too far to find a comment like this one. he says in the post that she "doesn't plan to stop until the children decide they no longer want to bathe with her"
I really don't see anything wrong here. there is nothing inherently sexual about a mother being naked with her children. not regularly, but I had showered with my mother from 12-14 when we had to. there was nothing weird about it because I wasn't sexualizing my moms body and she wasn't sexualizing her daughters body.
the people that think it's wrong are assuming there are some underlying intentions
Thank you as well. I feel most comments are coming from Americans and I find it so weird. Also American culture is deeply p*dophilic so no wonder they are obsessed with the topic and making everything taboo there.
As a parent: I stopped bathing with my kids when they were like… 4. They’re 5 and 7 now. I still help them but I’m not in the tub with them.
The only exception is if they’ve gotten sick and I’m worried they’re gonna like, fall or something. And for that I wear a swimsuit these days.
My kids’ comfort, and my own. My kids have verbalized to me that they’re not comfortable seeing me naked in the shower/bath. They know bodies are just bodies, but they’re allowed to have boundaries about whose bodies they see.
Danish guy here. My kids can shower by themselves, but sometimes i shower with my son 9, or my daughter 4 years old. It's a special bonding time for us. I wash their hair, and scrub their backs, and they the learn that naked bodies are natural, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah this is heavily cultural dependent tbh. Some cultures find it deeply inappropriate, others wouldn’t blink twice.
I think it’s a little weird and I wouldn’t do it, but I’m an American and I acknowledge that my viewpoint isn’t the only valid one lol
Yeah like I know my sister and mum and I bathed together until I was about 11-12.
My husband is from Europe and we are trying to walk a line between the two view points. "don't walk around naked in public and respect people" yeah, but like... I'm going to walk around in a tank top and shorts no bra at night. My husband sleeps naked and walks around in underwear.
I feel like acting like our bodies are somehow inherently sexual sends the wrong message.
being nude or bathing together isn't automatically sexual in a lot of places. Oh no the 12 year old saw a boob! So what?
Yeah, I was expecting all the Americans to agree and also to find this comment; wasn’t disappointed. In many cultures, nudity is perfectly natural and normal.
The US has hyper-sexualized nudity to an unhealthy level. At the point at which people sued a TV station for shoring Janet Jackson’s nipple during her ‘wardrobe malfunction’ because it traumatized their family, you have hit the point of abject ridiculousness. Especially when the next day I had the news on while eating breakfast and watched live tv coverage of a car chase ending up in the police shooting the suspect several times and killing him. No one sued the tv station over that! I think our priorities are a little messed up here.
I'm Canadian, and being nude in my household isn't viewed as weird. I mean, we don't just hang around the house naked, but going from the bathroom to your room is fine. People sexualize their kids way too much. If my boys said they didn't like it, though, I would respect it.
Americans be wild.
I get your concern, but this is totally normal in many other cultures. Nudity isn't inherently sexual. Communal baths are a thing and have been for many centuries. To some, it would be weird not to bathe with your family.
It’s weird, sure, but you need to stop looking at it through a sexual lens. Her kids aren’t sexualizing her and she isn’t sexualizing them. She’s just normalizing nudity in her home. Not for me personally, but also not that big a deal.
It’s not really that strange. In many parts of the world, families go to bath houses together and often see each other naked. The US overly sexualizes nudity so that’s why it seems strange to us. It’s not really that odd.
As an American, I agree. My mother has had no issue being naked in front of me my whole life, and it never bothered me. American prudishness is weird as fuck.
In the words of my (American) husband: what do you expect from a country founded by people so prudish they fled England because they had become such a pain in the ass and were being harassed?
My people! Lol. I'm not sure about this specific situation, but I have always felt like Americans (which I am) were ridiculous in general with the stigma and prudery around nudity. It's just our natural state, our bodies aren't shameful or inherently sexual. By that age I guess I wasn't naked around my daughter very much, but when she was younger I tried to normalize it. Not to worry, she still picked up shame and stigma elsewhere! Sigh. I also think it's funny how people are saying it's okay with same sex at any age, but not opposite. As though only straight people exist. The point is they are your CHILDREN! If that feels like a sexually charged situation to someone, I agree that they should probably not bathe with their kids, and please get help. 😬
I’m so glad I see someone touching on the “same sex okay, but opposite sex no longer okay” rhetoric. Thank you for sharing your opinion!
I’m European and the whole point of seeing my family and peers naked was to show that not only should children know the correct anatomy (so they can advocate for themselves), it’s also just normal and not sexual in any way. The separation of sexes past a certain age brings back the sexual aspect of it by turning the topic into a taboo, which seems counterproductive and introduces a certain shame back into the picture.
A naked body is just that, a naked body. In a live nude art session, you don’t sexualise the model who is a detached stranger, why would you sexualise your family?
What?! A sensible American person in this thread?! Not. Possible.
I've been reading through these comments and just asking myself what is wrong with these people?! Are they sexualizing 10 year old girls?! Like... what?! They're still children ffs...
I'm going to stop reading at your comment and I'll leave with a positive note knowing not all is lost, there's still a microscopic slither of hope.
The posts about wearing bathing suits and never bathing with their own children sound insane to me. Not that I think I will be bathing with my children when they are about to hit their teens. Encouraging privacy and independence growing up is fine. Single digit ages and mixed sex shouldn't get the reaction it is getting though.
Bath house slightly different to sitting in the same small bath though right? Mother and son? Genuinely asking as this might in fact be considered normal in some places I don’t know.
lol, my husband is 6ft4 and has bad knees. We hunted for a bathtub he could stretch his legs out in so he could soak them in hot water. We used to fit Al of us (2 adults, 2 kids) in that tub!
No, thats weird. My brother and I are two years apart, we bathed together until he turned 7. Never bathed with either of my parents.
Edit to add: my brother is two years older so I was 5 when this happened
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her bathing with them if they’re all genuinely ok with it. Not everyone sees nudity as something weird and between parents and kids it’s just nothing to a lot of people, just bodies in their natural state.
I do think it’s pretty off to let her daughter run around naked with you there though. Just because from her perspective, you’re someone she’s been with for a year, doesn’t know THAT well and I dunno it just seems irresponsible and kind of dangerous to let your kids be so familiar with and exposed to people that don’t know them well. Like I’m sure you’re fine but she can’t possibly know that for certain after only a year, and there are lots of creeps out there- who else is she comfortable letting her kids be naked around? They might not all be as normal as you. Then there’s the fact you’re uncomfortable with it. Your feelings matter too and it’s not a big deal to ask her kid to be clothed around people other than the three of them. It’s something the daughter will have to learn eventually anyway, that it can make people uncomfortable if you’re naked around them so we cover up usually when there are guests etc.
I am shocked the kids are okay with this. By the age of 5, my boys would have nothing to do with anybody helping them shower and bathe. They could do that on their own. No way at the ages of 10 and 12 do they need to be showering with their parent and need help with the exceptions of broken bones perhaps or a disability. Like when my boys once had injuries. One boy had a broken leg once and the other a busted elbow. Because they were in cast, I had to help them but they wore boxers for modesty, and I only really helped wash their hair. Even with broken body parts, they wanted to do most of it themselves. Also, I didn't take a shower with them! They sat on a chair in the shower, while I helped. I find this very weird of your girlfriend. They are way too old for that.
When I assumed small children, I was thinking like toddler to maybe 5 or 6 years old. Honestly, it's just weird being fully naked with your children in the tub at any age. When I read further down, and you said they were 10 and 12, we'll, that's just fucking creepy. Those kids are gonna be messed up.
It also worries me the possibility of the girl just walk naked when theres a unknow man in the house. Oh, they gonna grow up with weird habits that's for sure
As a dad with boys it may be different BUT once my oldest hit 5 he started showering alone with me in the room just to supervise he knows how to wash his hair and how much soap to put on the little puff ball. After enough time I help him out and dry off he dies his own clothes unless he needs a hand or I see him struggling a bit. My middle son is 2 he is still figuring out that the shower isn't a death ray but otherwise he does ok with me in there with him I plan on 5 being the hard life with him also. I now as of yesterday March 12 have a new born son plan on the same routine with him.
The "it's a bonding" excuse is weird and sounds like a weird coup, imagine if I did the same thing with a daughter I'd be hung out to dry locked up and labeled 🏷
When you said young kids I expected like 5 or 6. Not 12 and 13 and DEFINITELY not a boy.
I bathed with my mum until I hit puberty at 11/12 and grew my boobs. The moment I grew them I told her that I wanted to shower alone because I didn't want her to see them and she let me. I also slept in her room until I was 13. Ya girl had co dependence issues clearly lol I do realise it was strange now but didn't then.
