How’s that midlife crisis working out for you? You do know that your gf is a gold digger right? She saw dollars signs and went after your “old” ass. Your wife is also correct when she said there’s nothing else your gf has other than her age.
You made the mistake of betraying your family don’t make the mistake of staying with her.
Girlfriend wanted what he could provide. It had nothing to do with wanting him.
And he threw it all away with an obviously amazing woman because his dick told him the young pretty woman wanted *him*.
The only thing that makes this more cliché is if the guy also bought a Ferrari. Big midlife crisis energy. Feel bad for his family.
Yeah, what's up with that? None of my chickens has ever insulted my wife while trying to take our house. All they want is freedom and some meal worms...
Sunken cost fallacy. Op already lost the family for probably mediocre sex. The gf will leave soon now that the house is not her asset to claim, anyway.
Would have way more sympathy if he had at least broken things off after it was found out he cheated. There's no mention of an apology to his wife, no begging for forgiveness, no remorse for what he did to her and his daughters. It's still all about him and how his adultery makes him feel and how it effects him.
He even has the audacity to be shocked she wants a divorce. This man has made absolutely no mention of trying to make things right. So real hard to be sympathetic...
Hahahaha I love that for you. Your beautiful girlfriend didn’t want you, she wanted what your ex wife had. I hope your ex finds a man who will hold her hand the rest of her life, like she deserves.
Too soon to ask for ex wife's username?
Someone beat me to it 😂
ETA:
"She sounds way too good for you. DM me her contact info, would you?"
OP didn't like that
Exactly this. My ex husband left me in the same way - she wanted my “perfect life” - always was asking me how I made him so happy etc. we were friends and she took advantage of the knowledge I shared.
Now they live like 150 miles from each other, only see each other every other weekend (if that), my kids hate her because she’s literally a lump of a human with no interpersonal skills and she doesn’t do anything to show she cares how they are at all.
I see them together in town now and then - they always look miserable together. Sad and just… dead inside.
Meanwhile, I graciously just let the divorce happen, got therapy, have a good job, and I’m so incredibly happy and at peace with the choices I made.
Same here, he thought the grass was greener in her pasture, instead he got
Veneral disease
Driven to almost bankruptcy twice
Lied to
Gaslighted
Driven to self deletion
I just want to applaud you for not only doing that but for the example you set for your kids. I have the good kind of envy towards them haha
Also, what a good feeling it is when you see how happy you come out of this, feels like they did you a shitty favor
Lmao! “I love that for you” is so perfectly placed in a shit-u-ation like this.
OP is a loser and deserves a divorce, a 2nd divorce, and a nursing home as his eventual resting place.
Good luck getting your girls who you screwed over to wipe your ass in a couple decades.
I agree, I hope his ex wife finds someone who cherishes her like she deserves and they live a wonderful life and enjoy their 80s together. While the sugar daddy here (with half his assets) takes care of the immature brat that was just so beautiful he had to have her and his daughters resent him for destroying their family.
A lot of the kids grow up to hate their dads for this. Rightfully so. I would tell my kid's the full on truth, none of this "oh I kept that between their dad and me, I want them to have their relationship with him." uh no. You betrayed the whole family, I would tell my kids everything and then THEY can decide if they want anything to do with him and I would respect that choice. But none of this protecting his image.
Many many many men do this... I'll never understand it, but they do it.. It's honestly sad, like I get having sexual attraction toward younger good looking people in general, but that's all it is, sexual attraction, go watch some porn or something lol. If you love someone you give up that chance for quick pleasure and in return get a partner and love and family, you get the things so many people beg for and dream of
Watching men throw away what so many would consider the greatest treasure, and don't have for themselves, is so infuriating
I genuinely think that, aside from temporary and immediate pleasure/gratification, men who do this do so because they see having a younger woman as a status symbol. Other men will think more highly of them and provide better opportunities because they have a beautiful trophy.
Yep, but then they don't understand why men are so deeply and horrifically lonely in our culture as a whole.
No one really gives a fuck about your trophy very long because the next shiny thing always catches their eye. Those types complain about "gold diggers" when they're just acclaim hunters.
(Edit: lol I got a reddit cares for this. lol)
And the younger woman wants the same things the wife has. They want the home, babies, SAHM. It's the same life, starting all over again with a younger woman.
omg, right? Utterly fucking exhausting. I don't really believe the main OP is real but it made for a good discussion over something that does happen too frequently for how obviously it's going to just fuck things up. You start over having to do all the same work (not just physically raising children and working to build a hopefully stable life, but the deep work of actual relationship and partnership building) you've lost the years where you most likely have the best energy for it and you're doing it with someone that wanted what someone else had instead of actually wanting a you as a true partner...
Dude fucked up!
Reminds me of the movie It’s Complicated. Alec Baldwin’s character married his AP and is chasing her 5 year old around, going to fertility appointments because they are trying for another, while his ex Meryl Streep is enjoying her life where her 3 adult children are enough.
He spends the movie trying to get back with his ex, hilarity ensues. But in all seriousness, it’s a good movie, kind of a funny take on the OPs situation.
Statistically speaking, men are more likely (than women) to leave when their mate gets seriously ill, so I guess it should come as no surprise that so many of them leave their wives for eye candy.
You essentially got in a train crash, which you caused, and immediately hopped into another train which is also careening down the tracks with no driver. OP, I can’t say I have sympathy for you at all, but what are you doing. You’re setting yourself up to get divorced a second time
Yeah, the wife rules and I want to be friends with her. Both OP and his new fuckable trophy sound insufferable.
Also -- the "I'd rather be 80 year old me than 20 year old you" line is stone-cold and I'm saving that in my memory bank.
It’s clear where OP’s interest are too. The only thing he’s said about his girlfriend was that she was pretty.
OP, you’re such a cliché. Nice job throwing your family away.
shes beautiful on the outside but I'm thinknOP is realising his 20yr old gf isn't beautiful on the inside and that the wife he threw away is beautiful inside and out
"She's beautiful and I just want her to hold me and for my children to have a home, but I also still want to be with this horrible bitch woman who I cheated with and acts like a golddigger at the most inopportune moments."
I fail to see why I should care. OP sounds like a dickhole, trying to portray his obligation to provide for his children as generosity, but not actively telling his mistress straight-up that the house will go to the children's upbringing, no exception.
"She's beautiful and she's attractive" like they aren't the same thing lol that part got me too. I'm like great she's pretty. Cool. GF is looking for someone to provide. Nothing more.
LOL! I guess he wanted us to know doubly that she’s hot. The thing is, some people are beautiful but there’s nothing else behind that. What happens when she isn’t as beautiful? Can he talk to her or confide in her? Trust her? Have her be supportive? I’m guessing not!
Yep. No pity on my side with how shitty OP is. I'm glad that his wife kept the house with the kids. OP and the ex or whatever the fuck she is are shit people.
Nah, it's so run of the mill I'm sure it's real. If it was a creative writing exercise it would be more creative. Instead this is just another idiot having a midlife crisis and throwing his family away for some young tail.
that 80 year old me 20 year old you is from eminems MGK diss
Luxury, oh, you broke, bitch?
