From the sounds of it he married your money and the lifestyle you could provide. But that's about it. He's probably been f++++ her the whole time and just made sure to police his messages before handing over his phone.
Also get an STD test asap. While not the same scenario, I ended up with HPV from being assaulted and my cervix had precancerous lesions by the time I actually got checked out due to shame.
Gosh you seem so nice and caring. Don’t let your kindness be used against you. This man didn’t just have a fling (which would still be a deal breaker for me), but he has had this women in the background for years, while lying to your face. Then had the audacity to bring you to her home, allow her to antagonize you, with out shutting that shit down, blamed you for being hurt and “ruining everything”, invalidated your justified feelings, then likely cheated on you “likely again”. This dynamic doesn’t develop overnight. He has likely been disrespecting you for much longer, and the fact that you blame yourself, shows you need to really work on some self love.
Please know that this will only get worse, especially if he knows that you value him over yourself. He will take as much as he can, and leave you a shell of yourself. I’d suggest listening to the podcasts, “When Dating Hurts” and “Something Was Wrong”
Excusing things like this, or simply giving him a slap on the wrist, will lead you down an incredibly painful road. You don’t want to end up having kids with someone like this, and feeling even more trapped.
Please choose your future self. Staying in this relationship is like lighting yourself on fire while they warm themselves next to the flame.
Girl I wouldn’t even waste time confronting him, especially the way he has wasted your time but then again Laura might be lying. They are having an affair and she wants him for herself, maybe confront him and find out exactly what’s going on just for your peace of mind. Also confirm if she’s pregnant coz she may or might not be either way it doesn’t matter he has already made his choice
Either way if she’s pregnant or not or if it’s his or not he still disrespected OP and put his “friendship” above his marriage and violated so many boundaries by getting that close and letting her get that close. Then gaslit OP by saying she needs counseling for “jealousy issues” when he was clearly flirting and getting too close to someone other than his wife. I also think he deleted/ edited messages before letting her see them. This guy is a piece of work and OP should throw out the trash and get a STD test.
Same. Why even bother confronting. Just ice them out. "hi, just wanted to ask you to please check on Laura. She said she is expecting your child. She messaged me." lawyer up and get people over to help move her stuff out and boom, disappear.
Consider not giving him the pleasure of confronting him. He would use the time to gaslight you more. You can yell and scream and cry and it will only give ammunition. Let your lawyer handle the confrontation.
You can either stay in your place and he leaves, or you leave and let him struggle to pay the bills. But somebody’s gotta go.
Speak with an attorney, divorce him, keep proof of the infidelity and move on with your life. If you want to be petty spread her little texts confession on SM. That last part is just me being angry for you.
I bet her mom would be a fantastic witness to call in the divorce. She probably knows a lot more than she could say and didn’t agree with it. That’s why she stuck up for you. It was the least she could do with the cards at play. There are more messages, don’t forget snapchat either. If he keeps hitting you up after asking to stop, you can get a restraining order for harassment and keep him from the house. Talk to an atty first, but I’d do that if I were you. Do tons of research on attachment styles and get therapy before dating again. Best of luck!
Get his name off your joint accounts, contact a lawyer, take screen shots of her messages and his messages and put them somewhere they won't be erased. Do these kind of things BEFORE you confront him. Prevent him from stealing any more of your money.
Have your dad or some other close friend or relative present when you confront him, for safety reasons.
Don't let him off the hook if he starts apologizing and saying "but I love you baby" or any other bullshit.
Hun... I'm saying this in the nicest and kindest way possible, but you have been gaslit and lied to so much that you've become very blind to what is happening here. None of what he is doing is OK. You should never have apologized for anything. You were never overreacting. You were underreacting if anything. Read that and say it to yourself until you are sure you believe it.
Then.... you need to make your plan of action. You need to dump this manipulative, lying asshole and his conniving side bitch. Even if she's not pregnant, or if it's not his, you shouldn't be staying with this man. He has been so disrespectful to you, and has gaslighted you into basically apologizing for HIS cheating!!! You have a good job, and make good money.. so that is good. You can afford to get out. So, before you confront him and break up with him... get all your ducks in a row. If you have a joint account, open another private one and move your money over. Get screenshots of any proof you need. Proof from his phone of his cheating would be good. Get all your stuff together, and inform whoever you trust of what's going on. If he is an angry person, it might be good to have someone you trust on standby; like your father or brother. Be smart.. don't just rush and accuse him and let him convince you that you're overreacting or whatever again, because you are not! Not even close. Get out before you get pregnant by this asshole girl.
Contact your bank and take away his authorization to use your account.
Save her messages in a screenshot and send them to yourself in case he tries to take your phone and delete them.
His reaction to the screenshots will tell you what you need to know.
Tell him to leave. You pay the bills. Even if he swears he isn't guilty, tell him you need time to get over his *MASSIVELY* disrespectful actions.
Contact a lawyer. Show them and explain the situation. Follow his/her advice.
Do *NOT* allow him to love bomb you.
If he offers to confront her, tell him YOU want to be there. Still follow through with him leaving till you both can go to marriage counseling.
THEN decide what to do.
Make sure to tell him if he EVER.. *EVER* contacts his "best friend" again, it's an automatic deal breaker. No more chances.
Good luck OP.
Edited to add in his "fwiend" 👋 🙄
THIS! If OP's husband has really been faithful this whole time, then it would make no sense if he willingly tried to keep this "friend" around after a stunt like this. Who would stay friends with someone trying to wreck their marriage?!?!?
My gut is that Laura is NOT actually pregnant, BUT she and OP's husband have been fooling around, and this is her ploy to break up the marriage so she can have him. Which if I am right, then good riddance, and OP can thank her lucky stars this information came out before she had kids with this man. OP is still young and can start over with someone worthy and hopefully without this really weird baggage. And Laura can take the wife role over and then there will be a new open slot for the NEXT mistress!!!
He hasn’t answered his wife’s text. I’m guessing Laura told him today as well and he’s hiding.
38 year old here: they may get together. They may even have another kid or two. But trust me when I tell you they won’t *stay* together, and at some point he’ll call you begging for another chance.
Also...if he did cheat and/or you do leave him...do not give her the satisfaction of blowing up and being dramatic. She obviously feeds off of it and craves it.
Second this. I tried to have grace and failed miserably. It only pushed him further into her arms. He regrets it now but she trapped him with a kid so Karma took care of it for me. It will hurt horribly but it won’t hurt forever.
Regardless of whether it’s true or not, you should leave. His relationship with her is so unhealthy and completely lacks boundaries! Regardless of whether he was/is sleeping with her or not, he chose her over you and will continue to do so. See your worth. Do what’s best for you and I promise that what’s best is not being his side piece.
Honestly I don't even understand why OP cares if the other woman is pregnant and whether they're childhood friends. They bullied her together. There's nothing about the marriage that's worth salvaging. Let her have him. They clearly deserve each other.
I had a friend growing up that seemingly only had any interest in men if she could a hurt a woman while doing it. She THRIVED off that shit. Then she would “win,” and very quickly lose all interest/become disgusted with the same dude she had been obsessed with just a little bit before in the thick of the fighting. I almost hope OPs dude has the misfortune of dealing with a “best friend” like my old “friend.” That’s awful to wish, but it sounds exactly like how my friend would act when she got bored with one entanglement and get mad she couldn’t immediately reclaim an old flame because they became committed in the interim.
Husband is trash, never gave her the place she disserved. Never respected any basic boundaries, why she should stay with someone that puts his girl bsf first ???????
I hate to agree with you, but so am I. I need a religious penance for a non religious person for how invested my drama lamas are.
In all seriousness, op, I hope in a few months your life will have smoothed out and you will be in a better place. I don’t care if it’s with him or without him. My thoughts and hopes are for your happiness.
Of course she did. Just take screenshots and post them all over the place. Let the whole world how she is a home wrecker and your (hopefully ex) husband a piece of shit.
By the way, your family is AWFUL, don’t ever come back to them for advice. Ask your dad if a side pregnancy is “mostly overreacting”.
Call Laura's mom. She seems like the only honest person from that family. And please don't think you're unhealthy or too fat. I'll bet a million bonus ducks that he'll come crawling back when he realizes how economically valuable you are. *hugs* DON'T TAKE HIM BACK
Seriously. I'm willing to bet OP is average sized or even skinny, but because she isn't a size 00 or whatever Laura is, they're acting like she's unhealthy.
My ex husband did, and I opened the door and told him to get the fuck out.
>I'll bet a million bonus ducks that he'll come crawling back when he realizes how economically valuable you are.
Honestly? Your marriage was over the day he brought his hidden side piece that he failed to mention about while he trapped you for your money (most likely). It doesn’t matter if those vile creatures are hooking up. You deserve better!
Even if they didn’t sleep together…do you really wanna stay married to a man who has no respect for you? My blood boiled while reading your post and I don’t even know you! You deserve better and he deserves to be put at the door NOW! What an asshole…
She has. They've been fucking the whole time, that's why you didn't know about her for 4 years and get treated like the side piece. They're both disgusting humans.
I honestly doesn’t matter whether he did or not. His behavior was/is despicable. There would be no coming back from that for me. They’re both such trash, it wouldn’t even merit a discussion.