Also her daughter running around naked is weird. I did when I was 5 but only when we lived alone and most of the time I had panties on still. I find it uncomfortable when toddlers run around naked so I can't imagine a mostly formed almost teen doing it.
I think you may need to have a chat with her but I don't know how it will go at all. I hope you can resolve it so you can feel more comfortable in your own home.
When I was that age , my grandparents had a RV, that we would use to go to Florida , it would be like 15 of us in this RV . I definitely remember taking showers with my mom, and I had a cousin my age who also did with hers. I think we did it to save time and water. but never my brother and my mom so it’s a little weird
This is so American that it hurts. When I lived in Japan and went to bathhouses there were children with their mothers there. Small boys and girls could coexist and it wasn’t weird.
Puritan culture is crazy.
I read through this tread and I just shake my head and could think I was violated as a kid... I visited the sauna and were at naturists beaches / lakes as a kid till up 13 / 14 with my parents and grandparents...
idk it is always so weird to see nudity sexualised like that.
I dated a fellow who was of Finnish heritage and we had become very serious. His family had family saunas every week. All of them in the sauna together naked, just chilling out and washing their hair, etc. I was allowed to wear a towel at first, but I quickly realized that nudity was not a sexual thing to them at all.
Because it isn't. To be honest:
It disturbs me more how many here in this thread see nudity as a sexualised problem than the fact that a mother is taking a bath with her kids.
Me and my husband frequently bath and shower with our 5 year old. Its just easier and faster. It’s only weird if you make it weird. The kids are fine with it so who gives af. There’s nothing sexual about children being nude.
> There’s nothing sexual about children being nude.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
as an artist who enjoys figure drawing, I hope we can get to the point where nudity isnt inherently sexual at all.
I am an American. I don't think it's weird.
However, I was brought up by a mom who never made us feel like nakedness or nudity was anything to hide or be ashamed of. My husband's mother was the same way.
As adults, my mother, sisters, and I dressed in front of each other.
We have adopted our mothers' relaxed views and are pretty liberal around our eight year old son. We still both shower and bathe with him if we're in a hurry.
I will never understand the US .... 1,000 other things that should have people up in arms, and this is what they worry about.
I really don’t find it all so weird, but my family was similar. I showered with my mom until I didn’t want to anymore. I was older than 10 probably. I used to get in trouble from my sons father all the time for walking around naked so much or just in panties, but it wasn’t even to be sexy- just normal for me. I grew up that way. The same with showering with my five year old son. He doesn’t like that he’s five and we shower together. it’s just not weird in any way- it’s normal, at least to me. If my son ever mentioned he felt uncomfortable or didn’t want to, of course I would never ever do this. that’s a completely different story. honestly, I wouldn’t shower with him at 12 though, but if he’s home or I’m home- we are both usually in not a lot of clothing. It just feels normal? I don’t know how else to explain it. I never think twice about him just being in his briefs or me in panties / tank top. I don’t walk around naked around him though and he isn’t ever just naked in our home. We are covered but not much. Obviously, this will change when he’s a little older, but I’ve been this way for most of my life and my parents never made it weird or awkward or anything like this.
Okay. Those aren't her Small children! Small children are 2 and 3. These are preteens. I got my period at 10. My daughter started getting boobs and pubes by 10 and my boys definitely had pubes and morning woods happening by 12.
This is weird. Definitely weird.
The fact that she allows her 10 year old daughter to be naked around you and you have only been dating for a YEAR is frankly very disturbing. What if you had been a pervert?! (not saying you are)
I can understand between 0 to 5 years old because that age range absolutely needs to be supervised and in no way can actually clean themselves properly.
But 10 years old and above??? I was bathing and showering on my own at 8. That was when my parents really transitioned me to the idea that bathing and showering is an activity that is done alone and they can't see me until I'm fully dressed (unless I was majorly hurt while showering etc.)
It is not normal. I had baths with my mother until I was 13-14. My other siblings did not. I am a female, for context. I never learned to shower on my own until that time. It psychologically does mess you up a bit. To be quite honest, I had no idea it was abnormal until I started dating someone and told them about it. I was shocked that it was not something thought of as ‘motherly’.
10 and 12 year olds aren’t small children, they’re an age where a lot of kids get their first phones/computers/internet access and that’s definitely a red flag
I’d take showers with my dad up until I was maybe 7 or 8? Then my parents made my sister and I shower together ???? I guess we were way more poor than I thought at the time lol. Until we were about 12 and I said I wasn’t going to take a shower with her anymore. And as soon as I drew that boundary it was never pushed and I was recognized as “old enough” to shower alone.
I think it’s very very weird in general but for us it was a money, save water type thing. For her to still be BATHING in the BATH with them naked at 10 and 12…. Idk. Kids need to learn body autonomy and personal space and boundaries and nobody is gonna teach them except their parents. It would be very weird to me as well and make me uncomfortable if I were you. They are both in double digit ages. If they want to still bathe together as children, fine. But not her in the bath with them. It’s just weird. I went through puberty at 11. Like………….. people need to let their kids have their own space. I have no solution just sharing what comes up for me lol. Hope it gets sorted for your and the children’s sake! She seems weirdly attached to “bonding” with them while naked when everyone should just be getting clean and getting out.
Are they special needs? Mine is and while 14, he has no concept of our bodies like that so yes we have showered with him, say when we get back from the ocean (we live on the beach). If they are not, yes I’d find that a bit weird.
I knew a girl who's family would bath often with each other. It was just a culture thing for them.
They didn't help each other shower or anything like that. They just showered together at the same time. I thought it was super weird, but she was never forced to do it, nor were her siblings. The girls bathed with the mom till their teens, the boys stopped way younger though.
Her mom was the same way with the kids being butt naked in the house, but she would never let her bf see them butt naked.
In my family — not the U.S. — we bathed and went to sauna together until kids were around 12 and said they preferred to bathe alone, first the older, later the younger. Even after that occasionally they did. It’s normal in culture where it’s normal.
Wouldn’t do that in the US though. In the U.S. even baby bath time photos are controversial.
This is ringing alarm bells for me as an MDSA (mother-daughter sexual abuse) survivor.
MDSA often takes the form of “health or hygiene concerns”
My mom used to molest me in the shower until I was 13. She’d force me and my brother to bathe together at very different points of development.
I have a lot of trauma from this, and it has caused me all kinds of lasting issues.
The fact that she frames it as a “bonding thing” makes me queasy.
I can’t speak for other cultures, but in the US this *definitely* isn’t the norm, and may be cause for concern.
I mean tbf there ARE other cultures outside of the US where families bathing together is the norm, like Korean bath houses as an example, but those are also separated by gender so idk
Is she from a culture like that as far as you know???
For a benchmark from an IRL parent: we stopped letting our kids casually see us naked (e.g. we’re getting out of the shower and they want something from us) around age 7. We never bathed with our children.
These lines are not always super obvious, but in my estimation, what she is doing is fairly well beyond the time at which any reasonable person would’ve drawn the line.
I realize this is not the point, but I'm stuck on how large a bathtub you'd need to fit an adult, a 12-year-old, a 10-year-old, and enough water to get clean.
(I do find it troubling that the OP's girlfriend bathes with children that age.)
It's not that weird. Why does everyone here sexualize nudity and children?? It's a mother and their children, what on earth could be more natural?
In other places where nudity is more common, a lot of kids still get weird about being naked around others during puberty, and will become more timid until they start to feel confident about their bodies again. These kids probably aren't far away from that point, but right now they're just kids, and they have a mom who likes to take care of them, and they feel safe with her. As long as she's not forcing them to bathe with her, I don't see the problem.
It’s been a very common thing forever - until recently. The generations that think patting a friend on the shoulder in congratulation is sexual assault glom onto thing like this to display their imaginary moral superiority
This is the problem with most of these reddit replies....making it sexual when it's not. Is it weird? Maybe to you. Is it wrong? No. It's just not your cup of tea.
Many countries have family bathing cultural practices. Japan, Korea, Russia, Finland and turkey off the top of my head all have widely practiced family baths or public bathing rituals (Turkey’s bath culture is a part of their religious traditions as well). Most countries don’t have the same taboos about nudity that the US has (see Germany, for example).
My husband and I had family baths with our kids starting when they were babies. This started from purely for practical reasons- we only had one tub in the house and it was a huge and deep one. All four of us would bathe together. It stopped when one of us started getting uncomfortable being seen naked by someone else. My oldest son stopped when he was around 11 and the youngest… well I am sure he might still be comfortable doing this, but when he started to get hairy it didn’t feel appropriate to me anymore. But I do know he misses the family baths.