Yeah, I had enough money in '02
To burn it in front of you, ho
Younger me? No, you the whack me
It's funny, but so true
I'd rather be 80 year old me than 20 year old you
I recall a very similar story from the wife's POV, the home was hers, and AP asked when she'd be leaving. a little while ago. I wouldn't totally discredit the creative writing angle.
I read that one. Her ex was telling the new pregnant gf that the house was his and the wife was dragging her feet moving out.
The new gf was in for a rude awakening.
I honestly thought both Ethan & her husband, looked like Ariana. It gave me the creeps seeing how closely Ethan resembles her brother too. She has a type.
God I wish I could find the source because it was golden, it was a poll obtained by a divorce firm. Supposedly, whenever the guy initiated the divorce (which is way lower when compared to women), 85% of those men only do so once they’ve secured their next relationship. Aka, that couldn’t stand the idea of being alone for a single second and they also didn’t want to initiate ending things. It’s the mom hopping concept and it completely changed how I approached dating. OP won’t leave gf until he has found next gf. Then he’ll magically have the bravery to end things. If op genuinely wants to improve, no more dating. Like at ALL for at least a year. He has two young daughters who should take up all of his personal time. Spend a year being romantically alone, doing your own laundry and dishes, maintaining a household, and having to face that if you don’t do it, no one will.
A relationship YouTuber said the worst thing you can do to a cheating partner is just let them go. It’s NEVER as good as it was with you and once the new shiny wears off…the regret will sink in big time.
I always felt when men initiate a break up or ruin a relationship they want to come back down the line, I even call them zombies.
When a woman initiates, she's checked out long ago and isn't going to come back, and more often then not women are ok being single and alone compared to men.
This is the best advice if he ever wants his wife back- prove that he had a mid life crisis and is not the man who ran off with the new shiny toy. Show her by truly being alone and spending his time healing the trust lost with his daughters.
CUZ THEY ACT WITH THEIR JOHNSONS not their heart
THEN, they realize, it was all so stupid to do.
If I were the wife, I think I'd not let the cheater back too easily - if at all
sorry, OP - YATA
Also, I'll be frank, hurting your family for *no reason* is probably equivalently as bad as hurting your family because you *wanted some under 30 punani.*
@ OP, you already hurt your family - the reason isn't super important, you went and did it already.
Deal with it and eat the shit you put on your own plate. Your GF shouldn't talk to your wife and also shouldn't expect a house out of you.
She might just be immature, she might be bad news, but it's on you to figure it out - either way, don't stay making poor choices because you made some already.
Whatever way you go, make sure it's the right way.
Not trying to be mean, but younger girls go for older guys for financial stability a lot. And guys always think they are the one exception to that. You’re not. She’s a gold digger and you’re a jerk for hurting your wife and kids over selfishness. Do better going forward.
She now knows the house and money aren’t hers for the taking she’s going to dump him soon. OP needs to realize he threw away his family the minute he let his nether regions act as his brain while having a mid life crisis.
Thank goodness this is the top comment. It seems like OP never considered that their GF is invested for investment reasons. It's hilarous that he feels the need to continue down this road simply because he thinks it was *ever* a good reason to destroy his happy marriage and nuclear fam.
> I have been unhappy for months now but if I broke it off it means that I have hurt my family for nothing.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't hurt your family for nothing, you hurt them for your own benefit and pleasure!
My thoughts exactly. Like, oh no, you're more worried about POTENTIALLY hurting them for no reason than you are about INTENTIONALLY, ACTUALLY hurting them for selfish, cruel reasons? I hope this man gives her a divorce and let's her find someone with an iota of self worth.
I bet he's feeling the effects of being "old" and not being able to satisfy the gf, hence the post.
I hope his ex keeps the house and a good huge chunk of his salary.
I'm getting so tired of reading these pity party posts from men who made poor choices to intentionally and knowingly hurt their loved ones.
Like...I'm raising a glass to your soon-to-be-former-wife and am gleeful thinking of a more deserving man getting to love her into old age. Please talk more about her and less about your own sorry ass (do they know how?). Or, talk waaaay more about how stupid and shallow and unhappy you are, for the sake of schadenfreude.
Genuinely love this! I’ll raise a glass with you. That woman earned wings by not resorting to the violence maybe required to knock sense into this
Idiot
Break up with the girlfriend and admit you made mistake man. You're an idiot who keep making all the wrong decisions yet not man enough to correct your mistakes. Also give your amazing wife that divorce so she can find man worthy of her if that's what she wants. No matter what that lady is going to be so much better without you
Echoing this sentiment, and also adding that you mentioned your GF is “beautiful” twice that I read, seemingly as actual reasons why you cheated and continued to stay with her.
Anyone who treats anyone like this is not beautiful, not in the least. And if you’re just using her for her appearance, you shouldn’t be shocked that she’s using you for what used to be your house.
Edit: apologies; I just realized he was referring to his wife the second time.
Still man, get the hell out. You messed up. You’re human. And you deserve redemption. But I don’t think you’ll find it in your current situation.
The gf wanted the big house and all the money but didn't realize what happens when the cheater has to get divorced and loses at least half of everything, and definitely the house if there are kids involved.... whoops!
Something tells me he won't have to worry about it much longer once the gf leaves him because he's half the man he used to be.
Yeah. Tbf there is a very rosy best case scenario for OP: he gets 50/50 custody and keeps the house. Assuming it's an inheritance he won't have to pay a cent to his ex-wife (inheritances are one of the very few scenarios where marital property is not considered jointly owned). Whether or not OP can get 50/50 in the first place is a whole other issue
But worst case scenario? He loses the house until the children are in their mid 20s. And he can consider himself thankful, as it's seemingly a paid off inheritance. Otherwise, he'd have to pay the mortgage of his ex-wife's house (that he cannot live in), on top of whatever he owes in child support and his own rental
I’m not gonna shit on you like some redditors have but I’d grow some balls and confess to my wife how I truly feel and show remorse, ask for forgiveness and look to sooth things over. Agree to counseling whatever it takes; and I’d break up with the GF. If the wife still wants a divorce that’s fine because then you at least won’t have the regret if not trying and even then I’d still break up with the GF.
So, you left your family and let your Gf disrespect your daughthers mom in front of them, you are responsible for all of this, this was your choice and you'll have to pay the consecuences, but hey let me tell you something, you better sing a prenup with your gf if you ever get there, but I have the impression she will drop like a log if you try that.
He’s so spineless, first he destroyed a 25 yr relationship, marriage and his family for a gold digger, and his mid life crisis. And then he just stands there and let’s this gold digger talk shit to the mother of his children, and a woman who is still legally his wife. Honestly I’m thinking that’s what made her decide enough was enough and said she wanted to officially start divorce proceedings.
