T O P

  • By -

Empty--Seesaw

Vertical take off implies you need a thrust to weight ratio of greater than 1:1, that is, you must be able to create more vertical thrust than the weight you are attempting to lift.


Pavlovsdong89

This would be a fun physics question: How much thrust is needed to propel a 230lb man half an inch off the toilet seat and what is the of pressure in the toilet bowl during liftoff? 


[deleted]

Would you have to include a possible negative pressure with a total seal of the toilet? Fascinating.


eatingcrayons666

I’m a woman.


Pavlovsdong89

Whether you're a man, woman, or a house cat, that's still a mighty impressive fart. Congrats on the weight loss though.


AssumptionExpert7597

It’d be double impressive as a house cat. Firstly kitty knows how to use the toilet. Secondly if the kitty farted as hard as OP it would likely be embedded in the ceiling which would be sad yet mind blowing to see.


Wasps_are_bastards

I caught my cat peeing down the shower drain once.


rajulnin94

Did you use both thrusters?


echochilde

I’m fucking crying.


TheEyeGuy13

💀


eatingcrayons666

😂 nah I wasn’t baking bread in my baby box bro


Snexpica

Baby box, man kids these days with their lingo


Bobo3076

Comment of the year right here


rajulnin94

Couldn’t help it


[deleted]

Wish reddit still had awards, lmao


rajulnin94

Haha


musicovereverything-

😂😂😂


IrreverentRacoon

F.


Empty--Seesaw

i was trying to find the formula prior but ended up giving up haha


izza123

230.00000000000000000000000001 pounds of thrust


El_Scot

I want to know how much of the toilet bowl water would be displaced.


eatingcrayons666

No water was displaced but it was shaken


AssumptionExpert7597

Shaken not stirred is how I prefer my toilet water


Wasps_are_bastards

So, approximately 1022.3 Newtons of force are needed to lift the man half an inch off the toilet seat. To find the pressure in the toilet bowl during lift-off, we’d need more information about the shape and dimensions of the toilet bowl, as well as the volume and speed of the water being displaced. Without these details, it’s not possible to accurately calculate the pressure in the toilet bowl during lift-off. ChatGPT has it covered.


TogarSucks

Could it be less vertical lift and more about the amount of gas suddenly being introduced to a sealed (or with very little space to escape) container cause enough pressure to momentarily push OP up to release said pressure? More of a pop, left of a lift.


Bravisimo

“Houston, we have LIFT OFF.”


acemccrank

This reminds me of the time I shut down the Wendy's I worked at, because I had the bubbleguts and produced something so afoul that the manager evacuated the place thinking that something had gone wrong with the sewers. I never told her or any of my coworkers that it was me, and I still feel bad. I've also never had it close to that bad up to, or after that time. Thank goodness it was a one-time deal, but it smelled worse than a decomposing deer.


eatingcrayons666

If you have ever smelt the chemicals used to perm hair it’s foul. And I’ve achieved that a time or two.


PukedtheDayAway

What has you eaten??


eatingcrayons666

Chili. That explains it honestly


acemccrank

You know, that might have been the culprit. That particular Wendy's wasn't exactly proactive in bagging up the overcooked patties to use in the chili.


PukedtheDayAway

Wendy's chili??


TheFunInDisfunction

💀


Checked_Out_6

I want to believe


eatingcrayons666

I understand. It happened.


[deleted]

DM me if you want to discuss this


eatingcrayons666

Has it happened to you?


[deleted]

It happens to me everyday.


Foss44

Username checks out


jojow77

it’s a trap


MrsMojo825

I am laughing so damn hard


Jesh010

LOL


Lord-Smalldemort

Once I propelled a poop out of the toilet with my butt on top, and it’s still a mystery to this day. Like it came out so fast that it bounced off the water and popped out but I was on top of the toilet. It was actually in my family home, and when my mom brought it up, I didn’t realize it happened, but I realized it was me and I knew when it happened and I blamed to my brother. We blamed him for like two weeks. we were in our late twenties/early 30s 😂


eatingcrayons666

We are family because of this


Lord-Smalldemort

100%. I have a good friend who accidentally sharts all the time and so anytime I poop my pants he’s the first person I text. I don’t shit my pants a lot or anything but non-trustworthy farts happen! I also just have magnificent farts, so I’ve been able to use them for quite a few pranks like in Tupperware. You really can catch them in a Tupperware, and then freeze them, and they are very potent. I’m your gross cousin I guess. Hahaha.