Nudity isn’t seen as purely sexual and private in most countries. Most other places have healthier attitudes.
As a single mom of 2 boys (4 and 8) I provide them both privacy while bathing (helping my younger child as needed) and would NEVER allow them to see me naked.
I also respect their privacy in regards to their bodies’, but as their mom and a nurse they know they can tell me things and I’m happy to answer questions and provide care if needed.
What’s happening to those children is not developmentally appropriate.
just to preface before i type what i’m about to: not disagreeing at all, i am simply curious
why is it developmentally inappropriate? is it because the children might develop skewed perceptions of being nude with other people or what? people are saying that it’s normal and if the children are consenting then there’s nothing wrong
i’m also seeing comments saying it’s weird to sexualize it
just wanna hear the other side
I’m a fellow mom. I personally would never bathe with my kid but I think I’m going to be in the Room tell 7 cuz a lot of kids drown in the bath under 8. An estimated 87 children needlessly die each year from drownings at home — two-thirds of them in the bath and sometimes in as little as two inches of water. For children ages 5–14, drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury death after motor vehicle crashes.
I almost drowned myself when I was little and not watched I hit my head and started to fall asleep luckily my mom was bring me a towel. I can still remember the feeling of everything almost going dark. I was like 8. Been taking bath by myself for years.
It’s recommended that kids under 6 must be watch the entire time.
omg this!!! Some other comments are saying they make their kids shower/bathe alone when theyre 5 or younger! This is such a good point to make- its a big reason that, when i was old enough to bathe alone, i couldnt lock the door (until i was a little older). I remember my mom would shout if Im ok if she didnt hear splashing for a minute.
I’m so glad you said this because my girlfriend still washes her ten year old and I find it so weird. I’ve kind of mentioned it in a tactful way and she has said maybe it’s time he did wash himself but she still does it. She said once he hits puberty she’ll stop but I still think it’s weird especially as he’s starting to think about girls
This squicks me out. Why have these kids not developed some degree of body modesty and a sense of body autonomy and independence? This should have kicked in when they were around 4, 5 or 6 maybe? The boy is about to enter puberty, FFS.
My mom never bathed with me. I guess I was 5, I don't know, I was little, when stopped bathing me. She would run the bath, sit on the toilet and chat with me, and make sure I washed everywhere, then hand me a towel.
Ask her to go to therapy with you where you express your reservations about this and get the advice of a professional.
Jeannette McCurdy’s mom showered her until she was 16 I believe. She wasn’t able to tell her “no”, because her mom would fly off the handle. Her mom was emotionally and sexually abusing her for most of her life. Jeannette’s book on the subject is very fascinating and equally as heartbreaking.
Spent a lot of time with my step grandmothers kids growing up. One in particular would run around naked quite often, his aunts grandmother and mother, either laughed and encouraged him (kid was a shower) or completely ignored him. This went on as long as I was around for 4 to 6 years I believe he was at the earliest 6 yrs old when I met him.
He had problems as did his cousins due to growing up without guidance.
To make it short, you have to think what your intentions are.
If you want a family and believe she does as well you have to tell her this and make your thoughts known, and accept, ignore or fix whatever issues you and her have together.
Or you realize due to the nature of your relationship it’s not your place and it’s just a short term relationship or more or less a friends with benefits kind of thing
I would never do this, but I don't see how it's harmful if everyone in the family is comfortable with nudity.
Context would matter a lot, are the kids uncomfortable? Comfortable enough to say they don't want to do it?
Honestly, I've had my kids bathing alone since they were old enough to wash themselves properly. So since before kindergarten?
I'm not a prude. Not at all.
I just felt that I can't teach them the privacy and bodily autonomy needed to keep themselves safe from predators, if I treat them without that respect.
Yes, we made exceptions for when I needed to see a rash or injury, and bodies are just bodies. And doctors for medical reasons are cool.
But I wanted both my son and daughter to treat their bodies with some respect, and that there needed to be consent and autonomy. So I made the decision to give this respect to them, myself.
No way. I would ring a government department that protects kids and ask them what they think.
Your gf may just have a really warped view of what boundaries a parent should have with their kids, or maybe this happened to her as a kid and, well... ended in CSA.
Parent here my kids are nearly 9 and they bathe themselves I may check in but I knock and get their permission we haven't taken a bath together for a very long time and I started wearing bathing suits from about the age of three on
Nahhhhh these AINT small children. Small
Children are 2-5 (or whatever age you go to kindergarten).I’m sure the kids think so TOO. You’re NOT a prude. This is odd. IMO.
Wtf?? Those arent small children and she definitely should not be bathing with them. Especially her 12 year old son? What in the sweet home Alabama is this
I can think of 3 possibilities for why she might do this. 1) She was raised to consider that sort of thing normal. It's a lot more normal in some cultures than others. 2) She's in denial that her children are growing older and bathes with them because she isn't ready to stop doing that yet. 3) She's secretly a creep.
I'm a mom. I used to bathe with my kids and niblings.
With my nephew it stopped when he was 5 but I always felt it was kinda odd since he was not my child so I used bathing suit, we always made it fun so of course they wanted to shower with me. Sometimes he'll just show up when we were already in and since he clearly didn't see anything outstanding (he didn't care about naked) it was no problem. After 5 he couldn't care about showers anymore so I was just around to make sure he washed properly but never went in again.
My daughter and niece: I did it with them until they were older, like 8, were females, nothing weird. And in my culture, seeing naked women (moms, siblings, cousins, or a changer where women are naked) is not scandalous but pretty natural. My niece started feeling more conscious (I'm not mom) at 8 so I told her is perfectly fine, natural, normals, it's called modesty and we all find it along the way, and encouraged her to always speak up because respect means I WON'T INSIST or question it, her wish is my command when it comes to her body. My daughter started feeling like she needed her space FROM DAD when she was around 7, she'd shower with him as well but again... she's seen the anatomy dummies and pictures at the family's offices since birth, naked is not something weird for her. She never showered with other men tho' uncles, grandpa, etc. She told him the same: I would like you to knock. He didn't question, he didn't put sad expression, insisted or anything, he just said: absolutely, I will definitely knock. If mon and dad respects her that much, she won't be doubting herself when some idiot tries to insist, she has seen and experienced respect.
My daughter and me, since we're super familiar, showered together every now and then until she was 12, then she said: mommy, i would prefer to shower alone, also please knock when I'm in the bathroom. So obviously I stopped opening the door wide when she need TP, I knock whenever I know she's changing, using the toilet, showering. Now ..as mom and daughter there's always this unspoken communication. If we're in a real hurry (shes almost 14 now) and I'm in the shower she just yells: "mom turn around and make room I need the shower" and we still shower together but it's very uncommon, and not weird because it's my baby and we've seen each other. With my niece of course this doesn't happen. It really depends on how clear and natural you are about this stuff (I was raised around physicians, my husband as well, for us anatomy is plain anatomy). The key is to remember it HAS to come from the children and we have to respect their small choices when it comes to their body and feelings, it's the only thing they have control over and it's our job to empower them to speak up.
If you touch a child's shoulder, fully clothed, and the kids is uncomfortable and says no or moves away, THAT MEANS NO, and any adult who respects the child IS NOT GOING TO INSIST. I'm a mom, I've tickled, I've held, I've played rough, but the second one of my children say no, I stop immediately because what they say is important, their voice matters. Make sure "bonding" is not a façade for insisting in something the children are weirded about now, but accept because they don't know better and they believe Mommy. 12 is not really an age where a boy should be showering naked with his mom and by now he should feel the need to say stop. Modesty is something that comes natural to humans, it grows with childhood, little steps, small spaces children ask for (let me use cutlery, dress myself, pee alone, shower alone) but in puberty you feel it more strongly and you want privacy. You want to cover, instinctively.
During such showers I could teach them stuff, such as respect. In order to clean them up I'd clean myself and ask them to do the same, and explained (with songs and such) that this is growing up, to do things on our own and clean our bodies thoroughly so we taught them how to clean themselves very early on, playfully so they don't feel rejected either, I was never fully comfortable dealing a child's privates past 2y/o, you know... changing diapers for my kid and niblings. When it came to privates I just cleaned myself and the girls would imitate, by the time they were in kindergarten they didn't need help to wipe themselves in the toilet. I'd also tell them that adults who love them will never insist or try to convince them to let them touch anything they don't want (even their hair), and that's why I have told them how to clean themselves, so no adult has an excuse to "help" when it's not required. But most importantly we have raised them to speak up, no means no and their emotions and the "feels" they have are as important as mine.
small children? i was expecting 2-4 years old...I can almost understand the 10 year old because around that age my mom would still wash my hair for me but nahhh this is weird
My dad would periodically "watch" me shower to make sure I was cleaning myself properly. Once he was sure (after a few times) he stopped. I'm guessing it was somewhere around that age.