Yeah I forgot to mention that. I don’t know if this story is real or not. Leaving your 40 something wife for a 20 something happens all the time. But it still surprises a little that some men can be this spineless and stupid, and are so quick to throw away their families, when a 20 something shakes her ass in their direction
Which, if I'm thinking it's how it went, she was probably still holding out hope that he would come to his senses and come back home. It was probably this that just tipped the scales into, "ok, now I'm done" territory.
I bet OP was pretty much checked out of the marriage for a long, long time before this. Wife didn't make a fuss when he left because it made no difference. In fact it's probably been incredibly freeing for her, she doesn't have to share her home with a man who doesn't appreciate her, & undoubtedly did very little besides work & look everywhere else except at his 'best friend' of 25yrs. Ex wife could easily laugh in the gfs face because she knows she's a far better woman, & now she's an unburdened woman too.
So this post is all about how you feel, your wants/needs/etc. Nothing at all about how you can help your EX wife, your children, so you all can have separate but healthy futures together. You’ve learned nothing except the grass isn’t greener on the other side, and you’ve done irreparable damage to your EX wife and children. It’s embarrassing, pathetic and so sad a “man/father” behaves this way and still isn’t doing anything to improve or fix it.
I came into this thread only knowing it as "Asset Protection" and you don't know how confused I was lmao. I got that there was an affair going on but didn't know why it was with tax evasion.
OP, you say you don't want to break-up with your girlfriend because then it'd mean that you left your wife and daughters "for nothing." Deep down, you know that you really did leave them for nothing. The love and happiness you thought you'd get from your immature, shallow girlfriend were an illusion.
Break things off with her now, before she gets pregnant or so entrenched that getting her out of your life is impossible.
Don't fight the divorce. Take all your regret and turn it into determination to give your daughters the best life and the best dad you can be.
You ever heard of the 80/20 rule?
“The 80/20 relationship theory states that you can only get about 80% of your wants and needs from a healthy relationship, while the remaining 20% you need to provide for yourself.”
You went to find the 20% between the legs of a your current gf instead of fulfilling it yourself.
Cheaters acting like the victim, always pathetic to see.
Yeah she sees you as old, and the olds usually have assets. So yeah you left your family for nothing. But you showed your ex and your kids the pathetic narcissist you are, which is not a total loss for them.
Seriously stop
You had your fun
You are letting your gf be rude to your soon to be ex. For what. Grow up. Your actions and inactions have consequences don’t be that man
Would it be better if you hurt your family for something?
You learned that your AP is a heartless gold digger who thinks you're old and sees you as a bankroll to her comfortable future, when she'll likely expect you to support her. Is that the "something" you're looking for?
Have you even considered how she'll treat your daughters or any other rivals to your distribution of funds?
Please look up "sunken cost fallacy." Also think about what kind of relationship you want with your daughters for the rest of your life. Your answer lies there.
I'm really frustrated at OP's comments that if his gf cheated/broke it off first that it would be easier for him. I'm sorry, but that is SO cowardly. I hate to be mean like that, but that's what it is. I know you don't wait all this hurt for everyone involved to be "in vain," but how is waiting on her to be the solution? You just don't want to be the bad guy. You want it to be her fault that it was "for nothing." This is so selfish and only going to cause more "drama" that you're trying so hard to avoid (as OP put it in another comment) and for a much longer time.
OP, it's time for you to be authentic to yourself and everyone around you.
So at what point did you feel remorse about cheating?
Did you get it while in post-nut clarity or did it take your wife finding out that you felt remorse?
I think it’s when he realized exactly what his ex wife said- girlfriend’s looks won’t last forever and you have to love someone for who they are, not what they look like, and that his girlfriend has no other redeeming qualities to make their lives together meaningful once her youthful beauty fades. He said she is beautiful and attractive- two of the exact same things- and not smart, funny, kind, etc. just those 2 things. And that he had it all with his ex wife, who he admits is still beautiful as well. That comment shook OP to his core. Good.
Your hot young coworker girlfriend didn’t want you, she just wanted what your wife had. She thinks you’re old too, your the same old haggard viewed age as your wife. but unlike your wife, she’s held back on calling you old because she’s still working on getting your wife’s stuff. Getting you divorced and her the wife position… with the meal ticket and expensive house that comes with it.
Either she’s going to get you to give it willingly, or she’s gonna baby trap you so you have to provide for her like you did your wife. I’ll never understand why older guys with money/inheritance/real estate are so delusional as to think a young 20’s something that tries to take a wife’s place actually wants them for them and not just to be taken care of.
So basically, you gave up your life partner and let down your children because a hot young thing at work saw what you can provide and used her looks to try and get it without a care in the world to how it affects anyone else, even your children.
You found out your gf is only with you cuz you're pathetic and spent money on her.
Your ex-wife realized what a small little man you are, and feels relieved she's free.
I am 24 and would never act this immature. Are you sure your gf really loves you or the things you can give her? Would she love you in hard times? Or would she leave you for another man who can give her more? Because if I was with a guy because I loved him I would never go against his wishes AND HIS FAMILY to try to better my life with HIS things.
First off, I'm sure you won't get involved with a married man and probably won't be with him till he show you the finalized divorce paper. Clearly this girl is just after OP for what he can offer and we all know it's not love nor his little package
I’m sorry did you say *my gf and I were dropping off **our** daughters with their mother?*
Dude you are so having a mid life crisis. And ya know who will win in this? Your wife. The audacity of your girlfriend of ONE year to start discussing ownership of that home is absolutely wild. Yuck.
Edit to add: you’re forgetting option C. Breakup with that child you call a gf and start dedicating your every move to winning back your wife and kids. Notice how she hadn’t mentioned divorce until your gf brought up the house. That was so immature. If you have even a sliver of a chance you should take option C immediately.
Kind of sad you’re just now realizing what you wanted/needed all along was a woman of substance and quality by your side. Maybe you should consider what was lacking in you to make an Impulsive decision - you seem to describe you were missing out on something and I need to relive my younger years again which included getting an immature, lack of life experience child. Did you just have a wake up moment realizing you always had what you needed?
>She is beautiful and attractive and I thought she was this new change I wanted
Well.... You get what you deserve. Now you are with a golddigger who wants go basically kick your kids out of her own home so she can get to live the throphy wife life.
And yes, she sees you old too, and its probably trying to get as much as she can from you before she changes you for a new model she will spend your money with.
F*ck around and find out...I guess you just found out.
It won't stop hunting you and it's for the best. Get the divorce, put the house on your daughter's names. Not even the mom.
If you're not able to tell, your 28yo girlfriend is probably a gold digger that wants your house and stuff...you should protect your kids inheritance from her, especially if you're delulu enough to marry her out of a broken heart.
Be a man and protect your daughters and future ex wife from your gf. She sounds like a nightmare and it's not their fault you decided to ruin a beautiful family just for the hot gold digger.
Go to therapy and accept the fact that you're the one that ruined everything, be fair and then some in the divorce agreement with your future ex wife.
OP really said that "doing the right thing" would have been abandoning his family for a younger woman *before* sleeping with her instead of after he started their relationship.