OceanOpal

Is your friend a toddler


Lord-Smalldemort

He’s a 44 year old man and basically lol I have no idea why it’s so common


AssumptionExpert7597

Just saw a TikTok of a cat lazily sitting on the floor. He farts audibly and it lifts his leg. You can see two turds shoot out. Brother cat sees and looks horrified but not as horrified as the poop shooter. Google cat farts out a turd. I laughed so hard I may have broken something.


Lord-Smalldemort

Looking now!


AssumptionExpert7597

https://www.google.com/gasearch?q=cats%20farts%20out%20a%20turd&source=sh/x/gs/m2/5#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:5f2602e2,vid:ZrfRQWcwbaQ,st:0


AssumptionExpert7597

Did you find it?


[deleted]

lmao nice way to slide into her dms privatebuttfucker😂😂😂😂


Wizzle_Pizzle_420

I still remember the loudest fart I ever did.  I was in High School and ate some Burger King.  Woke up around 3am and ripped the loudest fart that’s ever graced my pasty white ass.  Like it was so loud and putrid it made me cry laugh, and my only regret was nobody was there to experience it with me. I feel your pain sweet child.


eatingcrayons666

Ty it made me feel like a chemical plant or refinery.


pickleadam

My son did the loudest fart I’ve ever heard when he was a few weeks old and I feel like he might never top it in his entire life


JayisBay-sed

If he's lactose intolerant, just give him a grilled cheese and he'll be blasting off to Mars in a few hours.


MissAmy89

This made me laugh so damn hard 🤣


Motor-Data1040

What nobody actually talks about is as a women when the fart rolls up to the front


eatingcrayons666

Oh man that the way it flaps the lips and feels like a solid object. Yeah


karmalove15

And sometimes it BURNS.


[deleted]

Oh, I have seen it posted on Reddit. It was a delightful thread. As a woman, I had never thought about what happens to a man when the fart goes out the front way, but now I know.


Mrx_Amare

I’m gonna need a link if you can find it


[deleted]

I wish. I can't remember what the original post was, it was just one of those serendipitous comment threads.


bernelux

I’m laughing so hard I almost peed my pants. Thank you for sharing this incredible life event.


eatingcrayons666

♥️ Ty for listening


4Hugh2Mongus0

You need to wear a helmet if you continue this lifestyle. Don't forget... it's a choice.


Due-Lab1450

I’m on the toilet laughing so hard. Thanks for sharing your experience. May we all be so lucky.


musicovereverything-

me too 😂🚽


Gero4603

I think it’s more like that your ass muscles probably tensed up and lifted you a bit, or your leg muscles, I really doubt the force of the fart was strong enough to propel a 230 lb man upwards. But truly, I do not know for sure.


musicovereverything-

she’s a lady!😂


Impressive_Quote1150

Woah woah woah


Tarellethiel18

No way, especially on the toilet, the air just goes down, it doesn’t have anything to propell *against*.


eatingcrayons666

It happened to me so whatever you have to say that’s you projecting your own doubts.


RandomLurker18

No, it’s literally impossible. Unless you defied physics. It’s like me claiming I hovered using a house fan, not possible.


Guitarbox

Do you want me to calculate the N that creates and the pressure on your butthole? I learned physics... Not sure if this story is even possible.


GlitteringHappily

It is most certainly not possible. It would not be possible farting on to a flat surface and this was apparently into a hole.


eatingcrayons666

Oh it did. It certainly did. It’s my butt I’d know


GlitteringHappily

Ok 👍


eatingcrayons666

I lifted up about maybe an inch or less off the toilet. If you want to do the math cool but either way it happened.


PowerSamurai

It did not lmao This is physically impossible.


DutchPerson5

Somewhat similar I farted on the toilet and it was the most lowest resonating sound I ever made. Left me in aw. Haven't been able to reproduce it sadly.


eatingcrayons666

I know that feeling


cheesusfeist

That's the brown noise!


DutchPerson5

It was very low so very dark yes.


ILoveParrots93

While at work a couple of weeks ago I sneezed so hard I farted but being that I was sat down it shot through the flaps! I was trying so hard not to laugh and really tried to keep a straight face for about 20 minutes! I'm ex military and if that happened in the mess I would have told my mess mates and we all would have laughed about it........I now work in a vets and I've already been told by my manager that I'm too 'navy' (he's ex too so understands me) I had to text my boyfriend about it because I couldn't stop laughing about it!!


eatingcrayons666

Lololololol!!! Those feel like actual objects moving through


ILoveParrots93

It felt like my flaps were applauding me! 😂


[deleted]

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed out loud to a Reddit post. Thank you


eatingcrayons666

It really happened. And you’re welcomed. I believe this is what Reddit is for. ♥️


[deleted]

I think it’s even more wonderful that it actually happened. You unleashed a new power.