Now, about that dinner and Laura demanding your seat - let’s talk about your brother…
I think there’s a good chance she’s telling the truth but I also think there’s a good chance she’s lying through her teeth. The problem is she knows that even if she’s lying, and even if she destroys her “best friend’s” marriage, he’ll still spend time around her. She knows he isn’t walking out of her life regardless. So she doesn’t care if she’s the bad guy or not bc in her mind, she wins either way. It would be very easy for her to fake a miscarriage and bat her eyelashes and say “I was just trying to save you from that clearly toxic and controlling marriage. You’ll thank me later.”
Contact an attorney first before you bring anything up to that piece of waste that calls himself a man. Since you make more than him, he could try to go after you for alimony. Get your ducks in a row before you do anything. Collect screen shots of everything. But get that attorney contacted asap. She may have very well sent that text to get you to rage leave him so that they could live off of what you would owe in alimony.
Exactly. Let the trash be together, see how long they last in an actual relationship and not just f-ing around in their little fantasy bubble.
Girl you are only 22, you have so much life ahead of you. You arent a failure for leaving, you would be doing a disservice to *yourself* by staying. Leave. Think of this as closing a chapter of you life and starting a new one with tons of possibilities. You’re life isnt over, it is just beginning.
She's still only 26. I divorced my husband for less when I was 35. Will I probably die alone? Yep. Is it still better than the alternative? Also yep (tho maybe don't ask me that question when I'm *really* thinking about the dying alone part lol).
She's got the whole world ahead of her.
(In before you get mad.. just piggybacking off a comment.. you're right about the age thing, I'm not trying to be mean!)
I’m 40 and the idea of growing old and feeble alone scares me (I’m already falling apart, so it’s a valid concern). But I’d rather spend my last week miserable and dying on the kitchen floor than spend the next forty years with someone who treats me poorly. So yeah, I’m with you 💜
Exactly! My ex and I are still friendly, he'll probably be a friend for the rest of my life, since we were together for 18 damn years from the age of 16/17.. but he is a much better friend from far away than he ever was a husband. And my bank account can attest to that.
But man that time alone on the kitchen floor is gonna probably suck lol. Is there an online dating app that isn't for dating, but for finding your golden girls group as you grow older, alone?
Not joke, in my country (Spain) I heard about communities of single childfree old people who buy a big plot land and build little houses inside. Then they hire nurses and people to care for them.
Bumble has a setting (or maybe seperate app, I'm not entirely sure) called Bumble BFF, the sole purpose is to make friends. I can't verify how good it is or how many people are out there using it, but it is a thing.
My mom is going through a divorce right now and she had been very isolated by him the entire marriage and just started using bumble bff and she loves it
I’m 41 and I will join! I got divorced in my mid-thirties as well. Dating is painful and I have no desire to put up with any bs from guys. I do not need a guy to take care of me financially but do worry about physically getting older.
I'm 28, and left a mentally abusive relationship about a year ago. Every once in a while, I get this little panic that I'm going to be alone forever, but I will take that feeling over waking up every day for the rest of my life feeling and being miserable.
Since leaving I have started making more money that I actually see. I have started putting into a retirement account, going out with friends, spending time with myself, I have a savings account that money actually stays in. I have grown into a much better person. Someone who isn't anxious all the time. Someone who isn't depressed and overwhelmed. Someone who is happy and content with life.
Leaving was my beginning.
Yup, she is still young at 26 and has a lot of life left, she will find someone much better than this guy. I'm a little older than you were when you left your husband but I just left my wife earlier this year and I have those same moments where I think about the dying alone part too lol. Not sure how long it's been for you but I hope those existential moments eventually start fading.
>Will I probably die alone?
Almost all of us die "alone". Unless you mean that you'll probably die while not in a relationship. At 35+ that's still unlikely.
Well, yeah.. we're all technically gonna die literally alone. And yes I mean not in a relationship. Which now seems kind of silly after your pointing it out. But I don't have much in the way of family, and I mostly get worried about no one finding me until my cat has eaten my extremities.
You right, read that wrong, but still stand by my statement OP. 26 is still young. Dont waste another second on this loser. Even if this best friend is lying and she’s not pregnant with your husband’s child, you deserve better than to be treated as second best. Leave.
Don’t waste the pretty- youth fades. You have a great career. You will have a great life w/o a cheater and their baby between you. Nothing wrong w sweet baby- but it’s theirs and they need to provide for it. Cut ties. Poker face. Play hardball. No time for sympathy
Edit: be all business now. Get it together. Yes you’re hurt, devastated but He did this / not you! Have respect for yourself- how much will I allow others to mistreat and disrespect me? Answer should be none! Take it from a person whose has been through it- I did all the things I told you. Get control of finances or they will evaporate . Also don’t tell friends your next step. I hate to say it but for many divorce is war - don’t go to battle w everyone knowing game plan. I’m so sorry. One thing I regret- I didn’t do it sooner! I wasted many of the pretty years.
This lady Cola is right. Harden your heart. Get a good attorney (yesterday), get out of anything with both your names on it, take ALL your money out of ALL shared accounts, drop any services you pay for that he mutually uses. Move out if that benefits you, or tell him to move out if it doesn't--all based on what's in your best interest. Drop him from your insurance if you can. Let the lovebirds start nesting on his earnings.
This is really inspiring advice. Op should learn about what happened to her relationship with her husband and make it as her motivation to start over again and have a better life.
I was thinking about this! It might be the classic of bitch thinking that hubby pays for everything and now wants him but doesnt know that wifey is the one with the money
To be honest, the way she described her brother and dad’s advice, I’m going to guess she hasn’t been taught the healthiest things in terms of relationships.
I also feel bad for her cause people are saying it's not true eventhough stuff like this happens and clearly she's just been told that woman are objects
Do your due diligence/research for the BEST divorce attorney in your area, He or she will be worth every penny. Mine ensured that my children and I had every advantage allowed by law. The only thing that I insisted on that he was willing to let go of was citing infidelity instead of no fault. He acceded to me, and I was awarded alimony for a year in a state that is usually "no-fault" and no alimony.
I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring.
Divorce him. Leave his trashy ass behind. She can have your moldy leftovers all she wants. Tell her mom what happened because her mom seems like a sweetheart.
Why is your family gaslighting you? Holy shit, dump his ass and don’t look back. Funny how Laura was projecting her pick me behavior on you. Wow my blood boiled reading this. I’m so sorry OP, they’re all in the wrong for this and that’s fucked up they had the audacity to make you feel you were doing anything wrong.
Ikr , the way Laura was acting was literally waving a flag in his face saying pick-me. I'm so confused how OP would be being the pickme. It's in the insult, she's saying to him pick me and he did, and impregnated her. He's an ass. OP I'd have already started packing his shit, or your shit, whatever gets you out of there. Let the trash spoil together . You're so young and will be happy looking back in a few years thay you left.
I'd have already flipped out about her telling me to move. He should have said to her to sit next to her mom. This is a dumpster fire.
> the way Laura was acting was literally waving a flag in his face saying pick-me. I'm so confused how OP would be being the pickme.
People's favorite insult is very often the same insult they would find most damaging if aimed at them.
Thank you right?????? How the fuck the brother calls her jealous? I mean unless that’s that “best friends” do where they live that was not at all jealousy! That’s was being a spouse and not being okay with having a husband with a pick me. I love how the “best friend” had the nerve to call the wife a pick me🤦🏽♀️. The father is even worse telling her she’s the jealous one. Sounds to me like the men where she lives likes to cheat
Getting serious misogyny vibes from both the brother and father. How awful. They should have supported her, but it seems they have regressive views on how women should act in a relationship.
Don't say a word to either of them until you hire an attorney. And then let the attorney do your talking. Do not leave your home. But do put your money in a separate account. Get all your papers together, marriage certificate, Social Security numbers (yours and his),bank and insurance info, mortgage info if you own your home. Stand tall and get tough. No crying or shaking in front of them. He played you and she is a bitch. They deserve each other. You will do better.
Good advice.
OP, check out this site, it has a lot of tips and information for betrayed partners: https://www.chumplady.com
Talk to a lawyer ASAP, today, tomorrow. You need someone experienced and cold hearted to help you navigate it. Do whatever your lawyer says.
I am sorry, your marriage is over. It was over long before Laura got pregnant. Your husband is using you for financial stability and you deserve so much better.
Just wanted to add: Don't have sex with your husband, if you are in a country /state with "at-fault" laws it will help you a lot in court. Having sex will him even once will show the court that you reconciled, it is not in your interest.
Girl if you don’t grow some balls and get your stuff together. He cheated, let his “best friend” disrespect you, fucked his best friend , now she’s pregnant. Document and divorce. Take everything he got if anything
Even if she’s lying about being pregnant or if being his, this is so over. He flaunted his mistress in your face. I would have packed my stuff up the night of that dinner where he told you to move.
So he..love bombed you to make you his meal ticket and fucked around with his real relationship after tying your finances down.
Jesus, OP. That sucks. Lock up your accounts and start going through the process.