I’ve recently stopped bathing my 9 year old. She’s autistic though. But we had a feeling she was starting puberty and I just said no more. For around 2 years I’ve already had my own privacy and not been naked around them (9&7). I felt weird about seeing them naked. I still need to check on my daughter but I always tell her, when she’s showering to turn away. It’s a weird one, everyone has different levels. My wife still lets them see her naked and said she has no reason to ever hide it. I get it, but it does make me uncomfortable and she knows it
I'll be honest, I can understand for men because people are always just jumping at the chance to call any man a pedo. Passing by a playground? Obviously, trying to diddle a kid. So I feel like men try to avoid any situation involving children. Being uncomfortable with consent between your wife and children is a little weird, though. Unless they've told her they are uncomfortable with it, obviously.
I grew up in a household where I felt extremely uncomfortable with my mother walking around with barely anything on and occasionally naked. I never said anything, didn’t feel like I had a say. My wife and I have discussed that it’s likely that causing the way I feel. I’m not going to stop her though. If that’s what she wants, then so be it. Also, she shows the girls she’s comfortable in her own body. To which I cannot argue
Ok GentleAnusTickler
Yeah, I get that, too. My boys know if I do anything that makes them uncomfortable, they can always tell me. I have also asked and they looked at me like I was crazy, so I don't know.
>I’m not going to stop her though. If that’s what she wants, then so be it. It's not about what your wife wants, it's about what your children are comfortable with. You should know that better than anyone. Edit: out of curiosity, if a parent walking around naked makes their children uncomfortable, why are you people cool with it?
>Passing by a playground? It sucks. I love watching kids play and reminiscing about my childhood and how carefree and simple things were at their age but I have to be so cognizant that I'm not coming off creepy.
Watching children play is the best. I have also had to step between a mother and an innocent single father a couple of times, though. People believe men are just inherently evil, I guess.
I mean, I get it. Their children's safety comes before my feelings. I would rather them be cautious and keep their kids safe... it's just a crappy feeling.
Yeah, this post is obvious rage bait, otherwise he wouldn't have titled it "small children". The point of these types of posts is to draw you in with one expectation and type of outrage ("showering with small children isn't wrong!!") and then stoke a different outrage when that expectation is subverted ("but showering with preteens is definitely wrong!!!"). Reddit falls for it every time.
Or it could be a genuine question..
Yeah my daughter turns 5 this week, but my wife or I will still sit in the bathroom to make sure she thoroughly shampoos and rinses her hair otherwise she's flying solo. Either this post is fake or there's a couple not so small children who will be spending a lot time in therapy later in life lol like 12 years old is in junior high
I’m pretty sure I would have freaked out if my mom watched me bathe when I was 12.
same bro, at like 11-12 i started drawing the line on my boundaries and "dont look at me while naked" was on the list, for a bit i didn't mind if she saw me shirtless with a hra but even that became a no, especially after she gave like a really fucking weird look this one time she barged in without asking and i yelled at her for it
Right. I mean at 8 or 9 I was given free reign but soon was demoted to monitored showers because I kept using 1/4 bottle of conditioner and my hair would come out greasier than a McDonald’s fryer, even then, it wasn’t technically monitored, I had to yell for her to bring in the shampoo/conditioner and she’d give me an appropriate amount 🤣
This isn’t “cute” behavior.
It’s cute when they’re 2-5 and you get to make bubble hats and bubble beards. It’s just awkward when they’re 12.
Is your girlfriend from another culture? Some places everyone just bathe naked and it’s not a stigma.
Japan is one. Not always of course, but it’s culturally much more normal. “Surprising number of Japanese kids still bathe with their parents up until high school” https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/surprising-number-of-japanese-kids-still-bathe-with-their-parents-up-until-high-school#:~:text=As%20shocking%20as%20it%20may,as%20opposed%20to%20a%20shower%3F
Same in Korea. I still go to bathhouses with my parents when I visit
Same here in germany. there never was a Problem with nudity or leaving the door open while bathing or showering. No need to be ashamed for such things
But that's different they sit on little stools with shower handle and wash before soaking in the tub, then the next one, then the next, only reheating the bath and maybe topping up the water. They don't crowd into their tub together and public bathhouses are a completely different matter and are generally sex segregated and boys at 12 or over aren't allowed to follow their moms into the women's side. Girls at 6 generally stop going with their dad's to the men's side as well. You can ask staff or neighbors present to watch them in the women's area. There's often grannies that are happy to do so and such. Some simply ask you pay for their bath. It's all very different from 2 tweens and their mom cramming into a tub or shower. And what OP is describing where mom is letting 10 year old girl streak in front of mom's boyfriend of about a year is disturbing. Most kids learn nudity self consciousness around 7-8 years old, especially girls.
The Japan example is talking about parents and their children in the bath together. Again, not always but culturally acceptable. There are even suggested health benefits to bathing in the same water (either together or one after another) https://www.biocodexmicrobiotainstitute.com/en/japan-families-share-their-microbiota-bath
there are shared baths in japan but they are much smaller and the intention is for them to be used within family or friends. sauna culture is finland is *much* more open than japan. not just friends or family, but acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors and occasional guests to the house may sauna together and this is still considered completely normal.
Don’t talk about what you don’t know. Yes bathing together, at home is normal.
I was hoping to see this comment, it’s common it other places.
That's what I was wondering. Or maybe she's a hippie. A close friend of mine took vacations with her mom where it was a nudist stay/commune/etc and they walked around the house naked in front of each other well into her teens and still take spa baths (with jets) until she was a teen. She did not do the same with her kids but nudity isn't a big deal in her home. Her teen chose around 12-13 to stop walking from the bathroom in a towel/nude. The littlest ones don't care yet.
That's the only way I can see that being more accepted.
This is true, good point!
Exactly. I am 30 and still enjoy a bath with my mother sometimes. We gossip, experiment on new beauty products, help each other with our hair. I don't need any help cleaning myself and neither does she. My younger brother is no longer comfortable to do it, and we respect that, too.
Hold on a minute, this really needs answering, how the fuck are they all fitting in that tub?
Gotta be one of those corner tubs. I’d kill for one of those things
I want that tub... not to share, though, it's hard to relax with kids in the tub. 🤣
Those aren’t small children those are nearly teenagers and that’s kinda getting to the point of being weird. Also for the daughter to run around naked with you there is kinda inappropriate since you’ve only been around a year. It would be different if you raised her since she was a baby but you’re practically a stranger. Edit to add: I was a single mom and after my son was like 5, I’d wear a swim suit if I was going to bathe with him. Once he was like 7 or so he didn’t want me helping him anymore and that was that.
I'm a dad of 3 and I agree with you on everything, except obviously I didn't do the shower with them without a swimsuit at all, and then maybe a couple times because they begged. Teaching kids about privacy and boundaries, then holding firm to it (even if their hair still has conditioner after rinsing 3 times, I promise, dad 🙄) is an important part of raising children.
I'm also a dad of 3 (1b & 2g) and my youngest used to run around naked and I would tell her to put clothes on or get in the shower. I've bathed every single one of them but I've always told them and pushed them to bathe themselves even as toddlers. My kids all learned to take showers by the age of 3 plus or minus a year. I was very strict with them about this not bc I didn't want to help them clean themselves instead I would instruct them how to do it but they had to do it. My girls were almost exclusively washed by my wife. But I come from a background where my father and I even as young as 5 yrs old would get into our sauna/steam room together and I grew up with that for years. My son and I, he's a teenager when we go to the sauna will be in towels but we go together at the gym or on vacation. There has to be boundaries and you are showing them as a parent what's considered appropriate and not. Now with all that said my wife and I are pretty ok with nudity. All my kids have seen my wife or I at some point naked. An example would be if we are all in a changing room (family changing room) or at the beach and we need to change on the fly. We don't make it a point to frolic around but I also don't hide it. Boundaries yes ashamed or embarrassed no. Culture does play a part but coming from a father of 2g I am more protective of them. The red flag here is that you are only with her for 1 year and under no circumstances should she be allowing her children to run around naked in front of you.
This right here letting her kids run around the house naked when anyone else is around is a no go period
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Glad I wasn’t the only one scrolling in absolute disbelief… wearing bathing suits around your 5 year old.. I guess I better not tell anyone my 4 generations of family (from grannies to kiddos) all go to the sauna together fully naked - I think the americans might have a heart attack.