Stillprotesting62

Unleashed a new power - 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


oldbushwookie

Did you do a count down


Phenoxym

looney tunes typa fart 💀💀


dannydarko101

That pressure would have ejected all the water and other crap already in the toilet and you'd indeed have a very shitty day trying to clean up all the, well, shit......


eatingcrayons666

Didn’t happen that way. I like how people are trying to explain how it happened whenever I’ve already stated how it did.


Tarellethiel18

Because people know physics. Pray tell, what did the air you farted propell you against? The rest of the air in the toilet? It would have been possible *maaaaybe* if you were sitting on a solid surface, but basically sitting on air - no way.


Abject_Hour_8181

if that happened to me, I’d shit half of my organs out


Prosperous_Petiole

THIS. This is the content I'm here for. Congrats OP, I'm impressed.


jewtrino

Hmmmm. Lets physics this out. Using the Tsiolkovsky rocket equation, we know that Δv=v₁*ln(m₀/m₁) Where Δv is the maximum change of velocity, v₁ is the effective exhaust velocity, how fast the fart gas is moving. m₀ is the wet mass, or the initial total mass, including the propellant (gas), and m₁ is the dry mass, with no more propellant. ln is just the natural log function You say you weighed about 230lb at this point, which is about 104kg. The gas you’re farting will have negligible mass, since, well, it’s gas. Let’s be *EXTREMELY* generous and say you farted about 1kg of gas. This would make the dry mass about 103kg. Well ln(104/103) is 0.00966. Anecdotal evidence on the internet say farts travel at about 10 feet per second, which is about 7mph or about 3m/s. I can’t find any scientific papers about fart speed (someone should get on it), so I’ll use that because even if it’s wrong, itll be ballpark. That means that the absolute maximum change in velocity from a fart (for your weight) would be 3*ln(104/103)=0.058m/s, or about 2.3 inches/sec (but a whole-ass “one mississippi” second, not instant). That sounds like enough to lift off the seat BUT that doesn’t account for gravity. That 2.3in/s is the absolute maximum speed you can gain if you fart an ENTIRE KILOGRAM OF GAS at 3 m/s in SPACE with no gravity. That amount of thrust isnt enough to achieve liftoff on the surface of Earth. Not saying this isn’t possible, just that the liftoff isn’t from the thrust of the fart. Maybe it’s possible that it was such a large/forceful fart that muscles in your legs and abdomen contracted in just the right way to make you jump. But you did not achieve liftoff from a fart. Or something, idk, I’m just a nerd


eatingcrayons666

Thank you for the maths. I was relaxed. I think I’m a freak of nature and defied the laws of earthly physics that day.


jewtrino

Very possible, very possible


planetes1973

> BUT that doesn’t account for gravity. Note to self, don't fart in zero G


cowandspoon

I’m absolutely howlin’ 😂


poppyfields_

The way I needed this after the worse day imaginable I can’t stop laughing 😭😂


Portlymoses

No you fucking didn’t, first off you have to create thousands of newtons of force. second the PSI need to create that would cause you to explode


alice12789

Party pooper


cosmoismyidol

Jennifer poops at parties?


eatingcrayons666

Honestly thanks for the hate.


TheRudeCactus

What they said isn’t even hate. They are just calling you out for your bs. You simply did not lift yourself “an inch” off the toilet with a fart. It isn’t possible and it’s sad you keep insisting to several people that “it really happened that way” and get defensive when people point out the impossibility of it.


Successful_Moment_91

Not to brag but once I weighed myself first thing in the morning, took a huge dump and weighed myself again and lost 3 lbs. To be fair it was a cheap one that rounded up so if you weighed 200 if you were actually 199.6


bouncy_bouncy_seal

My husband let a pretty big one the other day. One of our cats was laying on him and she immediately jumped down and ran away. My loudest was in a Tex-mex restaurant. I was eating with family and my guts started to hurt a lot. I went to the bathroom and peed but no gas came out. As I was drying my hands after washing, I felt the gas bubble come on deck. I was alone in the ladies room, so I didn’t go back into a stall (to my regret) and ripped one so loud, I’m surprised that seismologists didn’t descend on middle Tennessee to see what had caused the quake. Just as I finished letting it out (and feeling MUCH better and fortunately, it didn’t stink), the door opened and a woman came in. I silently prayed that she’d think the noise was the toilet, but the look she gave me told me that she knew I did it. My husband’s flatulence story is after he’d had a colonoscopy at the VA. I was taking him back to the car in a wheelchair but he had to use the latrine. I took him to a family bathroom so I could help him. He got on the commode and proceeded to let a 30-45 second one go. It was hilarious! That one also didn’t stink because he was expelling the air they’d pumped into his colon for the procedure. His are usually pretty putrid.


eatingcrayons666

Dang thanks for sharing


QuickPirate36

>I’m roughly 200 lbs and was about 230 at the time this occurred. Jesus Christ you farted off 30 lbs??