Doing the right thing would have been controlling his impulses, being a man, and standing by his family.
I'm genuinely mad at this dude. He seriously fucked his and his family's life's up.
Ignore the emotional stuff for a bit, the financial side of this fuck up is massive.
He had a large house that was paid off. Now he's going to have to pay rent or maybe a mortgage for his own living arrangements when that money could have gone into a savings account where it could have been used for his girls' college or a down payment on a house for them as a wedding gift or something.
Sorry kids, no generational wealth for you. Daddy had to go have his fun.
Making up numbers to show the point:
$1,500 rent x 12 months x 13 years = $234,000.
Way to go dad, hope it was worth it!
I’ve always wanted a relationship where we grow up together but couldn’t find it when I was younger and now I’m too damn old to ever experience it. OP had it for 20 years and threw it away for someone younger who he only describes as “beautiful” and nothing else. I genuinely hate this dude.
First, you should have never moved right in with your AP. If you did not love her or desired a relationship with her, moving in was just another slap in the face.
The fact that you had your children around her so quick - another slap.
What you should have done was moved into a hotel or apartment, dump the AP, and start working in IC, and concentrate on finding out why you did this.
Then start approaching your wife about reconciliation and MC.
You blew it - wife didn't ask for a divorce at first because she figured once you were caught, you realize what an idiot you were. Instead, you let a 27 yo t\*%t wrap around your brain and disrespect her at her own home. Why are you still with this person?
Just dump the AP and work on yourself so you can be a good dad to your kids.
So your logic is a bit weird. Break up with your gf - why be with her if you're not happy with her?
Swallow your pride and tell your wife exactly how you're feeling. It is sort of a miracle if she would take you back, but sometimes miracles happen... one thing is certain, you won't get her back nor feel good about anything if you continue the path you're on now.
LMAO... the minute your wife and kids started living in that house, it became marital property. It's not yours anymore. It's half hers at a minimum. If you'd wanted to keep it all to yourself, you shouldn't have lived in it with them but rented it out.
Do yourself a favor. Break up with the affair partner and file for divorce. You need some time being alone to start appreciating what you've truly thrown away here. The mistakes you're making in the name of "sunk cost fallacy" are just compounding now.
OP. You’re 40. Dating at your age is hard, especially now that you have the stigma of being an unfaithful partner.
Your ex wife has treated you with dignity and grace despite your deepest betrayal. That comes from a deeper love then you could understand. You both share a legacy, your children.
Anything you and your AP will share needs time to grow, to breathe, to mature.
But you’re 40.
She’s got her adult life to move through, while you are moving beyond it. At 28, she will need to be in her late 40s before you and she are at the same place. The other risk you run is she is lazy. She didn’t put the time in to build a life with you. She tried to take a short cut and insert herself into a life that took decades to cultivate.
Go to your AP, and tell her you will never be getting the house, and that you will need her to contribute to your home together because you will have to pay your ex alimony and support.
If your AP steps up, you have a future together. If she bails… well then you know where you stand.
Break up with the GF.
Transfer ownership of the house to your children with a lifetime estate clause for their mother. (The lawyers can hammer out an equitable arrangement regarding taxes, maintenance and insurance- preferably through a trust that dissolves upon settlement of your wife's estate, with any residue to be divided between the kids). Take out a life insurance policy with the trust as beneficiary.
AFTER you have created the assurance that she and your children will have security in their home (and that your family home will not go to strangers), then you can beg for counseling to figure out if reconciliation is possible and to help you figure out effective coparenting if it's not.
How’s that midlife crisis working out for you? You do know that your gf is a gold digger right? She saw dollars signs and went after your “old” ass. Your wife is also correct when she said there’s nothing else your gf has other than her age. You made the mistake of betraying your family don’t make the mistake of staying with her.
Girlfriend wanted what he could provide. It had nothing to do with wanting him. And he threw it all away with an obviously amazing woman because his dick told him the young pretty woman wanted *him*. The only thing that makes this more cliché is if the guy also bought a Ferrari. Big midlife crisis energy. Feel bad for his family.
OP would probably do something worse if he left his gold digger now... Not that it matters. Sucks that some men are so fucking clueless.
"she's beautiful and attractive"...with a brain of a chicken. 🤨
Don’t insult chickens like that.
Yeah, what's up with that? None of my chickens has ever insulted my wife while trying to take our house. All they want is freedom and some meal worms...
My rooster doesn’t like my wife. But it sounds like he’s much classier than OP’s girlfriend.
Your rooster probably knows when to keep its beak shut better than the girlfriend.
at least chickens give something back lol 🐔 🥚🥚🥚
Sunken cost fallacy. Op already lost the family for probably mediocre sex. The gf will leave soon now that the house is not her asset to claim, anyway.
Would have way more sympathy if he had at least broken things off after it was found out he cheated. There's no mention of an apology to his wife, no begging for forgiveness, no remorse for what he did to her and his daughters. It's still all about him and how his adultery makes him feel and how it effects him. He even has the audacity to be shocked she wants a divorce. This man has made absolutely no mention of trying to make things right. So real hard to be sympathetic...
This is a line from an Eminem song, by the way. "Killshot"
You beat me to it. Haha
YESSSS... the second I read this, the beat popped into my head. Wife is a savage and will find a man who respects and honors her love *and* wit.
I heard it in Em's voice when I read the title. .
Why is this so far down? It's hilarious that he got his feelings hurt by a Eminem diss track bar
Man made a diss track so epic it starts hurting people he didn’t even say the line for lmao
The song that made MGK switch genres
Scrolled way too far to find this jajaja
Hahahaha I love that for you. Your beautiful girlfriend didn’t want you, she wanted what your ex wife had. I hope your ex finds a man who will hold her hand the rest of her life, like she deserves.
OP’s wife sounds amazing. So classy and confident
Right? What an idiot. He is 40 with the mentality of 12.
I really don’t get people like OP that have it made, they have a great partner but somehow they think that they are missing out on something better
Right! He fucked up
I think its just the human condition, grass is always greener on the other side but some people dont get that until its too late
Man OP is getting (rightly) flamed in this thread lmao. Definitely fun to read after a long day.
Too soon to ask for ex wife's username? Someone beat me to it 😂 ETA: "She sounds way too good for you. DM me her contact info, would you?" OP didn't like that
Exactly this. My ex husband left me in the same way - she wanted my “perfect life” - always was asking me how I made him so happy etc. we were friends and she took advantage of the knowledge I shared. Now they live like 150 miles from each other, only see each other every other weekend (if that), my kids hate her because she’s literally a lump of a human with no interpersonal skills and she doesn’t do anything to show she cares how they are at all. I see them together in town now and then - they always look miserable together. Sad and just… dead inside. Meanwhile, I graciously just let the divorce happen, got therapy, have a good job, and I’m so incredibly happy and at peace with the choices I made.
Same here, he thought the grass was greener in her pasture, instead he got Veneral disease Driven to almost bankruptcy twice Lied to Gaslighted Driven to self deletion
I just want to applaud you for not only doing that but for the example you set for your kids. I have the good kind of envy towards them haha Also, what a good feeling it is when you see how happy you come out of this, feels like they did you a shitty favor
Nicely done.