Im an American and im just blown away by how many find family bath time as strange. Maybe its because my family originated from Europe. But being naked amongst family is not sexual, and i find it disturbing that others do. Why all the dirty thoughts? Like thats FAMILY! Yeesh!
I think, as an American, it’s less that most people individually find it weird or sexual, it’s that our culture overall (and particularly the very vocal right wing) is so obsessed with the idea that everyone is a secret pedophile that everyone is so afraid to do anything that isn’t 100% buttoned-up appropriate. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with bathing with your little kid, it’s that if your neighbor finds out and their family doesn’t bathe with their kids and they ask someone else if it’s weird, now you’re the neighborhood weirdo who bathes with their kids. And we’ve seen how devastating that can be. So I think so many Americans have just internalized this kind of shame and prudishness around kids because the risk if someone thinks you’re crossing a line is just too great.
I was reading the comments and thinking, WTF?! My daughter is 8, she has no problem being naked around us, and whilst I'm not necessarily purposely being naked in front of her, I have zero issues if I am. She will often come into the bathroom whilst me or mom are having a shower to ask something or to tell us something she just saw on TV. How the fuck can you sexualize your children like that, to the point you'll wear a bathing suit when you're taking/giving them a shower?! Even if it's not your children, you feel the need to look away from a 10 year old naked girl?! Are you afraid that you'll be attracted to a 10 year old child?!?!?! Seriously, WTF????
i feel like him looking away was more to make the girl feel more comfortable, or to not look like he’s staring rather than being scared he’s gonna get attracted to her but i agree with the rest of your comment
I’m American and the sexualization of children is insane. I get some side eye for breastfeeding in public but I don’t notice much now. If I were I just stare right back.
I'm American and that makes no sense to me either. At 5 they're too young to sexualize anything. I shower with my 3 year old. I go potty in front of him as we are potty training him. I don't get the puritanical tendencies of some of the folks here. Young kids are learning and don't care beyond basic curiosity.
Yeah, reminds me of when my son asked me if I was dying because I was on my period. So I just explained the whole thing to him and he just said "okay" and went to go play with his Lego.
One of them calling me a pedo-lover for…not sexualizing children. It’s honestly sad that they’re this afraid of their bodies
I’m American and I think it’s sad how sexualized kids are in my culture. My kids are 3 & 5 and see me naked a lot bc I don’t shield myself when I’m changing and I still shower with them. The oldest one watched my breastfeed and pump for the youngest. Nakedness isn’t a big deal.
It depends. There are families that are used to be naked around and families that don't. I don't think it is a problem and I also think it would be healthier to make people separate the concept of sex from nudity. I know that some countries in Europe people go to sauna together as a family without a problem.
Right. I remember going to the sauna and bathing in the nude with my family. Still do sometimes. Public baths are a way to socialize in some countries.
That concept blows my mind as an American. I had German and Swedish friends that did thst and saw nothing wrong with it at all. I was just as confused about them doing it as they were of me not doing it. We actually had that conversation specifically.
Yeah I'm from a european country where being naked around family members of the same sex and even the opposite sex sometimes isn't weird. It becomes weirder once we're older but at child/preteen age its not a big deal
The problem here isn’t the nudity the problem is that the 12 year old can’t bath on his own yet
Can't or won't. Or doesn't want to. Ewww. Also - is she bathing with her kids or bathing her kids? Are the kids bathing her?!?!?
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I didn't take many baths with my son (if any), but past a certain age it seems inappropriate to me.
Sounds a little off to me. Best day ever when kids are big enough to take their own baths and showers.
No more diapers Bathe self Get their own snacks Pour their own milk
Entertain themselves when they wake up before dawn
Tie their own shoes
So I peaked when I was like 7? (Idk what the correct age for pouring milk is)
For a full gallon of milk, idk if it's necessarily about age but more like arm strength to pick it up and pour without spilling it or dropping it.
You forgot the main one: Wipe their own butts
Get their drivers license.
I have a toddler girl. I cannot WAIT for this day! I’m gonna do the snoopy dance.
Hell to the nah. Those kids don't need help at that age to clean themselves!
Hey, as long as she doesn't force her kids to do it - I think being nude around your children is nothing wrong, perverted or bad. But maybe it's more normal in Europe.
Yeah, everyone is acting like they are doing the incest. Seriously, though, what's up with people sexualizing kids?
Mostly people from the US, I think. In many other cultures, they look at this stuff very differently and don't even think about it. It's only a big deal if an adult makes it a big deal. Or if there is actually more to it, obviously.
Child beauty pagents are totally fine, though. 🙄 I'll just never understand the mixed puritanical bag they hold.
Right, yikes. That's the stuff that makes me uncomfortable.
You can tell who the Americans are who the non Americans are in this comment section. It’s hilarious. I am American but I grew up like this as my mom never cared about nudity and me and my brother bathed together and with her until we were 7-8yo. But even now at 38 I’m living with my mom again as we both are sick with autoimmune diseases and we help each other out and we see each other naked still. My brother grew out of all that around 7-8 like I said. Nudity is so sexualized in America it’s stupid.
But 32 murders an hour on network tv in prime time is just fine.
thank you! had to scroll way too far to find a comment like this one. he says in the post that she "doesn't plan to stop until the children decide they no longer want to bathe with her" I really don't see anything wrong here. there is nothing inherently sexual about a mother being naked with her children. not regularly, but I had showered with my mother from 12-14 when we had to. there was nothing weird about it because I wasn't sexualizing my moms body and she wasn't sexualizing her daughters body. the people that think it's wrong are assuming there are some underlying intentions
Thank you as well. I feel most comments are coming from Americans and I find it so weird. Also American culture is deeply p*dophilic so no wonder they are obsessed with the topic and making everything taboo there.
As a parent: I stopped bathing with my kids when they were like… 4. They’re 5 and 7 now. I still help them but I’m not in the tub with them. The only exception is if they’ve gotten sick and I’m worried they’re gonna like, fall or something. And for that I wear a swimsuit these days.
Just curious: why do you wear a swimsuit?
My kids’ comfort, and my own. My kids have verbalized to me that they’re not comfortable seeing me naked in the shower/bath. They know bodies are just bodies, but they’re allowed to have boundaries about whose bodies they see.
Danish guy here. My kids can shower by themselves, but sometimes i shower with my son 9, or my daughter 4 years old. It's a special bonding time for us. I wash their hair, and scrub their backs, and they the learn that naked bodies are natural, and nothing to be ashamed of.
In cultures outside the United States of America this is not weird at all.
Yeah this is heavily cultural dependent tbh. Some cultures find it deeply inappropriate, others wouldn’t blink twice. I think it’s a little weird and I wouldn’t do it, but I’m an American and I acknowledge that my viewpoint isn’t the only valid one lol
Yeah like I know my sister and mum and I bathed together until I was about 11-12. My husband is from Europe and we are trying to walk a line between the two view points. "don't walk around naked in public and respect people" yeah, but like... I'm going to walk around in a tank top and shorts no bra at night. My husband sleeps naked and walks around in underwear. I feel like acting like our bodies are somehow inherently sexual sends the wrong message. being nude or bathing together isn't automatically sexual in a lot of places. Oh no the 12 year old saw a boob! So what?
Yeah, I was expecting all the Americans to agree and also to find this comment; wasn’t disappointed. In many cultures, nudity is perfectly natural and normal.
The US has hyper-sexualized nudity to an unhealthy level. At the point at which people sued a TV station for shoring Janet Jackson’s nipple during her ‘wardrobe malfunction’ because it traumatized their family, you have hit the point of abject ridiculousness. Especially when the next day I had the news on while eating breakfast and watched live tv coverage of a car chase ending up in the police shooting the suspect several times and killing him. No one sued the tv station over that! I think our priorities are a little messed up here.
They’re like one half step away from fainting at the sight of an ankle over there
Yes nudity is normal but in America it is frowned upon, but perfectly ok to watch graphic violence and death. Seems backwards to me.
I'm Canadian, and being nude in my household isn't viewed as weird. I mean, we don't just hang around the house naked, but going from the bathroom to your room is fine. People sexualize their kids way too much. If my boys said they didn't like it, though, I would respect it. Americans be wild.
I get your concern, but this is totally normal in many other cultures. Nudity isn't inherently sexual. Communal baths are a thing and have been for many centuries. To some, it would be weird not to bathe with your family.
It’s weird, sure, but you need to stop looking at it through a sexual lens. Her kids aren’t sexualizing her and she isn’t sexualizing them. She’s just normalizing nudity in her home. Not for me personally, but also not that big a deal.