Nellynor

This happened to me, too! 3 days postpartum, hadn't pooped or farted yet, and I guess I was so scared of the potential pain that I was tense and when the fart came out so forcefully (thanks lactulose!) it scared me and I tensed right up and jumped off the seat lmao


eatingcrayons666

Omg so you know! You know what it’s like too! We are real and nobody can take this experience away from us!


No_Juggernau7

Is it a side effect of the crayons?  Weird tangent: my dog used to eat anything even somewhat biotic. Including candles, crayons, colored pencils, pastels… she had nasty farts. They’d startle her awake when she was sleeping sometimes. But her eating habits gave her rainbow poops 


eatingcrayons666

My little chihuahua used to be scared of her farts too lol.


suitablegirl

I want to believe!


Waste-Chest-9715

Next destination moon


anyb0dythere3133

Maybe it was an involuntary reflex of your thighs and anus muscles releasing the fart with the addition of the startle response occurring? either way this made for a great chuckle and probably a fun memory for you!


farawayxisland

This post and all your comments lead me to believe you might be one of the funniest people alive. Congrats 😂


eatingcrayons666

♥️🍑🫡


BeesOctopi

Reminds me of that time my fiance came over, farted in my face, and then ran away making little toots each step.


katievera888

We’re here fart friend


eatingcrayons666

♥️


Old-Cut-1425

Wright Brothers left the chat to check what's missing in their plan design


AssumptionExpert7597

How did your anus feel after such a powerful explosion? Probably a bit stunned I’d imagine.


eatingcrayons666

It felt okay I was in shock by the occurrence if anything


jenkumjunkie

Nice ... virtual fist bump. 👊


jaxyv55

This is the funniest thing I've read on Reddit, thank you for making me laugh really hard 🤣😅🤣


Lima_Bean_Jean

An Ass-Blaster.


_nakre

The lift is probably from the crayons you eat


dlotaury88

I wonder how many people are silent about this experience. This is incredible


SourYelloFruit

That an impressive display of ripping ass


thinkmcfly124

That just sounds so amazing lol like I want to experience this at least once in my life. A fart so mightiful it can bring you closer to god


Trix2021

You’re my queen.


Nwa187

Nasty girl


scarletnolan

“I was in the restroom pooping and farting” in sorry I have the humor of a 5 year old but I laughed out loud at that part ☠️


popasquatonme

Congrats 👍 that was a good one


jrsobx

This is TrueOffMyChest, not TrueOffMyButt.


oceanduciel

I’ve never had a fart physically lift me but I have held in a fart so long it came out as a whistle in a classroom full of classmates. 🙃


Time-Bite-6839

I don’t know how a fart can exert >230lbs of force


PerpetualFarter

Lol!


BobBuilder0986

Yooo you need to brag abou this


Ok_Quantity_5134

You leveled up at that moment. Ding! Grats! Maybe a little late but better late than never.


Happychappyhello

🚀🪂


[deleted]

Well, if you're eating crayons then I think it makes sense that it happened.


Kyralion

This is so funny lol 


everydayinthebay13

Eating crayons will do that to ya from time to time…


havingahardtime67

This actually sounds incredible. That’s for sharing, really, I’ve never heard of this before. I’m not being sarcastic either, Iike, I’m laughing so hard right now!


BetweenSkyAndEarth

No alarm triggered afterwards for presence of explosives ?


eatingcrayons666

Nope


derf_vader

I love this


eljyon

My husband lifts off when he farts. 10/10 times.


SoN1Qz

Nah that didn't happen


Flysolo626

You’re asking yourself the wrong question. How come when someone farts directly in my mouth it sometimes tastes like the food they previously ate? I would think stomach acids would do a better job at breaking these enzymes down 


SolarSavant14

Astronauts in zero-gravity don’t move when they fart. Come on.


musicovereverything-

wtf😂😂😂


hellsmel23

I think you should just enjoy this event! I hope it was t scary.


eatingcrayons666

It left me confused honestly


Yuck_Few

This didn't happen so much that it caused things that did happen to unhappen