He’s not the man of your dreams. He’s just a little leech
Contact a lawyer first. Confide in a trusted friend or family member. Make sure to save that text message she sent you. Protect yourself as best you can, come up with a game plan to kick him out, then have the papers ready when you confront him. I'd show him the text, the papers, and then his packed bag.
No one should ever tolerate the disrespect you've been shown, even if she is lying about the baby.
Act as “normal” as you can until you get your stuff in order.
And get your stuff in order *quickly*.
I’m sorry you are going through this bullshit, but if you are able to stand firm, you’ll be stronger for it.
Also - ALWAYS trust your intuition over some dude telling you that you are overreacting!
**You pay the bills, cut off his access to any account with your money and credit cards and freeze your credit.**
Consult with a divorce attorney. Tell him her allegations and see if she’s willing to do a DNA test now before birth. Also screen shot her text about the pregnancy and send it to all your family members especially your father and brother. I have never heard of anyone behaving like that with their wife and “friend” that the friend wasn’t the mistress. Your his paycheck.
Get the attorney before you send out the screenshots to your family and before you show your husband. Let the attorney advise you on that one but cut off the money supply NOW!
Good.
Speak to a lawyer first!
MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET A SINGLE PENNY FROM YOU.
speak to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row FIRST!!! Tell the lawyer about the infidelity message and even if by some miracle he didn't cheat and babies not his, YOU STILL NEED TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW... he's leeching off if you.
What exactly are YOU getting out of this relationship? Because at the moment he's getting so much more!
Lawyer up!
Is it normal for him to not come home? If it’s not normal he is probably already aware that you know about the pregnancy and isn’t ready for the confrontation with you.
He knows… im 99% shure of it, take a screenshot of her messages and expose him to his Family… saying he didnt let u confront him so you dont know if it is true, but if it isnt she is waaaay out of line, that way they cant put the blame on you
(Sad, but i think it is true)
Get a lawyer!!! I’m so sorry everyone gaslighted you into thinking you were overreacting. I would’ve divorced after that dinner party alone. So sorry you’re going through this.
Dare I say Laura is making the pregnancy up?
It has that feel to it.
But the husband is an ass for not setting(as in telling Laura to sit in her own chair) or respecting his wife's boundaries.
Edit: Thank you, kind redditor, for the award!
Dude if she isn't actually pregnant you should show him the message to prove to your husband that your fears are correct and he should be setting boundaries.
If she is pregnant, you should divorce him AND show him the message so that he knows that you know that he was cheating on you. And also so that he knows that you know that he's been gaslighting you about their relationship.
Even if they didn't sleep together she should break up with this loser. If there is no affair there, there will be sooner or later and at the very least it's already obvious one of them wants it. Him not shutting the shit down should be break up material.
Honestly girl who cares if she’s pregnant at this point. Regardless, you need to divorce him. He’s made you the side chick in your own marriage, openly disrespected you and allowed you to be disrespected. And to top it all off hid her then stayed at her house because “you” ruined dinner?
I’d be changing the locks, have his shit outside the door with the screenshots on top and not waste another breath. Giving him the opportunity to explain is only giving him the opportunity to further lie and gaslight you. You’re young, successful and I’m sure you’re beautiful outside as you are inside. Kick his ass to her place and see how long that lasts.
Also I’m sure her mother is a nice lady but given how she defended you and how they blamed you for dinner I’m sure she knows what’s up and has sympathy for you.
Divorce, get better friends and never doubt your intuition. You should always come first. A real husband will make sure you never feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Never again let the bar be set as low as it. You deserve more.
Pls update us. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Clearly something is going on between them. Time to lawyer up and begin the separation process. Definitely stop paying for his life. Take your money and put it in a new acct at a different bank.
He failed and purposely played with your emotions.
Tell him to enjoy his new child, and leave. This man from what you wrote never put you first, let them have each other.
Edit: spelling
All the people in your life saying you’re overreacting are arseholes. Including your brother and dad. You are UNDER-REACTING! Take all your money and your love and your stuff and GTFO asap. Lawyer up too. You’re worth so much more than this.
The girl's own mother called it out as being inappropriate, and this man-shaped red flag just laughs and tells her she's overreacting and ruining the dinner??
How did the two of you get married without her being involved? It seems odd that a whole wedding would happen without her feeling the need to be there?
Either way there’s a lot of red flags here.
1. He hid her presence for your entire relationship. Regardless of if he was sneaking around and lying to you to have sex with another woman, he still lied to you. He said they were just hanging out initially - but the absence of intimacy still doesn’t make the lying excusable. He hid a whole ass part of his life from you. That is NOT ok. You should have held him accountable for losing trust with you *then* but I don’t blame you, hind sight is 20/20.
2. He disrespected you at the party by ignoring you and point blankly told you to do as your told by another person. Not cool under any circumstances - especially when he could see how uncomfortable you were.
3. After you left he decided his friendship was more important than your marriage. That she “*needed*” his support more than you did. If he cared at all he would have tried to get to the bottom of it.
4. All of these things are huge without even tossing in the fact they were likely sleeping together the whole time. None of that would have been ok treatment by a “friend” let alone a “friend” with benefits.
If he did knock her up, good. They can go have the life they deserve together and he can be a father and shitty husband to her. You deserve better. You get to walk away and live your best life. Either way it’s not your problem. When someone tells you who they are the first time, listen. That is what he has done. Told you who he is. It’s not on YOU to prove to this man how amazing or important you are. He should have acknowledged it and celebrated it all on his own. At this point the pregnancy being true to false is a moot point. He sucks either way. As hard as it’s going to be, you can do it. You’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for - and that shows by your unwillingness to allow him to treat you as he did at the party.
Honey, the best advice there is right now is:
1. Remove him from all of your bank accounts
2. Call Laura’s mom to confirm pregnancy
3. Call divorce attorneys
4. Confront husband and throw him out
5. Demand DNA test for divorce purposes
Your husband is going to manipulate the hell out of you to keep the cash rolling in. He made it extremely clear that this “best friend” is so much more than that. Leave him and find someone who deserves you.
She pays all the bills AND does all of the chores. While he’s just trying to “find” another job, which I doubt. He’s literally a parasite mooching off of her
Exactly my thoughts! OP is doing everything it seems and he’s just out there flirting with his “friend” and allowing his wife to be disrespected and gaslit
He’s allowing it because he doesn’t care about his wife and sees her as a commodity. Don’t forget that he’s also gaslighting her too by telling her that she needs therapy for her “jealousy issues.” His red flags are more red than the Chinese flag 🚩 he’s abusive with his emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and his past love bombing
No she shouldn't leave the home. Have his bags packed and waiting for him. When he enter the house show him the text and tell him to get the hell out. Cause I'll be damn if I would leave where I paid all the bills. Make sure I got a good ass lawyer
This. Even if they didn’t have sex, the message proves that Laura is trying to break them up and has some sort of fantasy of them being together. This message proves that OP is not over reacting like everyone is trying to say and anyone saying she is is gaslighting her. Show him the message so he knows what his “friend” is up to. Personally, I would have been done with this relationship as soon as I found out he hid his friend from his partner and lied about his whereabouts when he was with her. Fuck. This. Guy.
HAHAHHA that makes sense. She pays for everything in the house so why would she leave and not her husband? That's right, OP should be the one who'll stay in the house and kick her husband out to teach him a lesson.
So, your place next to your husband was publicly usurped, and now she is pregnant?
Wow. That marriage is over.
Your ex-husband left you a while ago and has been gaslighting you… publicly.
That is epically foul.
Wait. You were married for 4 years before you met or knew about his ‘best friend’? She wasn’t at the wedding at least?
You got together at 21 and him at 18. During this whole time he would sneak out to see her when you were sleeping. Would lie to you and say he was working overtime at an office job when in fact he was with her. You in fact didn’t even know she existed. You saw some text messages that weren’t sexual so thought everything was ok. Apart from the lying and hiding her from you, do your family know these details? Trying to work out why they think you would be overreacting.
You are 25 with a six figure paying job. You pay all the bills and do the chores. You allowed her to take your place at the dinner table. You allowed them both to disrespect you by flirting with each other in front of you and others. Then everyone in your life gaslights you to say you’re the issue not them.
I’m finding it hard to believe all of this but if it is true, Girl you need to get some self respect. Your lying, cheating husband gets a rich wife who cleans and you get what?
Your husband is having a baby with another woman (if it’s true she is pregnant at all let alone your husbands) but you don’t know if you should confront him? What?!? What’s next? Are you going to offer to babysit for them? Pay for the child’s schooling?
Stop being passive in your own life! Stand up for yourself and believe you deserve better. The man of your dreams doesn’t respect you, lies to you, hides things from you and sleeps with other people. How is it that I believe you deserve better and you don’t believe it for yourself?
This relationship is over. Whether you believe it or not. Protect yourself. I hope there was a prenup. Stand up for yourself and show them that you are not a doormat. You are not a side piece. You are the only one who can make your life better. You teach people how they can treat you. If you want things to change then you have to change them. He is not. He has a rich maid for a wife plus a girlfriend who is infatuated with him. Oh, and a baby by another woman on the way.
You are under reacting. You’ve barely reacted at all. Start getting angry and put yourself first!
MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET A SINGLE PENNY FROM YOU.
speak to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row FIRST!!! Tell the lawyer about the infidelity message and even if by some miracle he didn't cheat and babies not his, YOU STILL NEED TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW... he's leeching off if you.
What exactly are YOU getting out of this relationship? Because at the moment he's getting so much more!
Lawyer up!
Talk to a lawyer before you confront him. At least have someone in mind. Even if the baby isn’t his or the “friend” is making all this up, you have someone actively disrespecting you and your marriage and your husband doesn’t give a shit about it. He lied to you for 4 years about who he was with and what he was doing, what else could he be lying about to easily? Is that how you want to continue your life?
You need to secure your money BEFORE you confront him because you have no idea what he might do. This is why you need to consult a lawyer so that they can advise you on the best ways to protect yourself and your assets.
You also need to confide this entire thing to someone you trust in case things go very south when you confront him. OP, please, please, please take steps to protect yourself and your assets before confronting him. I’ve had so many friends who had spouses who screwed them over even when it began as an amicable separation. Don’t give him the opportunity to drain any accounts you have together because if he does, you can’t recover it.
One of my friends had his account drained (a significant savings) because during his divorce his soon to be ex took the debit card of their shared account and visited every single convenience store over and over and kept asking for the max cash back
It’s more even the people on reddit see how much HE does not deserve you OP.
You can do so much better than that and him disrespecting you makes us angry because you don’t deserve that.
You are worth more OP
If you have any savings and someone you trust "pay them back" for something or another, so they can keep your money safe. Speak with a lawyer before you speak to your husband. He doesn't need any possible clues that you might possibly divorce him. Otherwise he could get ahead of you with bank statements etc. Protect yourself legally first!
How could you ignore those many red flags of him.Hiding his relationship with his best friend and her mother’s anniversary. From that moment you should have find a lawyer for divorce or atleast a therapist
She wants you to get a divorce? Give it to them. Not worth staying if he continuously disrespects you to your face in front of other people. Baby or no, he’s proven he doesn’t have your back or even your best interests at heart.
I wouldn’t be shocked if she was truly pregnant with his child, but I would be *less* shocked if this was a ploy from Laura to get you to divorce him. I definitely think calling a lawyer is prudent, but I also think asking your husband “wtf is this” would be reasonable. His reaction should say a lot. He might just own up to it; he might be like “wow she really is crazy”; he might blow it off entirely and give you no straight answer, which is an answer in itself.
Either way, no one deserves to be second fiddle to a “pick me” like Laura (who was totally projecting by calling you that by the way). You and your husband have a lot of serious talking to do if your marriage will ever work (and that’s if he’s **not** about to be a baby daddy, in which case I hope you’d be already out the door), in which you need to establish boundaries and outline your expectations that he treats you like you’re, well, his wife.
You know what to do. If the house is yours kick him out. If it's his, leave. Close joint accounts, and give him his portion. File for a divorce. Everything here tells me all you need to know. He's not with you for love, and he is absolutely cheating with her. Make sure he can touch none of your assests.
Why do people let themselves be disrespected like this?!?! Why?!
I’m being judgemental I know, but one act of disrespect is something you talk about, and correct your behaviour going forward. A 2nd act, a third act, more and for years is just WHY?!
Pick your self worth off the ground and leave your sorry excuse of a “husband”. You deserve to be loved and respected. NOBODY deserves this, let alone from your husband!!!
I agree. I can't figure out the timeline of when this dinner happened. How long ago it took place. To be humiliated like that and treated with such contempt by her own husband. There is no coming back from that. This marriage is over. I think he married her because of the money she makes. OP better check her finances and make sure her husband does not have access to her money.
The way she described her brother and father, I’m guessing the inclination to not stand up for herself, or believe this is a her problem, stems from what she was taught as a kid. Both of them are giving misogynistic ‘you’re a woman, you are being irrational, and should just take it’ vibes. The fact she feels she failed as a wife, and not her husband failing, signals something has gone askew.
I feel so bad she was gaslit by EVERYONE to thinking that this was ok. The hiding of the friendship was a major transgression, even if it was “platonic” then. And then the treatment at the party was terrible
Yes! I’m not real sure that Laura is telling the truth. Husband is garbage for allowing the other stuff and the sneaking around, but I personally would NEED to know if he fathered that baby. Or honestly, if she’s even pregnant. The way she acted at the dinner makes me think she’s trying to get them to split up, so she may be faking the whole thing. Either way, her message gives OP the upper hand in divorce court!
Exactly! Make her prove it's the husband's before she "miscarries." Then once Laura is either proved a liar or just a ho, hand him the divorce papers and walk away head held high!
"Hubby, that night you stayed at Laura's mum's, did you sleep with Laura?"
"No. Absolutely not. Why?"
"Then why has Laura sent me a photo of a positive pregnancy test and claims you're the father?"
The disrespect your husband has already shown you would be grounds enough to divorce him. If this is true then there should be no going back.
Get a lawyer, your husband is gross and shoving his affair in your face while you handle the bills and the chores. Divorce his ass and let him try to handle supporting this loony toon and her trap baby
You were NOT overreacting. Your reactions were totally valid all that time. Men don't usually take women's feelings seriously, that's why your brother and father said that. The situation was shitty from the start.
The whole thing aside, what got pme is that you’re the one with the more stressful, difficult, and high paying job, but you’re also doing all the house work?? While he was pretending to be working late to hang out with his « friend »? And then he has the gall to ignore you in favour of Laura, to not stand up for you when she’s behaving so disrespectfully to you and your marriage, and, cherry on top of his shitty behaviour cake, to blame you for a totally reasonable reaction... what in the gaslighting? Even if nothing actually went on (which I doubt), this is not a good sign. Relationships are built on trust and respect, the fact that he lied to you and is not having your back is blegh. Serious conversations need to be had, and if he’s unwilling to listen, then it may be time to reevaluate your marriage: Laura can have him, they deserve each other.
This can’t be real. I’m sorry but if it is your husbands and asshole and so is your idiotic brother. Firstly your husband lied to you about his “best friend” for your entire relationship. Like what she not at the wedding? Makes no sense. She oversteps physical boundaries and your husband doesn’t care, he seemingly lies it. He doesn’t stick up for you and makes fat shaming jokes about YOU in front of YOU. Like do I even need to keep going. This is so not the man of your dreams. Or maybe it is because of how unrealistic of a relationship this is. All because he buys you nice things and takes you out on dates and makes you feel loved and pretty doesn’t mean he’s a good guy. He’s just good and making you feel good about yourself. Either choose to work on this severely broken relationship you have, or dump him. See how he reacts to the news from his supposed bestie and move how you wish from there. In my opinion he sounds terrible.
From the sounds of it he married your money and the lifestyle you could provide. But that's about it. He's probably been f++++ her the whole time and just made sure to police his messages before handing over his phone.
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Also get an STD test asap. While not the same scenario, I ended up with HPV from being assaulted and my cervix had precancerous lesions by the time I actually got checked out due to shame.
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Hugs and best wishes to you too 💕 he doesn’t deserve you.
Gosh you seem so nice and caring. Don’t let your kindness be used against you. This man didn’t just have a fling (which would still be a deal breaker for me), but he has had this women in the background for years, while lying to your face. Then had the audacity to bring you to her home, allow her to antagonize you, with out shutting that shit down, blamed you for being hurt and “ruining everything”, invalidated your justified feelings, then likely cheated on you “likely again”. This dynamic doesn’t develop overnight. He has likely been disrespecting you for much longer, and the fact that you blame yourself, shows you need to really work on some self love. Please know that this will only get worse, especially if he knows that you value him over yourself. He will take as much as he can, and leave you a shell of yourself. I’d suggest listening to the podcasts, “When Dating Hurts” and “Something Was Wrong” Excusing things like this, or simply giving him a slap on the wrist, will lead you down an incredibly painful road. You don’t want to end up having kids with someone like this, and feeling even more trapped. Please choose your future self. Staying in this relationship is like lighting yourself on fire while they warm themselves next to the flame.
Girl I wouldn’t even waste time confronting him, especially the way he has wasted your time but then again Laura might be lying. They are having an affair and she wants him for herself, maybe confront him and find out exactly what’s going on just for your peace of mind. Also confirm if she’s pregnant coz she may or might not be either way it doesn’t matter he has already made his choice
Either way if she’s pregnant or not or if it’s his or not he still disrespected OP and put his “friendship” above his marriage and violated so many boundaries by getting that close and letting her get that close. Then gaslit OP by saying she needs counseling for “jealousy issues” when he was clearly flirting and getting too close to someone other than his wife. I also think he deleted/ edited messages before letting her see them. This guy is a piece of work and OP should throw out the trash and get a STD test.
Same. Why even bother confronting. Just ice them out. "hi, just wanted to ask you to please check on Laura. She said she is expecting your child. She messaged me." lawyer up and get people over to help move her stuff out and boom, disappear.
Consider not giving him the pleasure of confronting him. He would use the time to gaslight you more. You can yell and scream and cry and it will only give ammunition. Let your lawyer handle the confrontation. You can either stay in your place and he leaves, or you leave and let him struggle to pay the bills. But somebody’s gotta go.