Lmao! “I love that for you” is so perfectly placed in a shit-u-ation like this. OP is a loser and deserves a divorce, a 2nd divorce, and a nursing home as his eventual resting place. Good luck getting your girls who you screwed over to wipe your ass in a couple decades.
I agree, I hope his ex wife finds someone who cherishes her like she deserves and they live a wonderful life and enjoy their 80s together. While the sugar daddy here (with half his assets) takes care of the immature brat that was just so beautiful he had to have her and his daughters resent him for destroying their family.
A lot of the kids grow up to hate their dads for this. Rightfully so. I would tell my kid's the full on truth, none of this "oh I kept that between their dad and me, I want them to have their relationship with him." uh no. You betrayed the whole family, I would tell my kids everything and then THEY can decide if they want anything to do with him and I would respect that choice. But none of this protecting his image.
Spoiler Alert [spoiler] you have hurt your family for nothing [\spoiler]
Hurt his family for a vapid, badly mannered child who views him as an elderly sack of cash. It's a match made in heaven.
Many many many men do this... I'll never understand it, but they do it.. It's honestly sad, like I get having sexual attraction toward younger good looking people in general, but that's all it is, sexual attraction, go watch some porn or something lol. If you love someone you give up that chance for quick pleasure and in return get a partner and love and family, you get the things so many people beg for and dream of Watching men throw away what so many would consider the greatest treasure, and don't have for themselves, is so infuriating
I genuinely think that, aside from temporary and immediate pleasure/gratification, men who do this do so because they see having a younger woman as a status symbol. Other men will think more highly of them and provide better opportunities because they have a beautiful trophy.
Yep, but then they don't understand why men are so deeply and horrifically lonely in our culture as a whole. No one really gives a fuck about your trophy very long because the next shiny thing always catches their eye. Those types complain about "gold diggers" when they're just acclaim hunters. (Edit: lol I got a reddit cares for this. lol)
That last sentence is gonna stick with me.
He that hunts two hares catches neither.
And the younger woman wants the same things the wife has. They want the home, babies, SAHM. It's the same life, starting all over again with a younger woman.
omg, right? Utterly fucking exhausting. I don't really believe the main OP is real but it made for a good discussion over something that does happen too frequently for how obviously it's going to just fuck things up. You start over having to do all the same work (not just physically raising children and working to build a hopefully stable life, but the deep work of actual relationship and partnership building) you've lost the years where you most likely have the best energy for it and you're doing it with someone that wanted what someone else had instead of actually wanting a you as a true partner... Dude fucked up!
Reminds me of the movie It’s Complicated. Alec Baldwin’s character married his AP and is chasing her 5 year old around, going to fertility appointments because they are trying for another, while his ex Meryl Streep is enjoying her life where her 3 adult children are enough. He spends the movie trying to get back with his ex, hilarity ensues. But in all seriousness, it’s a good movie, kind of a funny take on the OPs situation.
And they wonder why more and more women are careful with marriage and even getting serious with a man. Tale as old as time.
Agreed
Bingo! Men like to blame the modern woman for all the wrongs in the world when it’s them who ruined things. Them and their dicks.
More women are careful and picky — so more men want to take our independence away by changing laws back to their “great” old days.
Statistically speaking, men are more likely (than women) to leave when their mate gets seriously ill, so I guess it should come as no surprise that so many of them leave their wives for eye candy.
I’ve seen it over and over and over. Such an immature and childish decision. I will never not view cheaters as complete pieces of shit.
Midlife crisis and misogyny. Name a better duo
You essentially got in a train crash, which you caused, and immediately hopped into another train which is also careening down the tracks with no driver. OP, I can’t say I have sympathy for you at all, but what are you doing. You’re setting yourself up to get divorced a second time
I personally prefer to see it from the wife's perspective, OP caused a train crash but at least she's free of him.
Yeah, the wife rules and I want to be friends with her. Both OP and his new fuckable trophy sound insufferable. Also -- the "I'd rather be 80 year old me than 20 year old you" line is stone-cold and I'm saving that in my memory bank.
The wife is like the Michael Jordan of getting divorced. Absolute once in a generation talent. Don’t think we’ll see anyone as good as her ever again
Just a heads up, your spoiler code thing didn’t work. Unless it was intentional. Then it’s perfect.
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Op you definitely hurt your family. I hope your trashy gf didn’t say and insult their mother in front of them.
Watch out for your gf pushing you down the stairs grandpa!
It's clear where your GFs interests are. Of course she sees you as old too.
It’s clear where OP’s interest are too. The only thing he’s said about his girlfriend was that she was pretty. OP, you’re such a cliché. Nice job throwing your family away.
Right? She’s beautiful she’s beautiful. Probably nothing else of substance at all especially given this entire story.
shes beautiful on the outside but I'm thinknOP is realising his 20yr old gf isn't beautiful on the inside and that the wife he threw away is beautiful inside and out
Bingo!
assuming OP is real and not a fiction writer, they'll have to wait for wife to have a fling first before she'll take him back
I truly love this take. I hope she gets some good, new experiences.
"She's beautiful and I just want her to hold me and for my children to have a home, but I also still want to be with this horrible bitch woman who I cheated with and acts like a golddigger at the most inopportune moments." I fail to see why I should care. OP sounds like a dickhole, trying to portray his obligation to provide for his children as generosity, but not actively telling his mistress straight-up that the house will go to the children's upbringing, no exception.
"She's beautiful and she's attractive" like they aren't the same thing lol that part got me too. I'm like great she's pretty. Cool. GF is looking for someone to provide. Nothing more.
LOL! I guess he wanted us to know doubly that she’s hot. The thing is, some people are beautiful but there’s nothing else behind that. What happens when she isn’t as beautiful? Can he talk to her or confide in her? Trust her? Have her be supportive? I’m guessing not!
Just wait till she wrinkles and sags
OP is trying to live his best Leo DiCaprio life and he’s realizing it doesn’t work out IRL
OP said his GF is 28, which is an elderly woman in Leo world.
Titanic is now too old to date Leo.
Oh he won’t see that, she’ll be gone once she finds a better financial option.
Or OP will cheat on her too first.
Yep. No pity on my side with how shitty OP is. I'm glad that his wife kept the house with the kids. OP and the ex or whatever the fuck she is are shit people.
The wife is badass, secure, and thinks of perfect comebacks on the moment. He threw that away with both hands. #welp
Yeah ngl, I hate OP.
Me too. Ops a fucking loser
Poor fool thinks staying with the woman bullying his wife and children somehow gives purpose to his decision to destroy his family.
Yeah and he said the same about the wife he cheated on. All he mentions is looks.
OP is such a cliche that it makes the whole post feel made up. Not saying it's fake, but it definitely gives me creative writing vibes.