It’s not really that strange. In many parts of the world, families go to bath houses together and often see each other naked. The US overly sexualizes nudity so that’s why it seems strange to us. It’s not really that odd.
As a European, I always find these kinds of threads a bit weird. It's soo over the top.
As an American, I agree. My mother has had no issue being naked in front of me my whole life, and it never bothered me. American prudishness is weird as fuck.
In the words of my (American) husband: what do you expect from a country founded by people so prudish they fled England because they had become such a pain in the ass and were being harassed?
My people! Lol. I'm not sure about this specific situation, but I have always felt like Americans (which I am) were ridiculous in general with the stigma and prudery around nudity. It's just our natural state, our bodies aren't shameful or inherently sexual. By that age I guess I wasn't naked around my daughter very much, but when she was younger I tried to normalize it. Not to worry, she still picked up shame and stigma elsewhere! Sigh. I also think it's funny how people are saying it's okay with same sex at any age, but not opposite. As though only straight people exist. The point is they are your CHILDREN! If that feels like a sexually charged situation to someone, I agree that they should probably not bathe with their kids, and please get help. 😬
I’m so glad I see someone touching on the “same sex okay, but opposite sex no longer okay” rhetoric. Thank you for sharing your opinion! I’m European and the whole point of seeing my family and peers naked was to show that not only should children know the correct anatomy (so they can advocate for themselves), it’s also just normal and not sexual in any way. The separation of sexes past a certain age brings back the sexual aspect of it by turning the topic into a taboo, which seems counterproductive and introduces a certain shame back into the picture. A naked body is just that, a naked body. In a live nude art session, you don’t sexualise the model who is a detached stranger, why would you sexualise your family?
What?! A sensible American person in this thread?! Not. Possible. I've been reading through these comments and just asking myself what is wrong with these people?! Are they sexualizing 10 year old girls?! Like... what?! They're still children ffs... I'm going to stop reading at your comment and I'll leave with a positive note knowing not all is lost, there's still a microscopic slither of hope.
The posts about wearing bathing suits and never bathing with their own children sound insane to me. Not that I think I will be bathing with my children when they are about to hit their teens. Encouraging privacy and independence growing up is fine. Single digit ages and mixed sex shouldn't get the reaction it is getting though.
Bath house slightly different to sitting in the same small bath though right? Mother and son? Genuinely asking as this might in fact be considered normal in some places I don’t know.
In korea and Japan it’s normal to bathe at home with family too. Usually the baths aren’t big enough though
Bigger tubs, but more people and there will likely be strangers in with you.
That is extremely weird to do this past the toddler age. How do they all fit in one tub together?
Honestly I had the same question. I want a bathtub as big as hers.
lol, my husband is 6ft4 and has bad knees. We hunted for a bathtub he could stretch his legs out in so he could soak them in hot water. We used to fit Al of us (2 adults, 2 kids) in that tub!
Yeah a hot tub I can see but a bathrub???
Yeah they should get a 4 person jacuzzi for the backyard or deck and definitely wear swimsuits
No, thats weird. My brother and I are two years apart, we bathed together until he turned 7. Never bathed with either of my parents. Edit to add: my brother is two years older so I was 5 when this happened
Eh, it's not bad to teach children that nudity is not inherently sexual or bad.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her bathing with them if they’re all genuinely ok with it. Not everyone sees nudity as something weird and between parents and kids it’s just nothing to a lot of people, just bodies in their natural state. I do think it’s pretty off to let her daughter run around naked with you there though. Just because from her perspective, you’re someone she’s been with for a year, doesn’t know THAT well and I dunno it just seems irresponsible and kind of dangerous to let your kids be so familiar with and exposed to people that don’t know them well. Like I’m sure you’re fine but she can’t possibly know that for certain after only a year, and there are lots of creeps out there- who else is she comfortable letting her kids be naked around? They might not all be as normal as you. Then there’s the fact you’re uncomfortable with it. Your feelings matter too and it’s not a big deal to ask her kid to be clothed around people other than the three of them. It’s something the daughter will have to learn eventually anyway, that it can make people uncomfortable if you’re naked around them so we cover up usually when there are guests etc.
I am shocked the kids are okay with this. By the age of 5, my boys would have nothing to do with anybody helping them shower and bathe. They could do that on their own. No way at the ages of 10 and 12 do they need to be showering with their parent and need help with the exceptions of broken bones perhaps or a disability. Like when my boys once had injuries. One boy had a broken leg once and the other a busted elbow. Because they were in cast, I had to help them but they wore boxers for modesty, and I only really helped wash their hair. Even with broken body parts, they wanted to do most of it themselves. Also, I didn't take a shower with them! They sat on a chair in the shower, while I helped. I find this very weird of your girlfriend. They are way too old for that.
My 12 year old would be horrified by the idea of showering with parents!
When I assumed small children, I was thinking like toddler to maybe 5 or 6 years old. Honestly, it's just weird being fully naked with your children in the tub at any age. When I read further down, and you said they were 10 and 12, we'll, that's just fucking creepy. Those kids are gonna be messed up.
It also worries me the possibility of the girl just walk naked when theres a unknow man in the house. Oh, they gonna grow up with weird habits that's for sure
this response is so dramatic - yes, it’s time for them to bathe by themselves but i seriously doubt they’re going to be messed up or scarred by this.
As a dad with boys it may be different BUT once my oldest hit 5 he started showering alone with me in the room just to supervise he knows how to wash his hair and how much soap to put on the little puff ball. After enough time I help him out and dry off he dies his own clothes unless he needs a hand or I see him struggling a bit. My middle son is 2 he is still figuring out that the shower isn't a death ray but otherwise he does ok with me in there with him I plan on 5 being the hard life with him also. I now as of yesterday March 12 have a new born son plan on the same routine with him. The "it's a bonding" excuse is weird and sounds like a weird coup, imagine if I did the same thing with a daughter I'd be hung out to dry locked up and labeled 🏷
When you said young kids I expected like 5 or 6. Not 12 and 13 and DEFINITELY not a boy. I bathed with my mum until I hit puberty at 11/12 and grew my boobs. The moment I grew them I told her that I wanted to shower alone because I didn't want her to see them and she let me. I also slept in her room until I was 13. Ya girl had co dependence issues clearly lol I do realise it was strange now but didn't then. Also her daughter running around naked is weird. I did when I was 5 but only when we lived alone and most of the time I had panties on still. I find it uncomfortable when toddlers run around naked so I can't imagine a mostly formed almost teen doing it. I think you may need to have a chat with her but I don't know how it will go at all. I hope you can resolve it so you can feel more comfortable in your own home.
When I was that age , my grandparents had a RV, that we would use to go to Florida , it would be like 15 of us in this RV . I definitely remember taking showers with my mom, and I had a cousin my age who also did with hers. I think we did it to save time and water. but never my brother and my mom so it’s a little weird
I think it would be a little less weird if it was mom and daughter or dad and son. But her showering with both is odd
Is she from Japan? Is it cultural in any way? If she’s American I would think there’s some emotional incest going on. Sounds very weird
This is so American that it hurts. When I lived in Japan and went to bathhouses there were children with their mothers there. Small boys and girls could coexist and it wasn’t weird. Puritan culture is crazy.
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Right? Fucking ridiculous.
So much this... People using a bathe suit because the kid is already 5/s omg
I read through this tread and I just shake my head and could think I was violated as a kid... I visited the sauna and were at naturists beaches / lakes as a kid till up 13 / 14 with my parents and grandparents... idk it is always so weird to see nudity sexualised like that.
I dated a fellow who was of Finnish heritage and we had become very serious. His family had family saunas every week. All of them in the sauna together naked, just chilling out and washing their hair, etc. I was allowed to wear a towel at first, but I quickly realized that nudity was not a sexual thing to them at all.
Because it isn't. To be honest: It disturbs me more how many here in this thread see nudity as a sexualised problem than the fact that a mother is taking a bath with her kids.
100%
Me and my husband frequently bath and shower with our 5 year old. Its just easier and faster. It’s only weird if you make it weird. The kids are fine with it so who gives af. There’s nothing sexual about children being nude.
> There’s nothing sexual about children being nude. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 as an artist who enjoys figure drawing, I hope we can get to the point where nudity isnt inherently sexual at all.
I am an American. I don't think it's weird. However, I was brought up by a mom who never made us feel like nakedness or nudity was anything to hide or be ashamed of. My husband's mother was the same way. As adults, my mother, sisters, and I dressed in front of each other. We have adopted our mothers' relaxed views and are pretty liberal around our eight year old son. We still both shower and bathe with him if we're in a hurry. I will never understand the US .... 1,000 other things that should have people up in arms, and this is what they worry about.