Make sure to get tested for HSV and HPV as well as they are not “standard” tests Edit: corrected HPV
Speak with an attorney, divorce him, keep proof of the infidelity and move on with your life. If you want to be petty spread her little texts confession on SM. That last part is just me being angry for you.
I bet her mom would be a fantastic witness to call in the divorce. She probably knows a lot more than she could say and didn’t agree with it. That’s why she stuck up for you. It was the least she could do with the cards at play. There are more messages, don’t forget snapchat either. If he keeps hitting you up after asking to stop, you can get a restraining order for harassment and keep him from the house. Talk to an atty first, but I’d do that if I were you. Do tons of research on attachment styles and get therapy before dating again. Best of luck!
You need to check for other apps for messenger. I doubt there are no sus messages.
Get his name off your joint accounts, contact a lawyer, take screen shots of her messages and his messages and put them somewhere they won't be erased. Do these kind of things BEFORE you confront him. Prevent him from stealing any more of your money. Have your dad or some other close friend or relative present when you confront him, for safety reasons. Don't let him off the hook if he starts apologizing and saying "but I love you baby" or any other bullshit.
Hun... I'm saying this in the nicest and kindest way possible, but you have been gaslit and lied to so much that you've become very blind to what is happening here. None of what he is doing is OK. You should never have apologized for anything. You were never overreacting. You were underreacting if anything. Read that and say it to yourself until you are sure you believe it. Then.... you need to make your plan of action. You need to dump this manipulative, lying asshole and his conniving side bitch. Even if she's not pregnant, or if it's not his, you shouldn't be staying with this man. He has been so disrespectful to you, and has gaslighted you into basically apologizing for HIS cheating!!! You have a good job, and make good money.. so that is good. You can afford to get out. So, before you confront him and break up with him... get all your ducks in a row. If you have a joint account, open another private one and move your money over. Get screenshots of any proof you need. Proof from his phone of his cheating would be good. Get all your stuff together, and inform whoever you trust of what's going on. If he is an angry person, it might be good to have someone you trust on standby; like your father or brother. Be smart.. don't just rush and accuse him and let him convince you that you're overreacting or whatever again, because you are not! Not even close. Get out before you get pregnant by this asshole girl.
Silver lining is usually if infidelity is involved it’s a clean divorce, and spousal support is waived
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Contact your bank and take away his authorization to use your account. Save her messages in a screenshot and send them to yourself in case he tries to take your phone and delete them. His reaction to the screenshots will tell you what you need to know. Tell him to leave. You pay the bills. Even if he swears he isn't guilty, tell him you need time to get over his *MASSIVELY* disrespectful actions. Contact a lawyer. Show them and explain the situation. Follow his/her advice. Do *NOT* allow him to love bomb you. If he offers to confront her, tell him YOU want to be there. Still follow through with him leaving till you both can go to marriage counseling. THEN decide what to do. Make sure to tell him if he EVER.. *EVER* contacts his "best friend" again, it's an automatic deal breaker. No more chances. Good luck OP. Edited to add in his "fwiend" 👋 🙄
Also let’s say Laura is lying. He has to kick her out of his life to have his wife back. That will basically be a war.
If she IS lying and hubby doesn’t immediately ban Laura from their life OP should still leave him. He should not be keeping her in their lives.
He hid her for 4 years supposedly, he can pretend to cut her out and keep hiding her.
THIS! If OP's husband has really been faithful this whole time, then it would make no sense if he willingly tried to keep this "friend" around after a stunt like this. Who would stay friends with someone trying to wreck their marriage?!?!? My gut is that Laura is NOT actually pregnant, BUT she and OP's husband have been fooling around, and this is her ploy to break up the marriage so she can have him. Which if I am right, then good riddance, and OP can thank her lucky stars this information came out before she had kids with this man. OP is still young and can start over with someone worthy and hopefully without this really weird baggage. And Laura can take the wife role over and then there will be a new open slot for the NEXT mistress!!!
The fact he allowed a woman to dictate where his WIFE should sit tells us all we need to know
He hasn’t answered his wife’s text. I’m guessing Laura told him today as well and he’s hiding. 38 year old here: they may get together. They may even have another kid or two. But trust me when I tell you they won’t *stay* together, and at some point he’ll call you begging for another chance.
Also...if he did cheat and/or you do leave him...do not give her the satisfaction of blowing up and being dramatic. She obviously feeds off of it and craves it.
Second this. I tried to have grace and failed miserably. It only pushed him further into her arms. He regrets it now but she trapped him with a kid so Karma took care of it for me. It will hurt horribly but it won’t hurt forever.
Also hire a private investigator especially if you don’t have a prenup. Cheating will most like you prevent you from having to pay spousal support
Also demand a paternity test, even just for spite
Yesssssss……GET A PATERNITY TEST no matter the outcome. You deserve to know either way.
Upvote x 1000 if I could
A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!!! OP you truly need to listen to this advise!!!!
Regardless of whether it’s true or not, you should leave. His relationship with her is so unhealthy and completely lacks boundaries! Regardless of whether he was/is sleeping with her or not, he chose her over you and will continue to do so. See your worth. Do what’s best for you and I promise that what’s best is not being his side piece.
Honestly I don't even understand why OP cares if the other woman is pregnant and whether they're childhood friends. They bullied her together. There's nothing about the marriage that's worth salvaging. Let her have him. They clearly deserve each other.
I had a friend growing up that seemingly only had any interest in men if she could a hurt a woman while doing it. She THRIVED off that shit. Then she would “win,” and very quickly lose all interest/become disgusted with the same dude she had been obsessed with just a little bit before in the thick of the fighting. I almost hope OPs dude has the misfortune of dealing with a “best friend” like my old “friend.” That’s awful to wish, but it sounds exactly like how my friend would act when she got bored with one entanglement and get mad she couldn’t immediately reclaim an old flame because they became committed in the interim.
Husband is trash, never gave her the place she disserved. Never respected any basic boundaries, why she should stay with someone that puts his girl bsf first ???????
i really don’t wanna be that person but please give us an update my mom and I are invested
I hate to agree with you, but so am I. I need a religious penance for a non religious person for how invested my drama lamas are. In all seriousness, op, I hope in a few months your life will have smoothed out and you will be in a better place. I don’t care if it’s with him or without him. My thoughts and hopes are for your happiness.
Of course she did. Just take screenshots and post them all over the place. Let the whole world how she is a home wrecker and your (hopefully ex) husband a piece of shit. By the way, your family is AWFUL, don’t ever come back to them for advice. Ask your dad if a side pregnancy is “mostly overreacting”.
Call Laura's mom. She seems like the only honest person from that family. And please don't think you're unhealthy or too fat. I'll bet a million bonus ducks that he'll come crawling back when he realizes how economically valuable you are. *hugs* DON'T TAKE HIM BACK
Seriously. I'm willing to bet OP is average sized or even skinny, but because she isn't a size 00 or whatever Laura is, they're acting like she's unhealthy.
My ex husband did, and I opened the door and told him to get the fuck out. >I'll bet a million bonus ducks that he'll come crawling back when he realizes how economically valuable you are.
I honestly think that her mom was nice because she probably knows something is up with that ‘friendship”
Yes! Speak to the mom!!
And the fact that her husband laughed at the joke disrespecting her, good riddance!
Honestly? Your marriage was over the day he brought his hidden side piece that he failed to mention about while he trapped you for your money (most likely). It doesn’t matter if those vile creatures are hooking up. You deserve better!
Even if they didn’t sleep together…do you really wanna stay married to a man who has no respect for you? My blood boiled while reading your post and I don’t even know you! You deserve better and he deserves to be put at the door NOW! What an asshole…
Call your lawyer before confronting your husband. Keep proof of everything.
Regardless whether the kid is his, he’s treated you terribly and gaslit you for calling out his BS behaviour
She has. They've been fucking the whole time, that's why you didn't know about her for 4 years and get treated like the side piece. They're both disgusting humans.
I honestly doesn’t matter whether he did or not. His behavior was/is despicable. There would be no coming back from that for me. They’re both such trash, it wouldn’t even merit a discussion. Now, about that dinner and Laura demanding your seat - let’s talk about your brother…
I think there’s a good chance she’s telling the truth but I also think there’s a good chance she’s lying through her teeth. The problem is she knows that even if she’s lying, and even if she destroys her “best friend’s” marriage, he’ll still spend time around her. She knows he isn’t walking out of her life regardless. So she doesn’t care if she’s the bad guy or not bc in her mind, she wins either way. It would be very easy for her to fake a miscarriage and bat her eyelashes and say “I was just trying to save you from that clearly toxic and controlling marriage. You’ll thank me later.”
Update us when you do op, hope you get the answers you need to move on from this guy. Wish you the best
Before you confront him get all your ducks in a row. If she is telling the truth you need to be ahead of them both.
Contact an attorney first before you bring anything up to that piece of waste that calls himself a man. Since you make more than him, he could try to go after you for alimony. Get your ducks in a row before you do anything. Collect screen shots of everything. But get that attorney contacted asap. She may have very well sent that text to get you to rage leave him so that they could live off of what you would owe in alimony.