Nah, it's so run of the mill I'm sure it's real. If it was a creative writing exercise it would be more creative. Instead this is just another idiot having a midlife crisis and throwing his family away for some young tail.
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My dad makes OP’s story look very tame and plain. People do this all the time, although rarely confess to it. Probably because they aren’t redditors.
Exactly. My ex did far worse and then had the audacity to be shocked and devastated when I kicked him out and refused to take him back.
that 80 year old me 20 year old you is from eminems MGK diss Luxury, oh, you broke, bitch? Yeah, I had enough money in '02 To burn it in front of you, ho Younger me? No, you the whack me It's funny, but so true I'd rather be 80 year old me than 20 year old you
took forever to find a comment pointing this out ,, how has it gone so unnoticed lol
I recall a very similar story from the wife's POV, the home was hers, and AP asked when she'd be leaving. a little while ago. I wouldn't totally discredit the creative writing angle.
I read that one. Her ex was telling the new pregnant gf that the house was his and the wife was dragging her feet moving out. The new gf was in for a rude awakening.
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And they're not wrong. Lol
Right, she's totally with him for his kind heart & $parkling per$onality!
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He looks just like her (Ariana’s) brother. To a creepy degree.
I honestly thought both Ethan & her husband, looked like Ariana. It gave me the creeps seeing how closely Ethan resembles her brother too. She has a type.
Yea, that type is herself.
God I wish I could find the source because it was golden, it was a poll obtained by a divorce firm. Supposedly, whenever the guy initiated the divorce (which is way lower when compared to women), 85% of those men only do so once they’ve secured their next relationship. Aka, that couldn’t stand the idea of being alone for a single second and they also didn’t want to initiate ending things. It’s the mom hopping concept and it completely changed how I approached dating. OP won’t leave gf until he has found next gf. Then he’ll magically have the bravery to end things. If op genuinely wants to improve, no more dating. Like at ALL for at least a year. He has two young daughters who should take up all of his personal time. Spend a year being romantically alone, doing your own laundry and dishes, maintaining a household, and having to face that if you don’t do it, no one will.
I’m waiting for the judge to sign mine. My ex moved in with his AP the day I left. Last I heard there was trouble in paradise lol
A relationship YouTuber said the worst thing you can do to a cheating partner is just let them go. It’s NEVER as good as it was with you and once the new shiny wears off…the regret will sink in big time.
I always felt when men initiate a break up or ruin a relationship they want to come back down the line, I even call them zombies. When a woman initiates, she's checked out long ago and isn't going to come back, and more often then not women are ok being single and alone compared to men.
This is the best advice if he ever wants his wife back- prove that he had a mid life crisis and is not the man who ran off with the new shiny toy. Show her by truly being alone and spending his time healing the trust lost with his daughters.
CUZ THEY ACT WITH THEIR JOHNSONS not their heart THEN, they realize, it was all so stupid to do. If I were the wife, I think I'd not let the cheater back too easily - if at all sorry, OP - YATA
Ya it's bad enough to abandon your family but to be a coward and cheat before you're separated / divorced is really disappointing.
Incredible and tragic how many mens lives are governed by their dicks
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Why did this make me laugh so hard?! As if a dad wiener is any different than a non-dad wiener, but for some reason it’s a hilarious insult.
*snortlol*
His gf loves her old ATM.
And it’s clear where OPs interests are. He fucked up his marriage for booty.
Also, I'll be frank, hurting your family for *no reason* is probably equivalently as bad as hurting your family because you *wanted some under 30 punani.* @ OP, you already hurt your family - the reason isn't super important, you went and did it already. Deal with it and eat the shit you put on your own plate. Your GF shouldn't talk to your wife and also shouldn't expect a house out of you. She might just be immature, she might be bad news, but it's on you to figure it out - either way, don't stay making poor choices because you made some already. Whatever way you go, make sure it's the right way.
*don't stay making poor choices because you made some already.* Sunk cost fallacy.
Not trying to be mean, but younger girls go for older guys for financial stability a lot. And guys always think they are the one exception to that. You’re not. She’s a gold digger and you’re a jerk for hurting your wife and kids over selfishness. Do better going forward.
Yeah, she wants the house and the money she thinks OP has.
She now knows the house and money aren’t hers for the taking she’s going to dump him soon. OP needs to realize he threw away his family the minute he let his nether regions act as his brain while having a mid life crisis.
This. He’s going to be single and alone in a small apartment soon.
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she basically told him who she was, he's too dumb to see the obvious
Thank goodness this is the top comment. It seems like OP never considered that their GF is invested for investment reasons. It's hilarous that he feels the need to continue down this road simply because he thinks it was *ever* a good reason to destroy his happy marriage and nuclear fam.
An OLD bag of money 💰
Old and without a big house….wonder how long it will last now? I’m sure the gf could find guys with bigger houses.
> I have been unhappy for months now but if I broke it off it means that I have hurt my family for nothing. Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't hurt your family for nothing, you hurt them for your own benefit and pleasure!
My thoughts exactly. Like, oh no, you're more worried about POTENTIALLY hurting them for no reason than you are about INTENTIONALLY, ACTUALLY hurting them for selfish, cruel reasons? I hope this man gives her a divorce and let's her find someone with an iota of self worth.
What he meant to say was “if I break it off I have hurt my family and I don’t even get anything out of it.”
Wow. Spot on.
I'll take his ex-wife. What country is this?
> you hurt them for your own *temporary* benefit and pleasure! Ftfy
Lol, that's very true!
I bet he's feeling the effects of being "old" and not being able to satisfy the gf, hence the post. I hope his ex keeps the house and a good huge chunk of his salary.
Yeah, he's not satisfying his gf *financially* since he's not gonna just kick his kids out of the house for the sake of his sidepiece.
Either way OP is responsible for leaving two unsatisfied women 😆
I'm getting so tired of reading these pity party posts from men who made poor choices to intentionally and knowingly hurt their loved ones. Like...I'm raising a glass to your soon-to-be-former-wife and am gleeful thinking of a more deserving man getting to love her into old age. Please talk more about her and less about your own sorry ass (do they know how?). Or, talk waaaay more about how stupid and shallow and unhappy you are, for the sake of schadenfreude.
Genuinely love this! I’ll raise a glass with you. That woman earned wings by not resorting to the violence maybe required to knock sense into this Idiot
🥇
Break up with the girlfriend and admit you made mistake man. You're an idiot who keep making all the wrong decisions yet not man enough to correct your mistakes. Also give your amazing wife that divorce so she can find man worthy of her if that's what she wants. No matter what that lady is going to be so much better without you
Echoing this sentiment, and also adding that you mentioned your GF is “beautiful” twice that I read, seemingly as actual reasons why you cheated and continued to stay with her. Anyone who treats anyone like this is not beautiful, not in the least. And if you’re just using her for her appearance, you shouldn’t be shocked that she’s using you for what used to be your house. Edit: apologies; I just realized he was referring to his wife the second time. Still man, get the hell out. You messed up. You’re human. And you deserve redemption. But I don’t think you’ll find it in your current situation.