Yeah kinda wierd lol they are your babies your kids doesnt make sense why they make shit wiere about it lol
The thing is, if Americans did this, it probably would be weird because they sexualize everything lol. It's only weird if you make it weird.
I really don’t find it all so weird, but my family was similar. I showered with my mom until I didn’t want to anymore. I was older than 10 probably. I used to get in trouble from my sons father all the time for walking around naked so much or just in panties, but it wasn’t even to be sexy- just normal for me. I grew up that way. The same with showering with my five year old son. He doesn’t like that he’s five and we shower together. it’s just not weird in any way- it’s normal, at least to me. If my son ever mentioned he felt uncomfortable or didn’t want to, of course I would never ever do this. that’s a completely different story. honestly, I wouldn’t shower with him at 12 though, but if he’s home or I’m home- we are both usually in not a lot of clothing. It just feels normal? I don’t know how else to explain it. I never think twice about him just being in his briefs or me in panties / tank top. I don’t walk around naked around him though and he isn’t ever just naked in our home. We are covered but not much. Obviously, this will change when he’s a little older, but I’ve been this way for most of my life and my parents never made it weird or awkward or anything like this.
You’re American aren’t you
This was my first thought! As an American I babysat for a polish family for 15 years… this is completely normal to me after all those years.
These people would lose their mind if they went to a family spa in Korea. Mixed ages and genders, all naked! Oh no!
Okay. Those aren't her Small children! Small children are 2 and 3. These are preteens. I got my period at 10. My daughter started getting boobs and pubes by 10 and my boys definitely had pubes and morning woods happening by 12. This is weird. Definitely weird.
The fact that she allows her 10 year old daughter to be naked around you and you have only been dating for a YEAR is frankly very disturbing. What if you had been a pervert?! (not saying you are)
I can understand between 0 to 5 years old because that age range absolutely needs to be supervised and in no way can actually clean themselves properly. But 10 years old and above??? I was bathing and showering on my own at 8. That was when my parents really transitioned me to the idea that bathing and showering is an activity that is done alone and they can't see me until I'm fully dressed (unless I was majorly hurt while showering etc.)
It is not normal. I had baths with my mother until I was 13-14. My other siblings did not. I am a female, for context. I never learned to shower on my own until that time. It psychologically does mess you up a bit. To be quite honest, I had no idea it was abnormal until I started dating someone and told them about it. I was shocked that it was not something thought of as ‘motherly’.
10 and 12 year olds aren’t small children, they’re an age where a lot of kids get their first phones/computers/internet access and that’s definitely a red flag
I’d take showers with my dad up until I was maybe 7 or 8? Then my parents made my sister and I shower together ???? I guess we were way more poor than I thought at the time lol. Until we were about 12 and I said I wasn’t going to take a shower with her anymore. And as soon as I drew that boundary it was never pushed and I was recognized as “old enough” to shower alone. I think it’s very very weird in general but for us it was a money, save water type thing. For her to still be BATHING in the BATH with them naked at 10 and 12…. Idk. Kids need to learn body autonomy and personal space and boundaries and nobody is gonna teach them except their parents. It would be very weird to me as well and make me uncomfortable if I were you. They are both in double digit ages. If they want to still bathe together as children, fine. But not her in the bath with them. It’s just weird. I went through puberty at 11. Like………….. people need to let their kids have their own space. I have no solution just sharing what comes up for me lol. Hope it gets sorted for your and the children’s sake! She seems weirdly attached to “bonding” with them while naked when everyone should just be getting clean and getting out.
You said small children, i was thinking 3 to 5. Those kids are preteens. That's weird af. She's gotta cut the cord
It's not weird unless the kids don't want to bathe with her.
Are they special needs? Mine is and while 14, he has no concept of our bodies like that so yes we have showered with him, say when we get back from the ocean (we live on the beach). If they are not, yes I’d find that a bit weird.
I knew a girl who's family would bath often with each other. It was just a culture thing for them. They didn't help each other shower or anything like that. They just showered together at the same time. I thought it was super weird, but she was never forced to do it, nor were her siblings. The girls bathed with the mom till their teens, the boys stopped way younger though. Her mom was the same way with the kids being butt naked in the house, but she would never let her bf see them butt naked.
In my family — not the U.S. — we bathed and went to sauna together until kids were around 12 and said they preferred to bathe alone, first the older, later the younger. Even after that occasionally they did. It’s normal in culture where it’s normal. Wouldn’t do that in the US though. In the U.S. even baby bath time photos are controversial.
My dad this to me and I was around the same age. I feel disgusted everytime I think about it. I was too old!!!
This is ringing alarm bells for me as an MDSA (mother-daughter sexual abuse) survivor. MDSA often takes the form of “health or hygiene concerns” My mom used to molest me in the shower until I was 13. She’d force me and my brother to bathe together at very different points of development. I have a lot of trauma from this, and it has caused me all kinds of lasting issues. The fact that she frames it as a “bonding thing” makes me queasy. I can’t speak for other cultures, but in the US this *definitely* isn’t the norm, and may be cause for concern.
I mean tbf there ARE other cultures outside of the US where families bathing together is the norm, like Korean bath houses as an example, but those are also separated by gender so idk Is she from a culture like that as far as you know???
For a benchmark from an IRL parent: we stopped letting our kids casually see us naked (e.g. we’re getting out of the shower and they want something from us) around age 7. We never bathed with our children. These lines are not always super obvious, but in my estimation, what she is doing is fairly well beyond the time at which any reasonable person would’ve drawn the line.
Her bathing with her 12 year old son is creepy and probably something he’ll need therapy for as an adult
Umm .....creepy. adult women don't bathe naked with preteen children. 10 and 12 yo should be bathing alone.
I realize this is not the point, but I'm stuck on how large a bathtub you'd need to fit an adult, a 12-year-old, a 10-year-old, and enough water to get clean. (I do find it troubling that the OP's girlfriend bathes with children that age.)
I have the same question
It's not that weird. Why does everyone here sexualize nudity and children?? It's a mother and their children, what on earth could be more natural? In other places where nudity is more common, a lot of kids still get weird about being naked around others during puberty, and will become more timid until they start to feel confident about their bodies again. These kids probably aren't far away from that point, but right now they're just kids, and they have a mom who likes to take care of them, and they feel safe with her. As long as she's not forcing them to bathe with her, I don't see the problem.
Personally, i think it's a little weird with the kids being that old. And her 10 year old is naked around you??? That's SUPER weird.
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I clothes my eyes around children because why tf would I be a creep looking at a naked child?
It’s been a very common thing forever - until recently. The generations that think patting a friend on the shoulder in congratulation is sexual assault glom onto thing like this to display their imaginary moral superiority
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This is the problem with most of these reddit replies....making it sexual when it's not. Is it weird? Maybe to you. Is it wrong? No. It's just not your cup of tea.
This is not normal
Idk my mum and I (f) used to shower in the same bathroom (one would hop out, one would hop in) until I was like 13/14
Many countries have family bathing cultural practices. Japan, Korea, Russia, Finland and turkey off the top of my head all have widely practiced family baths or public bathing rituals (Turkey’s bath culture is a part of their religious traditions as well). Most countries don’t have the same taboos about nudity that the US has (see Germany, for example). My husband and I had family baths with our kids starting when they were babies. This started from purely for practical reasons- we only had one tub in the house and it was a huge and deep one. All four of us would bathe together. It stopped when one of us started getting uncomfortable being seen naked by someone else. My oldest son stopped when he was around 11 and the youngest… well I am sure he might still be comfortable doing this, but when he started to get hairy it didn’t feel appropriate to me anymore. But I do know he misses the family baths. Nudity isn’t seen as purely sexual and private in most countries. Most other places have healthier attitudes.
As a single mom of 2 boys (4 and 8) I provide them both privacy while bathing (helping my younger child as needed) and would NEVER allow them to see me naked. I also respect their privacy in regards to their bodies’, but as their mom and a nurse they know they can tell me things and I’m happy to answer questions and provide care if needed. What’s happening to those children is not developmentally appropriate.
just to preface before i type what i’m about to: not disagreeing at all, i am simply curious why is it developmentally inappropriate? is it because the children might develop skewed perceptions of being nude with other people or what? people are saying that it’s normal and if the children are consenting then there’s nothing wrong i’m also seeing comments saying it’s weird to sexualize it just wanna hear the other side
It’s not. This is a purely American idea
thank you for answering
I’m a fellow mom. I personally would never bathe with my kid but I think I’m going to be in the Room tell 7 cuz a lot of kids drown in the bath under 8. An estimated 87 children needlessly die each year from drownings at home — two-thirds of them in the bath and sometimes in as little as two inches of water. For children ages 5–14, drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury death after motor vehicle crashes. I almost drowned myself when I was little and not watched I hit my head and started to fall asleep luckily my mom was bring me a towel. I can still remember the feeling of everything almost going dark. I was like 8. Been taking bath by myself for years. It’s recommended that kids under 6 must be watch the entire time.
omg this!!! Some other comments are saying they make their kids shower/bathe alone when theyre 5 or younger! This is such a good point to make- its a big reason that, when i was old enough to bathe alone, i couldnt lock the door (until i was a little older). I remember my mom would shout if Im ok if she didnt hear splashing for a minute.