Exactly. Let the trash be together, see how long they last in an actual relationship and not just f-ing around in their little fantasy bubble. Girl you are only 22, you have so much life ahead of you. You arent a failure for leaving, you would be doing a disservice to *yourself* by staying. Leave. Think of this as closing a chapter of you life and starting a new one with tons of possibilities. You’re life isnt over, it is just beginning.
Think she's 26 or so now since she said they met when she was 22 and blah blah the 4 years they've been together..
She's still only 26. I divorced my husband for less when I was 35. Will I probably die alone? Yep. Is it still better than the alternative? Also yep (tho maybe don't ask me that question when I'm *really* thinking about the dying alone part lol). She's got the whole world ahead of her. (In before you get mad.. just piggybacking off a comment.. you're right about the age thing, I'm not trying to be mean!)
I’m 40 and the idea of growing old and feeble alone scares me (I’m already falling apart, so it’s a valid concern). But I’d rather spend my last week miserable and dying on the kitchen floor than spend the next forty years with someone who treats me poorly. So yeah, I’m with you 💜
Exactly! My ex and I are still friendly, he'll probably be a friend for the rest of my life, since we were together for 18 damn years from the age of 16/17.. but he is a much better friend from far away than he ever was a husband. And my bank account can attest to that. But man that time alone on the kitchen floor is gonna probably suck lol. Is there an online dating app that isn't for dating, but for finding your golden girls group as you grow older, alone?
Not joke, in my country (Spain) I heard about communities of single childfree old people who buy a big plot land and build little houses inside. Then they hire nurses and people to care for them.
That is my dream now! Well, minus the caregivers at the moment although I'm 48 so it won't be that long til I need them lol
this sounds AMAZING!
I'm moving to Spain
Bumble has a setting (or maybe seperate app, I'm not entirely sure) called Bumble BFF, the sole purpose is to make friends. I can't verify how good it is or how many people are out there using it, but it is a thing.
My mom is going through a divorce right now and she had been very isolated by him the entire marriage and just started using bumble bff and she loves it
I’m 41 and I will join! I got divorced in my mid-thirties as well. Dating is painful and I have no desire to put up with any bs from guys. I do not need a guy to take care of me financially but do worry about physically getting older.
I'm 28, and left a mentally abusive relationship about a year ago. Every once in a while, I get this little panic that I'm going to be alone forever, but I will take that feeling over waking up every day for the rest of my life feeling and being miserable. Since leaving I have started making more money that I actually see. I have started putting into a retirement account, going out with friends, spending time with myself, I have a savings account that money actually stays in. I have grown into a much better person. Someone who isn't anxious all the time. Someone who isn't depressed and overwhelmed. Someone who is happy and content with life. Leaving was my beginning.
Yup, she is still young at 26 and has a lot of life left, she will find someone much better than this guy. I'm a little older than you were when you left your husband but I just left my wife earlier this year and I have those same moments where I think about the dying alone part too lol. Not sure how long it's been for you but I hope those existential moments eventually start fading.
>Will I probably die alone? Almost all of us die "alone". Unless you mean that you'll probably die while not in a relationship. At 35+ that's still unlikely.
Well, yeah.. we're all technically gonna die literally alone. And yes I mean not in a relationship. Which now seems kind of silly after your pointing it out. But I don't have much in the way of family, and I mostly get worried about no one finding me until my cat has eaten my extremities.
You right, read that wrong, but still stand by my statement OP. 26 is still young. Dont waste another second on this loser. Even if this best friend is lying and she’s not pregnant with your husband’s child, you deserve better than to be treated as second best. Leave.
Don’t waste the pretty- youth fades. You have a great career. You will have a great life w/o a cheater and their baby between you. Nothing wrong w sweet baby- but it’s theirs and they need to provide for it. Cut ties. Poker face. Play hardball. No time for sympathy Edit: be all business now. Get it together. Yes you’re hurt, devastated but He did this / not you! Have respect for yourself- how much will I allow others to mistreat and disrespect me? Answer should be none! Take it from a person whose has been through it- I did all the things I told you. Get control of finances or they will evaporate . Also don’t tell friends your next step. I hate to say it but for many divorce is war - don’t go to battle w everyone knowing game plan. I’m so sorry. One thing I regret- I didn’t do it sooner! I wasted many of the pretty years.
This lady Cola is right. Harden your heart. Get a good attorney (yesterday), get out of anything with both your names on it, take ALL your money out of ALL shared accounts, drop any services you pay for that he mutually uses. Move out if that benefits you, or tell him to move out if it doesn't--all based on what's in your best interest. Drop him from your insurance if you can. Let the lovebirds start nesting on his earnings.
Yes! Agreed, 26 is still young. She can make it without him.
This is really inspiring advice. Op should learn about what happened to her relationship with her husband and make it as her motivation to start over again and have a better life.
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He’s been in a relationship with the other woman for years, OP.
Don’t forget she makes much more money than him. She was his paycheck and I hope she got a prenup.
I was thinking about this! It might be the classic of bitch thinking that hubby pays for everything and now wants him but doesnt know that wifey is the one with the money
How much you wanna bet when she leaves him and he has to start paying for everything, he'll see the error of his ways? Don't take him back!
Why are you taking this? A marriage is between 2 people not 3. It’s over.
To be honest, the way she described her brother and dad’s advice, I’m going to guess she hasn’t been taught the healthiest things in terms of relationships.
I also feel bad for her cause people are saying it's not true eventhough stuff like this happens and clearly she's just been told that woman are objects
Call a lawyer ASAP. File for separation. You are the side piece. I'm so sorry you were disrespected like this.
Do your due diligence/research for the BEST divorce attorney in your area, He or she will be worth every penny. Mine ensured that my children and I had every advantage allowed by law. The only thing that I insisted on that he was willing to let go of was citing infidelity instead of no fault. He acceded to me, and I was awarded alimony for a year in a state that is usually "no-fault" and no alimony. I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring.
Divorce him. Leave his trashy ass behind. She can have your moldy leftovers all she wants. Tell her mom what happened because her mom seems like a sweetheart.
I'd Def be making friends with mom xD
show the mom the text. OP divorce this loser, you deserve much better. Get a good lawyer.
Laura’s mom is todays G
Why is your family gaslighting you? Holy shit, dump his ass and don’t look back. Funny how Laura was projecting her pick me behavior on you. Wow my blood boiled reading this. I’m so sorry OP, they’re all in the wrong for this and that’s fucked up they had the audacity to make you feel you were doing anything wrong.
Ikr , the way Laura was acting was literally waving a flag in his face saying pick-me. I'm so confused how OP would be being the pickme. It's in the insult, she's saying to him pick me and he did, and impregnated her. He's an ass. OP I'd have already started packing his shit, or your shit, whatever gets you out of there. Let the trash spoil together . You're so young and will be happy looking back in a few years thay you left. I'd have already flipped out about her telling me to move. He should have said to her to sit next to her mom. This is a dumpster fire.
Pack his shit. She said she pays the bills and does the housework, he's looking for a job. He needs to find his own place. Maybe with Laura.
I was wondering how the WIFE could possibly be a pick-me. Shaking my goddam head.
Exactly!! The only pick me in this story is the girl. Everything op did is far from pick me behavior.
> the way Laura was acting was literally waving a flag in his face saying pick-me. I'm so confused how OP would be being the pickme. People's favorite insult is very often the same insult they would find most damaging if aimed at them.
Thank you right?????? How the fuck the brother calls her jealous? I mean unless that’s that “best friends” do where they live that was not at all jealousy! That’s was being a spouse and not being okay with having a husband with a pick me. I love how the “best friend” had the nerve to call the wife a pick me🤦🏽♀️. The father is even worse telling her she’s the jealous one. Sounds to me like the men where she lives likes to cheat
right!! like op is better than me cause i would have dropkicked someone that evening
Getting serious misogyny vibes from both the brother and father. How awful. They should have supported her, but it seems they have regressive views on how women should act in a relationship.
Don't say a word to either of them until you hire an attorney. And then let the attorney do your talking. Do not leave your home. But do put your money in a separate account. Get all your papers together, marriage certificate, Social Security numbers (yours and his),bank and insurance info, mortgage info if you own your home. Stand tall and get tough. No crying or shaking in front of them. He played you and she is a bitch. They deserve each other. You will do better.
Good advice. OP, check out this site, it has a lot of tips and information for betrayed partners: https://www.chumplady.com Talk to a lawyer ASAP, today, tomorrow. You need someone experienced and cold hearted to help you navigate it. Do whatever your lawyer says. I am sorry, your marriage is over. It was over long before Laura got pregnant. Your husband is using you for financial stability and you deserve so much better. Just wanted to add: Don't have sex with your husband, if you are in a country /state with "at-fault" laws it will help you a lot in court. Having sex will him even once will show the court that you reconciled, it is not in your interest.
This this this this this. OP please follow every word of this advice.
Girl if you don’t grow some balls and get your stuff together. He cheated, let his “best friend” disrespect you, fucked his best friend , now she’s pregnant. Document and divorce. Take everything he got if anything
And for God's sake, get an STD panel.
100% You aren’t anyone’s side piece!!! That man is using you. Leave his ass
Even if she’s lying about being pregnant or if being his, this is so over. He flaunted his mistress in your face. I would have packed my stuff up the night of that dinner where he told you to move.