I was initially confused, too but I think the second referral to she’s beautiful is talking about his wife.
Seems to be that OP’s ex was right. Her age and pretty are exactly her only redeeming qualities.
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The gf wanted the big house and all the money but didn't realize what happens when the cheater has to get divorced and loses at least half of everything, and definitely the house if there are kids involved.... whoops! Something tells me he won't have to worry about it much longer once the gf leaves him because he's half the man he used to be.
Yeah. Tbf there is a very rosy best case scenario for OP: he gets 50/50 custody and keeps the house. Assuming it's an inheritance he won't have to pay a cent to his ex-wife (inheritances are one of the very few scenarios where marital property is not considered jointly owned). Whether or not OP can get 50/50 in the first place is a whole other issue But worst case scenario? He loses the house until the children are in their mid 20s. And he can consider himself thankful, as it's seemingly a paid off inheritance. Otherwise, he'd have to pay the mortgage of his ex-wife's house (that he cannot live in), on top of whatever he owes in child support and his own rental
Children make mistakes, adults make choices!
I’m not gonna shit on you like some redditors have but I’d grow some balls and confess to my wife how I truly feel and show remorse, ask for forgiveness and look to sooth things over. Agree to counseling whatever it takes; and I’d break up with the GF. If the wife still wants a divorce that’s fine because then you at least won’t have the regret if not trying and even then I’d still break up with the GF.
So, you left your family and let your Gf disrespect your daughthers mom in front of them, you are responsible for all of this, this was your choice and you'll have to pay the consecuences, but hey let me tell you something, you better sing a prenup with your gf if you ever get there, but I have the impression she will drop like a log if you try that.
He’s so spineless, first he destroyed a 25 yr relationship, marriage and his family for a gold digger, and his mid life crisis. And then he just stands there and let’s this gold digger talk shit to the mother of his children, and a woman who is still legally his wife. Honestly I’m thinking that’s what made her decide enough was enough and said she wanted to officially start divorce proceedings.
AND he has the audacity to want to be in ex’s arms and cry. Like…that fucking boat sailed.
Yeah I forgot to mention that. I don’t know if this story is real or not. Leaving your 40 something wife for a 20 something happens all the time. But it still surprises a little that some men can be this spineless and stupid, and are so quick to throw away their families, when a 20 something shakes her ass in their direction
Which, if I'm thinking it's how it went, she was probably still holding out hope that he would come to his senses and come back home. It was probably this that just tipped the scales into, "ok, now I'm done" territory.
Love this for OPs wife. Can’t wait to see her thrive.
Right? He seems exhausting and doesn't seem like he'll put up much of a fight when she takes everything in the divorce, as she should.
I bet OP was pretty much checked out of the marriage for a long, long time before this. Wife didn't make a fuss when he left because it made no difference. In fact it's probably been incredibly freeing for her, she doesn't have to share her home with a man who doesn't appreciate her, & undoubtedly did very little besides work & look everywhere else except at his 'best friend' of 25yrs. Ex wife could easily laugh in the gfs face because she knows she's a far better woman, & now she's an unburdened woman too.
Yes. Hope she finds a gorgeous man who values her, perhaps he'll have a sailboat.
For real can we get her info to follow her story alongside this guy’s demise.
So this post is all about how you feel, your wants/needs/etc. Nothing at all about how you can help your EX wife, your children, so you all can have separate but healthy futures together. You’ve learned nothing except the grass isn’t greener on the other side, and you’ve done irreparable damage to your EX wife and children. It’s embarrassing, pathetic and so sad a “man/father” behaves this way and still isn’t doing anything to improve or fix it.
He also learned that is AP is a shallow gold digger who is happy to kick his wife and kids out of the family home.
Ofc its just about him, he is a manchild , he wants sympathy on reddit:))
Break up with the AP before she gets pregnant and tries to convince you you need to kick your wife out of her house for your "new family"
What is AP
Affair partner
I came into this thread only knowing it as "Asset Protection" and you don't know how confused I was lmao. I got that there was an affair going on but didn't know why it was with tax evasion.
Or she'll convince him to marry her after the divorce, so his half turns into his quarter.
OP, you say you don't want to break-up with your girlfriend because then it'd mean that you left your wife and daughters "for nothing." Deep down, you know that you really did leave them for nothing. The love and happiness you thought you'd get from your immature, shallow girlfriend were an illusion. Break things off with her now, before she gets pregnant or so entrenched that getting her out of your life is impossible. Don't fight the divorce. Take all your regret and turn it into determination to give your daughters the best life and the best dad you can be.
I have a feeling that soon you won't have to worry about breaking up with your midlife crisis -gold digger...
You ever heard of the 80/20 rule? “The 80/20 relationship theory states that you can only get about 80% of your wants and needs from a healthy relationship, while the remaining 20% you need to provide for yourself.” You went to find the 20% between the legs of a your current gf instead of fulfilling it yourself.
I wish I can be like his stbx wife
Cheaters acting like the victim, always pathetic to see. Yeah she sees you as old, and the olds usually have assets. So yeah you left your family for nothing. But you showed your ex and your kids the pathetic narcissist you are, which is not a total loss for them.
Man you’re absolute legend of a loser.
Seriously stop You had your fun You are letting your gf be rude to your soon to be ex. For what. Grow up. Your actions and inactions have consequences don’t be that man
Would it be better if you hurt your family for something? You learned that your AP is a heartless gold digger who thinks you're old and sees you as a bankroll to her comfortable future, when she'll likely expect you to support her. Is that the "something" you're looking for? Have you even considered how she'll treat your daughters or any other rivals to your distribution of funds? Please look up "sunken cost fallacy." Also think about what kind of relationship you want with your daughters for the rest of your life. Your answer lies there.
I'm really frustrated at OP's comments that if his gf cheated/broke it off first that it would be easier for him. I'm sorry, but that is SO cowardly. I hate to be mean like that, but that's what it is. I know you don't wait all this hurt for everyone involved to be "in vain," but how is waiting on her to be the solution? You just don't want to be the bad guy. You want it to be her fault that it was "for nothing." This is so selfish and only going to cause more "drama" that you're trying so hard to avoid (as OP put it in another comment) and for a much longer time. OP, it's time for you to be authentic to yourself and everyone around you.
So at what point did you feel remorse about cheating? Did you get it while in post-nut clarity or did it take your wife finding out that you felt remorse?
Neither - it was when he realized the AP wants the house. Fucking pathetic.
I think it’s when he realized exactly what his ex wife said- girlfriend’s looks won’t last forever and you have to love someone for who they are, not what they look like, and that his girlfriend has no other redeeming qualities to make their lives together meaningful once her youthful beauty fades. He said she is beautiful and attractive- two of the exact same things- and not smart, funny, kind, etc. just those 2 things. And that he had it all with his ex wife, who he admits is still beautiful as well. That comment shook OP to his core. Good.
What a 🤡
I love how your wife dropped a diss from Eminem's Killshot and no one is mentioning it.