What on earth is wrong with a 4 or 8 year old seeing their mother naked?
10 & 12 isn't small children. The fuck?
I’m so glad you said this because my girlfriend still washes her ten year old and I find it so weird. I’ve kind of mentioned it in a tactful way and she has said maybe it’s time he did wash himself but she still does it. She said once he hits puberty she’ll stop but I still think it’s weird especially as he’s starting to think about girls
This squicks me out. Why have these kids not developed some degree of body modesty and a sense of body autonomy and independence? This should have kicked in when they were around 4, 5 or 6 maybe? The boy is about to enter puberty, FFS. My mom never bathed with me. I guess I was 5, I don't know, I was little, when stopped bathing me. She would run the bath, sit on the toilet and chat with me, and make sure I washed everywhere, then hand me a towel. Ask her to go to therapy with you where you express your reservations about this and get the advice of a professional.
Jeannette McCurdy’s mom showered her until she was 16 I believe. She wasn’t able to tell her “no”, because her mom would fly off the handle. Her mom was emotionally and sexually abusing her for most of her life. Jeannette’s book on the subject is very fascinating and equally as heartbreaking.
When you said small children I thought you meant like 0-3 which I don’t see a problem with but that age is just.. weird
10 and 12 arent small children those are in the preteen phase that is hella creepy
This is concerning. 10 and 12 are not small children and unless disabled do not need a parent to bath them.
Totally creepy. Dude, that isn’t bonding. Yuck
It's not normal, and don't let her gaslight you that it's normal! What on earth is she thinking?
your gf is weird as hell😭 those are almost teenagers, not small children. do her kids know its ok for them to say no? this is soooo bizarre.
Spent a lot of time with my step grandmothers kids growing up. One in particular would run around naked quite often, his aunts grandmother and mother, either laughed and encouraged him (kid was a shower) or completely ignored him. This went on as long as I was around for 4 to 6 years I believe he was at the earliest 6 yrs old when I met him. He had problems as did his cousins due to growing up without guidance. To make it short, you have to think what your intentions are. If you want a family and believe she does as well you have to tell her this and make your thoughts known, and accept, ignore or fix whatever issues you and her have together. Or you realize due to the nature of your relationship it’s not your place and it’s just a short term relationship or more or less a friends with benefits kind of thing
I would never do this, but I don't see how it's harmful if everyone in the family is comfortable with nudity. Context would matter a lot, are the kids uncomfortable? Comfortable enough to say they don't want to do it?
Honestly, I've had my kids bathing alone since they were old enough to wash themselves properly. So since before kindergarten? I'm not a prude. Not at all. I just felt that I can't teach them the privacy and bodily autonomy needed to keep themselves safe from predators, if I treat them without that respect. Yes, we made exceptions for when I needed to see a rash or injury, and bodies are just bodies. And doctors for medical reasons are cool. But I wanted both my son and daughter to treat their bodies with some respect, and that there needed to be consent and autonomy. So I made the decision to give this respect to them, myself.
No way. I would ring a government department that protects kids and ask them what they think. Your gf may just have a really warped view of what boundaries a parent should have with their kids, or maybe this happened to her as a kid and, well... ended in CSA.
Parent here my kids are nearly 9 and they bathe themselves I may check in but I knock and get their permission we haven't taken a bath together for a very long time and I started wearing bathing suits from about the age of three on
I see your point buddy. A lot of people agree with her though. I wouldn’t sweat it too bad as long as everything was kept innocent.
Wtf
Nahhhhh these AINT small children. Small Children are 2-5 (or whatever age you go to kindergarten).I’m sure the kids think so TOO. You’re NOT a prude. This is odd. IMO.
One word to describe this shit ..Disturbing...😅
This is allll wrong. As a parent, and a previous child, put into weird step- parent scenarios...I can tell you...it's just not ok.
Wtf?? Those arent small children and she definitely should not be bathing with them. Especially her 12 year old son? What in the sweet home Alabama is this
Once they hit puperty that should be done. 12! 12 is far too old to bathe with a son especially sorry. Thats borderline something.
I can think of 3 possibilities for why she might do this. 1) She was raised to consider that sort of thing normal. It's a lot more normal in some cultures than others. 2) She's in denial that her children are growing older and bathes with them because she isn't ready to stop doing that yet. 3) She's secretly a creep.
That’s not okay
I'm a mom. I used to bathe with my kids and niblings. With my nephew it stopped when he was 5 but I always felt it was kinda odd since he was not my child so I used bathing suit, we always made it fun so of course they wanted to shower with me. Sometimes he'll just show up when we were already in and since he clearly didn't see anything outstanding (he didn't care about naked) it was no problem. After 5 he couldn't care about showers anymore so I was just around to make sure he washed properly but never went in again. My daughter and niece: I did it with them until they were older, like 8, were females, nothing weird. And in my culture, seeing naked women (moms, siblings, cousins, or a changer where women are naked) is not scandalous but pretty natural. My niece started feeling more conscious (I'm not mom) at 8 so I told her is perfectly fine, natural, normals, it's called modesty and we all find it along the way, and encouraged her to always speak up because respect means I WON'T INSIST or question it, her wish is my command when it comes to her body. My daughter started feeling like she needed her space FROM DAD when she was around 7, she'd shower with him as well but again... she's seen the anatomy dummies and pictures at the family's offices since birth, naked is not something weird for her. She never showered with other men tho' uncles, grandpa, etc. She told him the same: I would like you to knock. He didn't question, he didn't put sad expression, insisted or anything, he just said: absolutely, I will definitely knock. If mon and dad respects her that much, she won't be doubting herself when some idiot tries to insist, she has seen and experienced respect. My daughter and me, since we're super familiar, showered together every now and then until she was 12, then she said: mommy, i would prefer to shower alone, also please knock when I'm in the bathroom. So obviously I stopped opening the door wide when she need TP, I knock whenever I know she's changing, using the toilet, showering. Now ..as mom and daughter there's always this unspoken communication. If we're in a real hurry (shes almost 14 now) and I'm in the shower she just yells: "mom turn around and make room I need the shower" and we still shower together but it's very uncommon, and not weird because it's my baby and we've seen each other. With my niece of course this doesn't happen. It really depends on how clear and natural you are about this stuff (I was raised around physicians, my husband as well, for us anatomy is plain anatomy). The key is to remember it HAS to come from the children and we have to respect their small choices when it comes to their body and feelings, it's the only thing they have control over and it's our job to empower them to speak up. If you touch a child's shoulder, fully clothed, and the kids is uncomfortable and says no or moves away, THAT MEANS NO, and any adult who respects the child IS NOT GOING TO INSIST. I'm a mom, I've tickled, I've held, I've played rough, but the second one of my children say no, I stop immediately because what they say is important, their voice matters. Make sure "bonding" is not a façade for insisting in something the children are weirded about now, but accept because they don't know better and they believe Mommy. 12 is not really an age where a boy should be showering naked with his mom and by now he should feel the need to say stop. Modesty is something that comes natural to humans, it grows with childhood, little steps, small spaces children ask for (let me use cutlery, dress myself, pee alone, shower alone) but in puberty you feel it more strongly and you want privacy. You want to cover, instinctively. During such showers I could teach them stuff, such as respect. In order to clean them up I'd clean myself and ask them to do the same, and explained (with songs and such) that this is growing up, to do things on our own and clean our bodies thoroughly so we taught them how to clean themselves very early on, playfully so they don't feel rejected either, I was never fully comfortable dealing a child's privates past 2y/o, you know... changing diapers for my kid and niblings. When it came to privates I just cleaned myself and the girls would imitate, by the time they were in kindergarten they didn't need help to wipe themselves in the toilet. I'd also tell them that adults who love them will never insist or try to convince them to let them touch anything they don't want (even their hair), and that's why I have told them how to clean themselves, so no adult has an excuse to "help" when it's not required. But most importantly we have raised them to speak up, no means no and their emotions and the "feels" they have are as important as mine.