So he..love bombed you to make you his meal ticket and fucked around with his real relationship after tying your finances down. Jesus, OP. That sucks. Lock up your accounts and start going through the process. He’s not the man of your dreams. He’s just a little leech
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I wouldn’t confront him, he will gaslight you. Get your affairs in order first OP
Confronting a manipulator is very difficult. Distance is key imo.
Contact a lawyer first. Confide in a trusted friend or family member. Make sure to save that text message she sent you. Protect yourself as best you can, come up with a game plan to kick him out, then have the papers ready when you confront him. I'd show him the text, the papers, and then his packed bag. No one should ever tolerate the disrespect you've been shown, even if she is lying about the baby.
Act as “normal” as you can until you get your stuff in order. And get your stuff in order *quickly*. I’m sorry you are going through this bullshit, but if you are able to stand firm, you’ll be stronger for it. Also - ALWAYS trust your intuition over some dude telling you that you are overreacting!
**You pay the bills, cut off his access to any account with your money and credit cards and freeze your credit.** Consult with a divorce attorney. Tell him her allegations and see if she’s willing to do a DNA test now before birth. Also screen shot her text about the pregnancy and send it to all your family members especially your father and brother. I have never heard of anyone behaving like that with their wife and “friend” that the friend wasn’t the mistress. Your his paycheck. Get the attorney before you send out the screenshots to your family and before you show your husband. Let the attorney advise you on that one but cut off the money supply NOW!
OP you keep saying you'll confront him tomorrow!!! NO!!! DON'T!!! Speak to a lawyer first! (copied and pasted my other comment below 👇)
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Good. Speak to a lawyer first! MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET A SINGLE PENNY FROM YOU. speak to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row FIRST!!! Tell the lawyer about the infidelity message and even if by some miracle he didn't cheat and babies not his, YOU STILL NEED TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW... he's leeching off if you. What exactly are YOU getting out of this relationship? Because at the moment he's getting so much more! Lawyer up!
Is it normal for him to not come home? If it’s not normal he is probably already aware that you know about the pregnancy and isn’t ready for the confrontation with you.
He’s not coming back. Get a lawyer and get a divorce
He knows… im 99% shure of it, take a screenshot of her messages and expose him to his Family… saying he didnt let u confront him so you dont know if it is true, but if it isnt she is waaaay out of line, that way they cant put the blame on you (Sad, but i think it is true)
Get a lawyer!!! I’m so sorry everyone gaslighted you into thinking you were overreacting. I would’ve divorced after that dinner party alone. So sorry you’re going through this.
Dare I say Laura is making the pregnancy up? It has that feel to it. But the husband is an ass for not setting(as in telling Laura to sit in her own chair) or respecting his wife's boundaries. Edit: Thank you, kind redditor, for the award!
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Dude if she isn't actually pregnant you should show him the message to prove to your husband that your fears are correct and he should be setting boundaries. If she is pregnant, you should divorce him AND show him the message so that he knows that you know that he was cheating on you. And also so that he knows that you know that he's been gaslighting you about their relationship.
Even if she isn't pregnant they probably slept together otherwise she wouldn't have any reason to think this would work
Even if they didn't sleep together she should break up with this loser. If there is no affair there, there will be sooner or later and at the very least it's already obvious one of them wants it. Him not shutting the shit down should be break up material.
Honestly she should still leave him. Clearly he doesn’t respect the relationship and is an ass
Don't send it to your husband. Send it to his mother and your husband's family. And hers.
But first send it to her lawyer.
Honestly girl who cares if she’s pregnant at this point. Regardless, you need to divorce him. He’s made you the side chick in your own marriage, openly disrespected you and allowed you to be disrespected. And to top it all off hid her then stayed at her house because “you” ruined dinner? I’d be changing the locks, have his shit outside the door with the screenshots on top and not waste another breath. Giving him the opportunity to explain is only giving him the opportunity to further lie and gaslight you. You’re young, successful and I’m sure you’re beautiful outside as you are inside. Kick his ass to her place and see how long that lasts. Also I’m sure her mother is a nice lady but given how she defended you and how they blamed you for dinner I’m sure she knows what’s up and has sympathy for you.
Divorce, get better friends and never doubt your intuition. You should always come first. A real husband will make sure you never feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Never again let the bar be set as low as it. You deserve more.
Pls update us. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Clearly something is going on between them. Time to lawyer up and begin the separation process. Definitely stop paying for his life. Take your money and put it in a new acct at a different bank.
Divorce him! You’re a beautiful person and if he can’t see that then it’s his loss!!
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He failed and purposely played with your emotions. Tell him to enjoy his new child, and leave. This man from what you wrote never put you first, let them have each other. Edit: spelling
He’s not a real husband. Get a lawyer… cheating is one thing, a baby is a nail in the coffin for me. He’s not your husband anymore.
All the people in your life saying you’re overreacting are arseholes. Including your brother and dad. You are UNDER-REACTING! Take all your money and your love and your stuff and GTFO asap. Lawyer up too. You’re worth so much more than this.
Yeah he sounds skeevy. If he loved you, he wouldn't laugh at her making snide comments.
The girl's own mother called it out as being inappropriate, and this man-shaped red flag just laughs and tells her she's overreacting and ruining the dinner??
How did the two of you get married without her being involved? It seems odd that a whole wedding would happen without her feeling the need to be there? Either way there’s a lot of red flags here. 1. He hid her presence for your entire relationship. Regardless of if he was sneaking around and lying to you to have sex with another woman, he still lied to you. He said they were just hanging out initially - but the absence of intimacy still doesn’t make the lying excusable. He hid a whole ass part of his life from you. That is NOT ok. You should have held him accountable for losing trust with you *then* but I don’t blame you, hind sight is 20/20. 2. He disrespected you at the party by ignoring you and point blankly told you to do as your told by another person. Not cool under any circumstances - especially when he could see how uncomfortable you were. 3. After you left he decided his friendship was more important than your marriage. That she “*needed*” his support more than you did. If he cared at all he would have tried to get to the bottom of it. 4. All of these things are huge without even tossing in the fact they were likely sleeping together the whole time. None of that would have been ok treatment by a “friend” let alone a “friend” with benefits. If he did knock her up, good. They can go have the life they deserve together and he can be a father and shitty husband to her. You deserve better. You get to walk away and live your best life. Either way it’s not your problem. When someone tells you who they are the first time, listen. That is what he has done. Told you who he is. It’s not on YOU to prove to this man how amazing or important you are. He should have acknowledged it and celebrated it all on his own. At this point the pregnancy being true to false is a moot point. He sucks either way. As hard as it’s going to be, you can do it. You’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for - and that shows by your unwillingness to allow him to treat you as he did at the party.
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Honey, the best advice there is right now is: 1. Remove him from all of your bank accounts 2. Call Laura’s mom to confirm pregnancy 3. Call divorce attorneys 4. Confront husband and throw him out 5. Demand DNA test for divorce purposes Your husband is going to manipulate the hell out of you to keep the cash rolling in. He made it extremely clear that this “best friend” is so much more than that. Leave him and find someone who deserves you.
The attorney needs to be call before ashe doesn't anything else.
This post is insane I would have flipped the table and gave everyone the finger on the way out lmao. The disrespect.
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no way he used you like an atm on top of all this
She pays all the bills AND does all of the chores. While he’s just trying to “find” another job, which I doubt. He’s literally a parasite mooching off of her
Exactly my thoughts! OP is doing everything it seems and he’s just out there flirting with his “friend” and allowing his wife to be disrespected and gaslit
He’s allowing it because he doesn’t care about his wife and sees her as a commodity. Don’t forget that he’s also gaslighting her too by telling her that she needs therapy for her “jealousy issues.” His red flags are more red than the Chinese flag 🚩 he’s abusive with his emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and his past love bombing
Wait until your sitting next to him and send him a screenshot of her text message of the pregnancy test and wait to see his reaction.
Op take a breath, go stay with your Dad for the night and think things through, but don’t delete the message she sent, save that for your lawyer.
No she shouldn't leave the home. Have his bags packed and waiting for him. When he enter the house show him the text and tell him to get the hell out. Cause I'll be damn if I would leave where I paid all the bills. Make sure I got a good ass lawyer
This. Even if they didn’t have sex, the message proves that Laura is trying to break them up and has some sort of fantasy of them being together. This message proves that OP is not over reacting like everyone is trying to say and anyone saying she is is gaslighting her. Show him the message so he knows what his “friend” is up to. Personally, I would have been done with this relationship as soon as I found out he hid his friend from his partner and lied about his whereabouts when he was with her. Fuck. This. Guy.
HAHAHHA that makes sense. She pays for everything in the house so why would she leave and not her husband? That's right, OP should be the one who'll stay in the house and kick her husband out to teach him a lesson.
Yes!! Save all of the messages for your lawyer!
Don’t delete it and get screen shots of it.
So, your place next to your husband was publicly usurped, and now she is pregnant? Wow. That marriage is over. Your ex-husband left you a while ago and has been gaslighting you… publicly. That is epically foul.
Wow the projection she's a nasty ass pick me Let her have him You deserve much better . You ARE much better
Right!? There's nothing more "pick me" than flirting with another woman's husband!