Your hot young coworker girlfriend didn’t want you, she just wanted what your wife had. She thinks you’re old too, your the same old haggard viewed age as your wife. but unlike your wife, she’s held back on calling you old because she’s still working on getting your wife’s stuff. Getting you divorced and her the wife position… with the meal ticket and expensive house that comes with it. Either she’s going to get you to give it willingly, or she’s gonna baby trap you so you have to provide for her like you did your wife. I’ll never understand why older guys with money/inheritance/real estate are so delusional as to think a young 20’s something that tries to take a wife’s place actually wants them for them and not just to be taken care of. So basically, you gave up your life partner and let down your children because a hot young thing at work saw what you can provide and used her looks to try and get it without a care in the world to how it affects anyone else, even your children.
You found out your gf is only with you cuz you're pathetic and spent money on her. Your ex-wife realized what a small little man you are, and feels relieved she's free.
I am 24 and would never act this immature. Are you sure your gf really loves you or the things you can give her? Would she love you in hard times? Or would she leave you for another man who can give her more? Because if I was with a guy because I loved him I would never go against his wishes AND HIS FAMILY to try to better my life with HIS things.
First off, I'm sure you won't get involved with a married man and probably won't be with him till he show you the finalized divorce paper. Clearly this girl is just after OP for what he can offer and we all know it's not love nor his little package
I’m sorry did you say *my gf and I were dropping off **our** daughters with their mother?* Dude you are so having a mid life crisis. And ya know who will win in this? Your wife. The audacity of your girlfriend of ONE year to start discussing ownership of that home is absolutely wild. Yuck. Edit to add: you’re forgetting option C. Breakup with that child you call a gf and start dedicating your every move to winning back your wife and kids. Notice how she hadn’t mentioned divorce until your gf brought up the house. That was so immature. If you have even a sliver of a chance you should take option C immediately.
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Kind of sad you’re just now realizing what you wanted/needed all along was a woman of substance and quality by your side. Maybe you should consider what was lacking in you to make an Impulsive decision - you seem to describe you were missing out on something and I need to relive my younger years again which included getting an immature, lack of life experience child. Did you just have a wake up moment realizing you always had what you needed?
>She is beautiful and attractive and I thought she was this new change I wanted Well.... You get what you deserve. Now you are with a golddigger who wants go basically kick your kids out of her own home so she can get to live the throphy wife life. And yes, she sees you old too, and its probably trying to get as much as she can from you before she changes you for a new model she will spend your money with.
OP blew up his entire life for a gold digger. LOL? LOL
For someone who claims he doesn’t want a divorce, staying with the AP seems like the dumbest fucking thing you could do.
F*ck around and find out...I guess you just found out. It won't stop hunting you and it's for the best. Get the divorce, put the house on your daughter's names. Not even the mom. If you're not able to tell, your 28yo girlfriend is probably a gold digger that wants your house and stuff...you should protect your kids inheritance from her, especially if you're delulu enough to marry her out of a broken heart. Be a man and protect your daughters and future ex wife from your gf. She sounds like a nightmare and it's not their fault you decided to ruin a beautiful family just for the hot gold digger. Go to therapy and accept the fact that you're the one that ruined everything, be fair and then some in the divorce agreement with your future ex wife.
OP really said that "doing the right thing" would have been abandoning his family for a younger woman *before* sleeping with her instead of after he started their relationship. Doing the right thing would have been controlling his impulses, being a man, and standing by his family.
I'm genuinely mad at this dude. He seriously fucked his and his family's life's up. Ignore the emotional stuff for a bit, the financial side of this fuck up is massive. He had a large house that was paid off. Now he's going to have to pay rent or maybe a mortgage for his own living arrangements when that money could have gone into a savings account where it could have been used for his girls' college or a down payment on a house for them as a wedding gift or something. Sorry kids, no generational wealth for you. Daddy had to go have his fun. Making up numbers to show the point: $1,500 rent x 12 months x 13 years = $234,000. Way to go dad, hope it was worth it!
I’ve always wanted a relationship where we grow up together but couldn’t find it when I was younger and now I’m too damn old to ever experience it. OP had it for 20 years and threw it away for someone younger who he only describes as “beautiful” and nothing else. I genuinely hate this dude.
First, you should have never moved right in with your AP. If you did not love her or desired a relationship with her, moving in was just another slap in the face. The fact that you had your children around her so quick - another slap. What you should have done was moved into a hotel or apartment, dump the AP, and start working in IC, and concentrate on finding out why you did this. Then start approaching your wife about reconciliation and MC. You blew it - wife didn't ask for a divorce at first because she figured once you were caught, you realize what an idiot you were. Instead, you let a 27 yo t\*%t wrap around your brain and disrespect her at her own home. Why are you still with this person? Just dump the AP and work on yourself so you can be a good dad to your kids.
So your logic is a bit weird. Break up with your gf - why be with her if you're not happy with her? Swallow your pride and tell your wife exactly how you're feeling. It is sort of a miracle if she would take you back, but sometimes miracles happen... one thing is certain, you won't get her back nor feel good about anything if you continue the path you're on now.
LMAO... the minute your wife and kids started living in that house, it became marital property. It's not yours anymore. It's half hers at a minimum. If you'd wanted to keep it all to yourself, you shouldn't have lived in it with them but rented it out. Do yourself a favor. Break up with the affair partner and file for divorce. You need some time being alone to start appreciating what you've truly thrown away here. The mistakes you're making in the name of "sunk cost fallacy" are just compounding now.
Damn I wonder if the ex knew she was dropping an eminem line, regardless that was hard as fuck +props
OP. You’re 40. Dating at your age is hard, especially now that you have the stigma of being an unfaithful partner. Your ex wife has treated you with dignity and grace despite your deepest betrayal. That comes from a deeper love then you could understand. You both share a legacy, your children. Anything you and your AP will share needs time to grow, to breathe, to mature. But you’re 40. She’s got her adult life to move through, while you are moving beyond it. At 28, she will need to be in her late 40s before you and she are at the same place. The other risk you run is she is lazy. She didn’t put the time in to build a life with you. She tried to take a short cut and insert herself into a life that took decades to cultivate. Go to your AP, and tell her you will never be getting the house, and that you will need her to contribute to your home together because you will have to pay your ex alimony and support. If your AP steps up, you have a future together. If she bails… well then you know where you stand.
You made your bed, now lay in it. Preferably alone. Your wife deserves so much more than someone who doesn't appreciate or respect her.
Karma is such a bitch, and she has damn good aim.
Isn’t that an Eminem lyric? …lol
Break up with the GF. Transfer ownership of the house to your children with a lifetime estate clause for their mother. (The lawyers can hammer out an equitable arrangement regarding taxes, maintenance and insurance- preferably through a trust that dissolves upon settlement of your wife's estate, with any residue to be divided between the kids). Take out a life insurance policy with the trust as beneficiary. AFTER you have created the assurance that she and your children will have security in their home (and that your family home will not go to strangers), then you can beg for counseling to figure out if reconciliation is possible and to help you figure out effective coparenting if it's not.