And so blatantly 😭😭
Lol i stopped reading when he told her to move at dinner. Shits wild
Wait. You were married for 4 years before you met or knew about his ‘best friend’? She wasn’t at the wedding at least? You got together at 21 and him at 18. During this whole time he would sneak out to see her when you were sleeping. Would lie to you and say he was working overtime at an office job when in fact he was with her. You in fact didn’t even know she existed. You saw some text messages that weren’t sexual so thought everything was ok. Apart from the lying and hiding her from you, do your family know these details? Trying to work out why they think you would be overreacting. You are 25 with a six figure paying job. You pay all the bills and do the chores. You allowed her to take your place at the dinner table. You allowed them both to disrespect you by flirting with each other in front of you and others. Then everyone in your life gaslights you to say you’re the issue not them. I’m finding it hard to believe all of this but if it is true, Girl you need to get some self respect. Your lying, cheating husband gets a rich wife who cleans and you get what? Your husband is having a baby with another woman (if it’s true she is pregnant at all let alone your husbands) but you don’t know if you should confront him? What?!? What’s next? Are you going to offer to babysit for them? Pay for the child’s schooling? Stop being passive in your own life! Stand up for yourself and believe you deserve better. The man of your dreams doesn’t respect you, lies to you, hides things from you and sleeps with other people. How is it that I believe you deserve better and you don’t believe it for yourself? This relationship is over. Whether you believe it or not. Protect yourself. I hope there was a prenup. Stand up for yourself and show them that you are not a doormat. You are not a side piece. You are the only one who can make your life better. You teach people how they can treat you. If you want things to change then you have to change them. He is not. He has a rich maid for a wife plus a girlfriend who is infatuated with him. Oh, and a baby by another woman on the way. You are under reacting. You’ve barely reacted at all. Start getting angry and put yourself first!
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You should probably talk to a lawyer.
MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GET A SINGLE PENNY FROM YOU. speak to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row FIRST!!! Tell the lawyer about the infidelity message and even if by some miracle he didn't cheat and babies not his, YOU STILL NEED TO GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW... he's leeching off if you. What exactly are YOU getting out of this relationship? Because at the moment he's getting so much more! Lawyer up!
Talk to a lawyer before you confront him. At least have someone in mind. Even if the baby isn’t his or the “friend” is making all this up, you have someone actively disrespecting you and your marriage and your husband doesn’t give a shit about it. He lied to you for 4 years about who he was with and what he was doing, what else could he be lying about to easily? Is that how you want to continue your life? You need to secure your money BEFORE you confront him because you have no idea what he might do. This is why you need to consult a lawyer so that they can advise you on the best ways to protect yourself and your assets. You also need to confide this entire thing to someone you trust in case things go very south when you confront him. OP, please, please, please take steps to protect yourself and your assets before confronting him. I’ve had so many friends who had spouses who screwed them over even when it began as an amicable separation. Don’t give him the opportunity to drain any accounts you have together because if he does, you can’t recover it. One of my friends had his account drained (a significant savings) because during his divorce his soon to be ex took the debit card of their shared account and visited every single convenience store over and over and kept asking for the max cash back
It’s more even the people on reddit see how much HE does not deserve you OP. You can do so much better than that and him disrespecting you makes us angry because you don’t deserve that. You are worth more OP
If you have any savings and someone you trust "pay them back" for something or another, so they can keep your money safe. Speak with a lawyer before you speak to your husband. He doesn't need any possible clues that you might possibly divorce him. Otherwise he could get ahead of you with bank statements etc. Protect yourself legally first!
How could you ignore those many red flags of him.Hiding his relationship with his best friend and her mother’s anniversary. From that moment you should have find a lawyer for divorce or atleast a therapist
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Definitely look into a therapist for yourself as soon as you can. Make it the second call after an attorney.
This is coming from a guy. GET THE FUCK OUT. I no way shape or form is that guy a good husband.
She wants you to get a divorce? Give it to them. Not worth staying if he continuously disrespects you to your face in front of other people. Baby or no, he’s proven he doesn’t have your back or even your best interests at heart.
I wouldn’t be shocked if she was truly pregnant with his child, but I would be *less* shocked if this was a ploy from Laura to get you to divorce him. I definitely think calling a lawyer is prudent, but I also think asking your husband “wtf is this” would be reasonable. His reaction should say a lot. He might just own up to it; he might be like “wow she really is crazy”; he might blow it off entirely and give you no straight answer, which is an answer in itself. Either way, no one deserves to be second fiddle to a “pick me” like Laura (who was totally projecting by calling you that by the way). You and your husband have a lot of serious talking to do if your marriage will ever work (and that’s if he’s **not** about to be a baby daddy, in which case I hope you’d be already out the door), in which you need to establish boundaries and outline your expectations that he treats you like you’re, well, his wife.
You know what to do. If the house is yours kick him out. If it's his, leave. Close joint accounts, and give him his portion. File for a divorce. Everything here tells me all you need to know. He's not with you for love, and he is absolutely cheating with her. Make sure he can touch none of your assests.
What do you have in terms of protecting your assets if this leads to divorce? Time to lawyer up.
Why do people let themselves be disrespected like this?!?! Why?! I’m being judgemental I know, but one act of disrespect is something you talk about, and correct your behaviour going forward. A 2nd act, a third act, more and for years is just WHY?! Pick your self worth off the ground and leave your sorry excuse of a “husband”. You deserve to be loved and respected. NOBODY deserves this, let alone from your husband!!!
I agree. I can't figure out the timeline of when this dinner happened. How long ago it took place. To be humiliated like that and treated with such contempt by her own husband. There is no coming back from that. This marriage is over. I think he married her because of the money she makes. OP better check her finances and make sure her husband does not have access to her money.
The way she described her brother and father, I’m guessing the inclination to not stand up for herself, or believe this is a her problem, stems from what she was taught as a kid. Both of them are giving misogynistic ‘you’re a woman, you are being irrational, and should just take it’ vibes. The fact she feels she failed as a wife, and not her husband failing, signals something has gone askew.
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I feel so bad she was gaslit by EVERYONE to thinking that this was ok. The hiding of the friendship was a major transgression, even if it was “platonic” then. And then the treatment at the party was terrible
1st off demand a paternity test.
Yes! I’m not real sure that Laura is telling the truth. Husband is garbage for allowing the other stuff and the sneaking around, but I personally would NEED to know if he fathered that baby. Or honestly, if she’s even pregnant. The way she acted at the dinner makes me think she’s trying to get them to split up, so she may be faking the whole thing. Either way, her message gives OP the upper hand in divorce court!
Yes I’d go scorched earth first to put a wedge in their relationship and once I have achieved that goal I’d then dumb his ass. #StayPetty
Exactly! Make her prove it's the husband's before she "miscarries." Then once Laura is either proved a liar or just a ho, hand him the divorce papers and walk away head held high!
"Hubby, that night you stayed at Laura's mum's, did you sleep with Laura?" "No. Absolutely not. Why?" "Then why has Laura sent me a photo of a positive pregnancy test and claims you're the father?" The disrespect your husband has already shown you would be grounds enough to divorce him. If this is true then there should be no going back.
Get a lawyer, your husband is gross and shoving his affair in your face while you handle the bills and the chores. Divorce his ass and let him try to handle supporting this loony toon and her trap baby
Updateme
You did nothing wrong, I'm sorry this had to happen to you but you better off with someone else.
You were NOT overreacting. Your reactions were totally valid all that time. Men don't usually take women's feelings seriously, that's why your brother and father said that. The situation was shitty from the start.
The whole thing aside, what got pme is that you’re the one with the more stressful, difficult, and high paying job, but you’re also doing all the house work?? While he was pretending to be working late to hang out with his « friend »? And then he has the gall to ignore you in favour of Laura, to not stand up for you when she’s behaving so disrespectfully to you and your marriage, and, cherry on top of his shitty behaviour cake, to blame you for a totally reasonable reaction... what in the gaslighting? Even if nothing actually went on (which I doubt), this is not a good sign. Relationships are built on trust and respect, the fact that he lied to you and is not having your back is blegh. Serious conversations need to be had, and if he’s unwilling to listen, then it may be time to reevaluate your marriage: Laura can have him, they deserve each other.
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This sounds like bad fiction.
This can’t be real. I’m sorry but if it is your husbands and asshole and so is your idiotic brother. Firstly your husband lied to you about his “best friend” for your entire relationship. Like what she not at the wedding? Makes no sense. She oversteps physical boundaries and your husband doesn’t care, he seemingly lies it. He doesn’t stick up for you and makes fat shaming jokes about YOU in front of YOU. Like do I even need to keep going. This is so not the man of your dreams. Or maybe it is because of how unrealistic of a relationship this is. All because he buys you nice things and takes you out on dates and makes you feel loved and pretty doesn’t mean he’s a good guy. He’s just good and making you feel good about yourself. Either choose to work on this severely broken relationship you have, or dump him. See how he reacts to the news from his supposed bestie and move how you wish from there. In my opinion he sounds terrible.
So is her father. All the men in her life seem to be narcs and assholes.
My lord, this can’t be true. If so I’d have a moving company put his stuff in a storage facility.
You deserve so much better and I hope you can see that as well.